October 15, 2025 • 19 mins
What makes relationships so vital as we age? Join Merry Elkins and Cathy Worthington for an intimate chat about the evolving dynamics of relationships in later years. We dive into why these connections are more than just social—they're lifelines that boost health, resilience, and life satisfaction. Drawing insights from the Harvard study of adult development, we uncover how nurturing warm relationships can stave off cognitive decline and combat loneliness.
We share personal stories—like Cathy's walking group and Merry's writing circle—that illustrate the power of community. Together, we explore practical ways to foster connections, from rekindling old friendships to embracing new, intergenerational bonds. Plus, we delve into the nuances of romance later in life, offering tips on setting expectations and embracing vulnerability.
Join us as we champion creativity, courage, and intentionality in relationships. Subscribe to Late Boomers and let's enrich our lives together!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Merry Elkins (00:01):
This is the EWN Podcast Network.
Cathy Worthington (00:14):
Welcome to late boomers, our podcast guide
to creating your third act withstyle, power, and impact. Hi.
I'm Kathy Worthington.
Merry Elkins (00:24):
And I'm Merry Elkins. Join us as we bring you
conversations with successfulentrepreneurs, entertainers, and
people with vision who aremaking a difference in the
world.
Cathy Worthington (00:34):
Everyone has a story, and we'll take you
along for the ride on eachinterview, recounting the
journey our guests have taken toget where they are, inspiring
you to create your own path tosuccess. Let's get started.
Hello. Welcome back to Late Boomers
(00:54):
podcast. I'm Kathy Worthington,and I'm here with Mary Elkins.
Merry Elkins (00:59):
And I'm Mary Elkins, and hello, everyone.
This week, we're doing somethingvery different. We don't have a
guest. Instead, the two of usare going to talk together about
relationships in the second halfof life, a topic that's very
near and dear to our hearts.
Cathy Worthington (01:17):
Right. And then next week, we'll return to
having a guest. But today is aconversation between Mary and me
sharing what we've learned, whatwe've experienced and what the
science tells us about it.
Merry Elkins (01:30):
Yes. So, let's go for it. Let's jump in.
Cathy Worthington (01:34):
So, to begin, let's remind listeners why
relationships remain or becomeeven more important as we age.
It's not just aboutcompanionship, but health,
resilience, and meaning.
Merry Elkins (01:48):
That's really true, Kathy. For example,
research shows that greatersocial integration is associated
with a lower risk ofpsychological dysregulation,
which really means slower wearand tear in our body.
Cathy Worthington (02:06):
Yeah. And physiologically speaking. Yes.
And and the Harvard study ofadult development often gets
cited. Those who maintainedwarm, supportive relationships
lived longer and had betterhealth outcomes.
Merry Elkins (02:22):
Absolutely. And more especially and specifically
for our theme, older adultsoften report fewer conflicts and
more satisfaction in socialinteractions compared to younger
adults, mainly because theycultivate relationships more
selectively and they avoidnegative dynamics.
Cathy Worthington (02:42):
I know I do. That fits with socio emotional
selectivity theory.
Merry Elkins (02:49):
That's a big word. That's Our quite our
Cathy Worthington (02:52):
research is pretty good. As time horizons
shrink, people grow moreselective about how they spend
their time and their emotionalenergy preferring emotionally
rewarding relationships.
Merry Elkins (03:05):
That's very true. So having established the why,
let's talk about what changesand challenges people face in
relationships in midlife andbeyond.
Cathy Worthington (03:15):
Well, one big shift as people age, their
social networks often shrink.Friends can move, health can
limit your mobility, or somerelationships fade. Maintaining
meaningful ties takes moreintention.
Merry Elkins (03:32):
That's true. And certain stressors emerge like
your health declines or you havecaregiving burdens or you've
lost your spouse or partner oryou've had cognitive changes.
One recent study tracked howadults of different ages
negotiate relationship changesduring life events, and it shows
that older adults often mustrenegotiate their roles and
(03:56):
their boundaries andexperiences.
Cathy Worthington (03:59):
Yeah. And all their expectations and
everything because fulldisclosure, Mary and I have both
lost our spouses kind of late inlife or not. Well, yeah, a
little while ago. There's alsothe risk of social isolation and
loneliness. Research underscoresthat isolation and loneliness in
(04:22):
older adults raises risks fordepression, anxiety, even
cognitive disorder.
Merry Elkins (04:27):
Yes. That's so true. Yucky. On that front, on
the cognitive front, metaanalyses show that strong social
relationships, includingstructural, functional, and
quantitative aspects, areassociated with less cognitive
decline over time.
Cathy Worthington (04:46):
Well, that's good, Mary, and especially good
on the research.
Merry Elkins (04:50):
Yeah. Right.
Cathy Worthington (04:51):
And and interestingly, group based
physical or cognitive activitieshelp, not just for fitness, but
for social connection. And thosethese relational factors feed
into improved quality of life.Like in my neighborhood, we have
a walking group and seven days aweek, we're out there at 8AM,
whoever makes it makes it and weall get together and we have
(05:14):
people in that group in theirfifties, sixties, seventies,
eighties and we just lost our 92year old. But it's wide range,
and one law student when shecomes home who's like 23, she
walks with us. She loves theintergenerational thing.
Merry Elkins (05:33):
Yeah. That's so important for all of us. And as
relationships age, sometimes thedemanding ties those that
require emotional labor,caretaking and conflict it might
increase. And part of the job isto evaluate what relationships
are life giving and which onesare draining. And also I wanted
(05:57):
to add when you were talkingabout your walking group, I walk
every morning with my dog, and Iam energized when I meet up with
my neighbors.
There's so much to talk about.What are they doing that day?
What are they doing what didthey do over the weekend? What
are they reading? What artexhibits have they gone to?
There's just so much Yeah. Thatyou can connect with, and I I
(06:19):
just find that really lifegiving.
Cathy Worthington (06:23):
That's fantastic. And let's also, let's
see how we can get practicalhere. Practical, I'm sorry. If
someone loses their, feels theirrelational life has thinned out,
or they want more richness, howdo they begin?
Merry Elkins (06:39):
Right. So the research tells us, and certainly
our hearts tell us, to lean intoshared activity. Join groups
around things that you love,like art or hiking or music,
writing, whatever. Being aroundpeople, doing what they enjoy
makes connection much morenatural.
Cathy Worthington (07:00):
Yeah. Like, you have that writing group,
Mary.
Merry Elkins (07:02):
That's right. I had the writing group. Talk
about that. How does
Cathy Worthington (07:06):
that work for you?
Merry Elkins (07:07):
Well, it was online after COVID, but you
still you you you share yourwriting, and you're really
sharing your heart with people.And it's just so wonderful to
have that type of emotionalconnection. And also too, I'm
thinking about taking tennisagain. I haven't played tennis
(07:28):
in thirty years, and I'mthinking about
Cathy Worthington (07:31):
doing And lots of people who used to play
tennis are taking up pickleball.
Merry Elkins (07:35):
Yes. They are.
Cathy Worthington (07:36):
That's the biggest thing. And also, think
we had to lean into sharedactivity, but second, also
reconnect with old friends oracquaintances. Yeah. Because
sometimes relationships aredormant. They're not dead.
You know, you don't have toreinvent the wheel. You just you
reach out to somebody that youused to know and you find a lot
(07:59):
of things still in common. LikeI reached out to somebody I
hadn't spoken to in twenty yearsand we still have overlapping
interests now. We love horses.We love dogs.
Yeah. And it's just become asteady friendship. It's great.
Merry Elkins (08:13):
Yeah. It is great. I have a girlfriend who I
haven't I haven't seen her sincemiddle school, and we
reconnected. And now we go toplays together in musicals, and
she's introduced me to herfriends, and it's really, really
rewarding. And also we talkedabout intergenerational
relationships, younger and olderpeople connecting, mentorship,
(08:37):
shared interest across agegroups, community programs,
which brings fresh young energyand fresh perspective and
purpose.
I have to add, I have agirlfriend who used to go see
her 100 year old mother at ahome, and she connected with all
the old people, and she said thestories that they told her about
(08:58):
their lives were incredible. Shehad never known anything about
these people before, and nowthey
Cathy Worthington (09:05):
And also that makes their day because they get
somebody young that hasn't heardtheir story.
Merry Elkins (09:11):
That's right.
Cathy Worthington (09:11):
They could tell stories to because
everybody there has alreadyheard it.
Merry Elkins (09:15):
Yeah. And also, if people have dogs or even cats,
mostly dogs, they can go to anold folks' home or or, you know,
a retirement place, a village,even a hospital, and people love
to pet dogs and and holdanimals. It really connects them
with a I big
Cathy Worthington (09:35):
see people on Instagram that bring horses to
hospitals and old folks homesand stuff, and the horses are
kind of magical too. Also, wewanna talk about romantic or
companion relationships later inlife.
Merry Elkins (09:50):
Yes.
Cathy Worthington (09:51):
So for those, as you explore those, maybe you
go on a dating app, maybe youmeet somebody organically, maybe
somebody you knew in high schoolis a new flame now, Maybe
somebody that knew your husband,which happened to me. There's
all kinds of things like that.But approach with intention. The
(10:12):
research shows talk openly aboutyour expectations, your
boundaries, maybe your finances,your health, your caregiving
roles. I read a study of newlyformed adult couples that found
that they experienced someemotional distress on tension
laden days compared to youngercouples.
(10:33):
I would have thought it would bethe reverse. Well But it
suggests navigating conflictskillfully is especially
crucial.
Merry Elkins (10:42):
Yeah. Well, I think we accept less stress when
we're older. Been through it.We've had it. We've raised kids.
We've had good or bad marriages.So yeah, are more selective. And
also, it's important to bevulnerable and curious. Ask
deeper questions of people youmeet, like what has changed for
(11:06):
you over the years, or what areyour hopes and worries and
dreams? And that helpsaccelerate intimacy.
Cathy Worthington (11:14):
And I need to remember that because I always
forget to ask those kind ofquestions. Those are beautiful
questions.
Merry Elkins (11:19):
They really are.
Cathy Worthington (11:20):
It forces people to think, but I think
they can appreciate that youasked them that that you wanna
hear the answer. Yeah. And andalso don't underestimate the
power of small rituals likeweekly calls, walks, book
exchanges, things that anchorconnection.
Merry Elkins (11:36):
Yeah. I told you about my ninety three year old
friend who calls his friendsevery month to make sure that
they're still alive.
Cathy Worthington (11:45):
Very good idea.
Merry Elkins (11:47):
Yeah. And I also have a friend who lost her
longtime partner, and she wasfeeling very adrift for a while.
And then she joined a localcommunity choir simply because
she enjoyed singing. So overtime, she met people she clicked
with and became part of a closegroup. And now they meet monthly
for dinner, they traveltogether, and they support each
(12:10):
other through times of evenillness or loss.
And the choir gave her arelational home that she just
didn't expect or imagine. Mhmm.
Cathy Worthington (12:21):
Yeah. I had a friend that the same thing
happened to. She joined a choirwith her mom, and they've gone
to Europe and stuff. And hermom's well into her nineties,
but loves travel. They go oncruises.
They do all these things, andthey sing together. That's the
most important.
Merry Elkins (12:35):
Oh, yeah. I
Cathy Worthington (12:36):
have a friend who was widowed in his sixties
and he started attending aweekly walking and talking group
in the city park and becausethere are meetups everywhere you
can join And he struck upconversation and which has
happened to both of us. Yourealize you've recently both
lost a spouse and they'renavigating reinvention together.
(12:59):
That's it. They now go lecturesand share memories, and they're
volunteering together.
Merry Elkins (13:04):
Yeah. And I think it's important to know you can
reinvent yourself at any time oflife. And I also read about a
coffee club of women who I'd metin grade school, and despite
decades of geographic dispersionor continued monthly meetups in
person or virtually, and overtime they supported each other.
(13:29):
And even through divorces orillnesses, grandkids, losses,
then the friendship becomes abackbone for resilience, and
that's really important.
Cathy Worthington (13:41):
Yeah. And both you and I have book groups
that have gone on for years andyears and years. And if you
don't have one that's gone on,why not start one now?
Merry Elkins (13:50):
That's You a great
Cathy Worthington (13:52):
can find people that would like to read
the same type of thing you'dlike to read. And you could
That's just a little idea Ithought of. But let's talk about
internal barriers. Some somelisteners might think, we've
talked to guests on our showabout this.
Merry Elkins (14:08):
Yeah, we do.
Cathy Worthington (14:09):
They might think it's too late or who would
want to be friends with me now?And that fear can hold you back.
Merry Elkins (14:16):
And and I think everybody goes through that at
some time, but but it'ssomething that that connection
can help get you out of thosefeelings. And it's really
important to shift your mindset.See relationships as a living
conversation, not something youeither have or don't. And give
yourself permission to try andadapt, even walk away or lean
(14:40):
in.
Cathy Worthington (14:44):
Agreed. Also, expect some failed attempts,
everybody. Not everyone you tryto connect with will click, and
that's okay.
Merry Elkins (14:52):
It is okay. And your physical health, your
mobility, your sensorylimitations, these are real
constraints. So sometimesconnection, they have to adjust
to you and make more phone callsand have virtual meetings if you
can't go out and join yourneighbors, have neighborhood
(15:15):
meetings.
Cathy Worthington (15:17):
And guard against overburdening one
person. Even the best friendshipneeds balance. We need a
relational ecosystem. I lovethat idea. I was
Merry Elkins (15:27):
about to say that.
Cathy Worthington (15:28):
Yeah. Not dependence on a single go to.
Don't put the pressure onsomebody.
Merry Elkins (15:33):
That's right. And let's offer our people in our
audience a mini exercise or twothey can do this week, and it
will help deepen relationships.Like, I'm going to list this,
but list two people that you'dlike to invest in, like an old
friend or a neighbor oracquaintance, and reach out.
(15:55):
Send a message. Suggest a walkor a chat.
And then try a new group. Pickone interest based group or
class to attend, and ask thedeeper questions, something you
haven't asked someone before. Solike, what gives you hope these
days? Or what surprised you inthis stage of life?
Cathy Worthington (16:17):
Also a scary one.
Merry Elkins (16:18):
Yeah. Set a small ritual, a weekly call, a monthly
check-in, something simple toanchor that connection.
Cathy Worthington (16:26):
That's a really good idea. Yeah. And as
we wrap up as we wrap up, Iwanna emphasize relationships in
the second half of life deserveour creativity. They deserve our
courage and our intentionality.We've got fewer years ahead than
behind and those years can beluminous if they are shared.
Merry Elkins (16:47):
That's so true. And sometimes we think, well,
gee, you know, it takes so muchenergy to be creative and have
courage. But you know what?Being creative and having
courage gives you energy. Andalso our prior losses and our
wisdom and our changingpriorities make sure they don't
block us because you know theyreally equip us.
(17:09):
They they help us form ties thatare more honest and deeper and
more resilient. Yeah.
Cathy Worthington (17:17):
Thank you. And Mary, thank you for this
conversation.
Merry Elkins (17:21):
You too. Thank Thank you.
Cathy Worthington (17:23):
And thank you to our listeners for tuning in.
We have to admit that we've hada decades long friendship and we
nurture it, we work on it, andwe do our podcast together for
the last five years.
Merry Elkins (17:36):
Yeah.
Cathy Worthington (17:37):
And we hope to give you some encouragement
and ideas to experiment withyour relational life.
Merry Elkins (17:43):
And next week, we'll be back with a guest to
talk about another topicrelevant to our late boomers
audience. So until then, reachout and connect. Show up. And
relationships are part of whatmakes our second half so rich.
Cathy Worthington (18:02):
Take care, everyone, and may your heart and
your relationships blossom. Anddon't forget to subscribe to
Late Boomers on YouTube and onyour favorite audio platform so
you don't miss a single episode.Thanks again, Mary.
Merry Elkins (18:17):
And thank you, Kathy.
Cathy Worthington (18:28):
Thank you for joining us on late boomers, the
podcast that is your guide tocreating a third act with style,
power, and impact. Please visitour website and get in touch
with us
at lateboomers.us.
If you would like to listen to or download
other episodes of Late Boomers,go to ewnpodcastnetwork.com.
Merry Elkins (18:51):
This podcast is also available on Spotify, Apple
Podcast, and most other majorpodcast sites. We hope you make
use of the wisdom you've gainedhere and that you enjoy a
successful third act with yourown style, power, and impact.
This is the EWN Podcast Network.
Cathy Worthington (00:14):
Welcome to late boomers, our podcast guide
to creating your third act withstyle, power, and impact. Hi.
I'm Kathy Worthington.
Merry Elkins (00:24):
And I'm Merry Elkins. Join us as we bring you
conversations with successfulentrepreneurs, entertainers, and
people with vision who aremaking a difference in the
world.
Cathy Worthington (00:34):
Everyone has a story, and we'll take you
along for the ride on eachinterview, recounting the
journey our guests have taken toget where they are, inspiring
you to create your own path tosuccess. Let's get started.
Hello. Welcome back to Late Boomers
(00:54):
podcast. I'm Kathy Worthington,and I'm here with Mary Elkins.
Merry Elkins (00:59):
And I'm Mary Elkins, and hello, everyone.
This week, we're doing somethingvery different. We don't have a
guest. Instead, the two of usare going to talk together about
relationships in the second halfof life, a topic that's very
near and dear to our hearts.
Cathy Worthington (01:17):
Right. And then next week, we'll return to
having a guest. But today is aconversation between Mary and me
sharing what we've learned, whatwe've experienced and what the
science tells us about it.
Merry Elkins (01:30):
Yes. So, let's go for it. Let's jump in.
Cathy Worthington (01:34):
So, to begin, let's remind listeners why
relationships remain or becomeeven more important as we age.
It's not just aboutcompanionship, but health,
resilience, and meaning.
Merry Elkins (01:48):
That's really true, Kathy. For example,
research shows that greatersocial integration is associated
with a lower risk ofpsychological dysregulation,
which really means slower wearand tear in our body.
Cathy Worthington (02:06):
Yeah. And physiologically speaking. Yes.
And and the Harvard study ofadult development often gets
cited. Those who maintainedwarm, supportive relationships
lived longer and had betterhealth outcomes.
Merry Elkins (02:22):
Absolutely. And more especially and specifically
for our theme, older adultsoften report fewer conflicts and
more satisfaction in socialinteractions compared to younger
adults, mainly because theycultivate relationships more
selectively and they avoidnegative dynamics.
Cathy Worthington (02:42):
I know I do. That fits with socio emotional
selectivity theory.
Merry Elkins (02:49):
That's a big word. That's Our quite our
Cathy Worthington (02:52):
research is pretty good. As time horizons
shrink, people grow moreselective about how they spend
their time and their emotionalenergy preferring emotionally
rewarding relationships.
Merry Elkins (03:05):
That's very true. So having established the why,
let's talk about what changesand challenges people face in
relationships in midlife andbeyond.
Cathy Worthington (03:15):
Well, one big shift as people age, their
social networks often shrink.Friends can move, health can
limit your mobility, or somerelationships fade. Maintaining
meaningful ties takes moreintention.
Merry Elkins (03:32):
That's true. And certain stressors emerge like
your health declines or you havecaregiving burdens or you've
lost your spouse or partner oryou've had cognitive changes.
One recent study tracked howadults of different ages
negotiate relationship changesduring life events, and it shows
that older adults often mustrenegotiate their roles and
(03:56):
their boundaries andexperiences.
Cathy Worthington (03:59):
Yeah. And all their expectations and
everything because fulldisclosure, Mary and I have both
lost our spouses kind of late inlife or not. Well, yeah, a
little while ago. There's alsothe risk of social isolation and
loneliness. Research underscoresthat isolation and loneliness in
(04:22):
older adults raises risks fordepression, anxiety, even
cognitive disorder.
Merry Elkins (04:27):
Yes. That's so true. Yucky. On that front, on
the cognitive front, metaanalyses show that strong social
relationships, includingstructural, functional, and
quantitative aspects, areassociated with less cognitive
decline over time.
Cathy Worthington (04:46):
Well, that's good, Mary, and especially good
on the research.
Merry Elkins (04:50):
Yeah. Right.
Cathy Worthington (04:51):
And and interestingly, group based
physical or cognitive activitieshelp, not just for fitness, but
for social connection. And thosethese relational factors feed
into improved quality of life.Like in my neighborhood, we have
a walking group and seven days aweek, we're out there at 8AM,
whoever makes it makes it and weall get together and we have
(05:14):
people in that group in theirfifties, sixties, seventies,
eighties and we just lost our 92year old. But it's wide range,
and one law student when shecomes home who's like 23, she
walks with us. She loves theintergenerational thing.
Merry Elkins (05:33):
Yeah. That's so important for all of us. And as
relationships age, sometimes thedemanding ties those that
require emotional labor,caretaking and conflict it might
increase. And part of the job isto evaluate what relationships
are life giving and which onesare draining. And also I wanted
(05:57):
to add when you were talkingabout your walking group, I walk
every morning with my dog, and Iam energized when I meet up with
my neighbors.
There's so much to talk about.What are they doing that day?
What are they doing what didthey do over the weekend? What
are they reading? What artexhibits have they gone to?
There's just so much Yeah. Thatyou can connect with, and I I
(06:19):
just find that really lifegiving.
Cathy Worthington (06:23):
That's fantastic. And let's also, let's
see how we can get practicalhere. Practical, I'm sorry. If
someone loses their, feels theirrelational life has thinned out,
or they want more richness, howdo they begin?
Merry Elkins (06:39):
Right. So the research tells us, and certainly
our hearts tell us, to lean intoshared activity. Join groups
around things that you love,like art or hiking or music,
writing, whatever. Being aroundpeople, doing what they enjoy
makes connection much morenatural.
Cathy Worthington (07:00):
Yeah. Like, you have that writing group,
Mary.
Merry Elkins (07:02):
That's right. I had the writing group. Talk
about that. How does
Cathy Worthington (07:06):
that work for you?
Merry Elkins (07:07):
Well, it was online after COVID, but you
still you you you share yourwriting, and you're really
sharing your heart with people.And it's just so wonderful to
have that type of emotionalconnection. And also too, I'm
thinking about taking tennisagain. I haven't played tennis
(07:28):
in thirty years, and I'mthinking about
Cathy Worthington (07:31):
doing And lots of people who used to play
tennis are taking up pickleball.
Merry Elkins (07:35):
Yes. They are.
Cathy Worthington (07:36):
That's the biggest thing. And also, think
we had to lean into sharedactivity, but second, also
reconnect with old friends oracquaintances. Yeah. Because
sometimes relationships aredormant. They're not dead.
You know, you don't have toreinvent the wheel. You just you
reach out to somebody that youused to know and you find a lot
(07:59):
of things still in common. LikeI reached out to somebody I
hadn't spoken to in twenty yearsand we still have overlapping
interests now. We love horses.We love dogs.
Yeah. And it's just become asteady friendship. It's great.
Merry Elkins (08:13):
Yeah. It is great. I have a girlfriend who I
haven't I haven't seen her sincemiddle school, and we
reconnected. And now we go toplays together in musicals, and
she's introduced me to herfriends, and it's really, really
rewarding. And also we talkedabout intergenerational
relationships, younger and olderpeople connecting, mentorship,
(08:37):
shared interest across agegroups, community programs,
which brings fresh young energyand fresh perspective and
purpose.
I have to add, I have agirlfriend who used to go see
her 100 year old mother at ahome, and she connected with all
the old people, and she said thestories that they told her about
(08:58):
their lives were incredible. Shehad never known anything about
these people before, and nowthey
Cathy Worthington (09:05):
And also that makes their day because they get
somebody young that hasn't heardtheir story.
Merry Elkins (09:11):
That's right.
Cathy Worthington (09:11):
They could tell stories to because
everybody there has alreadyheard it.
Merry Elkins (09:15):
Yeah. And also, if people have dogs or even cats,
mostly dogs, they can go to anold folks' home or or, you know,
a retirement place, a village,even a hospital, and people love
to pet dogs and and holdanimals. It really connects them
with a I big
Cathy Worthington (09:35):
see people on Instagram that bring horses to
hospitals and old folks homesand stuff, and the horses are
kind of magical too. Also, wewanna talk about romantic or
companion relationships later inlife.
Merry Elkins (09:50):
Yes.
Cathy Worthington (09:51):
So for those, as you explore those, maybe you
go on a dating app, maybe youmeet somebody organically, maybe
somebody you knew in high schoolis a new flame now, Maybe
somebody that knew your husband,which happened to me. There's
all kinds of things like that.But approach with intention. The
(10:12):
research shows talk openly aboutyour expectations, your
boundaries, maybe your finances,your health, your caregiving
roles. I read a study of newlyformed adult couples that found
that they experienced someemotional distress on tension
laden days compared to youngercouples.
(10:33):
I would have thought it would bethe reverse. Well But it
suggests navigating conflictskillfully is especially
crucial.
Merry Elkins (10:42):
Yeah. Well, I think we accept less stress when
we're older. Been through it.We've had it. We've raised kids.
We've had good or bad marriages.So yeah, are more selective. And
also, it's important to bevulnerable and curious. Ask
deeper questions of people youmeet, like what has changed for
(11:06):
you over the years, or what areyour hopes and worries and
dreams? And that helpsaccelerate intimacy.
Cathy Worthington (11:14):
And I need to remember that because I always
forget to ask those kind ofquestions. Those are beautiful
questions.
Merry Elkins (11:19):
They really are.
Cathy Worthington (11:20):
It forces people to think, but I think
they can appreciate that youasked them that that you wanna
hear the answer. Yeah. And andalso don't underestimate the
power of small rituals likeweekly calls, walks, book
exchanges, things that anchorconnection.
Merry Elkins (11:36):
Yeah. I told you about my ninety three year old
friend who calls his friendsevery month to make sure that
they're still alive.
Cathy Worthington (11:45):
Very good idea.
Merry Elkins (11:47):
Yeah. And I also have a friend who lost her
longtime partner, and she wasfeeling very adrift for a while.
And then she joined a localcommunity choir simply because
she enjoyed singing. So overtime, she met people she clicked
with and became part of a closegroup. And now they meet monthly
for dinner, they traveltogether, and they support each
(12:10):
other through times of evenillness or loss.
And the choir gave her arelational home that she just
didn't expect or imagine. Mhmm.
Cathy Worthington (12:21):
Yeah. I had a friend that the same thing
happened to. She joined a choirwith her mom, and they've gone
to Europe and stuff. And hermom's well into her nineties,
but loves travel. They go oncruises.
They do all these things, andthey sing together. That's the
most important.
Merry Elkins (12:35):
Oh, yeah. I
Cathy Worthington (12:36):
have a friend who was widowed in his sixties
and he started attending aweekly walking and talking group
in the city park and becausethere are meetups everywhere you
can join And he struck upconversation and which has
happened to both of us. Yourealize you've recently both
lost a spouse and they'renavigating reinvention together.
(12:59):
That's it. They now go lecturesand share memories, and they're
volunteering together.
Merry Elkins (13:04):
Yeah. And I think it's important to know you can
reinvent yourself at any time oflife. And I also read about a
coffee club of women who I'd metin grade school, and despite
decades of geographic dispersionor continued monthly meetups in
person or virtually, and overtime they supported each other.
(13:29):
And even through divorces orillnesses, grandkids, losses,
then the friendship becomes abackbone for resilience, and
that's really important.
Cathy Worthington (13:41):
Yeah. And both you and I have book groups
that have gone on for years andyears and years. And if you
don't have one that's gone on,why not start one now?
Merry Elkins (13:50):
That's You a great
Cathy Worthington (13:52):
can find people that would like to read
the same type of thing you'dlike to read. And you could
That's just a little idea Ithought of. But let's talk about
internal barriers. Some somelisteners might think, we've
talked to guests on our showabout this.
Merry Elkins (14:08):
Yeah, we do.
Cathy Worthington (14:09):
They might think it's too late or who would
want to be friends with me now?And that fear can hold you back.
Merry Elkins (14:16):
And and I think everybody goes through that at
some time, but but it'ssomething that that connection
can help get you out of thosefeelings. And it's really
important to shift your mindset.See relationships as a living
conversation, not something youeither have or don't. And give
yourself permission to try andadapt, even walk away or lean
(14:40):
in.
Cathy Worthington (14:44):
Agreed. Also, expect some failed attempts,
everybody. Not everyone you tryto connect with will click, and
that's okay.
Merry Elkins (14:52):
It is okay. And your physical health, your
mobility, your sensorylimitations, these are real
constraints. So sometimesconnection, they have to adjust
to you and make more phone callsand have virtual meetings if you
can't go out and join yourneighbors, have neighborhood
(15:15):
meetings.
Cathy Worthington (15:17):
And guard against overburdening one
person. Even the best friendshipneeds balance. We need a
relational ecosystem. I lovethat idea. I was
Merry Elkins (15:27):
about to say that.
Cathy Worthington (15:28):
Yeah. Not dependence on a single go to.
Don't put the pressure onsomebody.
Merry Elkins (15:33):
That's right. And let's offer our people in our
audience a mini exercise or twothey can do this week, and it
will help deepen relationships.Like, I'm going to list this,
but list two people that you'dlike to invest in, like an old
friend or a neighbor oracquaintance, and reach out.
(15:55):
Send a message. Suggest a walkor a chat.
And then try a new group. Pickone interest based group or
class to attend, and ask thedeeper questions, something you
haven't asked someone before. Solike, what gives you hope these
days? Or what surprised you inthis stage of life?
Cathy Worthington (16:17):
Also a scary one.
Merry Elkins (16:18):
Yeah. Set a small ritual, a weekly call, a monthly
check-in, something simple toanchor that connection.
Cathy Worthington (16:26):
That's a really good idea. Yeah. And as
we wrap up as we wrap up, Iwanna emphasize relationships in
the second half of life deserveour creativity. They deserve our
courage and our intentionality.We've got fewer years ahead than
behind and those years can beluminous if they are shared.
Merry Elkins (16:47):
That's so true. And sometimes we think, well,
gee, you know, it takes so muchenergy to be creative and have
courage. But you know what?Being creative and having
courage gives you energy. Andalso our prior losses and our
wisdom and our changingpriorities make sure they don't
block us because you know theyreally equip us.
(17:09):
They they help us form ties thatare more honest and deeper and
more resilient. Yeah.
Cathy Worthington (17:17):
Thank you. And Mary, thank you for this
conversation.
Merry Elkins (17:21):
You too. Thank Thank you.
Cathy Worthington (17:23):
And thank you to our listeners for tuning in.
We have to admit that we've hada decades long friendship and we
nurture it, we work on it, andwe do our podcast together for
the last five years.
Merry Elkins (17:36):
Yeah.
Cathy Worthington (17:37):
And we hope to give you some encouragement
and ideas to experiment withyour relational life.
Merry Elkins (17:43):
And next week, we'll be back with a guest to
talk about another topicrelevant to our late boomers
audience. So until then, reachout and connect. Show up. And
relationships are part of whatmakes our second half so rich.
Cathy Worthington (18:02):
Take care, everyone, and may your heart and
your relationships blossom. Anddon't forget to subscribe to
Late Boomers on YouTube and onyour favorite audio platform so
you don't miss a single episode.Thanks again, Mary.
Merry Elkins (18:17):
And thank you, Kathy.
Cathy Worthington (18:28):
Thank you for joining us on late boomers, the
podcast that is your guide tocreating a third act with style,
power, and impact. Please visitour website and get in touch
with us
at lateboomers.us.
If you would like to listen to or download
other episodes of Late Boomers,go to ewnpodcastnetwork.com.
Merry Elkins (18:51):
This podcast is also available on Spotify, Apple
Podcast, and most other majorpodcast sites. We hope you make
use of the wisdom you've gainedhere and that you enjoy a
successful third act with yourown style, power, and impact.
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