Japanese Folktales: Yin Yang Magic

This week we are taking on some more Japanese folktales

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What's up, everybody, and welcometo another rendition of high mythology. Let's
show where we get higher than uhthan a dragon or higher than the red
nosed monks. That was another option. Drug Uh No, we tell you
guys silly stories from mythology and folklore. Um, tonight we will be bringing

(00:28):
you some Japanese folk tales. Yeah, gonna be some fun stuff. We
got some dragons and then we gotno dragons, some Yin Yang wizardry yan
Yang wizardry up in this motherfucker.Yes, um, yeah, all kinds
of fun, fun stories and stuff. I guess, I guess I try

(00:51):
to figure. Yeah, I hopeit's tear liking. Yep. We're we're
coming back off with short break.Took a couple of weeks off, so
hopefully we're fresh. Ide. Wedo got some new stuff down coming down
the pipeline. This is something I'vehad written out for. Yeah, we

(01:14):
still got to do. We're probablyjust we're probably just gonna do a little
short, little bonus short for youguys to finish up Paul Bunyan because we
thought I thought that was going tobe a lot more that we could make
a full third episode and then whenI really started researching stuff, I was
like, it's probably only gonna beten fifteen minutes. That's okay, Yeah,

(01:37):
it's okay. I did get suckedinto a rabbit hole though, where
I started reading a story and Ithought for a second it was folklore,
and then it took me like threeparagraphs to realize it was fan fiction.
Who I was like, Paul,it was about Paul Bunyan and U and
his friendship in quotation marks with Johnnyapple Seed, and I was like,

(02:02):
that would be a fucking fun crossoverto two. And then around the second
paragraph I started getting really confused becauseit was all Johnny apple Seed talking about
needing to go to Paul Bunyan's funeral. I'm like, wow, okay,
so that's an odd twist. Andthen Johnny apple Seed hailed a cab and

(02:27):
I was like, hold on waitthen regretted moving to New York City because
the big city life wasn't as niceas it was back on the country with
Paul. Oh was that their lifetogether? Yeah, it turned out they
had a relationship, and I thinkthey were getting at Paul dying of aids.
Oh my god. It was like, that is not I thought I
was looking at folklore. This isdefinitely not folklore. Friend, Yeah,

(02:53):
but oh yeah, unrelated to that. Back on track because Stony McGhee just
got way off track here. Yeah, where we're talking Japanese today, We're
not even talking about Paul Bunyan.That was just the bonus for your regular
listeners. Um yeah, but Iguess, go and take it away there,
Kimbo. First story is called rain. Right in Nara, there used

(03:16):
to be a temple called ryan Niji, or the Temple of the Dragon Garden.
The single monk who lived there servedthe Lotus Sutra, expounding a chapter
a day and chanting its texts.A dragon, moved by the chanting would
come into a human form every dayto listen, and when the monk found
out who his visitor was, thetwo became fast friends. Then a drought

(03:39):
struck, and without rain, thecrops withered and died, until nobles and
commoners alike faced a terrible suffering.The emperor got a petition reminding him about
the monk and the dragon, wheretheir friendship had become widely widely, everybody
knows your friends with a dragon exactly. I just want to let you know

(04:01):
the doc that's going around around theneighborhood. We all know you bang that
dragon, and suggesting that the monkbe commanded to have the dragon make rain.
The emperor called the monk and madehim a little speech, at the
end of which he gave his order. What if it's human form, it's
just like the dragon in a wig, sucking a wig, wearing a dress,

(04:25):
but it's still just the dragon,Like, Hey, I'm a human
person here just enjoying this music.When the dragon comes for your daily themen,
you're going to the ring to himto make it rain, and you

(04:45):
just tell him if you want this, themen, you're gonna have to make
it rain all over my dirty littlebody if you don't. If you don't,
then I'll banish you from Japan forif you if you don't, take
pictures, lots of pictures and describeit to me vividly. The monk was

(05:10):
very upset when he got home.He explained the situation to the dragon,
who said he would gladly give hislife for his friend and thanks for all
the sutra he had done for himover the years. The dragons just sitting
there with a stack of ones.Careful, it's about to hail up in

(05:31):
this bitch. The dragon went onto say, But no, don't govern
the rain. Being bond didn't desiresthese things kake bondage to. If I
open up my gates of the rain, my head will fly. I'll do

(05:53):
it, though rain will fall forthat three days there, baby, three
days from now, and I'll bekilled. But just you know, do
me a favor. Pick up mytotally normal human body. Bury its,
build a big old temple over it. You'll you'll find it in the pond,

(06:13):
which is up on the hills inthe western part of the Higuri country.
And there's three three other places I'llvisit on my way there. Build
a temple on all of them.While you're at it, You temple building
side of a bitch. Daddy's aboutto make it rain. Despite his sorrow,
the monk could not ignore the imperialorder. He agreed to the dragon's

(06:36):
last request, and the two partedin tears. On learning what the dragon
had said, his majesty looked forwardwith relief to rain, and sure enough,
on the promised days, the skiesclouded over, and there was thunder
and lightning, and heavy rain fellfor three days and nights, and now
that there was plenty of water again. The crops ripened and all was well.

(06:58):
The emperor and his people were veryhappy. And the monk found the
pond in the hills where he hadbeen told to look. The fragments of
the dragon's dismembered body floated in itsreddened waters, weeping. The monk buried
them and built them, built overthem a temple called Ryan KAIII. He
must have forgot a safe word whenhe went before King Bondage. It's always

(07:23):
pineapple. It's always pineapple, orthe Temple of the Dragon Lake. And
he expounded the lotus suture there fordaily for his friend. With the Emperor's
help, he built the three othertemples too, as he had promised to
do. These were Ryan Ryan RyuShinji, the temple of the Dragon Mind,

(07:46):
Run Tenji, which is the templeof the Dragon heaven, and Ryu
Oji, the Temple of the DragonKing. And all his life, the
monk chanted the suture for the dragon'sfinal enlightenment. Dan and story too,
story too, No rag, nono dragon, and that one no no

(08:07):
dragon. Lower your expectations for dragonsbecause there are no dragons in the story.
Ian, a monk in Nara hada big red nose. At first
people called him iron inan iron thered nose cleric, but joined it later
to iron red nose and finally justthe nose A lot of cocaine. Jesus,

(08:33):
I just dashed the nose, justshowed up to the party. Legend
has it that as dragon lives inSara Sara, Saru Sawa bond by.
I'm so sorry, co funk yourself, great Southgate, right of the edge

(08:58):
of Nara. In his youth,the notes posted a notice beside the pond
announcing that on such and such adate, the dragon would arise from this
pond and broad daylight. The passerbys who read it were intrigued, and
the word began to get around.They just wished he had put an actual
date, not just the words onsuch and such date. The resulting rumor

(09:22):
greatly tickled the nose for who,after all, had started it himself,
and he was amused at people's foolishness. Resolving to see the joke through,
he went on pretending he knew nothingabout the notice. As the day drew
near, the rumors began about thedragon began to attract crowds, not only
from nearby but even from neighboring providences, the Nose was impressed. He wondered,

(09:48):
ah, ah, well, whatare they all here for? How
strange? Maybe something is happening.Oh fuck it, this is fucking dragons
coming. Man, someone put upa silence that a dragons coming, not
fucking dragon's coming. But he wenton looking as innocent as ever. On
the day, the streets were sojammed that even the Nose began to take

(10:09):
the story seriously. Since apparently thedragon was going to rise, he wanted
to go and watch. Fucking someoneput up a sign, man, but
his dragons. I lied about puttingup a sign that said a dragon was
going to come. But his houseso clean, and he's so good at

(10:31):
eighties business. Of course, itwas impossible to get anywhere near the pond,
so instead he climbed up on thefountain, or the foundations of the
Great south Gate, which stands onthe high embankment, gazing out over the
pond. The whole enormous throng waswaiting eagerly for the dragon to appear the

(10:52):
very idea. By sunset there wasstill no dragon, and when night fell,
the Nose had to give up.He was crossing a the bridge on
the way home, and when henearly bumped into a blind man, he
exclaimed, Ah, you shouldn't beout of your man, and there's a
dart like this, and like,you can't you can't even see your head
in front of your face. Man, you can't, you can't see in

(11:15):
front of your nose. The blindman corrected him, the noves, you
mean you can't see the nose.It had not been the nose his day
the end. Yeah, it turnsout that man with an undercover gap and

(11:37):
the nose went on to try tobuy cocaine off of them and ended up
getting locked up seven years here inprison. Yeah, don't forget to like,
yeah, like chair subscribe a commentif you're watching this on YouTube or

(11:58):
anywhere that let's comment. Just leaveus a good hay fuckers, you know,
good hay fuckers in the comment.Hey, bit like yo, get
back to work all right. Storythree, Story three, The Genie,
the Genie once the famous yingying diviner. SAMEI. Same was watching the parade

(12:26):
of gentlemen arriving at the palace ina fashionably aust dentious style. Austin's ostentiacious,
ostentatious thank you when he noticed ahandsome and elegant young chamberlain alighting from
his carriage. The chamberlain had hardlystarted towards the Great Hall when passing a

(12:50):
crow dropped fifth on him. Thesesame said, oh dear, he's so
young and handsome and well hung receivedreceived, I mean well received by everyone,
tongue that hung like a like ahorse. But what a pity that

(13:13):
a genie cut him? Because thatbird certainly was a genie. I know
genie crows. When I see himshitting on people, something awful seems to
be in store for him. Hefelt so sorry for the young man that
he went over to talk to him. He asked, are you gonna clean

(13:37):
that bird shit off? Are youjust gonna marinade? I mean, it's
been like half an hour since thatbird shit on you? You are you
on your way to his majesty.It's forward of me to speak, I
know, But I wonder about yourpenis purpose? What about your purpose is?
Because you see, you must andspend the night inside of me in

(14:03):
the palace, sorry, in thepalace head inside of me. That's quite
clear. So come home with meinstead. I'll blow you as best as
I can help, I help,I will help, I will hand job.
You have to help. It wasabout four in the afternoon. The
two went to the Chamberlain's house inhis carriage, and all the way the

(14:26):
chamberlain trembled and begged Sesame to Siameto save him. After sunset, Sime
kept his arms tight around the chamberlainand laid protective spells. He spent the
night in endless, unintelligable muttering,unintellectable uttering. I'm gonna lay this protective

(14:48):
spell. You might feel a flightpension your butt hole. The fall night
was long. At dawn, therewas a knock on the door, and
Sime had the chamberlain sent someone elseto answer. It was a messenger from
the enemy diviner. The Chamberlain's brotherin law, who lived in another part

(15:11):
of the house, was so jealousthat the Chamberlain that he had his This
diviner set a genie on the chamberlainto kill him. Sime had spotted the
genie, and the messenger loudly announcedz gentleman was so strongly protected that the
genie came back and killed my masterinstead. Sime says, I told you

(15:35):
I wasn't just trying to put mypenis inside of you. The father in
law drove the villain out of thehouse, and the grateful, grateful chamberlain
gave Sime a rich reward and doubleDutch ruther This one next one's like only
two bear guys, zo I fall? Is it the same, Sime?

(16:00):
Well, Sime, it just meanslike a ying yang wizard. You sure
it's not just the carrying gun withYeah, there signme as a wizard.
Ah, he's gonna be the samewizard or sage sage, depending on the
country that you're having, where you'reat, and what you're doing. Fabiago
was visiting the all Sorry, Ishould tell you it's called one frog less.

(16:25):
It's a story. Sime was visitinga great prelate. He knew,
he h he knew. When ayoung monk in the prelate entourage said that
he had heard that Sime kept geniesand asked Sime whether he could kill a
man easily, Sime replied, noteasily, No, take the bit of

(16:49):
effort. I the both. Icould. I could like choke a squirrel
out if that'll get you off,But I don't see any point in doing
it. Sooath and you know Iwouldn't. I wouldn't know how to bring
it back to life. And wejust gotta be killing a squirrel, and
no one wants to eat squirrel.Just then, some frogs started jumping across

(17:11):
the gardens towards the pond. Killedthe hampster with mynith. The monk said,
oh, try killing one of thosefru sime replied, you yo,
You're wicked, aren't you. Challengeof the challenge though, Come on here,

(17:33):
a little froggy go into the youngcave. He picked up a blade
of grass, muttered something, andtossed the grass at the frog. The
grass crushed the frog and killed itinstantly. The monks looking on, turned
pale with fear. The end andfuck with Simeon, he will fuck you

(17:55):
up. Story five The spell BoundPirates Chtoku, a monk and the professional
ying Yang diviner, lived in HarimaProvidence. He was at an unusual man.
One day a ship came sailing upto the Harima coast towards the capital
Laiden with rich cargo. Just offthe Akashi. It was boarded by pirates.

(18:25):
Oh where's our words, where's ourWe don't have a whopper wapwamp who
stole everything on board and killed mostof the crew. The only survivors were
the vessel's owner and a couple ofhis servants, who plunged into the sea
and managed to drag themselves weeping upto the shore. When Chitoku happened by

(18:45):
leaning on his staff, he askedthem what the matter was. The owner
told him how one day how theday before they had been set upon by
pirates. Chtoku explained, Oh,yeah, well that's, you know,
pretty terrible, you know, AndI'll bring the digestics and things if you
want. Then I'll get your thingsback for you too, now, because

(19:06):
I'm a good neighbor, like that. State farm is State Farm. Hey,
it's Jake from State Farm. Hejust fucked up that pirate. The
Japanese name is Chittoku. Chtoku fromState Farms. Here. The owner did
not take him seriously, but hehumored, humored, humored, humored.

(19:27):
Sorry, it's a good weed.He humored Tuku enough to say, through
his tears, be very grateful youdid, Chtoku says our ass. Oh
hey, there, you know whattime yesterday did it happen? And the

(19:49):
owner told him. Chitoku took theowners out in a small boat precisely worthy
attack had occurred, then wrote thingson the water and read the words alive
over the sea. Back on land, he posted warrior guards, just as
though he meant to arrest someone whowas actually present. On the seventh day
after the attack, a ship camedrifting in from nowhere, full of armed

(20:12):
men. The guards rode out tomeet it, but the men, who
looked as though they were dead drunk, made no attempt to get away.
It was the pirate ship, andeverything the pirates had stolen was still on
board, and the cargo was nowunloaded and returned to its rifle owner.
The local people wanted to seize thepirates themselves, but Toko turned to them

(20:33):
turned over to him, and hadthem turned over to him instead, And
he warned them, well, you'rethere, buddy, Dawn't two guys ever
be doing that kind of stuff again. You know, bad pirates. You
know, by the rights things,you should probably be executed or something,

(20:55):
But that wouldn't be cool either,like that guy killing frogs. No,
just remember who whooped your ass,and you know, don't don't grasp me
again. I'm jo and he sentthem packing. Soon the ship owner was
able to begin fitting out another ship. At the end, they're quick to

(21:18):
the point that I have to do. That was a good role for the
nice We thought he was gonna haveus killed, but he like told us
not to do that again, andthen cooked us lunch and paid for a
cab fare to send us on ourway. Story six the Test. Many

(21:40):
years ago, a dottering old back, a tottering old monk showed up at
uh Siamese fucking House on Succi MikadoAvenue in Kyoto in the company of two
ten year old boys. Sime askedhim who he was, and he answered

(22:02):
that he was from Harrima Providence andthat he wanted to learn divination. He
had come because Sime was supposed tobe the real expert. Sime guessed that
the old fellow knew more than hehad let on, and half actually came
to test on him on his mentallook mental now metal metal Now. He

(22:22):
decided to have a bit of funhimself. The two boys seemed to be
genies. Sime prayed silently as ifthey were and they should vanish, and
he secretly cast a spell and madethe appropriate passes under his sleeves, and
then he promised the monk that hewould teach him whatever he wanted if it
came back on some other more auspiciousday. Bowed and left. He was

(22:52):
nearly out of the gate when hestopped and began poking the amongst the carriage
parked there. Then he came backto si Me and he said, those
two boys I had with me disapid, Sir. I'd appreciate you returning them
before I go. Simey replied,well, I'm afraid that I don't know

(23:18):
what you mean. Why would youwhy would I take your boys? He
said, I see what you mean, sir, but nonetheless, please accept
my apology. Simey says, verywell, you had me worried for a
moment, coming around here with twogenies to test me. But I advise

(23:42):
you to do your tast to gofwhere you won't catch me like that.
Then he murmured a spell, andshortly the two boys came running up to
their master from somewhere outside. Themonk said, it's true, sir,
I did mean to test you.It's easy to keep genies, but I

(24:03):
could possibly make someone else's genies disappear. Please let me be your disciple.
Simi accepted him on the spot,at the end, I'm sorry, I
got one more. Yeah, there'sone more guys. I'm sorry. That's

(24:23):
good. We got this seven.Fine, he's back in the house.
Maybe this time help remember what hisvoice sounds like. He had to mask
his voice around that bunk. Yeah, I'm sure there's more than one,
Sime. I think they're all thesame guy, frog killing and putting stuff
in your butt um story seven Man'sbest Friend. A long time ago,

(24:48):
the regent of Fujiwara, No MichiNaga, built ho Joji in Kyoto,
and after that made a habit ofvisiting the temple daily. He always brought
with him a white dog he particularlyliked. One day, his carriage was
about to pass through the gate asusual, when the dog darted ahead,

(25:11):
stood in the gateway and stopped thecarriage. Its behavior seemed very strange,
and Mitchinaga alighted and tried to walkthrough, but the dog came to the
hem of his robe in its teethand held him back. Clearly the dog
had a reason for acting this way. Instead of insisting, Misshinaga sat down
on a shaft of his carriage andcalled for Siame, the diviner. Siame

(25:33):
soon arrived and Lord Mitchinaga asked himwhether he could make all of it?
What he would make of all ofthis? Sime went through the divination procedure
and announced that someone who wished Missinagaill had buried under the path in the
temple grounds, an object designed toput a curse on his excellency. Siame

(25:56):
explained, if you have you walkedover it, the thing terrible will happen
your dog. Soapa powers enabled itto warn you. Miss Naga demanded to
know, saying where does this thingburied? Show it to me. Sime

(26:17):
performed another divination and said, certainly, Excellency, here it is, pointing
to a precise spot. Something wasburied there five feet down. It consisted
of two unglazed cups bound together lipto lip with string made of twisted yellow
paper. The string was tied andacross, and the object turned on out

(26:40):
to be an empty except for onecharacter, one written in cinnabar on the
bottom of each cup. Sime says, I'm the only one who knows this
kind of magic. I wonder whetherit could be that formal student of mine

(27:00):
from the last story. Yeah,they had a folly gout. Noma,
the monk guy from the left story, Well, I'll find out. He
took out a sheet of paper,which folded it into the shape of a
bird, pronounced a spell, andtossed the paper into the air. It
turned into a white heron and flewoff towards the south. Simei ordered two

(27:25):
underlings to mark where it had comedown, and they ran after it.
The palace was an palace. Theplace was an old monk's house. The
monk was soon summarily arrested and broughtforth before his excellency. He confessed under
interrogation that he had been commissioned tolay a curse on the Great Region by

(27:45):
the Lord Akimitsu. The minister ofthe Left Missionaga felt he really should send
the fell out into distinct exile,but insisted that he just packed him back
into Harima Providence where he was from, and warren to never do it again.
After Lord Akimatsu died and he becameeventual ghost, whose further attempts to

(28:11):
curse Michionaga earned him the nickname Gulathe Left. As for the dog,
Lord Michigano loved it even more afterthat happy ending for the dog, Not
for the guy who's eventful ghost,nor your shit out of luck. Motherfucker.
That would suck. That would suckso bad. Yeah, I want
to get cursed. And now I'mgonna have a ghost haunt me for the

(28:33):
rest of my life. Like allthe fantastic I like the sime A little
story angle there. It's like thesime A Cinematic universe over here. Starting
to connect the monk, the pedophilemonk with the boys. No, Simeme

(28:57):
was Simey. Sime made them disappear. We're in his basement. Go back
to the guy. I made theylook like ten year old boys. And

(29:19):
before you ask, yes, theywere locked in my basement. Yes,
I may. I think. Idon't think you're a monk. Oh geezo,
well, I think he gets thekids to the birthday party out.
Oh oh, don't forget to likeSharon subscribe. Hit that fucking thumbs up

(29:45):
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(30:06):
I'll see YouTube, but if youreally want it, takes a while to
scirl through it, but you'll findit eventually. Picture of a unicorn.
All right, everybody, have agood night. We will see you folks
next week. Nice