November 21, 2023 • 42 mins
Michelle Madrid, an Emmy-nominated journalist, talks about her new book Let Us Be Greater: A Gentle, Guided Path to Healing For Adoptees.
Adoption can be a lifeline of support and opportunity for many people, but it also poses challenges and emotional conditions that are often silenced or left unaddressed. These include PTSD, the risk of suicide, and the fear of abandonment. Michelle Madrid, an author, an adoptee empowerment coach, and a foster child, has experienced these challenges firsthand.
She has learned that the complex emotions and psychological turmoil of adoption – including feelings of involuntary exile, anger, distrust, confusion, and unworthiness – are best addressed through identification, exploration, and understanding.
In her book Let Us Be Greater, Michelle writes with compassion and authenticity, offering adoptees and their families a chance to feel heard, seen, and understood. The book helps them build open, fulfilling, and healthy relationships. Adoption can be a lifeline of support and opportunity for many people, but it also poses challenges and emotional conditions that are often silenced or left unaddressed.
She has learned that the complex emotions and psychological turmoil of adoption – including feelings of involuntary exile, anger, distrust, confusion, and unworthiness – are best addressed through identification, exploration, and understanding. In her book Let Us Be Greater, Michelle writes with compassion and authenticity, offering adoptees and their families a chance to feel heard, seen, and understood. The book helps them build open, fulfilling, and healthy relationships.
We talk about
- A soulful approach to healing as adoptees
- Empower healing for not knowing from where you came
- The eight pain points where adoptees feel pain
- Clearing misconceptions about adoption
- Revisiting abortion acceptance
- Saying “you were chosen” is a heavy burden
- Disenfranchised grief
- How adoption is rooted in loss
Michelle Madrid is a life coach and guidance mentor passionate about igniting the light within every adoptee. She seeks soulful healing modalities to support clients in feeling a deeper connectedness with themselves and others.
.Michelle is a former foster child from the United Kingdom and an international adoptee. She understands the nuances of the adoptee experience. She considers it a great honor to guide adoptees back home to themselves as they embrace a deeper sense of identity and calling.
Michelle is a Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) Angels in Adoption Honoree and an inductee to the New Mexico Women’s Hall of Fame. She is a former Emmy-nominated television news journalist and an in-demand high-impact speaker with renowned domestic and international perspectives.
She is also the host of the Electricity of You podcast, sharing transformational teachings that nudge listeners to reach their potential. Her illuminating content and coaching offerings can be found at TheMichelleMadrid.com.
Michelle is a mother by adoption and birth. She’s an animal lover, a passionate equestrian, and a world traveler who feels at home no matter where she is because she’s found her home within.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:58):
Welcome Took It Offree, the consciousnesstransforming Podcasts for exceptional twenty first centree Living.
Folks, we have a very differentshow today. We're going to be
speaking with Michelle Madrid and we're talkingabout her book Let Us Be Greater,
A gentle guided path to Healing forAdoptees. And you know, folks,
is really amazing. We don't thinkabout adoptees. They're kind of like,
(01:19):
okay, deal with it. Wereally don't care. So this is going
to be insight on adoption. Andwhat was really interesting for me was I
have a girlfriend who is an internationaladopted child, and she called me right
before picking up before us recording thispodcast, and I thought that was kind
(01:42):
of interesting timing because I don't hearfrom her all the time, so we
could delve into that also a littlebit later. Now. The information shared
on Get Over It uses intuitive andpragmatic insight to help you shift your consciousness
to break through blocks and release energythat is no longer needed. Yes,
we're going to help you let goof the b has been holding you back.
But you guys know I always askare you truly ready to? And
(02:04):
by the way, folks, BSis belief system. A bit about me
for my new listeners, Intuitive sincebirth. I'm a third generation Intuitive with
over three decades of experience supporting peopleto break through the blocks along their path.
I'm a strategist for personal and professionaltransformation, revealing cutting edge information that
enables you to prosper and thrive.I spent twenty five successful years in corporate
(02:29):
America as an executive sales professional,and I am the founder of Healing Visions
Ministries and the Northern Color and YourChildren's Education Network at five OHO one C
three nonprofit. I provide consultations andhealings in all areas of life that heal
the mind, body, spirit connection, allowing you to live your very best
life now. My clients tell methat I keep it real while providing them
(02:51):
with accurate information to a system alongtheir journey as a spirit living in human
existence. But they also say,if you really don't want to know,
don't ask Monique. My background includesa doctorate metaphysics, Rinki Master teacher or
day minister, and clinical hypnotherapist.So whether you are stressed, depressed,
or opposest, I can hope tofind out more about me and the services
(03:14):
I offer gook to my website andthat's only Chapman dot com. I invite
you to like and follow me onFacebook and LinkedIn. Adoption is a lifetime
of support and opportunity for thousands.It also brings challenges emotional conditions that are
often silenced or left unaddressed, includingPTSD, risk of suicide, and fear
(03:38):
of abandonment. My guest today,Michelle Madrid is the author of let Us
Be Greater, a gentle guide guidedpath to healing for adoptees, and host
of the Electricity of You podcast.She is an international adoptee, former foster
child in the UK, and anadoptee empowerment Life Coast coach who has been
(04:01):
recognized as an Angels in Adoption Honoreeby the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and
inducted into the New Mexico Women's Hallof Fame for her work and adoption.
She lives in southern cal and youcan visit her at her website, and
that is the Michellemadrid dot com.T H E M I C H E
(04:27):
L L E M A D RI D dot com. Welcome Michelle,
Well, thank you Monique. It'san honor to be here with you today.
Well, it's great to have you. Now. When you came online
and we talked, I called youa different name. Do you want to
share that experience. I'm still tinglingfrom it from the tips of my toes
(04:49):
to the top of my head.And as I share in the book Let
Us Speak Greater, it's you calledme by my original name, by my
very first name, which is JuliaDawn, and that's who you addressed me
as you said hello to Julia danIt meant everything to me. And then
(05:09):
you said something that I think causedme to tingle even more, and it
brought tears to my eyes. Yousaid something to the effect of, you
know, the essence of who wetruly are is found in our given name.
It really is a gift to meon this day because it is the
journey, and it is the journeythat I write about in the book.
It has been my personal journey ofyou know, going deep to get back
(05:32):
to the essence of me, theessence that I felt so you know,
cut off from for such a longtime as an adoptee. And so it's
just such a gift to address meby the name, and it just was
beautiful, and so thank you forthat recognition because it truly represents I think
(05:53):
the fullness of who I am today. It most definitely does. And you
know, folks, if you're newto listening to me, I always tell
everyone that your given name, whateveris on your birth certificate, is the
energy that your soul came to earthon. Now you may not like the
name, you might change it lateror whatever, but that original energy is
(06:16):
still there. So if you havechanged your name or altered it in any
way, and I'm not talking nicknames, I'm talking given names. When you
professionally give your name to someone,when you do that, you're tapping into
your soul. Okay, so it'sgoing to be very important to be cognizant
(06:36):
of what that is. And ifyou're having a hard time and you've changed
your name, try going back toyour other name for a little while and
you'll notice a more difference because that'sthe energy that your soul came to earth
on. So thank you so muchfor being on the show. As I
shared with you, I have agirlfriend that called right before the show,
and she's also an international adoptee,and in fact, she found and her
(07:00):
sister about two years ago, andthis woman is in her sixties and her
sister's at her house and she invitedme over. So after I do this,
I'm going to meet a new person. So how is it that,
Michelle, that we get so lost? First of all, we don't acknowledge
adoption a lot unless you are inthat process. And then we don't realize
(07:27):
the loss that people suffer because they'readopted. Yeah, that's been something overlooked
for decades and decades and decades.You know, the fact, the very
real fact that adoption loss is real, and that something had to come apart,
if you will, before something elsecould come together. One family had
to go through a severing before anotherfamily could be sown, and that that
(07:50):
loss is overlooked a lot of times, I feel like within the wider narrative
of adoption, there's a all focuson our greater focus on the child coming
into his or her new surroundings,and we tend to look at adoptees as
sort of blank slates. They entertheir new surroundings as a blank slate,
(08:13):
and then from there they're molded.Maybe their name is changed. They're in
a new family, within a newculture, perhaps a new country, and
everything starts from there. What wehaven't recognized, what we're beginning to recognize.
And I'm so grateful that you're havingme on your amazing podcast to talk
about this because it's so important.Is that a loss had to occur,
(08:37):
and that loss, I believe needsto be tenderly held and explored. The
grief process needs to be traveled through. We need to feel what we need
to feel in order to heal asadoptees, and also to bring those earliest
parts of ourselves, the very essenceof who we are along with us into
(09:01):
the new surroundings, into this newlife that we've been given, so that
we can continue to go and togrow feeling a sense of wholeness and completeness
within. I think when we don'tlook at the loss, then we live
separate from that place of essence,and there's a great deal of grief that
(09:22):
we don't deal with that would allowus, I think, to really look
at what you call the BS,the belief system of our earliest circumstance,
and do the work, if needed, of shifting some of our beliefs in
order to empower ourselves forward. Youknow, it's interesting because even if you're
(09:46):
not adopted. If you are aproduct of an early broken home or a
parent who's passed away at a veryearly age, as I was with my
mom, there's a void, there'sa missing and for me it led to
abandonment issues. And I wasn't eventechnically abandoned the woman passed on. So
(10:07):
how is it with an adopted person. I mean, do you feel that
the biological parents just didn't want youand it's you're hurt by that, or
do you ever get to a pointof understanding that they did what they felt
was necessary at the time. Youknow, an adoption for the adoptee is
(10:28):
a lifelong journey, and you know, certainly we don't solely hold the experience
of feeling abandoned in our lives orrejected in our lives. But you know,
I think when you come from abroken home, a broken place,
when you feel that void, whensomething is missing, when you feel displaced
in some way, marginalized, perhapswithin your own thoughts, your own feelings,
(10:54):
that I think those limiting beliefs juststart to be seated. And so
I definitely struggled, as many adopteesdo, with the question of why why
did the very people who should havestayed with me, protected me, loved
me. Why did they leave?Did I do something wrong? Is there
something about me? You know?I used to believe that I was just
(11:16):
somehow tainted, that I had forsome reason come into this earth, into
this physical experience, damaged as damagedgoods. And you know, if you
look at my foster records, itcertainly mirrored that. I mean, I
was called this difficult place within myfoster records, you know, illegitimate,
unwanted, all of these words.And I think those are logos of limitation
(11:39):
that can stay with us, andthey can they can darken our spirit,
They can I think several us disconnectus from that place of essence within us.
And so that journey for me hasbeen a profound and meaningful one to
open those areas of my life thatfelt so closed, you know, and
(12:03):
to work through the messaging that weoften get as adoptees that you know,
you don't need to know, justbe grateful, just move on, that
doesn't really matter anymore. The factof the matter is that for adoptees it
might very well matter to them,and so allowing them to find sacred space
(12:26):
to explore what their own personal,unique journey means to them and those feelings
of being somehow broken, left behind, that void that you speak of.
It is so crucial that adoptees areallowed that journey of self discovery to come
home to themselves and reunite with themselveson the deepest levels and to answer for
(12:48):
themselves what this unique experience means tothem, versus having those on the outside
tell them what this should mean,what they should feel to them. And
I think that is a beautiful andproactive step to take as an adoptee and
a gift to give yourself. Inyour book, you talk about their eight
(13:13):
pain points, these places that hurtfor adoptees, to share some of them
with us, because I think that, as you just said, people feel
you should be grateful and you know, someone took you and someone loved you,
so they'll get over it. Andit's like, no, it's not
quite that simple. So what arethey eight pain points? They are you
(13:37):
know, the pain of feeling unwelcomein the world. I'm feeling that sense
of marginalization oftentimes, you know,adoptees will refer to that as just being
I feel like I'm a foreigner inmy own life a stranger to my own
life. So that's certainly a painpoint that comes up often, the sense
(13:58):
of just broken bonds and just said, deep profound sense of loss, something's
missing right. And then you know, being denied access to truth, being
told what the truth is from youknow, another version, someone else's version
of what your truth should be isreally hard. That can even be you
know, the denial of access toyour medical records, just you know,
(14:22):
truth after truth after truth. Sometimesadoptees can feel just very much closed off
from those things, familial rejection andwords that harm, you know, words
that harm like oh just be grateful, just get over it, you know,
can be hurtful and can diminish Ithink an adoptee spirit and certainly their
(14:43):
voice, their true voice. Ithink distrust adoptees douce often struggle with the
ability to trust others and themselves inthat sense of banished biology, being left
behind, left out of pleasing othersversus pleasing the self. That's a big
(15:03):
one. Will all thing come tome and say, you know, I
feel like I just live my lifeto please others because I'm so afraid of
being rejected if I don't, andso I just play a role in my
life versus really stepping into my lifeas my authentic self and the lack of
transparency and acceptance. And I thinkthat starts with self acceptance and sense of
(15:26):
self transparency, really being true withourselves and accepting ourselves scars, flaws and
all. As I like to say, is a beautiful gift. So those
are the points of pain in thebook that I moved through and through the
work. You know, really hopeand pray that adoptees will find the door
(15:48):
the pathways, turning those points ofpain into their points of light so that
they can really illuminate their way forwardand working with adoptees. Have you ever
crossed someone who says, you know, well, back then abortion was legal,
I wish they had just aborted meinstead of putting me through this hell.
Yeah yeah, And that's I mean, even hearing you speak those words
(16:11):
breaks my heart because I hear thata lot. And you know, here's
the other thing. It's interesting becausewhen adoptees as we are more and more
we are you know, connecting.Social media is a powerful tool for that.
We are emerging into our own truth, sharing our perspectives, our experiences,
we will sometimes and maybe more thansometimes, be told well would you
(16:37):
rather have just been aborted or leftin the orphanage, or you know those
kind of things, And that's notThat is a that is a real point
of hurt that we deal with sometimesfeeling like we live in between two lives,
which is not really living in mypoint of view. I felt that
way for a very long time.I used to say growing up, I
(16:59):
feel like I lived between two shores, England and the US, and I'm
somewhere in the middle, struggling tokeep my head above water. And I
don't really feel like I'm living.It's you know, I'm living but not
quiet. It's dying but not really. I just didn't feel fully alive.
And certainly that is a hurt thatI hear some adoptees saying that this pain
(17:22):
is so great for me that Ijust wish I'd never even been born.
And what about the opposite. Ihad a client years ago, and she
was not adopted, but she hadtwo adopted siblings, and one day she
overheard her mother talking to one ofthe adopted siblings. They were having a
(17:47):
hard time with something, and themother said, but I chose you and
that upset the biological child. Canyou talk to us a little bit about
that type of dynamic where the biologicalchild might feel less than than the adopted
Yeah, you know, I havemy eldest son is biological, and then
I have two amazing kids who werebrought into my life through international adoption,
(18:17):
Ian from Russia and Vianna from Ethiopia. And then my eldest son is Christian.
And you know, I've been verycareful about that word. I've never
I've never said to my children ofadoption, you were chosen, because it
really carries a heavy weight. Howwe take that in as adoptees now and
(18:41):
I can talk more about that,I just wanted to say addressing it from
a biological perspective of being a biologicalchild inside of a family with adoptive siblings.
I think hearing a parent say butyou were chosen to the adopted sibling
could leave perhaps a biological sibling feelinglike, well, but I wasn't was
(19:03):
I was I chosen? Do?I you know, I think we have
to be careful with a word fromthe adoptee perspective. If if if an
adoptive parent, and believe me,my adoptive mother said this to me often,
you know, but you were chosen. It also means that someone decided
not to keep me so on youknow, in my earliest life, I
wasn't chosen, and that brings alongits own points of pain. Adoptees have
(19:29):
often also been aware of the factthat they came into their adoptive families after
their parents struggled, maybe with infertility, and so sometimes being chosen can carry
the weight of but as second choice. So I think that we just have
to be careful with that word andhow we use it, and understanding that
(19:55):
it is a nuanced word and peopletake that word in a different way ways,
and so I think it's just aword we have to be It's a
tricky word, Monique. It's atricky word, Yes it is, Yes,
it is. Well, you know, in your in her book,
folks, she has a lot ofexercises, and at first I was like,
(20:15):
well, what kind of exercises canyou do if you're accepted to you
know, really embrace you know whoyou are. She has many exercises in
the book, and one of themin the book is putting down the baggage
exercise. Talk to us about whyyou have exercises in the first place,
(20:40):
because it's all about your electricity,I think. And why is it,
you know, important to embrace exercisesaround this? I mean, who would
have thought? Yeah? I thinkthere are you know, tools and approaches
to help us stop and reflect onperhaps a page that we've been carrying with
(21:00):
us, maybe that we haven't beenaware of something that's showing up, causing
a certain behavior pattern in our lifethat maybe isn't serving our highest good.
What are those tools and approaches,visualizations and methods that can help us just
to I think, center in sitin stillness and become more aware of the
(21:22):
workings of our heart and our soul, what's really going on deep within us.
I mean I think oftentimes, andI did this for a long time
ownigue. I was the big avoiter. I wanted to have the perfect grades.
I wanted to be as perfect aspossible. I wanted to have the
best career. I wanted to keepmoving. I chose I chose a news
career early on because I think itjust kept me moving and you know,
(21:47):
there was always something new, andI really didn't have to sit with myself.
Wasn't until I left that world thatI, you know, started embarking
on this journey of self descis discoveryand self awareness and really self love and
coming back to the roots of me, you know, the seeds of me,
(22:07):
and really nurturing that in our garden. And I think these tools can
be those things that help us toturn the soil over, pull out the
weeds of the things that aren't workingin our life, and begin to nourish
ourselves with what is whole and beautifulin life, affirming so that we can
grow just this beautiful garden within usthat sustains us forward to do what we're
(22:29):
here to do in this life.And so putting down the baggage is one
of those tools. It's really stoppingto recognize, what is the baggage that
perhaps I've been caring for a reallylong time that was never mind to carry
at all. Is it something thatan adoptive parent said, like just be
grateful? And so I've lived mylife disassociating my need to grieve or from
(22:53):
my need to grieve, disconnecting fromthat part of myself. What are the
things that I need to finally,once and for all put down so that
I can free myself up to moveforward in my life and you know,
change my belief system to one thatreally empowers me and illuminates it. Again,
(23:15):
I always like to say illuminates meforward, but that's what I really
feel since I'm coming home to myselfwhere that porch light has always been on.
Yet I didn't really want to takethat turn down that road because it
can be scary to look at ouryou know, our in our most thoughts
and feelings and those places within usthat need to be healed in order for
us to grow and step into thenext version of who we're here to be.
(23:37):
And I think that's beautiful soul work. So this is one simple but
I think profound exercise that adoptees cando, actually that anyone can do.
Who maybe feel like I've been hearingsome stuff around and it does feel like
sort of heavy BSGE. I needto change the belief system. I need
(23:59):
to put these things down. Whatare the things that I'm believing that are
holding me back? What are thoselimiting beliefs, and let me put them
down and begin the work of discoveringwhat is my limitless truth and really standing
in that, you know, firmlystrongly in my truth. Taking back my
life, my voice, so thatI can be you know that offering to
(24:22):
myself, to those I love aroundme into the world ultimately and do the
work that I was placed here todo. You know that sounds wonderful,
but it also sounds daunting because it'slike you're tackling this all by yourself unless
you are aware of another sibling thatyou have. So how do you stand
tall within this energy and just forgeforward no matter what anyone has to say?
(24:48):
Well, you know, I usedto think that I had to heal
all by myself, that I couldn'task, I couldn't trust anyone to be
there for me as I healed becauseI couldn't trust anyone with those uncomfortable parts
of my life story, those uncomfortablethoughts, feelings I might be thinking,
feeling, And so I do believethat it takes a village. It really
(25:14):
does take a community, And Iwould always urge adoptees to connect with other
adoptees because Nonick, I don't know, I would you agree. I think
very strongly that there is power insomeone being able to look at you and
say I understand, yes, ButI've been there too, and I understand.
I do get it and let me. Let me be that safe,
(25:37):
sacred soft place for you to land. I'm here to hear you, not
to judge you. I'm here tounderstand more and more and more deeply and
completely so that yes, we canget over it, we can move through
it, and we can step forwardtogether. I just think I have received
(25:59):
such a power healing just knowing thatI'm not alone. And I don't know
if we are made to heal allby ourselves in isolation. There's certainly a
lot of work that we can doin stillness, and I write about that
in the book. To become ourown best friend, like I really,
(26:19):
you know, reconnecting with my firstmet, little Julia down the little one
I was before adoption happened in mylife and becoming her own best friend and
knowing that she's Lyne and that we'rein this together has also been hugely healing
for me. And then allowing myselfto share my story and the insights that
(26:42):
I've gleaned along the way with awider community, adoption community, adoptee community,
you know, has been has beenvery healing for me. We learn
from each other, we grow together, we heal together, and I think
that's a beautiful thing. It mostdefinitely is. Well, what is the
biggest misconception about adoption that people youknow, the late person who's not in
(27:06):
the energy of adoption or even closeto someone who has been adopted. What
is the biggest misconception that people have? Oh, I think that there's no
loss to be grieved, that somethingat first, you know that something at
first didn't come apart in order forsomething else to come together. As I
briefly mentioned on earlier, that theredidn't have to be a goodbye before there
(27:30):
could be a hello. And Ithink that earliest chapter of the adoptee's life
has just been sort of skipped overand ignored so for so so, so
very long. And I do believethat the biggest source of healing is recognizing
that the loss is real, Ithappened, it exists, and it's okay
to say that out loud. We'renot here to hurt anybody as adoptees by
(27:51):
saying that a loss happened in ourlife, that we that we need to
look at that we and we desireto heal. And I think even if
your adoption story has in your eye, in your eyes, you know been
like total blessing, and I lovethat. You know, we need to
as a community be able to receiveand honor and embrace everyone's journey and everyone's
(28:14):
perspective as adoptees. So even ifan adoptee says, you know, it's
oh, this has been a totalblessing for me. I think acknowledging that
there was an early loss can openup a part of themselves that maybe close,
that maybe they don't even recognize,and a part of yourself that needs
to be explored in order to stepinto the greatest version of who you're here
(28:36):
to be. I just think thatthis thought that we have to pretend that
the loss didn't happen in order forus to be accepted and loved by others
and even by ourselves is a misconceptionthat we really need to look at and
heal and shift. I'd like thatshift. So what advice would you have
(28:56):
for someone who you know to say, ling's one both are adopted. Ones
had a wonderful life growing up andthe other one not so much. But
they meet later on in life andthere's resentment there. How can one heal
the resentment? Well, I thinkhonoring that our journeys first and foremost are
(29:17):
unique and different, you know.I remember thinking, I mean, this
really sparks a memory in the moneycan I share? And I think it
probably is getting to the question thatyou've asked. I remember reuniting for the
first time with my first mom mybiomum in England and the first time I
(29:40):
met her son, Paul, myhalf sibling. I remember he said something
to me like because he knew Ihad, you know, been adopted and
been taken to America, and hesaid something to the effect of, oh,
lucky you didn't you have it good? You grew up in America with
you know, all the And itwas really hard to take because I think
(30:03):
it's it was it was not havingthe ability to even ask or witness,
well, what has this been likefor you? And I don't I don't
want to judge this. I justwant to again getting back to understanding.
I want to understand your journey.I want to hold with you the journey
(30:25):
that you've you've had, as youhold the journey I've had with you.
I think we can be there foreach other in greater ways and certainly more
powerfully healing ways if we're able toaccept and witness another person's journey without judgment
and not take it as as ifsomething has been taken from us, because
(30:45):
there's has been different. It isjust different. You know. Adoptees will
say, I don't think my lifeis better because I was adopted. It's
just different. I you know,And we can't know completely the fullest workings
of what our life would have lookedlike had we remained within our bio family,
biocuntry, biosurroundings for surroundings. ButI do believe that it's very important
(31:12):
to be able to witness another's journeyand not to see it as something that
takes away from your own. Justunderstanding we have difference, we have different
perspectives and different experiences, and throughthat, if we're willing to listen,
we can learn a whole lot,and I think better heal ourselves individually and
(31:33):
collectively. If that answers your question, it most definitely does. Thank you
very much. Now I've heard,and I don't have facts on this,
it's just hearsay that these days,if adoption it can be like an open
adoption. People can find out,you know, who their biological parents are,
or even interact with them if that'ssomething that they choose to do.
(31:56):
So could you talk to us aboutthis new tipping point, if you will,
where adoption is about to change tomake it a bit easier for adoptees
to find out information about themselves.You know. I think the more we
talk about it, the more awarenessis raised about the need to know.
I mean, I don't know ifanyone in life, adoptee or non adoptee,
(32:22):
would just be willing to say Iguess I just don't need to know
if there is a desire inside ofyou to know more of your fullest story.
You know, certainly there are differentkinds of adoption. There's closed adoption,
there's open adoption where adoptive parents,the adoptee would have more access to
(32:44):
bio parents, bio family, maybemedical information. It looks different with each
and every adoption. And there's transracialadoption, trans cultural adoption. But I
think when you get to openness,we are seeing more and more. I
think that shift to how important itis for adoptees not to live within these
(33:08):
closed walls, these closed doors andjust you know, living a life where
we're just told it doesn't matter,you can't know this, and so openness
is so key for those of uswho grew up in closed adoption. You
know, sometimes these answers don't come, and so part of the book and
(33:30):
part of the exploration of the soulfulapproach to healing as adoptees is, you
know, to open up areas ofourselves inside within us and access a deeper
meaning, a deeper understanding of ourselfsand you know, getting back to the
essence of who we are. Ilove how you say that. It's so
(33:52):
true, and so I do believewe're at a tipping point where from a
adoption being looked at as moving towardmore openness in the structure of adoption,
where there is some access between biofamilyadoptive family, there is information that is
(34:16):
open. Depending on the situation andthe circumstance, again that will look different.
But also there is a shift towardopening ourselves up as adoptees to our
truest voice, to a place withinus that feels like essence, a place
(34:39):
within us where we feel connected toan identity that feels authentic. I think
that is the work that many adultadoptees are doing, Many of us who
grew up inside of more closed arrangementsadoption arrangements. And so this word open
is one that I think you hearinside of our community on different levels,
(35:01):
because we are opening ourselves up tounderstanding that adoption ultimately is really about share
family. Your child comes to youwith a biofamily, and that should be
shared and embraced. And again,every circumstance is different, but oh my
(35:22):
goodness, if you've adopted a child, please don't ever speak negatively of the
bioparents. Keep that to yourself,because ultimately an adoptee will take that and
it will become a limiting belief aboutwho they are, what they're here to
do. And so I just thinkopenness in the way of let's always stay
(35:44):
open to hearing our adopted children asthey go and as they grow, and
as we move into adulthood, Let'sstay open to hearing the workings of our
own hearts and our own voices,and let's trust in let's trust in that
journey, in that process as weagain come home to ourselves and reconnect with
(36:07):
those places that maybe have felt somehowlost, in those ways where maybe we
have felt somehow alone. Well,that's wonderful information for everyone, not just
adoptees for everyone. Now, whenwe go to your website, the Michelle
Madrid dot com, what are wegoing to find there? Oh my goodness,
(36:30):
thank you. This has been sucha wonderful labor of love. The
electricity of you. When I wasa little girl growing up as an adoptee,
there were times and I, youknow, I grew up inside of
a home with an adoptive father whostruggled with alcohol alcoholism, and there were
(36:51):
many times inside of my adoptive homewhere it felt pretty dark, and I
used to think to myself, inthe dark of night in my bedroom,
there's a light inside of me.Just know it. I just wish I
could, you know, find it. There's so much of my early story
just made me feel sort of likethat light had been dimmed. And so
the electricity of You is all aboutreigniting that light inside of yourself, the
(37:15):
essence of who you are, sothat you can really step into that illuminating
version of you and light up theworld, light up your life, light
up how you love, light upyour relationships, light up your purpose and
your calling. And so everything withinthe Electricity of You is centered around,
(37:36):
framed around how do we reconnect tothose places inside of ourselves that feel that
we feel disconnected from how do wereignite that light and step forward? So
there's a podcast there, the Electricityof You podcast that is such a beautiful
offering. I love hearing from womenand their journey of reconnecting to their light
(38:00):
and how that has led them forwardinto living out their purpose and calling.
And there's information on my coaching andon my personal journey. So I would
love folks to visit me there andyou know, together, let's ignite the
electricity of who we are. Whocould we not light up the world if
we all plug back into that,Yes, we could. And you don't
(38:22):
have to be adopted to do that, do we we shirt? We sure
don't. There's a lot in thislife that can cause us to disconnect from
that spark within, and so Iwant to do my part and help helping
people reconnect with that spark and juststignity and igniting it into like this,
the most illuminating flame possible. Wellthat's changed, you know, one person,
(38:45):
one step at a time. Itabsolutely positively works. Julia down,
I've really enjoyed our time together.We're almost at the end, but I'd
love for you to share some wordof wisdom, a pearl of wisdom with
our audience today. Please, Oh, you know what comes to me is
you know change begins within and Iwant you to remember, if you can
(39:08):
place your hands over your heart inthis moment, contemplate that your heart beats
for you one hundred thousand times aday. You don't even have to think
about it. It beats for you. It is a gift. You are
a gift in this life. Andas you hold your hands over your heart,
I'd like you to think about thelight within and understand that the light
(39:29):
around you is great, but thelight within you is greater. And believe
in the light of you and dothe beautiful work each and every day to
reconnect to that place within. Itis just such a beautiful gift to yourself
and truly know that there is alight within you. It is the essence
of who you are. And thegreatest gift you can give to yourself to
(39:52):
me to monique into the world isto plug back in and shine, truly
shine in your own, unique,authentic a way. And that's what it's
all about. And if you cando that, whatever your BS belief system
is, to get there, doit because it's much needed right now,
(40:13):
much needed in this world. Michelle, thank you so much for your time
today. I still love calling youJulia Don, though, but thank you
so much for your time today.I greatly appreciate it. Thank you so
much. You can call me JuliaDon anytime, you know. I also
sometimes I sign off going sincerely Michelleaka Juliadan. So I think I'm going
(40:35):
to do that more and more andmore. Thank you for that gift today,
Moneique. It's been such a pleasure. Oh it has an I wish
you all the best. You've gota lot of positive energy and folks,
you know, I have the feelingshe hasn't put this out there, but
I have the feeling that even ifyou're not adopted and you're working on some
of the issues that adoptees go through, because they're the same issues that we
go through, just on a differentlevel, give her a call, work
(40:59):
with her. You can feel hergroundedness, you can feel her energy,
and she's about change, okay,because you can't put electricity to something and
have it stay the same. Itjust doesn't work, No, it doesn't.
And thank you and thank you forthat. And certainly within the pages
of let Us Be Greater. Iwant people to know that adoptee are not
adoptee. There's there's there's a wealthof support and insight within the within the
(41:20):
book as well. Thank you exactly. You're welcome, so get the book
and you know if you feel drawntoo color for some support, you can't
go wrong with her. And Ithank you the audience for being with me.
I'm truly honored and blown away thatyou guys listen to each and every
week. But I want everyone toremember that the most important choice that you
(41:42):
can make is what you choose tomake it work, and consider making the
masticul choice of being greater. Butthe blessings light and left all a copy
Welcome Took It Offree, the consciousnesstransforming Podcasts for exceptional twenty first centree Living.
Folks, we have a very differentshow today. We're going to be
speaking with Michelle Madrid and we're talkingabout her book Let Us Be Greater,
A gentle guided path to Healing forAdoptees. And you know, folks,
is really amazing. We don't thinkabout adoptees. They're kind of like,
(01:19):
okay, deal with it. Wereally don't care. So this is going
to be insight on adoption. Andwhat was really interesting for me was I
have a girlfriend who is an internationaladopted child, and she called me right
before picking up before us recording thispodcast, and I thought that was kind
(01:42):
of interesting timing because I don't hearfrom her all the time, so we
could delve into that also a littlebit later. Now. The information shared
on Get Over It uses intuitive andpragmatic insight to help you shift your consciousness
to break through blocks and release energythat is no longer needed. Yes,
we're going to help you let goof the b has been holding you back.
But you guys know I always askare you truly ready to? And
(02:04):
by the way, folks, BSis belief system. A bit about me
for my new listeners, Intuitive sincebirth. I'm a third generation Intuitive with
over three decades of experience supporting peopleto break through the blocks along their path.
I'm a strategist for personal and professionaltransformation, revealing cutting edge information that
enables you to prosper and thrive.I spent twenty five successful years in corporate
(02:29):
America as an executive sales professional,and I am the founder of Healing Visions
Ministries and the Northern Color and YourChildren's Education Network at five OHO one C
three nonprofit. I provide consultations andhealings in all areas of life that heal
the mind, body, spirit connection, allowing you to live your very best
life now. My clients tell methat I keep it real while providing them
(02:51):
with accurate information to a system alongtheir journey as a spirit living in human
existence. But they also say,if you really don't want to know,
don't ask Monique. My background includesa doctorate metaphysics, Rinki Master teacher or
day minister, and clinical hypnotherapist.So whether you are stressed, depressed,
or opposest, I can hope tofind out more about me and the services
(03:14):
I offer gook to my website andthat's only Chapman dot com. I invite
you to like and follow me onFacebook and LinkedIn. Adoption is a lifetime
of support and opportunity for thousands.It also brings challenges emotional conditions that are
often silenced or left unaddressed, includingPTSD, risk of suicide, and fear
(03:38):
of abandonment. My guest today,Michelle Madrid is the author of let Us
Be Greater, a gentle guide guidedpath to healing for adoptees, and host
of the Electricity of You podcast.She is an international adoptee, former foster
child in the UK, and anadoptee empowerment Life Coast coach who has been
(04:01):
recognized as an Angels in Adoption Honoreeby the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and
inducted into the New Mexico Women's Hallof Fame for her work and adoption.
She lives in southern cal and youcan visit her at her website, and
that is the Michellemadrid dot com.T H E M I C H E
(04:27):
L L E M A D RI D dot com. Welcome Michelle,
Well, thank you Monique. It'san honor to be here with you today.
Well, it's great to have you. Now. When you came online
and we talked, I called youa different name. Do you want to
share that experience. I'm still tinglingfrom it from the tips of my toes
(04:49):
to the top of my head.And as I share in the book Let
Us Speak Greater, it's you calledme by my original name, by my
very first name, which is JuliaDawn, and that's who you addressed me
as you said hello to Julia danIt meant everything to me. And then
(05:09):
you said something that I think causedme to tingle even more, and it
brought tears to my eyes. Yousaid something to the effect of, you
know, the essence of who wetruly are is found in our given name.
It really is a gift to meon this day because it is the
journey, and it is the journeythat I write about in the book.
It has been my personal journey ofyou know, going deep to get back
(05:32):
to the essence of me, theessence that I felt so you know,
cut off from for such a longtime as an adoptee. And so it's
just such a gift to address meby the name, and it just was
beautiful, and so thank you forthat recognition because it truly represents I think
(05:53):
the fullness of who I am today. It most definitely does. And you
know, folks, if you're newto listening to me, I always tell
everyone that your given name, whateveris on your birth certificate, is the
energy that your soul came to earthon. Now you may not like the
name, you might change it lateror whatever, but that original energy is
(06:16):
still there. So if you havechanged your name or altered it in any
way, and I'm not talking nicknames, I'm talking given names. When you
professionally give your name to someone,when you do that, you're tapping into
your soul. Okay, so it'sgoing to be very important to be cognizant
(06:36):
of what that is. And ifyou're having a hard time and you've changed
your name, try going back toyour other name for a little while and
you'll notice a more difference because that'sthe energy that your soul came to earth
on. So thank you so muchfor being on the show. As I
shared with you, I have agirlfriend that called right before the show,
and she's also an international adoptee,and in fact, she found and her
(07:00):
sister about two years ago, andthis woman is in her sixties and her
sister's at her house and she invitedme over. So after I do this,
I'm going to meet a new person. So how is it that,
Michelle, that we get so lost? First of all, we don't acknowledge
adoption a lot unless you are inthat process. And then we don't realize
(07:27):
the loss that people suffer because they'readopted. Yeah, that's been something overlooked
for decades and decades and decades.You know, the fact, the very
real fact that adoption loss is real, and that something had to come apart,
if you will, before something elsecould come together. One family had
to go through a severing before anotherfamily could be sown, and that that
(07:50):
loss is overlooked a lot of times, I feel like within the wider narrative
of adoption, there's a all focuson our greater focus on the child coming
into his or her new surroundings,and we tend to look at adoptees as
sort of blank slates. They entertheir new surroundings as a blank slate,
(08:13):
and then from there they're molded.Maybe their name is changed. They're in
a new family, within a newculture, perhaps a new country, and
everything starts from there. What wehaven't recognized, what we're beginning to recognize.
And I'm so grateful that you're havingme on your amazing podcast to talk
about this because it's so important.Is that a loss had to occur,
(08:37):
and that loss, I believe needsto be tenderly held and explored. The
grief process needs to be traveled through. We need to feel what we need
to feel in order to heal asadoptees, and also to bring those earliest
parts of ourselves, the very essenceof who we are along with us into
(09:01):
the new surroundings, into this newlife that we've been given, so that
we can continue to go and togrow feeling a sense of wholeness and completeness
within. I think when we don'tlook at the loss, then we live
separate from that place of essence,and there's a great deal of grief that
(09:22):
we don't deal with that would allowus, I think, to really look
at what you call the BS,the belief system of our earliest circumstance,
and do the work, if needed, of shifting some of our beliefs in
order to empower ourselves forward. Youknow, it's interesting because even if you're
(09:46):
not adopted. If you are aproduct of an early broken home or a
parent who's passed away at a veryearly age, as I was with my
mom, there's a void, there'sa missing and for me it led to
abandonment issues. And I wasn't eventechnically abandoned the woman passed on. So
(10:07):
how is it with an adopted person. I mean, do you feel that
the biological parents just didn't want youand it's you're hurt by that, or
do you ever get to a pointof understanding that they did what they felt
was necessary at the time. Youknow, an adoption for the adoptee is
(10:28):
a lifelong journey, and you know, certainly we don't solely hold the experience
of feeling abandoned in our lives orrejected in our lives. But you know,
I think when you come from abroken home, a broken place,
when you feel that void, whensomething is missing, when you feel displaced
in some way, marginalized, perhapswithin your own thoughts, your own feelings,
(10:54):
that I think those limiting beliefs juststart to be seated. And so
I definitely struggled, as many adopteesdo, with the question of why why
did the very people who should havestayed with me, protected me, loved
me. Why did they leave?Did I do something wrong? Is there
something about me? You know?I used to believe that I was just
(11:16):
somehow tainted, that I had forsome reason come into this earth, into
this physical experience, damaged as damagedgoods. And you know, if you
look at my foster records, itcertainly mirrored that. I mean, I
was called this difficult place within myfoster records, you know, illegitimate,
unwanted, all of these words.And I think those are logos of limitation
(11:39):
that can stay with us, andthey can they can darken our spirit,
They can I think several us disconnectus from that place of essence within us.
And so that journey for me hasbeen a profound and meaningful one to
open those areas of my life thatfelt so closed, you know, and
(12:03):
to work through the messaging that weoften get as adoptees that you know,
you don't need to know, justbe grateful, just move on, that
doesn't really matter anymore. The factof the matter is that for adoptees it
might very well matter to them,and so allowing them to find sacred space
(12:26):
to explore what their own personal,unique journey means to them and those feelings
of being somehow broken, left behind, that void that you speak of.
It is so crucial that adoptees areallowed that journey of self discovery to come
home to themselves and reunite with themselveson the deepest levels and to answer for
(12:48):
themselves what this unique experience means tothem, versus having those on the outside
tell them what this should mean,what they should feel to them. And
I think that is a beautiful andproactive step to take as an adoptee and
a gift to give yourself. Inyour book, you talk about their eight
(13:13):
pain points, these places that hurtfor adoptees, to share some of them
with us, because I think that, as you just said, people feel
you should be grateful and you know, someone took you and someone loved you,
so they'll get over it. Andit's like, no, it's not
quite that simple. So what arethey eight pain points? They are you
(13:37):
know, the pain of feeling unwelcomein the world. I'm feeling that sense
of marginalization oftentimes, you know,adoptees will refer to that as just being
I feel like I'm a foreigner inmy own life a stranger to my own
life. So that's certainly a painpoint that comes up often, the sense
(13:58):
of just broken bonds and just said, deep profound sense of loss, something's
missing right. And then you know, being denied access to truth, being
told what the truth is from youknow, another version, someone else's version
of what your truth should be isreally hard. That can even be you
know, the denial of access toyour medical records, just you know,
(14:22):
truth after truth after truth. Sometimesadoptees can feel just very much closed off
from those things, familial rejection andwords that harm, you know, words
that harm like oh just be grateful, just get over it, you know,
can be hurtful and can diminish Ithink an adoptee spirit and certainly their
(14:43):
voice, their true voice. Ithink distrust adoptees douce often struggle with the
ability to trust others and themselves inthat sense of banished biology, being left
behind, left out of pleasing othersversus pleasing the self. That's a big
(15:03):
one. Will all thing come tome and say, you know, I
feel like I just live my lifeto please others because I'm so afraid of
being rejected if I don't, andso I just play a role in my
life versus really stepping into my lifeas my authentic self and the lack of
transparency and acceptance. And I thinkthat starts with self acceptance and sense of
(15:26):
self transparency, really being true withourselves and accepting ourselves scars, flaws and
all. As I like to say, is a beautiful gift. So those
are the points of pain in thebook that I moved through and through the
work. You know, really hopeand pray that adoptees will find the door
(15:48):
the pathways, turning those points ofpain into their points of light so that
they can really illuminate their way forwardand working with adoptees. Have you ever
crossed someone who says, you know, well, back then abortion was legal,
I wish they had just aborted meinstead of putting me through this hell.
Yeah yeah, And that's I mean, even hearing you speak those words
(16:11):
breaks my heart because I hear thata lot. And you know, here's
the other thing. It's interesting becausewhen adoptees as we are more and more
we are you know, connecting.Social media is a powerful tool for that.
We are emerging into our own truth, sharing our perspectives, our experiences,
we will sometimes and maybe more thansometimes, be told well would you
(16:37):
rather have just been aborted or leftin the orphanage, or you know those
kind of things, And that's notThat is a that is a real point
of hurt that we deal with sometimesfeeling like we live in between two lives,
which is not really living in mypoint of view. I felt that
way for a very long time.I used to say growing up, I
(16:59):
feel like I lived between two shores, England and the US, and I'm
somewhere in the middle, struggling tokeep my head above water. And I
don't really feel like I'm living.It's you know, I'm living but not
quiet. It's dying but not really. I just didn't feel fully alive.
And certainly that is a hurt thatI hear some adoptees saying that this pain
(17:22):
is so great for me that Ijust wish I'd never even been born.
And what about the opposite. Ihad a client years ago, and she
was not adopted, but she hadtwo adopted siblings, and one day she
overheard her mother talking to one ofthe adopted siblings. They were having a
(17:47):
hard time with something, and themother said, but I chose you and
that upset the biological child. Canyou talk to us a little bit about
that type of dynamic where the biologicalchild might feel less than than the adopted
Yeah, you know, I havemy eldest son is biological, and then
I have two amazing kids who werebrought into my life through international adoption,
(18:17):
Ian from Russia and Vianna from Ethiopia. And then my eldest son is Christian.
And you know, I've been verycareful about that word. I've never
I've never said to my children ofadoption, you were chosen, because it
really carries a heavy weight. Howwe take that in as adoptees now and
(18:41):
I can talk more about that,I just wanted to say addressing it from
a biological perspective of being a biologicalchild inside of a family with adoptive siblings.
I think hearing a parent say butyou were chosen to the adopted sibling
could leave perhaps a biological sibling feelinglike, well, but I wasn't was
(19:03):
I was I chosen? Do?I you know, I think we have
to be careful with a word fromthe adoptee perspective. If if if an
adoptive parent, and believe me,my adoptive mother said this to me often,
you know, but you were chosen. It also means that someone decided
not to keep me so on youknow, in my earliest life, I
wasn't chosen, and that brings alongits own points of pain. Adoptees have
(19:29):
often also been aware of the factthat they came into their adoptive families after
their parents struggled, maybe with infertility, and so sometimes being chosen can carry
the weight of but as second choice. So I think that we just have
to be careful with that word andhow we use it, and understanding that
(19:55):
it is a nuanced word and peopletake that word in a different way ways,
and so I think it's just aword we have to be It's a
tricky word, Monique. It's atricky word, Yes it is, Yes,
it is. Well, you know, in your in her book,
folks, she has a lot ofexercises, and at first I was like,
(20:15):
well, what kind of exercises canyou do if you're accepted to you
know, really embrace you know whoyou are. She has many exercises in
the book, and one of themin the book is putting down the baggage
exercise. Talk to us about whyyou have exercises in the first place,
(20:40):
because it's all about your electricity,I think. And why is it,
you know, important to embrace exercisesaround this? I mean, who would
have thought? Yeah? I thinkthere are you know, tools and approaches
to help us stop and reflect onperhaps a page that we've been carrying with
(21:00):
us, maybe that we haven't beenaware of something that's showing up, causing
a certain behavior pattern in our lifethat maybe isn't serving our highest good.
What are those tools and approaches,visualizations and methods that can help us just
to I think, center in sitin stillness and become more aware of the
(21:22):
workings of our heart and our soul, what's really going on deep within us.
I mean I think oftentimes, andI did this for a long time
ownigue. I was the big avoiter. I wanted to have the perfect grades.
I wanted to be as perfect aspossible. I wanted to have the
best career. I wanted to keepmoving. I chose I chose a news
career early on because I think itjust kept me moving and you know,
(21:47):
there was always something new, andI really didn't have to sit with myself.
Wasn't until I left that world thatI, you know, started embarking
on this journey of self descis discoveryand self awareness and really self love and
coming back to the roots of me, you know, the seeds of me,
(22:07):
and really nurturing that in our garden. And I think these tools can
be those things that help us toturn the soil over, pull out the
weeds of the things that aren't workingin our life, and begin to nourish
ourselves with what is whole and beautifulin life, affirming so that we can
grow just this beautiful garden within usthat sustains us forward to do what we're
(22:29):
here to do in this life.And so putting down the baggage is one
of those tools. It's really stoppingto recognize, what is the baggage that
perhaps I've been caring for a reallylong time that was never mind to carry
at all. Is it something thatan adoptive parent said, like just be
grateful? And so I've lived mylife disassociating my need to grieve or from
(22:53):
my need to grieve, disconnecting fromthat part of myself. What are the
things that I need to finally,once and for all put down so that
I can free myself up to moveforward in my life and you know,
change my belief system to one thatreally empowers me and illuminates it. Again,
(23:15):
I always like to say illuminates meforward, but that's what I really
feel since I'm coming home to myselfwhere that porch light has always been on.
Yet I didn't really want to takethat turn down that road because it
can be scary to look at ouryou know, our in our most thoughts
and feelings and those places within usthat need to be healed in order for
us to grow and step into thenext version of who we're here to be.
(23:37):
And I think that's beautiful soul work. So this is one simple but
I think profound exercise that adoptees cando, actually that anyone can do.
Who maybe feel like I've been hearingsome stuff around and it does feel like
sort of heavy BSGE. I needto change the belief system. I need
(23:59):
to put these things down. Whatare the things that I'm believing that are
holding me back? What are thoselimiting beliefs, and let me put them
down and begin the work of discoveringwhat is my limitless truth and really standing
in that, you know, firmlystrongly in my truth. Taking back my
life, my voice, so thatI can be you know that offering to
(24:22):
myself, to those I love aroundme into the world ultimately and do the
work that I was placed here todo. You know that sounds wonderful,
but it also sounds daunting because it'slike you're tackling this all by yourself unless
you are aware of another sibling thatyou have. So how do you stand
tall within this energy and just forgeforward no matter what anyone has to say?
(24:48):
Well, you know, I usedto think that I had to heal
all by myself, that I couldn'task, I couldn't trust anyone to be
there for me as I healed becauseI couldn't trust anyone with those uncomfortable parts
of my life story, those uncomfortablethoughts, feelings I might be thinking,
feeling, And so I do believethat it takes a village. It really
(25:14):
does take a community, And Iwould always urge adoptees to connect with other
adoptees because Nonick, I don't know, I would you agree. I think
very strongly that there is power insomeone being able to look at you and
say I understand, yes, ButI've been there too, and I understand.
I do get it and let me. Let me be that safe,
(25:37):
sacred soft place for you to land. I'm here to hear you, not
to judge you. I'm here tounderstand more and more and more deeply and
completely so that yes, we canget over it, we can move through
it, and we can step forwardtogether. I just think I have received
(25:59):
such a power healing just knowing thatI'm not alone. And I don't know
if we are made to heal allby ourselves in isolation. There's certainly a
lot of work that we can doin stillness, and I write about that
in the book. To become ourown best friend, like I really,
(26:19):
you know, reconnecting with my firstmet, little Julia down the little one
I was before adoption happened in mylife and becoming her own best friend and
knowing that she's Lyne and that we'rein this together has also been hugely healing
for me. And then allowing myselfto share my story and the insights that
(26:42):
I've gleaned along the way with awider community, adoption community, adoptee community,
you know, has been has beenvery healing for me. We learn
from each other, we grow together, we heal together, and I think
that's a beautiful thing. It mostdefinitely is. Well, what is the
biggest misconception about adoption that people youknow, the late person who's not in
(27:06):
the energy of adoption or even closeto someone who has been adopted. What
is the biggest misconception that people have? Oh, I think that there's no
loss to be grieved, that somethingat first, you know that something at
first didn't come apart in order forsomething else to come together. As I
briefly mentioned on earlier, that theredidn't have to be a goodbye before there
(27:30):
could be a hello. And Ithink that earliest chapter of the adoptee's life
has just been sort of skipped overand ignored so for so so, so
very long. And I do believethat the biggest source of healing is recognizing
that the loss is real, Ithappened, it exists, and it's okay
to say that out loud. We'renot here to hurt anybody as adoptees by
(27:51):
saying that a loss happened in ourlife, that we that we need to
look at that we and we desireto heal. And I think even if
your adoption story has in your eye, in your eyes, you know been
like total blessing, and I lovethat. You know, we need to
as a community be able to receiveand honor and embrace everyone's journey and everyone's
(28:14):
perspective as adoptees. So even ifan adoptee says, you know, it's
oh, this has been a totalblessing for me. I think acknowledging that
there was an early loss can openup a part of themselves that maybe close,
that maybe they don't even recognize,and a part of yourself that needs
to be explored in order to stepinto the greatest version of who you're here
(28:36):
to be. I just think thatthis thought that we have to pretend that
the loss didn't happen in order forus to be accepted and loved by others
and even by ourselves is a misconceptionthat we really need to look at and
heal and shift. I'd like thatshift. So what advice would you have
(28:56):
for someone who you know to say, ling's one both are adopted. Ones
had a wonderful life growing up andthe other one not so much. But
they meet later on in life andthere's resentment there. How can one heal
the resentment? Well, I thinkhonoring that our journeys first and foremost are
(29:17):
unique and different, you know.I remember thinking, I mean, this
really sparks a memory in the moneycan I share? And I think it
probably is getting to the question thatyou've asked. I remember reuniting for the
first time with my first mom mybiomum in England and the first time I
(29:40):
met her son, Paul, myhalf sibling. I remember he said something
to me like because he knew Ihad, you know, been adopted and
been taken to America, and hesaid something to the effect of, oh,
lucky you didn't you have it good? You grew up in America with
you know, all the And itwas really hard to take because I think
(30:03):
it's it was it was not havingthe ability to even ask or witness,
well, what has this been likefor you? And I don't I don't
want to judge this. I justwant to again getting back to understanding.
I want to understand your journey.I want to hold with you the journey
(30:25):
that you've you've had, as youhold the journey I've had with you.
I think we can be there foreach other in greater ways and certainly more
powerfully healing ways if we're able toaccept and witness another person's journey without judgment
and not take it as as ifsomething has been taken from us, because
(30:45):
there's has been different. It isjust different. You know. Adoptees will
say, I don't think my lifeis better because I was adopted. It's
just different. I you know,And we can't know completely the fullest workings
of what our life would have lookedlike had we remained within our bio family,
biocuntry, biosurroundings for surroundings. ButI do believe that it's very important
(31:12):
to be able to witness another's journeyand not to see it as something that
takes away from your own. Justunderstanding we have difference, we have different
perspectives and different experiences, and throughthat, if we're willing to listen,
we can learn a whole lot,and I think better heal ourselves individually and
(31:33):
collectively. If that answers your question, it most definitely does. Thank you
very much. Now I've heard,and I don't have facts on this,
it's just hearsay that these days,if adoption it can be like an open
adoption. People can find out,you know, who their biological parents are,
or even interact with them if that'ssomething that they choose to do.
(31:56):
So could you talk to us aboutthis new tipping point, if you will,
where adoption is about to change tomake it a bit easier for adoptees
to find out information about themselves.You know. I think the more we
talk about it, the more awarenessis raised about the need to know.
I mean, I don't know ifanyone in life, adoptee or non adoptee,
(32:22):
would just be willing to say Iguess I just don't need to know
if there is a desire inside ofyou to know more of your fullest story.
You know, certainly there are differentkinds of adoption. There's closed adoption,
there's open adoption where adoptive parents,the adoptee would have more access to
(32:44):
bio parents, bio family, maybemedical information. It looks different with each
and every adoption. And there's transracialadoption, trans cultural adoption. But I
think when you get to openness,we are seeing more and more. I
think that shift to how important itis for adoptees not to live within these
(33:08):
closed walls, these closed doors andjust you know, living a life where
we're just told it doesn't matter,you can't know this, and so openness
is so key for those of uswho grew up in closed adoption. You
know, sometimes these answers don't come, and so part of the book and
(33:30):
part of the exploration of the soulfulapproach to healing as adoptees is, you
know, to open up areas ofourselves inside within us and access a deeper
meaning, a deeper understanding of ourselfsand you know, getting back to the
essence of who we are. Ilove how you say that. It's so
(33:52):
true, and so I do believewe're at a tipping point where from a
adoption being looked at as moving towardmore openness in the structure of adoption,
where there is some access between biofamilyadoptive family, there is information that is
(34:16):
open. Depending on the situation andthe circumstance, again that will look different.
But also there is a shift towardopening ourselves up as adoptees to our
truest voice, to a place withinus that feels like essence, a place
(34:39):
within us where we feel connected toan identity that feels authentic. I think
that is the work that many adultadoptees are doing, Many of us who
grew up inside of more closed arrangementsadoption arrangements. And so this word open
is one that I think you hearinside of our community on different levels,
(35:01):
because we are opening ourselves up tounderstanding that adoption ultimately is really about share
family. Your child comes to youwith a biofamily, and that should be
shared and embraced. And again,every circumstance is different, but oh my
(35:22):
goodness, if you've adopted a child, please don't ever speak negatively of the
bioparents. Keep that to yourself,because ultimately an adoptee will take that and
it will become a limiting belief aboutwho they are, what they're here to
do. And so I just thinkopenness in the way of let's always stay
(35:44):
open to hearing our adopted children asthey go and as they grow, and
as we move into adulthood, Let'sstay open to hearing the workings of our
own hearts and our own voices,and let's trust in let's trust in that
journey, in that process as weagain come home to ourselves and reconnect with
(36:07):
those places that maybe have felt somehowlost, in those ways where maybe we
have felt somehow alone. Well,that's wonderful information for everyone, not just
adoptees for everyone. Now, whenwe go to your website, the Michelle
Madrid dot com, what are wegoing to find there? Oh my goodness,
(36:30):
thank you. This has been sucha wonderful labor of love. The
electricity of you. When I wasa little girl growing up as an adoptee,
there were times and I, youknow, I grew up inside of
a home with an adoptive father whostruggled with alcohol alcoholism, and there were
(36:51):
many times inside of my adoptive homewhere it felt pretty dark, and I
used to think to myself, inthe dark of night in my bedroom,
there's a light inside of me.Just know it. I just wish I
could, you know, find it. There's so much of my early story
just made me feel sort of likethat light had been dimmed. And so
the electricity of You is all aboutreigniting that light inside of yourself, the
(37:15):
essence of who you are, sothat you can really step into that illuminating
version of you and light up theworld, light up your life, light
up how you love, light upyour relationships, light up your purpose and
your calling. And so everything withinthe Electricity of You is centered around,
(37:36):
framed around how do we reconnect tothose places inside of ourselves that feel that
we feel disconnected from how do wereignite that light and step forward? So
there's a podcast there, the Electricityof You podcast that is such a beautiful
offering. I love hearing from womenand their journey of reconnecting to their light
(38:00):
and how that has led them forwardinto living out their purpose and calling.
And there's information on my coaching andon my personal journey. So I would
love folks to visit me there andyou know, together, let's ignite the
electricity of who we are. Whocould we not light up the world if
we all plug back into that,Yes, we could. And you don't
(38:22):
have to be adopted to do that, do we we shirt? We sure
don't. There's a lot in thislife that can cause us to disconnect from
that spark within, and so Iwant to do my part and help helping
people reconnect with that spark and juststignity and igniting it into like this,
the most illuminating flame possible. Wellthat's changed, you know, one person,
(38:45):
one step at a time. Itabsolutely positively works. Julia down,
I've really enjoyed our time together.We're almost at the end, but I'd
love for you to share some wordof wisdom, a pearl of wisdom with
our audience today. Please, Oh, you know what comes to me is
you know change begins within and Iwant you to remember, if you can
(39:08):
place your hands over your heart inthis moment, contemplate that your heart beats
for you one hundred thousand times aday. You don't even have to think
about it. It beats for you. It is a gift. You are
a gift in this life. Andas you hold your hands over your heart,
I'd like you to think about thelight within and understand that the light
(39:29):
around you is great, but thelight within you is greater. And believe
in the light of you and dothe beautiful work each and every day to
reconnect to that place within. Itis just such a beautiful gift to yourself
and truly know that there is alight within you. It is the essence
of who you are. And thegreatest gift you can give to yourself to
(39:52):
me to monique into the world isto plug back in and shine, truly
shine in your own, unique,authentic a way. And that's what it's
all about. And if you cando that, whatever your BS belief system
is, to get there, doit because it's much needed right now,
(40:13):
much needed in this world. Michelle, thank you so much for your time
today. I still love calling youJulia Don, though, but thank you
so much for your time today.I greatly appreciate it. Thank you so
much. You can call me JuliaDon anytime, you know. I also
sometimes I sign off going sincerely Michelleaka Juliadan. So I think I'm going
(40:35):
to do that more and more andmore. Thank you for that gift today,
Moneique. It's been such a pleasure. Oh it has an I wish
you all the best. You've gota lot of positive energy and folks,
you know, I have the feelingshe hasn't put this out there, but
I have the feeling that even ifyou're not adopted and you're working on some
of the issues that adoptees go through, because they're the same issues that we
go through, just on a differentlevel, give her a call, work
(40:59):
with her. You can feel hergroundedness, you can feel her energy,
and she's about change, okay,because you can't put electricity to something and
have it stay the same. Itjust doesn't work, No, it doesn't.
And thank you and thank you forthat. And certainly within the pages
of let Us Be Greater. Iwant people to know that adoptee are not
adoptee. There's there's there's a wealthof support and insight within the within the
(41:20):
book as well. Thank you exactly. You're welcome, so get the book
and you know if you feel drawntoo color for some support, you can't
go wrong with her. And Ithank you the audience for being with me.
I'm truly honored and blown away thatyou guys listen to each and every
week. But I want everyone toremember that the most important choice that you
(41:42):
can make is what you choose tomake it work, and consider making the
masticul choice of being greater. Butthe blessings light and left all a copy
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