May 9, 2024 • 22 mins
Are you self aware? While research suggests that many people think they are, only 10-15% actually are. Join Samhita Jayanti and Jamie Kosmar as they discuss what self awareness is and why it is important for life. Learn more about ideamix coaching's new simple tool, My 360, which invites everyone to take a moment to self-reflect.
Subscribe to ideamix - Coaching, Performance, and Wellness, and stay tuned for new episodes every other Thursday. On ideamix podcasts, we speak with innovators and coaches to help you build the life, business, and career you want. ideamix is the go-to destination for individuals to find their ideal coach. Check out our website at www.theideamix.com. For comments, questions, podcast guest ideas, or sponsorship inquiries, please email info@theideamix.com.
Subscribe to ideamix - Coaching, Performance, and Wellness, and stay tuned for new episodes every other Thursday. On ideamix podcasts, we speak with innovators and coaches to help you build the life, business, and career you want. ideamix is the go-to destination for individuals to find their ideal coach. Check out our website at www.theideamix.com. For comments, questions, podcast guest ideas, or sponsorship inquiries, please email info@theideamix.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Welcome to IDMICS Performance and Wellness,where world leading coaches and scientists explain how
their research can help you achieve yourpersonal and professional goals. Foster hi It's
Sanjayanti, co founder and CEO ofIdemics Coaching. Coaching has played an important
role in my life. It's helpedme through my journey to become a powerful
(00:24):
leader, mother and wife. IDMXcoaches help you increase your self awareness,
improve your problem solving skills, andevolve your habits to achieve your goals,
all things I'm grateful to have learnedand done through my own coaching journey.
Our easy one minute assessment matches youwith an Idemics coach that best fits your
needs and values. Each Idemics coachis vetted and experienced. It helps clients
(00:46):
mad and achieve their wellness, professionaland business goals. If you or someone
you know could benefit from coaching,visit our website at www dotidemics dot com.
We also know that not everyone caninvest in coaching right now, and
that's what we provide free coaching inour coach Shorts episodes. If you think
someone you know would benefit from it, please share a podcast with them.
(01:07):
Thanks for listening and see you nexttime. Welcome to Coaching for Performance and
Wellness. We're your hosts, JamieCosmar and Sam Jayenti, and I'm very
excited today we're going to be talkingabout probably what has become one of my
most favorite topics and which we havetalked about in previous podcast, which is
(01:32):
the topic of self awareness and selfreflection. Yes, and we're particularly excited
to talk about it in the contextof a quiz that we put together as
a team here at I do MIXcoaching. It's really a tool to prompt
self reflection for anybody, and itonly takes a few minutes to complete and
(01:53):
gives you a good data point andsense of where you are at some gift
moment to allow you to reflect onwhat's working what's not. So Jamie,
I want to start with a fewrapid fire questions, let's do it,
okay. So Number one, domost individuals in your experience have an adequate
(02:17):
level of self awareness? No?Okay? Are most professionals in leadership roles
in your view self aware? No? Do most people take the time to
reflect on a regular basis? No? Okay? Getting a lot of nose
(02:39):
here? Three for the nose,and does a tool like my three sixty
help someone to reflect on where they'reat. Yes, absolutely excellent and then
lost. If you had to pickjust one activity that you enjoy in your
(03:01):
spare time, what is it?Learning? Okay, could not have been
more perfect answers. So let's kickoff with what is self reflection and self
awareness? So self reflection is theidea that you are looking introspectively and so
(03:34):
you're looking at your sort of belowconsciousness level, right, that's what introspection
tries to get at, and thatcan you know, be whatever's in your
mind. That's your feelings, youremotions, your values, your beliefs.
It's self reflection is that process ofbeing aware of what those are for you.
(04:01):
But self awareness also and actually thereisn't one definition of self awareness out
there if you look at the literatureand the research amongst organizational psychologists as well
as now, this idea of selfawareness is really big in leadership development programs
because everyone says, oh, themore self aware you are, the better
(04:21):
leader, the more effective leader,and the more you get promoted and all
these things. But self awareness isnot just how you are, what you
believe, how you operate in theworld, but it's actually about the impact
that that has on others as well. So there's an internal component and there's
an external component to self awareness.I'm really glad that you mentioned both of
(04:45):
those because for so long, Ithink, before this sort of new definition
of self awareness really came into being, particularly in the context of leadership,
there was this idea that it wasjust about the self and not about how
other people perceive you, and thetwo are just as equally important. And
I think one way that I thoughtabout this in reading the research in prep
(05:09):
for our conversation today was that ina sense, self reflection is the car
that's getting you to the destination,which is greater self awareness. So why
are the important Well, again,the leadership development programs will tell you it's
better. It's important because it'll helpyou be a more authentic, effective leader.
(05:33):
But I think that we should reallytake a much broader scope when we
think about the power of self awareness. Self awareness is a building block,
and if you are self aware,there are sort of all these benefits that
can come and also negative impacts.By the way, too, it's not
(05:56):
all roses, but framed in theright way, having self awareness is a
building block for growth. For personalgrowth, for self improvement, for self
development. And that's why it's importantbecause, let's face it, not everybody
who gets coaching is out there tobecome the best leader they want to be,
right, It's not always about leadership. It's about maybe making the world
(06:19):
a better place, or being abetter spouse or a you know, a
parent, better parent. So there'sall these different goals. That's that is
much broader than just about leadership.So, you know, I like to
think of self awareness as again thisthis this basis for building and improving.
(06:42):
That's a that's a great way ofexpressing it. And I think it's really
interesting to think about the counter factualfor a second. Let's just assume that
we never self reflect, right,what happens. I think where we end
up is that, by default,each of us tend to impose our own
frame of reference on everything we seeand encounter, right, our experiences,
(07:05):
our history, our ego, ourexperiences, our education. And when we
don't self reflect, we sort ofelevate our individual preconceptions, almost to the
point of narcissism in a way,right, because we're not integrating a sort
(07:27):
of analysis of why we believe whatwe believe or why we are who we
are and despite being at a pointin our cultural zegeist where the elevation of
individual behavior and the narcissism that's accompaniedthat, it's really it's an explanation for
(07:50):
why we're at the point that we'reat in our political societal cycle where we
confront so many mirrored problems. Iabsolutely agree is that it creates if you
are, if you're not self awareand don't have that capability of self reflection,
that you there's a failure to beable to appreciate difference right and think
(08:18):
that, oh, there is actuallyanother perspective here. I'm gonna I'm gonna
tell a little anecdote here, becauseyou know, so much of who we
are is about who we are aspeople and our personalities, right, personalities
at the heart of everything. It'swhat encapsulates our beliefs and and our values.
(08:41):
So I was I just saw meetthis weekend and I was volunteering,
and I was handing out rewards topeople who won their what we call in
a swimming meat a heat, whichis amazing. And so I had a
co volunteer with me, uh andand and we sort of split up the
(09:01):
job and what was interesting is hisapproach to handing out the ducks was to
allow the winners to actually choose theirduck, and my approach to it would
have been, oh, no,here's your duck, which says something about
who we are as people. Andhad I not, I would say,
(09:24):
had I not had a level ofself awareness, I wouldn't have appreciated that
difference of that approach. And Iknow that's a very small, anti anecdotal
sort of example, but it's justinteresting that having that self awareness then allowed
me to be like, oh,yeah, that is a different way to
do it, and here's why Iwould do it this way, and here's
(09:45):
why you're doing it this way.And so I think that having the self
awareness really gives us that appreciation ofdifference. Totally agree. So as you
think about it, what are themost common impediments to self awareness? I
feel like I spent a lot oftime thinking about this, and maybe I'll
(10:07):
take a stab at some of whatI thought Slash researched. One is the
sort of a piece of research actuallythat I was reading was talking about how
our understanding of anything is composed ofthree things. Right, our own understanding
or our perception of something the otherperson's perception of something, and that maybe
(10:31):
one or more people, and thenthe truth. And those are three quite
different things and are often at oddswith one another. Yeah, absolutely,
there are. There's three components.And let's go back to this idea of
self reflection, because in order tobe self aware, you have, as
(10:56):
you said earlier, it's the car, right, self reflection is the car.
You have to have moments of selfreflection to then develop the awareness.
And whether that's like I'm quiet sittingby myself and I'm bored, or that's
like I'm in the moment and I'mgonna take a pause and think about this.
From my perspective, I feel likeone of our biggest challenges as a
(11:18):
society is as a culture is productivityculture, and this idea that you always
need to be doing and if youaren't doing, you're losing something. Because
of that, there is our culturedoes not reward or value time doing nothing,
(11:43):
and it's in those moments of nothingthat there is room for self reflection.
And so when a culture that saysyou should always be doing something,
there is no time for that reflection. And I think that's I think that's
one element of it. And thenthe other is the how we choose now
as a society to fill those timesand many times, you know, it
(12:05):
used to be that you were waitingin line for something and what would you
do when you were waiting in line. Maybe that's the moment that you would
take to think about something that hadhappened, pause, or something that you
were going to do. And nowwe fill it by what I call doom
scrolling or checking your email has anyonewritten me? You know, we every
(12:28):
single moment. If it's not beingfilled productively, then it's being filled by
social media. So the reality isis that in our twenty four to seven
culture, there's always something we canbe doing. I think another factor is
fear. Right. We all haveour own inherent fears. I'll give you
(12:50):
an example. So my family passedaway when I was twelve, and every
person I tell that too, whenthey learned that it happened in an airplane
crash, says to me, oh, s, are you afraid of flying?
Turns out, I'm not afraid offlying, but I have this weird,
irrational fear of ruches. It's veryacute. I don't know what it
(13:11):
is. It's partly what they looklike, But most of the reason is
probably that some of my earliest memoriesof my mother are watching her like run
out of a room shouting every timeshe saw a roach, and that sort
of became a default behavior in away, right, it became my own
fear and a default behavior. Andthat role of our past in making us
(13:35):
who we are our reactions and behaviorsto things that we encounter is such a
critical piece and warrants the need forself reflection because if we can't understand why
we react and why we behave tothings in the way that we do,
we can never actually change them.Yeah, absolutely, And again that's creating
(13:58):
this right, you have to havethis space to to do that, to
realize that so much of who weare is our habits, actually, right,
just habits that develop and and andsome of them are adaptive strategies to
experiences of our past. But thatactually leads me to another sort of point
(14:24):
about sort of you know, whatare the challenges when we think about self
reflection, And one of them isthat we don't always ask ourselves the right
questions when we're self reflecting, andthat's because we just don't really know how
right and and you know, Ithink, you know, we oftentimes in
the world of coaching, we getthe what's the difference between coaching and therapy?
And we you know, therapy exploresthe why behind a certain behavior,
(14:48):
whereas coaching explores the behavior is whatit is. But I want to do
this instead, I want to bethis instead? So how do I get
there? How do I how doI change that behavior? You're and self
reflection is really what's really important isnot about asking the why questions as much
as the why questions. What isimportant to me? What do I want
(15:09):
to be? And so I thinkthat the challenge too, when you start
asking the why questions is oftentimes thenyou end up with an answer that's self
deceptive because we never want to believebad things about ourselves, right, it's
I think it's a protection mechanism,it's a survival mechanism. But really asking
(15:31):
the what questions that are very forwardfocused, and that's the beauty also of
working with a coach, because theyhelp you ask those what questions. You
perfectly segued into what was going tobe my next question, which was about
analytical tools, like what are theanalytical tools that exist for self reflection?
I think coaching is definitely one ofthem. It does it in a very
(15:54):
forward looking, goal oriented way,right to your point of asking the question
of what are you trying toccomplish,and then working backwards from there. I
also think I spent some time lookingat a variety of different online and sort
of hard copy like paper based assessmenttools, and then there's sort of non
(16:18):
assessment based tools. You could saymeditation is a method of self reflection,
right, which some people love andothers really struggle with. So there are
lots of different mechanisms that exist,and I think the reason that we created
my three sixty in the end wasthat there wasn't anything fast and quick that
(16:40):
asked you a set of essential questionsthat you could think about in your own
context and then get an output thatidentified very clearly where you might want to
spend some more time thinking about howyou can get to a place of greater
satisfactionsotely, and then my three sixtyis designed to be the starting point,
(17:03):
right, it's not, and itleverages again, it's this idea, you
know, we talked, I talkedabout it earlier. We're always on social
media and you can find that quizon social media and so it taps into
the places where you are and thenhopefully invites you or prompts you to take
that moment while you're standing in lineat the grocery store waiting for the bus,
you know, waiting for the subway, and it's not you know,
(17:27):
it's it's not meant to tell youeverything about yourself, but it's a it's
it's a again, it's a startingpoint of you know, what is working
for me? Where am I?Where where do I want to go with
with my life? And where doI need to spend some time with some
(17:48):
active thought or get some help,whichever the answer may be. So I
want to bring this all back tosort of where we started in a sense,
why is it that more self awareand self reflective people in general experience
more success in their professional and personallives? Like that, I think is
(18:11):
the essential question, right, It'slike, why should you be bothered by
any of this? It's that thosepeople tend to be happier and more successful
in their lives. Some of theresearch out there states actually that when we
are self aware, we are alsomore self accepting. And once you have
(18:33):
that self acceptance about who it is, again, it's the springboard idea,
the building block idea. From thereyou can go anywhere, and so I
think that to me, that's howI think about it. You know,
when you have awareness about who youare, then you can accept that and
then you can work to change thosethings that you want to change, or
(18:53):
you know, figure out what youvalue and where you want to go.
You know, it's like the startingpoint on the Candyland game, you know,
to get to the gum drop castleor whatever it is at the end
of that game. You know itreally it just it enables you to have
that foundation then to bring about happiness, to bring about success. That's such
(19:18):
a great point. I also thinkrealism is another part of it, right.
It goes very hand in hand withacceptance. It's that we all have
these ideas about who we are,and it's only self reflection that allows us
to unify what we think of ourselveswith what we're hearing from others around us.
Whether that's family members, partners,children, siblings, or work colleagues
(19:45):
it doesn't really matter, and tryto reconcile those two versions of who we
are into the real who we are. I think, yeah, absolutely,
And I think that in addition tosort of the my three sixty quiz and
(20:06):
encouraging people to to take that stepand find it and take it and reflect.
You know, a lot of theresearch out there says, you know,
put in a calendar update to doa micro reflection on your day.
What went well today, what didn'tgo well? What did I learn?
So pr practicing micro reflection in orderto help develop that that skill of being
(20:33):
able to self reflect. You know. The other sort of I guess tip
that I would leave our audience withis this idea of finding people who will
give you feedback, like honest feedback. So people do that that, you
know, and I would say this, I'm gonna and on a like this
(20:56):
is a very personal note for me. When I became a parent, uh
you know, I had a childand children are super unfiltered, and I
think sort of to me, oneof the greatest joyes of being a parent
is having had a child who issuper unfiltered and tells me like it is.
And I will say that I havelearned a lot about who I am
(21:18):
from from my child, you know, So I so find that find that
person to tell you you know whoyou are. That's a great point.
Thank you for joining us today.I'm Sam Joyenti and I'm Jamie Cosmar and
thanks for being with us for thisepisode of the Idea Mixed Coaching, Performance
(21:40):
and Wellness Podcast. Thanks for listening, Please subscribe wherever you listen and leave
us a review. Find your IdealCoach at www dot viidmix dot com.
Special thanks to our producer Martin Maluskiand singer songwriter Doug Allen.
Welcome to IDMICS Performance and Wellness,where world leading coaches and scientists explain how
their research can help you achieve yourpersonal and professional goals. Foster hi It's
Sanjayanti, co founder and CEO ofIdemics Coaching. Coaching has played an important
role in my life. It's helpedme through my journey to become a powerful
(00:24):
leader, mother and wife. IDMXcoaches help you increase your self awareness,
improve your problem solving skills, andevolve your habits to achieve your goals,
all things I'm grateful to have learnedand done through my own coaching journey.
Our easy one minute assessment matches youwith an Idemics coach that best fits your
needs and values. Each Idemics coachis vetted and experienced. It helps clients
(00:46):
mad and achieve their wellness, professionaland business goals. If you or someone
you know could benefit from coaching,visit our website at www dotidemics dot com.
We also know that not everyone caninvest in coaching right now, and
that's what we provide free coaching inour coach Shorts episodes. If you think
someone you know would benefit from it, please share a podcast with them.
(01:07):
Thanks for listening and see you nexttime. Welcome to Coaching for Performance and
Wellness. We're your hosts, JamieCosmar and Sam Jayenti, and I'm very
excited today we're going to be talkingabout probably what has become one of my
most favorite topics and which we havetalked about in previous podcast, which is
(01:32):
the topic of self awareness and selfreflection. Yes, and we're particularly excited
to talk about it in the contextof a quiz that we put together as
a team here at I do MIXcoaching. It's really a tool to prompt
self reflection for anybody, and itonly takes a few minutes to complete and
(01:53):
gives you a good data point andsense of where you are at some gift
moment to allow you to reflect onwhat's working what's not. So Jamie,
I want to start with a fewrapid fire questions, let's do it,
okay. So Number one, domost individuals in your experience have an adequate
(02:17):
level of self awareness? No?Okay? Are most professionals in leadership roles
in your view self aware? No? Do most people take the time to
reflect on a regular basis? No? Okay? Getting a lot of nose
(02:39):
here? Three for the nose,and does a tool like my three sixty
help someone to reflect on where they'reat. Yes, absolutely excellent and then
lost. If you had to pickjust one activity that you enjoy in your
(03:01):
spare time, what is it?Learning? Okay, could not have been
more perfect answers. So let's kickoff with what is self reflection and self
awareness? So self reflection is theidea that you are looking introspectively and so
(03:34):
you're looking at your sort of belowconsciousness level, right, that's what introspection
tries to get at, and thatcan you know, be whatever's in your
mind. That's your feelings, youremotions, your values, your beliefs.
It's self reflection is that process ofbeing aware of what those are for you.
(04:01):
But self awareness also and actually thereisn't one definition of self awareness out
there if you look at the literatureand the research amongst organizational psychologists as well
as now, this idea of selfawareness is really big in leadership development programs
because everyone says, oh, themore self aware you are, the better
(04:21):
leader, the more effective leader,and the more you get promoted and all
these things. But self awareness isnot just how you are, what you
believe, how you operate in theworld, but it's actually about the impact
that that has on others as well. So there's an internal component and there's
an external component to self awareness.I'm really glad that you mentioned both of
(04:45):
those because for so long, Ithink, before this sort of new definition
of self awareness really came into being, particularly in the context of leadership,
there was this idea that it wasjust about the self and not about how
other people perceive you, and thetwo are just as equally important. And
I think one way that I thoughtabout this in reading the research in prep
(05:09):
for our conversation today was that ina sense, self reflection is the car
that's getting you to the destination,which is greater self awareness. So why
are the important Well, again,the leadership development programs will tell you it's
better. It's important because it'll helpyou be a more authentic, effective leader.
(05:33):
But I think that we should reallytake a much broader scope when we
think about the power of self awareness. Self awareness is a building block,
and if you are self aware,there are sort of all these benefits that
can come and also negative impacts.By the way, too, it's not
(05:56):
all roses, but framed in theright way, having self awareness is a
building block for growth. For personalgrowth, for self improvement, for self
development. And that's why it's importantbecause, let's face it, not everybody
who gets coaching is out there tobecome the best leader they want to be,
right, It's not always about leadership. It's about maybe making the world
(06:19):
a better place, or being abetter spouse or a you know, a
parent, better parent. So there'sall these different goals. That's that is
much broader than just about leadership.So, you know, I like to
think of self awareness as again thisthis this basis for building and improving.
(06:42):
That's a that's a great way ofexpressing it. And I think it's really
interesting to think about the counter factualfor a second. Let's just assume that
we never self reflect, right,what happens. I think where we end
up is that, by default,each of us tend to impose our own
frame of reference on everything we seeand encounter, right, our experiences,
(07:05):
our history, our ego, ourexperiences, our education. And when we
don't self reflect, we sort ofelevate our individual preconceptions, almost to the
point of narcissism in a way,right, because we're not integrating a sort
(07:27):
of analysis of why we believe whatwe believe or why we are who we
are and despite being at a pointin our cultural zegeist where the elevation of
individual behavior and the narcissism that's accompaniedthat, it's really it's an explanation for
(07:50):
why we're at the point that we'reat in our political societal cycle where we
confront so many mirrored problems. Iabsolutely agree is that it creates if you
are, if you're not self awareand don't have that capability of self reflection,
that you there's a failure to beable to appreciate difference right and think
(08:18):
that, oh, there is actuallyanother perspective here. I'm gonna I'm gonna
tell a little anecdote here, becauseyou know, so much of who we
are is about who we are aspeople and our personalities, right, personalities
at the heart of everything. It'swhat encapsulates our beliefs and and our values.
(08:41):
So I was I just saw meetthis weekend and I was volunteering,
and I was handing out rewards topeople who won their what we call in
a swimming meat a heat, whichis amazing. And so I had a
co volunteer with me, uh andand and we sort of split up the
(09:01):
job and what was interesting is hisapproach to handing out the ducks was to
allow the winners to actually choose theirduck, and my approach to it would
have been, oh, no,here's your duck, which says something about
who we are as people. Andhad I not, I would say,
(09:24):
had I not had a level ofself awareness, I wouldn't have appreciated that
difference of that approach. And Iknow that's a very small, anti anecdotal
sort of example, but it's justinteresting that having that self awareness then allowed
me to be like, oh,yeah, that is a different way to
do it, and here's why Iwould do it this way, and here's
(09:45):
why you're doing it this way.And so I think that having the self
awareness really gives us that appreciation ofdifference. Totally agree. So as you
think about it, what are themost common impediments to self awareness? I
feel like I spent a lot oftime thinking about this, and maybe I'll
(10:07):
take a stab at some of whatI thought Slash researched. One is the
sort of a piece of research actuallythat I was reading was talking about how
our understanding of anything is composed ofthree things. Right, our own understanding
or our perception of something the otherperson's perception of something, and that maybe
(10:31):
one or more people, and thenthe truth. And those are three quite
different things and are often at oddswith one another. Yeah, absolutely,
there are. There's three components.And let's go back to this idea of
self reflection, because in order tobe self aware, you have, as
(10:56):
you said earlier, it's the car, right, self reflection is the car.
You have to have moments of selfreflection to then develop the awareness.
And whether that's like I'm quiet sittingby myself and I'm bored, or that's
like I'm in the moment and I'mgonna take a pause and think about this.
From my perspective, I feel likeone of our biggest challenges as a
(11:18):
society is as a culture is productivityculture, and this idea that you always
need to be doing and if youaren't doing, you're losing something. Because
of that, there is our culturedoes not reward or value time doing nothing,
(11:43):
and it's in those moments of nothingthat there is room for self reflection.
And so when a culture that saysyou should always be doing something,
there is no time for that reflection. And I think that's I think that's
one element of it. And thenthe other is the how we choose now
as a society to fill those timesand many times, you know, it
(12:05):
used to be that you were waitingin line for something and what would you
do when you were waiting in line. Maybe that's the moment that you would
take to think about something that hadhappened, pause, or something that you
were going to do. And nowwe fill it by what I call doom
scrolling or checking your email has anyonewritten me? You know, we every
(12:28):
single moment. If it's not beingfilled productively, then it's being filled by
social media. So the reality isis that in our twenty four to seven
culture, there's always something we canbe doing. I think another factor is
fear. Right. We all haveour own inherent fears. I'll give you
(12:50):
an example. So my family passedaway when I was twelve, and every
person I tell that too, whenthey learned that it happened in an airplane
crash, says to me, oh, s, are you afraid of flying?
Turns out, I'm not afraid offlying, but I have this weird,
irrational fear of ruches. It's veryacute. I don't know what it
(13:11):
is. It's partly what they looklike, But most of the reason is
probably that some of my earliest memoriesof my mother are watching her like run
out of a room shouting every timeshe saw a roach, and that sort
of became a default behavior in away, right, it became my own
fear and a default behavior. Andthat role of our past in making us
(13:35):
who we are our reactions and behaviorsto things that we encounter is such a
critical piece and warrants the need forself reflection because if we can't understand why
we react and why we behave tothings in the way that we do,
we can never actually change them.Yeah, absolutely, And again that's creating
(13:58):
this right, you have to havethis space to to do that, to
realize that so much of who weare is our habits, actually, right,
just habits that develop and and andsome of them are adaptive strategies to
experiences of our past. But thatactually leads me to another sort of point
(14:24):
about sort of you know, whatare the challenges when we think about self
reflection, And one of them isthat we don't always ask ourselves the right
questions when we're self reflecting, andthat's because we just don't really know how
right and and you know, Ithink, you know, we oftentimes in
the world of coaching, we getthe what's the difference between coaching and therapy?
And we you know, therapy exploresthe why behind a certain behavior,
(14:48):
whereas coaching explores the behavior is whatit is. But I want to do
this instead, I want to bethis instead? So how do I get
there? How do I how doI change that behavior? You're and self
reflection is really what's really important isnot about asking the why questions as much
as the why questions. What isimportant to me? What do I want
(15:09):
to be? And so I thinkthat the challenge too, when you start
asking the why questions is oftentimes thenyou end up with an answer that's self
deceptive because we never want to believebad things about ourselves, right, it's
I think it's a protection mechanism,it's a survival mechanism. But really asking
(15:31):
the what questions that are very forwardfocused, and that's the beauty also of
working with a coach, because theyhelp you ask those what questions. You
perfectly segued into what was going tobe my next question, which was about
analytical tools, like what are theanalytical tools that exist for self reflection?
I think coaching is definitely one ofthem. It does it in a very
(15:54):
forward looking, goal oriented way,right to your point of asking the question
of what are you trying toccomplish,and then working backwards from there. I
also think I spent some time lookingat a variety of different online and sort
of hard copy like paper based assessmenttools, and then there's sort of non
(16:18):
assessment based tools. You could saymeditation is a method of self reflection,
right, which some people love andothers really struggle with. So there are
lots of different mechanisms that exist,and I think the reason that we created
my three sixty in the end wasthat there wasn't anything fast and quick that
(16:40):
asked you a set of essential questionsthat you could think about in your own
context and then get an output thatidentified very clearly where you might want to
spend some more time thinking about howyou can get to a place of greater
satisfactionsotely, and then my three sixtyis designed to be the starting point,
(17:03):
right, it's not, and itleverages again, it's this idea, you
know, we talked, I talkedabout it earlier. We're always on social
media and you can find that quizon social media and so it taps into
the places where you are and thenhopefully invites you or prompts you to take
that moment while you're standing in lineat the grocery store waiting for the bus,
you know, waiting for the subway, and it's not you know,
(17:27):
it's it's not meant to tell youeverything about yourself, but it's a it's
it's a again, it's a startingpoint of you know, what is working
for me? Where am I?Where where do I want to go with
with my life? And where doI need to spend some time with some
(17:48):
active thought or get some help,whichever the answer may be. So I
want to bring this all back tosort of where we started in a sense,
why is it that more self awareand self reflective people in general experience
more success in their professional and personallives? Like that, I think is
(18:11):
the essential question, right, It'slike, why should you be bothered by
any of this? It's that thosepeople tend to be happier and more successful
in their lives. Some of theresearch out there states actually that when we
are self aware, we are alsomore self accepting. And once you have
(18:33):
that self acceptance about who it is, again, it's the springboard idea,
the building block idea. From thereyou can go anywhere, and so I
think that to me, that's howI think about it. You know,
when you have awareness about who youare, then you can accept that and
then you can work to change thosethings that you want to change, or
(18:53):
you know, figure out what youvalue and where you want to go.
You know, it's like the startingpoint on the Candyland game, you know,
to get to the gum drop castleor whatever it is at the end
of that game. You know itreally it just it enables you to have
that foundation then to bring about happiness, to bring about success. That's such
(19:18):
a great point. I also thinkrealism is another part of it, right.
It goes very hand in hand withacceptance. It's that we all have
these ideas about who we are,and it's only self reflection that allows us
to unify what we think of ourselveswith what we're hearing from others around us.
Whether that's family members, partners,children, siblings, or work colleagues
(19:45):
it doesn't really matter, and tryto reconcile those two versions of who we
are into the real who we are. I think, yeah, absolutely,
And I think that in addition tosort of the my three sixty quiz and
(20:06):
encouraging people to to take that stepand find it and take it and reflect.
You know, a lot of theresearch out there says, you know,
put in a calendar update to doa micro reflection on your day.
What went well today, what didn'tgo well? What did I learn?
So pr practicing micro reflection in orderto help develop that that skill of being
(20:33):
able to self reflect. You know. The other sort of I guess tip
that I would leave our audience withis this idea of finding people who will
give you feedback, like honest feedback. So people do that that, you
know, and I would say this, I'm gonna and on a like this
(20:56):
is a very personal note for me. When I became a parent, uh
you know, I had a childand children are super unfiltered, and I
think sort of to me, oneof the greatest joyes of being a parent
is having had a child who issuper unfiltered and tells me like it is.
And I will say that I havelearned a lot about who I am
(21:18):
from from my child, you know, So I so find that find that
person to tell you you know whoyou are. That's a great point.
Thank you for joining us today.I'm Sam Joyenti and I'm Jamie Cosmar and
thanks for being with us for thisepisode of the Idea Mixed Coaching, Performance
(21:40):
and Wellness Podcast. Thanks for listening, Please subscribe wherever you listen and leave
us a review. Find your IdealCoach at www dot viidmix dot com.
Special thanks to our producer Martin Maluskiand singer songwriter Doug Allen.
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