December 15, 2025 • 60 mins
KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Mon, 15 Dec, 2025
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Stuff off at exhausting amster wheel and into balance.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Living with Doctor Marissa from Miss Joy.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Doctor Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
with Doctor Maurissa Pey.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And welcome your tending to take my advice. I'm not
using it. Get Balance with Doctor Marissa. The Morning Show
here on KCAA, NBC News, CNBC News, NBC Sports Radio
station AM ten fifty f M one oh six point five,
home to the Asian Oprah, uh number one Talk of
(00:56):
the Ie, Thank you very much, and streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
in in audible, Amazon Music, Tlive, rumbole Podge is a
streak er speaker and more why so many places. I
want to maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness.
And I don't want you waking up with the headlines.
(01:18):
There are no headlines on the show. You can get
them anywhere, and these days they will give you the
case of the four a's angry, aggravated, afraid, and anxious.
And I do not want you to start your day
like that. I don't want you to have a day
with any of that, but maybe twelve percent, but eighty
(01:40):
eight percent of the time, I want you to be happy.
Claim your birthright to happiness. And that's why we don't
have headlines here. Instead, we have heartlines. We have topics,
guests series to that end, and it is Mondy, Mondy.
Therefore y'all know it's not rainy days and Mondays always
(02:03):
get me. It's up, hashtag up, hashtag unlimited possibilities, and
that's what we talk about, anything that is going to
positively impact your mental health and your ability to be
happy eighty eight percent of the time. And some of
you might be saying, why do you say eight so
(02:25):
many times? Well, eight is a lucky number in Chinese.
I know you thought I was Swedish, but I'm actually Chinese.
Therefore eight is a homophone for good fortune bah fa.
And that's why I use so many eights, and because
it is mental health matters. Mondays. Guess what. The Asian
(02:46):
Oprah giveaway is a audio book copy of my number
one Amazon and national best selling book. And so how
do you do that? I'll let you know how you
do that a little bit later in the show. How's
that for a teaser? But I'm so glad that here
(03:07):
I see eyeballs rolling in the studio. And I know
one in particular who actually was the reason why I
picked the topic that I did for mental health Mondays.
He might be here. But what we are going to
do as we do, and I start every show with
is breakfast. And how do I have breakfast with you?
(03:30):
No delivery? Sorry, but we take a bite of my
gratitude sandwich? What does that mean? Top of the butt?
We look outside of ourselves what are we grateful for?
And then before we go to bed tonight we go
to the bottom of the bud, which is what am
I grateful for? Inside of myself? What do I like
(03:50):
about myself? On Mondays in particular, an important thing to
highlight is the foundation of good mell health in my bs.
My belief system is self care, self love, self approval,
self soothing, and that's why we do breakfast every weekday
(04:13):
morning on the show. So what am I grateful for?
At the top, what am I grateful for? I am
grateful that I did very well in Madohn yesterday. I
made up for the very bad losses in the two
rounds earlier, and La Majohn sent a story that was
(04:33):
kind of cute with the powerful women there were for men.
I loved playing at both of my tables. I got
to play with the number one. She's been kicking for well,
her baby's kicking too. But Debbie, shout out thanks for
making yesterday a lot of fun. We had a lot
(04:54):
of fun both times we got to play together. And
even though I wanted her to not do so well
because then I could catch up to her on the standings, Anita,
it was too nice to It was great playing with
her as well as Jasmine. So shout out to all
of my Majohn playmates. I'm grateful that I have a
(05:18):
hobby or a passion that I can do some of
You know, I'm not flying anymore right now because of
the blood clots, so I know that one of my
hashtag blood clot silver linings is finding Mojong communities to
play with. Another thing I'm grateful for is hot showers
(05:41):
and gyms in my building so I can roll out
of bed. And even though I sprained my ankle yesterday,
I did twenty minutes instead of forty. But I was
able to still, you know, exercise my body as we
exercise our mind on the show. I don't see anybody's comments.
If you're driving and you're tuned into me Drive Time
(06:05):
eight am every weekday morning on my NBC News radio
channel case AAAM ten fifty FM one on six point five,
home to the Asian OPRAH number one Talk of the
Ie and streaming everywhere at the station that leaves no
listener behind. Do not put your gratitude and attack. Please
(06:28):
wait until you're somewhere safe. But I'm really glad those
of you who wondered why you're not hearing me at
nine anymore. I'm back to my regular slot, brought up
the numbers and got rewarded by putting me back on
my favorite, the very popular time eight am. So I
get to accompany to you, to you to work. So
(06:51):
I'm grateful for that too. Let's go to the bottom
of the butt. What do you like about yourself? A
lot of us grew up with well meaning parents who
are sometimes more mean than well who would say you're
not all that, or don't get don't toot your own horn,
don't get ahead of yourself. But when we don't approve
(07:15):
of ourselves. We have a tendency to look for approval
elsewhere or look for love and all the wrong places. Particular,
the gen zs these days are looking for likes on
social media. The numbers don't mean anything. Most of the
time people are buying numbers, and even if you're not
buying numbers, like I, if they like you one day,
(07:38):
they may not like you another. So it's so important
to work that muscle of self approval. So that's why
we do the bottom of the button. What are you
good at? Everybody? Everybody on the planet is one of
a kind, wonderful, all eight million of us. So I
want you to get into the habit of celebrating what
(08:01):
you're good at. So what is it I am grateful
or I appreciate that I am. I'm discerning. I know
to go where the love is and I know when
to shut down the channel. So if you're trying to
(08:21):
get milk from a tractor, in other words, which you're
going to love from someone who really can't give you love,
that's discernment and you're acting on your own behalf. So
I've learned how to do that lots of practice. I
appreciate my ability to be friendly and meet very cool people.
(08:43):
Everywhere I go. There are no accidents. Every time I
sit down, I know that where I am sitting is
a place where I am to connect. And yesterday at
end seventeen great food. There by the way, one of
the servers was on break and I just happen to
start talking to him, and next thing you know, he
(09:06):
chose the topic for today. So I am very appreciative
of my ability. As you can see, I'm very shy sarcasm.
It is another service I offer. And then finally, I
love that I love to laugh. Laughter is the most
important sound and my favorite sound in life. So there
(09:28):
you go. When you fall asleep looking at things that
you like about yourself, which is what I want you
to do to tonight, You're less likely to get a
bad night's sleep if you instead plug your phone in
and you're falling asleep doing this MS meaningless scrolling. Then
(09:49):
you may not be able to fall asleep well or
easily because of the four a's. As well, you may
not fall asleep because you're think think about you should
have done that, or you didn't do that, or you
shouldn't have said this, And everybody just the best that
they can with the time that they have and the
resources they have. So go easy on yourself and also
(10:13):
go easy on others. We spend quite a bit of time.
I can't believe they did that or said that to me.
And it's good to vent it out once and then
unless anything changes, that's it. And that those are two
tools that I advocate in terms of managing and being
responsible for your own mental health. All right, and now
(10:38):
for the topic of the day for Mental Health Matters, mondays,
it is friends and addiction. To help or not to help?
That is the topic in particular.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Is there a way to build community to decrease the
chances of turning loneliness into addiction?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Now, not all addiction comes from loneliness, I'll start with that,
And there are many reasons that people become addicted. But
I do know from my own coaching as well as
from seeing the statistics and seeing I have friends I've
had guests on who are experts in this area. Doctor
(11:34):
Patrick Lockwood. You can listen to his really great interviews.
He came on twice. It is very important to know
that one of the most common entrees into addiction is
disease with oneself. So you don't like yourself. And one
(11:55):
of the roads into not liking to yourself is caring
way too much about what other people think and or
feeling like you are completely detached, no community at all.
You feel like you're alone, You feel like you have
no connections, You feel like nobody cares. You feel like
you're just a blip on the radar. You feel like
(12:17):
life is so chaotic. Thank you for the finger. Someone
just gave me the thumbs up that it's the finger,
not the other one. You feel like that if you died,
I'm going to put the moose on the table, which
is my Canadian version of talking about the elephant in
the room. You feel like if you died, nobody would care,
nobody would notice. And those are all bull bs, bullshit
(12:41):
hokies that somehow we as human beings, we are not
perfect and we don't see who we really are. We
are we feel disconnected from you know, some people say
God or source or nature or love or higher power,
whatever you want to call it. They feel alone. They
(13:04):
feel like I can live on a desert island.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
I don't need you.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
And then once they get to that desert island, they're like, oh,
start singing the Chipmunk song Lonely, I am so lonely,
and I don't mean to make fun, but I did that.
And so I'm very familiar with that swing, right, wanting
(13:30):
to be connected, and then someone pisces you off. You
get in touch with your pissoffedness, and then you say,
I'm going to take my toys and go to my
desert island. I don't need anybody. Nobody really knows. You
don't know who I am. And then they go to
the island and they're fine for a moment, California minute,
(13:54):
and then all of a sudden they start feeling sorry
for themselves because they're not there alone, a self imposed detachment,
self imposed isolation, and COVID certainly didn't help with that.
And so now we reach for things that make us
fill the hole that cannot be filled by people, places
(14:17):
and things. I was in that boat sixteen and a half,
almost seven actually we're coming up February, sorry, January twenty fifth, seventeen,
almost seventeen years ago. I was in that place, feeling lonely,
feeling despair, feeling isolated. You know, just that voice that
(14:43):
in my head was just constantly beating me up constantly,
you know, imposter syndrome, self sabotage, fear of failure, fear
of success, all of those things that can happen if
you don't drive your own life car, if you allow
that voice, that critic that is a part of you,
to drive your car off of a cliff. And certainly
(15:07):
I'm not suggesting that you don't get professional help. But
as I've been saying, and as I taught the course
last year, this time at UCLA on leadership, Success and Happiness,
this whole idea of personal mastery and taking some responsibility
for the way you're feeling before trying to feel nothing
(15:30):
or numbing yourself out is what drugs and alcohol do,
or shopping or or sex or whatever, that thing that's
outside of yourself that you try to fix yourself and
how you're feeling with. So this is the mental health
Money Matters topic for today. If you are feeling that
(15:53):
way yourself, I hope you're reaching out and getting some
help somewhere. I'm not for everyone. There's many ways to
get help. I just want you to get help. There's
hotline numbers as well. My you know, people who gravitate
(16:14):
towards my happiness coaching. Are people who have similar childhood
trauma that they are allowing to completely dictate how they
see their lives now and spewing it onto the future.
So there's plenty of mental health mondays that address that.
Today in particular, I just want to address because of
(16:34):
the topic picked by my new friend, is if your
friend is active in their addiction, if your friends are
suffering with addiction, if your family member is suffering from addiction,
what can you do and what should you do? Even
(16:56):
though I don't like shitting on anybody, but there are
things What are the benefits in the consequences and sort
of that whole field of friends and addictions. So that's
our topic for today. So thank you for the hearts
as well. All right, So I want to start by saying,
(17:20):
it is heartbreaking to watch someone that you care about
not be able to get to that place of personal mastery,
and they don't even have to be close to you.
It was heartbreaking to me to see Robin Williams, Kate Spade,
(17:41):
Anthony Bourdain. The list goes on of people who had
professional mastery right. They had the fame, the fortune, everything
that the American dream says will make you happy. And
yet they were not happy personal mastery. All of the turmoil,
all of the discs ease with who they were took
(18:03):
them down. And that's why I know. This whole topic
is one that I, you know, am bringing when I
do book signings. Now, it's not just about happiness. How
do you get happiness? You have to have a base
of personal mastery. So number one, have some compassion for yourself,
(18:34):
all right, and it is, it is. There's a balance here.
So let me talk about compassion with friends, compassion with
your family members. It is so important that everyone knows
how loved, loving and lovable they are. And if you
(18:59):
have a fan family member that you kind of know,
maybe they're the black sheep, Maybe they have you know,
of their own doing, isolated by their behavior. They're not
easy to get along with. They've all they are a
worry ward, They've had some habit that sort of pushes
(19:23):
people away from them. My Happy eighty eight challenge this
week is to reach out. You don't have to be
their best friend, but somehow if everyone in your family
knows or all of your friends know. Whenever tragedy strikes,
that's the first thing I do, you know? World Trade
(19:45):
Center whatever it is, floods, the fires. I reach out
to all of the people that I love and I
want to them. I want to know for sure that
they know I love them, just in case I haven't
told you lately I love you, or just in case. Right,
(20:06):
So with that family member, with your friends, okay, my
coaching is is not to you know, whatever you need,
I'm there. That's an extreme that many family members, and
I would say that if you have tried to help
your friend who's addicted, try to help your family member
(20:27):
who's addicted, giving them money, putting them in treatment, and
they go out in and out, you know, spending hours
on the phone talking about the same thing over and
over and them saying I promise, I promise, and they're
not able to do that. At some point. It's that
oxygen mask. How much of you are are you hurting
(20:49):
yourself and enabling them to continue whatever they're doing. Now,
this is a tough one. Alan On is a brilliant
program for any one who has a loved one that
they can't get away from necessarily because they are close
family member, their partner, their best friend, and they keep
(21:10):
trying to help and nothing is working, and now they're exhausted.
They're out of any kind of, you know, energy to
do what they need to do, take care of their
own family or take care of their own stuff. I
know my new friends said, you know, his agent said,
stay away from people who are, you know, drug addicted,
(21:34):
because out of love, you don't want that person to
also fall into that. That is well meaning advice, but
I think there's a balance. There's always a balance. So
complete separation and not my problem. Talk to the hand,
you get your chataki together, and then come back. I
(21:56):
don't think that works. At the other extreme of I'm
here for you all the time, all the time, all
the time, no matter what you need, I will give
it to you. That is also not helpful. Where is
the balance. The balance is statements like it looks like
you're hurting, and I hurt for you as much as
(22:19):
I can. I don't know what you're going through. I
want to be able to help you, but I know
that whatever it is, giving money, whatever it is, is
not helping. I don't know what to say to make
you feel better, and I don't even think I have
anything that I could say to make you feel better.
I am just praying and I'm sending you love energy,
(22:43):
that you work through this pain and get out to
the other side of power because you are one of
a kind, wonderful You have unique talents, gifts, and abilities
that you are supposed to live out in your life.
And that is my vision for you. And I've said
this multiple times a day for many different people, both
(23:07):
those that I work with and those that I don't.
Addiction is one of those tricky things that it isn't
necessarily what you'll hear. Some people say, Oh, they just
don't have enough self control, they just don't have enough
(23:28):
will power, and that's bullshit talking. They're the you know,
I myself I can say, you know, in alcoholism, when
I first heard that it's now a disease, is designated
as a disease, my first thought was, oh, come on,
you know, another excuse for not being able to just
(23:50):
do it, or another reason for not just being strong.
You know, they're just lazy, They're just they don't want
to help themselves. I'm sorry. That is the war possible
thing you could say. And if you're saying that, I
hope you stop saying that because you don't understand the
dissease of addiction. Really, So you know, I do know
(24:14):
that it's a it's an allergy. It's a three three
prong disease, right. The first is the body, and once
you get that alcohol in the craving is so strong,
there's no amount of willpower that's going to stop you
from continuing to do something that you know is not
good for you. That is, that is the disease. You
(24:36):
just can't. You cannot help yourself once you have that.
That's why it's not like you can have a little right.
So I'm not qualified alcohol counselor to talk anymore about
this except from what I know from experience, So I'll
just leave it at that. But for a friend too,
(24:59):
you may want to go to alan On if it's
an alcohol issue or drug issue. They do help you
understand the disease more and how you can help, but
just on a cursory level. For anyone who has friends
and family, if you're one that has been completely not
compassionate at all, I hope you come to the middle
(25:22):
and say it's been brought to my attention. Doctor Marissa
has yelled at me, has gently encouraged me to be
more supportive. By I just want you to know that
you're never alone right. I want you to know that
(25:42):
you are loved, lovable and loving, even when you are
acting in a way that is an addictive response or
an addictive action. I know who you really are. I
know that you will work through this and you will
get out the other side into the power and the
(26:04):
amazing person that you really are. Right, So, not that
you're not amazing now, but in addiction, you're definitely not
your best self, Okay, I'll just say that. So that
is for those people who have no compassion at all,
coming to that middle, those who are overdoing it and
(26:24):
losing their own lives. In order to try to help
that person, I want you to come to the middle
and begin to say those love from afar detached with love.
What I'm doing is not working. I've spent you know,
an hour a day for the past three hundred and
sixty five days and I don't get that time back,
(26:46):
and nothing I have said has made a difference. So
I'm going to pull back. It's not that I don't
love you, but what I'm doing isn't working, and I'm
not you know, I don't want to be in my insanity.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results. So,
and if you are uber compassionate, if you're a person
(27:08):
that has given tens of thousands of dollars to a
person to try to get them out of their addiction,
then I'm sorry, my friend, you are in that category
of enabling and enabling friends are not helpful. Friends enabling
family members are not helpful. You're not helpful to them,
(27:29):
and you're not helpful to yourself. Again, I'm not qualified
to speak beyond this, but go to alan On, Go
to read my friend's book, who is brilliant. She actually
has me incognito in one of her books, but her
(27:49):
name is Melody Beattie, and she wrote a book called
Codependent No More, and it is a brilliant book for
those of us who are one of the seven ten
of us who've had childhood trauma and that trauma leads
us to be codependent and then try to help other
people to our own expense. So that's also a really
(28:13):
great resource for you to take a hold of. I
had her on the show in my first year because
she's my friend, and she was wonderful when I first started,
when they didn't think my show would last more than
a year because I didn't talk about the headlines. So
I didn't have cameras in the studio, but if you
go to iTunes you'll find doctor Merris and MELANDBD. I
(28:36):
know for sure it's there. I'm not sure if it's
on the iHeart because that was the first year I
was at UBNA, not CACAA, the NBC side. So anyways,
that is my coaching to friends and addiction. You want
to come to the middle. You don't want to be
(28:57):
non compassionate, you don't want to be enabling. You want
to come to the middle and assure them that they
are cared for right, that they will have your best
wishes all of the time. And you're knowing. Now here's
advanced if you are. Let's see this. This is for
(29:25):
one of the three components of alcoholism. I told you
the physical part, the mental part, the obsessive, the thinking part.
And then the third component is a lack of spirituality.
And I don't talk about religion because I grew up
in a really strong evangelical You're going to hell, you know,
(29:48):
angry God who needs anger management classes. So I've been
quite vocal about spirituality being my preferred mode of belief
system instead of religion, and in particular. I'll say religion
is for people who want to avoid going to help,
(30:09):
and spirituality is for those of us who have already
been there. So that's from the Imperfection book. Some of
you know that book, and what I want to just say,
if you are spiritual, you can also assure your friend
(30:32):
that it is a friendly universe. And this is one
of I think one of the base beliefs that leads
to that feeling of loneliness that leads to the feeling
of separation that then you know you want to reach
for something that numbs that feeling of separation. Is a
refusal to believe in well being of a refusal to
(30:53):
believe in a friendly universe, a refusal to believe that
life is conspiring for you, not again to you. So
if you are so inclined, and this is the bonus,
or this is the graduate school, if you're so inclined.
Einstein actually said this, the most important question a human
(31:14):
being has to answer is is the universe friendly or not?
And I will say that if you believe that the
universe is not friendly, you constantly and I know, I
know it doesn't look like it's friendly out there between
fires and natural disasters and starvation and crazy countries and
(31:35):
impending war and all of that doesn't look like a friendly,
friendly universe. But I know when I take a breath,
I take nothing from you. When you take a breath,
you have nothing. You take nothing from me. That's a
sign of abundance and well being in life. And I
choose to look at all of the things around me
that do show that the universe is friendly. That isn't
(31:57):
shown on the news, right, That's why we do the gratitude.
Every snowflake, every grain of sand, every drop of water
is different than the other. I'm sorry, that's not random.
There's no way a chaotic universe could have created that.
That is a sign that there's some energy out there.
I call it love, I call it source. I call
(32:19):
it my ups Man universal power source, and he delivers
every morning when I meditate, I'm connected to that energy.
We all, we all are right, but we if we
carry the BS belief system that the universe is random,
that everybody's dogg eat dog, and they're going to take
(32:40):
from you, and everybody's going to steal from you, that's
what the news tells you, then you're gonna block off
right anything you can't see what's good.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
So if you.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Can entertain that and live to a point where you
are seen as someone with that choice, that's what faith is.
It's just a choice, it's a BS, it's a belief
system you choose to believe. Then that is definitely part
of the solution, right for addiction. If you if you
(33:20):
know that you are special. I know, I'm one of
a kind, wonderful right, I was made that.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Way, and somehow when we grow.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Up, even in healthy families. I don't know where that
that separation, whether it's Adam or Eve, I don't know,
but it doesn't matter how it got there. It's our
work to choose and reaffirm that connection. So then we
can anchor right that that that for your friend, right,
(33:54):
I know? So when I'm saying the statement, I know
you will get to that place where your demons will
no longer haunt you or I don't like we're using
the word demon. I don't believe in the devil or
demons or all of gnashing of teeth. I do believe
there's an absence of love if you block it off.
(34:14):
So that's another thing you can say. Right. So that's
why I say it's you know, graduate school. Anyways, I'm
talking too much and I missed my break, the BREAKFO news, weather, traffic,
and a word from our sponsor. When we come back,
I have a couple of great interviews about that are
(34:35):
time line dependent for you, ones about your furry friends,
and another one for small business owners. These are interviews
that I've done that I do play to help you
with learning something new. I hope you've enjoyed the mental
health Monday portion of this show, and I hope I've
helped you, my new friend, with some advice that I
(35:00):
do take. Even those shows called take my advice, I'm
not using it. I absolutely use this advice almost all
of the time. So hopefully I've given you some suggestions
for your friend and those of you who are you
know also in that boat where you have friends and
addiction or family members. Hopefully I've helped you with that
(35:20):
as well. Don't go away, We'll be right back. Piece
in peace out Chuck Willer. He said, two and two.
I'll be back in less than two and two minutes.
Don't go away, I'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Take back your life with doctor Maurice.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
And we're back. You're doing take my advice I'm not
using it get balanced with Doctor Marissa in the Morning Show.
And as holiday shopping hits full swing, many families are
checking off their lists. But what about the four legged
members of the family. Here with this seasons must have
gifts four pets is pet living expert Chris Levine Kristin
(36:11):
Oh sorry, Kristen Levin. Christ is the author of Pampered
Pets on a Budget and the founder of Pet Living Blog.
And I'm so glad you're here. I have a grand
dog son. Oh hobblo, who's a Frenchye? How cute.
Speaker 5 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I just went through twelve thousand dollars surgery back issue,
so we need what help he's do it? Is he
doing better? He's much better? Thanks? Oh yeah, good? Yeah?
So why is it important to remember our pets during
the holidays? I know, you know, but remind people?
Speaker 6 (36:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (36:49):
Of course, well, because they bring us so much joy, right,
But one of the things that happens during the holiday
season is that our pets routines get really disrupted, and
pets thrive on routine, So we want to try to
make those routines stay consistent as much as we possibly can,
everything from their feeding time to their playtime, walk time,
sleep time. The more routine we can keep baked into
(37:12):
their day, the calmer they're going to be.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
And the more they're going to enjoy the holidays. Absolutely,
So what's your go to for pampering?
Speaker 7 (37:21):
Well, my go to is pet Smart. They have got
everything for all the pets in your life for the
holiday season, and it sounds like Pablo needs a little
extra pampering after what he's been through. I'm glad to
hear he's doing well.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
But whether you're.
Speaker 7 (37:34):
Out holiday shopping, taking photos with Santa, are just going
for a walk on a chili day with Pablo, pet
Smart is the place to be because it's pet friendly
and you don't have to be cold outside.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Now.
Speaker 7 (37:45):
I love their Merry and Bright collection because they've got
everything you need for to make sure your dog, your cat,
your reptiles, even your small pets are included in the
holiday celebrations and they have literally hundreds of festive fines
for under ten dollars. And the Merry and Bright collection
also includes not just treats and toys, but accessories and apparel.
(38:07):
So definitely take Pablo over to pet Smart and make
sure he gets everything he wants.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Yes, absolutely, he will find something. I'm sure. How about
special nutrition for pets during theme? Sure?
Speaker 7 (38:22):
So our dogs deserve the same love and superior ingredients
and fresh delicious food you know as we get at
the holiday time.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So this season, Blue.
Speaker 7 (38:32):
Buffalo, which is the most trusted natural pet food brand,
they're inviting pet parents to make every meal a fresh
act of love with their new Love Made Fresh. This
is a refrigerated fresh dog food for all of our
beloved peppers, and it's enhanced with all the vitamins and
minerals and nutrients that are essential for our dogs to thrive.
(38:53):
I really like that it comes in a sliceable role,
but it also comes in a resealable hub, which makes
it really convenient. And you can feed it either with
the current food that they're eating, kind of mix it together,
or you could beat it as a topper, or you
could transition to them to transition them to just eating
the Love made Fresh by itself.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Awesome. Now, give us some of your gift picks for
pets this holiday season. Yeah, there's so many to choose from.
It's hard to pick just one.
Speaker 7 (39:23):
But a couple that I love are these new at
home grooming tools that really allow you to give your
pet a spa like experience and you get to save
a few dollars in the meantime. Also, water fountains are
really a smart gift for a pet because it helps
them stay hydrated and keeps the water fresh and clean
every day. But what our pets really want from us
is more of our time. So if you can take
(39:46):
the dog for an extra long walk, if you can
spend extra cauddle time, that's going to go a long
way to both distress both your pet and yourself so
that you can enjoy the season more.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Absolutely, I call them unconditional dogs because his humans think
we can love unconditionally, but we really can't. Only dogs can.
That's why, isn't it. I say often that if I
got a dog, I wouldn't date again. So there you go.
(40:18):
Are there any final tips or reminders for pet parents
during the holiday, Yeah, just a.
Speaker 7 (40:24):
Couple of quick last minute tips. Number one, Pet photos
with Santa are happening at pet Smart on December the
thirteenth and fourteenth from two to five pm. It's completely free,
but you do have to register online for your spot.
And then, secondly, instead of treating pets from the holiday table,
this season, which can get them into tummy trouble. Instead,
when you go to the grocery store to buy your
(40:45):
ingredients for your own holiday meals, pick up some of
the love made fresh because this can double as a
really smart nutritious treat instead of those table scraps.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Absolutely, and I hate that begging look, so yeah, do
not do that. But where can we get more information?
Speaker 7 (41:03):
Just visit tips on TV dot com.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Tips on TV dot com. Thank you Kristin Levine for
coming to studio with this great information about our free
friend's unconditional dog pleasure. Absolutely go and have the best
day ever. Okay, we'll be right back with more. Take
my advice, I'm not using it. Get balanced with doctor Marissa.
(41:28):
Don't go away.
Speaker 8 (41:28):
We'll be right back with.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
And we're back my advice. I'm not using it. Get
balanced with doctor Marissa. The More Arn Show. You're on
gay zyaa NBC news radio home to the Asian Oprah
number one talking the Ie, Thank you very much and
streaming everywhere with no bad news, only good news and
(42:13):
good information. Today is no exception. It is a call
to action. Deadline is looming for California employers, and many
still don't know it's coming. By the end of December,
every business in California must offer a retirement plan or
face fines. Joining us now to explain what business owners
(42:38):
need to do is Kevin Busky, the head of Gusto
four one K powered by Guideline, a platform helping small
businesses manage benefits. Please welcome to my studio, Kevin Busky.
(43:01):
Good morning, Kevin, good morning. Tell us about this retirement
mandate and who does it affect.
Speaker 6 (43:10):
Yeah, this retirement mandate is it's part of cal Savers.
It affects four point two million small businesses in California.
Of what, four hundred thousand of those businesses are less
than five employees. The mandate itself is that you must
offer a retirement program that meets the state criteria. Four
to one K is one of those benefits that does
(43:31):
meet the mandate. There's also cal Savers itself that meets
the mandate. And unfortunately the deadline is looming.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
It's store twenty.
Speaker 6 (43:39):
Five days away, So December thirty first, twenty twenty five
is the date that you must meet this mandate by
There is a ninety day grace period after it's let
the program start. If you did sign up for it
and that for that ninety days, it's two hundred and
fifty dollars per employee fine from California in the franchise
(44:02):
tax for.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yikes, A good thing we're knowing about this now, how
can local employers prepare now?
Speaker 6 (44:12):
Yeah, and what we're doing on Gusto dot com and
having a small business platform, it's really trying to get
the word out and make sure that people are aware
of this mandate. About seventy five percent of all small
businesses in California have never heard of the mandate, So
we feel obligated to let everybody know that it does
exist and that the first time they hear about it
isn't coming with the two hundred and fifty dollars fund.
(44:34):
So the most information I can give you is Gusto
dot com slash for zero one K that has all
of the relevant information. But again, this is for every
small business in California with one or more employees has
to offer a retirement program by the end.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Of the year. Yeah. Now, if a small business doesn't comply,
what happens.
Speaker 6 (44:57):
Yeah, about ninety days after the retirement deadline, which is
again December thirty, first of this year, you're going to
get it fine. You're gonna get a letter from the
Franchise Tax Board or call savers with a two hundred
and fifty dollars fine per employee. And that's really meaningful
for small businesses. And when you look at four to
one K, specifically on Gusto dot com, these programs start
(45:20):
at thirty nine dollars per month and four dollars per employee,
so meeting the mandate versus the fine is really a
no brainer. In conjunction with that, there's a law that
was passed in twenty twenty two called Secure two point zero,
which has a tax credit up to sixteen five hundred
dollars which is directly applicable to these programs. So you
(45:41):
can largely mitigate one hundred percent of the cost, depending
on the size of your company, just by using the
tax credit. So just want to really get everybody up
up to speed and make sure that they're not getting
this fine after ninety days into the new year.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Well, that's definitely good news. The balance in that you
have to pay, but getting something and I'm really glad.
I'm a solopreneur. Why did California create this requirement?
Speaker 6 (46:11):
Yeah, it's not just California. So there's twenty plus other
states that have a retirement mandate in effect or in legislation.
Some of them have already launched, including Oregon, in New York,
et cetera. So it's not just California. But the reason
to do it, and the reason that the states are,
you know, imposing these types of mandates is really because
(46:32):
retirement is not being met by just having Social Security,
so they do see the benefit of imposing these types
of mandates. Bringing education into the market, also showing that
small businesses can afford these types of benefits and employees
do want them. It's the second most requested benefit next
to healthcare. So a lot of the states are enacting this,
(46:56):
trying to take the reins into their own hands outside
of the federal government in the Social Security program, so
bringing in a homegrown program as well.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Got it. Is there anything else the local employers should know? Yeah,
that's really it.
Speaker 6 (47:13):
We really try to, you know, as a small business
platform that enables small businesses to be successful on Gusto
dot com, we're really just trying to educate the market
and make sure that the first time a small business
here's about this mandate isn't with a two hundred and
fifty dollars five?
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Yeah? Very important. So where can people go for more
information if they just caught the tail end of this
and heard money to be had and money to be spent.
Speaker 6 (47:41):
Yeah, it's very simple. Gusto dot com slash for zero
one k awesome.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Thanks so much for joining this morning, Kevin with that
great information. I hope you have the best day ever
you too, Thank you, Thank.
Speaker 9 (47:58):
You all right, and I'm back Oops?
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Where am I I am back here with you on
take my advice, I'm not using it. Get balanced with
doctor Marris in the morning show. You're on KCAA NBC
News Radio, the station that leaves no listener behind home
(48:38):
to the Asian Oprah number one talking the ie thank
you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify and of
course my YouTube TV channel where it is live every
weekday Morning with you the YouTube TV channel. Now, I
didn't check this morning, but the last time I checked,
it was over four point two impressions. So that just
(49:02):
tells me that people actually want to have good news
and not bad news to tune in too. So let's see,
I did promise you that I would tell you how
to get the Asian Oprah giveaway, which is an audio
(49:23):
book copy of my Let's see, how are we doing
this here of my audio book? And I think this
is there.
Speaker 7 (49:36):
It is.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
If you go to doctor Brissa dot life, you can
fill in your email address and I will send you
the promo codes to the audiobook which is read by me.
Everybody's been asking lately who reads the audiobook, and it's me,
So I'm my own voiceover actor. Let's see. Uh going
(50:00):
back now? Two wrap up the topic of the day,
which is we'll do the Little Gong again because I
like it. Friends and addiction, and I gave you some
happy eighty eight tools to be in balance with your
(50:26):
friends or family who are currently in a place of learning.
And I don't want people, obviously to be in the
throes of addiction. It's not a it's not a fun
place to be. And you know, as with anything, I
(50:49):
do want to address the whole Why do bad things
happen to good people if you are in addiction, if
you know someone who is an addiction in act of
addiction without being in recovery. I don't think it's helpful
(51:10):
to believe that when bad things happen to people, it's
because they're being punished. A lot of us grew up
with that BS that belief system, and this is my opinion.
My opinion is that a lot of the disease that
(51:31):
we have in life comes from believing that bad things
only happen to bad people and or a bad thing
free life is the way to go. And I don't
know anybody that has not had something happened to them
that they did not like that was considered a bad thing,
(51:53):
that isn't made worse by the BS belief system that
they were being punished. In fact, when people.
Speaker 4 (52:02):
Say obviously I'm being I'm being tested, or I have
another lesson to learn because I obviously didn't learn it
the first time, and that whole negative approach to life
(52:27):
and the things that happened to us in life, I
don't think it's very helpful. I don't think if a
person is going through something, the worst thing that can.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Happen is someone telling them that, well, obviously you're being
punished for your sins, and therefore you need to do
a B and C or repent. I just that will
push my button for sure, because I don't believe that
bad things mean that you're a bad person. I don't
(53:01):
think bad things mean that you're being punished. I don't
think bad things. I don't think they're bad. They just are.
And the BS belief system that bad things only happen
to bad people, or why do bad things happen to
good people has unintentionally made us overreact or negatively react
(53:25):
to life. Life is a series of things that happened
to us to chissel us to grow and expand always to.
Speaker 3 (53:37):
Our best right, to the best that we can be.
Speaker 2 (53:41):
And it's not a punishment. It is a chiseling. And
the story that I like to tell is about the
two rocks. So I'll end with this little parable. And
so there's these two rocks and they're in a store,
and the first rock is in the left corner and
(54:03):
it is just there and it watches the door because
every day a bunch of people come and they go
to the rock on the right side of the store,
and that rock is constantly being told, Oh, you're such
a beautiful rock, and oh wow, look at the way
(54:27):
the light is on you, and look at the way
the prism shows how beautiful you are in that rock
that you are, And there's no attention at all on
the rock on the left. Never right. Nobody goes to
the left rock says anything complimentary to it. The rock
on the right constantly, and this goes on for years
(54:48):
and years, and finally the rock on the left is pissed.
It is so angry that no one ever comes and
says anything to you right, never, So it gets so
fed up that one day it jumps off of its pedestal,
shakes its hand at Life and says, Life, you are
(55:13):
not fair. That rock gets so much attention and so
many compliments. I never get any kind of compliment at all, nothing,
no attention, nothing, And Life smiles and says to that rock, darling,
(55:38):
I love you. But every time I come down to
chissel you to expand and grow and to give you
some curves and a form and the beauty that you
see in the rock over there, you say, no, no,
(55:59):
don't touch me. Don't touch me. It hurts. Don't touch me,
don't chissel me. Moral of the story, to grow and
expand into the best that we can be is a process,
and sometimes it hurts. It's not punishment. It is just growth, chiseling, molding,
(56:26):
not into the same thing, but two are unique, one
of a kind, wonderful. And that's the role.
Speaker 4 (56:35):
Of pain in life is for that.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
It's not punishment. We didn't do anything wrong. All the
things that happened to us are an opportunity to grow
and expand into are one of a kind, wonderful. That's it.
So to tell that story to your friend maybe I
(57:02):
don't know. You can. You want to use it on
yourself when you're going through something. I'm going through something
with the blood clots and all of that, But hey,
it's not doing me any good. If I say the
blood clots are here to punish me, I must have
done something wrong. No, the blood clots are here. I'm
(57:22):
growing something. I'm growing and developing in a way that
I couldn't if I were flying around doing the world tour.
So my question to myself is not why is this
happening to me? If you're going through addiction or your
friends are going through the worst thing you can say
is why is this happening? Right? Why is not a
spiritual question? Instead say I wonder what gift, talent, or
(57:49):
ability is being birthed as a direct result of me
going through what I'm going through. That applies to addiction,
that applies to blood clots, it applies to cancer, it
applies to whatever you're going through. All right, and that
is an empowering question. Thank you so much today for
(58:10):
tuning in. I hope you got something out of this show.
I know I always do. I do this show for me.
If it helps you, well great, But it helps me
start my day in the most positive way. Thanks so
much for joining. It's all about balance, peace and peace
out world peace through inner piece. Forgot to tell you
one more time if you'd like a free copy of
(58:31):
this audio pocation over giveaway today, go and fill in
the email address and I'll see you guys tomorrow and
all week. Now, go and have the best day ever.
I will see you tomorrow.
Speaker 5 (58:55):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now you're listening to Caseyaa Loma Linda,
your CNBC news station, So expect the unexpected.
Speaker 10 (59:14):
There's never been a better time for men to be
whoever they want to be. Yet it's never been less
clear who men really are. Guys Guy Radio starring author
Robert Manny is on Caseyaa every Wednesday at eight pm.
Whether it's relationships, sex, wellness or spirituality. Join Robert as
(59:36):
he interviews the experts about how men and women can
be at their best. Guys, Guy Radio, Better Men, Better World.
Speaker 5 (59:45):
Ten fifty AM, don't forget that number. And for you
young people who got here by accidentally fat fingering your
FM band selector, We're an AM radio station and AM
refers to more than just the time of day. This
is casey aa
Stuff off at exhausting amster wheel and into balance.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Living with Doctor Marissa from Miss Joy.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Doctor Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
with Doctor Maurissa Pey.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And welcome your tending to take my advice. I'm not
using it. Get Balance with Doctor Marissa. The Morning Show
here on KCAA, NBC News, CNBC News, NBC Sports Radio
station AM ten fifty f M one oh six point five,
home to the Asian Oprah, uh number one Talk of
(00:56):
the Ie, Thank you very much, and streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
in in audible, Amazon Music, Tlive, rumbole Podge is a
streak er speaker and more why so many places. I
want to maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness.
And I don't want you waking up with the headlines.
(01:18):
There are no headlines on the show. You can get
them anywhere, and these days they will give you the
case of the four a's angry, aggravated, afraid, and anxious.
And I do not want you to start your day
like that. I don't want you to have a day
with any of that, but maybe twelve percent, but eighty
(01:40):
eight percent of the time, I want you to be happy.
Claim your birthright to happiness. And that's why we don't
have headlines here. Instead, we have heartlines. We have topics,
guests series to that end, and it is Mondy, Mondy.
Therefore y'all know it's not rainy days and Mondays always
(02:03):
get me. It's up, hashtag up, hashtag unlimited possibilities, and
that's what we talk about, anything that is going to
positively impact your mental health and your ability to be
happy eighty eight percent of the time. And some of
you might be saying, why do you say eight so
(02:25):
many times? Well, eight is a lucky number in Chinese.
I know you thought I was Swedish, but I'm actually Chinese.
Therefore eight is a homophone for good fortune bah fa.
And that's why I use so many eights, and because
it is mental health matters. Mondays. Guess what. The Asian
(02:46):
Oprah giveaway is a audio book copy of my number
one Amazon and national best selling book. And so how
do you do that? I'll let you know how you
do that a little bit later in the show. How's
that for a teaser? But I'm so glad that here
(03:07):
I see eyeballs rolling in the studio. And I know
one in particular who actually was the reason why I
picked the topic that I did for mental health Mondays.
He might be here. But what we are going to
do as we do, and I start every show with
is breakfast. And how do I have breakfast with you?
(03:30):
No delivery? Sorry, but we take a bite of my
gratitude sandwich? What does that mean? Top of the butt?
We look outside of ourselves what are we grateful for?
And then before we go to bed tonight we go
to the bottom of the bud, which is what am
I grateful for? Inside of myself? What do I like
(03:50):
about myself? On Mondays in particular, an important thing to
highlight is the foundation of good mell health in my bs.
My belief system is self care, self love, self approval,
self soothing, and that's why we do breakfast every weekday
(04:13):
morning on the show. So what am I grateful for?
At the top, what am I grateful for? I am
grateful that I did very well in Madohn yesterday. I
made up for the very bad losses in the two
rounds earlier, and La Majohn sent a story that was
(04:33):
kind of cute with the powerful women there were for men.
I loved playing at both of my tables. I got
to play with the number one. She's been kicking for well,
her baby's kicking too. But Debbie, shout out thanks for
making yesterday a lot of fun. We had a lot
(04:54):
of fun both times we got to play together. And
even though I wanted her to not do so well
because then I could catch up to her on the standings, Anita,
it was too nice to It was great playing with
her as well as Jasmine. So shout out to all
of my Majohn playmates. I'm grateful that I have a
(05:18):
hobby or a passion that I can do some of
You know, I'm not flying anymore right now because of
the blood clots, so I know that one of my
hashtag blood clot silver linings is finding Mojong communities to
play with. Another thing I'm grateful for is hot showers
(05:41):
and gyms in my building so I can roll out
of bed. And even though I sprained my ankle yesterday,
I did twenty minutes instead of forty. But I was
able to still, you know, exercise my body as we
exercise our mind on the show. I don't see anybody's comments.
If you're driving and you're tuned into me Drive Time
(06:05):
eight am every weekday morning on my NBC News radio
channel case AAAM ten fifty FM one on six point five,
home to the Asian OPRAH number one Talk of the
Ie and streaming everywhere at the station that leaves no
listener behind. Do not put your gratitude and attack. Please
(06:28):
wait until you're somewhere safe. But I'm really glad those
of you who wondered why you're not hearing me at
nine anymore. I'm back to my regular slot, brought up
the numbers and got rewarded by putting me back on
my favorite, the very popular time eight am. So I
get to accompany to you, to you to work. So
(06:51):
I'm grateful for that too. Let's go to the bottom
of the butt. What do you like about yourself? A
lot of us grew up with well meaning parents who
are sometimes more mean than well who would say you're
not all that, or don't get don't toot your own horn,
don't get ahead of yourself. But when we don't approve
(07:15):
of ourselves. We have a tendency to look for approval
elsewhere or look for love and all the wrong places. Particular,
the gen zs these days are looking for likes on
social media. The numbers don't mean anything. Most of the
time people are buying numbers, and even if you're not
buying numbers, like I, if they like you one day,
(07:38):
they may not like you another. So it's so important
to work that muscle of self approval. So that's why
we do the bottom of the button. What are you
good at? Everybody? Everybody on the planet is one of
a kind, wonderful, all eight million of us. So I
want you to get into the habit of celebrating what
(08:01):
you're good at. So what is it I am grateful
or I appreciate that I am. I'm discerning. I know
to go where the love is and I know when
to shut down the channel. So if you're trying to
(08:21):
get milk from a tractor, in other words, which you're
going to love from someone who really can't give you love,
that's discernment and you're acting on your own behalf. So
I've learned how to do that lots of practice. I
appreciate my ability to be friendly and meet very cool people.
(08:43):
Everywhere I go. There are no accidents. Every time I
sit down, I know that where I am sitting is
a place where I am to connect. And yesterday at
end seventeen great food. There by the way, one of
the servers was on break and I just happen to
start talking to him, and next thing you know, he
(09:06):
chose the topic for today. So I am very appreciative
of my ability. As you can see, I'm very shy sarcasm.
It is another service I offer. And then finally, I
love that I love to laugh. Laughter is the most
important sound and my favorite sound in life. So there
(09:28):
you go. When you fall asleep looking at things that
you like about yourself, which is what I want you
to do to tonight, You're less likely to get a
bad night's sleep if you instead plug your phone in
and you're falling asleep doing this MS meaningless scrolling. Then
(09:49):
you may not be able to fall asleep well or
easily because of the four a's. As well, you may
not fall asleep because you're think think about you should
have done that, or you didn't do that, or you
shouldn't have said this, And everybody just the best that
they can with the time that they have and the
resources they have. So go easy on yourself and also
(10:13):
go easy on others. We spend quite a bit of time.
I can't believe they did that or said that to me.
And it's good to vent it out once and then
unless anything changes, that's it. And that those are two
tools that I advocate in terms of managing and being
responsible for your own mental health. All right, and now
(10:38):
for the topic of the day for Mental Health Matters, mondays,
it is friends and addiction. To help or not to help?
That is the topic in particular.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Is there a way to build community to decrease the
chances of turning loneliness into addiction?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Now, not all addiction comes from loneliness, I'll start with that,
And there are many reasons that people become addicted. But
I do know from my own coaching as well as
from seeing the statistics and seeing I have friends I've
had guests on who are experts in this area. Doctor
(11:34):
Patrick Lockwood. You can listen to his really great interviews.
He came on twice. It is very important to know
that one of the most common entrees into addiction is
disease with oneself. So you don't like yourself. And one
(11:55):
of the roads into not liking to yourself is caring
way too much about what other people think and or
feeling like you are completely detached, no community at all.
You feel like you're alone, You feel like you have
no connections, You feel like nobody cares. You feel like
you're just a blip on the radar. You feel like
(12:17):
life is so chaotic. Thank you for the finger. Someone
just gave me the thumbs up that it's the finger,
not the other one. You feel like that if you died,
I'm going to put the moose on the table, which
is my Canadian version of talking about the elephant in
the room. You feel like if you died, nobody would care,
nobody would notice. And those are all bull bs, bullshit
(12:41):
hokies that somehow we as human beings, we are not
perfect and we don't see who we really are. We
are we feel disconnected from you know, some people say
God or source or nature or love or higher power,
whatever you want to call it. They feel alone. They
(13:04):
feel like I can live on a desert island.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
I don't need you.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
And then once they get to that desert island, they're like, oh,
start singing the Chipmunk song Lonely, I am so lonely,
and I don't mean to make fun, but I did that.
And so I'm very familiar with that swing, right, wanting
(13:30):
to be connected, and then someone pisces you off. You
get in touch with your pissoffedness, and then you say,
I'm going to take my toys and go to my
desert island. I don't need anybody. Nobody really knows. You
don't know who I am. And then they go to
the island and they're fine for a moment, California minute,
(13:54):
and then all of a sudden they start feeling sorry
for themselves because they're not there alone, a self imposed detachment,
self imposed isolation, and COVID certainly didn't help with that.
And so now we reach for things that make us
fill the hole that cannot be filled by people, places
(14:17):
and things. I was in that boat sixteen and a half,
almost seven actually we're coming up February, sorry, January twenty fifth, seventeen,
almost seventeen years ago. I was in that place, feeling lonely,
feeling despair, feeling isolated. You know, just that voice that
(14:43):
in my head was just constantly beating me up constantly,
you know, imposter syndrome, self sabotage, fear of failure, fear
of success, all of those things that can happen if
you don't drive your own life car, if you allow
that voice, that critic that is a part of you,
to drive your car off of a cliff. And certainly
(15:07):
I'm not suggesting that you don't get professional help. But
as I've been saying, and as I taught the course
last year, this time at UCLA on leadership, Success and Happiness,
this whole idea of personal mastery and taking some responsibility
for the way you're feeling before trying to feel nothing
(15:30):
or numbing yourself out is what drugs and alcohol do,
or shopping or or sex or whatever, that thing that's
outside of yourself that you try to fix yourself and
how you're feeling with. So this is the mental health
Money Matters topic for today. If you are feeling that
(15:53):
way yourself, I hope you're reaching out and getting some
help somewhere. I'm not for everyone. There's many ways to
get help. I just want you to get help. There's
hotline numbers as well. My you know, people who gravitate
(16:14):
towards my happiness coaching. Are people who have similar childhood
trauma that they are allowing to completely dictate how they
see their lives now and spewing it onto the future.
So there's plenty of mental health mondays that address that.
Today in particular, I just want to address because of
(16:34):
the topic picked by my new friend, is if your
friend is active in their addiction, if your friends are
suffering with addiction, if your family member is suffering from addiction,
what can you do and what should you do? Even
(16:56):
though I don't like shitting on anybody, but there are
things What are the benefits in the consequences and sort
of that whole field of friends and addictions. So that's
our topic for today. So thank you for the hearts
as well. All right, So I want to start by saying,
(17:20):
it is heartbreaking to watch someone that you care about
not be able to get to that place of personal mastery,
and they don't even have to be close to you.
It was heartbreaking to me to see Robin Williams, Kate Spade,
(17:41):
Anthony Bourdain. The list goes on of people who had
professional mastery right. They had the fame, the fortune, everything
that the American dream says will make you happy. And
yet they were not happy personal mastery. All of the turmoil,
all of the discs ease with who they were took
(18:03):
them down. And that's why I know. This whole topic
is one that I, you know, am bringing when I
do book signings. Now, it's not just about happiness. How
do you get happiness? You have to have a base
of personal mastery. So number one, have some compassion for yourself,
(18:34):
all right, and it is, it is. There's a balance here.
So let me talk about compassion with friends, compassion with
your family members. It is so important that everyone knows
how loved, loving and lovable they are. And if you
(18:59):
have a fan family member that you kind of know,
maybe they're the black sheep, Maybe they have you know,
of their own doing, isolated by their behavior. They're not
easy to get along with. They've all they are a
worry ward, They've had some habit that sort of pushes
(19:23):
people away from them. My Happy eighty eight challenge this
week is to reach out. You don't have to be
their best friend, but somehow if everyone in your family
knows or all of your friends know. Whenever tragedy strikes,
that's the first thing I do, you know? World Trade
(19:45):
Center whatever it is, floods, the fires. I reach out
to all of the people that I love and I
want to them. I want to know for sure that
they know I love them, just in case I haven't
told you lately I love you, or just in case. Right,
(20:06):
So with that family member, with your friends, okay, my
coaching is is not to you know, whatever you need,
I'm there. That's an extreme that many family members, and
I would say that if you have tried to help
your friend who's addicted, try to help your family member
(20:27):
who's addicted, giving them money, putting them in treatment, and
they go out in and out, you know, spending hours
on the phone talking about the same thing over and
over and them saying I promise, I promise, and they're
not able to do that. At some point. It's that
oxygen mask. How much of you are are you hurting
(20:49):
yourself and enabling them to continue whatever they're doing. Now,
this is a tough one. Alan On is a brilliant
program for any one who has a loved one that
they can't get away from necessarily because they are close
family member, their partner, their best friend, and they keep
(21:10):
trying to help and nothing is working, and now they're exhausted.
They're out of any kind of, you know, energy to
do what they need to do, take care of their
own family or take care of their own stuff. I
know my new friends said, you know, his agent said,
stay away from people who are, you know, drug addicted,
(21:34):
because out of love, you don't want that person to
also fall into that. That is well meaning advice, but
I think there's a balance. There's always a balance. So
complete separation and not my problem. Talk to the hand,
you get your chataki together, and then come back. I
(21:56):
don't think that works. At the other extreme of I'm
here for you all the time, all the time, all
the time, no matter what you need, I will give
it to you. That is also not helpful. Where is
the balance. The balance is statements like it looks like
you're hurting, and I hurt for you as much as
(22:19):
I can. I don't know what you're going through. I
want to be able to help you, but I know
that whatever it is, giving money, whatever it is, is
not helping. I don't know what to say to make
you feel better, and I don't even think I have
anything that I could say to make you feel better.
I am just praying and I'm sending you love energy,
(22:43):
that you work through this pain and get out to
the other side of power because you are one of
a kind, wonderful You have unique talents, gifts, and abilities
that you are supposed to live out in your life.
And that is my vision for you. And I've said
this multiple times a day for many different people, both
(23:07):
those that I work with and those that I don't.
Addiction is one of those tricky things that it isn't
necessarily what you'll hear. Some people say, Oh, they just
don't have enough self control, they just don't have enough
(23:28):
will power, and that's bullshit talking. They're the you know,
I myself I can say, you know, in alcoholism, when
I first heard that it's now a disease, is designated
as a disease, my first thought was, oh, come on,
you know, another excuse for not being able to just
(23:50):
do it, or another reason for not just being strong.
You know, they're just lazy, They're just they don't want
to help themselves. I'm sorry. That is the war possible
thing you could say. And if you're saying that, I
hope you stop saying that because you don't understand the
dissease of addiction. Really, So you know, I do know
(24:14):
that it's a it's an allergy. It's a three three
prong disease, right. The first is the body, and once
you get that alcohol in the craving is so strong,
there's no amount of willpower that's going to stop you
from continuing to do something that you know is not
good for you. That is, that is the disease. You
(24:36):
just can't. You cannot help yourself once you have that.
That's why it's not like you can have a little right.
So I'm not qualified alcohol counselor to talk anymore about
this except from what I know from experience, So I'll
just leave it at that. But for a friend too,
(24:59):
you may want to go to alan On if it's
an alcohol issue or drug issue. They do help you
understand the disease more and how you can help, but
just on a cursory level. For anyone who has friends
and family, if you're one that has been completely not
compassionate at all, I hope you come to the middle
(25:22):
and say it's been brought to my attention. Doctor Marissa
has yelled at me, has gently encouraged me to be
more supportive. By I just want you to know that
you're never alone right. I want you to know that
(25:42):
you are loved, lovable and loving, even when you are
acting in a way that is an addictive response or
an addictive action. I know who you really are. I
know that you will work through this and you will
get out the other side into the power and the
(26:04):
amazing person that you really are. Right, So, not that
you're not amazing now, but in addiction, you're definitely not
your best self, Okay, I'll just say that. So that
is for those people who have no compassion at all,
coming to that middle, those who are overdoing it and
(26:24):
losing their own lives. In order to try to help
that person, I want you to come to the middle
and begin to say those love from afar detached with love.
What I'm doing is not working. I've spent you know,
an hour a day for the past three hundred and
sixty five days and I don't get that time back,
(26:46):
and nothing I have said has made a difference. So
I'm going to pull back. It's not that I don't
love you, but what I'm doing isn't working, and I'm
not you know, I don't want to be in my insanity.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results. So,
and if you are uber compassionate, if you're a person
(27:08):
that has given tens of thousands of dollars to a
person to try to get them out of their addiction,
then I'm sorry, my friend, you are in that category
of enabling and enabling friends are not helpful. Friends enabling
family members are not helpful. You're not helpful to them,
(27:29):
and you're not helpful to yourself. Again, I'm not qualified
to speak beyond this, but go to alan On, Go
to read my friend's book, who is brilliant. She actually
has me incognito in one of her books, but her
(27:49):
name is Melody Beattie, and she wrote a book called
Codependent No More, and it is a brilliant book for
those of us who are one of the seven ten
of us who've had childhood trauma and that trauma leads
us to be codependent and then try to help other
people to our own expense. So that's also a really
(28:13):
great resource for you to take a hold of. I
had her on the show in my first year because
she's my friend, and she was wonderful when I first started,
when they didn't think my show would last more than
a year because I didn't talk about the headlines. So
I didn't have cameras in the studio, but if you
go to iTunes you'll find doctor Merris and MELANDBD. I
(28:36):
know for sure it's there. I'm not sure if it's
on the iHeart because that was the first year I
was at UBNA, not CACAA, the NBC side. So anyways,
that is my coaching to friends and addiction. You want
to come to the middle. You don't want to be
(28:57):
non compassionate, you don't want to be enabling. You want
to come to the middle and assure them that they
are cared for right, that they will have your best
wishes all of the time. And you're knowing. Now here's
advanced if you are. Let's see this. This is for
(29:25):
one of the three components of alcoholism. I told you
the physical part, the mental part, the obsessive, the thinking part.
And then the third component is a lack of spirituality.
And I don't talk about religion because I grew up
in a really strong evangelical You're going to hell, you know,
(29:48):
angry God who needs anger management classes. So I've been
quite vocal about spirituality being my preferred mode of belief
system instead of religion, and in particular. I'll say religion
is for people who want to avoid going to help,
(30:09):
and spirituality is for those of us who have already
been there. So that's from the Imperfection book. Some of
you know that book, and what I want to just say,
if you are spiritual, you can also assure your friend
(30:32):
that it is a friendly universe. And this is one
of I think one of the base beliefs that leads
to that feeling of loneliness that leads to the feeling
of separation that then you know you want to reach
for something that numbs that feeling of separation. Is a
refusal to believe in well being of a refusal to
(30:53):
believe in a friendly universe, a refusal to believe that
life is conspiring for you, not again to you. So
if you are so inclined, and this is the bonus,
or this is the graduate school, if you're so inclined.
Einstein actually said this, the most important question a human
(31:14):
being has to answer is is the universe friendly or not?
And I will say that if you believe that the
universe is not friendly, you constantly and I know, I
know it doesn't look like it's friendly out there between
fires and natural disasters and starvation and crazy countries and
(31:35):
impending war and all of that doesn't look like a friendly,
friendly universe. But I know when I take a breath,
I take nothing from you. When you take a breath,
you have nothing. You take nothing from me. That's a
sign of abundance and well being in life. And I
choose to look at all of the things around me
that do show that the universe is friendly. That isn't
(31:57):
shown on the news, right, That's why we do the gratitude.
Every snowflake, every grain of sand, every drop of water
is different than the other. I'm sorry, that's not random.
There's no way a chaotic universe could have created that.
That is a sign that there's some energy out there.
I call it love, I call it source. I call
(32:19):
it my ups Man universal power source, and he delivers
every morning when I meditate, I'm connected to that energy.
We all, we all are right, but we if we
carry the BS belief system that the universe is random,
that everybody's dogg eat dog, and they're going to take
(32:40):
from you, and everybody's going to steal from you, that's
what the news tells you, then you're gonna block off
right anything you can't see what's good.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
So if you.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Can entertain that and live to a point where you
are seen as someone with that choice, that's what faith is.
It's just a choice, it's a BS, it's a belief
system you choose to believe. Then that is definitely part
of the solution, right for addiction. If you if you
(33:20):
know that you are special. I know, I'm one of
a kind, wonderful right, I was made that.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Way, and somehow when we grow.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Up, even in healthy families. I don't know where that
that separation, whether it's Adam or Eve, I don't know,
but it doesn't matter how it got there. It's our
work to choose and reaffirm that connection. So then we
can anchor right that that that for your friend, right,
(33:54):
I know? So when I'm saying the statement, I know
you will get to that place where your demons will
no longer haunt you or I don't like we're using
the word demon. I don't believe in the devil or
demons or all of gnashing of teeth. I do believe
there's an absence of love if you block it off.
(34:14):
So that's another thing you can say. Right. So that's
why I say it's you know, graduate school. Anyways, I'm
talking too much and I missed my break, the BREAKFO news, weather, traffic,
and a word from our sponsor. When we come back,
I have a couple of great interviews about that are
(34:35):
time line dependent for you, ones about your furry friends,
and another one for small business owners. These are interviews
that I've done that I do play to help you
with learning something new. I hope you've enjoyed the mental
health Monday portion of this show, and I hope I've
helped you, my new friend, with some advice that I
(35:00):
do take. Even those shows called take my advice, I'm
not using it. I absolutely use this advice almost all
of the time. So hopefully I've given you some suggestions
for your friend and those of you who are you
know also in that boat where you have friends and
addiction or family members. Hopefully I've helped you with that
(35:20):
as well. Don't go away, We'll be right back. Piece
in peace out Chuck Willer. He said, two and two.
I'll be back in less than two and two minutes.
Don't go away, I'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Take back your life with doctor Maurice.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
And we're back. You're doing take my advice I'm not
using it get balanced with Doctor Marissa in the Morning Show.
And as holiday shopping hits full swing, many families are
checking off their lists. But what about the four legged
members of the family. Here with this seasons must have
gifts four pets is pet living expert Chris Levine Kristin
(36:11):
Oh sorry, Kristen Levin. Christ is the author of Pampered
Pets on a Budget and the founder of Pet Living Blog.
And I'm so glad you're here. I have a grand
dog son. Oh hobblo, who's a Frenchye? How cute.
Speaker 5 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I just went through twelve thousand dollars surgery back issue,
so we need what help he's do it? Is he
doing better? He's much better? Thanks? Oh yeah, good? Yeah?
So why is it important to remember our pets during
the holidays? I know, you know, but remind people?
Speaker 6 (36:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (36:49):
Of course, well, because they bring us so much joy, right,
But one of the things that happens during the holiday
season is that our pets routines get really disrupted, and
pets thrive on routine, So we want to try to
make those routines stay consistent as much as we possibly can,
everything from their feeding time to their playtime, walk time,
sleep time. The more routine we can keep baked into
(37:12):
their day, the calmer they're going to be.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
And the more they're going to enjoy the holidays. Absolutely,
So what's your go to for pampering?
Speaker 7 (37:21):
Well, my go to is pet Smart. They have got
everything for all the pets in your life for the
holiday season, and it sounds like Pablo needs a little
extra pampering after what he's been through. I'm glad to
hear he's doing well.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
But whether you're.
Speaker 7 (37:34):
Out holiday shopping, taking photos with Santa, are just going
for a walk on a chili day with Pablo, pet
Smart is the place to be because it's pet friendly
and you don't have to be cold outside.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Now.
Speaker 7 (37:45):
I love their Merry and Bright collection because they've got
everything you need for to make sure your dog, your cat,
your reptiles, even your small pets are included in the
holiday celebrations and they have literally hundreds of festive fines
for under ten dollars. And the Merry and Bright collection
also includes not just treats and toys, but accessories and apparel.
(38:07):
So definitely take Pablo over to pet Smart and make
sure he gets everything he wants.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Yes, absolutely, he will find something. I'm sure. How about
special nutrition for pets during theme? Sure?
Speaker 7 (38:22):
So our dogs deserve the same love and superior ingredients
and fresh delicious food you know as we get at
the holiday time.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So this season, Blue.
Speaker 7 (38:32):
Buffalo, which is the most trusted natural pet food brand,
they're inviting pet parents to make every meal a fresh
act of love with their new Love Made Fresh. This
is a refrigerated fresh dog food for all of our
beloved peppers, and it's enhanced with all the vitamins and
minerals and nutrients that are essential for our dogs to thrive.
(38:53):
I really like that it comes in a sliceable role,
but it also comes in a resealable hub, which makes
it really convenient. And you can feed it either with
the current food that they're eating, kind of mix it together,
or you could beat it as a topper, or you
could transition to them to transition them to just eating
the Love made Fresh by itself.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Awesome. Now, give us some of your gift picks for
pets this holiday season. Yeah, there's so many to choose from.
It's hard to pick just one.
Speaker 7 (39:23):
But a couple that I love are these new at
home grooming tools that really allow you to give your
pet a spa like experience and you get to save
a few dollars in the meantime. Also, water fountains are
really a smart gift for a pet because it helps
them stay hydrated and keeps the water fresh and clean
every day. But what our pets really want from us
is more of our time. So if you can take
(39:46):
the dog for an extra long walk, if you can
spend extra cauddle time, that's going to go a long
way to both distress both your pet and yourself so
that you can enjoy the season more.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Absolutely, I call them unconditional dogs because his humans think
we can love unconditionally, but we really can't. Only dogs can.
That's why, isn't it. I say often that if I
got a dog, I wouldn't date again. So there you go.
(40:18):
Are there any final tips or reminders for pet parents
during the holiday, Yeah, just a.
Speaker 7 (40:24):
Couple of quick last minute tips. Number one, Pet photos
with Santa are happening at pet Smart on December the
thirteenth and fourteenth from two to five pm. It's completely free,
but you do have to register online for your spot.
And then, secondly, instead of treating pets from the holiday table,
this season, which can get them into tummy trouble. Instead,
when you go to the grocery store to buy your
(40:45):
ingredients for your own holiday meals, pick up some of
the love made fresh because this can double as a
really smart nutritious treat instead of those table scraps.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Absolutely, and I hate that begging look, so yeah, do
not do that. But where can we get more information?
Speaker 7 (41:03):
Just visit tips on TV dot com.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Tips on TV dot com. Thank you Kristin Levine for
coming to studio with this great information about our free
friend's unconditional dog pleasure. Absolutely go and have the best
day ever. Okay, we'll be right back with more. Take
my advice, I'm not using it. Get balanced with doctor Marissa.
(41:28):
Don't go away.
Speaker 8 (41:28):
We'll be right back with.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
And we're back my advice. I'm not using it. Get
balanced with doctor Marissa. The More Arn Show. You're on
gay zyaa NBC news radio home to the Asian Oprah
number one talking the Ie, Thank you very much and
streaming everywhere with no bad news, only good news and
(42:13):
good information. Today is no exception. It is a call
to action. Deadline is looming for California employers, and many
still don't know it's coming. By the end of December,
every business in California must offer a retirement plan or
face fines. Joining us now to explain what business owners
(42:38):
need to do is Kevin Busky, the head of Gusto
four one K powered by Guideline, a platform helping small
businesses manage benefits. Please welcome to my studio, Kevin Busky.
(43:01):
Good morning, Kevin, good morning. Tell us about this retirement
mandate and who does it affect.
Speaker 6 (43:10):
Yeah, this retirement mandate is it's part of cal Savers.
It affects four point two million small businesses in California.
Of what, four hundred thousand of those businesses are less
than five employees. The mandate itself is that you must
offer a retirement program that meets the state criteria. Four
to one K is one of those benefits that does
(43:31):
meet the mandate. There's also cal Savers itself that meets
the mandate. And unfortunately the deadline is looming.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
It's store twenty.
Speaker 6 (43:39):
Five days away, So December thirty first, twenty twenty five
is the date that you must meet this mandate by
There is a ninety day grace period after it's let
the program start. If you did sign up for it
and that for that ninety days, it's two hundred and
fifty dollars per employee fine from California in the franchise
(44:02):
tax for.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yikes, A good thing we're knowing about this now, how
can local employers prepare now?
Speaker 6 (44:12):
Yeah, and what we're doing on Gusto dot com and
having a small business platform, it's really trying to get
the word out and make sure that people are aware
of this mandate. About seventy five percent of all small
businesses in California have never heard of the mandate, So
we feel obligated to let everybody know that it does
exist and that the first time they hear about it
isn't coming with the two hundred and fifty dollars fund.
(44:34):
So the most information I can give you is Gusto
dot com slash for zero one K that has all
of the relevant information. But again, this is for every
small business in California with one or more employees has
to offer a retirement program by the end.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Of the year. Yeah. Now, if a small business doesn't comply,
what happens.
Speaker 6 (44:57):
Yeah, about ninety days after the retirement deadline, which is
again December thirty, first of this year, you're going to
get it fine. You're gonna get a letter from the
Franchise Tax Board or call savers with a two hundred
and fifty dollars fine per employee. And that's really meaningful
for small businesses. And when you look at four to
one K, specifically on Gusto dot com, these programs start
(45:20):
at thirty nine dollars per month and four dollars per employee,
so meeting the mandate versus the fine is really a
no brainer. In conjunction with that, there's a law that
was passed in twenty twenty two called Secure two point zero,
which has a tax credit up to sixteen five hundred
dollars which is directly applicable to these programs. So you
(45:41):
can largely mitigate one hundred percent of the cost, depending
on the size of your company, just by using the
tax credit. So just want to really get everybody up
up to speed and make sure that they're not getting
this fine after ninety days into the new year.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Well, that's definitely good news. The balance in that you
have to pay, but getting something and I'm really glad.
I'm a solopreneur. Why did California create this requirement?
Speaker 6 (46:11):
Yeah, it's not just California. So there's twenty plus other
states that have a retirement mandate in effect or in legislation.
Some of them have already launched, including Oregon, in New York,
et cetera. So it's not just California. But the reason
to do it, and the reason that the states are,
you know, imposing these types of mandates is really because
(46:32):
retirement is not being met by just having Social Security,
so they do see the benefit of imposing these types
of mandates. Bringing education into the market, also showing that
small businesses can afford these types of benefits and employees
do want them. It's the second most requested benefit next
to healthcare. So a lot of the states are enacting this,
(46:56):
trying to take the reins into their own hands outside
of the federal government in the Social Security program, so
bringing in a homegrown program as well.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Got it. Is there anything else the local employers should know? Yeah,
that's really it.
Speaker 6 (47:13):
We really try to, you know, as a small business
platform that enables small businesses to be successful on Gusto
dot com, we're really just trying to educate the market
and make sure that the first time a small business
here's about this mandate isn't with a two hundred and
fifty dollars five?
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Yeah? Very important. So where can people go for more
information if they just caught the tail end of this
and heard money to be had and money to be spent.
Speaker 6 (47:41):
Yeah, it's very simple. Gusto dot com slash for zero
one k awesome.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Thanks so much for joining this morning, Kevin with that
great information. I hope you have the best day ever
you too, Thank you, Thank.
Speaker 9 (47:58):
You all right, and I'm back Oops?
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Where am I I am back here with you on
take my advice, I'm not using it. Get balanced with
doctor Marris in the morning show. You're on KCAA NBC
News Radio, the station that leaves no listener behind home
(48:38):
to the Asian Oprah number one talking the ie thank
you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify and of
course my YouTube TV channel where it is live every
weekday Morning with you the YouTube TV channel. Now, I
didn't check this morning, but the last time I checked,
it was over four point two impressions. So that just
(49:02):
tells me that people actually want to have good news
and not bad news to tune in too. So let's see,
I did promise you that I would tell you how
to get the Asian Oprah giveaway, which is an audio
(49:23):
book copy of my Let's see, how are we doing
this here of my audio book? And I think this
is there.
Speaker 7 (49:36):
It is.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
If you go to doctor Brissa dot life, you can
fill in your email address and I will send you
the promo codes to the audiobook which is read by me.
Everybody's been asking lately who reads the audiobook, and it's me,
So I'm my own voiceover actor. Let's see. Uh going
(50:00):
back now? Two wrap up the topic of the day,
which is we'll do the Little Gong again because I
like it. Friends and addiction, and I gave you some
happy eighty eight tools to be in balance with your
(50:26):
friends or family who are currently in a place of learning.
And I don't want people, obviously to be in the
throes of addiction. It's not a it's not a fun
place to be. And you know, as with anything, I
(50:49):
do want to address the whole Why do bad things
happen to good people if you are in addiction, if
you know someone who is an addiction in act of
addiction without being in recovery. I don't think it's helpful
(51:10):
to believe that when bad things happen to people, it's
because they're being punished. A lot of us grew up
with that BS that belief system, and this is my opinion.
My opinion is that a lot of the disease that
(51:31):
we have in life comes from believing that bad things
only happen to bad people and or a bad thing
free life is the way to go. And I don't
know anybody that has not had something happened to them
that they did not like that was considered a bad thing,
(51:53):
that isn't made worse by the BS belief system that
they were being punished. In fact, when people.
Speaker 4 (52:02):
Say obviously I'm being I'm being tested, or I have
another lesson to learn because I obviously didn't learn it
the first time, and that whole negative approach to life
(52:27):
and the things that happened to us in life, I
don't think it's very helpful. I don't think if a
person is going through something, the worst thing that can.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Happen is someone telling them that, well, obviously you're being
punished for your sins, and therefore you need to do
a B and C or repent. I just that will
push my button for sure, because I don't believe that
bad things mean that you're a bad person. I don't
(53:01):
think bad things mean that you're being punished. I don't
think bad things. I don't think they're bad. They just are.
And the BS belief system that bad things only happen
to bad people, or why do bad things happen to
good people has unintentionally made us overreact or negatively react
(53:25):
to life. Life is a series of things that happened
to us to chissel us to grow and expand always to.
Speaker 3 (53:37):
Our best right, to the best that we can be.
Speaker 2 (53:41):
And it's not a punishment. It is a chiseling. And
the story that I like to tell is about the
two rocks. So I'll end with this little parable. And
so there's these two rocks and they're in a store,
and the first rock is in the left corner and
(54:03):
it is just there and it watches the door because
every day a bunch of people come and they go
to the rock on the right side of the store,
and that rock is constantly being told, Oh, you're such
a beautiful rock, and oh wow, look at the way
(54:27):
the light is on you, and look at the way
the prism shows how beautiful you are in that rock
that you are, And there's no attention at all on
the rock on the left. Never right. Nobody goes to
the left rock says anything complimentary to it. The rock
on the right constantly, and this goes on for years
(54:48):
and years, and finally the rock on the left is pissed.
It is so angry that no one ever comes and
says anything to you right, never, So it gets so
fed up that one day it jumps off of its pedestal,
shakes its hand at Life and says, Life, you are
(55:13):
not fair. That rock gets so much attention and so
many compliments. I never get any kind of compliment at all, nothing,
no attention, nothing, And Life smiles and says to that rock, darling,
(55:38):
I love you. But every time I come down to
chissel you to expand and grow and to give you
some curves and a form and the beauty that you
see in the rock over there, you say, no, no,
(55:59):
don't touch me. Don't touch me. It hurts. Don't touch me,
don't chissel me. Moral of the story, to grow and
expand into the best that we can be is a process,
and sometimes it hurts. It's not punishment. It is just growth, chiseling, molding,
(56:26):
not into the same thing, but two are unique, one
of a kind, wonderful. And that's the role.
Speaker 4 (56:35):
Of pain in life is for that.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
It's not punishment. We didn't do anything wrong. All the
things that happened to us are an opportunity to grow
and expand into are one of a kind, wonderful. That's it.
So to tell that story to your friend maybe I
(57:02):
don't know. You can. You want to use it on
yourself when you're going through something. I'm going through something
with the blood clots and all of that, But hey,
it's not doing me any good. If I say the
blood clots are here to punish me, I must have
done something wrong. No, the blood clots are here. I'm
(57:22):
growing something. I'm growing and developing in a way that
I couldn't if I were flying around doing the world tour.
So my question to myself is not why is this
happening to me? If you're going through addiction or your
friends are going through the worst thing you can say
is why is this happening? Right? Why is not a
spiritual question? Instead say I wonder what gift, talent, or
(57:49):
ability is being birthed as a direct result of me
going through what I'm going through. That applies to addiction,
that applies to blood clots, it applies to cancer, it
applies to whatever you're going through. All right, and that
is an empowering question. Thank you so much today for
(58:10):
tuning in. I hope you got something out of this show.
I know I always do. I do this show for me.
If it helps you, well great, But it helps me
start my day in the most positive way. Thanks so
much for joining. It's all about balance, peace and peace
out world peace through inner piece. Forgot to tell you
one more time if you'd like a free copy of
(58:31):
this audio pocation over giveaway today, go and fill in
the email address and I'll see you guys tomorrow and
all week. Now, go and have the best day ever.
I will see you tomorrow.
Speaker 5 (58:55):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now you're listening to Caseyaa Loma Linda,
your CNBC news station, So expect the unexpected.
Speaker 10 (59:14):
There's never been a better time for men to be
whoever they want to be. Yet it's never been less
clear who men really are. Guys Guy Radio starring author
Robert Manny is on Caseyaa every Wednesday at eight pm.
Whether it's relationships, sex, wellness or spirituality. Join Robert as
(59:36):
he interviews the experts about how men and women can
be at their best. Guys, Guy Radio, Better Men, Better World.
Speaker 5 (59:45):
Ten fifty AM, don't forget that number. And for you
young people who got here by accidentally fat fingering your
FM band selector, We're an AM radio station and AM
refers to more than just the time of day. This
is casey aa
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