March 4, 2024 • 36 mins
Erin Browne is a musician and creative from Scarborough, Ontario. Growing up she was exposed to many genres of music and developed a particular emotional resonance with folk-inspired alternative music and classic rock.
We discuss her musical beginnings and the hardest thing about being in a band. She is open about the stories behind the music and talks about how she eventually beat writer's block. 'Final Girl' is her first full-length project since 2018, she delivers the raw lyricism that her fans have been waiting for.
Browne ushers in some firsts on the IN THE CUT Podcast, including her fascination with reptiles. This conversation is contemplative and she shares a side of herself that isn't necessarily reflected in the music.
We discuss her musical beginnings and the hardest thing about being in a band. She is open about the stories behind the music and talks about how she eventually beat writer's block. 'Final Girl' is her first full-length project since 2018, she delivers the raw lyricism that her fans have been waiting for.
Browne ushers in some firsts on the IN THE CUT Podcast, including her fascination with reptiles. This conversation is contemplative and she shares a side of herself that isn't necessarily reflected in the music.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Old. Hey everyone, this isNeo. It's your boy Funky, the
coolest teen rapper online. What's it'sme? ALFI. You're listening to the
Cool Table with a listening to theYou're listening to the Cool Table. You're
listening to the Cool Table. AndI'm not sure if you know this,
but right now you're in the cutwith my man, Adril Smile. Good
(00:21):
morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. My name is
Adril Smiley. This is a cooltable. Now we challenge our guests to
finish intok of ice cream before theend of the conversation. This time we're
doing this a little differently. Noice cream this time, but friend of
the show, coming straight from theLost Files. Welcome to the show,
Aaron Brown. I don't often sayyour full name, so I felt very
(00:44):
weird. I know, yeah,yeah, that was like your w Yeah,
I know. I think about thatconstantly, like it would have been
cool to have like a stage name. It's not too late, but I'm
also not a stage name person,so that mean ten years. I'll pivot.
You got anything in mind? Ifelt you got a lot of to
choose from. I have a strippername in reality, like there was just
a lot of suths. I don'tknow my middle name's okay, Yeah,
(01:06):
okay, let's start with Yeah,let's go back as far as we can,
as far as we can Scarborough shorty, Yeah, I think true.
I feel like I have every Scarboroughartist on the show, Like you really
do have Burma Burma tonight I have. Yeah, I'm like Scarbo represented clearly.
But where was your start in termsof making it? I know you
(01:27):
were in bands, but what wereyou doing before you were in bands?
Like, what were you doing musicallybefore that? Just being really embarrassing,
Like I was in piano lessons whenI was younger, and I lived in
an apartment in Scarboro, and Iwas like sing on the balcony. I
was so shy growing up, soshy, so I knew that. Like
I was like, I think Ican say it. I think this sounds
(01:48):
okay, but how do you know? Because I wasn't doing it in front
of anybody, So it was kindof, yeah, just being embarrassing on
my balcony. Because my mom did, in fact tell me, like ten
years later she could hear me,but I was like, nobody can hear
me? Oh you thought you werebeing low key oh yeah, like not
like there's an apartment under and above, but okay, And then it evolved
to like singing for friends because Iliterally just wanted to know, like do
I even have a good voice?How do you know? I guess true,
(02:09):
you know, you can't even tell. And if your voice has been
god okay naturally, then like likeI don't I don't know if this is
true. So anyway, then Ivery abruptly, just at seventeen, was
like being shy. It's not goingto work for stuff I want to do,
so we better stop. And soit happened to say that, and
it kind of worked. In aninterview, you said you said bands are
(02:30):
really hard. Bands are really hard. What what were you thinking about when
you said that? What comes tomind that's a little hard about that.
It's a lot of cooks in thekitchen. It's a lot of opinions in
the room. I I'm like alyricist and whatnot to like control over music.
It's difficult with bands. Not likeI'm like, I don't know too
(02:50):
control freaky about it, but likeI said, just a lot of cooks
in the kitchen. It's also alot of time spent with people. Yes,
so yes, and we know weknow what happens with that intimacy with
people. Yeah, you talk aboutlike you know, you can't break up
and then get back together, likeevery time you have a band practice.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah that that tome is like it's headed downhill. Yeah,
(03:14):
one band member, another band member. Yeah, it's just like I
know, I know, but thenit also like adds a little spice.
But like I don't know, ifFetwood Mac, it's like there comes a
day when it doesn't work anymore before. Yeah, yeah, something don't need
spice. Something don't need spice.Yeah, I get what you mean about
cooks in the kitchen. Yeah,because I feel like, especially how your
(03:35):
music is lyrically, Yeah, it'snot for a group, you know,
to kind of dip their fingers intothat. Yeah. I think the like
the stuff I wrote that was prettydifferent to now because like you said,
it was just I don't know,it doesn't feel right sometimes, yea too
intimate to be like in a band. Guys. Here's what I wrote today
your therapist basically, and to theseare just like your real life. Like
(03:59):
I think that something about your musicthat knowing you, I know that,
but I do think that the peoplewho are hearing music for the first time
there they may think it's is like, oh, this is story time or
it's like that, like, haveyou got any you know, pushback from
your lyrics in the past, becauseit's like I always think, I'm like,
I know it's about someone, butI wish it wasn't as like from
(04:21):
people. Yeah, I've gotten likenot pushback, but I've definitely gotten like
the odd d M from someone I'vetalked to in a bit that's like I
heard that an exclamation point. Yeahyeah, maybe not capitals, but yeah,
lowercase something crazy, but oh youheard it? Okay, okay,
okay. And and this that nobeef though everyone's I heard it and that's
(04:43):
about me. It's so good.The new project's not out, but so
far, so good. Yeah.Yeah, this new project I think is
going to definitely raise some eyebrows.Okay, fine, you know that for
sure. Now I think so,I think, so when did this project
start? Like something you in themoment or just like as soon as you
left that situation? Oh, youknow, very serendipitous. So tonight's the
(05:05):
full moon. The full moon inJune of twenty twenty three, I went
to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre at FoxTheater, the original ones, like the
seventies gorgeous. I'd seen it beforewith a certain somebody, and I'd seen
this movie a bunch of times,but for some reason that day something felt
(05:26):
so different, and I left feelinglike I love seventies movies. It's a
huge like Inspirations, the seventies horror. Yeah, it's like I pull a
lot of inspiration, like aesthetically andwhat not. But anyway, something about
the movie that day felt so different. And my relationship with the person I
was with may or may not havebeen a little complicated at the time.
So we left the movie, walkeddown to the water this like big juicy
(05:46):
full Moon was out, and wehad like a really crazy conversation about like
the fate of being together. Likethere was no real conclusion, but it
was like a big, heavy conversationand I was just like, something,
this is so woo woo. ButI was like, something feels different now.
And it was that day that Iwent home and started working on this
and I'm telling you, I hadwriter's block trying to finish this for eight
(06:10):
months. Like it didn't work.I wrote, I knew I wanted like
four or five songs. It's myfirst conceptual project. Shout out to the
people to make them because it's sohard. But I knew I wanted like
a cohesive story beginning, middle end, but there was no ending. And
it was like eight months of theworst writer's block I've ever had, and
I was like, I don't understand. I thought it was him sometimes I
(06:32):
was like, maybe he's like I'mnot creative enough when I'm with him.
I didn't know what it was.And then spoiler alert, he broke up
with me and that was the ending, and I guess that's where the did
the ending till the EP come from. Then I finished the EP in a
day. Well, thank god thathe did that, because for real,
for real, so we knew theEP. So yeah, yeah, thank
(06:54):
god. And I'm telling you likeI knew there was an idea there,
but it wasn't flowing. I didn'tknow what was wrong. And then he
left and I was like, oh, you had to leave. That was
the end of the story. Yeah, I actually had something in here.
But asking you about like losing inspiration, do you have any tips for anyone
who's in that spot right now ifthey're having their writer's block and like they
are trying to get you know,that thought finished, that idea finished.
(07:16):
I mean, my like shitty adviceis like to start doing some stuff for
the plot, like just mix upreal life a little bit. That always
helps me. But if you wantlike more less toxic advice, I consume
Like I try to consume more contentwhen I feel like okay, like the
inspiration is lacking about content. Idon't mean like TikTok, but like watch
(07:40):
old movies, listen to old records, listen to them on vinyl, lay
on your floor, like smoke weedand whatever. I try to like,
I look for albums that feel theway I feel in the moment. Another
fun hobby of mine is the artiststhat I love, I go back to
their first project, even like StevieWonder was the last one, just like
not the first one that popped off, like the first first, like the
(08:01):
demos very fun. I don't know, I just look for new things.
I think that's a good advice.And I think you could do a mix
of both. Yeah, you know, you could do some stuff for the
plot and then when you get homeput on something. Yeah. I think
those are both both great. Answers. That's depending on where you land on
the spectrum of toxicity. Yeah,depending where you're at. Yeah, you
(08:24):
described this project as it's giving anxiousattachment and it's giving BPD. You want
you want to talk about that.I know I have this album in the
back because you said that, Igo, I have VPD. I'm very
open about it. Yeah, it'sjust, uh, for those that don't
(08:45):
know, it's essentially like a heightenedversion of like I don't know, anxiety,
depression, all these things you're I'mokay a lot of the time,
but I essentially am a little irrational. Sometimes you have a hard time with
a diagnosis like that, managing howserious things are. So sometimes very minor
things happen and I think it's theend of the world, or yeah,
(09:07):
I'm really good at flipping out basically, so, and I think I definitely
did. Like I said, theway this story of the project, which
was unfortunately pulled from my life,it was a little dramatic for kind of
no reason. Yeah, but hey, that's good for art at least.
And yeah, it was a veryanxious attached sort of relationship. We weren't
(09:31):
super compatible that way, and bythat I just mean, like again,
like everything felt very heightened, andnow in retrospect, looking back, I
don't think it was. But whileI was in it, everything seemed so
serious and so detrimental. Yeah,and now I look back and I'm like,
oh my god, it's yeah,it's crazy because you can't fix it.
You can't tell yourself that in themoment, it was the end of
(09:54):
the world and like it was thatserious. And now looking back, I
told you I ran into him lastweekend. It's not that serious. It's
like, oh my god, it'sfine. It's it's such a release everyone
lived. Yeah, when you canlook back and you're like, everybody's fine.
Yeah, it's not the end ofthe world. So yeah, I'm
happy that we got to that place. Yeah. Yeah, somehow Life after
(10:16):
Love let's say that because the newname of a show, life after Love.
Something that's a bagger right there,So life after Love. So I
know, I don't know. Youprobably heard this that the Love is Blind
auditions are coming to Toronto. Isthat true? I think I think it's
how I find out. Okay,okay, is there anyone in your life,
(10:39):
whether there are another artist, whatever, that you feel like you want
to just like suggest this to themthat can this is These are the people
who I feel like should apply forit. Oh my god, and Love
is Blind Toronto was gonna. Ididn't know that. I love that.
I mean, I have a lotof like I won't call Norman out right
now, but I have a lotof close personal friends that are so mixed
up that I'm like, you wouldall do great. But like an artist
(11:01):
to name offhand, hmmm, hmmm, who's funny? Maybe my friend Cash
Okay even smoked devents in Toronto Cash, So I feel like Cash is so
funny and Cash would be endlessly entertaining. Yeah, I'm so interp to see
what can people get on there?Because Toronto comes in different shades, Yes,
(11:22):
it surely does. You could haveLove His Blind Scarborough look a little
bit. I don't know. Wewant that. I love his blind and
Love is Blind Scarborough would hit wewant to hear it, Sarborough. I
would just join for the content.I'm very in love, but I would
go just for the vibes because I'mlike, I gotta see what's going on
here. Yeah, I love blindeScarborough. So I like the thought of
(11:45):
that. I'm like, what kindof Toronto they're going to get you know,
we do like a micro version.Do we do like a YouTube version?
Yeah, something like that, somekind of like is blind. You
didn't hear that. We just dothat. We just do the pods.
We don't even go all the way. But I just want to see people
talk. That's really do tune outafter that. Oh yeah, very very
very interesting. I didn't know that. Well, yeah, I know,
(12:05):
I'm excited. I'm like, Ihope someone I know in someone where you
know a lot of interesting people.I'm sure someone's gonna get in there and
what I do want secretly and letme knock on because this I hope this
actually doesn't happen. But I havean X that goes on there and it's
just a whole reference among everything likefour K that would actually be amazing.
(12:26):
Oh my god. Right, let'slet's manifest that you start this project with
this line where I think this iswhat makes your music interesting in this project
specifically, because I think what you'resaying and the sonics of it are in
two different worlds. Okay, AndI feel like, again, this is
a project where you're talking about somany things that are personal to you,
(12:48):
very graphic, like you're you're very, very descriptive and how you talk about
things. But the sonics is mostlycalm. There's very little, very little
drums, you know, it's soso smooth. So I always find interesting
of like this is this Someone isprobably hearing this sonically and being like,
oh my god, this is sucha nice story. I'm happy for her.
(13:09):
Yeah, when it's like if youhear what she's actually saying and you
start off saying I love the feelingof leather brushing on my skin keeps me
distracted from when the teeth starts sinkingin. So tell us a little bit
about that. Like I mentioned earlier, anxious attachments, it's so interesting that
(13:31):
you notice the sonic thing because thiswas kind of on accident. It's for
some of us, love is complicatedbecause my brain doesn't work that well.
So the scary part isn't necessarily thebreakup. The scary part is catching feelings
sometimes because I'm like, I don'twant to do this. Oh no.
(13:52):
So that's kind of what that openingsong is about, is like the fear
of like, oh no, I'mlike shit, And it wasn't intentional,
but the ep is like the courseof a relationship so like but love at
first sight to like oh maybe something'soff, to like decline, and then
ultimately being left by yourself. Sonically, it starts more somber, like you
(14:16):
said, and then the last songis quite like poppy and happy, which
is opposite, which wasn't actually intentional, but like I said, when you're
living in like this anxiety place ina relationship, I was obviously heartbroken,
but there was a huge relief whenit ended, which was like it made
me sad at the time because it'slike I don't know what that means.
(14:39):
But yeah, I mean I knowI'm not alone in them. I'm sure
other people feel the same. Butit was actually an accident the like the
full upswing in terms of like thetone of the music anyway, like it
wasn't intentional, yeah, And thengetting to truck by you talk about like
how that's a different kind of tone. Yeah. Yeah, I think truck
(15:00):
to me, and I think tome it fits as an as an outro,
even though you said that wasn't intentional, because it is almost like all
right, it's gonna be all right, you know, it's gonna it's gonna
be okay. Yeah, So Ilike truck bed for that, like just
that tone to be okay, thingsare fun. Yeah, Like and like
I said, it was, that'sreally how things felt at the time,
Like, oh this sucks, thiswasn't the plan, but like you're kind
(15:22):
of safe when you're single, Sothere was just a little bit of like
you heard it here fly, Yeah, it's a little more peaceful. Sometimes
I'm trying to tell everyone stay single. Twenty twenty four, coming up from
my single anniversary, me in myrelationship celebrating I love you. I'm gonna
be celebrating two years single. Soyeah, I feel like I should have
(15:43):
some anniversary shot or something anniversary yourself. You put on these pals. I
that was absolutely a lunatic. Somy friend, my friend, I heard.
I heard. My friend sent mea calendar invite and and said we're
going to take a shot every yearon the day that y'all broke up to
celebrate. Oh my god, that'sa trend. Google's like, hey,
(16:07):
yeah, so that's that's a realfriend. My favorite song is pulling Teeth
really yeah, a big, bigvibe. Well my pro is going to
live though, Yeah, talk aboutthat because that's my favorite song. Really,
thank you. I wrote that songfirst that was written first. That
that's the song I wrote the nightwe left the movie. Oh wow,
(16:30):
And that's what started all of this. And I knew then. I was
like, this is the middle pointbecause I knew then. Like I said,
I didn't know where this was going. I didn't know why I had
writer's block, but I knew.I was like, I'm in the middle.
I don't know how this ends,but I'm in the middle. And
that song ended up being the middleof the EP. And it's the one
ironically that we finished last like productionwise, which is funny. And it
went through a lot of cycles.It sounded very different for a long time.
(16:55):
I had one guitarist and then endedup pulling in another one, and
then we like to the direction thatthe second one went in a little bit
more, so we went with that. But anyway, it sounded very different.
I wrote it. I have it'son my TikTok. Actually, I
like posted like a shitty recording ofme writing it that night, and it
was just guitar and my voice,and the production was very different, and
(17:17):
then somehow it came all the wayback to just guitar and vocals. I
think it makes sense. You said, this is like the middle the stage
because it feels like the most emotionaland like quiet, Yeah, like stop
and think kind of moment. It'sit's like when you when you're frustrated,
but you're not about this. You'renot gonna scream use a little Arthur fists.
Yeah I got arthurs oh so muchof the time. Yeah, so
(17:38):
that's what it feels like. It'slike I'm frustrated, but I'm not gonna
screaming ya, I'm just gonna Yeah. That is such Yeah, that is
so like, yeah, very perceptiveof you, just like very much that
of like so frustrated, but likethe fight is not I don't think it's
worth it. I'm so mad,but it's like I do not think.
I don't think I'm gonna swing.I think I'm going to like bower.
(18:00):
Yeah, it's like see and likeI mean, I'm sure a lot of
people have been there too, thatmoment of like, oh I think they're
going to leave. Yeah, thisis done. You can kind of feel
it. Yeah, Yeah, becausewhat you said earlier about the relief you
feel when something's done, Yeah,that it's like especially when it's unexpected,
like you thought when it's done,you were going to be heartbroken, which
(18:21):
most time totally and sometimes it's liketwo things can be true. You can
be heartbroken and feel relief, butyou didn't anticipate the relief anticipate the heart
and it was exactly and it wasmostly in this case anyway, it was
mostly relief. And that was reallylike striking to me. And that's why
truck Bad ended up the way itwas being like literally just a pop song
because I was like, yeah,it feels kind of okay, I'm sad,
(18:41):
but I was like, noruck truckBed is like okay, she put
her head out of the covers.Yeah, like that That's why I got.
That's what that one is to me. And then we can't talk about
not talk about this song because Ithink there's some lines on here where I
was like Aaron Talker, her ship, what I'm jealous actually touch you like
I do? That's that ship.Yeah, And this is the one time
(19:07):
where I'm gonna be pro your toxicitybecause it's better you said that in a
song than in a DMS. Sotrue, I did not say it in
reality, you know what I mean? Because that's something in reality where it's
like you're saying you mind your business. The block has spun at the wrong
time, exactly. Don't start afight for no reason, you know what
music So talk about jealous because Ifeel like jealous is definitely like I think
(19:33):
it's interesting that you call it jealous, and I want to ask about that
as well. But it doesn't soundlike you want this person back. Yeah,
you know what I mean. Butthere's still those things of like,
yeah, gotta like this, don'ttouch you like I do. So talk
about that kind of dichotomy of bothof those because I don't I don't get
to sense to you all this personback on jealousy, but there's still those
kind of jealous traits and jealous characteristicsand the lyrics. We're a very active
(19:56):
music listener. I appreciate it.Yeah, I uh. Jealous was the
single that was released first, sothat came out in October. And yeah,
like you said, it's this likeangry almost spiteful place, but I
kind of don't want them back exactlylike it was. I'm so mad,
(20:18):
but like I feel like this isthe end, you don't, like,
like the final fight or like thatkind of Yeah, yeah, like I'm
gonna get my shit off, butlike don't run back. Yeah, yeah,
like I just want you to knowthat I'm angry, but I don't
need you to do anything about it. And I released it when I was
still like a little angry, soa full nice nice Yeah, it wasn't
even that for us, to behonest, I was just mad still.
(20:38):
And that's what's been interesting too aboutlike working on this. It's been a
year, the full year of likewhen I finished the writing, I finished
in statements and on vacation looking atlike where my dad grew up, and
then we finished it this February,so it's just like total full circle.
But I've been in various states oflike mourning the end of this relationship as
(21:03):
we work on this project. Andit's so funny to work on a song
like chruck Bed of like everything's gonnabe okay when you're pissed still, like
I did not feel okay. Andthen there were days when we'd be working
on Jealous and I was like,I'm not even mad at him anymore.
Like it was just so funny thatlike because like the songs don't go in
order per se, like a movieyou don't shoot them in order. But
(21:23):
anyway, Jealous was very much likeyou said, just the petty song.
Yeah, you know, the lessnuance, and it's actually pulled. He
really was so helpful with writer's block. Now that I'm like saying all this
so loud, that's pulled directly froma conversation because I was told you sound
so jealous, and I was like, I am like, hello, like
(21:45):
I'm not mature. I'm not toogrown for violence. Like I said,
I'm not mature. I'm just jealous. Yeah, you're right, do something
about it. So anyway, sothat song was not overcoming nothing, just
like admit like the like failure almostlike I am just like this isn't working.
I'm just jealous. This might notwork. In some ways, that's
(22:07):
the healthiest song. Maybe maybe,you know, because given the situation,
because sometimes what you need is toget your feelings out will actually do something.
Yeah, And I think sometimes whenyou're instituation, like especially something that's
toxic with someone and it's like eitherit's not all the way done or it's
not working, or even it's done, maybe you want to rekindle. It's
like you, I don't need totake action here. I just need to
(22:30):
get my feelings out, you know. In a sense I kind of think
that's kind of a plus of thatone. It's like you validate me,
king, thank you. It's true, it's true. It's really true.
Like I'm trying to end the propagandathat Aaron is toxic. Yeah, no,
I'm a good girl. I'm reformed. Little choice of reformed. Reformed
is like one step below domesticated.Yeah, I don't know about that.
(22:53):
I'm saying, that's just one.That's the next, the next thing.
If I get too close to that, it just at acting all of us.
Yeah, all of us. Now, some people are supposed to domesticate
it. Okay, can I getan amen? Now? They say,
the top five people in your lifehelp you be who you are? Now?
Who are the people in your lifewho help you be yourself? Now?
(23:15):
Your top five can be two people, or it could be ten people.
Who are the people in your lifewho kind of help you be who
you are, keep you grounded?What a good question. My best friend,
Whitney, longtime best friend, she'sseeing me for real. She's seen
me through all type of men,all type of love, all type of
(23:38):
you know, pieces of breakups andwhatnot. She's seen me in horrible places.
She's seen me relapse, she's seenme thrive. And just having a
friendship that's that long term. Assomeone who had like a more unstable upbringing,
I don't have a lot of likelong term childhood friends. So just
having someone like yeah, grow withfor that long term, it's really wonderful.
(24:02):
She's very grounding and she's just aconstant. To have people like that,
it's just oh and then so cornybut true. My mom. I'm
super close with my mom. She'slike, for real, she's like,
I don't know, the guiding light. I have a pretty tiny immediate family.
It's just me, my mom,and my sister, and she steers
the ship. She's very and I'ma lot like imagine me as your kid,
(24:25):
and she's very open minded and openhearted and I endlessly appreciate that.
Cassie another really close friend, alsoa friend that's you know, been on
her own sobriety journey. I lovehaving people in my life that can relate
to those kind of things. Whoelse corny as well, especially after all
(24:48):
the shit I just talked about.My boyfriend is great. As I mentioned,
I've learned in other relationships some peopleyou do not thrive. Maybe it's
good to question why even if youlike them, maybe it's good to look
around be like, I'm not doingas much as I used to do.
That's not the case. Freddie's verypoping and busy and it makes me want
to be busy too. And uhyeah, he's a great cheerleader. So
(25:08):
we love that. We love that. That feels like the top five in
Okay, that's solid, that's solid, top four, top five. Yeah,
you got some chili designer team forsure. Nope, there's a five.
There's a five. Five, bigbig big ups. Riley. Riley
my astrological woo woo mommy. She'slike my super close friend and she was
(25:29):
honestly, like pretty much in thisparticular breakup that this EP ended up being
about. She was the number onetherapist and comrade and fellow crazy girl.
Yeah, and also she like broughtme back to the spiritual side when I
really was about to choose violence,so big of a need for real,
(25:53):
for real, it really was,it really was. I like that.
I like that she got her shoutout the end because I feel like imperative
exactly. Okay, so you celebrateda birthday. You're an Aquarius like myself,
right, Okay, so we gotan Aquarius podcast panel for anyone else
(26:15):
to celebrating their birthday throughout the restof the year. Okay, do you
have any suggestions of what they coulddo for a fun on their birthday?
Because I think that Aquarius we doeverything the best, So I think you're
going to take advice from anyone probablyshouldn't be an Aquarius. So what if
ice do you have, or someonecelebrating their birthday later on in the year,
and maybe they don't know how todo a party, but they want
to do something solo, what areyour suggestions for them? You know what,
(26:36):
I spent a lot of birthday solobecause I'm like, it's very girly
pop of me. But I lovecrying on my birthday. I am hating
my birthday. So I spent alot of birthdays not throwing a party.
So I feel like I'm pretty goodat that. I love like a solo
trip moment. I love not remindinganyone it's my birthday and then just taking
off and then people are like,oh, like what are you doing in
la like working and like whatever,but also like my birthday yesterday, Yeah,
(27:00):
let it fly by, and like, you know, introspective journaling and
all these things for real though,But yeah, just like you know,
looking back and whatever. But honestly, I've like broken the curse a little
bit. I used to have areally like hard time with birthdays, but
the last few I'm like, growingolder is a privilege, and there was
a long time that no one thoughtI'd live this long. So I'm like,
(27:22):
it's you know, it's worth celebrating. Yeah, yeah, now I'm
the same. I wasn't a birthdayperson. Yeah. I had a birthday
party this year, which is thefirst birthday party I've had maybe in like
five six years. Okay, cool, Well I think solo trip I was.
I was, I disolo shit formy birthday. So I'm with you.
That's all. That's always what ithits. It really is. Yeah,
and I'm not going with this isnot how it always is. But
(27:45):
whenever I have included someone in mybirthday, eleven times out of ten they
messed it up. So you knowwhat, that's so true. I took
a lot of inspo this year fromlike my sister and like a couple close
friends that have thrown themselves really sickbirthdays. And if you want something done
right, you got to yourself verycute little pre this year. And then
also more advice if you want toparty a little bit, don't throw the
(28:07):
party yourself. Just like find anevent going on and just bring everyone to
that. That's that I think iswhat I probably shut up Valley. Yeah,
it was very fun. I thinkthat's that's what I may do next
year, is like find something that'spopping as our speed, because then it's
kind of every man for themselves.It's like have a little pre people bring
you a gift or whatever, likehave you more intimate moment they go out,
(28:30):
Yeah, and you're in charge ofyour own good time. I want
people to be free. I don'tneed to totally know what I'm saying.
You don't everyone be free? GoAnd that was the rave that in my
very very sober coherent state of course, at like three am, I ran
into this person right before the EPcame out. Wow, which is really
that was the ultimate birthday gift tojust be like, don't be mad,
(28:52):
okay, don't you dare in liketwo weeks or something, don't be mad
okay. Yeah, that's that worksevery time. No one's gonna be mad
at all. It's my birthday.Don't get mad at me. I think
you can still use that for acouple more weeks. Yeah, he's about
to end, and I'm still like, I literally just stopped stop using that
because I'm January twenty second. Yeah, we're according to Sebuary twenty fourth.
(29:15):
So it's been a couple of dayssince my birthday, just a couple,
you know, But I definitely wasgoing bad bitch with it, and like
you celebrating my birthday month. Imight do birthday quarter next year and it'll
be all April year. Yeah,April, that's like, that's what we're
doing. I don't remember if weif I asked you this the last time,
(29:36):
because I interview was what six yearsago, I guess something like that.
Yeah. Yeah, we all havea we all have adult teeth now,
but also a long time ago.We were different then, I know.
But when people get a hundred milliondollars, they usually get an exotic
animal. Okay, I don't makethe rules. This is how it goes.
It's Mandatoryael Jackson with his monkey,Justin Bieber with his monkey. You
(29:56):
had a monkey. Mike Tyson withhis tiger. You had a tiger.
Yeah, Oh my gosh, Sowhen you get a hundred million dollars and
you've got to follow those rules,what animal you add into your life?
Hmmm? Not to get pita withit, but there's a couple of animals
that I don't think I need inmy house. But in a universe where
it's completely ethical and I have thegrounds and they're so happy in my home,
(30:18):
I would love, like hmmm,I'm really into like large lizards.
Okay, Like I love like akomodo dragon that wouldn't eat me. I
love like a big iguana. I'mfrom Saint Vincent. We have like iguana
season. I was gonna say,in Jamaica, the lizards, Like I
said, serious, in Jamaica,lizards are like spiders. You know,
you see spiders, the little ones, the babies. Oh yeah, okay,
(30:41):
so you want some big lizards,a big lizard. I was just
in Mexico when I saw some verylarge iguanas were one of those. Well,
you got a hundred million dollars,so you got a space. I
get a couple, yeah, thethree or four. Yeah, you know
what I'm saying. So that's thedifferent I think, think bash what we
haven't had anyone bring up reptiles basicallyat all, there we go. I'm
(31:04):
a cat Girl's surprising, but catsare cheaper than a hundred mills. Yeah
those anyways too cheap. We gota hundred million. Yeah, yeah,
the cats and iguana's getting the longthat's hey, I don't know. You
never know if you. I thinkif you get the iguanas first and then
integrate the cats, that's my professional. I'm all about interracial dating, so
(31:26):
I feel like iguanas and cats gottabe Yeah. Yeah, inclusivity twenty twenty
four, Love wins, love whoyou love. Yeah, we're when they're
going to like each other hopefully andhopefully. Yeah, report back that beef,
Like, I don't know who isI'm taking the iguana honestly, look
(31:47):
at that tail. But cats don'tplay. Yeah, I've had some cats
in my day that my sister's catright now, Marmie doesn't play. Yeah,
I don't know the cats are winningthat still, Yeah, I don't
know. Yeah, I'll keep youposted. This is the last one,
and I'm very interested in what youhave for this because you've dropped some gems
on this episode, helping some peopleout with their birthdays with their riding block
(32:09):
with their man who's not their man, with their girl who's not their girl.
So you're saving lives all over thisepisode, all in a day's work.
Now we do the second on theradio show call Wednesday Wisdom, where
we look for a motivational quote orsaying that either you remind yourself of or
the people around you. So what'sthat quote for you, that motivation that
either it's always runing through your heador that has stuck with you over the
(32:30):
years. Hmm, we need thatScarborough motivation. Okay, yeah, hmmm.
Honestly, it's a happy problem.But I'm surrounded by so many like
eloquent philosopher type wisdom that, like, I don't know, I'm so many
(32:51):
wonderful people that I feel like I'mconstantly getting like little things in my ear
that make me feel good. Buthonestly, my therapist in twenty twenty two
like pain isn't bad, and Ithink about that a lot, And that's
why that's the last line of thewhole EP is it's not bad to hurt.
Everybody does. Yeah. I thoughtthat was such a crazy line to
(33:13):
be the end of everything. Yeah, really, Like I was just like
damn, damn. Yeah. Sowe're not alone in that. I mean
pain, pain isn't bad, isa good one everybody does. And there's
like no feeling that you feel.There's no possible emotion that you could have
that no one's ever felt before.That is just like peace in that at
(33:37):
least. Yeah. I think that'swhere sometimes people feel really alone, is
the idea that that is what's happening. Yeah, and it's not possible.
And I say this all the time, is like, you know, not
everyone wears everything they've been through ontheir really, you know, that's kind
of the hope is that you don't, right because this problem, even all
the things you've been through, it'slike things I've been through. And I
(34:00):
was like, damn, thank godI forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah,
you know. So that's a bigpart of growing as well as like,
yes, this is important, Yesit's happened, Yes this is valid,
But I don't need to continue tocry. Yeah, yeah, I'm
making peace with things and yeah.So February twenty ninth, it's a leap
(34:22):
year. Oh yes, I didn'tactually know the release date because it got
pushed a few times because there wasjust no rush. I was like,
why are you rushing and then itwas quite impulsive that I heard it was
a leap year, and I waslike, done, yes, hurry up,
February twenty nine, send me thisstuff. That's how you celebrate black
history. But exactly running on ahigh note. Oh my goodness, thank
(34:45):
you for joining us. Honestly,this has been several years in the making.
I know, we finally got gotnew music. Like, yeah,
it took me a minute. I'msorry, but it's a full moon and
we're here. Okay, so here'shere's my here my only notes. Okay,
some happy stuff. Okay. Nownow now that you're always it might
be coming. Yeah, okay,now that you're all in love and it's
(35:07):
all butterflies and rainbows. Yeah,it really is not even lying. Let's
know, I'm I know, soI'm saying, let's I'll work on my
joy, you work at my gratitude. You don't got to go for real
happy that level, Like, youdon't got to go with it. But
I think I'm not the only onewho would love to see you make some
happy. It's true. There's artistsI love to and like, I love
(35:28):
a sad girl song. But whenI don't know, when you get that
happy track sometimes it does hit,so yeah, I think it's coming to
be honest, now we're looking forwardto it. Everyone, please go ahead
and stream that. Thank you foreveryone who made it to the end of
the podcast so you don't know whatto do, leave us a rating and
a review five stars, not asingle star less. Of course, find
(35:49):
us on the interwebs at The CoolTable Live on Instagram at Adrielsmiley dot com
on TikTok, at The Cool Tableon YouTube, and of course, until
next time, by yourself. Aworth
Old. Hey everyone, this isNeo. It's your boy Funky, the
coolest teen rapper online. What's it'sme? ALFI. You're listening to the
Cool Table with a listening to theYou're listening to the Cool Table. You're
listening to the Cool Table. AndI'm not sure if you know this,
but right now you're in the cutwith my man, Adril Smile. Good
(00:21):
morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. My name is
Adril Smiley. This is a cooltable. Now we challenge our guests to
finish intok of ice cream before theend of the conversation. This time we're
doing this a little differently. Noice cream this time, but friend of
the show, coming straight from theLost Files. Welcome to the show,
Aaron Brown. I don't often sayyour full name, so I felt very
(00:44):
weird. I know, yeah,yeah, that was like your w Yeah,
I know. I think about thatconstantly, like it would have been
cool to have like a stage name. It's not too late, but I'm
also not a stage name person,so that mean ten years. I'll pivot.
You got anything in mind? Ifelt you got a lot of to
choose from. I have a strippername in reality, like there was just
a lot of suths. I don'tknow my middle name's okay, Yeah,
(01:06):
okay, let's start with Yeah,let's go back as far as we can,
as far as we can Scarborough shorty, Yeah, I think true.
I feel like I have every Scarboroughartist on the show, Like you really
do have Burma Burma tonight I have. Yeah, I'm like Scarbo represented clearly.
But where was your start in termsof making it? I know you
(01:27):
were in bands, but what wereyou doing before you were in bands?
Like, what were you doing musicallybefore that? Just being really embarrassing,
Like I was in piano lessons whenI was younger, and I lived in
an apartment in Scarboro, and Iwas like sing on the balcony. I
was so shy growing up, soshy, so I knew that. Like
I was like, I think Ican say it. I think this sounds
(01:48):
okay, but how do you know? Because I wasn't doing it in front
of anybody, So it was kindof, yeah, just being embarrassing on
my balcony. Because my mom did, in fact tell me, like ten
years later she could hear me,but I was like, nobody can hear
me? Oh you thought you werebeing low key oh yeah, like not
like there's an apartment under and above, but okay, And then it evolved
to like singing for friends because Iliterally just wanted to know, like do
I even have a good voice?How do you know? I guess true,
(02:09):
you know, you can't even tell. And if your voice has been
god okay naturally, then like likeI don't I don't know if this is
true. So anyway, then Ivery abruptly, just at seventeen, was
like being shy. It's not goingto work for stuff I want to do,
so we better stop. And soit happened to say that, and
it kind of worked. In aninterview, you said you said bands are
(02:30):
really hard. Bands are really hard. What what were you thinking about when
you said that? What comes tomind that's a little hard about that.
It's a lot of cooks in thekitchen. It's a lot of opinions in
the room. I I'm like alyricist and whatnot to like control over music.
It's difficult with bands. Not likeI'm like, I don't know too
(02:50):
control freaky about it, but likeI said, just a lot of cooks
in the kitchen. It's also alot of time spent with people. Yes,
so yes, and we know weknow what happens with that intimacy with
people. Yeah, you talk aboutlike you know, you can't break up
and then get back together, likeevery time you have a band practice.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah that that tome is like it's headed downhill. Yeah,
(03:14):
one band member, another band member. Yeah, it's just like I
know, I know, but thenit also like adds a little spice.
But like I don't know, ifFetwood Mac, it's like there comes a
day when it doesn't work anymore before. Yeah, yeah, something don't need
spice. Something don't need spice.Yeah, I get what you mean about
cooks in the kitchen. Yeah,because I feel like, especially how your
(03:35):
music is lyrically, Yeah, it'snot for a group, you know,
to kind of dip their fingers intothat. Yeah. I think the like
the stuff I wrote that was prettydifferent to now because like you said,
it was just I don't know,it doesn't feel right sometimes, yea too
intimate to be like in a band. Guys. Here's what I wrote today
your therapist basically, and to theseare just like your real life. Like
(03:59):
I think that something about your musicthat knowing you, I know that,
but I do think that the peoplewho are hearing music for the first time
there they may think it's is like, oh, this is story time or
it's like that, like, haveyou got any you know, pushback from
your lyrics in the past, becauseit's like I always think, I'm like,
I know it's about someone, butI wish it wasn't as like from
(04:21):
people. Yeah, I've gotten likenot pushback, but I've definitely gotten like
the odd d M from someone I'vetalked to in a bit that's like I
heard that an exclamation point. Yeahyeah, maybe not capitals, but yeah,
lowercase something crazy, but oh youheard it? Okay, okay,
okay. And and this that nobeef though everyone's I heard it and that's
(04:43):
about me. It's so good.The new project's not out, but so
far, so good. Yeah.Yeah, this new project I think is
going to definitely raise some eyebrows.Okay, fine, you know that for
sure. Now I think so,I think, so when did this project
start? Like something you in themoment or just like as soon as you
left that situation? Oh, youknow, very serendipitous. So tonight's the
(05:05):
full moon. The full moon inJune of twenty twenty three, I went
to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre at FoxTheater, the original ones, like the
seventies gorgeous. I'd seen it beforewith a certain somebody, and I'd seen
this movie a bunch of times,but for some reason that day something felt
(05:26):
so different, and I left feelinglike I love seventies movies. It's a
huge like Inspirations, the seventies horror. Yeah, it's like I pull a
lot of inspiration, like aesthetically andwhat not. But anyway, something about
the movie that day felt so different. And my relationship with the person I
was with may or may not havebeen a little complicated at the time.
So we left the movie, walkeddown to the water this like big juicy
(05:46):
full Moon was out, and wehad like a really crazy conversation about like
the fate of being together. Likethere was no real conclusion, but it
was like a big, heavy conversationand I was just like, something,
this is so woo woo. ButI was like, something feels different now.
And it was that day that Iwent home and started working on this
and I'm telling you, I hadwriter's block trying to finish this for eight
(06:10):
months. Like it didn't work.I wrote, I knew I wanted like
four or five songs. It's myfirst conceptual project. Shout out to the
people to make them because it's sohard. But I knew I wanted like
a cohesive story beginning, middle end, but there was no ending. And
it was like eight months of theworst writer's block I've ever had, and
I was like, I don't understand. I thought it was him sometimes I
(06:32):
was like, maybe he's like I'mnot creative enough when I'm with him.
I didn't know what it was.And then spoiler alert, he broke up
with me and that was the ending, and I guess that's where the did
the ending till the EP come from. Then I finished the EP in a
day. Well, thank god thathe did that, because for real,
for real, so we knew theEP. So yeah, yeah, thank
(06:54):
god. And I'm telling you likeI knew there was an idea there,
but it wasn't flowing. I didn'tknow what was wrong. And then he
left and I was like, oh, you had to leave. That was
the end of the story. Yeah, I actually had something in here.
But asking you about like losing inspiration, do you have any tips for anyone
who's in that spot right now ifthey're having their writer's block and like they
are trying to get you know,that thought finished, that idea finished.
(07:16):
I mean, my like shitty adviceis like to start doing some stuff for
the plot, like just mix upreal life a little bit. That always
helps me. But if you wantlike more less toxic advice, I consume
Like I try to consume more contentwhen I feel like okay, like the
inspiration is lacking about content. Idon't mean like TikTok, but like watch
(07:40):
old movies, listen to old records, listen to them on vinyl, lay
on your floor, like smoke weedand whatever. I try to like,
I look for albums that feel theway I feel in the moment. Another
fun hobby of mine is the artiststhat I love, I go back to
their first project, even like StevieWonder was the last one, just like
not the first one that popped off, like the first first, like the
(08:01):
demos very fun. I don't know, I just look for new things.
I think that's a good advice.And I think you could do a mix
of both. Yeah, you know, you could do some stuff for the
plot and then when you get homeput on something. Yeah. I think
those are both both great. Answers. That's depending on where you land on
the spectrum of toxicity. Yeah,depending where you're at. Yeah, you
(08:24):
described this project as it's giving anxiousattachment and it's giving BPD. You want
you want to talk about that.I know I have this album in the
back because you said that, Igo, I have VPD. I'm very
open about it. Yeah, it'sjust, uh, for those that don't
(08:45):
know, it's essentially like a heightenedversion of like I don't know, anxiety,
depression, all these things you're I'mokay a lot of the time,
but I essentially am a little irrational. Sometimes you have a hard time with
a diagnosis like that, managing howserious things are. So sometimes very minor
things happen and I think it's theend of the world, or yeah,
(09:07):
I'm really good at flipping out basically, so, and I think I definitely
did. Like I said, theway this story of the project, which
was unfortunately pulled from my life,it was a little dramatic for kind of
no reason. Yeah, but hey, that's good for art at least.
And yeah, it was a veryanxious attached sort of relationship. We weren't
(09:31):
super compatible that way, and bythat I just mean, like again,
like everything felt very heightened, andnow in retrospect, looking back, I
don't think it was. But whileI was in it, everything seemed so
serious and so detrimental. Yeah,and now I look back and I'm like,
oh my god, it's yeah,it's crazy because you can't fix it.
You can't tell yourself that in themoment, it was the end of
(09:54):
the world and like it was thatserious. And now looking back, I
told you I ran into him lastweekend. It's not that serious. It's
like, oh my god, it'sfine. It's it's such a release everyone
lived. Yeah, when you canlook back and you're like, everybody's fine.
Yeah, it's not the end ofthe world. So yeah, I'm
happy that we got to that place. Yeah. Yeah, somehow Life after
(10:16):
Love let's say that because the newname of a show, life after Love.
Something that's a bagger right there,So life after Love. So I
know, I don't know. Youprobably heard this that the Love is Blind
auditions are coming to Toronto. Isthat true? I think I think it's
how I find out. Okay,okay, is there anyone in your life,
(10:39):
whether there are another artist, whatever, that you feel like you want
to just like suggest this to themthat can this is These are the people
who I feel like should apply forit. Oh my god, and Love
is Blind Toronto was gonna. Ididn't know that. I love that.
I mean, I have a lotof like I won't call Norman out right
now, but I have a lotof close personal friends that are so mixed
up that I'm like, you wouldall do great. But like an artist
(11:01):
to name offhand, hmmm, hmmm, who's funny? Maybe my friend Cash
Okay even smoked devents in Toronto Cash, So I feel like Cash is so
funny and Cash would be endlessly entertaining. Yeah, I'm so interp to see
what can people get on there?Because Toronto comes in different shades, Yes,
(11:22):
it surely does. You could haveLove His Blind Scarborough look a little
bit. I don't know. Wewant that. I love his blind and
Love is Blind Scarborough would hit wewant to hear it, Sarborough. I
would just join for the content.I'm very in love, but I would
go just for the vibes because I'mlike, I gotta see what's going on
here. Yeah, I love blindeScarborough. So I like the thought of
(11:45):
that. I'm like, what kindof Toronto they're going to get you know,
we do like a micro version.Do we do like a YouTube version?
Yeah, something like that, somekind of like is blind. You
didn't hear that. We just dothat. We just do the pods.
We don't even go all the way. But I just want to see people
talk. That's really do tune outafter that. Oh yeah, very very
very interesting. I didn't know that. Well, yeah, I know,
(12:05):
I'm excited. I'm like, Ihope someone I know in someone where you
know a lot of interesting people.I'm sure someone's gonna get in there and
what I do want secretly and letme knock on because this I hope this
actually doesn't happen. But I havean X that goes on there and it's
just a whole reference among everything likefour K that would actually be amazing.
(12:26):
Oh my god. Right, let'slet's manifest that you start this project with
this line where I think this iswhat makes your music interesting in this project
specifically, because I think what you'resaying and the sonics of it are in
two different worlds. Okay, AndI feel like, again, this is
a project where you're talking about somany things that are personal to you,
(12:48):
very graphic, like you're you're very, very descriptive and how you talk about
things. But the sonics is mostlycalm. There's very little, very little
drums, you know, it's soso smooth. So I always find interesting
of like this is this Someone isprobably hearing this sonically and being like,
oh my god, this is sucha nice story. I'm happy for her.
(13:09):
Yeah, when it's like if youhear what she's actually saying and you
start off saying I love the feelingof leather brushing on my skin keeps me
distracted from when the teeth starts sinkingin. So tell us a little bit
about that. Like I mentioned earlier, anxious attachments, it's so interesting that
(13:31):
you notice the sonic thing because thiswas kind of on accident. It's for
some of us, love is complicatedbecause my brain doesn't work that well.
So the scary part isn't necessarily thebreakup. The scary part is catching feelings
sometimes because I'm like, I don'twant to do this. Oh no.
(13:52):
So that's kind of what that openingsong is about, is like the fear
of like, oh no, I'mlike shit, And it wasn't intentional,
but the ep is like the courseof a relationship so like but love at
first sight to like oh maybe something'soff, to like decline, and then
ultimately being left by yourself. Sonically, it starts more somber, like you
(14:16):
said, and then the last songis quite like poppy and happy, which
is opposite, which wasn't actually intentional, but like I said, when you're
living in like this anxiety place ina relationship, I was obviously heartbroken,
but there was a huge relief whenit ended, which was like it made
me sad at the time because it'slike I don't know what that means.
(14:39):
But yeah, I mean I knowI'm not alone in them. I'm sure
other people feel the same. Butit was actually an accident the like the
full upswing in terms of like thetone of the music anyway, like it
wasn't intentional, yeah, And thengetting to truck by you talk about like
how that's a different kind of tone. Yeah. Yeah, I think truck
(15:00):
to me, and I think tome it fits as an as an outro,
even though you said that wasn't intentional, because it is almost like all
right, it's gonna be all right, you know, it's gonna it's gonna
be okay. Yeah, So Ilike truck bed for that, like just
that tone to be okay, thingsare fun. Yeah, Like and like
I said, it was, that'sreally how things felt at the time,
Like, oh this sucks, thiswasn't the plan, but like you're kind
(15:22):
of safe when you're single, Sothere was just a little bit of like
you heard it here fly, Yeah, it's a little more peaceful. Sometimes
I'm trying to tell everyone stay single. Twenty twenty four, coming up from
my single anniversary, me in myrelationship celebrating I love you. I'm gonna
be celebrating two years single. Soyeah, I feel like I should have
(15:43):
some anniversary shot or something anniversary yourself. You put on these pals. I
that was absolutely a lunatic. Somy friend, my friend, I heard.
I heard. My friend sent mea calendar invite and and said we're
going to take a shot every yearon the day that y'all broke up to
celebrate. Oh my god, that'sa trend. Google's like, hey,
(16:07):
yeah, so that's that's a realfriend. My favorite song is pulling Teeth
really yeah, a big, bigvibe. Well my pro is going to
live though, Yeah, talk aboutthat because that's my favorite song. Really,
thank you. I wrote that songfirst that was written first. That
that's the song I wrote the nightwe left the movie. Oh wow,
(16:30):
And that's what started all of this. And I knew then. I was
like, this is the middle pointbecause I knew then. Like I said,
I didn't know where this was going. I didn't know why I had
writer's block, but I knew.I was like, I'm in the middle.
I don't know how this ends,but I'm in the middle. And
that song ended up being the middleof the EP. And it's the one
ironically that we finished last like productionwise, which is funny. And it
went through a lot of cycles.It sounded very different for a long time.
(16:55):
I had one guitarist and then endedup pulling in another one, and
then we like to the direction thatthe second one went in a little bit
more, so we went with that. But anyway, it sounded very different.
I wrote it. I have it'son my TikTok. Actually, I
like posted like a shitty recording ofme writing it that night, and it
was just guitar and my voice,and the production was very different, and
(17:17):
then somehow it came all the wayback to just guitar and vocals. I
think it makes sense. You said, this is like the middle the stage
because it feels like the most emotionaland like quiet, Yeah, like stop
and think kind of moment. It'sit's like when you when you're frustrated,
but you're not about this. You'renot gonna scream use a little Arthur fists.
Yeah I got arthurs oh so muchof the time. Yeah, so
(17:38):
that's what it feels like. It'slike I'm frustrated, but I'm not gonna
screaming ya, I'm just gonna Yeah. That is such Yeah, that is
so like, yeah, very perceptiveof you, just like very much that
of like so frustrated, but likethe fight is not I don't think it's
worth it. I'm so mad,but it's like I do not think.
I don't think I'm gonna swing.I think I'm going to like bower.
(18:00):
Yeah, it's like see and likeI mean, I'm sure a lot of
people have been there too, thatmoment of like, oh I think they're
going to leave. Yeah, thisis done. You can kind of feel
it. Yeah, Yeah, becausewhat you said earlier about the relief you
feel when something's done, Yeah,that it's like especially when it's unexpected,
like you thought when it's done,you were going to be heartbroken, which
(18:21):
most time totally and sometimes it's liketwo things can be true. You can
be heartbroken and feel relief, butyou didn't anticipate the relief anticipate the heart
and it was exactly and it wasmostly in this case anyway, it was
mostly relief. And that was reallylike striking to me. And that's why
truck Bad ended up the way itwas being like literally just a pop song
because I was like, yeah,it feels kind of okay, I'm sad,
(18:41):
but I was like, noruck truckBed is like okay, she put
her head out of the covers.Yeah, like that That's why I got.
That's what that one is to me. And then we can't talk about
not talk about this song because Ithink there's some lines on here where I
was like Aaron Talker, her ship, what I'm jealous actually touch you like
I do? That's that ship.Yeah, And this is the one time
(19:07):
where I'm gonna be pro your toxicitybecause it's better you said that in a
song than in a DMS. Sotrue, I did not say it in
reality, you know what I mean? Because that's something in reality where it's
like you're saying you mind your business. The block has spun at the wrong
time, exactly. Don't start afight for no reason, you know what
music So talk about jealous because Ifeel like jealous is definitely like I think
(19:33):
it's interesting that you call it jealous, and I want to ask about that
as well. But it doesn't soundlike you want this person back. Yeah,
you know what I mean. Butthere's still those things of like,
yeah, gotta like this, don'ttouch you like I do. So talk
about that kind of dichotomy of bothof those because I don't I don't get
to sense to you all this personback on jealousy, but there's still those
kind of jealous traits and jealous characteristicsand the lyrics. We're a very active
(19:56):
music listener. I appreciate it.Yeah, I uh. Jealous was the
single that was released first, sothat came out in October. And yeah,
like you said, it's this likeangry almost spiteful place, but I
kind of don't want them back exactlylike it was. I'm so mad,
(20:18):
but like I feel like this isthe end, you don't, like,
like the final fight or like thatkind of Yeah, yeah, like I'm
gonna get my shit off, butlike don't run back. Yeah, yeah,
like I just want you to knowthat I'm angry, but I don't
need you to do anything about it. And I released it when I was
still like a little angry, soa full nice nice Yeah, it wasn't
even that for us, to behonest, I was just mad still.
(20:38):
And that's what's been interesting too aboutlike working on this. It's been a
year, the full year of likewhen I finished the writing, I finished
in statements and on vacation looking atlike where my dad grew up, and
then we finished it this February,so it's just like total full circle.
But I've been in various states oflike mourning the end of this relationship as
(21:03):
we work on this project. Andit's so funny to work on a song
like chruck Bed of like everything's gonnabe okay when you're pissed still, like
I did not feel okay. Andthen there were days when we'd be working
on Jealous and I was like,I'm not even mad at him anymore.
Like it was just so funny thatlike because like the songs don't go in
order per se, like a movieyou don't shoot them in order. But
(21:23):
anyway, Jealous was very much likeyou said, just the petty song.
Yeah, you know, the lessnuance, and it's actually pulled. He
really was so helpful with writer's block. Now that I'm like saying all this
so loud, that's pulled directly froma conversation because I was told you sound
so jealous, and I was like, I am like, hello, like
(21:45):
I'm not mature. I'm not toogrown for violence. Like I said,
I'm not mature. I'm just jealous. Yeah, you're right, do something
about it. So anyway, sothat song was not overcoming nothing, just
like admit like the like failure almostlike I am just like this isn't working.
I'm just jealous. This might notwork. In some ways, that's
(22:07):
the healthiest song. Maybe maybe,you know, because given the situation,
because sometimes what you need is toget your feelings out will actually do something.
Yeah, And I think sometimes whenyou're instituation, like especially something that's
toxic with someone and it's like eitherit's not all the way done or it's
not working, or even it's done, maybe you want to rekindle. It's
like you, I don't need totake action here. I just need to
(22:30):
get my feelings out, you know. In a sense I kind of think
that's kind of a plus of thatone. It's like you validate me,
king, thank you. It's true, it's true. It's really true.
Like I'm trying to end the propagandathat Aaron is toxic. Yeah, no,
I'm a good girl. I'm reformed. Little choice of reformed. Reformed
is like one step below domesticated.Yeah, I don't know about that.
(22:53):
I'm saying, that's just one.That's the next, the next thing.
If I get too close to that, it just at acting all of us.
Yeah, all of us. Now, some people are supposed to domesticate
it. Okay, can I getan amen? Now? They say,
the top five people in your lifehelp you be who you are? Now?
Who are the people in your lifewho help you be yourself? Now?
(23:15):
Your top five can be two people, or it could be ten people.
Who are the people in your lifewho kind of help you be who
you are, keep you grounded?What a good question. My best friend,
Whitney, longtime best friend, she'sseeing me for real. She's seen
me through all type of men,all type of love, all type of
(23:38):
you know, pieces of breakups andwhatnot. She's seen me in horrible places.
She's seen me relapse, she's seenme thrive. And just having a
friendship that's that long term. Assomeone who had like a more unstable upbringing,
I don't have a lot of likelong term childhood friends. So just
having someone like yeah, grow withfor that long term, it's really wonderful.
(24:02):
She's very grounding and she's just aconstant. To have people like that,
it's just oh and then so cornybut true. My mom. I'm
super close with my mom. She'slike, for real, she's like,
I don't know, the guiding light. I have a pretty tiny immediate family.
It's just me, my mom,and my sister, and she steers
the ship. She's very and I'ma lot like imagine me as your kid,
(24:25):
and she's very open minded and openhearted and I endlessly appreciate that.
Cassie another really close friend, alsoa friend that's you know, been on
her own sobriety journey. I lovehaving people in my life that can relate
to those kind of things. Whoelse corny as well, especially after all
(24:48):
the shit I just talked about.My boyfriend is great. As I mentioned,
I've learned in other relationships some peopleyou do not thrive. Maybe it's
good to question why even if youlike them, maybe it's good to look
around be like, I'm not doingas much as I used to do.
That's not the case. Freddie's verypoping and busy and it makes me want
to be busy too. And uhyeah, he's a great cheerleader. So
(25:08):
we love that. We love that. That feels like the top five in
Okay, that's solid, that's solid, top four, top five. Yeah,
you got some chili designer team forsure. Nope, there's a five.
There's a five. Five, bigbig big ups. Riley. Riley
my astrological woo woo mommy. She'slike my super close friend and she was
(25:29):
honestly, like pretty much in thisparticular breakup that this EP ended up being
about. She was the number onetherapist and comrade and fellow crazy girl.
Yeah, and also she like broughtme back to the spiritual side when I
really was about to choose violence,so big of a need for real,
(25:53):
for real, it really was,it really was. I like that.
I like that she got her shoutout the end because I feel like imperative
exactly. Okay, so you celebrateda birthday. You're an Aquarius like myself,
right, Okay, so we gotan Aquarius podcast panel for anyone else
(26:15):
to celebrating their birthday throughout the restof the year. Okay, do you
have any suggestions of what they coulddo for a fun on their birthday?
Because I think that Aquarius we doeverything the best, So I think you're
going to take advice from anyone probablyshouldn't be an Aquarius. So what if
ice do you have, or someonecelebrating their birthday later on in the year,
and maybe they don't know how todo a party, but they want
to do something solo, what areyour suggestions for them? You know what,
(26:36):
I spent a lot of birthday solobecause I'm like, it's very girly
pop of me. But I lovecrying on my birthday. I am hating
my birthday. So I spent alot of birthdays not throwing a party.
So I feel like I'm pretty goodat that. I love like a solo
trip moment. I love not remindinganyone it's my birthday and then just taking
off and then people are like,oh, like what are you doing in
la like working and like whatever,but also like my birthday yesterday, Yeah,
(27:00):
let it fly by, and like, you know, introspective journaling and
all these things for real though,But yeah, just like you know,
looking back and whatever. But honestly, I've like broken the curse a little
bit. I used to have areally like hard time with birthdays, but
the last few I'm like, growingolder is a privilege, and there was
a long time that no one thoughtI'd live this long. So I'm like,
(27:22):
it's you know, it's worth celebrating. Yeah, yeah, now I'm
the same. I wasn't a birthdayperson. Yeah. I had a birthday
party this year, which is thefirst birthday party I've had maybe in like
five six years. Okay, cool, Well I think solo trip I was.
I was, I disolo shit formy birthday. So I'm with you.
That's all. That's always what ithits. It really is. Yeah,
and I'm not going with this isnot how it always is. But
(27:45):
whenever I have included someone in mybirthday, eleven times out of ten they
messed it up. So you knowwhat, that's so true. I took
a lot of inspo this year fromlike my sister and like a couple close
friends that have thrown themselves really sickbirthdays. And if you want something done
right, you got to yourself verycute little pre this year. And then
also more advice if you want toparty a little bit, don't throw the
(28:07):
party yourself. Just like find anevent going on and just bring everyone to
that. That's that I think iswhat I probably shut up Valley. Yeah,
it was very fun. I thinkthat's that's what I may do next
year, is like find something that'spopping as our speed, because then it's
kind of every man for themselves.It's like have a little pre people bring
you a gift or whatever, likehave you more intimate moment they go out,
(28:30):
Yeah, and you're in charge ofyour own good time. I want
people to be free. I don'tneed to totally know what I'm saying.
You don't everyone be free? GoAnd that was the rave that in my
very very sober coherent state of course, at like three am, I ran
into this person right before the EPcame out. Wow, which is really
that was the ultimate birthday gift tojust be like, don't be mad,
(28:52):
okay, don't you dare in liketwo weeks or something, don't be mad
okay. Yeah, that's that worksevery time. No one's gonna be mad
at all. It's my birthday.Don't get mad at me. I think
you can still use that for acouple more weeks. Yeah, he's about
to end, and I'm still like, I literally just stopped stop using that
because I'm January twenty second. Yeah, we're according to Sebuary twenty fourth.
(29:15):
So it's been a couple of dayssince my birthday, just a couple,
you know, But I definitely wasgoing bad bitch with it, and like
you celebrating my birthday month. Imight do birthday quarter next year and it'll
be all April year. Yeah,April, that's like, that's what we're
doing. I don't remember if weif I asked you this the last time,
(29:36):
because I interview was what six yearsago, I guess something like that.
Yeah. Yeah, we all havea we all have adult teeth now,
but also a long time ago.We were different then, I know.
But when people get a hundred milliondollars, they usually get an exotic
animal. Okay, I don't makethe rules. This is how it goes.
It's Mandatoryael Jackson with his monkey,Justin Bieber with his monkey. You
(29:56):
had a monkey. Mike Tyson withhis tiger. You had a tiger.
Yeah, Oh my gosh, Sowhen you get a hundred million dollars and
you've got to follow those rules,what animal you add into your life?
Hmmm? Not to get pita withit, but there's a couple of animals
that I don't think I need inmy house. But in a universe where
it's completely ethical and I have thegrounds and they're so happy in my home,
(30:18):
I would love, like hmmm,I'm really into like large lizards.
Okay, Like I love like akomodo dragon that wouldn't eat me. I
love like a big iguana. I'mfrom Saint Vincent. We have like iguana
season. I was gonna say,in Jamaica, the lizards, Like I
said, serious, in Jamaica,lizards are like spiders. You know,
you see spiders, the little ones, the babies. Oh yeah, okay,
(30:41):
so you want some big lizards,a big lizard. I was just
in Mexico when I saw some verylarge iguanas were one of those. Well,
you got a hundred million dollars,so you got a space. I
get a couple, yeah, thethree or four. Yeah, you know
what I'm saying. So that's thedifferent I think, think bash what we
haven't had anyone bring up reptiles basicallyat all, there we go. I'm
(31:04):
a cat Girl's surprising, but catsare cheaper than a hundred mills. Yeah
those anyways too cheap. We gota hundred million. Yeah, yeah,
the cats and iguana's getting the longthat's hey, I don't know. You
never know if you. I thinkif you get the iguanas first and then
integrate the cats, that's my professional. I'm all about interracial dating, so
(31:26):
I feel like iguanas and cats gottabe Yeah. Yeah, inclusivity twenty twenty
four, Love wins, love whoyou love. Yeah, we're when they're
going to like each other hopefully andhopefully. Yeah, report back that beef,
Like, I don't know who isI'm taking the iguana honestly, look
(31:47):
at that tail. But cats don'tplay. Yeah, I've had some cats
in my day that my sister's catright now, Marmie doesn't play. Yeah,
I don't know the cats are winningthat still, Yeah, I don't
know. Yeah, I'll keep youposted. This is the last one,
and I'm very interested in what youhave for this because you've dropped some gems
on this episode, helping some peopleout with their birthdays with their riding block
(32:09):
with their man who's not their man, with their girl who's not their girl.
So you're saving lives all over thisepisode, all in a day's work.
Now we do the second on theradio show call Wednesday Wisdom, where
we look for a motivational quote orsaying that either you remind yourself of or
the people around you. So what'sthat quote for you, that motivation that
either it's always runing through your heador that has stuck with you over the
(32:30):
years. Hmm, we need thatScarborough motivation. Okay, yeah, hmmm.
Honestly, it's a happy problem.But I'm surrounded by so many like
eloquent philosopher type wisdom that, like, I don't know, I'm so many
(32:51):
wonderful people that I feel like I'mconstantly getting like little things in my ear
that make me feel good. Buthonestly, my therapist in twenty twenty two
like pain isn't bad, and Ithink about that a lot, And that's
why that's the last line of thewhole EP is it's not bad to hurt.
Everybody does. Yeah. I thoughtthat was such a crazy line to
(33:13):
be the end of everything. Yeah, really, Like I was just like
damn, damn. Yeah. Sowe're not alone in that. I mean
pain, pain isn't bad, isa good one everybody does. And there's
like no feeling that you feel.There's no possible emotion that you could have
that no one's ever felt before.That is just like peace in that at
(33:37):
least. Yeah. I think that'swhere sometimes people feel really alone, is
the idea that that is what's happening. Yeah, and it's not possible.
And I say this all the time, is like, you know, not
everyone wears everything they've been through ontheir really, you know, that's kind
of the hope is that you don't, right because this problem, even all
the things you've been through, it'slike things I've been through. And I
(34:00):
was like, damn, thank godI forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah,
you know. So that's a bigpart of growing as well as like,
yes, this is important, Yesit's happened, Yes this is valid,
But I don't need to continue tocry. Yeah, yeah, I'm
making peace with things and yeah.So February twenty ninth, it's a leap
(34:22):
year. Oh yes, I didn'tactually know the release date because it got
pushed a few times because there wasjust no rush. I was like,
why are you rushing and then itwas quite impulsive that I heard it was
a leap year, and I waslike, done, yes, hurry up,
February twenty nine, send me thisstuff. That's how you celebrate black
history. But exactly running on ahigh note. Oh my goodness, thank
(34:45):
you for joining us. Honestly,this has been several years in the making.
I know, we finally got gotnew music. Like, yeah,
it took me a minute. I'msorry, but it's a full moon and
we're here. Okay, so here'shere's my here my only notes. Okay,
some happy stuff. Okay. Nownow now that you're always it might
be coming. Yeah, okay,now that you're all in love and it's
(35:07):
all butterflies and rainbows. Yeah,it really is not even lying. Let's
know, I'm I know, soI'm saying, let's I'll work on my
joy, you work at my gratitude. You don't got to go for real
happy that level, Like, youdon't got to go with it. But
I think I'm not the only onewho would love to see you make some
happy. It's true. There's artistsI love to and like, I love
(35:28):
a sad girl song. But whenI don't know, when you get that
happy track sometimes it does hit,so yeah, I think it's coming to
be honest, now we're looking forwardto it. Everyone, please go ahead
and stream that. Thank you foreveryone who made it to the end of
the podcast so you don't know whatto do, leave us a rating and
a review five stars, not asingle star less. Of course, find
(35:49):
us on the interwebs at The CoolTable Live on Instagram at Adrielsmiley dot com
on TikTok, at The Cool Tableon YouTube, and of course, until
next time, by yourself. Aworth
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