September 1, 2025 • 20 mins
Have you thought about who should let go first when you interact with children? Who lets go of the hug or conversation? Join Cindy and Alison for a discussion about these questions and others related to how our connections with children should end.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to How Preschool Teachers Do It.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm Cindy, I'm Allison, and we have a combined fifty
five years of experience working with children, families, and experts
in early education. We are not random influence. No, we
are not. Whether you are new or have been our
podcast peep since twenty eighteen, we are thrilled you found
us high preschool Peeps, Hi Peep. We hope you enjoyed
(00:29):
our new intro. Did you catch that that it's a
new intro? We are super excited about it. If you
didn't catch that it's a new intro, please go back
and listen and let us know. We've been talking about
redoing the intro for at least.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
A year, I would say longer. We've been doing this
podcast since twenty eighteen. It's been the same intro the
entire time. It was time for an update.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It was time for an update, and we really wanted
to sound natural like we hope we do on this podcast.
We try.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We can't be anybody but us, so we're we're just
doing our best on any given day.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
That's so, that's the truth. So yes, we hope that
you all enjoyed that intro and in the meantime, we
have some places to shout out where people are listening
to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm excited because we are shouting out Brazil for the
very first time. We were very shocked that they were
not on our list, So Hi Brazil. We are also
shouting out the fine.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
People of New Jersey. We are fine people of New Jersey.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
And we are shouting out specifically Red Bank this time
because we've been there.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
I was very excited about shouting out Red Bank because
it's a place that I go, and you know, you
never know, preschool peeps, if you're in New Jersey and
you're in Red Bank, look around, go to YouTube, see
what I look like, you know, then look around the restaurant,
because I feel like I.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Feel like instead of going to YouTube and seeing what
we look like, they would recognize our really loud voices
or specific people have told me I have a very
unique laugh that people have known I was in the room.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Before seeing I've had because I've heard my laugh. I've
had people attend professional development and all of a sudden
they go, wait a minute, are you the podcast person?
Because I recognize your voice, So yeah, you might. When
I'm there talking to my family and friends. You might
hear me because I do enjoy some of the restaurants
and Red Bank and also the shopping. By the way,
it's not just restaurants. For anybody who's like, should I
(02:27):
go to Red Bank, Yeah, they're shopping in restaurants and
it's really nice. Yeah. Yeah, So thanks for listening red
Bank Share the news share that we definitely know red
Bank and we would love for everyone to be listening
to this podcast or watching us on YouTube. Yeah. So
today we are going to talk about something that we
(02:47):
learned about along the way. I don't remember which one
of us learned at first, but we were like, oh
my gosh, that's so awesome. And some of you may
be aware of it already, but we were. I was
very unaware that there's this policy when you go to
Disney that about the hugging of the children. Right. So
the policy is basically the Disney character hugging them cannot
(03:10):
let go first. The children have to let go first, right,
And I thought that is so fitting for so many
things having to do with early education and families, that
the children should be the ones to let go first.
The example, I mean hugging, Yes, like if you're hugging
a child. It's nice to let them let go first, right,
(03:32):
But it's also other things where we can get to
a lot of other things. Right, It's like the child
should be well, we'll get to these. You were going
to say something about hugging. I was gonna say something
about huggin.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I went to a workshop like many years ago now
I'm talking about many, okay, and they talked about hugging
specifically how in order for a hug to be effective
and a child to manage their emotions or to calm
them down, the hug has to be at least twenty
(04:04):
seconds long, because at that point in time, your brain
will release all the chemicals that it needs to release
to calm yourself down. So I find it interesting that
Disney has this policy that says you can't let go
of the hug. And I wonder if it's like maybe
(04:25):
children naturally know when they're supposed to let go, because
they're like, okay, I'm good. Now, I've my brain has
released whatever it needs may release to come down, and
now I can release from this person.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Well, isn't it true that when you are hugged there
are certain chemicals released in your body and That's why
people like weighted blankets because it does the same thing,
the same thing, but it has to be twenty seconds long.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
You can't just hug and be like, Okay, it's good
at the hug. The embrace has to be twenty seconds
or longer for those chemicals to be released.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
That's what I learned. What we're saying is the chill,
even if it's more than twenty seconds or less than
twenty seconds, the children need to let go first. And
I felt like that crosses over to so many different
things we do with children. For example, if I'm sitting
and having a conversation with a child, maybe that child
should let go of the conversation first. And unless there's
(05:17):
a safety issue in the room or a health issue
in the room, I should not let go of that
conversation first.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
That's true, And I think like they can tell, like
when you're not into the conversation, right. I think we
had an episode about this recently of like they know
when you're just not into it then and if you like,
release from that conversation early, I think they I'm like, no,
I'm not interested in talking about this anymore. So I
feel like maybe if we just keep even if you're
not into the topic, just keep going.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
You can always just ask questions to keep it going
until they're done. Until they're done. And I think when
they're a certain age, when they are like verbal enough,
like maybe threes and fours, even pre K and the
three class, you know, if you're unsure if they're done,
I think we can look at them and say, are
we done talking? Or do you still want to talk?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I've actually done this because sometimes there's some children that
like pause because they get busy doing something, like if
they're playing and they're like they were talking and then
they're stopped and you want to like maybe go elsewhere
just because you think the conversation's over.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
I've asked like are we are we done? Are we
done talking about whatever the topic was?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
And sometimes they're like yeah, but you don't but they don't.
I think sometimes they don't know how to close off
a conversation, so they just kind of stop and you're.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Like, is it over? You know? So, And I think
it's okay to ask that.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Like are are we all done talking about fire trucks
right now?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You know?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
We can we can take this up because we talk
about it, or would you like to talk more about it.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, you know what this reminds me of and it's
really not all that related, but I'm gonna say it anyway, Okay.
It kind of reminds me of this. Children in this
age group can't separate fantasy and reality, and it's at
some point they begin to make that separation, but they
need our advice about it. So it's somewhere around seven
or eight years old that children come and say things like,
(07:08):
I know you're the tooth Fairy? Are you really Santa Claus.
They don't ask these questions until they're ready for the answer,
because before they're ready to separate fantasy from reality, they're
just not going to accept that. They're not going to
accept that this fantasy isn't true. But at some point
they come to us like I know you're the tooth Fairy,
which means they are now ready to let go of
(07:30):
that fantasy, but they may not be ready to let
go of the playfulness of it. So it reminds me
of this because I remember when my older son came
to me and said, like, I know you're the tooth Fairy.
I said to him, that's a very grown up thing
to know. If you would still like to play tooth fairy.
We can do that. And I left it up to him.
(07:52):
I didn't say, well, that's it for the tooth fairy.
I let him let go of it in his time.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
That's smart though trying to make Also, I think that's
like those kind of topics can get tricky in a household, right,
Like if your older son is like, hey, I know
you're the tooth fairy, but you have a younger son
in your case, which is true, right, you have a
younger son who still believes in it.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Same with Santa Claus and all those kind of things.
How do you navigate that?
Speaker 1 (08:20):
You know?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
So like I I let them own it, right, You
let them own it and then let go eventually. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I knew a family who had multiple children, so and
they've ranged a very large age range, and so the
older children of course knew that Santa Claus was not
real eventually, right, and they the parents are like, okay,
we you know, they let them let it go as
they could, and like, would you like to help us
be Santa Now?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
For the younger children, that's another way of letting it.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Yeah, and then they it got them in on the
tradition of what they used to do and how much
got put into this Santa Claus idea right, So that
was like a cool way I think to do it
that you weren't like fully cutting it off. It was
like no, now that you know, now you can be
a part of us helping make the magic for the
(09:09):
little kids.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Well, here's another thing in the classroom. It also reminds
me of this. I often teach about free play time,
and during free play time, it should be the children
deciding where they're gonna play, with, whom they're gonna play,
how they're gonna play. The children are making the decisions,
and instead of us moving them around, we're supposed to
(09:30):
let them make these decisions within reasonable limits, like if
an area is full, you can put your name on
the waiting list, but they get to decide. So it's
also a child goes over, let's say, to play with
manipulatives or blocks or dramatic play. It should be them
letting go of that play, not us saying leave the play,
(09:50):
you go leave. Someone else wants to come over here.
We shouldn't be saying that. We should be letting them
kind of like we say they get to let go
on the hug they get to let go on the conversation.
They get to let go when they're done playing with
a particular toy or in a particular area.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, And I think that gets tricky in a classroom
because I think there's a lot of teachers who are like, oh,
there's a waiting list, so you get five minutes and
then we're up. The only center in my room that
I've timed is a sand table only because it was
incredibly popular for a little while, you know. But every
other center, I don't really kick them out even if
there is a waiting list.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
You should you're not supposed to. According to the environmental
rating scales, you're not supposed to kick them out the
waiting list.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
If those children don't get in there, say in that hour,
that's okay. I usually hold off until the next day,
But like, would you like to go in there first
because you didn't get a chance yet? Right?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
The next time there first? Right? Yeah, next time they're first.
And when we do that, when we say well you're
not going to get a chance this time, but next
time you're first, they learn something called delayed gratification. So
that's fine. But yeah, according to the measures of high
quality practices. You can't force them out of the areas, folks,
As much as you may have done that in the past,
it's high quality. There are other things, you know. So
(11:03):
the conversation where and where they're playing during free play
I'm not saying during a teacher led time of day,
but during free play also applies to the outdoors. Let
them decide when they're done on the slide. They get
to let go of the slide, they get to let
go of the ball, they get to decide.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
We have swings at our school, and I've had that's unusual.
I know it's very unusual, but I've had children to
spend the entire thirty forty five minutes on the swing alone.
You're like, hey, you want to do something else now, yeah,
and they will spend the entire time on the swing.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Okay, well then that's cool. Yeah, that's what you want
to do. That's great.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Swinging is a very like sometimes regulating kind of activity.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
They need that, you know. So I'm like, go for it.
I don't care what you do outside. You know, I'm
going to go look for worms.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
But that's cool, you know what I mean, Like, if
I want to look for worms forty five minutes, and
that's what I'm going to do, you know, like, and
I should be able to do that.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
You know, something we can encourage them to let go of,
but allow them the time to let go of it
is their comfort items from home, sure, right, so they
bring in. It is considered high quality practice to allow
children to bring their comfort items to school because we
all have comfort items and we all need our comfort items.
And this is the example I always give when I
teach about this. I always say, you have comfort items
(12:15):
that you don't want to leave home without, Like have
you ever left your phone home or your jewelry home
or something you.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Have with you always have photos of your children, or you're.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Very uncomfortable if you leave that. If you leave that home,
it just sets your whole day off. And the children
feel like that about their comfort items. They can learn
that they can bring it in, say goodbye to it,
put it away, but they get to say that goodbye,
and that could be a long goodbye or a short goodbye.
Yeah yeah, right, So they get to decide when am
(12:45):
I letting go of this comfort item within those reasonable limits.
If we can't just carry it around all day, it
could get ruined. True, so we can put it. However,
you all do it, whether you have a box for them,
or they put it in their backpack or their cubby,
or they can learn you can say goodbye to it
and then you can visit it during the day. Yeah,
there are other things that we want the children to
(13:06):
be able to let go of. We uh meals, meals
and snacks. So they're sitting there eating other children are done.
This child is not done yet. They get to decide
when they're done eating.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I think, tear me away from my food, and you
you expect me to tear this three year old away
from their snack.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
We're not tearing the children away from that.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
I'm in the corner eating like donut.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
No, no, it's so true, and it's.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yeah, and I mean I get like you don't want
them to sitting there for four hours eating like, but
like at the same time, like I get angry if
I don't eat so like and I'm gonna get angry
if you say, hey, sorry, you didn't get to eat
your snack.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Well absolutely now I'm mad.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So why even why not just let them go when
they're ready, because then it's.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Like, wouldn't that be nice for rest time?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
To.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
That would be nice to be able to be like, Okay,
you're still sleepy, you're still sleeping, or you're still resting.
That's fine. You can decide when you're going to let
go of that. Yeah. I kind of do that in
my room. It's more of a rolling wake up.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I call it the rolling wake up, you know, because
I have some students that need a little bit longer.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Time on their cuts. And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
So we're going to be over here playing and you
just join us when you are ready, and we'll put
your cat away when you're done.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
That is so me. By the way, when I wake
up in the morning, I'm not one of those people
who can just jump up and get started. I need time.
I need to roll into the day. I roll slowly.
I purposefully set my alarm earlier than when I need
to get up so that I will have time to
just sort of lay in the bed and adjust to
where this is a new day. I heard and people
(14:45):
can correct me if I'm wrong, Okay, but I heard
that there's a name for this in Ireland. When you
wake up in the morning, uh, and then you just
sort of lay in bed for a while or you
go back to bed for a little while. It's called
doing a hurkle drkle. So I have said my husband.
My husband is the type who when he wakes up,
he jumps right up and he gets going. So he'll
(15:07):
sometimes say to me, are you getting up? And I'm like,
I'm hurkle. Durkling sounds like something Rose Nyland would say.
I'm the golden gods. So you know, children also entitled
to do that. They're entitled to when they wake up.
Some children will wake up ready to go. Some children
need a little time. They're the ones who should let
go of that rest. I'm totally using her class. It
(15:30):
could be wrong, by the way, it could be wrong.
I'm gonna look at it right ahead, right, I will
get up right away. But I have a dog, so
there is no like sleeping in when you have a dog.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
But what I do and people think I'm insane at
work is like I.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Will say, oh, look, I am so right. It's Scottish.
I'm sorry people are so Scottish, it says Herkle. Durkle
is a Scottish term that means to lounge in bed
for a prolonged period after waking up, often when one
should be getting up and about That is so totally
me when one should get me. And maybe that's the
temperament of some of these children too. They need to
(16:04):
hurkle durkle.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I I do this, but in a different way, Like
I don't I need to accept that I'm gonna have
to leave my house.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
That's not a hrcle urkle. There's probably another name for
it in another language.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
If you know it, please let me know. So like
I will set my alarm earlier, I'll be up because
my dog's like I gotta go outside, so there's no
sleeping and when you have a dog. But I'm not
one of those people that couls like get up, walk
the dog, take a shower and leave right like I
have to like lounge around be like let me read.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
My book for a little. Maybe it's a partial Let
me then I'll take a shower.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Like I'm up like a good like two hours before
I have to be somewhere because I'm like I need
to just get me to ease into the day and
accept that I have to leave the house.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I can't just like get up and go listen. I
fully expect respect the children who need a little time
to adjust to I'm awake now, because again that's me
and that's you a little bit, and that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
So yeah, so what have we said so far? The
children let go of the hug. The children let go
of the conversation. The children let go of where they're
playing at free play and what they're playing with and
who they're playing with. Yes, the children let go of
the rest time. The children let go of the meal times.
The children let go of the comfort items. I encourage
all of you, all of our preschool peeps, to think
(17:19):
about what the children should be letting go of, and
we shouldn't be forcing them out of. I think it's
a great lesson. You know, I don't always agree with
big corporations like Disney, but I do think that this
is a great lesson that comes from that that their
characters cannot let go of a hug first. And I
(17:39):
just think that's really sweet. And now I want to
pay attention. When I'm with my children, we always hug goodbye.
I'm not sure who let's go first, twenty second hug.
Oh we do, even though your children are older. Because
that rule was not just for children. That rule is
for everyone.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You need to release those chemicals.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
It takes twenty seconds. Yeah, we do value hugging each other,
so I think it is at least twenty seconds, you know.
And I like to think that for children, no matter
their age, there's nothing like hugging your mom and dad.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I like to think that for some people lucky, for
some lucky children, yes, there's just nothing like getting a
hug from a mom or a dad. And I think
they treasure that, you know. So, folks, I want you
to really think about what are you forcing them out of?
What are they allowed to let go of? Go back?
Let us know if you think of anything that we
(18:33):
could add to this list, please do let us know.
We're happy to address it again or put information out there,
maybe on our website or we also are on the
spaces by wicks app. By the way, and I do
my best to release episodes ahead of time. This week
I failed a little bit, but when that happens, I
do try to do it as soon as possible. Sometimes
(18:53):
I'll give a little bonus of the next next episode
when I mess up. But yeah, so I really encourage
you all to check out that spaces by Wix app.
It's easy access to this podcast. And it's also just
you get things ahead of time. Sometimes. You can learn
more about it on our website How Preschool Teachers Do
(19:14):
It dot com. We also want you to find us
on social media. On Facebook, there is Alison. You have
to move your head before I say this. There is
a QR code, thank you. There is a QR code
on YouTube right now up on the screen and you
can hold your camera up to that QR code and
it's going to take you to this podcast's virtual business
card where all of our links are to everything. And
(19:35):
we also want to just share appreciation for the fact
that we are so consistently listed in the top podcasts
for early education. So thank you all very very much
for bringing our preschool peeps again. Check out that intro.
The ending is going to have the same music now
as the intro that did, so stay tuned for that
(19:56):
and we will catch you next time on the podcast
by Papes
Welcome to How Preschool Teachers Do It.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm Cindy, I'm Allison, and we have a combined fifty
five years of experience working with children, families, and experts
in early education. We are not random influence. No, we
are not. Whether you are new or have been our
podcast peep since twenty eighteen, we are thrilled you found
us high preschool Peeps, Hi Peep. We hope you enjoyed
(00:29):
our new intro. Did you catch that that it's a
new intro? We are super excited about it. If you
didn't catch that it's a new intro, please go back
and listen and let us know. We've been talking about
redoing the intro for at least.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
A year, I would say longer. We've been doing this
podcast since twenty eighteen. It's been the same intro the
entire time. It was time for an update.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It was time for an update, and we really wanted
to sound natural like we hope we do on this podcast.
We try.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We can't be anybody but us, so we're we're just
doing our best on any given day.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
That's so, that's the truth. So yes, we hope that
you all enjoyed that intro and in the meantime, we
have some places to shout out where people are listening
to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm excited because we are shouting out Brazil for the
very first time. We were very shocked that they were
not on our list, So Hi Brazil. We are also
shouting out the fine.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
People of New Jersey. We are fine people of New Jersey.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
And we are shouting out specifically Red Bank this time
because we've been there.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
I was very excited about shouting out Red Bank because
it's a place that I go, and you know, you
never know, preschool peeps, if you're in New Jersey and
you're in Red Bank, look around, go to YouTube, see
what I look like, you know, then look around the restaurant,
because I feel like I.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Feel like instead of going to YouTube and seeing what
we look like, they would recognize our really loud voices
or specific people have told me I have a very
unique laugh that people have known I was in the room.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Before seeing I've had because I've heard my laugh. I've
had people attend professional development and all of a sudden
they go, wait a minute, are you the podcast person?
Because I recognize your voice, So yeah, you might. When
I'm there talking to my family and friends. You might
hear me because I do enjoy some of the restaurants
and Red Bank and also the shopping. By the way,
it's not just restaurants. For anybody who's like, should I
(02:27):
go to Red Bank, Yeah, they're shopping in restaurants and
it's really nice. Yeah. Yeah, So thanks for listening red
Bank Share the news share that we definitely know red
Bank and we would love for everyone to be listening
to this podcast or watching us on YouTube. Yeah. So
today we are going to talk about something that we
(02:47):
learned about along the way. I don't remember which one
of us learned at first, but we were like, oh
my gosh, that's so awesome. And some of you may
be aware of it already, but we were. I was
very unaware that there's this policy when you go to
Disney that about the hugging of the children. Right. So
the policy is basically the Disney character hugging them cannot
(03:10):
let go first. The children have to let go first, right,
And I thought that is so fitting for so many
things having to do with early education and families, that
the children should be the ones to let go first.
The example, I mean hugging, Yes, like if you're hugging
a child. It's nice to let them let go first, right,
(03:32):
But it's also other things where we can get to
a lot of other things. Right, It's like the child
should be well, we'll get to these. You were going
to say something about hugging. I was gonna say something
about huggin.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I went to a workshop like many years ago now
I'm talking about many, okay, and they talked about hugging
specifically how in order for a hug to be effective
and a child to manage their emotions or to calm
them down, the hug has to be at least twenty
(04:04):
seconds long, because at that point in time, your brain
will release all the chemicals that it needs to release
to calm yourself down. So I find it interesting that
Disney has this policy that says you can't let go
of the hug. And I wonder if it's like maybe
(04:25):
children naturally know when they're supposed to let go, because
they're like, okay, I'm good. Now, I've my brain has
released whatever it needs may release to come down, and
now I can release from this person.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Well, isn't it true that when you are hugged there
are certain chemicals released in your body and That's why
people like weighted blankets because it does the same thing,
the same thing, but it has to be twenty seconds long.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
You can't just hug and be like, Okay, it's good
at the hug. The embrace has to be twenty seconds
or longer for those chemicals to be released.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
That's what I learned. What we're saying is the chill,
even if it's more than twenty seconds or less than
twenty seconds, the children need to let go first. And
I felt like that crosses over to so many different
things we do with children. For example, if I'm sitting
and having a conversation with a child, maybe that child
should let go of the conversation first. And unless there's
(05:17):
a safety issue in the room or a health issue
in the room, I should not let go of that
conversation first.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
That's true, And I think like they can tell, like
when you're not into the conversation, right. I think we
had an episode about this recently of like they know
when you're just not into it then and if you like,
release from that conversation early, I think they I'm like, no,
I'm not interested in talking about this anymore. So I
feel like maybe if we just keep even if you're
not into the topic, just keep going.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
You can always just ask questions to keep it going
until they're done. Until they're done. And I think when
they're a certain age, when they are like verbal enough,
like maybe threes and fours, even pre K and the
three class, you know, if you're unsure if they're done,
I think we can look at them and say, are
we done talking? Or do you still want to talk?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I've actually done this because sometimes there's some children that
like pause because they get busy doing something, like if
they're playing and they're like they were talking and then
they're stopped and you want to like maybe go elsewhere
just because you think the conversation's over.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
I've asked like are we are we done? Are we
done talking about whatever the topic was?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
And sometimes they're like yeah, but you don't but they don't.
I think sometimes they don't know how to close off
a conversation, so they just kind of stop and you're.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Like, is it over? You know? So, And I think
it's okay to ask that.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Like are are we all done talking about fire trucks
right now?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You know?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
We can we can take this up because we talk
about it, or would you like to talk more about it.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, you know what this reminds me of and it's
really not all that related, but I'm gonna say it anyway, Okay.
It kind of reminds me of this. Children in this
age group can't separate fantasy and reality, and it's at
some point they begin to make that separation, but they
need our advice about it. So it's somewhere around seven
or eight years old that children come and say things like,
(07:08):
I know you're the tooth Fairy? Are you really Santa Claus.
They don't ask these questions until they're ready for the answer,
because before they're ready to separate fantasy from reality, they're
just not going to accept that. They're not going to
accept that this fantasy isn't true. But at some point
they come to us like I know you're the tooth Fairy,
which means they are now ready to let go of
(07:30):
that fantasy, but they may not be ready to let
go of the playfulness of it. So it reminds me
of this because I remember when my older son came
to me and said, like, I know you're the tooth Fairy.
I said to him, that's a very grown up thing
to know. If you would still like to play tooth fairy.
We can do that. And I left it up to him.
(07:52):
I didn't say, well, that's it for the tooth fairy.
I let him let go of it in his time.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
That's smart though trying to make Also, I think that's
like those kind of topics can get tricky in a household, right,
Like if your older son is like, hey, I know
you're the tooth fairy, but you have a younger son
in your case, which is true, right, you have a
younger son who still believes in it.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Same with Santa Claus and all those kind of things.
How do you navigate that?
Speaker 1 (08:20):
You know?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
So like I I let them own it, right, You
let them own it and then let go eventually. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I knew a family who had multiple children, so and
they've ranged a very large age range, and so the
older children of course knew that Santa Claus was not
real eventually, right, and they the parents are like, okay,
we you know, they let them let it go as
they could, and like, would you like to help us
be Santa Now?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
For the younger children, that's another way of letting it.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Yeah, and then they it got them in on the
tradition of what they used to do and how much
got put into this Santa Claus idea right, So that
was like a cool way I think to do it
that you weren't like fully cutting it off. It was
like no, now that you know, now you can be
a part of us helping make the magic for the
(09:09):
little kids.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Well, here's another thing in the classroom. It also reminds
me of this. I often teach about free play time,
and during free play time, it should be the children
deciding where they're gonna play, with, whom they're gonna play,
how they're gonna play. The children are making the decisions,
and instead of us moving them around, we're supposed to
(09:30):
let them make these decisions within reasonable limits, like if
an area is full, you can put your name on
the waiting list, but they get to decide. So it's
also a child goes over, let's say, to play with
manipulatives or blocks or dramatic play. It should be them
letting go of that play, not us saying leave the play,
(09:50):
you go leave. Someone else wants to come over here.
We shouldn't be saying that. We should be letting them
kind of like we say they get to let go
on the hug they get to let go on the conversation.
They get to let go when they're done playing with
a particular toy or in a particular area.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, And I think that gets tricky in a classroom
because I think there's a lot of teachers who are like, oh,
there's a waiting list, so you get five minutes and
then we're up. The only center in my room that
I've timed is a sand table only because it was
incredibly popular for a little while, you know. But every
other center, I don't really kick them out even if
there is a waiting list.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
You should you're not supposed to. According to the environmental
rating scales, you're not supposed to kick them out the
waiting list.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
If those children don't get in there, say in that hour,
that's okay. I usually hold off until the next day,
But like, would you like to go in there first
because you didn't get a chance yet? Right?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
The next time there first? Right? Yeah, next time they're first.
And when we do that, when we say well you're
not going to get a chance this time, but next
time you're first, they learn something called delayed gratification. So
that's fine. But yeah, according to the measures of high
quality practices. You can't force them out of the areas, folks,
As much as you may have done that in the past,
it's high quality. There are other things, you know. So
(11:03):
the conversation where and where they're playing during free play
I'm not saying during a teacher led time of day,
but during free play also applies to the outdoors. Let
them decide when they're done on the slide. They get
to let go of the slide, they get to let
go of the ball, they get to decide.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
We have swings at our school, and I've had that's unusual.
I know it's very unusual, but I've had children to
spend the entire thirty forty five minutes on the swing alone.
You're like, hey, you want to do something else now, yeah,
and they will spend the entire time on the swing.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Okay, well then that's cool. Yeah, that's what you want
to do. That's great.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Swinging is a very like sometimes regulating kind of activity.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
They need that, you know. So I'm like, go for it.
I don't care what you do outside. You know, I'm
going to go look for worms.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
But that's cool, you know what I mean, Like, if
I want to look for worms forty five minutes, and
that's what I'm going to do, you know, like, and
I should be able to do that.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
You know, something we can encourage them to let go of,
but allow them the time to let go of it
is their comfort items from home, sure, right, so they
bring in. It is considered high quality practice to allow
children to bring their comfort items to school because we
all have comfort items and we all need our comfort items.
And this is the example I always give when I
teach about this. I always say, you have comfort items
(12:15):
that you don't want to leave home without, Like have
you ever left your phone home or your jewelry home
or something you.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Have with you always have photos of your children, or you're.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Very uncomfortable if you leave that. If you leave that home,
it just sets your whole day off. And the children
feel like that about their comfort items. They can learn
that they can bring it in, say goodbye to it,
put it away, but they get to say that goodbye,
and that could be a long goodbye or a short goodbye.
Yeah yeah, right, So they get to decide when am
(12:45):
I letting go of this comfort item within those reasonable limits.
If we can't just carry it around all day, it
could get ruined. True, so we can put it. However,
you all do it, whether you have a box for them,
or they put it in their backpack or their cubby,
or they can learn you can say goodbye to it
and then you can visit it during the day. Yeah,
there are other things that we want the children to
(13:06):
be able to let go of. We uh meals, meals
and snacks. So they're sitting there eating other children are done.
This child is not done yet. They get to decide
when they're done eating.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I think, tear me away from my food, and you
you expect me to tear this three year old away
from their snack.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
We're not tearing the children away from that.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
I'm in the corner eating like donut.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
No, no, it's so true, and it's.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yeah, and I mean I get like you don't want
them to sitting there for four hours eating like, but
like at the same time, like I get angry if
I don't eat so like and I'm gonna get angry
if you say, hey, sorry, you didn't get to eat
your snack.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Well absolutely now I'm mad.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So why even why not just let them go when
they're ready, because then it's.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Like, wouldn't that be nice for rest time?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
To.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
That would be nice to be able to be like, Okay,
you're still sleepy, you're still sleeping, or you're still resting.
That's fine. You can decide when you're going to let
go of that. Yeah. I kind of do that in
my room. It's more of a rolling wake up.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I call it the rolling wake up, you know, because
I have some students that need a little bit longer.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Time on their cuts. And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
So we're going to be over here playing and you
just join us when you are ready, and we'll put
your cat away when you're done.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
That is so me. By the way, when I wake
up in the morning, I'm not one of those people
who can just jump up and get started. I need time.
I need to roll into the day. I roll slowly.
I purposefully set my alarm earlier than when I need
to get up so that I will have time to
just sort of lay in the bed and adjust to
where this is a new day. I heard and people
(14:45):
can correct me if I'm wrong, Okay, but I heard
that there's a name for this in Ireland. When you
wake up in the morning, uh, and then you just
sort of lay in bed for a while or you
go back to bed for a little while. It's called
doing a hurkle drkle. So I have said my husband.
My husband is the type who when he wakes up,
he jumps right up and he gets going. So he'll
(15:07):
sometimes say to me, are you getting up? And I'm like,
I'm hurkle. Durkling sounds like something Rose Nyland would say.
I'm the golden gods. So you know, children also entitled
to do that. They're entitled to when they wake up.
Some children will wake up ready to go. Some children
need a little time. They're the ones who should let
go of that rest. I'm totally using her class. It
(15:30):
could be wrong, by the way, it could be wrong.
I'm gonna look at it right ahead, right, I will
get up right away. But I have a dog, so
there is no like sleeping in when you have a dog.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
But what I do and people think I'm insane at
work is like I.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Will say, oh, look, I am so right. It's Scottish.
I'm sorry people are so Scottish, it says Herkle. Durkle
is a Scottish term that means to lounge in bed
for a prolonged period after waking up, often when one
should be getting up and about That is so totally
me when one should get me. And maybe that's the
temperament of some of these children too. They need to
(16:04):
hurkle durkle.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I I do this, but in a different way, Like
I don't I need to accept that I'm gonna have
to leave my house.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
That's not a hrcle urkle. There's probably another name for
it in another language.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
If you know it, please let me know. So like
I will set my alarm earlier, I'll be up because
my dog's like I gotta go outside, so there's no
sleeping and when you have a dog. But I'm not
one of those people that couls like get up, walk
the dog, take a shower and leave right like I
have to like lounge around be like let me read.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
My book for a little. Maybe it's a partial Let
me then I'll take a shower.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Like I'm up like a good like two hours before
I have to be somewhere because I'm like I need
to just get me to ease into the day and
accept that I have to leave the house.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I can't just like get up and go listen. I
fully expect respect the children who need a little time
to adjust to I'm awake now, because again that's me
and that's you a little bit, and that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
So yeah, so what have we said so far? The
children let go of the hug. The children let go
of the conversation. The children let go of where they're
playing at free play and what they're playing with and
who they're playing with. Yes, the children let go of
the rest time. The children let go of the meal times.
The children let go of the comfort items. I encourage
all of you, all of our preschool peeps, to think
(17:19):
about what the children should be letting go of, and
we shouldn't be forcing them out of. I think it's
a great lesson. You know, I don't always agree with
big corporations like Disney, but I do think that this
is a great lesson that comes from that that their
characters cannot let go of a hug first. And I
(17:39):
just think that's really sweet. And now I want to
pay attention. When I'm with my children, we always hug goodbye.
I'm not sure who let's go first, twenty second hug.
Oh we do, even though your children are older. Because
that rule was not just for children. That rule is
for everyone.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You need to release those chemicals.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
It takes twenty seconds. Yeah, we do value hugging each other,
so I think it is at least twenty seconds, you know.
And I like to think that for children, no matter
their age, there's nothing like hugging your mom and dad.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I like to think that for some people lucky, for
some lucky children, yes, there's just nothing like getting a
hug from a mom or a dad. And I think
they treasure that, you know. So, folks, I want you
to really think about what are you forcing them out of?
What are they allowed to let go of? Go back?
Let us know if you think of anything that we
(18:33):
could add to this list, please do let us know.
We're happy to address it again or put information out there,
maybe on our website or we also are on the
spaces by wicks app. By the way, and I do
my best to release episodes ahead of time. This week
I failed a little bit, but when that happens, I
do try to do it as soon as possible. Sometimes
(18:53):
I'll give a little bonus of the next next episode
when I mess up. But yeah, so I really encourage
you all to check out that spaces by Wix app.
It's easy access to this podcast. And it's also just
you get things ahead of time. Sometimes. You can learn
more about it on our website How Preschool Teachers Do
(19:14):
It dot com. We also want you to find us
on social media. On Facebook, there is Alison. You have
to move your head before I say this. There is
a QR code, thank you. There is a QR code
on YouTube right now up on the screen and you
can hold your camera up to that QR code and
it's going to take you to this podcast's virtual business
card where all of our links are to everything. And
(19:35):
we also want to just share appreciation for the fact
that we are so consistently listed in the top podcasts
for early education. So thank you all very very much
for bringing our preschool peeps again. Check out that intro.
The ending is going to have the same music now
as the intro that did, so stay tuned for that
(19:56):
and we will catch you next time on the podcast
by Papes
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