October 29, 2023 • 13 mins
The journey of grief - brief bullet points for processing grief
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Have you ever thought about grief?Now, I mean really thought about grief,
processed it. Oh, we mournover losses, not just death,
but I wonder if we've ever processedgrief, ever thought about the journey of
(00:25):
grief. I'm back. I wantto talk a little bit about grief,
(01:07):
Grief the Unknown Frontier. Yes I'ma trecky at least of the original series.
I followed Next Generation and I likedit, but there's something about the
B movie feel of the original seriesthat I like. But grief the Final
(01:38):
Frontier. Maybe that's it, thefinal Frontier. We all, at some
point in time we'll experience. Griefdoesn't have to be the death of a
loved one or someone close to us, close friend or close relative, and
be loss of something that was importantto us, that was vital to us.
(02:00):
And so I just want to talka little bit today about grief.
Forgot to say it before the intromusic. This is life pain, laughter
and Donna, Life pain, laughterand Donna and yes I am Donna.
(02:20):
So grief. I've said this beforeand I'll say it again. I don't
think the church has done a goodjob, at least from my Protestant experience.
I don't think it's done a goodjob in preparing people to grieve,
of supporting people in their grief,of understanding the challenge of grieving out loud,
(02:49):
grieving in front of people, ofbeing transparent with your grief. Because
people have been prepared to take ongrief, but they also have not been
prepared to support people who are grieving. You know the pious platitudes that people
use to try to make the onewho is grieving feel better. You cannot
(03:15):
make the one grieving feel better.You cannot fix the situation insteme, ay're
talking about death. The void willalways be there. They don't snap back
instantly, get over it right away, step back into normally. It will
never be normal. It will beanother normal, a new normal, a
(03:36):
different kind of numbal normal. What'sthat movie? Same? Same but different?
Yes, same, same but different. House looks the same, individual
looks the same, the clothes theywear looks the same, the car they
drive looks the same, the cityin which they live looks the same.
(03:57):
The friends and relatives around them lookthe same. Bye, there is a
difference. That loved one is missing. Same, same but different. Losing
a loved one is painful and itis distressing. We experience a loss,
(04:21):
and the process of grieving is anecessary step in healing and moving forward.
It's a necessary step. You haveto grieve. You can't just stuck it
down and say that's good, I'mgood, let's go. And also,
some people have done that. Idon't question how they process their grief.
(04:42):
I'm concerned that they may not beprocessing it, they may not be tapping
into it. But unless they cometo me with that, I am not
going to judge people in how theyhandle their grief, whether it's this extreme
brokenness or this extreme quick adjustment.So many layers, so many layers between
the two. The one thing wemust realize we must do is give ourselves
(05:11):
a grace to grieve. We mustgive ourselves a grace, allow ourselves to
move through all of to feel thefields, to feel the pain, because
suppressing our emotions will only prolong thehealing process. And yes, it's painful.
Listen, listen, listen. Ihad any replacements some years ago,
(05:34):
and I still remember the process ofgetting my leg to straighten out. I
had to go to physical therapy atOh my good ness, it was painful.
I called the place where I wentfor physical therapy the name of the
(05:55):
medical facility torture chamber. Their jobwas to help me get my legs straight.
My job was to cooperate so Icould get to healing. Yeah,
it was painful, but I hadto go through the process to get to
that place of healing. I hadpeople who supported me on that journey.
(06:17):
When I had to go out andwalk, uh, that would remind me,
did you do your exercises. It'sthe same thing with grieving. We
need to seek emotional support from familyand friends, maybe even a professional or
a support group. Places and peoplewith whom we can share our grief,
(06:42):
those whom we trust, people wetrust we can share grief. We need
that support. We need that emotionalsupport when we are grieving. God to
take care of ourselves. I knowI one my husband passed away. I
was a size sixteen. Yikes,yes, a size sixteen. I thought
it looked cute, but I wasa size sixteen. After my husband passed
(07:02):
away, I didn't eat well,I didn't take care of myself, and
I lost weight down to a sizeeight ten. So you have to take
care of yourself physically. Grief cantake a toll on your body. So
we have to take time to rest, and we have to take time to
(07:23):
eat well. And I know inthose early days that's not easy. You
don't want to eat, it's hardto sleep. I get it, especially
if it's the loss of a spouse. I get it. But at some
point you have to begin to takegood care of yourself. Realize that there
will be good days and there willbe bad days. Grief is a roller
(07:47):
coaster ride, and it's okay notto be okay. It's okay to have
moments of sadness. I tell peoplewhen the moments come, go with the
moments and then come up out ofthem and move forward. But don't try
to deny the moments. Don't tryto to Let's see how I want to
(08:07):
say this. Don't try to makeyourself feel good. Listen, you suffered
a loss someone close to you,someone you love, and that BOYD will
always be there. So except thatthere will be good days and there will
be bad days. And I hearthis song, I won't complain. M
(08:28):
There will be some weary days,there will be some mountains to climb,
there will be hard at times,and you don't have to necessarily complain to
anyone, but realize that there willbe bad days and there will be good
days, and you'll have that goodday and you'll think, oh, I'm
really moving forward and then bam,something triggers something, someone says something,
(08:50):
you smell something, you see something, you hear something, and you're right
back where you start it from.Okay, not to be okay. It's
not okay to not be okay allthe time when you're in that space.
(09:11):
Get the support, get the helpyou need in order to come up out
of that hole to move forward.Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time,
and there's no timeline for grief.Everyone is journey of grief. Everyone
travels it differently, so it don'tmeasure your healing to the one who's healing
(09:37):
and their process seems to be faster. Just know that we all grieve differently
and we all grieve different timelines,So be patient with yourself. Get professional
help. I said it earlier.Get professional help if it's needed, because
(09:58):
the therapists are counselor can provide guidanceand support through the grieving process. You
may not feel comfortable sharing your painwith family and friends, or maybe you
have tried and the way they cameback or pushed back or again tried to
fix it shut you down. Sofind that professional who can guide you and
(10:24):
support you through your grieving process,and express your emotions through some kind of
creative outlet, journal or write orart. If you paint or paint by
numbers or whatever. Those coloring bookthings are now, I'd see that they're
online, and maybe you could evenbuy coloring books. Creativity can be a
powerful outlet. If there's something thatyou do, you sing, or you
(10:46):
play a musical instrument or whatever,that creative outlet is, express your emotions
through that, and finally, rememberit's okay to move forward. At some
point, you can still cherish thememory of your loved one, but you
(11:09):
can also live your life to thefullest. I've heard people say that when
their loved ones died, they died. No, you're still alive. There's
still life and there's still purpose beforeyou. So go ahead and cherish the
(11:33):
memory, but also live your lifeto the fullest. You'll be surprised what
you discover about yourself, the newyou. There's a whole other subject.
Who am I after I lose aparent or a sibling, or a spouse
or a BFF. That's a wholenother conversation. Who do I become?
(11:58):
Who am I? I just wantedto talk a little bit about grieving the
process of grieving, and I wantto leave you with this text Isaiah forty
one ten. On those cold days, on those barren days, when it
feels like you just can't do it, Isaiah forty one ten, So do
(12:24):
not fear, for I am withyou. Do not be dismayed, for
I am your God. I willstrengthen you and help you. I will
uphold you with my righteous right hand. And there's a word for you as
you move through the journey of grief. The Lord bless you and keep you.
(12:46):
The Lord makes face to shine uponyou, and be gracious unto you.
The Lord lived his countenance upon you. Give you peace. This is
my prayer for you, and youand even you in the name of Jesus.
This is life, pain, laughter, and down until next time. God bless
Have you ever thought about grief?Now, I mean really thought about grief,
processed it. Oh, we mournover losses, not just death,
but I wonder if we've ever processedgrief, ever thought about the journey of
(00:25):
grief. I'm back. I wantto talk a little bit about grief,
(01:07):
Grief the Unknown Frontier. Yes I'ma trecky at least of the original series.
I followed Next Generation and I likedit, but there's something about the
B movie feel of the original seriesthat I like. But grief the Final
(01:38):
Frontier. Maybe that's it, thefinal Frontier. We all, at some
point in time we'll experience. Griefdoesn't have to be the death of a
loved one or someone close to us, close friend or close relative, and
be loss of something that was importantto us, that was vital to us.
(02:00):
And so I just want to talka little bit today about grief.
Forgot to say it before the intromusic. This is life pain, laughter
and Donna, Life pain, laughterand Donna and yes I am Donna.
(02:20):
So grief. I've said this beforeand I'll say it again. I don't
think the church has done a goodjob, at least from my Protestant experience.
I don't think it's done a goodjob in preparing people to grieve,
of supporting people in their grief,of understanding the challenge of grieving out loud,
(02:49):
grieving in front of people, ofbeing transparent with your grief. Because
people have been prepared to take ongrief, but they also have not been
prepared to support people who are grieving. You know the pious platitudes that people
use to try to make the onewho is grieving feel better. You cannot
(03:15):
make the one grieving feel better.You cannot fix the situation insteme, ay're
talking about death. The void willalways be there. They don't snap back
instantly, get over it right away, step back into normally. It will
never be normal. It will beanother normal, a new normal, a
(03:36):
different kind of numbal normal. What'sthat movie? Same? Same but different?
Yes, same, same but different. House looks the same, individual
looks the same, the clothes theywear looks the same, the car they
drive looks the same, the cityin which they live looks the same.
(03:57):
The friends and relatives around them lookthe same. Bye, there is a
difference. That loved one is missing. Same, same but different. Losing
a loved one is painful and itis distressing. We experience a loss,
(04:21):
and the process of grieving is anecessary step in healing and moving forward.
It's a necessary step. You haveto grieve. You can't just stuck it
down and say that's good, I'mgood, let's go. And also,
some people have done that. Idon't question how they process their grief.
(04:42):
I'm concerned that they may not beprocessing it, they may not be tapping
into it. But unless they cometo me with that, I am not
going to judge people in how theyhandle their grief, whether it's this extreme
brokenness or this extreme quick adjustment.So many layers, so many layers between
the two. The one thing wemust realize we must do is give ourselves
(05:11):
a grace to grieve. We mustgive ourselves a grace, allow ourselves to
move through all of to feel thefields, to feel the pain, because
suppressing our emotions will only prolong thehealing process. And yes, it's painful.
Listen, listen, listen. Ihad any replacements some years ago,
(05:34):
and I still remember the process ofgetting my leg to straighten out. I
had to go to physical therapy atOh my good ness, it was painful.
I called the place where I wentfor physical therapy the name of the
(05:55):
medical facility torture chamber. Their jobwas to help me get my legs straight.
My job was to cooperate so Icould get to healing. Yeah,
it was painful, but I hadto go through the process to get to
that place of healing. I hadpeople who supported me on that journey.
(06:17):
When I had to go out andwalk, uh, that would remind me,
did you do your exercises. It'sthe same thing with grieving. We
need to seek emotional support from familyand friends, maybe even a professional or
a support group. Places and peoplewith whom we can share our grief,
(06:42):
those whom we trust, people wetrust we can share grief. We need
that support. We need that emotionalsupport when we are grieving. God to
take care of ourselves. I knowI one my husband passed away. I
was a size sixteen. Yikes,yes, a size sixteen. I thought
it looked cute, but I wasa size sixteen. After my husband passed
(07:02):
away, I didn't eat well,I didn't take care of myself, and
I lost weight down to a sizeeight ten. So you have to take
care of yourself physically. Grief cantake a toll on your body. So
we have to take time to rest, and we have to take time to
(07:23):
eat well. And I know inthose early days that's not easy. You
don't want to eat, it's hardto sleep. I get it, especially
if it's the loss of a spouse. I get it. But at some
point you have to begin to takegood care of yourself. Realize that there
will be good days and there willbe bad days. Grief is a roller
(07:47):
coaster ride, and it's okay notto be okay. It's okay to have
moments of sadness. I tell peoplewhen the moments come, go with the
moments and then come up out ofthem and move forward. But don't try
to deny the moments. Don't tryto to Let's see how I want to
(08:07):
say this. Don't try to makeyourself feel good. Listen, you suffered
a loss someone close to you,someone you love, and that BOYD will
always be there. So except thatthere will be good days and there will
be bad days. And I hearthis song, I won't complain. M
(08:28):
There will be some weary days,there will be some mountains to climb,
there will be hard at times,and you don't have to necessarily complain to
anyone, but realize that there willbe bad days and there will be good
days, and you'll have that goodday and you'll think, oh, I'm
really moving forward and then bam,something triggers something, someone says something,
(08:50):
you smell something, you see something, you hear something, and you're right
back where you start it from.Okay, not to be okay. It's
not okay to not be okay allthe time when you're in that space.
(09:11):
Get the support, get the helpyou need in order to come up out
of that hole to move forward.Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time,
and there's no timeline for grief.Everyone is journey of grief. Everyone
travels it differently, so it don'tmeasure your healing to the one who's healing
(09:37):
and their process seems to be faster. Just know that we all grieve differently
and we all grieve different timelines,So be patient with yourself. Get professional
help. I said it earlier.Get professional help if it's needed, because
(09:58):
the therapists are counselor can provide guidanceand support through the grieving process. You
may not feel comfortable sharing your painwith family and friends, or maybe you
have tried and the way they cameback or pushed back or again tried to
fix it shut you down. Sofind that professional who can guide you and
(10:24):
support you through your grieving process,and express your emotions through some kind of
creative outlet, journal or write orart. If you paint or paint by
numbers or whatever. Those coloring bookthings are now, I'd see that they're
online, and maybe you could evenbuy coloring books. Creativity can be a
powerful outlet. If there's something thatyou do, you sing, or you
(10:46):
play a musical instrument or whatever,that creative outlet is, express your emotions
through that, and finally, rememberit's okay to move forward. At some
point, you can still cherish thememory of your loved one, but you
(11:09):
can also live your life to thefullest. I've heard people say that when
their loved ones died, they died. No, you're still alive. There's
still life and there's still purpose beforeyou. So go ahead and cherish the
(11:33):
memory, but also live your lifeto the fullest. You'll be surprised what
you discover about yourself, the newyou. There's a whole other subject.
Who am I after I lose aparent or a sibling, or a spouse
or a BFF. That's a wholenother conversation. Who do I become?
(11:58):
Who am I? I just wantedto talk a little bit about grieving the
process of grieving, and I wantto leave you with this text Isaiah forty
one ten. On those cold days, on those barren days, when it
feels like you just can't do it, Isaiah forty one ten, So do
(12:24):
not fear, for I am withyou. Do not be dismayed, for
I am your God. I willstrengthen you and help you. I will
uphold you with my righteous right hand. And there's a word for you as
you move through the journey of grief. The Lord bless you and keep you.
(12:46):
The Lord makes face to shine uponyou, and be gracious unto you.
The Lord lived his countenance upon you. Give you peace. This is
my prayer for you, and youand even you in the name of Jesus.
This is life, pain, laughter, and down until next time. God bless
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