Grief and Music - Missing You

There is nothing on a cold winter’s day like comfort TV with a twist you know is coming. Missing You, the latest Netflix adaptation of a Harlan Coben novel, delivers. We talk about dating apps, music and personality, loss and MUCH more!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome back to Killer Fund, where we explore the intersection
of crime and entertainment every other week. I'm Christy and
I'm Jackie and today today we are talking about Missing You,
the eighth of fourteen Harlan Coben adaptations coming to Netflix.
You expect the twist and then you also feel comforted

(00:32):
by the soapy trophy ride.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, it's great. I love It's like the perfect mix.
You know, it doesn't have to be high entertainment. Baseball
games are not one with the home runs all the time,
they're base hits.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yes, this is a good base hit, right exactly. There's
nothing wrong with knowing what to expect much of the time. Yeah, Like,
there's a reason why soap operas do really well. And
you know what, you can watch the soap opera all
week and really you only need to watch one day
a week most of the time because they know people

(01:08):
are going to miss stuff, so they go over everything.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
That is amazing. I still can't believe that soap operas
are on.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Every day, I mean every day.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
That's wild.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, that's a lot of content, it is.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
I never got into watching any kind of soap so
I mean, there were people around me that liked different soaps,
but I never really did that.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
But it still amazes me every day. Yeah, every day.
My mom watched him when I was a kid. I
watched him when I was in college. Yeah, because it
was fun thing to do if you happen to have, yeah,
around the lunchtime hour free of classes or work. You know,
everybody had like, oh, trips on over to the dining

(01:49):
hall and they'd have Days of our Lives on the
big screen. That's great, it was fantastic.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
That's the one my mom watched. Yeah, I don't remember
which one my mom watched. I think it was Day
of our Lives.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
I don't remember, but I do remember the organ sound
that was really popular in the soap operas. There was
a particular especially in the early eighties. Okay, there was
a particular organ sound when something dramatic happened. And now
I don't really like that sound, so when I hear

(02:22):
it in music, I don't really care for it.

Speaker 3 (02:23):
Oh yeah, that's so funny.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Because it feels like camped me. But not in a
good way, because I normally love some campy stuff. Yeah,
this was not in a good way.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
That's so funny.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Anyway, So the cast let's talk about it, Yeah, mostly
British actors. Rosalind Lizer is Kat Donovan, the detective whose
police officer father was killed and her fiance left her.
She's best known in the US as Luisa Guy on
Slow Horses, which I tried so hard, tried so hard.

(02:58):
I wanted to like it because I love your old
man HM like so much, and I just couldn't get it.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
Bet No, I really I couldn't either. Oh, maybe it's
like a podcast. We should beat it up. Oh you'll
play it faster, uh huh literally ooh because it was slow.
It was so I mean, they tried to warn us,
but I didn't understand. I feel like slow was playing
it fast and loose with the term slow.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Yes, that's fair. Ashley Walters is Josh Buchanan, her fiance
who left without a word, who's only we only really
see in flashbacks and pictures. In this time, he's done
lots and lots of UK TV, including a guest spot
on Doctor Who. Okay, so that's always fun. Mary Malone
is Aqua. She is Cat's friend who was also Josh's

(03:48):
roommate at one point, and she's only been active since
two and twenty one, and has also been on Doctor
Who Cool. Jessica Plumber is Cat's friend Stacy Who's the PI.
And speaking of soap operas, she was on the long

(04:09):
running British soap EastEnders. Like I couldn't believe she was
like one hundred and something episodes. She was on between
twenty nineteen and twenty twenty, and I was like, what, why, what?
This must be a soap opera. Yes, it's a soap opera,
has over seven thousand episodes, has been running since nineteen

(04:31):
eighty five. I have heard of EastEnders me too, well,
I mean nineteen eighty five. It'd be hard pressed to
not not hear of EastEnders, I think. And then Mark
Warren is Monte Leberne, the criminal. He has also been
in Safe, which is another Harlan Coben at Apishape. I thought, so, yeah,

(04:55):
so if he looked familiar to our listeners, that's why,
all right, let's reac out. Okay. When a person has
a stressful job, they may want to pretend to be
someone else for an evening. But when that stressful job
is detective inspector like Cat in Missing You, curiosity can

(05:15):
outpace every desire to mind one's own business, and we
see this really early on. Cat has thrown herself into
her work for eleven years following the untimely death of
her detective father and the almost immediate ghosting by her
fiance right after that. Kat was doubly heartbroken, and when
she insisted that the story told by the man who

(05:37):
confessed to killing her father didn't add up, she was
dismissed as too close to the situation. With the killer
on his death bet, Kat is running out of time
to get whatever truth there is. That contentious situation gets
compounded by another shocking surprise as Kat looks for her

(05:58):
next casual date and instead she matches with her long
silent X Josh on a dating app. Kat is going
to have to deal with her feelings to solve the
two biggest and most heartbreaking mysteries in her life. I
mean so much. Yeah, there's so much. And there's like

(06:18):
other like things that I don't even get to. Yeah,
we'll get to maybe a little bit later. So thoughts, Okay,
tell me your thoughts. I love the short title sequence. Okay,
yeah right. I really like short title sequences, especially when
they very briefly tell you something about the show. Yes,
this title sequence has to be amazing for me to

(06:39):
watch it every episode, or it has to be different.
But this was. It's very short, and it's the words
missing you, and then it turns into missing posters, right,
and it gives you information that you need. It's not
it's missing a person, it's an individual thing, and then
it is also her job involves missing people. So it's good.
It's a good opener. It's so good and so short,

(07:02):
and I'm like, this is the way they should all be. Yes, yes,
unless it's amazing, and then I'll watch it once.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
If it's long, I will watch it, watch.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
It once, maybe twice, it depends, and then I will
skip it depends on the show. No, it's fine. I
totally understand work today.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
I will watch the title sequence for Severance every time
every time. That even well, especially now that there's new
seasons out and it's as it comes out. There's easter
eggs that you don't understand until you've seen episodes, so
we do watch it every time.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
Maybe I should like, if I don't want to watch it,
maybe I should do it every few times and catch something.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah, because it is really good. It's so good. It's
really good, even if it's nightmare fuel the last image
of the title sequence or severance, Like I have to
look away every time because it makes me scared, but
it's so good.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
It reminds me of a because it's drawn. Okay, it
reminds me of ghost Whisper.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
The creepy factor and all the stuff.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
So Kat's girlfriends video call her and bow her for
canceling dinner with them to go on a date, and
I'm like, yeah, you should be booed for that. And
I also love that it's just like no big deal
that Aqua is trans Yeah, they like don't even mention.
It doesn't even come to plate in the story until
like very last episode.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
Basically yeah, basically yeah, like they know, which I kind
of love that.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
I don't know if this is a part of the
bookstoryline or if it's part of it being a British adaptation,
but I kind of love that Kat is in an
altercation in a kitchen. Early on, she's being attacked by
somebody and she picks up a like a meat under raiser,

(09:01):
and instead of attacking the guy who's attacking her, she
hits the fire safety Oh, suppression system, so he's startled
by the water coming down. Yeah, and I'm like, that's
so much better than attacking him. I mean, it's more effective.
It was more effective. It was more effective. He didn't
get hurt, right, she was able to surprise him enough

(09:23):
to get control of the situation. I just really I
was like, oh, that's so smart. It is really smart,
because I feel like an American adaptation would have had
her hitting him over the head with us.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
Oh for sure, for sure.

Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yeah, Charlie is the new digital media analyst at the
police station, and he immediately googles Cat because she's his boss.
And I'm like, oh, he's a tech expert. He googled her.
He's a tech expert. If that's a tech expert, me too.
Generational generational differences right, Oh no, but that's the first

(09:56):
thing I would have done. Oh yeah, right, like for sure,
tech expert. No. I just thought it was funny, like
this is.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
The tech expert is still just going to Google?

Speaker 1 (10:08):
No, that, yeah, that's funny. I would have thought he
would have had a more in depth source.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
I appreciate that, like he respected the basic privacy there.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
We didn't hacker, you know. Yeah, that's true. As part
of missing person's work, the detectives pull up a photo
of Rishie, who's been reported missing, and I really felt
bad for him because the picture that police had was
very unflattering and he was so cute when he was

(10:42):
trying to escape this hostage situation. I'm like, who is
that guy? And then I realized, like the picture was
so unflattering of him in the police station. I didn't
immediately make the connection that it was the same guy
because he was so cute. He was adorable. I mean,
I'm like, oh, that dude's hot. He's totally like whoever's

(11:06):
chasing him? I hope they don't catch him. I'd be
so upset if somebody signed me up for a dating
service without me knowing. I would be furious. I'd be
so mad. And that coupled with the cat's mom and
her friends talking about how like the older women were

(11:29):
dating people from church and like getting their car stolen
and stuff, I was like, this makes me totally fine
with the idea of I'm never gonna date again something
happens to my husband. I am single for life.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
I know so many people who have who have met
their their partner, you know, their spouse on dating apps.
And I know it's a more normal thing for people.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
Now, but it seems so foreign to me. I'm just
I've just got it. I'm too old for this. I'm like, no,
I cannot. I can't do the online dating thing. I can't.
All I know is maybe it's fine for younger people.
Maybe they're you know, they have less resources and they're
less likely to have complete issues with it. Yeah, And

(12:17):
it's when you have older particularly women, who who maybe
have more resources and are looking for somebody to spend
their life with. Are they're the ones who seem to
be getting taken advantage of. And I'm like, we see
that in this show and I'm like, yeah, no good,
I'm gonna be single forever.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
So yeah, like I don't.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
I don't think so. I think I would.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
My problem would be I think i'd overestimate my contributions
to the situation.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Oh no, And so.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I think I think I would just be choosing and
it would be like a you're casting the wrong net chick,
you know, like I would need I would need a
smarter dating situation if I was ever going to use technology. Yeah, right,
But I don't think I would ever do that. Oh no,
it's just not me that and that's also fine. And
also please don't underestimate your contribution. Anybody would be lucky

(13:13):
to have you, so you know.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Well, thank you, but we all know what they'd look like, right.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
Right. You're really just never prepared to see someone chased
by a tractor on a show, are you. I mean
it was almost funny. I hate to say that, but
it was. It really was. What is this happening? Obviously
he can't outrun it. It can go twenty five miles
an hour, but twenty five dollars an hours bray slow,

(13:44):
and he's injured slumping again. Is that I'll run something?

Speaker 2 (13:50):
Yes, like in population Lemon, I don't turn around, run
towards the very immobile tractor.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
H huh, and then veer forty five degree like dude, stop,
I'll run out run stuff like this.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah. And England is just so beautiful. Even the jail
looked like a castle, yes, like, oh that's what happens
when you have eight hundred year old buildings that need
to become jail gorgeous, probably drafty and uncomfortable, so probably creepy.

(14:24):
I mean there's some stuff that there was no there
was enough lights in there though. That made me feel
like it was like, that's all right, I wondered to myself, Boy,
I want to sing the title of the show, of
the and all of the episodes, because they're all named
after songs.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
And they're all and I sang every one of them.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
Maybe, yeah, yes, yeah. So the book is also named
after the John Waite song Missing You that that was
like kind of his inspiration, and in fact, Harlan Coben
and John Wayne did some events together when the book

(15:08):
came out. Coben said, I just thought that the song
was perfect. It worked just the title, it worked just
a meaning. It was one of the first things that
I was thinking about when I came up with us.
And then all of the episodes are also named for songs. Yeah,
five of them. They're all eighty songs. Every Breath You
Take by the Police, with or Without You, by You Two,

(15:29):
Never too Much by Luther Vandross, Don't You Forget About
Me by Simple Minds, and Chain Reaction by Diana Russ.
I mean, it was so great.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
Which song got stuck in your head the most?

Speaker 1 (15:42):
Though? Probably With or Without You? Okay, uh, don't you
Forget about Me? Oh?

Speaker 3 (15:49):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
I mean immediately that one was hard to like go
of the second I saw the title, before I even
watched the episode. I mean, it's just that was the
one that was like, it became are.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
That's right now? You know, poor cat, she probably could
have used some support when all of these big life
altering events happened at the same time in her life.
It feel really bad for her because it seemed like
she was unable to deal with us. So first we

(16:19):
would absolutely suggest professional counseling. Yes, yes, when all this
stuff goes down, let somebody tell you. Yes, you're going
to be okay. Listen to you, tell you it's not
your fault, tell you know, here's how we get past this.
It's all going to be okay. But there is a
great resource. It is a lot of it is focused

(16:42):
on talking to children about grief, but there's a lot
of things here that especially her as a person losing
her parent, could have benefited from. It's Good Greek Good
hyphen grief dot org. Yeah, and they have all kinds
of not only links to local resources, but like online

(17:04):
informational stuff that you can access. So how to navigate
the holidays and gratitude journals and communicating with grieving children
and how to support them, and how to support somebody
who's grieving. So this is a resource that you, as
somebody who knows somebody who's grieving, or you as a
grieving person, can read like common myths about grief. Okay,

(17:29):
you're like, why don't I feel this way? I should
feel something about blah blah blah, And Okay, maybe that's
a myth. Yeah, maybe it's a myth. So we'll have that,
okay on our social media so that you can go
and find that resource for yourself or someone else. Awesome,
I like it.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
Yeah, So here's how it works. Christy rex her search history.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Hey in essay, we.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
Promise it's nothing more nefarious than a podcast to find
out what's true some of the psychological motivations behind the
characters actions, and real life applications that relate to our topic.
I have no idea what Christy decided to look up
could be the same thing that captured my curiosity or
something I never thought of.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Is it true?

Speaker 3 (18:17):
No?

Speaker 1 (18:17):
No, no, But the locations it's kind of a tricky question.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
So I'm just gonna tell you, okay'm not gonna ask
you and make you guess, okay, because it was mainly
filmed in Manchester City Center in England.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
Okay, so that's a real place. These places exist. Do
they have the names? No? No, and I mean the
names are made up for the show. They're different than
the book because the book is set in New York City.
On all the Harlan Coman books are usually set in

(18:57):
they're set in the US somewhere, and they're all all
the adaptations done by Netflix in the UK. So they
just made a choice, right, good choice. Yeah, So most
of it's there, Like the the yoga that they do

(19:17):
in that in the like gazebo thing is in Liverpool,
which is about an hour or so drive from Manchester,
so it's they take some liberties they wouldn't you wouldn't
probably drive an hour each way to go to yoga,
but you know we have it.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
In this, say, the same kind of thing.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
The situations and those are Cat's apartment which is so gorgeous,
this like this loft. It is a well known apartment
in Manchester, but it doesn't have the same name as
what they show in the episodes, Like it has a name, right,

(20:01):
and it's that it's not really that name, but it
was owned by British musician, entrepreneur, radio personality record label
owner Tony Wilson, and he lived there for ten years.
And it was designed by a man named Ben Kelly,

(20:22):
who I guess is very famous, but it's like gorgeous
and Tony Wilson if you don't recognize his name, he
was behind eighties bands like Joy Division and New Order
and Blue Monday, which, if you're not familiar with them,
you are absolutely familiar with their songs. Yes you are,
because they're on every eighties compilation if you were to

(20:46):
ever buy an eighties compilation, all the soundtracks from all
the movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the bar the Askia
in it's a real bar, but fictional right, like Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
They do a good job of really putting a root
of reality instead of just doing a sound stage.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
And I kind of love that. Yeah, it adds something exture, Yeah, exactly.
Have you ever heard of kachaka before? Okay, ish okay,
ish ish Okay, I'm.

Speaker 2 (21:18):
Gonna say ish because I think I'm gonna say ish.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
This is where I'm at. I had never heard of
it before, and Kat offers it to her day when
we first meet her. She is lied and told him
she is a flight attendant. Yeah, and they you think
it offered another drink and she was like, no, I
have a bottle of kachaka at home. Yeah, and he's like, yes, please.

(21:47):
It is a real liquor, right. It's made from fermented sugarcane,
and it's very popular in Brazil. In fact, you can't
call it kachaka if it doesn't home from Brazil. It's
kind of like champagne.

Speaker 3 (22:02):
Yeah, because a lot of rum is made from molasses.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Yes, and it's very similar. They call it Brazilian rum.
If you see Brazilian rum, it's kachaka.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah, right right, yeah, And this is where I've sort
of run adjacent.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
Huh right.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
I think I may have because they talked when we
went on our honeymoon to Jamaica, that's rum, right, And
you're like, oh, sugarcane, well, molasses.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Oh that's why I like it so much, Okay, But it.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
Was there that there was kachaka, okay, Like as they
talked about it, and I wouldn't if you had asked me,
I would have messed it up on trivia, okay. But
to tell me kachaka, I'm like, oh, that's that thing.
And that's as far as.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
I get right.

Speaker 3 (22:44):
But that's why I say.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
Ish, yeah, yeah, like I am aware of it, but
not without like prompting.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
And I've never had it before.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
I think we had it in Jamaica, and I know
I've had it somewhere else and I don't I don't
quite remember where.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
I had Okay, well that's fine. It's often in mixed drinks.
So and then her date also asks her how calorically
dense is kachaka, because I guess he hadn't had it either.
Just for giggles and grins. It's about ninety seven calories
for an ounce. I mean, so it is it's a

(23:19):
fermented sugar. Yeah, it's molasses and sugar like it's fermented
from something sugary. Yeah, it's going to be calorically high
and also delicious.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
It's fabulous.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
We say this as we have a gave Bourbon.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
Ave Bourbon delicious cheers.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
So Kat tells people in the restaurant kitchen that based
on a victim's femoral artery injury, the man is going
to bleed out in four to five minutes. This is true. Yeah, yeah,
I've actually talked about this before. I have actually yes,
we talked about it when we talked about killing Eve. Yes, uh,
because she cuts a femoral artery and the guy indeed dies.

(24:06):
So I really appreciated there was somebody who had this
question and they on a biology stack exchange. They included
all kinds of severed artery bleedout times, which was so interesting.
And yes, the fhemoral artery, depending on how badly it's injured,
it was little as five minutes. It could take as

(24:28):
long as sixty minutes. The problem with ephemeral artery is
it's in the grain and it can be really difficult
to put pressure on that in the right way that
will actually save somebody.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
So yes, yeah, okay, So there's an episode of Vincis. Okay,
because I'm a long term fan. Yes, well n Cis
shout it out, I am a fan.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Ducky mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
Has a has a scalpel that whatever long story.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
He has a scalpel. They're being hostage.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
He sees at the scalpel, it's like a uh, it's
it's a real scalpel.

Speaker 3 (25:02):
But it was more of a commemorative one.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
Okay, okay, But he grabs it because he's a you know,
a doc and does all of the autopsison whatever, and
it's a super sharp instrument.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
All he does is just like.

Speaker 2 (25:14):
Nick, the right space doesn't feel like anything, it's so fast.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
And then the guy goes is detective inspector a real
British police rank.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
I have no idea.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
I mean I didn't either. I had to look at it. It
was like wait, wait, wait, inspector.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
I mean that feels like that, it feels like something evolved,
but detective inspector feels like ATM machine.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
Okay, So it's not like okay, so it actually is
a particular police rank, okay, And so inspector can basically
be a modifier for almost any kind of police rank title.
Oh okay, right, So uh, the inspector is a second

(26:02):
supervisory rank.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
Oh, it's like our special agent.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Right right, or you know, like sack right there in charge. Right.
They're senior to sergeants and junior to chiefs right. Okay,
so inspector. So it's basically saying a detective inspector is
a supervisor over some people within supervisory agent whatever, right exactly.

(26:27):
So like her coworker was studying for the detective exam,
so once they became a detective. She would still be
underneath Kat under because Kat was an inspector, a detective inspector.
She'd already achieved rank of detective and had been promoted
to inspector.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
But is it supervisory the way ours is?

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Or is it just rank among the detectivesuse, Like when
I think about that, I'm like, okay, but if you're
like a sack super you know, like a supervisory agent
in charge, or if you're you start to have people
under you, do you have other people under you? Or
is it simply like you don't think so the tenant
and like second lieutenant.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
You know, I think it might depend on the different department, right,
Like how big is the department? You might be able
to get a inspector promotion without actually having anybody underneath
you because you have you've been there long enough to
attain that promotion, but you don't actually supervise anybody because

(27:34):
your department small. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. That's the
same kind of thing and playing close. Detective inspectors are
equal in rank to their uniformed counterparts of inspector, but
they it just designates them as being trained in criminal investigations. Okay, yeah,
makes sense, yeah, so Charles had a key fob that

(27:57):
could open any car.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
This actually was a problem for a long time, okay,
in the in the car industry. Yeah, they underestimated the
amount of combinations frequencies. They needed a garage store opener,
same thing, and then people learned how to spoof them.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
So I don't know if we fixed it.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
I feel like we have, but absolutely this this has
been a.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
Thing in the past.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
It's been a thing in the past. And but based
on the newness of the BMW, Yeah, I feel like
that would know they found Probably not. And I think
he does kind of say this is like technology that
would only be available for police, and it was kind
of new.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
He knew somebody. Yeah, this is a technology that was failable.
This was his program or.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
That he's gotten from somebody.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
This was this was private hacking situation going on there, right,
And yeah, so no, not anything you could buy.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
And it's if you're locking your vehicle, lock it several times, okay,
and that changes the code quickly, because the code changes
every time you hit the lock button and your key
fob or whatever and your car are in sync. Can
if you lock it several times quickly, the like a

(29:20):
device that might capture that code so that they could
steal your car. Can't capture them quickly enough. Yeah, so
lock your car like three times and you're good.

Speaker 3 (29:30):
Good deal.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
Yeah, so just FYI, all right, how about Melody Cupid?
Can you download it? No?

Speaker 2 (29:38):
No, this was okay, cue fit it is it is
based off okay, yeah, but not Melody Cupid.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
No. But it's a cute idea. It is a it's
a cute idea.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
It's actually a really cute we'll talk about it more
in a little bit.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
Okay, So I've not had a heart chakra cocktail. No,
like Aqua got from the bartender who was obvious hitting
on her for sure in the bar. Yes, but there,
you know, there's a lot of drinks I've not had,
like ka chaka. Yeah, are there chakra cocktails?

Speaker 2 (30:10):
I can imagine, because if there's stones that are related,
I can imagine that there would.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
Be some sort of like you know thing, right, I
mean I could see it.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
Yeah. So, chakra basically means wheel in Sanskrit, and it's
a spiritual practice sort of like the spiritual nervous system.
So having a drink to open your chakra is unconventional
modern Oh, there you go, modern modern, modern missions, a

(30:44):
modern twist on the ancient Eastern religion.

Speaker 3 (30:48):
I mean I have had the bracelets.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Okay, I've had the bracelets, and you know, I'm not
like big into.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
It, but did you feel more open?

Speaker 2 (30:57):
So here's what the bracelets that I had were. For
the most I've had different stones, but I will say
they have always been connected to something a bit nostalgic. Okay,
So I feel like I feel like, although they also
mean something there, I got them after the original.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
Meaning was kind of imprinted on it, right, okay.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
But then the other thing I had was I have
a chakra with the with they had the lava stones Okay,
you could drip the oil.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
Oh okay, and then it had like a sense.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
It had a scent and it was calming. And then
it was almost like using a rosary. You could go
through each of the color stones and sort of use
it as a meditation tool.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Uh huh.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
Right, you could quickly, like.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
In thirty seconds kind of.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
Be like yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, and sniff.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Oh you know what I mean. So yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
Had it for a while and then and then I
gave it away to somebody who saw it and needed it.
Needed like they were like, oh my gosh, that smells
so calming, and so I.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
Just yeah, here you go. It's nice. That seems like
the way to handle them right now. She has the imprinted.
Uh huh, yeah, excellent. You can make cocktails that would theoretically,
you know, support any of that kind of thing. And
chakrubs dot com I don't know exactly what that is,

(32:21):
has a on their blog Cocktails for the Chakras, and
they have a heart one that they call Good Tidings
and it's a vodka control lemon juice, cranberry juice, Allspice
dram which I had to look that up. It's just
a dark liquor flavored with allspice and soda water, which
kind of I imagine looks probably similar to what yeah Apa

(32:46):
was drinking in this, and I'm like, it's probably good
and it kind of sounds like a hottie. Yeah, yeah,
exactly exactly. So I admired staggers commitment to boundaries. Hat's boss, Yeah,
because he blocked his mother because she was sending him
too many articles about his prostate health being related to

(33:11):
the consumption of walnuts. Are walnuts good for a prostate?

Speaker 3 (33:16):
I have no idea. I mean the fact that walnuts.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
Exactly like it, just like a prostate is about the
size of a walnut, and it feels like that's the
only reason said. They're like about the same size. You
should eat walnuts. It's good for you, I mean, Okay,
But ecancer dot org did have an article about a
study published in the British Journal of Cancer where they

(33:45):
looked up whether tree nuts had an effect on prostate cancer. Okay,
and they didn't find that consumption of tree nuts reduced
the risk of prostate cancer, but that men who ate
tree nuts after diagnosis five or more times a week

(34:07):
had a thirty four percent lower risk of overall mortality
than those who consumed them only once a month. So
not specific to walnuts, but any kind of tree nut
is good for things like insulin resistance, and so insulin

(34:28):
resistance is a known factor for prostate cancer and men.
So it won't hurt you. But I can totally see
why he'd be like, I need to set this boundary.
There are too many walnut articles. Yep, I know, it
was so funny.

Speaker 3 (34:48):
It don't say the thing, Jackie, don't say the thing.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
Okay, ore STIs on the rise for older adults.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
As they are. They are. Indeed, have you heard of
the villages?

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Oh my gosh, it's a bastion all sorts of like woo.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Yeah, they really are, that is correct, particularly chlamydia, gunneria
and syphilis people ages fifty five and up are. We're
at a ten year high in twenty twenty two. So
that's true in the US. It's also true in England.
The reasons for it people are living longer and enjoying

(35:29):
active lifestyles into their sixties, seventies and eighties. Hormone replacement
therapy for women is increasing their sexual desire for longer
and erectile dysfunction drugs or helping men be able to
be more active in that way. However, older adults tend

(35:54):
to have not gotten the level of sexual health education
that younger people are enjoying now. They don't understand, particularly
since they're at a non reproductive age, that there's things
they need to be worried about other than yeah, other

(36:14):
than pregnancies. So they don't understand that STIs are a
problem and how to prevent them and what their symptoms
might be. And women tend to live longer than men,
and so you have a higher concentration of women in
groups where people are living, and so there's fewer men

(36:36):
to go around, and the men are like making the
rounds and therefore having number of partners, yes, and spreading
the love, and their immune systems are weaker, so they
can't fight it off as well as maybe a younger
person might. So you know the antis that were you know,

(36:58):
all her cats friends, they're right, Yeah, Charlie has scented
volcanic ash in citrus. Yeah, to promote office productivity. Can
it help with office productivity? Is centrics scent? Okay? Yeah? Hm?

Speaker 2 (37:19):
I mean if we're looking at aroma therapy in general, yeah,
citrus and limit those are energizing, right, and so they
sort of promote a focus sure, right, and so we
know that aroma like as an aroma goes, that's the
kind of thing that would feel more like yeah, a

(37:40):
little pepper, little pepper, rather than like you're calming things, right,
so I feel like.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Yeah, yeah, yes it is. Citrus and peppermint are shown
to have increases in partivity and reducing workplace errors, increases
in typing speed, air aroma on their block seems like
they might have an agenda.

Speaker 3 (38:02):
I'll be a little bit of off bias.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
But they did reference a frontier since psychology article published
in November of twenty twenty that supports the idea of
using ambient sense to enhance well being in a multisensory
environment like an office.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Yeah, I mean, sense really are important. We know that
from all I mean honestly marketing sence. Sure, we know that, right,
And so as far as a roma therapy goes, I mean, yeah,
there's some studies, but it's not the same thing as.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Like, I don't want to say that.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
I can't speak about it very well without going down
a whole rabbit hole.

Speaker 1 (38:41):
So okay, yeah, yeah, it's good. Okay. Yes, And you know,
anything you can do to make your workplace more pleasant
is going to improve productivity.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yes, right, anything that covers the smell of stank. Yes,
that's why my boys still Christmas. My husband a specific candle.
Oh he works at home now hah. We have a cat.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
Oh yeah, and a cat with some digestive fish.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Way much better now, yeah, way much more under control.
And thankfully the cat is smart enough to give us
a warning.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
He walks around the whole house, giving like a warning siren,
and then you're like, oh no, and then he gives
a litter box and you light the candles now and
it's a whole like but.

Speaker 3 (39:25):
Yeah, it was really bad.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
So my boys walked into beth And body Works and
ask a person and said, my dad.

Speaker 3 (39:30):
Works from home and he works too close to the
litter box and.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
It's destroying his life.

Speaker 3 (39:35):
What should we do?

Speaker 2 (39:36):
And the man, without skipping a beat, was like that one,
and then he called an employee and said, take them
to this.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Candle and it works, works like a charm.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
That's cool of the cat laying it down.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Can I tell you how much I love when retail
workers like really know their stuff, Like I don't expect
them to no, because I'm like, dude, you're making like
barely over minimum wage. I don't expect you to know anything.
I'm going to ask And if you tell me something
that I know is wrong, I'm not calling you out

(40:12):
on it right exactly, you know, But when you're you
walk into Bathom body Works and somebody no actually.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Knows exactly which candle we'll cover the smell of a
cat box?

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Uh huh? I mean it was it was genius. Give
that man a raise, I mean, yes, give.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
That man a raise, north Star, mall bathom.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
Body works nice.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
Ask who knows which cat? Which candle covers cat? You know,
litter smells?

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Give him a race, yeah, or a promotion? Yeah. Is
there such a thing as true sarum, like the nurse
claimed and in the prison.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
Hey, there are things that are known to reduce inhibitions, okay,
And if you were to combine them, so sometimes huh,
they can create a situation where if the person is
so inclined, they may be more willing to spill the truth.
Truth serum is a little hm, but a truth cocktail,

(41:08):
you know, on the right person could help.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
And so we know this to be true.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
Yes, so, And she said that it was a combination
of morphine and scopolamine, and scopolamine is one that is
known to sometimes have this effect on people. Yes, there

(41:33):
is no drug that is consistent or predictable for everyone
in a truth telling situation.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Theolamine like mix the morphine to reduce pain, right, creats comfort, right,
but it also creates sleepiness because when comfort hits, people
are so relieved that they become sleepy.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
Right.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
But you know, if you hit them with the with the.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Certain lower inhibitions, but lower inhibitions while mitigating other side effects.
You know how like people can be like truth teller drunks,
or they can be fun drunks, right, anger drunks. That's
because alcohol has different kind of side effects. Right, So
you might not get just the truth, you might also
get the aggression.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Or what's not so.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
Yeah, having a bit of a mixture that lowers inhibition
while providing this sense of comfort and safety, you're more
likely to at least get an answer that is discernible.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
Right. There you go, There you go. Yes, there is
some cocktails that work on some people. None of them
are reliable. They're scientifically, ethically, legally ambiguous about should you
do it. And they've also found that sometimes when people

(42:58):
are under the influence of these drugs, they're susceptible to
fabrication or suggestion. They might reconstruct things in a way
that makes them look better, or they've you know, if
they've been telling themselves a little lie in their brain
to help them remember instead of telling you the actual truth,

(43:19):
they're going to tell you the little lie they've been
telling themselves that they can episode there you go.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
They've been on for so long.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
There's an example for all of these.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
But when Tony is purposely captured, Tony and McGee are
purposely captured by what was his name, the hot guy.
I hate it, but they keep every terrorist the n
CIS has ever cast.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Is hot hot because they only want hot actors.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
They're beautiful Selim Selim was his name, anyway, and they
they caught they you know, pumped Tony full.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
But he was manipulative through it.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Okay, he said the truth a whole way, but was
manipulative with it. It was like a you know, like
but Tony, uh like, that's his character, and so you
do have to take it. You don't know what you're
gonna get. You're right because of the character. But you know,
in the same way though, anytime you lower somebody is
inhibition and make them feel more safe, you're more likely
to get a closer version of the truth.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Sure. Yeah, And I mean people argue that it's a
violation of Fifth Amendment rights in the US. The European
Court of Human Rights says that it's a violation of
human rights. Yeah, maybe don't do it now. It makes
sense that the nurse in this who used to work
in an obstectric sworn uh huh would be familiar with

(44:44):
this because scopolamine was promoted by an obstetrician in nineteen
twenty two, Robert Ernest House as a possible truth serum
because and he would give it to women and they
were in a twilight sleep, he found them to be

(45:06):
exceedingly candid. By nineteen twenty six, it was rejected as
being anything that could be admissible in court. Yeah, because it,
Jess wasn't accurate enough all of the time.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
No, I think that's why it lives really in more
of an interrogation rald right now, as one of many
tools to extract information, you know, And it has a
it has a connosation, which is why that it made
that nurse and storytelling, right, it makes the nurse seem

(45:41):
like such a you know, bad girl. Yeah, and knowing
thinks you know it, it kind of increases the urgency.
So as a storytelling tool in this case because it's
the nurse doing it on her own, right, wink wink,
that's nuts and it's cute, you know, but yeah, yeah,
it's not a thing we actually do in that situation.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
No, no, no, no, all the sources that we use
to inform our discussion here on Killer Fun Podcast can
be found on our social media. Join us on Facebook
at Killer Fun Podcast, exploring the intersection of crime and entertainment.
You can find us on Twitter at Killer Funpod, or

(46:20):
you can send us an email at Killerfunpodcast at gmail
dot com and I'd be happy to share a link
to whatever information you're looking for. We love to hear
from you. You might learn a little something too, psychology break.
Does musical preference give insight into a person's person I mean.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
Eh, okay, that's why I said cute. Yes, it's a
cute marketing idea.

Speaker 1 (46:47):
Uh huh.

Speaker 3 (46:48):
Musical preference though.

Speaker 2 (46:50):
It could in some ways, I think, but you'd have
to control some other factors. I don't think you can
just say musical preference give insight into into what like.
I feel like operational definition is very very key.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Here, right. I feel like it's a thing that could
be used pretty well. There was a large study back
from twenty ten, so it's a little old where they
had thirty six thousand participants, so a pretty large group,
and they had them rate musical styles and had them
fill out personality inventories to try and see if they

(47:28):
could come up with like profiles of people who like
certain types of music, so they did come up with
some generalities when it came to different types of music.
So people who were interested in pop music tend to
be hard working and have a high self esteem, but
are less likely to be in creative fields. Rap and

(47:53):
hip hop, even though it seems like, you know, aggressive
music and stuff, they really found that they're no link
into the people being more aggressive, but they did tend
to have high self esteem and be outgoing. Country music
even though its centers on heartbreak. They tended to be

(48:13):
very emotionally stable people, but they were a little less
open to new experiences. Rock or heavy metal again a
very aggressive, angry sort of sounding music. But they really
found that fans to be gentle, creative, and introverted, and
often with low self esteem, like oh this truck so much,

(48:35):
so much. Fans of indie music tend to be introverted, intellectual,
and creative, but they do tend to have some low
self esteem, anxiousness and passivity as notable personality characteristics. Dance
music outgoing, assertive, less likely to be gentle sorts of people.

(49:00):
Classical music tend to be people who are introverted but
at ease with themselves and creative and have a healthy
self esteem, not too much, not too little. Jazz blues
and souls soul music tend to be extroverted, with high
self esteem and creative, intelligent, and vari at ease with themselves.

(49:21):
So that was kind of fun what they found. Yeah,
and age also plays a role, okay, because people tend
to which we know, they tend to have the most
connection with the music they heard in their teens and
early twenties. What most popular at that time is what's

(49:43):
going on.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
There's going to be an age ratification, I mean, and
I think that's the difference, is that you have to
control the variables.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Right.

Speaker 3 (49:50):
There will be people who are.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
Really true creatives for some reason and they like them
all right, or dancers or musicians who are just.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Gonna like them all right, I would just skew it.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
You know, or people who are like, okay, well I
really like this because it was part of my youth.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
But I also happen to.

Speaker 3 (50:06):
Be very open to new experiences.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Therefore, so it would you know, I think if you
operationally define, you might get to somewhere.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
But what I would say is that it's all I feel.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
I feel like this is me. I'm I'm surmising this
is a future research y'all.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
Okay. My question is though, if you.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
Have like a you know, a dating app that matched
on musical preferences, I almost feel like it's easier to
decide what you don't want to hear oh than what
it is is you do. That's fair, Like, oh, look, no,
I don't want to listen to having metal check.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
Yeah, Like it's.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Almost easier for me to do, Like here's what I
don't want to listen to right now than it is.

Speaker 1 (50:46):
What I want to listen to you right now? Okay?

Speaker 3 (50:49):
Is like where do you want to go eat? Well,
I don't want to go there.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
I just you know, for those for pizza right right,
so that it can.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
Change exactly I typically, you know, I don't. I don't
disrespect heavy metal. I appreciate, I even follow from certain
people who do really cool things, but in general, that's
not my that's not the music that I would listen to,
right I've done classical. I appreciate classical, and there are
very few times I would listen to it, but I

(51:20):
do like it.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
It's fine, right, So, like you know, it's hard.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Well, and it's it's interesting too, because a lot of
music is very situationally appropriate. Like you go and you
listen to live music somewhere whatever kind of like, then
whatever it is, then it's fun. It's got a different
feel live and it might not be the thing that
I'm going to choose to listen to in my car
when I'm on a road trip. But also I'm not

(51:45):
going to say no, I'm not going to go to
X y Z event. Yeah, because live music's fun.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
Yeah, it really is. It's fun.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
And I mean somebody like me, I'm always going to
be your outlier. Yeah, because I like to write a
different exactly. And that's why I appreciated that the that
the study had a lot of people involved, so they
could kind of distill it down and say this is.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Generally statistical normal, right, which means any one of us
can not follow.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
That right exactly. Kat's friend Stacy says nothing good comes
from getting on the X bus. I was like, yeah,
maybe don't get back with that X. I mean, she
ain't wrong, but it is sore. I mean, okay, so

(52:38):
medium dot com has reasons why getting back with your
ex might be a bad idea. So they expound on
all these but they have five different reasons. White mine
might not be a good idea. The breakup happened for
a reason. Remember that nostalgia is a powerful drug. That

(52:59):
you are remembering the highlight reel and not the totality
of our relationship. You are not the same people that
you were when you dated, especially depending no matter how
long it's been since you broke up, you've changed a
little bit. You might be settling hmm. And if there
were trust issues, they're gonna linger.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
It takes a lot of work to get over that,
I'm me tell you. And then Psychology Today has an
article by Tyler Jamison says that research actually points to
it's really probably not a good idea, probably not to
get back with your ex, because couples that break up
and get back together have higher rates of conflict, including

(53:46):
serious disputes that are physical and verbal. Breaking up and
getting back together causes psychological distress. You do it over
and over. The more times you break up and get
back together, the less detic you are to your partner
because there's a lot more uncertainty. They've broken up with
me before, they they may do it again yep, right,

(54:09):
And that partners who break up and get back together
before marriage, especially more than once, tend to have a
lower quality in their marriage, and that people tend to
get back together with a former partner because they feel
like they're romantic. Alternatives aren't good. The world is your oyster,
my friend, particularly if you are young. Particularly Yeah, so

(54:34):
you know, Okay, So I say I would be single
forever something happened to my husband. I would not search
for a relationship. If I happened to meet somebody that
I had a lot in common with and had like
a long history, maybe I would consider it, but I
wouldn't be There's no like dating apps for me, none

(54:57):
of that, no searching. No.

Speaker 3 (54:59):
I mean, let's Dorothy really the way this is the
Golden Girls, you know, solid truth.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
You know. Eventually Dorothy got back with Stan right, and
they were gonna get married. The day of their wedding,
he asks her to sign a prenup right, and then
then everything her mother has been saying made complete sense,
and she calls off the wedding right.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
Which I don't have anything against prenups but for her,
but for her in the situation where they're sorried for thirty.
He like, yeah, she's the mother of his children.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
They've known each other, says they were in high school. Like,
she never has given any reason to think that she
was out for any of the money.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
Uh, Like, my god, he was the one who was
always the maybe not the day of maybe, not the.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Dace and that and almost it's not about the prenup,
it's about the way he did it right, So and
that just made her realize, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
Yeah what absolutely. Oh by the way, he's the same guy, the.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
Same guy who was just unpredictable with these things that
are very.

Speaker 3 (56:01):
Sensitive and oh my gosh. But like, yeah, so there's
a reason you broke up.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
So unless that has literally been laid to bed and
both parties, you know what I mean, life.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Yeah, which is hard to do. It's very hard to do.
So convicted murderer Monty wants Kat to beg for information
that he doesn't really intend to give. And this actually
says quite a lot about him. At healthline dot Com
calls this kind of thing like intentions seek attention seeking behavior,

(56:35):
and I think that's very much what it is. He
is being controversial to provoke a reaction, and really what
this says about him is that he's jealous, lonely, and
his low self esteem, which I think totally fits. It
could just be jealousy, low self esteem, and loneliness. It

(56:55):
could also be an indication of a more serious psychiatric
disc or like historyonic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and
narcissistic personality disorder. We don't get a lot of time
with him, and he's fictional and we don't know him,
so we can't like really like.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Making he's a criminal, So there's a motivations that may
be there, right exactly, And he's dying, and so as
much as like, you know, some people do have that
like need to like share the truth, sure, right, and
yet it's mixed in with these other needs and so
it's just a perfect storm for them, and then you

(57:35):
don't really know what the.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
Real intention is, right, you know, exactly.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
So but yeah, real life, real life.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
There is a dating app that brings people together based
on their musical parts. Well, there's actually a few, but
this one's the largest. Though it's not large. It's called
finely oh well like vine like like like vinyl oh
vinyl like finally but vinyally it's Okay, it is cute,

(58:10):
and it does match people based on musical compatibility. Now
you have to use Spotify because it looks at your
Spotify habitska to be able to help create matches, and
you have to answer questions. They do use music related
conversation icebreakers. It's mostly dating, but it can also just

(58:34):
be like I need a concert, bunny. Oh, and you
can use that and you can buy like concert tickets
in the app and all that stuff. Unfortunately, it's very small.
It's not for hookup culture. They like specifically say, this
is not what we're for. If you want to date
the person you meet, that's great, that's kind of what

(58:55):
we're we're trying to find compatibility for. But it's also
could just be, you know, I want a concert, buddy.
It is free, but it's only available in the US
and Canada, and it only has about two thousand members
in the US and only about a thousand of them
are active at any time. Wow, so still quite small. Yeah,

(59:17):
it's really small, And these numbers are from twenty twenty
two and it's not been yeah yeah, has not blown
up in any way, and it tends to skew a
little heavily male over female. I don't know that that's
necessarily unusual in dating apps, but it follows those kind

(59:38):
of same trajectories. I did love the name finally adorable.
It is really cute. Yeah, so Kat in a flashback,
is that her engagement party and she gets advice from
her dad saying that marriage isn't fifty fifty, it's one
hundred hundred. Yes. Or there's a Brene Brown video that

(01:00:01):
went around. It's like a minute long, it's so worth
a watch. Yes, Yes, and that she and her husband
like check in with one another, how much do you
have today? And if they ever come up to where
it doesn't add up to one hundred, one of them's
at twenty percent, one of them's at thirty percent, they

(01:00:21):
come together to talk about how they can support one
another and how they can be kind to one another
when they're both feeling tapped out, which I thought was
really great. And you know that's kind of the idea. Yeah,
you want to try and give a hundred, but it's
hard to bring one hundred percent all of the time.

(01:00:43):
So if you're at fifty to fifty, you tend to
feel like somebody's not pulling their weight. So as somebody
who's been married a long time. You've been married a
long time. No, no, it's yeah, yeah, No. I mean
you go through life and you end up with illnesses,
and of the extreme life events, they happen to everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:01:06):
Somebody's going to carry one hundred percent of it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
Sometimes.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
I think the thing my dad used to think about
was that if you're willing to have the conversation about
your bandwidth, if you're willing to carry the other person
when the other person literally can't, that is the one
hundred hundred right exactly, like the partnership connection and commitment.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Right, if all you have is twenty percent, but you're
giving your entire twenty percent, that's one hundred percent of
what you have.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
To give, right, And that was like my dad's idea
was that, like, if you always put the other person
first and then you never expect that it's some sort
of division of emotional effort, then that's the healthiest right.
And for that reason because then if I'm not feeling
like I have much emotional intelligence to give it to
the situation, but I'm communicating it right and they're hearing it,

(01:01:58):
we're both really.

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
Leaning in one hundred percent.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
Sure, But is that idea of whatever it's fifty to
fifty is like almost like a hold back.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
Yeah, that's like I'm only going to do what i'm
required and not not anymore. Yeah, because they should also
be doing something. Yeah, I'm sorry, but that's I mean,
you can make argument forever, right So yeah, yeah, no, no.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
No, it doesn't work that way. It really doesn't. And
the emotional labor does have to be shared.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
So I thought that was really excellent advice. It's great
to always give that as much as you have and
be willing to pick up the slack when you need to,
and not in a way that where you're counting. Well,
I've picked up the slack so many times. I mean, Okay,
maybe that's true, and maybe that can be assigned for you,
that there's an imbalance in the relationship. But also you

(01:02:51):
can't hold it against your spouse. Yeah, yeah, which is
really hard to do.

Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
That's really hard to do, especially when you're having conversations
about that, right, you know, And that's why that's why
marriage is hard, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:03:04):
But as somebody who's been pretty happily married for a
pretty long time, marriage is still really it's hard, yeah,
because when things are bad. They can be really really bad.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
Yep, yep, it's hard, I think you know. Also, we
change and we don't always change at the same rate, right,
Having space for each other's journey, Yes, that's where the
matter of commitment comes in.

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
That's do we have commitment? So fair? You know?

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
Because a fact case, then as long as I have
your back and you have mine, we have a lot
of space for each other's journeys.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
Yeah. A lighter note, the Aunties were talking I loved
I loved how cats mom and her friends. Yeah, we're
so like open and candid with one another. And they
were talking about pubic hair, and they were like, they've

(01:04:01):
got nothing down there. It's letting the germs get all over.
You gotta have the hair to keep the germs. It's
kind of actually a thing. It's like, true, it's actually
a thing. It is true. How fine, Now, Okay, it's
totally a personal preference. It is. However, there are some
reasons to have pubic hair, despite the fact what you

(01:04:24):
may see in porn. If you've ever seen that, nobody
has any hair, and I'm like, are we children? But
what does have are to it? Yeah? But it does.
It reduces friction It keeps your area warm, which can
enhance arousal. It can provide some protection from bacteria and

(01:04:49):
other pathogens. Just like your eyebrows and your eyelashes are
protective of your eyes and your face, ye your pubic
hair can be similarly protective. And it really can help
you from getting sti's, but also you know, yeast infections

(01:05:11):
and ut eyes, which even if you're not worried about
getting an STI from your partner, for women, UTIs and
yeast infections, there are things you would like to avoid. Yeah,
so yeah, it is helpful. It can help with pheromone
transmission as well, so you know, I mean there are reasons.

(01:05:33):
There are reasons to keep some of it right now.

Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
Leggings are the biggest culprit.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Oh of food.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
They pull, Yeah, it pulls a little, you know, like
the leggings.

Speaker 1 (01:05:44):
I was a dancer.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Yeah, great, So I wear a lot of tights, and
so I I realized that a lot of times I
was shaving.

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
It was really because I didn't want to itch.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
The tights because but the same thing with the leggings
and the things in the areas. It can be depending
on your your shape, you know, if you're kind of
an outer year in any uh huh.

Speaker 3 (01:06:05):
You know, if we're being real, it can be a little.

Speaker 1 (01:06:07):
Pulley, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
So, but finding a way to deal with that might
be better than.

Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
Just you know, hogging it off, right, Yeah, I mean
because a thing right, and that can also be an
issue with your like you, razor burn can lead to infections,
what can It's a whole thing. I went down an
entire rat hole situation happening, and yeah, so you know,

(01:06:35):
I mean, considerate, considerate, consider you're not a child, and
it's okay to have some hair. It's okay on your body. Yeah.
In the United States we tend to be very particular
about our hair. Other parts of the world there are
more accepting of adult hair growth in places.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
Yeah. Yeah, but if you know, if you feel like
you need to groom it, just groom it right.

Speaker 1 (01:07:00):
Yeah. It doesn't need to all be gone.

Speaker 3 (01:07:01):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:07:03):
And it will fall out at some point and turn white. Sorry,
I tell you, Yes, the printer ink of our heads
is not the only place where it sometimes runs out
of inky getting old. It's not easy. Next time, a

(01:07:26):
truish wellness scam, deception, whatever, feuding possible cancer patients with
questionable treatments and exploiting their online platforms. Sounds like stories
we so need to see. So we're going to watch
Apple Cider Vinegar coming to Netflix. Nice.

Speaker 3 (01:07:47):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:47):
Yeah, me too. Thank you so much for listening. We
know you make a choice when you listen to us.
We don't just come on the radio, and we really
appreciate that you take the time to put us in
your ears and so that we can join you on
whatever adventure and or mundane tasks you might have. We
really appreciate it. R and review wherever you get podcasts.
Tell a friend, because it's more fun when you can

(01:08:09):
listen with a friend. And until next time, be safe
behind and wash your hands. And also, don't touch dead birds.
No really, don't, no really, that's in our other public
service for today, leave the dead birds alone.

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
Bom