December 17, 2025 • 60 mins
KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Wed, 17 Dec, 2025
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Than just the time of day, Jump off that exhausting
amster wheel and into balance.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Living with Doctor Marissa from Missus Doctor Marissa, also known
as the Asian Oprah. Her mission to be a beneficial
presence on the planet, her purpose to be your personal advocate,
to live, lap love, learn her life motto, don't die wondering.
Take back your life with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
And welcome. You're to take my advice, I'm not using it.
Get balance with Doctor Marissa. In the morning, Joe, You're
on KAZAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports Radio
station AM ten fifty fam one oh six point five,
home to the Asian Oprah number one talk in the ie,
thank you very much, and streaming everywhere. I heart Radio, Spotify, Itubes,
(00:59):
gent in Audible, Amazon Music, t you Live, Rumble budgets,
a streaker, speaker and more. Why so many places. I
want to maximize my splatters over more open happiness. I
want to balance out all that values out there, also
known as the headlines with some good news so that
you don't end up in the morning with the case
(01:19):
of the four a'ies angry, aggravated, anxious, and afraid. Instead
I want you to finish up your breakfast with amazing
And that's why I'm here seven or six hundreds, oh,
seven hundred and ten consecutive weeks. I've been saying six
hundred and ten, Lord Almighty, over thirteen and a half years,
(01:40):
one thousand and three, one five hundred and thirty two
podcast shows, but he is counting. I'm so delighted that
I'm still here and that I get to bring you topics, guests,
series and co hosts, and that is no exception. Today
it is time for her Doctors in the house with
(02:02):
myself and doctor Tiffany Tate, and you will recognize her
because yeah, she's been coming at you, coming with me.
She's an MD. I'm a PhD, which just stands for
piled higher and deeper. But her medical doctor writt is
not the only thing that she is known for. She's
(02:24):
a US Navy veteran, published author, retired OBGYN from Compton, California, playwright, singer, poet, songwriter,
and more. She has many books, starting with the poetry
Book and now branching out into all kinds of very
helpful children's books, and her latest new hat in the
(02:47):
ring is as a congressional candidate. Please welcome back to
my studio, doctor tefany Ta.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Always a pleasure to be here. Happy Wednesday everyone.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
So ley, let's start with having some breakfast as per habit,
a good life habit. Top of the bun or sorry,
we take a bite of our gratitude sandwich, which means
top of the bun, what are we grateful for outside
of ourselves? And then on the bottom of the bun,
what are we grateful for inside of ourselves? This is
(03:27):
a hashtag bliscipline. The bottom of the bun we do
before we go to bed, but we're gonna model for
it today now, so you know what to do tonight.
Top of the bun is the regular gratitudes. And I
take this from Snoopy. There's always something.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
To be grateful for, and that's how we like to
start the morning, every weekday morning with me and every
Wednesday weekday morning with doctor Tiffany Tate. So I'm going
to pass the ball to you. What are you grateful
for this morning?
Speaker 4 (04:01):
I had such a wonderful, wonderful time since the last
time I had a chance to be with you on
the show. As you see, I am in my Christmas
elf gear today with my Christmas earrings and my Elf shirt,
and I've been spongs. I'm wearing my Christmas gear almost
(04:21):
every day. I have to wear my Christmas blank So
I am grateful for this Advent season as I go
to all my Christmas parties and I take my Christmas
goodies and I bake my Christmas goodies. So I am
grateful for Advent season as we celebrate the birth of
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
I am grateful that I love this season of joy,
whatever it is for you. Hanikka Kwan's Christmas, I just
love all of it.
Speaker 6 (04:54):
And as you can see, I don't have as much
bling on as she does, but I do have my
favorite little reindeer earis, which I love, and they're like
little glass you can't tell because you're not close enough
to touches, but.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
They're kind of cool. It's like a little art piece.
So I am grateful for all of the holly jolly.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
And this past weekend, I was very busy, so I
split it up into two gratitudes. But Saturday morning, I
had the chance to attend what's called the JFK Awards,
and I had the opportunity to meet politics girl and
one of the co founders of Midas Touch, and I thought,
you know, I'm like a big geek like that. So
(05:43):
I had an opportunity to talk to them, and that
was a big deal for me.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So I was like, yay me, Yeah, now Midus Touch.
Why does that like Midas the company?
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Well, they have like over seven million followers on all
different streaming forms, so it was it was fabulous for me.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Why this touch is it a Is it a singing group?
Speaker 4 (06:09):
And they're not a singing group. They they have different
political they they're political group. I can't say a political group,
but they do political analysis and they just assess things.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
And so it was I don't know about it because
we don't Yes.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
No, we don't talk about that, but they just analyze,
they annow analyze things, and so it was just a
big deal for me.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
So I was like, you're a fan.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
I was fanning.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
That's funny. I am grateful that last night I got
to I thought of you and I thought of your kids.
Actually I went to and I love first my uh
best friend a Marie. I call myself the one third
because she has three best friends, so I'm one third
(07:04):
of that gang. And she took me to her son's
choral concert. So you see cal State Domingus. Hill's never
been there, lovely venue, and her son justin blew my
socks off with their choral group and they did their
(07:28):
full concert and it was so good and it was
like the use of silence was amazing to me. I
forgot to look up his name, but their choir director
made me want to add that to my list of
when I come back, like next life, I definitely want
(07:52):
to try to do that conducting. It looks so cool
and they were so good. So I'm grateful that I
experience that. And I got to go with her mom
and dad, and so there's another family of choice. So
this I'm grateful. I'll do mine and then you can
(08:14):
do yours, only because it relates. I'm grateful that I
have friends like Emory and doctor Tiffany. Because my kids
asked me to choose whether I got them for Thanksgiving
or Christmas, because they're going to go to their dad's
family since their dad's sister just passed early, and so
(08:36):
I won't have my daughters at Christmas, and I'm like,
meet me and then. But I've set it up where
Christmas Eve, I go to Amory's and they have a
tradition I've been there before where they do like a
gratitude exercise in the ring, you know, on Christmas Eve,
which I think is great right out my life alley.
(08:57):
And then Christmas Day I get to go spend with
doctor Tiffany's family, which I've done before as well, and
so I'm really grateful that I have families of choice
and that I may not be related even though I
go up for the picture of all the kid at
her birthday by accident, that I'm really really grateful that
(09:24):
I have colleagues friends. Colleagues have turned into friends that
turn into family of choices. So I'm grateful for you,
doctor Tiffany and your family, and I'm grateful for you.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
But I also had a chance to go to New
Jersey this weekend for Nathaniel's recital, and that was such
a fabulous experience. And I'm so grateful for his extended
family out there, because, as you know, this was his
first Thanksgiving away from his mom, so we spent a
(09:55):
lot of time on FaceTime, and I'm thankful and grateful
for his extended family out there. So I'm gonna sneak
in an extra one, and it was phenomenal. I had
the opportunity to see two concerts. He had his recital
on Sunday and then he had a chamber concert on Monday,
so it was phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah is it?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I just love? Okay, So let's go to the bottom
of the button. We can be here all day. We're
all our the bottom of the button. If you've never
done this exercise, it means at the end of the day,
I want you to fall asleep being grateful, not for
things outside of yourself, but things about yourself. Why because
(10:39):
we have generations now of people who are raised being
told don't toot your own horn, you're not all that,
in an effort well meaning, sometimes more mean than well,
of parents trying to keep you humble. But the downside
is we look for that approval all the time outside
of ourselves. And it is my bis my belief system
(11:02):
that good metal health starts right over here, and that
if I can approve of myself, if I like myself,
if I think that I'm all that most of the time,
then I'm less likely to go put antenna up looking
for love or likes literally in the wrong places. So
that's why we do this part. So it's so important
(11:24):
for you to know how one of a kind, wonderful
you are, so we anchor that with this exercise. So
I will start by saying, I like that. I appreciate
so much in life. Thank you. Someone just gave us
the finger, this one, not the other one. I appreciate
(11:45):
my ability to appreciate music. I love music and all
the different genres, and how beautiful it is that in
this lifetime humans have learned how to express through the
universal love language of music. I appreciate that. I know that.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I appreciate the fact that I have been able to
cultivate my children in a way that did not smother
their gifts, because a lot of times people are like, Okay,
I'm a doctor, you have to be a doctor. Or
I'm a nurse, you have to be a nurse. And
I have been able to say, Okay, I just want
(12:30):
you to be happy and do what makes you happy
and not necessarily follow in my footsteps. And I think
a lot of times we as parents have to be
able to step back and let our children find their
own niche in life. And I appreciate the fact that
I have been able to do that and let my
(12:52):
children find their own happiness.
Speaker 7 (12:54):
Let my children go.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Yeah, I appreciate that I've been a good mom, not perfect,
certainly better than my mom. It's a good thing about
generations is our only job is just to do a
little bit better than our parents did. And they did
the best that they could with what they had in
the time and reposes they learned from theirs, and there's
(13:22):
no parenting classes that are mandatory. So I appreciate that
I can give myself credit eighty percent of the time
I was a fabulous mom, twelve percent of the time,
passable eight percent of the time. In there, I go
up and down. So I think it's important that I
(13:45):
acknowledge that no matter how they're feeling about me, or
no matter what's going on in their lives. My heart
goes out to parents who thought they did a great
job and maybe their kids are taking some disc decisions
that maybe aren't the best for them. That doesn't take
away from what you've done. And during this season where
(14:06):
you will see your family more, I hope you remember
that you can give yourself you did the best that
you could.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
And I like the fact that I am able to
not take things personal. It took me a while to
get here. But I think a lot of times when
I was offended, I would internalize things. But now I'm like, Okay,
that sounds like a you problem. And it's funny because
(14:37):
my daughter would always say, well, that's a problem for
tomorrow me, not today.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I like that. I forgot that she said that. I
love that.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Experience, yes, and so I think it's a good way
to just relax, relate and release. And people die from stress,
and especially with the holidays coming up, you really need
to relax, relate and release. And I think if you
can live a life more relax, you'll be so much
(15:09):
better off.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Absolutely. I like that relax. What is it? Rel relate
and release, late and release. That's powerful. Relax.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Don't do it, I.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Do. Let it go, let it go. That frozen, Yeah,
I take up frozen a lot. I think that's good.
I think we had a good breakfast there. I hope
you joined me every weekday morning for breakfast in the morning,
different co hosts or guests, but always breakfast in the morning.
(15:51):
So I promise you that if you do this good
life exercise for twenty one consecutive days, whatever you think,
it makes a habit. Twenty eight thirty forty two. Zero
point seven percent of statistics are made up on the spot,
So we don't even know these days. How long it
takes to make a good habbit doesn't matter. Just do it,
(16:11):
gospel according to Nike, because I promise if you do,
you will sandwich your day in the most positive way.
Thanks for joining us for back then.
Speaker 8 (16:26):
And no.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Or the topic of the day, Doctor Tiffany, what is
the topic.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Of the name self reflection? Mirror mirror on the wall.
Let's take a look and see what we see.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I was trying to figure out how to rhyme that
mirror mirror on the wall. Let's go have fun and
a ball.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
No, that doesn't work, well, can go with mirror mirror
on the wall. Let's take a look and tell it all.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Oh, I like that. I did something, but I said,
I said, uh, mirror mirror, where is it on the wall?
I lost it? Uh? Oh, mirror mirror on my wall?
Speaker 9 (17:19):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
No reflection? I thought that was clever. Mm hmmm, I
guess you had to be there. Yes, why are we
talking about this?
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Well, A lot of times we have New Year's resolutions
and we decide to make a new us and make
a new you, and we decide we want to start over, Well,
what if we don't necessarily need to start over, Maybe
we just need to take a beat, take a pause,
(17:52):
and look, because self reflection is not always a bad thing.
It's just taking a pause on our life to make
sure we're actually heading in the direction that we want.
Because most of the time we are moving so fast
(18:13):
that we don't even notice our habits, our emotions, or
whether or not the patterns in our lives are the
things that we're repeating that we are happy with or
that we're not happy with. And what if we're going
in the direction that we actually like, Maybe we don't
need to change. Maybe we do, but we don't know
(18:36):
unless we reflect. So I figured this might be an
opportunity to take a beat and pick a.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Look and flip it over, slap it down, massage.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
It, smack it, flip it and reflect on it.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Well, I think that's gonna be a standing joke for
the rest of my life. There's like a block why
I can't say it like you say it, But maybe
it's better if I don't say it like you saying.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Back and flip it, rub it downright BBD.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I say it like it will it will come out
really different and not so grated.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Because you know, reflections are fabulous because it gives us
a chance to step outside of ourselves look at our
lives with just a little bit of clarity, and it's
not a bad thing. Reflection is just taking a look
because sometimes people are like, oh, in a punitive way,
you need to reflect on yourselves. But what if you
(19:40):
just need to reflect on yourself to say, oh, I
like what I did and it's not always a bad thing,
and I think we need to look at it that way.
What if you want to say, hey, that was really
good way to go.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Meet That's exactly why we do the gratitude sandwich, and
that's at the bottom of the bun is not focused
on what's wrong with you, but what's right with you.
So definitely, as you're talking, it reminds me. I used
(20:16):
to do a talk called the work Life Balance thing
like jump and jump off that hamster wheel into balanced living. Gosh,
it's been a while since I did that talk, but
I would start with the you know, how's your life
and it's like, oh, it's fine. Like the alarm goes off,
(20:37):
I hit snooze the alarm goes off, I hit snooze,
I get in the car, traffic, get to work, interruptions,
phone calls, problems, get back in the car, traffic, go
feed everyone, sit down, watch bad TV, forget the floss,
go to bed, the alarm goes off, snooze And then
we say, is it Christmas already? And that's exactly what
(21:03):
doctor Tivy's talking about. We're so like just not even
thinking we're in our habits. We are just constantly running
around and there is not that, you know, pause to
go take a breath, and yeah, do I even like
what I'm doing as a habit every single day? There's
(21:24):
plenty of self development teachers that talk about myself included.
You know, let's just write down what it is that
we do every day and look at is it working
for us or that?
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Yeah, figure out the why. And when you start asking
yourself the why, why you react the way you do,
what you do, what you do, why you make certain choices,
and what you really want, what you really need and
(21:57):
what you think you're supposed to need, that brings a
certain type of self awareness and that makes things more
powerful in your life and in your daily activities.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Absolutely, and when we say self reflection. Oftentimes the way
you said it, you need to reflect on that. It's
like a negative thing, and so my as usual misbalance.
I want us to balance out self reflection's constructive criticism
(22:33):
side with self approval, self esteem, acting on our own
behalf side, because without that, self reflection becomes another way
to beat yourself up, another way to shut on yourself,
another way to you know, be a feed your perfectionism,
which is a disase with life. And I don't want
(22:58):
you constantly being your own worst enemy or your biggest critic.
Why there's plenty of other people who we're going to
criticize you. I want you to know you know when
to what is it? YAYU right? Yes?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Way to go?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Me?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (23:16):
To go?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Meh? And when to go not the brightest greyon in
the box, move our sharpest stool in the shed action.
But hey, I did the best that I can. I
was not in a good place and it's.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Okay, absolutely, And it's okay to break out of old
cycles that are not serving you and to foster relationships
that go smoother. And when you understand yourself, you communicate better,
you have better relationships, and you set boundaries a little
(23:50):
bit more clear, and you show up with more empathy
for yourself as well as others. And that's what we
are here to do to try to help make your
lives better eighty eight percent of the time.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Absolutely, And for those of you who've tuned in the
first time, you welcome to take my advice. I'm not
using a kid balanced with Doctor Marissa the Morning Show
in our very special series every week every Wednesday morning
is Doctors in the House with myself.
Speaker 4 (24:20):
And doctor Tiffany Tate, and we are.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Here to up your happiness level eighty eight percent. Why
so many eights? I haven't said this in a while,
doctor Tiffany, so maybe it's time for a renewer. I
know that you thought I was Swedish, but I'm not.
I'm Chinese and eight is a lucky number in Chinese.
It's a homophone for good fortune. So in Mandarin, ba
(24:47):
is eight. Can you say that ba fa kind of
like affleck ba is a good fortune? Fa ba is eight,
so e r s ba is eight and then fa
(25:10):
is not do remi uh fa is good fortune. So
that's why it's a hama phone. It sounds like it,
and that's why eight is a lucky number, and you'll see, uh,
a lot of Chinese people will not buy a house
if it does does not have an eight in it.
And then, just because I'm on a roll, here, there's
(25:33):
a number that's not so good, which is four, because
is the way you say four in Mandarin the number
and shit is means dead, so it sounds like death.
So you'll see eight, but no fours unless you have
(25:54):
two fours, which equal eight. So then it's okay, okay, you.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
Know that, right, learn something new the two fours. Okay.
But here's what the statistics show. Most Americans, to the
tune of ninety five percent, they think that they are
self aware. But there's a caveat well not yes, yes,
(26:19):
sonetive percent of Americans think that they are self aware,
but the research suggests that only about ten to fifteen
percent of that ninety five truly are. Wow, we have
some work to do people. That makes this show even
more pertinent.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Right, absolutely. I have executive coaching clients C suite senior
VP directors, and one in particular my first session, when
I was asked to sit with him, he said, I
am not angry, right, okay, in that higher perage.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
He's part at ninety five, We're just gonna take a guess,
you know, they say denial. It's not just the river
in Egypt, right right. And so it's interesting because a
lot of times that's where we encourage people, you know,
to just take a pause, take a beat, and think
(27:28):
about where we are. So that means regular deep self
reflection is not common for the majority of people who
often operate on just autopilot. Though many practice some form
of daily reflection, whether it's journaling, meditation, or just simply
(27:49):
checking in on themselves period periodically, they don't really truly
understand the gist of what it means to think about
what it is they're doing in their daily activities.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
And I have my clients actually write down, especially the
ones that say I can't sitill and meditate. It's like, okay,
Then as you're trying to meditate and a thought comes across,
instead of releasing the thought, I want you to actually
write it down. And they begin to see the kinds
of thoughts that they have in their heads that is
(28:24):
keeping them from self reflection, and or the kind of
self reflection that they're doing that they keep pushing away.
So those thoughts being aware of the actual thought itself
and being an observer, watching your thoughts or being cognizant
of what you're thinking. That's the first step in self
(28:46):
awareness is separate yourself from what you're thinking.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Absolutely absolutely, because many people like that eighty five to
ninety percent who really are not self aware, they're just
functioning on autopilot because we're just going through the motions
on a daily basis. Just they just stay on that autopilot.
They're not questioning their behaviors, they're not questioning their motivations.
(29:11):
They're just functioning. They're just going through the motions. They're Okay,
I gotta go to the grocery store, I gotta get gassed,
I gotta cook dinner for the kids. I gotta spend
time with my you know, with my significant other. I
just gotta do. I gotta visit my sister. Yeah, I
just gotta do, gotta do, gotta do and significant other,
insignificant other. Just gotta go through the motions. Just gotta
(29:33):
get it done, gotta wake up, gotta do it all.
Yeah tomorrow, And they're they're just not thinking about what
it is that they need to do. Because true self
awareness is really knowing your values your strengths, your weaknesses,
and how others see you, how you see yourself, and
(29:53):
when you kind of step into that arena, you know
where you are, you know your leadership skills, your overall
well being, and you get better job performance. Hmm.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Absolutely, I lost the thought. I just got creative for
a second. You might be able to help me at this.
Pause is a good thing, the ability to just stop,
and it stands for please allow us some And I
(30:26):
thought about equanimity, but what do you think? What's that?
What's a good thing for? E? Pause equals please allow
us some energy? Anyways, it'll come. But I think that's
a good. Pause is a good you know, what's the word?
(30:48):
I'm looking for a code word? Right, let's pause and
you know, energize there we go to energize is to
do that, but we don't do that. It's a constant.
What is that forty eight thousand thoughts every day, whatever
(31:11):
that statistic is, and seventy five percent of them are negative.
That's a giant amount of negative stuff. And what's interesting
is a lot of my clients they go, oh, I'm
really hard on myself. But if they do that journal,
you know, and list down the thoughts. They're really critical
of other people. What's going through their head is all
(31:33):
judgment about other people.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
You know, what it could be for an exit, because
sometimes you just need a temporary exit.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
There you go, Please allow us some exit.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Yeah, you need to take a break. You need to
exit the highway of life for just a brief moment
because you want to pause, you want to test, take
a brief exit from going through the motions. Just take
a temporary exit before you enter the freeway again of
just going through those motions again.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Yeah. Yeah, And a lot of us, especially if we're
high over achievers, we're doing or do this, do that,
do this? As you were saying, do do do, and
you end up in do do?
Speaker 10 (32:13):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
We don't want to end up in do do. And
it looks like it's time to take a break already
for news, weather, traffic, and a word from our sponsors.
I want you to stay. I don't go away. We'll
be right back in two and two, as Chuck Willer
used to say. But I say peace in and piece out.
Don't go away, We'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Take back your life with doctor Maurice.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
Hello, my name is doctor Tiffany, and I am running
for the United States House of Representatives in California's fortieth district.
I am a mother, a veteran officer of the United
States Navy, and I am a board certified obstetrician and gynecologists.
Please visit my website at doctor Tate for Congress. That
(33:19):
is d r t A T E f O R
CO N g R E S S dot com. As
a mother, I understand how to take care of a
family and how to make ends meet, and I understand
what it means to struggle to provide. As a physician,
I understand the needs of health care policy, and I
understand how to make the decisions for you, your family,
(33:44):
your friends. Please there are only six physicians to caucus
in the physician Caucus. I do not need to live
in your district to make the decision necessary for the
United States. Donate to my campaign so I can make
policy better for the United States of America. Visit my
website at doctor Tate for Congress. That is d r
(34:05):
t A T E f O R ce O N
g R E S S dot com. My name is
doctor Tiffany Tate. I approve this man.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Well.
Speaker 11 (34:17):
She has been dubbed the Asian Oprah, and she just
wants all of us to be happy.
Speaker 8 (34:29):
Doctor Marissa a Ka the Asian Oprah.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Says, the most important thing you can choose is choosing
to be happy. You are tuned into my weekly talk
radio TV show called take My Advice, I'm not using it.
Speaker 12 (34:42):
Get balanced with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 11 (34:56):
That's the idea for doctor Marissa Pay's new book call
Eight Ways to Be Happy.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Many of us say, I am my own worst critic.
Nobody's harder on me than I am.
Speaker 13 (35:08):
And my response to that is stop it.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Why are you doing that to yourself?
Speaker 9 (35:14):
You have to be your biggest fan, because if you can't,
at the end of the day say I did a
good job, who is We don't have to constantly be
angry at the things that are wrong. Why don't we
choose to be happy about things that are right. We
have the choice.
Speaker 14 (35:30):
That's our muscle, and life is so amazing if we
can see it.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
With doctor mauriepe.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
And or back. You're tending to take my advice, I'm
not using it. Get balanced with the dot. Rest of
the morning show.
Speaker 15 (36:07):
You're on CASEYAA NBC News Radio AM ten fifty FM
one O six point five home to the Asian Oprah
number one talking the ie thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
At eight am drive time. I am back to my
favorite slot, the number one slot of listeners and watchers
as you drive to work. This is what I want
you to be doing, and I want you to be
mad at the people cutting you off, at least not
screaming on the outside, but instead listening, don't, don't comment,
(36:40):
but having breakfast with us with the gratitude sandwich, and
then listening and talking and discussing things like all the
great topics that doctor Tiffany Tate. Usually she picks the
topics like ninety eight percent of the time. Every once
in a while I bought in, But she's been pass
(37:00):
with that great task and she delivers every weekday Wednesday morning,
and today's no exception. The topic.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
Where's my self reflection?
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Beat me to the gong, so reflection, mirror, mirror on
my wall? Who is the happiest of them all? Instead
of who's the you know one that did.
Speaker 7 (37:30):
Oh I didn't do this, and oh I didn't do that,
and oh I should have done this, and oh should
should should not a good place to be. So we
are talking about strategies on how to get the most
out of self reflection.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I'm sure you have more stats.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Absolutely, absolutely yes. And so basically instead of it's like
watching a movie of your life, and instead of being
a harsh critic, you're saying, Okay, I saw that scene,
let's see how we can make it better. And it
helps you break unhelpful patterns and you now want to
(38:13):
improve upon it if you so desire. But again, like
I said before, what if you are happy with it?
But without reflection, people can repeat the same mistakes if
they see a mistake, So whether you're staying in that relationship,
falling in the same arguments, choosing environments that don't fit them.
(38:35):
So reflections help you see cause and effect, so you
can change the pattern and it helps to a build
emotional regulation or boost your confidence. And I think when
you kind of review these things, it can help you
align your priorities, your long term goals, and help with
your mental health. So one thing that they recommend you
(39:00):
consider doing is journaling. When you start to journal you
can kind of lay things out. Now, as far as journaling,
I love writing, but I'm not necessarily one for journaling,
but it can help you externalize your thoughts even five
minutes can work. I don't know about you, doctor Mersa.
(39:22):
Do you journal?
Speaker 3 (39:23):
I used to journal a lot. There was a time
I was going through a lot of stuff and it
was a journal slash gratitude exercise that I actually did
with Melody Beattie, who's the best selling author of Codependent
No More. And we had met but we were both
speaking in a conference. We became friends. She was one
of my first guests on my first year, and she
(39:45):
wrote a book about gratitude based on our Every night
we would do like a gratitude slash journal complainting complaining,
like we would get it all out to each other
and it was tremendously helpful. But I'm like you. We
are both writers. We write, uh, we make money from writing,
(40:07):
and we you know, we're in that thought process. So
if it's writing for just writing's sake and it has
no purpose, right, it is just like one of those
what am I doing that for? Just like reading? Right?
Both of us had to read so much during our
studies that it took me some years to want to
(40:28):
read something again. I have to be honest about that.
But my compromise, doctor Tiffany, is I do use voice
notes so I will talk to my phone and have
it capture how I'm feeling, and or I will vent
and write out a response to somebody that I'm really
(40:48):
in my pissoffedness about and hit save draft. So those
are the kinds of exercises that I, you know, do
that might qualify as journaling.
Speaker 4 (40:59):
And voice count, bullet points count. All of those still
count as long as it helps you get it out
and it helps you process it, and it's like having
a conversation with yourself, and it is all a fact
of helping you evolve. And mindfulness and meditation that also
(41:25):
helps as well, And these are all different things that
help you get through it. So weekly self check ins
are good because daily self check ins that might not
be practical for you, because again, sometimes you're on autopilot,
your schedule may not accommodate it. So those are different things.
Any type of honest conversation that helps you look within
(41:48):
and gives you some type of solidarity, whether it is
with yourself, with a trusted friend or even a coach,
can help you progress.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
Good. I encourage my clients that are coming to me
for happiness coaching to put an alarm every top of
the hour and it just says breathe, and that is
a form of self reflection because you're just taking a
moment to do the three breath technology in through the nose,
(42:19):
releasing stuff, shoulders, soft double seff knees in again connecting.
Speaker 16 (42:25):
Releaseing of stories and the drama and their breath, then
connecting with me through chet eternal energy that takes less
than twenty seconds.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
And in that time I can be out of the
do this, do that, do this, end up in do doo,
and it's con nect myself in my breath, which is
life energy to everyone around, as well as the energy
that creates the planets to make sure that they don't
run into each other at night and implode all of
(42:59):
us to death. The same energy that makes sure that
every drop of water and snowflake is different, the energy
that I call love source, whatever you want to call it, minds,
the ups man, my universal power source that delivers every
morning when I meditate. That moment of reflection allows us
(43:19):
to stop with those negative thoughts.
Speaker 4 (43:24):
Absolutely. I think one of the most important things is
to avoid judging yourself in the process, because a lot
of times we have so much compassion for other people
that we lack compassion for our selves and we need
to have more compassion, more self compassion, and just try
(43:47):
to avoid judgment on yourself as you reflect, because remember,
you just want to look at whatever you've done, even
if you consider it a missed take. You want to
have compassion on yourself. And reflection is not fixing, is
(44:09):
just noticing, Okay, And I think that that's important.
Speaker 3 (44:13):
Yeah. I love Gordon, the guy that guided Missile. I
learned this from John Cleese when I got to speak
on a stage with him. He was talking about creativity.
Missed takes another way to say that if you.
Speaker 13 (44:30):
Look at anything you would do in life, where did
we get the expectation that we're going to hit it
nail on the first time, first try?
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Life is about, you know, we take a shot and
the feedback says a little bit to the right, maybe
not so hard, right. That's that's life. In every single
thing that we try to do or or master or
succeed or learn, it is that process of try and
(45:04):
then go all right, how do we do on that
that It's not a negative thing, there's no value judgment
on it, it's just data. When did we turn that
into oh, you're so stupid. Why didn't you get that
right the first time? What voice is just your enemy?
Because that's not realistic. I love Abraham Hicks when she says,
(45:31):
you're never gonna get it done life. You're never gonna
get it done. You're just constantly grown understanding, and you're
never gonna get it wrong. There is no wrong. There
is just learning from whatever it was. It expands you,
it chisels you, so so go easy. I hope you're
(45:54):
hearing that from both of us. Go easy when you're
self reflecting, Go easy on your self, you know, take
away the back paddle. You know, nobody needs to, you know,
and let me just go ahead. And then I want
to say something. I don't want to keep talking. Go ahead,
(46:14):
I know you have other things.
Speaker 4 (46:15):
No, I was going to say that, And remember whatever
comes up when you're reflecting and when you're thinking, it's
just information. And as you look at the information, try
to look at it objectively, not judgmentally, and try to
(46:39):
process it in that same respect because a lot of times,
as we look at things and we process things, we
love to classify things, even ourselves, and label things. And
it's hard to not put things in a box, including
(47:03):
ourselves and me, I like to be a box breaker,
a glass shatterer, And that's just how I wrote. So
I want you to have more understanding for yourselves as
you move forward in this process, and as you close
(47:23):
out this year, and as you reflect and you pause
and look at your life and say, am I headed
in the direction I want my life to be in?
Because as a year end, people tend to be less compassionate,
more irritated.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
And you got this, Yeah, I'm going to put the
moose on the table. I've got both of them today.
That's my Canadian version of talking about the elephants in
the room. And both doctor Tiffany and I are have
directed most of our comments to the audience, who tends
to be harder on themselves. That's one of the things.
(48:04):
They're just automatically they're harder on themselves. So there's a
balance here. There are some people that may be listening
or watching, or you're thinking about them and going, oh man,
they need to look at themselves because they'd never look
at themselves. I'm thinking of one client I had who
had blind faith in himself, right. He never he was
(48:29):
always looking at what everybody else was doing wrong, never
looked at himself. He was the guy who if a
manager came into a meeting and said, you know, it's
come to my attention that somebody or some people are
you know, and doing something whatever it was, and all
(48:49):
the ones who are hard on themselves go, hh, is
she talking about me?
Speaker 8 (48:54):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (48:54):
Did I do that? And the one person she's actually
talking about him is clueless as to that was feedback
for him. That's why I tell managers, just go to
that person directly. Don't make it a whole group announcement,
because the people you really need that really need to
hear that. It's like they're oblivious because they don't think
(49:17):
it applies to them. So when we're talking about self
reflection and we're going easy on yourself, it ain't talking
about you. So if you're listening and you're a person
that never thinks that they might be a source of
the problem or contributing to the problem, if you're a
person that says, that's not my problem all the time,
(49:40):
this message is for you. Guess what, You may have
a little bit of responsibility in creating the situation that
you're in. And this is why I say, if the
same thing comes up, if three different people tell you
that you would be better off if you three different times.
(50:02):
It's not about them, it's about you boo. So that's
this side. Then, what we've been talking about is for
those of us, and many women fall into this category.
Not all, but many women are so hard on themselves
that it's ridiculous to try to You know, I don't
want you to self reflect because you already do too
(50:24):
much negative self reflecting. And I want you to go
to the bottom of the bun and look for the
things that you like about yourself.
Speaker 4 (50:31):
Think about the last week, the week that just passed,
and ask yourself three questions. What's one moment you're proud of.
What's one moment you'd like to handle differently next time?
Actually make it for what emotion has been the strongest
(50:55):
for you lately? And what do you need right now
to feel more grounded?
Speaker 3 (51:05):
Grounded as in balanced, grounded, as in happy, grounded, as
in what?
Speaker 4 (51:11):
That's just a personal question, Yeah, so it it's whatever
makes you feel better. Maybe I'll change it. What whatever
makes you feel better?
Speaker 3 (51:18):
So what?
Speaker 4 (51:20):
And you don't even have to answer it out loud
if it's up to you. Just these are just reflective things.
Speaker 3 (51:25):
To ask me the question again.
Speaker 4 (51:27):
Okay, So, what's one moment you're proud of?
Speaker 3 (51:30):
I took a situation that I could have ruminated and
like seized and been in my pisso offedness for probably
another week. I allowed it only to occupy me for
one day.
Speaker 4 (51:48):
Great, perfect, And what's one moment you'd like to have
handled differently next time?
Speaker 3 (51:57):
I wish I had not been walking and reading a text.
And I tripped and I fell hard enough on the
pavement to break a tupleware and bled because I'm on
the heavy duty blood thinners. And yeah, I and then
(52:19):
no one. Two people walk by, three people saw it,
three people drove by, and no one stopped to ask
if I was okay. But I'll keep it on me,
which is I was walking and reading a text.
Speaker 4 (52:35):
Okay, not a good idea. Okay, well most people do
that all the time. So but we could have had
more compassion as human beings. We could have there could
have been more kindness in the humankind. And what do
you need right now to feel more well? To feel better?
Speaker 3 (53:01):
I'm good. I honestly I I right at this very moment,
I don't need anything. I feel. I feel good.
Speaker 4 (53:13):
You feel good, Okay, what emotion has been the strongest
for you lately?
Speaker 3 (53:20):
Gratitude, so much gratitude for what I do have, where
I am the you know, the adjustment, and then knowing
that the blood clots are not h you know, horrible
in the sense that there's so much I can do,
not flying, and that I am open and receiving everything
(53:46):
that I'm supposed to be doing and it's not a
big deal.
Speaker 4 (53:54):
Great, and so I think that you are in a
great place, and you reflected very nicely. But this can
be applied to our listeners for them to think about
their past week and see how they would handle things differently.
Speaker 3 (54:17):
Questions Doctor Tiffany repeat them again so that people can
write it down and stop at the top of the
hour when you do your brother and ask those three questions.
Speaker 4 (54:26):
They are, what's one moment from the last week you're
proud of. What's one moment you'd like to handle differently
next time? What emotion has been the strongest for you lately?
And what do you need right now to feel more
grounded or to feel better?
Speaker 3 (54:49):
Great? So, what is a proud moment? What could I
have done? What would I have wanted to do differently?
Speaker 4 (55:00):
Mm hm okay, And what emotion has been the strongest
for you lately and what do you need right now
to feel better or to feel more grounded?
Speaker 3 (55:17):
All right, perfectly put in the chat, So you have
it to go and we're pretty much I guess we're ready.
Do you have any more research before I ask you
for your final word?
Speaker 4 (55:31):
I would say, just remember that the statistics show that
while ninety five percent of us think that we are
we're not, only fifteen percent of us truly self reflect
So the statistics are working against us. So it's something
that we definitely need to actively work on. And Maya
(55:52):
Angelo put it best, if you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, your attitude about it. And
I think that quote by my Angelo is spot on
because the definition of insanity is continuing to do the
(56:13):
same thing and expecting a different outcome. And I don't
know about you, but I'm not willing to label myself
as insane. I'm willing to make the necessary adjustments and
I'm willing to do what I can to be content.
(56:35):
And I believe that when it comes to peace, sanity
and stress free life, I can do what I need
to do to be content and I believe you can
do the same thing. So don't let people stress you out,
and don't let you stress you out. Forget about other people.
(56:59):
You have to live with yourself twenty four hours a day,
seven days a week. And if you are the main
person calls in your self stress, stop it. And that's
the main thing, self reflection, self compassion, and that's.
Speaker 3 (57:16):
The key to peace. Great was that your final word too?
Speaker 4 (57:20):
That is my final word?
Speaker 3 (57:21):
All right? My final word is can you can you
this year make a resolution to go from being your
own worst critic to your own best friend. That is
the Happy eighty eight challenge. I am putting together a
(57:42):
regular session to work with me once a week over
zoom from wherever you are. If you're interested in that,
go to my website and fill in the just on
the subject line and I'm compiling that right now to
get a common day during the week. And that's what
we're gonna do is just have a support system so
(58:03):
that you can have personal mastery. That's being your own
best friend. That's my final word. We always want the
best for you. I hope you've gotten that today. As
in all Wednesdays on doctors in the house with myself
and doctor Tiffany Tate. Thanks for joining us now, Doctor Tiffany,
(58:25):
take it.
Speaker 4 (58:26):
Out now, go and have the best day ever.
Speaker 3 (58:33):
Forgot to do the piece in Piece out World Peace
through inter Piece.
Speaker 10 (58:47):
Be safe, not sorry, don't drink and drive. Our sponsor
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Speaker 8 (59:17):
There's never been a better time for men to be
whoever they want to be. Yet it's never been less
clear who men really are. Guys Guy Radio starring author
Robert Manny, is on Caseyaa every Wednesday at eight pm.
Whether it's relationships, sex, wellness, or spirituality, join Robert as
(59:38):
he interviews the experts about how men and women can
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Speaker 1 (59:47):
Ten fifty AM, don't forget that number. And for you
young people who got here by accidentally fat fingering your
FM band selector, We're an AM radio station and AM
refers to more than just the time of day.
Speaker 8 (01:00:04):
Oh
Than just the time of day, Jump off that exhausting
amster wheel and into balance.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Living with Doctor Marissa from Missus Doctor Marissa, also known
as the Asian Oprah. Her mission to be a beneficial
presence on the planet, her purpose to be your personal advocate,
to live, lap love, learn her life motto, don't die wondering.
Take back your life with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
And welcome. You're to take my advice, I'm not using it.
Get balance with Doctor Marissa. In the morning, Joe, You're
on KAZAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports Radio
station AM ten fifty fam one oh six point five,
home to the Asian Oprah number one talk in the ie,
thank you very much, and streaming everywhere. I heart Radio, Spotify, Itubes,
(00:59):
gent in Audible, Amazon Music, t you Live, Rumble budgets,
a streaker, speaker and more. Why so many places. I
want to maximize my splatters over more open happiness. I
want to balance out all that values out there, also
known as the headlines with some good news so that
you don't end up in the morning with the case
(01:19):
of the four a'ies angry, aggravated, anxious, and afraid. Instead
I want you to finish up your breakfast with amazing
And that's why I'm here seven or six hundreds, oh,
seven hundred and ten consecutive weeks. I've been saying six
hundred and ten, Lord Almighty, over thirteen and a half years,
(01:40):
one thousand and three, one five hundred and thirty two
podcast shows, but he is counting. I'm so delighted that
I'm still here and that I get to bring you topics, guests,
series and co hosts, and that is no exception. Today
it is time for her Doctors in the house with
(02:02):
myself and doctor Tiffany Tate, and you will recognize her
because yeah, she's been coming at you, coming with me.
She's an MD. I'm a PhD, which just stands for
piled higher and deeper. But her medical doctor writt is
not the only thing that she is known for. She's
(02:24):
a US Navy veteran, published author, retired OBGYN from Compton, California, playwright, singer, poet, songwriter,
and more. She has many books, starting with the poetry
Book and now branching out into all kinds of very
helpful children's books, and her latest new hat in the
(02:47):
ring is as a congressional candidate. Please welcome back to
my studio, doctor tefany Ta.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Always a pleasure to be here. Happy Wednesday everyone.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
So ley, let's start with having some breakfast as per habit,
a good life habit. Top of the bun or sorry,
we take a bite of our gratitude sandwich, which means
top of the bun, what are we grateful for outside
of ourselves? And then on the bottom of the bun,
what are we grateful for inside of ourselves? This is
(03:27):
a hashtag bliscipline. The bottom of the bun we do
before we go to bed, but we're gonna model for
it today now, so you know what to do tonight.
Top of the bun is the regular gratitudes. And I
take this from Snoopy. There's always something.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
To be grateful for, and that's how we like to
start the morning, every weekday morning with me and every
Wednesday weekday morning with doctor Tiffany Tate. So I'm going
to pass the ball to you. What are you grateful
for this morning?
Speaker 4 (04:01):
I had such a wonderful, wonderful time since the last
time I had a chance to be with you on
the show. As you see, I am in my Christmas
elf gear today with my Christmas earrings and my Elf shirt,
and I've been spongs. I'm wearing my Christmas gear almost
(04:21):
every day. I have to wear my Christmas blank So
I am grateful for this Advent season as I go
to all my Christmas parties and I take my Christmas
goodies and I bake my Christmas goodies. So I am
grateful for Advent season as we celebrate the birth of
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
I am grateful that I love this season of joy,
whatever it is for you. Hanikka Kwan's Christmas, I just
love all of it.
Speaker 6 (04:54):
And as you can see, I don't have as much
bling on as she does, but I do have my
favorite little reindeer earis, which I love, and they're like
little glass you can't tell because you're not close enough
to touches, but.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
They're kind of cool. It's like a little art piece.
So I am grateful for all of the holly jolly.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
And this past weekend, I was very busy, so I
split it up into two gratitudes. But Saturday morning, I
had the chance to attend what's called the JFK Awards,
and I had the opportunity to meet politics girl and
one of the co founders of Midas Touch, and I thought,
you know, I'm like a big geek like that. So
(05:43):
I had an opportunity to talk to them, and that
was a big deal for me.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So I was like, yay me, Yeah, now Midus Touch.
Why does that like Midas the company?
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Well, they have like over seven million followers on all
different streaming forms, so it was it was fabulous for me.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
Why this touch is it a Is it a singing group?
Speaker 4 (06:09):
And they're not a singing group. They they have different
political they they're political group. I can't say a political group,
but they do political analysis and they just assess things.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
And so it was I don't know about it because
we don't Yes.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
No, we don't talk about that, but they just analyze,
they annow analyze things, and so it was just a
big deal for me.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
So I was like, you're a fan.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
I was fanning.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
That's funny. I am grateful that last night I got
to I thought of you and I thought of your kids.
Actually I went to and I love first my uh
best friend a Marie. I call myself the one third
because she has three best friends, so I'm one third
(07:04):
of that gang. And she took me to her son's
choral concert. So you see cal State Domingus. Hill's never
been there, lovely venue, and her son justin blew my
socks off with their choral group and they did their
(07:28):
full concert and it was so good and it was
like the use of silence was amazing to me. I
forgot to look up his name, but their choir director
made me want to add that to my list of
when I come back, like next life, I definitely want
(07:52):
to try to do that conducting. It looks so cool
and they were so good. So I'm grateful that I
experience that. And I got to go with her mom
and dad, and so there's another family of choice. So
this I'm grateful. I'll do mine and then you can
(08:14):
do yours, only because it relates. I'm grateful that I
have friends like Emory and doctor Tiffany. Because my kids
asked me to choose whether I got them for Thanksgiving
or Christmas, because they're going to go to their dad's
family since their dad's sister just passed early, and so
(08:36):
I won't have my daughters at Christmas, and I'm like,
meet me and then. But I've set it up where
Christmas Eve, I go to Amory's and they have a
tradition I've been there before where they do like a
gratitude exercise in the ring, you know, on Christmas Eve,
which I think is great right out my life alley.
(08:57):
And then Christmas Day I get to go spend with
doctor Tiffany's family, which I've done before as well, and
so I'm really grateful that I have families of choice
and that I may not be related even though I
go up for the picture of all the kid at
her birthday by accident, that I'm really really grateful that
(09:24):
I have colleagues friends. Colleagues have turned into friends that
turn into family of choices. So I'm grateful for you,
doctor Tiffany and your family, and I'm grateful for you.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
But I also had a chance to go to New
Jersey this weekend for Nathaniel's recital, and that was such
a fabulous experience. And I'm so grateful for his extended
family out there, because, as you know, this was his
first Thanksgiving away from his mom, so we spent a
(09:55):
lot of time on FaceTime, and I'm thankful and grateful
for his extended family out there. So I'm gonna sneak
in an extra one, and it was phenomenal. I had
the opportunity to see two concerts. He had his recital
on Sunday and then he had a chamber concert on Monday,
so it was phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah is it?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I just love? Okay, So let's go to the bottom
of the button. We can be here all day. We're
all our the bottom of the button. If you've never
done this exercise, it means at the end of the day,
I want you to fall asleep being grateful, not for
things outside of yourself, but things about yourself. Why because
(10:39):
we have generations now of people who are raised being
told don't toot your own horn, you're not all that,
in an effort well meaning, sometimes more mean than well,
of parents trying to keep you humble. But the downside
is we look for that approval all the time outside
of ourselves. And it is my bis my belief system
(11:02):
that good metal health starts right over here, and that
if I can approve of myself, if I like myself,
if I think that I'm all that most of the time,
then I'm less likely to go put antenna up looking
for love or likes literally in the wrong places. So
that's why we do this part. So it's so important
(11:24):
for you to know how one of a kind, wonderful
you are, so we anchor that with this exercise. So
I will start by saying, I like that. I appreciate
so much in life. Thank you. Someone just gave us
the finger, this one, not the other one. I appreciate
(11:45):
my ability to appreciate music. I love music and all
the different genres, and how beautiful it is that in
this lifetime humans have learned how to express through the
universal love language of music. I appreciate that. I know that.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I appreciate the fact that I have been able to
cultivate my children in a way that did not smother
their gifts, because a lot of times people are like, Okay,
I'm a doctor, you have to be a doctor. Or
I'm a nurse, you have to be a nurse. And
I have been able to say, Okay, I just want
(12:30):
you to be happy and do what makes you happy
and not necessarily follow in my footsteps. And I think
a lot of times we as parents have to be
able to step back and let our children find their
own niche in life. And I appreciate the fact that
I have been able to do that and let my
(12:52):
children find their own happiness.
Speaker 7 (12:54):
Let my children go.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Yeah, I appreciate that I've been a good mom, not perfect,
certainly better than my mom. It's a good thing about
generations is our only job is just to do a
little bit better than our parents did. And they did
the best that they could with what they had in
the time and reposes they learned from theirs, and there's
(13:22):
no parenting classes that are mandatory. So I appreciate that
I can give myself credit eighty percent of the time
I was a fabulous mom, twelve percent of the time,
passable eight percent of the time. In there, I go
up and down. So I think it's important that I
(13:45):
acknowledge that no matter how they're feeling about me, or
no matter what's going on in their lives. My heart
goes out to parents who thought they did a great
job and maybe their kids are taking some disc decisions
that maybe aren't the best for them. That doesn't take
away from what you've done. And during this season where
(14:06):
you will see your family more, I hope you remember
that you can give yourself you did the best that
you could.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
And I like the fact that I am able to
not take things personal. It took me a while to
get here. But I think a lot of times when
I was offended, I would internalize things. But now I'm like, Okay,
that sounds like a you problem. And it's funny because
(14:37):
my daughter would always say, well, that's a problem for
tomorrow me, not today.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I like that. I forgot that she said that. I
love that.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Experience, yes, and so I think it's a good way
to just relax, relate and release. And people die from stress,
and especially with the holidays coming up, you really need
to relax, relate and release. And I think if you
can live a life more relax, you'll be so much
(15:09):
better off.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Absolutely. I like that relax. What is it? Rel relate
and release, late and release. That's powerful. Relax.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Don't do it, I.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Do. Let it go, let it go. That frozen, Yeah,
I take up frozen a lot. I think that's good.
I think we had a good breakfast there. I hope
you joined me every weekday morning for breakfast in the morning,
different co hosts or guests, but always breakfast in the morning.
(15:51):
So I promise you that if you do this good
life exercise for twenty one consecutive days, whatever you think,
it makes a habit. Twenty eight thirty forty two. Zero
point seven percent of statistics are made up on the spot,
So we don't even know these days. How long it
takes to make a good habbit doesn't matter. Just do it,
(16:11):
gospel according to Nike, because I promise if you do,
you will sandwich your day in the most positive way.
Thanks for joining us for back then.
Speaker 8 (16:26):
And no.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Or the topic of the day, Doctor Tiffany, what is
the topic.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Of the name self reflection? Mirror mirror on the wall.
Let's take a look and see what we see.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I was trying to figure out how to rhyme that
mirror mirror on the wall. Let's go have fun and
a ball.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
No, that doesn't work, well, can go with mirror mirror
on the wall. Let's take a look and tell it all.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Oh, I like that. I did something, but I said,
I said, uh, mirror mirror, where is it on the wall?
I lost it? Uh? Oh, mirror mirror on my wall?
Speaker 9 (17:19):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
No reflection? I thought that was clever. Mm hmmm, I
guess you had to be there. Yes, why are we
talking about this?
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Well, A lot of times we have New Year's resolutions
and we decide to make a new us and make
a new you, and we decide we want to start over, Well,
what if we don't necessarily need to start over, Maybe
we just need to take a beat, take a pause,
(17:52):
and look, because self reflection is not always a bad thing.
It's just taking a pause on our life to make
sure we're actually heading in the direction that we want.
Because most of the time we are moving so fast
(18:13):
that we don't even notice our habits, our emotions, or
whether or not the patterns in our lives are the
things that we're repeating that we are happy with or
that we're not happy with. And what if we're going
in the direction that we actually like, Maybe we don't
need to change. Maybe we do, but we don't know
(18:36):
unless we reflect. So I figured this might be an
opportunity to take a beat and pick a.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Look and flip it over, slap it down, massage.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
It, smack it, flip it and reflect on it.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Well, I think that's gonna be a standing joke for
the rest of my life. There's like a block why
I can't say it like you say it, But maybe
it's better if I don't say it like you saying.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Back and flip it, rub it downright BBD.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I say it like it will it will come out
really different and not so grated.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Because you know, reflections are fabulous because it gives us
a chance to step outside of ourselves look at our
lives with just a little bit of clarity, and it's
not a bad thing. Reflection is just taking a look
because sometimes people are like, oh, in a punitive way,
you need to reflect on yourselves. But what if you
(19:40):
just need to reflect on yourself to say, oh, I
like what I did and it's not always a bad thing,
and I think we need to look at it that way.
What if you want to say, hey, that was really
good way to go.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Meet That's exactly why we do the gratitude sandwich, and
that's at the bottom of the bun is not focused
on what's wrong with you, but what's right with you.
So definitely, as you're talking, it reminds me. I used
(20:16):
to do a talk called the work Life Balance thing
like jump and jump off that hamster wheel into balanced living. Gosh,
it's been a while since I did that talk, but
I would start with the you know, how's your life
and it's like, oh, it's fine. Like the alarm goes off,
(20:37):
I hit snooze the alarm goes off, I hit snooze,
I get in the car, traffic, get to work, interruptions,
phone calls, problems, get back in the car, traffic, go
feed everyone, sit down, watch bad TV, forget the floss,
go to bed, the alarm goes off, snooze And then
we say, is it Christmas already? And that's exactly what
(21:03):
doctor Tivy's talking about. We're so like just not even
thinking we're in our habits. We are just constantly running
around and there is not that, you know, pause to
go take a breath, and yeah, do I even like
what I'm doing as a habit every single day? There's
(21:24):
plenty of self development teachers that talk about myself included.
You know, let's just write down what it is that
we do every day and look at is it working
for us or that?
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Yeah, figure out the why. And when you start asking
yourself the why, why you react the way you do,
what you do, what you do, why you make certain choices,
and what you really want, what you really need and
(21:57):
what you think you're supposed to need, that brings a
certain type of self awareness and that makes things more
powerful in your life and in your daily activities.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Absolutely, and when we say self reflection. Oftentimes the way
you said it, you need to reflect on that. It's
like a negative thing, and so my as usual misbalance.
I want us to balance out self reflection's constructive criticism
(22:33):
side with self approval, self esteem, acting on our own
behalf side, because without that, self reflection becomes another way
to beat yourself up, another way to shut on yourself,
another way to you know, be a feed your perfectionism,
which is a disase with life. And I don't want
(22:58):
you constantly being your own worst enemy or your biggest critic.
Why there's plenty of other people who we're going to
criticize you. I want you to know you know when
to what is it? YAYU right? Yes?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Way to go?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Me?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (23:16):
To go?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Meh? And when to go not the brightest greyon in
the box, move our sharpest stool in the shed action.
But hey, I did the best that I can. I
was not in a good place and it's.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Okay, absolutely, And it's okay to break out of old
cycles that are not serving you and to foster relationships
that go smoother. And when you understand yourself, you communicate better,
you have better relationships, and you set boundaries a little
(23:50):
bit more clear, and you show up with more empathy
for yourself as well as others. And that's what we
are here to do to try to help make your
lives better eighty eight percent of the time.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Absolutely, And for those of you who've tuned in the
first time, you welcome to take my advice. I'm not
using a kid balanced with Doctor Marissa the Morning Show
in our very special series every week every Wednesday morning
is Doctors in the House with myself.
Speaker 4 (24:20):
And doctor Tiffany Tate, and we are.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Here to up your happiness level eighty eight percent. Why
so many eights? I haven't said this in a while,
doctor Tiffany, so maybe it's time for a renewer. I
know that you thought I was Swedish, but I'm not.
I'm Chinese and eight is a lucky number in Chinese.
It's a homophone for good fortune. So in Mandarin, ba
(24:47):
is eight. Can you say that ba fa kind of
like affleck ba is a good fortune? Fa ba is eight,
so e r s ba is eight and then fa
(25:10):
is not do remi uh fa is good fortune. So
that's why it's a hama phone. It sounds like it,
and that's why eight is a lucky number, and you'll see, uh,
a lot of Chinese people will not buy a house
if it does does not have an eight in it.
And then, just because I'm on a roll, here, there's
(25:33):
a number that's not so good, which is four, because
is the way you say four in Mandarin the number
and shit is means dead, so it sounds like death.
So you'll see eight, but no fours unless you have
(25:54):
two fours, which equal eight. So then it's okay, okay, you.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
Know that, right, learn something new the two fours. Okay.
But here's what the statistics show. Most Americans, to the
tune of ninety five percent, they think that they are
self aware. But there's a caveat well not yes, yes,
(26:19):
sonetive percent of Americans think that they are self aware,
but the research suggests that only about ten to fifteen
percent of that ninety five truly are. Wow, we have
some work to do people. That makes this show even
more pertinent.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Right, absolutely. I have executive coaching clients C suite senior
VP directors, and one in particular my first session, when
I was asked to sit with him, he said, I
am not angry, right, okay, in that higher perage.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
He's part at ninety five, We're just gonna take a guess,
you know, they say denial. It's not just the river
in Egypt, right right. And so it's interesting because a
lot of times that's where we encourage people, you know,
to just take a pause, take a beat, and think
(27:28):
about where we are. So that means regular deep self
reflection is not common for the majority of people who
often operate on just autopilot. Though many practice some form
of daily reflection, whether it's journaling, meditation, or just simply
(27:49):
checking in on themselves period periodically, they don't really truly
understand the gist of what it means to think about
what it is they're doing in their daily activities.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
And I have my clients actually write down, especially the
ones that say I can't sitill and meditate. It's like, okay,
Then as you're trying to meditate and a thought comes across,
instead of releasing the thought, I want you to actually
write it down. And they begin to see the kinds
of thoughts that they have in their heads that is
(28:24):
keeping them from self reflection, and or the kind of
self reflection that they're doing that they keep pushing away.
So those thoughts being aware of the actual thought itself
and being an observer, watching your thoughts or being cognizant
of what you're thinking. That's the first step in self
(28:46):
awareness is separate yourself from what you're thinking.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Absolutely absolutely, because many people like that eighty five to
ninety percent who really are not self aware, they're just
functioning on autopilot because we're just going through the motions
on a daily basis. Just they just stay on that autopilot.
They're not questioning their behaviors, they're not questioning their motivations.
(29:11):
They're just functioning. They're just going through the motions. They're Okay,
I gotta go to the grocery store, I gotta get gassed,
I gotta cook dinner for the kids. I gotta spend
time with my you know, with my significant other. I
just gotta do. I gotta visit my sister. Yeah, I
just gotta do, gotta do, gotta do and significant other,
insignificant other. Just gotta go through the motions. Just gotta
(29:33):
get it done, gotta wake up, gotta do it all.
Yeah tomorrow, And they're they're just not thinking about what
it is that they need to do. Because true self
awareness is really knowing your values your strengths, your weaknesses,
and how others see you, how you see yourself, and
(29:53):
when you kind of step into that arena, you know
where you are, you know your leadership skills, your overall
well being, and you get better job performance. Hmm.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Absolutely, I lost the thought. I just got creative for
a second. You might be able to help me at this.
Pause is a good thing, the ability to just stop,
and it stands for please allow us some And I
(30:26):
thought about equanimity, but what do you think? What's that?
What's a good thing for? E? Pause equals please allow
us some energy? Anyways, it'll come. But I think that's
a good. Pause is a good you know, what's the word?
(30:48):
I'm looking for a code word? Right, let's pause and
you know, energize there we go to energize is to
do that, but we don't do that. It's a constant.
What is that forty eight thousand thoughts every day, whatever
(31:11):
that statistic is, and seventy five percent of them are negative.
That's a giant amount of negative stuff. And what's interesting
is a lot of my clients they go, oh, I'm
really hard on myself. But if they do that journal,
you know, and list down the thoughts. They're really critical
of other people. What's going through their head is all
(31:33):
judgment about other people.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
You know, what it could be for an exit, because
sometimes you just need a temporary exit.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
There you go, Please allow us some exit.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Yeah, you need to take a break. You need to
exit the highway of life for just a brief moment
because you want to pause, you want to test, take
a brief exit from going through the motions. Just take
a temporary exit before you enter the freeway again of
just going through those motions again.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Yeah. Yeah, And a lot of us, especially if we're
high over achievers, we're doing or do this, do that,
do this? As you were saying, do do do, and
you end up in do do?
Speaker 10 (32:13):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
We don't want to end up in do do. And
it looks like it's time to take a break already
for news, weather, traffic, and a word from our sponsors.
I want you to stay. I don't go away. We'll
be right back in two and two, as Chuck Willer
used to say. But I say peace in and piece out.
Don't go away, We'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Take back your life with doctor Maurice.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
Hello, my name is doctor Tiffany, and I am running
for the United States House of Representatives in California's fortieth district.
I am a mother, a veteran officer of the United
States Navy, and I am a board certified obstetrician and gynecologists.
Please visit my website at doctor Tate for Congress. That
(33:19):
is d r t A T E f O R
CO N g R E S S dot com. As
a mother, I understand how to take care of a
family and how to make ends meet, and I understand
what it means to struggle to provide. As a physician,
I understand the needs of health care policy, and I
understand how to make the decisions for you, your family,
(33:44):
your friends. Please there are only six physicians to caucus
in the physician Caucus. I do not need to live
in your district to make the decision necessary for the
United States. Donate to my campaign so I can make
policy better for the United States of America. Visit my
website at doctor Tate for Congress. That is d r
(34:05):
t A T E f O R ce O N
g R E S S dot com. My name is
doctor Tiffany Tate. I approve this man.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Well.
Speaker 11 (34:17):
She has been dubbed the Asian Oprah, and she just
wants all of us to be happy.
Speaker 8 (34:29):
Doctor Marissa a Ka the Asian Oprah.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Says, the most important thing you can choose is choosing
to be happy. You are tuned into my weekly talk
radio TV show called take My Advice, I'm not using it.
Speaker 12 (34:42):
Get balanced with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 11 (34:56):
That's the idea for doctor Marissa Pay's new book call
Eight Ways to Be Happy.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Many of us say, I am my own worst critic.
Nobody's harder on me than I am.
Speaker 13 (35:08):
And my response to that is stop it.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Why are you doing that to yourself?
Speaker 9 (35:14):
You have to be your biggest fan, because if you can't,
at the end of the day say I did a
good job, who is We don't have to constantly be
angry at the things that are wrong. Why don't we
choose to be happy about things that are right. We
have the choice.
Speaker 14 (35:30):
That's our muscle, and life is so amazing if we
can see it.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
With doctor mauriepe.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
And or back. You're tending to take my advice, I'm
not using it. Get balanced with the dot. Rest of
the morning show.
Speaker 15 (36:07):
You're on CASEYAA NBC News Radio AM ten fifty FM
one O six point five home to the Asian Oprah
number one talking the ie thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
At eight am drive time. I am back to my
favorite slot, the number one slot of listeners and watchers
as you drive to work. This is what I want
you to be doing, and I want you to be
mad at the people cutting you off, at least not
screaming on the outside, but instead listening, don't, don't comment,
(36:40):
but having breakfast with us with the gratitude sandwich, and
then listening and talking and discussing things like all the
great topics that doctor Tiffany Tate. Usually she picks the
topics like ninety eight percent of the time. Every once
in a while I bought in, But she's been pass
(37:00):
with that great task and she delivers every weekday Wednesday morning,
and today's no exception. The topic.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
Where's my self reflection?
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Beat me to the gong, so reflection, mirror, mirror on
my wall? Who is the happiest of them all? Instead
of who's the you know one that did.
Speaker 7 (37:30):
Oh I didn't do this, and oh I didn't do that,
and oh I should have done this, and oh should
should should not a good place to be. So we
are talking about strategies on how to get the most
out of self reflection.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I'm sure you have more stats.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Absolutely, absolutely yes. And so basically instead of it's like
watching a movie of your life, and instead of being
a harsh critic, you're saying, Okay, I saw that scene,
let's see how we can make it better. And it
helps you break unhelpful patterns and you now want to
(38:13):
improve upon it if you so desire. But again, like
I said before, what if you are happy with it?
But without reflection, people can repeat the same mistakes if
they see a mistake, So whether you're staying in that relationship,
falling in the same arguments, choosing environments that don't fit them.
(38:35):
So reflections help you see cause and effect, so you
can change the pattern and it helps to a build
emotional regulation or boost your confidence. And I think when
you kind of review these things, it can help you
align your priorities, your long term goals, and help with
your mental health. So one thing that they recommend you
(39:00):
consider doing is journaling. When you start to journal you
can kind of lay things out. Now, as far as journaling,
I love writing, but I'm not necessarily one for journaling,
but it can help you externalize your thoughts even five
minutes can work. I don't know about you, doctor Mersa.
(39:22):
Do you journal?
Speaker 3 (39:23):
I used to journal a lot. There was a time
I was going through a lot of stuff and it
was a journal slash gratitude exercise that I actually did
with Melody Beattie, who's the best selling author of Codependent
No More. And we had met but we were both
speaking in a conference. We became friends. She was one
of my first guests on my first year, and she
(39:45):
wrote a book about gratitude based on our Every night
we would do like a gratitude slash journal complainting complaining,
like we would get it all out to each other
and it was tremendously helpful. But I'm like you. We
are both writers. We write, uh, we make money from writing,
(40:07):
and we you know, we're in that thought process. So
if it's writing for just writing's sake and it has
no purpose, right, it is just like one of those
what am I doing that for? Just like reading? Right?
Both of us had to read so much during our
studies that it took me some years to want to
(40:28):
read something again. I have to be honest about that.
But my compromise, doctor Tiffany, is I do use voice
notes so I will talk to my phone and have
it capture how I'm feeling, and or I will vent
and write out a response to somebody that I'm really
(40:48):
in my pissoffedness about and hit save draft. So those
are the kinds of exercises that I, you know, do
that might qualify as journaling.
Speaker 4 (40:59):
And voice count, bullet points count. All of those still
count as long as it helps you get it out
and it helps you process it, and it's like having
a conversation with yourself, and it is all a fact
of helping you evolve. And mindfulness and meditation that also
(41:25):
helps as well, And these are all different things that
help you get through it. So weekly self check ins
are good because daily self check ins that might not
be practical for you, because again, sometimes you're on autopilot,
your schedule may not accommodate it. So those are different things.
Any type of honest conversation that helps you look within
(41:48):
and gives you some type of solidarity, whether it is
with yourself, with a trusted friend or even a coach,
can help you progress.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
Good. I encourage my clients that are coming to me
for happiness coaching to put an alarm every top of
the hour and it just says breathe, and that is
a form of self reflection because you're just taking a
moment to do the three breath technology in through the nose,
(42:19):
releasing stuff, shoulders, soft double seff knees in again connecting.
Speaker 16 (42:25):
Releaseing of stories and the drama and their breath, then
connecting with me through chet eternal energy that takes less
than twenty seconds.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
And in that time I can be out of the
do this, do that, do this, end up in do doo,
and it's con nect myself in my breath, which is
life energy to everyone around, as well as the energy
that creates the planets to make sure that they don't
run into each other at night and implode all of
(42:59):
us to death. The same energy that makes sure that
every drop of water and snowflake is different, the energy
that I call love source, whatever you want to call it, minds,
the ups man, my universal power source that delivers every
morning when I meditate. That moment of reflection allows us
(43:19):
to stop with those negative thoughts.
Speaker 4 (43:24):
Absolutely. I think one of the most important things is
to avoid judging yourself in the process, because a lot
of times we have so much compassion for other people
that we lack compassion for our selves and we need
to have more compassion, more self compassion, and just try
(43:47):
to avoid judgment on yourself as you reflect, because remember,
you just want to look at whatever you've done, even
if you consider it a missed take. You want to
have compassion on yourself. And reflection is not fixing, is
(44:09):
just noticing, Okay, And I think that that's important.
Speaker 3 (44:13):
Yeah. I love Gordon, the guy that guided Missile. I
learned this from John Cleese when I got to speak
on a stage with him. He was talking about creativity.
Missed takes another way to say that if you.
Speaker 13 (44:30):
Look at anything you would do in life, where did
we get the expectation that we're going to hit it
nail on the first time, first try?
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Life is about, you know, we take a shot and
the feedback says a little bit to the right, maybe
not so hard, right. That's that's life. In every single
thing that we try to do or or master or
succeed or learn, it is that process of try and
(45:04):
then go all right, how do we do on that
that It's not a negative thing, there's no value judgment
on it, it's just data. When did we turn that
into oh, you're so stupid. Why didn't you get that
right the first time? What voice is just your enemy?
Because that's not realistic. I love Abraham Hicks when she says,
(45:31):
you're never gonna get it done life. You're never gonna
get it done. You're just constantly grown understanding, and you're
never gonna get it wrong. There is no wrong. There
is just learning from whatever it was. It expands you,
it chisels you, so so go easy. I hope you're
(45:54):
hearing that from both of us. Go easy when you're
self reflecting, Go easy on your self, you know, take
away the back paddle. You know, nobody needs to, you know,
and let me just go ahead. And then I want
to say something. I don't want to keep talking. Go ahead,
(46:14):
I know you have other things.
Speaker 4 (46:15):
No, I was going to say that, And remember whatever
comes up when you're reflecting and when you're thinking, it's
just information. And as you look at the information, try
to look at it objectively, not judgmentally, and try to
(46:39):
process it in that same respect because a lot of times,
as we look at things and we process things, we
love to classify things, even ourselves, and label things. And
it's hard to not put things in a box, including
(47:03):
ourselves and me, I like to be a box breaker,
a glass shatterer, And that's just how I wrote. So
I want you to have more understanding for yourselves as
you move forward in this process, and as you close
(47:23):
out this year, and as you reflect and you pause
and look at your life and say, am I headed
in the direction I want my life to be in?
Because as a year end, people tend to be less compassionate,
more irritated.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
And you got this, Yeah, I'm going to put the
moose on the table. I've got both of them today.
That's my Canadian version of talking about the elephants in
the room. And both doctor Tiffany and I are have
directed most of our comments to the audience, who tends
to be harder on themselves. That's one of the things.
(48:04):
They're just automatically they're harder on themselves. So there's a
balance here. There are some people that may be listening
or watching, or you're thinking about them and going, oh man,
they need to look at themselves because they'd never look
at themselves. I'm thinking of one client I had who
had blind faith in himself, right. He never he was
(48:29):
always looking at what everybody else was doing wrong, never
looked at himself. He was the guy who if a
manager came into a meeting and said, you know, it's
come to my attention that somebody or some people are
you know, and doing something whatever it was, and all
(48:49):
the ones who are hard on themselves go, hh, is
she talking about me?
Speaker 8 (48:54):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (48:54):
Did I do that? And the one person she's actually
talking about him is clueless as to that was feedback
for him. That's why I tell managers, just go to
that person directly. Don't make it a whole group announcement,
because the people you really need that really need to
hear that. It's like they're oblivious because they don't think
(49:17):
it applies to them. So when we're talking about self
reflection and we're going easy on yourself, it ain't talking
about you. So if you're listening and you're a person
that never thinks that they might be a source of
the problem or contributing to the problem, if you're a
person that says, that's not my problem all the time,
(49:40):
this message is for you. Guess what, You may have
a little bit of responsibility in creating the situation that
you're in. And this is why I say, if the
same thing comes up, if three different people tell you
that you would be better off if you three different times.
(50:02):
It's not about them, it's about you boo. So that's
this side. Then, what we've been talking about is for
those of us, and many women fall into this category.
Not all, but many women are so hard on themselves
that it's ridiculous to try to You know, I don't
want you to self reflect because you already do too
(50:24):
much negative self reflecting. And I want you to go
to the bottom of the bun and look for the
things that you like about yourself.
Speaker 4 (50:31):
Think about the last week, the week that just passed,
and ask yourself three questions. What's one moment you're proud of.
What's one moment you'd like to handle differently next time?
Actually make it for what emotion has been the strongest
(50:55):
for you lately? And what do you need right now
to feel more grounded?
Speaker 3 (51:05):
Grounded as in balanced, grounded, as in happy, grounded, as
in what?
Speaker 4 (51:11):
That's just a personal question, Yeah, so it it's whatever
makes you feel better. Maybe I'll change it. What whatever
makes you feel better?
Speaker 3 (51:18):
So what?
Speaker 4 (51:20):
And you don't even have to answer it out loud
if it's up to you. Just these are just reflective things.
Speaker 3 (51:25):
To ask me the question again.
Speaker 4 (51:27):
Okay, So, what's one moment you're proud of?
Speaker 3 (51:30):
I took a situation that I could have ruminated and
like seized and been in my pisso offedness for probably
another week. I allowed it only to occupy me for
one day.
Speaker 4 (51:48):
Great, perfect, And what's one moment you'd like to have
handled differently next time?
Speaker 3 (51:57):
I wish I had not been walking and reading a text.
And I tripped and I fell hard enough on the
pavement to break a tupleware and bled because I'm on
the heavy duty blood thinners. And yeah, I and then
(52:19):
no one. Two people walk by, three people saw it,
three people drove by, and no one stopped to ask
if I was okay. But I'll keep it on me,
which is I was walking and reading a text.
Speaker 4 (52:35):
Okay, not a good idea. Okay, well most people do
that all the time. So but we could have had
more compassion as human beings. We could have there could
have been more kindness in the humankind. And what do
you need right now to feel more well? To feel better?
Speaker 3 (53:01):
I'm good. I honestly I I right at this very moment,
I don't need anything. I feel. I feel good.
Speaker 4 (53:13):
You feel good, Okay, what emotion has been the strongest
for you lately?
Speaker 3 (53:20):
Gratitude, so much gratitude for what I do have, where
I am the you know, the adjustment, and then knowing
that the blood clots are not h you know, horrible
in the sense that there's so much I can do,
not flying, and that I am open and receiving everything
(53:46):
that I'm supposed to be doing and it's not a
big deal.
Speaker 4 (53:54):
Great, and so I think that you are in a
great place, and you reflected very nicely. But this can
be applied to our listeners for them to think about
their past week and see how they would handle things differently.
Speaker 3 (54:17):
Questions Doctor Tiffany repeat them again so that people can
write it down and stop at the top of the
hour when you do your brother and ask those three questions.
Speaker 4 (54:26):
They are, what's one moment from the last week you're
proud of. What's one moment you'd like to handle differently
next time? What emotion has been the strongest for you lately?
And what do you need right now to feel more
grounded or to feel better?
Speaker 3 (54:49):
Great? So, what is a proud moment? What could I
have done? What would I have wanted to do differently?
Speaker 4 (55:00):
Mm hm okay, And what emotion has been the strongest
for you lately and what do you need right now
to feel better or to feel more grounded?
Speaker 3 (55:17):
All right, perfectly put in the chat, So you have
it to go and we're pretty much I guess we're ready.
Do you have any more research before I ask you
for your final word?
Speaker 4 (55:31):
I would say, just remember that the statistics show that
while ninety five percent of us think that we are
we're not, only fifteen percent of us truly self reflect
So the statistics are working against us. So it's something
that we definitely need to actively work on. And Maya
(55:52):
Angelo put it best, if you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, your attitude about it. And
I think that quote by my Angelo is spot on
because the definition of insanity is continuing to do the
(56:13):
same thing and expecting a different outcome. And I don't
know about you, but I'm not willing to label myself
as insane. I'm willing to make the necessary adjustments and
I'm willing to do what I can to be content.
(56:35):
And I believe that when it comes to peace, sanity
and stress free life, I can do what I need
to do to be content and I believe you can
do the same thing. So don't let people stress you out,
and don't let you stress you out. Forget about other people.
(56:59):
You have to live with yourself twenty four hours a day,
seven days a week. And if you are the main
person calls in your self stress, stop it. And that's
the main thing, self reflection, self compassion, and that's.
Speaker 3 (57:16):
The key to peace. Great was that your final word too?
Speaker 4 (57:20):
That is my final word?
Speaker 3 (57:21):
All right? My final word is can you can you
this year make a resolution to go from being your
own worst critic to your own best friend. That is
the Happy eighty eight challenge. I am putting together a
(57:42):
regular session to work with me once a week over
zoom from wherever you are. If you're interested in that,
go to my website and fill in the just on
the subject line and I'm compiling that right now to
get a common day during the week. And that's what
we're gonna do is just have a support system so
(58:03):
that you can have personal mastery. That's being your own
best friend. That's my final word. We always want the
best for you. I hope you've gotten that today. As
in all Wednesdays on doctors in the house with myself
and doctor Tiffany Tate. Thanks for joining us now, Doctor Tiffany,
(58:25):
take it.
Speaker 4 (58:26):
Out now, go and have the best day ever.
Speaker 3 (58:33):
Forgot to do the piece in Piece out World Peace
through inter Piece.
Speaker 10 (58:47):
Be safe, not sorry, don't drink and drive. Our sponsor
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Speaker 8 (59:17):
There's never been a better time for men to be
whoever they want to be. Yet it's never been less
clear who men really are. Guys Guy Radio starring author
Robert Manny, is on Caseyaa every Wednesday at eight pm.
Whether it's relationships, sex, wellness, or spirituality, join Robert as
(59:38):
he interviews the experts about how men and women can
be at their best guys, Guy Radio, better men, better world.
Speaker 1 (59:47):
Ten fifty AM, don't forget that number. And for you
young people who got here by accidentally fat fingering your
FM band selector, We're an AM radio station and AM
refers to more than just the time of day.
Speaker 8 (01:00:04):
Oh
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