Inspire Change SEASON 7-306 Healing as a Lifelong Journey Navigating Setbacks & Growth

This week on Inspire Change...Gunter is opening up the discussion about healing as a lifelong journey navigating setbacks and growth. 

 #InspireChange #Philosophy #Science #Reflection #Contemplation #SelfDevelopment #Masculinity #MakingGoodMenGreat #stoicism 

This week we are launching some partnerships with some ad sponsors that promote well-being, wellness and natural products. This week we would like to introduce you to More Labs.  More Labs’ Morning Recovery is the #1 alcohol recovery supplement that helps you wake up clear-headed and refreshed. Clinically proven and trusted by thousands, with 20M+ bottles sold and a 4.9-star rating, it works. Try it risk-free! Enjoy an exclusive discount with our promo code https://www.morelabs.com/discount/INSPIRECHANGE Our code will be applied to your cart and you get a discount at any of the products at MoreLabs.com Their products are loaded with super ingredients—Milk Thistle, Prickly Pear, Red Ginseng, Electrolytes, and B Vitamins. It is Developed with top scientists—including Dr. Fu Chen, a former FDA expert in supplement absorption. MoreLabs products work better than sports drinks—targets toxin buildup and nutrient loss, not just dehydration. Their products are a clean formula—no artificial colors, sweeteners, or preservatives.  It is also portable & TSA-friendly—perfect for travel, work, or big nights out.

Our gratitude this week goes out to our  listeners, We thank YOU for tuning in and promoting positive social change.  This makes you a part of Gunter’s efforts in transforming not only men's lives but lives in general and we are grateful you have joined us.  This week we are taking a look at the Global Listeners List and for the FIRST time we would like to share our gratitude with our listeners in Iraq.  Thankyou  Baghdad & Nineveh (Nin-uh-vuh) for bringing Iraq on to the list at #10. CONGRATULATIONS!!!  We appreciate your efforts of supporting positive social change!I, DeVonna Prinzi the Co-Exec Producer and our Show-runner Miranda Spigener-Sapon sincerely thank you and ask that you please take the time to like, follow, subscribe, and share as your efforts make a difference to everyone here at Inspire Change with Gunter.   Please remember If you want to share your story of social change, feel free to reach out  to the show directly. Please see the show-notes for our contact information.  As always thank you to each and every one of our listeners, and most importantly please keep Inspiring positive social change.


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/inspire-change-with-gunter--3633478/support.

Gunter Swoboda and Lorin Josephson's neo-noir/supernatural thriller novel Amulets of Power, Book I A Brian Poole Mystery is officially ON SALE EVERYWHERE you like to get book, but if you want a discount please consider ording direct. ANY LISTENER who order's direct will get a surprise gift. https://shop.ingramspark.com/b/084?params=3RoOA6kVQ7ZgmqSK9LdnvNyDAZZFsg9IMaLUaprPgXK

Make sure you LIKE SUBSCRIBE & FOLLOW our new Official YouTube Channel of Video Shorts series: https://www.youtube.com/@InspireChangewithGunterSwoboda/videos where we will be adding new videos and content every week from Gunter and our guests.  https://www.youtube.com/@InspireChangewithGunterSwoboda/videos

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, listeners, it's good to siboa here with some exciting news.
We're on the lookout for sponsors to join us on
our incredible journey with Inspired Change with Conta. If your
organization cares deeply about meaningful conversations around masculinity, self development,
and mental health, we'd love to partner with you. Our

(00:24):
podcast has a wonderful, dedicated audience committed to personal growth
and positive social change. By sponsoring Inspired Change with Conta,
your brand will connect with listeners who truly value thoughtful
discussion and support initiatives that promote real transformation. We're incredibly

(00:47):
proud to be ranked number one in Australia and number
five in the USA on feed spots top men's mental
health Podcasts. For more information on how to become sponsor,
please reach out to Miranda Spegner sap On, our showrunner
and executive producer. We'd love to explore how we can

(01:09):
work together to inspire change. Now. Thank you for your
continued support, and let's keep inspiring change together.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
You're listening to Inspire Change, the broadcast that strives to educate, motivate,
and empower men to challenge traditions of masculinity to guide
us through the intricacies and intersections of emotions, relationships, and
male identity is renownced psychologists, author and speaker Gunter Swubota.
This is Inspire Change.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Before I begin the actual podcast, I would like to
respectfully acknowledge the gategor people of the Order Nation, who
are the traditional custodians of the lane on which I work.
I would also like to pay my respects to their elders,
past and present. Welcome everybody to another episode of Inspired

(02:02):
Change with Gunter. I'm your host. Welcome everybody to another
episode of Inspired Change with Gunter. You know, sometimes we
treat healing as a finish line. You push hard, you
do the work, and at some point you expect to
be done. Anyone who has lived through grief, ad diction, trauma,

(02:24):
or the long repair of a relationship knows it doesn't
really work like that. Healing is not a straight road.
It's not a straight line. It's seasonal. It loops, it's spirals.
It takes you forward, then it asks you to return
to old ground with new eyes. And today I want

(02:44):
to talk about the long game. We're talking about how
to navigate setbacks without losing heart and how to grow
in a way that respects your limits and stretches your capacity.
So when I say healing is life long, I'm not
being a fatalist. I'm being honest about how humans develop.

(03:08):
You don't wake up one day with no triggers, no shame,
no regret, and no urge is to fall back into
old moves. You wake up with a body that remembers,
a mind that rehearses certain fears, and a life that
keeps throwing curveballs. The task here isn't to erase human nature.

(03:31):
The task is to build a relationship with it that
is steady, kind and effective. Think about a time in
your life when you thought you had beat something. Maybe
you stop drinking or drop the toxic habit, maybe you
repair a relationship. Months later, out of nowhere, something tugs

(03:52):
you back. You can feel the old pool. You slip,
or you come close. The shame can be loud in
that moment. It tells you the story that you failed
and that all your progress was a lie. The shame
is wrong. A setback is not proof that you haven't healed.

(04:15):
It is proof that you are still human and that
you're being asked to level up your practice. I use
the word practice on purpose. Practice teaches us that we
need to be consistent and persistent. It takes us away
from perfection and into process. When you treat healing as

(04:39):
a practice, you can measure progress in a humane way.
You can ask better questions. Did I recognize the early
signs sooner? Did I shorten the time between slip and repair?
Did I tell the truth faster? Did I return to
my values after the mistake rather than defend it for days?

(05:01):
Now that's growth. So let's talk a bit about how
a setback actually unfolds. A pressure enters the system. It
might be fatigue, a conflict you didn't see coming, some money, stress,
a memory triggered by a song, or a sense of

(05:21):
not being in control. The body registers it first. Your
breath tightens, scanning narrows. Speech might speed up. Now the
story arrives after the body speaks. Then you get the
old narrative on alone. I have to fix this right now.

(05:43):
I deserve a break. They don't understand me. The thought
combines with the body's agitation, and suddenly you're reaching for
the move that used to give relief. If it was alcohol,
the dreamin there might be a secret message the angry escalation,

(06:07):
the retreat into silence. You know your own version all
too well if you reflect and contemplate it. Now. The
beauty of all of this is that once you can
see that sequence, you can actually change it. The first

(06:28):
intervention is never clever. It's actually just simple. Slow the exhile,
unclench the jaw, drop your shoulders, and name the pressure
out aloud. I'm tense and I'm rushing, or I'm scared
I will lose them. Another one is I really want

(06:52):
to avoid this. The naming is not indulgent. It is
the moment when you take the wheel back from autopilot.
It gives you that beat to choose the next step
on purpose rather than reflex. It is about the intention.

(07:20):
Now Here is a story I hear often in different forms.
A man promises himself he will not raise his voice
in front of the kids. He keeps it together, all
weak and Friday, our eyes, with work, stress, little sleep,
and one small provocation. He snaps. He sees the fear

(07:45):
in his child's eyes. He feels disgust and shame. In
the old pattern, he might double down, justified, or withdraw
and say nothing. In the new pattern, he takes the
next right step, He slows his breath. He names what happened,

(08:08):
first to himself and then to the people involved. He
apologizes without a lecture. He sets the small corrective move
for tomorrow, like a walk with his child, the clearer
plan for the next Friday, or a rule about stepping
outside for sixty seconds before replying. It is that difference

(08:34):
between a reaction and response. Now, this is not theatrical
it is repair in motion. Now, over time, the interval
between trigger and repair shrinks and the home gets safer. Now,

(08:55):
what's important too to recognize is that healing is not
just personal between people. You cannot become well in a vacuum,
and you cannot stay well in a vacuum. Community is
not a buzzword. It is the ecosystem that keeps you
honest and supported. I'm talking about one or two people

(09:19):
who know your story, know your tells, and have permission
to ask you the hard questions, not every day, not
in a performative way, just enough to keep your wake
to your commitment. We make healing harder when we try
to white knuckle it alone. Now, I want to address

(09:43):
the idea of imperfection. Any people hear the phrase embrace imperfection,
and they think it means lowering standards. It doesn't. What
it really means is recognizing that standards without self respect
become cruelty. Healing thrives on a different combination clear standards,

(10:09):
steady combas, compassion, and a bias towards repair. You need
all three, and if you remove compassion, the standards will
break you. If you remove standards, compassion becomes a cover
story for stagnation. If you remove repair, you say stuck,

(10:31):
telling yourself the same looped apology. The art is holding
them together on your worst day, not just on your
best day. There is a move I teach that helps
with this. I call it the and also move. It's

(10:52):
a simple mental habit that keeps you out of the
all or nothing thinking. I lost my temper and I'm
still committed to being a safe man. I feel disappointed,
and I can choose a response that lines up with
who I want to be. You do not excuse the harm.

(11:16):
You refuse to define yourself by the worst moment. And
it's not a spin. This is accountability with dignity. So
let's talk about relapse for a moment, because the word
carries heat. If you've lived with addiction. You know relapse
can be dangerous. I'm not romanticizing it. I'm saying the
difference between a lapse and a collapse often comes comes

(11:40):
down to what you're doing that hour after it happens.
If you disappear into secrecy, the collapse arrives. If you
tell one trusted person and take one stabilizing action, you
often prevent a week of damage. The first stabilizing action
might be a small food, water and a walk and

(12:01):
an honest text. It sounds spicy because it is. The
body needs steadying before the mind can make complex choices.
You already know this, but we forget it under pressia.

Speaker 3 (12:15):
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(12:39):
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there for more information and also the direct link to

(13:00):
promo code. Thank you.

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Now, let me bring in purpose, because purpose changes the rules.
When you live by performance, every slip feels like an
identity crisis. When you live by purpose, a slip is
a reminder to return. Purpose keeps the compass steady when
the weather turns. If your purpose is to be a

(13:23):
present father, an honest partner, or a leader who builds trust,
and the setback becomes part of that same purpose. You
repair because that's the kind of man you're trying to be,
not because you are trying to protect an image. Sometimes,
healing us disagree the version of ourselves we were promised.

(13:47):
Many men grew up with the idea that strength means
invulnerability and control. Real strength looks different. It looks like recognition.
It looks like saying I cannot do this alone, or
I need a pause, then I'll come back. It looks
like starting the conversation again after a bad start. It

(14:11):
really looks like letting your nervous systems settle before you
make a decision that affects your family. These acts do
not look heroic from the outside. They are heroic from
the inside. Over time, they change a life, your life.
I often describe growth as a set of small, repeatable loops,

(14:35):
rather than one grand moment. A loop looks like this.
You notice the earlier signs faster, You choose a regulating
actions sooner, you tell the truth earlier, you repair more directly.

(14:55):
You plan one next move that keeps you aligned. Then
you do it again next week. These loops do not
make life tidy. They make you trustworthy to yourself. Now,
if you're like something practical, try this for the next

(15:17):
thirty days. Each morning, take sixty seconds to check your body.
Ask where the tension is. Name one feeling and one
value you want to live by today. Keep it short.
At lunch, ask yourself if you need a reset. If
you do, take two minutes to breathe and restart. In

(15:41):
the evening, take five minutes to review where did I
move towards my value? Where did I move away? What
do I need to repair tomorrow? Write one sentence, not
a diary. Then once a week tell your accountability partner

(16:02):
one truth and on one plan. It will take less
time than the scrolling you will not remember. For those
navigating trauma, remember that healing may involve returning to places
you would rather avoid. Go slowly, go with support. Let

(16:25):
your body set. The pace is anchors that remind you
nervous system that you are safe right now. A scent,
a song, a phrase, or a different breathing pattern. If
your body says stop stop, you are not failing in

(16:45):
that moment. You are setting the conditions for deeper work later.
If you're in therapy, ask for work that honors both
your capacity and your courage. Ask for micro goals, ask
for clear after care. When a session opens something raw,

(17:06):
you are definitely allowed to ask for what you need now.
Relationships deserve a moment here. If you hurt someone you love,
you cannot force them to move on at your pace.
The work is to be consistent, to hold the consequences

(17:27):
without collapsing into self hatred, and to keep showing up
with the same honest posture. Setbacks in relationships are unavoidable.
The repair is your responsibility, even when the outcome is uncertain.
This is adult love. It's not a movie arc. It's

(17:49):
a daily craft. In men's groups and leadership programs, I
see the same turning point again and again, the moment
a man realizes he can survive the feeling of shame
without acting from it. He sets himself free. He stops running,
he stops dominating, he stops disappearing. He learns to stay

(18:14):
present when his body tells him to flee or run
away or fight. That is when his partner trusts him more.
That is when his kids breathe a sigh of relief.

(18:35):
That is when his team knows he's safe to follow.
It doesn't come from speeches. It comes from practice, under
pressure and a plan for when he slips. As you
hear all this, notice the place you feel defensive or

(18:56):
tired in healing. Fatigue is real life keeps demanding effort.
If you feel worn out, shorten the horizon, bring it
back today. Choose one small act that reflects who you
want to be. Drink the water, send the honest text,
schedule the repair conversation. Walk around the block before you

(19:21):
answer the message that poke your pride. Sometimes the wind
is to avoid making a wound bigger. Sometimes the wind
is to take a step that future you will respect.
So let me close with a simple frame for the

(19:42):
next time you face a setback. First, stabilize the body, breathe,
Relax the tension in your body, in your muscles. Second,
tell the smallest honest truth to one person. Third, choose
one repair or one boundary. Fourth, schedule the next supportive

(20:08):
action within twenty four hours. Then move on with your day.
No thereatrix, no self flagellation, steady human, repeatable. So inclosing,
let me remind you that healing is a lifelong journey

(20:28):
and it's not a sentence. It's an invitation. It lets
you live with compassion and withstandard. It respects the fact
that you are complex, that culture pulls on you, that
your history still speaks, and that you are not defined
by the worst thing you've done or the hardest thing

(20:50):
that happened to you. You are defined by what you
practice when those things show up again. Today's episodes landed.
Tell someone what you will practice this week and when
you will report back. That simple accountability can change the

(21:13):
whole month. And on that night, this is me going
to signing off until next time, be the change.

Speaker 4 (21:24):
Hello to all our listeners, we thank you for tuning
in and promoting positive social change. This makes you a
part of Gunter's efforts and transforming not only men's lives
but lives in general, and we're grateful you have joined us.
This week we're taking a look at the global listener's
list and for the first time, we would like to
share our gratitude with our listeners in Iraq. Thank you

(21:45):
Baghdad and Nineveh for bringing Iraq onto the list at
number ten. Congratulations. We appreciate your efforts of supporting positive
social change. I Devana Prenzy, the co executive producer and
our showrunner Miranda Speidner's apone sincerely thank you and ask
that you please take the time to like, follow, subscribe,

(22:07):
and share, as your efforts make a difference to everyone
here at Inspire Change with Gunter. Please remember if you
want to share your story of social change, feel free
to reach out to the show directly. Please see the
show notes for contact information. As always, thank you to
each and every one of our listeners, and most importantly,
please keep inspiring positive social change.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Love to hear from you, and if you're sted, please
check out my work on www Dot Gotosboda dot com
or www. Dot gutman Grete dot com.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Thank you for listening to Inspire Change, a broadcast this
str us to educate, motivate, and empower men to challenge
traditions of masculinity for more information on the making good
men great movement, or for individual or group coaching sessions,
Gunter visit Goodman grade dot com MHM