January 3, 2025 • 24 mins
Eps# 99: "6-Compassionate Ways to Support Someone Grieving a Loss or Major Life Change."
Grief can be such a challenging journey, not only for those going through it but also for those of us who want to help but may not know how.
Whether it’s a friend, family member, or client, it’s essential to know how to offer support in a way that feels genuine and comforting.
So, if you’re here to learn how to be a better support to those in need, you’re in the right place."
Resource: http://www.Greifshare.org
Thank you for watching!
More about KME COACHING!Are you ready to expand your reach, get unstuck, and leverage your expertise in your business?
Here are (3) Ways KME Coaching Can Help!
Private Business Coaching:Ascend & Achieve is a transformative coaching program designed to empower women leaders in business to thrive. Through strategic coaching, mental wellness practices, and self-care, this program equips women to overcome barriers, lead authentically, and achieve sustained success.More info: http://www.kimgems.com
New eCourse: Beyond the Mic- How to Create Your Podcast is here to help you connect with your audience on a deeper level.
Learn how to plan, record, and launch your podcast with ease, sharing your message and building your brand! More info: http://www.kimgems.com
Unstoppable Business-to-Profits LIVE 2-day (Virtual) Master TrainingJanuary 18 & 19, 2025 @3 PM PST Enroll www.kimgems.coom
Monthly Virtual Beauty & Business Membership:More info http://www.theschoolofbeautyandbusiness
Here’s to taking your business and life to the next level!
Warmly,Kim Evans, MA
http://www.kimgems.com
http://ww.instagram.com/KMECoaching
#SupportThroughLoss
#GriefHealingTips #CompassionateSupport #HelpingTheGrieving #LifeChangeSupport
Grief can be such a challenging journey, not only for those going through it but also for those of us who want to help but may not know how.
Whether it’s a friend, family member, or client, it’s essential to know how to offer support in a way that feels genuine and comforting.
So, if you’re here to learn how to be a better support to those in need, you’re in the right place."
Resource: http://www.Greifshare.org
Thank you for watching!
More about KME COACHING!Are you ready to expand your reach, get unstuck, and leverage your expertise in your business?
Here are (3) Ways KME Coaching Can Help!
Private Business Coaching:Ascend & Achieve is a transformative coaching program designed to empower women leaders in business to thrive. Through strategic coaching, mental wellness practices, and self-care, this program equips women to overcome barriers, lead authentically, and achieve sustained success.More info: http://www.kimgems.com
New eCourse: Beyond the Mic- How to Create Your Podcast is here to help you connect with your audience on a deeper level.
Learn how to plan, record, and launch your podcast with ease, sharing your message and building your brand! More info: http://www.kimgems.com
Unstoppable Business-to-Profits LIVE 2-day (Virtual) Master TrainingJanuary 18 & 19, 2025 @3 PM PST Enroll www.kimgems.coom
Monthly Virtual Beauty & Business Membership:More info http://www.theschoolofbeautyandbusiness
Here’s to taking your business and life to the next level!
Warmly,Kim Evans, MA
http://www.kimgems.com
http://ww.instagram.com/KMECoaching
#SupportThroughLoss
#GriefHealingTips #CompassionateSupport #HelpingTheGrieving #LifeChangeSupport
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, welcome everybody. This is Kim Evans. Welcome to my
YouTube live series on demand Poaching with Kim Evans on
my YouTube channel here at Kim Jim. So thank you
and also thank you for the replay of viewers. So
I am Kim Evans. I am the proud owner to
We're Just Integrated Health and Wellness. I have a private
(00:22):
facial Cauturi spot in La Faiette, California, and I'm also
a beauty and business coach and holistic wellness educator and
podcast hosts. So welcome today on this live series. For
the next thirty days in November, we'll be coming and
bringing you some Kim Jim's. We're going to be talking
about six compassionate ways to support someone grieving a loss
(00:49):
of a loss of a loved one, or a major
life change. So welcome. You know, going through the grief
journey is uniquely different for everybody. So let me first
begin to say that I have suffered a loss, actually
(01:11):
three losses this year, this is twenty twenty four, and
it is actually have been a very a challenging experience.
Lost my dad and then there after that, six months later,
lost my grandmother of one hundred and six and then
just recently just lost my stepmom. So the grief process
(01:32):
for me has been a challenging one which has allowed
me to share with other people when I am learning
as I'm going through this grief journey and I'm going
to live a resource at the end that will also
assist and to help you. So let's get into this topic.
This is a Kim Jim topic. I'm hoping that I
have the opportunity to give you a coaching moment, six
(01:56):
compassionate ways how you can actually help somebody going through
a grieving of a loss right or a change of life. Right.
So let me just set this a few normally, what
I have come to find, what I've come to live,
and what I have come to know that many people
(02:17):
or people in general, and you all get this, this
is going to be really good. Really do not know
how to respond to the sadness of others experience grief.
And you know, we're all going to suffer this. We're
all going to go this, go through this. We're all
going to experience the grieving process differently. When I lost
(02:39):
my brother about twenty years ago, it was a different
process that I was at a different time at different
age than now this year losing you know, my dad,
and my grandmother, now my stepmom. You know, when you
at different ages, different seasons in your life, you experience
it differently. So whether it's a family friend or client,
(03:06):
it's essential to know how to offer support. So let
me rewind family friend, client, business associate, niece, uncle, nephew,
some one, and so forth. It's essential to know how
to offer support in a way that feels genuine and comforting.
(03:30):
If you really want to learn how to better support
someone going through their pain, going through their sadness and
their loss, their discomfort, you're in the right place today,
and so I hope that these six ways you'll be
able to walk in a new light, in a new headspace,
(03:52):
and so that you can have a more compassionate and
empathetic conversation with someone. Okay, so I'm gonna set this up.
You know, someone may ask you how you're doing, and
you'll say, you know, just suffered the loss, you know,
and my family just suffered my dad, you know, my grandmother,
And they'll say, you know, I just suffered my cousin,
(04:13):
or I just suffered a friend, and god, I just
went through two funerals, or they're telling you about their experience,
and it could be someone that died fifteen years ago. Yeah,
I know when I lost my mother. And you know
when you do that immediately, you're not addressing that person's
(04:34):
that you just ask the question pain. It sounds very dismissive,
downright harsh and rude, and it's unloving. So I'm just
giving it to you from the other perspective. Let's have
a coaching moment here, so in a nutshell, and I'm
get I'm gonna get real real. If you're gonna ask
(04:54):
me how I'm doing, don't compare your sadness with mine,
because mine is fresh and mine is new. And I
didn't ask you about yours. You ask me about mine.
And so if you're asking me about how I'm doing,
and then I transparently will tell you my feelings, I
(05:15):
don't want that to be shattered or to feel dismissive.
And when you just quickly compare an experience of death
that you just have with someone else, you're not being empathetic.
You're not being sympathetic, and it's not loving and it's
not caring. Let me just get straight up, it really
is not so I'm going to tell you what it's
(05:35):
like and what it is, and then I'm going to
give you some comforting tips and keys on how you
can better be expressive. When someone says that, I didn't
come up to you to tell you, oh my day
is going bad because I just suffered a loss, you
asked me. So let's first get that clear, and let's
first set that up. You're asking me how I'm doing,
(05:58):
and I am trusting that what I share and communicate
and the best way that I know going through the
hurt and the pain that I'm going that you're going
to reciprocate love back. So I don't want to hear
your comparison. It does not do anything for the person
who's hurting and have just suffered a loss. So can
(06:20):
you please humans stop doing that? Okay, now that I
set that up, Now let's get our into our coaching.
So if someone that you ask, hey, how you doing,
and they really they're vulnerable and they want to share
with you, and let me just say this before I
get into our coaching moment, is that a lot oftentimes
people might just say, oh, I'm good. You get that response,
(06:42):
Oh I'm good. They're hurting you are a human being.
Aren't you supposed to be here on this earth to
help another human being that's hurting? And this person just say, oh,
I'm good or are they at work? Oh I'm all right?
You know they not all right? You could feel their heart.
We're supposed to be humans. Expressing love and condolence is
right to other people. You know they're hurting, so they'll
(07:06):
respond to you because instantaneously they know that you're condescending
and you don't merely mean that question like my condolences really,
So now let's get into the coaching now that I
set that up a better way if I can be
allowed a better way. If you're asking really sincerely how
(07:26):
someone is doing and you know they just suffer the loss,
you know they going through it, and they'll say, yeah,
I just suffer the loss. Here is a key learning
moment on how to be expressive with someone you know
going through griefing process. Everyone experience this that differently. How
(07:47):
may I help you as you're going through your grieving
process or in your sadness? Is there anything that I
can help you with? Bingo? Did you did y'all just
get that? Did you? Did you? Did you? Just? Did
you just get that. I want you to replay that
back what I just said. That will help you so
(08:12):
much better in the long game, and you can go
so much further because what you've done now you're changing
the game. And now you're being really empathetic with me.
You're feeling my heart. So I'm gonna repeat that a
little bit. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I know
that going through the grieving process, going through the grieving
journey can be difficult. Take yourself out of it, and
(08:39):
I let me know how I can support you in
your grieving journey or in your sadness. Let me know
how I can support you. Now we didn't have a
real good icebreaker. That's that's beautiful. Now I know that
you're connecting with me as a human being. I don't
(09:00):
want to hear about your story with Bobo and the Dolt.
I don't want to hear about that because that does
nothing for my sadness. And what you're trying to do
is keep yourself or maybe you need grief therapy, you see,
maybe you haven't experienced yours. So when you just can
relate and see it, and by saying what I just
(09:20):
said to you, then now you can open up the
heart chakra and now we can have a more deepening
and meaningful conversation. Wow, what do you remember about your
dad that you would like to share? And if the
person doesn't want to share anything, then don't say anything.
Nip it in the butt, don't even say this, don't
(09:40):
even talk about it. Just say I know that's difficult,
and I acknowledge that that's difficult and what you're feeling
right now, and I pray that God, with his strength,
gets you through that. And if I can support you
through your sadness, and as you're going through your grieving process,
I'm here to support you. That's all you got to say.
(10:04):
I hope somebody got that today. I said, somebody free
with that because I took some real good notes on
that one, because now we can engage, and I thought
we were here to have deepening human experiences and conversations.
Don't be condescending. And like I said, I just think
that a lot of people don't know how to communicate
with people in their sadnesses. A lot of people don't
(10:26):
know how to communicate people while they're hurting. So you evaded,
you evade really talking about what's going on with them,
and you want to put a story about what you experienced,
but that doesn't do anything for the person who's hurting.
So this is for that person. Somebody gonna get what
I just said the other point that again acknowledging the point.
(10:48):
This is twelve different layers of grief. You know, when
you're everybody's going to be grieving in a different in
a different way, and to acknowledge how you're grieving today
is challenging and difficult. And I know that people grieve
in different ways. That right there is going to open
up a conversation. So if you, you know, share with
(11:10):
me how you're going, how, how is the how is
the process of you going through your grieving? How how
is that helping you to get through this journey. See,
now you've opened a door and you really want to
know what I'm doing. I could tell you something like,
you know what, I'm going to the gym every day,
and then you on the other side will say, really,
(11:30):
how often are you going? See now you're giving me
comfort in my mental mind. That's really good. You should
really stay with that. If that's helping you with your gym,
that's excellent. And if I can support you in any
kind of a way while you're going through your gym
journey process or exercising. Please, I'm here to assist. I
(11:53):
have some resources for you. Naha, Nita, don't say nothing else?
Am I leading you on? Did you just get something
with that? Because as we're going through the process, we
want to protect our heart. And guess what, as you
ask those questions mirroring what I'm telling you back, it
actually also protects our relationship. So then it allows me
(12:14):
to open up further if I choose to connect with
you in that way. And lastly, it allows me to
really value more who you are as a human being
and how you feel about me. Ooh, I can end
this live right there, Play it back, Play that back, okay,
and stop with all this comparison stuff because we're not
(12:35):
trying to hear all that we and I'm just keeping
it real and this is what this training moment is for.
So I hope that that helped you be present and
listen without judgment. So if you really want to support
someone through their grieving and their life change, and I'm
going to get to the last piece of it in a minute,
is simply just be there and listen. Don't share your experience.
(12:57):
Don't share your suffering because that's not your moment. If
you have a suffering moment, then you bring up that
moment and you suffer you go through that moment. That's
why I don't even go out with girlfriends and talk
about it anymore, because I'm not trying to hear your
stuff because you really are not concerned about me. Because
if you ask me a question, then you're telling me
something else about what your situation, so you allow the
(13:20):
person to really talk. That's why I go out to
lunch and go out to coffee anymore and talk about it,
because people don't really want to hear about it anyway,
or they don't know. Wow. Number two acknowledge the pain
without trying to fix it really wow, oh wow. It's
a natural to make things better and going through grief.
It's not about fixing the person. It's just about acknowledging.
(13:42):
And again, so many people find it very challenging and
difficult to sit with someone in their pain because they
don't know how to sit with that. See, when you
do that, you have to enlarge your capacity. That's it
right there, and most folks capacity is not that large
to deal with people's hurt and sadness. This is why
(14:03):
you evade talking about it, and you go this tip
for tat and you want to share yours has nothing
to do with you. You avoid clutches and plateaus phrases
like everything happens for a reason. Then your person is
in a better place. That would make you probably a
person want to cut your head off. I'm just saying,
oh my god, your dad is in a better place.
(14:24):
How do you know what place he should be in? Wow,
I'm really I'm getting on somebody there. And when you
say somebody is in a better place, it could be
very dismissive. Just stick to genuine expressions like I'm here
to support you. I can imagine how hard that is
for you, So stick to their feelings of what they're saying. Wow,
(14:47):
that must be very hard. You just lost your mom
of cancer, you just lost your aunt of this and
in a better place. Really, Wow, I'm here to support you.
I know that's very challenging, and I pray that God
continues to lift your heart and to give you strength
as you're going through that. That's how you answer that person.
(15:11):
Offer practical support. Grief can make all daily tasks overwhelming.
Offer specific help, like I'm bringing dinner over to you
on Wednesday. You know, I was sharing this conversation with
another friend of mine about a couple of weeks ago
when I had first lost my dad and people say
how I can help, and they was just coming with
(15:31):
these crazy things. And again it's thinking outside the box
of capacity. And one thing, you know, monetary stuff is
always can help someone write a check, you know. But
more importantly what I'm trying to say is that wow,
the name number one thing. If someone is just suffered something,
(15:52):
I'm gonna door dash them a gift certificate because for
the most part, they're just like lenning clothes, flickering and
light and the clause with the light's going off because
they can't move, they can't cook. People always need food.
Door dash is the next best thing to endoor toilets.
Send them a door dash card. You know. Is there
anything I can comfort you? You know? What, what is
your favorite feel food? I'm going to make sure that
(16:15):
I'm gonna get that delivered from Safeway or three sixty
five or something that's that's great. Would you like to
go walking? I know this really nice trail and exercises beautiful,
what it could do for the heart and for the mind.
I'd love to walk that trail with you when you
have some time. I mean, offer that systems if you
(16:38):
need any systems that can help you take help you
with some of the tasks that you were doing in
your home. Or if someone has kids or anything like that,
you know what, offer them task rabbit, you know, to
come and help them to take those tasks off their
hands as they're going through their grief journey. So to understand.
So I hope that I'm helping somebody here. Do you
(17:00):
need an erin that I could run for you? Or
you know what, as a matter of fact, where are
you going? And you have a conversation and a person
may say they need to go here. You know, they
probably can't barely drive, they can barely probably forgot where
they live. Great, do you mind if I give you
an uber to take you over to where you need
to go? Okay, now we're talking. Okay, now you're being supportive.
(17:22):
Now if you really want to support, then really be supportive.
Those are some ideas. Be patient in the healing process.
It's so dimissive to me. And like I said, I've
suffered three deaths now this year and people will ask me, well,
how you doing, Like I'm getting ready to go roller
skating tomorrow. Still suffering through my grief. You know, Kim,
(17:45):
how's your process of your healing? I know it's been
a very challenging journey for you. How are you doing mentally,
emotionally and physically? How are you doing? They asked me
questions like I'm getting ready to create the next task
or go to the next big thing. It's like, no,
(18:05):
that's not the way it works. People move through this
journey of life of loss, and it takes time and
it affects them and be real, real and human with that.
And then the sixth thing is check in with your
loved ones on a regular basis. It's so funeral, it's
so it's so interesting. After the funeral, the call stop,
(18:28):
the call, the cards stop, the knocking on the door stop.
I mean, I've gone through this enough to where that
I could talk about that and really know about it. Yeah,
I'm living it. And so the funeral comes up, people
bombard you with all these these these these calls, these
these calls. But the minute the funeral happens, was the minute,
(18:50):
the minute the memorial happens, everything ceases. That is so
hard and cold? What happen to the love? Periodically call
your loved one two months later, three months later, monthly weekly.
You know. Loneliness is a thing, you know, and if
(19:13):
you have reoccurring deaths, reoccurring deaths is like wait, hold up,
let me send a love text, Let me send a
card to the mail, Let me send a card email.
As a matter of fact, a bright cards when I'm
brighten up your day. I do that on a regular
basis anyway, because that's just a part of what I
do in my journey as my business. So I'm consistently
always calling an old friend, a network associated person that
(19:37):
that I've met out of the blue. How are you doing?
You were on top of my mind. I am calling
to see what are the great things that you are
doing in your world? You know, stuff like that. You know.
So the phones have stopped. Thank God, I know the Lord.
If I didn't know, Jesus, I would just probably be
a wreck. Thank god I do, and thank God I
do have close family members close to me that to
(20:00):
help to pray me up and to help me to
enlarge that capacity of growth and ascension and to continue
to move forward. So I just wanted to share that
to you, because oftentimes to support fades after the initial shock,
but it's good to set those reminders and even months later,
y'all in your particular files, to continue to call your
(20:22):
loved ones and to check on them. I'm just calling girl.
How you doing? How you doing, Sarah? How's it going time?
I know it's been four months since you know, the
death of your lost one. How are you navigating through
this earth, realm and life? Wanted to just let you
know that I'm thinking about you, that my heart reaches
(20:43):
out to you. Is there anything that I can emotionally
or mentally support you with? Because aren't we supposed to
be apostles and teachers? Aren't we supposed to be servant leaders.
Aren't we supposed to be motivators? Aren't we supposed to
be educators? Aren't we supposed to be there to help others?
Why have you been in church all these years? And
(21:05):
now you've been given opportunity to mand up and to
stand up and to utilize everything that you know in
your ability or your spiritual connection that you say, then
now is your time to use it. This is when
you use it? Okay, out of school? Boom. You went war,
So use those skills, use those arsenals. You have an
(21:26):
opportunity to uplift humanity while someone is going through the
grief process. So I hope this is really good. So
when thank you for tuning in, remember supporting someone through
the grief is about the compassion, is about patience, It's
about being present. So I hope you got that. It's
about compassion, patients and being present. So if you found
this to be helpful, giving the thumbs up and subscribe
(21:50):
to my YouTube channel Kim Jim's for more insights and
emotional support and wellness and let's continue building a compassion
it commmunity together. So I hope that you like this,
but I'm going to end with this to know you
are not broken. There's nothing missing, there's nothing lacking. That
(22:14):
God allows all of us to go through this journey
of death because we all got to go through that
door on some level. We come into this world, we
will exit. But while you are here on this earth,
live up to your greatness, live up to your passion,
live up to your gifts and your talents, and be
(22:35):
that person who can be loving to the next person.
And to know, lastly that God is in the business
of rebuilding. So if you are here and you've lost
a loft one and you're going through this moving situation
of your lost one, to know that God is not
(22:56):
done with you, and to know that He's rebuilding you,
and you say to yourself, God is rebuilding me, He's
rebuilding you. So one entity has shifted out of your life,
allowed God to come in to expand that part of
you in your life, and He will direct your pass
on your next mission in your life without the loved one.
(23:21):
So that's how we move through this journey of when
we lose someone, is to know that God is actually
rebuilding us for our next level of success. That's when
He's even there. Greater and a great resource is grief
(23:42):
Share and I'm going to leave that resource in the
show notes. It's griefshare dot org. I've been through it.
I'm going through it my second time. It is a
wonderful Christian base virtual resource. It's beautiful. It's live group
(24:03):
coaching for thirteen weeks, and I recommend if you have
suffered a loss to look into it because it is
a great resource. So God bless you all. I hope
that these six compassionate tips were very useful to you,
and I hope that this conversation was directed in love.
Well, welcome everybody. This is Kim Evans. Welcome to my
YouTube live series on demand Poaching with Kim Evans on
my YouTube channel here at Kim Jim. So thank you
and also thank you for the replay of viewers. So
I am Kim Evans. I am the proud owner to
We're Just Integrated Health and Wellness. I have a private
(00:22):
facial Cauturi spot in La Faiette, California, and I'm also
a beauty and business coach and holistic wellness educator and
podcast hosts. So welcome today on this live series. For
the next thirty days in November, we'll be coming and
bringing you some Kim Jim's. We're going to be talking
about six compassionate ways to support someone grieving a loss
(00:49):
of a loss of a loved one, or a major
life change. So welcome. You know, going through the grief
journey is uniquely different for everybody. So let me first
begin to say that I have suffered a loss, actually
(01:11):
three losses this year, this is twenty twenty four, and
it is actually have been a very a challenging experience.
Lost my dad and then there after that, six months later,
lost my grandmother of one hundred and six and then
just recently just lost my stepmom. So the grief process
(01:32):
for me has been a challenging one which has allowed
me to share with other people when I am learning
as I'm going through this grief journey and I'm going
to live a resource at the end that will also
assist and to help you. So let's get into this topic.
This is a Kim Jim topic. I'm hoping that I
have the opportunity to give you a coaching moment, six
(01:56):
compassionate ways how you can actually help somebody going through
a grieving of a loss right or a change of life. Right.
So let me just set this a few normally, what
I have come to find, what I've come to live,
and what I have come to know that many people
(02:17):
or people in general, and you all get this, this
is going to be really good. Really do not know
how to respond to the sadness of others experience grief.
And you know, we're all going to suffer this. We're
all going to go this, go through this. We're all
going to experience the grieving process differently. When I lost
(02:39):
my brother about twenty years ago, it was a different
process that I was at a different time at different
age than now this year losing you know, my dad,
and my grandmother, now my stepmom. You know, when you
at different ages, different seasons in your life, you experience
it differently. So whether it's a family friend or client,
(03:06):
it's essential to know how to offer support. So let
me rewind family friend, client, business associate, niece, uncle, nephew,
some one, and so forth. It's essential to know how
to offer support in a way that feels genuine and comforting.
(03:30):
If you really want to learn how to better support
someone going through their pain, going through their sadness and
their loss, their discomfort, you're in the right place today,
and so I hope that these six ways you'll be
able to walk in a new light, in a new headspace,
(03:52):
and so that you can have a more compassionate and
empathetic conversation with someone. Okay, so I'm gonna set this up.
You know, someone may ask you how you're doing, and
you'll say, you know, just suffered the loss, you know,
and my family just suffered my dad, you know, my grandmother,
And they'll say, you know, I just suffered my cousin,
(04:13):
or I just suffered a friend, and god, I just
went through two funerals, or they're telling you about their experience,
and it could be someone that died fifteen years ago. Yeah,
I know when I lost my mother. And you know
when you do that immediately, you're not addressing that person's
(04:34):
that you just ask the question pain. It sounds very dismissive,
downright harsh and rude, and it's unloving. So I'm just
giving it to you from the other perspective. Let's have
a coaching moment here, so in a nutshell, and I'm
get I'm gonna get real real. If you're gonna ask
(04:54):
me how I'm doing, don't compare your sadness with mine,
because mine is fresh and mine is new. And I
didn't ask you about yours. You ask me about mine.
And so if you're asking me about how I'm doing,
and then I transparently will tell you my feelings, I
(05:15):
don't want that to be shattered or to feel dismissive.
And when you just quickly compare an experience of death
that you just have with someone else, you're not being empathetic.
You're not being sympathetic, and it's not loving and it's
not caring. Let me just get straight up, it really
is not so I'm going to tell you what it's
(05:35):
like and what it is, and then I'm going to
give you some comforting tips and keys on how you
can better be expressive. When someone says that, I didn't
come up to you to tell you, oh my day
is going bad because I just suffered a loss, you
asked me. So let's first get that clear, and let's
first set that up. You're asking me how I'm doing,
(05:58):
and I am trusting that what I share and communicate
and the best way that I know going through the
hurt and the pain that I'm going that you're going
to reciprocate love back. So I don't want to hear
your comparison. It does not do anything for the person
who's hurting and have just suffered a loss. So can
(06:20):
you please humans stop doing that? Okay, now that I
set that up, Now let's get our into our coaching.
So if someone that you ask, hey, how you doing,
and they really they're vulnerable and they want to share
with you, and let me just say this before I
get into our coaching moment, is that a lot oftentimes
people might just say, oh, I'm good. You get that response,
(06:42):
Oh I'm good. They're hurting you are a human being.
Aren't you supposed to be here on this earth to
help another human being that's hurting? And this person just say, oh,
I'm good or are they at work? Oh I'm all right?
You know they not all right? You could feel their heart.
We're supposed to be humans. Expressing love and condolence is
right to other people. You know they're hurting, so they'll
(07:06):
respond to you because instantaneously they know that you're condescending
and you don't merely mean that question like my condolences really,
So now let's get into the coaching now that I
set that up a better way if I can be
allowed a better way. If you're asking really sincerely how
(07:26):
someone is doing and you know they just suffer the loss,
you know they going through it, and they'll say, yeah,
I just suffer the loss. Here is a key learning
moment on how to be expressive with someone you know
going through griefing process. Everyone experience this that differently. How
(07:47):
may I help you as you're going through your grieving
process or in your sadness? Is there anything that I
can help you with? Bingo? Did you did y'all just
get that? Did you? Did you? Did you? Just? Did
you just get that. I want you to replay that
back what I just said. That will help you so
(08:12):
much better in the long game, and you can go
so much further because what you've done now you're changing
the game. And now you're being really empathetic with me.
You're feeling my heart. So I'm gonna repeat that a
little bit. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I know
that going through the grieving process, going through the grieving
journey can be difficult. Take yourself out of it, and
(08:39):
I let me know how I can support you in
your grieving journey or in your sadness. Let me know
how I can support you. Now we didn't have a
real good icebreaker. That's that's beautiful. Now I know that
you're connecting with me as a human being. I don't
(09:00):
want to hear about your story with Bobo and the Dolt.
I don't want to hear about that because that does
nothing for my sadness. And what you're trying to do
is keep yourself or maybe you need grief therapy, you see,
maybe you haven't experienced yours. So when you just can
relate and see it, and by saying what I just
(09:20):
said to you, then now you can open up the
heart chakra and now we can have a more deepening
and meaningful conversation. Wow, what do you remember about your
dad that you would like to share? And if the
person doesn't want to share anything, then don't say anything.
Nip it in the butt, don't even say this, don't
(09:40):
even talk about it. Just say I know that's difficult,
and I acknowledge that that's difficult and what you're feeling
right now, and I pray that God, with his strength,
gets you through that. And if I can support you
through your sadness, and as you're going through your grieving process,
I'm here to support you. That's all you got to say.
(10:04):
I hope somebody got that today. I said, somebody free
with that because I took some real good notes on
that one, because now we can engage, and I thought
we were here to have deepening human experiences and conversations.
Don't be condescending. And like I said, I just think
that a lot of people don't know how to communicate
with people in their sadnesses. A lot of people don't
(10:26):
know how to communicate people while they're hurting. So you evaded,
you evade really talking about what's going on with them,
and you want to put a story about what you experienced,
but that doesn't do anything for the person who's hurting.
So this is for that person. Somebody gonna get what
I just said the other point that again acknowledging the point.
(10:48):
This is twelve different layers of grief. You know, when
you're everybody's going to be grieving in a different in
a different way, and to acknowledge how you're grieving today
is challenging and difficult. And I know that people grieve
in different ways. That right there is going to open
up a conversation. So if you, you know, share with
(11:10):
me how you're going, how, how is the how is
the process of you going through your grieving? How how
is that helping you to get through this journey. See,
now you've opened a door and you really want to
know what I'm doing. I could tell you something like,
you know what, I'm going to the gym every day,
and then you on the other side will say, really,
(11:30):
how often are you going? See now you're giving me
comfort in my mental mind. That's really good. You should
really stay with that. If that's helping you with your gym,
that's excellent. And if I can support you in any
kind of a way while you're going through your gym
journey process or exercising. Please, I'm here to assist. I
(11:53):
have some resources for you. Naha, Nita, don't say nothing else?
Am I leading you on? Did you just get something
with that? Because as we're going through the process, we
want to protect our heart. And guess what, as you
ask those questions mirroring what I'm telling you back, it
actually also protects our relationship. So then it allows me
(12:14):
to open up further if I choose to connect with
you in that way. And lastly, it allows me to
really value more who you are as a human being
and how you feel about me. Ooh, I can end
this live right there, Play it back, Play that back, okay,
and stop with all this comparison stuff because we're not
(12:35):
trying to hear all that we and I'm just keeping
it real and this is what this training moment is for.
So I hope that that helped you be present and
listen without judgment. So if you really want to support
someone through their grieving and their life change, and I'm
going to get to the last piece of it in a minute,
is simply just be there and listen. Don't share your experience.
(12:57):
Don't share your suffering because that's not your moment. If
you have a suffering moment, then you bring up that
moment and you suffer you go through that moment. That's
why I don't even go out with girlfriends and talk
about it anymore, because I'm not trying to hear your
stuff because you really are not concerned about me. Because
if you ask me a question, then you're telling me
something else about what your situation, so you allow the
(13:20):
person to really talk. That's why I go out to
lunch and go out to coffee anymore and talk about it,
because people don't really want to hear about it anyway,
or they don't know. Wow. Number two acknowledge the pain
without trying to fix it really wow, oh wow. It's
a natural to make things better and going through grief.
It's not about fixing the person. It's just about acknowledging.
(13:42):
And again, so many people find it very challenging and
difficult to sit with someone in their pain because they
don't know how to sit with that. See, when you
do that, you have to enlarge your capacity. That's it
right there, and most folks capacity is not that large
to deal with people's hurt and sadness. This is why
(14:03):
you evade talking about it, and you go this tip
for tat and you want to share yours has nothing
to do with you. You avoid clutches and plateaus phrases
like everything happens for a reason. Then your person is
in a better place. That would make you probably a
person want to cut your head off. I'm just saying,
oh my god, your dad is in a better place.
(14:24):
How do you know what place he should be in? Wow,
I'm really I'm getting on somebody there. And when you
say somebody is in a better place, it could be
very dismissive. Just stick to genuine expressions like I'm here
to support you. I can imagine how hard that is
for you, So stick to their feelings of what they're saying. Wow,
(14:47):
that must be very hard. You just lost your mom
of cancer, you just lost your aunt of this and
in a better place. Really, Wow, I'm here to support you.
I know that's very challenging, and I pray that God
continues to lift your heart and to give you strength
as you're going through that. That's how you answer that person.
(15:11):
Offer practical support. Grief can make all daily tasks overwhelming.
Offer specific help, like I'm bringing dinner over to you
on Wednesday. You know, I was sharing this conversation with
another friend of mine about a couple of weeks ago
when I had first lost my dad and people say
how I can help, and they was just coming with
(15:31):
these crazy things. And again it's thinking outside the box
of capacity. And one thing, you know, monetary stuff is
always can help someone write a check, you know. But
more importantly what I'm trying to say is that wow,
the name number one thing. If someone is just suffered something,
(15:52):
I'm gonna door dash them a gift certificate because for
the most part, they're just like lenning clothes, flickering and
light and the clause with the light's going off because
they can't move, they can't cook. People always need food.
Door dash is the next best thing to endoor toilets.
Send them a door dash card. You know. Is there
anything I can comfort you? You know? What, what is
your favorite feel food? I'm going to make sure that
(16:15):
I'm gonna get that delivered from Safeway or three sixty
five or something that's that's great. Would you like to
go walking? I know this really nice trail and exercises beautiful,
what it could do for the heart and for the mind.
I'd love to walk that trail with you when you
have some time. I mean, offer that systems if you
(16:38):
need any systems that can help you take help you
with some of the tasks that you were doing in
your home. Or if someone has kids or anything like that,
you know what, offer them task rabbit, you know, to
come and help them to take those tasks off their
hands as they're going through their grief journey. So to understand.
So I hope that I'm helping somebody here. Do you
(17:00):
need an erin that I could run for you? Or
you know what, as a matter of fact, where are
you going? And you have a conversation and a person
may say they need to go here. You know, they
probably can't barely drive, they can barely probably forgot where
they live. Great, do you mind if I give you
an uber to take you over to where you need
to go? Okay, now we're talking. Okay, now you're being supportive.
(17:22):
Now if you really want to support, then really be supportive.
Those are some ideas. Be patient in the healing process.
It's so dimissive to me. And like I said, I've
suffered three deaths now this year and people will ask me, well,
how you doing, Like I'm getting ready to go roller
skating tomorrow. Still suffering through my grief. You know, Kim,
(17:45):
how's your process of your healing? I know it's been
a very challenging journey for you. How are you doing mentally,
emotionally and physically? How are you doing? They asked me
questions like I'm getting ready to create the next task
or go to the next big thing. It's like, no,
(18:05):
that's not the way it works. People move through this
journey of life of loss, and it takes time and
it affects them and be real, real and human with that.
And then the sixth thing is check in with your
loved ones on a regular basis. It's so funeral, it's
so it's so interesting. After the funeral, the call stop,
(18:28):
the call, the cards stop, the knocking on the door stop.
I mean, I've gone through this enough to where that
I could talk about that and really know about it. Yeah,
I'm living it. And so the funeral comes up, people
bombard you with all these these these these calls, these
these calls. But the minute the funeral happens, was the minute,
(18:50):
the minute the memorial happens, everything ceases. That is so
hard and cold? What happen to the love? Periodically call
your loved one two months later, three months later, monthly weekly.
You know. Loneliness is a thing, you know, and if
(19:13):
you have reoccurring deaths, reoccurring deaths is like wait, hold up,
let me send a love text, Let me send a
card to the mail, Let me send a card email.
As a matter of fact, a bright cards when I'm
brighten up your day. I do that on a regular
basis anyway, because that's just a part of what I
do in my journey as my business. So I'm consistently
always calling an old friend, a network associated person that
(19:37):
that I've met out of the blue. How are you doing?
You were on top of my mind. I am calling
to see what are the great things that you are
doing in your world? You know, stuff like that. You know.
So the phones have stopped. Thank God, I know the Lord.
If I didn't know, Jesus, I would just probably be
a wreck. Thank god I do, and thank God I
do have close family members close to me that to
(20:00):
help to pray me up and to help me to
enlarge that capacity of growth and ascension and to continue
to move forward. So I just wanted to share that
to you, because oftentimes to support fades after the initial shock,
but it's good to set those reminders and even months later,
y'all in your particular files, to continue to call your
(20:22):
loved ones and to check on them. I'm just calling girl.
How you doing? How you doing, Sarah? How's it going time?
I know it's been four months since you know, the
death of your lost one. How are you navigating through
this earth, realm and life? Wanted to just let you
know that I'm thinking about you, that my heart reaches
(20:43):
out to you. Is there anything that I can emotionally
or mentally support you with? Because aren't we supposed to
be apostles and teachers? Aren't we supposed to be servant leaders.
Aren't we supposed to be motivators? Aren't we supposed to
be educators? Aren't we supposed to be there to help others?
Why have you been in church all these years? And
(21:05):
now you've been given opportunity to mand up and to
stand up and to utilize everything that you know in
your ability or your spiritual connection that you say, then
now is your time to use it. This is when
you use it? Okay, out of school? Boom. You went war,
So use those skills, use those arsenals. You have an
(21:26):
opportunity to uplift humanity while someone is going through the
grief process. So I hope this is really good. So
when thank you for tuning in, remember supporting someone through
the grief is about the compassion, is about patience, It's
about being present. So I hope you got that. It's
about compassion, patients and being present. So if you found
this to be helpful, giving the thumbs up and subscribe
(21:50):
to my YouTube channel Kim Jim's for more insights and
emotional support and wellness and let's continue building a compassion
it commmunity together. So I hope that you like this,
but I'm going to end with this to know you
are not broken. There's nothing missing, there's nothing lacking. That
(22:14):
God allows all of us to go through this journey
of death because we all got to go through that
door on some level. We come into this world, we
will exit. But while you are here on this earth,
live up to your greatness, live up to your passion,
live up to your gifts and your talents, and be
(22:35):
that person who can be loving to the next person.
And to know, lastly that God is in the business
of rebuilding. So if you are here and you've lost
a loft one and you're going through this moving situation
of your lost one, to know that God is not
(22:56):
done with you, and to know that He's rebuilding you,
and you say to yourself, God is rebuilding me, He's
rebuilding you. So one entity has shifted out of your life,
allowed God to come in to expand that part of
you in your life, and He will direct your pass
on your next mission in your life without the loved one.
(23:21):
So that's how we move through this journey of when
we lose someone, is to know that God is actually
rebuilding us for our next level of success. That's when
He's even there. Greater and a great resource is grief
(23:42):
Share and I'm going to leave that resource in the
show notes. It's griefshare dot org. I've been through it.
I'm going through it my second time. It is a
wonderful Christian base virtual resource. It's beautiful. It's live group
(24:03):
coaching for thirteen weeks, and I recommend if you have
suffered a loss to look into it because it is
a great resource. So God bless you all. I hope
that these six compassionate tips were very useful to you,
and I hope that this conversation was directed in love.
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