April 2, 2025 • 45 mins
What happens when fear becomes a friend rather than a foe? Join us as we sit down with the remarkable Rhonda Britten, Emmy-winning creator and founder of the Fearless Living Institute. Rhonda shares her gripping journey from witnessing a traumatic family tragedy to becoming a beacon of hope and resilience. How did she transform her life from the depths of despair to a life filled with purpose? Discover the powerful tools she developed, like the "wheel of fear" and "wheel of freedom," to help you break free from fear's grip. Rhonda's insights on fear, self-compassion, and personal growth are not to be missed. Tune in for a transformative conversation that might just change how you view fear forever.
Do your fears keep you from living your best life? Visit Rhonda's website, fearlessliving.org and schedule a free class with her.
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Episode Transcript
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Rhonda Britten (00:01):
This is the EWN Podcast Network.
Cathy Worthington (00:14):
Welcome to late boomers, our podcast guide
to creating your third act withstyle, power, and impact. Hi.
I'm Kathy Worthington.
Merry Elkins (00:24):
And I'm Mary Elkins. Join us as we bring you
conversations with successfulentrepreneurs, entertainers, and
people with vision who aremaking a difference in the
world.
Cathy Worthington (00:34):
Everyone has a story, and we'll take you
along for the ride on eachinterview, recounting the
journey our guests have taken toget where they are, inspiring
you to create your own path tosuccess. Let's get started.
Hello. I'm Kathy Worthington.Welcome to our newest episode of
(00:55):
late boomers.
Our very special guest today isRhonda Britton, life coach and
the Emmy winning creator andhost of NBC's reality show
starting over. In addition toher own show, Rhonda has
appeared on Oprah, Steve Harvey,the Today Show, and many more.
Merry Elkins (01:13):
And I'm Mary Elkins. She's also the author of
four best selling books,including her groundbreaking
work, Fearless Living. She's thefounder of Fearless Living
Institute and is a known experton overcoming fear. She has a
story that shocked me and willshock you about how she
surmounted obstacles andconquered fear in her own life.
(01:36):
Welcome, Rhonda.
Rhonda Britten (01:38):
Well, thank you. I love that. I love how you guys
share the intro. That's so cool.I feel so I feel hugged.
Cathy Worthington (01:46):
Thank you. Thank you. Well, please tell our
boomers your story and how youcame to realize that you could
overcome adversity and conquerfear and lead a successful
fearless life.
Rhonda Britten (01:59):
Oh, that's a loaded question. Well, first of
all, I believe that any hardday, any horrific day, the most
difficult times of our liveshave the seat of our destiny in
it. So if everyone could justlook at their past and just look
at the days that we're justlike, ugh. Right? I bet you can
draw a line from those days to,you know, ten, twenty years
(02:21):
later and where you are and howit's how it supported you to
unfold.
So I didn't know that, ofcourse, when it's happening, we
don't know when it's happeningto us. So you're talking about
when I was 14 years old, myworst day of my life. I was 14
years old, and I grew up in alittle tiny town in Upper
Michigan, the UP. And, the townhad two restaurants, fancy
Douglas House Buffet Hotel andBig Boy. McDonald's was an hour
(02:44):
and a half away.
We didn't have anything thatfancy. And, it was Father's Day,
and my parents had recentlyseparated. So my father was
coming to take us out to Sundaybrunch, which was a big deal
because five you know, threekids, two adults, that's five
people. That's a lot of money.Yeah.
So I was pretty excited. My Iwas in my mom's room, and she's
fluffing up her beehive hairdoand putting on her blue
eyeshadow and her rose coloredlipstick. And my two sisters are
(03:07):
in our one bathroom fighting itout, and my dad comes in the
back door. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Because that's whatdads do. And so me and my mom
start walking towards the backdoor. And as we get there, my
father realizes it's starting torain. So he says he has to get
his coat from the car.
Now this coat is a tan Naugahydeleisure suit coat. And, I think
(03:28):
we all remember that leisuresuit coats were hot and my
father with his polyester pantsand his checkered shirt looked
pretty good. Right? So my sistergreat. Right?
He's looking pretty good in thatnaga hide. So he opens the trunk
to grab the coat. My sister isstill in the bathroom fighting
it out. And out of the corner ofmy eye, I noticed my father is
not grabbing a coat, but he'sgrabbing a gun. And he starts
(03:49):
yelling at my mother, you mademe do this.
You made me do this. And hefires. And I start screaming,
dad, what are you doing, dad?What are you doing? Stop.
And he takes the gun, and hepoints it at me, and I think I'm
next. And he blinks. I blink. Heblinks. I blink.
And then my mother, who alreadyhas one bullet in her, with her
last breath literally says, no.Stop. Don't. And my father in
(04:13):
that moment, realizing my motheris still alive, takes my bullet,
the bullet intended for me, andshoots her a second time. And
that second bullet goes throughher abdomen, out her back, lands
at the car horn.
And for the next twenty minutes,all we heard is
Merry Elkins (04:27):
Oh my
Rhonda Britten (04:28):
And then my father cocked the gun a third
time, put the gun to his head,and fired. In a matter of less
than two front of you. Yep. Inless than two minutes, I was the
sole witness of watching myfather murder my mother and
commit suicide in front of me.Now I don't know how you guys
would respond, but this is how Iresponded.
It has to be my fault because Iwas the only physically one
there that could have stoppedit. Right? I I was the only one
(04:49):
with them, and I didn't grab thegun, and I didn't kick my
father's shins, and I didn'tjump in front of my mother. So I
did nothing heroic. And so I I II on that day, I basically split
into two.
It was the outside Rhonda andthe inside Rhonda. The outside
Rhonda, straight a studentstill, class president. I'm
fine. Sang the solos. Dideverything.
I'm fine. No. I'm fine.Everything's fine. I'm fine.
(05:12):
The inside Rhonda, on the otherhand, you know, self defecation,
self hatred, guilt, shame, justcrawling through glass,
basically, because I didn't havea right to be alive. Because
when you by the way, when youwatch your mother die and you
don't do anything, you don't getto be happy. So that's off the
table. And so I, went tocollege. And then by the time I
(05:33):
got to college, I I went toMinnesota, so nobody knew about
my story, and I found alcohol.
Oh, how lovely. And so I starteddrinking and eventually became
an alcoholic. And then duringthose years of drinking, I got
three DUIs, and I tried to killmyself three times. And that
third suicide attempt, Irealized something that I am not
(05:54):
very good at killing myself, notvery skilled.
Merry Elkins (05:56):
You're too loud.
Rhonda Britten (05:57):
Yeah. Not skilled. So by the way, when you
try to kill yourself threetimes, they do put you in a
psychiatric ward, and they doevaluate you. And I was in there
for a few days. I was deemed notcrazy, and they sent me home.
Now I wanted to say one thingthat during all this suiciding
and DUIing and drinking, I wasalso going to therapy, going to
(06:18):
workshops, reading books. Imean, I read my first self help
book when I was 12. And when Iwas 13, I wanted to be a
minister. So I was very muchactively trying to pursue
healing for myself. But as I satthere after my third suicide
attempt and I'm home by myself,I'm sitting there thinking, have
a lot of knowledge.
I have a lot of tools. But Istill fundamentally think
(06:41):
something's wrong with me. Ihave to start over. I have to
start all over. None of that hashelped me.
So I think to myself, wait aminute. What do kindergarteners
do? Well, kindergarteners get acalendar and gold stars. So I
went to the store, got acalendar, got some gold stars.
And by the way, still have thiscalendar.
And for the next thirty days, Igave myself a gold star for any
(07:03):
time I did anything positive. Ilove that. About drinking and
not getting or or getting angryand not breaking anything.
Merry Elkins (07:11):
We can all do that at any age.
Rhonda Britten (07:13):
Oh, absolutely. And so after thirty days and I
had a calendar filled with goldstars, that gave me hope. But it
also made me realize maybe therewas a reason I was alive. Maybe
there was a reason that I didn'tdie. And that became my quest to
figure out why I was here.
Merry Elkins (07:32):
And fear and being fearless is definitely one of
them. But you were actuallyrather than feeling guilty and
like you were to blame for yourmother and father's death, you
were afraid, weren't you?
Rhonda Britten (07:47):
Yes. But I had no relationship to fear. So the
thing is is that I think a lotof people don't have a
relationship with fear. I don'tthink I'm alone. I mean, even if
I was when I was drinking andtrying to kill myself and going
to do DUIs, if you would haveasked me if I was scared, I
would have said no.
Merry Elkins (08:04):
Even when that gun was pointed at you, you weren't
scared? I'm shaking right nowhearing your story.
Rhonda Britten (08:10):
Well, you have to remember. Yep. It happened so
fast. I didn't feel anything.Right?
Like, happened too fast. Youcan't faint. But But afterwards,
I mean, even when we lived byourselves, me and my sisters, we
you know, like, nobody came tocare for us. Nobody came and fed
us. We took care of ourselves.
And I would if you would haveasked me if I was afraid or
scared, would have said nobecause, one, I'm from Upper
Michigan. We don't feel. Two,I'm a % finished. We don't feel.
(08:35):
Three, we never talked aboutfeelings.
And four, I think most peopledon't have a relationship to
fear. So I didn't know I wasafraid until I started moving
through my next healing journey,which then I started having
relationship with fear. And itblew my mind that I had been
(08:55):
living in fear for almost twentyyears and didn't even know I had
fear. And, again, I don't livealone. I think most people are
like me.
Merry Elkins (09:03):
Oh, yeah. I mean, what do you say to people who
who you work with who live infear? I mean and I have to ask
you too. Do you still havefears?
Rhonda Britten (09:13):
Well, fears never go away. Oh, I shouldn't
say that. Fear is always with usbecause it's part of our
neurobiology. So there's nogetting rid of fear, but there
is transforming fear.
Merry Elkins (09:22):
Fight or flight.
Rhonda Britten (09:23):
So yeah. Fight or flight. But that's a generic
version. We wanna actually getit personalized. So, I mean, I
don't think what we walk aroundgoing, I'm in fight or flight.
Right? We instead, we say,what's wrong with me? Why am I
doing this? Right? And then weblame ourselves.
And if you don't mind, I'll giveyou all a little quiz. I'll give
a I'll give everybody listening
Cathy Worthington (09:42):
Oh, shakes.
Rhonda Britten (09:43):
Yeah. Uh-oh. Scary.
Merry Elkins (09:44):
I prefer Go ahead.
Rhonda Britten (09:47):
You like a little quiz? Okay. So one of the
things that I have to transcendwhen I speak or teach or, you
know, coach is actually havingpeople recognize that they do
have fear and how much of fearthey have. So I have a little
quiz that I give people. And ifyou can shut your eyes, if
you're safe, if you're driving,don't do it.
(10:07):
Right? If you're safe, shut youreyes. And then safe here. Yeah.
Safe here.
Can take We can do it. And thennod your head if you do any of
these things or feel any ofthese things.
Merry Elkins (10:18):
I'm nodding already.
Rhonda Britten (10:20):
Okay. You're a good student. Good job. Okay. So
here it goes.
So if you're listening, go aheadand get those eyes closed if
you're able and and nod yourhead. Do you ever deny yourself?
Do you ever isolate? Do you everpretend everything's okay when
it's not? Do you ever hide out?
Do you ever secretly whine? Doyou compare? Do you manipulate?
(10:40):
Do you get defensive? Do youjudge?
Do you complain? How aboutprocrastinate? What about worry,
struggle, weight, and call itpatience? Do you find yourself
blaming, deflecting? What abouttrying to be in control?
Do you ever feel bitter? Do youever feel powerless? What about
dissatisfied, resentful,entitled? Do you ever feel
(11:04):
guilty, disappointed? Do youfind yourself being a
perfectionist or a peoplepleaser, Indifferent?
Do you feel irritated like youmight now with your head nodding
so much? Overwhelming. Right? Dofeel overwhelmed? Right?
Do you feel overwhelmed? Howabout ignored? Getting caught in
self pity, annoyed, or caught invictimization?
Merry Elkins (11:22):
All of the above.
Cathy Worthington (11:23):
I mean
Rhonda Britten (11:24):
All of the above. Okay. So so, Mary, you
are a good student, like I said.So when I speak to a thousand
people or a hundred people, 95%have over 95%. And I dare say
most, if they're brave, will saya %.
And then we and then we once ina while, a random person goes, I
have 20%. And I look at it. Igo, liar, liar, pants on fire.
Right? Liar, liar.
(11:44):
Because not admitting you dothese things actually stops you
from growing. You want to admitthat you do these things. And
so, Mary and and, Mary, I Iwanna say that one of the things
that we do one of the firstthings we can do is actually
start instead of seeing these asproblems, right, like, these are
character defects. Oh, what'swrong with me? I'm judging.
Oh, what's wrong with me? I'mprocrastinating. Oh god. I'm
(12:05):
people pleasing. I gotta stopdoing that.
Ah. Right? And we beat ourselvesup and put ourselves down.
Instead, if we simply call themfear responses. Because you
wouldn't procrastinate if youdidn't have fear.
You wouldn't feel guilty if youdidn't have fear. You wouldn't
get anxious if you didn't gethave fear. You wouldn't complain
if you didn't have fear. Sowe're get caught up in the, you
(12:26):
know, changing the chairs on theTitanic, right, and focused on
what we call and problems.Right?
So we we're looking at ourcharacter we call them character
defects or problems, but really,they're just fear responses. And
so once we can see that, we canchange it.
Merry Elkins (12:41):
I love that. I I am shaking my head to everything
and thinking, oh my god. Becausewhen I do feel those feelings, I
think you shouldn't feel thatway.
Rhonda Britten (12:51):
Right. And and, of course, you quote, unquote
should in the sense of if fearis on patrol. And so, basically,
those fear responses are analert, and they're telling you a
few different things. One,they're telling you that you're
moving into the unknown. Andthis is you may or may not know
it either because it might besomething that's just brewing
inside of you, and your energyfield is already, like, reaching
(13:13):
beyond and starting to go out inthe world, and you can feel that
energy spike.
You can you may not evennecessarily feel it feel it if
you're not HSP, a highlysensitive person, or you're
having different thoughts. Like,you haven't dated in twenty
years and you're thinking aboutit. You know? That activates
your fear. So whenever you gointo the unknown, whenever
you're going to take what I calla stretch, risk, or die, your
(13:35):
wheel of fear, what I call thewheel of fear, is gonna be
activated.
So the good news is whenever youdo find yourself complaining or
whenever you do find yourselfjudging, If you can stay awake
and aware and say to yourself,not beat yourself up for it and
say, go, oh, wait. My wheel offear has been activated. Wait a
minute. That's a fear response.
Cathy Worthington (13:53):
Well, you please explain about fear of
risk? How does one how does onetake more risks and make better
decisions and live morefearlessly in their business and
in their lives?
Rhonda Britten (14:07):
I love that question. Yeah. I love that
question. So it's one of thereasons why I created the wheel
of fear. So the wheel of fearUh-huh.
Yep. The wheel of fear. So thewheel of fear is what stops you
from taking risk. K?
Cathy Worthington (14:20):
Mhmm.
Rhonda Britten (14:20):
So the wheel of fear has you, and it has tricked
you into believing that thatrisk is dangerous. And it might
make it, you know, like a crazyidea, or maybe a friend doesn't
think you should do it, or maybeit's like you have to learn
something new. Or, again,whatever it is, there is
something about it that is likewhat I said, a stretch, risk, or
(14:41):
die. So the wheel of fear doesnot want you to take stretch,
risk, or dies. So the wheel offear doesn't care about your
happiness, and it could careless if you take a stretch,
risk, or die.
Fear's only job is to keep youthe same and the safe safe,
same, and stuck because the onlyway it can keep you alive, it
thinks, is by keeping you theway you are now. So all it will
(15:04):
lead you to is looking in thepast for a solution. That's all
it will do. It'll go go overthere. Remember what go over go
in the past.
And that's why we drudge up ourpast because fear goes, well,
I've kept her alive this long.I'm pretty amazing. So she just
has to do more of that. Right?And even though we're like, no.
I don't wanna do that. But fearis going, no. It's a really good
idea. Do that. Oh, jeez.
Merry Elkins (15:26):
So have
Cathy Worthington (15:26):
an actual character that we can Ah, it is.
You can name it with a capitalf. Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (15:34):
Yeah. Fear loves you. Fear loves you, and it just
wants to keep you safe becauseit still thinks you're six years
old.
Merry Elkins (15:40):
Well, I am swarming in my seat here, and
you'll see it on YouTube,because I'm basically going
through all that right now in myown life. And what do you tell
people who are afraid to takerisks? Because maybe they'll
say, like you said, I don't feelI'm good enough, or I'm afraid
something will will hurt me, orI don't know. I could go on.
(16:03):
What do you tell those people?
Rhonda Britten (16:04):
Those are all the imaginations around.
Merry Elkins (16:06):
To make a bad decision.
Rhonda Britten (16:08):
Right. But that's an illusion. Those are
all illusions. Those are allthings made up from the past.
They have nothing to do withreality.
So but we don't see that becauseit feels real. Right? So so
that's the thing. It feels realbecause we have a memory of it
from the past, and so it feelsreal. And then other people are
telling us things or we'relistening to things or we're
(16:28):
hearing things.
And that also contributes to thefeeling of like, well, yes. I'm
smart for not doing that. Butthen, of course, your soul is
tapping you on the shoulder andgo, let's do it. Let's do it.
Let's do it.
And you're like, no. I gottawait for a minute. I gotta I
gotta just wait. Right? Sobottom line is we have to start
having a conversation with ourlovely wheel of fear.
And so everybody has what I calla core fear. And so when you say
(16:53):
to me, oh, gotta take a risk.Oh, I don't know if I should
take the risk. I don't wannamake a bad decision. Well, even
your idea of not wanting to makea bad decision is compromising
your soul calling.
Because even worrying aboutmaking a bad decision is putting
you into a level of attachmentto having to be right. And so
(17:14):
one of the that I teach myclients is you have to be
willing to be wrong. Are youwilling to be wrong about
everything to find the rightlife for you? Are you willing to
be wrong about everything tofind the right life for you? And
what you're not willing to bewrong about is where you're
attached and where fear has you.
So are you willing to be wrong?Are you willing to be like,
well, okay. I make a baddecision. Who cares? I'm gonna
(17:35):
make the best decision I canright now.
And, again, once you understandwhat your core fear is, you'll
be able to see, oh, that's why Idon't wanna do it. So for
instance, I'll tell you my corefear. My core fear is loser.
Okay? I don't wanna be seen as aloser or thought of as a loser.
Right? So let's say I've gottamake a decision. If my fear's in
charge, I'm probably gonna notmake a bold decision because
(17:58):
what if I fail? What if I lose?What if something bad happens?
So my wheel of fear has gone,well, you better not do that
because then everyone's gonnaknow you're a big old loser. And
I'm like, yeah. You're right. Ibetter not do that. Right?
But we have the lovely wheel offreedom over here that we can
(18:19):
move from the wheel of fear tothe wheel of freedom. And we can
instead access what we call whatI call my your essential nature.
And my essential nature isauthentic. So I must make my
decisions based on my essentialnature, not on my core fear.
Merry Elkins (18:38):
So this is you so there's a wheel of fear and a
wheel
Rhonda Britten (18:43):
of Freedom.
Merry Elkins (18:45):
Freedom. That's pretty amazing. How did you come
up with that?
Rhonda Britten (18:50):
Oh, god. God told me. God, I am not smart
enough. I'm not smart enough forthat.
Merry Elkins (18:56):
I mean, can
Rhonda Britten (18:57):
you I was I was was working with clients for,
you know, many years, and thenit just started forming. You
know, like, one client, youknow, I I formed part of it and
then bunch of other clients, andthen I formed another part of
it. And then eventually, youknow, I hit a tipping point, and
I got it. Mhmm. Again, it was ayou know, I I that's gotta be a
miracle.
It's gotta be God helping me seethat. But then once I once I saw
(19:22):
it was like a door unlocked. Itwas like a it was like the wind.
I could feel the breeze for thefirst time. It was like I could
breathe for the first time.
Because all those years, I waswondering, you know, consciously
and unconsciously, what's wrongwith me? You know, in the middle
of the night, life's not workingfor me. I'm in the middle of the
night going, what's wrong withme? And then when this uncovered
(19:42):
just you know, when I uncoveredit, discovered it, when it was
downloaded and I listened, itwas literally like it changed
everything. It changed my entireperception of myself in the
world.
Mhmm. And as neuroscience says,the only way to change your life
is to change your perception.
Merry Elkins (19:58):
Oh, absolutely. Mhmm.
Cathy Worthington (20:01):
So that's what you call your wheels
technology?
Rhonda Britten (20:04):
Yes. That's right. So each wheel has four
components.
Cathy Worthington (20:07):
And more than two wheels?
Rhonda Britten (20:09):
Nope. There's only two.
Merry Elkins (20:10):
So tell us wheels Tell us the components.
Rhonda Britten (20:13):
Oh, okay. Let me get a let me get my book out,
and I'll show you a picture forthose people that are on video
that can look. So the wheel offear has four components. I'm
just I probably should markthese pages, but well. Okay.
So here we are. We've got fourcomponents. One is number one is
(20:35):
called the trigger. Now thetrigger is what I call your core
fear. Okay.
When you are triggered, right?When you are triggered, you then
move into fear responses. Nowfear responses are all the
things I read out loud already.And, you know, we all know our
fear responses. We all know whatwe what we hate about ourselves
or what we're disappointed inourselves or what why we beat
(20:56):
ourselves up.
Right? So all those things thatyou think are wrong with you,
character flaws, problems, thoseare fear responses. Okay? So
then you start doing your fearresponses to try to fear tells
you to protect yourself, andyou're gonna do these fear
responses to prove to protectyourself. But you and I both
know.
Let's imagine that we peopleplease for the tenth time, the
(21:17):
fifteenth time, the hundredthtime. How disgusted do we get
with ourselves? And how are welike, we're so disappointed.
We're so frustrated withourselves. And so it drops us
into what I call the corenegative feeling.
And you know your core negativefeeling and I know my core
negative feeling. Everybody,when I help guide them, they
pretty much know their corenegative feeling because that is
(21:40):
what you felt many a day. Andwhen you feel that core negative
feeling, it drops you into whatI call self destructive
behaviors. And again, we allknow how we personally self
destruct. Right?
Mhmm. And then those selfdestructive behaviors convince
you even more that you betterget better at hiding. Right?
(22:00):
Mhmm. It is a wheel.
That's why we feel like we're ahamster on a wheel because it
goes around and around andaround until you can get off
anywhere. You can get off beforea fear response, during a fear
response, after a fear response.You can get off while you're
having that feeling before it,after it, or in self
destructive. So you can get offit anytime you become aware that
(22:20):
you're on your wheel of fear,and then you move over to what I
call the wheel of freedom. Sothe core fear is that thing you
do not want anyone to thinkabout you, smell about you, say
about you.
You don't want anyone to everhave this around you. You don't
even want it to to have a scentof it around you. And by the
way, you don't know what it isbecause it was created by the
(22:41):
time you were seven. And so ithid really well because it does
not want to be found because ifit's found, it can't protect
you.
Merry Elkins (22:53):
Wow.
Rhonda Britten (22:53):
So God gave me the exercise.
Merry Elkins (22:58):
And talk about wheel of freedom a little bit.
Rhonda Britten (23:00):
Yeah. Yes. I yeah. I would be happy to. So
the wheel of freedom also hasfour components.
And you're gonna see if, youknow, if if you if if you're
from the Midwest or you haveparents that taught you how to
use a screwdriver and saidrighty tighty, lefty loosey
Merry Elkins (23:16):
Oh, yeah.
Rhonda Britten (23:17):
You're gonna see the right? Right? Mhmm. So the
wheel of fear is righty tightybecause as you're on the wheel,
you get tighter. And you'regonna see that the wheel of
freedom is lefty loosey.
So the first place you go onyour wheel of freedom is what I
call your essential nature.Okay? Now your essential nature
is that part of you that you hida long time ago because it was
(23:39):
not safe to have. For whateverreason, you know, our our wheel
of fear was created, like Isaid, by the time we're seven.
Yes.
It's about environment. Yes.It's about culture. Yes. It's
about who you hang out with.
But it's also been proven nowthat fears are handed down
through our DNA. Oh. So youmight have right? Your wheel of
fear might be from your greatgreat great grandfather. You
(24:00):
might not even know, quote,unquote, why this is your wheel.
K? But I will tell you that whenyou get it, you'll be like, oh.
Right? You're like, I can'tbelieve that. No.
Right? You'll be like, no. Thatcan't be it. You'll you'll push
back on me, and I'll be like,yes. It is.
And I'll be I'll be like, oh, Isee it now. Right? So then the
wheel of freedom so in responseto the wheel of fear, you hid a
(24:22):
little part of yourself awaybecause that little part of you
is precious. And you realize youcannot expose it to the world.
And that is your essentialnature.
And that is the piece of youthat you have. So you have when
life is working. So everybodyprobably has areas of their
life. They're naturally on theirwheel of freedom. Right?
(24:42):
So maybe in your intimaterelationships, you're naturally
on your wheel of freedom. Youhave your essential nature. Life
is good. So the wheel of fear,like I said, only comes up if
you're taking structures candies. And it's probably the
areas where you're having themost difficulty, the most
challenges, the mostinsecurities, right, etcetera,
etcetera.
So the wheel of freedom, youalready know how it feels
because you have been on itbefore. You just haven't been
(25:05):
able to proactively get on it.Right? So my essential nature,
what I hid unconsciously manyyears ago is authenticity.
Merry Elkins (25:17):
Does that mean for you?
Rhonda Britten (25:19):
Well, being true to myself. But first of all, had
to find out who the heck I was.I didn't even know who I was.
And by the way, on my wheel offear, my wheel of fear says,
well, you better not beauthentic, Rhonda, because
they're going to know you're aloser. Because if you're
authentic, they're going to knowyou're a loser.
We got it hidden right now,lady. So when I was 12, 13, 14
(25:43):
years old, I would write E. E.Cummings quote, and I'm going to
butcher it, which is, thehardest fight you'll ever fight
is to be yourself in this world.Right?
And I used to write authenticquotes all the time. I'd write
them down in my journals anddiaries, but I couldn't be that
because I knew you wouldn't likeme. You wouldn't accept me. You
(26:04):
wouldn't when when there wasfear of. Right?
So I hid. Right? I hid myself.So when I am on my wheel of
fear, one of the first things Ido is I ask myself, well, what
would you do if you were beingauthentic? What would your
decision be if you were beingauthentic?
What would you die what wouldyou be dying to do if you were
authentic? What would you say?What would you do? What would
(26:26):
you right? So what doesauthentic feel like?
And in the beginning, I didn'tknow. I had been hiding for so
long. I had no idea who I was,and I had to find that out. And
for months after I, after Irealized this, I walked around
the house going, do I like this?Do I like mason jars?
(26:46):
Do I like roast tea? I don'tknow. Do I like roast tea? Wait
a minute. Do I like iPhone?
I don't know. Do I like thispen? Right? Because my favorite
color was green because mykindergarten boyfriend's color
was green. And when I wasmarried, my favorite food was
Mexican because my husband's wasMexican.
And I really believed it was myfavorite green and favorite
Mexican. I know. When I startwhen I start asking myself, I'm
(27:10):
like, not so much. Not so much.
Cathy Worthington (27:13):
That's a riot. Yeah. Advise us when we
live with someone who has fears.How do you advise us to deal
with them?
Rhonda Britten (27:26):
Well, the first thing
Cathy Worthington (27:26):
is Doesn't everyone have fears? Sorry.
Rhonda Britten (27:29):
Of course, everybody has fears. But this is
the deal. My company is calledFearless Living Institute. So we
do FLI, fly. Right?
Well, F L I also stands forsomething else. It stands for
frequency, length, andintensity. So as you get more
vassal moving between the wheelof fear and the wheel of
(27:51):
freedom, the frequency in whichyou're triggered decreases. The
length that it lasts lessens.The intensity minimizes.
So yes, your wheel of fear maycome up. But instead of it being
an eight or seven or a 10, it'sa two. It's a three because you
recognize it faster. You see itsooner. So it doesn't have to
(28:15):
build up to an eight to 10 toget your attention.
Instead, it gets your attentionat a two. Get your attention at
a three. So you can move muchquicker and much more
effortlessly without as muchquote unquote resistance onto
your wheel of freedom.
Merry Elkins (28:31):
So how do you deal with someone who that you live
with or you love or or a friendwho has these fears? What do you
say to them?
Rhonda Britten (28:40):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, one, everybody has fears.
Right? So two, it's one of themain reasons people actually
don't get fearless.
The fear of what their familythinks, the fear of their
partner, the fear of theirfamily, their friends, their
coworkers. It's one of the mainreasons people stop actually
moving forward. So this is whatI wanna say first of all is if
(29:01):
that is somebody who's listeningto us right now and you're
afraid to move forward becauseyou're worried about what they
might think, if you learnsomething, you know, you're
gonna get kicked out of thetribe, so to speak, then I want
you to hear this. Then you aredeciding that that person or
those people are running yourlife. Meaning you'd rather have
(29:24):
their adoration and love thanyour own self love.
You'd rather have them be incharge. So if you want them to
be in charge of your life, letthem be in charge, but then you
can't complain. And you knowwhat? Give them the keys. Let
them have it all.
And so what we do is wecomplain, right, because those
(29:46):
people are keeping us down, butwe're the ones that gave them
the lock and the key. We're theones that did
Merry Elkins (29:52):
it Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (29:52):
By giving them more power over our lives. And
then when we do that, we don'tactually have sovereignty. We
don't have agency. Right? Wedon't have personal power.
Merry Elkins (29:59):
I get it.
Rhonda Britten (30:00):
Right? Right? So when we have these people that
we love that have fears, andagain, they all will, everybody
does. The first thing is, one,the more you know your will of
fear, the more you'll see theirwill of fear. And so you'll know
what's up for them.
And so you'll have a lot morecompassion, a lot more empathy,
and you'll be a lot more gentlewith them. And you won't be
(30:21):
threatened by their, what areyou doing? What are going on?
Why are you doing that? Right?
You won't be threatened by that.You'll be like, well, of course
they're doing that because Iknow I was afraid. And now
they're acting, of course.Right? So you go
Merry Elkins (30:32):
That makes so much sense.
Rhonda Britten (30:33):
Right? Your heart open. Yeah. You have more
compassion. So one of the thingsthat I invite people to do when
they begin this journey offearless living is be gentle
with yourself.
Be gentle with yourself. You'reyou're gonna open up. You're
gonna get become more aware. Andon one hand, it's gonna be
revelation revolutionary. It'sgonna be joy filled.
It's gonna be so freeing, andit's gonna feel more meaningful.
(30:56):
It's gonna have you know, feellike you have you have your
power back. And on the otherhand, you know, there might be
people in your life that arelike, who do you think you are
getting too big for yourbritches? Right? Mhmm.
Yeah. But you have to rememberthat they're in fear when they
say that.
Merry Elkins (31:09):
Yeah. Well, you've said you've said make fears your
friends. So give us a few tipson how.
Rhonda Britten (31:18):
Well, I'm I'm gonna suggest one is actually
starting to keep track of yourfear responses so you can
actually start seeing them forwhat they are and change the
label. So instead of saying,beating yourself up, what's
wrong with me? You're gonnashift it to, oh, that's a fear
response. Just taking awaybeating ourselves up is gonna
(31:42):
create so much more space and somuch more luxuriousness and
generosity in our being. It'sgonna give us more brain space,
more heart space to actuallyhave the courage to take bigger
risks.
Merry Elkins (31:51):
Heart space. Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (31:53):
Yes. It's get bigger heart space. Right?
Because you have more more toshare about yourself. So that's
the first thing.
Just being able to shift thelabel of what's wrong with me
to, oh, that's a fear response.So that's first. Mhmm. The
second thing is, again, I'mgonna say be gentle with
yourself because this is aopportunity for you to increase
(32:14):
your heart space, to you to toincrease your soul connection,
for you to increase yourconnection to your intuition,
for you to listen to that thingthat's bigger than you. So be
gentle with yourself becauseyou're gonna be learning things.
You're gonna be seeing things.You're gonna start noticing, oh
my god. I do that when I'mafraid. Oh my god. I'm so
embarrassed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. I can'tbelieve I did that five years
(32:34):
ago. Oh my god. Oh, jeez.
I can't believe right? But,again, it's like, no. That was
when you were that was when youwere afraid. That's natural and
normal. So what would you do ifthat same thing happened and you
were on your will of freedom?
Right? What would you do insteadif you were being authentic in
that moment? Right?
Cathy Worthington (32:51):
Mhmm.
Rhonda Britten (32:51):
So everybody everybody has a different wheel
of fear and wheel of freedom.So, you know, yours might not be
anything like mine. So thewheels are personalized and
unique so that you have anintimate relationship with it.
So you you and your fear knoweach other well because your
wheel of fear is as smart as youare, as educated, as
knowledgeable, and spiritual. Itknows everything you know, and
(33:13):
it uses it all against you.
So you have got to keep yourwits about you and be awake so
that you can see it, again, byacknowledging your fear
responses because those you see,we see those things. So see it,
change the label, be gentle withyourself. If you start doing
those two things, again, you'regonna open your heart, open your
mind, open your beingness.
Cathy Worthington (33:33):
That's great. Is that what your show starting
over was about? Tell us a littlebit about that and how it helped
people.
Rhonda Britten (33:40):
Oh my gosh. So, I have done three television
series. Mhmm. And each one ofthose, was changing people's
lives. So people would come intothe shows depending on which one
was the, you know, differentdifferent ways that I did it.
Cathy Worthington (33:55):
Like, with a live audience?
Rhonda Britten (33:56):
No. No. Just I would I would so I would work
with one person. So the the showin The UK, the first show I did,
I worked with, one person inthirty days. And, really, I
mean, I was working with threepeople at a time, but I would
change your life in thirty days.
So you would come to me and youwould tell me your dream, your
goal, what you wanted to makehappen. And in thirty days, that
would be so. Now on startingover, what I did is the same
(34:19):
thing. People would have a goal,a dream, something they wanted
to happen, and they would alllive in a house. So we had six
women living in a house at anyone time.
And all six women were workingon their goals, their dreams,
their and so I would create amap for them to move out of
that. And I would meet with themon a regular basis, putting them
through exercises. And one ofthe things I didn't know that I
(34:42):
had this skill for that I hadthis gift for was visceral
exercises. So I can create anexercise for anybody to get over
anything. It's one of the thingsI truly can.
So if you have a problem that,like, you can't get over, trust
me. I can I can break it becauseI will come up with a unique
exercise that will shift yourrelationship to it without you
(35:04):
even fighting against it? Right?Because we wanna take away that
barrier. We wanna just make iteasy and effortless.
So I do visceral exercises withpeople, and I create them. So I
do it in VIP days, VIP weekends,and I help you. You tell me what
your biggest problem is. We talkabout it. I create something.
We go do it, and you change.
Merry Elkins (35:22):
That how your literally that how your book
Fearless Living began?
Rhonda Britten (35:26):
Fearless Living began because of all the
hundreds of people that I didtheir reels. And then I was
speaking to audiences at thetime. I was doing keynotes and
speaking and also teaching. Andeverybody would ask me to, can
you write a book? Because Iwanna send it to my cousin in
Alabama.
Right? I wanna send you a book.Do you have a book yet? Do you
have a book yet? And the firstthing I did when I first started
(35:48):
speaking is I recorded everytalk I did on cassette because
that's all we had back then.
Yeah. Because I've been doing itfor thirty years. Right? I would
bring my cassette recorder tothe, you know, the speaking
event, and I'd put on the micattached to the, you know,
cassette recorder. And I'd goover to the cassette recorder,
right, and push the buttonsdown.
(36:08):
Right? And then I would sellthose cassette recorders, Rhonda
Britten Live, because I'd met atthem so they could hear my talk.
So people had my voice, and theyhad some little books that I had
made self published. And theyjust wanted a book. And so I
eventually got around tofiguring out how to do that
because that was a die for me.
(36:30):
Everything on my journey hasbeen a die. Becoming a coach was
a die. Starting to work withprivate
Cathy Worthington (36:35):
clients I don't understand what you mean
by that. Lisa, explain.
Rhonda Britten (36:39):
So so one of the things yeah. Yeah. So one of the
things. Yeah. So one of thetools that I have is called
stretch, risk, or die.
And it's actually the tool thatI wanna give your listeners
today. Okay. Because it's one ofmy clients and students' very
favorite tools. So you basicallyhave a comfort zone, right? We
all have a comfort zone.
(37:00):
And then around the comfortzone, we have a stretch zone.
Around the stretch, we have arisk zone. And outside the risk
zone, have a die zone. And sowhat happens is when we have a
goal, a dream, something we wantto make happen, our body, our
health, money, whatever it is,anytime you want to move from
the comfort zone, which by theway, in the definition of
fearless living is what yourlife is right now. So whether
(37:22):
you're happy, not happy,married, not happy, whatever
your life is right now, I'mgonna call your comfort zone.
Okay? Because you know it.You're miserable. Right? So
anytime you wanna get into yourstretch zone, you have to
actually go through the wheel offear.
Do you wanna get to your riskzone? Gotta go through the wheel
of fear. Go to the die zone? Yougotta go through the wheel of
fear. So what makes the stretchrisk and die zone different?
(37:44):
It is the level of intensity ofemotional fear. So stretches are
things you know you can do, butyou just haven't done them.
Right? Like, I know I can walk10 miles. Have I walked 10 miles
lately?
No. Right? Mhmm. No. So we weall have things we know we could
do.
We could drink more water. Wecould eat more vegetables. We
(38:05):
could take our vitamins. We knowwe can do this. We just don't do
it.
Right? So it's a stretch zone.The risk zone is, I don't know
if I can do it. Maybe, maybenot. It's not a guarantee.
Right? The stretch is, I know Ican do it. Risk is, I could and
I couldn't do it. I I might besuccessful. I might fail.
Cathy Worthington (38:23):
So this is what you teach in the Fearless
Living Institute. You're
Rhonda Britten (38:27):
Oh, this is one tool. I have many, many, many
tools. Yeah. This is one of myclients' very favorite tools
because it's so immediate, andyou can put it to use right
away. So you put your dream orgoal up.
And with the free course I'dlike to give your listeners,
fearlessliving.org/risk,RSK.They go put their name and email
(38:47):
in. I'm gonna give them accessto the platform, give them
access to the stretch, risk, anddie course so they can actually
learn how to what's stoppingthem, how fear works with the
stretch, risk, and die, and howto switch it so that your
comfort zone becomes you know,takes over your stretch zone,
takes over your risk zone. Andso what used to be dyes are now
comfort zone. Right?
(39:08):
So that's what we want. Yes. Andso so inside the course is a
workbook. It also has worksheetsin there so you can have
templates. So if it's health orbusiness or love or family, you
have templates in there.
And it's three fifteen minutevideos for gosh sakes. Right?
Anybody can do it in an hour.Right? So and and by the way,
(39:28):
the last video, I show you thewheel of fear so you can
actually see the wheel of fearin motion.
So go tofearlessliving.org/risk,risk,
and you're gonna get access tomy stretchers can die course,
which is, like I said, one of myclients' very, very favorite
exercise. Everybody needs dothat.
Merry Elkins (39:47):
Right? What would you say to older people who've
lost a spouse or grieving thedeath of a loved one, and
they're still hanging on to apast life, and they're afraid to
move forward? What would you sayto them?
Rhonda Britten (40:02):
Grief is love that has nowhere to go. Grief is
just signal and a sign of love.And grief can last a year, ten
years. I didn't grieve myparents until ten years after
they died because I was just infreeze. Right?
(40:23):
I didn't grieve them. I justpretended it didn't exist. And
it was only after I had a badbreakup that that bad breakup
was like their death. It, like,brought their death to the
surface. Right?
Understandable. That that
Merry Elkins (40:40):
causes grief too.
Rhonda Britten (40:42):
Yeah. So that bad breakup was devastating, and
it brought all my parents' stuffup.
Cathy Worthington (40:48):
Yeah. And that's my first know when we all
know these people who arehanging on to the past and
grieving, what do we say tothem? Do you have some advice
for us?
Rhonda Britten (40:59):
Yes. You first of you love them. Right?
Merry Elkins (41:01):
And you
Rhonda Britten (41:01):
be gentle with them. And then you ask you can
ask them questions like so forinstance, I don't know how long
it's been, but I'm gonna give myI'm gonna give a silly example
for me. Okay? K. When I wasgoing through my divorce, I
would talk about my divorce adnauseam all the time.
I didn't know I was doing it, bythe way. Talk about it ad
nauseam. And about a year and ahalf after my divorce, one of my
(41:25):
friends said to me so bravely,it was shocking. She said to me,
Rhonda, we're tired of listeningto it. Yeah.
And I was like, what? Listeningto what? She goes, we're done
listening about your divorce.And I was so shocked because I
again, when you're in your life,you don't even think you're
(41:46):
doing that. You don't thinkyou're you don't think you're
talking about it at nauseam.
Right? You just think you'retalking. Right?
Cathy Worthington (41:50):
Unless someone tells you.
Rhonda Britten (41:52):
Right. And they were brave enough to tell me.
Now would I say that to somebodywho's who her spouse has died?
No. But what I might say is,well, do you wanna stay here
with us and and and engage withlife, or how do you want me to
support you?
What do you need right now? Doyou wanna go have a cup of tea?
Or let's go dancing. Well, Icouldn't possibly go dancing.
(42:12):
Well, let's just try.
Let's just do it. Dancing's fun.Dancing's fun. Let let's go do
it. Well, I don't think come on.
Let's do it. Right? So they'vegotta feel their spark of life
again, and that is moving theirbody. That's one way to get to
to move their body. And then, ofcourse, to invite them into
seeing new experiencing newthings.
(42:32):
Take them to a museum. You know?Teach them how to do knitting.
Right? Like, again, somethingnew to spark that curiosity and
that aliveness to have themchoose to be engaged with life
again.
Mhmm. And, of course, just lovethem the whole gosh darn time.
Mhmm.
Cathy Worthington (42:49):
Good advice. And what would you like our
audience to have as a takeawaytoday, Rhonda?
Rhonda Britten (42:55):
Oh, I want everybody who's listening to my
voice right now to just shuttheir eyes for a second. And I
want you to take this in and Iwant you to let it wash over
your body and soak into yourbones. There is nothing wrong
with you. It's just fear. Thereis nothing wrong with you.
It's just fear. There is nothingwrong with you. It's just fear.
Let that soak into your bones tohelp make that a reality because
(43:17):
that is the truth. There isnothing wrong with you.
It's just fear.
Merry Elkins (43:22):
And fear is your friend. Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (43:24):
It's just giving you information.
Merry Elkins (43:29):
Powerful. Rhonda, thank you.
Rhonda Britten (43:31):
You're welcome.
Merry Elkins (43:32):
Our guest today on Late Boomers has been Rhonda
Britton, fearless life coach,founder of the Fearless Living
Institute, author, televisionpersonality. You can reach
Rhonda through her website,fearlessliving.org. And as she
said, take a free class from herat just go on to
(43:54):
fearlessliving.org/risk,risk,and thank you again, Rhonda.
Cathy Worthington (44:02):
Yeah. Tune in next week when we'll be meeting
another exciting guest, andplease subscribe to our late
boomers podcast on YouTube, andtake us along in the car and on
walks on your favorite audioplatform. Let us know what gets
you inspired. We are onInstagram at I am Kathy
Worthington and at I am MaryElkins and at late boomers.
(44:23):
Please share the late boomerspodcast info with your friends
who may not yet be listening topodcasts.
Thanks again, Rhonda.
Merry Elkins (44:32):
Yeah. Be fearless. Be fearless.
Cathy Worthington (44:36):
Be fearless. Thank you for joining us on late
boomers, the podcast that isyour guide to creating a third
act with style, power, andimpact. Please visit our website
(44:57):
and get in touch with us at lateboomers dot biz. If you would
like to listen to or downloadother episodes of late boomers,
go to ewnpodcastnetwork.com.
Merry Elkins (45:09):
This podcast is also available on Spotify, Apple
Podcast, and most other majorpodcast sites. We hope you make
use of the wisdom you've gainedhere and that you enjoy a
successful third act with yourown style, power, and impact.
This is the EWN Podcast Network.
Cathy Worthington (00:14):
Welcome to late boomers, our podcast guide
to creating your third act withstyle, power, and impact. Hi.
I'm Kathy Worthington.
Merry Elkins (00:24):
And I'm Mary Elkins. Join us as we bring you
conversations with successfulentrepreneurs, entertainers, and
people with vision who aremaking a difference in the
world.
Cathy Worthington (00:34):
Everyone has a story, and we'll take you
along for the ride on eachinterview, recounting the
journey our guests have taken toget where they are, inspiring
you to create your own path tosuccess. Let's get started.
Hello. I'm Kathy Worthington.Welcome to our newest episode of
(00:55):
late boomers.
Our very special guest today isRhonda Britton, life coach and
the Emmy winning creator andhost of NBC's reality show
starting over. In addition toher own show, Rhonda has
appeared on Oprah, Steve Harvey,the Today Show, and many more.
Merry Elkins (01:13):
And I'm Mary Elkins. She's also the author of
four best selling books,including her groundbreaking
work, Fearless Living. She's thefounder of Fearless Living
Institute and is a known experton overcoming fear. She has a
story that shocked me and willshock you about how she
surmounted obstacles andconquered fear in her own life.
(01:36):
Welcome, Rhonda.
Rhonda Britten (01:38):
Well, thank you. I love that. I love how you guys
share the intro. That's so cool.I feel so I feel hugged.
Cathy Worthington (01:46):
Thank you. Thank you. Well, please tell our
boomers your story and how youcame to realize that you could
overcome adversity and conquerfear and lead a successful
fearless life.
Rhonda Britten (01:59):
Oh, that's a loaded question. Well, first of
all, I believe that any hardday, any horrific day, the most
difficult times of our liveshave the seat of our destiny in
it. So if everyone could justlook at their past and just look
at the days that we're justlike, ugh. Right? I bet you can
draw a line from those days to,you know, ten, twenty years
(02:21):
later and where you are and howit's how it supported you to
unfold.
So I didn't know that, ofcourse, when it's happening, we
don't know when it's happeningto us. So you're talking about
when I was 14 years old, myworst day of my life. I was 14
years old, and I grew up in alittle tiny town in Upper
Michigan, the UP. And, the townhad two restaurants, fancy
Douglas House Buffet Hotel andBig Boy. McDonald's was an hour
(02:44):
and a half away.
We didn't have anything thatfancy. And, it was Father's Day,
and my parents had recentlyseparated. So my father was
coming to take us out to Sundaybrunch, which was a big deal
because five you know, threekids, two adults, that's five
people. That's a lot of money.Yeah.
So I was pretty excited. My Iwas in my mom's room, and she's
fluffing up her beehive hairdoand putting on her blue
eyeshadow and her rose coloredlipstick. And my two sisters are
(03:07):
in our one bathroom fighting itout, and my dad comes in the
back door. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Because that's whatdads do. And so me and my mom
start walking towards the backdoor. And as we get there, my
father realizes it's starting torain. So he says he has to get
his coat from the car.
Now this coat is a tan Naugahydeleisure suit coat. And, I think
(03:28):
we all remember that leisuresuit coats were hot and my
father with his polyester pantsand his checkered shirt looked
pretty good. Right? So my sistergreat. Right?
He's looking pretty good in thatnaga hide. So he opens the trunk
to grab the coat. My sister isstill in the bathroom fighting
it out. And out of the corner ofmy eye, I noticed my father is
not grabbing a coat, but he'sgrabbing a gun. And he starts
(03:49):
yelling at my mother, you mademe do this.
You made me do this. And hefires. And I start screaming,
dad, what are you doing, dad?What are you doing? Stop.
And he takes the gun, and hepoints it at me, and I think I'm
next. And he blinks. I blink. Heblinks. I blink.
And then my mother, who alreadyhas one bullet in her, with her
last breath literally says, no.Stop. Don't. And my father in
(04:13):
that moment, realizing my motheris still alive, takes my bullet,
the bullet intended for me, andshoots her a second time. And
that second bullet goes throughher abdomen, out her back, lands
at the car horn.
And for the next twenty minutes,all we heard is
Merry Elkins (04:27):
Oh my
Rhonda Britten (04:28):
And then my father cocked the gun a third
time, put the gun to his head,and fired. In a matter of less
than two front of you. Yep. Inless than two minutes, I was the
sole witness of watching myfather murder my mother and
commit suicide in front of me.Now I don't know how you guys
would respond, but this is how Iresponded.
It has to be my fault because Iwas the only physically one
there that could have stoppedit. Right? I I was the only one
(04:49):
with them, and I didn't grab thegun, and I didn't kick my
father's shins, and I didn'tjump in front of my mother. So I
did nothing heroic. And so I I II on that day, I basically split
into two.
It was the outside Rhonda andthe inside Rhonda. The outside
Rhonda, straight a studentstill, class president. I'm
fine. Sang the solos. Dideverything.
I'm fine. No. I'm fine.Everything's fine. I'm fine.
(05:12):
The inside Rhonda, on the otherhand, you know, self defecation,
self hatred, guilt, shame, justcrawling through glass,
basically, because I didn't havea right to be alive. Because
when you by the way, when youwatch your mother die and you
don't do anything, you don't getto be happy. So that's off the
table. And so I, went tocollege. And then by the time I
(05:33):
got to college, I I went toMinnesota, so nobody knew about
my story, and I found alcohol.
Oh, how lovely. And so I starteddrinking and eventually became
an alcoholic. And then duringthose years of drinking, I got
three DUIs, and I tried to killmyself three times. And that
third suicide attempt, Irealized something that I am not
(05:54):
very good at killing myself, notvery skilled.
Merry Elkins (05:56):
You're too loud.
Rhonda Britten (05:57):
Yeah. Not skilled. So by the way, when you
try to kill yourself threetimes, they do put you in a
psychiatric ward, and they doevaluate you. And I was in there
for a few days. I was deemed notcrazy, and they sent me home.
Now I wanted to say one thingthat during all this suiciding
and DUIing and drinking, I wasalso going to therapy, going to
(06:18):
workshops, reading books. Imean, I read my first self help
book when I was 12. And when Iwas 13, I wanted to be a
minister. So I was very muchactively trying to pursue
healing for myself. But as I satthere after my third suicide
attempt and I'm home by myself,I'm sitting there thinking, have
a lot of knowledge.
I have a lot of tools. But Istill fundamentally think
(06:41):
something's wrong with me. Ihave to start over. I have to
start all over. None of that hashelped me.
So I think to myself, wait aminute. What do kindergarteners
do? Well, kindergarteners get acalendar and gold stars. So I
went to the store, got acalendar, got some gold stars.
And by the way, still have thiscalendar.
And for the next thirty days, Igave myself a gold star for any
(07:03):
time I did anything positive. Ilove that. About drinking and
not getting or or getting angryand not breaking anything.
Merry Elkins (07:11):
We can all do that at any age.
Rhonda Britten (07:13):
Oh, absolutely. And so after thirty days and I
had a calendar filled with goldstars, that gave me hope. But it
also made me realize maybe therewas a reason I was alive. Maybe
there was a reason that I didn'tdie. And that became my quest to
figure out why I was here.
Merry Elkins (07:32):
And fear and being fearless is definitely one of
them. But you were actuallyrather than feeling guilty and
like you were to blame for yourmother and father's death, you
were afraid, weren't you?
Rhonda Britten (07:47):
Yes. But I had no relationship to fear. So the
thing is is that I think a lotof people don't have a
relationship with fear. I don'tthink I'm alone. I mean, even if
I was when I was drinking andtrying to kill myself and going
to do DUIs, if you would haveasked me if I was scared, I
would have said no.
Merry Elkins (08:04):
Even when that gun was pointed at you, you weren't
scared? I'm shaking right nowhearing your story.
Rhonda Britten (08:10):
Well, you have to remember. Yep. It happened so
fast. I didn't feel anything.Right?
Like, happened too fast. Youcan't faint. But But afterwards,
I mean, even when we lived byourselves, me and my sisters, we
you know, like, nobody came tocare for us. Nobody came and fed
us. We took care of ourselves.
And I would if you would haveasked me if I was afraid or
scared, would have said nobecause, one, I'm from Upper
Michigan. We don't feel. Two,I'm a % finished. We don't feel.
(08:35):
Three, we never talked aboutfeelings.
And four, I think most peopledon't have a relationship to
fear. So I didn't know I wasafraid until I started moving
through my next healing journey,which then I started having
relationship with fear. And itblew my mind that I had been
(08:55):
living in fear for almost twentyyears and didn't even know I had
fear. And, again, I don't livealone. I think most people are
like me.
Merry Elkins (09:03):
Oh, yeah. I mean, what do you say to people who
who you work with who live infear? I mean and I have to ask
you too. Do you still havefears?
Rhonda Britten (09:13):
Well, fears never go away. Oh, I shouldn't
say that. Fear is always with usbecause it's part of our
neurobiology. So there's nogetting rid of fear, but there
is transforming fear.
Merry Elkins (09:22):
Fight or flight.
Rhonda Britten (09:23):
So yeah. Fight or flight. But that's a generic
version. We wanna actually getit personalized. So, I mean, I
don't think what we walk aroundgoing, I'm in fight or flight.
Right? We instead, we say,what's wrong with me? Why am I
doing this? Right? And then weblame ourselves.
And if you don't mind, I'll giveyou all a little quiz. I'll give
a I'll give everybody listening
Cathy Worthington (09:42):
Oh, shakes.
Rhonda Britten (09:43):
Yeah. Uh-oh. Scary.
Merry Elkins (09:44):
I prefer Go ahead.
Rhonda Britten (09:47):
You like a little quiz? Okay. So one of the
things that I have to transcendwhen I speak or teach or, you
know, coach is actually havingpeople recognize that they do
have fear and how much of fearthey have. So I have a little
quiz that I give people. And ifyou can shut your eyes, if
you're safe, if you're driving,don't do it.
(10:07):
Right? If you're safe, shut youreyes. And then safe here. Yeah.
Safe here.
Can take We can do it. And thennod your head if you do any of
these things or feel any ofthese things.
Merry Elkins (10:18):
I'm nodding already.
Rhonda Britten (10:20):
Okay. You're a good student. Good job. Okay. So
here it goes.
So if you're listening, go aheadand get those eyes closed if
you're able and and nod yourhead. Do you ever deny yourself?
Do you ever isolate? Do you everpretend everything's okay when
it's not? Do you ever hide out?
Do you ever secretly whine? Doyou compare? Do you manipulate?
(10:40):
Do you get defensive? Do youjudge?
Do you complain? How aboutprocrastinate? What about worry,
struggle, weight, and call itpatience? Do you find yourself
blaming, deflecting? What abouttrying to be in control?
Do you ever feel bitter? Do youever feel powerless? What about
dissatisfied, resentful,entitled? Do you ever feel
(11:04):
guilty, disappointed? Do youfind yourself being a
perfectionist or a peoplepleaser, Indifferent?
Do you feel irritated like youmight now with your head nodding
so much? Overwhelming. Right? Dofeel overwhelmed? Right?
Do you feel overwhelmed? Howabout ignored? Getting caught in
self pity, annoyed, or caught invictimization?
Merry Elkins (11:22):
All of the above.
Cathy Worthington (11:23):
I mean
Rhonda Britten (11:24):
All of the above. Okay. So so, Mary, you
are a good student, like I said.So when I speak to a thousand
people or a hundred people, 95%have over 95%. And I dare say
most, if they're brave, will saya %.
And then we and then we once ina while, a random person goes, I
have 20%. And I look at it. Igo, liar, liar, pants on fire.
Right? Liar, liar.
(11:44):
Because not admitting you dothese things actually stops you
from growing. You want to admitthat you do these things. And
so, Mary and and, Mary, I Iwanna say that one of the things
that we do one of the firstthings we can do is actually
start instead of seeing these asproblems, right, like, these are
character defects. Oh, what'swrong with me? I'm judging.
Oh, what's wrong with me? I'mprocrastinating. Oh god. I'm
(12:05):
people pleasing. I gotta stopdoing that.
Ah. Right? And we beat ourselvesup and put ourselves down.
Instead, if we simply call themfear responses. Because you
wouldn't procrastinate if youdidn't have fear.
You wouldn't feel guilty if youdidn't have fear. You wouldn't
get anxious if you didn't gethave fear. You wouldn't complain
if you didn't have fear. Sowe're get caught up in the, you
(12:26):
know, changing the chairs on theTitanic, right, and focused on
what we call and problems.Right?
So we we're looking at ourcharacter we call them character
defects or problems, but really,they're just fear responses. And
so once we can see that, we canchange it.
Merry Elkins (12:41):
I love that. I I am shaking my head to everything
and thinking, oh my god. Becausewhen I do feel those feelings, I
think you shouldn't feel thatway.
Rhonda Britten (12:51):
Right. And and, of course, you quote, unquote
should in the sense of if fearis on patrol. And so, basically,
those fear responses are analert, and they're telling you a
few different things. One,they're telling you that you're
moving into the unknown. Andthis is you may or may not know
it either because it might besomething that's just brewing
inside of you, and your energyfield is already, like, reaching
(13:13):
beyond and starting to go out inthe world, and you can feel that
energy spike.
You can you may not evennecessarily feel it feel it if
you're not HSP, a highlysensitive person, or you're
having different thoughts. Like,you haven't dated in twenty
years and you're thinking aboutit. You know? That activates
your fear. So whenever you gointo the unknown, whenever
you're going to take what I calla stretch, risk, or die, your
(13:35):
wheel of fear, what I call thewheel of fear, is gonna be
activated.
So the good news is whenever youdo find yourself complaining or
whenever you do find yourselfjudging, If you can stay awake
and aware and say to yourself,not beat yourself up for it and
say, go, oh, wait. My wheel offear has been activated. Wait a
minute. That's a fear response.
Cathy Worthington (13:53):
Well, you please explain about fear of
risk? How does one how does onetake more risks and make better
decisions and live morefearlessly in their business and
in their lives?
Rhonda Britten (14:07):
I love that question. Yeah. I love that
question. So it's one of thereasons why I created the wheel
of fear. So the wheel of fearUh-huh.
Yep. The wheel of fear. So thewheel of fear is what stops you
from taking risk. K?
Cathy Worthington (14:20):
Mhmm.
Rhonda Britten (14:20):
So the wheel of fear has you, and it has tricked
you into believing that thatrisk is dangerous. And it might
make it, you know, like a crazyidea, or maybe a friend doesn't
think you should do it, or maybeit's like you have to learn
something new. Or, again,whatever it is, there is
something about it that is likewhat I said, a stretch, risk, or
(14:41):
die. So the wheel of fear doesnot want you to take stretch,
risk, or dies. So the wheel offear doesn't care about your
happiness, and it could careless if you take a stretch,
risk, or die.
Fear's only job is to keep youthe same and the safe safe,
same, and stuck because the onlyway it can keep you alive, it
thinks, is by keeping you theway you are now. So all it will
(15:04):
lead you to is looking in thepast for a solution. That's all
it will do. It'll go go overthere. Remember what go over go
in the past.
And that's why we drudge up ourpast because fear goes, well,
I've kept her alive this long.I'm pretty amazing. So she just
has to do more of that. Right?And even though we're like, no.
I don't wanna do that. But fearis going, no. It's a really good
idea. Do that. Oh, jeez.
Merry Elkins (15:26):
So have
Cathy Worthington (15:26):
an actual character that we can Ah, it is.
You can name it with a capitalf. Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (15:34):
Yeah. Fear loves you. Fear loves you, and it just
wants to keep you safe becauseit still thinks you're six years
old.
Merry Elkins (15:40):
Well, I am swarming in my seat here, and
you'll see it on YouTube,because I'm basically going
through all that right now in myown life. And what do you tell
people who are afraid to takerisks? Because maybe they'll
say, like you said, I don't feelI'm good enough, or I'm afraid
something will will hurt me, orI don't know. I could go on.
(16:03):
What do you tell those people?
Rhonda Britten (16:04):
Those are all the imaginations around.
Merry Elkins (16:06):
To make a bad decision.
Rhonda Britten (16:08):
Right. But that's an illusion. Those are
all illusions. Those are allthings made up from the past.
They have nothing to do withreality.
So but we don't see that becauseit feels real. Right? So so
that's the thing. It feels realbecause we have a memory of it
from the past, and so it feelsreal. And then other people are
telling us things or we'relistening to things or we're
(16:28):
hearing things.
And that also contributes to thefeeling of like, well, yes. I'm
smart for not doing that. Butthen, of course, your soul is
tapping you on the shoulder andgo, let's do it. Let's do it.
Let's do it.
And you're like, no. I gottawait for a minute. I gotta I
gotta just wait. Right? Sobottom line is we have to start
having a conversation with ourlovely wheel of fear.
And so everybody has what I calla core fear. And so when you say
(16:53):
to me, oh, gotta take a risk.Oh, I don't know if I should
take the risk. I don't wannamake a bad decision. Well, even
your idea of not wanting to makea bad decision is compromising
your soul calling.
Because even worrying aboutmaking a bad decision is putting
you into a level of attachmentto having to be right. And so
(17:14):
one of the that I teach myclients is you have to be
willing to be wrong. Are youwilling to be wrong about
everything to find the rightlife for you? Are you willing to
be wrong about everything tofind the right life for you? And
what you're not willing to bewrong about is where you're
attached and where fear has you.
So are you willing to be wrong?Are you willing to be like,
well, okay. I make a baddecision. Who cares? I'm gonna
(17:35):
make the best decision I canright now.
And, again, once you understandwhat your core fear is, you'll
be able to see, oh, that's why Idon't wanna do it. So for
instance, I'll tell you my corefear. My core fear is loser.
Okay? I don't wanna be seen as aloser or thought of as a loser.
Right? So let's say I've gottamake a decision. If my fear's in
charge, I'm probably gonna notmake a bold decision because
(17:58):
what if I fail? What if I lose?What if something bad happens?
So my wheel of fear has gone,well, you better not do that
because then everyone's gonnaknow you're a big old loser. And
I'm like, yeah. You're right. Ibetter not do that. Right?
But we have the lovely wheel offreedom over here that we can
(18:19):
move from the wheel of fear tothe wheel of freedom. And we can
instead access what we call whatI call my your essential nature.
And my essential nature isauthentic. So I must make my
decisions based on my essentialnature, not on my core fear.
Merry Elkins (18:38):
So this is you so there's a wheel of fear and a
wheel
Rhonda Britten (18:43):
of Freedom.
Merry Elkins (18:45):
Freedom. That's pretty amazing. How did you come
up with that?
Rhonda Britten (18:50):
Oh, god. God told me. God, I am not smart
enough. I'm not smart enough forthat.
Merry Elkins (18:56):
I mean, can
Rhonda Britten (18:57):
you I was I was was working with clients for,
you know, many years, and thenit just started forming. You
know, like, one client, youknow, I I formed part of it and
then bunch of other clients, andthen I formed another part of
it. And then eventually, youknow, I hit a tipping point, and
I got it. Mhmm. Again, it was ayou know, I I that's gotta be a
miracle.
It's gotta be God helping me seethat. But then once I once I saw
(19:22):
it was like a door unlocked. Itwas like a it was like the wind.
I could feel the breeze for thefirst time. It was like I could
breathe for the first time.
Because all those years, I waswondering, you know, consciously
and unconsciously, what's wrongwith me? You know, in the middle
of the night, life's not workingfor me. I'm in the middle of the
night going, what's wrong withme? And then when this uncovered
(19:42):
just you know, when I uncoveredit, discovered it, when it was
downloaded and I listened, itwas literally like it changed
everything. It changed my entireperception of myself in the
world.
Mhmm. And as neuroscience says,the only way to change your life
is to change your perception.
Merry Elkins (19:58):
Oh, absolutely. Mhmm.
Cathy Worthington (20:01):
So that's what you call your wheels
technology?
Rhonda Britten (20:04):
Yes. That's right. So each wheel has four
components.
Cathy Worthington (20:07):
And more than two wheels?
Rhonda Britten (20:09):
Nope. There's only two.
Merry Elkins (20:10):
So tell us wheels Tell us the components.
Rhonda Britten (20:13):
Oh, okay. Let me get a let me get my book out,
and I'll show you a picture forthose people that are on video
that can look. So the wheel offear has four components. I'm
just I probably should markthese pages, but well. Okay.
So here we are. We've got fourcomponents. One is number one is
(20:35):
called the trigger. Now thetrigger is what I call your core
fear. Okay.
When you are triggered, right?When you are triggered, you then
move into fear responses. Nowfear responses are all the
things I read out loud already.And, you know, we all know our
fear responses. We all know whatwe what we hate about ourselves
or what we're disappointed inourselves or what why we beat
(20:56):
ourselves up.
Right? So all those things thatyou think are wrong with you,
character flaws, problems, thoseare fear responses. Okay? So
then you start doing your fearresponses to try to fear tells
you to protect yourself, andyou're gonna do these fear
responses to prove to protectyourself. But you and I both
know.
Let's imagine that we peopleplease for the tenth time, the
(21:17):
fifteenth time, the hundredthtime. How disgusted do we get
with ourselves? And how are welike, we're so disappointed.
We're so frustrated withourselves. And so it drops us
into what I call the corenegative feeling.
And you know your core negativefeeling and I know my core
negative feeling. Everybody,when I help guide them, they
pretty much know their corenegative feeling because that is
(21:40):
what you felt many a day. Andwhen you feel that core negative
feeling, it drops you into whatI call self destructive
behaviors. And again, we allknow how we personally self
destruct. Right?
Mhmm. And then those selfdestructive behaviors convince
you even more that you betterget better at hiding. Right?
(22:00):
Mhmm. It is a wheel.
That's why we feel like we're ahamster on a wheel because it
goes around and around andaround until you can get off
anywhere. You can get off beforea fear response, during a fear
response, after a fear response.You can get off while you're
having that feeling before it,after it, or in self
destructive. So you can get offit anytime you become aware that
(22:20):
you're on your wheel of fear,and then you move over to what I
call the wheel of freedom. Sothe core fear is that thing you
do not want anyone to thinkabout you, smell about you, say
about you.
You don't want anyone to everhave this around you. You don't
even want it to to have a scentof it around you. And by the
way, you don't know what it isbecause it was created by the
(22:41):
time you were seven. And so ithid really well because it does
not want to be found because ifit's found, it can't protect
you.
Merry Elkins (22:53):
Wow.
Rhonda Britten (22:53):
So God gave me the exercise.
Merry Elkins (22:58):
And talk about wheel of freedom a little bit.
Rhonda Britten (23:00):
Yeah. Yes. I yeah. I would be happy to. So
the wheel of freedom also hasfour components.
And you're gonna see if, youknow, if if you if if you're
from the Midwest or you haveparents that taught you how to
use a screwdriver and saidrighty tighty, lefty loosey
Merry Elkins (23:16):
Oh, yeah.
Rhonda Britten (23:17):
You're gonna see the right? Right? Mhmm. So the
wheel of fear is righty tightybecause as you're on the wheel,
you get tighter. And you'regonna see that the wheel of
freedom is lefty loosey.
So the first place you go onyour wheel of freedom is what I
call your essential nature.Okay? Now your essential nature
is that part of you that you hida long time ago because it was
(23:39):
not safe to have. For whateverreason, you know, our our wheel
of fear was created, like Isaid, by the time we're seven.
Yes.
It's about environment. Yes.It's about culture. Yes. It's
about who you hang out with.
But it's also been proven nowthat fears are handed down
through our DNA. Oh. So youmight have right? Your wheel of
fear might be from your greatgreat great grandfather. You
(24:00):
might not even know, quote,unquote, why this is your wheel.
K? But I will tell you that whenyou get it, you'll be like, oh.
Right? You're like, I can'tbelieve that. No.
Right? You'll be like, no. Thatcan't be it. You'll you'll push
back on me, and I'll be like,yes. It is.
And I'll be I'll be like, oh, Isee it now. Right? So then the
wheel of freedom so in responseto the wheel of fear, you hid a
(24:22):
little part of yourself awaybecause that little part of you
is precious. And you realize youcannot expose it to the world.
And that is your essentialnature.
And that is the piece of youthat you have. So you have when
life is working. So everybodyprobably has areas of their
life. They're naturally on theirwheel of freedom. Right?
(24:42):
So maybe in your intimaterelationships, you're naturally
on your wheel of freedom. Youhave your essential nature. Life
is good. So the wheel of fear,like I said, only comes up if
you're taking structures candies. And it's probably the
areas where you're having themost difficulty, the most
challenges, the mostinsecurities, right, etcetera,
etcetera.
So the wheel of freedom, youalready know how it feels
because you have been on itbefore. You just haven't been
(25:05):
able to proactively get on it.Right? So my essential nature,
what I hid unconsciously manyyears ago is authenticity.
Merry Elkins (25:17):
Does that mean for you?
Rhonda Britten (25:19):
Well, being true to myself. But first of all, had
to find out who the heck I was.I didn't even know who I was.
And by the way, on my wheel offear, my wheel of fear says,
well, you better not beauthentic, Rhonda, because
they're going to know you're aloser. Because if you're
authentic, they're going to knowyou're a loser.
We got it hidden right now,lady. So when I was 12, 13, 14
(25:43):
years old, I would write E. E.Cummings quote, and I'm going to
butcher it, which is, thehardest fight you'll ever fight
is to be yourself in this world.Right?
And I used to write authenticquotes all the time. I'd write
them down in my journals anddiaries, but I couldn't be that
because I knew you wouldn't likeme. You wouldn't accept me. You
(26:04):
wouldn't when when there wasfear of. Right?
So I hid. Right? I hid myself.So when I am on my wheel of
fear, one of the first things Ido is I ask myself, well, what
would you do if you were beingauthentic? What would your
decision be if you were beingauthentic?
What would you die what wouldyou be dying to do if you were
authentic? What would you say?What would you do? What would
(26:26):
you right? So what doesauthentic feel like?
And in the beginning, I didn'tknow. I had been hiding for so
long. I had no idea who I was,and I had to find that out. And
for months after I, after Irealized this, I walked around
the house going, do I like this?Do I like mason jars?
(26:46):
Do I like roast tea? I don'tknow. Do I like roast tea? Wait
a minute. Do I like iPhone?
I don't know. Do I like thispen? Right? Because my favorite
color was green because mykindergarten boyfriend's color
was green. And when I wasmarried, my favorite food was
Mexican because my husband's wasMexican.
And I really believed it was myfavorite green and favorite
Mexican. I know. When I startwhen I start asking myself, I'm
(27:10):
like, not so much. Not so much.
Cathy Worthington (27:13):
That's a riot. Yeah. Advise us when we
live with someone who has fears.How do you advise us to deal
with them?
Rhonda Britten (27:26):
Well, the first thing
Cathy Worthington (27:26):
is Doesn't everyone have fears? Sorry.
Rhonda Britten (27:29):
Of course, everybody has fears. But this is
the deal. My company is calledFearless Living Institute. So we
do FLI, fly. Right?
Well, F L I also stands forsomething else. It stands for
frequency, length, andintensity. So as you get more
vassal moving between the wheelof fear and the wheel of
(27:51):
freedom, the frequency in whichyou're triggered decreases. The
length that it lasts lessens.The intensity minimizes.
So yes, your wheel of fear maycome up. But instead of it being
an eight or seven or a 10, it'sa two. It's a three because you
recognize it faster. You see itsooner. So it doesn't have to
(28:15):
build up to an eight to 10 toget your attention.
Instead, it gets your attentionat a two. Get your attention at
a three. So you can move muchquicker and much more
effortlessly without as muchquote unquote resistance onto
your wheel of freedom.
Merry Elkins (28:31):
So how do you deal with someone who that you live
with or you love or or a friendwho has these fears? What do you
say to them?
Rhonda Britten (28:40):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, one, everybody has fears.
Right? So two, it's one of themain reasons people actually
don't get fearless.
The fear of what their familythinks, the fear of their
partner, the fear of theirfamily, their friends, their
coworkers. It's one of the mainreasons people stop actually
moving forward. So this is whatI wanna say first of all is if
(29:01):
that is somebody who's listeningto us right now and you're
afraid to move forward becauseyou're worried about what they
might think, if you learnsomething, you know, you're
gonna get kicked out of thetribe, so to speak, then I want
you to hear this. Then you aredeciding that that person or
those people are running yourlife. Meaning you'd rather have
(29:24):
their adoration and love thanyour own self love.
You'd rather have them be incharge. So if you want them to
be in charge of your life, letthem be in charge, but then you
can't complain. And you knowwhat? Give them the keys. Let
them have it all.
And so what we do is wecomplain, right, because those
(29:46):
people are keeping us down, butwe're the ones that gave them
the lock and the key. We're theones that did
Merry Elkins (29:52):
it Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (29:52):
By giving them more power over our lives. And
then when we do that, we don'tactually have sovereignty. We
don't have agency. Right? Wedon't have personal power.
Merry Elkins (29:59):
I get it.
Rhonda Britten (30:00):
Right? Right? So when we have these people that
we love that have fears, andagain, they all will, everybody
does. The first thing is, one,the more you know your will of
fear, the more you'll see theirwill of fear. And so you'll know
what's up for them.
And so you'll have a lot morecompassion, a lot more empathy,
and you'll be a lot more gentlewith them. And you won't be
(30:21):
threatened by their, what areyou doing? What are going on?
Why are you doing that? Right?
You won't be threatened by that.You'll be like, well, of course
they're doing that because Iknow I was afraid. And now
they're acting, of course.Right? So you go
Merry Elkins (30:32):
That makes so much sense.
Rhonda Britten (30:33):
Right? Your heart open. Yeah. You have more
compassion. So one of the thingsthat I invite people to do when
they begin this journey offearless living is be gentle
with yourself.
Be gentle with yourself. You'reyou're gonna open up. You're
gonna get become more aware. Andon one hand, it's gonna be
revelation revolutionary. It'sgonna be joy filled.
It's gonna be so freeing, andit's gonna feel more meaningful.
(30:56):
It's gonna have you know, feellike you have you have your
power back. And on the otherhand, you know, there might be
people in your life that arelike, who do you think you are
getting too big for yourbritches? Right? Mhmm.
Yeah. But you have to rememberthat they're in fear when they
say that.
Merry Elkins (31:09):
Yeah. Well, you've said you've said make fears your
friends. So give us a few tipson how.
Rhonda Britten (31:18):
Well, I'm I'm gonna suggest one is actually
starting to keep track of yourfear responses so you can
actually start seeing them forwhat they are and change the
label. So instead of saying,beating yourself up, what's
wrong with me? You're gonnashift it to, oh, that's a fear
response. Just taking awaybeating ourselves up is gonna
(31:42):
create so much more space and somuch more luxuriousness and
generosity in our being. It'sgonna give us more brain space,
more heart space to actuallyhave the courage to take bigger
risks.
Merry Elkins (31:51):
Heart space. Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (31:53):
Yes. It's get bigger heart space. Right?
Because you have more more toshare about yourself. So that's
the first thing.
Just being able to shift thelabel of what's wrong with me
to, oh, that's a fear response.So that's first. Mhmm. The
second thing is, again, I'mgonna say be gentle with
yourself because this is aopportunity for you to increase
(32:14):
your heart space, to you to toincrease your soul connection,
for you to increase yourconnection to your intuition,
for you to listen to that thingthat's bigger than you. So be
gentle with yourself becauseyou're gonna be learning things.
You're gonna be seeing things.You're gonna start noticing, oh
my god. I do that when I'mafraid. Oh my god. I'm so
embarrassed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. I can'tbelieve I did that five years
(32:34):
ago. Oh my god. Oh, jeez.
I can't believe right? But,again, it's like, no. That was
when you were that was when youwere afraid. That's natural and
normal. So what would you do ifthat same thing happened and you
were on your will of freedom?
Right? What would you do insteadif you were being authentic in
that moment? Right?
Cathy Worthington (32:51):
Mhmm.
Rhonda Britten (32:51):
So everybody everybody has a different wheel
of fear and wheel of freedom.So, you know, yours might not be
anything like mine. So thewheels are personalized and
unique so that you have anintimate relationship with it.
So you you and your fear knoweach other well because your
wheel of fear is as smart as youare, as educated, as
knowledgeable, and spiritual. Itknows everything you know, and
(33:13):
it uses it all against you.
So you have got to keep yourwits about you and be awake so
that you can see it, again, byacknowledging your fear
responses because those you see,we see those things. So see it,
change the label, be gentle withyourself. If you start doing
those two things, again, you'regonna open your heart, open your
mind, open your beingness.
Cathy Worthington (33:33):
That's great. Is that what your show starting
over was about? Tell us a littlebit about that and how it helped
people.
Rhonda Britten (33:40):
Oh my gosh. So, I have done three television
series. Mhmm. And each one ofthose, was changing people's
lives. So people would come intothe shows depending on which one
was the, you know, differentdifferent ways that I did it.
Cathy Worthington (33:55):
Like, with a live audience?
Rhonda Britten (33:56):
No. No. Just I would I would so I would work
with one person. So the the showin The UK, the first show I did,
I worked with, one person inthirty days. And, really, I
mean, I was working with threepeople at a time, but I would
change your life in thirty days.
So you would come to me and youwould tell me your dream, your
goal, what you wanted to makehappen. And in thirty days, that
would be so. Now on startingover, what I did is the same
(34:19):
thing. People would have a goal,a dream, something they wanted
to happen, and they would alllive in a house. So we had six
women living in a house at anyone time.
And all six women were workingon their goals, their dreams,
their and so I would create amap for them to move out of
that. And I would meet with themon a regular basis, putting them
through exercises. And one ofthe things I didn't know that I
(34:42):
had this skill for that I hadthis gift for was visceral
exercises. So I can create anexercise for anybody to get over
anything. It's one of the thingsI truly can.
So if you have a problem that,like, you can't get over, trust
me. I can I can break it becauseI will come up with a unique
exercise that will shift yourrelationship to it without you
(35:04):
even fighting against it? Right?Because we wanna take away that
barrier. We wanna just make iteasy and effortless.
So I do visceral exercises withpeople, and I create them. So I
do it in VIP days, VIP weekends,and I help you. You tell me what
your biggest problem is. We talkabout it. I create something.
We go do it, and you change.
Merry Elkins (35:22):
That how your literally that how your book
Fearless Living began?
Rhonda Britten (35:26):
Fearless Living began because of all the
hundreds of people that I didtheir reels. And then I was
speaking to audiences at thetime. I was doing keynotes and
speaking and also teaching. Andeverybody would ask me to, can
you write a book? Because Iwanna send it to my cousin in
Alabama.
Right? I wanna send you a book.Do you have a book yet? Do you
have a book yet? And the firstthing I did when I first started
(35:48):
speaking is I recorded everytalk I did on cassette because
that's all we had back then.
Yeah. Because I've been doing itfor thirty years. Right? I would
bring my cassette recorder tothe, you know, the speaking
event, and I'd put on the micattached to the, you know,
cassette recorder. And I'd goover to the cassette recorder,
right, and push the buttonsdown.
(36:08):
Right? And then I would sellthose cassette recorders, Rhonda
Britten Live, because I'd met atthem so they could hear my talk.
So people had my voice, and theyhad some little books that I had
made self published. And theyjust wanted a book. And so I
eventually got around tofiguring out how to do that
because that was a die for me.
(36:30):
Everything on my journey hasbeen a die. Becoming a coach was
a die. Starting to work withprivate
Cathy Worthington (36:35):
clients I don't understand what you mean
by that. Lisa, explain.
Rhonda Britten (36:39):
So so one of the things yeah. Yeah. So one of the
things. Yeah. So one of thetools that I have is called
stretch, risk, or die.
And it's actually the tool thatI wanna give your listeners
today. Okay. Because it's one ofmy clients and students' very
favorite tools. So you basicallyhave a comfort zone, right? We
all have a comfort zone.
(37:00):
And then around the comfortzone, we have a stretch zone.
Around the stretch, we have arisk zone. And outside the risk
zone, have a die zone. And sowhat happens is when we have a
goal, a dream, something we wantto make happen, our body, our
health, money, whatever it is,anytime you want to move from
the comfort zone, which by theway, in the definition of
fearless living is what yourlife is right now. So whether
(37:22):
you're happy, not happy,married, not happy, whatever
your life is right now, I'mgonna call your comfort zone.
Okay? Because you know it.You're miserable. Right? So
anytime you wanna get into yourstretch zone, you have to
actually go through the wheel offear.
Do you wanna get to your riskzone? Gotta go through the wheel
of fear. Go to the die zone? Yougotta go through the wheel of
fear. So what makes the stretchrisk and die zone different?
(37:44):
It is the level of intensity ofemotional fear. So stretches are
things you know you can do, butyou just haven't done them.
Right? Like, I know I can walk10 miles. Have I walked 10 miles
lately?
No. Right? Mhmm. No. So we weall have things we know we could
do.
We could drink more water. Wecould eat more vegetables. We
(38:05):
could take our vitamins. We knowwe can do this. We just don't do
it.
Right? So it's a stretch zone.The risk zone is, I don't know
if I can do it. Maybe, maybenot. It's not a guarantee.
Right? The stretch is, I know Ican do it. Risk is, I could and
I couldn't do it. I I might besuccessful. I might fail.
Cathy Worthington (38:23):
So this is what you teach in the Fearless
Living Institute. You're
Rhonda Britten (38:27):
Oh, this is one tool. I have many, many, many
tools. Yeah. This is one of myclients' very favorite tools
because it's so immediate, andyou can put it to use right
away. So you put your dream orgoal up.
And with the free course I'dlike to give your listeners,
fearlessliving.org/risk,RSK.They go put their name and email
(38:47):
in. I'm gonna give them accessto the platform, give them
access to the stretch, risk, anddie course so they can actually
learn how to what's stoppingthem, how fear works with the
stretch, risk, and die, and howto switch it so that your
comfort zone becomes you know,takes over your stretch zone,
takes over your risk zone. Andso what used to be dyes are now
comfort zone. Right?
(39:08):
So that's what we want. Yes. Andso so inside the course is a
workbook. It also has worksheetsin there so you can have
templates. So if it's health orbusiness or love or family, you
have templates in there.
And it's three fifteen minutevideos for gosh sakes. Right?
Anybody can do it in an hour.Right? So and and by the way,
(39:28):
the last video, I show you thewheel of fear so you can
actually see the wheel of fearin motion.
So go tofearlessliving.org/risk,risk,
and you're gonna get access tomy stretchers can die course,
which is, like I said, one of myclients' very, very favorite
exercise. Everybody needs dothat.
Merry Elkins (39:47):
Right? What would you say to older people who've
lost a spouse or grieving thedeath of a loved one, and
they're still hanging on to apast life, and they're afraid to
move forward? What would you sayto them?
Rhonda Britten (40:02):
Grief is love that has nowhere to go. Grief is
just signal and a sign of love.And grief can last a year, ten
years. I didn't grieve myparents until ten years after
they died because I was just infreeze. Right?
(40:23):
I didn't grieve them. I justpretended it didn't exist. And
it was only after I had a badbreakup that that bad breakup
was like their death. It, like,brought their death to the
surface. Right?
Understandable. That that
Merry Elkins (40:40):
causes grief too.
Rhonda Britten (40:42):
Yeah. So that bad breakup was devastating, and
it brought all my parents' stuffup.
Cathy Worthington (40:48):
Yeah. And that's my first know when we all
know these people who arehanging on to the past and
grieving, what do we say tothem? Do you have some advice
for us?
Rhonda Britten (40:59):
Yes. You first of you love them. Right?
Merry Elkins (41:01):
And you
Rhonda Britten (41:01):
be gentle with them. And then you ask you can
ask them questions like so forinstance, I don't know how long
it's been, but I'm gonna give myI'm gonna give a silly example
for me. Okay? K. When I wasgoing through my divorce, I
would talk about my divorce adnauseam all the time.
I didn't know I was doing it, bythe way. Talk about it ad
nauseam. And about a year and ahalf after my divorce, one of my
(41:25):
friends said to me so bravely,it was shocking. She said to me,
Rhonda, we're tired of listeningto it. Yeah.
And I was like, what? Listeningto what? She goes, we're done
listening about your divorce.And I was so shocked because I
again, when you're in your life,you don't even think you're
(41:46):
doing that. You don't thinkyou're you don't think you're
talking about it at nauseam.
Right? You just think you'retalking. Right?
Cathy Worthington (41:50):
Unless someone tells you.
Rhonda Britten (41:52):
Right. And they were brave enough to tell me.
Now would I say that to somebodywho's who her spouse has died?
No. But what I might say is,well, do you wanna stay here
with us and and and engage withlife, or how do you want me to
support you?
What do you need right now? Doyou wanna go have a cup of tea?
Or let's go dancing. Well, Icouldn't possibly go dancing.
(42:12):
Well, let's just try.
Let's just do it. Dancing's fun.Dancing's fun. Let let's go do
it. Well, I don't think come on.
Let's do it. Right? So they'vegotta feel their spark of life
again, and that is moving theirbody. That's one way to get to
to move their body. And then, ofcourse, to invite them into
seeing new experiencing newthings.
(42:32):
Take them to a museum. You know?Teach them how to do knitting.
Right? Like, again, somethingnew to spark that curiosity and
that aliveness to have themchoose to be engaged with life
again.
Mhmm. And, of course, just lovethem the whole gosh darn time.
Mhmm.
Cathy Worthington (42:49):
Good advice. And what would you like our
audience to have as a takeawaytoday, Rhonda?
Rhonda Britten (42:55):
Oh, I want everybody who's listening to my
voice right now to just shuttheir eyes for a second. And I
want you to take this in and Iwant you to let it wash over
your body and soak into yourbones. There is nothing wrong
with you. It's just fear. Thereis nothing wrong with you.
It's just fear. There is nothingwrong with you. It's just fear.
Let that soak into your bones tohelp make that a reality because
(43:17):
that is the truth. There isnothing wrong with you.
It's just fear.
Merry Elkins (43:22):
And fear is your friend. Yeah.
Rhonda Britten (43:24):
It's just giving you information.
Merry Elkins (43:29):
Powerful. Rhonda, thank you.
Rhonda Britten (43:31):
You're welcome.
Merry Elkins (43:32):
Our guest today on Late Boomers has been Rhonda
Britton, fearless life coach,founder of the Fearless Living
Institute, author, televisionpersonality. You can reach
Rhonda through her website,fearlessliving.org. And as she
said, take a free class from herat just go on to
(43:54):
fearlessliving.org/risk,risk,and thank you again, Rhonda.
Cathy Worthington (44:02):
Yeah. Tune in next week when we'll be meeting
another exciting guest, andplease subscribe to our late
boomers podcast on YouTube, andtake us along in the car and on
walks on your favorite audioplatform. Let us know what gets
you inspired. We are onInstagram at I am Kathy
Worthington and at I am MaryElkins and at late boomers.
(44:23):
Please share the late boomerspodcast info with your friends
who may not yet be listening topodcasts.
Thanks again, Rhonda.
Merry Elkins (44:32):
Yeah. Be fearless. Be fearless.
Cathy Worthington (44:36):
Be fearless. Thank you for joining us on late
boomers, the podcast that isyour guide to creating a third
act with style, power, andimpact. Please visit our website
(44:57):
and get in touch with us at lateboomers dot biz. If you would
like to listen to or downloadother episodes of late boomers,
go to ewnpodcastnetwork.com.
Merry Elkins (45:09):
This podcast is also available on Spotify, Apple
Podcast, and most other majorpodcast sites. We hope you make
use of the wisdom you've gainedhere and that you enjoy a
successful third act with yourown style, power, and impact.
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