Inspire Change SEASON 7-275 Healing Emotional Wounds

This week on Inspire Change, Gunter is dedicating this episode into a discussion on HEALING EMOTIONAL WOUNDS:  In order to process pain to foster growth.  We take an expanded journey of what these wounds are, what trauma is and the essential relationship between healing and emotional growth.

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All points, viewpoints, discussions and subjects discussed on this podcast are those solely of the opinions and research  of Gunter Swoboda  for educational and information purposes. If you are needing advice or mental health assistance please contact your local therapist for individualized needs.

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International Psychologist, Author, Speaker and Producer Gunter Swoboda continues to Inspire Change and enlighten and educate on Masculinities and Male Empowerment. After 35 years of working with adolescent boys and men, Gunter founded Making Good Men Great. It focuses on helping men recognize how to evolve as a Man in all the spheres of his life. We continue with our regular of broadcasts of 20-30 minute episodes hosted by Gunter every week and then we will have special guests lined up during each season for special 50-1 hour episodes. We also will take requests from past guests or friends of the podcasts to fill in as a guest host. For more information on becoming a guest or guest hosting, email [e-mail] or query the showrunner Miranda Spigener-Sapon at [e-mail]

- www.GunterSwoboda.com & www.GoodMenGreat.com -

Inspire Change with Gunter is Produced in Los Angeles by Miranda Spigener-Sapon by Bonfire Cinema. Thank you for listening!

Executive Producer/Showrunner: Miranda Spigener-Sapon
Co-Exec. Producer: DeVonna Prinzi
Producer/Creator/Host: Gunter Swoboda
Guest Booking: [e-mail] SUBJECT LINE: "Guest Submission"
Jr. Publicist: Dessie Bien [e-mail]
Sr. Publicist: Nate Munoz
Announcer: Grayson Arndt
Inspire Change with Gunter Podcast Theme Music score: Irad Eshel

About Gunter, The Short Story……

Gunter is a psychologist, speaker, author, mentor, coach and facilitator with over 30 years experience in counseling and organizational development.

SPEAKER
After more than 40 years experience Gunter’s passionate perspectives on what makes human beings thrive makes him a very insightful commentator and speaker. His aim is to stimulate your mind, touch your heart, and inspire your soul. Gunter is a psychologist, speaker, author, mentor, coach and facilitator with over 30 years experience in counseling and organizational development. Gunter has given keynotes all over Australia, NYC and Los Angeles as well as being a TEDx Speaker.

Author
We all have a story. Stories that touch us the most are about that moment when we make the choice to be real, to drop any pretense of pride, power and position. In that telling moment we step into a new space where our ability to overcome fear allows us to be truly authentic in our relationship to the world. In that moment we become fully human. Gunter has authored a novel Mountains of Sea published by Winterwolf Press and he self-published the non-fiction, Making Good Men Great: Surfing the New Wave of Masculinity. Both books are available at all major and independent retailers globally. The Making Good Men Great Movement also made Oprah’s #MustWatch list in 2018.

Mentor
In both the personal and professional sphere, Gunter has successfully worn many ha

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:24):
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(00:47):
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(01:09):
work together to inspire change now. Thank you for your
continued support and let's keep inspiring change together.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
You are listening to Inspire Change, the broadcast that strives
to educate, motivate, and empower men to challenge traditions of
masculinity to guide us through the intricacies and intersections of emotions, relationships,
and male identity is renownced psychologists, author and speaker Gunter Swibota.
This is Inspire Change.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Before I begin the actual podcast, I would like to
respectfully acknowledge the gategor people of the or nation who
are the traditional custodians of the lane on which I work.
I would also like to pay my respects to their elders,
past and Presentlcome everybody to another episode of Inspired Change

(02:03):
with Gunta. I'm your host. Welcome everybody to another episode
of Inspired Change with Gunter, where I take a look
at redefining masculinity and cultivating personal growth through deeper introspection
and some authentic conversations. I'm going to Sebota, I'm a

(02:23):
psychologist and I'm the creator of making good men great
and the framework that goes with it. In today's episode,
I'm going to take a look at healing emotional wounds
in order to process pain to foster growth. Now, I'm

(02:44):
going to.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Take us through a little bit of an expanded journey
that includes ideas about what these wounds are, what trauma is,
the profound legacies and the essential relationship between healing and
meaningful growth.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
So what is an emotional wornd and what's trauma? So
in order to truly heal, we need to first clearly
understand what we're talking about when we talk about emotional wounds.
The way that I see it is that emotional wounds

(03:26):
result from experiences that overwhelm our psychological resources. The individual
resilience and available support systems significantly shape how deeply these
wounds affect us, often leaving lasting scars on our psyche.

(03:49):
For some people, they don't necessarily recognize that they're carrying
an emotional wound. What about trauma? Okay, So a couple
ways of looking at trauma. One is that can trauma
can stem from an overt intensely distressing event or events

(04:11):
such as physical and or emotional violence, abuse, significant loss,
but it can also be through subtle chronic conditions like neglect,
emotional abandonment, sustain criticism, or in some instances, prolonged high
levels of stress. Now, these experiences can feel unbearable, leading

(04:39):
to feelings of helplessness and disempowerment. The impact of these
wounds can become deeply embedded within our identities, influencing our beliefs,
about ourselves, our sense of worth, and how we interact
with others. Now, the legacy of trauma often spans generations,

(05:05):
perpetuated when unresolved emotional wounds ripple through families and communities,
creating cycles of pain, dysfunction, and emotional disconnection. Now, recognizing
this intergenerational pattern can be crucial for breaking the cycle

(05:27):
and empowering us to create healthier, more connected future relationships. So,
as all things in life, there are often consequences. So
in this case, I'm going to talk about the symptoms
of emotional wounds. And these manifest across multiple dimensions in

(05:54):
our lives, and they are often not necessarily connected with together.
You know, it's sort we see one but not the other.
Often people recognize that they're psychologically wounded, but they don't
see the effect that this has on their body. So
let me talk about and go through it from bottom up.

(06:17):
In other words, let's talk about the physical symptoms first.
So this often results in chronic fatigue, frequent tension, headaches,
digestive disturbances, compromised immune function, sleep disturbances, chronic pain, and
all persistent muscular attention. I'll give you an example. Let's

(06:42):
call him John he often experienced persistent headaches and stomach
issues during stressful periods of work, reflecting unresolved stress related
emotional wounds. How much of that was often attached to
deep seated sense of perfectionism, because underlying all of that

(07:05):
he had a very deep narcissistic wound where he didn't
feel or believe that it was good enough. So let's
move into the psychological realm. So what do we see there? Well,
commonly what we see is anxiety, depression, heightened irritability, pervasive

(07:28):
feelings of shame, guilt, inadequacy, worthlessness, emotional numbing, sometimes difficulties concentrating,
and persistent self critical thoughts. Another example here is that
that I worked with struggled with a lot of anxiety

(07:53):
that was often that often led into depressive symptoms. And
this happened particularly after losing his job. And what it
brought up fundamentally, it was this idea again that he
wasn't good enough and that you know, maybe he was
an impostor and that's why he lost the job. What

(08:15):
it really boiled down to was that he was the
unfortunate victim of a complete management shakeup had very little
to do with him, but he took it on personally.
There's also behavioral symptoms that go with this, and I'll
call them symptoms because they're not just the behavior in

(08:37):
of itself the symptomatic. Some of this can be seen
in people withdrawing, for example, from meaningful relationships. They have
attachment issues in intimate relationships. Sometimes one of the things,
especially is men, we tend to do is we self
isolate or we use self advertaging behaviors for example, like

(09:03):
substance abuse, being a workaholic, being a chronic exerciser. Sometimes
what comes with that is impulsive or aggressive actions in
that space. Sometimes have difficulty maintaining boundaries, and there is

(09:27):
at times a pattern of repeated involvement in toxic relationships,
sometimes trying to subconsciously undo the poor relationship we had
with a toxic parent. Now again, let me give you
an example. Here's Tom. Now, one of Tom's behaviors is

(09:50):
that he often withdrew socially and then would, rather than
going out with friends and socializing and having a good time,
would sit back at home and get drunk. And again,
this is a indicator that there's a hint of something wrong,

(10:12):
some sort of emotional wound. Now, these next couple of
things that I'm going to talk about sort of interrelated.
I often find, especially working with men, that some of
us at certain ages are prone to existential symptoms. Loss

(10:32):
of purpose is a biggie. We have sometimes an existential dread,
some sort of crisis that's looming in the future. We
also experience a crisis of meaning through which we disconnect
from ourselves and others, and through this are often struggling

(10:56):
with our sense of identity. For some men, one of
the things that happens here in the existential space is
that we're frequently trying to get an answer toward our
life purposes. And you know that can mean sometimes struggling
deeply with feelings of emptiness, especially after a major relationship

(11:22):
breaks down. So awareness of these symptoms helps us to
recognize when professional support might be useful, especially when it
guides us towards seeking appropriate help rather than dismissing or

(11:43):
minimizing the signs of trauma. So what's going to help
to heal? And this is where we need to start
looking at the importance of therapy in healing. Engaging in
therapy is pivotal for emotional healing. Professional psychotherapy provides structured

(12:06):
compassionate guidance to navigate the complexities of trauma. Therapists often
offer a safe, supportive environment where my clients can uncover
and explore and effectively process their deep seated emotional worms,

(12:27):
some to a greater degree than others, but it's there.
I talk about therapeutic approaches from psychoanalysis, cognitive behavior therapy,
attachment therapies, but most specifically, I talk about trauma and
form therapy, wherein existential humanistic methods can provide a variety

(12:53):
of effective strategies. Now, fundamentally some of these I want
to learn how to deal with symptoms, but also then
as we go deeper into psychotherapy, learn what the underlying
traumas are that drive our symptoms. And all of this

(13:13):
fundamentally is about helping us to regain control over our
lives and emotions. So here's the point though, that I
want to drive home. Professional therapy alone isn't the entire solution.
There's a space for self therapy. These are usually practice

(13:37):
practices that significantly enhance and reinforce professional treatment. I'll give
you a good example. Individuals who consistently practice mind, mindfulness
and meditation often report a marked reduction in anxiety, increased
emotional regulation, and a stronger sense of personal empowerment. Self

(14:01):
therapy includes personal practices like journaling, you know, process your thoughts,
your feelings, practices of mindfulness and meditation to ground yourself emotionally,
and also to increase reflective self inquiry. So there's lots

(14:23):
of these tools that we can use to help empower
ourselves and our clients. It's a two way street. So
this therapy and this self therapy, we need to place
our healing into our own hands and allow professional therapeutic

(14:46):
outcomes to be complementary. So you heard me talk about
earlier on that you know, in order to grow, we
need to heal, and that healing fundamentally is a part
the growth. Now that's easier said than done. So let
me focus you a little on the whole process of

(15:09):
healing emotional wounds. Healing and growth are profoundly interconnected. In
order to heal, I have to dig deeper. I need
to be driving a deeper sense of self awareness. This

(15:32):
is a foundational component of personal development. As I've said
in other episodes, self awareness is everything. It opens up
a gateway towards greater psychological flexibility, adaptability, and resilience. However,

(15:54):
the idea of achieving balance, a commonly idealized state of
complete is realistically unattainable. You know, imagine standing on a
stand up paddle board out in the surf. Now, in
order to maintain your balance on that board requires this

(16:16):
continuous microadaptation, microbalancing, and flexibility to respond to a shifting environment,
to shifting waves and changing conditions. Now life mirrors this metaphor.
It is inherently a dynamic, unpredictable environment cosmos which is

(16:43):
filled with constant change. So one, we can never be
constantly in balance, nor is it always the same. Now
we need to embrace adaptability. Now doing so means that
I'm also going to be accepting imperfection and understand that

(17:07):
setbacks are as integral to life as anything else, And
thereby I'm cultivating resilience to thrive. So let me walk
you a little bit through to this whole idea of
going from awareness to adaptability, which is a common issue

(17:31):
that I help my clients with. So moving through the
dynamics of going into awareness to actually making some actionable
change involves recognizing and addressing some of my common barriers
for change that might be fear. It could be deeply

(17:54):
ingrained habits, external social pressures, limiting self beliefs. Now, a
practice that I've always found particularly useful in helping me
in this space is zen Buddhism. Xen offer is a
valuable example of how you can make this work practically

(18:17):
in your life. Now, I'm not saying you need to
give up whatever other belief or faith that you have.
To me. Zen is a way of thinking and a
way of being in the world which highlights the very
things that most of the time we teach in therapy
or we work with in therapy. So part of the

(18:42):
practice is to regularly engage in mindfulness, to meditate, to
exercise self inquiry. As an individual, I need to learn
to observe my thoughts without judgment so it can become
better quip to adapt flexibly to life's ongoing shifts and changes. So,

(19:09):
in this context, there are a couple of absolute key practices.
One is acceptance. Now, as I said in one of
the other sessions, sometimes acceptance is also about surrender. In
that context, we need to embrace imperfections rather than strive

(19:30):
for perfection. We need to embrace limitations. We need to
recognize our vulnerabilities and that there are a natural aspect
of the human experience. In rational emotive behavior therapy, you know,
we accept who we are as a person, flaws and
all right, I am not a perfect human being and

(19:53):
I will never be a perfect human beings. Then is
the same in stoicism. It's the same. It's a sense of,
you know, abandoning the idea of things being perfect in
a particular way. So it's a bit like you a
graphic designer who notices a small flaw in his final

(20:18):
design project. Now, instead of becoming frustrated or discarding his work,
the artist embraces the flaw, seeing it as a reflection
of his authentic creativity. He acknowledges that imperfection adds depth
and character to his art. You know, this reminds us

(20:42):
all to embrace and accept ourselves precisely as we are. Now.
That doesn't mean there can't be aspiration right but here
and now, in the moment, I am as I am
coming back to that whole idea of perfectionism. One of
the things that stands out in Sufism is that Sufi

(21:04):
artists always put a flaw consciously in their art. Now,
a part of it is being flexible. You know, you've
got to develop the capacity to respond to life's uncertainties
with openness and creativity rather than resistance or avoidance. Again,

(21:27):
then there's a story that illustrates this principle really well.
A student once asked his master how to remain calm
amidst uncertainty. The master poured water into a cup, allowing
it to overflow, and as he did so, he explained,
just as water naturally adapts to the shape of its container,

(21:50):
so must you flow with the changes of life without resisting. Now,
another thing to do is you need to develop a
growth mindset, viewing life's challenges as opportunities for learning and
evolution instead of seeing at his threats to stability and

(22:12):
identity identity changes. I'm not the person that was ten,
fifteen to twenty years ago. You know. Again, let me
draw on zen here because there's a beautiful little story
and many of you will recognize this because it's really
well spoken of. So there was a farmer who experienced

(22:33):
a whole bunch of events that most of the people
around him considered either good or bad. His neighbors always
had an opinion about things, So when his horse ran away,
and then returned with more horses. Right at first, when

(22:53):
the horse ran away, his neighbors said, oh, that's bad,
But then when the horse came back with more horses,
that was good. When his son was injured, everyone felt
for him and that that was a bad thing to happen.
It was an accident, but you know how bad was that?

(23:13):
But what happened was because he was injured, this spared
him from going to war. Now, throughout each event, the
farmer simply responded good bad. Who knows? Essentially what this
teaches us is the power of seeing life events as
neutral opportunities for growth and learning. So finally, we need

(23:41):
to practice self care regularly. Prioritize your physical and emotional being,
that of all things, will begin to ensure your ongoing
emotional resilience. So here are some practical steps that you

(24:06):
can put in place, both mentally emotionally that will begin
to help you on your journey to heal from whatever
emotional wounds you have. We will always carry the scar.
It's a bit like lines in your face. They show

(24:26):
that you have truly lived and lived fully. So, in
closing again, as always, let me thank you for joining
me on what I considered to be the beginning of
a deeply meaningful exploration. Remember, you need to be patient

(24:49):
with yourself. You need to be compassionate with yourself. Healing
unfolds uniquely for everyone, always in its own time. Healing
emotional wounds requires the courage to acknowledge past traumas, and

(25:09):
the wisdom in seeking support, and the strength in developing adaptability.
It just doesn't the merge out of the blue. It
is an active, intentional process in which you, as the individual,
need to nurture your authority, your autonomy, and your agency.

(25:37):
Remember the goal is never perfection, but continual progress towards
deeper understanding and emotional resilience, and that will help you
to evolve. Now, if today's episode resonated with you, please rate, follow,
and share inspire change with Gunter. Next week, I'm gonna

(26:02):
pick up on another topic right now. As of right now,
I'm not quite sure what that is, but I'm sure
the universe provides. So until then, this is me signing
off reminding you to embrace your unique journey with compassion,
imperfections and all that comes with a stay inspired. Love

(26:24):
to hear from you, and if you're interested, please check
out my work on www. Dot gontasvoter dot com or
www Dot Goodman grade dot com.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
Thank you for listening to inspire change a broadcast right
to educate, motivate, and empowerment to challenge traditions of masculinity.
For more information on the Making Goodman Great movement, or
for individual or group coaching centships with Gunter, visit goodmangreed
dot com