December 30, 2024 • 36 mins
Moms are known for confronting and handling family problems big and small. When things work out, Mom is the hero--again. But sometimes the problem is too big even for Mom. Join the Moms as they talk to social media star, Kristina Kuzmic, as she shares her experiences dealing with her son's depression and substance abuse which she chronicles in her book, I Can Fix This (And Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child). A raw and insightful discussion, this is Moms Club must see.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/inside-the-moms-club--4709676/support.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/inside-the-moms-club--4709676/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hi, Welcome to Inside the Mom's Club, where being a
mom is the coolest place to be. Here in the
Mom's Club, we believe that what embarrasses you now will
make a great story later. And let's face it, you
don't laugh sometimes you're gonna cry. Join us in having
a good laugh together. I'm Monica Samuels. You are now
(00:36):
inside the Mom's Club, your private destination for all things mom.
Welcome Mom's Welcome to Inside the Mom's Club. I'm your host,
Monica Samuels, and I'm here with my co host, Julie Orkid.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello, Julie, Monica, it's so good to be bad.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's good to be back in Los Angeles. Here great
our podcast, which is so much fun. And you, I guess,
are still in the midst of parenting a teenage which
I always like, I have to have two sons, so
I live vicariously.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Well, tell you about the drama's dramas.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I can't believe it.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
She's seventeen, she has a lot of fun, she's witty,
but she's also sessy. And so this week, every time
I go to shower. Let me back up, I don't
have this regular problem, but you know, we live in Texas,
it's been awfully dry, and so sometimes bugs may come
into our home. Imagine. Anyway, so she keeps showering in
(01:41):
my shower. She won't get out, and she refuses to
go back in her bathroom. Okay, I'm going to tell
you why.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Why would she refuse to go back? Now, I want
to make a little clarification. I don't have bugs in
my home.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well I do have an occasional bugs.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I might die from poisoning from the extramination. But yeah,
very careful.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
He comes like once a month. Anyway, honesty. A cockroach fell,
she says, in her shower on her head, and she's
traumatized for life.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
But I think this is silly.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
I mean it's going on and on, and she refuses
to go back to her bathroom.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
If a cockroach fell on my head in the shower,
I would move to.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I mean, she's gone as far as saying I'm going
to take my allowance, which she doesn't get and hire
an exterminator. I was like, we have one, like you know.
So anyway, it's been much drama all the way around.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
But raising kids is you never know which that's really different.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Well, yeah, so now we're sharing a bathroom and anyone
who's ever raised a daughter you know how that's working
out not well. So yeah, hopefully that she, you know,
gets some strength to get over this.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
She might need some therapy and maybe one of those
little umbrella hats something. I think you have a word
with your exterminator. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Well, we also have kids that graduated in twenty twenty.
We do, yeah, and so, and they're doing well, you know,
but it didn't mean that there weren't bumps along the way,
and so you know, you've had some experiences recently.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Well, they yeah, they had a hard time. So they
graduated when COVID was going on and they didn't have
a graduation, they didn't have a prom. They started college
locked up in their dorm rooms and it was all
very difficult for them. But now they've graduated and your
daughter is working.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
In Orlando at Universal and so, you know, just cranking it.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And my son got offered a job and he's waiting
for it to go through. So he's playing a lot
of golf and getting himself mentally tough to Uh.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah, he's your roommate right now.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
But you know, yes, he has a tenant at our home.
But yeah, but the hard part is, and this is
really really hard. Yeah for them. It's hard enough that
they went through what they did. But in the last
six weeks, those kids have been to two funerals of classmates.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It's been super tough because, yeah, it's a sad situation.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
It is very sad, and one of them, unfortunately, it
was related to substance abuse. And I think the thing
that really struck me the hardest when at all of it,
it was just tragic. But I was at the funeral
for the second boy and I was talking to one
of the other moms and she said, you know, the
last time I saw him was at the other kid's funeral,
(04:37):
and I thought, that's the last time I saw him too,
and that just it was just it's been hard. It's
been tough, but that is why I think it's great.
We have a guest today that I think we can
But she's also a lot of fun too, So you know,
this is the show we are about laughing too, So
let's keep it. Let's fun too, keep it light. I
(04:58):
love the title. It isn't important subject. Well, let me
introduce her, okay to talk about it. She has over
four million followers, on social media and was the winner
of Oprah's Search for the Next TV Star. She immigrated
from Croatia, where she lived during the war there, and
she has since faced other life challenges, including divorce, single parenting, poverty,
(05:22):
and mental health challenges. She is a prolific author. She's
written two books in Her most recent book is called
I Can Fix This and Other Lies I told myself
while parenting my struggling child. Please welcome, Christina Kuzmik. Welcome
to the Mom's Club. Christina. We are so happy to
(05:45):
have you here. Well, let's get a little bit of
background in the first before we get into the more
serious stuff. Let's talk about your career overall. First of all,
so you immigrated, was the creation where it was going on?
And then you moved to the US? Or how did
you come to America?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah, so my dad got an opportunity to work at
you know, school, and so he was like, Okay, we're
going to go to the US just to stay safe,
and once the war's over, we're moving back. So it's
never like a permanent move. And so eventually they all
moved back and I ended up I was in college
by the time they moved back. So I stayed and
they're still back there and I'm here.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Oh wow wow, Well then you have a beautiful place
to vacation, because I can tell you that everybody I
know wants to go to Croatia for their vacation.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
It's just it's the best. I mean now, as a
forty five year old woman, I'm like, I didn't even
appreciate it because you know, kids, yeah, like totally, he
looks are beautiful. It's just normal. We don't know any different.
But I go back regularly and I love it.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Yeah, well I hear it's gorgeous. So how did you
get involved in entertainment? Because you won the reality contest
and I now you do stand up comedy, you do shows,
you know what.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Everything I've done life has sort of happened unexpectedly, so
I'm not sure who the like, who's controlling my life,
but it's always something weird being thrown at me. I
basically I studied theater. And one of the reasons I
studied theater in high school I got into theater because
I had a very thick accent. I folt like this.
I you know, didn't dress pool like the American kids,
(07:20):
and I didn't know the culture, and I was made
fun of and in theater you can be as weird
as you want and you will belong And so got
into that, ended up studying that in college, and then
as many mothers do, you know, everything suddenly became motherhood
and all my creative stuff, everything i'd kind of put aside,
although it does take a lot of creativity to raise
(07:40):
children without losing your standies. But I had two kids
pretty much back to back, and then ended up going
through an awful divorce when my kids are one and
a half and three. I ended up on food stamps,
sharing a small room with them with a roommate in
the other room. I couldn't even afford my own apartment.
I was just a mess and depressed and felt awful,
and then eventually I just as it's a long story, obviously,
(08:03):
but that's what my first book is about. But eventually
got to a place where I was feeling better and
just had this need to help those moms or dads
who are feeling worthless and are really struggling, and the
thing they are stuck in, whether it's stress or grief
(08:24):
or whatever it is, feels so permanent, and so I
came up with sort of this mission statement, which was
I want to be for others what I needed when
I was at my lowest. And now, everything I create,
whether it's a funny, silly, you know video just to
make somebody laugh, or whether it's where I open up
and share vulnerably about my own struggles and things I've
(08:44):
gone through, I just I always think about that girl
sleeping on that floor, sharing a room with their kids,
and just feeling like our kids des are better. That's
that's who I create content.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, you make it incredibly relatable. I will say that,
and it's appreciated, and it's.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I have to tell you.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
The funniest part when I was watching some of your
videos is the one where you basically have a baby
shower for having a teenager, which I thought was hysterical
because you know the questions and everything. So I love
your videos first of all, so because you keep them
light and you keep it funny, and Monica and I
love that. But we also, as far as the book
(09:21):
goes the title, you know what I mean, we are
kind of like where I can fix this, right, So
we all believe that, and you take that there is
no such thing as perfection and parenting for sure, or
you know how to handle that. So basically, what I'd
like to know is did you get it? Was your
(09:42):
son on board for you to write this book. I
understand that you guys both you know what I mean,
are on board with talking about it and everything. And
there's a lot of teenagers out there who won't talk
about it and don't want to bring it to light.
So how did you get him to realize that it's
important to talk about.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
So a couple of things about that. One, I have
had a rule ever since my career started to grow
that I would never say anything about my children without
built for full permission. I will not even tell you
what my daughter ate for lunch to day, like it
will not happen. That's why you will, very very very rarely.
I think it's been years since I've done it. Posted
a scene, a video, I mean, I'm sorry, a family
(10:19):
photo on my social media because everybody has to prove it.
So when my son starts struggling, obviously I mean he
had suicidal ideations, was awful. I'm not going to be like, hey,
by the way, can I post about this? So I
didn't even ask and I didn't post anything And the
interesting thing is for my followers that have been with
me forever, I've told them look back on what I
(10:40):
was posting during this year and this year and this year,
and there's a common thread because I was posting what
I needed to hear. Right. So, eventually, as he was
starting to get a lot of help to the therapy,
medication and all that, support groups actually are what helped
him the most. And I remember driving back from a
second residential center that he was in for mental health struggles,
(11:01):
and it was a nine hour drive home and he
had just spent seven weeks there and he mentioned something
in the car. He said, you know what helped me
the most, Mom was hearing from other kids my age,
because we kids are constantly hearing from parents and teachers
and therapists. But there's something about hearing this. He was
seventeen when he said this to me. There's something about
hearing another kid describe how you're feeling. And all of
(11:23):
a sudden you're like, oh, I'm not crazy, I'm not weird, right,
and oh my goodness, we're allowed to talk about this
out loud, like what? So we decided let's shoot this
little video where he would open up and he's a
very private person. He doesn't even use social media, and
so I gave him. He was seventeen at the time.
(11:43):
I gave him till he turned eighteen, and then another
few months. I think it was like eight months to
change his mind because I have been on social media
and people can be awful, and obviously he was still
you know, he was doing better, but I didn't want anybody,
you know, to mess with his mental health. I felt
like everything was so fragile. Anyway, we do this video
and it blows up because a lot of families are
(12:04):
going through this and nobody's talking about it, and especially
hearing a teenager talk about it. That led to the
book de You'll offer and I, you know, my agent
called me and I said, and you talk to my son.
And I said to him, A, I'm not doing this
without your complete not just blessing, but like yes, and two,
I'm not doing it without your participation. Not only would
(12:26):
I love if you have it in you to write
a chapter, which he ended up writing a chapter, but
I want every chapter I write to be authentic to you.
So if I say he was really mad at me,
I want to know that you were actually mad at me,
because if we're going to write this book and this vulnerable,
I want it to be authentic. And so the book
only exists because of his vulnerability and willingness to talk
(12:47):
about it and knowing it would help other people.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Well, let's let's let's go back a little bit and
understand why he got to this place. So you have
a son, you have a daughter about the same age,
they're close in age a.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Year and a half apart.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
And then you've got another son, a younger son from
by your second marriage. From one understand, So what do
you think led to your son? When did this start
where you noticed, Hey, he's kind of he just quiet,
he might be just depressed. And do you have any
idea what under the underlying causes were, because if your
daughter's I mean people are different, everyone who is different.
(13:23):
Maybe she's going and has no issues at all. But
what did you notice it? Where did you first notice
that he was having these issues? And did you share
anything with you that indicated I'm having a problem And
did your daughter have anything similar going on or were
they just so different you that was never an issue
at all.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
So I actually first started suspecting maybe ADHD when he
was young, but I live in California. I don't know
where you guys are located. And when you are a
broke mom on food stamps, you get medical which is
basically stay funded healthcare, and it's it's great that exists,
but you get the worst of the worst kind of thing.
(14:05):
And I remember talking to pediatrician about it and she said,
you know what, if he can focus when he wants to,
it's not ADHD, which, by the way, now we know
that is not the case, that is not true, but
at the time that's what I was told. So I
sort of dismissed it and just noticed he would be
frustrated easily about stuff. But again I thought that's just
his personality. But he was this very hyper, full of
(14:28):
life child. And then around twelve thirteen, I noticed his
disposition start to change. He's quieter. This is called teenager. Yeah,
and one hundred percent of humans have at some point
been afflicted with this. And we've said and he'll be fine.
I know exactly what to do. I need to love
him through it. I need to set some roles and
boundaries so he doesn't, you know, end up destroying his life.
(14:50):
And I need to keep my sanity intact during this
tough time, but we're going to get through this. So
I guess that was my first mistake, is I came
from a place of assumption instead of curiosity. And then
as things kept going, I was like, huh, that's weird.
He's not just isolating for mom and dad because they're
no longer cool. He's starting to isolate from friends. He's
(15:11):
starting to isolate from activities he used to enjoy. He would,
you know, because a lot of times his depression showed
up his anger and rebellion and he started stealing to
buy drugs and you know, stuff, going to school, all
this stuff was it was very chaotic, and so I
would slap a consequence on him, right, not slap him.
I would give him a consequence still.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And I would yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
And I would notice that even the consequences didn't matter.
If I took something that he loved a way like
you can't do that this weekend, his response would be fine, Yeah,
but man, this kid is not finding joy in anything.
And basically, it took too long for me to really
deal with the root of the problem instead of just
that behaviors, right, which I think a lot of us
(15:57):
parents do. And I lied to myself. I told myself
I was live at the boot of the problem. I
know he's struggling. It's hard being a teenager, but I
wasn't digging deep enough. And then things just started to
get worse and worse, and eventually got diagnosed with depression,
and I flat out asked him, have you ever thought
about taking your life? Thankfully, he was honest with me
and he said yes. And that's when a parent's entire
(16:18):
world Yeah, changes.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Yeah, So go ahead, did you so do you think
that was like physiological or was he having issues with kids?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
You mentioned social media and you're big on social media.
So do you think that because a lot of things
that happen right now they're blaming on social media and
that bullying with other kids, was there that going on
or do you think it was just more of a
physiological thing that was going on with him? And that's what.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Yeah, I think a big part of it was physiological,
I mean brain chemistry, right, And again he was eventually
diagnosed the ADHD and not having diagnosis for that for
so many years, and by now most people who either
struggle with ADHD or know someone who does, know that
the society is not set up to fit into a box.
(17:14):
Right for kids like that, they can fit into this
box where they feel like they're thriving. Things have to
be a little different and we have to understand kids
with ADHD a little differently instead of expecting them to
just follow a certain model. So I think there was
frustration going through that, growing through that, and not getting
support for it. On top of that, he was bullied
a lot, not on social media, like before social media
(17:37):
even really existed when he was a kid. And my
again one of my many mistakes is I bought into
his mom I'm good, I know who I am. He
wore this very confident, I don't care what people think
of me. In fact, when he was eleven or twelve,
I think eleven, we made a video. It was one
of my first videos ever, made four Reasons Ways to
(18:00):
deal with a Bully, and it went viral and here's
this eleven year old kid saying how he's bullied and
how he deals with it and he knows who he
is and he's not going to let other people affect him.
And all these kids were inspired by it, and underneath
it all, he was struggling. And that's the truth. No
matter how your kid is saying they're handling bullying, it
is leaving a scar. So I think it was a
combination of things. When he's asked about it now, he
(18:23):
always says, I know that the bullying did major damage.
But I also think that I was born sort of
with a chemical imbalance where I'm always going to struggle
with depression of anxiety and ADHD.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I think I think one thing about the substance abuse
part too. I think one thing that he said to you,
which was really telling with a lot of parents whose
kids deal with substance abuse, when he said, well, if
I'm thinking about killing myself, isn't it better to do
take something that makes me feel better? Yeah, and it's
hard to think you don't think of it that way.
(18:57):
But if no depression is the underlying thing, then yeah,
it's yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
In fact, you know, he was my first kid, right,
and so all of a sudden, first it was you know, pot.
Then I started finding full empty bottles of alcohol drops.
But then I started finding pain pills that he was
stealing for people. Then I found that the marijuana he
was buying from school was laced with stuff. Because two
girls at his school had a seizure who were getting
(19:23):
marijuana from the same place. He I mean, it was just,
I mean, it was just getting out of control, and
I as a mother dealing with this for the first time.
At first, when I found stuff, I was like, oh, well, yes,
you know, he wants to be cool like his friends.
I'm not even digging deeper than that at first, And
then eventually I ended up having to call the police
(19:45):
on him, and he ended up in a psychiatric hospital
and after that at a residential treatment center. And so one
of our last therapy sessions, I would go each week
and have a family therapy session with him at the
residential center. One of our last therapy sessions, We've been
making so much progress. I'm feeling so good. Yeah, And
he says to me, Hey, Mom, I know I'm getting
out of here next week. And I just decided I
really want to be honest with you, because I think
(20:06):
that's what our relationship needs for us to be closes.
I have to be honest. And I'm sitting there beaming, like,
oh my god, I'm my son back, and he says, Okay,
so this is me being honest with you. When I
get out of here, I'm going to go back to
doing drugs, and my heart just sank. And we got
into this sort of back and forth with the therapist
trying to, you know, help us communicate well, and I
just kept saying, no, Luca, I will not allow that
(20:29):
in my house. I'm not going to support that. You've
done all this work. Please don't go back. And he
just starts sobbing, I mean sobbing, sobbing, sobbing, shaking, and
he just looks at me. He goes, Mom, if the
only thing keeping you from killing yourself was doing drugs,
would you do drugs? And that's when I knew that
he was numbing the pain, but I didn't realize that
(20:50):
he was so convinced. In his chapter that he wrote
for the book, he wrote how sometimes he felt like
he just had to stay alive so he wouldn't hurt
the people he loved the most, right, Yeah. Other times
it felt like he was a massive problem and that
everybody would be better off if he was just gone.
And so this was the struggle. And this is the
struggle for me now hearing from a lot of teenagers
(21:11):
since the book came out, this is the struggle they
live in. Is I don't want to I don't want
to hurt my mom. I don't want to hurt my
little brother. I don't want you know. Yeah, that's the
same time. Oh my gosh, look at all the problems
I'm causing. Look at all the fear I'm causing for
my mom and my siblings, and everybody's just like running
around concerned about me. Maybe I should just be gone.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, So they feel like a burden. Shouldn't have to
be perfect. And I love how you lift the charade
of parent perfect parenting or you know, when you talk
about it. And then also your son, you guys obviously
really got down to the root of the pain, you know,
not just saying you're not going to do this again,
but really talking about, you know, the pain.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
How is he today? So he's good. And the way
we always answer, because we will never be the family
that shakes it and does the everything's great.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, the way he always.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Answer is to day is great? Today, today, that's great?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
One day?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah, one day at a time.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Right, I mean he is you know, here's the thing,
and this is his words. He will always struggle. Sure,
you always have that. And anybody who really has had
serious mental health struggles, they know there are good days,
they're bad days. The way he describes it in the
book is for him, mental health feels like a tug
of war. Some days he feels like he's winning, and
(22:28):
some days he feels like he's not winning. But on
those days that are tough, at least now he has
the tools, he knows what he has to do. Sometimes
it's really hard to do it, even when you know it,
even for us adults, right to get out of bed
and go work out, and take your medication regularly and
make sure you show up to therapy. Sometimes it's hard
to do it. But he has the tools, and thankfully
(22:50):
he is showing up, and thankfully he is choosing.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Well to live. That is that is great. I mean,
in fact, I can't recommend your book enough. For so
many parents. There's actually with fentanyl too. I mean, my
our son, our children being in college. One thing I
had to tell my son because he'd say, oh, everybody's
taken adderall that they share with each other. That none
he didn't say he was, But I mean the kids
(23:13):
are doing that thinking they're just taking a test, and
they get it from another kid. They don't know where
it came from. And then you hear about that a
kid died, and so I think it's so important that
parents whose kids are struggling with these things know what
to look for no ways and know that there is
a path on the other side. And I think that's
what's amazing. As we say on the Mom's Club, love
(23:34):
amazing about your book, so I highly recommend it. And
I know some other women who have a million questions
about your book are our zoomer moms. So we want
to welcome our zoomer moms. Welcome, Zoomer Moms. Welcome to
the Mom's Club. Well, I'm going to go around and
introduce each one of you, tell us a little bit
(23:56):
about yourself, and then ask Christina question lorde. Welcome to
the Mom's Club.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
Hi, thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I'm from New Orleans.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
I have three kids myself, a five year old, eighteen
month old, and a newborn who's with me right now.
I liked what you said sort of early in your
interview about talking to parents who or mothers who feel
stuck and feel like it's permanent. And I was because
(24:31):
with my first child, I thought I was never going
to go back to work, and then with my second
and now third child, children, childs. I'm in the entertainment
I work in film and television, and I haven't had
a job for two years now because of the strike,
and that feeling of permanence kind of elevates, and I
(24:52):
was just wondering how you sort of dealt with that
and how you found your way to the other side,
I suppose.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
So here's how I see it. Life is already hard.
Life is going to throw so many things our way
that are completely out of our control, right and then
if we label that as permanent, if we're like this
is it, if we allow ourselves to get stuck, everything's
going to feel heavier. And the worst part is a
crush as hope. Right now, there's no hope because I'm
just stuck. So what I did actually before my son
(25:26):
ever started struggling, This is back when I was a
single mom. I decided that I would add the words
right now to anything that felt frustrating and hard in
my life. And I've continued that. So whether it's I
am not getting any sleep right now because my baby
keeps crying throughout the night, right now, my teenager acts
like he hates me. Right now, I am waking up
(25:47):
fifteen times a night, and checking on my kids to
make sure that he hadn't taken his life. Right now,
I can't get my job back. I'm stuck at home
and really I just need a creative outlet. I need
to get back to my career. But I feel so
stuck with this right now, whatever it is, even if
it's a loss, people always say, well, for example, death
is permanent, yes, but the grief I feel where I
(26:09):
can't get out of bed is right now. And for me,
just that mindset of adding the right now was a
constant reminder that life is a string of phases, and
some phases suck, they just suck, and not everything is
immediately fixable, but it's a phase, and you're right now
(26:29):
is not your permanent and so I don't know if
that helps it all, but for me it was just
such a It sort of made me. It just helped
me feel unstuck. It helped let me be able to
take a breath and go. Life is a string of phases.
Not loving this face, but the next one's coming.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Wow, Christina, I've done this show for a while with Monica,
and I can honestly say, with you, having Lorna three children,
that are a very young age and lots of things
swirling in your head. If you can just remember those
two words right now. You don't have to remember a
whole book or anything. But Christina, thank you for that,
because that I'm going to use it myself.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
That's like great advice. You know, you did win Oprah's
Next Star? Are you sure you're not the next Oprah?
Are you sure? Really good advice? I mean I'm inspired,
but I think that's really really good advice because yeah,
even all of us, I mean, things are happening right now,
right now that we're kind of like this just so great.
But you just take the whole you know, your whole
(27:27):
life and look back like, well I had great times
and then I had not so great times, and it'll
it'll turn.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
So I just had to say that, yeah, no, you're
at I wasn't supposed to pop in, but no, you weren't.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
You were going to get in trouble later, Amy, welcome
to the Mom's Club. Tell us a little bit about yourself,
and do you have a question for Christina?
Speaker 6 (27:46):
Well, now I have a dog barking at me. Sorry
about that. I'm from Houston, Texas and I'm a little
bit past the teenage phase. Both of mine are in
their twenties and both of them, well, one is finishing
up graduate school and the other one is already out
of graduate school and is in nursing. So I will
(28:07):
say to all of you, it does get better because
they do leave home and mineor successful, so that means
anybody can do it. So that's said. One of the
things I was interested in is when you were going
through all of this, and even with as much as
you have going on now, how do you take time
for yourself?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Yeah, so I'll tell you. I'll tell you a quick
story which was very life changing for me. My fortieth
birthday was coming up. I am huge on birthdays. I
even celebrate my kids half birthdays, Okay, half a cake,
half the Happy Birthday song, every other syllable because I
like to complicate things. And my fortieth birthday's coming up,
and I've never had a party for myself. So my
(28:49):
husband's like, you always do everything for everybody else's birthdays.
Let's have a big party. Big party, invites people from
all over the country, rents this beautiful room in a restaurant,
I DJ the whole deal. Huge party that was supposed
to be on a Friday, my actual birthday. Tuesday before
that Friday is when I called the police on my son.
Wednesday before that Friday, he was in the er all day.
(29:11):
They were waiting for bed to open up in a
psychiatric hospital, and he was yelling to get the f
out every time I went to visit him. And Thursday
he was finally in a psychiatric hospital. So I decided
I'm going to cancel the party, and reluctantly, well, my
husband and my mother in law basically convinced me to
go through with this because they're like, there's no visiting
hours at the hospital during that time when the party's
going to be. What are you going to do if
(29:32):
you don't go, You're just going to sit home and
cry and worry, So just do it. So reluctantly I decide, okay, fine,
I'll go through with this party. I show up to
the party, I'm miserable, I'm trying not to cry, I'm
trying to be happy for everybody else. By the end
of the evening, a friend pulls me onto the dance
floor and I let loose and I'm dancing, and I'm dancing,
and I'm dancing and I'm just loving it, and it
(29:53):
felt really really good, and right after it felt really
really good, it felt really really bad because what kind
of mod has a party for herself and dances while
her kid is in a psychiatric hospital wanting to die.
Months later, I'm talking to one of my best friends
and I'm telling him I can't shake the guilt. I
cannot shake the guilt. I cannot believe what an awful
(30:13):
mother I am that I went through and I had
that party while my son was suffering and not psychiatric
hospital against as well? What is wrong with me? I
will never shake this guilt. And my friend looks at
me and goes, Christina, you did him a favor?
Speaker 5 (30:29):
What?
Speaker 3 (30:30):
And he said, Back when I was in high school
and I was struggling and I felt depressed, I knew
I'd put my mom through a lot, and if on
top of all of that, I knew she had canceled
something she was really looking forward to because of me.
I would still carry that guilt today. By going through
at that party, you gave Luca one less thing to
feel he destroyed. And that was life changing for me
(30:51):
because I realized that I had convinced myself that if
my children are suffering, struggling, needing me whatever. Then that
means that I have to struggle as well, because that's
the only way to show my love and empathy. Right,
I had to put myself back and not take care
of myself until they were okay. And what Zach helped
me realize that day, my friend Zach, is that that
(31:13):
is a hell of a lot of pressure to put
on someone and I should never ever feel guilty for
taking care of the most important person in my child's life,
and that's me. And later on, when we were writing
the book, I asked my son, I said, by the way,
do you know that I had that party and everything?
And the look on his face he said, Mom, thank
you for doing that and not canceling, because I would
(31:34):
still feel guilty today. He said, exactly what my friend
predicted he would say. So, I think that's the first
step with mothers, especially who are how do I take
care of myself? How do I The first step is
get rid of the freaking guilt. Get rid of the guilt,
because that is why parents are not taking good care
of themselves, because they're allowing that guilt to stand in
(31:54):
the way. Take care of you first, and never feel
guilty about it. You are doing your child at favor.
And then the next step is figure out what that
means for you? What does that mean for you? And
it's different for everybody else, for everybody, figure out what
is that thing that feeds your soul and then makes
you feel alive and you know that makes you go okay.
(32:14):
I've been running around going is everybody okay? Does everybody
have what they need? I'm going to ask myself every day,
am I okay? Do I have everything I need?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Amen? That's great? Aw, that's great. Okay. Christy, welcome to
the Mom's Club. Tell us a little bit about yourself,
and do you have a question for Christina?
Speaker 7 (32:32):
Yes, I do, thank you so much. My name is
Christy Copley and I am also a mother of two teenagers.
I have an eighteen year old and a fifteen year old,
but I also run a nonprofit preschool program. And my
question is really more about what your platform will be
like on your new show. And I also want to
thank you because I feel like, especially for all of
(32:54):
the young moms Laurna included, I'm sure social media can
be such a trap and I feel like so many
times people on platforms make it look like everything is
perfect all the time, and you know, being real moms,
we know that that's just not the reality. And I've
been in the field of early childhood for almost thirty years,
and I feel like I'm seeing such a huge increase
(33:15):
and even the early years for mental health struggles with children.
So I think that you have a great opportunity here
to do a lot of good and to help a
lot of families. And I'm just curious if you have
any ideas what your platform will look like moving forward.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
I mean, my platform will never change because my mission
statement stays the same. I want to be for others
what I needed when I was at my lowest. So
if you, you know, read any of my books or
go to my comedy shows or watch my videos, you
will see one common thread. I will never paint myself,
my children, my marriage, motherhood, my life, my house anything
(33:49):
as perfect. I think we are doing people a disservice
when we do that on social media, and even people
without a big following do it. And I get it
because the society has brainwashed, just brainwashed us to think
that being perfect makes you more lovable, and being perfect
makes you more accepted, and anything else is just not
good enough. And that's not true, because we are all
and the problem, one of my biggest problems with that
(34:12):
is that by doing that, we are sending other people
a message that when you mess up, you're inadequate. No,
when you mess up, you're human. My goodness, the amount
of times I've had to apologize to my children and
will continue to not because I'm inadequate, not because I'm
a bad mother, but because I'm a human who is
still learning and growing. Parenthood, just like childhood, is full
of growing pains. So for me, the platform stays the same.
(34:35):
I will be honest and vulnerable, always about my own
story and if I have permission from my children, and
if they want to share theirs, we'll do that too.
In the new book, in fact, I write about how
trying to support my son almost destroyed my marriage and
my husband was grace enough to let me share that
and how we survived it. So I am all about
real life and you know, real humanity and nothing fake.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
And that's why you have four a million followers.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I think being vulnerable is key. We don't have time
for anything else, right, So.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Well, speaking of social media, where can we find you
on social media where can I'm.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
At Christina with a K last name k u z
M I C. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and then
on TikTok somebody stole my name, so I'm at I
oh Christina.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Well that's not right. Yeah, well become the four million
number one followers. Yeah right, Well, thank you so much
for joining us, And I just want to share that
we the reason Julie and I are here so bright
eyed and bushy tailed, as they said, yeah, is because
we use New Calm, which is an amazing app. It's
(35:47):
spelled and U c a l M. It helps you
sleep better, focus better, keeps me calm, it keeps Julie calm,
which is something that's so important for a successful show.
And if you put Mom's Club in the code at checkout,
you will get fifteen percent off every month of your subscription,
not just the first month. So check out New Calm
(36:09):
for sure, and check us out on social media at
Inside the Mom's Club. We are on, we are too,
on TikTok, YouTube, No one's stolen this shit, Thank goodness, Instagram, Facebook,
We're all. We're everywhere you can find social media, So
thank you again so much. And I can't believe this
time goes by so fast. It always does, but we'll
(36:32):
be back next time with with celebrities and extraordinary moms
just like you. Thank you so much for joining us.
Remember our Mom's Club motto. And just so you know,
Christina does do comedy too. We got a little on
the net, but she's she's hilarious, so check her out
there too, Because with our motto, Julie, if.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You don't laugh some time, sometimes you are gonna cry.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
I'm gonna cry, So keep laughing. Moms. We'll see you
next time inside the Mom's Club.
Hi, Welcome to Inside the Mom's Club, where being a
mom is the coolest place to be. Here in the
Mom's Club, we believe that what embarrasses you now will
make a great story later. And let's face it, you
don't laugh sometimes you're gonna cry. Join us in having
a good laugh together. I'm Monica Samuels. You are now
(00:36):
inside the Mom's Club, your private destination for all things mom.
Welcome Mom's Welcome to Inside the Mom's Club. I'm your host,
Monica Samuels, and I'm here with my co host, Julie Orkid.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello, Julie, Monica, it's so good to be bad.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's good to be back in Los Angeles. Here great
our podcast, which is so much fun. And you, I guess,
are still in the midst of parenting a teenage which
I always like, I have to have two sons, so
I live vicariously.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Well, tell you about the drama's dramas.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I can't believe it.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
She's seventeen, she has a lot of fun, she's witty,
but she's also sessy. And so this week, every time
I go to shower. Let me back up, I don't
have this regular problem, but you know, we live in Texas,
it's been awfully dry, and so sometimes bugs may come
into our home. Imagine. Anyway, so she keeps showering in
(01:41):
my shower. She won't get out, and she refuses to
go back in her bathroom. Okay, I'm going to tell
you why.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Why would she refuse to go back? Now, I want
to make a little clarification. I don't have bugs in
my home.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well I do have an occasional bugs.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I might die from poisoning from the extramination. But yeah,
very careful.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
He comes like once a month. Anyway, honesty. A cockroach fell,
she says, in her shower on her head, and she's
traumatized for life.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
But I think this is silly.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
I mean it's going on and on, and she refuses
to go back to her bathroom.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
If a cockroach fell on my head in the shower,
I would move to.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I mean, she's gone as far as saying I'm going
to take my allowance, which she doesn't get and hire
an exterminator. I was like, we have one, like you know.
So anyway, it's been much drama all the way around.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
But raising kids is you never know which that's really different.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Well, yeah, so now we're sharing a bathroom and anyone
who's ever raised a daughter you know how that's working
out not well. So yeah, hopefully that she, you know,
gets some strength to get over this.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
She might need some therapy and maybe one of those
little umbrella hats something. I think you have a word
with your exterminator. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Well, we also have kids that graduated in twenty twenty.
We do, yeah, and so, and they're doing well, you know,
but it didn't mean that there weren't bumps along the way,
and so you know, you've had some experiences recently.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Well, they yeah, they had a hard time. So they
graduated when COVID was going on and they didn't have
a graduation, they didn't have a prom. They started college
locked up in their dorm rooms and it was all
very difficult for them. But now they've graduated and your
daughter is working.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
In Orlando at Universal and so, you know, just cranking it.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And my son got offered a job and he's waiting
for it to go through. So he's playing a lot
of golf and getting himself mentally tough to Uh.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah, he's your roommate right now.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
But you know, yes, he has a tenant at our home.
But yeah, but the hard part is, and this is
really really hard. Yeah for them. It's hard enough that
they went through what they did. But in the last
six weeks, those kids have been to two funerals of classmates.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It's been super tough because, yeah, it's a sad situation.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
It is very sad, and one of them, unfortunately, it
was related to substance abuse. And I think the thing
that really struck me the hardest when at all of it,
it was just tragic. But I was at the funeral
for the second boy and I was talking to one
of the other moms and she said, you know, the
last time I saw him was at the other kid's funeral,
(04:37):
and I thought, that's the last time I saw him too,
and that just it was just it's been hard. It's
been tough, but that is why I think it's great.
We have a guest today that I think we can
But she's also a lot of fun too, So you know,
this is the show we are about laughing too, So
let's keep it. Let's fun too, keep it light. I
(04:58):
love the title. It isn't important subject. Well, let me
introduce her, okay to talk about it. She has over
four million followers, on social media and was the winner
of Oprah's Search for the Next TV Star. She immigrated
from Croatia, where she lived during the war there, and
she has since faced other life challenges, including divorce, single parenting, poverty,
(05:22):
and mental health challenges. She is a prolific author. She's
written two books in Her most recent book is called
I Can Fix This and Other Lies I told myself
while parenting my struggling child. Please welcome, Christina Kuzmik. Welcome
to the Mom's Club. Christina. We are so happy to
(05:45):
have you here. Well, let's get a little bit of
background in the first before we get into the more
serious stuff. Let's talk about your career overall. First of all,
so you immigrated, was the creation where it was going on?
And then you moved to the US? Or how did
you come to America?
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah, so my dad got an opportunity to work at
you know, school, and so he was like, Okay, we're
going to go to the US just to stay safe,
and once the war's over, we're moving back. So it's
never like a permanent move. And so eventually they all
moved back and I ended up I was in college
by the time they moved back. So I stayed and
they're still back there and I'm here.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Oh wow wow, Well then you have a beautiful place
to vacation, because I can tell you that everybody I
know wants to go to Croatia for their vacation.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
It's just it's the best. I mean now, as a
forty five year old woman, I'm like, I didn't even
appreciate it because you know, kids, yeah, like totally, he
looks are beautiful. It's just normal. We don't know any different.
But I go back regularly and I love it.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Yeah, well I hear it's gorgeous. So how did you
get involved in entertainment? Because you won the reality contest
and I now you do stand up comedy, you do shows,
you know what.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Everything I've done life has sort of happened unexpectedly, so
I'm not sure who the like, who's controlling my life,
but it's always something weird being thrown at me. I
basically I studied theater. And one of the reasons I
studied theater in high school I got into theater because
I had a very thick accent. I folt like this.
I you know, didn't dress pool like the American kids,
(07:20):
and I didn't know the culture, and I was made
fun of and in theater you can be as weird
as you want and you will belong And so got
into that, ended up studying that in college, and then
as many mothers do, you know, everything suddenly became motherhood
and all my creative stuff, everything i'd kind of put aside,
although it does take a lot of creativity to raise
(07:40):
children without losing your standies. But I had two kids
pretty much back to back, and then ended up going
through an awful divorce when my kids are one and
a half and three. I ended up on food stamps,
sharing a small room with them with a roommate in
the other room. I couldn't even afford my own apartment.
I was just a mess and depressed and felt awful,
and then eventually I just as it's a long story, obviously,
(08:03):
but that's what my first book is about. But eventually
got to a place where I was feeling better and
just had this need to help those moms or dads
who are feeling worthless and are really struggling, and the
thing they are stuck in, whether it's stress or grief
(08:24):
or whatever it is, feels so permanent, and so I
came up with sort of this mission statement, which was
I want to be for others what I needed when
I was at my lowest. And now, everything I create,
whether it's a funny, silly, you know video just to
make somebody laugh, or whether it's where I open up
and share vulnerably about my own struggles and things I've
(08:44):
gone through, I just I always think about that girl
sleeping on that floor, sharing a room with their kids,
and just feeling like our kids des are better. That's
that's who I create content.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, you make it incredibly relatable. I will say that,
and it's appreciated, and it's.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I have to tell you.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
The funniest part when I was watching some of your
videos is the one where you basically have a baby
shower for having a teenager, which I thought was hysterical
because you know the questions and everything. So I love
your videos first of all, so because you keep them
light and you keep it funny, and Monica and I
love that. But we also, as far as the book
(09:21):
goes the title, you know what I mean, we are
kind of like where I can fix this, right, So
we all believe that, and you take that there is
no such thing as perfection and parenting for sure, or
you know how to handle that. So basically, what I'd
like to know is did you get it? Was your
(09:42):
son on board for you to write this book. I
understand that you guys both you know what I mean,
are on board with talking about it and everything. And
there's a lot of teenagers out there who won't talk
about it and don't want to bring it to light.
So how did you get him to realize that it's
important to talk about.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
So a couple of things about that. One, I have
had a rule ever since my career started to grow
that I would never say anything about my children without
built for full permission. I will not even tell you
what my daughter ate for lunch to day, like it
will not happen. That's why you will, very very very rarely.
I think it's been years since I've done it. Posted
a scene, a video, I mean, I'm sorry, a family
(10:19):
photo on my social media because everybody has to prove it.
So when my son starts struggling, obviously I mean he
had suicidal ideations, was awful. I'm not going to be like, hey,
by the way, can I post about this? So I
didn't even ask and I didn't post anything And the
interesting thing is for my followers that have been with
me forever, I've told them look back on what I
(10:40):
was posting during this year and this year and this year,
and there's a common thread because I was posting what
I needed to hear. Right. So, eventually, as he was
starting to get a lot of help to the therapy,
medication and all that, support groups actually are what helped
him the most. And I remember driving back from a
second residential center that he was in for mental health struggles,
(11:01):
and it was a nine hour drive home and he
had just spent seven weeks there and he mentioned something
in the car. He said, you know what helped me
the most, Mom was hearing from other kids my age,
because we kids are constantly hearing from parents and teachers
and therapists. But there's something about hearing this. He was
seventeen when he said this to me. There's something about
hearing another kid describe how you're feeling. And all of
(11:23):
a sudden you're like, oh, I'm not crazy, I'm not weird, right,
and oh my goodness, we're allowed to talk about this
out loud, like what? So we decided let's shoot this
little video where he would open up and he's a
very private person. He doesn't even use social media, and
so I gave him. He was seventeen at the time.
(11:43):
I gave him till he turned eighteen, and then another
few months. I think it was like eight months to
change his mind because I have been on social media
and people can be awful, and obviously he was still
you know, he was doing better, but I didn't want anybody,
you know, to mess with his mental health. I felt
like everything was so fragile. Anyway, we do this video
and it blows up because a lot of families are
(12:04):
going through this and nobody's talking about it, and especially
hearing a teenager talk about it. That led to the
book de You'll offer and I, you know, my agent
called me and I said, and you talk to my son.
And I said to him, A, I'm not doing this
without your complete not just blessing, but like yes, and two,
I'm not doing it without your participation. Not only would
(12:26):
I love if you have it in you to write
a chapter, which he ended up writing a chapter, but
I want every chapter I write to be authentic to you.
So if I say he was really mad at me,
I want to know that you were actually mad at me,
because if we're going to write this book and this vulnerable,
I want it to be authentic. And so the book
only exists because of his vulnerability and willingness to talk
(12:47):
about it and knowing it would help other people.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Well, let's let's let's go back a little bit and
understand why he got to this place. So you have
a son, you have a daughter about the same age,
they're close in age a.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Year and a half apart.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
And then you've got another son, a younger son from
by your second marriage. From one understand, So what do
you think led to your son? When did this start
where you noticed, Hey, he's kind of he just quiet,
he might be just depressed. And do you have any
idea what under the underlying causes were, because if your
daughter's I mean people are different, everyone who is different.
(13:23):
Maybe she's going and has no issues at all. But
what did you notice it? Where did you first notice
that he was having these issues? And did you share
anything with you that indicated I'm having a problem And
did your daughter have anything similar going on or were
they just so different you that was never an issue
at all.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
So I actually first started suspecting maybe ADHD when he
was young, but I live in California. I don't know
where you guys are located. And when you are a
broke mom on food stamps, you get medical which is
basically stay funded healthcare, and it's it's great that exists,
but you get the worst of the worst kind of thing.
(14:05):
And I remember talking to pediatrician about it and she said,
you know what, if he can focus when he wants to,
it's not ADHD, which, by the way, now we know
that is not the case, that is not true, but
at the time that's what I was told. So I
sort of dismissed it and just noticed he would be
frustrated easily about stuff. But again I thought that's just
his personality. But he was this very hyper, full of
(14:28):
life child. And then around twelve thirteen, I noticed his
disposition start to change. He's quieter. This is called teenager. Yeah,
and one hundred percent of humans have at some point
been afflicted with this. And we've said and he'll be fine.
I know exactly what to do. I need to love
him through it. I need to set some roles and
boundaries so he doesn't, you know, end up destroying his life.
(14:50):
And I need to keep my sanity intact during this
tough time, but we're going to get through this. So
I guess that was my first mistake, is I came
from a place of assumption instead of curiosity. And then
as things kept going, I was like, huh, that's weird.
He's not just isolating for mom and dad because they're
no longer cool. He's starting to isolate from friends. He's
(15:11):
starting to isolate from activities he used to enjoy. He would,
you know, because a lot of times his depression showed
up his anger and rebellion and he started stealing to
buy drugs and you know, stuff, going to school, all
this stuff was it was very chaotic, and so I
would slap a consequence on him, right, not slap him.
I would give him a consequence still.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And I would yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
And I would notice that even the consequences didn't matter.
If I took something that he loved a way like
you can't do that this weekend, his response would be fine, Yeah,
but man, this kid is not finding joy in anything.
And basically, it took too long for me to really
deal with the root of the problem instead of just
that behaviors, right, which I think a lot of us
(15:57):
parents do. And I lied to myself. I told myself
I was live at the boot of the problem. I
know he's struggling. It's hard being a teenager, but I
wasn't digging deep enough. And then things just started to
get worse and worse, and eventually got diagnosed with depression,
and I flat out asked him, have you ever thought
about taking your life? Thankfully, he was honest with me
and he said yes. And that's when a parent's entire
(16:18):
world Yeah, changes.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Yeah, So go ahead, did you so do you think
that was like physiological or was he having issues with kids?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
You mentioned social media and you're big on social media.
So do you think that because a lot of things
that happen right now they're blaming on social media and
that bullying with other kids, was there that going on
or do you think it was just more of a
physiological thing that was going on with him? And that's what.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Yeah, I think a big part of it was physiological,
I mean brain chemistry, right, And again he was eventually
diagnosed the ADHD and not having diagnosis for that for
so many years, and by now most people who either
struggle with ADHD or know someone who does, know that
the society is not set up to fit into a box.
(17:14):
Right for kids like that, they can fit into this
box where they feel like they're thriving. Things have to
be a little different and we have to understand kids
with ADHD a little differently instead of expecting them to
just follow a certain model. So I think there was
frustration going through that, growing through that, and not getting
support for it. On top of that, he was bullied
a lot, not on social media, like before social media
(17:37):
even really existed when he was a kid. And my
again one of my many mistakes is I bought into
his mom I'm good, I know who I am. He
wore this very confident, I don't care what people think
of me. In fact, when he was eleven or twelve,
I think eleven, we made a video. It was one
of my first videos ever, made four Reasons Ways to
(18:00):
deal with a Bully, and it went viral and here's
this eleven year old kid saying how he's bullied and
how he deals with it and he knows who he
is and he's not going to let other people affect him.
And all these kids were inspired by it, and underneath
it all, he was struggling. And that's the truth. No
matter how your kid is saying they're handling bullying, it
is leaving a scar. So I think it was a
combination of things. When he's asked about it now, he
(18:23):
always says, I know that the bullying did major damage.
But I also think that I was born sort of
with a chemical imbalance where I'm always going to struggle
with depression of anxiety and ADHD.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I think I think one thing about the substance abuse
part too. I think one thing that he said to you,
which was really telling with a lot of parents whose
kids deal with substance abuse, when he said, well, if
I'm thinking about killing myself, isn't it better to do
take something that makes me feel better? Yeah, and it's
hard to think you don't think of it that way.
(18:57):
But if no depression is the underlying thing, then yeah,
it's yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
In fact, you know, he was my first kid, right,
and so all of a sudden, first it was you know, pot.
Then I started finding full empty bottles of alcohol drops.
But then I started finding pain pills that he was
stealing for people. Then I found that the marijuana he
was buying from school was laced with stuff. Because two
girls at his school had a seizure who were getting
(19:23):
marijuana from the same place. He I mean, it was just,
I mean, it was just getting out of control, and
I as a mother dealing with this for the first time.
At first, when I found stuff, I was like, oh, well, yes,
you know, he wants to be cool like his friends.
I'm not even digging deeper than that at first, And
then eventually I ended up having to call the police
(19:45):
on him, and he ended up in a psychiatric hospital
and after that at a residential treatment center. And so one
of our last therapy sessions, I would go each week
and have a family therapy session with him at the
residential center. One of our last therapy sessions, We've been
making so much progress. I'm feeling so good. Yeah, And
he says to me, Hey, Mom, I know I'm getting
out of here next week. And I just decided I
really want to be honest with you, because I think
(20:06):
that's what our relationship needs for us to be closes.
I have to be honest. And I'm sitting there beaming, like,
oh my god, I'm my son back, and he says, Okay,
so this is me being honest with you. When I
get out of here, I'm going to go back to
doing drugs, and my heart just sank. And we got
into this sort of back and forth with the therapist
trying to, you know, help us communicate well, and I
just kept saying, no, Luca, I will not allow that
(20:29):
in my house. I'm not going to support that. You've
done all this work. Please don't go back. And he
just starts sobbing, I mean sobbing, sobbing, sobbing, shaking, and
he just looks at me. He goes, Mom, if the
only thing keeping you from killing yourself was doing drugs,
would you do drugs? And that's when I knew that
he was numbing the pain, but I didn't realize that
(20:50):
he was so convinced. In his chapter that he wrote
for the book, he wrote how sometimes he felt like
he just had to stay alive so he wouldn't hurt
the people he loved the most, right, Yeah. Other times
it felt like he was a massive problem and that
everybody would be better off if he was just gone.
And so this was the struggle. And this is the
struggle for me now hearing from a lot of teenagers
(21:11):
since the book came out, this is the struggle they
live in. Is I don't want to I don't want
to hurt my mom. I don't want to hurt my
little brother. I don't want you know. Yeah, that's the
same time. Oh my gosh, look at all the problems
I'm causing. Look at all the fear I'm causing for
my mom and my siblings, and everybody's just like running
around concerned about me. Maybe I should just be gone.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, So they feel like a burden. Shouldn't have to
be perfect. And I love how you lift the charade
of parent perfect parenting or you know, when you talk
about it. And then also your son, you guys obviously
really got down to the root of the pain, you know,
not just saying you're not going to do this again,
but really talking about, you know, the pain.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
How is he today? So he's good. And the way
we always answer, because we will never be the family
that shakes it and does the everything's great.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, the way he always.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Answer is to day is great? Today, today, that's great?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
One day?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah, one day at a time.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Right, I mean he is you know, here's the thing,
and this is his words. He will always struggle. Sure,
you always have that. And anybody who really has had
serious mental health struggles, they know there are good days,
they're bad days. The way he describes it in the
book is for him, mental health feels like a tug
of war. Some days he feels like he's winning, and
(22:28):
some days he feels like he's not winning. But on
those days that are tough, at least now he has
the tools, he knows what he has to do. Sometimes
it's really hard to do it, even when you know it,
even for us adults, right to get out of bed
and go work out, and take your medication regularly and
make sure you show up to therapy. Sometimes it's hard
to do it. But he has the tools, and thankfully
(22:50):
he is showing up, and thankfully he is choosing.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Well to live. That is that is great. I mean,
in fact, I can't recommend your book enough. For so
many parents. There's actually with fentanyl too. I mean, my
our son, our children being in college. One thing I
had to tell my son because he'd say, oh, everybody's
taken adderall that they share with each other. That none
he didn't say he was, But I mean the kids
(23:13):
are doing that thinking they're just taking a test, and
they get it from another kid. They don't know where
it came from. And then you hear about that a
kid died, and so I think it's so important that
parents whose kids are struggling with these things know what
to look for no ways and know that there is
a path on the other side. And I think that's
what's amazing. As we say on the Mom's Club, love
(23:34):
amazing about your book, so I highly recommend it. And
I know some other women who have a million questions
about your book are our zoomer moms. So we want
to welcome our zoomer moms. Welcome, Zoomer Moms. Welcome to
the Mom's Club. Well, I'm going to go around and
introduce each one of you, tell us a little bit
(23:56):
about yourself, and then ask Christina question lorde. Welcome to
the Mom's Club.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
Hi, thank you for having me.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I'm from New Orleans.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
I have three kids myself, a five year old, eighteen
month old, and a newborn who's with me right now.
I liked what you said sort of early in your
interview about talking to parents who or mothers who feel
stuck and feel like it's permanent. And I was because
(24:31):
with my first child, I thought I was never going
to go back to work, and then with my second
and now third child, children, childs. I'm in the entertainment
I work in film and television, and I haven't had
a job for two years now because of the strike,
and that feeling of permanence kind of elevates, and I
(24:52):
was just wondering how you sort of dealt with that
and how you found your way to the other side,
I suppose.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
So here's how I see it. Life is already hard.
Life is going to throw so many things our way
that are completely out of our control, right and then
if we label that as permanent, if we're like this
is it, if we allow ourselves to get stuck, everything's
going to feel heavier. And the worst part is a
crush as hope. Right now, there's no hope because I'm
just stuck. So what I did actually before my son
(25:26):
ever started struggling, This is back when I was a
single mom. I decided that I would add the words
right now to anything that felt frustrating and hard in
my life. And I've continued that. So whether it's I
am not getting any sleep right now because my baby
keeps crying throughout the night, right now, my teenager acts
like he hates me. Right now, I am waking up
(25:47):
fifteen times a night, and checking on my kids to
make sure that he hadn't taken his life. Right now,
I can't get my job back. I'm stuck at home
and really I just need a creative outlet. I need
to get back to my career. But I feel so
stuck with this right now, whatever it is, even if
it's a loss, people always say, well, for example, death
is permanent, yes, but the grief I feel where I
(26:09):
can't get out of bed is right now. And for me,
just that mindset of adding the right now was a
constant reminder that life is a string of phases, and
some phases suck, they just suck, and not everything is
immediately fixable, but it's a phase, and you're right now
(26:29):
is not your permanent and so I don't know if
that helps it all, but for me it was just
such a It sort of made me. It just helped
me feel unstuck. It helped let me be able to
take a breath and go. Life is a string of phases.
Not loving this face, but the next one's coming.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Wow, Christina, I've done this show for a while with Monica,
and I can honestly say, with you, having Lorna three children,
that are a very young age and lots of things
swirling in your head. If you can just remember those
two words right now. You don't have to remember a
whole book or anything. But Christina, thank you for that,
because that I'm going to use it myself.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
That's like great advice. You know, you did win Oprah's
Next Star? Are you sure you're not the next Oprah?
Are you sure? Really good advice? I mean I'm inspired,
but I think that's really really good advice because yeah,
even all of us, I mean, things are happening right now,
right now that we're kind of like this just so great.
But you just take the whole you know, your whole
(27:27):
life and look back like, well I had great times
and then I had not so great times, and it'll
it'll turn.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
So I just had to say that, yeah, no, you're
at I wasn't supposed to pop in, but no, you weren't.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
You were going to get in trouble later, Amy, welcome
to the Mom's Club. Tell us a little bit about yourself,
and do you have a question for Christina?
Speaker 6 (27:46):
Well, now I have a dog barking at me. Sorry
about that. I'm from Houston, Texas and I'm a little
bit past the teenage phase. Both of mine are in
their twenties and both of them, well, one is finishing
up graduate school and the other one is already out
of graduate school and is in nursing. So I will
(28:07):
say to all of you, it does get better because
they do leave home and mineor successful, so that means
anybody can do it. So that's said. One of the
things I was interested in is when you were going
through all of this, and even with as much as
you have going on now, how do you take time
for yourself?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Yeah, so I'll tell you. I'll tell you a quick
story which was very life changing for me. My fortieth
birthday was coming up. I am huge on birthdays. I
even celebrate my kids half birthdays, Okay, half a cake,
half the Happy Birthday song, every other syllable because I
like to complicate things. And my fortieth birthday's coming up,
and I've never had a party for myself. So my
(28:49):
husband's like, you always do everything for everybody else's birthdays.
Let's have a big party. Big party, invites people from
all over the country, rents this beautiful room in a restaurant,
I DJ the whole deal. Huge party that was supposed
to be on a Friday, my actual birthday. Tuesday before
that Friday is when I called the police on my son.
Wednesday before that Friday, he was in the er all day.
(29:11):
They were waiting for bed to open up in a
psychiatric hospital, and he was yelling to get the f
out every time I went to visit him. And Thursday
he was finally in a psychiatric hospital. So I decided
I'm going to cancel the party, and reluctantly, well, my
husband and my mother in law basically convinced me to
go through with this because they're like, there's no visiting
hours at the hospital during that time when the party's
going to be. What are you going to do if
(29:32):
you don't go, You're just going to sit home and
cry and worry, So just do it. So reluctantly I decide, okay, fine,
I'll go through with this party. I show up to
the party, I'm miserable, I'm trying not to cry, I'm
trying to be happy for everybody else. By the end
of the evening, a friend pulls me onto the dance
floor and I let loose and I'm dancing, and I'm dancing,
and I'm dancing and I'm just loving it, and it
(29:53):
felt really really good, and right after it felt really
really good, it felt really really bad because what kind
of mod has a party for herself and dances while
her kid is in a psychiatric hospital wanting to die.
Months later, I'm talking to one of my best friends
and I'm telling him I can't shake the guilt. I
cannot shake the guilt. I cannot believe what an awful
(30:13):
mother I am that I went through and I had
that party while my son was suffering and not psychiatric
hospital against as well? What is wrong with me? I
will never shake this guilt. And my friend looks at
me and goes, Christina, you did him a favor?
Speaker 5 (30:29):
What?
Speaker 3 (30:30):
And he said, Back when I was in high school
and I was struggling and I felt depressed, I knew
I'd put my mom through a lot, and if on
top of all of that, I knew she had canceled
something she was really looking forward to because of me.
I would still carry that guilt today. By going through
at that party, you gave Luca one less thing to
feel he destroyed. And that was life changing for me
(30:51):
because I realized that I had convinced myself that if
my children are suffering, struggling, needing me whatever. Then that
means that I have to struggle as well, because that's
the only way to show my love and empathy. Right,
I had to put myself back and not take care
of myself until they were okay. And what Zach helped
me realize that day, my friend Zach, is that that
(31:13):
is a hell of a lot of pressure to put
on someone and I should never ever feel guilty for
taking care of the most important person in my child's life,
and that's me. And later on, when we were writing
the book, I asked my son, I said, by the way,
do you know that I had that party and everything?
And the look on his face he said, Mom, thank
you for doing that and not canceling, because I would
(31:34):
still feel guilty today. He said, exactly what my friend
predicted he would say. So, I think that's the first
step with mothers, especially who are how do I take
care of myself? How do I The first step is
get rid of the freaking guilt. Get rid of the guilt,
because that is why parents are not taking good care
of themselves, because they're allowing that guilt to stand in
(31:54):
the way. Take care of you first, and never feel
guilty about it. You are doing your child at favor.
And then the next step is figure out what that
means for you? What does that mean for you? And
it's different for everybody else, for everybody, figure out what
is that thing that feeds your soul and then makes
you feel alive and you know that makes you go okay.
(32:14):
I've been running around going is everybody okay? Does everybody
have what they need? I'm going to ask myself every day,
am I okay? Do I have everything I need?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Amen? That's great? Aw, that's great. Okay. Christy, welcome to
the Mom's Club. Tell us a little bit about yourself,
and do you have a question for Christina?
Speaker 7 (32:32):
Yes, I do, thank you so much. My name is
Christy Copley and I am also a mother of two teenagers.
I have an eighteen year old and a fifteen year old,
but I also run a nonprofit preschool program. And my
question is really more about what your platform will be
like on your new show. And I also want to
thank you because I feel like, especially for all of
(32:54):
the young moms Laurna included, I'm sure social media can
be such a trap and I feel like so many
times people on platforms make it look like everything is
perfect all the time, and you know, being real moms,
we know that that's just not the reality. And I've
been in the field of early childhood for almost thirty years,
and I feel like I'm seeing such a huge increase
(33:15):
and even the early years for mental health struggles with children.
So I think that you have a great opportunity here
to do a lot of good and to help a
lot of families. And I'm just curious if you have
any ideas what your platform will look like moving forward.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
I mean, my platform will never change because my mission
statement stays the same. I want to be for others
what I needed when I was at my lowest. So
if you, you know, read any of my books or
go to my comedy shows or watch my videos, you
will see one common thread. I will never paint myself,
my children, my marriage, motherhood, my life, my house anything
(33:49):
as perfect. I think we are doing people a disservice
when we do that on social media, and even people
without a big following do it. And I get it
because the society has brainwashed, just brainwashed us to think
that being perfect makes you more lovable, and being perfect
makes you more accepted, and anything else is just not
good enough. And that's not true, because we are all
and the problem, one of my biggest problems with that
(34:12):
is that by doing that, we are sending other people
a message that when you mess up, you're inadequate. No,
when you mess up, you're human. My goodness, the amount
of times I've had to apologize to my children and
will continue to not because I'm inadequate, not because I'm
a bad mother, but because I'm a human who is
still learning and growing. Parenthood, just like childhood, is full
of growing pains. So for me, the platform stays the same.
(34:35):
I will be honest and vulnerable, always about my own
story and if I have permission from my children, and
if they want to share theirs, we'll do that too.
In the new book, in fact, I write about how
trying to support my son almost destroyed my marriage and
my husband was grace enough to let me share that
and how we survived it. So I am all about
real life and you know, real humanity and nothing fake.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
And that's why you have four a million followers.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I think being vulnerable is key. We don't have time
for anything else, right, So.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Well, speaking of social media, where can we find you
on social media where can I'm.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
At Christina with a K last name k u z
M I C. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and then
on TikTok somebody stole my name, so I'm at I
oh Christina.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Well that's not right. Yeah, well become the four million
number one followers. Yeah right, Well, thank you so much
for joining us, And I just want to share that
we the reason Julie and I are here so bright
eyed and bushy tailed, as they said, yeah, is because
we use New Calm, which is an amazing app. It's
(35:47):
spelled and U c a l M. It helps you
sleep better, focus better, keeps me calm, it keeps Julie calm,
which is something that's so important for a successful show.
And if you put Mom's Club in the code at checkout,
you will get fifteen percent off every month of your subscription,
not just the first month. So check out New Calm
(36:09):
for sure, and check us out on social media at
Inside the Mom's Club. We are on, we are too,
on TikTok, YouTube, No one's stolen this shit, Thank goodness, Instagram, Facebook,
We're all. We're everywhere you can find social media, So
thank you again so much. And I can't believe this
time goes by so fast. It always does, but we'll
(36:32):
be back next time with with celebrities and extraordinary moms
just like you. Thank you so much for joining us.
Remember our Mom's Club motto. And just so you know,
Christina does do comedy too. We got a little on
the net, but she's she's hilarious, so check her out
there too, Because with our motto, Julie, if.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You don't laugh some time, sometimes you are gonna cry.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
I'm gonna cry, So keep laughing. Moms. We'll see you
next time inside the Mom's Club.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!