September 29, 2025 • 17 mins
Sometimes, we need to wait for a child's tantrum to end or for children to be ready to discuss their big feelings with us. The most important thing we can do is something that wasn't done in past generations. Join Cindy and Alison to learn about handling what challenges us with love.
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- Learn more about Cindy's work, including professional development, family education, and consulting opportunities: https://hihello.com/hi/cindyterebush-RXMBKA
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to How Preschool Teachers Do It.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm Cindy, I'm Alison, and we have a combined fifty
five years of experience working with children, families, and experts
in early education.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
We are not random influence.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
No, we are not. Whether you are new or have
been our podcast Peeps since twenty eighteen, we are thrilled
you found us. Good morning, preschool peeps. I keep trying
to change that up. I don't know if it works.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We should have like a catchphrase, like at the end
we always say, buye peeps. Maybe we should have like
some sort of catchphrase.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
I got nothing, I cannot.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Maybe the peeps know of a good one, didn't.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
We have a contest many years ago. That's how we
started calling them peeps. Yes, because we had a contest.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So we want a catchphrase? All right? So go to
howp Preschool Teachers Do It dot com to the contact
form or our Facebook page where you can message us
and send us a catchphrase. Yes.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I think this is a great idea.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Agreed, because we're obviously we got nothing, but we do.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
We do.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
We do have people who are listening to us in
some new and exciting places.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I'm very excited we are shouting out Sweden today.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
We have never shouted out Sweden. Was so exciting to me.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Okay, and San Antonio, Texas.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
San Antonio, Texas. I have been to San Antonio, you know,
I have. I think I was there for a professional
conference of some sort years ago. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I liked it. Yeah, yeah, I especially like it when
it's winter here.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
It doesn't get very very hot there in.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
The very hot, incredibly hot.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I wasn't there in the summer. I remember though, going
to Austin, Texas in like it was I think June,
and it was so hot there that they had like
these misters on the buildings to keep you cool as
you walk by on the sidewalk because it was so hot.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
You can't even imagine living like that. Humidity and curly
hair doesn't go. Well, no, it's terrible.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah, yeah, it's not great. So welcome back, folks. And
today we are going to talk about something that probably
wasn't done for us, but we should do with children.
And as the title says, there are times when we
have to wait. There are times when we need to
(02:26):
wait for a child's big emotions to calm down. Yeah,
there are times when we have to wait for a
child who is tantruming to just get through that tantrum,
because when they're in the middle of it, they can't
hear you anymore, no, because their brains shut down. It's
like very literally right, their brains turn off when they're
in the middle of that sort of big emotion. It's
the cortisol in your bloodstream and other stress hormones. So
(02:50):
there are times when we have to wait when a
child is feeling sad and doesn't want to interact with us. Yes,
I've had children just sort of you know, I go
over and try and talk to them, and they put
their head down and they don't want to interact with me.
And what we need to keep in mind is that
we need to wait, not within patience, not with frustration,
(03:14):
not with contempt, not rolling our eyes, not trying to
always rush them along. We need to wait with affection, connection,
and love, which is not always an easy thing to
do because that wasn't what we have experienced for many
of us when we were young. You know, I know
(03:34):
when I was young, we heard phrases whether it was
in school or at home, we heard phrases like I
won't talk to you until you and I may have
said this to my children. Listen, I'm gonna be probably
people right, I'm gonna be really honest. I probably said
to my own children at some point, I'm not talking
to until you whatever, right, until you calm down, until
(03:58):
you can speak to me with respect, until you can
stop yelling, until you can sit down, like I'm not
talking to you. I now understand that that was not
an approach that is going to create connection. That's an
approach that's going to give shame, embarrassment and create disconnection. Well,
(04:19):
I understand it now.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
It's an ultimatum.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It is.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
If you want to shut somebody down quick, you give
them an ultimatum you do this or else.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It is that is it's an ultimatum and threat, like
I'm going to cut off connection with you?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Is the threat?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, because you're not acting the way I want you
to act, right, So let me disconnect from you, like
let me and.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You can say it in the most pleasant tone of voice,
and you're still disconnecting. When you look at children and
you say I won't talk to you until that is
still an ultimatum and a disconnection. Or when we look
at children. I've seen so many adults do this, and
they cross their arms and go I'll wait like that
in that tone of voice, all right, I'll wait, all wait, wait, okay,
(05:07):
that is like, what does that sound like to you?
You came up with a great word of ultimatum.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
The ultimatum to me, that's like your father's coming home
kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It's a threat maybe your father comes home. Yeah, wait
till your father is a real you know, And why
do we have to wait for the father to come home?
By the way, in twenty twenty, seriously, so the whole
crossing of our arms and looking at children and saying
I'll wait even you know when when you're trying to
(05:37):
get the class together.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
That's an intimidation.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
It is that is because this is what we do.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
We make our bodies. I want you to think about
the last time the whole class was not getting ready
to go outside when you wanted them to.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
And you what we do is we extend.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Our torso to make ourselves bigger and more threatening. We
cross our arms, which says I'm not interested in any
input you have, and then we use a tone of
voice like I'll wait right.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
What a way to like get them to talk and connect?
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Is it any wonder that when we do that, they
don't stop doing what they're doing.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Some of the time, Well, okay, they're not going to Okay,
they're really not because they don't care what you're what
you're asking about right now, Like that's not a way
to get them.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
They seriously don't understand, you know. It's just I don't okay.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
So you know, and I've admitted to everyone, this isn't
something that I always did well myself, and I know
I made this mistake as a parent and as a teacher. Yes,
and then I learned, and so I was in a
learning session when I learned the better way to approach
this even when we do have to wait. So I'm
gonna use the tantrums as an example because as a parent,
(06:52):
I have firsthand experience with this. I have a son
who tended to tantrum, reacted very swiftly to his own frustration,
had a big body reaction all the time, And I've
talked about that in other episode. So I'm not going
to take up this episode doing that. But what I
am going to tell you is what I learned. I
learned that I should have said to him with all
love in my heart and voice and everything right, I'm
(07:16):
going to ask you to wait, and I'm going to
do that with love. And what that sounds like is
something like, I know this is hard. Yes, I am
right here, and I will be checking in on you. Yeah,
it's not I'll wait, it's I will be checking in
on you, right, because sometimes they need time. A child
(07:38):
who is extraordinarily sad about something that's happened, and they
go over and they put their head on the table
and they won't look up and they won't talk with me,
and they won't interact because they're in they're just they're
just like sinking into their anger, their sadness. I mean
they're sinking into that sadness. To look at them and
say something like, I know this is hard, I'm right
(07:59):
here for you. I'll check in on you again. If
you say to a child, do you want to talk
to me about it? And they say no, then we
should say I'm gonna check in on you again, so
that they know we care, We're not giving up on them,
We are in fact there for them, right, which is
(08:19):
so different than saying I'm not going to talk to
you until you're ready to pick your head up and
talk to me. Think about. You know what's another one? Whining?
Can we talk about whining for a second. All the
people who go, I'm not going to talk to you
if you're whining at me.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Or or my ears don't hear you because my ears
don't hear whining.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Okay, my ears are bleeding from this whining.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
We hear Yannie, we hear you.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Maybe something like I know you really want that, I'm
right here to help you.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Something like that, something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
How can can we how can we solve this together
to kind of diffuse the whining, but not be going.
Don't whine, don't whine, don't whine.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Right, But when you sit there and you're like say
these things like my ears don't hear you because my
ears don't hear whining, or I'll wait until you're ready,
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
You know what's another one? Use a grown up voice.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
They ain't grown up, they're not grown up.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I've heard people say that though, use your grown up voice. Uh.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
I feel like it's just a matter.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
It makes the child feel.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Like you're not listening, isn't it me?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
And no matter what I do, you're not going to
hear what I need to say or what I am
going through you don't care.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Isn't it better to look at a child and say,
and you can disagree with me, but isn't it better
to look at a child and say, how can we
say that?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:50):
How can we say that a little differently? Do you think?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Then to say stop whining? Don't whine. I can't hear
you when you whine. I'm not answering you when you whine.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Is there another way you could say what you are feeling?
Is there?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I think that's valid because Okay, in the real world,
you gotta know different ways to ask for things, right.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Yeah, So like you're just it's like a life lesson.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
How can we see you?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I'm teaching you how you can approach the situation in
a way that maybe you will get.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
What you want.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
One of my favorite phrases that I've learned to use
with children is how can we How can we say that?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
How can we say that? How can we say that?
Speaker 2 (10:32):
So that I can help you?
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Right? Yeah, But I think those first two I know
this is hard, that sentence, I know that. I mean,
I can't remember any adult when I was young saying
to me, I know this is hard.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, No one said that to me, I.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Know this is hard, so that I used to say,
Like as a teacher, for example, I used to say
to the children, I know this is hard. Yeah, I
know that we have to validate that what they're going
through is really tough for them. I know that this
is hard. I'm right here. And I used to say
that to my son. I'm very proud of the fact
that when my son was having a tantrum, I used
(11:07):
to say to him, I'm right here, yeah, I'm right here.
When I'm here for you, when you're ready. You had
a child in my program who also had these big,
giant emotions, and for him, it wasn't enough to say
I'm here. What I used to have to do was
just very gently put my hand on his back because
he couldn't even hear me saying I'm here for you. Yeah.
(11:28):
So I would put my hand very gently on his
back or on his shoulder and say I'm right here,
because he needed the physical touch of I'm right here.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
So I'm right here is something I've been saying for
a while, and maybe some of you do too.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Do that sometimes or sometimes I don't even need to
touch them. I just sit next to them where I'm like, okay,
I'm right here and they're there, and I just the
physical proximity, not necessarily needing to touch, just being there
next to them while they're.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Ye are going. You know.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Another aspect of this is it's okay to have to
wait for them, Like we're always trying to get them
to snap out of it?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
What's that snap out of it?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
What is that from with that is commercial? Snap out
of it?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Well? I feel like a lot of it is people
want children to just comply. Yes, And so this whole like,
ah wait, oh no, it's from Moonstruck.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Sorry I interrupted.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That's share right when she was struck. Snap out of it?
I don't know. It's from the movie Moonstruck. You're dating
all right?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Share Share Love Share, I do love share this whole
thing going on. I just love. I love how like
and bold she always is ahead.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Yeah, she's always being herself. That's what I love at
one hundred percent herself. This whole like, ah wait.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Is just.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Making it like you'll comply to what the adults say
no matter what, Like that's what we want.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
We want you don't. We don't want to hear what
you're talking about. I want to hear what's going on
in your life.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
We don't care, Just do it. That's it because I
said so kind of thing. And that's not teaching them anything.
It's teaching them to fear you.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah, it's teaching.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Them that I have to do everything an adult says,
even if that's bad.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
That's not what you want to teach kids.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
No, and the whole like i'll wait is also a
guilt trip. Yes, now you're making me angry. M I
want you to feel bad about that. Yes, it's the
tone of voice.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And if you're saying that to say one child, like
we're all waiting.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
For you, that's a guilt trip. That makes that person
feel horrible.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
That is just infuriating and a guilt trip. So many
of the things that have been said over generations just
exacerbate the situation. They make it worse.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
It's like rather than.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Fuel on a fire, right, it's like putting gas on
a flame. Instead of instead of bringing down the level
of anks, we tend to add to it. Yeah, and
so just imagine when you look at child and you say,
I know this is hard. I'm right here, I'm gonna
keep checking in on you. I'm not adding to the flame, right,
I'm like ready for you when you're ready, right, But
(14:15):
I'm not saying that in a way that's going to
add to the fire.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It's giving the child the space they need to experience
that emotion, because I think sometimes people want to erase
these emotions, like you should just be happy.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
No, that's not real. It's not real, and.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
You should allow the space for this child to feel
that emotion. Yes, so I like the whole I say
that to the child children a lot, like Okay, I'll
come back in a few minutes to check on you.
I say a little time because sometimes you do need
to be alone to process the emotions, right, And it's okay,
Like I, as a teacher have a lot of stuff
going on in that room. I got to check on
other children too, So like I'm going to give.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
You some space.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I'm gonna walk away for a minute, but that doesn't
mean I'm not here. If you need me, just call me.
I'll come back in a few minutes to check on you.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Don't you think it's a nice little moodsetter in the
morning before children arrive at an early childhood programmer. In
the morning, when a family who's raising a child or
anyone who's raising a child wakes up in the morning
to just say to yourself today, I'm going to wait
with love. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna wait
with love, and I'm going to approach these situations that
(15:23):
challenge me as an adult with love. Yes, I'm gonna
face the challenge with love. That's what I'm doing today.
Look at yourselves in the mirror in the morning, folks,
and say, today, I'm going to face it all with love. Love,
not contempt, not guilt, not any of the things that
prior generations thought was okay to impose on young children.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Right, yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I hope this gives you some food for thought, everybody,
and maybe a new mantra to say in the morning,
maybe a bulletin board of we we we always approach
with love, yes, right, always interact with love?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
And that can help families to think about that too.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Please teach this to families. If you work in a
professional early childhood setting or any kind of school setting
and you interact with families, please teach them this. It
should be them too, and they're not going to know
it because it's likely how not many people will raised race.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Yeah, yeah, all.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Right, preschool peeps, We're gonna let you go have your Monday,
and don't forget to check our website and Facebook page
and all the things. And if you get a chance,
we would love it if you went to YouTube and
subscribed and liked like an episode, Please subscribe to one,
and then you can always come back here if you're listening,
and just keep listening here. That's fine for us. It
(16:44):
has to do with algorithms and benefits and numbers and
things I don't fully understand because I did not major
in this, but I know it has to do with it.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
We didn't major in this because this didn't exist when
we were true.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
And if you are on YouTube, because I know we
have more followers on YouTube, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Please make sure you.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Have subscribed and liked and all the things. Yes, all right,
we will catch you next time. Preschool peeps.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Bye peeps,
Welcome to How Preschool Teachers Do It.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm Cindy, I'm Alison, and we have a combined fifty
five years of experience working with children, families, and experts
in early education.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
We are not random influence.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
No, we are not. Whether you are new or have
been our podcast Peeps since twenty eighteen, we are thrilled
you found us. Good morning, preschool peeps. I keep trying
to change that up. I don't know if it works.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We should have like a catchphrase, like at the end
we always say, buye peeps. Maybe we should have like
some sort of catchphrase.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
I got nothing, I cannot.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Maybe the peeps know of a good one, didn't.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
We have a contest many years ago. That's how we
started calling them peeps. Yes, because we had a contest.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So we want a catchphrase? All right? So go to
howp Preschool Teachers Do It dot com to the contact
form or our Facebook page where you can message us
and send us a catchphrase. Yes.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I think this is a great idea.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Agreed, because we're obviously we got nothing, but we do.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
We do.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
We do have people who are listening to us in
some new and exciting places.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I'm very excited we are shouting out Sweden today.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
We have never shouted out Sweden. Was so exciting to me.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Okay, and San Antonio, Texas.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
San Antonio, Texas. I have been to San Antonio, you know,
I have. I think I was there for a professional
conference of some sort years ago. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I liked it. Yeah, yeah, I especially like it when
it's winter here.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
It doesn't get very very hot there in.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
The very hot, incredibly hot.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I wasn't there in the summer. I remember though, going
to Austin, Texas in like it was I think June,
and it was so hot there that they had like
these misters on the buildings to keep you cool as
you walk by on the sidewalk because it was so hot.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
You can't even imagine living like that. Humidity and curly
hair doesn't go. Well, no, it's terrible.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah, yeah, it's not great. So welcome back, folks. And
today we are going to talk about something that probably
wasn't done for us, but we should do with children.
And as the title says, there are times when we
have to wait. There are times when we need to
(02:26):
wait for a child's big emotions to calm down. Yeah,
there are times when we have to wait for a
child who is tantruming to just get through that tantrum,
because when they're in the middle of it, they can't
hear you anymore, no, because their brains shut down. It's
like very literally right, their brains turn off when they're
in the middle of that sort of big emotion. It's
the cortisol in your bloodstream and other stress hormones. So
(02:50):
there are times when we have to wait when a
child is feeling sad and doesn't want to interact with us. Yes,
I've had children just sort of you know, I go
over and try and talk to them, and they put
their head down and they don't want to interact with me.
And what we need to keep in mind is that
we need to wait, not within patience, not with frustration,
(03:14):
not with contempt, not rolling our eyes, not trying to
always rush them along. We need to wait with affection, connection,
and love, which is not always an easy thing to
do because that wasn't what we have experienced for many
of us when we were young. You know, I know
(03:34):
when I was young, we heard phrases whether it was
in school or at home, we heard phrases like I
won't talk to you until you and I may have
said this to my children. Listen, I'm gonna be probably
people right, I'm gonna be really honest. I probably said
to my own children at some point, I'm not talking
to until you whatever, right, until you calm down, until
(03:58):
you can speak to me with respect, until you can
stop yelling, until you can sit down, like I'm not
talking to you. I now understand that that was not
an approach that is going to create connection. That's an
approach that's going to give shame, embarrassment and create disconnection. Well,
(04:19):
I understand it now.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
It's an ultimatum.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It is.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
If you want to shut somebody down quick, you give
them an ultimatum you do this or else.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It is that is it's an ultimatum and threat, like
I'm going to cut off connection with you?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Is the threat?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, because you're not acting the way I want you
to act, right, So let me disconnect from you, like
let me and.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You can say it in the most pleasant tone of voice,
and you're still disconnecting. When you look at children and
you say I won't talk to you until that is
still an ultimatum and a disconnection. Or when we look
at children. I've seen so many adults do this, and
they cross their arms and go I'll wait like that
in that tone of voice, all right, I'll wait, all wait, wait, okay,
(05:07):
that is like, what does that sound like to you?
You came up with a great word of ultimatum.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
The ultimatum to me, that's like your father's coming home
kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It's a threat maybe your father comes home. Yeah, wait
till your father is a real you know, And why
do we have to wait for the father to come home?
By the way, in twenty twenty, seriously, so the whole
crossing of our arms and looking at children and saying
I'll wait even you know when when you're trying to
(05:37):
get the class together.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
That's an intimidation.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
It is that is because this is what we do.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
We make our bodies. I want you to think about
the last time the whole class was not getting ready
to go outside when you wanted them to.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
And you what we do is we extend.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Our torso to make ourselves bigger and more threatening. We
cross our arms, which says I'm not interested in any
input you have, and then we use a tone of
voice like I'll wait right.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
What a way to like get them to talk and connect?
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Is it any wonder that when we do that, they
don't stop doing what they're doing.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Some of the time, Well, okay, they're not going to Okay,
they're really not because they don't care what you're what
you're asking about right now, Like that's not a way
to get them.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
They seriously don't understand, you know. It's just I don't okay.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
So you know, and I've admitted to everyone, this isn't
something that I always did well myself, and I know
I made this mistake as a parent and as a teacher. Yes,
and then I learned, and so I was in a
learning session when I learned the better way to approach
this even when we do have to wait. So I'm
gonna use the tantrums as an example because as a parent,
(06:52):
I have firsthand experience with this. I have a son
who tended to tantrum, reacted very swiftly to his own frustration,
had a big body reaction all the time, And I've
talked about that in other episode. So I'm not going
to take up this episode doing that. But what I
am going to tell you is what I learned. I
learned that I should have said to him with all
love in my heart and voice and everything right, I'm
(07:16):
going to ask you to wait, and I'm going to
do that with love. And what that sounds like is
something like, I know this is hard. Yes, I am
right here, and I will be checking in on you. Yeah,
it's not I'll wait, it's I will be checking in
on you, right, because sometimes they need time. A child
(07:38):
who is extraordinarily sad about something that's happened, and they
go over and they put their head on the table
and they won't look up and they won't talk with me,
and they won't interact because they're in they're just they're
just like sinking into their anger, their sadness. I mean
they're sinking into that sadness. To look at them and
say something like, I know this is hard, I'm right
(07:59):
here for you. I'll check in on you again. If
you say to a child, do you want to talk
to me about it? And they say no, then we
should say I'm gonna check in on you again, so
that they know we care, We're not giving up on them,
We are in fact there for them, right, which is
(08:19):
so different than saying I'm not going to talk to
you until you're ready to pick your head up and
talk to me. Think about. You know what's another one? Whining?
Can we talk about whining for a second. All the
people who go, I'm not going to talk to you
if you're whining at me.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Or or my ears don't hear you because my ears
don't hear whining.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Okay, my ears are bleeding from this whining.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
We hear Yannie, we hear you.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Maybe something like I know you really want that, I'm
right here to help you.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Something like that, something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
How can can we how can we solve this together
to kind of diffuse the whining, but not be going.
Don't whine, don't whine, don't whine.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Right, But when you sit there and you're like say
these things like my ears don't hear you because my
ears don't hear whining, or I'll wait until you're ready,
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
You know what's another one? Use a grown up voice.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
They ain't grown up, they're not grown up.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I've heard people say that though, use your grown up voice. Uh.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
I feel like it's just a matter.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
It makes the child feel.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Like you're not listening, isn't it me?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
And no matter what I do, you're not going to
hear what I need to say or what I am
going through you don't care.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Isn't it better to look at a child and say,
and you can disagree with me, but isn't it better
to look at a child and say, how can we
say that?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:50):
How can we say that a little differently? Do you think?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Then to say stop whining? Don't whine. I can't hear
you when you whine. I'm not answering you when you whine.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Is there another way you could say what you are feeling?
Is there?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I think that's valid because Okay, in the real world,
you gotta know different ways to ask for things, right.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Yeah, So like you're just it's like a life lesson.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
How can we see you?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I'm teaching you how you can approach the situation in
a way that maybe you will get.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
What you want.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
One of my favorite phrases that I've learned to use
with children is how can we How can we say that?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
How can we say that? How can we say that?
Speaker 2 (10:32):
So that I can help you?
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Right? Yeah, But I think those first two I know
this is hard, that sentence, I know that. I mean,
I can't remember any adult when I was young saying
to me, I know this is hard.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, No one said that to me, I.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Know this is hard, so that I used to say,
Like as a teacher, for example, I used to say
to the children, I know this is hard. Yeah, I
know that we have to validate that what they're going
through is really tough for them. I know that this
is hard. I'm right here. And I used to say
that to my son. I'm very proud of the fact
that when my son was having a tantrum, I used
(11:07):
to say to him, I'm right here, yeah, I'm right here.
When I'm here for you, when you're ready. You had
a child in my program who also had these big,
giant emotions, and for him, it wasn't enough to say
I'm here. What I used to have to do was
just very gently put my hand on his back because
he couldn't even hear me saying I'm here for you. Yeah.
(11:28):
So I would put my hand very gently on his
back or on his shoulder and say I'm right here,
because he needed the physical touch of I'm right here.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
So I'm right here is something I've been saying for
a while, and maybe some of you do too.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Do that sometimes or sometimes I don't even need to
touch them. I just sit next to them where I'm like, okay,
I'm right here and they're there, and I just the
physical proximity, not necessarily needing to touch, just being there
next to them while they're.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Ye are going. You know.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Another aspect of this is it's okay to have to
wait for them, Like we're always trying to get them
to snap out of it?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
What's that snap out of it?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
What is that from with that is commercial? Snap out
of it?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Well? I feel like a lot of it is people
want children to just comply. Yes, And so this whole like,
ah wait, oh no, it's from Moonstruck.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Sorry I interrupted.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That's share right when she was struck. Snap out of it?
I don't know. It's from the movie Moonstruck. You're dating
all right?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Share Share Love Share, I do love share this whole
thing going on. I just love. I love how like
and bold she always is ahead.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Yeah, she's always being herself. That's what I love at
one hundred percent herself. This whole like, ah wait.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Is just.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Making it like you'll comply to what the adults say
no matter what, Like that's what we want.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
We want you don't. We don't want to hear what
you're talking about. I want to hear what's going on
in your life.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
We don't care, Just do it. That's it because I
said so kind of thing. And that's not teaching them anything.
It's teaching them to fear you.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah, it's teaching.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Them that I have to do everything an adult says,
even if that's bad.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
That's not what you want to teach kids.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
No, and the whole like i'll wait is also a
guilt trip. Yes, now you're making me angry. M I
want you to feel bad about that. Yes, it's the
tone of voice.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And if you're saying that to say one child, like
we're all waiting.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
For you, that's a guilt trip. That makes that person
feel horrible.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
That is just infuriating and a guilt trip. So many
of the things that have been said over generations just
exacerbate the situation. They make it worse.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
It's like rather than.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Fuel on a fire, right, it's like putting gas on
a flame. Instead of instead of bringing down the level
of anks, we tend to add to it. Yeah, and
so just imagine when you look at child and you say,
I know this is hard. I'm right here, I'm gonna
keep checking in on you. I'm not adding to the flame, right,
I'm like ready for you when you're ready, right, But
(14:15):
I'm not saying that in a way that's going to
add to the fire.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It's giving the child the space they need to experience
that emotion, because I think sometimes people want to erase
these emotions, like you should just be happy.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
No, that's not real. It's not real, and.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
You should allow the space for this child to feel
that emotion. Yes, so I like the whole I say
that to the child children a lot, like Okay, I'll
come back in a few minutes to check on you.
I say a little time because sometimes you do need
to be alone to process the emotions, right, And it's okay,
Like I, as a teacher have a lot of stuff
going on in that room. I got to check on
other children too, So like I'm going to give.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
You some space.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I'm gonna walk away for a minute, but that doesn't
mean I'm not here. If you need me, just call me.
I'll come back in a few minutes to check on you.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Don't you think it's a nice little moodsetter in the
morning before children arrive at an early childhood programmer. In
the morning, when a family who's raising a child or
anyone who's raising a child wakes up in the morning
to just say to yourself today, I'm going to wait
with love. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna wait
with love, and I'm going to approach these situations that
(15:23):
challenge me as an adult with love. Yes, I'm gonna
face the challenge with love. That's what I'm doing today.
Look at yourselves in the mirror in the morning, folks,
and say, today, I'm going to face it all with love. Love,
not contempt, not guilt, not any of the things that
prior generations thought was okay to impose on young children.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Right, yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I hope this gives you some food for thought, everybody,
and maybe a new mantra to say in the morning,
maybe a bulletin board of we we we always approach
with love, yes, right, always interact with love?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
And that can help families to think about that too.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Please teach this to families. If you work in a
professional early childhood setting or any kind of school setting
and you interact with families, please teach them this. It
should be them too, and they're not going to know
it because it's likely how not many people will raised race.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Yeah, yeah, all.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Right, preschool peeps, We're gonna let you go have your Monday,
and don't forget to check our website and Facebook page
and all the things. And if you get a chance,
we would love it if you went to YouTube and
subscribed and liked like an episode, Please subscribe to one,
and then you can always come back here if you're listening,
and just keep listening here. That's fine for us. It
(16:44):
has to do with algorithms and benefits and numbers and
things I don't fully understand because I did not major
in this, but I know it has to do with it.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
We didn't major in this because this didn't exist when
we were true.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
And if you are on YouTube, because I know we
have more followers on YouTube, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Please make sure you.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Have subscribed and liked and all the things. Yes, all right,
we will catch you next time. Preschool peeps.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Bye peeps,
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