December 10, 2025 • 60 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
More than just the time of day, Jump off at
exhausting amster wheel and into balance.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Living with Doctor Marissa from Miss Joy.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
And welcome your tunda to take my advice, I'm not
using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa in the morning
show here on CASEAA, NBC News, the NBC News, NBC
Sports radio station AM T fifty f M one oh
six point five and streaming everywhere. iHeart Radio, Spotify, iTunes,
Student in Audible, Amazon Music, t that Rumble podcast, A streaker,
(00:58):
speaker and more. Why so many places. I want to
maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness and
balance out all of the horrible headlines out there guaranteed
to give you the four a syndrome before you start
your day angry, aggravated, anxious, and afraid. Instead, I want
(01:19):
you to tune in here where you get some heartlines,
you get some fun things to laugh at, and wonderful
things to learn from, and today's no exception. It is
time for doctors in the house with myself and.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
You know that every Wednesday it is that time of
the week to learn from two doctors. I'm a PhD.
And that just stands for piled higher and deeper. And
then my beautiful inside and out co host is an
empty medical doctor. So the two of us make up
(01:59):
two doctors house. And that sounds could stand like the
start of a joke, but it's not. Doctor Tiffany Tait
is a US Navy veteran, a published author, and retired
obgi N from Copton, California. She's a playwright, singer, poet, songwriter,
and now running for Congress. Doctor Tiffany is a published
(02:21):
author of several books poetry, lots of children's books, and
I just love the way that she takes topics that
people don't necessarily teach their kids and puts them in
a form that they can learn and be interested at
the same time, including money, matters, music, and bad touching.
(02:43):
That's my favorite. So please welcome back to my studio,
Doctor Tiffany Day.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Happy Wednesday. Everybody, Always pleasure to be here sounding off
in your ear.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
And good morning to our Cashew Gallery. It looks like
Zee Queen was the first one in. She's the captain
of the Cashew Gallery. We've got April back here and
uh oh, that's doctor Tiffany saying that, welcome back to
the show, and I had let's start with breakfast. What
(03:27):
are you grateful for? It's called taking a bite of
my gratitude sandwich. Top of the button. Things that we're
grateful for outside of ourselves, bottom of the bun, things
that we are grateful for inside of ourselves. That we
can go to bed tonight not thinking about all the
(03:48):
things we forgot to do or didn't get done, or
beating up ourselves or blaming other people who've done me wrong. Instead,
you fall asleep knowing all the things that you're especially
good at, and that, for me is the foundation of
good mental health. So, doctor Tiffany Tate, what are you
(04:09):
grateful for? On the top of the bun.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
I am grateful for a person named mister James Beauregard,
and he is a person who has been serving Riverside County,
specifically in the city of Riverside for about forty five
forty six years in feeding the homeless population. He is
(04:33):
somebody who I volunteer with, and I had the pleasure
of serving with him on Thanksgiving in this past Sunday.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Oh that's so nice. I am grateful that I am
or this is actually bottom of the bun, but I'll
switch it up. I'm a fast dresser, as doctor Tiffany
can attest to. I almost did not have clothes on
by the time the show started because I I saw her,
(05:01):
I matched her, don't get me wrong, but she reminded
me that we only have a few, you know, a
limited amount of time to wear, not ugly Christmas sweaters,
but beautiful Christmas sweaters. And I literally, doctor Tiffany, I
didn't realize one of the arms was inside out. And
I was a fraction a second of being naked on
(05:21):
camera this morning, like this close, just saying, just saying, so,
I am super grateful for my ability to dress quickly.
What else are you grateful for?
Speaker 4 (05:33):
And I am grateful that I had the opportunity to
host Thanksgiving. First, I did say, I did it be grudgingly,
kicking and screaming, because I was volunteered. But I had
the privilege of hosting almost thirty people and it ended
(05:57):
up being a lovely affair, and I am grateful for
that awesome.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I'm sure there was some peach cobbler that you're saving
for me, and I will say I am also grateful
because I forgot we use this time. I don't let
my co host tell me what's going on in their
lives until they're on the air, so you don't know
that my turkey came out super tender, which I am so,
(06:28):
so so grateful. That is like that the test. I
remember my very first turkey. Didn't know about the thawing business.
Looked great on the outside, put the knife in, it
started bleeding all over. I think my kids had PTSD.
Definitely could have been one of the reasons why my
husband is now my husband. But I have now perfected
(06:53):
tender turkey with my manicurist friend of twenty eight years
grape soda turn recipe. There you go, What else are
you grateful for?
Speaker 4 (07:06):
And I am grateful that everyone loved all of my
desserts because I did not just make the peach cobbler.
I made the peach cobbler, the seven of pound cake,
abisc cough cookie cake, I made my caramel chocolate chip cookies,
and I also made cranberry lemonade, homemade cranberry lemonade, which
(07:30):
is delicious. I might add as well as green bean
casserole to name a few.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
We're gonna have the caravan for dessert over to Riverside
because I only made it for three people. But it
was so nice having my daughters down from San Francisco.
That was just so delightful. And then my bonus dad,
who I sang Happy Birthday to last show my guest
(07:57):
yesterday Grammy winner David Longoria play the trumpet day for him,
so that was lovely. We've got a gratitude from the
Cashew Gallery. After giving up on true love, I'm grateful
to have found mine a few months ago. WHOA, I
didn't know that.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Congratulations us?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yes, okay, and yeah exactly right right, queen, I I
got you, I got you, Like, why didn't you invite meet? Exactly?
She doesn't love us anymore? Right ze queen? Anyways, and congratulations.
(08:38):
Maybe that's for my dad, but ninety six years young
is not a It's like a bittersweet thing because my
bonus mom passed this past April, and so they would
have been married same month. Seventy five years, so he
(08:59):
you know, he had three of the five daughters.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
We took him out to Koby Steakhouse, so he had
a good time. If you want to see that clip,
go to my doc balance on Instagram and doctor miss
everywhere else for the social Alright, one more.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
And I am thankful that I do have a lot
of love and support. And we'll talk a little bit
more about that when we talk about the topic of
the day.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, awesome. I'm going to finish off the top of
the bun by saying I'm grateful to the unknown person
yesterday who saw my phone attached to my power pack.
I don't know how I left it on the top
of my car in the parking lot, and I don't
know how they knew what store to go in, but
(09:56):
they returned it. So I am truly grateful for there's
humankind out there. It's a good reminder not everybody's, you know,
stealing or doing bad things. There's so many good people
on the planet, So I don't know who you are.
They didn't ask for anything, they just took it to security,
(10:16):
and I'm so grateful. I'm very lucky to uh huh.
And last I'm grateful for my bonus family too. Austin April.
All right, let's go to the bottom of the bun
wait training for your self care, self love, self esteem.
What do you like about yourself, doctor Tiffany.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I like the fact that right now, during the holidays,
a lot of times people are all about themselves. It's me, me, me, me, me,
me me I. And I like the fact that I
am still willing to take some time out, just like
my gratitude. I was thankful for mister Bow and it
was the day before Thanksgiving and he himself had just
(10:59):
had surgery and he just resumed back starting feeding the homeless.
And he called me up the day before Thanksgiving and
he said, Tiffany, I don't have anybody to help me
make plates for the homeless. And I was thinking, okay,
I'm about to host, but a lot of people don't
even have a home. So am I willing to make
(11:20):
that extra sacrifice? Absolutely, I can take time out and
go there. And I did get a little pushback from
my family, and I'm like, listen, we can eat a
little bit later and I can go and make this
sacrifice because there are people on the street who won't
won't have a meal, So I think a lot of
time we have to do a little bit of self
(11:40):
reflection and see can we make that sacrifice for our
fellow man. Only you can answer that question for yourself,
But for me the answer is yes, Yes I am,
because we have to put the kindness back into humankind.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Absolutely, I am. I appreciate my ability to change, grow,
expand change my mind and my heart. I am. Look,
it's funny. I have some real strong BS belief systems
(12:21):
about certain things, and I never thought that I would
shift those BS belief systems. But I just met someone
who is nothing that on paper that I would have
been interested in, and we've had some really great conversations.
(12:45):
I think the best thing is knowing that what you
desire in your heart is not out of bounds. I
think that that is something that I continue to learn.
You know, the universe is a friendly place. The universe
wants is conspiring for you, never against you, and the
(13:07):
that's not the prevalent thinking, right. People are suspicious, people
are you know, wary. People think that things are being
done against them and life is unfair. And I'm here
to hold that spot in my own life as well.
Is that no matter what has happened in the past.
(13:29):
The future, the president in the future are limitless. We
can always go up hashtag up hashtag unlimited possibilities.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
I like the fact that I have grown in my
capacity for love because in the world it is as
love as patient. Love is kind. Love does not necessarily
keep a tally. And a lot of people say, Tiffany
that that's all way too Pollyanna, and maybe it is,
(14:07):
but I think that in that perspective, you have to
know how to love yourself as well as love others,
and in loving yourself, you have to forgive others because
if you don't forgive others, you keep all of that
(14:29):
hostility within you, and it only stresses you out. It
makes your blood pressure go up, and it makes you
feel bad, and it deteriorates your health. And while you
are sitting there, you have a problem with them and
they don't even have a problem with you. So you
are stuck in your feelings and you have to let
(14:53):
it go because if you don't let it go, you
are the one with the problem while they are perfectly fine.
Oh while people may think it's Pollyanna, no, it's for
your personal benefit. So you really have to grow in
that type of love and forgiveness for your own personal wellbeing.
It's not being Pollyanna. It's about your personal sanity and
(15:16):
your personal wellbeing.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Absolutely. Let's uh, let's see. I'll finish it off with
I appreciate my ability to laugh often and much, which
is my one of my uh my definition of success
comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson to laugh often and much,
to know that one life has breathed easier because you
(15:42):
have lived. And I know that you and I have
met that criteria. And I'm so so, so so grateful
and appreciate my ability to laugh often and even if
it's not myself. All right, that's it for breakfast. Oh wait,
I have one more here. She's April's appreciates that she's
(16:06):
able to meet people of all ages and kinds where
they are and make them truly feel heard and seen.
Thank you very much. And kids, Yes, me too. I
got that from my dad. He would walk in a
room and dogs and kids would run up to them strangers,
and I have a little of that genetic and I'm
(16:27):
glad for that. Thanks for joining us for breakfast. I
hope you join me every weekday morning. This is how
we start the show so that instead of doing this
MS meaningless scrolling, which will give you those four a's,
you're going to feel amazing instead and sandwich your day
in the most positive way. Thanks for joining us for
brickfil And now for the topic of the day, doctor Tiffany.
(17:02):
As I do the Instagram story here, what is the
topic of the day?
Speaker 4 (17:06):
Safe spaces, safe places, and safe people? And so why
are we talking about this? Yes, we're talking about safe spaces,
safe places, and safe people because right now a lot
(17:29):
of people don't necessarily feel emotionally safe. And I think
it's concerning. As I talk to different family, different friends,
and as I've had to deal with my own issues,
(17:52):
sometimes I'm like, Okay, I can't talk to this person
or I don't feel comfortable talking to this person, and
I have to put up guards. And if you don't
know who you can confide in, or when you can
(18:13):
confide into in someone, or where you can go, I
was like, this is probably not just an issue for me,
This is probably an issue for a lot of people.
So it was something that made me go, hmmm, let
me do some research about this. So what do the
numbers show?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What do the number show?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
I was waiting for you to ask that question. And
so in twenty five, there was an American study that
showed that sixty nine percent of adults felt that they
needed more emotional support than what they actually received. And
(18:59):
then seventy percent of adults were anxious about keeping themselves
or their family safe, which I thought still was pretty high.
And then the American Psychiatric Association the APA felt that
this was an issue that needed to be addressed.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Isn't it so association?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Sorry American Psychiatric Association.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Oh, because APA usually in my world is psycholagric, but anyways,
go alad.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Sorry yeah and so so yeah, So seventy percent of
US adults felt anxious about keeping their family safe. And
then in twenty twenty five, the survey revealed that sixty
nine percent you know, felt that they needed more emotional support.
And I was thinking, wow, so between twenty twenty three
(19:48):
and twenty twenty five, the numbers are still pretty high.
And you can even go back to twenty twenty one
it was at eighty percent. So I'm thinking we really
have not made much progress from twenty twenty one to
twenty twenty five. So I'm thinking, Okay, this is definitely
(20:10):
a topic that we need to talk about. So really,
let's define what a safe space and so that my
place is and who safe people are. Let's just talk
about it and then we can see how we can
actually show up for each other, how we can support
one another, especially with the holidays, because this is when
(20:31):
a lot of people really feel alone, really lack support,
and really need their family, their friends, and a lot
of times family is not necessarily the people who you
are blood related.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
To, family of choice. Yeah, that's come on a lot. Yeah,
I'm glad we're going to define it because as soon
as you say emotional support, oh, I go to emotional support,
dogs I go to enabling, which is an extreme not
(21:04):
necessarily helpful of emotional support, you know, doing stuff for
people to make them feel better, and they never learn
how to make themselves feel better on their own and
or telling somebody what to do, and really that's not
supportive at what they're looking for necessarily. So I'm glad
(21:25):
that we're talking about this, and is there a global
definition for emotional support.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Yeah, because a lot of times when people think safety,
they think, okay, I just need to lock my doors,
you know, have seatbelts, have lighting, but no when emotional
safety is like inner permission, like I'm allowed to exist
here without fear of judgment or punishment. And that's the thing.
A lot of times now we're judgmental.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
And what for yourself? Oh yeah, yeah, words more really yeah,
that's a perfect partly really really really is that actually
sounds like me?
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Right?
Speaker 4 (22:12):
And so it's hard for us a lot of times,
especially in light of social media, because people can make
a comment and then disappear behind the comment without being
physically seen. They can just make a comment and just
scurry away behind their computer or behind their phone. And
and it's okay theoretically because if you can recall a
(22:36):
time where you felt unexpectedly safe with someone, Oh, you're.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Asking me, I feel safe. I felt safe with my
dad who passed from lymphoma. I always said he he
he was a safe place to fall back into My
bonus dad, same feeling. I feel safe. I can tell
(23:03):
him whatever it is, and I know that he's not
going to judge me. He'll just sort of chuckle, which
is what my my the higher power I call my
ups man. Universal powers are the same thing. My my
younger daughter, Sarah, she's very safe. She she's really good
(23:24):
at not taking sides against me unlike some other people.
Or she's really good at just saying I'm so sorry, mom.
And that was a huge lesson for me because I
you used to you know, when someone says they're sad
(23:46):
or whatever. I'm into the fix it, you know, let's
let's yeah. So she's taught me how to just be yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
And that's the key to listen without trying to be
fixed some sometimes people just want to be heard. And
think about a time where someone wanted to listen without
trying to fix you. Now flip that, think about a
time when when you lacked the safety or you felt attacked.
(24:16):
And because safety is not the absence of conflict, it's
the presence of trust.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Sorry, I was being distracted by the chat April was
saying a Sophie reason for blended and forged families up there,
and ze, Queen, God help us. I'm not sure what
I was like, God help us for what? Which comment
was that from? But ask me the question again.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
I'm sorry, I said, think about the time where you
felt attacked, when you were just trying to get that
sense of trust, and you did not get that sense
of trust, and you did not get that sense of support.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And this is gonna sound like I'm a horrible mom,
you know, playing favorites or whatever. But my older daughter
will tell you, and she's admitted, you know, she's not
the person to go to, right because she will take
the other person's side and she will you know, she
loves playing a devil's advocate, and so I know better
(25:19):
than to go to her for comfort, right. I go
to her for you know, she's extremely smart, extremely you know,
she's got that covered. But for soft and easy to
fall into. No, yeah, not safe.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
But you know, the interesting part is that about ninety
percent of Americans believe that in their family or within
their fend circle there has been a mental health crisis
at some point, and that was conducted by a study
between CNN and the Kaiser Health Foundation Family and about
(26:01):
fifty percent of those believe that it was severe within
their family and friend group.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
And if you heard the sirens, that means that is
the truth. That is an important thing to highlight. Yeah,
that's actually I totally agree with that because I've never
heard as many families. I don't think there's one family
I know that is not touched by someone in their
(26:32):
immediate family, not even like extended family who isn't going
through some kind of mental health crisis. So that's huge.
Now as a scientist, it makes me think, well, is
it one of those there's always been that but we
haven't been comfortable talking about it, or is it really
(26:53):
on the rise. I think a little of both. My
honorable moniker Oprah is is one eye credit with being
comfortable talking about mental health. When she came on the
scene in the stream TV, you know, it was Jerry
Springer time, and she actually brought the conversation around to
(27:14):
talking about ourselves and how we feel and our families.
So thank you Oprah for that. And so there is that.
You know, maybe it was always there, but I think
the pandemic right political, the current fear around country, instability
(27:41):
inside and outside that. Yes, I think that if you
had a predisposition towards mental illness, not illness, but how
do you say anti mental health?
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Not great denial? Yes, if you if you're want to
stick your head in the sand. But you know, there's
there's five seeds of mental health. There's the competence, feeling,
a feeling of capability and mastery of one's capabilities, the confidence,
a positive self image and belief in oneself. Connection, having
(28:21):
supportive relationships and a sense of belonging, character, demonstrating ethical
behavior and personal values, and caring, showing empathy, compassion and
concern for oneself and others. So if you have those
five seeds, those five components, then you have the sound
(28:42):
capacity for the basis of strong mental health. And that's
why we want to show up for one another.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
What are those five seas again?
Speaker 4 (28:54):
The five seeds are competence, confidence, connection, character, and Carrie.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Okay, I'm gonna let that sit and percolate while we
go on break. Time always goes faster with you, Doctor Tiffany.
On this particular series, it is time for us to
take a break for news weather Traffic on my NBC
News radio channel. And you are listening right now to
take my advice, I'm not using a gip balance with
(29:23):
doctor Press. Every morning at eight am, I'm back to
my fabulous drive time number one slot. So if you're
listening right now, you're in the right place. We're gonna
be right back. Don't go away. After word from a
news weather, traffic and sponsor, don't go away, as Chuck
(29:44):
Weller used to say, We'll be back into and two
or sooner. Peace in and peace out.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Take back your life with doctor Murray.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
Hello. My name is doctor Tiffany Tate and I am
running for the United States House of Representatives District forty.
As a veteran officer of the United States Navy, I
provided care for infants, families, veterans, and active duty military
during the Global War on Terrorism. You want me because
(30:36):
I understand medicine. I've spent over two decades as a
problem solver, and I know that I can go to
Capitol Hill and problem solve for you. As an educator,
I understand that I can help fight for education. And
as an entrepreneur, business owner and author, I understand the
(30:58):
economy and I know that I can help speak up
and speak out and help fight the fight for affordable
housing and increase wages. Visit my website at doctor Tate
for Congress. That is d R T A T E
F O R C O N G R E S
S dot com. That is doctor Tate for Congress. Learn
(31:21):
more about me, consider making a donation to my campaign.
Help me help you. My name is doctor Tiffany Tate
and I approved this message paid for by doctor Tate
for Congress.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Well. She has been dubbed the Asian Oprah, and she
just wants all of us to be happy.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
Doctor Marissa aka the Asian Oprah says, the most important
thing you.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Can choose is choosing to be happy. You are tuned
into my weekly talk radio TV show called Take My Advice.
I'm not using it.
Speaker 6 (32:01):
Get Balanced with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
That's the idea for it. Dr Marissa Pay's new book
call Eight Ways to Be Happy. Many of us say
I am my own worst critic. Nobody's harder on me
than I am. And my response to that is stop it.
Why are you doing that to yourself? You have to
be your biggest fan, because if you can't, at the
(32:36):
end of the day say I did a good job,
who is We don't have to constantly be angry at
the things that are wrong. Why don't we choose to
be happy about things that are right. We have the choice.
Speaker 7 (32:49):
That's our muscle, and life is so amazing if we
can see it.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Take back your line with doctor Maury Tippey.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
And we're back to take My Advice, I'm not using it.
Get Balanced with Doctor Marisa. Here on kayzy AA NBC
News Radio home to the Asian OPRAH number one time
in the IE, thank you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio,
Spotify and of course my YouTube DV channel which if
(33:39):
you free subscribe you'll get a little alert every weekday
morning so you can stop asking doctor Tiffany what the
link is. And yes it is time for doctors in
the house with my.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
Cell man, doctor Tiffany Tate, welcome back.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
We are talking about. What are we talking about, doctor Tiffany.
Speaker 4 (34:01):
We are talking about safe places, spaces and people.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Got the order wrong that time. That's what we're talking about.
Great topic, especially during the holidays. How safe are you feeling?
I think I'm going to go back to something that
ze Queen said in the chat about life is chaotic,
(34:29):
and there are aspects of life that are chaotic, and
one hundred percent of the time the news will bring
to the forefront all those things that are chaotic, and
therefore we start believing that it is really bad. I'm
(34:51):
not saying that there are not really bad things happening. However,
it is my job to balance out bad news with
good news. And there is a phenomena called the pigmalion effect.
I'm a psychologist, organizational psychologist, and I talk about this
when I work with companies. What you believe will affect
what you actually see. So news aside, If you believe
(35:15):
someone's an idiot, guess what, you're going to see them
do things that are idiotic, and in fact, if they
don't do idiotic things, you won't even see them. That's
the power of our focus and our BS belief systems.
So my challenge, my Happy eighty eight challenge this week
is can we look and focus on things, people, places,
(35:39):
and things that are evidence of well being? I can,
sometimes it's not. It is easier if I don't watch TV.
It is easier. That's why I got rid of the
TV seven years ago. It is easier if I don't
start my morning, you know, doing MS meaningless scrolling scrolling.
(36:02):
It does help if I don't talk about the headlines.
I ban doctor Tiffany from telling me the atrocious because
I don't, you know, if it's something I can't help change,
I don't want to know. And I get a lot
(36:24):
of flak for that because I'm being Pollyanna or not
polyamorous Pollyanna. But you know, for me, it's such a
strong discipline that works because I'll tell you, you know,
having someone find my phone. They are fabulous. And at
(36:44):
the same time, I am very strict with myself on
holding bs belief systems that make me feel good and
not bad. So when I don't like someone, guess what,
I don't look at them. I try to minimize the encounter.
I don't talk about them to my friends. I just
go have a great life. So I'm not I'm not
(37:08):
disagreeing with you, z Queen, but I am using your comment.
And I'm sure you do it already, but I'm using
it for everyone that's watching now or later that this
is such an important good life habit to have.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
Oh absolutely. And when it comes to safe spaces, it's
the environment you put yourself in, and that's how you
make your space safe. Because a safe space can be physical, emotional,
or even digital, and is a place where you can
express yourself without fear of ridicule, belittlement, or emotional harm.
(37:48):
And if you're putting yourself in a space where people
don't bring you up, that's a form of emotional harm.
And so you want a place where you're comfortable and
putting your space yourself in a space where somebody makes
you emotionally distraught. Why put yourself through that? And it
(38:08):
could be in a friend's home, it could be an
online chat room. It's whatever makes you comfortable, whether it's
a forum a physical community. It's about respect. It's about
boundaries and accountability.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Absolutely, and yes, I know you do focus on evidence
to go outside christ. Another thing is madness. We've got
one hundred percent I don't want to know and found
my space safe space at age fifty. So it is
you know, it's not the C word that is important
for me. It's the check word, the SCH word, choice,
(38:50):
and a lot of us have become a lit lax
about our muscle to choose. We think that who is
talking the other day, Oh this is going on, and
that's going on, and this is going on, And I'm like, yeah,
I can see the gun that is at your head
(39:12):
for you to force you to be watching that a
little bit of you know, don't have to look at it.
That's my rule. And maybe maybe when I talked about
this on Mental Health Monday, matters actually is if you
are gonna post something right, and and you know it's
(39:35):
a little controversial, right, and you can't help yourself, You're
gonna post it. I'm not asking you not to post it,
post it, but is the first time someone disagrees with you,
don't post back. See if you can't do that very difficult.
That's why I don't post controversial things is because you're
you're poking the animal. Do not poke the animal. I
(40:00):
think it's sure.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Yeah, I think it's important to know that labels don't
create safety. Behavior does. And you have to be in
control of your behavior and the people you surround yourself
for it. And it's all about what you do, how
you do it, and who you do it with, and
(40:25):
that leads us into safe places and safe people. And
I think we have to be cognizant of what you do.
Your bedroom might be the safe place for you. I
like my movie room, and most people know when they
call me, I call it the green room because it's
painted green and it's tranquil for me. And I sit
(40:48):
there and I put my feet up and I relax,
and I have my heat a blanket. Even in the summer.
I love my heat and blanket because it relaxes my
joints and I'm snuggled with my blanket. That is my
safe space. Your space, safe space might be someplace different.
Everyone's safe space is something different.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Yeah, to designate a place where you can just breathe.
I when I do happiness coaching, I ask my clients
to put on their phone at the top of the
hour a little sound that reminds them at the top
of the hour just to sit back, whatever they're doing,
hit save, and just do my three breath technology. That way,
(41:33):
every place is safe, no matter where you are, where
you go. So let's just do it real quick right now.
Breathing in through the nose. You can gently close your
out our eye if you'd like. In through the nose
and releasing soft shoulders, soft elbows, soft knees. That's the
breath activating your body, physical realm. And a second breath.
Speaker 8 (41:54):
In and releasing all the stories and the drama, activating
your mental and emotional And then the third and final breath,
not final breath, but breath.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
And the three breath technology in through the nose, and
now you're going to connect with me through cheat eternal energy,
the breath of life, no beginning to end. That breath
keeps going and connecting and release, And that took not
that long and I and I feel better right now,
(42:28):
I feel more solid.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Right and release.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, you know, top of the hour. Just that's the
breath of life and we're all connected it. But a
lot of us are holding our breath waiting for the
other shoe to drop, waiting for someone to hurt us,
and we're starving ourselves with that oxygen that feeds the
brain and the heart. Thank you for doing that with me.
Speaker 4 (42:55):
Oh absolutely. And some people they might actually want noise.
Some people like music. Some people might need noise to relax.
I can't tell you what your safe space or place
looks like, Doctor Marissa can't either. You know yourself, do
you boo? And so figure it out and make it happen.
(43:20):
So where do you go when you need to regulate yourself?
Where does your mind choose? Do you need to walk
in the park? Figure it out and take that time,
especially in the midst of this hustle and bustle during
the holiday, because you're going to need some new time
and surround yourself with some safe people, because safe people
(43:44):
are important. Save people are not perfect people, So I'm
not saying that they're perfect, that's the number one. But
safe people are deeply personal people who you feel comfortable
talking to, and that is inherently important, and they're consistent people.
(44:04):
They're not people who are going to rush you on
the phone. They're going to actually take the time to
hear you. And everybody is not willing to listen to you.
You know who they are. They're consistent and they're not flawless,
but they are accountable to you and they're dependable.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
Yeah, I'm going to offer the balance on that one
April that it's a person. People, as doctor Tivine said,
are not perfect, and eighty percent of the time they
will be there for you. Twenty percent of the time
they will not be because they're human. So I would
suggest not placing one hundred percent of your safe space
(44:48):
in another person. I think the safest person to put
your safe place is yourself. You are also eighty percent
of the time compassionate with yourself and twenty percent of
the time not. And learning how to say oki doki,
I just stepped in it and it's okay because I'm
not perfect is part of personal mastery. Is a skill.
(45:11):
It is a quality that will help you claim your
birthright to happiness. Because if you're too hard on yourself,
that's one end. Then you're not a safe place for
yourself right. On the other hand, if you are complaining
about the same thing over and over and over again
(45:31):
and you get ticked off or in your pissoffedness when
someone doesn't want to hang on the phone with you,
you might want to look at your ability to soothe yourself. That,
my friends, is I think way more important than spending
hours on the phone, because it's not fair for them.
(45:52):
I call it the vent partner activity. You find one person,
they time you two minutes right, two minutes where you
get it all out. You can use names, you can
use curse words if it doesn't bother that person, and
then unless something changes, you can't talk about that again.
(46:13):
That's training, that's personal mastery because you're never going to
get that time back, not absolutely.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:22):
And then you also have to be careful if somebody
always wants to vent to you and pour into you,
but they don't allow you to pour into them, be
cautious because you don't want it to be a one
way street. And here are some things to help you
identify safe people. They will listen to understand and not respond,
(46:43):
and they won't make you feel rushed, and they won't
talk over you. They will allow you to feel heard,
and they won't weaponize your vulnerability that way. What you
share is it is trusted and you know, you feel
like it's kind of sacred, and they will respect your boundaries.
(47:07):
You want to feel respected in the relationship. There's no
guilt and no pushback, and they are emotionally consistent. You
don't have to scan their mood to see if it's
okay for you to talk, and you don't have to
become small to say to stay safe. So it's it's
(47:29):
okay for you to talk to them, and they repair
when they cause harm because not with an excuse, but
with accountability. I think safe people allow you to relax
as yourself. You do have to show up as someone else.
You're okay with being who you are.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Great? Oh uh? The point about are they? They they
want to vent, but they don't want to be vented
at It's the second part of the vent partner tool
that I just gave you. If you vent to someone
for two minutes, they have the opportunity that day to
(48:13):
come back and get vented for two minutes. Same thing.
If you don't use those two minutes, not like singular
no roll over, you don't get four minutes tomorrow. So
that's the But knowing you have that opportunity and make
sure they are closed minded, sorry closed mouth You want
(48:35):
them to be open minded, but closed mouths because you
don't want them to be gone. Oh, you're never gonna
believe what so and so said about you.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
So yeah, And if you don't know if the person
is safe, here's a clue. A safe person will expand you.
They make you feel like, oh, I feel relief, but
an unsafe person shrinks you. You walk away feeling worse
than when you started the conversation. By the time you
(49:07):
finished the conversation, you'll kind of have a litmus test
as to how it went. You'll be like, oh, my goodness.
So and if you have a safe person in your life,
they are a.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Gift, absolutely. Yeah. The trial and error, uh finding event
partner for sure, the the you know, I have wonderful thoughts,
they just don't always stay here, So keep talking it'll
(49:38):
come back, okay.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
Yeah. And there's you know, scientifically speaking, there's like a
neurological feeling when you are safe versus unsafe, so emotionally
or physically, the brain activates its threat response. There's like
that fight flight freeze response, So you're irrational thinking decreases,
(50:01):
your creativity shrinks, and your ability to trust or listen
is impaired because your body is not trying to thrive,
is now trying to survive. So you're like, okay, they
just need to get away from this conversation, right.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
Absolutely. I remembered there's a gender difference in this particular thing.
Those of you who think we are all the same,
we are not. Thank goodness, and this is not a stereotype.
They've done studies on this, the way that men and
women communicate, the differences in the way they process information,
(50:38):
and on this particular topic. It has really helped a
lot of relationships because the tendency in most women, not
all women, is.
Speaker 5 (50:50):
They are when they vent, it is a helpful release
of that pent up negative energy that they literally release.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
When they talk about it. For many men, when they
hear something that sounds like a problem, they immediately go
to fixing. That is their strength, that is their go
to how can I help? And my husband and I
would have this interaction. I'd come back from traffic and
(51:21):
I would say, uh, it was just horrible, you know,
on the four or five or whatever it was getting
back and da da da da. I was releasing that
negative energy around my commute. And his response would be, well,
if you had left five minutes earlier, if you had
(51:42):
taken this street instead of that street, or if you
had and I'm like, okay, so it is wasn't his fault.
There were other things that were his fault. Just kidding.
It wasn't his fault. His desire, his motive in saying
those things was to piss me off. It was to
(52:03):
provide a solution for the next time so I could
avoid this angst. So just you know, play with that one,
see if that might help alleviate some of the tension
maybe on when you're venting. So the lesson and that
was for me. I wouldn't vet to him. I picked
(52:25):
someone who I knew full circle of what doctor Tiviti
said before the break. Finding that person who you know
gets you and just knows and just says things like
oh poor baby, oh sorry, instead of trying to fix it.
Speaker 4 (52:48):
Yeah. And it's interesting because when you feel safe, a
whole other system activates. It's like the ventral vagal system
and your social engagement system is activated. And that's when
you like curiosity and empathy and openness and problem solving
and connection. And that's why safe people bring out the
(53:09):
best in you, and your unsafe environments bring out a
version of yourself that you don't always necessarily like. Safety
is not a luxury. It's like biology, and it's a
beautiful thing and it helps relationships blossom. And that's why
he is now your husband and not a current situation.
(53:33):
And you can actually foster and create safety for others.
And the way you do that is by using like
eye statements, naming your intentions like I want us to
understand each other, honor and respect boundaries, and don't give
advice unless it's asked for. Just more so, support each other,
(53:55):
validate feelings without trying to fix them, ask open ended questions,
and check in during hard conversations like are you okay
to keep talking about this? Because safety isn't perfection. Safety
is responsiveness, and without that responsiveness, you don't have connections.
Speaker 2 (54:17):
Be it at work, be.
Speaker 4 (54:19):
It with friendships, be it in families, and be it
in intimate relationships.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Great points allow people the freedom to feel their emotions
fully is my biggest advice. The tendency for our society,
I think and culture to be uncomfortable with crying. I
(54:45):
will get triggered if someone tries to stop someone from crying,
because it's so important. I make a point of crying
once a week at least because tears are the disinfectant
that keep our hearts soft. It's okay if you're uncomfortable
with it, that's on you, boo. It's so important to
(55:05):
allow people to you know. I go back to the
library with the Seal Beach Salon shooting, and the grief
experts had a clipboard with all the steps in which
you know what to say and silence.
Speaker 9 (55:21):
Is golden silence, and allow and just if they want
to be hugged and just I let people just I
went like this right, and they know that means they
can just lean on and just let people cry.
Speaker 2 (55:38):
Ah. Obviously that's a button for me. It's so good
to allow yourself to cry and other people to cry,
because if you can't be sad and fully said, if
you can't be mad and fully fat mad safely, then
you're closing the door of your emotions. Like the dumbwaiter,
(55:59):
you're not allowing yourself to feel this part. Therefore, this
part excitement, exhilaration, peace, wonder, bliss. That all gets closed
out if you stop yourself from feeling those sad, angry, irritated,
feel it, feel it fully, stop your feet right, silent
(56:22):
scream because I have to protect my voice. I don't
scream anymore when I'm pissed, but I will stop my
feet and the feeling fully is the We're the only
sentient beings that do that right, have some feeling, but
(56:42):
not the way that we can. So let's not cut
ourselves off and just be okay 'or fine I'm fine.
I'm fine stands for fed up, irrational, neurotic, and emotional.
We don't want that. We want feel your feelings fully
and then into the power. That's the pain, into power.
Speaker 4 (57:04):
And safe people feel like you can breathe, Your no
is respected, You feel energized and not trained, and your
mistakes are met with compassion and not cruelty. Unsafe people
feel like chaos. Like z Queen said, confusion. You're walking
(57:25):
on eggshells, guilt, shame, emotional manipulation, and you either feel
like you're either too much or not enough. Because safety
isn't something we stumble into. Safety is something we learn,
we create, and we protect. So I always want you
(57:50):
to think about, how is it that I can be
safety for someone else, and how is it that I
can falter safety for myself within myself and within the
world around me. Be blessed.
Speaker 2 (58:05):
Great final word there. My final word is when you're
going home for the holidays and some of you may say, well,
then I'm not going home for the holidays because there's
unsafe people there.
Speaker 3 (58:15):
No.
Speaker 2 (58:16):
I want you to create and can't remember who told
me this? Create around you. This is the creation. You
have the ability to create a safe space by having
flowers all over you and when someone picks at you,
they get a flower. That's my final word. Thank you
so much, doctor Tiffany. Do you have a thirty second.
Speaker 4 (58:37):
Sure surround yourself with people who help you breathe a
little easier, and remember keep breathing, stay positive, you got this.
Speaker 2 (58:47):
Just breathe nuts, breathe. Thank you so much, doctor Tiffany.
Thank you all for being here and being part of
this fabolostisode of take my Advice. I'm not using it yet.
Balanced with docha Marissa in the morning show. It's all
about balance. Peace in peace out world peace through inner peace,
(59:12):
startor Tiviany kick us out.
Speaker 4 (59:14):
Now go and have the best day ever.
Speaker 2 (59:19):
I'll see y'all tomorrows.
Speaker 1 (59:29):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now you're listening to casey AA Loma Linda,
your CNBC news station, so expect the unexpected ten fifty AM.
(59:50):
Don't forget that number. And for you young people who
got here by accidentally fat fingering your FM band selector,
We're an AM radio station and am as to more
than just the time of day.
Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
H m hmm.
More than just the time of day, Jump off at
exhausting amster wheel and into balance.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Living with Doctor Marissa from Miss Joy.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
And welcome your tunda to take my advice, I'm not
using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa in the morning
show here on CASEAA, NBC News, the NBC News, NBC
Sports radio station AM T fifty f M one oh
six point five and streaming everywhere. iHeart Radio, Spotify, iTunes,
Student in Audible, Amazon Music, t that Rumble podcast, A streaker,
(00:58):
speaker and more. Why so many places. I want to
maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness and
balance out all of the horrible headlines out there guaranteed
to give you the four a syndrome before you start
your day angry, aggravated, anxious, and afraid. Instead, I want
(01:19):
you to tune in here where you get some heartlines,
you get some fun things to laugh at, and wonderful
things to learn from, and today's no exception. It is
time for doctors in the house with myself and.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
You know that every Wednesday it is that time of
the week to learn from two doctors. I'm a PhD.
And that just stands for piled higher and deeper. And
then my beautiful inside and out co host is an
empty medical doctor. So the two of us make up
(01:59):
two doctors house. And that sounds could stand like the
start of a joke, but it's not. Doctor Tiffany Tait
is a US Navy veteran, a published author, and retired
obgi N from Copton, California. She's a playwright, singer, poet, songwriter,
and now running for Congress. Doctor Tiffany is a published
(02:21):
author of several books poetry, lots of children's books, and
I just love the way that she takes topics that
people don't necessarily teach their kids and puts them in
a form that they can learn and be interested at
the same time, including money, matters, music, and bad touching.
(02:43):
That's my favorite. So please welcome back to my studio,
Doctor Tiffany Day.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Happy Wednesday. Everybody, Always pleasure to be here sounding off
in your ear.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
And good morning to our Cashew Gallery. It looks like
Zee Queen was the first one in. She's the captain
of the Cashew Gallery. We've got April back here and
uh oh, that's doctor Tiffany saying that, welcome back to
the show, and I had let's start with breakfast. What
(03:27):
are you grateful for? It's called taking a bite of
my gratitude sandwich. Top of the button. Things that we're
grateful for outside of ourselves, bottom of the bun, things
that we are grateful for inside of ourselves. That we
can go to bed tonight not thinking about all the
(03:48):
things we forgot to do or didn't get done, or
beating up ourselves or blaming other people who've done me wrong. Instead,
you fall asleep knowing all the things that you're especially
good at, and that, for me is the foundation of
good mental health. So, doctor Tiffany Tate, what are you
(04:09):
grateful for? On the top of the bun.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
I am grateful for a person named mister James Beauregard,
and he is a person who has been serving Riverside County,
specifically in the city of Riverside for about forty five
forty six years in feeding the homeless population. He is
(04:33):
somebody who I volunteer with, and I had the pleasure
of serving with him on Thanksgiving in this past Sunday.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Oh that's so nice. I am grateful that I am
or this is actually bottom of the bun, but I'll
switch it up. I'm a fast dresser, as doctor Tiffany
can attest to. I almost did not have clothes on
by the time the show started because I I saw her,
(05:01):
I matched her, don't get me wrong, but she reminded
me that we only have a few, you know, a
limited amount of time to wear, not ugly Christmas sweaters,
but beautiful Christmas sweaters. And I literally, doctor Tiffany, I
didn't realize one of the arms was inside out. And
I was a fraction a second of being naked on
(05:21):
camera this morning, like this close, just saying, just saying, so,
I am super grateful for my ability to dress quickly.
What else are you grateful for?
Speaker 4 (05:33):
And I am grateful that I had the opportunity to
host Thanksgiving. First, I did say, I did it be grudgingly,
kicking and screaming, because I was volunteered. But I had
the privilege of hosting almost thirty people and it ended
(05:57):
up being a lovely affair, and I am grateful for
that awesome.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I'm sure there was some peach cobbler that you're saving
for me, and I will say I am also grateful
because I forgot we use this time. I don't let
my co host tell me what's going on in their
lives until they're on the air, so you don't know
that my turkey came out super tender, which I am so,
(06:28):
so so grateful. That is like that the test. I
remember my very first turkey. Didn't know about the thawing business.
Looked great on the outside, put the knife in, it
started bleeding all over. I think my kids had PTSD.
Definitely could have been one of the reasons why my
husband is now my husband. But I have now perfected
(06:53):
tender turkey with my manicurist friend of twenty eight years
grape soda turn recipe. There you go, What else are
you grateful for?
Speaker 4 (07:06):
And I am grateful that everyone loved all of my
desserts because I did not just make the peach cobbler.
I made the peach cobbler, the seven of pound cake,
abisc cough cookie cake, I made my caramel chocolate chip cookies,
and I also made cranberry lemonade, homemade cranberry lemonade, which
(07:30):
is delicious. I might add as well as green bean
casserole to name a few.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
We're gonna have the caravan for dessert over to Riverside
because I only made it for three people. But it
was so nice having my daughters down from San Francisco.
That was just so delightful. And then my bonus dad,
who I sang Happy Birthday to last show my guest
(07:57):
yesterday Grammy winner David Longoria play the trumpet day for him,
so that was lovely. We've got a gratitude from the
Cashew Gallery. After giving up on true love, I'm grateful
to have found mine a few months ago. WHOA, I
didn't know that.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Congratulations us?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yes, okay, and yeah exactly right right, queen, I I
got you, I got you, Like, why didn't you invite meet? Exactly?
She doesn't love us anymore? Right ze queen? Anyways, and congratulations.
(08:38):
Maybe that's for my dad, but ninety six years young
is not a It's like a bittersweet thing because my
bonus mom passed this past April, and so they would
have been married same month. Seventy five years, so he
(08:59):
you know, he had three of the five daughters.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
We took him out to Koby Steakhouse, so he had
a good time. If you want to see that clip,
go to my doc balance on Instagram and doctor miss
everywhere else for the social Alright, one more.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
And I am thankful that I do have a lot
of love and support. And we'll talk a little bit
more about that when we talk about the topic of
the day.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, awesome. I'm going to finish off the top of
the bun by saying I'm grateful to the unknown person
yesterday who saw my phone attached to my power pack.
I don't know how I left it on the top
of my car in the parking lot, and I don't
know how they knew what store to go in, but
(09:56):
they returned it. So I am truly grateful for there's
humankind out there. It's a good reminder not everybody's, you know,
stealing or doing bad things. There's so many good people
on the planet, So I don't know who you are.
They didn't ask for anything, they just took it to security,
(10:16):
and I'm so grateful. I'm very lucky to uh huh.
And last I'm grateful for my bonus family too. Austin April.
All right, let's go to the bottom of the bun
wait training for your self care, self love, self esteem.
What do you like about yourself, doctor Tiffany.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I like the fact that right now, during the holidays,
a lot of times people are all about themselves. It's me, me, me, me, me,
me me I. And I like the fact that I
am still willing to take some time out, just like
my gratitude. I was thankful for mister Bow and it
was the day before Thanksgiving and he himself had just
(10:59):
had surgery and he just resumed back starting feeding the homeless.
And he called me up the day before Thanksgiving and
he said, Tiffany, I don't have anybody to help me
make plates for the homeless. And I was thinking, okay,
I'm about to host, but a lot of people don't
even have a home. So am I willing to make
(11:20):
that extra sacrifice? Absolutely, I can take time out and
go there. And I did get a little pushback from
my family, and I'm like, listen, we can eat a
little bit later and I can go and make this
sacrifice because there are people on the street who won't
won't have a meal, So I think a lot of
time we have to do a little bit of self
(11:40):
reflection and see can we make that sacrifice for our
fellow man. Only you can answer that question for yourself,
But for me the answer is yes, Yes I am,
because we have to put the kindness back into humankind.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Absolutely, I am. I appreciate my ability to change, grow,
expand change my mind and my heart. I am. Look,
it's funny. I have some real strong BS belief systems
(12:21):
about certain things, and I never thought that I would
shift those BS belief systems. But I just met someone
who is nothing that on paper that I would have
been interested in, and we've had some really great conversations.
(12:45):
I think the best thing is knowing that what you
desire in your heart is not out of bounds. I
think that that is something that I continue to learn.
You know, the universe is a friendly place. The universe
wants is conspiring for you, never against you, and the
(13:07):
that's not the prevalent thinking, right. People are suspicious, people
are you know, wary. People think that things are being
done against them and life is unfair. And I'm here
to hold that spot in my own life as well.
Is that no matter what has happened in the past.
(13:29):
The future, the president in the future are limitless. We
can always go up hashtag up hashtag unlimited possibilities.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
I like the fact that I have grown in my
capacity for love because in the world it is as
love as patient. Love is kind. Love does not necessarily
keep a tally. And a lot of people say, Tiffany
that that's all way too Pollyanna, and maybe it is,
(14:07):
but I think that in that perspective, you have to
know how to love yourself as well as love others,
and in loving yourself, you have to forgive others because
if you don't forgive others, you keep all of that
(14:29):
hostility within you, and it only stresses you out. It
makes your blood pressure go up, and it makes you
feel bad, and it deteriorates your health. And while you
are sitting there, you have a problem with them and
they don't even have a problem with you. So you
are stuck in your feelings and you have to let
(14:53):
it go because if you don't let it go, you
are the one with the problem while they are perfectly fine.
Oh while people may think it's Pollyanna, no, it's for
your personal benefit. So you really have to grow in
that type of love and forgiveness for your own personal wellbeing.
It's not being Pollyanna. It's about your personal sanity and
(15:16):
your personal wellbeing.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Absolutely. Let's uh, let's see. I'll finish it off with
I appreciate my ability to laugh often and much, which
is my one of my uh my definition of success
comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson to laugh often and much,
to know that one life has breathed easier because you
(15:42):
have lived. And I know that you and I have
met that criteria. And I'm so so, so so grateful
and appreciate my ability to laugh often and even if
it's not myself. All right, that's it for breakfast. Oh wait,
I have one more here. She's April's appreciates that she's
(16:06):
able to meet people of all ages and kinds where
they are and make them truly feel heard and seen.
Thank you very much. And kids, Yes, me too. I
got that from my dad. He would walk in a
room and dogs and kids would run up to them strangers,
and I have a little of that genetic and I'm
(16:27):
glad for that. Thanks for joining us for breakfast. I
hope you join me every weekday morning. This is how
we start the show so that instead of doing this
MS meaningless scrolling, which will give you those four a's,
you're going to feel amazing instead and sandwich your day
in the most positive way. Thanks for joining us for
brickfil And now for the topic of the day, doctor Tiffany.
(17:02):
As I do the Instagram story here, what is the
topic of the day?
Speaker 4 (17:06):
Safe spaces, safe places, and safe people? And so why
are we talking about this? Yes, we're talking about safe spaces,
safe places, and safe people because right now a lot
(17:29):
of people don't necessarily feel emotionally safe. And I think
it's concerning. As I talk to different family, different friends,
and as I've had to deal with my own issues,
(17:52):
sometimes I'm like, Okay, I can't talk to this person
or I don't feel comfortable talking to this person, and
I have to put up guards. And if you don't
know who you can confide in, or when you can
(18:13):
confide into in someone, or where you can go, I
was like, this is probably not just an issue for me,
This is probably an issue for a lot of people.
So it was something that made me go, hmmm, let
me do some research about this. So what do the
numbers show?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What do the number show?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
I was waiting for you to ask that question. And
so in twenty five, there was an American study that
showed that sixty nine percent of adults felt that they
needed more emotional support than what they actually received. And
(18:59):
then seventy percent of adults were anxious about keeping themselves
or their family safe, which I thought still was pretty high.
And then the American Psychiatric Association the APA felt that
this was an issue that needed to be addressed.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Isn't it so association?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Sorry American Psychiatric Association.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Oh, because APA usually in my world is psycholagric, but anyways,
go alad.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Sorry yeah and so so yeah, So seventy percent of
US adults felt anxious about keeping their family safe. And
then in twenty twenty five, the survey revealed that sixty
nine percent you know, felt that they needed more emotional support.
And I was thinking, wow, so between twenty twenty three
(19:48):
and twenty twenty five, the numbers are still pretty high.
And you can even go back to twenty twenty one
it was at eighty percent. So I'm thinking we really
have not made much progress from twenty twenty one to
twenty twenty five. So I'm thinking, Okay, this is definitely
(20:10):
a topic that we need to talk about. So really,
let's define what a safe space and so that my
place is and who safe people are. Let's just talk
about it and then we can see how we can
actually show up for each other, how we can support
one another, especially with the holidays, because this is when
(20:31):
a lot of people really feel alone, really lack support,
and really need their family, their friends, and a lot
of times family is not necessarily the people who you
are blood related.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
To, family of choice. Yeah, that's come on a lot. Yeah,
I'm glad we're going to define it because as soon
as you say emotional support, oh, I go to emotional support,
dogs I go to enabling, which is an extreme not
(21:04):
necessarily helpful of emotional support, you know, doing stuff for
people to make them feel better, and they never learn
how to make themselves feel better on their own and
or telling somebody what to do, and really that's not
supportive at what they're looking for necessarily. So I'm glad
(21:25):
that we're talking about this, and is there a global
definition for emotional support.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Yeah, because a lot of times when people think safety,
they think, okay, I just need to lock my doors,
you know, have seatbelts, have lighting, but no when emotional
safety is like inner permission, like I'm allowed to exist
here without fear of judgment or punishment. And that's the thing.
A lot of times now we're judgmental.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
And what for yourself? Oh yeah, yeah, words more really yeah,
that's a perfect partly really really really is that actually
sounds like me?
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Right?
Speaker 4 (22:12):
And so it's hard for us a lot of times,
especially in light of social media, because people can make
a comment and then disappear behind the comment without being
physically seen. They can just make a comment and just
scurry away behind their computer or behind their phone. And
and it's okay theoretically because if you can recall a
(22:36):
time where you felt unexpectedly safe with someone, Oh, you're.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Asking me, I feel safe. I felt safe with my
dad who passed from lymphoma. I always said he he
he was a safe place to fall back into My
bonus dad, same feeling. I feel safe. I can tell
(23:03):
him whatever it is, and I know that he's not
going to judge me. He'll just sort of chuckle, which
is what my my the higher power I call my
ups man. Universal powers are the same thing. My my
younger daughter, Sarah, she's very safe. She she's really good
(23:24):
at not taking sides against me unlike some other people.
Or she's really good at just saying I'm so sorry, mom.
And that was a huge lesson for me because I
you used to you know, when someone says they're sad
(23:46):
or whatever. I'm into the fix it, you know, let's
let's yeah. So she's taught me how to just be yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
And that's the key to listen without trying to be
fixed some sometimes people just want to be heard. And
think about a time where someone wanted to listen without
trying to fix you. Now flip that, think about a
time when when you lacked the safety or you felt attacked.
(24:16):
And because safety is not the absence of conflict, it's
the presence of trust.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Sorry, I was being distracted by the chat April was
saying a Sophie reason for blended and forged families up there,
and ze, Queen, God help us. I'm not sure what
I was like, God help us for what? Which comment
was that from? But ask me the question again.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
I'm sorry, I said, think about the time where you
felt attacked, when you were just trying to get that
sense of trust, and you did not get that sense
of trust, and you did not get that sense of support.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And this is gonna sound like I'm a horrible mom,
you know, playing favorites or whatever. But my older daughter
will tell you, and she's admitted, you know, she's not
the person to go to, right because she will take
the other person's side and she will you know, she
loves playing a devil's advocate, and so I know better
(25:19):
than to go to her for comfort, right. I go
to her for you know, she's extremely smart, extremely you know,
she's got that covered. But for soft and easy to
fall into. No, yeah, not safe.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
But you know, the interesting part is that about ninety
percent of Americans believe that in their family or within
their fend circle there has been a mental health crisis
at some point, and that was conducted by a study
between CNN and the Kaiser Health Foundation Family and about
(26:01):
fifty percent of those believe that it was severe within
their family and friend group.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
And if you heard the sirens, that means that is
the truth. That is an important thing to highlight. Yeah,
that's actually I totally agree with that because I've never
heard as many families. I don't think there's one family
I know that is not touched by someone in their
(26:32):
immediate family, not even like extended family who isn't going
through some kind of mental health crisis. So that's huge.
Now as a scientist, it makes me think, well, is
it one of those there's always been that but we
haven't been comfortable talking about it, or is it really
(26:53):
on the rise. I think a little of both. My
honorable moniker Oprah is is one eye credit with being
comfortable talking about mental health. When she came on the
scene in the stream TV, you know, it was Jerry
Springer time, and she actually brought the conversation around to
(27:14):
talking about ourselves and how we feel and our families.
So thank you Oprah for that. And so there is that.
You know, maybe it was always there, but I think
the pandemic right political, the current fear around country, instability
(27:41):
inside and outside that. Yes, I think that if you
had a predisposition towards mental illness, not illness, but how
do you say anti mental health?
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Not great denial? Yes, if you if you're want to
stick your head in the sand. But you know, there's
there's five seeds of mental health. There's the competence, feeling,
a feeling of capability and mastery of one's capabilities, the confidence,
a positive self image and belief in oneself. Connection, having
(28:21):
supportive relationships and a sense of belonging, character, demonstrating ethical
behavior and personal values, and caring, showing empathy, compassion and
concern for oneself and others. So if you have those
five seeds, those five components, then you have the sound
(28:42):
capacity for the basis of strong mental health. And that's
why we want to show up for one another.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
What are those five seas again?
Speaker 4 (28:54):
The five seeds are competence, confidence, connection, character, and Carrie.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Okay, I'm gonna let that sit and percolate while we
go on break. Time always goes faster with you, Doctor Tiffany.
On this particular series, it is time for us to
take a break for news weather Traffic on my NBC
News radio channel. And you are listening right now to
take my advice, I'm not using a gip balance with
(29:23):
doctor Press. Every morning at eight am, I'm back to
my fabulous drive time number one slot. So if you're
listening right now, you're in the right place. We're gonna
be right back. Don't go away. After word from a
news weather, traffic and sponsor, don't go away, as Chuck
(29:44):
Weller used to say, We'll be back into and two
or sooner. Peace in and peace out.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Take back your life with doctor Murray.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
Hello. My name is doctor Tiffany Tate and I am
running for the United States House of Representatives District forty.
As a veteran officer of the United States Navy, I
provided care for infants, families, veterans, and active duty military
during the Global War on Terrorism. You want me because
(30:36):
I understand medicine. I've spent over two decades as a
problem solver, and I know that I can go to
Capitol Hill and problem solve for you. As an educator,
I understand that I can help fight for education. And
as an entrepreneur, business owner and author, I understand the
(30:58):
economy and I know that I can help speak up
and speak out and help fight the fight for affordable
housing and increase wages. Visit my website at doctor Tate
for Congress. That is d R T A T E
F O R C O N G R E S
S dot com. That is doctor Tate for Congress. Learn
(31:21):
more about me, consider making a donation to my campaign.
Help me help you. My name is doctor Tiffany Tate
and I approved this message paid for by doctor Tate
for Congress.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Well. She has been dubbed the Asian Oprah, and she
just wants all of us to be happy.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
Doctor Marissa aka the Asian Oprah says, the most important
thing you.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Can choose is choosing to be happy. You are tuned
into my weekly talk radio TV show called Take My Advice.
I'm not using it.
Speaker 6 (32:01):
Get Balanced with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
That's the idea for it. Dr Marissa Pay's new book
call Eight Ways to Be Happy. Many of us say
I am my own worst critic. Nobody's harder on me
than I am. And my response to that is stop it.
Why are you doing that to yourself? You have to
be your biggest fan, because if you can't, at the
(32:36):
end of the day say I did a good job,
who is We don't have to constantly be angry at
the things that are wrong. Why don't we choose to
be happy about things that are right. We have the choice.
Speaker 7 (32:49):
That's our muscle, and life is so amazing if we
can see it.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Take back your line with doctor Maury Tippey.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
And we're back to take My Advice, I'm not using it.
Get Balanced with Doctor Marisa. Here on kayzy AA NBC
News Radio home to the Asian OPRAH number one time
in the IE, thank you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio,
Spotify and of course my YouTube DV channel which if
(33:39):
you free subscribe you'll get a little alert every weekday
morning so you can stop asking doctor Tiffany what the
link is. And yes it is time for doctors in
the house with my.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
Cell man, doctor Tiffany Tate, welcome back.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
We are talking about. What are we talking about, doctor Tiffany.
Speaker 4 (34:01):
We are talking about safe places, spaces and people.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Got the order wrong that time. That's what we're talking about.
Great topic, especially during the holidays. How safe are you feeling?
I think I'm going to go back to something that
ze Queen said in the chat about life is chaotic,
(34:29):
and there are aspects of life that are chaotic, and
one hundred percent of the time the news will bring
to the forefront all those things that are chaotic, and
therefore we start believing that it is really bad. I'm
(34:51):
not saying that there are not really bad things happening. However,
it is my job to balance out bad news with
good news. And there is a phenomena called the pigmalion effect.
I'm a psychologist, organizational psychologist, and I talk about this
when I work with companies. What you believe will affect
what you actually see. So news aside, If you believe
(35:15):
someone's an idiot, guess what, you're going to see them
do things that are idiotic, and in fact, if they
don't do idiotic things, you won't even see them. That's
the power of our focus and our BS belief systems.
So my challenge, my Happy eighty eight challenge this week
is can we look and focus on things, people, places,
(35:39):
and things that are evidence of well being? I can,
sometimes it's not. It is easier if I don't watch TV.
It is easier. That's why I got rid of the
TV seven years ago. It is easier if I don't
start my morning, you know, doing MS meaningless scrolling scrolling.
(36:02):
It does help if I don't talk about the headlines.
I ban doctor Tiffany from telling me the atrocious because
I don't, you know, if it's something I can't help change,
I don't want to know. And I get a lot
(36:24):
of flak for that because I'm being Pollyanna or not
polyamorous Pollyanna. But you know, for me, it's such a
strong discipline that works because I'll tell you, you know,
having someone find my phone. They are fabulous. And at
(36:44):
the same time, I am very strict with myself on
holding bs belief systems that make me feel good and
not bad. So when I don't like someone, guess what,
I don't look at them. I try to minimize the encounter.
I don't talk about them to my friends. I just
go have a great life. So I'm not I'm not
(37:08):
disagreeing with you, z Queen, but I am using your comment.
And I'm sure you do it already, but I'm using
it for everyone that's watching now or later that this
is such an important good life habit to have.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
Oh absolutely. And when it comes to safe spaces, it's
the environment you put yourself in, and that's how you
make your space safe. Because a safe space can be physical, emotional,
or even digital, and is a place where you can
express yourself without fear of ridicule, belittlement, or emotional harm.
(37:48):
And if you're putting yourself in a space where people
don't bring you up, that's a form of emotional harm.
And so you want a place where you're comfortable and
putting your space yourself in a space where somebody makes
you emotionally distraught. Why put yourself through that? And it
(38:08):
could be in a friend's home, it could be an
online chat room. It's whatever makes you comfortable, whether it's
a forum a physical community. It's about respect. It's about
boundaries and accountability.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Absolutely, and yes, I know you do focus on evidence
to go outside christ. Another thing is madness. We've got
one hundred percent I don't want to know and found
my space safe space at age fifty. So it is
you know, it's not the C word that is important
for me. It's the check word, the SCH word, choice,
(38:50):
and a lot of us have become a lit lax
about our muscle to choose. We think that who is
talking the other day, Oh this is going on, and
that's going on, and this is going on, And I'm like, yeah,
I can see the gun that is at your head
(39:12):
for you to force you to be watching that a
little bit of you know, don't have to look at it.
That's my rule. And maybe maybe when I talked about
this on Mental Health Monday, matters actually is if you
are gonna post something right, and and you know it's
(39:35):
a little controversial, right, and you can't help yourself, You're
gonna post it. I'm not asking you not to post it,
post it, but is the first time someone disagrees with you,
don't post back. See if you can't do that very difficult.
That's why I don't post controversial things is because you're
you're poking the animal. Do not poke the animal. I
(40:00):
think it's sure.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Yeah, I think it's important to know that labels don't
create safety. Behavior does. And you have to be in
control of your behavior and the people you surround yourself
for it. And it's all about what you do, how
you do it, and who you do it with, and
(40:25):
that leads us into safe places and safe people. And
I think we have to be cognizant of what you do.
Your bedroom might be the safe place for you. I
like my movie room, and most people know when they
call me, I call it the green room because it's
painted green and it's tranquil for me. And I sit
(40:48):
there and I put my feet up and I relax,
and I have my heat a blanket. Even in the summer.
I love my heat and blanket because it relaxes my
joints and I'm snuggled with my blanket. That is my
safe space. Your space, safe space might be someplace different.
Everyone's safe space is something different.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Yeah, to designate a place where you can just breathe.
I when I do happiness coaching, I ask my clients
to put on their phone at the top of the
hour a little sound that reminds them at the top
of the hour just to sit back, whatever they're doing,
hit save, and just do my three breath technology. That way,
(41:33):
every place is safe, no matter where you are, where
you go. So let's just do it real quick right now.
Breathing in through the nose. You can gently close your
out our eye if you'd like. In through the nose
and releasing soft shoulders, soft elbows, soft knees. That's the
breath activating your body, physical realm. And a second breath.
Speaker 8 (41:54):
In and releasing all the stories and the drama, activating
your mental and emotional And then the third and final breath,
not final breath, but breath.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
And the three breath technology in through the nose, and
now you're going to connect with me through cheat eternal energy,
the breath of life, no beginning to end. That breath
keeps going and connecting and release, And that took not
that long and I and I feel better right now,
(42:28):
I feel more solid.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Right and release.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, you know, top of the hour. Just that's the
breath of life and we're all connected it. But a
lot of us are holding our breath waiting for the
other shoe to drop, waiting for someone to hurt us,
and we're starving ourselves with that oxygen that feeds the
brain and the heart. Thank you for doing that with me.
Speaker 4 (42:55):
Oh absolutely. And some people they might actually want noise.
Some people like music. Some people might need noise to relax.
I can't tell you what your safe space or place
looks like, Doctor Marissa can't either. You know yourself, do
you boo? And so figure it out and make it happen.
(43:20):
So where do you go when you need to regulate yourself?
Where does your mind choose? Do you need to walk
in the park? Figure it out and take that time,
especially in the midst of this hustle and bustle during
the holiday, because you're going to need some new time
and surround yourself with some safe people, because safe people
(43:44):
are important. Save people are not perfect people, So I'm
not saying that they're perfect, that's the number one. But
safe people are deeply personal people who you feel comfortable
talking to, and that is inherently important, and they're consistent people.
(44:04):
They're not people who are going to rush you on
the phone. They're going to actually take the time to
hear you. And everybody is not willing to listen to you.
You know who they are. They're consistent and they're not flawless,
but they are accountable to you and they're dependable.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
Yeah, I'm going to offer the balance on that one
April that it's a person. People, as doctor Tivine said,
are not perfect, and eighty percent of the time they
will be there for you. Twenty percent of the time
they will not be because they're human. So I would
suggest not placing one hundred percent of your safe space
(44:48):
in another person. I think the safest person to put
your safe place is yourself. You are also eighty percent
of the time compassionate with yourself and twenty percent of
the time not. And learning how to say oki doki,
I just stepped in it and it's okay because I'm
not perfect is part of personal mastery. Is a skill.
(45:11):
It is a quality that will help you claim your
birthright to happiness. Because if you're too hard on yourself,
that's one end. Then you're not a safe place for
yourself right. On the other hand, if you are complaining
about the same thing over and over and over again
(45:31):
and you get ticked off or in your pissoffedness when
someone doesn't want to hang on the phone with you,
you might want to look at your ability to soothe yourself. That,
my friends, is I think way more important than spending
hours on the phone, because it's not fair for them.
(45:52):
I call it the vent partner activity. You find one person,
they time you two minutes right, two minutes where you
get it all out. You can use names, you can
use curse words if it doesn't bother that person, and
then unless something changes, you can't talk about that again.
(46:13):
That's training, that's personal mastery because you're never going to
get that time back, not absolutely.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:22):
And then you also have to be careful if somebody
always wants to vent to you and pour into you,
but they don't allow you to pour into them, be
cautious because you don't want it to be a one
way street. And here are some things to help you
identify safe people. They will listen to understand and not respond,
(46:43):
and they won't make you feel rushed, and they won't
talk over you. They will allow you to feel heard,
and they won't weaponize your vulnerability that way. What you
share is it is trusted and you know, you feel
like it's kind of sacred, and they will respect your boundaries.
(47:07):
You want to feel respected in the relationship. There's no
guilt and no pushback, and they are emotionally consistent. You
don't have to scan their mood to see if it's
okay for you to talk, and you don't have to
become small to say to stay safe. So it's it's
(47:29):
okay for you to talk to them, and they repair
when they cause harm because not with an excuse, but
with accountability. I think safe people allow you to relax
as yourself. You do have to show up as someone else.
You're okay with being who you are.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Great? Oh uh? The point about are they? They they
want to vent, but they don't want to be vented
at It's the second part of the vent partner tool
that I just gave you. If you vent to someone
for two minutes, they have the opportunity that day to
(48:13):
come back and get vented for two minutes. Same thing.
If you don't use those two minutes, not like singular
no roll over, you don't get four minutes tomorrow. So
that's the But knowing you have that opportunity and make
sure they are closed minded, sorry closed mouth You want
(48:35):
them to be open minded, but closed mouths because you
don't want them to be gone. Oh, you're never gonna
believe what so and so said about you.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
So yeah, And if you don't know if the person
is safe, here's a clue. A safe person will expand you.
They make you feel like, oh, I feel relief, but
an unsafe person shrinks you. You walk away feeling worse
than when you started the conversation. By the time you
(49:07):
finished the conversation, you'll kind of have a litmus test
as to how it went. You'll be like, oh, my goodness.
So and if you have a safe person in your life,
they are a.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Gift, absolutely. Yeah. The trial and error, uh finding event
partner for sure, the the you know, I have wonderful thoughts,
they just don't always stay here, So keep talking it'll
(49:38):
come back, okay.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
Yeah. And there's you know, scientifically speaking, there's like a
neurological feeling when you are safe versus unsafe, so emotionally
or physically, the brain activates its threat response. There's like
that fight flight freeze response, So you're irrational thinking decreases,
(50:01):
your creativity shrinks, and your ability to trust or listen
is impaired because your body is not trying to thrive,
is now trying to survive. So you're like, okay, they
just need to get away from this conversation, right.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
Absolutely. I remembered there's a gender difference in this particular thing.
Those of you who think we are all the same,
we are not. Thank goodness, and this is not a stereotype.
They've done studies on this, the way that men and
women communicate, the differences in the way they process information,
(50:38):
and on this particular topic. It has really helped a
lot of relationships because the tendency in most women, not
all women, is.
Speaker 5 (50:50):
They are when they vent, it is a helpful release
of that pent up negative energy that they literally release.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
When they talk about it. For many men, when they
hear something that sounds like a problem, they immediately go
to fixing. That is their strength, that is their go
to how can I help? And my husband and I
would have this interaction. I'd come back from traffic and
(51:21):
I would say, uh, it was just horrible, you know,
on the four or five or whatever it was getting
back and da da da da. I was releasing that
negative energy around my commute. And his response would be, well,
if you had left five minutes earlier, if you had
(51:42):
taken this street instead of that street, or if you
had and I'm like, okay, so it is wasn't his fault.
There were other things that were his fault. Just kidding.
It wasn't his fault. His desire, his motive in saying
those things was to piss me off. It was to
(52:03):
provide a solution for the next time so I could
avoid this angst. So just you know, play with that one,
see if that might help alleviate some of the tension
maybe on when you're venting. So the lesson and that
was for me. I wouldn't vet to him. I picked
(52:25):
someone who I knew full circle of what doctor Tiviti
said before the break. Finding that person who you know
gets you and just knows and just says things like
oh poor baby, oh sorry, instead of trying to fix it.
Speaker 4 (52:48):
Yeah. And it's interesting because when you feel safe, a
whole other system activates. It's like the ventral vagal system
and your social engagement system is activated. And that's when
you like curiosity and empathy and openness and problem solving
and connection. And that's why safe people bring out the
(53:09):
best in you, and your unsafe environments bring out a
version of yourself that you don't always necessarily like. Safety
is not a luxury. It's like biology, and it's a
beautiful thing and it helps relationships blossom. And that's why
he is now your husband and not a current situation.
(53:33):
And you can actually foster and create safety for others.
And the way you do that is by using like
eye statements, naming your intentions like I want us to
understand each other, honor and respect boundaries, and don't give
advice unless it's asked for. Just more so, support each other,
(53:55):
validate feelings without trying to fix them, ask open ended questions,
and check in during hard conversations like are you okay
to keep talking about this? Because safety isn't perfection. Safety
is responsiveness, and without that responsiveness, you don't have connections.
Speaker 2 (54:17):
Be it at work, be.
Speaker 4 (54:19):
It with friendships, be it in families, and be it
in intimate relationships.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Great points allow people the freedom to feel their emotions
fully is my biggest advice. The tendency for our society,
I think and culture to be uncomfortable with crying. I
(54:45):
will get triggered if someone tries to stop someone from crying,
because it's so important. I make a point of crying
once a week at least because tears are the disinfectant
that keep our hearts soft. It's okay if you're uncomfortable
with it, that's on you, boo. It's so important to
(55:05):
allow people to you know. I go back to the
library with the Seal Beach Salon shooting, and the grief
experts had a clipboard with all the steps in which
you know what to say and silence.
Speaker 9 (55:21):
Is golden silence, and allow and just if they want
to be hugged and just I let people just I
went like this right, and they know that means they
can just lean on and just let people cry.
Speaker 2 (55:38):
Ah. Obviously that's a button for me. It's so good
to allow yourself to cry and other people to cry,
because if you can't be sad and fully said, if
you can't be mad and fully fat mad safely, then
you're closing the door of your emotions. Like the dumbwaiter,
(55:59):
you're not allowing yourself to feel this part. Therefore, this
part excitement, exhilaration, peace, wonder, bliss. That all gets closed
out if you stop yourself from feeling those sad, angry, irritated,
feel it, feel it fully, stop your feet right, silent
(56:22):
scream because I have to protect my voice. I don't
scream anymore when I'm pissed, but I will stop my
feet and the feeling fully is the We're the only
sentient beings that do that right, have some feeling, but
(56:42):
not the way that we can. So let's not cut
ourselves off and just be okay 'or fine I'm fine.
I'm fine stands for fed up, irrational, neurotic, and emotional.
We don't want that. We want feel your feelings fully
and then into the power. That's the pain, into power.
Speaker 4 (57:04):
And safe people feel like you can breathe, Your no
is respected, You feel energized and not trained, and your
mistakes are met with compassion and not cruelty. Unsafe people
feel like chaos. Like z Queen said, confusion. You're walking
(57:25):
on eggshells, guilt, shame, emotional manipulation, and you either feel
like you're either too much or not enough. Because safety
isn't something we stumble into. Safety is something we learn,
we create, and we protect. So I always want you
(57:50):
to think about, how is it that I can be
safety for someone else, and how is it that I
can falter safety for myself within myself and within the
world around me. Be blessed.
Speaker 2 (58:05):
Great final word there. My final word is when you're
going home for the holidays and some of you may say, well,
then I'm not going home for the holidays because there's
unsafe people there.
Speaker 3 (58:15):
No.
Speaker 2 (58:16):
I want you to create and can't remember who told
me this? Create around you. This is the creation. You
have the ability to create a safe space by having
flowers all over you and when someone picks at you,
they get a flower. That's my final word. Thank you
so much, doctor Tiffany. Do you have a thirty second.
Speaker 4 (58:37):
Sure surround yourself with people who help you breathe a
little easier, and remember keep breathing, stay positive, you got this.
Speaker 2 (58:47):
Just breathe nuts, breathe. Thank you so much, doctor Tiffany.
Thank you all for being here and being part of
this fabolostisode of take my Advice. I'm not using it yet.
Balanced with docha Marissa in the morning show. It's all
about balance. Peace in peace out world peace through inner peace,
(59:12):
startor Tiviany kick us out.
Speaker 4 (59:14):
Now go and have the best day ever.
Speaker 2 (59:19):
I'll see y'all tomorrows.
Speaker 1 (59:29):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now you're listening to casey AA Loma Linda,
your CNBC news station, so expect the unexpected ten fifty AM.
(59:50):
Don't forget that number. And for you young people who
got here by accidentally fat fingering your FM band selector,
We're an AM radio station and am as to more
than just the time of day.
Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
H m hmm.
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