Legends of The Wild West: Paul Bunyan Part-2

THis week we dive even deeper in to the big man from up Nort Paul Bunyan

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What's up, everybody, And welcometo another edition of him at Doolaj the
show where we get higher than PaulBunyan's ox, higher than Paul Bunyan's beard,
higher than Paul Bunyan's nuts, andwe tell you guys silly stories from
mythologies in folklore, higher than histaint, the taint of the great Paul

(00:26):
bunyans Uh. Yeah. Tonight,in case you haven't figured it out by
now, tonight we are getting intopart two of Paul Bunyan. Yes,
some more, some more great PaulBunyan stories in case he missed the first
one. He's a big motherfucking lumberjackwith a big gass ox. Yeah,

(00:47):
and he fought the Nazis. Togo back and check that out. He
didn't fight the Nazis, but hedid almost kill a lot of kill a
lot people. He almost helped theAmericans wipe out Japan, so that the
American did that on there, wedon't need to think of Paul Bunyan.

(01:07):
We got Paul Revere one if byland bitch. Uh. Yeah, We've
got some some good stories here,some definitely there's going to be some uh
what is it? King Kong styleshit going on with the Skull Island type

(01:27):
of monsters that he brings about.Kind of yeah, it takes a hard
turn into predator territory. I feellike this is all them. If it
bleeds, we can kill it prettymuch. Yeah, yes, yes,
so you're going and take it awaythere, gimbo, Right, I thank
you. This one's called kidnaped byflee But the basis from red Hot Chili

(01:51):
Pepper, an old Indian tell talesof a great spirit looking down from upon
the sky to the strange undoings ofthe white men. One day, his
eyes chanced to fix a Paul PaulBunyan's lumber camp. It was raining,
and with nothing to do, theaxe men were board stiff. There were,

(02:14):
as usual, no women in thecamp, and the nearest place where
a fellow could make the acquaintance ofa lady, that is a pair of
faded horse faded painted cats, wasmore than a hundred miles away. Those
sorry bachelor loggers had grown as unryas badgers. There was just nothing going
on in camp and nothing to occupyone's mind. It got to the point

(02:37):
that when the only fiddler in campstruck up a tune, the fellows had
to waltz around with each other,and that game had grown mighty stiff.
We're playing the safe He only knowsthe one song? Which one is?
It? Played again? Fight itagain? Well, the Great Spirit fell

(03:02):
more than a mighty sorry for thatsad bunch of hermits. He tried to
think of of something to amuse themand to keep them occupied, looking down,
thinking, fucking white people, whatare they doing? That one guy
just fucked a stump. He talkedit over with the double faced moon Lady

(03:24):
and the great white haired Wizard ofthe North again, and they agreed that
something ought to be done. Thoseloggers were white folks mostly, but not
the kind to bother their red brothers, not soldiers, not prospectors or land
speculators. And besides, Paul hadmore than just a smidgeon of Cherokee and

(03:46):
him. So the Great Spirit gotout his big possible bag and rummaged around
in all the fufawa in it,and it took out a bushel of wax
paper flounders and a bushel of seamssquirrels, and mixed it all together with
a half dozen handful of fleas andsprinkled a mess of these active citizens over

(04:09):
the loggers campsite, the little mattresslizards and the bosom chumps got busy right
away, and soon the old timberwolveswere so were bored. No longer did
he just make the prostitutes. I'venever heard that their mattress lizard. Yet

(04:32):
around where I come from they calledme a mattress Lizabeth. I like to
think of myself as a professional worker, occupied with the scratching and cussing,
having a high old time hunting thewee crimson ramblers. From that day on,

(04:54):
logging camps were never without their generousquota of cootie and chinch bugs.
The little fellows became regular pets,following the loggers around like dogs and learning
their kinds of tricks. There waslaughter in the actual bugs. Yeah,
he threw bugs at it. Iwas like, there's a lot of terms

(05:14):
here I've never heard, but I'massuming I know what they mean. Nope.
One of them even call that coochie. Yeah, it's like a coochie
bug. There scrabs too. Scrabs, Oh, that came from men.
There was laughter and merriment as theloggers raised their favorite gray backs and bed

(05:38):
bugs against each other, having jumpingcontexted amongst their favorite fleas, and even
setting up a flea circus with littlebeasties jumping through the rings and doing type
root backs on threads of yard.The six legged uninhabitants were real smart too.
Whenever the lumberjacks were moving to anew camp, sending their gear and
bedroll ahead with them in tote teams, the little bedcats made sure not to

(06:01):
be left behind, And when theloggers arrived at the new place, they
found their pets waiting for them,waving their innumerable legs and greetings, jumping
and hollering, making a dad blastedracket. Hey, it's still so confused
because all the turbinologies keep changing.Oh, he just sent him a shit

(06:21):
ton of bugs, famine bitches,bedcats and lot lizards. Things went on
like this harmoniously until one day someold bull whipper blew into camps straight from
Virginia City, making it great todo about the great gold and silver strikes,
telling of fist size and nuggets layingon the ground like so many pebbles

(06:42):
waiting to be picked up, ofprospects turning into millionaires overnight, and former
beggars building themselves palaces with crystal chandeliers, turkey carpets, and ample stalks of
blue ruin and aged in the barrelKentucky bourbon. You're staddled. He's just
a Nevin Williams salesman and they've gotsome fine age Kentucky bourbon fresh out of

(07:08):
the barrel, which I can sellyou here for five dollars a bottle.
Promise it's better than it seems.Hearing this, all the loggers cataddled and
leaving in a body to make theirmillions in the gold fields. They were
in such a hurry that they lefttheir belongings, including their bed barrels,
behind, together with their little sixlegged friends. Why bother with raggedy moth

(07:33):
eaten blankets when everybody else was alreadydreaming of sleeping on a four poster bed
with silken sheets and inder down pillows. Old sal wasn't Sam even said he's
going to wear women's underwear again.At first, the little cuties in the
hoppers were not at all worried.They thought the loggers had gone to work

(07:57):
as usual and would be home inthe evening as always. But the men
never returned. How dare they leavetheir fleas behind? And when the weave
romans realized that they had been abandoned, they left to fend for themselves.
There was such a weeping and awailing as would have broken on Wolverine's heart.
Paul Bunny did not go, though. He told Old Babe that the

(08:20):
loggers were plumb lookowed, and thathe, for his part, would take
a long vacation until the fellows hadcome to their senses. So he and
Babe bled out for their old homein the Canadian north Woods. And there
in Paul's old cabin, they madethemselves comfortable, sitting by the fireplace,
sipping whiskey and playing playing Who's inyour mouth? Who can be used as

(08:43):
a toothpick? Get in there andpull that out for me. Many years
went by, because being the moststubborn folks on earth, it took the
loggers that long to admit that theirget rich schemes had not panned out.
None of them had hit paget,and all of them were in rags and
starving. They came to the conclusionthat going back to chopping down trees for

(09:07):
a living was not such a badidea. Oh, that was the same.
Never did get in silk panties.Nope, one fine morning, the
whole bunch of them was raping atPaul's door, clamoring for work they had
aged a bit. Paul two wasolder now but with a good crop of
white hair on his beard. Anold babe was showing a lot of gray
between the horns. But they wereall as strong as ever, eager to

(09:31):
go back to what they did best. They started up again at their last
campsite, and they found things asthey had left them, except the ground
that sounds like the exact description ofhow The Expendables movie was made. And
Old stallone was older now and hewas just sitting around his house. Dolph

(09:52):
Lauder did a little bit of graybetween his ears. Then they came clamoring
Old Wesley's knives needed to get outof his tax evasion charges. Sorry,
guys, allergies, Hetty stand upcomedian for a minute, did he?

(10:18):
They started up again at their lastcampsite, and they found things as they
had left them, except that theground around the bunk house was littered with
bones, rabbits, woodchucks, gopherbones to judge by their size. They
also found a lot of tracks ofkind of a kind nobody has ever seen
before. Otherwise there was no signof life anywhere. Sal Bosom Sam the

(10:41):
belly robber says, leave women's underwearor given me a chap body strange.
When all had their pork and beansand went to sleep, in the middle
of the night, Paul was awakenby a hell of ferocious racket. The

(11:03):
loggers were hollering and screaming. Oneyelled kangaroos, I'm being halfled by kangaroos.
Another crime bits wildcamps. I'm beingsaying it by wild camps. Still,
another one was yelling badgers, badgers. I just wanted to let y'all

(11:24):
know I know animal names too.They were all hollering like the devils,
and somewhere old Babe was bellowing soloudly that it shook the leaves from the
branches. Then Paul felt something stirringin his beard, and at first he
paid it no mind, being accustomedto a bunch of birds always nesting in

(11:45):
there. But all of a suddenhe noticed sharp teeth nibbling at his ear.
He made a grab at whatever wasthe cause of it, and it
came up with a beaver sized critterthat was scratching, biting, and squealing.
Some beers I'd imagine he has tradebeard eagles. You know how to

(12:07):
funk with him, He just shakeshis beard and a dozen eagles. Paul
had to whack it at least adozen times with his mighty fists and stomp
on him with his half acre bootsbefore he got the better of it.
The loggers in their long drawns werein a hellish uproar, kicking and hitting
out of the sum of the unseenvermints. A few of the fellows lit

(12:31):
their lanterns, and by the lightof them, they were dumbfounded to see
pastels of the weirdest outlandish critters scurryingabout, snapping their heels and jumping at
their throats, snarling and growling,their gimlet eyes blowing like coals. And
the loggers were defending themselves as bestthey could with axes and sledgehammers, having

(12:52):
their hands more than full. Oneman screamed, gangaroos, beset by the
three strange beasts that would never trumpedfifty feet into the air. One man
was crying that he had a wolverineby the ears and was afraid to let
it go. All night long,amidst the incredible turmoil, the loggers fought
off the monstrous creatures, but assoon as the sun came up, they

(13:15):
were all gone, as if bymagic, except one, which Old Babe
had trampled with his enormous hoofs untilit was dead. The fellows crowded around
to examine it, and they shudderedat the sight. It was the strangest,
awfulest thing that they had ever seen. The devilish gritter was about half
as big as a wolf, coveredwith brownish buzz, and slightly strangely flat,

(13:37):
as if it had been squashed bya steam press. It had a
huge mandibles and rows of sharp teeth, cone shaped teeth, and but the
weirdest thing about it was that ithad six stumpy, hairy legs. The
fellows looked at it in a stupefiedwonderment. It had them puzzled. Paul
sat down on a boulder and startedthinking all that time, constant place in

(14:00):
the evil things. Suddenly he jumpedhigh into the air, clicked his heels,
and shouted, Bob the great swampgaboon the fire breathing wind to go,
boys, I got it. I'llbreak my prick if this here ain't
an oversize bed bug like that.I'll bend it around and helicopter it about

(14:26):
if it ain't a bad buk.The loggers wanted to know where the hell
is The blazers didn't get so bigPaul gave it to them straight up.
Boys. It's what they call nowadays. Evil lution survive a little fittest.

(14:48):
When we quit here ten years ago, we left our little cuties with nothing
to feed on except for that onebad lizard. Then you stop about the
fleas and the mattress lizards plumb starvedto death, except the biggest and most
ferocious ones who started feeding on grasshoppers maybe, And those pests had litters,

(15:13):
and the litters had litters and evolutionand shit, you know, Charles
Darwin up in this piece of shit. Always the smallest and weakest died off,
leaving only the biggest sons bitches toreproduce their kind. So our little
pets became bigger and bigger, goingon from eating rents and gophers to dining

(15:37):
on cats, rabbits, sheeps.Those rambunctious hoppers y'all called kangaroos or fleas.
Told you Bill, the rest areall gray backs and cinch bugs.
They're all gone now because they sleepduring the day and feed at night.
There are no badgers. The manwho thought wildcats same secretly sour dough Dave.

(16:00):
He says, come dark, they'llbe back. I don't mind telling
you. Obscured, Paul says,leave it to me. Boys. He
saddled up Babe and galloped over tothe nearby fort, taking the colonial into
leading him too, two of thosenewfangled gatling guns and a platoon of canoers.

(16:26):
Where I feel like I'm yep,he just got a ship ton of
like galon guns and ship a platoonof cannoneers with the battery of quick firing
napoleons, And to top it alloff, he hitched old Babe up to
a twelve big, twelve pounder ParrotCanyon Canyon cannon. Before nightfall, Paul

(16:51):
was back in the camp with hisartillery. He made the loggers and the
soldiers hide in and around the bunkhouse and set up woodpiles generously whil sprinkles
it with lampoint Besides each woodpile,he had a lumberjack standing by with a
box of lucifers, ready to setit a blaze. As soon as Paul

(17:14):
gave the word, Paul told hismen, wait till you see the watts
of their eyes, boys, andthen let them have it. Remember,
if it bleeds, we can killit. But they don't have white eyes,
Paul, We've already prefaced that theireyes are. You're not listening anymore,

(17:37):
are you, Paul? No?Okay. As soon as it got
dark, the lumberjacks could hear comingfrom afar a scuffering and scurrying and catteravaulting
and snarling, teeth, clittering andmuling to make even the hair even from
the hardest hardiest woodsmen stand on ed. Soon they would make out hundreds of

(18:00):
wicked eyes glowing in the dark,and aimed at a great noise of slavering,
salivating and chop locking that set theirteeth the chattering. Instantly, Paul
gave the orders lot lot fire boys, and give them a whiff, a
great shot. As soon as thefires eliminated the scene, the men saw

(18:23):
a great mass of fearful varmints hoppingand slithering, crawling and scurrying towards them.
At once, the soldiers and theloggers opened up with their gatlins and
their napoleons. As the boom ofthe cannon, mingled with the sounds of
the shotgun blasts and the whistling ofthe wife rife some tongue tying shit for

(18:47):
me, whistling wife. It wasa massacre. Monsters as they were.
The great giant insects could not standup to the weapons of the intelligent human
beings. The men made short ofthe work of the ungodly pest, whose
carcasses soon littered the ground. OldBabe had the time of his life,

(19:10):
fellowing and stomping to death every critterthat was still moving. When it was
all over, the fellows gave amighty cheer that made the mountains tremble.
Paul ordered a roll call and foundthat one of the men was missing,
saw Bosom Sam, the cook.His panties are right over there too.

(19:32):
One of the loggers spoke up,saying that he had seen one of the
kangaroo fleas carrying off what seemed tobe a human. The King of Lumberjack
cries as he hops onto old backs. Old Babe's back shot it with the
cakaroo shit. Bill, we toldyou it's not a cakearoo, holy mackerel.
That's sal Bosom Sam for sure.After him pulmonian do a rescue off

(20:00):
like the whin. They went.Luckily, a full moon was rising,
giving Paul glimpses of the monster's fleetcarrying off the poor cook in his claws.
The critter was mighty fast, coveringone hundred yards with each jump.
Old Babe had to crank up hisspeed, slowly gaining on the misbegotten insect.
When it came to the crunch,nobody and nothing could outrun the little

(20:22):
blue bocks of the woods. Atdawn, they caught up with the kangaroo
flee and his victim. The monster, sitting on a rock, had a
stranglehold on sow Balsam Sam and wasabout to gobble him up like a corn
on the cob. Paul had histrusted Howkin rifle ready to let it fly
at the fleet. The heavy slughit it right between the eyes, like

(20:48):
the world's tiniest violin. Exactly.The heavy slug hit it right between the
eyes, but it was so hardheaded that it merely shook the bullet off.
It looked annoyed and turned back tonibble at Sam's rump, and then
Old Babe charged. He caught thekangaroo fleet on one horn, flipped it

(21:10):
upwards a mile into the air andcaught it on the other horn, and
then kept tossing the cust critter fromone horn to the other until nothing remained
but a few toughs of fuzzs thatleft saw Bosom Sam up in the air.
An old babe had flung him sohigh that it took the cooks quite
a while to come down. Paulcaught him with both arms and son gently

(21:32):
down. Sam felt himself all overto make sure that all of him was
still there, and found, exceptfor a tiny nibble, he was still
intact, tiny nipple and his women'sunderwear. Saw Bosom Sam's last comment was,
there was so close. They tookthe thong right out of my butt
cheeks and the nice, nice,nice, Yeah, that definitely took a

(22:00):
predator. It's like, I don'tknow what are they gonna do? Oh
mini guns, Okay, that's happeningnow. Yeah, Bob Bundian just calls
someone a slack job pussy. Hesure did, He sure did. Why
does he sound Austrian all of asudden, If it bleeds, we could

(22:22):
kill it. Is he rubbing mudon himself, rubbing mud on his face?
Is he gonna London with the scenerystill like the cagaroo guy that the
kangaroo's good good, God damn it. Bill. We talked about this.
It's not you don't even know whata kangaroo looks like. You just heard
that word once, Now you keepusing it in sentences. It's the same

(22:42):
thing with adios. You don't reallyknow what you know what it means?
Did you use it wrong all thetime. I asked you what you want
for dinner yesterday and you said I'mnot hungry audios? Bullshit? Moving on,
next story, A violent Yeah,you don't want to go down to

(23:12):
that every there's my thunderby don't gofast amount, Yeah, don't go fast
about Violet Norther was blowing from wasblowing when shotgun shot Gunnerson Gunderson for the
Iron Man of saggyaw shot Gunderson.He's a that's a pre comic book.

(23:37):
Comic book character. Sean Gunderson wasthe first iron Man fuck Tony Stark.
He came across the ice to challengePaul Bunyan. The Iron Man had his
back to the wind, and PaulBunyan's battle plan called for the exact opposite
position. But he was forced tomake the best of this one. At

(23:59):
any rate, the shainty boys weresafe. The loggers still hoped to make
the iron Man face the wind.Just how to maneuver him into that possession
was the question. How to sparfor time, Paul engaged in a preliminary
to actual battle. Shot Gunnerson sneeringlyparticipated, and the iron Man did not

(24:23):
care. He had no fear ordoubt about the outcome. He was invulnerable.
He was likewise irresistible. I'm in'tvotable, and hot water was his
only weakness, only weakness, andhe stood on seventeen feet of ice.
So he scornfully followed the logger's lead. The iron Man rasped, oh,

(24:51):
go ahead, and chacha there,but it ain't one particle a good Paul
Bunnan said nothing. Leaning hard intothe wind, the grim he shot the
grimly eyed shot Gunderson at the sametime, hefting a bay short boulder in
his left hand. Suddenly he tossedit into the wind, and instantly poulterized

(25:12):
the stone with the blow of hisright fist. Clouds of grit blew down
the next of the wind heaved shantyboys on the shore, grinning harshly.
Shot Gunderson hauled fistfuls of black stufffrom a mackinaw pocket and shoved them into

(25:32):
his mouth, and then he strucksparks from his flint, and a violent
explosion rocked down the wind. Theiron Man of the Sagi Naw was fired
a charge of blasting powder between hisjaws without losing a tooth. Paul Bunny
and did not expression. He's gotthe flamethrowers and everything. This is iron

(25:56):
man. His next move was todraw sixteen foot log from his hip pocket
and set it on his shoulder.Paul Bunny and growled, just you knock
this, dear, loll golf myshoulder. Shot Gunnerson responded by gouging a
furrow five furrow five feet deep inthe ice with his toe of his boot.

(26:19):
He rasped, just you crossed thatOkay, yeah, oh, just
you crossed that light there. Paulgrowled, mom over, I won't make
you look human for that. You'vegotta be peeled. So we're and now

(26:45):
I'll start to peel off your ironhead. Then i'll skin you and where
your faces a mask, Paul bunnyon, just like a hardcore turn there,
The Iron Man rasped, Oh yeah, got the scared me there. Okay,
no, please don't do that lastpart there. Yeah. Well,
you know I'm gonna make an elegantpatchwork cushion out of you, so my

(27:07):
grandma can have something knife that siton and fart. All of our farts
are gonna go right through your littlepatchwork skin. There. That ended the
ceremonies, which were to serve asa model for forevermore. When the Men
in the Woods engaged in battle,they failed to swerve. Suave suave Paul

(27:30):
Bunyan, the iron Man had notbudged from his position. He leaned back
solitary into the northerner northr his anvilfists, slowly but surely, coming up
for a fighting swing. The BossLagger did not quail or retreat, though
fully convinced by now that shot Gundersonwas actually invulnerable and irresistible. Something about

(27:55):
the shot Gunderson just tickles me,just rot the rumor had not told the
half of it about this Iron Mandude. To Paul Lundyon's micropene shot,
Gunderson was actually hung farther than hewas now. The norther began to prove
that the biggest storms indeed was havingthe largest lulls. After the lull before

(28:18):
dawn, the wind had steadily increased, first with its barrage of gusts,
and then with its first massive forces, and at last with the terrific wedge
of wind aimed and hurled the saltthe solid violence at thunder Bay. Thunder
Bay. That means he's looking downhis butth hole. Who that was a
cold wind that blew in between myash cheeks. Now the other unloosed it's

(28:44):
last and mightiest efforts against the BossLogger. The wind was backing up Shot
Gunderson. That was the Ironman's maintrouble. When he tried to set himself
for one straight finishing punch. Justan instant too late, Shot Gunnerson unloosed
his irresistible fist. Paul Bunnyan wasalready lunging inside the blow, and the
Iron Man's arms shot harmlessly by PaulBunyan's dodging head, like a log plunging

(29:11):
over a waterfall. Nobody was there, fucking irresistible fist though it was.
It was the Boss Logger's great chance. The force of his mist blow and
the drive of the wind hurled theiron Man off balance. He whirled dizzily

(29:33):
and Paul bunny And felt his ownfeet fly off the ice, but he
sturdily kept his grip on the ironMan's corroted throat. Shot Gunnerson drove his
spikes into the ice and hauled upstill on his feet. Paul bunny decided
to make it clean landing, sincesince the time he tumbled from the high
jump of fucking Big Auger Auger River, his vaulting feet curved down in a

(30:03):
royal arc and struck true. NowPaul Bunnyan had his back to the wind.
Shot Gunnerson, white hot with frustratedwrath, leaned into the wind to
seize his adversary in a death grapple. The boss Loggery was at last set
to carry out the battle plan.His dread of his strategousy had formed.

(30:26):
The iron Man was hooking him closeand his rear at his rear. The
norther was battering up with increasingly furiousblasts. Watch out for thunder bay.
Paul Bunnyan leaned back carefully into thewind, dropped his pants and parted,

(30:48):
Oh wow, there it is.He dropped his left hand from Gunnerson's neck,
leaving his own jaw exposed. Thenhe roared tauntingly into the Iron Man's
funnel ear scared, scared to drawanother punch, Scared the fought and barn
to rastle words your gillered punch,arn Man, the taunt was shrewd.

(31:12):
Certainly it was Paul bunn and Malonewho had done all the wrestling so far,
and it was shot Gunnerson who hadtried to fire a punch. The
Iron Man raged. He heard nothingbut the taunt, and he saw nothing
but the exposed left jaw of theLogger boss. He rasped, Oh yeah,

(31:33):
I show you show your who's theskeetered now, Oh you know who's
a wrestling right now? Rout realtalk, though, I am gonna shudder
that jaw yours into shavens. Youknow, maybe curbs downt your ass once
they invent the curbs. As herasped out of the vote, the Iron
Man dropped his anvil of a fistdown on his boottop to start an inside

(31:59):
uppercut which would smash into the loggersunguarded shaw. At that, Paul Bunnian
took a yet heavier leaned back intothe the norther and he tensed up every
muscle. The iron Man's irresistible fiststarted up like a huge rock heaved by
a power enormous. It was thevery same instant of an instant. Paul

(32:23):
Punian yanked the Iron Man towards himwith his right hand and pivoted himself out
to the right like a sheet oflightning. The battering northerner hammered by himself,
driving with full force into himself.Shot Gunnerson, shot Cutterson, shot

(32:44):
Gunnerson, shot himself. He shothimself with his own irresistible fist. The
iron Man's fist was shooting up likeseventeen cannonballs in one So wait, the
end of the story is it's allabout a guy fisting himself on the ice.
Yep, yep, it's quite irresistiblethough. Yeah, that's It's a
cleaner version of broke Back, thecleaner of one man version of broke back

(33:08):
Mountain Love. No, but Ifound my fist. It was in my
ass, That's where I left it. The norther owner hit the irresistible first
when it was the only inches fromits mark, and deflected its course.

(33:30):
Shotgunnersom himself took the blow. Theinside uppercut ended under his own chin with
a shattering impact, lifted him explosively, hurled him backwards into an enormous arc.
And then the bay earned its loudname as the iron Man of the
Saggy Naw drove headfirst through the icewith a crash that resounded in echoes for

(33:51):
five hours. The huge foaming wavesand ponderous flows broken broke upon the boots
and horseshoes iron that turned their colkstowards this guy. The boots quivered once
and we're still and then a quickshot Gunnerson gave up the ghost. He

(34:15):
came up like I like the way. That being the way to say someone
died. Did he not know?But he gave up his ghost, you
know, left his body. Soyes, he is dead. That's it.
That's it. Yeah. And thenand then the credits roll, you
know, some nice credits. Theaumer and then afterwards Paul Bunyan goes back

(34:45):
to his cabin and guess what.Samuel L. Jackson is waiting in a
chair to tell him me. He'spart of a bigger universe. So I
do have it a small story Ican actually do. It's not Paul Bunny
and but oh getting off Bunyan's hereof fun. Didn't you want to hear

(35:07):
it? Yeah, go for it. A short little story. It's called
a Golden Haired Fellow. I've alsonever read it, so oh fancy hopefully,
but it short. So a minornamed nugget Nick had struck pay dirt

(35:30):
about five thousand dollars worth of golddust and nuggets. On the spur of
the moment, he decided to goto town for a little spree. Get
spoosed, fuck the tiger, visitthe scarlet ladies. He set off as
he was mud in his ears,mud between his does, mud and his
hair. And when he got totown, the first thing he saw was

(35:50):
a barber shop with a big signsaying shoven hair cut twenty five cents.
Twenty five cents would get a worldwe're living. You're a rich man and
you've got twenty five bucks. Pitchthe hair cut, better cut with the
blow job, mister. It occurredto him, down for two things,

(36:10):
the hair cut and clamydia. Ifyou can give me both right here,
I'll just be on my wing.It occurred to him that his beard had
not been trimmed in almost a year, and that his face was hidden behind
a veritable jungle of hair, andthat his appearance could convincingly frighten the daughters
of Babylon. He entered the Tonsorialparlor and told the barber, here's your

(36:34):
chance to make some money. Willyou cut my hair for? Will you
get out of my beard? Amystery? I actually have heard this before.
The barber says, what is thisyour brains? La the two bits
of almuse. The miner said,slute yourself, but I'll pay you double

(36:58):
if you catch all the hair youcould cut off off my head and my
beard and one of them shaven massinsof yawrns. Be sure to catch it
all. Now, gotta catch off. The barber said, this is a
deal. I am so fresh.When the job was done, the miner

(37:21):
said, now I fail this herebison with water, and then watch me.
The barber did us he was told. Nugget Nick started slashing the water
around and around, washing every lastspeck of dirt out of his hair.
Then he removed the hair and startedpanning the panting for the yellow nuggets.
Nugget Nick got thirty one buckaroo's worthof gold out of the bison and the

(37:44):
barber was the saddest torn Zorialist inall the West. That's so sad.
That's sorry. That's all. Yeah, a short story. I've actually heard
a version of that, but Ithink it carries on where he goes to
a couple of places and he says, uh, I mean not that one,

(38:06):
but that he goes to. Hegoes to the Propel Hotel and gets
a bath and offers something the samething, the bathwater deal, and he
gets pilot gold out of the bathand they were like no, and then
they're like, bah, where's thosesad? I would have been fifty bucks.

(38:28):
And then he offers to prostitute thesame thing. He's like, you
can keep whatever you get out ofmy testicles, and she's like, deal,
I saw those last two. Andthen she just gets some warm mayonnaise.
Oh that last part, that's trickery. Yeah, how about instead of

(38:50):
paying you, I'll just give youwhatever comes out of my testicles. Look,
that's a gold nugget. Map,that's a that's a kidney stone.
Yeah. That was our Paul Bunyanstory, Part two, PBP two,
the BBP two. We're gonna doa third one that's probably gonna be a
shorty uh sometime in the future.Yeah, uh, mainly just because there's

(39:14):
a couple of things left, acouple of Paul Bunyan things left to talk
about, like his death, hisbasis in history, who who was the
actual Paul Bunyan that they not not. I mean obviously there wasn't actually a
seventy two football guy, but whothey based him off of? Uh yeah,

(39:34):
and a couple of other crazy storiesabout Paul Bunyan, like how he
made the Grand Canyon. Um,yeah, and uh, you know,
a man gets lonely sometimes. Andthen we'll get into Pacos Bills here.
Yeah, well, we'll talk.We're gonna do We're gonna keep doing these
legends of the wild West in thein the future. We're gonna fuck with

(39:55):
Paco's Bill, John Henry. Sure, we're gonna do some John Henry,
Paco's Bill Old fuck him. MaybeI'll get some Antie Oakley in yeah,
um yeah, oh, what's hisname? Davy Crockett, can't get don't
don't rush me by pressure you.I'm trying to remember who the other guy

(40:21):
is, but I can't remember.I know there was one, don't know
wi Old Bill. We already talkedabout he was a real guy anyway.
Yeah, yeah, be sure tolike, share, subscribe, tell your
friends, tell you mama, tellyour sister to tell you auntie. All
of our all of our Traveler isword of mouth. So we do really
appreciate you guys helping get the podcastout there to the world. Let us

(40:45):
know if there's a comment section,let us know what you think, let
us know what you want to listento, let us know if there's any
directions you want to take. Youknow, even give us a shout out
and be like, hey, getback to the Greeks fuckers, we'll take
it. We are we are special. Yeah, we're gonna do the Odyssey
at one point. That is,that's gonna be a while. We're working

(41:07):
on a Romulus and Remus for thefuture too, so you can Remulus all
day long. Ho that's on Dustin. Yeah, that's fucking guy. Sorry.
Um. Yeah. Check out ourmerch tspring dot com, slash high
dash mythology dash merch. Yes,we got some good merch. Come more

(41:29):
images to come. Yeah. Findus on Twitter. Yes, that's the
best place. If you want totalk to us, find us there,
give us a shout out, belike Hey fuckers. Um it's at Howley
Boys h A O L E.Underscorpiois. Um. Yeah, that's all
for today people. Um, havea good night. We will see you

(41:51):
next week for some more Bunyans.Nice