August 8, 2025 • 27 mins
Born into British nobility as the future 3rd Viscount Rochdale, Jonathan Kemp appeared to have it all—prestige, education, and a successful career in law enforcement and entrepreneurship. But behind the titles, he battled undiagnosed bipolar disorder, depression, and dyslexia for decades. At 39, a long-overdue diagnosis changed everything.
In this candid conversation, Jonathan shares the unseen battles high-functioning people face, the turning point that led him to seek help, and how self-awareness became his greatest asset. He reveals the 14 personal foundations for resilience, his mental health emergency plan, and the creation of SmartWisdom—a scientifically validated note-taking system now used by top firms and universities.
We explore why he’s decided to give away 20 years of SmartWisdom training for free, the cost of untreated mental illness, and how to recognize the invisible struggles in those around you.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, misunderstood, or afraid to ask for help, Jonathan’s story is proof that it’s never too late to rewrite your life.
https://www.viscountrochdale.com/
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-am-refocused-radio--2671113/support.
In this candid conversation, Jonathan shares the unseen battles high-functioning people face, the turning point that led him to seek help, and how self-awareness became his greatest asset. He reveals the 14 personal foundations for resilience, his mental health emergency plan, and the creation of SmartWisdom—a scientifically validated note-taking system now used by top firms and universities.
We explore why he’s decided to give away 20 years of SmartWisdom training for free, the cost of untreated mental illness, and how to recognize the invisible struggles in those around you.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, misunderstood, or afraid to ask for help, Jonathan’s story is proof that it’s never too late to rewrite your life.
https://www.viscountrochdale.com/
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-am-refocused-radio--2671113/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
You are listening to I Am Refocused Radio with your
host Shamaiah Read. This show is designed to inspire you
to live your purpose and regain your focus. And now
here's your host, Shamaiah Read.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Welcome, tell me for.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This radio wants to get me or here Today we
have another showline for y'all. We have a special guest
is Damian Johnathan Kemp. He is a mental health advocate,
a entrepreneur, and the creator of smart Wisdom, a scientifically
nowadayd NO taking system used by professionals and students around
the world. He is a person that you're going to
enjoy today because it's just like everyone else on the show,
(00:40):
he has a powerful story. He was diagnosed with a
bipolar disordered depression in dyslexia at thirty nine. But Jonathan's
story is powerful and it's also a reminder that titles
education and success they'll make you and new to pain.
You're gonna learn more about his story. He has been
a police officer, entrepreneur, and do a postcrab academia and
(01:02):
now he's here a serious voice on this show. I
know you had a lot more on your resume, but
I had to do a little speed up in the
two years. So first and foremost, how you doing today?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Yeah, very very well, and thank you very much for having.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Me app surely be on this kind of go into
your earlier life, part of your life. What were some
of the earlier size There's something deeper, what's going on.
It's how you even if you at first couldn't name
it yet.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Yes, So I think it was apparent to me before
the age of ten that things weren't right, and that
in some way I was different to others.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
But I couldn't. I couldn't.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
I didn't understand what it was, and I couldn't explain it.
But I remember sort of thinking, you know, people who
had got a broken arm, they were fortunate in that,
you know, you could clearly identify you've got a broken arm.
But there was something wrong with me, and there was
something wrong with my brain. But I just had no idea,
(02:06):
And at that time mental health wasn't really talked about
at all, and so I had no sort of reference
points whatsoever. And that pretty much carried on until my
early twenties, actually, by which time I knew something was
seriously wrong. I stopped drinking taking substances in my early twenties.
(02:30):
I worked as a cowboy in Australia for a year
and it's one of the best years of my life.
But even then, you know, I remember there were some
nights that I just go out on my own and
sort of lie on my back, looking at the stars,
which were amazing, and just trying to work out what
was wrong, you know, trying to think of different ways
(02:52):
of thinking. But I had a lot not all the time,
but quite a bit of the time, I had this
feeling of sort of discomfort all yeah, and then at
other times it's like a sort of mental nausea, and
I was It also felt like I was sort of
(03:12):
continually fighting with my my thinking, with my brain, trying
to get my brain to focus on things that I
wanted it to focus on. And the reason I stopped
drinking and taking drugs is because I knew by then
that the line between insanity and insanity was finer than
a piece of hair. And you know, if I took
(03:34):
any substances I crossed.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Over, that's powerful inside to hair. Because a lot of
times you read about I hear about people just kind
of avoiding everything all costs, but you chose to recognize
what was tally going on. I think that's very interesting.
(03:56):
Coin of touched on that a little bit. Yeah, sure,
are we able to recognized? Wow, okay, there's a threshold.
If I over and do it, I might not be
able to combat.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
I mean it was sort of quite apparent. I remember
at school I was going down to the pub, as
I was at a boarding school, and I was going
down to the local town to the pub, and I
said to someone do you want to do you want
to come down with me? And they said no, and
I said, oh why? And they said, well, when you
(04:28):
start drinking, you know, you behave differently. And that was
quite a revelation. I didn't really know what they were
talking about, but by the time I left school I
had it was sort of clear in my mind that
(04:49):
the thing that I would really I really wanted, and
the thing that sort of kept driving me from then
for the next twenty or.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So years, was what I really really.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
Wanted out of life was to find peace of mind.
Wasn't an amazing career or anything else. I mean, I
was very lucky. I did some, you know, really interesting work,
but the overarching objective was to find peace of mind.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Once again, there'sen Tigry Fox a radio and talking to
our guests today drying thinking, when you think about worse
on the most coming invisible ballos that high functioning people face,
why do you believe or I think that they oftentimes
missed us.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
So I think, as long as you can function, and
as long as you can sort of produce the goods
as it were, you'll keep going. So and also for me,
and I guess it might be the same with a
(06:02):
number of other people. For a long time, I thought
it was something external to me. So if I made
more money, then that might make a difference. If I
got a better education, if I did better at my work,
if I you know, got fitter, if I ate better,
if I did all of those things at once, you know,
(06:23):
maybe that might make a difference. And all of that
sort of searching wouldn't be really apparent to anybody else.
And also anything I did, you know, I gave it
my best shot. So as long as there's energy in
the tank, as it were, I kept going. But the
(06:46):
times where I change was usually because I'd meet a
fork in the road, And for me, it was usually
like a quite a definitive fork in the road. I
was going to call it a day, or I needed
to do something radically different, and in the end, in
(07:06):
my late thirties, that was to go and see professional
medical help, which for me was an admission of defeat.
I didn't apply that to any other part of my body,
but for my brain. For some bizarre reason, I thought
I had to be able to think myself better, and
I wouldn't even dream of, you know, if I had
diabetes for trying to do the same, there any or
(07:28):
any other illness.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
And to that point, you may in your late thirties
pushing yourself to or see professional help. In my eyes,
in the ears as another human being, is that at
some point we reached a breaking point you missed in
the forking row, and there has to be illustration because
at some point, if we're fortunately, we can be right
(07:56):
there before the breaking point actually happens. Have a decision
to make. Do we risk and continue what we've been
doing that's been like a band aid for the situation,
or do we make it of a decision and it
will be necessary mean that I want to do, but
we totally know our heart it's the most necessary thing
(08:17):
to do. What did that look like for you? You made
that momid choice that you're going to actually commit to
a professional help.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
I was on my last legs. I tried everything I
could think of. I knew that there was nothing, you know,
there was nothing that I could think of that I
hadn't tried to try and get better.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I didn't at that point.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
No, So I'd also tried I don't know, if you
know what I mean by twelve se that fellowship so
probably the one of the best known or like alcoholics anonymous, narcoticsonymous.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
So I had tried.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
A number of different twelve step fellowships excuse me, and
work through their program. So I tried all of that,
and yeah, it was just I'd just run out of
run out of options. And how did I feel? I
was I felt desperate, I felt humiliated, I was embarrassed. Yeah,
(09:32):
and if there had been if there had been any
other option, you know, it doesn't matter how sort of
sort of how slim, I would have gone for it.
But I couldn't think of anything, and I don't at
that point, I don't really I don't think I really
knew how professional medical help could help. Accept that it
(09:57):
was the one thing that I'd avoided doing.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And that makes sense when you started the process of
receiving professional help and when you receive the official diagnosis, Uh,
how did you reacted there? Was it like you had
a good feeling that it could be this or were
you in shark? What was there like for you when
(10:21):
you received a diagnosis.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
So I saw two therapists in quite quick succession, and
they both said that I was suffering from severe depression.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And my reaction was, no, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
And despite everything, I mean, my you know, what was
going on inside my brain was just like a mailstrom
of madness. And it had been like that for you know,
forever I can remember. But uh, I don't know whether
(11:03):
it was an emission of depression. Was again another admission
of weakness. But the time that I was able to
accept it was about two years later, when so I'd
refused to go on medication and I was then referred
to a psychiatrist and they asked me to track my
(11:28):
moods for a year, and I did it on a
daily basis, and it was then that I realized, actually,
there's no way in a month of Sundays, I'm going
to be able to sort this out myself. Because if
that's a midpoint. Most of the time I'd have occasional
spikes up, and most of the time I'd be sort
of rattling along the bottom. And after another year of
(11:54):
resisting medication, I finally agreed. It was actually a friend
of mine who persuaded me. And after about i'd say
two to three months of taking an antidepressant, I suddenly realized,
Oh my god, I have been depressed. And the reason
I couldn't say so before because that was the norm
(12:17):
for me. I knew nothing different. So when somebody said
you're depressed, no, I'm not, because it's all I'd know.
But when I experienced what a healthy brain might feel like,
it was like, oh right, okay, I get it.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Now what's the again? The sundry folks are ready on
watch a nurse online talk. I guess trying to think.
When you said untreated bipolar disorder and dyslexia, it takes
a toll, are you? He also takes a toll are
your identity? When you think about what started to happen
(12:57):
for you with medication, did they cause any battle or
conflict with the identity how you saw yourself or did
you still kind of see yourself as this professional who
still works and do all this, or were there any tires,
any struggle trying to stay consistent with where you knew
(13:19):
who you were?
Speaker 4 (13:24):
So again a good question. I So initially I was
diagnosed with depression. I took medication for depression, and about
a year afterwards, I actually went to a treatment center
in the US who had a good reputation. And the
(13:45):
reason I went there was because I just hit another
I hit another low point and I was just at
my wits end. And when I went there, I was
diagnosed with bipolar. So it's quite common with people with
bipolar disorder that it's not actually diagnosed for quite a
few years after first seeing a mental a medical or
(14:08):
mental health professional. And the tricky thing is is that
people will go and see the doctor and not when
they're feeling great, which is the hypermania or the mania
in a bipolar disorder, but when they've hit the bottom
and had a crash, and they'll often be diagnosed with
(14:30):
depression put on an antidepressant and that can then actually
trigger the hypermania or the mania. For me, it was
that helped to level out my moods. I didn't really
(14:50):
to be honest, it was only twenty years later. So
during COVID, I really started to understand bipolar disorder at
a much deeper level.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
But then.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I wasn't really sort of consciously aware of these highs.
I still had them. I still had the crashes. And
when I have a crash or when I'm in a
depressive phase, you know, it is a real struggle. But
as you alluded to, I was determined, you know, whatever
(15:26):
I was doing. If I was going out doing corporate
training or I was doing executive coaching, they would have
no idea what was happening. And actually I bumped into
a client yesterday and we had a coffee and he
read my book as an advanced reader, and he said
he found it difficult to match what he read in
(15:47):
the book because I've been very open and frank with
what he knew me as a person, because I gave
no indication to it whatsoever. The interesting thing is if
I met someone I knew well when I was in
a like a depressive state, I couldn't hide it. But
I needed to know the person really well for that
(16:07):
to happen.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And what that said to follow up on it, did
you find yourself with or without medication use did you
ever find yourself tired trying to be in that polus
version yourself when you're out there in the professional world
versus when the lights are off.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Yes and no. And the reason I say yes and
no is because it was an effort to sort of
like pull the cat out of the bag. And I
remember a few occasions. I don't even know how I
did it, but the tiring bit. So let's say you
were my clients and i'd come and see you. I
(16:56):
would be like super focused, you know, trying to listen
to what your you know, the things that you were
interested in, seeing if I could add value, and that
actually that level of focus helped me. Where I felt
tired was when I would come away and then I
was on my own again, and then like the gray
(17:18):
miss would come back in, and then just the struggle,
the sort of internal struggle would come back in. So
interestingly enough, the real tirdness came post an event.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's very interesting. So follow upon that where you were
taking medication when you were away from everyone, did that
seem to help that tiredness or did it stay the
same or was it what was that like.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
The medication made a transformational difference. So I mean, I
remember thinking quite a few times that it was like,
you know, at times, it was like a miracle. You know,
it was like I've been given a life, and even
(18:11):
if my life sort of terminated early, at least I
knew what it felt like to have, you know, a
quality of life. What And this is with the benefit
of the benefit of hindsight, but I sort of carried
on business as usual. So, you know, I'm always thinking
(18:32):
of ideas. I'm always like, I'm going to do this,
I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this.
And I was taking like substantial risks, you know, investing
in ideas. And what I wasn't doing, and I don't
think I recognized the cruciality of doing it. What I
(18:53):
wasn't doing was trying to curtail these bipolar highs. So
there are various types of bipolar bipolar type disorder, type
two where I have hypermania. So I'll go right up
to the borderline of sort of sanity and insanity. I
will float along there for as long as I can
sustain it, and at some point my energy will run out,
(19:16):
the stress will become so much that I will.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Crash, and.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Without really thinking about it, I kept doing this because
I would get involved in these work projects and then
have this sort of like laser like focus. But all
of that I was doing because when I do that,
I feel alive and I'm able to function and focus.
I mean, it's not perfect by any stretching imagination, but
(19:47):
it didn't really occur to me to.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Try and curtail that.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
And it was only during COVID that I suddenly realized
I'd got all the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Sort of.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Can't think of a plight expression, but asked about face.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Again the sundry fogus radio and talking to Guess today Age,
I'm thinking when you speed things, because I know close
on time, but we speed things. At one point? Did
you decide to create this system called smart wisdom? He
professionals and students with this or what pique their interest
(20:27):
to make that happen?
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Sure, it was actually more by accident. So I've been
in the Met Police, which is the London Police, for
twelve years. I left to do some postgraduate study. I'd
never been to university, so I skipped the undergraduate degree.
But I knew if I did what I did at school,
there was no chance of doing anything. And I started
(20:50):
off with some other techniques for recording information in a
different way. It's I didn't know if it would work,
but I just really up with it and then started
making tweaks and then you know, bringing in some other
aspects and then creating my own system which I realized
would help not only myself but anybody. And actually I
(21:14):
didn't know I had those slecs here until I was
forty nine. I had no well, certainly until my forties,
I had no idea and what the smart wisdom does.
It helps me to focus, concentrate, and also to mentally
process new information as I'm listening to it, which is
(21:35):
the challenge I have if with the dyslexia.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
When you think about how results or transformation is that
you be able to see not just for yourself but
with your students and professionals that you share this smart
worst and worth, how have you seen it help navigate
their not just mine, but action because it's one thing
(22:01):
that feel better, but there's a whole transformational feeling we
actually are applying this type of analysis into action.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Yeah, so smart wisdom it replaces traditional handwritten note taking,
so you'll use it in like meetings, interviews, when you're
doing any form of planning and what it does. It
gives the person greater clarity and greater control, either over
(22:31):
everything they're listening to or everything they're thinking. So if
they're in a meeting, they're able to understand what's being
said at a deeper level than other people, and able
to and as a result, able to really question it
and able to potentially spot ideas that other people don't.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
If someone's watching us and listeners on park House already,
or and they feel like they might feel more ashamed
to go get professional help when they feel they are,
it's risky on one end or the other. What will
you say to them right now to kind of help them,
(23:11):
maybe dig a little bit deeper before they rise.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
To say no, I would say to them, So the
things I didn't get help for was my mental health.
But I couldn't have described it as clearly as that
as I have just known, and I would say, is
treat mental health the same as physical health. So if
(23:36):
you sprained your ankle, you've got a torn ligament, there's
something wrong with you, know, your stomach or anything else,
you go and see a doctor. If you've got earache,
if there's something wrong with your nose, your throat, your eyes,
you go and see a doctor. The brain is no difference.
If you're not feeling if you're not feeling comfortable, or
(24:01):
if it just feels that everything is an effort or
controlling your thinking is an effort, then I would thoroughly
recommend not doing what I did, which was try and
solve it myself, but actually going and getting professional medical help,
and if finances are difficult, trying to link up with
some of the charities you know, either internationally or nationally
(24:25):
within the USA or locally within Texas and contact some
of the mental health charities and ask for help, or
if you can, see a doctor and ask for help.
For me, that was what has been transformational, was the end.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Listen, I'll be from explaining watching this line, I guess today,
Johnathan Camp, it's almost sustaining kindtat with you. Honestly, you're
doing way better in today because you're in different shows
sharing your message and story, which I think is some
to commit. How can people keep in touch with not
just your resources but your books.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Yeah, So I've written a book which is going to
be coming out on the tenth of October called Finding
Peace of Mind, which is a story of my journey,
but also the second part is my analysis of what
works and doesn't work, and the foundation stone of that
(25:28):
is getting professional medical help. So it will be available
on Amazon and in stores, but also you be able
to stay in contacts. I'm having a new website built
Jonathan Kemp dot com and you'll be able to stand contact.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
That way, I'll do it. Oh and.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
So the other thing that might be of interest is
I'm going to do a seven month mental health walk
walk and talk through the length of the United Kingdom and.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Then Ireland as a bo kingdom.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Yeah, and with the idea of just spreading the message
that it's okay to talk about mental health and it's
okay to ask for help.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I think quote follow up on there is there something
that they can keep track on your website and online?
Are you going to have like a one emien type
It will be like a series kind of documentary. How's
that gonna work?
Speaker 4 (26:36):
So I'm going to physically walk the whole distance to
be about three thousand miles, and what I'm going to
do is do talks. So I'll stop in the cities
and see if I can arrange talks either a businesses
or in charities. I also plan to interview people randomly
about sort of mental health and mental well being and
(26:59):
all of it. I'm going to sort of probably on
the website as a central point, keep a record of
sort of where I'm at and what I'm up to.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Sound like good friend franchise, so good words is on them,
Like I always want to say too, I guess today, Jonathan,
thank you for your time.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Then I really appreciate you asking me. Thank you
You are listening to I Am Refocused Radio with your
host Shamaiah Read. This show is designed to inspire you
to live your purpose and regain your focus. And now
here's your host, Shamaiah Read.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Welcome, tell me for.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This radio wants to get me or here Today we
have another showline for y'all. We have a special guest
is Damian Johnathan Kemp. He is a mental health advocate,
a entrepreneur, and the creator of smart Wisdom, a scientifically
nowadayd NO taking system used by professionals and students around
the world. He is a person that you're going to
enjoy today because it's just like everyone else on the show,
(00:40):
he has a powerful story. He was diagnosed with a
bipolar disordered depression in dyslexia at thirty nine. But Jonathan's
story is powerful and it's also a reminder that titles
education and success they'll make you and new to pain.
You're gonna learn more about his story. He has been
a police officer, entrepreneur, and do a postcrab academia and
(01:02):
now he's here a serious voice on this show. I
know you had a lot more on your resume, but
I had to do a little speed up in the
two years. So first and foremost, how you doing today?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Yeah, very very well, and thank you very much for having.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Me app surely be on this kind of go into
your earlier life, part of your life. What were some
of the earlier size There's something deeper, what's going on.
It's how you even if you at first couldn't name
it yet.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Yes, So I think it was apparent to me before
the age of ten that things weren't right, and that
in some way I was different to others.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
But I couldn't. I couldn't.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
I didn't understand what it was, and I couldn't explain it.
But I remember sort of thinking, you know, people who
had got a broken arm, they were fortunate in that,
you know, you could clearly identify you've got a broken arm.
But there was something wrong with me, and there was
something wrong with my brain. But I just had no idea,
(02:06):
And at that time mental health wasn't really talked about
at all, and so I had no sort of reference
points whatsoever. And that pretty much carried on until my
early twenties, actually, by which time I knew something was
seriously wrong. I stopped drinking taking substances in my early twenties.
(02:30):
I worked as a cowboy in Australia for a year
and it's one of the best years of my life.
But even then, you know, I remember there were some
nights that I just go out on my own and
sort of lie on my back, looking at the stars,
which were amazing, and just trying to work out what
was wrong, you know, trying to think of different ways
(02:52):
of thinking. But I had a lot not all the time,
but quite a bit of the time, I had this
feeling of sort of discomfort all yeah, and then at
other times it's like a sort of mental nausea, and
I was It also felt like I was sort of
(03:12):
continually fighting with my my thinking, with my brain, trying
to get my brain to focus on things that I
wanted it to focus on. And the reason I stopped
drinking and taking drugs is because I knew by then
that the line between insanity and insanity was finer than
a piece of hair. And you know, if I took
(03:34):
any substances I crossed.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Over, that's powerful inside to hair. Because a lot of
times you read about I hear about people just kind
of avoiding everything all costs, but you chose to recognize
what was tally going on. I think that's very interesting.
(03:56):
Coin of touched on that a little bit. Yeah, sure,
are we able to recognized? Wow, okay, there's a threshold.
If I over and do it, I might not be
able to combat.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
I mean it was sort of quite apparent. I remember
at school I was going down to the pub, as
I was at a boarding school, and I was going
down to the local town to the pub, and I
said to someone do you want to do you want
to come down with me? And they said no, and
I said, oh why? And they said, well, when you
(04:28):
start drinking, you know, you behave differently. And that was
quite a revelation. I didn't really know what they were
talking about, but by the time I left school I
had it was sort of clear in my mind that
(04:49):
the thing that I would really I really wanted, and
the thing that sort of kept driving me from then
for the next twenty or.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So years, was what I really really.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
Wanted out of life was to find peace of mind.
Wasn't an amazing career or anything else. I mean, I
was very lucky. I did some, you know, really interesting work,
but the overarching objective was to find peace of mind.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Once again, there'sen Tigry Fox a radio and talking to
our guests today drying thinking, when you think about worse
on the most coming invisible ballos that high functioning people face,
why do you believe or I think that they oftentimes
missed us.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
So I think, as long as you can function, and
as long as you can sort of produce the goods
as it were, you'll keep going. So and also for me,
and I guess it might be the same with a
(06:02):
number of other people. For a long time, I thought
it was something external to me. So if I made
more money, then that might make a difference. If I
got a better education, if I did better at my work,
if I you know, got fitter, if I ate better,
if I did all of those things at once, you know,
(06:23):
maybe that might make a difference. And all of that
sort of searching wouldn't be really apparent to anybody else.
And also anything I did, you know, I gave it
my best shot. So as long as there's energy in
the tank, as it were, I kept going. But the
(06:46):
times where I change was usually because I'd meet a
fork in the road, And for me, it was usually
like a quite a definitive fork in the road. I
was going to call it a day, or I needed
to do something radically different, and in the end, in
(07:06):
my late thirties, that was to go and see professional
medical help, which for me was an admission of defeat.
I didn't apply that to any other part of my body,
but for my brain. For some bizarre reason, I thought
I had to be able to think myself better, and
I wouldn't even dream of, you know, if I had
diabetes for trying to do the same, there any or
(07:28):
any other illness.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
And to that point, you may in your late thirties
pushing yourself to or see professional help. In my eyes,
in the ears as another human being, is that at
some point we reached a breaking point you missed in
the forking row, and there has to be illustration because
at some point, if we're fortunately, we can be right
(07:56):
there before the breaking point actually happens. Have a decision
to make. Do we risk and continue what we've been
doing that's been like a band aid for the situation,
or do we make it of a decision and it
will be necessary mean that I want to do, but
we totally know our heart it's the most necessary thing
(08:17):
to do. What did that look like for you? You made
that momid choice that you're going to actually commit to
a professional help.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
I was on my last legs. I tried everything I
could think of. I knew that there was nothing, you know,
there was nothing that I could think of that I
hadn't tried to try and get better.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I didn't at that point.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
No, So I'd also tried I don't know, if you
know what I mean by twelve se that fellowship so
probably the one of the best known or like alcoholics anonymous, narcoticsonymous.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
So I had tried.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
A number of different twelve step fellowships excuse me, and
work through their program. So I tried all of that,
and yeah, it was just I'd just run out of
run out of options. And how did I feel? I
was I felt desperate, I felt humiliated, I was embarrassed. Yeah,
(09:32):
and if there had been if there had been any
other option, you know, it doesn't matter how sort of
sort of how slim, I would have gone for it.
But I couldn't think of anything, and I don't at
that point, I don't really I don't think I really
knew how professional medical help could help. Accept that it
(09:57):
was the one thing that I'd avoided doing.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And that makes sense when you started the process of
receiving professional help and when you receive the official diagnosis, Uh,
how did you reacted there? Was it like you had
a good feeling that it could be this or were
you in shark? What was there like for you when
(10:21):
you received a diagnosis.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
So I saw two therapists in quite quick succession, and
they both said that I was suffering from severe depression.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And my reaction was, no, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
And despite everything, I mean, my you know, what was
going on inside my brain was just like a mailstrom
of madness. And it had been like that for you know,
forever I can remember. But uh, I don't know whether
(11:03):
it was an emission of depression. Was again another admission
of weakness. But the time that I was able to
accept it was about two years later, when so I'd
refused to go on medication and I was then referred
to a psychiatrist and they asked me to track my
(11:28):
moods for a year, and I did it on a
daily basis, and it was then that I realized, actually,
there's no way in a month of Sundays, I'm going
to be able to sort this out myself. Because if
that's a midpoint. Most of the time I'd have occasional
spikes up, and most of the time I'd be sort
of rattling along the bottom. And after another year of
(11:54):
resisting medication, I finally agreed. It was actually a friend
of mine who persuaded me. And after about i'd say
two to three months of taking an antidepressant, I suddenly realized,
Oh my god, I have been depressed. And the reason
I couldn't say so before because that was the norm
(12:17):
for me. I knew nothing different. So when somebody said
you're depressed, no, I'm not, because it's all I'd know.
But when I experienced what a healthy brain might feel like,
it was like, oh right, okay, I get it.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Now what's the again? The sundry folks are ready on
watch a nurse online talk. I guess trying to think.
When you said untreated bipolar disorder and dyslexia, it takes
a toll, are you? He also takes a toll are
your identity? When you think about what started to happen
(12:57):
for you with medication, did they cause any battle or
conflict with the identity how you saw yourself or did
you still kind of see yourself as this professional who
still works and do all this, or were there any tires,
any struggle trying to stay consistent with where you knew
(13:19):
who you were?
Speaker 4 (13:24):
So again a good question. I So initially I was
diagnosed with depression. I took medication for depression, and about
a year afterwards, I actually went to a treatment center
in the US who had a good reputation. And the
(13:45):
reason I went there was because I just hit another
I hit another low point and I was just at
my wits end. And when I went there, I was
diagnosed with bipolar. So it's quite common with people with
bipolar disorder that it's not actually diagnosed for quite a
few years after first seeing a mental a medical or
(14:08):
mental health professional. And the tricky thing is is that
people will go and see the doctor and not when
they're feeling great, which is the hypermania or the mania
in a bipolar disorder, but when they've hit the bottom
and had a crash, and they'll often be diagnosed with
(14:30):
depression put on an antidepressant and that can then actually
trigger the hypermania or the mania. For me, it was
that helped to level out my moods. I didn't really
(14:50):
to be honest, it was only twenty years later. So
during COVID, I really started to understand bipolar disorder at
a much deeper level.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
But then.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I wasn't really sort of consciously aware of these highs.
I still had them. I still had the crashes. And
when I have a crash or when I'm in a
depressive phase, you know, it is a real struggle. But
as you alluded to, I was determined, you know, whatever
(15:26):
I was doing. If I was going out doing corporate
training or I was doing executive coaching, they would have
no idea what was happening. And actually I bumped into
a client yesterday and we had a coffee and he
read my book as an advanced reader, and he said
he found it difficult to match what he read in
(15:47):
the book because I've been very open and frank with
what he knew me as a person, because I gave
no indication to it whatsoever. The interesting thing is if
I met someone I knew well when I was in
a like a depressive state, I couldn't hide it. But
I needed to know the person really well for that
(16:07):
to happen.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And what that said to follow up on it, did
you find yourself with or without medication use did you
ever find yourself tired trying to be in that polus
version yourself when you're out there in the professional world
versus when the lights are off.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Yes and no. And the reason I say yes and
no is because it was an effort to sort of
like pull the cat out of the bag. And I
remember a few occasions. I don't even know how I
did it, but the tiring bit. So let's say you
were my clients and i'd come and see you. I
(16:56):
would be like super focused, you know, trying to listen
to what your you know, the things that you were
interested in, seeing if I could add value, and that
actually that level of focus helped me. Where I felt
tired was when I would come away and then I
was on my own again, and then like the gray
(17:18):
miss would come back in, and then just the struggle,
the sort of internal struggle would come back in. So
interestingly enough, the real tirdness came post an event.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's very interesting. So follow upon that where you were
taking medication when you were away from everyone, did that
seem to help that tiredness or did it stay the
same or was it what was that like.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
The medication made a transformational difference. So I mean, I
remember thinking quite a few times that it was like,
you know, at times, it was like a miracle. You know,
it was like I've been given a life, and even
(18:11):
if my life sort of terminated early, at least I
knew what it felt like to have, you know, a
quality of life. What And this is with the benefit
of the benefit of hindsight, but I sort of carried
on business as usual. So, you know, I'm always thinking
(18:32):
of ideas. I'm always like, I'm going to do this,
I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this.
And I was taking like substantial risks, you know, investing
in ideas. And what I wasn't doing, and I don't
think I recognized the cruciality of doing it. What I
(18:53):
wasn't doing was trying to curtail these bipolar highs. So
there are various types of bipolar bipolar type disorder, type
two where I have hypermania. So I'll go right up
to the borderline of sort of sanity and insanity. I
will float along there for as long as I can
sustain it, and at some point my energy will run out,
(19:16):
the stress will become so much that I will.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Crash, and.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Without really thinking about it, I kept doing this because
I would get involved in these work projects and then
have this sort of like laser like focus. But all
of that I was doing because when I do that,
I feel alive and I'm able to function and focus.
I mean, it's not perfect by any stretching imagination, but
(19:47):
it didn't really occur to me to.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Try and curtail that.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
And it was only during COVID that I suddenly realized
I'd got all the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Sort of.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Can't think of a plight expression, but asked about face.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Again the sundry fogus radio and talking to Guess today Age,
I'm thinking when you speed things, because I know close
on time, but we speed things. At one point? Did
you decide to create this system called smart wisdom? He
professionals and students with this or what pique their interest
(20:27):
to make that happen?
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Sure, it was actually more by accident. So I've been
in the Met Police, which is the London Police, for
twelve years. I left to do some postgraduate study. I'd
never been to university, so I skipped the undergraduate degree.
But I knew if I did what I did at school,
there was no chance of doing anything. And I started
(20:50):
off with some other techniques for recording information in a
different way. It's I didn't know if it would work,
but I just really up with it and then started
making tweaks and then you know, bringing in some other
aspects and then creating my own system which I realized
would help not only myself but anybody. And actually I
(21:14):
didn't know I had those slecs here until I was
forty nine. I had no well, certainly until my forties,
I had no idea and what the smart wisdom does.
It helps me to focus, concentrate, and also to mentally
process new information as I'm listening to it, which is
(21:35):
the challenge I have if with the dyslexia.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
When you think about how results or transformation is that
you be able to see not just for yourself but
with your students and professionals that you share this smart
worst and worth, how have you seen it help navigate
their not just mine, but action because it's one thing
(22:01):
that feel better, but there's a whole transformational feeling we
actually are applying this type of analysis into action.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
Yeah, so smart wisdom it replaces traditional handwritten note taking,
so you'll use it in like meetings, interviews, when you're
doing any form of planning and what it does. It
gives the person greater clarity and greater control, either over
(22:31):
everything they're listening to or everything they're thinking. So if
they're in a meeting, they're able to understand what's being
said at a deeper level than other people, and able
to and as a result, able to really question it
and able to potentially spot ideas that other people don't.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
If someone's watching us and listeners on park House already,
or and they feel like they might feel more ashamed
to go get professional help when they feel they are,
it's risky on one end or the other. What will
you say to them right now to kind of help them,
(23:11):
maybe dig a little bit deeper before they rise.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
To say no, I would say to them, So the
things I didn't get help for was my mental health.
But I couldn't have described it as clearly as that
as I have just known, and I would say, is
treat mental health the same as physical health. So if
(23:36):
you sprained your ankle, you've got a torn ligament, there's
something wrong with you, know, your stomach or anything else,
you go and see a doctor. If you've got earache,
if there's something wrong with your nose, your throat, your eyes,
you go and see a doctor. The brain is no difference.
If you're not feeling if you're not feeling comfortable, or
(24:01):
if it just feels that everything is an effort or
controlling your thinking is an effort, then I would thoroughly
recommend not doing what I did, which was try and
solve it myself, but actually going and getting professional medical help,
and if finances are difficult, trying to link up with
some of the charities you know, either internationally or nationally
(24:25):
within the USA or locally within Texas and contact some
of the mental health charities and ask for help, or
if you can, see a doctor and ask for help.
For me, that was what has been transformational, was the end.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Listen, I'll be from explaining watching this line, I guess today,
Johnathan Camp, it's almost sustaining kindtat with you. Honestly, you're
doing way better in today because you're in different shows
sharing your message and story, which I think is some
to commit. How can people keep in touch with not
just your resources but your books.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Yeah, So I've written a book which is going to
be coming out on the tenth of October called Finding
Peace of Mind, which is a story of my journey,
but also the second part is my analysis of what
works and doesn't work, and the foundation stone of that
(25:28):
is getting professional medical help. So it will be available
on Amazon and in stores, but also you be able
to stay in contacts. I'm having a new website built
Jonathan Kemp dot com and you'll be able to stand contact.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
That way, I'll do it. Oh and.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
So the other thing that might be of interest is
I'm going to do a seven month mental health walk
walk and talk through the length of the United Kingdom and.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Then Ireland as a bo kingdom.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Yeah, and with the idea of just spreading the message
that it's okay to talk about mental health and it's
okay to ask for help.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I think quote follow up on there is there something
that they can keep track on your website and online?
Are you going to have like a one emien type
It will be like a series kind of documentary. How's
that gonna work?
Speaker 4 (26:36):
So I'm going to physically walk the whole distance to
be about three thousand miles, and what I'm going to
do is do talks. So I'll stop in the cities
and see if I can arrange talks either a businesses
or in charities. I also plan to interview people randomly
about sort of mental health and mental well being and
(26:59):
all of it. I'm going to sort of probably on
the website as a central point, keep a record of
sort of where I'm at and what I'm up to.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Sound like good friend franchise, so good words is on them,
Like I always want to say too, I guess today, Jonathan,
thank you for your time.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Then I really appreciate you asking me. Thank you
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