July 3, 2025 • 30 mins
In this collaboration, discover how to heal from childhood trauma and unlock a happier life. Ada Lloyd, known as The Emotional Chain Breaker, left behind a successful corporate and entrepreneurial career to help others break free from the silent burdens of their past. She’s been on this journey herself, moving from deep pain to emotional freedom—and she’s passionate about guiding others to do the same.
Ignoring the wounds of childhood only leads to hidden struggles like imposter syndrome, trouble trusting, addictions, poor boundaries, low self-esteem, and more. These patterns stem from unhealed trauma, but with Ada’s help, lasting change is possible. Many who felt hopeless for years have found real transformation with her.
For Ada, healing isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about finding freedom, unlocking potential, and building a future without limits. Are you ready to break your own emotional chains?
Learn More:
Website: www.adalloyd.com
Social Media:
LinkedIN - https://www.linkedin.com/in/ada-lloyd/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AdaGLloyd
X - https://www.youtube.com/@adalloyd
Remember to SUBSCRIBE so you don't miss "Information That You Can Use." Share Just Minding My Business with your family, friends, and colleagues. Engage with us by leaving a review or comment. https://g.page/r/CVKSq-IsFaY9EBM/review Your support keeps this podcast going and growing.
Visit Just Minding My Business Media™ LLC at https://jmmbmediallc.com/ to learn how we can support you in getting more visibility on your products and services.
Ignoring the wounds of childhood only leads to hidden struggles like imposter syndrome, trouble trusting, addictions, poor boundaries, low self-esteem, and more. These patterns stem from unhealed trauma, but with Ada’s help, lasting change is possible. Many who felt hopeless for years have found real transformation with her.
For Ada, healing isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about finding freedom, unlocking potential, and building a future without limits. Are you ready to break your own emotional chains?
Learn More:
Website: www.adalloyd.com
Social Media:
LinkedIN - https://www.linkedin.com/in/ada-lloyd/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AdaGLloyd
X - https://www.youtube.com/@adalloyd
Remember to SUBSCRIBE so you don't miss "Information That You Can Use." Share Just Minding My Business with your family, friends, and colleagues. Engage with us by leaving a review or comment. https://g.page/r/CVKSq-IsFaY9EBM/review Your support keeps this podcast going and growing.
Visit Just Minding My Business Media™ LLC at https://jmmbmediallc.com/ to learn how we can support you in getting more visibility on your products and services.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Just Minded My Business Media LLC, where you
get information that you can use. I'm your host, Ida Crawford.
But before we dive in, subscribe.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
To Just Minding My Business on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And wherever you get your podcasts. Shake Just Minded my
Business with your family, friends, and pile leaders. Engage with
us by leaving a review or comment. Your support keeps
this podcast going and growing. Visit our website at JMMB
mediac dot com to learn how we can support you
(00:42):
and get more visibility on.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Your products and services.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
So grab a pen and paper and get ready for
information that you can use.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Dear fellow woman owned business, join us at the Sisters
Sir Empowerment Network for just ninety seven dollars a month.
Gain access to our private community of visionarywomen ready to
collaborate and support your professional journey. Showcase your expertise with
a profile on our website, driving traffic and recognition to
your own site. Increase your visibility with podcast interviews, articles
(01:19):
and TV features on conversations that matter. Benefit from social
media promotion and live engagement sessions to expand your network
and reach. Explore partnership opportunities and joint ventures enhancing business
growth through collaboration. Participate in cross promotion and co branding efforts,
creating unique market offerings with fellow members. Visit the website today,
(01:42):
assistecircle dot org and schedule a discovery session, and let's
redefine collaboration and growth together.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I'm excited to have Ada lowit as she's the emotional
chain breaker and as a catalyst for profound personal and
professional trains from After a decade in the corporate world,
she built two entrepreneurial ventures, one in that peril industry
and other in design. But in two thousand and nine,
(02:12):
she walked away from them, driven by a deeper calling
to help those carrying the invisible scars of childhood trauma
great free from the chains of their past. Welcome Ada, it.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Is a delight to be here, Ida, thank you for
inviting me.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
It's a delight to have you. I mean, just.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
About how we are today came from childhood. You know,
we all had different roads that we've traveled. Some as
children were good in a sense quote unquote the American
family on the outside, but.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Not necessarily on the inside.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
So let's talk about why you gave up two entrepreneurial
adventures to do what you're doing there.
Speaker 5 (03:07):
It was what I had wanted to do for a
long time, and I had looked at those entrepreneurial ventures
as giving me the income to have the freedom of
time to do what I really wanted to do. But
the reality is they sucked up all of my time
and my energy and left me without the time and
(03:30):
the energy to do that which was most important to me.
So in two thousand and nine, after all of my
kids were grown and out of the house and launched
into their own worlds, it was time for me to
reinvent me and leave behind the businesses that I had
(03:50):
built and do what I had wanted to do for years.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yes, we are so glad you're here. And why is
this so much a passion for you to do?
Speaker 5 (04:02):
I grew up being sexually abused as a child, long
before it was on the public radar. There were no tools,
there were no therapists, there were no books, there was
certainly no internet, and I had to find my own
path to healing and I was able to do that,
but it took years. And I just don't want anyone
(04:25):
to live in pain when I know that there's an option,
Because I know the difference between living in the darkness
of pain and the joy and light of emotional freedom.
And that's what I'm all about.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I'm vering bet because we all need it, and we
know abuse is a global problem for sure, and.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Solers like you that have walked have been through it.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Art and making them selves available to help other people
is so honorable in itself. Now, let's talk about some
of the different areas of pain, like, for example, you
talk about imposta syndrome, you talk about the difficulty of trusting,
(05:22):
the addictions, things like that. So let's talk a little
bit about some of those things.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
So all of those things are symptoms, and we are
oriented in society towards treating symptoms. But if you had
a really bad headache and thilan all and everything else
you had tried hadn't worked. You know, after a few days,
you're frantic to see the doctor to get some help
(05:50):
for this headache. And he runs tests and he comes
back to you and he says, you've got a brain tumor. Well,
you're not focused on healing the head You're focused on
yealing the brain tumor. The headache is a symptom. The
brain tumor is the underlying cause childhood abuse, experiences, bullying,
(06:14):
those are the underlying cause that create the symptoms that
in society we look to treat. So a really good
example here is addiction. If a child is in pain
and they don't have any way of dealing with it,
and they don't know what to do, all they want
(06:35):
is the pain to go away. And so if dad's
got a booze cabinet, or mom's got prescription pills in
the medicine cabinet, or there's always the refrigerator, they're looking
to anesthetize themselves to pain. They try something and it
works reasonably well, so the next time they're in pain,
(06:58):
they try it again. Then life becomes stressful. While it
worked for pain, maybe it'll work for stress, and it
becomes a habit and it becomes an addiction. So then
they go to an addiction recovery program and they come
out absolutely convinced that they have resolved their issue, but
(07:19):
they haven't resolved the underlying trigger. So in the majority
of instances that addiction will reappear in one of two ways.
If it was an alcohol addiction, they'll start drinking again,
or maybe they won't go back to drinking. But they'll
trade it for another addiction like gambling. Regardless of what
(07:44):
we're talking about with these symptoms, the underlying disease is
what happened in childhood. Sometimes it's really big and horrific,
and sometimes it's so seemingly small it doesn't make sense
that it would be causing a problem, and yet it does.
(08:05):
So if we really want to deal with the impostor syndrome,
with the lack of trust, with the addiction, with loneliness,
with anxiety, with depression, with so many things that we
look at as ills and society that we want answers for,
(08:26):
the answer is in healing what happened in childhood.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Absolutely absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
A lot of times people that have gone through these things,
they have a sense of shame they have and because
of that, they don't necessarily reach out to get the
help that they need. So let's talk to that person
who's in that shame mode right now.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
So the most true thing to do when you're in
shame mode is you want to jam it in the closet,
lock the door, put a chain around it, and pretend
that it doesn't exist. And then we put out a
facade that says I'm good I'm competent, I'm capable, I've
got this. But behind the facade, we're broken and we're crying,
(09:22):
and we're struggling, and we're carrying the weight of shame.
Locking things in a closet is about as effective as
trying to lock smoke in a closet. It's not going
to stay there. It's going to find his way out
under the doorframe or around the side of the door
or whatever. Those experiences find a way out into our lives,
(09:48):
and they impact us in our lives with like the
symptoms we talked about a minute ago. So one of
the things with shame is our biggest fear is that
somebody else is going to know what happened to us
and they're going to view us as broken, diminished, of
(10:09):
less value, or something along that line. Well, here's the reality.
You are never responsible for somebody else's choices.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Say that again.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
You are never, ever, ever responsible for somebody else's choices.
One of the things that we do in my program
is we talk about.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Owning who you are.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
Yeah, it starts with what happened, but it's all about feelings.
What happened, how you felt about it at the time,
how you feel about it now looking back on it,
and how you feel about what we said to you,
Not what we said to you, because in all probability
it was a lie, but how you feel about it,
(11:00):
and then separating out that from the stories of abusers, bullies,
and enablers. These people are masters at co mingling their
story with yours and making you responsible for their choices.
You are never responsible for somebody else's choice. The line
(11:23):
that we hear most often in domestic violence, but this
principle underlies every kind of abuse and enabling is if
you hadn't done this, I wouldn't have had to do that.
You are never responsible for somebody else's choices. So we
separate out their choices and poind up, tossing them in
(11:50):
the nearest dumpster. And then we still have the voices
that are a legacy that we need to deal with,
and we do that. But the pivotal point in somebody's
healing and in them releasing the shame and the guilt
(12:10):
and the fear is when they recognize that they were
not responsible for what somebody else did to them. Now
does that give them power to live in perpetual victimhood?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Uh, No way, they are responsible for how they allow
those experiences to impact them in adulthood.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, yes, indeed, because I mean, we've all gone through
some type of trauma. You know, some worse than others,
and like you mentioned earlier, you know, some things were
very small and you're wondering why you even letting.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
That affect your life that way.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
But trauma is traumpa and it has to be dealt
with if you want to live a productive, peaceful, howlonious life.
Speaker 5 (13:10):
You know, I have a favorite quote. It comes from
Stephen Covey, and he said, I'm not a product of
my circumstances. I'm a product of my decisions. Every one
of us have circumstances that were never on our bucket list,
things that were unfair, that were hurtful.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That were wrong, that were.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
Just simply not appropriate. And yet what we have is
the power to choose, and those are the decisions that
we make. And I believe that freedom of choice is
the greatest freedom we have in this world.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Absolutely absolutely, I mean, and I mean I can think
you made me think of stuff that has happened to me.
At the time, I was angry, I was mad, But
then I forgate because I didn't want.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
To weigh that on me.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
That is so significant because so often society says, you know, forgive,
and it's like they're expecting to make it go away.
And forgiveness is not condoning somebody else's choice. It's saying
I am not going to carry the weight of their
(14:34):
choice and the anger and the pain and the hurt
any longer. Because when we continue to carry that, we
become complicit in our abuse because we are allowing it
to continue to impact us.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Yes, yes, it's like they had.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
They still always say they have real estate in your
brain and you'll.
Speaker 5 (15:02):
Absolutely perfect analogy.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
So Aida, if people want to work with you, how
they do.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
So there's a whole bunch of ways they can connect
with me. I'm on Facebook is Aida g. Lloyd because
I got hacked a year or so ago and I
had to get the g in there to put myself
back up on Facebook. They can find me on LinkedIn
on It is Aida Lloyd. They can find me on
(15:33):
YouTube is Aida Lloyd. They can send me an email
as to Aidalloyd at gmail dot com. And I'm always
happy to talk to somebody. You know, our first conversation
is absolutely free because I want them to know that
(15:53):
regardless of what their situation is, there is hope. Hope
is so such a powerful emotion and it is the
first step towards healing. And there's nothing that brings me
more joy than to see somebody go from hopeless to
(16:14):
hope full to seeing possibilities become probabilities and probabilities become reality.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Yes, yes, that's an amazing feeling. It's got to be.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
So when you're working with someone, what is the first
thing you do?
Speaker 5 (16:39):
So if we're I have a twelve week program achieving
emotional freedom now, and what it starts with is the
first thing I tell people is, Okay, you're going to
have lots and lots of worksheets, but they're for you. You
never have to share anything with me or with anybody else,
because the greatest insight may come as you're simply working
(17:02):
through these things on your own. You'll have information and
then you'll have questions, information and then questions, and the
information is designed to connect you with your feelings. So
the first thing we're going to do is we're going
to say, Okay, here's a whole long list about I
don't know twenty five different types of things that are
(17:25):
abusive behaviors. Identify all the ones that you have experienced
and who your abusers and enablers were. You don't have
no details, just you know, my father hit me, you know,
with his belt, Just some simple statement. And then this
(17:48):
is what's crue crucial is which is the eight hundred
pound elephant that's sitting in the middle of the room,
and that's the one that is continuing to impact your
life today in the biggest way. We're going to choose
that one and focus on that because by the time
you go through the program, you will have a tool
(18:11):
built so you can go back and independently deal with
whatever else you need to deal with because you'll know
how to do it. And so once we identify what
that eight hundred pounds elephant is, if you will, we're
(18:33):
then going to start owning your story.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And it's going to be.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
A little bit murky at first because it's something that
you haven't done before. And then we're going to go
into your abusers and enablers or bullies and we're going
to look at their stories and you're going to say, well,
I don't really know much about them, but you're going
to find that you know a whole lot more than
you think you do, because it's like putting together a
(19:01):
puzzle and you get down towards the end and you
find that you're missing a few pieces, but you've still
got a good sense of what the puzzle looks like
even though you don't have all of the pieces. And
this is very much like that. And so we're going
to look at what was going on in somebody's life
at the time they made the choice to abuse you,
(19:24):
and a very common scenario in that situation is going
to be that maybe dad was working at a job
he didn't like, where his boss didn't treat him well,
where he felt powerless and disrespected. So he comes home
(19:45):
bringing those emotions home and he's going to claim his power,
and he's going to do that by abusing you. And
that's a bit of an oversimpleification, but that's a very
common scenario. Now in a traditional nuclear family, mom has
(20:09):
no work experience, and she's terrified that if something happens
and Dad has a consequence for what he's doing, she's
going to be left with these kids and no way
to support them. And so she becomes the enabler who
hides out of fear when we understand that they made
(20:30):
their choices for their reasons, have had nothing to do
with us. We can then own our story and release
all of the lies that we were told about who
we were, The things about how you know, why can't
you be as good at your as your brother at this?
(20:52):
You know, can't you ever do anything right? All of
those negative things that we hear that destroy a budding
self esteem and tell us who we are, but lie
to us about who we are. So once we have tossed.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
All of the stuff with our abuses and in our
enablers into the nearest dumpster, we're still left with the
legacy of the voices, that voice in the back of
your head that plays from what you heard.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Well, we know there are they are lies. So how
do you counter a lie? You counter it with truth.
So to give you an example of how this happens,
I had a client that was a bookkeeper, but she
was actually a CPA, but she didn't identify as a CPA,
(21:52):
and this didn't make any sense to me. And she'd
had a happy childhood, and we were talking about some
other things that had happened in a wildhood, and one
day in passing without it ever hitting her radar that
she had said something significant. She said, in third grade,
my teacher told me I'd never be a success in
life because I wasn't any good in math. And she
(22:15):
keeps going totally unaware of the significance of what she said.
And I've got belts going off in the back of
my head, going ding ding ding ding ding. And so
when she was done, we were done with our conversation,
I circled back and I said, tell me more about
what happened in third grade. She said, it's really not
(22:35):
anything else to tell. And I said, does that have
anything to do with the fact you don't identify as
a CPA? Boom, A light bulb went off. She didn't
feel worthy of a designation she had earned because of
what a bullying third grade teacher had told her fifty
(22:56):
five years before. She was in her early sixties. When
we're having this conversation, Wow, So we said, Okay, we've
got to quiet that voice. That voice has cost you
way too much. So we're going to look at the
lie that you're never going to be a success in
life because you're not any good at math, and we're
(23:18):
going to counter it with ten truths. Okay, So I
started taking a couple of chances. How did you do
in math in high school? I got a's good. How
did you do in math in college? I got a's
oh good? And you're a CPA.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Yes.
Speaker 5 (23:40):
Now I knew the answer to this question before I
asked it. I said, I understand that only about fourteen
percent of the people who take all four parts of
the CPA exam pass it the first time.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
How did you do?
Speaker 5 (23:53):
I passed all four parts?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (23:57):
Have you ever bounced a check? No? Okay, I want
you to We have five truths. I want you to
now go create five more truths that prove what you
were told as a lie. Every time you hear that
voice say you will never be a success in life
because you're not any good in math in your mind,
(24:20):
I want you to counter it and say, no, you're wrong.
Because boom boom boom, boom boom. Encounter it with five truths.
Eventually that voice will quiet to the point that it
will disappear. Then we can plug in affirmations. But affirmations
aren't going to quiet the voice. They may try to
(24:43):
mask it, but they're not going to succeed. It's still
going to be there, and so a couple of months later,
when I'm talking to her, she said, you have done
more for my business than all of the business coaches
that I've hired. And I smiled and said, thank you,
But I didn't really do anything for your business. What
I did was help you remove a block in your life.
(25:07):
It was keeping you from showing up as who you
really are in your business. And this is what happens
when we break the chains to childhood trauma and we
quiet the voices of inadequacy, and we get rid of
the imposter syndrome and we heal from the addiction. Yes,
(25:30):
we may need help doing that, but those things will
now work because we've healed the underlying disease. So we're
just treating the symptoms as a residue of the disease
rather than trying to treat them when they're causing the
disease to manifest itself.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Yes, and it's like.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I mean, when you explain it, it makes sense.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I mean, you have to look at what's what's real today.
You know, how did you have like you said, how
did you do a math in school? How did you
do did you pass the CPA? Because most that CPAT
ain't no joke. Yeah, it's a very very difficult exam,
(26:17):
and you're absolutely right, most people don't pass it the
first time. So she just validated. You helped her validate
what the truth.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Yes, so she could embrace her tooth her truth and
quiet the lie. Yes, it was keeping her from being
who she really truly was, but it was hidden, It
was even hidden from her.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Yeah, she thought nothing of that statement.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
But it just goes to show you.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
You know, we have to be careful what we say
to people, you know, because you don't know how they're
going to internalize that. You don't know what a fact
that may have upon them, So you have to be
real careful about what you say.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
And we have to be careful about what we hear. Yes,
s beacause so often what they say says more about
them than it does about us.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Absolutely absolutely, they're pushing who they are on you pretty much,
or who they.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
Want us to be because it works for their scenario.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Right exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Wow, Ada, this is so incredibly healing, just this conversation
that we're having in the audience.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
If you don't take.
Speaker 7 (27:42):
Anything away, please, I'm saying, in my words, do not
where other people's choices.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
And get rid of the lies because it's not true.
Speaker 5 (28:00):
So if I could say something to people as we close,
it would be if you are carrying the burden of
childhood trauma, big or small, you owe it to yourself
and to those who love you to heal from it.
(28:23):
And whether that's working with me, working with somebody else,
doing whatever it is you need to do, I beg
you to do it. Know that you are worth it,
You're unique and the world needs you at your best.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Absolutely, And again, Ada, how did people connect with you?
Speaker 5 (28:47):
So find me on Facebook as Aida G. Lloyd, on
LinkedIn as Aida Lloyd, on YouTube as Aida Lloyd, or
via email as Ada Lloyd atgmail dot com. And by
the way, Lloyd is just the way it's spelled in
the lower screen here, so don't mix up the ls
(29:09):
because people like to do that all the time.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Yeah, So thank you so much, Ada for this inspirational collaboration.
And I know that somebody is being touched by what
you've said, and it makes perfect sense. It makes perfect sense.
But it's one of those things that you have to
(29:34):
develop and you have to practice over and over and
over again and till us part of who you are.
Speaker 5 (29:42):
Thank you for the opportunity to be here. It has
been an absolute delight and I love everything you're doing.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Aida thank you so much. Ada.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Likewise, I mean, we need all the soldiers we can get.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Okay my dead.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Thank you so so much, and thank you audience for
tuning in. Thank you to our guests, and you our values.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Audience, let's stop you by. We truly appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Many blessings to you and yours.
Welcome to Just Minded My Business Media LLC, where you
get information that you can use. I'm your host, Ida Crawford.
But before we dive in, subscribe.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
To Just Minding My Business on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And wherever you get your podcasts. Shake Just Minded my
Business with your family, friends, and pile leaders. Engage with
us by leaving a review or comment. Your support keeps
this podcast going and growing. Visit our website at JMMB
mediac dot com to learn how we can support you
(00:42):
and get more visibility on.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Your products and services.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
So grab a pen and paper and get ready for
information that you can use.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Dear fellow woman owned business, join us at the Sisters
Sir Empowerment Network for just ninety seven dollars a month.
Gain access to our private community of visionarywomen ready to
collaborate and support your professional journey. Showcase your expertise with
a profile on our website, driving traffic and recognition to
your own site. Increase your visibility with podcast interviews, articles
(01:19):
and TV features on conversations that matter. Benefit from social
media promotion and live engagement sessions to expand your network
and reach. Explore partnership opportunities and joint ventures enhancing business
growth through collaboration. Participate in cross promotion and co branding efforts,
creating unique market offerings with fellow members. Visit the website today,
(01:42):
assistecircle dot org and schedule a discovery session, and let's
redefine collaboration and growth together.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I'm excited to have Ada lowit as she's the emotional
chain breaker and as a catalyst for profound personal and
professional trains from After a decade in the corporate world,
she built two entrepreneurial ventures, one in that peril industry
and other in design. But in two thousand and nine,
(02:12):
she walked away from them, driven by a deeper calling
to help those carrying the invisible scars of childhood trauma
great free from the chains of their past. Welcome Ada, it.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Is a delight to be here, Ida, thank you for
inviting me.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
It's a delight to have you. I mean, just.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
About how we are today came from childhood. You know,
we all had different roads that we've traveled. Some as
children were good in a sense quote unquote the American
family on the outside, but.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Not necessarily on the inside.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
So let's talk about why you gave up two entrepreneurial
adventures to do what you're doing there.
Speaker 5 (03:07):
It was what I had wanted to do for a
long time, and I had looked at those entrepreneurial ventures
as giving me the income to have the freedom of
time to do what I really wanted to do. But
the reality is they sucked up all of my time
and my energy and left me without the time and
(03:30):
the energy to do that which was most important to me.
So in two thousand and nine, after all of my
kids were grown and out of the house and launched
into their own worlds, it was time for me to
reinvent me and leave behind the businesses that I had
(03:50):
built and do what I had wanted to do for years.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yes, we are so glad you're here. And why is
this so much a passion for you to do?
Speaker 5 (04:02):
I grew up being sexually abused as a child, long
before it was on the public radar. There were no tools,
there were no therapists, there were no books, there was
certainly no internet, and I had to find my own
path to healing and I was able to do that,
but it took years. And I just don't want anyone
(04:25):
to live in pain when I know that there's an option,
Because I know the difference between living in the darkness
of pain and the joy and light of emotional freedom.
And that's what I'm all about.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I'm vering bet because we all need it, and we
know abuse is a global problem for sure, and.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Solers like you that have walked have been through it.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Art and making them selves available to help other people
is so honorable in itself. Now, let's talk about some
of the different areas of pain, like, for example, you
talk about imposta syndrome, you talk about the difficulty of trusting,
(05:22):
the addictions, things like that. So let's talk a little
bit about some of those things.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
So all of those things are symptoms, and we are
oriented in society towards treating symptoms. But if you had
a really bad headache and thilan all and everything else
you had tried hadn't worked. You know, after a few days,
you're frantic to see the doctor to get some help
(05:50):
for this headache. And he runs tests and he comes
back to you and he says, you've got a brain tumor. Well,
you're not focused on healing the head You're focused on
yealing the brain tumor. The headache is a symptom. The
brain tumor is the underlying cause childhood abuse, experiences, bullying,
(06:14):
those are the underlying cause that create the symptoms that
in society we look to treat. So a really good
example here is addiction. If a child is in pain
and they don't have any way of dealing with it,
and they don't know what to do, all they want
(06:35):
is the pain to go away. And so if dad's
got a booze cabinet, or mom's got prescription pills in
the medicine cabinet, or there's always the refrigerator, they're looking
to anesthetize themselves to pain. They try something and it
works reasonably well, so the next time they're in pain,
(06:58):
they try it again. Then life becomes stressful. While it
worked for pain, maybe it'll work for stress, and it
becomes a habit and it becomes an addiction. So then
they go to an addiction recovery program and they come
out absolutely convinced that they have resolved their issue, but
(07:19):
they haven't resolved the underlying trigger. So in the majority
of instances that addiction will reappear in one of two ways.
If it was an alcohol addiction, they'll start drinking again,
or maybe they won't go back to drinking. But they'll
trade it for another addiction like gambling. Regardless of what
(07:44):
we're talking about with these symptoms, the underlying disease is
what happened in childhood. Sometimes it's really big and horrific,
and sometimes it's so seemingly small it doesn't make sense
that it would be causing a problem, and yet it does.
(08:05):
So if we really want to deal with the impostor syndrome,
with the lack of trust, with the addiction, with loneliness,
with anxiety, with depression, with so many things that we
look at as ills and society that we want answers for,
(08:26):
the answer is in healing what happened in childhood.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Absolutely absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
A lot of times people that have gone through these things,
they have a sense of shame they have and because
of that, they don't necessarily reach out to get the
help that they need. So let's talk to that person
who's in that shame mode right now.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
So the most true thing to do when you're in
shame mode is you want to jam it in the closet,
lock the door, put a chain around it, and pretend
that it doesn't exist. And then we put out a
facade that says I'm good I'm competent, I'm capable, I've
got this. But behind the facade, we're broken and we're crying,
(09:22):
and we're struggling, and we're carrying the weight of shame.
Locking things in a closet is about as effective as
trying to lock smoke in a closet. It's not going
to stay there. It's going to find his way out
under the doorframe or around the side of the door
or whatever. Those experiences find a way out into our lives,
(09:48):
and they impact us in our lives with like the
symptoms we talked about a minute ago. So one of
the things with shame is our biggest fear is that
somebody else is going to know what happened to us
and they're going to view us as broken, diminished, of
(10:09):
less value, or something along that line. Well, here's the reality.
You are never responsible for somebody else's choices.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Say that again.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
You are never, ever, ever responsible for somebody else's choices.
One of the things that we do in my program
is we talk about.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Owning who you are.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
Yeah, it starts with what happened, but it's all about feelings.
What happened, how you felt about it at the time,
how you feel about it now looking back on it,
and how you feel about what we said to you,
Not what we said to you, because in all probability
it was a lie, but how you feel about it,
(11:00):
and then separating out that from the stories of abusers, bullies,
and enablers. These people are masters at co mingling their
story with yours and making you responsible for their choices.
You are never responsible for somebody else's choice. The line
(11:23):
that we hear most often in domestic violence, but this
principle underlies every kind of abuse and enabling is if
you hadn't done this, I wouldn't have had to do that.
You are never responsible for somebody else's choices. So we
separate out their choices and poind up, tossing them in
(11:50):
the nearest dumpster. And then we still have the voices
that are a legacy that we need to deal with,
and we do that. But the pivotal point in somebody's
healing and in them releasing the shame and the guilt
(12:10):
and the fear is when they recognize that they were
not responsible for what somebody else did to them. Now
does that give them power to live in perpetual victimhood?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Uh, No way, they are responsible for how they allow
those experiences to impact them in adulthood.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, yes, indeed, because I mean, we've all gone through
some type of trauma. You know, some worse than others,
and like you mentioned earlier, you know, some things were
very small and you're wondering why you even letting.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
That affect your life that way.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
But trauma is traumpa and it has to be dealt
with if you want to live a productive, peaceful, howlonious life.
Speaker 5 (13:10):
You know, I have a favorite quote. It comes from
Stephen Covey, and he said, I'm not a product of
my circumstances. I'm a product of my decisions. Every one
of us have circumstances that were never on our bucket list,
things that were unfair, that were hurtful.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That were wrong, that were.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
Just simply not appropriate. And yet what we have is
the power to choose, and those are the decisions that
we make. And I believe that freedom of choice is
the greatest freedom we have in this world.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Absolutely absolutely, I mean, and I mean I can think
you made me think of stuff that has happened to me.
At the time, I was angry, I was mad, But
then I forgate because I didn't want.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
To weigh that on me.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
That is so significant because so often society says, you know, forgive,
and it's like they're expecting to make it go away.
And forgiveness is not condoning somebody else's choice. It's saying
I am not going to carry the weight of their
(14:34):
choice and the anger and the pain and the hurt
any longer. Because when we continue to carry that, we
become complicit in our abuse because we are allowing it
to continue to impact us.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Yes, yes, it's like they had.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
They still always say they have real estate in your
brain and you'll.
Speaker 5 (15:02):
Absolutely perfect analogy.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
So Aida, if people want to work with you, how
they do.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
So there's a whole bunch of ways they can connect
with me. I'm on Facebook is Aida g. Lloyd because
I got hacked a year or so ago and I
had to get the g in there to put myself
back up on Facebook. They can find me on LinkedIn
on It is Aida Lloyd. They can find me on
(15:33):
YouTube is Aida Lloyd. They can send me an email
as to Aidalloyd at gmail dot com. And I'm always
happy to talk to somebody. You know, our first conversation
is absolutely free because I want them to know that
(15:53):
regardless of what their situation is, there is hope. Hope
is so such a powerful emotion and it is the
first step towards healing. And there's nothing that brings me
more joy than to see somebody go from hopeless to
(16:14):
hope full to seeing possibilities become probabilities and probabilities become reality.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Yes, yes, that's an amazing feeling. It's got to be.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
So when you're working with someone, what is the first
thing you do?
Speaker 5 (16:39):
So if we're I have a twelve week program achieving
emotional freedom now, and what it starts with is the
first thing I tell people is, Okay, you're going to
have lots and lots of worksheets, but they're for you. You
never have to share anything with me or with anybody else,
because the greatest insight may come as you're simply working
(17:02):
through these things on your own. You'll have information and
then you'll have questions, information and then questions, and the
information is designed to connect you with your feelings. So
the first thing we're going to do is we're going
to say, Okay, here's a whole long list about I
don't know twenty five different types of things that are
(17:25):
abusive behaviors. Identify all the ones that you have experienced
and who your abusers and enablers were. You don't have
no details, just you know, my father hit me, you know,
with his belt, Just some simple statement. And then this
(17:48):
is what's crue crucial is which is the eight hundred
pound elephant that's sitting in the middle of the room,
and that's the one that is continuing to impact your
life today in the biggest way. We're going to choose
that one and focus on that because by the time
you go through the program, you will have a tool
(18:11):
built so you can go back and independently deal with
whatever else you need to deal with because you'll know
how to do it. And so once we identify what
that eight hundred pounds elephant is, if you will, we're
(18:33):
then going to start owning your story.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And it's going to be.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
A little bit murky at first because it's something that
you haven't done before. And then we're going to go
into your abusers and enablers or bullies and we're going
to look at their stories and you're going to say, well,
I don't really know much about them, but you're going
to find that you know a whole lot more than
you think you do, because it's like putting together a
(19:01):
puzzle and you get down towards the end and you
find that you're missing a few pieces, but you've still
got a good sense of what the puzzle looks like
even though you don't have all of the pieces. And
this is very much like that. And so we're going
to look at what was going on in somebody's life
at the time they made the choice to abuse you,
(19:24):
and a very common scenario in that situation is going
to be that maybe dad was working at a job
he didn't like, where his boss didn't treat him well,
where he felt powerless and disrespected. So he comes home
(19:45):
bringing those emotions home and he's going to claim his power,
and he's going to do that by abusing you. And
that's a bit of an oversimpleification, but that's a very
common scenario. Now in a traditional nuclear family, mom has
(20:09):
no work experience, and she's terrified that if something happens
and Dad has a consequence for what he's doing, she's
going to be left with these kids and no way
to support them. And so she becomes the enabler who
hides out of fear when we understand that they made
(20:30):
their choices for their reasons, have had nothing to do
with us. We can then own our story and release
all of the lies that we were told about who
we were, The things about how you know, why can't
you be as good at your as your brother at this?
(20:52):
You know, can't you ever do anything right? All of
those negative things that we hear that destroy a budding
self esteem and tell us who we are, but lie
to us about who we are. So once we have tossed.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
All of the stuff with our abuses and in our
enablers into the nearest dumpster, we're still left with the
legacy of the voices, that voice in the back of
your head that plays from what you heard.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Well, we know there are they are lies. So how
do you counter a lie? You counter it with truth.
So to give you an example of how this happens,
I had a client that was a bookkeeper, but she
was actually a CPA, but she didn't identify as a CPA,
(21:52):
and this didn't make any sense to me. And she'd
had a happy childhood, and we were talking about some
other things that had happened in a wildhood, and one
day in passing without it ever hitting her radar that
she had said something significant. She said, in third grade,
my teacher told me I'd never be a success in
life because I wasn't any good in math. And she
(22:15):
keeps going totally unaware of the significance of what she said.
And I've got belts going off in the back of
my head, going ding ding ding ding ding. And so
when she was done, we were done with our conversation,
I circled back and I said, tell me more about
what happened in third grade. She said, it's really not
(22:35):
anything else to tell. And I said, does that have
anything to do with the fact you don't identify as
a CPA? Boom, A light bulb went off. She didn't
feel worthy of a designation she had earned because of
what a bullying third grade teacher had told her fifty
(22:56):
five years before. She was in her early sixties. When
we're having this conversation, Wow, So we said, Okay, we've
got to quiet that voice. That voice has cost you
way too much. So we're going to look at the
lie that you're never going to be a success in
life because you're not any good at math, and we're
(23:18):
going to counter it with ten truths. Okay, So I
started taking a couple of chances. How did you do
in math in high school? I got a's good. How
did you do in math in college? I got a's
oh good? And you're a CPA.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Yes.
Speaker 5 (23:40):
Now I knew the answer to this question before I
asked it. I said, I understand that only about fourteen
percent of the people who take all four parts of
the CPA exam pass it the first time.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
How did you do?
Speaker 5 (23:53):
I passed all four parts?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (23:57):
Have you ever bounced a check? No? Okay, I want
you to We have five truths. I want you to
now go create five more truths that prove what you
were told as a lie. Every time you hear that
voice say you will never be a success in life
because you're not any good in math in your mind,
(24:20):
I want you to counter it and say, no, you're wrong.
Because boom boom boom, boom boom. Encounter it with five truths.
Eventually that voice will quiet to the point that it
will disappear. Then we can plug in affirmations. But affirmations
aren't going to quiet the voice. They may try to
(24:43):
mask it, but they're not going to succeed. It's still
going to be there, and so a couple of months later,
when I'm talking to her, she said, you have done
more for my business than all of the business coaches
that I've hired. And I smiled and said, thank you,
But I didn't really do anything for your business. What
I did was help you remove a block in your life.
(25:07):
It was keeping you from showing up as who you
really are in your business. And this is what happens
when we break the chains to childhood trauma and we
quiet the voices of inadequacy, and we get rid of
the imposter syndrome and we heal from the addiction. Yes,
(25:30):
we may need help doing that, but those things will
now work because we've healed the underlying disease. So we're
just treating the symptoms as a residue of the disease
rather than trying to treat them when they're causing the
disease to manifest itself.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Yes, and it's like.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I mean, when you explain it, it makes sense.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I mean, you have to look at what's what's real today.
You know, how did you have like you said, how
did you do a math in school? How did you
do did you pass the CPA? Because most that CPAT
ain't no joke. Yeah, it's a very very difficult exam,
(26:17):
and you're absolutely right, most people don't pass it the
first time. So she just validated. You helped her validate
what the truth.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Yes, so she could embrace her tooth her truth and
quiet the lie. Yes, it was keeping her from being
who she really truly was, but it was hidden, It
was even hidden from her.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Yeah, she thought nothing of that statement.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
But it just goes to show you.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
You know, we have to be careful what we say
to people, you know, because you don't know how they're
going to internalize that. You don't know what a fact
that may have upon them, So you have to be
real careful about what you say.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
And we have to be careful about what we hear. Yes,
s beacause so often what they say says more about
them than it does about us.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Absolutely absolutely, they're pushing who they are on you pretty much,
or who they.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
Want us to be because it works for their scenario.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Right exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Wow, Ada, this is so incredibly healing, just this conversation
that we're having in the audience.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
If you don't take.
Speaker 7 (27:42):
Anything away, please, I'm saying, in my words, do not
where other people's choices.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
And get rid of the lies because it's not true.
Speaker 5 (28:00):
So if I could say something to people as we close,
it would be if you are carrying the burden of
childhood trauma, big or small, you owe it to yourself
and to those who love you to heal from it.
(28:23):
And whether that's working with me, working with somebody else,
doing whatever it is you need to do, I beg
you to do it. Know that you are worth it,
You're unique and the world needs you at your best.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Absolutely, And again, Ada, how did people connect with you?
Speaker 5 (28:47):
So find me on Facebook as Aida G. Lloyd, on
LinkedIn as Aida Lloyd, on YouTube as Aida Lloyd, or
via email as Ada Lloyd atgmail dot com. And by
the way, Lloyd is just the way it's spelled in
the lower screen here, so don't mix up the ls
(29:09):
because people like to do that all the time.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Yeah, So thank you so much, Ada for this inspirational collaboration.
And I know that somebody is being touched by what
you've said, and it makes perfect sense. It makes perfect sense.
But it's one of those things that you have to
(29:34):
develop and you have to practice over and over and
over again and till us part of who you are.
Speaker 5 (29:42):
Thank you for the opportunity to be here. It has
been an absolute delight and I love everything you're doing.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Aida thank you so much. Ada.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Likewise, I mean, we need all the soldiers we can get.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Okay my dead.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Thank you so so much, and thank you audience for
tuning in. Thank you to our guests, and you our values.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Audience, let's stop you by. We truly appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Many blessings to you and yours.
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