June 21, 2025 • 52 mins
Episode: 2025.11.18
The Living Full Out Show with Nancy Solari believes that recognizing the beauty from the Ashes of your life can guide you to find the strength you need to live your purpose. Maybe you have trauma that has made you doubt your self worth. Perhaps you don't have faith in what you can accomplish. Join Nancy as she discusses how to overcome struggles in order to lead a life aligning with your vision.
Our first caller, Scott, has been struggling with accepting the reality of his aging parents and dealing with guilt from being unable to prioritize them, due to his role as a father. Nancy advises him to first and foremost, focus on his own needs and take care of himself. She suggested doing small acts to keep his presence with his family, including leaving sticky notes around the house. She also highlighted the importance of searching for resources such as nonprofits to assist with the financial aspect of aging parents. Tune in to discover how focusing on self-worth can unlock personal fulfilment and a defined purpose.
Our inspirational guest, Shameka Green, had suffered a childhood filled with trauma and reasons to lose faith. Growing up, her father was murdered while her mother was in and out of incarceration. She managed to stay strong by maintaining hope through these hard times. Eventually she was able to create her own safe spaces and act as a caregiver for herself and her sister. She ended up having a son with a man who knew of her past, but his vision of the future was in misalignment with hers. She left the relationship to pursue her dream of building a family, but the marriage she entered turned abusive. She was forced to leave along with her sons and twin daughters, casting her to a mentally dark place. She battled feelings of hopelessness and found comfort in reconnecting with the father of her first child. After years together, she realized that they were on two different paths of self-evolution once again. Her strength and self love allowed her to recognize that the relationship pulled her away from the path of embracing her purpose. She now lives everyday with fulfillment and faith.Tune in to learn how Shameka reshaped her self-worth through strength and hope, leading her on a path of actualizing her aspirations.
Perhaps you are limiting yourself because you allow your past traumas to set you back. Try holding on to hope and work on building your self love. Recognizing your true worth can let you tread through life purposefully and in alignment with your truth, giving you the opportunity to live full out.
#NancySolari #LivingFullOut #ShamekaGreen #BeautyFromTheAshes #Overcoming #Strength #DefyingYourPast #ChildhoosdTrauma #SelfWorth #Love #AbusiveRelationships #FollowingDreams #Hope #Faith #InnerStrength #Emma’sHouse #SistahCycle #MinorityWomen #SCMProductionPodcastCompany #Empowering #BeautyFromAshes
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/living-full-out-show--1474350/support.
The Living Full Out Show with Nancy Solari believes that recognizing the beauty from the Ashes of your life can guide you to find the strength you need to live your purpose. Maybe you have trauma that has made you doubt your self worth. Perhaps you don't have faith in what you can accomplish. Join Nancy as she discusses how to overcome struggles in order to lead a life aligning with your vision.
Our first caller, Scott, has been struggling with accepting the reality of his aging parents and dealing with guilt from being unable to prioritize them, due to his role as a father. Nancy advises him to first and foremost, focus on his own needs and take care of himself. She suggested doing small acts to keep his presence with his family, including leaving sticky notes around the house. She also highlighted the importance of searching for resources such as nonprofits to assist with the financial aspect of aging parents. Tune in to discover how focusing on self-worth can unlock personal fulfilment and a defined purpose.
Our inspirational guest, Shameka Green, had suffered a childhood filled with trauma and reasons to lose faith. Growing up, her father was murdered while her mother was in and out of incarceration. She managed to stay strong by maintaining hope through these hard times. Eventually she was able to create her own safe spaces and act as a caregiver for herself and her sister. She ended up having a son with a man who knew of her past, but his vision of the future was in misalignment with hers. She left the relationship to pursue her dream of building a family, but the marriage she entered turned abusive. She was forced to leave along with her sons and twin daughters, casting her to a mentally dark place. She battled feelings of hopelessness and found comfort in reconnecting with the father of her first child. After years together, she realized that they were on two different paths of self-evolution once again. Her strength and self love allowed her to recognize that the relationship pulled her away from the path of embracing her purpose. She now lives everyday with fulfillment and faith.Tune in to learn how Shameka reshaped her self-worth through strength and hope, leading her on a path of actualizing her aspirations.
Perhaps you are limiting yourself because you allow your past traumas to set you back. Try holding on to hope and work on building your self love. Recognizing your true worth can let you tread through life purposefully and in alignment with your truth, giving you the opportunity to live full out.
#NancySolari #LivingFullOut #ShamekaGreen #BeautyFromTheAshes #Overcoming #Strength #DefyingYourPast #ChildhoosdTrauma #SelfWorth #Love #AbusiveRelationships #FollowingDreams #Hope #Faith #InnerStrength #Emma’sHouse #SistahCycle #MinorityWomen #SCMProductionPodcastCompany #Empowering #BeautyFromAshes
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/living-full-out-show--1474350/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening the Living Full Out with Nancy Selari. As
a professional motivational speaker. Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfollout dot com. Once again, here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to the Living Full Out Show. My name is
Nancy Celari, and today we're talking about beauty from ashes.
And you might be like, what does that mean? Well, truly,
we've all gone through heartbreaking times. Right times you feel
defeated where we failed something. But if you look really close,
there are the silver linings. There's the beauty, there's the purpose,
(00:42):
and we have to kind of wrestle with that a
little bit. But when we do see that, things become
so much more clear, and we're going to be talking
about that also. I want you to stay with us.
Shamikha Green will be our inspirational guests coming up. What
an inspirational story?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Boy?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
If she isn't somebody that has had to kind of
vamp and pivot many many times in her life and
how did she do that? Yet today is really living
her best life. So stay with us. There also we
want to make sure that you are supported every step
of the way in your journey. And if you go
to the app store and go for the Living Full
(01:17):
Out Show app, literally you can listen to us in
the car at the gym and it's just show after
show and we'll keep you inspired every step of the way. Now,
I am getting word for our producer that we do
a listener on the line. Let's go check in with them. Hello,
welcome to The Living Full Out Show.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Hi, how are you?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I'm good? How can I help you?
Speaker 4 (01:36):
I have a question for I want to see if
he can help me out. So I've got two older parents,
elderly parents and getting older, having health issues, and I'm
just on eased with the challenges of being the sole
supporter of my mom because my dad is having really
(01:56):
bad health issues right now, and I'm just trying to
figure out, you know, how to focus on my family
and my job while not feeling guilty about not being
with my dad and my mom.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
That is a tough one, right And there's so many
people listening right now that are raising their hands, both hands,
their feet because you can't escape whether it's one parent,
both parents in your case, it's obviously both at the
same time. You know, one of the things I want
you to do is, first of all, give yourself some
(02:34):
grace in your life because there is only one you,
and I think you have to always wake up every day,
you know, with a priority in mind. And it's not
to say that you know one person in your life
is more of a priority of another, but it's finding
ways to prioritize and leverage now that the biggest indicators
(02:58):
of leveraging is so you have Do you have a
spouse that can help you with the family, your current family, yes, okay,
And so when you have to be son, when you
have to caregive for your parents, knowing that you have
that spouse that can rise, that can can help not
(03:20):
just not be dad, right, no one's going to replace you,
but but help to kind of let your presence be
there or keep you informed. And the other thing too
is if you're ever worried about missing moments with those
folks because you're with your mom or you're with your dad. Truly,
technology and even the good old fashioned post it note
(03:42):
right can go a long way. All they ever need
to know from you is that you're cheering them on
you're proud of them, you love them. So when you're
finding yourself split, you know, and you're having to wear
so many different hats and be there for so many
different people, it can just be a simple as a
post it note with I love you, I'm proud of you,
(04:03):
and hide it to put it on the mirror for
the person to see it when they wake up in
the morning, and your presence is right there even though
you may not be there, or hide it in their
laptop bag, or put it somewhere where they'll open it
as a surprise, or a little texts or a phone call.
And there are actually services where you can actually bypass
(04:25):
the ringing of a phone and just go right to
someone's voicemail so you can leave them a message even
though you can't have a big conversation now with your
mommy or dad. Though that is a tough one because
there is the financial piece and one of the things
I really empower you to do. See, I'm legally blind,
(04:46):
and it was nonprofits that helped me to have low
vision devices or talking devices or cane training, or they
gave me my guide dog, Frost. And there are nonprofit
that's out there for so many different great causes, including
caring for aging parents. Have you considered kind of researching
(05:10):
the resources that are out there?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
You know, that's that's that's really great advice. No, I haven't, actually,
and that would be something I would definitely look into
for sure, especially if the sticky notes or you know,
that's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Well, you know, and honestly, it can be as fun
as having it be like a little sticky note on
their monitor of their laptop so when they open their laptop,
poof there you are right, hide them all over the house.
And but but the nonprofits that are out there, I'm
just curious if there's one that could help you leverage
(05:47):
your time better, maybe even tap into some financial resources
that you're not utilizing. And because there's so many people
are having to care for their aging parents, if considering
and choose your favorite platform groups So LinkedIn has groups,
Facebook has groups, Pinterest has groups. So pick your favorite
(06:10):
platform and see if there is a group that you
can join, or maybe there's cheddar chatter of what others
are doing to leverage their time to help out with
financial costs. Because when we know more, we're able to
be and think better and make better decisions now. Truly
(06:32):
your parents, you know, they gave you life, and so
you want to make sure that you do the best
you can. But their greatest reward, their greatest accomplishment, is you.
So if you show up to them and you're stressed
(06:53):
or you're worried, they're going to see it on your face.
And so that's why you have to get really good
at leveraging your time and carparmentalizing a bit. And because
they want to know that you're thriving, They want to
know that you're happy. Trust me when I say that
anybody who is disabled or aging, the last thing they
(07:14):
want to do is be a burden. So are you
able to kind of when you enter the door to
be with them? Are you able to be present with them?
Speaker 5 (07:25):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Yes, I think I definitely can. Okay, I'm pretty good
at that.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Okay, well, that is a good thing. And on those
days that you're not, on those days when you just
can't make that switch, you know that's not going to
sound maybe manly or whatever, but sometimes a good cry,
sometimes in the car before you go in to see them,
(07:51):
a good vent, sometimes prayer. But the thing that you
have to think about is can or a soda can. Right,
what happens when you take a soda can and you
shake it aggressively and you pop the top, what happens explodes.
It explodes exactly. So you are that great, beautiful soda can. Okay,
(08:17):
And if you are in rest and you're you're handled
with care, when someone pops the top, it's joy, it's
yum yum, yum yum. Right, the best of you. But
if you let yourself get to a place where you're
all shaken up, you have you don't have those outlets
to purge, you know, the toxic energy or the overwhelm,
(08:40):
then when somebody pops your top, you're gonna explode. So
you just want to continue to find ways to self
care for yourself. So we've talked today about you know,
giving to your family, your immediate family. We've talked about
ways in which you can care and be present with
your parents. But there's it's not by accident that they
say on a plane, put your mask on first. At
(09:03):
the end of the day, it still comes down to you.
Are you taking care of you the best way you can?
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Yeah? I mean that's that's that's great advice, you know.
I I definitely don't take care of myself the way
I should or i'd like, so I should say, because
I'm always putting other people first.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Are you proud of yourself?
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Yes, I'm proud of myself.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Okay. And do you like who you are as a person?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Sometimes I can't say always.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Okay. Now there's points, there's points for humbleness. Okay, But
the truth is you are dad, you are husband, you
are son, and those are all very very special rules.
But if you let yourself fall and get tired and
get over overwhelmed and get sick or any of that,
(10:03):
then you can't possibly be the best for everybody you love. Okay,
So you do have to start putting yourself first. But
when you do that, honestly, sky's the limit. Lots and
lots of love is surrounding you. That is a good thing. Okay.
So thank you so much for calling in today, and
we'll send positive wishes your way. Most of all that
(10:25):
everybody in your life stays healthy, okay, number one. Yes,
And for everybody listening today, we are talking about, you know,
really the beauty within the ashes. Again, hard moments, they
are lucky to get through. But when you get through
them and you're able to reflect on the personal growth
of yourself. That is where the magic happens. That is
(10:48):
when you're living full out.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Life looks a little different during these times. We're doing
our best to keep our minds and bodies strong, and
getting a flu shot helps us stay healthy so we
don't miss out on what matters, like having game night
at home. Yeah, can't do that, we'll sick with the flu.
(11:24):
Now imagine family movie night that your daughter can't live without. Well,
that's ruined. And don't forget your uncle's socially distanced cookouts. See,
that's why it's important to be at our strongest. Every year,
(11:46):
millions of people in the US get the flu, especially now.
No one has time to miss out on moments that matter.
So get your flu shot. Find out more and get
my flu shot dot org. Brought to you by the
ama CDC and the AD Council.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Don't you wish your life came with a warning app?
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Stop that dog does not want to be pettitive.
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Just a little heads up before something bad happens.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
Move your coffee cup away from your computer.
Speaker 8 (12:13):
Oh no, no, no.
Speaker 6 (12:14):
No, so you can have more control.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Stop you're texting your boss by mistake.
Speaker 9 (12:21):
Oh well, life doesn't always give you time to change
the outcome, but pre diabetes does. With early diagnosis and
a few healthy changes like managing your weight, getting active,
stopping smoking, and eating healthier, you can stop pre diabetes
before it leads to type two diabetes.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
It's easy to learn your risk.
Speaker 9 (12:39):
Take the one minute test today at do I have
Prediabetes dot org?
Speaker 7 (12:43):
Warning? The cap is loose on that cat young.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
Oh, don't wait. You have the power to change the outcome.
Visit do I have prediabetes dot Org?
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Today?
Speaker 6 (12:53):
That's do I have Prediabetes dot Org?
Speaker 9 (12:55):
Brought to you by the AD Council and its pre
Diabetes Awareness partners.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Hehu, oh brah, that's buzzed. Oh yeah, yeah, he's starting
with the woots and now a speech.
Speaker 10 (13:07):
I just want to say that friendship is about heart,
heart and brain.
Speaker 8 (13:12):
Who's with me?
Speaker 9 (13:13):
Good thing is he knows when he's buzzed, and my
brain is saying when it's time to go home, Somebody
call me a ride.
Speaker 11 (13:20):
Love that guy, me too.
Speaker 9 (13:21):
Know your buzzed warning signs, call for a ride when
it's time to go home.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
Buzz driving is drunk driving. A message FROMNITZA and the
AD Council.
Speaker 12 (13:29):
True what you're out, You got me Galaxy safe once again.
Speaker 13 (13:38):
In the pretend universe, kids play with pretend guns. In
the real world, it's up to us to make sure
they don't get their hands on a real gun. If
you have a gun in the house, keep it locked, unloaded,
and storage separately from ammunition. Safegun storage saves lives. Learn
how to make your home safeer it Nfamilyfire dot Org.
That's nfamilyfire dot Org. Brought to you by N Familyfire,
Brady and the ad Council.
Speaker 14 (13:59):
Adopt Us Kids presents What to expect when you're expecting
a teenager learning the.
Speaker 10 (14:05):
Lingo Today, I'm going to help parents translate teen slang. Now,
when a teen says something is on fleek, it's exactly
like saying that's rad. It simply means that something is
awesome or cool. Another one is toats. It's exactly like
saying totally, just shorter, as in I totes love going
(14:27):
to the mall with Becca. Another word you might hear
is jelly. Jelly is a shorter, better way to say jealous,
as in Chloe, I am like so jelly of your
unicorn phone case.
Speaker 14 (14:39):
You don't have to speak teen to be a perfect parent,
thousands of teens in foster care will think you're rad
just the same. To learn more, visit adopt us Kids
dot org, a public service announcement brought to you by
the US Department of Health and Human Services, adopt Us Kids,
and the ad Council.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Clary As
a life coach. Nancy can teach you how to stay
strong under pressure and work through challenges you face. Being
legally blind. Nancy inspires others to be resilient and overcoming
obstacles and live full out. You can ask Nancy for
advice in your life on relationships, finance, business, health, and more.
(15:22):
Just call in at eight hundred three three three zero
zero zero one. Once again, that's eight hundred three three
three zero zero zero one. Now here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Welcome back. I'm Nancy Silari and this is the Living
Full Out Show, and today we're talking about beauty from Ashes,
and as promised, we brought you an inspirational guest today,
Shamika Green, who really demonstrates so much of how you
can get through hard times on certain times but come
out the other end with a new lens a new
way to see life and appreciate it. So i'd very
(15:56):
much like to welcome Shamika to the show.
Speaker 5 (15:58):
Thank you so much, Nancy, so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I feel the same way, and I really want our
audience to understand. Everybody. You have to really grab hold
of this before we start the interview. I mean, little Shamika,
you honestly had a lot of uncertainty growing up. I
know it was you and your mom and your sister,
and your dad had passed away when you were very young,
(16:24):
and your mom actually she was quite a drug dealer
when you were seven, and the house got raided and
she ended up going to prison, and you found yourself
bouncing around through different family members home also to find
out around ten that your dad's passing was actually a murder,
and then each family member had a different take on that. Again,
(16:48):
the level of uncertainty that you went through, and just
feeling displaced and not grounded and maybe not even loved.
How did you handle that? You know, in your early
years such.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
A significant amount of loss, And I don't know if
I handled it per se as a young child. I
think it was just I was in survival mode and
so I just kind of internalize everything. But there was
also just probably a little piece of me that just
hoped something would be different one day, well of them
(17:23):
would be different.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Yeah, And I mean it's hard when you don't have
that hero in your life, you know, a dad or
a mom that you can turn to, or I know
you'd had some some you know, a couple emmas in
your life that were were great, you know, and they
they were loving to you, but I imagine it was you know,
(17:46):
scary and especially you know, times when you felt like
you could trust someone, Like at one time there was
your mom had a boyfriend when when she was in prison,
and you know him and his son, you know, they
didn't treat you so well. Well they you know, they
did inappropriate things to you. And and just when you
thought you found maybe your mom had another boyfriend that
(18:08):
seemed like a good dad figure, he got murdered when
you were around fifteen. And as you started to go
along in your life, and I think so many times
people feel like if you know, I just have something
to hold on to, but you didn't. It's like every
time you turned around that there was more loss.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Right. It's trauma, like literally trauma robs you of your
dreams and visions and your sense of safety. And so, yes,
every time I thought I had a sense of safety,
it really wasn't, or it was robbed for me, whether
it was death or someone that really wasn't trustworthy. So yeah,
that's a tough pill to swallow when you look back
(18:52):
on it. Of every time this young girl thought she
was safe and she wasn't.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
You know, your mom, I know I was in and
out of prison a couple of different times, and when
you were around sixteen, she had a gun and she
went back to prison even though she wasn't supposed to
have a gun. But at that time, ironically, you found
yourself for the first time in a peaceful place, in
(19:18):
a safe place. What was that?
Speaker 5 (19:22):
Yes, So around sixteen, whereas when I started to create
the safe space for myself, I started living on my own,
and it was a thing of Child Protective Service didn't
know where I well, no one checked to see where
I was right And so I had my own house,
I had my own car, I was driving back and
(19:43):
forth to high school, and I was taking care of
my sister who's six years younger than me. And so
I created the safe space for myself and my sister,
and I essentially became like a mom to her.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
And again, your mom didn't do everything right, you know,
but good that she at least saved enough money so
you could build that safe place. Now, when she got
out of prison at nineteen, you know, you were a
grown woman. How strange was that having her come out
thinking that you were the little girl she left.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Yes, so again it's it's trauma because she had our
own trauma and I had mine. But it created a disconnect.
So by the time she got out of prison, I
was this grown woman, and I was kind of at
this attitude of like, nobody can tell me what to do,
right because I've been taking care of myself. And so
I know that she probably desired to still have that
(20:42):
little girl, but she was no longer there. That little
girl was gone a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Well, and we are talking today about you know, beauty
for ashes, And although that little girl was gone a
long time ago, the survivor in you really developed into
a hero. Like you were a mom to your sister, right,
and you really made every decision to the best of
(21:10):
your ability. Now you had a boy that you had
known since you were fourteen. He knew your life story,
he knew the ins and outs of your mom going
to prison, and you ended up marrying him and having
a little boy when you were twenty. Did that feel
like you finally got your happy ending?
Speaker 5 (21:30):
It? Did? It? Really did? It was because, like you
said before, that think of looking for love right and
wanting and desiring to have that love. And so I
found a safe space in my boyfriend at the time
and his family. They were very great to me. But
I found really true genuine love in my son. And
I think I started to see myself differently, but then
(21:53):
also knew what real genuine love was for someone else
because I was an amazing mother. I was young, and
I still with the hero and resilient. I'm going to school,
I'm going to go to college. I'm going to be
different from my son. I'm create a different environment for
my son.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
And is it possible to shake the past? Is it
possible to let the ashes be ashes? Hmmm, that's good.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
It's definitely possible to shake the path and the past
and rewrite your narrative. But it doesn't mean that Sometimes
there's not still some trauma residue, right, some reminders or
triggers of the past. But again I still think that
no matter what, you can have beauty from ashes. I
believe that wholeheartedly.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
And you decided to, ultimately, several years later, leave that
relationship although you have your beautiful son. Why was that.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Because at the time we were so young, and again
even though I couldn't see it, I still think it
was my belief. So I had that I was going
to be married one day. I was going to be
a great wife. And at the time he wasn't in
the space that he wanted to be married, but I did,
and so that's why ultimately, at that moment we broke up.
(23:12):
But for me, it was like I know what I want.
I know the family that I want to have and desire,
and I want to be a wife.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
You know, it's so great that that little girl who
didn't have the stable mother father figure. It's so great
that she dreamt of her love story. But actually very
intuitive and it's unfortunate that whole timing thing that you
were able to recognize that it wasn't the right fit.
(23:40):
So I want everybody to stay with us because we
are talking today about beauty from ashes. But sometimes you
have to be really honest with yourself and say you
know what, this is not working or I deserve better,
And when you can do that, you can live full out.
We'll be back.
Speaker 5 (24:03):
Today.
Speaker 15 (24:04):
In school, I learned a lot. In chemistry, I learned
that no one likes me. In English, I learned that
I'm disgusting, and in Physics, I learned that I'm a loser.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
Today, in school, I learned that I'm ugly and useless.
Speaker 11 (24:20):
In jim I learned that I'm pathetic in a joke.
In History today, I learned that I'm trying.
Speaker 12 (24:26):
Today in school, I learned that I have no friends.
In English, I learned that I make people sick, and
at lunch I learned that I sit on my own
because I smell. In chemistry, I learned that no one
In Biology, I learned that I'm fat and stupid, And
in Math I learned that I'm trash.
Speaker 15 (24:46):
The only thing I didn't learn in school today, the
only thing I didn't learn today.
Speaker 6 (24:49):
The only thing I didn't learn is why no one
ever helps kids witness bullying every day.
Speaker 16 (24:56):
They want to help, but they don't know how teach
them how to stop bullying and be more than a
bystander at stop bullying dot gov.
Speaker 17 (25:02):
A message from the AD Council.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I'm Nancy Silary, certified Life and Business coach. I want
to invite you to the Personal Development boot Camp. During
the boot camp, we're going to be looking at taking
those insecurities that you have and getting rid of them.
We're also going to look at ways in which you
can thrive and live a life full of purpose. Go
to Livingfullout dot com forward Slash boot Camp Livingfullout dot
(25:25):
com Forward Slash boot Camp to sign up. I believe
in you, and here's to you living your life full out.
Speaker 17 (25:40):
They'll challenge your authority. I know, they'll try to break
your will. They'll push you to the edge of your
sanity because that's what kids do. But this car is
your territory, not theirs. Defend it. Who makes the payment,
(26:01):
who cleans it, who drives it? You do, That's who.
And in here your word is law. So when you
say you won't move until everyone's buckled up, you won't
budge an inch until you hear that clar never give
(26:22):
up until they buckle up. A message from the National
Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the AD Council. For more information,
visit safercar dot gov slash kids buckle up.
Speaker 18 (26:34):
Seven million children suffer from asthma, more than any other
chronic disease. Most asthma attacks are caused by allergic reactions
to allergens, including those left behind by cockroaches and mice.
In fact, eighty two percent of US households contain mouse allergens,
and cockroaches are found in up to ninety eight percent
of urban homes. How can you protect your family? Find
(26:56):
out at pestworld dot org. A message from the National
Pest Management Association and the American College of Allergy, Asthma,
and Immunology.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
It's slipping, confit, check, cop to doctor.
Speaker 13 (27:07):
Knowlne share.
Speaker 6 (27:08):
I get it, slip it, cuff it, check it.
Speaker 8 (27:10):
Twice a day, I get it, slip it, cuff it,
check it in the morning and before dinner. I get it,
flip it, cuff it, check it, and share it with
my doctor. Nearly one in two US adults have high
blood pressure. That's why it's important to self monitor your
blood pressure and for easy to remember steps. It starts
with a monitor.
Speaker 10 (27:31):
Now that I know my blood pressure numbers, I talked
with my doctor.
Speaker 6 (27:35):
We're getting those numbers down.
Speaker 11 (27:36):
Yeah, it's slipping Coffit, check it, cop to Doctor knowlne
share be.
Speaker 8 (27:41):
Next to talk to your doctor about your blood pressure numbers.
Get down with your blood pressure. Self monitoring is power.
Learn more at Manage your BP dot org. Brought to
you by the AD Council, the American Heart Association, and
the American Medical Association in partnership with the Office of
Minority Health and Health Resources and Services Administration.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Solary. With
Nancy's expertise, you'll learn how to embrace your potential and
strive for success. If you have a question or need
further support, send us an email at connect at livingfullout
dot com. Now here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Welcome back again. I'm Nancy Silary. This is the Living
Full Out Show and today we are talking about beauty
from ashes and our inspirational guest today is Shamika Green
and I so much I want to get through with
her story. So Shamikha, welcome back.
Speaker 7 (28:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (28:38):
Well.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I want to say thank you for your honesty because really,
the courage to talk about all of this. It would
be so easy to just look good, say all the
right things, but where your beauty is isn't telling us
your story, you know, telling us you know the times
you wish you had done things differently. Now, in the
(28:59):
last segment, just talked about, you know, how you had
been in a you know, at a marriage. You you
had had your son, but but at the same time,
you know, you you wanted more and you wanted that
love story. And then you met suitor number two and
you know in how it seemed like he was going
(29:20):
to be the right match. You ironically had another son
and two twin girls. But that relationship really challenged you,
maybe even more than your childhood in what way, Well.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
It really challenged me because it's one of those things
of you have these dreams, right, you have these goals,
and you think it's going to happen and it's going
to be for everything, and it turns out that this
person is not who you think they are, and some
tumultuous things happen in abuse and it could rob you
of that very dream that you desire to have and
(29:55):
make you feel hopeless. And so when that marriage didn't
work out like it literally made me want to never
even want to dream again or have that stability again.
But again, I think little Mimi was a fighter because
she had something inside of her that she just knew
what she wanted.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Well, and you're a woman of faith, and you, in
that relationship had a pow wow with God. And what
did you ask him?
Speaker 5 (30:22):
Oh? Yes, I had real serious with God, and I said, God,
if this person is not for me, please remove them.
And that happened swiftly. And sometimes we have these things
with the prayer of when people say, be you ready,
you know for what you pray for, and because it
literally it happened quickly.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Oh my goodness, Like he went off to jail. He
and he said, yes, you can have all the custody.
What a clean break. Actually, you know, when you think
about it, I mean, God really came through on that one.
Now you decided at that point to go back to
that first relationship, the boy that you had known at fourteen,
(31:05):
the father of your first son. Why did you go backwards?
Speaker 5 (31:10):
Yeah, the boy that I knew at fourteen. So I
went back because for me, he had always been there
in terms of helping me out and nothing funny, no
funny business, but just somebody that I felt was reliant
in a safe space that I felt at the moment.
And I really think that we were meant to reconnect
(31:34):
and raise all the children, you know, even the ones
that I had from the other marriage. And I think
that was just part of my chaps that was just
meant to be.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Now inside you, though there is always that I don't know, intuition,
Spidey sense, the voice, the whisper, and it told you, ironically,
just recently to leave that relationship after years. Why did
you decide to turn a new page?
Speaker 5 (32:05):
Oh? Well, I think it was the evolution of me
of that chapter again was a much needed chapter, and
it was beautiful and we raised these great children. But
as the woman I am no longer fourteen. You know,
I'm not that girl anymore. And so the reason why
(32:25):
I turned that page is because my self love was
even higher, and my needs were different, and the love
that I deserve was different. And it was again of
choosing me and still having those hopes and dreams. But
what does safety look like for me as a grown woman?
Not survival modes?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
So do you believe in love? Do you think that
story is still possible?
Speaker 5 (32:51):
Ooh? I love that answer. I absolutely do. I believe
God can do all things. I really do, and I
really do believe that there's a very fa love out
there for me because not only have I created it
again even in this chapter for myself, I know that
someone can come and be a great addition in my life.
(33:11):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I watch a lot of hallmarks. So I'm going to
cheer you on, you know, And you know today we're
talking about beauty from ashes and you've dealt with a
lot of ashes. You know, you keep saying in your story,
you're not that same seven year old girl, You're not
that same fourteen year old girl. You're you're not that
same woman. So what does beauty from ashes mean to you?
(33:36):
And who are you today?
Speaker 19 (33:39):
Ah?
Speaker 5 (33:40):
That's so good. Who I am today is of course
a strong, resilient woman, but she's soft, she's caring, she loving.
I'm still finding out pieces of me of who I am,
and I think that's the beauty in my journey too.
I'm still growing. But I think beauty from ashes for
me is that there's there's still these trauma residues that
(34:03):
looks like ashes, right, that develops in my life. But
then there's so much beauty in my story too, of
this girl who had a father that was murdered, stepfather
and all these traumatic things. Could not have been a therapist, now,
you know. Could I have raised four beautiful children, be
an international bestselling author and speak to other women like
(34:25):
that is beauty from ashes For me? My realness just
shows how much God loves me no matter what is
happening in my life.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
You talk a lot about shit, these faith shaken moments.
How are you able to let the past be in
the past.
Speaker 5 (34:43):
It's a lot of faith shaken moments, those moments where
it's like, why God, or you know, or why me?
Why does this happen? And sometimes you don't have an answer.
Rights you just don't have an answer, but you just
hold on to faith that it is going to be better.
And I think it's one thing that I have adapted
to throughout life that no matter what I see, something
(35:06):
inside of me is saying that it's going to be better,
it would get better. And so I think that's where
I met in my journey too with faith, although sometimes
I just clearly do not understand, but I'm just having
faith that it will be better.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Your mom obviously came in and out of your life
and you really needed her, and she wasn't there. Have
you forgiven her?
Speaker 5 (35:31):
I have and that was a journey. And I want
to say that was a journey. And I know that
sometimes forgiveness is tough because it feels very personal as
to what someone has done to you. And I think
it was just through my own healing journey of she
had her own traumas. And two things can be true.
At the same time. I can still have boundaries of
(35:53):
how much access I want someone to have in my life,
and I can also understand it you had your own self,
so it wasn't necessarily personal. But I also won't allow
you to bleed on me by the things that hurt
and cut you, right, And so I have forgiven her.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
And so oftentimes, you know, in the case of your
dad being murdered, or even the boyfriend of your mom
who is also murdered, you know, people wrestle their entire
lives with the would it could have shured us? The
what could have been? Do you struggle with that today?
Like what if my dad had never been murdered? What
(36:31):
would my life have been?
Speaker 13 (36:32):
Like?
Speaker 5 (36:35):
I think when I was a little bit, maybe in
my twenties, I had that of, like what would I
feel like to have a dad?
Speaker 13 (36:42):
Right?
Speaker 5 (36:42):
Because you have this think of like I don't even
know what that feels like. And then it's a thing
of oh, no, I have a stepfather, and then he's
going to be a great dad, and then he's gone, right,
and so yeah, it becomes a thing of like what
would have happened if I would have had these great
men in my life? You know? But I didn't stay
there too long because again, it wasn't anything that I
(37:05):
can do about it. But I think it was a
rewriting the story of my kids will have different you know,
And so that breaks whatever generational curse is there.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
And do you feel like the curse is broken or
do you feel like the trauma the residue carries on?
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Oh, it's absolutely broken. No, I think that generational curse
is broken. I look at my children, Oh, they're so amazing,
and I look at them in different parts of their life,
and I'm like, you did a really great job, especially
for someone that had all that trauma residue. Right, And
even when I was young raising my oldest and didn't
(37:48):
really know he even offered me forgiveness for certain things
because I held on some tight to him because I
want to protect him. But when I look at those kids,
that's definitely a beautiful Ashes store.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Early on, you had to be a mother to your
sister who was six years younger than you. I mean, everybody,
you really have to understand back when that raid happened
at the house when you were seven, she was one,
and through all those years you were like her mom.
Do you think it's actually ironic that although that was
traumatic in its own right, did that make you a
(38:24):
better mom to your four kids today?
Speaker 5 (38:27):
Oh? Yeah, it prepared me. I didn't know it. Again,
it's the thing that you just don't know, but it
definitely prepared me to be a mom because I already
had that loving, nurturing protectify from my sister. Because I
definitely protected her all those years. Nobody was going to
touch her or molest her like the things that happened
(38:48):
to me. For sure, I was her protector.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
And as we round out today's interview, what does living
full out mean to you? We know what beauty from
ashes means, but what and you look forward into your life,
what does it mean to live full out?
Speaker 5 (39:05):
Gosh, that's so good. Living for out to me is
being authentically me, and that means with these scars and
all these other things, but also living fully to go
wherever I want to go, and not limiting myself. Whatever
I want to do, whatever however I want to believe,
I want to dream bigger, I want to go higher.
(39:26):
Just live fully, out authentically who you are and don't
let anything stop you. I think my journey is just
showing that, Yeah, some stuff happened, but I'm not stoppable. Wow.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Well, I gotta tell you God is proud. He built
you strong, you know, thank you, and and truly you
have a lot of love around you. And now it's
just a matter of finding, you know, that partner that
you can run with, that person that can be you know,
not abusive, that person that can be a true partner,
(39:59):
and how that same vigor and desire for life that
you do. So we're going to wish that for you,
you know you always for sure and for everybody listening.
I'm so grateful that Shamika came on today and every
guest that comes on and shares their story, and if
you have one as well, we'd love to consider having
(40:20):
you on as a guest. Just reach out to us
at connect at livingfullout dot com. Make sure to give
us your name, contact information, but also what you went through,
how you got through it what you learned, because truly,
I believe that we're more alike than we're different. Obviously, Shamika,
I didn't have the same life that you did, but
(40:40):
I got to tell you I am so so proud
of you. So thank you very much for being on
today's show.
Speaker 5 (40:48):
Thank you so much for the platform. I've heard it.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
You're welcome, and everybody, we're going to come back. It's
more living full out.
Speaker 14 (40:56):
We'll be back.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
To some people.
Speaker 20 (41:07):
The sound of a baby babbling doesn't mean much, but
that's not necessarily true. By six months, they're combining vowels
and consonants two by nine months, they're trying out different
kinds of sounds, and by twelve months they're babbling. Is
(41:29):
beginning to take on some meaning, especially if there's no.
Speaker 6 (41:35):
Babbling at all.
Speaker 20 (41:38):
Little to no babbling by twelve months or later is
just one of the possible signs of autism and children.
Early screening and intervention can make a lifetime of difference
and unlock a world of possibilities. Take the first step
at autism speaks dot org. A public service announcement brought
to you by Autism Speaks and the ADNCIL.
Speaker 19 (42:01):
Most of us like to be out in the sun.
That's why sunscreen and other safety measures are key to
protecting your skin from aging and cancer. The FDA recommends
using a sunscreen with a sun protection factor or SPF
A fifteen or higher. Also look for broad spectrum on
the label. That means both harmful ultraviolet A and B
rays are block. UVA rays age the skin. UVB rays
(42:25):
burn and both cause cancer. But the perfect sunscreen doesn't
count if you use it wrong. Don't need sunscreen on
a cloudy day. Wrong, eighty percent of UV rays still
get through the haze. Only use sunscreen at the beach. Nope,
anytime you're outside, UV rays attack the skin, so you
need protection and you have to reapply sunscreen every two hours.
(42:48):
Remember SPF plus broad spectrum he for healthy fun in
the sun. Visit www dot FDA dot gov slash sunscreen
for more information. A message from the US Food and
Drug admen.
Speaker 11 (43:01):
Right now, our country feels divided, but there's a place
where people are coming together.
Speaker 6 (43:06):
I gotta tell you, I was nervous to talk to
someone so different than me.
Speaker 7 (43:10):
Me too, but I'm glad you are.
Speaker 11 (43:12):
Love has no labels and one small step are helping
people with different political views, beliefs, and life experiences come
together through conversation and it feels good.
Speaker 5 (43:21):
Wow, your story is so interesting.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (43:26):
When people actually sit down, talk and listen to one another,
they can break down boundaries and connect as human beings.
At Love Hasno Labels dot com slash one Small Step,
you can listen to amazing, life changing conversations and find
simple tools to start a conversation of your own.
Speaker 7 (43:42):
I know one thing.
Speaker 6 (43:42):
This conversation gives me hope.
Speaker 11 (43:44):
It gives me a lot of hope to take a
step toward bringing our country and your community together by
having the courage to start a conversation. At Love has
No Labels dot com slash one Small Step, a message
from story Core Love has No Labels and the ad Council.
Speaker 6 (44:02):
All right, grew, let's get her dug.
Speaker 7 (44:07):
Honey, you want to give me a hand, I'm planning
that tree.
Speaker 16 (44:09):
Remember, no matter how large or small your digging project
may be, no matter how urban or rural, you must
always call eight one one before any digging project. Eight
one to one is our national one call number, alerting
your local utility companies to come out and mark any
lines they have near your dig site. You must call
(44:31):
eight one to one at least two to three business
days before any digging project so you can avoid hitting
our essential buried utilities. This includes natural gas and petroleum pipelines,
electra communication cables, and water and sewer lines. So before
you do this or this, make sure you do this.
(44:54):
For digging projects big or small, make the call to
eight one to one. Brought to you by Common Ground
the Alliance.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
When we talk about beauty from ashes, really let those
words sink in because the ashes means that the past
is in the past. They've dwindled down to nothing. You
do not have to live your life haunted by those ashes.
But the beauty is truly everything that you've learned. It's
time to celebrate that. It's time to share that pay
(45:24):
it forward with others. But most of all, be proud
of who you are. That's what it means to live
full out.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
You're listening to Living full Out with Nancy Solary. As
a professional motivational speaker. Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfullout dot com. Once again here's Nancy,
what a great show today.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
I'm so glad that you could join us as we
talk about beauty from ashes, and truly that is so
in step with what it means to live full out.
Speaker 5 (46:09):
But most of all, I.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Want you to leap away from today's show really thinking
about where in your life might you need to let go,
Let go of people that don't serve you. Maybe you settled,
maybe you find that they keep poking the bear, they
keep challenging you in ways that isn't supportive, and of
course if they're abusing you in any way, this is
(46:32):
the day that you say, you know what your ashes
to me? Now, let this be the day that you
consider gosh, am I am I treating myself good? Am
I drinking too much? Am I eating all the wrong foods?
Am I putting myself you know, in harm's way and
toxic environments? Let today be the day that you take
(46:54):
those bad habits, turn them into ashes, and let them go.
Now you might say, well, Nancy, that's easier said than done.
I'm married to this person. You know, I can't afford
to move. But you have to decide are you gonna
be defined by those n apostrophe tea words, can't, want, shouldn't.
(47:17):
The thing is time is fast. It is the greatest
commodity we have. And you have to decide is your
life gonna be defined by the cants, the won'ts, the don'ts,
or are you gonna let yourself take a really big
breath of air for maybe the first time in a
long time and think about you, know, think about you?
(47:40):
What a concept. So when we talk about beauty for ashes,
a lot of times that is when somebody puts their
foot down and says, that is it. I'm putting myself first.
I can't live for all of you anymore. And I
want to say being a giving person is a great thing,
(48:00):
but only to the point that it doesn't dwindle you
down to nothing. You are a gift in this world
the day you were born. Think about the purpose that
lied ahead of you. But if you let yourself go,
if you let yourself be that people pleaser that gets
whittled down to nothing, then you're not allowing yourself to
(48:21):
live your best life. It's interesting when I think about
relationships that I've had, I've really always felt the need
to see people through every season. Now it doesn't mean
that I hit the year mark and I say peace
out right. Sometimes I invest in friendships and romantic relationships
for multiple years, multiple seasons, seeing how they handle conflict,
(48:46):
seeing if they have a sense of humor in hard times,
seeing how they handle budgeting.
Speaker 16 (48:51):
All of that.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
Now, why do I bring that up? I bring that
up because the concept of letting go. If you look
at it like a loss, if you look at it
like you failed or defeat, then you're allowing yourself to
be haunted by that. It's like you're letting all of
(49:13):
that have power over you. But letting go is actually
truly empowering. It's wonderful, it's free. But you have to
allow yourself to get to that point. So for me,
whenever I got to a point where I felt like
a friendship, you know, as I peeled back the onion,
(49:33):
I realized the person wasn't that tried and true person
I thought they were, or in a romantic relationship. When
I took off those rosy glasses and I saw, you know,
that maybe they weren't who I thought they were. I
had put them on a pedestal. It's not that we, you, me,
(49:53):
any of us have to be perfect, but you want
to make sure that as you journey through your life,
because time is so fast, you want to make sure
that you align yourself with those people that you can
run with. You know, they will be the wind beneath
your wings and you will be theirs. They will be
your cheerleader, and you will cheer them on as well.
(50:15):
And if you're saying to yourself, well, that's great, Nancy,
but I don't know how to find those people, Well,
they're sadly not going to come knocking on your door.
Very few romantic partners and best friends and all the
people that you need in your life, they're not going
to come knocking on your door. They're not going to
come right and sit next to you, right on the
(50:37):
couch inside your own home. You got to get out there,
and you've got to take that leap of faith, trusting
that there are good people in the world. And I
say that because well, there may be toxic people in
the world, and there may be decisions that we all
don't make that maybe you regret the minute we let
(50:59):
go of the idea of turning a new page that
we don't think change is possible.
Speaker 18 (51:05):
Well, you better pack it on in.
Speaker 2 (51:06):
I'm done then, because I very much believe in change.
I think that people can. They say it old dog
can't learn nutricks. I believe the dog can, and I
believe that people can have an awakening. But you can
believe in people from afar. You can cheer people on
in your life, but not let them be like right
(51:28):
in your orbit that distracts you or as toxic. But
again it comes down to you letting those ashes go,
and it comes to you finding the beauty in the future,
in the unknown, in what is possible. And when you
do that, I promise you doors will open, the windows
will open, You'll hear things and smell things and see
(51:52):
things that you didn't see before. And the entire Living
Filat family is dedicated to bringing shows like this, inspirational
guests that allow you to see how you can take
your empty cup and fill it up, and when you
do that, you're able to truly live full out. Make
sure again that you go to livingfollout dot com. Please
share this episode with somebody that is in need of
(52:15):
letting go in their life so that they can celebrate
the beauty and live full out.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Thank you for listening to the Living Full Out Show
with Nancy Silari. To learn more about this program, visit
livingfullout dot com for the latest episodes. Connect with the
Living full Out community by following us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
and subscribing to our YouTube channel. Here's to you, Living
full Out.
You're listening the Living Full Out with Nancy Selari. As
a professional motivational speaker. Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfollout dot com. Once again, here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to the Living Full Out Show. My name is
Nancy Celari, and today we're talking about beauty from ashes.
And you might be like, what does that mean? Well, truly,
we've all gone through heartbreaking times. Right times you feel
defeated where we failed something. But if you look really close,
there are the silver linings. There's the beauty, there's the purpose,
(00:42):
and we have to kind of wrestle with that a
little bit. But when we do see that, things become
so much more clear, and we're going to be talking
about that also. I want you to stay with us.
Shamikha Green will be our inspirational guests coming up. What
an inspirational story?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Boy?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
If she isn't somebody that has had to kind of
vamp and pivot many many times in her life and
how did she do that? Yet today is really living
her best life. So stay with us. There also we
want to make sure that you are supported every step
of the way in your journey. And if you go
to the app store and go for the Living Full
(01:17):
Out Show app, literally you can listen to us in
the car at the gym and it's just show after
show and we'll keep you inspired every step of the way. Now,
I am getting word for our producer that we do
a listener on the line. Let's go check in with them. Hello,
welcome to The Living Full Out Show.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Hi, how are you?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I'm good? How can I help you?
Speaker 4 (01:36):
I have a question for I want to see if
he can help me out. So I've got two older parents,
elderly parents and getting older, having health issues, and I'm
just on eased with the challenges of being the sole
supporter of my mom because my dad is having really
(01:56):
bad health issues right now, and I'm just trying to
figure out, you know, how to focus on my family
and my job while not feeling guilty about not being
with my dad and my mom.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
That is a tough one, right And there's so many
people listening right now that are raising their hands, both hands,
their feet because you can't escape whether it's one parent,
both parents in your case, it's obviously both at the
same time. You know, one of the things I want
you to do is, first of all, give yourself some
(02:34):
grace in your life because there is only one you,
and I think you have to always wake up every day,
you know, with a priority in mind. And it's not
to say that you know one person in your life
is more of a priority of another, but it's finding
ways to prioritize and leverage now that the biggest indicators
(02:58):
of leveraging is so you have Do you have a
spouse that can help you with the family, your current family, yes, okay,
And so when you have to be son, when you
have to caregive for your parents, knowing that you have
that spouse that can rise, that can can help not
(03:20):
just not be dad, right, no one's going to replace you,
but but help to kind of let your presence be
there or keep you informed. And the other thing too
is if you're ever worried about missing moments with those
folks because you're with your mom or you're with your dad. Truly,
technology and even the good old fashioned post it note
(03:42):
right can go a long way. All they ever need
to know from you is that you're cheering them on
you're proud of them, you love them. So when you're
finding yourself split, you know, and you're having to wear
so many different hats and be there for so many
different people, it can just be a simple as a
post it note with I love you, I'm proud of you,
(04:03):
and hide it to put it on the mirror for
the person to see it when they wake up in
the morning, and your presence is right there even though
you may not be there, or hide it in their
laptop bag, or put it somewhere where they'll open it
as a surprise, or a little texts or a phone call.
And there are actually services where you can actually bypass
(04:25):
the ringing of a phone and just go right to
someone's voicemail so you can leave them a message even
though you can't have a big conversation now with your
mommy or dad. Though that is a tough one because
there is the financial piece and one of the things
I really empower you to do. See, I'm legally blind,
(04:46):
and it was nonprofits that helped me to have low
vision devices or talking devices or cane training, or they
gave me my guide dog, Frost. And there are nonprofit
that's out there for so many different great causes, including
caring for aging parents. Have you considered kind of researching
(05:10):
the resources that are out there?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
You know, that's that's that's really great advice. No, I haven't, actually,
and that would be something I would definitely look into
for sure, especially if the sticky notes or you know,
that's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Well, you know, and honestly, it can be as fun
as having it be like a little sticky note on
their monitor of their laptop so when they open their laptop,
poof there you are right, hide them all over the house.
And but but the nonprofits that are out there, I'm
just curious if there's one that could help you leverage
(05:47):
your time better, maybe even tap into some financial resources
that you're not utilizing. And because there's so many people
are having to care for their aging parents, if considering
and choose your favorite platform groups So LinkedIn has groups,
Facebook has groups, Pinterest has groups. So pick your favorite
(06:10):
platform and see if there is a group that you
can join, or maybe there's cheddar chatter of what others
are doing to leverage their time to help out with
financial costs. Because when we know more, we're able to
be and think better and make better decisions now. Truly
(06:32):
your parents, you know, they gave you life, and so
you want to make sure that you do the best
you can. But their greatest reward, their greatest accomplishment, is you.
So if you show up to them and you're stressed
(06:53):
or you're worried, they're going to see it on your face.
And so that's why you have to get really good
at leveraging your time and carparmentalizing a bit. And because
they want to know that you're thriving, They want to
know that you're happy. Trust me when I say that
anybody who is disabled or aging, the last thing they
(07:14):
want to do is be a burden. So are you
able to kind of when you enter the door to
be with them? Are you able to be present with them?
Speaker 5 (07:25):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Yes, I think I definitely can. Okay, I'm pretty good
at that.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Okay, well, that is a good thing. And on those
days that you're not, on those days when you just
can't make that switch, you know that's not going to
sound maybe manly or whatever, but sometimes a good cry,
sometimes in the car before you go in to see them,
(07:51):
a good vent, sometimes prayer. But the thing that you
have to think about is can or a soda can. Right,
what happens when you take a soda can and you
shake it aggressively and you pop the top, what happens explodes.
It explodes exactly. So you are that great, beautiful soda can. Okay,
(08:17):
And if you are in rest and you're you're handled
with care, when someone pops the top, it's joy, it's
yum yum, yum yum. Right, the best of you. But
if you let yourself get to a place where you're
all shaken up, you have you don't have those outlets
to purge, you know, the toxic energy or the overwhelm,
(08:40):
then when somebody pops your top, you're gonna explode. So
you just want to continue to find ways to self
care for yourself. So we've talked today about you know,
giving to your family, your immediate family. We've talked about
ways in which you can care and be present with
your parents. But there's it's not by accident that they
say on a plane, put your mask on first. At
(09:03):
the end of the day, it still comes down to you.
Are you taking care of you the best way you can?
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Yeah? I mean that's that's that's great advice, you know.
I I definitely don't take care of myself the way
I should or i'd like, so I should say, because
I'm always putting other people first.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Are you proud of yourself?
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Yes, I'm proud of myself.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Okay. And do you like who you are as a person?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Sometimes I can't say always.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Okay. Now there's points, there's points for humbleness. Okay, But
the truth is you are dad, you are husband, you
are son, and those are all very very special rules.
But if you let yourself fall and get tired and
get over overwhelmed and get sick or any of that,
(10:03):
then you can't possibly be the best for everybody you love. Okay,
So you do have to start putting yourself first. But
when you do that, honestly, sky's the limit. Lots and
lots of love is surrounding you. That is a good thing. Okay.
So thank you so much for calling in today, and
we'll send positive wishes your way. Most of all that
(10:25):
everybody in your life stays healthy, okay, number one. Yes,
And for everybody listening today, we are talking about, you know,
really the beauty within the ashes. Again, hard moments, they
are lucky to get through. But when you get through
them and you're able to reflect on the personal growth
of yourself. That is where the magic happens. That is
(10:48):
when you're living full out.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Life looks a little different during these times. We're doing
our best to keep our minds and bodies strong, and
getting a flu shot helps us stay healthy so we
don't miss out on what matters, like having game night
at home. Yeah, can't do that, we'll sick with the flu.
(11:24):
Now imagine family movie night that your daughter can't live without. Well,
that's ruined. And don't forget your uncle's socially distanced cookouts. See,
that's why it's important to be at our strongest. Every year,
(11:46):
millions of people in the US get the flu, especially now.
No one has time to miss out on moments that matter.
So get your flu shot. Find out more and get
my flu shot dot org. Brought to you by the
ama CDC and the AD Council.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Don't you wish your life came with a warning app?
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Stop that dog does not want to be pettitive.
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Just a little heads up before something bad happens.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
Move your coffee cup away from your computer.
Speaker 8 (12:13):
Oh no, no, no.
Speaker 6 (12:14):
No, so you can have more control.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Stop you're texting your boss by mistake.
Speaker 9 (12:21):
Oh well, life doesn't always give you time to change
the outcome, but pre diabetes does. With early diagnosis and
a few healthy changes like managing your weight, getting active,
stopping smoking, and eating healthier, you can stop pre diabetes
before it leads to type two diabetes.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
It's easy to learn your risk.
Speaker 9 (12:39):
Take the one minute test today at do I have
Prediabetes dot org?
Speaker 7 (12:43):
Warning? The cap is loose on that cat young.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
Oh, don't wait. You have the power to change the outcome.
Visit do I have prediabetes dot Org?
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Today?
Speaker 6 (12:53):
That's do I have Prediabetes dot Org?
Speaker 9 (12:55):
Brought to you by the AD Council and its pre
Diabetes Awareness partners.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Hehu, oh brah, that's buzzed. Oh yeah, yeah, he's starting
with the woots and now a speech.
Speaker 10 (13:07):
I just want to say that friendship is about heart,
heart and brain.
Speaker 8 (13:12):
Who's with me?
Speaker 9 (13:13):
Good thing is he knows when he's buzzed, and my
brain is saying when it's time to go home, Somebody
call me a ride.
Speaker 11 (13:20):
Love that guy, me too.
Speaker 9 (13:21):
Know your buzzed warning signs, call for a ride when
it's time to go home.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
Buzz driving is drunk driving. A message FROMNITZA and the
AD Council.
Speaker 12 (13:29):
True what you're out, You got me Galaxy safe once again.
Speaker 13 (13:38):
In the pretend universe, kids play with pretend guns. In
the real world, it's up to us to make sure
they don't get their hands on a real gun. If
you have a gun in the house, keep it locked, unloaded,
and storage separately from ammunition. Safegun storage saves lives. Learn
how to make your home safeer it Nfamilyfire dot Org.
That's nfamilyfire dot Org. Brought to you by N Familyfire,
Brady and the ad Council.
Speaker 14 (13:59):
Adopt Us Kids presents What to expect when you're expecting
a teenager learning the.
Speaker 10 (14:05):
Lingo Today, I'm going to help parents translate teen slang. Now,
when a teen says something is on fleek, it's exactly
like saying that's rad. It simply means that something is
awesome or cool. Another one is toats. It's exactly like
saying totally, just shorter, as in I totes love going
(14:27):
to the mall with Becca. Another word you might hear
is jelly. Jelly is a shorter, better way to say jealous,
as in Chloe, I am like so jelly of your
unicorn phone case.
Speaker 14 (14:39):
You don't have to speak teen to be a perfect parent,
thousands of teens in foster care will think you're rad
just the same. To learn more, visit adopt us Kids
dot org, a public service announcement brought to you by
the US Department of Health and Human Services, adopt Us Kids,
and the ad Council.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Clary As
a life coach. Nancy can teach you how to stay
strong under pressure and work through challenges you face. Being
legally blind. Nancy inspires others to be resilient and overcoming
obstacles and live full out. You can ask Nancy for
advice in your life on relationships, finance, business, health, and more.
(15:22):
Just call in at eight hundred three three three zero
zero zero one. Once again, that's eight hundred three three
three zero zero zero one. Now here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Welcome back. I'm Nancy Silari and this is the Living
Full Out Show, and today we're talking about beauty from Ashes,
and as promised, we brought you an inspirational guest today,
Shamika Green, who really demonstrates so much of how you
can get through hard times on certain times but come
out the other end with a new lens a new
way to see life and appreciate it. So i'd very
(15:56):
much like to welcome Shamika to the show.
Speaker 5 (15:58):
Thank you so much, Nancy, so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I feel the same way, and I really want our
audience to understand. Everybody. You have to really grab hold
of this before we start the interview. I mean, little Shamika,
you honestly had a lot of uncertainty growing up. I
know it was you and your mom and your sister,
and your dad had passed away when you were very young,
(16:24):
and your mom actually she was quite a drug dealer
when you were seven, and the house got raided and
she ended up going to prison, and you found yourself
bouncing around through different family members home also to find
out around ten that your dad's passing was actually a murder,
and then each family member had a different take on that. Again,
(16:48):
the level of uncertainty that you went through, and just
feeling displaced and not grounded and maybe not even loved.
How did you handle that? You know, in your early
years such.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
A significant amount of loss, And I don't know if
I handled it per se as a young child. I
think it was just I was in survival mode and
so I just kind of internalize everything. But there was
also just probably a little piece of me that just
hoped something would be different one day, well of them
(17:23):
would be different.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Yeah, And I mean it's hard when you don't have
that hero in your life, you know, a dad or
a mom that you can turn to, or I know
you'd had some some you know, a couple emmas in
your life that were were great, you know, and they
they were loving to you, but I imagine it was you know,
(17:46):
scary and especially you know, times when you felt like
you could trust someone, Like at one time there was
your mom had a boyfriend when when she was in prison,
and you know him and his son, you know, they
didn't treat you so well. Well they you know, they
did inappropriate things to you. And and just when you
thought you found maybe your mom had another boyfriend that
(18:08):
seemed like a good dad figure, he got murdered when
you were around fifteen. And as you started to go
along in your life, and I think so many times
people feel like if you know, I just have something
to hold on to, but you didn't. It's like every
time you turned around that there was more loss.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Right. It's trauma, like literally trauma robs you of your
dreams and visions and your sense of safety. And so, yes,
every time I thought I had a sense of safety,
it really wasn't, or it was robbed for me, whether
it was death or someone that really wasn't trustworthy. So yeah,
that's a tough pill to swallow when you look back
(18:52):
on it. Of every time this young girl thought she
was safe and she wasn't.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
You know, your mom, I know I was in and
out of prison a couple of different times, and when
you were around sixteen, she had a gun and she
went back to prison even though she wasn't supposed to
have a gun. But at that time, ironically, you found
yourself for the first time in a peaceful place, in
(19:18):
a safe place. What was that?
Speaker 5 (19:22):
Yes, So around sixteen, whereas when I started to create
the safe space for myself, I started living on my own,
and it was a thing of Child Protective Service didn't
know where I well, no one checked to see where
I was right And so I had my own house,
I had my own car, I was driving back and
(19:43):
forth to high school, and I was taking care of
my sister who's six years younger than me. And so
I created the safe space for myself and my sister,
and I essentially became like a mom to her.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
And again, your mom didn't do everything right, you know,
but good that she at least saved enough money so
you could build that safe place. Now, when she got
out of prison at nineteen, you know, you were a
grown woman. How strange was that having her come out
thinking that you were the little girl she left.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
Yes, so again it's it's trauma because she had our
own trauma and I had mine. But it created a disconnect.
So by the time she got out of prison, I
was this grown woman, and I was kind of at
this attitude of like, nobody can tell me what to do,
right because I've been taking care of myself. And so
I know that she probably desired to still have that
(20:42):
little girl, but she was no longer there. That little
girl was gone a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Well, and we are talking today about you know, beauty
for ashes, And although that little girl was gone a
long time ago, the survivor in you really developed into
a hero. Like you were a mom to your sister, right,
and you really made every decision to the best of
(21:10):
your ability. Now you had a boy that you had
known since you were fourteen. He knew your life story,
he knew the ins and outs of your mom going
to prison, and you ended up marrying him and having
a little boy when you were twenty. Did that feel
like you finally got your happy ending?
Speaker 5 (21:30):
It? Did? It? Really did? It was because, like you
said before, that think of looking for love right and
wanting and desiring to have that love. And so I
found a safe space in my boyfriend at the time
and his family. They were very great to me. But
I found really true genuine love in my son. And
I think I started to see myself differently, but then
(21:53):
also knew what real genuine love was for someone else
because I was an amazing mother. I was young, and
I still with the hero and resilient. I'm going to school,
I'm going to go to college. I'm going to be
different from my son. I'm create a different environment for
my son.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
And is it possible to shake the past? Is it
possible to let the ashes be ashes? Hmmm, that's good.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
It's definitely possible to shake the path and the past
and rewrite your narrative. But it doesn't mean that Sometimes
there's not still some trauma residue, right, some reminders or
triggers of the past. But again I still think that
no matter what, you can have beauty from ashes. I
believe that wholeheartedly.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
And you decided to, ultimately, several years later, leave that
relationship although you have your beautiful son. Why was that.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Because at the time we were so young, and again
even though I couldn't see it, I still think it
was my belief. So I had that I was going
to be married one day. I was going to be
a great wife. And at the time he wasn't in
the space that he wanted to be married, but I did,
and so that's why ultimately, at that moment we broke up.
(23:12):
But for me, it was like I know what I want.
I know the family that I want to have and desire,
and I want to be a wife.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
You know, it's so great that that little girl who
didn't have the stable mother father figure. It's so great
that she dreamt of her love story. But actually very
intuitive and it's unfortunate that whole timing thing that you
were able to recognize that it wasn't the right fit.
(23:40):
So I want everybody to stay with us because we
are talking today about beauty from ashes. But sometimes you
have to be really honest with yourself and say you
know what, this is not working or I deserve better,
And when you can do that, you can live full out.
We'll be back.
Speaker 5 (24:03):
Today.
Speaker 15 (24:04):
In school, I learned a lot. In chemistry, I learned
that no one likes me. In English, I learned that
I'm disgusting, and in Physics, I learned that I'm a loser.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
Today, in school, I learned that I'm ugly and useless.
Speaker 11 (24:20):
In jim I learned that I'm pathetic in a joke.
In History today, I learned that I'm trying.
Speaker 12 (24:26):
Today in school, I learned that I have no friends.
In English, I learned that I make people sick, and
at lunch I learned that I sit on my own
because I smell. In chemistry, I learned that no one
In Biology, I learned that I'm fat and stupid, And
in Math I learned that I'm trash.
Speaker 15 (24:46):
The only thing I didn't learn in school today, the
only thing I didn't learn today.
Speaker 6 (24:49):
The only thing I didn't learn is why no one
ever helps kids witness bullying every day.
Speaker 16 (24:56):
They want to help, but they don't know how teach
them how to stop bullying and be more than a
bystander at stop bullying dot gov.
Speaker 17 (25:02):
A message from the AD Council.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I'm Nancy Silary, certified Life and Business coach. I want
to invite you to the Personal Development boot Camp. During
the boot camp, we're going to be looking at taking
those insecurities that you have and getting rid of them.
We're also going to look at ways in which you
can thrive and live a life full of purpose. Go
to Livingfullout dot com forward Slash boot Camp Livingfullout dot
(25:25):
com Forward Slash boot Camp to sign up. I believe
in you, and here's to you living your life full out.
Speaker 17 (25:40):
They'll challenge your authority. I know, they'll try to break
your will. They'll push you to the edge of your
sanity because that's what kids do. But this car is
your territory, not theirs. Defend it. Who makes the payment,
(26:01):
who cleans it, who drives it? You do, That's who.
And in here your word is law. So when you
say you won't move until everyone's buckled up, you won't
budge an inch until you hear that clar never give
(26:22):
up until they buckle up. A message from the National
Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the AD Council. For more information,
visit safercar dot gov slash kids buckle up.
Speaker 18 (26:34):
Seven million children suffer from asthma, more than any other
chronic disease. Most asthma attacks are caused by allergic reactions
to allergens, including those left behind by cockroaches and mice.
In fact, eighty two percent of US households contain mouse allergens,
and cockroaches are found in up to ninety eight percent
of urban homes. How can you protect your family? Find
(26:56):
out at pestworld dot org. A message from the National
Pest Management Association and the American College of Allergy, Asthma,
and Immunology.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
It's slipping, confit, check, cop to doctor.
Speaker 13 (27:07):
Knowlne share.
Speaker 6 (27:08):
I get it, slip it, cuff it, check it.
Speaker 8 (27:10):
Twice a day, I get it, slip it, cuff it,
check it in the morning and before dinner. I get it,
flip it, cuff it, check it, and share it with
my doctor. Nearly one in two US adults have high
blood pressure. That's why it's important to self monitor your
blood pressure and for easy to remember steps. It starts
with a monitor.
Speaker 10 (27:31):
Now that I know my blood pressure numbers, I talked
with my doctor.
Speaker 6 (27:35):
We're getting those numbers down.
Speaker 11 (27:36):
Yeah, it's slipping Coffit, check it, cop to Doctor knowlne
share be.
Speaker 8 (27:41):
Next to talk to your doctor about your blood pressure numbers.
Get down with your blood pressure. Self monitoring is power.
Learn more at Manage your BP dot org. Brought to
you by the AD Council, the American Heart Association, and
the American Medical Association in partnership with the Office of
Minority Health and Health Resources and Services Administration.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Solary. With
Nancy's expertise, you'll learn how to embrace your potential and
strive for success. If you have a question or need
further support, send us an email at connect at livingfullout
dot com. Now here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Welcome back again. I'm Nancy Silary. This is the Living
Full Out Show and today we are talking about beauty
from ashes and our inspirational guest today is Shamika Green
and I so much I want to get through with
her story. So Shamikha, welcome back.
Speaker 7 (28:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (28:38):
Well.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I want to say thank you for your honesty because really,
the courage to talk about all of this. It would
be so easy to just look good, say all the
right things, but where your beauty is isn't telling us
your story, you know, telling us you know the times
you wish you had done things differently. Now, in the
(28:59):
last segment, just talked about, you know, how you had
been in a you know, at a marriage. You you
had had your son, but but at the same time,
you know, you you wanted more and you wanted that
love story. And then you met suitor number two and
you know in how it seemed like he was going
(29:20):
to be the right match. You ironically had another son
and two twin girls. But that relationship really challenged you,
maybe even more than your childhood in what way, Well.
Speaker 5 (29:33):
It really challenged me because it's one of those things
of you have these dreams, right, you have these goals,
and you think it's going to happen and it's going
to be for everything, and it turns out that this
person is not who you think they are, and some
tumultuous things happen in abuse and it could rob you
of that very dream that you desire to have and
(29:55):
make you feel hopeless. And so when that marriage didn't
work out like it literally made me want to never
even want to dream again or have that stability again.
But again, I think little Mimi was a fighter because
she had something inside of her that she just knew
what she wanted.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Well, and you're a woman of faith, and you, in
that relationship had a pow wow with God. And what
did you ask him?
Speaker 5 (30:22):
Oh? Yes, I had real serious with God, and I said, God,
if this person is not for me, please remove them.
And that happened swiftly. And sometimes we have these things
with the prayer of when people say, be you ready,
you know for what you pray for, and because it
literally it happened quickly.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Oh my goodness, Like he went off to jail. He
and he said, yes, you can have all the custody.
What a clean break. Actually, you know, when you think
about it, I mean, God really came through on that one.
Now you decided at that point to go back to
that first relationship, the boy that you had known at fourteen,
(31:05):
the father of your first son. Why did you go backwards?
Speaker 5 (31:10):
Yeah, the boy that I knew at fourteen. So I
went back because for me, he had always been there
in terms of helping me out and nothing funny, no
funny business, but just somebody that I felt was reliant
in a safe space that I felt at the moment.
And I really think that we were meant to reconnect
(31:34):
and raise all the children, you know, even the ones
that I had from the other marriage. And I think
that was just part of my chaps that was just
meant to be.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Now inside you, though there is always that I don't know, intuition,
Spidey sense, the voice, the whisper, and it told you, ironically,
just recently to leave that relationship after years. Why did
you decide to turn a new page?
Speaker 5 (32:05):
Oh? Well, I think it was the evolution of me
of that chapter again was a much needed chapter, and
it was beautiful and we raised these great children. But
as the woman I am no longer fourteen. You know,
I'm not that girl anymore. And so the reason why
(32:25):
I turned that page is because my self love was
even higher, and my needs were different, and the love
that I deserve was different. And it was again of
choosing me and still having those hopes and dreams. But
what does safety look like for me as a grown woman?
Not survival modes?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
So do you believe in love? Do you think that
story is still possible?
Speaker 5 (32:51):
Ooh? I love that answer. I absolutely do. I believe
God can do all things. I really do, and I
really do believe that there's a very fa love out
there for me because not only have I created it
again even in this chapter for myself, I know that
someone can come and be a great addition in my life.
(33:11):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I watch a lot of hallmarks. So I'm going to
cheer you on, you know, And you know today we're
talking about beauty from ashes and you've dealt with a
lot of ashes. You know, you keep saying in your story,
you're not that same seven year old girl, You're not
that same fourteen year old girl. You're you're not that
same woman. So what does beauty from ashes mean to you?
(33:36):
And who are you today?
Speaker 19 (33:39):
Ah?
Speaker 5 (33:40):
That's so good. Who I am today is of course
a strong, resilient woman, but she's soft, she's caring, she loving.
I'm still finding out pieces of me of who I am,
and I think that's the beauty in my journey too.
I'm still growing. But I think beauty from ashes for
me is that there's there's still these trauma residues that
(34:03):
looks like ashes, right, that develops in my life. But
then there's so much beauty in my story too, of
this girl who had a father that was murdered, stepfather
and all these traumatic things. Could not have been a therapist, now,
you know. Could I have raised four beautiful children, be
an international bestselling author and speak to other women like
(34:25):
that is beauty from ashes For me? My realness just
shows how much God loves me no matter what is
happening in my life.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
You talk a lot about shit, these faith shaken moments.
How are you able to let the past be in
the past.
Speaker 5 (34:43):
It's a lot of faith shaken moments, those moments where
it's like, why God, or you know, or why me?
Why does this happen? And sometimes you don't have an answer.
Rights you just don't have an answer, but you just
hold on to faith that it is going to be better.
And I think it's one thing that I have adapted
to throughout life that no matter what I see, something
(35:06):
inside of me is saying that it's going to be better,
it would get better. And so I think that's where
I met in my journey too with faith, although sometimes
I just clearly do not understand, but I'm just having
faith that it will be better.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Your mom obviously came in and out of your life
and you really needed her, and she wasn't there. Have
you forgiven her?
Speaker 5 (35:31):
I have and that was a journey. And I want
to say that was a journey. And I know that
sometimes forgiveness is tough because it feels very personal as
to what someone has done to you. And I think
it was just through my own healing journey of she
had her own traumas. And two things can be true.
At the same time. I can still have boundaries of
(35:53):
how much access I want someone to have in my life,
and I can also understand it you had your own self,
so it wasn't necessarily personal. But I also won't allow
you to bleed on me by the things that hurt
and cut you, right, And so I have forgiven her.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
And so oftentimes, you know, in the case of your
dad being murdered, or even the boyfriend of your mom
who is also murdered, you know, people wrestle their entire
lives with the would it could have shured us? The
what could have been? Do you struggle with that today?
Like what if my dad had never been murdered? What
(36:31):
would my life have been?
Speaker 13 (36:32):
Like?
Speaker 5 (36:35):
I think when I was a little bit, maybe in
my twenties, I had that of, like what would I
feel like to have a dad?
Speaker 13 (36:42):
Right?
Speaker 5 (36:42):
Because you have this think of like I don't even
know what that feels like. And then it's a thing
of oh, no, I have a stepfather, and then he's
going to be a great dad, and then he's gone, right,
and so yeah, it becomes a thing of like what
would have happened if I would have had these great
men in my life? You know? But I didn't stay
there too long because again, it wasn't anything that I
(37:05):
can do about it. But I think it was a
rewriting the story of my kids will have different you know,
And so that breaks whatever generational curse is there.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
And do you feel like the curse is broken or
do you feel like the trauma the residue carries on?
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Oh, it's absolutely broken. No, I think that generational curse
is broken. I look at my children, Oh, they're so amazing,
and I look at them in different parts of their life,
and I'm like, you did a really great job, especially
for someone that had all that trauma residue. Right, And
even when I was young raising my oldest and didn't
(37:48):
really know he even offered me forgiveness for certain things
because I held on some tight to him because I
want to protect him. But when I look at those kids,
that's definitely a beautiful Ashes store.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Early on, you had to be a mother to your
sister who was six years younger than you. I mean, everybody,
you really have to understand back when that raid happened
at the house when you were seven, she was one,
and through all those years you were like her mom.
Do you think it's actually ironic that although that was
traumatic in its own right, did that make you a
(38:24):
better mom to your four kids today?
Speaker 5 (38:27):
Oh? Yeah, it prepared me. I didn't know it. Again,
it's the thing that you just don't know, but it
definitely prepared me to be a mom because I already
had that loving, nurturing protectify from my sister. Because I
definitely protected her all those years. Nobody was going to
touch her or molest her like the things that happened
(38:48):
to me. For sure, I was her protector.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
And as we round out today's interview, what does living
full out mean to you? We know what beauty from
ashes means, but what and you look forward into your life,
what does it mean to live full out?
Speaker 5 (39:05):
Gosh, that's so good. Living for out to me is
being authentically me, and that means with these scars and
all these other things, but also living fully to go
wherever I want to go, and not limiting myself. Whatever
I want to do, whatever however I want to believe,
I want to dream bigger, I want to go higher.
(39:26):
Just live fully, out authentically who you are and don't
let anything stop you. I think my journey is just
showing that, Yeah, some stuff happened, but I'm not stoppable. Wow.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Well, I gotta tell you God is proud. He built
you strong, you know, thank you, and and truly you
have a lot of love around you. And now it's
just a matter of finding, you know, that partner that
you can run with, that person that can be you know,
not abusive, that person that can be a true partner,
(39:59):
and how that same vigor and desire for life that
you do. So we're going to wish that for you,
you know you always for sure and for everybody listening.
I'm so grateful that Shamika came on today and every
guest that comes on and shares their story, and if
you have one as well, we'd love to consider having
(40:20):
you on as a guest. Just reach out to us
at connect at livingfullout dot com. Make sure to give
us your name, contact information, but also what you went through,
how you got through it what you learned, because truly,
I believe that we're more alike than we're different. Obviously, Shamika,
I didn't have the same life that you did, but
(40:40):
I got to tell you I am so so proud
of you. So thank you very much for being on
today's show.
Speaker 5 (40:48):
Thank you so much for the platform. I've heard it.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
You're welcome, and everybody, we're going to come back. It's
more living full out.
Speaker 14 (40:56):
We'll be back.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
To some people.
Speaker 20 (41:07):
The sound of a baby babbling doesn't mean much, but
that's not necessarily true. By six months, they're combining vowels
and consonants two by nine months, they're trying out different
kinds of sounds, and by twelve months they're babbling. Is
(41:29):
beginning to take on some meaning, especially if there's no.
Speaker 6 (41:35):
Babbling at all.
Speaker 20 (41:38):
Little to no babbling by twelve months or later is
just one of the possible signs of autism and children.
Early screening and intervention can make a lifetime of difference
and unlock a world of possibilities. Take the first step
at autism speaks dot org. A public service announcement brought
to you by Autism Speaks and the ADNCIL.
Speaker 19 (42:01):
Most of us like to be out in the sun.
That's why sunscreen and other safety measures are key to
protecting your skin from aging and cancer. The FDA recommends
using a sunscreen with a sun protection factor or SPF
A fifteen or higher. Also look for broad spectrum on
the label. That means both harmful ultraviolet A and B
rays are block. UVA rays age the skin. UVB rays
(42:25):
burn and both cause cancer. But the perfect sunscreen doesn't
count if you use it wrong. Don't need sunscreen on
a cloudy day. Wrong, eighty percent of UV rays still
get through the haze. Only use sunscreen at the beach. Nope,
anytime you're outside, UV rays attack the skin, so you
need protection and you have to reapply sunscreen every two hours.
(42:48):
Remember SPF plus broad spectrum he for healthy fun in
the sun. Visit www dot FDA dot gov slash sunscreen
for more information. A message from the US Food and
Drug admen.
Speaker 11 (43:01):
Right now, our country feels divided, but there's a place
where people are coming together.
Speaker 6 (43:06):
I gotta tell you, I was nervous to talk to
someone so different than me.
Speaker 7 (43:10):
Me too, but I'm glad you are.
Speaker 11 (43:12):
Love has no labels and one small step are helping
people with different political views, beliefs, and life experiences come
together through conversation and it feels good.
Speaker 5 (43:21):
Wow, your story is so interesting.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (43:26):
When people actually sit down, talk and listen to one another,
they can break down boundaries and connect as human beings.
At Love Hasno Labels dot com slash one Small Step,
you can listen to amazing, life changing conversations and find
simple tools to start a conversation of your own.
Speaker 7 (43:42):
I know one thing.
Speaker 6 (43:42):
This conversation gives me hope.
Speaker 11 (43:44):
It gives me a lot of hope to take a
step toward bringing our country and your community together by
having the courage to start a conversation. At Love has
No Labels dot com slash one Small Step, a message
from story Core Love has No Labels and the ad Council.
Speaker 6 (44:02):
All right, grew, let's get her dug.
Speaker 7 (44:07):
Honey, you want to give me a hand, I'm planning
that tree.
Speaker 16 (44:09):
Remember, no matter how large or small your digging project
may be, no matter how urban or rural, you must
always call eight one one before any digging project. Eight
one to one is our national one call number, alerting
your local utility companies to come out and mark any
lines they have near your dig site. You must call
(44:31):
eight one to one at least two to three business
days before any digging project so you can avoid hitting
our essential buried utilities. This includes natural gas and petroleum pipelines,
electra communication cables, and water and sewer lines. So before
you do this or this, make sure you do this.
(44:54):
For digging projects big or small, make the call to
eight one to one. Brought to you by Common Ground
the Alliance.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
When we talk about beauty from ashes, really let those
words sink in because the ashes means that the past
is in the past. They've dwindled down to nothing. You
do not have to live your life haunted by those ashes.
But the beauty is truly everything that you've learned. It's
time to celebrate that. It's time to share that pay
(45:24):
it forward with others. But most of all, be proud
of who you are. That's what it means to live
full out.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
You're listening to Living full Out with Nancy Solary. As
a professional motivational speaker. Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfullout dot com. Once again here's Nancy,
what a great show today.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
I'm so glad that you could join us as we
talk about beauty from ashes, and truly that is so
in step with what it means to live full out.
Speaker 5 (46:09):
But most of all, I.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Want you to leap away from today's show really thinking
about where in your life might you need to let go,
Let go of people that don't serve you. Maybe you settled,
maybe you find that they keep poking the bear, they
keep challenging you in ways that isn't supportive, and of
course if they're abusing you in any way, this is
(46:32):
the day that you say, you know what your ashes
to me? Now, let this be the day that you
consider gosh, am I am I treating myself good? Am
I drinking too much? Am I eating all the wrong foods?
Am I putting myself you know, in harm's way and
toxic environments? Let today be the day that you take
(46:54):
those bad habits, turn them into ashes, and let them go.
Now you might say, well, Nancy, that's easier said than done.
I'm married to this person. You know, I can't afford
to move. But you have to decide are you gonna
be defined by those n apostrophe tea words, can't, want, shouldn't.
(47:17):
The thing is time is fast. It is the greatest
commodity we have. And you have to decide is your
life gonna be defined by the cants, the won'ts, the don'ts,
or are you gonna let yourself take a really big
breath of air for maybe the first time in a
long time and think about you, know, think about you?
(47:40):
What a concept. So when we talk about beauty for ashes,
a lot of times that is when somebody puts their
foot down and says, that is it. I'm putting myself first.
I can't live for all of you anymore. And I
want to say being a giving person is a great thing,
(48:00):
but only to the point that it doesn't dwindle you
down to nothing. You are a gift in this world
the day you were born. Think about the purpose that
lied ahead of you. But if you let yourself go,
if you let yourself be that people pleaser that gets
whittled down to nothing, then you're not allowing yourself to
(48:21):
live your best life. It's interesting when I think about
relationships that I've had, I've really always felt the need
to see people through every season. Now it doesn't mean
that I hit the year mark and I say peace
out right. Sometimes I invest in friendships and romantic relationships
for multiple years, multiple seasons, seeing how they handle conflict,
(48:46):
seeing if they have a sense of humor in hard times,
seeing how they handle budgeting.
Speaker 16 (48:51):
All of that.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
Now, why do I bring that up? I bring that
up because the concept of letting go. If you look
at it like a loss, if you look at it
like you failed or defeat, then you're allowing yourself to
be haunted by that. It's like you're letting all of
(49:13):
that have power over you. But letting go is actually
truly empowering. It's wonderful, it's free. But you have to
allow yourself to get to that point. So for me,
whenever I got to a point where I felt like
a friendship, you know, as I peeled back the onion,
(49:33):
I realized the person wasn't that tried and true person
I thought they were, or in a romantic relationship. When
I took off those rosy glasses and I saw, you know,
that maybe they weren't who I thought they were. I
had put them on a pedestal. It's not that we, you, me,
(49:53):
any of us have to be perfect, but you want
to make sure that as you journey through your life,
because time is so fast, you want to make sure
that you align yourself with those people that you can
run with. You know, they will be the wind beneath
your wings and you will be theirs. They will be
your cheerleader, and you will cheer them on as well.
(50:15):
And if you're saying to yourself, well, that's great, Nancy,
but I don't know how to find those people, Well,
they're sadly not going to come knocking on your door.
Very few romantic partners and best friends and all the
people that you need in your life, they're not going
to come knocking on your door. They're not going to
come right and sit next to you, right on the
(50:37):
couch inside your own home. You got to get out there,
and you've got to take that leap of faith, trusting
that there are good people in the world. And I
say that because well, there may be toxic people in
the world, and there may be decisions that we all
don't make that maybe you regret the minute we let
(50:59):
go of the idea of turning a new page that
we don't think change is possible.
Speaker 18 (51:05):
Well, you better pack it on in.
Speaker 2 (51:06):
I'm done then, because I very much believe in change.
I think that people can. They say it old dog
can't learn nutricks. I believe the dog can, and I
believe that people can have an awakening. But you can
believe in people from afar. You can cheer people on
in your life, but not let them be like right
(51:28):
in your orbit that distracts you or as toxic. But
again it comes down to you letting those ashes go,
and it comes to you finding the beauty in the future,
in the unknown, in what is possible. And when you
do that, I promise you doors will open, the windows
will open, You'll hear things and smell things and see
(51:52):
things that you didn't see before. And the entire Living
Filat family is dedicated to bringing shows like this, inspirational
guests that allow you to see how you can take
your empty cup and fill it up, and when you
do that, you're able to truly live full out. Make
sure again that you go to livingfollout dot com. Please
share this episode with somebody that is in need of
(52:15):
letting go in their life so that they can celebrate
the beauty and live full out.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Thank you for listening to the Living Full Out Show
with Nancy Silari. To learn more about this program, visit
livingfullout dot com for the latest episodes. Connect with the
Living full Out community by following us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
and subscribing to our YouTube channel. Here's to you, Living
full Out.
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.