August 23, 2025 • 30 mins
What happens when success on the outside doesn’t match how you feel on the inside?
In this powerful conversation, certified life coach Zerina Derveni shares her journey from high-pressure corporate projects and Miss Universe Canada to becoming a transformation catalyst for high-achieving women. She opens up about the hidden struggles behind ambition, the “good girl” conditioning many women must unlearn, and the shift from burnout and self-doubt to clarity, confidence, and purpose.
Zerina’s story will inspire you to pause, reflect, and take that next step toward the life you really want—inside and out.
https://www.zerinalifecoach.com/
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-am-refocused-radio--2671113/support.
Thank you for tuning in to I Am Refocused Radio. For more inspiring conversations, visit IAmRefocusedRadio.com and stay connected with our community.
Don’t miss new episodes—subscribe now at YouTube.com/@RefocusedRadio
In this powerful conversation, certified life coach Zerina Derveni shares her journey from high-pressure corporate projects and Miss Universe Canada to becoming a transformation catalyst for high-achieving women. She opens up about the hidden struggles behind ambition, the “good girl” conditioning many women must unlearn, and the shift from burnout and self-doubt to clarity, confidence, and purpose.
Zerina’s story will inspire you to pause, reflect, and take that next step toward the life you really want—inside and out.
https://www.zerinalifecoach.com/
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-am-refocused-radio--2671113/support.
Thank you for tuning in to I Am Refocused Radio. For more inspiring conversations, visit IAmRefocusedRadio.com and stay connected with our community.
Don’t miss new episodes—subscribe now at YouTube.com/@RefocusedRadio
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
You are listening to I Am Refocused Radio with your
host Shamaiah Reid. This show is designed to inspire you
to live your purpose and regain your focus. And now
here's your host, Shamaiah Reid.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hey, welcome back to Refocus Radio once again. We are
here today and we're gonna be talking all about life coaching.
We have a special guest for y'all, Serena and Vaini.
She is going to share with us not just the
average things that you know about life coaching, but she
is on that knows how to use transformation as a
process for women who look polished, successful on the outside,
(00:40):
but maybe quietly struggling on the inside. We know how
burned out can really get to us sometimes. But she
is going to give us a lot of insight on
what she has been able to do, not just with
her business, but with all the clients that she's been
able to serve. We're going to discover the pain points
and we're going to get to the solution. Your ow
(01:00):
gate right to the point. And I want to first
and foremost say to you, Zorina, excuse me, thank you
for your time today, How you doing doing well?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Thank you and thank you for having me on your show.
I'm excited to talk about some interesting topics.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I appreciate you cleaning your calendar to share your insights
with the audience. This startup from the very beginning. So
when you think about the process of where you were
to where you are now professionally, kind for is it?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, you know, it's definitely been a journey. And it's
interesting because what I specialize in as a life coach
right now is self discovery. And I think looking back
at my experience even with Miss Universe Canada and then
with working as an executive in three different companies, I
was going through my own kind of self discovery journey
(01:53):
without even realizing it, and trying to figure out, you know,
at that time, with the knowledge and and tools that
I had, you know, what was my greater purpose. I
think we hear a lot of people talk about purpose
and it sounds great in theory, and I think we
all understand that, you know, there's more out there. But
I was figuring it out like most of us, through
(02:16):
trial and air and trying different things and putting myself
out there. And you know, most high achieving people, including women,
we're just doing a bunch of things at once, because
I think we're distracting from something internal And yeah, it was.
I look back at my experience, I'm grateful for it,
but it was a lot of trial and air and
(02:37):
figuring things out and reaching milestones, but a lot of
failures too, right, So I think that's one thing that
is important to note.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
You also dive into emotional intelligence for those who may
not hear that we're being used frequently, kind of break
down what does most of intelligence actually mean and how
that goes with what you've been able to discover it
with some kinds is mine.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
So emotional intelligence is understanding your emotions, being able to
manage your emotions, and then being able to also understand
the emotions of others. So there's a lot of you know,
tools and strategies that are used to be able to
tap into your emotional intelligence. And it's something for me
(03:23):
that I emphasize a lot on in my coaching. It's
interesting because you know, science will back up that most
people are genetically born intelligent, but EMO emotional intelligence, sorry,
is something that can actually be taught, which is great.
So it really is one of those areas in our lives.
(03:43):
If we tap more into it, we will understand life
so much better. We will be able to manage your
emotions so much better. I mean, since I've been you know,
coaching and really diving into emotional intelligence, it's very rare
that I get upset nowadays because I just get it,
like I just understand people, I understand scenarios from an
(04:06):
emotional intelligence perspective, versus in the past, I was really
you know, into my intelligence mindset more so things were
just very black and white, matter of fact, and you
lose sight of that like compassion and empathy and resilience
that when you talk into your emotional intelligence you get.
(04:27):
So it is an area that I focus a lot
on and the women that I coach, it's getting them
from this IQ mindset into EQ and we go even
a little bit deeper later into AQ, which is all
about being able to adapt. So IQ gets you in
the door, EQ keeps you in the room. AQ lets
(04:51):
you grow in the building. So I think that's like
an analogy that I use that's helpful to understand.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Once again, listen, ptime, we focused on radio and our
guests today. She has a website arenalifecoach dot com. Make
sure you go check that out and check out all
the amazing resources that she has. Just think about or
discuss about high achieving women. Like you said in the intro,
that's where you're focused on your business. When you think
about how high achieving women, they may seem like they
(05:20):
have all together, but at times they can be struggling
with burnout or feeling on fulfilling side. Why do you
think that in today's fast paced world, especially with digital age,
that seems to be a constant thing.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I think a lot of us subconsciously are in this
performative act. Right We're constantly just performing. We're doing this,
We're doing that, We're juggling a bunch of things. We
spend most of our time at work. When we're at work,
there is this performative state that we're usually on. So
I think that performative state really is what leads to burnout.
(05:56):
And then not being able to of course put in
boundaries and standards for yourself doesn't help ei there, right
that that that attributes to more burnout. But from what
I've seen and from you know, the hundreds of people
that I've spoken to and coached, there is this performative
act that we put on. Unfortunately, because we are high achievers.
(06:18):
We know what, we know what needs to get done,
we know what needs to get you know, something over
the line, and to succeed that can be exhausting. So
really it's getting it's that transition between being performative to
actually being and doesn't mean you don't need to have
skill set there, but it's really having more clarity and
having a more clear purpose of where you want to
(06:40):
spend your energy on. So probably that would be my answer.
It's that performative state is really what leads to burnout
and this external validation expectation that we put on ourselves
that we need to meet. When you know, the more
you do that, the less you're you're focusing on your
internal life.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I like that because I think men do that too,
as far as get caught up in the performance of
I must be at this level at amount of time,
you know. So with that in mind, how can people
recognize that ambition no longer serving them? Because you can
(07:24):
only let that ambition be a mass for so long
until reality sets in and it's like, oh am, I
to like do some more deep search on this thing.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yeah, you know, I believe, and I also believe this
for men too. I mean, as women, we are gifted
with intuition, but men have it too. Right, there is
a sense of something's off, and I think that's a
really good starting point. I call it the awakening phase,
where you feel like something is just not working the
way it used to work.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I think there is a state of hustle mentality that
we need to do. I mean, you know, nothing is
given to us on a platter, like there has to
be work that goes into it. But at what point
do you still keep that survival mode and not transition
into a more thriving mode. So I think all of
us at some point have this feeling where we think
(08:19):
something needs to change. And when you're in that awakening phase,
I do encourage you to really dig a little bit deeper,
give yourself some time to really understand like what around you,
what around your environment needs to change. I do a
lot of work in the subconscious mind, so I'm currently
being certified as a brain coach. But really, the reason
(08:40):
why I'm so fascinated by the subconscious mind is a
lot of our habits are in the subconscious mind, our
relief system, our value. So it's like, how many of
us are recycling what that is like, are we still
working from that mindset from ten years ago and still
kind of doing the same thing over and over again
like every day. So it's it's really honoring yourself. I mean,
(09:03):
for me, it's the biggest form of self respect is
being able to listen to that voice, being in that
awakening stage and really stepping back and honoring yourself. And
you know, people think that clarity comes from thought, right,
and it doesn't that that's philly like. Clarity comes from exploration.
(09:25):
So if you honor that voice, that awakening stage, start
to ask yourself questions, start to explore, I think you'll
be at a better spot to gain clarity into your
life and make some changes that are going to be
more impactful and better for you.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I agree, because ideas look good on surface level, but
until you actually take the action and see the reality afterwards,
you can't make any adjustments just with the thought. If
rightfuls the agency, I don't think we had to have
any interviews, but U your practical tools stay used with
(10:02):
transformation with your clients. You also blend mindset coaching with
brain based tools. You kind of teased us with some
things that you're being trained on right now in the moment,
can you share for our viewers and our listeners one
or two strategies that they can use themselves in order
for them to shift from overthinking to a little bit
(10:24):
more clarity.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Yeah. So I actually love this overthinking concept because I'm
a big overthinker. I still struggle with it. So it's
not something that you can just switch off and on, unfortunately,
but it is something that you can work with. And
a lot of my clients, probably ninety eight percent of them,
are overthinkers. And it's understanding why we overthink, and if
(10:46):
you really pay attention to scenarios, it's usually when there
is uncertainty we start to overthink. There is this false
sense of control that we've programmed our brain that overthinking
is going to help us find a solution. So that's
one area. Another reason why we overthink is we we
(11:07):
somehow assume, because remember our brain is so smart and
tricks us, but we somehow assume that there is a
hidden message. This is all happening subconsciously, by the way, right,
we're not sitting there thinking what's the hidden message? But
this is why our brain is wired to overthink. We're
trying to find this hidden message, we're trying to do replays,
We're trying to figure out something that is not there
(11:30):
to be figured out, right. I think overthinking can be
helpful in complex situation that you need to think and
a little cleep, But then that's it stop, you know,
and and and be present and being the moment. So
I think going back and understanding why we overthink in
certain scenarios, and like I said, most of the time,
(11:50):
it's because there is uncertainty. Well, guess what life is
all about uncertainty. So you're going to really like drain
yourself if you think every time you're in a scenario
of being uncertain, you're gonna you know, obviously fry your
brain and honestly not even enjoy life. I think it's
I get in those remember, especially when I was younger,
(12:11):
I would get in those moments where I would just
overthink and I lose sight of the beauty of life. Right,
So the definition of overthinking is important. I think going
back to basics and then understanding why we overthink, looking
at some scenarios, and then how do we you know,
(12:32):
implement tools and strategies to help Well. First of all,
learning your behaviors is a great tool to start with, right,
because then you can pick up on it, and then
you can pause and you can tell yourself, okay, like
this is what I'm doing. Is this scenario really worth
my energy efficiency? So? I talk a lot about energy
efficiency because a lot of what happens in the subconscious
(12:54):
and conscious mind takes up a lot of energy from us,
you know, so we're fueling all our energy in this
one scenario. Is that scenario really worth it? Like? Is
it going to really make a big impact? And I
think it's being able to regulate yourself and ask yourself
those questions because those are like the logical questions that
(13:14):
will help you kind of push back versus some of
the fluff that you hear out there, like oh, don't worries,
stay positive, stay optimistic, Like you've got to keep it
real with yourself and say, Okay, is this scenario that
I spend let's say, four hours overthinking on really worth
my energy efficiency? Most of the time, honestly, it's a no. Right,
(13:34):
And then it's like, Okay, do I have this perceived
false idea that I have control because I'm overthinking? Yeah? Okay,
but do I have really control? No? Okay? Next, right,
is what is the hidden message? Nine out of ten
times there is no hidden message. That one time there is,
it's not really even worth the energy again to overthink,
(13:57):
So it's asking yourself. These logical questions are all, you know,
science based. I mean, as you can imagine, science are
very conservative and when they come up with solutions, it's
very practical. But I think the practical stuff is really
more important. And unfortunately, like when you overthink, you get
triggered during uncertain times. So just build some resilience and
(14:20):
know that life is going to be uncertain and if
you have to overthink, make it worth a scenario please,
So that'd be my advice.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
And when you think about your experience, you also lived
in Australia, so not just having experience in Canada and
you know, success there, but being able to taste and see,
you know, different parts of the world, different cultures and
different experiences. How much does that really what you say,
(14:54):
personally has helped you just be rooted, not just annoying yourself,
but being able to put yourself out there in the
world more effectively with the fact that you've been able
to experience different cultures.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Yeah, I'm actually European born in Europe, moved to Germany,
moved to Canada, went to Australia for a year after university.
So I think having exposure to so many different cultures
has been so beneficial, just to understand the impact that
our culture has on us. You know, there's this psychologist
(15:32):
I forgot his name, I'm sorry, but I remember learning
this university. But there's a psychologist that believes that our
identity is a blend of blood and soil, so based
on where you're from, you know, like where you're born,
if you're born in a certain country, and then your bloodline. Right.
So I think having seen and traveled so much and
(15:52):
communicated with so many people from all walks of life,
there are commonalities that we all strive for, but there
also are different and some cultures there is more expectations, right,
And I think the overthinking is triggered just culturally. Growing up,
it's normal, right, like you know, don't don't don't make
a mistake, like, don't do that, And I think that's
(16:12):
just learned from it from childhood. But again, I think,
you know, when we are transitioning into adulthood, I think
it's everybody's responsibility, Like this is where it's it's accountability informed.
But it's everybody's responsibility to step back and think about,
you know, how they're they're behaving day to day and
(16:33):
and and how they can improve their their lives by
incorporating tools and strategies that help them in personal development.
But traveling the world has opened my eyes to so
many things. It's humbled me. It's made me grounded to
understand that, you know, life, life is different. Life is hard,
but a lot of us, as just human beings, a
(16:55):
lot of our fears, desires, they're they're very similar. It's
just maybe our our strategies. I call it the way
we move and the way we think is just different.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Being a life coach, having the experience you have today
versus when you first decided that you're going to give
it a shot. Well, some valuable lessons that you learned
with your clients that has shocking you and helped position
you to even add continuous value to your community.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Yeah. So I think I'm still gathering data right now
with the women that I coach, But there are commonalities
right now, and I'm noticing that the high achiever, high
achieving women, Sorry, there seems to be this lack of
nurturing from their mothers growing up, so they have great mothers.
(17:51):
This has nothing to do about you know, nothing to
bring up about the past and the sense of like
childhood trauma, but there is a sense of lack of nurturing.
This hardness that they have, this wanting to prove and
outdo themselves, does stem from childhood. So there are a
lot of components of my coaching that I think when
(18:13):
I first went in, I was really interested in helping
people move forward in life. I think therapy does such
a great job with talking about the past, but coaches,
really our job is to help people move forward, and
I see that's where the energy efficiency should be spent, right.
But I think, you know, getting into it and understanding
(18:33):
and learning about high achieving women, there are some commonalities
that I'm starting to find out and then as a coach,
I feel curious to learn more so I can help
them through their journey as much as I can without
overstepping my boundaries as a coach. But there are definitely
some commonalities. That's one, and that's a big one, and
(18:56):
I think when I bring it up, it's always you know,
keep in mind, I have to do this in a
very compassionate way, but it's it's always in a way
like oh, but really like you think that's like affecting,
and it's like yes, because if you know you're you're
overdoing it sometimes like people pleasing sometimes saying yes, And
it just it stems from this little girl trying to
(19:16):
prove something now as an adult and I think once
we you know, peel back those layers and unfortunately have
real conversations that are wrong. Not only am I there
to help them fix a certain problem, but it's to
prepare them for life so that when they encounter these
they're not again operating from a place of old habits.
(19:37):
They're operating from a new mindset and new learned habits,
and hopefully they continue that journey once again.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Listen to our refocused radio talking to our guests today.
Is there any any go to a website or any
lifecoach dot com. Also, I want to touch on your
experience with the corporate world, because being able to come
from the corporate side of things in transition to your
own boss, your business and building that. What are some
(20:08):
valuable lessons that you've learned being in the daily grind
in the corporate office in translating those values into entrepreneurship life.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah. I mean I had such great mentors and great
like colleagues that I work with in the corporate world,
so that I find that you know, when you have resources,
when you have great colleagues and mentorship, yes, you still
have to put in the work, and I definitely did.
I had long hours, I was consistent, I was committed.
(20:41):
You don't realize when you go on your own that
the lack of resources really does start to take a
toll on you because you're doing everything. And you know
I started when I started my coaching business. Sorry, I
went in with the mindset knowing I was going to
work very hard and think it was going to be easy.
(21:01):
But once you're in the grind and once you understand
how hard it is to start something you know so
so small, right and so new, it definitely was a
wake up call, not not in a scary way, but
in a way where I had to be much more
strategic with my time. There was a lot of decisions
(21:22):
I was making. You know, it was all on me,
and it was a great learning experience where it's like
really testing me and testing my values as a professional. Right,
I think my journey hasn't been the fast growth, but
that's because there's a lot of integrity involved. So it's
really understanding that you know what you did in the
(21:43):
corporate world, great, but a lot of your strengths and
skills will be tested when you actually go the entrepreneur route.
And it's a lot of work, but kind of going
back to when you when you search for purpose and
clarity and you know you don't care like I don't care,
like I'll put in sixteen hour days. I really like
(22:03):
it comes from a place of like passion. I'm tired,
but I never complain Versus had I been in corporate,
I would have been like, oh no, what is this?
I would have felt like a slave. But yeah, it's
it's definitely been a transition in a positive way, but
a lot of you know, the professionalism, the work ethic,
some best practices I've taken it from corporate. But then again,
(22:27):
like I've had to learn a lot of new skills
that I'm grateful for the hard way and continue to learn.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
And that's what I wanted to doom in on skills
because when you're developing professionally, there's a lot of pain
with that process because when you're honest with yourself. Until
you start smounding yourself with people that are smarting you
and pull you up and show you the routes, it's
(22:57):
going to be a very tough It's gonna be a
tough goal in my four flats, not just one. How
do you deal with those points of pressure when you
start to say, oh wow, this is how it's going
to be, like, it's not really cookie cutter. I'll have
(23:17):
to make some adjustments with my plans, kind of straight
out to the audience. What have you discovered with that?
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah? So I and I think sometimes when you're in
the corporate bubble, you think life works a certain way,
and then you get out of it and you realize
how life really works. There is this I don't know
if you understand what I'm saying, but it's just a
little bit different and for me personally, like I think
I've had to learn the hard way that you know,
(23:49):
growing a business it really is about how much again
you yourself are putting in the effort, but also how many
opportunities you're able to attract. Right, I think, no matter
how great you are something or passionate about something, if
you're not getting results, and it doesn't you know, it
doesn't really matter. So I've had to kind of learn
a little bit the hard way where you know, results
(24:11):
are important and results are are important to achieve and
being a bit more harsher with myself and maybe less
of the creativity that I really wanted to explore and
more like business focus. And it's like, okay, like if
you want to do this long term, like you really
have to put in, you know, a different kind of
business hat and maybe make decisions that you never thought before.
(24:32):
So there are some harsh realities of you know, again,
I'm really big on integrity and I have no problem
saying no to things that I don't think will serve
me well. But there are other areas where I'm like, okay, no,
you have to be more open and you have to explore,
and you have to collaborate, and you have to put
in you know, the time and effort, like there is
no no room to be I don't want to use
(24:55):
the word princess, but do you know what I mean,
Like you can't be picky when when you're trying to
grow a business, got to go out there and really
like like bustle and put yourself out there and believe
in your craft. I think that's that's another.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
One so creative because yeah, umbrella, well you just got
to make it happen.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
No, it's it's been interesting, but there's there's been some
learning curves where you just you know, pivot transition, move forward,
learn new things, pivot transition, move forward, and I think
for me, I just.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I visually see this greater purpose. I actually read the
book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill right before
I started. One of my mentors suggested it, and I
was really good to read it at that stage of
my life because there's some important elements there that he
talks about, and it's just again the reality of life, right,
(25:50):
it's it's it's really like people you're around, surrounding yourself
with smart people, believing in yourself, having that greater purpose,
Like those are all things that we hear, but how
much of it are we actually adapting in our day
to day lives.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
I have a T shirt for you that you can
still and create and sell. It's what you said, TIVT
transition and move forward. I really like that. That that
is genius. That's really good because anytime you hit a roadblock,
or something step back. That's a nice three bullet point
(26:28):
thing to think on, pivot, transition, move forward, because you
don't just dwell on it, you understand what is actually
required in order for things to change. Like it starts
with you and it begins and ends with the person
you see in the mirror. My last question for you
(26:49):
as we wrapped this up is understanding that your clients,
you're growing with them, Like you said, you're still getting
some training done. You mentioned earlier in the show in
wrapping up your final thoughts is what is next for
the brand? Was some of the things that you can
tease for our audience that you're building the lab for,
(27:12):
you know, the next chapter.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Yeah, so I think right now, I've got two projects
that I'm kind of working on behind the scenes while
still focusing on my coaching. One of them is I
am coming up with a self discovery blueprint, a digital
one where anyone can really access it. And I think
it's a it's an important intro. It's simple again, it's
(27:36):
got a lot of best practices as well as science base.
I think that's important. But it's helping someone ask those
questions of who am I? You know, what am I
doing Why do I keep kind of repeating these same
old patterns. It's a good introduction because I think unless
you've unless you're very open to coaching or therapy or
(27:57):
any professional services, some people or not, or some people
they want a little bit of a taste or an intro.
So I've been working on that this year and hopefully
we'll launch that. But I think it'll be really helpful
for anybody who's just curious or maybe wants to learn
a little bit about themselves and having something that's more,
in my opinion, modern and effective. I'm really big on results.
(28:23):
Everything that I do. I really like will research every
little thing to find like what would resonate well, right,
So that's one that I'm working on I'm really excited about.
Another is I'm again discussion with this, and I think
it's going to take a little bit longer because my
focus is on other things. But I would love to
have a podcast where I can talk about these challenges
(28:47):
that women are facing, but talk about it from again
raw perspective, talk about it from storytelling, and talk about
how people move forward. I'm really into authentic conversations, and
I think sometimes what we see in mainstream media there's
just a lot of performance there. So having a show
(29:12):
where we can be you know, raw professional, but so
you know, helpful, it's something I aspire to have. So
hopefully that's that's in the work sooner rather than later.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
And for the audience and myself, say your full name
for us. I want to make sure I get this right.
I cannot leave and make sure I get this right.
Can you say your full name for us?
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Yes, it's Serena. Dr Benny awesome.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Well, once again you've been listening on WE Focused Radio
and we had you out and talking to Serena. I
want to say to you thank you for your time
on the show today.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.
You are listening to I Am Refocused Radio with your
host Shamaiah Reid. This show is designed to inspire you
to live your purpose and regain your focus. And now
here's your host, Shamaiah Reid.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hey, welcome back to Refocus Radio once again. We are
here today and we're gonna be talking all about life coaching.
We have a special guest for y'all, Serena and Vaini.
She is going to share with us not just the
average things that you know about life coaching, but she
is on that knows how to use transformation as a
process for women who look polished, successful on the outside,
(00:40):
but maybe quietly struggling on the inside. We know how
burned out can really get to us sometimes. But she
is going to give us a lot of insight on
what she has been able to do, not just with
her business, but with all the clients that she's been
able to serve. We're going to discover the pain points
and we're going to get to the solution. Your ow
(01:00):
gate right to the point. And I want to first
and foremost say to you, Zorina, excuse me, thank you
for your time today, How you doing doing well?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Thank you and thank you for having me on your show.
I'm excited to talk about some interesting topics.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I appreciate you cleaning your calendar to share your insights
with the audience. This startup from the very beginning. So
when you think about the process of where you were
to where you are now professionally, kind for is it?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, you know, it's definitely been a journey. And it's
interesting because what I specialize in as a life coach
right now is self discovery. And I think looking back
at my experience even with Miss Universe Canada and then
with working as an executive in three different companies, I
was going through my own kind of self discovery journey
(01:53):
without even realizing it, and trying to figure out, you know,
at that time, with the knowledge and and tools that
I had, you know, what was my greater purpose. I
think we hear a lot of people talk about purpose
and it sounds great in theory, and I think we
all understand that, you know, there's more out there. But
I was figuring it out like most of us, through
(02:16):
trial and air and trying different things and putting myself
out there. And you know, most high achieving people, including women,
we're just doing a bunch of things at once, because
I think we're distracting from something internal And yeah, it was.
I look back at my experience, I'm grateful for it,
but it was a lot of trial and air and
(02:37):
figuring things out and reaching milestones, but a lot of
failures too, right, So I think that's one thing that
is important to note.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
You also dive into emotional intelligence for those who may
not hear that we're being used frequently, kind of break
down what does most of intelligence actually mean and how
that goes with what you've been able to discover it
with some kinds is mine.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
So emotional intelligence is understanding your emotions, being able to
manage your emotions, and then being able to also understand
the emotions of others. So there's a lot of you know,
tools and strategies that are used to be able to
tap into your emotional intelligence. And it's something for me
(03:23):
that I emphasize a lot on in my coaching. It's
interesting because you know, science will back up that most
people are genetically born intelligent, but EMO emotional intelligence, sorry,
is something that can actually be taught, which is great.
So it really is one of those areas in our lives.
(03:43):
If we tap more into it, we will understand life
so much better. We will be able to manage your
emotions so much better. I mean, since I've been you know,
coaching and really diving into emotional intelligence, it's very rare
that I get upset nowadays because I just get it,
like I just understand people, I understand scenarios from an
(04:06):
emotional intelligence perspective, versus in the past, I was really
you know, into my intelligence mindset more so things were
just very black and white, matter of fact, and you
lose sight of that like compassion and empathy and resilience
that when you talk into your emotional intelligence you get.
(04:27):
So it is an area that I focus a lot
on and the women that I coach, it's getting them
from this IQ mindset into EQ and we go even
a little bit deeper later into AQ, which is all
about being able to adapt. So IQ gets you in
the door, EQ keeps you in the room. AQ lets
(04:51):
you grow in the building. So I think that's like
an analogy that I use that's helpful to understand.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Once again, listen, ptime, we focused on radio and our
guests today. She has a website arenalifecoach dot com. Make
sure you go check that out and check out all
the amazing resources that she has. Just think about or
discuss about high achieving women. Like you said in the intro,
that's where you're focused on your business. When you think
about how high achieving women, they may seem like they
(05:20):
have all together, but at times they can be struggling
with burnout or feeling on fulfilling side. Why do you
think that in today's fast paced world, especially with digital age,
that seems to be a constant thing.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I think a lot of us subconsciously are in this
performative act. Right We're constantly just performing. We're doing this,
We're doing that, We're juggling a bunch of things. We
spend most of our time at work. When we're at work,
there is this performative state that we're usually on. So
I think that performative state really is what leads to burnout.
(05:56):
And then not being able to of course put in
boundaries and standards for yourself doesn't help ei there, right
that that that attributes to more burnout. But from what
I've seen and from you know, the hundreds of people
that I've spoken to and coached, there is this performative
act that we put on. Unfortunately, because we are high achievers.
(06:18):
We know what, we know what needs to get done,
we know what needs to get you know, something over
the line, and to succeed that can be exhausting. So
really it's getting it's that transition between being performative to
actually being and doesn't mean you don't need to have
skill set there, but it's really having more clarity and
having a more clear purpose of where you want to
(06:40):
spend your energy on. So probably that would be my answer.
It's that performative state is really what leads to burnout
and this external validation expectation that we put on ourselves
that we need to meet. When you know, the more
you do that, the less you're you're focusing on your
internal life.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I like that because I think men do that too,
as far as get caught up in the performance of
I must be at this level at amount of time,
you know. So with that in mind, how can people
recognize that ambition no longer serving them? Because you can
(07:24):
only let that ambition be a mass for so long
until reality sets in and it's like, oh am, I
to like do some more deep search on this thing.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yeah, you know, I believe, and I also believe this
for men too. I mean, as women, we are gifted
with intuition, but men have it too. Right, there is
a sense of something's off, and I think that's a
really good starting point. I call it the awakening phase,
where you feel like something is just not working the
way it used to work.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I think there is a state of hustle mentality that
we need to do. I mean, you know, nothing is
given to us on a platter, like there has to
be work that goes into it. But at what point
do you still keep that survival mode and not transition
into a more thriving mode. So I think all of
us at some point have this feeling where we think
(08:19):
something needs to change. And when you're in that awakening phase,
I do encourage you to really dig a little bit deeper,
give yourself some time to really understand like what around you,
what around your environment needs to change. I do a
lot of work in the subconscious mind, so I'm currently
being certified as a brain coach. But really, the reason
(08:40):
why I'm so fascinated by the subconscious mind is a
lot of our habits are in the subconscious mind, our
relief system, our value. So it's like, how many of
us are recycling what that is like, are we still
working from that mindset from ten years ago and still
kind of doing the same thing over and over again
like every day. So it's it's really honoring yourself. I mean,
(09:03):
for me, it's the biggest form of self respect is
being able to listen to that voice, being in that
awakening stage and really stepping back and honoring yourself. And
you know, people think that clarity comes from thought, right,
and it doesn't that that's philly like. Clarity comes from exploration.
(09:25):
So if you honor that voice, that awakening stage, start
to ask yourself questions, start to explore, I think you'll
be at a better spot to gain clarity into your
life and make some changes that are going to be
more impactful and better for you.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I agree, because ideas look good on surface level, but
until you actually take the action and see the reality afterwards,
you can't make any adjustments just with the thought. If
rightfuls the agency, I don't think we had to have
any interviews, but U your practical tools stay used with
(10:02):
transformation with your clients. You also blend mindset coaching with
brain based tools. You kind of teased us with some
things that you're being trained on right now in the moment,
can you share for our viewers and our listeners one
or two strategies that they can use themselves in order
for them to shift from overthinking to a little bit
(10:24):
more clarity.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Yeah. So I actually love this overthinking concept because I'm
a big overthinker. I still struggle with it. So it's
not something that you can just switch off and on, unfortunately,
but it is something that you can work with. And
a lot of my clients, probably ninety eight percent of them,
are overthinkers. And it's understanding why we overthink, and if
(10:46):
you really pay attention to scenarios, it's usually when there
is uncertainty we start to overthink. There is this false
sense of control that we've programmed our brain that overthinking
is going to help us find a solution. So that's
one area. Another reason why we overthink is we we
(11:07):
somehow assume, because remember our brain is so smart and
tricks us, but we somehow assume that there is a
hidden message. This is all happening subconsciously, by the way, right,
we're not sitting there thinking what's the hidden message? But
this is why our brain is wired to overthink. We're
trying to find this hidden message, we're trying to do replays,
We're trying to figure out something that is not there
(11:30):
to be figured out, right. I think overthinking can be
helpful in complex situation that you need to think and
a little cleep, But then that's it stop, you know,
and and and be present and being the moment. So
I think going back and understanding why we overthink in
certain scenarios, and like I said, most of the time,
(11:50):
it's because there is uncertainty. Well, guess what life is
all about uncertainty. So you're going to really like drain
yourself if you think every time you're in a scenario
of being uncertain, you're gonna you know, obviously fry your
brain and honestly not even enjoy life. I think it's
I get in those remember, especially when I was younger,
(12:11):
I would get in those moments where I would just
overthink and I lose sight of the beauty of life. Right,
So the definition of overthinking is important. I think going
back to basics and then understanding why we overthink, looking
at some scenarios, and then how do we you know,
(12:32):
implement tools and strategies to help Well. First of all,
learning your behaviors is a great tool to start with, right,
because then you can pick up on it, and then
you can pause and you can tell yourself, okay, like
this is what I'm doing. Is this scenario really worth
my energy efficiency? So? I talk a lot about energy
efficiency because a lot of what happens in the subconscious
(12:54):
and conscious mind takes up a lot of energy from us,
you know, so we're fueling all our energy in this
one scenario. Is that scenario really worth it? Like? Is
it going to really make a big impact? And I
think it's being able to regulate yourself and ask yourself
those questions because those are like the logical questions that
(13:14):
will help you kind of push back versus some of
the fluff that you hear out there, like oh, don't worries,
stay positive, stay optimistic, Like you've got to keep it
real with yourself and say, Okay, is this scenario that
I spend let's say, four hours overthinking on really worth
my energy efficiency? Most of the time, honestly, it's a no. Right,
(13:34):
And then it's like, Okay, do I have this perceived
false idea that I have control because I'm overthinking? Yeah? Okay,
but do I have really control? No? Okay? Next, right,
is what is the hidden message? Nine out of ten
times there is no hidden message. That one time there is,
it's not really even worth the energy again to overthink,
(13:57):
So it's asking yourself. These logical questions are all, you know,
science based. I mean, as you can imagine, science are
very conservative and when they come up with solutions, it's
very practical. But I think the practical stuff is really
more important. And unfortunately, like when you overthink, you get
triggered during uncertain times. So just build some resilience and
(14:20):
know that life is going to be uncertain and if
you have to overthink, make it worth a scenario please,
So that'd be my advice.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
And when you think about your experience, you also lived
in Australia, so not just having experience in Canada and
you know, success there, but being able to taste and see,
you know, different parts of the world, different cultures and
different experiences. How much does that really what you say,
(14:54):
personally has helped you just be rooted, not just annoying yourself,
but being able to put yourself out there in the
world more effectively with the fact that you've been able
to experience different cultures.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Yeah, I'm actually European born in Europe, moved to Germany,
moved to Canada, went to Australia for a year after university.
So I think having exposure to so many different cultures
has been so beneficial, just to understand the impact that
our culture has on us. You know, there's this psychologist
(15:32):
I forgot his name, I'm sorry, but I remember learning
this university. But there's a psychologist that believes that our
identity is a blend of blood and soil, so based
on where you're from, you know, like where you're born,
if you're born in a certain country, and then your bloodline. Right.
So I think having seen and traveled so much and
(15:52):
communicated with so many people from all walks of life,
there are commonalities that we all strive for, but there
also are different and some cultures there is more expectations, right,
And I think the overthinking is triggered just culturally. Growing up,
it's normal, right, like you know, don't don't don't make
a mistake, like, don't do that, And I think that's
(16:12):
just learned from it from childhood. But again, I think,
you know, when we are transitioning into adulthood, I think
it's everybody's responsibility, Like this is where it's it's accountability informed.
But it's everybody's responsibility to step back and think about,
you know, how they're they're behaving day to day and
(16:33):
and and how they can improve their their lives by
incorporating tools and strategies that help them in personal development.
But traveling the world has opened my eyes to so
many things. It's humbled me. It's made me grounded to
understand that, you know, life, life is different. Life is hard,
but a lot of us, as just human beings, a
(16:55):
lot of our fears, desires, they're they're very similar. It's
just maybe our our strategies. I call it the way
we move and the way we think is just different.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Being a life coach, having the experience you have today
versus when you first decided that you're going to give
it a shot. Well, some valuable lessons that you learned
with your clients that has shocking you and helped position
you to even add continuous value to your community.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Yeah. So I think I'm still gathering data right now
with the women that I coach, But there are commonalities
right now, and I'm noticing that the high achiever, high
achieving women, Sorry, there seems to be this lack of
nurturing from their mothers growing up, so they have great mothers.
(17:51):
This has nothing to do about you know, nothing to
bring up about the past and the sense of like
childhood trauma, but there is a sense of lack of nurturing.
This hardness that they have, this wanting to prove and
outdo themselves, does stem from childhood. So there are a
lot of components of my coaching that I think when
(18:13):
I first went in, I was really interested in helping
people move forward in life. I think therapy does such
a great job with talking about the past, but coaches,
really our job is to help people move forward, and
I see that's where the energy efficiency should be spent, right.
But I think, you know, getting into it and understanding
(18:33):
and learning about high achieving women, there are some commonalities
that I'm starting to find out and then as a coach,
I feel curious to learn more so I can help
them through their journey as much as I can without
overstepping my boundaries as a coach. But there are definitely
some commonalities. That's one, and that's a big one, and
(18:56):
I think when I bring it up, it's always you know,
keep in mind, I have to do this in a
very compassionate way, but it's it's always in a way
like oh, but really like you think that's like affecting,
and it's like yes, because if you know you're you're
overdoing it sometimes like people pleasing sometimes saying yes, And
it just it stems from this little girl trying to
(19:16):
prove something now as an adult and I think once
we you know, peel back those layers and unfortunately have
real conversations that are wrong. Not only am I there
to help them fix a certain problem, but it's to
prepare them for life so that when they encounter these
they're not again operating from a place of old habits.
(19:37):
They're operating from a new mindset and new learned habits,
and hopefully they continue that journey once again.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Listen to our refocused radio talking to our guests today.
Is there any any go to a website or any
lifecoach dot com. Also, I want to touch on your
experience with the corporate world, because being able to come
from the corporate side of things in transition to your
own boss, your business and building that. What are some
(20:08):
valuable lessons that you've learned being in the daily grind
in the corporate office in translating those values into entrepreneurship life.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah. I mean I had such great mentors and great
like colleagues that I work with in the corporate world,
so that I find that you know, when you have resources,
when you have great colleagues and mentorship, yes, you still
have to put in the work, and I definitely did.
I had long hours, I was consistent, I was committed.
(20:41):
You don't realize when you go on your own that
the lack of resources really does start to take a
toll on you because you're doing everything. And you know
I started when I started my coaching business. Sorry, I
went in with the mindset knowing I was going to
work very hard and think it was going to be easy.
(21:01):
But once you're in the grind and once you understand
how hard it is to start something you know so
so small, right and so new, it definitely was a
wake up call, not not in a scary way, but
in a way where I had to be much more
strategic with my time. There was a lot of decisions
(21:22):
I was making. You know, it was all on me,
and it was a great learning experience where it's like
really testing me and testing my values as a professional. Right,
I think my journey hasn't been the fast growth, but
that's because there's a lot of integrity involved. So it's
really understanding that you know what you did in the
(21:43):
corporate world, great, but a lot of your strengths and
skills will be tested when you actually go the entrepreneur route.
And it's a lot of work, but kind of going
back to when you when you search for purpose and
clarity and you know you don't care like I don't care,
like I'll put in sixteen hour days. I really like
(22:03):
it comes from a place of like passion. I'm tired,
but I never complain Versus had I been in corporate,
I would have been like, oh no, what is this?
I would have felt like a slave. But yeah, it's
it's definitely been a transition in a positive way, but
a lot of you know, the professionalism, the work ethic,
some best practices I've taken it from corporate. But then again,
(22:27):
like I've had to learn a lot of new skills
that I'm grateful for the hard way and continue to learn.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
And that's what I wanted to doom in on skills
because when you're developing professionally, there's a lot of pain
with that process because when you're honest with yourself. Until
you start smounding yourself with people that are smarting you
and pull you up and show you the routes, it's
(22:57):
going to be a very tough It's gonna be a
tough goal in my four flats, not just one. How
do you deal with those points of pressure when you
start to say, oh wow, this is how it's going
to be, like, it's not really cookie cutter. I'll have
(23:17):
to make some adjustments with my plans, kind of straight
out to the audience. What have you discovered with that?
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah? So I and I think sometimes when you're in
the corporate bubble, you think life works a certain way,
and then you get out of it and you realize
how life really works. There is this I don't know
if you understand what I'm saying, but it's just a
little bit different and for me personally, like I think
I've had to learn the hard way that you know,
(23:49):
growing a business it really is about how much again
you yourself are putting in the effort, but also how many
opportunities you're able to attract. Right, I think, no matter
how great you are something or passionate about something, if
you're not getting results, and it doesn't you know, it
doesn't really matter. So I've had to kind of learn
a little bit the hard way where you know, results
(24:11):
are important and results are are important to achieve and
being a bit more harsher with myself and maybe less
of the creativity that I really wanted to explore and
more like business focus. And it's like, okay, like if
you want to do this long term, like you really
have to put in, you know, a different kind of
business hat and maybe make decisions that you never thought before.
(24:32):
So there are some harsh realities of you know, again,
I'm really big on integrity and I have no problem
saying no to things that I don't think will serve
me well. But there are other areas where I'm like, okay, no,
you have to be more open and you have to explore,
and you have to collaborate, and you have to put
in you know, the time and effort, like there is
no no room to be I don't want to use
(24:55):
the word princess, but do you know what I mean,
Like you can't be picky when when you're trying to
grow a business, got to go out there and really
like like bustle and put yourself out there and believe
in your craft. I think that's that's another.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
One so creative because yeah, umbrella, well you just got
to make it happen.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
No, it's it's been interesting, but there's there's been some
learning curves where you just you know, pivot transition, move forward,
learn new things, pivot transition, move forward, and I think
for me, I just.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I visually see this greater purpose. I actually read the
book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill right before
I started. One of my mentors suggested it, and I
was really good to read it at that stage of
my life because there's some important elements there that he
talks about, and it's just again the reality of life, right,
(25:50):
it's it's it's really like people you're around, surrounding yourself
with smart people, believing in yourself, having that greater purpose,
Like those are all things that we hear, but how
much of it are we actually adapting in our day
to day lives.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
I have a T shirt for you that you can
still and create and sell. It's what you said, TIVT
transition and move forward. I really like that. That that
is genius. That's really good because anytime you hit a roadblock,
or something step back. That's a nice three bullet point
(26:28):
thing to think on, pivot, transition, move forward, because you
don't just dwell on it, you understand what is actually
required in order for things to change. Like it starts
with you and it begins and ends with the person
you see in the mirror. My last question for you
(26:49):
as we wrapped this up is understanding that your clients,
you're growing with them, Like you said, you're still getting
some training done. You mentioned earlier in the show in
wrapping up your final thoughts is what is next for
the brand? Was some of the things that you can
tease for our audience that you're building the lab for,
(27:12):
you know, the next chapter.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Yeah, so I think right now, I've got two projects
that I'm kind of working on behind the scenes while
still focusing on my coaching. One of them is I
am coming up with a self discovery blueprint, a digital
one where anyone can really access it. And I think
it's a it's an important intro. It's simple again, it's
(27:36):
got a lot of best practices as well as science base.
I think that's important. But it's helping someone ask those
questions of who am I? You know, what am I
doing Why do I keep kind of repeating these same
old patterns. It's a good introduction because I think unless
you've unless you're very open to coaching or therapy or
(27:57):
any professional services, some people or not, or some people
they want a little bit of a taste or an intro.
So I've been working on that this year and hopefully
we'll launch that. But I think it'll be really helpful
for anybody who's just curious or maybe wants to learn
a little bit about themselves and having something that's more,
in my opinion, modern and effective. I'm really big on results.
(28:23):
Everything that I do. I really like will research every
little thing to find like what would resonate well, right,
So that's one that I'm working on I'm really excited about.
Another is I'm again discussion with this, and I think
it's going to take a little bit longer because my
focus is on other things. But I would love to
have a podcast where I can talk about these challenges
(28:47):
that women are facing, but talk about it from again
raw perspective, talk about it from storytelling, and talk about
how people move forward. I'm really into authentic conversations, and
I think sometimes what we see in mainstream media there's
just a lot of performance there. So having a show
(29:12):
where we can be you know, raw professional, but so
you know, helpful, it's something I aspire to have. So
hopefully that's that's in the work sooner rather than later.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
And for the audience and myself, say your full name
for us. I want to make sure I get this right.
I cannot leave and make sure I get this right.
Can you say your full name for us?
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Yes, it's Serena. Dr Benny awesome.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Well, once again you've been listening on WE Focused Radio
and we had you out and talking to Serena. I
want to say to you thank you for your time
on the show today.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.
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Dateline NBC
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What Are We Even Doing? with Kyle MacLachlan
Join award-winning actor and social media madman Kyle MacLachlan on “What Are We Even Doing,” where he sits down with Millennial and Gen Z actors, musicians, artists, and content creators to share stories about the entertainment industry past, present, and future. Kyle and his guests will talk shop, compare notes on life, and generally be weird together. In a good way. Their conversations will resonate with listeners of any age whose interests lie in television & film, music, art, or pop culture.