Eps. 91: Special Guest Tania Hudson, Sex & Intimacy Coach, with Kim Evans, Host.

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Well, welcome everybody to inspired Conversations. I am your host,
Kim Evans and you all. I am so excited for
my guests today that I have. This is gonna be
such a hot topic. We're gonna have to do a
part one about a part too, but we're gonna get
right into it. First of all, I want to introduce

(00:25):
you and I want to say hello, Miss Tanya. She's
a sex and intimacy coach. Thank you so much for
being on the show.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Thank you, very very excited. I love talking about this
stuff all the time.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
I think when a woman gets in charge of her
sexuality and she becomes really empowered in that she can
kind of like rule world. I just it shares so
much confidence within herself when she knows herself and when
she actually finds that place of her sexuality. And so
this is what we're going to talk about today. So

(00:58):
I am so so excited. So Miss Tanya, I'm going
to tell the viewers a little bit about who you
are and what you do. But before I get into that,
I always like to send a prayer and a blessing
out to my subscribers. Is that okay with you?

Speaker 3 (01:11):
Absolutely?

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Y'all know what I do so. I am so excited
that anybody that is watching this show, I just send
forth just some grace and I hope that you'll be inspired.
I hope you be transformed. I hope you be just
transformation of the information that you can use that information
and you can make an importation in your life that
it can actually add more positiveness to you. And so

(01:32):
that's what we do here on Inspired Conversations. I also
always love to send the blessings as far as the east,
as far as the west, as far as the north,
that everybody that's hearing is this goes out. This is
an international podcast, you guys. I am so excited I
have an international podcast show. I'm across all eighteen platforms
and that you guys just be illuminating and please share

(01:53):
the podcast out and be blessed. And Miss Tanya, I
just give you more grace. May you continue to share
your message about what God has given you to the world.
And I'm so excited that you're standing up for women
empowerment and we're in this season that we're talking about
women in empowerment. So thank you again and thank you
for being on the show.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yes, ma'am, thank you. I appreciate that quite quite the intro.
My goodness.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Alrighty, So, mss Tania is a sex and intimacy coach.
I'm so excited when we met at a networking group
and what she told me that what she offers is
I just said, Hey, we gotta talk about this. She's
an advocate for couples and individuals that want to have
fulfilling relationships. Don't everybody want to have a fulfilling relationship.
Everyone wants to have a fulfilling relationship. Him, her, them

(02:38):
are they? We want to include everybody. As a trauma
informed samatica institute trained practitioner, she offers experimental approach that's
without shame or judgment. And I love the fact that
some of the things I'm not going to get into
all of them. Her specialty dating challenge is pained during
intercourse women as we get forties and fifties and beyond

(02:59):
edpe lack of orgasm and desire as we're going through
what we call perimenopause, then menopause and then postmenopause. Y'all know,
forties and fifties, we do have those kinds of those
kinds of those changes that we go through. Learning boundaries,
how to flirt, and how to feel sexy. She works
with all kinds of people of interest and backgrounds, and

(03:22):
so let's get into the topic at hand. When we
talk about today women empowering women, entpreneurs and how to
overcome intimacy and hangups. Miss Tanya, Welcome to Inspired Conversations.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Thank you, thank you, thank you very honored, and thank
you for inviting me.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
I'm very excited.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
I know you have some lovely and loyal viewers, so
I hope I please them. I mean, I'm happy to
answer their questions and that they get something out of
this interview.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
So absolutely we're going to get right into it. But
before I get into it, how did you become How
did you become a sex an intimacy coach? Please with
us your story.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
That is the question I get the most.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Actually, Kim's so crazy because when we become coaches of anything,
and sometimes it becomes most of the time it's a
passion that the passion project or something life changing that
leads us in this direction. I was in the corporate world.
I was in aesthetics industry. I did medical device sales
and I loved my job. But as I got older

(04:32):
and went through divorce and went through a lot of
those challenges in my marriage. I started seeing more and
more people go through their challenges and their marriages, more
divorce or more unhappy couples. And I used to always say,
go get some counseling with sex. That's that's really the
heart of what's going on, and they weren't. They were

(04:55):
just doing normal couples counseling, but sex wasn't really addressed.

Speaker 3 (05:00):
Same with my therapy that I went to. Sex was
very avoided, which is unbelievable because these are couples, married,
couples that are trying to figure out their relationship. How
has sex not talked about?

Speaker 2 (05:13):
Why is it uncomfortable for so many therapists and so
many people to bring it up? And I think my
ex when I went to seven different couple counselors as
well as the pastors of the church we used to
go to, and it was never brought up.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
It was really sad actually.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
And same thing friends that went at the same issues,
And I said, this is kind of bizarre.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
And so I started becoming the unofficial.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Sex coach within the group of friends that I had,
and they'd come to me because I just think shame
is a killer of pleasure. So it was a very
judgment free conversation. All the special exciting kinks they had,
or the sex hang ups or anything they had, they
knew they could come to me with pretty honest advice
and not feel judged.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
And then I realized, this is actually what I want
to do.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
This is way more fulfilling and I can help so
many more people.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
So that's what I did. I went all in and
I love today.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
I have you been doing this for a time, just
about a year.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
I started virtually.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
I mean I opened my own office this year because
I want I'm specializing a lot of in kink and
BDSM as well, so I'm making a lot of in
person sessions.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Oh my god. So we're happy that you hear.

Speaker 4 (06:35):
It.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
Really is a strong message. I know I was married
for ten years and it's just something that we just
you know, you go to marriage counseling, but they really
need to do several different modules on that. But see,
here's the thing, and we're going to get to it.
You said sex abordance. You said why is it uncomfortable?
Why is it that shame is a killer of pleasure? See,

(06:56):
this is the thing that I remember my late pastor
was saying is that when you are in the dating
and the dating in the dating season, you need to
talk about it. So we've got a subject that we
can talk about dating challenges in a minute. But I
think that's something that needs to be discussed in length
when you're dating someone. And it's not either you go

(07:18):
through it and people have sex while they're dating and
then they get married, however it comes up. It's just
that it needs to be discussing. Now you get married
and you haven't had to talk about it, and now
you're trying to figure it out when you should have
tried to figure it out in the dating season before
you got married.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
And I have couples that have been married for thirty
forty years that have never brought it up.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Can you imagine that they've been married for thirty to
forty years and what's the glue that holds them to well,
let's reverse, are they satisfied sexually? Those couples that have
been married.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
Thirty No, that's why they're reaching out, but they're embarrassed
to say, can you imagine being married to somebody for
that long and still not share your kinks and your
desires and your fetishes or whatever it is that turns
you on because of shame.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
Things and desires and fetishes because of shame, or maybe
how you were raised, or maybe because of your background.
So I'm kind of curious. Why do you think is
uncomfortable for women to share their sexual pleasure?

Speaker 3 (08:15):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (08:15):
My goodness, much harder than anything. We're told to be
good girls. We're told you can't have a body count
or has to be a low BodyCount, or women have
to behave. You can't talk about sex out loud. You're
supposed to be meek. We're supposed to be quiet. We're
supposed to be submissive. We're supposed to behave. We're not

(08:36):
supposed to be loud or sexual or dress sexy.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
Depends I went.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
I grew up in a culture where that was very
frown upon, and it's a lot harder. I mean with
the culture I grew up and the woman couldn't do anything,
but the guys were able to do everything.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
I was like, that's not there. If I was a
sign I could do more stuff, that's not cool.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
But fair that the times are changed. The times are
changing now. Women are becoming more self reliant with themselves.
They're becoming more empowerful that they're becoming more a voice
into vocalize. They're they're not getting as married, they're not
getting married as fast or as young. They're being more independent.
So we're seeing the times change here. It's a whole

(09:20):
new genre here. So let's get to the dating challenge.
I'm very, very very this is really good. So what
are some of the strategies for balancing the demands of
entrepreneurship as we talk to working women, because the preference
is is women preneurs, what are some strategies for balancing
the demands of entrepreneurialship with the challenges of modern dating.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Are you talking about time management?

Speaker 1 (09:47):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (09:48):
Time more so time management. Everybody has time. I mean,
you know, the leaders of the country have time to date.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
We have time. I am a single mom and I've
had multiple jobs.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
I have time.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
It's just what you prioritize. If you can go on
social media and scroll for a good thirty sixty minutes,
you have the time to get on a dating app
or do whatever it is, go to an event and
put that time into yourself or into dating. So there
is time.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
It's just managing your time and putting it in. It's
like the gym all kind of the same idea, right
or the workout.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
So then if that's the case, then the next one
would be how can women preneurs overcome the herders of
finding partners who understand their busy lifestyles because oftentimes women preneurs,
and we're talking about women who are building their businesses,
they don't have time. You know, they want a partner,
But do you understand I'm trying to build this business.

(10:50):
You know, I have my customers that I have to
attend to, those maybe that have children. How do you
weave in busy lifestyles and then love? But then here
it is, we complain about that, we want to be
in a relationship, We complain about that, we want to
find a man.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, we have the time, and we're all busy men
and women. We're in a time. And I don't know
where all of your viewers are based, but I live
in Bay Area in California, and we are two income households.
For the most part, it is very difficult to survive
on just one income. Everybody's working, everybody's busy, and.

Speaker 3 (11:27):
That's really not an excuse anymore. We're all busy.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
There is time, it's just where do you find value,
And that's where you're putting in your time. If it's
Friday night and you're watching Netflix and you're complaining that
you're not meeting people, then you're sitting at home by
yourself on the couch. But I do need that one
day a week of just decompress by myself and watch

(11:54):
some crazy in love romantic or some wild action film
that's very unreal, just to check out. And I do
need that time for myself. But I do also need
that time to invest in my future, whether it's a
future partner or work or anything.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
So there is time.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
And I think also, I think women have to make
a decision. Look, if you are looking and we're talking
about from a women's perspective here, if you are looking
for it, mate, if you're looking for a relationship, you
got to make the time for it, right, so we
can fast forward that day you got to And so
then now let's add in the sexuality. Let's add the intimacy.
Now you would someone you're dating them for a season

(12:36):
of time, however you want to define that to be,
or maybe in the very beginning, Why is it challenging
you think for women to express how they feel about
their sexuality to the man that they're dating, and let's
go that can go both ways, man or woman, woman
or man.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
Let's rewind.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Let's rewind a little bit between having the time for
the app, approaching the dating scene, and then going into
dating right because the mindset into dating is why people
are so unmotivated, why they don't want to put in
the time, why it's mentally exhausting and draining.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
So it's the approach. So this is what I tell people.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
It is.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
I get that if they're trying to find their forever
partner and they want to have babies and they're kind
of in a hurry because the time is ticking, it
puts a lot of pressure on both people. Right, I say,
approach it casually. Do not say I'm looking for my
forever person. Every time people are on the apps and

(13:36):
they're like, what.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
Are you looking for?

Speaker 2 (13:37):
I'm like, you need to just chill and just say hi,
I'd love to chat and take you out sometime. That
is one of the biggest problems we're having right now
because it puts so much pressure on both I'm looking
for my forever person or I'm not looking for anything.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
I'm looking for something casual.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
Maybe it rules out some a really possible wonderful person
because you really for something casual, it could have possibly
turn into something deeper and you didn't expect it right, right,
So the mindset going into the dating needs to take
that pressure off of you as the as the woman,
off of the man that you're dating, or the other

(14:16):
partner if you're dating another woman. It needs to take
that pressure off and just enjoy love getting to know people.
Enjoy the just the dinners out or the conversations you're having,
or the new places you get to check out with somebody.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Enjoy dating. You don't have to be in a rush.
You truly don't. It's not going to take ten years.
You'll figure it.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
Out kind of quickly when it's going to take a
long time or not. But you don't have to put
uh an expiration date on it.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
What is it?

Speaker 3 (14:47):
What is a sex and the city? It's expiration dating.
A date does not need to have an expiration date it.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
I love it, but but but people do and then
all of a sudden sometimes okay, so we could we
can go back there, But then we got to throw
the sex part in because you feel pressure you're dating someone.
You're dating a guy and he wants to have sex. Yeah,
what about that?

Speaker 2 (15:08):
That's the boundary conversation. Oh, shouldn't be pressure. It should
be organic. It shouldn't be anybody's voice in your head,
right or the other person's voice in your head. It
should be a very mutual, consent, entertaining, wonderful experience. Okay,
that's when the boundary conversation happens. And if you're feeling

(15:32):
any kind of pressure, that's when you learn how to
say what you need to say to set your boundaries
and get out.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
So in that dating season again, that is how do
you entertain and how do you weave in voicing how
you feel about your sexuality Because if it's not being set,
the standard is not being set in the dating then
how are you going to be able to set the
stage in the mating when you're married Because you didn't

(16:01):
write about it when you were dating. So what part
and what part of it in the dating season? I
guess I'm trying to ask, in your suggestion or in
your opinion, should that be discussed.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
If you're already sleeping together, that needs to be discussed.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
If you're already comfortable sleeping with that person, you need
to be comfortable having that conversation as well. It's not
just a physical act. It's actually much more of an
emotional act than it is physical. So if you're already
comfortable having sex, you should already be comfortable having conversations
about sex.

Speaker 3 (16:36):
Those go hand in hand, and it could go both ways.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
You have women who are of a more of a
faith or a or a religious that no practice in abstuence,
and then we have to address the other people who
are not so either or it still comes down to
the same what the same thing is that you should
feel comfortable having the conversation about it. And if you're

(16:59):
not comfortable having a conversation during the may or the dating,
you're going to have problems in the marriage.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Yeah, it's hand in hand.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
And so it's like, how do we draw this connection
to where women can feel more comfortable about expressing their
sexual needs.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
That's that's true.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
That's a lot of boundary learning, your boundaries, a lot
of embodiment work that I do feeling comfortable and confident
in your own skin to say, you know what, these
are the types of things I like, I need thirty
minutes of four plate to really get in the mood.
If you want me to orgasm and I need you
to play with this part in my body, or I
need you to touch me here and I need my

(17:39):
face caressed, or I need you to kiss my neck
more and spend more time getting me ready versus just
jumping in. If we get to that point where you're
feeling confident enough to say that, those conversations happen.

Speaker 3 (17:54):
And I think a lot of the times the partner feels.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
The ones within, not the big ego and the narcissistic partners, right,
But I feel most of the time the partners happy
because they're not guessing what to do.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
They're able to please you when they.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Know you gave them the map right right, and they're
able to make you climax.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
And that's a that's a big ego booster too.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
And it could be I think that that could be
a course on itself, helping women to uncover discover themselves
so they can better communicate to their partners their needs.
Because I find it's very interesting men do it. They'll
communicate and they'll tell you what they want, So why
is it that women find it a challenge to communicate

(18:41):
and to share with their mates what they want.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
Well, not all men do.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
I think men will say what they think they're supposed
to say because I'm the guy, I'm supposed to say this,
this is what society tells me I'm supposed to do,
But they don't. I actually see a lot majority of
my clients actually are men, So I do see a
lot lot of men who want to uncover their kinks
or not feel ashamed about it and be able to
tell their partners. This is what really turns me on.

(19:08):
A lot of men don't say it, so it isn't
as communicated. It's more the society that puts it on
men and women with the pressure not necessarily what both
parties want deep down.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
That's real good, Tanya, that's real good. And with that,
here's another lead in what are the three top things
that need to be established first between two people or
a couple before they can even feel comfortable and confident
sharing what their kinks and their sexual needs are.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
Safety is probably number one?

Speaker 1 (19:43):
Hey, Safety okay?

Speaker 3 (19:45):
Absolutely? Safety? And comfort?

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Comfort okay? And attraction ah, attraction, I love it. Viewers,
are you listening that these three top three three things
must be in place so that you can feel comfortable.
Number one is safety, Number two is comfort, and number
three is attraction. And how can a man position himself

(20:10):
so that a woman can feel safe, so that she
can't communicate her sexual needs and desires.

Speaker 5 (20:17):
Read the cues, read the room, slow down, stop, give
a little more eye contact, Ask more questions.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Body language right, we say majority of the way we
speak as body language exactly. Feel the person out figuratively
before literally. That's that's how you start. Just don't be
a one pony show.

Speaker 3 (20:44):
Is that how you say it?

Speaker 1 (20:45):
Don't do the same moves with everybody exactly.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
Every woman has a different speed.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Just feel These are top executive men and their dating women.
They have no idea. They can't read the body language.
How are you doing so well at work? Bring that
same level of professionalism and success what made you successful?
Bring it into your dating and same with women. Bring
it into your dating. You are successful people at your work.

(21:12):
You can actually bring those traits into dating and understand
how to read people and understand body language. Asking the
right questions, open ended questions without expectation. The expectation would
be I'm gonna have a fun night, hopefully and if
I don't, I try it on a new restaurant or something.
You know, that's it. It's that should be the only

(21:34):
expectation beyond that. It puts pressure on both parties and
it just makes it more awkward, especially at the end
of the night if it doesn't work out.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
I love it. And what do you say about attraction?
You know, how does this particular element needs to be
in play before one can discuss their comfortability and in
their sexual fetishes or whatever the case may be. Yeah,
what's included in that piece of it?

Speaker 3 (22:03):
Intelligence is so sexy. Interest in you is very hot.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
I mean someone that could be maybe their average looking
according to the woman.

Speaker 3 (22:14):
She's like, oh, maybe he's okay, I'll give him a chance.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
And then he decides he's She finds out he's funny,
and that's my biggest my number one. I love funny
guys always get me. I mean, she could be laughing
and having the best time and he's instantly he went
from cute to sexy and.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
She's she's hooked.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
You know.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
It's finding that little thing about her and.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
You don't know what it is, and sometimes she doesn't
know what it is, but it's just being comfortable in
your own skin.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
And then there's chemistry, right, that's the other piece of it, chemistry.
But that chemistry is just something that's just natural. I mean,
it's like putting on a good perfume. Either is gonna
work with your body?

Speaker 3 (22:54):
Yes, yes, it is not forced.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Guy. You know, I don't think that's four points in
a clothes I don't think you could take a course
in it and figure that out. It's either it is
or is either it is not, And you need to
be able to be discerning whether or not this person,
you guys, are meshing with the white chemistry, and if
it's not, then say next. You know, it doesn't take
a rocket scientist to figure that out.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
And I'll tell people. You know what, if it's a
lot of pressure and you're feeling.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
Not totally comfortable, go on a date with someone you
don't feel attracted to, just as practice, there's so little
practice dating. See how that feels in your body, really
feel read the physical cues and just it takes the
pressure off, right, because you're not in there going, oh
my goodness, this person is so hot.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
I need to be hotter. I need to look like this,
I need to do full makeup, just go out with somebody.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
You could just say okay, he could be a friend
and practice and see how it feels.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
I love that. I love that what you just said.
Feel the embodiment, and that's that you work with people.
And I think sometimes you know, women, we forget that.
You know, body will was but belly's wisdom. You got
wisdom in your belly. It's totally amazing that if you
just be positive and just sit with the intelligence that's

(24:11):
in your belly will tell you a lot about what
you need to know. But oftentimes we want to put
the cart before the horse, so that this is really good. Tight,
this is really good. So I'd like to explore when
you talk about BDSM kink and fetishes, let's get into that.

Speaker 4 (24:29):
Okay, what's exactly is that fun stuff?

Speaker 1 (24:34):
Fun stuff? I want to get into that.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
Oh my goodness, it is so much fun.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
So bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, and then dominance and submission
as well.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
We talk of Fifty Shades are great here.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
You know what's so great about fifty Shades?

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Although I would say it's semi average of a movie,
but it brought.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
The BDSM culture a little bit more mainstream, and people
were more accepting of it, open willing to try it.
The whole underground scene has always been there. Most people
didn't know that's always been around, okay, But the more mainstream,
more commercialized audience was a little bit more intrigued by it.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
But I do say they're different levels. It's not just
the whips and chains. Their psychological BDSM that can be
just as hot.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
Or sometimes hotter for me, it's actually my preference. But
it is very exciting.

Speaker 2 (25:36):
It's very therapeutic what people find BDSM to be, and
it fulfills a lot of people's needs to have average
sex to mind blowing sex. Really it changes a lot
of relationships.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Yes, and you knows and is that men.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
Both in the mouth?

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Okay, all right, let's be equal here, have that. But again,
you don't discuss it. You're not talking about it in
the dating season, Kim.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Sometimes people don't know. Sometimes they don't know that that
is something that they like, that they're into. Yeah, wow, idea.
And then I help bring it out and I help
them uncover what it is that really turns them on.
But sometimes they don't actually know that's what it is.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
So before I ask this next mind blowing question. We
have to define what the VDSM is, but what are
other kinks and fetishes? So what do you mean by that?

Speaker 4 (26:37):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (26:38):
My goodness? Kinks can be so many things.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
It could be I have a sex and public or
it could be I have a praise kink and every
time you tell me I did a good job, it
turns me on. It can be many things. It could
be clown wear gear, or it could be high heels.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
It could be watching. It could be so many there's
so many layers to it.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
Watching that sounds like voyeurism. God's voyeurism. Girl, my goodness.
So praise kinks. Whoever would have thought when you give
someone a praise that it turns them on? Whoever would
have thought that? I would have never put the two
and two together? Yeah that men and women? Is that

(27:28):
something that women? Yeah? By that too? Yeah? You see,
So that's what you mean by kinks. See people think
kinks is more freakiness.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yes, exactly, but it's not. It's not so many layers
to it.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
Wow. See we're talking about sex and intimacy right here.
Inquiring women pineurs to overcome intimacy, handcups, That's what we're
talking about. For those of you are watching here on
Instagram and for those who are for the podcast, this
is see women in probably like what is a kink?
People might be like, what is a b d S?
It's something that can mother didn't sit down at the
coffee time, didn't talk about that, nor you didn't talk

(28:04):
about that with your sister or your brother or your dad.
It's something that you have to find out as you
grew up and as you begin to go in this
discovery with your partner. Okay, so here's a magic question here.
So how do you help people your clients feel confident
in these areas and personal growth so that they can

(28:27):
experience or explore these areas if they choose to.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
I'm so glad you said personal growth because this just
isn't just in the bedroom.

Speaker 2 (28:35):
The confidence that they get when they realize what they
want sexually, they turn into like these powerful people in
the workforce too, Like they'll come back and say, I
close this deal, I did this better.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
People said I walk around more confidence. It is unbelievable
how it affects your When I say it's therapeutic, it
affects your entire life. Sex is much more powerful than
just climaxing in the bedroom.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
Roll that back, roll that replay, please replay, please please.
You said that it instills your confidence that you could
go and close that million dollar deal. You could be
that badass in the workforce or in your business. How
is that? What's the correlation? How does this?

Speaker 3 (29:18):
Because you know what you want? Wow, you have gotten
you You've discovered what turns you on, what pleases you.
You become more confident and you more comf in your body,
which is game changing for a lot of women. And
you walk into a room and you own it.

Speaker 1 (29:39):
When you know what pleases you, when you discover what
pleases you, when you uncover what pleases you, you walk
in a room and you own it. Women, did you
get that? I think you need to repeat that one
more time. That that's good? Right there, that's good, right there,
Miss Tagne, say that one more time. Please.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
Then you know what pleases you, when you know what
your desires are and your turn ons, you walk into
each room and you own it and you own them.
And people want a piece of you. What is it
about this person that is drawing me.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
To this person?

Speaker 2 (30:16):
This powerful powerhouse, this confidence? People say, oh, you know,
heels are sexy red lipstick is sexy, Yes, they all are.

Speaker 3 (30:26):
It's confidence. There's nothing hotter than that or.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
What you look like. So it's not about your dress,
it's not about the heels, it's not about those about
your internal energy.

Speaker 3 (30:39):
Let me tell you.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yes, I was living in LA and you know Megan
good she's just gorgeous, right or just like all her
at a club and she was wearing pjs at a
club and she was like the sexiest woman there. And
I was like, this girl is walking around this club
pajamas and owned it because she was so sexy the

(31:01):
way she carried herself. And there are all these beautiful
people in LA with these little mini skirts and these
sexy outfits and these Lubaton heels, and I was like
it changed so much for me. And I was like,
this is this is what sexy is. You're wearing pj
is at a club especially.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
But but but but you did say something that is
very kind of paramount. Is when you know what you
want and you command that, you don't have to try
too hard, it becomes automatic. But you just said that
your wellness of what you embody that's sexy power. And
she walked around her she walked around this club in

(31:40):
her pj's.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
Yes, and I was like, I was mesmerized, still mesmerized.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
Wow, Wow, I think that's wonderful. Energy is a powerhouse.
And how does women set themselves to become more sexy
so that they can actually embody that powerfulness of their sexuality.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
You know what I tell a lot of people, The
homework that I give is fun homework.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
It is self pleasure. Find out what turns you on.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
Maybe it's a dildo that you need or a different toy,
or maybe it's a certain lotion or a certain set.
Spend time with yourself alone, totally alone, even if you're
with a partner, by yourself, and just see what turns
you on. Find your horogenous zones some people have inside
their elbows or the back of their neck, and they

(32:41):
just start feeling different parts of their body and they
start appreciating different parts of their body and see what.

Speaker 3 (32:47):
Really turns you on. Because once you know what turns
you on, then you can tell your partner what turns
you on, and you can help them get you off
a little bit better.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
Interesting, you know, and this is such a cloe door
that a lot of women don't talk about. Yeah, even girlfriends,
they don't have that conversation. No, and it's it's it's
it's it's disheartening in a way because you don't have
these conversations. But you have the conversations of what's bothering
you in your life, but when it comes to the bedroom,

(33:19):
it's kind of tabooed that you don't talk about it. Yeah,
it's like the number one thing. The third thing that
leads to divorce is sex, right, the second one is money,
but the first one is communication. So it's really interesting.
It's like, how is it that the people don't invest
in knowing how to please their partner. I think if

(33:39):
people would invest more time in how to please their partners,
maybe we might have less divorce.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
I know it. Now, you know why I do what
I do for work on a mission?

Speaker 1 (33:53):
Wow, this is good. This is so good, and and
and and you mentioned I just love the energy and
the powerhouse in the room. It's not about again, it's
not about the red bottom shoes. It's not you know,
about wearing the red lipstick. It's about the energy that
you actually embody and commands power and presence. So on
that note, let's talk about flirting and how it should

(34:16):
feel sexy and this erotic journey. I think this is beautiful.
So for those who have lost touch in their play
style or maybe never had a play style, how can
they learn to flirt and feel sexy again? And you know,
yeah we talk about women. They say they lose their mojo.

(34:37):
How can a person begin to feel sexy again?

Speaker 2 (34:42):
So Jimmy a favorite, put your hands down, just relax, relax,
your hands on your legs.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
Okay, all right, I want to put this in gallonries.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
This is good right here, this is I'm sorry for
you Instagram people that can't see me right now, but
I can't see what we're doing. Okay, they're gonna see you.
And just relax in the chair and don't look at
me on screen. Look at me on the video Okay,
on the camera lens. Okay, Okay, we're gonna take times. Okay,

(35:15):
all right, lean back a little bit in your chair.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Just relax.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
Okay, we're doing an experiment. Okay, just take a deep
breath and just take in what I want to tell you.
Don't respond, just keep looking at the camera, and then

(35:40):
when you're ready, look at me on the TV on
the screen. Okay, yeah, I want you to know that
your eyes are so sultry they.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
Draw me in.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
There's like this dark shade of wisdom and sexiness and
playfulness altogether, and it draws me to you and it
makes me want to know more about you. And what

(36:21):
I'd love to do is just look at your eyes,
and I want you to look at my eyes. And
I don't want to say anything, and I don't want
you to say anything, and just take it all in
and I just want to feel what you're feeling. I

(36:54):
love that smile. What are you thinking right now?

Speaker 1 (36:56):
Happiness and beautifulness? O good, so happy and beautiful.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
So it's very simple because flirting can be with men
and women. Doesn't have to be totally sexual. It can be,
but it's just.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
Being still an eye contact and eye contact is so powerful.
And if you want to learn to flirt, just stop
and take the other person in and find what it
is you love about the other person. There's something sexy
about everybody. I don't care what they look like, got
that right, There's something sexy and you just go, you

(37:42):
know what, this is really sexy about you. This is
really hot and this is why, and just look at
them and take it in and that's that's flirting.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
That's flirting, you guys. Now, that's the true essence of
it because it's been labeled as negative m some on condescending.
There's a lot of negative flirting. Oh, she's such a
flirt or he's such a flirt. No, it doesn't have

(38:16):
to be negative. It could be very positive. You just
demonstrated that. Yeah, it's a beautiful compliment that you just gave,
just right there with no sexual connotation to it, because
oftentimes that's the only thing that people know. So that
was a good a good exercise that we all have

(38:40):
that in us if we awaken it.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
Right, and you can test it at Starbucks, you know,
if the girl is beautiful and you're like, hey, your
skin is just glowing.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
I mean it's I am one of those who feels
I need to empower their women whenever I can and
I see something I have to say, and if they're
they they're rocking in with their outfit, or if you know,
their herd in the gym and their body looks like
it or their face is done or something, I will
compliment them a random stranger on the street often actually,
and that's part of flirting too, making other people feel good.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
And having that and it's not and you know I
love it. You know, one of my favorite things is
a great smelling man. I mean, man that has a
great slow and I'll stop you in the track. I
mean I've been in the elevators where I'm just like
just drunk while you're wearing that. Man will be like,

(39:41):
oh my god, thank you, thank you. You know something
is that and I'm just like, whoa that smells wonderful?
Oh yeah, I love a great smelling man. I think
that is so sexy. Yeah, I would stop a man
in the tracks. And I think that's great. You know
that's that's a great eyeshadow that your your frames are gorgeous?

(40:03):
Now what is wrong with that? So you know it's
it's so thank you for that, because that's how you
can kind of awaken the dragon make yourself feel sexy.
What are some other ways that a woman can make
herself feel sexy? Again?

Speaker 2 (40:19):
Looking in the mirror, and just one thing I like
to say, what's your favorite part of your body?

Speaker 3 (40:26):
And why?

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Yeah, look in the mirror and appreciate because what we
see in the mirror is not what other people see.
But once you start appreciating your body and your curves
and the belly that carried that baby, and those thick,
strong legs that now is the trend.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
That was my thing.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
I hated my thick legs, and now it's a trend.
I'm like, all right, we're going with this. I loving it.
You know, this strong body that gives you the energy
and the strength to go and on every single day.
The shoulders, you know that are just peeking out of
that shirt.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
A little bit.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
Look at yourself in the mirror and just find something.
Trust me, there is something, many things that are beautiful
about you that you could quickly point out.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
But here's the deal. When a woman has gone through
bad relationships after bad relationship age, you know, as we're
going another trip around the sun, as we're not happy
with our weight, maybe not one hundred percent satisfy where
they are in their business career, and you know, wherever
they are maybe because they haven't found that true loved one.

(41:34):
It's our health issues. Okay, let's put in caretaking, let's
put in death to It is very challenging for women
to feel sexy again.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
So how many what person, let me ask you, do
you wish you were in your twenties again, absolutely not.
What percentage of people do you think we're wishing there
in their twenties again?

Speaker 1 (42:02):
They see it from a physical point to say, oh
my god, I wish I can look like I'm twenty again.
But I think that they're not really saying that they
want to be in the wisdom of a twenty year old,
but they think that they want to appear to look
like or to have the weight as a twenty year old.

Speaker 3 (42:16):
When you're in your twenties, did you feel like your
body wasn't good enough? Then?

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Absolutely?

Speaker 2 (42:22):
At what point are we going to stop criticizing ourselves?
Thank you, thank you, because that's been something we've done
for decades. At least, now we have our careers, we're
more established, we're a lot smarter.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
I hope we're a lot smarter. I'm pretty sure. I
mean the old Every decade I.

Speaker 2 (42:40):
Get older, I actually like it more and more and more,
and I feel like it gets better.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
I love it. And I would say that especially as
double Nichols. You know, you get into your fifties, some women,
if they're not ready for it, it's like almost they
want to go to a bridge and jump over it.
But really, starts at fifty y'all. I mean, you really
get into your sexual power and it's it's just great.
I love it. I wouldn't go back teas for anything.
So I love the way we talked about, the playfulness

(43:07):
we talked about, you know, how you can get back into,
you know, your sexiness, and it's a lot more that
goals with that. But the other thing that I really
want to talk about is that once you get, once
you find your mojo, how do you keep your mojo?
How does a woman keep her sexiness? How does a
woman keep herself looking sexy in those pjs like Megan

(43:29):
Good did and walked around that cloth, So you don't
think an those so that you don't ever lose it again.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
Investing yourself having boundaries one thing that I tell people
and I practice it myself. I don't buy my fat
clothes or keep my fat clothes.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
I don't have.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
Bummy sweats that don't make me feel good around the house.
I wear clothes around the house that are comfortable, but
I also feel comfortable going outside walking my dog in
those same clothes. If I don't feel good just alone
by myself or with my kid, I won't wear it.

Speaker 3 (44:02):
If it makes FEE look gross and I feel gross
in the house, I won't wear it. Because you can't
just only feel sexy when you're dulled up and ready
to go out.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Hello you tonight. Have to feel sexy in your lounge where.
And my clients know, Doug Gunnet. When they come into
me and they talk about that I'm looking old and
feeling old, I tell them, go get you some new
sexy loungewear. Go get you some people. Yeah, you know, whatever,
Just get you something that you can look sexy sitting.

Speaker 3 (44:30):
Sitting, and oh, I have a lot of great options.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
I even wear fragrance at night sometimes because I was like, oh,
I want to smell good right now, and it's just me.
But I love wearing it too because it just feels
good and smell good.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
And it can contwards your body. So when you when
your guy does come over and visit you, you're looking
good in your sexual lounge. Rip. Yeah, that plays a
big connection factor to the embodiment of you unleashing your sections.
Every I didn't need to go back and see that
making good and perpet gems, Oh.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
My gosh, so stunning.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
And also, you know, I was talking about walking around
in your erotic energy. And that's something I do a
lot in my practice.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Talk about that erotic journey. What exactly is the erotic journey?

Speaker 2 (45:13):
The erotic energy. So it's getting out of here and
thinking more from your body, feeling things in your body.
And sometimes I'll do some breath work and I'll focus
on my body and then I get myself turned on
a little bit. And then I walk around and think
about my erotic energy and it draws people in and

(45:35):
I go, oh, my gosh, this guy is does.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
He know what I'm thinking right now? Like we're at
the pet store?

Speaker 5 (45:42):
You know.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Energy, It is just walking around, being out of your
head and being in your body and just truly like
being turned on a little bit, just from different things
from flowers, from the air, the smell of the breeze,
the water, or anything just the rush of like the
city of working hard entrepreneurs, Like things can anything can

(46:08):
turn you on.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
It's just being your body and just noticing it and
just letting it.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
Had that happened walking around in a Barnes and Noble bookstore,
I mean you happen to be out you know about
or just you know, window shopping. I mean just out
and about into anywhere place, anywhere, I'm.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
Telling you, even the pet store, I was anywhere, best past,
just walking around and feeling your erotic energy and testing
it about. The more you do it's it's like practice.
The more you do it, the more naturally it comes.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
How do you test your erotic energy one more time?
How do you test it?

Speaker 3 (46:45):
So maybe before you leave the car or the house,
just take a few breaths and as you inhale, feel
it going down through your body and your entire body
down into your private areas on your legs and just
feel that breath mm hmm, and just let it focus there,

(47:07):
let it sit there.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
And that's where.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Your energy is coming from. So when you leave the
house or the car and you're walking around, still be
in your body and it's good. It's a whole different
type of mindfulness. I would say, if you guys practice mindfulness, I.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
Love what you just said is another type of mindfulness.
We think mindfulnesses is in this channel right. Well, we
never think about mindfulness in our sexuality or a sexual being. Yeah,
or are or as you say, exotic energy.

Speaker 3 (47:40):
Dash erotic energy. But yes, I'd like exotic erotic energy.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
I love that and you just and you just and
when you have this energy and you and you filtering
up into to your to your to your last chakra
here down to your foot chakra. You know, can your
partner whoever steps into your atmosphere all that energy as well.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
They feel something from you. It's it's you feel a
little more grounded, a little bit more secure and more confident.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
I mean, I did it but before we got on
this call. I do it before I do all my
coaching sessions. Anytime I talk to anybody in this space,
I get into my erotic energy.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
I love it. I love it. And so you could
get into your erotic energy at any time. You could.
You can you can kind of kind of muster it
in or or out of it. Yep, as they said,
that's a that's a form of mindfulness because we can
actually practice mindfulness in the grocery store, in the line
at the yes. Yeah, okay, So then therefore we can

(48:42):
oh my god, this is that's stop.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
Like I said, there's something sexy about everybody. So I'll
just walk around and I'll find something sexy about anybody.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Walking.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
It's a great experiment down in San Francisco with it
walking everybody you can find everywhere, you can find something
sexy about every person that walks Bay that is getting
into erotic energy.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
Too, something sexy about everyone. And you know what, let
me just say that. On that same mindset, I think
women who are in relationships we don't tell our partners
enough how sexy they are. And I think that's something
that needs to be said, communicated, exchanged and shared on
a regular, daily, weekly basis. Just how much you can

(49:23):
say how much you're can you appreciate someone and that
they do for you. Let your partner know your significant
hymn heard them or they how sexy they are to you?
M right, because then maybe you might not be yielding
one and getting compliments from other people.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
To say that men.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
Love hearing the physical compliments just as much as we do.
I mean, of course men love hearing. I love how
you provide for this family. But they want to know
that they're still sexy. It's that dad Bob turning people off.
They want to know that they still got it going on.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
Well, y'all, come on, ladies, did you hear that? Men
want to know too that they are still sexy? So
tell them In addition to appreciation and addition to taking
out the trash that they are sexy as well. And
on that note, talking about empowerment through intimacy before we
wrap this up, is how to embrace one's sexual desires
and confidence with greater empowerment. That's the whole thing women

(50:21):
in empowerment. You know when you started that out, you
know commanding, you could command the room when you can
tell your partner what you want and how it makes
you feel. So that same thing, how does that lead
to greater empowerment when we can embrace our sexual desires.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
It's it's amazing, it's transformative.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
And that's why kink and mediasm is so therapeutic because
what it does it just it's not just about sex.
In fact, it's much more psychological than anything, and we
need the emotional and the psychological sex way.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Before the physical to get to the point of climaxing.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
And that four place starts the minute you match with
the guys, exchange numbers and start texting any anything.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
That's when the four play starts. It is not in
the bedroom.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
And so sometimes you know, for my alpha women, if
you want to lead that conversation a little bit more
and ask the questions that turn you on. I always say,
make the text messages playful or the conversation is playful,
and wait for the deeper stuff in person.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
Don't get it all away. Have a little mystery to you.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
If they're asking a bunch of deep questions via text,
say oh, that's a great question. I'll definitely talk about
it more in person.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
Get that.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
When you get a great deep question on text, do
not give it all away. I love it. That's a
great question, that question.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
You're owning that conversation, your own your sexuality. You're not
giving everything away too soon and too easily. You're making
the other person work for it a little bit more.
And trust me, they appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
I love that. Love love love that. Yeah, you texters,
listen to what time.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
Is no paragraph after paragraph of the paragraph texting.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
No diddle dots please that that is an in person conversation.
And so, my god, Tony, this has been so great.
So we gotta get to this before we leave. Is
attachment styles? Hmmm about attachment styles that influence intimate relationships,
especially for women proneurs. Briefly, give us the short version.

(52:45):
What are attachment styles?

Speaker 3 (52:47):
Oh man, if there's a short version for those who
have not heard of any attachment styles.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
There's the securest style, there's the anxious, and there's the avoidance.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
There's also the disorganized.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
It's not totally that common, but they are therefore, and
secure attachment style is basically you can take a quiz
and find out real quick online, but you aren't threatened
by your parent one parent or the other leaving you
and not coming back or not being there for you.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
So you knew growing up you always could.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
Count on both parents in your lives, and so you'd
form this attachment style that's secure, it's very healthy, so
you approach relationships in a very healthy way. Then there's
the anxious, and that is when one person was probably
abandon you in your life or both abandon you, and

(53:40):
so you have the fear of abandonment. And so that's
when you text like crazy all day long when you're
dating somebody maybe a little bit too soon or they're
doing that to you. That's common for the attachment style
for both ways. This goes for men and women, and
it's that fear of abandonment. It comes in a play.

(54:00):
But also these attachment styles can affect you your job.
It's not just your relationship. So once you uncover a
little bit more about that, that can actually be fixed
and changed.

Speaker 3 (54:13):
Personality disorders more difficult, but attachment styles can actually be changed.
That's the good news. Yes, it's recognizing it and working
on it.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
I love that, and that is something that you help
your clients do.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
Oh absolutely, Oh an avoidant. The avoidant is the fear
of intimacy. So as soon as things get a little
bit close, that's when you kind of run. When men
kind of sort of the third date stop calling you,
or maybe after they've had sex with you the first time,
starting to get a little deep, they don't call you anymore,
so like they're they're next, They're they're on to the
next one.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
Well men or women, but not necessarily. That could have
just been a dude with an agenda too oka, or
maybe you just worth the one.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
Okay, he's just not.

Speaker 4 (54:59):
That into you or she's just not that into you
either way, right, But yeah, so when things get a
little bit close, or maybe it's the meet my parents
kind of a conversation.

Speaker 3 (55:12):
Oh way, I'm good, like I can't, all kinds of excuses,
just the fear of intimacy.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
So we have the abordance, we have the secure, we
have the anxious and what was the fourth one?

Speaker 3 (55:22):
The disorganized.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
It's like a combination of avoidant and anxious. It's not
as common, don't see it too much in my practice, right,
so that their fear of abandonment, abandonment and they're avoiding intimacy.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
And are you saying men and women are like are
either in one? Are these four works or a little
bit of all four? But they can be fixed.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
They can't be helped.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
Absolutely, it's just recognizing it and then working towards it.

Speaker 3 (55:51):
It's good.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
And how do you know when you're fixed? When you're
no longer in one?

Speaker 2 (55:55):
You're approaching relationships in a healthy way, or even even
if it's work relationships. The healthy means you're not having
the fear of abandonment. If they don't text you all
day long, it's okay. We are all busy and we
have busy lives. They still love you, they still are
thinking about you.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
What a great end on the freeway of landing this
whole topic. When you approach relationships in a healthier way,
it's so beautiful because we must learn what does it
look like to have a healthy relationship.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
And talking boundaries, respecting boundaries and communication, all of those
things and.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Take us home, Take us home, Tanya, with setting boundaries,
why is that a common challenge setting boundaries.

Speaker 3 (56:48):
For women especially, Yes, because we were always told we were.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Supposed to do this and this and this, and we
were and unfortunately it's the society issue. And if we're
loud and we're saying no, this is what I want,
we're looked as feminists.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
Or you know, you just want to be you're a man.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
Hater, or you're you're not being you know, a real woman,
A real woman wouldn't do.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
That right, right, right, So again, I think it's finding
your voice, you know, knowing what makes you sexy, knowing
what turns you on, and to be able to communicate
you know all that what you were talking about when
you talk about that, that erotic kind of energy, and
that lands us to this beautiful last question that I

(57:39):
have with you is what advice do you give women
entpreneurs for establishing healthy boundaries business? And let's take it
home in an intimate relationships.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
It's gonna get a little bit deep, but addressing trauma
is a big one. A lot of people have trauma,
and trauma can be many layers. It could be getting
fired from a job, and it could be violation of
your rights when you were little and you had no voice.
And it's addressing the trauma, dress the trauma, confronting it

(58:15):
and seeing help. And if it's sexually related and your
therapist isn't really helping you with that, the second Intimacity
coach can really help you with some of the trauma,
bringing it into sex and why trauma has formed into
a really fun, exciting kink but people are ashamed about it,
and why I'm here to celebrate it.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (58:37):
So it's a lot of that. It's addressing the hang
ups and coming to terms with what really is holding
you back.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
So I love you said, celebrate the kinks and press
the hang ups ups. Okay, oh my god, this is good.
This is good.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
I know some people are so ashamed about their kinks
and I love them.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
I love them, we celebrate them.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Wow. Wow wow wow, that is good. You guys got
to do the replay on this on this podcast. It's
going to be so good. Are there any other information
you would like to share give womenpreneurs for establishing healthy
boundaries both in business and in intimate relationships. That will
help them to find their inner power. Yes, take your

(59:28):
time and do you You don't need you don't need noise.
Distraction dates people all the time. When you're comfortable in
your skin, and it takes work.

Speaker 3 (59:43):
It's not easy. It isn't easy.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Yes, it don't take some time if you're not there,
but put in that time into yourself. And you know
what I always say, and this is a challenge for
a lot of people. Go to a bar or a
restaurant and feed yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
That's right.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
Sit there and order a meal and be comfortable by yourself,
all alone, and don't be on your phone the entire time.

Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
But take it in, take the atmosphere in.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
Yes, and treat yourself to a nice glass of wine
or a coffee or something, and some dinner, and give
yourself the kind of treatment that you would give a
very fancy guest in your home. That's a good way
to start, is just being comfortable in your own skin
and being out and about in being comfortable being seen

(01:00:36):
alone and it's actually fun. Some of the most exciting
times I've had has been just sitting at the boar
by myself, like eating dinner and having the most fascinating
conversations with people.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
That is just so powerful when a woman can be
at a table in a beautiful restaurant enjoying your mocktail
or tea or cocktail, nice meal, paleo green salad by
the way, and just and embellish this whole energy. I mean,
it's it's like people. You know, I've been there. I

(01:01:10):
do it a lot. I love it. I love them around.
I'm around people all the time, so I like being
by myself to to go have a meal. But you know,
when you when you're into that, people are drawn to you,
people come up to you. It's like this is it
erotic energy? I mean it's just like this, this this
energy that's within you that people see it and they

(01:01:34):
want more of it. But they don't know what it is,
but they'll come up to you. Hello, how are you?
I tell women all the time, you want to meet people,
or you want to instill your confidence, go sit somewhere
at dinner, yes, and and bebellish the atmosphere. Just be
by yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Wow. So Tanya, thank you addressing traumas and and and
being able to confront it and and and celebrate your
kinks and address your hang ups and being able to
communicate what those hang ups are and take the time
to do you interpersonal development in yourself, invest in yourself,

(01:02:14):
feel confidence, being in your own skin so that you
can walk in those pajamas when you at a club.
But those things that Mss Dognya has shared that I've
loved when we talk about setting boundaries, the advice that
she's giving women preneurs for establishing healthy boundaries both in
business and in intimate relationships. But we got more, one more,

(01:02:38):
but we got to come back for that. That's also
in the bedroom from the boardroom, and we go to
the bedroom to balance that out. Y'all enough on this
podcast right here, so you're gonna have to come back
to part two so we could talk about the bedroom.

(01:02:59):
That work. It's undefiled, and we really got to talk
about that, Miss Tanya. It has been a pleasure. I
know we have taken up enough of your time. Can
you let us know, let the audience know, how do
people get in contact with you?

Speaker 3 (01:03:10):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Yes, my website so Coaching with Tanya dot com and
it's spelled Ta ni A and then you can reach
out via email or my phone numbers on there if
you want to have free consultation. We could definitely do
that or virtual session. I'm happy to offer that unless
you're in the Bay Area. I have my office out
here too.

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
Tanya has been a pleasure. I'm so excited that you
offer a consultation, a complimentary consultation that is wonderful. You
can find her at coach with Tanya. That is och
ochan with that is spelled t A n I a
dot com and she's also on Instagram and she's actually, uh,

(01:03:50):
she's redesigning and rebranding her Instagram. We're so excited about that,
so you can also reach her on Instagram as well.

Speaker 3 (01:03:58):
Definitely, miss Tianya.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
It has it's been a pleasure. Is there anything else
that you would like to add before we sign off?

Speaker 3 (01:04:05):
Yes, this all this takes bravery, and anybody that's willing
to go on this journey is a brave person. And
I know it's not.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Easy, and I commend people who do work on themselves
and they do approach and attack what it is that's
really holding them back, and especially the trauma. It takes
a lot of bravery, but it's so worth it to
have this fulfilling life that we all deserve and we're

(01:04:35):
all here to help. Everybody is here to support, especially
women for other women. We all just want to lift
each other up.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
So that is beautiful. So thank you Tanya for being
on a show. I am Evans, I am your host
on Inspired Conversations. Make sure that you actually get connected
with us, subscribe to our podcast. We're on Instagram, We're
all of them major platforms, and I'm so excited and
miss Tanya. We definitely going to have you back on

(01:05:05):
Think Part too.

Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
I'll bring the website chains for that one too, so
much and.

Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
It has been definitely a pleasure. Thank you very much
for me.

Speaker 3 (01:05:17):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:21):
All right, you guys, I have positive recording here, come
back to thank you for watching. We were actually showcasing
a live podcast to follow me on Inspired Conversations. It
also is in my biolink. This actually show is going
to be shown live. You'd be able to see the
whole footage probably by tomorrow. Come on back. So thank

(01:05:45):
you very much. It's been a live plan pleasure. I
wanted to try something new. You actually saw me on
my side and you see my green screen in the back.
Take me my podcast show. And if you are looking
to create your podcast show, you could purchase my course
because I give you a step by step instruction on
how to do that. All right, you guys, by for now.
I have to finish up with my guest here, Miss Tanya,

(01:06:08):
bye for now. Okay. So we actually did that and
there were people watching.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
Oh I was gonna ask you, Okay, yes.

Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
There were people watching this. So I'm so excited. I
am so so excited. Share and then I'm gonna put
you as a contributor on here, and it's also going
to go to Facebook as a matter of fact. So yeah,
we were rocking and rolling. We're we're rocking and rolling.

Speaker 3 (01:06:40):
It's yay, it's on.

Speaker 1 (01:06:42):
It's on and popping. So I have it on here.
What I can do is let it pause a little bit,
or we could quickly stop it and come back. So
what did you What did you like about what we
what we hit on on on on the questions on
the topics.

Speaker 3 (01:07:03):
It's so your majority of your listeners, they're all working.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
Women, they're professional women and men professional, but they're entrepreneurs.
So my podcast is geared toward women entrepreneurs, and we
talk about beauty, health, wellness, and global travel for the
woman entrepreneur on the move. Good.

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
Okay, So yeah, I love them bringing the sexiness to
the workforce. I mean it's people feel like they have
to separate it. They have to be looked at, taken seriously.
I've been in the corporate world for many years, so
it's the take me seriously, don't look at me sexy,
because I'm gonna be just as good as that man

(01:07:51):
next to me, and I'm gonna work my way up
and not be sexualized. But it's okay to be seen
as sexy without being seen as a piece of ass
is gonna sleep away at the top. There's a huge difference. Yeah,
so I do like that thought was incorporated.

Speaker 1 (01:08:11):
So I like that being seen at sexy. And what
does that mean? Because people think low cleavage and their men.
I even hear this from my my what my sweeties.
Sometimes he says men look at women when the v
cut is too low. It's called the mal gaze. So
when the male eyes are down here, he's not looking

(01:08:32):
at your intelligence or looking what he's saying. He's looking
at this right here. And so there are schools of
thought that women should not have as open down here,
so that you could cut off the mal gaze. And
it's like, you know, a woman can't help her anatomy
if her boobs are big.

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
I don't believe in that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:48):
I'm very open a cleavage out there and still be
giving a speech and taken seriously and being And I
used to cover my sexuality. My family told me that's
too sexy. I'm like, brouh, this is the way I
was shaped. Like, what am I supposed to do about that?
I'm not gonna work turtlenecks. Sorry, it's hot, you know,
and I want to feel sexy. And if it makes
other people uncomfortable, I don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 (01:09:11):
And so what if you're dating somewhat and sometimes you
don't know that until the to the year and to
the dating or six months and when you get married.
And I've heard this before too, they'll say, I don't
like you dressing like that, you know. So to me,
I think it's the intimidation of the man. It's coming
from the man. Now you want to tell me how
to dress? That's the red flags are there? The red

(01:09:32):
flags are there? Those jealousy red flags are there? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:09:36):
Yeah, And there's no He's green amazing, and then surprise,
all of a sudden, he's got this whole crazy side
to him. And are you your Christian background as well?
Are your reader your readers our listeners are also Christian
or a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
Of them are faith based, and some of them is
just like, hey, I just do me.

Speaker 3 (01:09:56):
So it's insituitive.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
So you're one.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
I work with people a lot, and off the clock
is working with intuition. And so for me, intuition is
God talking to me, right, That's what my intuition is.
And so people that aren't religious or not believers or whatever,
it's just reading the sign because your body is gonna
tell you. So if that man all of a sudden
is jealous six months down the road, there is something
you ignored. There was a little bit that God said,

(01:10:24):
pay attention to this, or slow down here, or this
seems a little off.

Speaker 1 (01:10:28):
Right, right, So the people are beating in the beginning,
you know, it just didn't They didn't just happen like that.
And I tell women all the time, I'm like, watch
those signs. Watch them. I mean, you got to put
two and two together. And I love what you say.
It's okay to be sick, it's okay to be sexy.
But I think that's really important in defining it's okay

(01:10:50):
to be seen and sexy, and how to be sexy
in the workforce and how to be taking seriously with that.
And it's the same thing in a network meeting too.
We have a little bit a lot more more lineage
beverage on how we can dress right because no one
is telling us that, but we still need to be
taking seriously. I always tell my clients make impact, especially

(01:11:12):
with your color. Make impact of a color that looks
good on you. You make impact with a color that
looks on you. You command the room, just like Megan Gordon.
Then you can do whatever and wear whatever you want right.

Speaker 3 (01:11:24):
You're smart, you can keep a conversation going, you could
lead a team, you can make your presentation. You got
double D boobs. You can't hide that, sorry, Like there's
no hiding at So whatever you.

Speaker 2 (01:11:34):
Wear all the way covered, people are still gonna look
at your boobs and be like, oh, those are some
big old boobies. It's not gonna be They're not gonna
not notice it because there's no cleavage.

Speaker 3 (01:11:43):
It's how you carry yourself to your intelligence.

Speaker 1 (01:11:47):
So for the last say, next five minutes, which one
would you rather? Because I can continue and put the pause,
I can start recording, pause, recording. I believe I could
start this recording back and I could cut it up.
I'm go an deposit so that I could cut it.
Sexiness in the workforce, how to be seen as sexy

(01:12:08):
or let's take it to the bedroom.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
Bedroom. More women have issues with climaxing. A lot of
women don't even think the G spot exists. They the
ability for a women to have a multi orgasm is there,
it's just they don't believe it because they can't reach that.
And some women a lot of women don't even pleasure

(01:12:32):
themselves or never have.

Speaker 1 (01:12:34):
Okay, so let's do that. So we'll do that. We'll
spend like five more minutes, if you got five more minutes,
so then we'll talk about I'm gonna go back into
it and let's go in how to be sexy in
the bedroom. All right, this is Kim Evans and we're
back with Tanya here and we are talking about and

(01:12:54):
Tanya as a sex and intimacy coach, and we wanted
to spend the last few minutes women, pineurs, ladies, We're
going to talk about real quickly here how to be
sexy in the bedroom, how to find your pleasure. How
to find your power in the bedroom? Okay, miss time,

(01:13:15):
take it away your sexiness in the bedroom, because most
women quite as kept, don't even know if they're having
a climax or even how to have it, or even
define what it is. Where would you like the.

Speaker 3 (01:13:28):
Story, Well, how to see here's a good example.

Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
As soon as you start talking about sexy, got a
little quieter, right, We get a little quieter because we're
told not to be loud about it, that it's hush hush,
keep it in the bedroom, don't talk about it. It's
very natural. So as soon as your voice got quieter,
it's the taboo, you realize it's the taboo.

Speaker 3 (01:13:52):
So understanding it's.

Speaker 2 (01:13:54):
Not taboo to have sex. It's been happening since the
beginning of time. That's not a taboo to have pleasure.
We have pleasure zones for a reason, so not seeing
it as something secretive or shameful is step one.

Speaker 3 (01:14:11):
It's hard, we're conditioned a certain way, but understanding that
it's completely healthy and normal and it's your right to
feel good.

Speaker 1 (01:14:22):
M I love it. It is your right to feel good.
So Tanya, take us real quick to short version. How
do you help women your clients define and feel or
have there to make them feel. It is their right,
m it is their right to feel good.

Speaker 3 (01:14:42):
Absolutely so definitely.

Speaker 2 (01:14:44):
The embodiment exercises that we do, the erotic energy is
one of the things I bring in almost daily to
everybody in the practice. Just thinking about it, getting out
of your head and feeling your body. Then start figuring
out what feels good on your body. Different little ways
of touching your body is one way, whether it's a

(01:15:05):
firm grip, finger fingers only or palm actually feels good
too a lot of the time, or just be gentle
and just rub different parts of your body. And some
people go, oh my gosh, I never realized that that
spot behind my ears kind of feels good, or that
spot on my collarbone it makes me feel sexy because

(01:15:26):
it sticks out of my shirts and people notice it.
And it's the little the little bare skin right before this.

Speaker 3 (01:15:34):
Area right start touching. I have people that get the climax.

Speaker 2 (01:15:40):
Just from someone touching their thighs. I mean it is
just all your entire body. Just feel what feels good
and start discovering things in different ways of touching yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:15:51):
I love it. Discover different ways of touching yourself. I
love that. Now we have to clear this area. We've
got to come over to this other side, just for
sixty seconds.

Speaker 3 (01:16:05):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:16:06):
Oftentimes you said very in part one that you have
to deal with the traumas. Yeah, women have hidden traumas.
Maybe that might be molestation, sexual and maybe it might
seen rape or whatever hidden that they have not addressed
all of it or have not uncovered the last leg.
So then there's a disconnect mm hmm that's still there

(01:16:29):
that it brings them back to a place or whatnot.
So I know you're not a therapist, buts that come
to you, you probably can identify if that might be.
So speak to that if you see that as an
interference that's causing people to want to go further because
of that experience that they.

Speaker 2 (01:16:51):
Yeah, a lot of times and total trigger warning too.
So I want of people to be aware that this
could make them feel a certain way to be prepared.
But a lot of times they don't realize that the
pain in the blockage they're having is from trauma because
they've just shut it down so far that they're like, no,

(01:17:12):
I'm not even thinking about it. Yes, but as we've
learned recently, body keeps a score, right, So for those
that don't know, your body holds on to trauma at
a memory, yes, yes, yes, I mean I had a
friend call me and she's like, I'm so pissed off
at my husband and every time I always get pissed

(01:17:35):
off at him for some reason. In September and I said,
that's the month he cheated on you, like five years ago.

Speaker 3 (01:17:40):
And she goes, oh my god, that's right. She's no idea.

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
And I was like, that's when he cheated. Your body
just knows. And it's so crazy to think about why.
You just went there, You went totally there. Yeah, you
read it, Oh right there, that's why. And she's like,
oh September. I was like, September, that's when it went
all that shit, you know. So it was the body
holds on, whether you think about it up here or not.

(01:18:07):
So it's learning how to release it in your body.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
And how do we release it, Tanya. How getting in.

Speaker 2 (01:18:13):
Your body and start feeling feeling it, start feeling your
entire body, feel what makes you feel good and being
open and accepting to what makes you feel good. And
it takes a lot of work too. And if there's
some deep trauma that's definitely needing to go to a
psychologist or somebody talk about it in addition to.

Speaker 3 (01:18:31):
Getting into your body and feeling good about sex too.

Speaker 2 (01:18:33):
So I actually work. I pair up with other therapists
so they can work on the deeper trauma. But some
people's trauma have led them to even better sex. So
some people have had some trauma and then kinks that
come from that trauma, and they go, I don't know
why I'm having this kink because it happened to me

(01:18:53):
in my past, and for some reason, I'm fantasizing about it.
And I said, well, you're fantasizing about it because you
want control of it. So once you replay it, especially
in your head, you're controlling the outcome. Yeah, And it's
become a kink and you want to act with somebody
you that's safe, that you trust and control the outcome,

(01:19:16):
and it's actually very healing. And some people are so
ashamed about it and they feel, why would I, why.

Speaker 3 (01:19:23):
Would I think about this? Why would this turn me on?

Speaker 2 (01:19:25):
This hurt me in the past, But it's actually very healing.
Once you start that's laying out that fantasy.

Speaker 1 (01:19:33):
It's good Tanya, that's really good.

Speaker 3 (01:19:35):
It's deep.

Speaker 1 (01:19:36):
But I have to repeat that. Y'all just have to
press play and repeat it. She says some things. So
I will ask this last question. How do you become
that vixen in the bedroom? How does the woman panure
go through boss and being that irresistible vixen to her
mate to where Oh my god, he can't wait till
you get home and get in bed with you.

Speaker 2 (01:19:55):
Because you know what you want and you told them
what you want you. I told your partner this is
what I need to.

Speaker 3 (01:20:02):
Get me off. Are you going to be ready for it?
I need this much time. When you get home.

Speaker 2 (01:20:09):
I want you to first look at me, undress me,
and just stare at me and tell me what you
like about my body and just take it all in
before you even touch me. Then I want you to
start caressing me in the areas that you discovered when
you were.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
Doing this exercise.

Speaker 2 (01:20:28):
I'll want you to start touching me there and this
is the firmness of your grip is where I want.
And you just start learning what turns you on be
way before penetration. You learn about what's going to make
you orgasm. And trust me, that man's going to listen
to you, or that partner is going to listen.

Speaker 1 (01:20:48):
To you now because he wants something.

Speaker 3 (01:20:51):
Yes, turning you on turns someone.

Speaker 2 (01:20:54):
Exactly, he's going to listen to you, he or she, Yeah, exactly,
any type of relationship dynamic.

Speaker 3 (01:20:59):
But yes, they want to please you, and they're pleased
by pleasing you.

Speaker 1 (01:21:03):
And and you said something that's more important that what
you just said. That's amazing that you're that's power, that's
that's that power. So again, what you're describing is for play.
That's four play.

Speaker 3 (01:21:15):
Mm hmmm, sense, mm hmm, fourplay.

Speaker 2 (01:21:18):
Could even be your husband is wearing that fragrance that
you bought him because it turns you on every time
you smell him. So he's leaving for work in the
morning and he's wearing that fragrance and you're like, oh,
I can't wait.

Speaker 3 (01:21:31):
Till he gets home.

Speaker 2 (01:21:32):
And you got eight or nine hours of for play
right there because you're talking to him and you're like,
I'm gonna make this man a nice meal. I'm gonna
feed him, make him happy, and then we're.

Speaker 1 (01:21:44):
Going translated in the kitchen with the light with a
nice meal. Because men sometimes just go nuts when they
say I don't know, maybe because women don't do it
enough when they see a woman cooking in the kitchen
and I don't know, maybe it's bringing memories back when
they was a kid. I don't know, but it's something
about the savory smell of a home cooked meal in
the kitchen turns men on being taken care of. That's

(01:22:05):
it is being taken okay translate translation being taken care of? Amazing? Well, Tanya,
we could just talk all night long. This is just hazing.
Is there any last remarks you would like to share
about how to be sexy from your business to the

(01:22:29):
bedroom and how to find pleasure for that woman Panour.

Speaker 2 (01:22:35):
It's all in your control. It's up to you to
feel sexy. It's up to you that who gets off
your partner isn't gonna get you off without you knowing
what gets you off. So it is all you. It's
up to you to translate that, so free to discover
what turns you on and what gets you off will
then turn into the hottest sex of your life with

(01:22:58):
your partner or partners.

Speaker 1 (01:23:00):
H that is so beautiful, very well said myself. That
was very well said. Thank you, Thank you again for
being on inspired conversations and we look so forward to
having you come back on again for our guest, and
thank you so much, and much success to you and

(01:23:20):
your business.

Speaker 3 (01:23:21):
Thank you you too, I appreciate you. Thank you everybody,

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