September 18, 2025 • 22 mins
This week on Inspire Change...WE HAVE REACHED OUR 300th EPISODE! Tune in to hear the latest guide to personal growth, self-development and inspiration. At the end of the broadcast, Gunter highlights he will be coming on the show next. Some exciting return guests segments!
#InspireChange #Philosophy #Science #Reflection #Contemplation #SelfDevelopment #Masculinity #MakingGoodMenGreat #stoicism
Our gratitude this week goes out to our listeners in Czechia (Check-kee-uh), also known as the Czech Republic, particularly our listeners in Prague as you have have been steady climbing the chart in your efforts of supporting positive social change. We watched you start at #20 and steadily climb to 14, and then continued to inch your way up to 12, then 10 and now you landed at #8 on the "Top 10 Global Listeners List", CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I, DeVonna Prinzi the Co-Exec Producer and our Show-runner Miranda Spigener-Sapon sincerely thank you and ask that you please take the time to like, follow, subscribe, and share as your efforts make a difference to everyone here at Inspire Change with Gunter.
Please remember If you want to share your story of social change, feel free to reach out to the show directly. Please see the show-notes for our contact information.
As always thank you to each and every one of our listeners, and most importantly keep Inspiring positive social change.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/inspire-change-with-gunter--3633478/support.
Gunter Swoboda and Lorin Josephson's neo-noir/supernatural thriller novel Amulets of Power, Book I A Brian Poole Mystery is officially ON SALE EVERYWHERE you like to get book, but if you want a discount please consider ording direct. ANY LISTENER who order's direct will get a surprise gift. https://shop.ingramspark.com/b/084?params=3RoOA6kVQ7ZgmqSK9LdnvNyDAZZFsg9IMaLUaprPgXK
Make sure you LIKE SUBSCRIBE & FOLLOW our new Official YouTube Channel of Video Shorts series: https://www.youtube.com/@InspireChangewithGunterSwoboda/videos where we will be adding new videos and content every week from Gunter and our guests. https://www.youtube.com/@InspireChangewithGunterSwoboda/videos
#InspireChange #Philosophy #Science #Reflection #Contemplation #SelfDevelopment #Masculinity #MakingGoodMenGreat #stoicism
Our gratitude this week goes out to our listeners in Czechia (Check-kee-uh), also known as the Czech Republic, particularly our listeners in Prague as you have have been steady climbing the chart in your efforts of supporting positive social change. We watched you start at #20 and steadily climb to 14, and then continued to inch your way up to 12, then 10 and now you landed at #8 on the "Top 10 Global Listeners List", CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I, DeVonna Prinzi the Co-Exec Producer and our Show-runner Miranda Spigener-Sapon sincerely thank you and ask that you please take the time to like, follow, subscribe, and share as your efforts make a difference to everyone here at Inspire Change with Gunter.
Please remember If you want to share your story of social change, feel free to reach out to the show directly. Please see the show-notes for our contact information.
As always thank you to each and every one of our listeners, and most importantly keep Inspiring positive social change.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/inspire-change-with-gunter--3633478/support.
Gunter Swoboda and Lorin Josephson's neo-noir/supernatural thriller novel Amulets of Power, Book I A Brian Poole Mystery is officially ON SALE EVERYWHERE you like to get book, but if you want a discount please consider ording direct. ANY LISTENER who order's direct will get a surprise gift. https://shop.ingramspark.com/b/084?params=3RoOA6kVQ7ZgmqSK9LdnvNyDAZZFsg9IMaLUaprPgXK
Make sure you LIKE SUBSCRIBE & FOLLOW our new Official YouTube Channel of Video Shorts series: https://www.youtube.com/@InspireChangewithGunterSwoboda/videos where we will be adding new videos and content every week from Gunter and our guests. https://www.youtube.com/@InspireChangewithGunterSwoboda/videos
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, listeners, it's good to siboa here with some exciting news.
We're on the lookout for sponsors to join us on
our incredible journey with Inspired Change with Conta. If your
organization cares deeply about meaningful conversations around masculinity, self development,
and mental health, we'd love to partner with you. Our
(00:24):
podcast has a wonderful, dedicated audience committed to personal growth
and positive social change. By sponsoring Inspired Change with Conta,
your brand will connect with listeners who truly value thoughtful
discussion and support initiatives that promote real transformation. We're incredibly
(00:47):
proud to be ranked number one in Australia and number
five in the USA on feed spots top men's mental
health Podcasts. For more information on how to become sponsor,
please reach out to Miranda Spegner sap On, our showrunner
and executive producer. We'd love to explore how we can
(01:09):
work together to inspire change. Now. Thank you for your
continued support, and let's keep inspiring change together.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
You're listening to Inspire Change, the broadcast that strives to educate, motivate,
and empower men to challenge traditions of masculinity to guide
us through the intricacies and intersections of emotions, relationships, and
male identity is renownced psychologists, author and speaker Gunter Swubota.
This is Inspire Change.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Before I begin the actual podcast, I would like to
respectfully acknowledge the gategor people of the Order Nation, who
are the traditional custodians of the lane on which I work.
I would also like to pay my respects to their
elders past and present. Welcome everybody to another episode of
(02:02):
Inspire Change with Gunta.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
I'm your host.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Wow, guess what episode it is today? It's episode three hundred,
So I want to thank you for being here. If
you knew you picked a good place to start, if
you've been with me for years, then this one is
for you. So welcome to Inspired Change with Gunta. I'm
(02:26):
a psychologist, psychotherapist, researcher, and a stubborn optimist about men,
relationships and culture. And this show has always had one aim,
and that is to help us grow up without shutting down.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
Now that tack events to when I say grow up.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Because essentially most of us will do that till the
day we leave this planet, hopefully in a good way. Now,
let me point some out three hundred is not about
the volume. What it does do is it marks continuity,
and that is showing up learning in public and across
(03:11):
these episodes, I have argued that masculinity is not a
costume that you put on or an armor that you wear.
It is a lived practice that you can examine, revise,
and create.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Now, let me stress that that shift matters. It takes
us from find.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yourself to make yourself. And if you've heard me talk
about agency before, you will realize that that is the
cutting edge of the sword. That is, I take more
agency when I go I'm making myself than what I
do in finding myself. You know the problem with finding yourself.
(03:54):
It's often related to luck, but it's also possibly an
illusion because you're already there at least all the parts
of you. So let's think about how you can put
them together. So here are some of the lessons that
I try to impart both in therapy but also just
in general. Okay, So one of the things that I,
(04:18):
as a psychotherapist learned relatively early on was that a
lot of change begins in the body before it shows
up in language. Now, this lesson was really important to
me when I started working with complex PTSD, so the
work often took to shape where the first signal when
(04:41):
I'm paying attention is somatic. The person's jaw unclinches, their
breathing drops into their belly. Meaning then follows, and the
same goes for me as the therapist.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
You know, am I aware of what.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Is happening to me in my body as I'm connecting
with my client? So the point is this, if you
try to argue your way into growth while your body
is still braced, rigid and inflexible, you'll stall. So all
(05:19):
things in the process of change can start with breath,
then with the posture you hold, and then the pace
in which you encounter being. Once that's done, then speak.
Another big lesson is that strength without capacity for tenderness
(05:43):
is brittle, and unfortunately it can hurt others more than
it may even hurt you. But let me guarantee you something.
In the short term, you might get away with it,
but in the long term, you too will be wounded.
Now I talk about stoicism, but there's two parts of stoicism. Essentially,
(06:09):
there's the emotional stoicism, which means that we internalize what
we're feeling. But then there's the intellectual stoicism, which I
bring to my attitude to living.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Now in that.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Space, stoicism can both connect you, but it more importantly
can steady you. Life is going to throw you some
serious girnballs.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
It's how you encounter those.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
So men tend to thrive when strength and tenderness learn
to share the room. This is not an either all,
and those of you have heard me speak about the
end also, this is what it is. It's both and
it's by design. So an aspect that I often confront
(07:06):
with my clients is the issue of shame. Now I've
probably spoken about this before another podcast, but guilt is
when I've done something wrong. Shame is when I am
body that I am bad or broken. Now, one small
(07:31):
antidote to that is, in fact, curiosity, And if I
think about it, shame is quick. Most of us have
a very immediate reaction, although some of us don't recognize it.
But I can tell you for a fact that curiosity
is faster if you train with it. The problem with
(07:56):
shame is that it shuts down any complexity, but curiosity,
when I invoke and reopens it. So when you feel
the spike, name it out aloud. I'm tense. I want
to pull away then move on to the real question.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
What is it that.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
I'm protecting right now? And curiosity is the thing then
that moves the needle. Another important factor in all of
this is that none of us can escape our socialization.
Right from the word conception, my environment begins to shape
(08:42):
me as a as an organism, as a being. Right,
and so as my gestation goes on, I mean developed
in this sack of fluid, which actually transmits.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Noise quite well. Any One who spends a bit.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Of time swimming, diving, snorkeling knows how well a fluid
carries sound.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Right, So you got to keep that in mind.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Is that this is a continuous process, our socialization.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
The connection we have in our.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Social landscape shapeers, especially around attachment. I speak a lot
about attachment because many of us suffer attachment traumers. Okay,
now there's in my sort of theoretical framework, there are
often three cultural landscopes, and I talk about those in
(09:43):
my writing now C one, C two, C three. So
C one is the culture of swimming, in C two
is what my profession or my professional role or ethics
expects of me. And C three is the life world
from which I've come and still inhabit. Now, this is
(10:06):
the really important bit about all of that. In order
to grow and in order to act on that agency
we talked about earlier on, you need to own all
three in order to influence.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
What you can in each.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
So if I'm brought up in a very traditional male
family culture that's very patriarchal, that may not suit me
very well, especially if I meet someone and fall in
love with someone who's not like that. If you insist
on maintaining that sense of rigid belief, that's going to
(10:51):
take its toll on your relationship, wouldn't it be better
to reassess?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
And that goes for all three.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
My hedge fund trader, my focus is on making money
and sometimes.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
It doesn't matter at what cost.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
And that's sad because I think there needs to be
a very strong ethic in that. Another really important point
that's often missed in the sort of dialogue is that
repair beats perfection every time. There are always going to
be times when you will misread someone you care for
all love, when you will overreach. Now, in that context,
(11:34):
the difference between that drift and growth is actually quite simple.
Turn around, go back and begin the process of repair,
and that process starts with owning what I've done an apology,
and this thing is important.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Apology is not a weakness.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Apologizing is taking up a care ability and that is
an aspect of leadership in a relationship, whether that be
at home, at work, and your friendship, group, wherever, wherever
it is. Right now, the next one, and this is
(12:18):
really interesting. I talk about sometimes pride and that you know,
pride in progress keeps going with motivation fades.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
It's a little snapshot. Now.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
People often misread pride, so I and they tend to
take into something negative.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
We can substitute that with satisfaction.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
You know, there's this whole thing about let me find
my happiness.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Well, unfortunately that's a lot more difficult than what it.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Appears to be. But satisfaction, now that's a different story.
You know, I can be striving for proven for growth,
be satisfied and then at certain points happy. So it's
(13:09):
it's again something that can coexist together. Motivation fundamentally is.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
A spark, right.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
It's like at the start of the game, I'm pumped up,
I'm ready to go onto the pitch, and there I am,
and you know, we're either doing well or not right.
But in any case, the moment something negative happens, my
motivation starts to dam the spark begins to go out.
Satisfaction is a steady burn. You know, take a look
(13:42):
at your achievements that matter, the conversation you had, the
boundary you set, the hour you slept instead of scrolling.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
You've got to remember that small stones build the path.
And so that brings me to another really important point.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
And you know, it's fortunate that a lot of men
are actually taking that on board.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
So one of the.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Critical issues that we as men offer faces the fact
that we often allow us.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
To fall into loneliness and isolation.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Right, but we need to remember that we as men
change faster in company than when we're alone.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Isolation is something that distorts.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
We create this inherent bubble in our head that if
we're not careful, it's illusion and that sometimes lies to us,
whereas community provides.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
A corrective environment.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Now, a couple of the lessons so you've heard me
talk about. And also it's a paradigm that is fundamentally
really important in my work, and I give you let
me give you some examples. The alternative is that we're
stuck in either oars.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
And that.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Creates that sort of binary idea good versus bad, up
versus down. Emotionally, that doesn't work well. You need to
think about and also as something that gets us moving.
So I can be decisive and receptive, I can be
(15:41):
protective and vulnerable, and I can be accountable and compassionate
with myself. Making a mistake does not mean I'm a failure.
I have made a mistake and I can learn from that.
So every time you add on and also you widen
(16:05):
your range. And this is what maturity actually really looks like,
not a mask. It's a larger repertoire. That's why the
whole geo political scene and the political rhetoric at the
moment is so toxic and dangerous is because it tries
(16:26):
to fit complex processes all right into a binary It's
either less, You're either left or you're right. That's sort
of thinking is fundamentally a nonsense, right, So just think
about those lessons. Okay, Now, given that this is episode
(16:50):
three hundred, where to from here? Well, one of the
things that I'm hoping to do is I'm hoping to
introduce so it's that are more practical and that bring.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
With them some short focused tools that you could try
on the.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Day, but remember to get some benefit out of the tools,
you need to be consistent and persistent with them. The
other thing that I want to do is have deeper
conversations with men who are in the health research arena
(17:29):
and some frontline workers. I also want to see if
I can get some stories from the field, real men
making real change, told with consent and care. It's a
bit like a phishing expedition. One of the other things
that I thought i'd introduce over the next little while
(17:50):
is the idea of what sort of frameworks and what
sort of attitudes, beliefs and values are helpful for those
who train, others who coach, others who mentor others. I
want to keep building resources for therapists, leaders who work
with men. Now, one of those guys is already on
(18:13):
the scene, and that's John Millen, our wonderful mate, big
and bold and brassy about all things masculine.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
He's going to be coming back.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
There's going to be stuff with my wife where I'm
going to bring back conversations with my wife, because not
only is she a wonderful support to me, but she's
also you know just an absolute intellectual giant in many respects.
I always take my hat off conversations about the insights
(18:49):
that she brings.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
To the table.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I'd love to get some community challenges going. Maybe that
could be a work in progress. I think we do
really need to come at this from the community level,
but we'll see how we go. So essentially, this brings
me to the close of episode three hundred.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
So I want.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
To thank every listener who's shared an episode, maybe giving
me some feedback or tried a particular approach. Thank you
to the men who set across for me and told
the truth. You have shaped a large amount of this work.
(19:37):
Here is my ask for this milestone. Share this episode
with one person who needs a nudge towards growth. Then
take one minute to write down the also you are
training this month, Keep it visible, tell someone you trust,
(19:58):
hold yourself accountable. Okay, three hundred down, and the work
continues on Gutta your host, and this is inspired change.
Take care of yourself, take care of h'ava, and I'll
see you next week.
Speaker 5 (20:17):
Hello to all our listeners, we thank you for tuning
in and promoting positive social change. This makes you a
part of Gunter's efforts and transforming not only men's lives,
but lives in general, and we are grateful that you
have joined us. This week, we're taking a look globally
and would like to share our gratitude with our listeners
(20:37):
and check you also known as the Czech Republic, particularly
our listeners in Prague, as you've been steadily climbing the
chart in your efforts of supporting positive social change. We
watched you start at number twenty and steadily climb from
there to fourteen, and then continue to inch your way
up from twelve to ten, and now you landed at
(20:59):
night number eight on the top ten global listeners list.
Congradeations I Devana Prenzy, the co executive producer and our
showrunner Miranda Speigner Sapone sincerely thank you and ask that
you please take the time to like, follow, subscribe and share,
(21:21):
as your efforts make a difference to everyone here at
Inspire Change with Gunter. Please remember if you want to
share your story of social change, feel free to reach
out to the show directly. Please see the show notes
for our contact information. As always, thank you to each
and every one of our listeners, and most importantly, keep
(21:42):
inspiring positive social change.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Love to hear from you, and if you're interested, please
check out my work on www. Dot gotosboda dot com
or www. Dot goott dot com.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Thank you for listening. To inspire change A broadcast is
for us to educate, motivate, and empower men to challenge
traditions of masculinity. For more information on the Making Good
Men Great movement, or for individual or group coaching sessions
with Gunter, visit goodmengrade dot com
Hello, listeners, it's good to siboa here with some exciting news.
We're on the lookout for sponsors to join us on
our incredible journey with Inspired Change with Conta. If your
organization cares deeply about meaningful conversations around masculinity, self development,
and mental health, we'd love to partner with you. Our
(00:24):
podcast has a wonderful, dedicated audience committed to personal growth
and positive social change. By sponsoring Inspired Change with Conta,
your brand will connect with listeners who truly value thoughtful
discussion and support initiatives that promote real transformation. We're incredibly
(00:47):
proud to be ranked number one in Australia and number
five in the USA on feed spots top men's mental
health Podcasts. For more information on how to become sponsor,
please reach out to Miranda Spegner sap On, our showrunner
and executive producer. We'd love to explore how we can
(01:09):
work together to inspire change. Now. Thank you for your
continued support, and let's keep inspiring change together.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
You're listening to Inspire Change, the broadcast that strives to educate, motivate,
and empower men to challenge traditions of masculinity to guide
us through the intricacies and intersections of emotions, relationships, and
male identity is renownced psychologists, author and speaker Gunter Swubota.
This is Inspire Change.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Before I begin the actual podcast, I would like to
respectfully acknowledge the gategor people of the Order Nation, who
are the traditional custodians of the lane on which I work.
I would also like to pay my respects to their
elders past and present. Welcome everybody to another episode of
(02:02):
Inspire Change with Gunta.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
I'm your host.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Wow, guess what episode it is today? It's episode three hundred,
So I want to thank you for being here. If
you knew you picked a good place to start, if
you've been with me for years, then this one is
for you. So welcome to Inspired Change with Gunta. I'm
(02:26):
a psychologist, psychotherapist, researcher, and a stubborn optimist about men,
relationships and culture. And this show has always had one aim,
and that is to help us grow up without shutting down.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
Now that tack events to when I say grow up.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Because essentially most of us will do that till the
day we leave this planet, hopefully in a good way. Now,
let me point some out three hundred is not about
the volume. What it does do is it marks continuity,
and that is showing up learning in public and across
(03:11):
these episodes, I have argued that masculinity is not a
costume that you put on or an armor that you wear.
It is a lived practice that you can examine, revise,
and create.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Now, let me stress that that shift matters. It takes
us from find.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yourself to make yourself. And if you've heard me talk
about agency before, you will realize that that is the
cutting edge of the sword. That is, I take more
agency when I go I'm making myself than what I
do in finding myself. You know the problem with finding yourself.
(03:54):
It's often related to luck, but it's also possibly an
illusion because you're already there at least all the parts
of you. So let's think about how you can put
them together. So here are some of the lessons that
I try to impart both in therapy but also just
in general. Okay, So one of the things that I,
(04:18):
as a psychotherapist learned relatively early on was that a
lot of change begins in the body before it shows
up in language. Now, this lesson was really important to
me when I started working with complex PTSD, so the
work often took to shape where the first signal when
(04:41):
I'm paying attention is somatic. The person's jaw unclinches, their
breathing drops into their belly. Meaning then follows, and the
same goes for me as the therapist.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
You know, am I aware of what.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Is happening to me in my body as I'm connecting
with my client? So the point is this, if you
try to argue your way into growth while your body
is still braced, rigid and inflexible, you'll stall. So all
(05:19):
things in the process of change can start with breath,
then with the posture you hold, and then the pace
in which you encounter being. Once that's done, then speak.
Another big lesson is that strength without capacity for tenderness
(05:43):
is brittle, and unfortunately it can hurt others more than
it may even hurt you. But let me guarantee you something.
In the short term, you might get away with it,
but in the long term, you too will be wounded.
Now I talk about stoicism, but there's two parts of stoicism. Essentially,
(06:09):
there's the emotional stoicism, which means that we internalize what
we're feeling. But then there's the intellectual stoicism, which I
bring to my attitude to living.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
Now in that.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Space, stoicism can both connect you, but it more importantly
can steady you. Life is going to throw you some
serious girnballs.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
It's how you encounter those.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
So men tend to thrive when strength and tenderness learn
to share the room. This is not an either all,
and those of you have heard me speak about the
end also, this is what it is. It's both and
it's by design. So an aspect that I often confront
(07:06):
with my clients is the issue of shame. Now I've
probably spoken about this before another podcast, but guilt is
when I've done something wrong. Shame is when I am
body that I am bad or broken. Now, one small
(07:31):
antidote to that is, in fact, curiosity, And if I
think about it, shame is quick. Most of us have
a very immediate reaction, although some of us don't recognize it.
But I can tell you for a fact that curiosity
is faster if you train with it. The problem with
(07:56):
shame is that it shuts down any complexity, but curiosity,
when I invoke and reopens it. So when you feel
the spike, name it out aloud. I'm tense. I want
to pull away then move on to the real question.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
What is it that.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
I'm protecting right now? And curiosity is the thing then
that moves the needle. Another important factor in all of
this is that none of us can escape our socialization.
Right from the word conception, my environment begins to shape
(08:42):
me as a as an organism, as a being. Right,
and so as my gestation goes on, I mean developed
in this sack of fluid, which actually transmits.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Noise quite well. Any One who spends a bit.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Of time swimming, diving, snorkeling knows how well a fluid
carries sound.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Right, So you got to keep that in mind.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Is that this is a continuous process, our socialization.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
The connection we have in our.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Social landscape shapeers, especially around attachment. I speak a lot
about attachment because many of us suffer attachment traumers. Okay,
now there's in my sort of theoretical framework, there are
often three cultural landscopes, and I talk about those in
(09:43):
my writing now C one, C two, C three. So
C one is the culture of swimming, in C two
is what my profession or my professional role or ethics
expects of me. And C three is the life world
from which I've come and still inhabit. Now, this is
(10:06):
the really important bit about all of that. In order
to grow and in order to act on that agency
we talked about earlier on, you need to own all
three in order to influence.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
What you can in each.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
So if I'm brought up in a very traditional male
family culture that's very patriarchal, that may not suit me
very well, especially if I meet someone and fall in
love with someone who's not like that. If you insist
on maintaining that sense of rigid belief, that's going to
(10:51):
take its toll on your relationship, wouldn't it be better
to reassess?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
And that goes for all three.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
My hedge fund trader, my focus is on making money
and sometimes.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
It doesn't matter at what cost.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
And that's sad because I think there needs to be
a very strong ethic in that. Another really important point
that's often missed in the sort of dialogue is that
repair beats perfection every time. There are always going to
be times when you will misread someone you care for
all love, when you will overreach. Now, in that context,
(11:34):
the difference between that drift and growth is actually quite simple.
Turn around, go back and begin the process of repair,
and that process starts with owning what I've done an apology,
and this thing is important.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Apology is not a weakness.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Apologizing is taking up a care ability and that is
an aspect of leadership in a relationship, whether that be
at home, at work, and your friendship, group, wherever, wherever
it is. Right now, the next one, and this is
(12:18):
really interesting. I talk about sometimes pride and that you know,
pride in progress keeps going with motivation fades.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
It's a little snapshot. Now.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
People often misread pride, so I and they tend to
take into something negative.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
We can substitute that with satisfaction.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
You know, there's this whole thing about let me find
my happiness.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Well, unfortunately that's a lot more difficult than what it.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Appears to be. But satisfaction, now that's a different story.
You know, I can be striving for proven for growth,
be satisfied and then at certain points happy. So it's
(13:09):
it's again something that can coexist together. Motivation fundamentally is.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
A spark, right.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
It's like at the start of the game, I'm pumped up,
I'm ready to go onto the pitch, and there I am,
and you know, we're either doing well or not right.
But in any case, the moment something negative happens, my
motivation starts to dam the spark begins to go out.
Satisfaction is a steady burn. You know, take a look
(13:42):
at your achievements that matter, the conversation you had, the
boundary you set, the hour you slept instead of scrolling.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
You've got to remember that small stones build the path.
And so that brings me to another really important point.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
And you know, it's fortunate that a lot of men
are actually taking that on board.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
So one of the.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Critical issues that we as men offer faces the fact
that we often allow us.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
To fall into loneliness and isolation.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Right, but we need to remember that we as men
change faster in company than when we're alone.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Isolation is something that distorts.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
We create this inherent bubble in our head that if
we're not careful, it's illusion and that sometimes lies to us,
whereas community provides.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
A corrective environment.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Now, a couple of the lessons so you've heard me
talk about. And also it's a paradigm that is fundamentally
really important in my work, and I give you let
me give you some examples. The alternative is that we're
stuck in either oars.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
And that.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Creates that sort of binary idea good versus bad, up
versus down. Emotionally, that doesn't work well. You need to
think about and also as something that gets us moving.
So I can be decisive and receptive, I can be
(15:41):
protective and vulnerable, and I can be accountable and compassionate
with myself. Making a mistake does not mean I'm a failure.
I have made a mistake and I can learn from that.
So every time you add on and also you widen
(16:05):
your range. And this is what maturity actually really looks like,
not a mask. It's a larger repertoire. That's why the
whole geo political scene and the political rhetoric at the
moment is so toxic and dangerous is because it tries
(16:26):
to fit complex processes all right into a binary It's
either less, You're either left or you're right. That's sort
of thinking is fundamentally a nonsense, right, So just think
about those lessons. Okay, Now, given that this is episode
(16:50):
three hundred, where to from here? Well, one of the
things that I'm hoping to do is I'm hoping to
introduce so it's that are more practical and that bring.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
With them some short focused tools that you could try
on the.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Day, but remember to get some benefit out of the tools,
you need to be consistent and persistent with them. The
other thing that I want to do is have deeper
conversations with men who are in the health research arena
(17:29):
and some frontline workers. I also want to see if
I can get some stories from the field, real men
making real change, told with consent and care. It's a
bit like a phishing expedition. One of the other things
that I thought i'd introduce over the next little while
(17:50):
is the idea of what sort of frameworks and what
sort of attitudes, beliefs and values are helpful for those
who train, others who coach, others who mentor others. I
want to keep building resources for therapists, leaders who work
with men. Now, one of those guys is already on
(18:13):
the scene, and that's John Millen, our wonderful mate, big
and bold and brassy about all things masculine.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
He's going to be coming back.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
There's going to be stuff with my wife where I'm
going to bring back conversations with my wife, because not
only is she a wonderful support to me, but she's
also you know just an absolute intellectual giant in many respects.
I always take my hat off conversations about the insights
(18:49):
that she brings.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
To the table.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I'd love to get some community challenges going. Maybe that
could be a work in progress. I think we do
really need to come at this from the community level,
but we'll see how we go. So essentially, this brings
me to the close of episode three hundred.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
So I want.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
To thank every listener who's shared an episode, maybe giving
me some feedback or tried a particular approach. Thank you
to the men who set across for me and told
the truth. You have shaped a large amount of this work.
(19:37):
Here is my ask for this milestone. Share this episode
with one person who needs a nudge towards growth. Then
take one minute to write down the also you are
training this month, Keep it visible, tell someone you trust,
(19:58):
hold yourself accountable. Okay, three hundred down, and the work
continues on Gutta your host, and this is inspired change.
Take care of yourself, take care of h'ava, and I'll
see you next week.
Speaker 5 (20:17):
Hello to all our listeners, we thank you for tuning
in and promoting positive social change. This makes you a
part of Gunter's efforts and transforming not only men's lives,
but lives in general, and we are grateful that you
have joined us. This week, we're taking a look globally
and would like to share our gratitude with our listeners
(20:37):
and check you also known as the Czech Republic, particularly
our listeners in Prague, as you've been steadily climbing the
chart in your efforts of supporting positive social change. We
watched you start at number twenty and steadily climb from
there to fourteen, and then continue to inch your way
up from twelve to ten, and now you landed at
(20:59):
night number eight on the top ten global listeners list.
Congradeations I Devana Prenzy, the co executive producer and our
showrunner Miranda Speigner Sapone sincerely thank you and ask that
you please take the time to like, follow, subscribe and share,
(21:21):
as your efforts make a difference to everyone here at
Inspire Change with Gunter. Please remember if you want to
share your story of social change, feel free to reach
out to the show directly. Please see the show notes
for our contact information. As always, thank you to each
and every one of our listeners, and most importantly, keep
(21:42):
inspiring positive social change.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Love to hear from you, and if you're interested, please
check out my work on www. Dot gotosboda dot com
or www. Dot goott dot com.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Thank you for listening. To inspire change A broadcast is
for us to educate, motivate, and empower men to challenge
traditions of masculinity. For more information on the Making Good
Men Great movement, or for individual or group coaching sessions
with Gunter, visit goodmengrade dot com
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