Eps #93 Welcome, Jerry Marrs Transition & Communications Coach to Inspired Conversations with Kim Evans.

Eps #93: Welcome Jerry Marrs Transition & Communication Coach.

Topic: Using Positive Self-Talk and Meditation to Recreate Your World!

About Jerry Marrs: Website: http://www.jeraldmarrs.com

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, welcome everybody. Welcome to Inspire Conversations with Kim Evans.
And I'm so excited to have a beautiful guest on today.
And his name is Jerry Mars and Jerry is a
transition and communication coach located in San Ramon, California. Jerry,

(00:22):
welcome to Inspire Conversations with him.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Evans, thank you so much. I'm very very happy to
be here. I think you're fabulous and can't wait to
see where this goes.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
I know I'm so excited too, so as you all know,
I am so excited. I love to always start my
and open up my podcast with just a simple blessing.
And I hope that's okay with you. Jerry, Is that okay?

Speaker 2 (00:47):
That is fine?

Speaker 1 (00:48):
So what I'd like to always do, y'all know my model.
I'm Kim Evans. I am a business coach and a
holistic wellness educator. I'm the owner to Gorgeous Integrated Health
and Wellness. So what I would love to always do
is to open it up to the airways, the atmospheres,
and y'all know I want to send this podcast. First
of all, I want to invite the Divine God into
here because I really want God to be in control

(01:11):
of this atmosphere and also the words that are going
forth in this podcast as far as the east, as
far as the west, as far as the north, and
as far as the south. Anyone who is listening to this,
please share it out. May you be transformed, may you
be edified, May you be motivated to some of the

(01:32):
words that Jerry is going to share or maybe I
am going to share, and may that make a positive
impartation in your life. Yes, and we're just so glad
that God is here and Jerry we want to just
thank him for his time in being able to share
his expertise and his experience and his knowledge. But what

(01:53):
we're going to talk about today, So welcome and thank
you Jerry to the podcast show.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
My pleasure, so happy to be here.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
So what I would like to do, if it's okay,
I want to start with sharing your bio okay. So.
Jerry is a transition and communication coach located in San Ramone,
where he teaches positive communication and self development skills to
individuals and organizations to help them overcome adversity and to

(02:27):
achieve personal and financial success. And we always want more
financial success, correct, Jerry has a very diverse background. He's
retired from the US Air Force, where he served as
an airborne Vietnamese linguist, and is a graduate of UC Berkeley.
This is where we connect it because I'm a UC

(02:49):
Berkeley graduate too, and we love to be connected with you.
See Berkeley alumnis, I love it and attended law school
at University of Colorado School of Law in Bold. In
addition to his military and legal background, Jerry has worked
as a federal investigator, mortgage fraud investigator, and variety of

(03:10):
capacities in large insurance industries. And this is another This
is another area to me and Jerry connected because I'm
actually an ex insurance agent too, So our conversations have
been very, very very good. Throughout his career, Jerry has
used his powerful communications and listening skills to help others,

(03:31):
which makes him the best transition coach. Since retiring from
his law firm, Jerry has focused and his talents on
teaching others these same skills so that they too may
find success in their personal and professional lives. Everybody Warm, Welcome,
Audio and visual Jerry, Transition and communication Coach. Two inspired conversations, Jerry.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Welcome, Thank you, Thank you.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
So I have some beautiful questions for you, But where
I would love to start if it's okay with you.
You have such a well versed bio. I want to ask.
You've had a very impressive career, spanning roles from USAF linguist, investigator,
mediator and attorney. An attorney turn business coach. That's epic.

(04:26):
How have these diverse experiences shaped your approach as a
coach today?

Speaker 2 (04:40):
These experiences from a professional capacity have given me the
opportunity to learn and see a variety of different situations
that I can relate, to talk about and learn help
solw somebody learn to move past the bigger piece honestly

(05:06):
on the transition is I also help people through difficult
times of life as divorce, suicide of a loved one,
serious health issues. And I do that because those are
all things that I've lived through as well. And so
I am teaching and sharing lessons that I learned to

(05:28):
overcome the difficulties and the challenges that I've experienced in
life so that I can make a difference and make
the world a little better place.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
I love it. So, how do you incorporate conflicts resolution
techniques into your communication coaching? You know, one of the
things is when we go through marriages. I've had a divorce,
you're on your second marriage, and it's interesting how no
one teaches us conflict resolution. And if we could learn

(05:59):
some little skill sets, I think it would save a
lot of divorce. So how do you incorporate conflict resolution
techniques into your communication style as a coach?

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Well, specifically for couples. But I teach is a needless relationship.
And what I mean by that is expectations are usually
what drive need. So if my wife says I really
need you to help with the dishes, that's not true.
She's completely physically capable of doing the dishes. What she

(06:32):
wants is to feel as though I appreciate her and
I'm helping her in what she's trying to do. But
if somebody comes at you with an expectation like that
and you don't understand the expectation, you fail. So what
I teach is marriage and relationships through agreement, get rid
of the expectations. If you get rid of the expectations,

(06:54):
you pretty much get rid of the conflicts. Then you
reach agreements. And if you can't reach an agreement, you
start making choices about whether or not you move on
or you stay, or how you resolve it. But it's
all about agreements, how you treat each other, what you
do together when you're with each other, your rolls outside

(07:14):
of the marriage, and you have those agreements to live
by and that way, expectation goes out the door. Assumptions
go out to the door.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Oh I love it, Jerry, this is good. Oh man,
we're starting to something we started in fire right here. Oh,
we cook it with grief, as we say in the South.
So this is interesting. So how do first of all,
how do you set the agreement or create the agreement?
And two how do you enforce the agreement?

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Well, you set the agreement by stating a a need.
Now I said previously, I want to see a needless marriage.
Quite honestly, what we frequently find on as needs are
not actual needs. They go back to this need to
feel appreciated or loved or thought of or cared for,

(08:08):
which is meaningless. So sitting down talking through what you
would like in your life. This is what I need
in my life, This is what I want my life
to look like. This is the person I want in
my life, This is how I want to treat each other.

(08:29):
This is how I want to listen to each other.
This is how I want to talk to each other.
And it's about respect and caring and listening and loving
no matter what, I love that.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
So then the other side of it is how do
you enforce it? Because sometimes people may have selective ve anesia,
they may forget, or they just might be crossing a boundary.
So how do you enforce that what your love belove it,
or make to enforce the agreement?

Speaker 2 (09:04):
It depends on the agreement, right, So if it's an
agreement that I'll do the dishes every Tuesday, and Tuesday
comes and I haven't done the dishes, she can say, hey,
you agreed you would do the dishes, and agreements, it's
kind of a cono mediation. When everybody participates in creating
the agreement, you're much more likely to follow it. If

(09:27):
the agreement was my wife says, Jerry, you're doing the
dishes every Tuesday night, and I'm like, yes, ma'am, that's
not an agreement. That's me caving in. An agreement is
these are the chores that need to be done. When
would you like to do this chour? And would you
like to do that chore? And if I've agreed to
do it, I'm just more likely to do it. Now.
The bigger the agreement, the bigger the ramifications of somebody

(09:52):
doesn't follow it. And it could be that you've agreed
that those repercussions. You've agreed that. Well, very simply, some
agreements have to be made and it's not kept. You
don't stay married.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
You don't stay I love it, and that's probably why
we have as many divorces. I love it, Jerry, this
is great. I love your pillars. Your pillars redefining your
story of who you are, finding your strengths, passion and
purpose and to create a future that determines and that

(10:32):
is self directed by you. Those are your pillars. I
love it. So my question to you is your coaching
focuses on helping individuals to recreate their lives and to
restore their voices. So can you share what led you
to this journey of transition and at being at communication coach? Oh?

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Absolutely, so the shorts, Okay, I'll keep it to thirty minutes. Actually,
my brother was working with a coach.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
He's an orthopedic surgeon out of South Dakota. Brilliant, brilliant, man,
and I saw the impact that coaching was having on him.
And he'd been asking me to attend a course that
a gentleman named Brandon Craig puts on through on the course,
a great powerful course. And the distinction that's created there

(11:32):
is between the human and the being. The human is
the physical response, the amygdala, you know, the scared the running,
the fight, the flight, all those things that we really
don't need in our society today for the most part,

(11:52):
versus the being, which is who you choose to be,
the words you choose to use, choose to use love,
choosing to be love, choosing to treat people with respect
and expect and respect other people's truths. Because the world

(12:16):
that we live in, the world that I live in
is the world that I create through my thoughts, my words,
my beliefs, the voices in my head from people in
my past. But I can choose what world I'm living in.
I can choose what I'm seeing, and I can I
quite honestly, choose a beautiful, magnificent world to live in

(12:40):
because that's my choice.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
I love it. I love it. And on that note,
how does it what does it mean to redefine your story?
So let's stay with that. So can you share some
insights on how people can begin to shift their internal narratives.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Oh? Absolutely. So there's a a coach out there, Steve Hartisan,
and he teaches people how to use a document. The
document is a written out statement of who you are,
not necessarily who you are today, but who you want
to become. And I use a similar thing in a

(13:20):
two get people to redefine themselves. So the bottom line
is language is the most powerful tool and the most
destructive tool that we have.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
It's interesting it said powerful and destructive at the same time.
God says that that life is in the power of
the tongue. Life. That's what it is, a life in God.
This is God's word life and death is in the
power of the tongue. Oh, come on, Jerry, this is good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
The first thing God created was the word, and the
word is got So the word is what creates. And
so you start talking to yourself literally out loud, redefining
who you are. And I've seen clients go from anxiety,

(14:09):
written shaping and crying and very upset in a session
to absolutely joyful over a period of months. When they
redefine their life. They redefine how they're seeing themselves. They
redefine their strength, and so the story. We all have
lots of voices in our head from our past that

(14:31):
tell us we're good enough or not good enough, or
ugly or fat or stupid. We have these voices, and
what we do is we work to distinguish the voice
that's from somebody else, which is the voice that you
were creat versus the voice you are created to be,
the God created being that you are. Because I have
this very very firm belief that I am part of God.

(14:55):
You are part of God. God God created everything there.
And if we can tap into that core of who
we are before we were manipulated by society and parents
and friends and family and TV and gives Yeah. I
mean it's very simple. I mean the manipulation occurs daily

(15:17):
when you're watching TV. Look at a commercial and don't
think about the commercial, just focus purely on the emotion
that it's creating in you.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
They prey on us constantly and we don't even realize
you're being preyed on. So get in control of that
narrative in your head, repeating it every day, twice a
day more if you need to changes your world. It
completely changed mine. Three or four simple statements completely change

(15:50):
my life.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
What's one statement you would like to share?

Speaker 2 (15:54):
I control me, I control no other and no other
controls me.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
Oh oh, say that one more time, Jerry. I like
that I control me.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
I control me, I control no other and no other
controls me. That like, very very simply has made driving
the most joyful thing because I'm in control of my emotions.
I don't control anybody else. If they want to cut
me off, then cut me off. It's not my job
to boston, least them, fix them, get mad at them.

(16:27):
It's my job to love and forgive them. And if
I let somebody make me angry by the way they're driving,
I'm giving them control over me.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
I control me, I control no other and no other
controls me. How is that difference from a spouse, significant,
or beloved giving you a command to do something and
you don't want to do it.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Well, they don't exist in my life.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
Wooh, say it one more time, Jerry.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
They don't exist in my life because we make agreements.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
We make agreements, we don't make commands. Right, you control
other people.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
A command assumes that somebody is inferior to another and
somebody has the right to give a command. And that's
not what a marriage is. That's not what a partnership is.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yeah, let's break it down to partnerships because it may
be single individuals that are married, but their partnerships or
they're growing to that level of marriage. I love it.
I control me, Oh, I have no control over anybody
else and no other Oh, my dear, that's good. I
hope one day you write a book on that alone.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
I am working on it.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
Man, this is good. So how do you help your
clients identify their strengths, their passion, and their purpose.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
We really focus first on loving themselves, for giving themselves,
accepting themselves, because the purpose that somebody is seeking, they're
seeking in order to give them self meaning, give them
self purpose or to look good for others or whatever

(18:03):
it might be. And none of that matters. What matters
most is who you are, who you are beginning and
so you are becoming who you are becoming, absolutely becoming.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, that's the journey. The journey is who are you becoming?

Speaker 2 (18:21):
Exactly who? And what's great is like, no matter who
I'm working with, whatever level, whether it's an executive or
a college kid, The neat thing about defining who you
are and being that person is you're that person no
matter what, no matter what role you're in, no matter
where you're at, you are the same person. You're not

(18:45):
influenced by the power, you're not influenced by the fear,
you're not influenced by the peers. You just be you. Period.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
H I love it. This is good, Jerry. Communication plays
a vital role in your coaching practice. What are some
of the key communication strategies that you teach your clients
if you would like to share one or two.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Well, yeah, so I teach a communication model called SPARK.
Spark stands for shared Vision.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Excuse me for one second if I don't know, but
that's where I met Jerry at actually Serramone. It was
a Chamber of Commerce, and he was teaching his lecture
on Spark and he had a room full of people
that had sat in on his pillar Spark and I
thought it was so interesting, and I saw the sign

(19:42):
and he had just ended, and I was going to
go and sit in, and then I got his information
on the spark and I read it and it's like,
this is freaking incredible, And I said, you know what,
you're going to be a guest on my podcast show,
and I want you to share this spark. So that's
how me and Jerry really got into connection of meaning.
So share the spark, share that Jerry.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Okay, So that s is a shared vision or shared
conversational to me, you're in agreement about what you're creating
or what you're talking about. The p is being present.
So often we're in the past, we're in the future.
We're thinking about what somebody is going to say. We're
interpreting what they're going to say, as opposed to just

(20:23):
being right here, right now, solely listening to their words
and hearing them right a make agreements, give up on expectations,
just period uh ours for respect And this is a
huge one, especially in the workplace, because honestly, the most

(20:48):
important time to be respectful without employee is when they've
made a mistake because they're scared, they're upset, they feel bad,
and if you can treat them with respect and work
to find a solution that can go forward in the future,
that can make a big difference in your business or

(21:11):
your organization. And then the K is knowledge. So there's
a book out there. Experiments never fail and basically what
it says is no matter what you've done in your life,
whether it was good or bad, went right, went wrong,
you've learned from it, and so long as you've learned
from it, it wasn't a failure. And so being willing

(21:34):
to share openly and honestly your mistakes, failures where it succeeded,
where you didn't succeed, if you can share that with
an organization, you take a lot of mystery out. People
are great at sharing their successes. Right. Oh, I put
together a three million dollar company, but they failed on

(21:56):
ten others, right, and those failures what gave them the
knowledge they needed to become successful. I love it, and
so I actually did this training for an organization and
recently it was in June before some travels and at
the end of the training it was three three and
a half hours. We created an agreement that everybody and

(22:19):
the staff signed on to about who they are, how
they're going to treat each other, who they're going to
be in the workplace, and it's posted on a wall
in their office so everybody can see what their agreements
are about who they're going to be in the workplace.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
Remind me is what this S stands.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
For again shared vision or shared conversational to me, Okay, so.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
We have shared vision, P for present, A for agreement,
are for respect, and K for knowledge.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Amazing, amazing, amazing, And that's your pillar of your time,
your signature talk. Yeah, so you mentioned helping individuals create
a future determined and directed by themselves, because that's part
of one of your pillars and your coaching practice. So
how important is personal agency in achieving this? In other words,

(23:16):
how do you help people in addition to what you're
coaching strategy is reclaim back their power?

Speaker 2 (23:27):
Well, again, that the biggest thing we're doing is we're
banishing the thoughts, the words, the voices that repeat over
and over in their head telling them what they're not.
But they're not good enough at with, they're not smart
enough at where they're not pretty enough at. And we
take away those voices, and in large part that's through

(23:51):
meditation and forgiveness. We take away those voices so that
we can get somebody into the point where they're being
resent for the past no longer matters. It's a great
learning tool. We've learned from it, but it doesn't exist anymore.
There's no point to be in the past. If you're
in the past, you're not here right now.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
Thank you, Jerry, thank you. Let's stay in the future.
God is not of a past. Guy, he's now.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
He's right.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Oh my God, Dad is so powerful.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
And nothing else matters, nothing else matters.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
It's not the past, it's right now. Oh that is great.
Can you share a success story of someone that went
through your coaching program and experienced a significant change in
their life?

Speaker 2 (24:41):
Oh? Yeah, absolutely, version, young lady. Now mind you, I
have to say I'm not a therapist, I'm not a
counselor we know.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Your coach yet exactly, but closure we know that.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yes, she was dealing with some psychological diagnoses, a lot
of medication andnxiety, depression, bolimia, and she worked really hard. Okay,
so the success I attribute to her, not to me.
But she worked really hard to change what she was

(25:15):
saying to herself about who she was, and she got
to the point that she's almost all of her men's
she's happy, she's vibrant, the anxiety is greatly reduced. She's
enjoying life in a way that she's never enjoyed it before.
Sticking up for herself in a way that she's never

(25:37):
stuck up for herself before, and creating new powerful relationships
with those in her life. And it's just it's wonderful
to see.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
Someone like that Jerry, that has gone through your coaching.
What's the next transition for them? Where would you place them?
Where would you take them after they have completed that breakthrough?
What's the next in your coaching program or coaching practice?

Speaker 2 (26:13):
It's really it. Well, first of all, to get this
quote unquote right takes time. This isn't an instant fix.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
But how long are we talking roughly?

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Well, it depends on the individual six months to a year, okay,
to really get a hold of your thoughts and your
voices and to start making changes. And one thing that's
interesting is some people I've talked to they live their
life out of fear. Yes, And they're so scared of
giving up the fear. Yes, they don't want to coach

(26:56):
because they prefer to live in fear. Yes, because the
fear of giving up fear is too great. Yes.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
And we know that healthy decisions cannot be made out
of fear at all.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
Well, And fear is stress, and stress ruins our body,
Stress beats us up. So what I would do is
after somebody's really found some peace in their life, I'd
be encouraging them to work with others, to teach and
to share, not necessarily as a coach, but in their world,

(27:32):
their friends, their families, And part of it is never
telling anybody what to do, but being who you are,
being such that other people want to know what happened.
I love you, who is this? How did you get here?
And sharing that that knowledge, and a big piece of it,

(27:55):
honestly is meditations. That's really important to the whole process.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
I love it so wow. This has been so so good.
Sometimes you just have to bite it in small pieces
and not give so much and replay it back right
so you can figure out which one of the tips
that really made impact. But I always love to end

(28:22):
my podcast with some light kind of questions, so I
wanted to just ask you real quickly as we close
this out, let's hear it, what gives you the greatest
fulfillment and the greatest joy what you do.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Loving my wife and my kids. I think they're amazing.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
Mhmm. What's your favorite color?

Speaker 2 (28:50):
Blue?

Speaker 1 (28:52):
And what's your favorite food?

Speaker 2 (28:55):
Wooh, I'm going to go typehood today.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Love T I always loved time. I always loved I
love it too. And if you could travel being of
your very well versed career and uh your triple threat
that we opened it up being a lawyer and a
linguistic in your military. I know you've traveled the world.

(29:23):
So is there a continent or a place Jerry, that
you and your wife have not traveled that if you
could spend the bottle and no time, space, money, or
where would you go next?

Speaker 2 (29:37):
It travels the worlds Australia and New Zealand. I love it. Huh, Well,
I've just always been drawn to it. This summer we
traveled a lot already Italy and Mexico, and I've been
traveling around the States a bit. But there's something that

(30:01):
draws me to New Zealand into Australia. I can't put
a specific word to it, but it's something that I'll
be doing in the next few years.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
This has been such a beautiful snippet of what you
do and helping people transform their lives. Is there anything
else that you would like to share or a point
that you would like to add before we close out
the show?

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Really that the word and the words you use have
control of your life, Use precision in your speaking, use
honesty with yourself, and love who you.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Are words precision and honesty, loving who you are, that's pereamount.
I love it, Jerry. How do people get in contact
with you?

Speaker 2 (30:59):
Then go to my website, which is www dot Geraldmars
dot com. Jeraldithe j I'm a different type of Gerald.
My contact is on there, my phone number is on there.
Give me a call, send me an email. I would
love to talk. And I always work with somebody a
couple of times before we figure out whether or not

(31:21):
it would be a good fit. And those are gifted
sessions where we just get to know each other because
if somebody's not willing to do the work, it's not
going to work. So my clients that are successful are
clients that put in the effort.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
So how can someone get started right away and working
with you if they wanted to start working with you now?

Speaker 2 (31:49):
Oh, simply just send me an email Jerrietgeraldmars dot com
and we'll get cooking.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
All right. Well, there you have it, and I will
also include all the information about Jerry's business and his
website and the show notes. So Jerry, again, it has
been a plumb pleasure Thank you so much for being
a guest on Inspired Conversations with him Evans.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
Oh well, you're fabulous. I'm so delighted to have been here.
Thank you, and I.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Look so forward to your success and helping other people
shine brightly. So everybody give a warm welcome and applause
to Jerry Mars. Thank you so much for being on
Inspired Conversations podcast show.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
Thank you, Jerry, Thank you, Goodbye.