Van Helsing (2004)

DJ Nik and Keith Bliss are joined by guest Heather Bedor to review "Van Helsing" !!! Enjoy ! If you would like to come on and discuss YOUR favourite movie send us a email with your movie of choice to : [e-mail] . Check out our great tiers on Patreon : patreon.com/happinessindarkness !!!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
It is a place where nightmares come to life.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm healthy. It's the first one to kill a vampire
in over one hundred years.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
I'd say that sent him a drink.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Now, a man without a.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Past, Do you have any family, mister Van Persing? I
hope to find out.

Speaker 4 (00:16):
Someday.

Speaker 5 (00:16):
That's what keeps me going.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Will face an enemy that never dies. In fourteen sixty two,
Dracula was banished to an icy fortress, and then the
devil gave him wings and uncover a secret he never imagined.

Speaker 6 (00:31):
Castle Dracula.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Hello, Gabriel, we have such history you and I. How
do you know me? From the director of the Mummy
and the Mummy returns? Oh my god, Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale,

(00:54):
how do.

Speaker 5 (00:54):
I kill it?

Speaker 2 (00:56):
No one knows how to kill Dracula.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
If you're late, run.

Speaker 7 (01:02):
Like hell.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Van Hellsy a film by Stephen.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Summer's chum On People and Welcome to our two hundred
and ninety sixth episode of Happiness and Darkness, the Superior
Movie Podcast, where we discuss superior movies, Marvel, DC, Dark Horse,
Image and more. Naturally, there will be spoilers, folks, so
you have been warned. I am one of your co hosts,
did you Nick? It's always joining me? Is my superhero
partner in crime, the Man, the Legend, mister Keith b This,

(01:36):
Hey Keith, how are you today?

Speaker 5 (01:38):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (01:39):
You know me? I can't complain too much. Last week
I was drowning. This week, I'm living on the surface
of the sun. At some point I'm going to hit
the happy medium where I'm just kind of like in
between and just surviving. But today I think I've dropped
like five pounds waiting for our podcast to start.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Fantastic and joining us today once again from our previous episode,
We're very very have her, you know her, you love her,
Miss Elebador. Hey Heather, how are you today?

Speaker 7 (02:06):
Hi?

Speaker 5 (02:06):
Some people are going to assume that I live with Keith,
because I too, am also living on the surface of
the sun.

Speaker 6 (02:11):
Today, So it's interesting. It's it's hot. You telling us
that where you are you have your air conditioning off
right now? Is gross.

Speaker 5 (02:22):
But I'm doing good otherwise, getting ready for a big
trip to New York and ready to freaking dive into
my happy place today for sure.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
Fantastic, Yes, Because as we know, Heather is a vampire
and a big fan of everything vampire related. So today
we are discussing Van Helsing from two thousand and four.
This was directed and written by Stephen Summers, while the
score was by Alan Silvestri. This movie, to put it
in today's money just for inflation, cost two hundred and
eighty nine million dollars to make and made five hundred

(02:54):
and ten million at the box office, so it definitely
made its fair share. So again, I think the general
impressions he Keith, I'll start with you this time around,
what did you make of Van Housing?

Speaker 8 (03:06):
So I'm going to preface this with the last time
I watched it was when it came out, and watching
it again last night, it's terrible. It is incoherent garbage
depending on how you read into it. As Nick and
I were talking offline, I think this is canaan able
because they've both been fighting each other for a couple

(03:28):
hundred years and he talks about being killed by his
brother and then he calls him Gabriel, which you know
they changed his name and do whatever they want because
this is so loosely YadA YadA YadA, And there's all
the pretty people. There's literally not one ugly person in
this entire movie. This is like the CW version of
Vampire Hunters.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Barry Wo said that I think it's very much of
its time, and Heather, what did you make of this one?

Speaker 6 (03:56):
I can't stop laughing.

Speaker 5 (03:57):
After's the CW version, which means that he finds Frankenstein's
monster and Jacqueline Hyde hot.

Speaker 6 (04:05):
That's fine.

Speaker 5 (04:06):
I love ant helsing. It's like a guilty, guilty pleasure
of mine. Hugh Jackman before Hugh jack knows Hugh Jackman like,
come on, and we'll get into that in a minute.

Speaker 9 (04:17):
But no, I've always been He's always been Hugh Jackman.
But this is like before he was like huge Jackman.
There's another way to you can make all the faces
he want.

Speaker 5 (04:30):
This was just that movie that like, really, I don't know,
put a nice bow on it, but it does have
a lot of real lore and real history behind it. Yes,
there's a canon able kind of thing which has been
alluded to with.

Speaker 6 (04:45):
Other people before. I love it.

Speaker 5 (04:48):
I love it so much that there are two different
costplays that I've wanted to do for.

Speaker 6 (04:53):
Years out of it.

Speaker 5 (04:54):
And I have a picture that they posted up from
one of the scenes and was created as a poster
and put at the Horror makeup show.

Speaker 6 (05:04):
At Universal Studios in Orlando.

Speaker 5 (05:06):
That belongs to me now and I've had it for
several years and it lives in my house.

Speaker 6 (05:09):
Very happily, so I love it. I am the opposite
of Keith.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
I am shocked, exactly to the surprise of none, but surprised.

Speaker 8 (05:21):
I mean I am so surprised, exactly shot.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
The first time I sat down to watch this. And
I will agree with Keith. I think it very much
is a product of it. It's time when you were
making movies like this, and of course you had all
the pretty people in it, because there's not I agree
with Keith, not one bad looking person, even the villagers
from the most part should we say conventionally handsome or beautiful.
That said, the thing I loved most about this film

(05:51):
was actually the Allen ced Vestry score, which is gorgeous. Granted,
Alan is a fantastic composer, and even if he's in
a B movie, he will always bring his best work,
and that's the thing I probably loved most about this
I was kind of surprised when it came to the
end of this film, which I'm sure we'll talk about
as we get into the characters and my other gripe

(06:12):
would have been. This movie would have been probably way
better looking had it been entirely in black and white.
I think that would have given it an even more
of an esthetic because I loved the very beginning of
this film entirely in black and one. I'm like, I'm
really getting into this, and then of course color has
to seep in a year later. But other than that,
it's it's a very fun film. It's incredibly action packed.

(06:34):
I think that maybe the writing falls a little bit
short with certain questions that will never have answered because
we never We're not going to be getting a sequel
anytime soon. I mean, Keith did tell me there are
some other properties out there connected to the band Helsing universe,
but it's very poorly explained. It's more about let's fight, fight, fight, fight, fight,
five fight. There's two people who love each other, fight
five fight, We love each other five five fight, and

(06:55):
that's pretty much what it was. And the action sequences
are very good. The makeup is great, the costumes are awesome.
But I did find it was lacking when it came
to the meat of the story of like, I'm really
really engrossed in this, I want more so as much
as I think everybody brought their a game as best
as they could with the script, it it does fail

(07:18):
in places. It's more of an action movie than wanting
to do something really creative. I mean, you're bringing all
these great stories from Frankenstein to Dracula to Doctor Jack
l Mister High to all this kind of stuff, which
is fantastic. It almost reminded me of the League of
Extraordinary Gentlemen. I wanted something more akin to that, and
we got this, which is fun. I'll probably watch it

(07:40):
randomly at some time on a Friday night with my
friends with adult beverages. He'll probably make for a great watch.
But other than that, yeah, this is kind of middle
of the road, at least for me. So let's get
off with And I've.

Speaker 6 (07:53):
Got to ask you a question before we kick off.

Speaker 5 (07:55):
But do you think that is because we're talking early
two thousands, before we were really exposed to stuff like
The Walking Debt, or like serious detailed horror movies or
fantasy horror movies like this, where we got so much
into the lore. So it was kind of our generation's
introduction to more of the history of Bramstoker and you know,

(08:17):
really be able to kind of cultivate that appreciation in
our demographic.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
I think you've hit the nail on the head with that, Heather,
because I think this is almost like a product of
earlier you know, because we know when this came out,
So it's almost like a runoff of the late nineties
action films where you had your action heroes which were
off to do all sorts of things. I think of
your Schwartzeneggers' Stallons, You've been diesels and what'll have you,
And this I think is a runoff of that, but

(08:45):
put into a fantastical gothic setting, which is why, as
I said before, had it been entirely in black and white,
I think this film could have really done something special,
but it seemed very generic for the time. I mean,
I'm not saying it it's a horrible movie. I'm just
saying it's very kitchy, which was in the early two thousands,

(09:07):
so our I mean, I tried to give it specie.
I'm enjoying this, but I as I guess, as an
s feat as myself, I just would have liked it
entirely in black and white, because that would have been
a great I think homage to the classic horror films
that we all love and enjoy from Frankenstein too, Dracula
and what have you. But yeah, I think you you
make an excellent, excellent point there, speaking of you, Heather,

(09:29):
getting to our characters on the board, let's kick off
with our leading man and lady. We have the aforementioned
Hugh Jackman as Gabriel van Helsing and Kate Beckinsale as
Anna Valarious. So what do you make of these two?

Speaker 5 (09:44):
Well, Anna has been one of my main cosplay goals
forever obsessed.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
She was yeah and I will play off.

Speaker 6 (09:52):
Of the late nineties early two thousand.

Speaker 5 (09:54):
She was like that badass check who's like hunting down
the family. It's you're not your usual like heroin. They
bring in some of the lore they have to have,
you know, this love interest for Van Heusing, which Van
Heusing in like brom.

Speaker 6 (10:12):
Stoker's Dracula was introduced as a doctor, so.

Speaker 5 (10:14):
It's cool that they did bring some of the you know,
tools that he would be using. It's more of that
mad scientist fan housing instead of just like Vampire Hunter.
But I do love their chemistry. It is that kitchy
early two thousands. But I think that's why I like
it they they go through because it's it's kind of

(10:38):
like it's gonna sound terrible and I'm gonna pick myself
for date because I know what Keith's next words are
gonna be. It's like watching Shrek and having Shrek and
Donkey going.

Speaker 6 (10:49):
And traveling along.

Speaker 5 (10:50):
It's this like buddy cop kind of thing where you
have to go through this adventure together, but there's more
of a deeper relationship and then you can really get
into the depth of relationship building and character building and
you know, the end all be all, which I'm sure
we'll get to the end of the movie.

Speaker 9 (11:10):
As well, and there's this movie shut up, but there's
more of the adventure to.

Speaker 6 (11:19):
It is kind of dulled down. I wish I would
see more.

Speaker 5 (11:22):
But it was nice as a female in the early
two thousands to see kind of this like girl power
thing without it being a spice girls.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
Great stuff. And Keith, what did you make of Gabe
and Anna unneeded?

Speaker 8 (11:40):
I'm just gonna be honest. They didn't need to have
the love interest. They could have just been two individuals
platonically working together on this common goal of trying to
kill Dracula and yay fun and blah blah blah blah blah, because,
like Heather has mentioned, every early two thousands movie, we
had to have that trope of like hero heroin. And

(12:04):
I will say they did write her part very well.
She was not a damsel in distress. She could hold
her own, and I appreciate that. It's very tiresome to
be like, oh, look, I have to go save character
blah blah blah, because he or she doesn't really matter.
Who we're referring to is written as the inferior to
whoever the lead is. And this happens in Laura Croft,

(12:25):
Tomb Raider and other movies where they're not often equals.
And I liked that they were equals in this, and
they stayed equals until the very end. And it was
only until she did get captured, which was purely by
accident or poor writing, depending on how you want to
talk about it, that she did hold her own. That

(12:45):
being said, it was so cheesy how she did get
captured because she wasn't paying attention and blah blah blah
blah blah, and they had to move the story along.
I will say there was certain frustrations with this writing.
You've seen in the beginning of the movie where her
brother are fighting a were wolf. Why does only one
person have a gun with silver bullets? They're fighting were wolves?

(13:07):
Why does not everybody have these guns?

Speaker 2 (13:09):
He's like quick money.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
She might be a princess, but they might not be
made of money.

Speaker 8 (13:15):
Okay, but you know you're hunting were wolves, be prepared.
Don't have asset. You know the fact that she.

Speaker 6 (13:21):
Gets to dragons a little bit more.

Speaker 8 (13:24):
I don't have to play Union and Dragons. I live
in a delusion as it is. Anyway, the fact that
he gets captured, he gets bitten, and you're like, well,
you know he's and the minute they introduced his character
and you see him tied up, you knew he was
going to be turned into a were wolf. And she
wasn't going to admit this, and blah blah blah and
YadA YadA YadA. And I would say that was her
only character flaw, if you could say that, is the

(13:49):
fact that she couldn't come to terms with her brother
being a were wolf, even though she literally saw him
transform into a werewolf, which was so you know, telegraphed that.
I wasn't really surprised when it happened. It was like, oh, look,
he's a werewolf, and then the father died and you're like, oh,
look he was one two who would have guessed. Oh
literally everybody. Everybody knew this except the family and the

(14:10):
people living in this village. The love triangle, your lesson
shit triangle, the love angle with the two of them.
I appreciate the fact that it's a slow burn. They
had that awkward first encounter at the village when the
bride's attacked, and then there was a kind of that
weirdness through all of it, and then the very end

(14:30):
when she does finally kiss him and then he kills
her about twenty minutes later. Whatever. I did appreciate that
they waited. It wasn't an immediate sort of like you
see with James Bond or some of these other characters
where it's like guy, girl, immediate, must kiss, suck face, dude, evil,
do the dirty as it were, and then move on.

(14:52):
They none of that actually happened, and I appreciate that
it was the one strong point in the writing of
this movie. Strong being a relative term.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
What I was kind of shaking my head out by
the time this movie ends was like, Hugh Jackman can't
get a break when it comes to superhero action movies.
Because granted this predated X Men The Last Stand by
two years, the ending that these characters go through is
very similar where you had Granted there was Wolverine lusting
after Gene and there was a whole big thing with

(15:28):
Psychlopsic taking Cyclops out of the picture. We know how
much Wolverine is in love with Gene in that film,
and he ultimately spoilers kills Gene because she's the Phoenix
and she has to be killed. Here, there's there's a
very similar scenario where you have Gabriel who now is
fighting lycanthropy and Anna comes in and literally cures him,

(15:52):
but in the process dies. So it literally felt like,
why can't Hugh Jackman ever get a break? If he
kind of reminds me of like Sean b Every every
movie he's in or TV show, he has to be killed.
So I was like, that was what was on my
mind when it came to the ending of this. But
just looking at these two characters, I mean, they come
of course from very different worlds. Of course, Gabriel, for

(16:13):
all we know, has been hunting creech monsters as they
are called for the longest time on behalf of the Vatican,
of the Sacred Order and what have you. He's been
doing this for ages and ages and ages, and he's
clearly a very accomplished fighter, just like Anna is. But
their mission statements are very different. Whereas van Helsing, you're

(16:33):
asking yourself, what is is his ultimate goal? Why is
he doing this? And it's never really explained. I mean,
we get that expansion from Dracula that he is descended
from the archangel Gabriel apparently, and therefore it's in his
blood to literally have to do this, but it's never
really explained. It's like, am I doing this because I

(16:54):
want to make the world a better place? Am I
doing it because my parents were murdered by vampires or
by allans or something. It's never explained. He just does
what he does, and he does it really well, just
like Wolverine. With Anna, there's a whole different thing. You
have the family wanting to obviously redeem her family and
find a place in heaven and not have to end

(17:14):
up in purgatory. And of course, as we know, Gabriel
is sent on this mission because if you defeat Dracula
and everything else, Anna's family and Anna will be able
to ultimately ascend to heaven, as will her family, which
is a beautiful sentiment and I appreciated that, and it's
very much of the time, but ultimately I was very
let down by Gabriel's story. I wanted more. Granted, by

(17:37):
the time this movie ends, he's just riding off into
the sunset with Carl and that is that. With Anna,
at least you get a send off if she's made
it to heaven and everybody's very happy. Yeah, she'll be,
She'll be in paradise and all good. The chemistry between
the two is great. I enjoyed it, and at least
they didn't fall in love immediately, but it was telegraphed
as soon as you saw Gabriel lusting after what could

(17:59):
have in Ana's Facebook profile page, her whole picture, because
that he keeps looking at and the camera lingers like, yeah,
we know these two are going to end up together.
It's not a surprise. But I did appreciate her feistiness,
her how we're a great fighter she is, and then
the whole concept of my brother is a werewolf, what
do we do? And ultimately she accepts that, so they

(18:21):
work good as a couple, but I was not expecting
Anna to ultimately die. I guess you had to do
that possibly exactly well, I mean I guess you could.
You could ultimately see it as Gabriel has to work alone,
kind of like Batman and Robin, him and Carl running
off because you can't have Una, even though you could

(18:43):
have had Ana's team Van Helsing keep on fighting at
creatures and monsters. So I did appreciate that surprise moment.
But other than that, I just wanted more about Gabriel.
I mean, I just I just felt that we we
we were lacking when it came to that, as much
as Dracula gives us the cliff notes, but other.

Speaker 6 (19:02):
Yeah, to be fair, though, Gabriel does have a mesia,
and if you go into the back end, then the
history of it as the archangel and he was the
one that kills Jacula because they were close, and then
you go like, there's a lot of that history. I
think that's being woven and that might be missed, especially
after just one time of watching or a couple of times.

(19:24):
But you know, he pretty much.

Speaker 5 (19:27):
Begged God to erase his memory because he killed essentially
his best friend in battle.

Speaker 6 (19:31):
So he has a mesia.

Speaker 5 (19:32):
He's wandering the earth fore hundreds of beers trying to
figure out what's going on. He just knows he has
this great desire and this is where he's at with it.

Speaker 6 (19:40):
So I wish we could get more.

Speaker 5 (19:42):
I would love for her to be like a van
helsing like prequel per se.

Speaker 6 (19:47):
They did the do like the weird TV show, but
hadn't fit to do with a movie.

Speaker 4 (19:50):
So I got it.

Speaker 7 (19:51):
Did you know?

Speaker 8 (19:51):
You guys assume that he's telling him the truth? His
name could be like Steve for all we know, and
it's just he knows his name is Gabriel and he
could just be completely jerking his chain.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Like that's we know the devil lies of Bose.

Speaker 8 (20:05):
Right, The devil's in the details. Like he's like, we've
been fighting for four hundred years and like he's like okay,
like nothing, like not a big deal, Like that doesn't
red flag him at all. He's like, oh, so you
know who I am? And it's like, did you miss
the four hundred years of fighting? Did you not catch that?
Or does time? Have you not grasped time passing? Because
he does make a comment about, oh, I have this

(20:27):
memory of this one flash of fighting and such and
such period of time, and the Monk is like, oh,
that was so many hundreds of years ago, and he's like, yep,
you asked. It's like like like, okay, you didn't think that.
Like again, red flags here. But if he wasn't, if
there was not that line with him in the Monk,

(20:48):
this totally could be a throwaway thing that you know,
Dracula is just again virtually jerking his chain because we
don't know and we don't have anything to counterman that
because he's effectively Wolverine, but in Van Helsing form he
has amnesia.

Speaker 6 (21:04):
It's just Hugh Jackman as Hugh Jackman.

Speaker 8 (21:05):
Yeah, you know, it's one hit wonder. I get it.
He's Wolverine and Van Helsing and you just minus the
clause he has, you know, super reflexes and blah blah
blah blah blah. So it just it wasn't a very
original character. They just took his existing and kind of
re skinned it for this scenario.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
That's exactly why I'm like, yeah, I guess, like Hugh's
doing really well with those X Men movies playing character
like Wolverine. Let's just have him be Van Helsing and
have him do this. But like I said, I'm and
I mean he was an excellent actor I think in
his own right. I mean, we know he's also a
song and dance man, as of course sair Healla knows
very well. And so as I said, I have nothing

(21:47):
to say about the the the the acting itself. I
think even Kate does a good job. Granted that Romanian
accent is a little bit weird, but it's weird on everybody.
Some not gonna hold it against Kate.

Speaker 6 (22:00):
He's terrible at any kind of accent.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
I guess we'll leave it at that. Then, So let's
get to the other two members of Team van Helsing.
We have David Wenham. Another Ossie, of course, is cow
and Shoe the Hens the as Frankenstein's monster. So, Keith,
what did you make of the other two members of
Team van Helsing?

Speaker 8 (22:27):
Frankenstein and his terrible prosthetics that made the.

Speaker 6 (22:31):
Monster Fin's monster.

Speaker 8 (22:34):
That seems ship doesn't matter Franklin's monster, it doesn't matter.
It's tall crap. Anyway, Franktin's monster looked other than the
the his head piece and the one in his chest
which was in the little lightning ball. The rest of
the costume just looked terrible. It looked like an early
two thousand comic con reject of Frankenstein.

Speaker 6 (22:57):
What's your excuse?

Speaker 5 (22:58):
Then?

Speaker 8 (22:59):
Uh, I woke up like this. And the actor, don't
get me wrong, he had fun with the part. I
just couldn't get over the fact that every time he
was on Scream Scream, there you go seeing he was
screaming at the top of his lungs. And I made
a joke maybe he blew out his ear drumps with
the lightning bolts and you just can't hear. And that's
why he's always yelling all of the time. And otherwise

(23:24):
it just makes no darn sense. I will say, I
wish there was more of him, because they don't. It's
just so like off the cough, nonchalant. Why they need him.
He's effectively just a walking battery. But that's it. You
see him for what twenty minutes of the movie, even
though he is probably one of the bigger anchor characters

(23:47):
that needed to be explored. But we're just not going
to talk about him because he's off screaming in a
cave somewhere reading the Bible.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
And what did you make about a monk? Well, Fry,
I rather.

Speaker 8 (24:01):
Friar Tuck Friar Junior.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
Uh.

Speaker 8 (24:04):
He was He's cue for James Bond. He came up
with all the gadgets, and it was funny to see
him with the Holy hand Grenade. And that's what I'm
going to call it, because we're all going to make
at least one monthly Python reference.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Nice is the fact that he's like, he's like, I
made this thing.

Speaker 8 (24:19):
I know what it does, but I don't know why
I made it. And then he uses it and he's like,
I know why I made it. And I had to
laugh out loud when he said that, because immediately I
knew what it was for and I was just waiting
to see when he was going to use it. And
the fact that he used the Holy hand Grenade and
just wiped out all the vampires other than Dragula in
like thirty seconds was kind of comical. I did appreciate

(24:43):
him being the gadget guy and being the man behind
the scenes. Again, I made the Q reference so he
could figure things out, he could piece the story together.
He could do that all off scene or off screen
rather and then when we come back to him, he's like, oh,
I have this story tell you guys, and he can
move the story along and fill in all the blanks

(25:04):
that we needed. He it looked like he had a
blast plane in his part, and I appreciated him. I
enjoyed him more so than I did Frankenstein's Monster, and
I think it was just more so because Frankenstein's Monster
was constantly yelling. And I will say I appreciated the
fact that his monster did learn about friendship. Granted it
was the hardest way possible, but he had friends and

(25:27):
he actually saw the good man. Because honestly, if Van
Helsing hadn't come and not so much rescued him but
showed him the rest of the world or showed him
what was going on outside, I'm pretty sure Frankenstein's Monster
would have probably murdered everybody, just gone on a murder spree,
and he would have had to eventually put him down.

(25:47):
And we saw that he didn't need to do that
because again reasons and seeing the good and other people.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
That's a great point. I mean, I think it's almost
like proto Blade and Whistler when it comes to Call
and the Van Heusing that wouldn't it be a nice crossover?
I guess Blade and Whistler meets Van Heusing and Carl.
That would be and that would be fun. And uh, Heather,
what did you make of Karl and Frankenstein's Monster.

Speaker 6 (26:12):
I love them.

Speaker 5 (26:14):
I'm gonna be the opposite of Keith and all of this. Well,
first off, it's funny. Keith says, he's cue. I think
that Carl is more like Riley in National Treasure, like
idiots avant, like.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
I have all these things.

Speaker 8 (26:27):
I don't I agree on that one, but he's.

Speaker 6 (26:31):
I don't think he's an idiot. He's an idiot savant
because he's intelligent.

Speaker 5 (26:35):
He just doesn't know how to apply it. And then
he does, and then he's like, wait a minute. You
have to remember this was not just an adult movie.
This was also made for kids. So yeah, to learn friendship,
to learn stuff.

Speaker 6 (26:47):
Yeah, it clearly is.

Speaker 8 (26:48):
Noting female vampires one hundred percent for kids.

Speaker 6 (26:52):
I mean kids are exposed to wait worse. So yeah,
it wasn't like five year old.

Speaker 5 (26:57):
It wasn't like five year olds, but it was like
in PG. Thirteen, so it wasn't meant to be like
rated R.

Speaker 6 (27:05):
I love the history.

Speaker 5 (27:06):
Behind it, like I am a classic Universal Monsters fan.
I know Daker Stoker, like, you know, there are people
in my life that have like pushed this love for
the classic monsters. So I love Carl because could he
possibly sure? There are other things are happening. He's going
to put everything on the line to protect and in

(27:27):
housing and there's reasons behind it, which is a lot
more lore than you're going to get just from a
ninety minute movie. When it comes to frank and Science Monster,
it's a lot of you.

Speaker 6 (27:39):
He's like he's screaming the whole time. Well, yeah, he's
going through a.

Speaker 5 (27:42):
Lot like you're created out of corpses, and the day
that you are essentially quote unquote born, your villageers attack
like you're, for lack of better terms, your father and
the home that you are a bunch.

Speaker 8 (27:58):
Of body parts. What did you think they're going to
give them high five for creating life out of nothing?

Speaker 6 (28:02):
Dracula gave doctor Frankenstein all the bodies. He didn't do that.

Speaker 8 (28:06):
That's where do you think he got him from?

Speaker 2 (28:09):
The villain Dracula?

Speaker 8 (28:11):
I know Dracula got it from the village.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Yes, Draculus is big.

Speaker 6 (28:17):
He Dracula sucks literally and I love drag but Frankenstein's
Monster has gone through a lot of shit.

Speaker 5 (28:25):
You probably would be screaming a lot too. You already do,
and you don't have an excuse like he does.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
But you know, there's the.

Speaker 5 (28:32):
Wouldn't know that caught on fire. It's really cool they
have it here in Orlando now, the Universal Snuthian Park.
Like there are elements that are still valid to the
s day. I mean, we're talking about this movie twenty
one years later and like there's still arguments about it,
which I freaking love. I love the Monster. I love
that he is not really a monster. He has just
perceived his one, unlike other people that I know realistically,

(28:57):
I've got the dirty look roky, he's even off.

Speaker 8 (29:00):
You can't the air.

Speaker 6 (29:06):
Oh no, it's okay.

Speaker 5 (29:08):
Though. Moving back into the actual film, No, I really like.

Speaker 6 (29:12):
The dynamic of what they bring.

Speaker 5 (29:14):
I do agree shockingly with Keith that I would have
liked to have seen more of the Monster. I do
think it's more it's like not even a blink and
you miss it. But I think that he is such
a dynamic part of what happens and how they're supposed
to create Dracula's offspring, and you know, really bring.

Speaker 6 (29:31):
Life to it. Life for life. I think they could
have pulled in a lot more. I understand why they
did it, but I would have liked more. But it
was a quick little intro. This is where we're at.

Speaker 5 (29:40):
We're gonna wrap us up nice and pretty and tight
and goodbye, like I wanted to see more.

Speaker 6 (29:44):
So I agree with that.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Great stuff. I will say that Frankenstein's Monster is probably
one of my favorite characters in this film. He Carl
and Frankenstein's Monster. I loved these two for multiple reasons.
I mean, Carl is very much the praya who's not
ready into the wanting to be a friar or church
guy or what have you. Because every time something comes along,
he's like, I'm just a friar. I can curse, I

(30:08):
can sleep with random villager women, it doesn't matter. So
he's very much enjoying life, even though at first he's
very reluctant to want to be on the field, because
when Gabriel says to him, you're coming with me, he's like,
I'm not a field guy. As things progress, it's you
realize why Gabriel needs somebody like Carl on his journey.

(30:29):
And that was one of the few things I actually
really enjoyed about the end where Gabriel and Carl will
be off having more adventures together, because he really comes
into his own because he's been stuck in this vault
of the Vatican creating all these amazing knick knacks and
weapons and such, and he's never been outside, but he
has this great knowledge and he finally gets to kind of,

(30:51):
I guess, see it in person, see more of the world.
And David Wenham, I'm a huge fan of this man.
Aside from the fact that I love the man's voice,
I had half of what the man what David's voice
is like, because he's a great narrator. It's got to
just that great tone to him, and he makes for
a great narrator in general. And yeah, he made me

(31:12):
chuckle every time he was on screen because of course
he's like first time having to deal with monsters in
real life and just not hearing about it, just hearing
about him. And I think he's partly comic relief and
partly the heart of this film because he very much
is the glue that keeps the team together and I
think also gives Gabriel more of his humanity because Gabriel,

(31:34):
I think someone has given up his humanity in order
to just do the job. And Carl is like, we
have to figure this, this and this, and the same
I think can be said Frank signs monster because he,
like you said, Heather, he's been through so much, been
buried underneath the the what was it the mill, and

(31:54):
he's now living as a recluse, reading the Bible and
obviously crying, crying the loss of his father and trying
to just figure things out because he can't go outside
because you know who'll be hunted. And I think it
brings the whole concept of monster to a whole other level.
It's just because you look different, it doesn't mean you're
a monster. And I think that's obviously the point that

(32:14):
we're trying to make here. And of course he is
the key to likely bring out to bring Dracula's progeny
to life. But I think that was the main concept,
that we're fighting things that look different. So it could
maybe even be a call out to the Church's bigotry
as just because you're born different, you have to be killed,

(32:34):
And even more today, I think it rings in twenty
twenty five are the fact of you love differently, you
look differently. Therefore you are the enemy, and I think
that very much. It's very much a call to that,
even twenty one years later. And Schuler did a great
job bringing this character to life. Yes, he does scream
a lot, but he's he's the most educated of the

(32:55):
majority of the people who are in this film, and
he knows what's going on. And I think it was
great that he learned friendship because he'd never had a friend.
He was he was born in vertcoms literally and then
literally saw his father die. So I have we have
to give give this guy some slack. So I thoroughly
enjoyed him. As I said, I was more a fan
of the the supporting characters and ancillary characters, and I

(33:19):
was the main ones. So good job both David and Shula,
I will say, so, I guess. Then let's pivot to
a Team Dracula, starting with Kevin j O'Connor as Igor,
Elena Ananya as Aleira, and Sira Conluca as Verona. So, Heather,
this is very apt. What did you make of the

(33:40):
the the ancillary members of Team Dracula.

Speaker 5 (33:44):
I mean, first and foremost, the brides costumes are like
my ultimate cosplay, Like I need to find other people
to do.

Speaker 6 (33:53):
It with me.

Speaker 4 (33:54):
They are such bad bitches. They're so they they pull
the strings. They are so they have Dracula so freaking
whipped this like master darkness. And then they're like, oh,
I just wish they had stopped crying and whiling. It's
so damn annoying. Like girl up, like.

Speaker 8 (34:14):
Stop wait, wait wait Frankenstein and howl like a banshee.
But they wail off and they're like, no, you need
to manage.

Speaker 10 (34:23):
They're spoiled little princesses, but like they are crazy spoiled
little princesses, like yeah, frank Monster lost his family and
like never knew anything besides I am an asshole and
people are gonna hunt me, and I'm.

Speaker 8 (34:37):
Gonna be their friendly to one of them dies and
all the little body snatchers they do.

Speaker 5 (34:45):
You know, I try to talk. Your time's next, go
on mute. It's okay, but oh my god, I don't
eat the microphones. I mean, I'm impressed with your mouth. Uh,
but I were not a fan.

Speaker 6 (34:59):
The big the creepiness.

Speaker 5 (35:01):
He reminds me of like a really terrible like riff Raff,
like for Rocky Carror, like riff Raff's evil brother.

Speaker 6 (35:09):
That drives me crazy.

Speaker 5 (35:11):
The costuming, makeup, and prosthetics of him specifically, I'm.

Speaker 6 (35:15):
Just like hmm, it's like I can't.

Speaker 5 (35:20):
It's like they just kind of gave up on him
and they're like, we're just gonna make you like kind
of ghoulish. But I also don't like betrayers, and you know,
the massive betrayal and then to come back in with
a quip of well, we're just not as sport as
doctor Frankenstein. For kidding, dude, but like maybe you shouldn't
have like harned your back on the original person because

(35:40):
oh he couldn't pay you, but you were learning a
lot more. You just turned high and you went, oh,
well this guy's gonna pay me. Clearly you messed up.
You put your own life at risk, which you didn't
really value so or could deal without not necessary just
super annoying the distraction during the ballroom scene and then
bringing in the monster like come on, dude, like you're
the kind of person that I would cross the street

(36:02):
to avoid just because I don't want to be near
you because you're just so stupid.

Speaker 6 (36:07):
That's how I feel. It looks like he's fee as good,
but when.

Speaker 8 (36:14):
It comes to.

Speaker 6 (36:16):
No, I just I can't, like he's always driven me nuts,
even this many years down the road. The Brides I
really just.

Speaker 5 (36:23):
Love, you know, between Veranda and between Elia, Like yes
they have oosteron, but like they are the ones that
are out there. You think of it, like the Lions
and the Lioness is like they're the ones out there,
you know, getting the food, getting the this. Like really,
the Protector's track just happens to be the one with
the castle and it kind of nasculates up. I can

(36:43):
see why he wants to have progeny and why he
wants to have this whole army, but like, I think
the Brides deserved more.

Speaker 6 (36:51):
And yeah, I still want to do that cosplay.

Speaker 5 (36:54):
If I could do, if I could do four cosplays
at the same time, I.

Speaker 2 (36:59):
And I am sure you would accomplish it flulessly. And
I love the riff raff comparison because.

Speaker 6 (37:04):
It's right right.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, I was like, who does he remind me of?
And I was like, you nailed it, so so we
thank you indeed, and he what did you make of
this trio?

Speaker 8 (37:19):
Stupid? No, I was not surprised with igor. You see
in the minute he walks on screen, you're like, oh,
he's gonna be bad, Like there's no like, wow, I
am so surprised. He turned into a bag, Like no,
he has horrific makeup. Apparently they blew the budget on Frankenstein,
so they were like, hey, let's just, you know, I
don't know, put some putty on his face and call
it a day, because that's what it looks like. It's

(37:40):
like they were like half attempting to do prosthetics and
they were like, that's good enough, that's fine.

Speaker 5 (37:45):
Did you get like reboat the Genetic Opera meets five
because that's kind of where my mind goes.

Speaker 8 (37:52):
I was thinking more of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes bad,
but yeah, we go with the repo slash. Yeah, riff raff. Yeah,
that's a good analogy the two of them. I don't know,
it was just it. He was not the same everything
that happened with these characters like the whiny bitches, because
that's what they essentially turned into that they were telegraphed.

(38:13):
There was nothing redeeming about them. It wasn't like, oh,
look they like if at some point you saw that
one of them was turned against their will, like you
have seen other iterations of uh, Dracula or vampire type
movies where they were kidnapping turned okay, fine, that's fine.
These three were like straight on like we hate people.

(38:35):
We're just gonna eat everybody, murder everybody, blah blah blah.
And then they have this hard on for Anna, which
we get they have to wipe out the family. But
even Dragula is like, I told you do this one thing.
Why do you keep screwing around? And they're like blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah, like shut up, I
just I need you to show up so you know,

(38:56):
And then when you see him on screen together, they're
just it doesn't seeing there was no cohesion between the
women Dracula and Igor. Igor and Dracula, yes, but the
brides and Igor, no, not so much. You never really
see them on screen longer than like them literally walking
past each other for like a fraction of a second.

(39:16):
There's no interaction. And when he kills or turns on
doctor Frankenstein and he makes that comment like, well he
pays me, Well, who do you think pays Frankenstein?

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Stupid?

Speaker 8 (39:27):
That's the dumbest reason ever known to man. It wasn't
like because you beat me, or because you're mean, or
like you're just an ass. No, it's literally because he pays.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
Me and because he was too nice.

Speaker 6 (39:38):
He left Frankenstein because he's too nice.

Speaker 8 (39:41):
Yeah, so essentially, if you know Dracula said, igor, go
jump off a bridge, he'd be like, okay, because you
paid me to do that, Like that's logically what he
would do. So it just he was the laziest henchman ever.
He was just there to kind of like bring like again,
bring the monster on screen, lock them in the room
with the cure that was in apparently a giant ice

(40:04):
cube for reasons, and just kind of get killed eventually
for you know, walking across this really shitty bridge, which
was comically thin and just I'm not surprised it fell apart,
because every bridge in that movie just blew apart at
the slightest breeze known demand. So I was fine with

(40:24):
him eating it. The bride's dying. None of them were redeemable.
It wasn't like, oh, man, I wish he'd save so
and So. Nope, I'm like kill this so and so
as quickly as possible because I can't deal with him anymore.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
I mean, the part that made humans chuckle out loud
the most is I guess how vampire sex is portrayed
as in breathing all over each other. I guess that
is how vampires. I guess so because like that's how
you make vampire babies. Okay, yeah, I mean again, eg,

(41:02):
you're not going to have Game of Thrones sex going on.
I'm not saying that, but I'm like, like, come to
me and they stop breathing over each other. I'm like, okay, fine, But.

Speaker 8 (41:14):
What gets me is, you know, everybody in that ball
are vampires as well, which means he had to create them.
So it's like, what makes those not his kids, but
those little sacks of whatever that he's trying to hatch
his kids?

Speaker 6 (41:26):
Like, there's no there's a difference.

Speaker 5 (41:28):
There's a difference in turning someone into a vampire as
compared to birthing your own children.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Literally like, oh, I'm.

Speaker 5 (41:38):
Going to bite this person they turn into a vampire,
as compared to I am taking my DNA as Count
Dracula and turning them into and having essentially my own
babies with my brides.

Speaker 8 (41:51):
There there are a little gremlins with wings.

Speaker 3 (41:53):
They're adorable.

Speaker 8 (41:54):
I want one adorable? Yeah, you just have to have
ten bolts. Yeah, you're definitioning cute disturbing. You might want
to see something cute.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Whatever, No, but I mean other than that, I mean,
I agree. I think Heaven brew up a great point
when it came to Eagle, because he definitely is riff
raff with just like I guess, a shark like teeth.
And yeah, I was just waiting for the guy to
meet his come up and because I couldn't stand this character.

(42:24):
So I'm not saying Kevin and Joconn did a bad job.
It was just like you really wanted to hate him,
which I guess you know is to the actor's credit,
because he's a turncoat because of course, as we as
you guys mentioned, he turned on Victor Frankenstein because somebody
paid him more and so he could continue to just
do his work. But then at the same time, just
he's such a sniveling little so and so, to use

(42:46):
Keith's language, I just was waiting for the guy to
just be killed off. What I loved about The Brides
was the CGI. The CGI for the time. It's granted
it's not aged particularly well now, but it's really really
it was really nice to see them going from these
almost Harpy esque characters then alighting on the on the

(43:08):
ground and then morphing into these incredibly beautiful women. And
I really appreciate that was that was really called metamorphosis.
That was probably one of the best things I enjoyed
about the Brides. And I guess you know, to go
back to the Bromstoka original novel. They have inherited those
traits of being these very lascivious women, very cruel, very

(43:29):
uh soadistic at the same time, just the way they
toy with humans because for them it's literary food and
they literally be below them, and how much they have
it out for Anna that I appreciated those exchanges. Of course,
you wanted them to die because they're the they're the
villains of the picture. But I really appreciate the interactions. Yes,

(43:52):
there were moments wh're like, oh no, here here, here
she comes again, swooping down and making life miserable. But
I all the time, I don't know about that. You
definitely don't know.

Speaker 8 (44:06):
It's true. I do very well, but but no so
that I think as as hench women, they did.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
They did their job. But yes, I would have liked more.
Would I think to appreciate them more. It would have
been nice to Keith's point of maybe knowing whether either
Lea Varona or Marishka had been had been turned against
their will, or we're like, oh, we want to be vampires,
want to live forever and always look young. We don't
know this, but I guess you know you have that.
I don't guess the whole whining thing is because you know,

(44:37):
maybe there is that maternal instinct of we want these
babies to grow and be strong and so on, and
they've done this apparently quite a few times, and every
time they every time they've seen their offspring explode. Then
that's why even when when Dracula asked the me, like
we're ready to do it again, like we don't want
to do this again because clearly they've lost so many children,

(44:58):
Like do we want to do this and then see
see how our children die at you know, in front
of our eyes? So that I get. So I understand
they're whining and moaning and crying when it comes to that.
But yeah, I think, I think, But for the most
part they did a good job. I just was just
like waiting for everybody to just meet their end and

(45:18):
meet their end they did. So let's round off our
characters with our big bads. We have a Richard Rocksburgh
as Count Ladislaus Tracula. So, Keith, what did you make
of the Count?

Speaker 8 (45:32):
Huh eh, he was okay. I think it's sort of
like when we watched Street Fighter. You could tell he
was having a good time playing this part. But at
the same time, it was just he was always so like,
oh no, like you just he needed to be on
some antidepressant or something because he was either like half
depressed or I need to kill everybody. There was no

(45:56):
like happy medium with them and his whole knew eating
Frankenstein to keep the kids alive. It would have been
great if he explained this in some sort of whatever
to somebody in the room. So we're all like, okay,
but now this makes more sense other than when he
straps her brother to the table as the werewolf. That's

(46:16):
like thirty seconds of maybe we're like, Okay, he's gonna
explain it to the brother like cool, We're gonna get
his point of view or why this has to happen. Nope,
we don't know why they need batteries. We don't know
why they're in little egg sacks. We literally know nothing
about anything other than he's been trying to do this
for who the heck knows how long, because there's what
like three or four thousand of those little egg sacks

(46:38):
in the castle, so clearly they've been trying it for
a hot minute. And how we got to this I
need Frankenstein to power this or to keep them alive
or any of this. Never explain it. It's kind of
frustrating because that's the one point you want them to
at least do a little monologuing on where he's you know,
got van helsing on the ropes and he's explaining his

(46:58):
grand plan like I'm waiting for that scene in this movie,
and none of that happens. No, he's too busy walking
on the walls telling me knows him, but never explaining how,
bitching out his wives for them not killing the family members,
fasting off, blah blah blah blah blah, yelling an ego,
all his other shit's going on, and then the things
that you want to know about this character you don't get. Okay, yes,

(47:23):
he was killed by Gabriel at some point, maybe because hell,
a flashback would have been great just to show that happening,
but we don't even get that. So there's a lot
of fits and starts where you think it's gonna go places,
and then it just kind of fizzles out because they
cut to some other scene. So it's his character is
very janky in terms of when we get him, Like, yes,

(47:47):
you see him turn into this giant bat like creature
or demon esque creature, and you see him in the
ballroom flexing some powers and abilities, but you don't see
all of them. You just see him do some basic
shape shifting, which we've seen time and time again. So
it's not like they reinvented the character at all. The
only thing they did is they made him more depressed

(48:08):
than normal Dracula usually is, or any of the Draculas
that we have seen. So you know, it is what
it is. They needed a bad guy, and we got
a bad guy, and he just happens to be a vampire.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
I will say, though, I did enjoy that the ball
room moment where he where him and and on a
dancing and you come in front of a mirror and
she's literally dancing looks like she's dancing with it by herself,
which I thought was was was rather fun than rather
ingenious ingenious when it came to, you know, explaining this

(48:44):
to the vampire law of course, or reminding us that
vampires don't cast a reflection. So will I will add that.
And Heather, what did you make of Count d.

Speaker 6 (48:54):
Junk d Well?

Speaker 5 (48:55):
You just mentioned like my favorite scene that masquerade ball
is sci far my favorite, and yeah, when he dips
her in front of the mirror and then she doesn't
see anything and then she starts to look around. Yeah,
first and foremost, it's hard.

Speaker 6 (49:09):
To not see him as the big bad outside of
just being Count Dracula, because he was also the duke
in Mulan Rouge.

Speaker 5 (49:17):
So you know, Richard Rox were like, he's a good
looking dude, but he just has this tendency to play
this like creepy, gross, whiny, misogynistic dude.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
But he does it well.

Speaker 5 (49:29):
And yeah, I mean you could definitely tell he enjoyed
playing this roll for sure, And I.

Speaker 6 (49:35):
Know that you you're both gonna give me a shit
for it, but there's uh to me, Dracula needs to
be attractive.

Speaker 5 (49:42):
And I don't like the way that they made him.
They made him this like Billy Butcherson style. Yeah, I'm
thuring all the references today some Billy Butcherson style Dracula
that like really can't control much of what's going on.
He's kind of in this tailspin and no really stressed
with reason. But at the same time, I wanted him
to kind of.

Speaker 7 (50:03):
Be a little bit more macho, like more of a
macho drag with a little bit more of aggression besides
like like an emo like hissy fit.

Speaker 6 (50:15):
And I know this is shocking you both that like,
he is not my favorite Dracula. And I was kind
of on Van Huss.

Speaker 8 (50:22):
Who would have guessed that, Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (50:25):
Yeah, I mean I I always like when I talk
about my stuff, and I kind of have a realization.
I'm like, you know, I really enjoyed some parts of it,
but it just didn't read Racula to me.

Speaker 8 (50:36):
You just want Brad Pettish Dracula, we know, don't. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 (50:41):
No no. Stuart Townsend was by far the early early
two thousand's, late nineties best vampire.

Speaker 6 (50:49):
Do you know who that is? Keith? Now you're shaking
Queen of the Damned?

Speaker 8 (50:53):
Yeah, okay, I do like.

Speaker 6 (50:56):
The rock star.

Speaker 5 (50:57):
Yeah no, I just I want more of Like if
you're going to be Racula, and you were holding them
in this hereditary like line of four hundred and fifty years,
and you know a lot of songs the older like.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
If you are carrying on this legacy.

Speaker 5 (51:15):
Like carry it on and don't just like do something
asinine and like oh my children like that.

Speaker 6 (51:23):
That was just dumb.

Speaker 5 (51:25):
So not a huge fan, but maybe they wrote them
specifically to not be a huge fan, which I'm sure
is the intention since the movie is called Van Helsty
can not Dracula.

Speaker 6 (51:35):
The fact that he got three super hot.

Speaker 5 (51:38):
Vamp like rio it's good for him?

Speaker 8 (51:42):
Would I have been one of the person so like
that's not really a big stretch here.

Speaker 5 (51:47):
I don't really want to be there though, and I
don't know how much you can actually carry the power
of persuasion.

Speaker 8 (51:52):
But he could immortality and beauty okay, and superficial.

Speaker 6 (51:59):
Humans and yeah, well you know, no, no on like that.

Speaker 5 (52:04):
Yeah. I mean, I just I wanted more from him,
and I think having more would have added to the
more guffy horror a little bit, a little bit more
of that trope than just like here he is, here's
count Dracula.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
I mean one could I suppose could start a could
do literally do a whole podcast episode on the evolution
of Dracula on screen. You think of going all the
way back from better Lego SI to Christopher Lee, to
Morgan Freeman to the Morgan Freeman pardon me, but you know,
and getting all the way to Richard Rocksburg. It is
a different style of Dracula. I mean Gary Oldman, as

(52:42):
was trying to say, so, yes, I think they were
maybe trying to bring back some of the Gary Oldman
vibes from Bramston, from Bramston nineties, but make him more dramatic, as.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
It was more email.

Speaker 6 (52:58):
And there's the thing wrong with being But when you're Dracula,
shouldn't be emo.

Speaker 8 (53:03):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
I mean to me, if somebody asked me who my
favorite Dracula is, it's hard to say, because that.

Speaker 8 (53:11):
Happens you can't be emo, but then you like Queen
of the Damned. Yes, that's emo Dracula.

Speaker 6 (53:19):
No, that's probably yes.

Speaker 5 (53:23):
Even if you're going to present as rock star drag
and then you're going to be rock star draged and
he's prison as rockstar attract. When you were count Dracula
with your castle and your wives and your progenies, and
then you're like, oh yeah, I look like Billy Butcherson
from Hocus Focus, and I'm gonna cry there's a problem.

Speaker 6 (53:42):
But I want to hear the rest of what Nick
was say because I was enjoying listening to him and
then they rudely interrupted.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Well, well thank you. No, I mean my only thing
was that, I mean, I would have liked more of
a gary oldman kind of Dracula if we're going into
the you know, mid nineties going into this, because you know,
obviously that version of Drack is very charismatic. He's handsome,
but at the same time, he never loses his call
where he's.

Speaker 5 (54:05):
A non traditional good looking Dracula when he is like that,
because I personally don't think like when I think you'ry
oldman as like Dracula, I don't think of like, you know,
Drack with like the wiry hair and the glasses. I
think of like the big, bulbous buns. But he was
able to pull off that like drag sex appeal throughout
all of it because it like.

Speaker 6 (54:25):
Oohs, that demeanor of it.

Speaker 5 (54:27):
I don't think that Richard Roxford did that for Cat Dracula.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
I totally agree, because that's I think the beauty of
the Dracula character is a mixture of the monster but
with the allure of being this kind of character. That's
why I think probably the best example is Gary Oldman
as as Dracula in that particular film, and the in
France of Coppola's movie. Granted, I love better Lugosi, but

(54:53):
better Leegosi was was very sure. We say classic Dracula
as you of course with the windows in everything else,
but we love what Bella did. We love Bella, of course,
but the thing is it was very different here. It's
a different era, and you also have to think think
about what was going on in the nineties going on
the two thousands, where you know you're popping the sex

(55:15):
appeal to a million and so you have to have
that kind of style of Dracula. I don't think Richard
did a bad job, but yes, he was having one
hissy bit too many during the course of this film.
As I said before, I way preferred what he did
in the first part of the film, the black and
white part. That was perfect. That's the kind of Dracula

(55:36):
I wanted throughout the course of the film. But it
turns out not to be the case. Like curs is
watered again. I did not want that because when he's calm,
cool and collected, you can feel the threat.

Speaker 11 (55:48):
As I said before, So you're wanting more of like,
well what we now know, like we're wealth by Night
like Marvel style Werewolf by Night where it's predominantly in
that black and white CBA town, because it adds that
level to it.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
Right, Being a fan of classic horror movies like Better
Nego Sees, the Frankensteins and everything else, I really like
that tone that was giving it because I think it
enhanced the way that these these characters were interacting with
each other, especially when you have called out to classic
Frankstone with It's alive. It's alive. I'm like, I see

(56:24):
what you're doing. Then I was that was like this
movie is actually really good, and then went to color
and everything changed. But yeah, but I would have liked
more of understanding what is this Dracula's end game, as
in it gets interrupted because he has the talk with
Victor Franklinstein's like this is my plans. I could never
be a party to that, so we never really get
the full scope of what Dracula is planning to do.

Speaker 6 (56:46):
It's like cliff notes version or like little snippets. Yeah,
for sure.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
Yeah, because it's like, okay, we get it, We've shown
it as in okay, we have all these clutches of eggs.
So he wants to rule the world? Does he want
to turn everybody into a vampire?

Speaker 8 (57:00):
What is you want to.

Speaker 6 (57:02):
Be his next bride? Does he actually want the children?
Does I get it?

Speaker 2 (57:07):
There're too many, I guess, I guess to quote Backman forever,
too many questions, mister Wayne, I think is what the
case that? So once again nothing against what Richard did.
I think, as we've often sudden this podcast, the writing
failed him, which I think is the main problem. We

(57:29):
didn't get much of his mission statement, just like you
never find out enough about Gabriel. Granted we don't have
to have every single question answered, but the big ones possibly, yes,
at least tell us what the villain's end game.

Speaker 5 (57:43):
Is great because if you think about any kind of
big bad you always get that like and here is
my plan to take over the world, and here.

Speaker 3 (57:50):
Is how I'm going to do it, and then we don't.

Speaker 6 (57:52):
Yeah, that's a great model.

Speaker 8 (57:54):
Where do you get the monologue?

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Yeah, yeah, that's the only thing I just want to notice,
what is your dtail.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
That's that's your malfunctions, for sure, exactly.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
That was the only thing. I just want a mission
statement from this man. But other than that, I, as
I said, Richard is like to your point, Heather, I
think he is definitely very good at playing villains and
I think this is no different. And I also didn't
mind the Ultimate Vampire transformation where he goes into like
super Saiyan Dracula and does the whole fight with it.

Speaker 5 (58:31):
Mirror.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
It's like versus Goku as Super Saiyan. So I'm like, okay, fine,
just it's not the first time the key that I've
used the Dragon ball Z reference or Keith has, but
that was I guess it's like, okay, let's see vampires
versus were wolves. Yeah, bring out the point.

Speaker 6 (58:52):
But I do appreciate the Dragon ball Z. Consider that
House of the Dragon, which is.

Speaker 8 (58:57):
Drag not even in the same wheelhouse Dragon's Dracula Dragon
House of the Dragon. You literally just smashed three different
things together.

Speaker 3 (59:13):
Yeah, huh, that's what I do.

Speaker 8 (59:16):
Not well, so.

Speaker 6 (59:19):
It's fine.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
And any who, as I as I said that it
was and it was good. I think that ultimately was
Anna who killed him and not and not Gabriel because
she needed that redemption.

Speaker 6 (59:32):
So I am for her brother for sure.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
I did appreciate that that we didn't have. Oh look,
Gabriel did it, because then it gave I think Anna
that experiencing the fact that she did this, she's avenged
her brother, she avenged her family, hence she can then
ascend to heaven. So I was happy about that. So
before we get to ratings, guys, is there anything else
you guys would like to mention about this film that
we might not have talked about, or that you want

(59:55):
to bring up a lot about it.

Speaker 5 (01:00:01):
No, I think that we filate it well for sure. Yes, yes,
also rip to Anne Burrell who passed today cooking and
kind of bring that sort point up.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
But now I think that it'll be interesting.

Speaker 5 (01:00:17):
To kind of hear the feedback from the listeners too,
because it does have such a cult following for sure.
But then you do have people who are like, you know,
I'll watch it and then they relay it over to
like Underworld and like that whole early two thousand supernatural,
graphic supernatural kind of style of movie. But I think

(01:00:39):
that if they were too and I know I'm not
putting this out there for anybody to remake.

Speaker 6 (01:00:43):
But if they were to make.

Speaker 5 (01:00:45):
This movie in twenty twenty five, if you could be
very different than how it came out two thousand and four.
But I think it had to be made in two
thousand and four for other things to really come into
pop culture for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
Good point, Keith, Do you have anything else you wanted
to add?

Speaker 8 (01:01:03):
No, I think I've murdered this movie well enough.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
As always very successfully, I should say so, I guess.
Then getting to ratings, Heather, what do you give this
film out of ten?

Speaker 6 (01:01:17):
Deven fans? Thank you very much?

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
Oh, well played, and mister bliss.

Speaker 8 (01:01:25):
Ah, we're gonna have to give it a six point five.
You're so close to me barely passing. Well, I'd give
it a six except there are some redeeming qualities the soundtrack,
the sidekicks, some of the other characters help, but the
story is terrible. The actors, it's a good cast. It

(01:01:45):
just was very poorly written and directed.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
And and that's it was very great shame because as
Stephen Summers, you know, has has directed some really good
films in his time. I mean I actually looked up
his his CV and such, and he's done some great films.
He hasn't directed anything since I believe twenty thirteen, so
I don't know whether he is retired or whether he's
doing something else. I don't know, but he has given

(01:02:13):
us some pretty decent films in the course of his career.
This is not one of them, but he has definitely
given some great stuff. I'm with you, Keith. I'm going
to give us six and a half out of ten.
I did enjoy the soundtrack was definitely a highlight for me.
The first twenty fifteen twenty minutes were fantastic to me.
I wish it would have stayed that way. But yes,

(01:02:34):
it is very, very kitchy, and it's of its time.
I know it's a very trite phrase to use, but
it is. And so you look back and like, oh, yeah,
those years they were so kitchy. But I guess at
the time we enjoyed it and we went along with it.
So getting thus to recommendations, Keith, is anything you'd like
to recommend to our listeners this week, if they, in

(01:02:55):
fact they enjoyed Van Helsing.

Speaker 8 (01:02:57):
I'm going to give the more spectacularly bizarre, our specific
recommendation ever and this is this is in the wheelhouse
of vampires and Werewolves, and I will one hundred percent
own this for my age. But there was a cartoon
called the Real Ghostbusters, and they did in a vampires
versus werewolves episode called No One Comes to Lucasville. It

(01:03:18):
was season two, episode sixteen, because I had to google
this one one hundred percent. If you want to see
vampires fight where wolves, go watch that. It is a
million times better than this movie and about I don't know,
an hour shorter. And then you and I were talking
about this offline. There was actually a prequel cartoon that
explains why Van helsing was hunting doctor Jekyll mister Hyde,

(01:03:44):
and then there's also a one shot comic book explaining
what he was doing after hunting said character and going
back to the Vatican. So if you really do like
this universe and you want to know more of what
was going on that Tuesday in Van helsing Land, go
check those out.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Yes, and doesn't answer the big questions once again, But
oh well, Andeather, you, being the huge vampire fan that
you are, I'm sure you have plentiful recommendations for others.

Speaker 5 (01:04:13):
I do. I also summarize what I've been kind of
dropping throughout the episode as well.

Speaker 6 (01:04:18):
One definitely check out anything.

Speaker 5 (01:04:22):
You possibly can from the early two thousands, like Gothic fantasy,
so Brother Scraam, Underworld, Series Blade, anything like that, so
you can get a good vibe for it, you know,
Queen of a Dam if you want to start going
down that road of you know, more Dracula stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
Moving on to because that's fine.

Speaker 6 (01:04:43):
So I didn't hurt anybody, don't be steaking to it.

Speaker 5 (01:04:46):
Wearable by Night. If you have Disney Plus, it's on there.
It came out a couple of years ago on Halloween.
It's the black and white episodes, like a minisode.

Speaker 6 (01:04:54):
It's really kind of cool. It's Marvel.

Speaker 5 (01:04:59):
I. There's a couple of other ones, and that's from
out there, and it's not going to make any sense
that you see it. Ripo the Genetic Opera. You know,
there's these weird late nineties early two thousand and so
I think I'll have that same kind of.

Speaker 6 (01:05:13):
Vibe to it, but also do their own little thing
for sure.

Speaker 5 (01:05:21):
And then I'm going to recommend something completely off the cuff,
because if you like weird horror movies, Hobo with a
Shotgun is one of the craziest things you'll ever see,
and I'm always going to tell people to go see
it because it will be like a WTF moment and
then everything in your world clips.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
Great recommendations for sure. I guess I could recommend the
upcoming Frankenstein film from November twenty twenty five. Vive yet
to see it, so I have high hopes for it
because is Guillermudo, who I'm a huge fan of, and
I'm very very looking forward to seeing what he will
do with his classic tale. So I guess when it
comes to the Frankenstein's story, frank Stein's monster story, I

(01:06:03):
can't but go back to the nineteen thirty one James
Whale classic Frankenstein, which is which still holds up today.
But I love that movie with a passion, and so
I would definitely say, definitely check that out because if
you haven't, you know, I'm not gonna say I'm not
gonna come after you or anything, because I understand they
are folks who haven't seen it yet. But beautiful, beautiful

(01:06:26):
film and still holds a big place in my heart,
like most James Wells films do. So of course, dear listeners,
as Heather was mentioning if you do want to share
your thoughts on the films we discuss here, you can
of course shoot us an email to Happiness in Darkness
how at gmail dot com. Once again, Happiness and Darkness
how at gmail dot com. Be shure to have follow

(01:06:48):
us on our social media. You can find us on
x week and find us as High Darkness Pod, and
of course on Facebook where can find us Happiness in
the Darkness. Also, if you are listening to us on
such platforms as Spotify the podcast you name it, be
sure to rate and reviewers so that keeps algorithm stimulated
allows our little podcast to reach more like minded is
like yours. So big, thank you guys, you have done

(01:07:09):
so in the future. Thank you to those who will
so Heather when you're not here discussing vampires, were wolves
and the like. Where can folks find you on the interwebs?

Speaker 5 (01:07:19):
Now, I was just winning for this a Van Meyers,
Werewolves and blank Oh my huh yeah, I'm all over
the place. So every Monday night at a pm Eastern
I co host with my friend Amber the Broadway Fan
Club podcast. We streamline to Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. We also
syndicate over to Spotify and Apple Podcasts. You can find

(01:07:42):
us on Instagram and at the Bway Fan Club and
pretty much ever if you google it, if you go
to www dot the Broadway Fanclub dot com, we run
over one hundred and six professionally operated fan communities for
Broadway and off Broadway shows.

Speaker 6 (01:07:59):
You find me on the socials.

Speaker 5 (01:08:01):
You can find me here harassing Keith and Nick, or
sometimes supporting our friends in the fibersh fangirls, or over at
the Cold Standard.

Speaker 6 (01:08:09):
Pretty much.

Speaker 5 (01:08:10):
This is my podcast family, and they can't get rid
of me as much as they'd like to try.

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
No, we're very very happy to have you, pops of
our podcasting family for sure. Speaking of podcasting family, mister Bliss,
where can folks find you on the interwebs if, of course,
you want to be found.

Speaker 8 (01:08:26):
In an asylum somewhere talking about vampires. No, oh, you
know what, I'm not here doing this fun stuff and
being harassed by some crazy fan of ours, Heather. You
can find me on Star Trek The Undiscovered podcast. I
hadn't heard a freakish number of appearances this season. We
actually just they just did their season finale. I think

(01:08:46):
it was last week, correct me? If I'm wrong, DJ Nick,
and when I'm not there, I was on your gold
standard podcast once I tortured you guys with some weird
selections of movies and then the hour comics I occasionally
pop up. So for a guy who's not on a
lot of podcasts, I do a lot of podcasting.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
I pay them well, we most certainly do. But and Keith,
I may, if I may, I want to compliment you
on the great job that you did when it came
to the cold open of the Star Trek the Undiscovered
podcast finale. You definitely brought your best acting chops to that.
I thoroughly enjoyed what you brought to when it came
to that, So folks definitely check that out. I mean,

(01:09:32):
of course for the review of our sister podcasters the
System Brother podcast there, but also for Keith's wonderful performance
at least in mile in his opinion. When it comes
to me, you can find in my day job hosting
the radio show Whiskey and Cigarettes, where we play the
very best and nothing but the best of country music
for you guys from Malabama to Zach Brown. Some information

(01:09:52):
about that. You give us our website, which is Whiskey
and Cigarettes show dot Com podcasting wise, as both Keith
and Heather were very kind to men. You can find
myself and the two lovely ladies the Zan Sprouse and
Rachel Friend on gold Standard the Oscars Podcast, where we
have reviewed all the best picture winning movies in chronological order,
and we also now have a returning guest co host

(01:10:13):
and new co host bring their favorite films to the
gold Standard theaters along with movies that we have picked.
Speaking of witch this coming week as of this recording,
Heather we'll be making her return to the gold Standard Theater,
joining us for Rachel's pick, which is Labyrinth, of course,
the Jym movie, and I'm sure there'll be a lot

(01:10:33):
to say about that one and last, but certainly not least,
and myself and Charles Skaggs. Eventually we'll be returning to
the fandom Zone podcast discuss the second and i'm sure
sadly final season of Sandman and Spinglings to come on
this show. Next time, we'll be jumping all the way
to twenty fifteen, ten years ago with the Breck Eisner

(01:10:54):
film The Last witch Hunter, which I think neither myself
nor Keith have seen. So before we get into that
Heather is always. Thank you so much for joining us.
Always a pleasure to have you on, and of course
we look forward to having you gracing us with your
presence once again over here at Happiness and Darkness very soon.

Speaker 6 (01:11:12):
Oh always a pleasure. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
Oh well, the pleasure was certainly ours, and I'm sure
I can speak for Keith as well. Speaking of you, Keith,
anything you would like to add in an upcoming movie
or anything else before we sign off.

Speaker 8 (01:11:26):
I've actually never seen this movie. This is a legitimate
first watch. I know I lie about some of these
other ones. I have not sat down and tied myself
to a chair for this horrific movie.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
So it'll be interesting, might be a pleasant surprise. You
never know, I guess. Sometimes on this podcast we're like, oh,
we've never seen that movie. Looks weird, but we ended
up enjoying it. So I guess we'll see what comes
when it comes to this one. So folks, thanks as
always listed the show and supporting us. We'll see you
next time with the last witch Hunter. Until then, thank

(01:11:55):
you so much for the privilege real time stay Super
Show