Ted the Caver

This internet freakshow begins on Angelfire of all places. Back as the web was evolving, services like Angelfire and Geocities provided web space and hosting that enabled anyone to create their own websites. These days, the services have faded away to other, easier services. For most people, social media serves their needs to get their stories out to the public. If you’re interested in longer-form blogging, Wordpress sites are a good way to publish your story. But back in 2001, if you had a story to tell, you were likely opening an Angelfire or Geocities account, learning basic HTML, and publishing your story via FTP. And that is the internet world in which we find Ted the Caver. Published in December 2000 and up until May of 2001, the site is set up as a very primitive blog, updating users on the journey of a caver named Ted, along with his associate, known only as ‘B’.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Don't up that freak kind, invitethe ground, don't make us rip our
things. I set up a movefrequency reformed Internet Show. All right,

(00:26):
Hello everybody, and welcome back toInternet Freak Show. This Internet Freak Show
begins on angel Fire, of allplaces. Back as the Web was evolving,
services like angel Fire and GeoCities providedwebspace and web hosting that enabled anyone
to create their own websites. Thesedays, services like these have faded away

(00:47):
to other, easier to use services. For most people, social media serves
their needs to get those stories outto the public, and if you're interested
in longer form blogging, WordPress sitesare a good way to publish your story.
But back in the year two thousand, if you had a story to
tell, you are likely opening upan angel Fire or Geocity's account, learning
basic HTML and publishing your story viaFTP. And that is the Internet world

(01:12):
in which we find Ted the Caver. Published in December of two thousand and
up until May of two thousand andone. This site is set up as
a very primitive blog updating users onthe journey of a caver named Ted,
along with his associate known only asB. The site is set up in
a format similar to blogs of today, but the entries are very long.

(01:34):
I guess Internet users nearly twenty yearsago had longer attention spans than they do
today to modern website visitors. Thesite is very primitive, consisting only of
texts on a black background and nextlinks to continue on with the story of
Ted. It is set up asa diary of sorts, with the story
reading sequentially as you page through it. He notes at the beginning that for

(01:57):
the most part, the entries aredirect transcription of the cave journals he kept
during his journey, but he doeshighlight some texts he adds as an addendum,
supplementing the story with additional details asit reflects back and transcribes his story.
The story begins as a relatively blandcaving exploration story, with Ted and
b exploring a well known and welltraveled cave, but it gets more exciting

(02:20):
as they seemingly find a new tunnelthat seems to be completely unexplored. The
opening to this tunnel is quite small. It's about the size of a football.
It's far too small to explore otherthan by just shining a flashlight through
the hole and squinting your eyes tosee as far as you can, but
Ted and b are not content withthat level of exploration, instead deciding to

(02:40):
come back to the tunnel equipped withvarious drills, chisels, and other tools
to widen that tunnel entrance. Peeringthrough the hole, it was obvious that
the tunnel opened up not far pastthat narrow opening. The idea was that
by just chipping away on the rockat the outside, the rest of the
tunnel could be easily navigated. Thenext several entries in the site are all

(03:01):
about demolition. Throughout this demolition process, Ted post photos on the site.
He notes that the photos are takenby a disposable camera. For you younger
podcast listeners, this idea may seemvery foreign. Photos weren't always digital,
and people didn't always carry around avery high quality camera with them on their

(03:21):
phone at all times. Instead,you'd go through the convenient stores and you'd
buy film or in this case,an entire camera for the task. Then
you'd take this camera to a photoprocessor who would print out copies. Similar
to the John Tighter story on thisfeed. The quality of these photos presented
lends a lot of credence to thestory. You have to consider the time

(03:42):
in which this story was published,most people browsing the web were not doing
it on their phones that allowed forunlimited zooming on high resolution screens. They
were browsing with dial up Internet connectionson small CRT monitors that limited resolution and
sometimes even limited colors. Judging thesephotos with the quality standards of today,
it simply isn't fair. But thephotos are still convincing enough, showing the

(04:06):
details necessary to continue on with thestory. Sure Enough, that hole keeps
getting larger and larger, and thepile of dust and dirt below keeps getting
larger. Eventually it was large enoughto stick his head in. And this
is the point of the story whereit gets a little ominous. They hear
a noise inside the cave. It'sa noise that Ted himself has a hard

(04:28):
time describing, but the way Iinterpreted it, it sounded similar to somebody
sliding them the face of a rock. It was loud and noticeable enough to
frighten both Ted and be but notenough to scare them from completing their task
and exploring this previously unknown tunnel.At one point, they bring along a
dog to accompany them on this journey, and the dog is also quite spooked.

(04:50):
They never bring that dog again toevaluate what that sound could be,
along with what could have gotten thedog so spooked. There's a lot of
things that could explain. The mostobvious is some sort of wild animal,
a possum or a raccoon could havefit through that hole even before they started
chipping away at it. Maybe that'sit. Maybe it's just a wild animal.

(05:11):
Maybe they're a loud drilling and chippingand chiseling and the breaking of the
rocks has the animals spooked. Eventually, Ted and Bee get the hole large
enough for Ted to fit through.Bee has a bit of a bigger build,
so Bee stays behind and Ted describeshis journey through the tunnel. This
journey, just his description of it, would give anyone with claustrophobia weeks of
nightmares. His chest scraped the floor, his back scraped the steeling. He

(05:36):
had to remove his helmet and turnhis head to the side just to make
it through. Scooting along by digginghis toes into the loose gravel and pushing
himself an inch at a time throughthis tunnel. Coupled with the mysterious noises
that he heard before, this journeygets even scarier. If it's an animal
as large as a possum or araccoon, there isn't enough room in this
tunnel for them to scoot past eachother. If it's a smaller animal,

(06:00):
like a rat, there isn't enoughroom for Ted to move his hands to
his face to protect himself. Evenunder the best circumstances, this is a
terrifying journey, but Ted and bhave worked hard over weeks to get there,
and at this point there's no turningback. There are some photos of
this journey, but they're pretty unremarkable. One is just a pair of feet

(06:20):
sticking out of a hole that isbarely bigger than they are. Ted e
merges out the other side, butisn't equipped to do a whole lot of
exploring. B is still on theother side of the tunnel, waiting patiently
while Ted does a little bit ofexploring. On the other side, the
tunnel opens up to a larger room. It's large enough for him to stand
up in. Ted does see somestrange drawings or hieroglyphics on the wall,

(06:43):
along with a very large rock thathe calls round rock, obviously due to
the shape of it. He doesn'tget a photo of the hieroglyphics, but
he does draw out a crude representationof what it looked like, and at
this point Ted left the room.He was uncomfortable with the idea of further
exploration and all by himself. Ifsomething had happened to him in there,
he'd be stranded with no means ofrescue. He goes on to talk about

(07:06):
similar cavers who ended up in asimilar fate, dying just out of reach
from rescue due to being unprepared andalone. He returns later with another caver
named Joe that could fit through thetunnel and explore the room on the other
side. Unfortunately, during this trip, Ted suffered a head injury after removing
his helmet to fit through the hole, and he had to squeeze back through

(07:26):
the tunnel and left Joe to explorethe room on the other side. Joe
was left alone to explore for approximatelytwenty five minutes, never answering the cause
as Ted and Bee shouted for him. When he finally emerged, he did
so in a panicked, frantic state. Joe was totally despondent as they headed
home, unable to answer any questionsor provide any additional details over what he

(07:47):
saw during his exploration. Now obsessedwith the mysteries of the cave, Ted
and be headed back, this timetotally prepared. Ted had a video camera
to capture the mysteries of the cave. They brought along a closed phone system
that's similar to walkie talkies, butcorded together so that rocks and tunnels couldn't
interfere with the frequencies, allowing themto stay in constant communication as Ted explored,

(08:09):
and of course, plenty of lightsand even more motivation to finally put
this mystery to rest and explore thiscave, the noises, the strange drawings,
and the totally unexplained and inconsistent windthey would sometimes feel flowing from this
unexplored system. During this trip,a lot goes wrong for poor Ted.
After hearing a loud noise behind himthat got him startled, Ted stood up

(08:33):
too quickly and broke his head lampwhen it hit the ceiling of the cave.
His tether tobe's phone had broken,rendering the phone useless. As he
stood there in the pitch black cave, shaking from fear and hearing unexplained noises,
he broke open glow sticks and tossedthem around the room. One revealed
only cave walls, as you'd expect. One totally disappeared as he threw it.

(08:54):
As he passed the round rock towardsthe exit, he noticed that it
had shifted and revealed another tunnel beneathit. The rock obviously couldn't have moved
by itself. He did not takeany more time to explore this tunnel,
obviously shaken by the idea that someonewas in that room with him. At
this point, Ted was only interestedin his escape. During his frantic exit

(09:15):
from the tunnel, he realized heleft his video camera behind. This important
video camera that had all the evidenceof his exploration, the drawings on the
wall, and maybe it had pickedup something not obviously available through Ted and
Joe's memories. That camera had somevery valuable information on it, but now
it sat in that cave, useless, surrounded by animals or whatever beings had

(09:37):
moved that round rock for access tothe cave. The entries that followed detail
Ted's process and dealing with the experienceand the PTSD that he was now suffering
from. Depressed, scared, andanxious, Ted was searching for answers while
missing work and trying desperately to getin touch with Joe, the only other
person who could understand what Ted wasexperiencing. Finally, Oh and Ted reunite

(10:01):
and, through a late night andvery brief discussion, decide one more visit
will put this mystery to rest.B joins them, of course, and
that is where this journal ends.Ted never updates it again, leaving the
Internet to speculate endlessly over what happenedto them next. For the conclusion of
Ted the Caver, please stay tunedafter these words from our sponsors. If

(10:24):
this story sounds familiar to you,it's probably because it was turned into a
movie many years after it was written, a movie called Living Dark. The
Story of Ted the Caver is availableon Amazon Prime. It was made in
two and twelve, and while thestory is quite different from the story you'll
find on angel Fire, it's aclear inspiration, even using Ted the Caver
as part of the title and assomething of a horror movie buff myself,

(10:48):
I would be remiss not to mentionthe similarities of Ted the Caver with the
movie The Descent, a two thousandand five horror movie where a group of
cavers run into underground humanesque monsters,which shares some similarities with this story.
So with all that out of theway, we obviously have some important questions,
namely, who is Ted and Beeand Joe, what ultimately ended up

(11:11):
happening to them, and what wasin that cave. The answers, unfortunately,
aren't nearly as interesting as the questions. In late two thousand and four,
just a few short years after Tedpublished his story, he answered every
question you may have about it ona message board dedicated to spelunking. While
Ted says that he'd be brief,he is very much not brief. His

(11:33):
writing style on this message board isidentical to what it is on the angel
fire site. It's very long winded, and sometimes he uses a lot of
words when just a few words woulddo. He goes deep into answers that
I won't bore you with here,other than to say that most of this
story is a total fabrication. Tedand Bee did indeed find the hole and

(11:54):
decided to chip away at it toexplore the cave on the other side,
and they did hear strange noises emanatingfrom within it. He started that angel
firesight as a way to keep hisfriends and family up to date on his
adventure, but decided halfway through it'dbe more fun to write a fiction piece,
and that's exactly what he did.The strange noises ended up being from
the freeway that was built on topof this cave. It's a totally bland

(12:16):
and uninteresting end to a story,as these things usually are. I think
the most interesting part of this storyis how it has persisted online, inspiring
movies and translation into other languages.This may indeed be the earliest example of
an Internet phenomenon called creepy pasta forthose unaware, creepy pasta are horror stories

(12:37):
written for the Internet, and they'reusually quite short, and they're made and
intended to be copied, pasted,modified, and expanded upon as they propagate
throughout the Internet. Ted the Cavermay have played an important role on the
creation of this subgenre without even knowingit. If you need further convincing of
the power of Ted the Caver andthe legacy it has, look no further
than the Internet, which continues tospread the story without ever explaining that it

(13:01):
has already been fully debunked by theauthor itself. In fact, when you
google the tale. You have todig deep into the results to find the
end of the story, written byTed a few years after the conclusion of
the original journal. The spelunking websitethat Ted posted too is long gone,
only accessible through the Internet Archive,but the myth of Ted the Caver remains.

(13:24):
The Internet has a way of forgettingthe things it wants to forget and
remembering the parts it wants to remember. In this case, Ted will live
on as a brave cave explorer,risking his life to solve the mystery of
the cave he discovered. The caveremains a hypothetical home to intelligent underground monsters,
dormant until they are disturbed by anoutside presence, and isn't that better

(13:46):
than the reality? If you havefeedback, please leave an ite Tunes review
or reach out to me a viaTwitter. I'm at Tim Wasson, Tim
wa Sso, and thank you forlistening to this episode of Internet Freak Show.
Next week we'll be covering a womancommitted to live streaming her life the
infamous chip Chan. For more awesomepodcasts, or if you want to start

(14:07):
your own podcast, check out thegeek Nerdery podcasting network at geek nerdery dot
com. There's podcasts on reality shows, horror movies, bowling, and more.
See you next week, isn't it? Until next time, Stay freez he Glergery