June 14, 2025 • 52 mins
Episode 2025.11.24
The Living Full Out show with Nancy Solari encourages you to get angry when you need to stand up for yourself and life. Maybe you're being dismissed by others. Perhaps you are in dire need of motivation to get over the hump. Join Nancy as she discusses how to find your passion.
Our first caller Zina wonders how to manage a big group so that no one feels left out. Nancy advises her to make plans in advance where there is a set time and venue. Having a concrete arrangement allows your friends to feel accommodated. Tune in to discover how being welcoming toward others can guide you in better organizing your life.
Our inspirational guest Gayle Novak went through many situations where she had to find her voice. Gayle found a lump when she was 28 and had to battle through several doctors to receive a diagnosis. She also had to beat cancer in her lung a few years later. Tune in to learn how Gayle transformed pain into power and used anger to fuel a life of strength and success to survive her abusive marriages.
Perhaps you feel stuck or misunderstood. Try to use that fire inside of you to break yourself out of a rut and find your purpose. Being assertive to achieve your dreams exemplifies what it means to live full out.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/living-full-out-show--1474350/support.
The Living Full Out show with Nancy Solari encourages you to get angry when you need to stand up for yourself and life. Maybe you're being dismissed by others. Perhaps you are in dire need of motivation to get over the hump. Join Nancy as she discusses how to find your passion.
Our first caller Zina wonders how to manage a big group so that no one feels left out. Nancy advises her to make plans in advance where there is a set time and venue. Having a concrete arrangement allows your friends to feel accommodated. Tune in to discover how being welcoming toward others can guide you in better organizing your life.
Our inspirational guest Gayle Novak went through many situations where she had to find her voice. Gayle found a lump when she was 28 and had to battle through several doctors to receive a diagnosis. She also had to beat cancer in her lung a few years later. Tune in to learn how Gayle transformed pain into power and used anger to fuel a life of strength and success to survive her abusive marriages.
Perhaps you feel stuck or misunderstood. Try to use that fire inside of you to break yourself out of a rut and find your purpose. Being assertive to achieve your dreams exemplifies what it means to live full out.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/living-full-out-show--1474350/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening the Living Full Out with Nancy Selari. As
a professional motivational speaker, Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfollout dot com. Once again, here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome to the Living Full Out Show. My name is
Nancy Celari, and today we are going to be talking
about getting angry. Okay, Now, I don't mean like, you know,
throwing things at people and having a tantrum in the
middle of a room. I mean that sometimes you got
to dig in and fight for your rights, fight for
your life, fight for your dreams, and sometimes you gotta
(00:40):
set people straight to get a little angry to make
that motions happen. But we're gonna be challenging that today
and also we're going to have our inspirational guests coming up,
Gail Novak, and again, there are many different times in
her life, whether she had cancer or dealing with domestic violence,
that she had to stand up for herself, she had
to get angry. So you're going to get actually inspired
(01:02):
by her story. Make sure that if you want to
hear today's show again. Go to Livingfullout dot com. All
of our episodes are right there for you. Just pick
the one that resonates with what you're going through. And
I am getting word from our producer right now that
we do a list on the line. Let's go say
hello to them. Hello, welcome to the Living Full Out Show. Hello, Hi,
(01:23):
how can I help you?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
I had a question that I would like some advice on.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Uh huh, go for it, Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
My question is like what is the best or like
a good way to manage a big friend group with people,
but like dealing with that so that people don't feel
left out if people like split off and do stuff
and stuff like that, while keeping like a good positive
environment and a great way for communication.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
You know what, Actually, it's so funny. I just had
this conversation with a friend the other day, so I'm
I get it. And let me ask you a quick question, BEFO,
I give you some ideas. So are you kind of
are you the person who tends to lead the charge
and put all this together and you're starting to find
that like feelings get hurt or people get left out,
(02:15):
or are you just kind of amongst the group realizing
this trend.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Well, I think it kind of depends on.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
What we have been doing recently, on which I am,
But I think in general, I think I'm one of
the people that tries to get people together and like
tries to get us to all do stuff or talk
to each other sometimes.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Now, does it have to be everyone all the time?
I mean, is it possible that maybe different groups do
break off and maybe just once in a blue moon,
maybe once a year holiday time, everybody gets together. But
is it is it possible to kind of break the
groups off so people don't get feeling hurt.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Oh, it is, and that's what we do sometimes. But
I've just noticed that sometimes when we do that, some
people feel left out because we aren't together all the time.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
And how do you generally communicate this? Is it just
like phone calls, text messages, emails.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
We usually use a like discord to talk a lot
online and they are kind of and go ahead, Oh,
so we're just we're usually chatting and messaging or talking
quite often.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
So that is good and it's very in the moment,
but sometimes it does lend itself to you know, people
getting left out, or or it just things happening last minute,
or it might be helpful, just an idea to maybe
either pick a different platform or if you want to
(04:05):
use that one, that's fine, but maybe just kind of
looking at the calendar and I mean, I realized what
I'm about to say. It takes a little bit of
spontaneity out of it, but like, look at the calendar
for the next month and just kind of put some
things out there, you know, maybe happy hours here, a
birthday celebration there, you know, a concert there, whatever that
(04:28):
looks like, and really make it more about people saying
yes I'm coming or no I'm not, and just a
little bit of more organization so it's less emotional and
less ability for people to break out in people's feelings
to get hurt because you know, if somebody, if you
(04:51):
just have conversations, whether it be discord or text messaging
or whatever, it's easy to have like an idea that
in the Hail Mary eleventh hour gets changed, and that's
where people can get left out. A date change, a
time change, you know, let's do this instead. Wait wait, wait,
that wasn't what we were going to do. It can
(05:13):
get really messy, and that's where feelings can get hurt.
And maybe these separate groups can still happen, and maybe
those are the spontaneous get togethers. But if that's all
you guys have and plans change or times change, and
then it affects somebody's ability to participate, well, that's where
(05:36):
they might feel like, oh gosh, you know, I want
to be there, but now I can't. So my thought is,
since this is on your mind, and I think it's
very loving and kind that you're thinking about this, but
I would have some things on the calendar that are
not going to change. Happy Hour, this location, this time,
(05:58):
be there or don't be there, yes or no, yeah,
and then you just show up and whoever shows up,
that's who's meant to be there. Now, it doesn't mean
that there can't become an extra chatter of someone who says, hey,
this is happening this weekend. Anybody want to go, because
that's where spontaneously it might break out. But I think
(06:21):
having something on the calendar where for the people that
can't do the last minute they don't feel like they're
being left out.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
That makes sense. I think that's helpful.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
And at the end of the day, are you again,
you're a very heartfelt person, But what is your worst
fear about.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
This, I think probably just because people like feel left out.
I don't want anybody to assume that, especially what if
people are breaking off and doing stuff. I don't want
people to assume that another group of people like them
just because they're doing something else.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
And has that actually been told to you?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Yes, kind of okay.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Okay, And so the reason why I asked that question
is because the word you used was assume. I don't
want people to assume. But it's no longer the gray
zone of assuming it's real. So that's why I think
you do have to take it up a notch where
you have to just make it a little bit more scheduled.
(07:29):
I think it's great that you have such a large
friend base. I think that's wonderful and good to get
everybody together. But if you're starting to get the rumblings
that people are starting to feel left out, it's you
just don't want it to get so far out of control.
Like you've got this little whisper right now, you've got
(07:51):
this little bit of insight. So by having a few
of those items on the calendar that are not going
to change, and just when picking the time, picking the venue,
go with something safe, go with something dependable, okay. Let
the spontaneous be for the out of the box events. Okay,
(08:13):
because the people that are the most feeling left out
and the most you know, feeling disconnected a lot of times,
it's not so much that they can't go, and it's
not so much about the separate groups. They just want
to feel heard and acknowledged. So when you take it
(08:33):
upon yourself to say, hey, everyone, I love it when
we're all together. And for some of you that may
be feeling like you can't make the spontaneous events, you know,
I want you to know that I see you, I
hear you, and so here are three events in the
future next month, you know, put it on your calendar.
(08:53):
The dates are not going to change, the venues are
not going to change. Can't wait to see you there.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
That makes sense. I think that could definitely work.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Now, are there still going to be some people that
are their feathers are ruffled? Absolutely, but you can't. You
can a lot of times, anger, sadness, fear, it's emotions.
It's energy, emotion. That's what emotions are. It's emotions coming
from them and that has nothing to do with you,
(09:27):
and you can't solve that if they have from an
earlier time in their life feeling not value, not heard,
left out. Do you see how sometimes that's residual stuff
that just happens to show up in our adult relationships
and so that you can't control. But what you can
(09:47):
control is setting out there some inclusive events that won't change.
But I think if you do that, you'll be able
to sleep at night knowing you know, I did my part,
I did my best. Can you try that?
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I think I can, and I.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Want the invite sounds fun. You guys sound honestly like
my kind of group. So anyway, have fun, be safe,
lift full out. But I think that would be a
good way to go. Okay, all right, take care of
yourself and for everybody listening today, sometimes you gotta get angry.
Those people are definitely angry. I want to be there, nobody,
(10:28):
you're doing things without me. But look what those angry
people got, They got events they can count on. So
sometimes you got to stir the pot. So we'll be
right back after this break, coming back with Gail. No back,
don't want to miss it.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
Life looks a little different during these times. We're doing
our best to keep our minds and bodies strong, and
getting a flu shot helps us stay healthy, so we
don't miss out on what matters, like having game night
at home. Yeah, can't do that, we'll sick with the flu.
(11:24):
Now imagine family movie night that your daughter can't live without. Well,
that's ruined. And don't forget your uncle's socially distanced cookouts.
See that's why it's important to be at our strongest.
(11:45):
Every year, millions of people in the US get the flu,
especially now. No one has time to miss out on
moments that matter. So get your flu shot. Find out
more and get my flu shot dot org. Brought to
you by the AMA CDC and the AD Council.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Don't you wish your life came with a warning app?
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Stop that dog does not want to be pettitive.
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Just a little heads up before something bad happens.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
Move your coffee cup away from your computer.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Oh no, no, no.
Speaker 6 (12:14):
No, so you can have more control.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Stop you're texting your boss by mistakes.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Oh well.
Speaker 8 (12:21):
Life doesn't always give you time to change the outcome,
but pre diabetes does. With early diagnosis and a few
healthy changes like managing your weight, getting active, stopping smoking,
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leads to type two diabetes.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
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Speaker 8 (12:39):
Take the one minute test today at do I have
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Speaker 7 (12:43):
Warning? The cap is loose on that cat young.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
Oh don't wait.
Speaker 8 (12:48):
You have the power to change the outcome. Visit do
I have Prediabetes dot org?
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Today?
Speaker 6 (12:53):
That's do I have Prediabetes dot org?
Speaker 8 (12:55):
Brought to you by the AD Council and its pre
diabetes awareness partners.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Hehu, oh brah, that's buzzed.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Oh yeah, yeah, he's starting with the woots.
Speaker 9 (13:05):
And now a speech.
Speaker 10 (13:07):
I just want to say that friendship is about heart,
heart and brain.
Speaker 11 (13:12):
Who's with me?
Speaker 8 (13:13):
Good thing is he knows when he's buzzed, and my
brain is saying when it's time to go home, Somebody
call me a ride.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Love that guy, me too.
Speaker 8 (13:21):
Know your buzzed warning signs, call for a ride when
it's time to go home.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
Buzz driving is drunk driving. A message for NITZA and
the AD Council. True, you're out.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
You got me Galaxy safe once again.
Speaker 12 (13:38):
In the pretend universe, kids play with pretend guns. In
the real world, it's up to us to make sure
they don't get their hands on a real gun. If
you have a gun in the house, keep it locked, unloaded,
and storage separately from ammunition. Safegun storage saves lives. Learn
how to make your home Safeer it Nfamilyfire dot Org.
That's Nfamilyfire dot Org, brought to you by N Familyfire,
Brady and the ad Council.
Speaker 13 (13:59):
Adopt Us Kids presents what to expect when you're expecting
a teenager learning the.
Speaker 10 (14:05):
Lingo Today, I'm going to help parents translate teen slang. Now,
when a teen says something is on fleek, it's exactly
like saying that's rad. It simply means that something is
awesome or cool. Another one is toats. It's exactly like
saying totally, just shorter, as in I totes love going
(14:27):
to the mall with Becca. Another word you might hear
is jelly. Jelly is a shorter, better way to say jealous,
as in Chloe, I am like so jelly of your
unicorn phone case.
Speaker 13 (14:39):
You don't have to speak teen to be a perfect parent.
Thousands of teens in foster care will think you're rad
just the same. To learn more, visit adopt us Kids
dot org. A public service announcement brought to you by
the US Department of Health and Human Services, adopt Us Kids,
and the ad Council.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Silary. As
a life coach, Nancy can teach you how to stay
strong under pressure and work through challenges you face. Being
legally blind. Nancy inspires others to be resilient and overcoming
obstacles and live full out. You can ask Nancy for
advice in your life on relationships, finance, business, health, and more.
(15:22):
Just call in at eight hundred three three three zero
zero zero one. Once again, that's eight hundred three three
three zero zero zero one. Now here's Nancy, Welcome back.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I'm Nancy Silari and this is the Living Full Out Show.
And today we're talking about getting angry. Sometimes you just
got to fight for your right get in there and
make that magic happen. And I got to tell you
our inspirational guest today, Gail Novak, really had to stir
the pot, make some waves whatever you want to call it,
in her life because it's easy to let others push
(15:56):
you around, take an advantage of you, ignore you, and
over the course of time, Gail found her voice. So
I'd very much like to welcome her to the show.
Speaker 14 (16:06):
Hi, Nancy, thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Absolutely, And I mean when I say I am, it's
like watching a movie Gail, and I'm like, yeah, you
goot them, Gail. Yeah, you're the best. I mean, because
when I think about your story, I know, early on,
you know, you were one of several siblings, and your
parents really gave the other siblings the attention. They went
(16:30):
to their concerts and their art exhibits, and they didn't
go to watch you do gymnastics or play the trumpet
or do theater. And and you know that was just
you finding your way and kind of observing that. And
and then you know, you jumped into love early and
got married early, and even there you tried to take
(16:52):
your stance and you were like, I'll marry you, but
I don't have kids. And sure enough that kind of
switched on you after you said I do, and all
of a sudden he was manipulating and trying to trick
you and trying to get you have a kid. And
you started to finally in that moment, say no, this
doesn't work for me. But it's one thing to like
(17:15):
observe like you did as a child, and it's another
thing to say this doesn't work for me and put
your foot down. And I'm not saying that matters of
the heart aren't important or easy, but it was really
game on for you, like this was a life issue.
When you did a self exam at twenty eight and
(17:37):
he found a bump, a lump, and you knew it
was not good. But that's when, Gail you, I have
so much respect for you. You really fought for treatment.
And in what way?
Speaker 14 (17:53):
I found a lump? And I had seen apsa on
TV about doing self exam. I found a lump. I
immediately went to the doctor, who patted me on the
head and said, you're too young, you have no family history,
go home, take aspirin. It's nothing. And you would think
(18:14):
that I would be happy with that diagnosis, but I
felt in my mind and in my body that that
was not correct. So I continued to go see another
doctor who gave me the same diagnosis. And again you
would think I would be happy because the doctor said
there was nothing to worry about, but I didn't feel good.
(18:38):
Something inside said, no, there's a problem here, and I
went to another doctor and another. I went to six
doctors within a year. Who all said the same thing.
And again, you would think I would be happy because
six doctors said, no, there's nothing to worry about, go home,
take aspirin. But I knew there was a problem. And
(19:00):
I went back to the same doctor after a year
and with the same problem.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
And in that doctor's appointment, I just want everyone to
really get this. She's in the gown. You're like, I'm
not leaving, and he's like, you know, hey, we'll just reschedule.
I'm not leaving, like you're gonna have to, you know,
take me out of here, nude in my gown. And
but he finally heard you. You had to really get angry,
(19:32):
but it finally heard you.
Speaker 14 (19:35):
I wouldn't I wouldn't let him not hear me. Yeah,
I told him. I said, you know, you've you told
me not to worry about this. I've had these other
doctors tell me not to worry about this. You tell
me it's nothing, but it's obviously something. And I need
you to tell him take send me to a doctor
(19:55):
who can tell me what it is, because you keep
telling y'all to keep telling you it's nothing. I need
to find out what it is because it is something.
And I said I am not leaving this office. I'm
not getting dressed. I am not leaving his office until
you find me a doctor who can tell me what
it is. And I had no idea what ed This
(20:15):
was a long long time ago. I didn't know what
an oncologist was, and he sent me directly to an oncologist.
I got dressed, I went to an oncologist, and he
immediately scheduled for surgery the next day, which of course
scared the Jesus out of me. But I thought, Okay,
(20:36):
this is going to be this is going to be good.
They're going to take this this out and we're going
to figure out what this is.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
So when you're on the gurney being rolled in for
this taking what you think that they think they're just
going to take the tumor out? What did they actually
want to do?
Speaker 14 (20:53):
They handed me the permission slip for the surgery and
I was there by myself. I had had working in Tallahassee,
Florida for a company, and I had no family there,
no no husband, no family, no no one. They handed
me the permission for the surgery they were going to
take They were going to do a mastectomy, they were
going to take my whole breast, and I was like,
(21:15):
uh no, no, no, no, no, no no. And I didn't
make a big deal about it. I just very quietly
crossed out what they had piped and wrote in No,
you were going to remove the lump. You were going
to take it out. You were going to do a
frozen section, which I knew that's what they were supposed
(21:35):
to do to find out if it was cancer. You
were going to wake me up, and then we were going
to discuss the next step. And I handed it back
to them and they saw that I had crusted out.
They read what I wrote and got absolutely hysterical because
that's not what they were prepared to do. They were
prepared to do a mastectomate, and which is to remove
(21:58):
my breast, and the nurses and the surgical staff went nuts.
The doctor then went nuts, and I said, no, you
are not. You know. They said, what if it's cancer,
And I said, well, if it's cancer, then you'll you'll
wake me up, we'll talk about it, then we'll decide
what goes next. But you are not just taking my
breast without discussing it with me, and they were freaked out. Well,
(22:26):
they did what I told them to do so well and.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
To see kudos to you. I'm so impressed because it
would be so easy, I mean, not to do the surgery,
but I mean to play small or say I'll come back.
And you were insistent and you need it to be
because it was cancer. And for everybody listening, this journey
(22:49):
became breast cancer where you had to get rid of
your left breasts and then you had to go through
kind of a waiting period before you could have any
reconstruct surgery. But then there was they were you were
told that there would be like a five year window
and if you clear that, you're in the you're in
the free the freedom space, right.
Speaker 14 (23:10):
But yeah, at the four and a half.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
At four and a half months, it showed up in
your lung.
Speaker 14 (23:17):
Now four and a half years, four and a half years.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I'm sorry it showed up in your lung. But again,
breast cancer in your lung. When we come back, Gail,
I want to pick up here because again you had
to kind of fight and get angry to get the
right treatment, and I think for everybody listening that's important. Now,
this wasn't the only scoop of stress and pain that
(23:40):
you were given in your life. So we're also going
to talk about that. So for everybody listening today, I
want you to just lean into her conviction, her words,
the power behind her voice. You may need that as
well so you can live full out.
Speaker 15 (24:03):
Today.
Speaker 16 (24:04):
In school, I learned a lot. In chemistry, I learned
that no one likes me. In English, I learned that
I'm disgusting, and in Physics, I learned that I'm a loser.
Speaker 17 (24:16):
Today, in school, I learned that I'm ugly and useless.
In jim I learned that I'm pathetic in a joke.
In History today, I learned that I'm trying.
Speaker 14 (24:26):
Today.
Speaker 18 (24:26):
In school, I learned that I have no friends. In English,
I learned that I make people sick, and at lunch
I learned that I sit on my own because I smell.
In chemistry, I learned.
Speaker 17 (24:38):
That no one In Biology, I learned that I'm fat
and stupid, And in math I learned that I'm trash.
Speaker 16 (24:46):
The only thing I didn't learn in school today, the
only thing I didn't learn today.
Speaker 6 (24:49):
The only thing I didn't learn is why no one.
Speaker 19 (24:52):
Ever helps kids witness bullying every day. They want to help,
but they don't know how teach them how to stop
bullying and be more than a bystander at Stop Bullying
dot gov. A message from the AD Council.
Speaker 20 (25:04):
I'm Nancy Silary, certified Life and Business Coach. I want
to invite you to the Personal Development boot Camp. During
the boot camp, we're going to be looking at taking
those insecurities that you have and getting rid of them.
We're also going to look at ways in which you
can thrive and live a life full of purpose. Go
to Livingfullout dot com forward Slash boot Camp Livingfullout dot
(25:25):
com Forward Slash boot Camp to sign up. I believe
in you and here's to you living your life full out.
Speaker 21 (25:40):
They'll challenge your authority.
Speaker 5 (25:42):
I know.
Speaker 21 (25:44):
They'll try to break your will. They'll push you to
the edge of your sanity because that's what kids do.
But this car is your territory, not theirs. Defend it.
Who makes the payment, who cleans it, who drives it?
(26:05):
You do, That's who And in here your word is law.
So when you say you won't move until everyone's buckled up,
you won't budge an inch until you hear that clear.
Never give up until they buckle up. A message from
(26:26):
the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the ad Council.
For more information, visit safercar dot gov. Slash kids buckle up.
Speaker 22 (26:34):
Seven million children suffer from asthma, more than any other
chronic disease. Most asthma attacks are caused by allergic reactions
to allergens, including those left behind by cockroaches and mice.
In fact, eighty two percent of US households contain mouse allergens,
and cockroaches are found in up to ninety eight percent
of urban homes. How can you protect your family find
(26:56):
out at pestworld dot org. A message from the National
Pest Management Association and the American College of Allergy, Asthma,
and Immunology.
Speaker 10 (27:04):
It's slipping, coffit CHECKI cop to doctor.
Speaker 21 (27:07):
Knowlne share.
Speaker 11 (27:08):
I get it, slip it, cuff it, check it. Twice
a day, I get it, slip it, cuff it, check
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It starts with a monitor.
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Brought to you by the AD Council, the American Heart Association,
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Speaker 1 (28:04):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Clary. With
Nancy's expertise, you'll learn how to embrace your potential and
strive for success. If you have a question or need
further support, send us an email at connect at Livingfollout
dot com. Now here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm Nancy Silarian.
This is the Living Full Out Show, and we're talking
about getting angry and how to do that, how to
find that vigor within you, because sometimes you have to
in order to get out of a situation that's sticky, uncomfortable.
And our inspirational guest today, Gail Novak, had to do
(28:43):
that numerous times in her life. But she's so sweet
she's not an angry person. Welcome back, Gail.
Speaker 14 (28:50):
Thank you so, Gail.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
I am proud to say that you are a breast
cancer survivor, so proud. And you survived it not just
once but twice, once in your once in your left breast,
once in your lung, and you had to have all
those surgeries to get all that taken care of. But
(29:12):
you know, thankfully, in fighting for your care, you're free
of it today.
Speaker 14 (29:18):
Right, yes, three four years.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Oh, that is a blessing. That is really a blessing. Now,
no one picks on my friend Gail, right especially you know,
if you're gonna have cancer, the rest of your life
should go pretty smooth. One would think you would hope.
Are you would hope? And again, Gail, I give it
(29:42):
to you. You are a woman who goes after love.
I know that you had that early marriage. Then you
had a number two and a number three, but number
four he really took the cake because number four, for
whom you were married to for twenty years, he knew
(30:04):
what you had gone through. He knew you were a survivor,
but he tormented you in a different way. What was
that relationship like?
Speaker 14 (30:17):
He yes, he knew what I had gone through and
swore that he would never do any of the things
about horrible things that the other husbands had done. Ever,
and yet he he he was violent. He did all
of the things and worse, and including threatened to kill
(30:43):
me if I ever tried to tell anyone, or if
I ever tried to leave. And he even threatened to
kill my pets, my animals, babies. Yeah, it was horrible.
I lived in fear almost every day, you know, during
the time I was with him.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
You know, one thing that I want to touch on
because you were in the sphere with him, I mean,
not knowing if he's going to kill you, and you
did something smart. One day you were at the gym
and he had beat you up pretty good on your back,
and you asked a lady to take some pictures of
your back. And when you told her that you showed
(31:26):
her that you're back, she knew that you had been abused.
And you had started this really great friendship with this person.
And that was so random. So really, the gym can
birth great friendships. But the time came in this twenty
year relationship where he was going to kill you.
Speaker 14 (31:49):
Yeah, he had beaten me up so badly that I
couldn't drive myself to the hospital, and so I had
to get him to take me to hospital. And I
swore to him that I wouldn't tell them that he
had hurt me. I told him, I told him, I said,
I'll say I tripped going down the stairs. And he
(32:13):
took me to the hospital, and on the way home,
I couldn't he wouldn't take me home. He drove me
around and around, and I thought for sure that he
was going to kill me and dump me, dump my
body and where, because he just kept screaming at me
and threatening me and driving in circles. And I finally
got him to bring me home and then he got
(32:37):
we got home, I ran upstairs to my room since
I was no longer sharing a room with him, and
I ended up calling this one woman that I had
made friends with, and when I told her what was happening,
she said, you need to get out of there now,
because the next time he he's going to kill you.
And I had been so brainwashed by this man, and
(33:00):
I said, well, I don't think he would kill me,
and she said, maybe not on purpose, but maybe by accident.
And for the first time ever, I mean, this was
I really didn't have anyone on my side for twenty years,
and this was the first time that someone actually said
to me, maybe not on purpose, but maybe by accident.
(33:20):
And all of a sudden, it just like like a
ton of bricks, it came to me that that's true,
maybe not on purpose, but maybe by accident he would
kill me, because he really had come close to killing
me a couple of times. And as I suddenly flashed
back to the times that he had really been beating
(33:40):
on me, I realized he could kill me at any
time by accident because he was a big, strong guy
and I was this little woman. And I suddenly realized,
you know, you're absolutely right, I need to get a divorce.
I need to get a divorce. So because of this,
this one extra little voice that was supporting me over
(34:04):
the phone, I was able to find my courage, and
the next morning I called a lawyer and made an
appointment and worked to the appointment for a divorce and
filed for divorce. So it was it was incredible just
to have that little voice in my ear to encourage
me to do the right thing.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Well, and I know, thankfully today you have a loving
partner in your life, and we celebrate that. But I
am curious. Gail. You know, again, you had four marriages.
Now you've got a successful partner, and obviously cancer played
its role in the early earlier years mid years of
your life. But how do you how do you look
(34:47):
back and do you look at that time as wasted time?
Do you look at that time with all these partners
as time you grew and learned? Because the again, if
I'm Gail's friend and I'm standing beside you, I'm like,
you're fighting for you to get out these relationships, right,
(35:08):
and you had many of them and they all were
abusive to you. What is your relationship to you know
where you are today? Do you look at it as
time lost or time well spent?
Speaker 14 (35:21):
I look at them well spent, not necessarily, but I did.
I did learn. I did learn and grow. But I
wish that least. I wish I hadn't had to go
through that last twenty years with him, because it was
very it was very difficult, but I did. I did.
(35:42):
Now that I'm out of it, I did learn and grow,
And it's amazing how unless you if I hadn't gone
through that situation, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
I wouldn't have been able to learn what I did
and grow the way I did, and I wouldn't be
able to help the people that I help. I wouldn't
(36:04):
be able to empathize with them and say, I know
what you're going through, so so let me talk to
you about that, because I understand what you're going through,
and I know how when you say, well, yeah, it
wasn't really my fault, but I'm going no, no, no, no, no,
no no, it wasn't your fault. And I understand because
(36:24):
I went through it myself.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
So you know, I were talking today about getting angry,
and I look at that as a positive when it
comes to your story. I mean, it got you the
final the cancer diagnosis that you knew you had, and
we're just trying to get let alone, putting your foot
down to get out of that relationship. But as we
round out today's interview, for somebody in the audience today
(36:50):
who is not feeling heard and they're not angry enough,
they're not fighting enough for their life, what would you
tell them?
Speaker 14 (37:01):
I would say, you know, we're as women, we're taught.
It's still taught in twenty twenty five. You know girls,
you know women should be seen and not heard. You know, Oh,
don't make a fuss, don't yell at, don't yell, don't
don't whatever money, yell get angry, It's okay. Why because
you know what, you if you need to get angry
(37:23):
in order to get something done, in order to take
care of yourself, in order to take care of the
people that you love, do it. It's don't worry about
being rude. I love it when people say, well, I
don't want to do that because I'm being rude. It's like,
you know what, if it's a matter of life or death,
or a matter of being rude, then be rude, be angry,
(37:44):
It's okay. And it's it just amazes me these days
that the women are so afraid of being rude or
or being angry. It's like, it's okay to be angry
because if it's if it's a matter of life and
death or a matter of getting the things that you
need for your life, is okay to be angry. You
need to give yourself that permission.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Well, and and and I want to touch on one
last thing because again I don't know how we haven't
solved cancer yet, but it still happens. It's still around us.
And for somebody who is where you were, they're losing
their eyelashes, they're losing their eyebrows, they've lost their hair.
Wigs don't work, toppers don't work. What would you tell
(38:30):
them to not give up?
Speaker 14 (38:34):
Oh boy, that's a tough one. As far as the
cancer is concerned, Well, let me just say as far
as as far as the abuse is concerned. Anytime, if
you're being abused and you give up, then that means
they win. So I kept saying to myself, I don't
(38:57):
I don't want to give up, because if I give up,
then he wins. So I did. I never wanted to
give up because of that. But as far as the
cancer is concerned, I kept saying to myself, I'm going
to I'm going to fight and I'm going to keep fighting,
and I'm going to keep looking for answers and doctors
because I have too many things to get done with
(39:17):
my life. I have too many things to accomplish with
my life. Now. I don't have any human children, but
I have people. I have other people in my life.
I have friends and they have children, and they have
people in their lives. I have people that I love
and I have people that I that I care about
and that I encourage and that I care for that
(39:43):
it's too important for me to be around and stay
around and to love them and take care of them
and care for them. It's important for me to stay
here and be with.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Them so well that that makes sense. And I think
sometimes as much as that makes sense, I think sometimes
we have to hear it. And so I appreciate you
speaking on behalf of that. So Gail, thank you so much.
And again I'm so proud of you finding your voice,
putting your foot down, fighting for your life, fighting for
(40:13):
your health. You make angry look good. Girl. I'm just saying,
you make it look good. And thank you again for
being on the show and for everybody listening today. Just
like Gail, we'd love to have you on the show
as a guest. Do feel free to reach out to
us at connect at livingfollout dot com. Let us know
what you went through, what you learned, how you got
(40:34):
through it. Don't forget your contact information, because we are
in this community together to learn, to grow, and most
of all, to get out there and do what live
full out to some people.
Speaker 9 (41:07):
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(41:52):
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(42:57):
A message from the US Food and Drug admans.
Speaker 24 (43:01):
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(44:52):
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Speaker 2 (45:02):
When it comes to getting angry, I know sometimes you
don't think it's a good color or shade on you. Right,
you're like worried about what people will think. But I'll
tell you what. When you are advocating for yourself or
even for others, sometimes you have to dig your heels in.
Sometimes you got to find that voice shout. Feel free
to rattle that cage right because it's not about hurting feelings.
(45:25):
It's about doing the right thing and living full out.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Solary. As
a professional motivational speaker. Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfullout dot com. Once again, here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Thank you so much for joining us today. I am
Nancy Silary and this is the Living Full Out Show.
And even with this joy in my voice, that's right,
we're talking about getting angry, and I'll tell you what,
I will be honest. I if you flip my switch,
I can go from happy to er angry. But I
don't do that with delight. I do that because sometimes
(46:21):
I really feel that people are just going through the motions.
Speaker 14 (46:25):
Now.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
I don't know if you guys ever have experienced when
you're trying to schedule an appointment or there's an issue
with your bill and you call a certain eight hundred
number and then it's all policy jargon. It's almost like
you're talking to a robot, right. And I believe in
people bonding and communicating with people, And sometimes I like
(46:50):
to take, in my nice but assertive way, a moment
with that representative first here generally, and I like to
tell them, hey, you know this, this is really important
and why it's important. And so sometimes I believe you
have to go beyond letting the person just read their
(47:13):
script or follow their procedures. But it's also a little
bit like, you know, not kill them with kindness, but
you know, love on them a bit to do a
better job, asking them to rise within their role. And
I saw I do that in a very motivational way.
I remember this one time, I'll leave the company out.
(47:34):
It was a cable company and I called and the
guy was just right in the motions of like, I said,
the procedures and I can't do that, we can't do that.
And I said to him, I said, yes you can,
and if you can't, I'd love to talk to a manager.
You know, I'm not mad at you, but I just,
you know, believe that there's a compromise here. And I
(47:57):
went on and I shared with him about, you know,
why this was important to me, aka the fact that
I'm legally blind and I had a pretty significant bill
even though I don't see the TV. And it was
just long, twisty conversation and as I started to share
with him the personal side to why it meant something
(48:18):
to me. Yes, I may have been a bit intense,
a little bit angry in the beginning because I wasn't
feeling heard. The more I slowed it down and I
was still pretty fired up, but in a more methodical way.
He actually turned around and he goes, you know what,
I got to say, thank you, And I wasn't expecting that.
(48:40):
He goes, you know, I had a really bad morning,
and in fact, it's been a really bad month. He goes,
but I and I've been dealing with my own injuries.
But I got to tell you, listening to you today,
I am not doing my best here. I am not
serving you the best way. And it was interesting to
(49:00):
see him literally turn that frown upside down and just
really really seeing him go from you know, unhelpful to
almost abundantly helpful. Not only did he get me to
a manager, he warm leaded me over to that manager,
so I didn't have to explain myself. And so I
(49:22):
believe that there are ways in which you can be
not so much angry, but ways in which you can
be assertive. But always remember that people are not mind readers.
So if something has you upset and you're really intensely
going at it with someone, that other person may not
know why this means so much to you. And remember
(49:45):
that anger comes from fear. So someone is generally sad, nervous, anxious, fearful,
and that will come out as anger. And at some
time they're not even really angry at the person they're
spewing too talking to, you know, it's just happens to
(50:06):
be the outlet, the vehicle at that time. And so
I want you to think about as we leap away
from today's today's show. I want you, on one hand,
to fight for your life, fight for your rights right,
but don't do it in a in a way that's mean,
but do it in a way that's inspirational. You know,
(50:27):
explain why things are important to you and if you
can't find the words verbally, then write a letter. I
write lots of letters because when my family members or
friends are not being treated well, I will write a
letter on their behalf to a manager or somebody. And
it's just because I've learned how to really state the
(50:49):
facts and also be loving and also find a way
to get a compromise going. And so that is a
really important trait. Now on the opposite side of that, right,
this whole getting angry. If you see someone that is
to the tenth power upset, their face is getting red,
(51:12):
steam is coming out of their ears, I want you
to love on them just a little bit more. I
believe the grouchy people need more love, and that is
because you just happen to be the person that they're
letting all of the steam towards. It's not you, I promise,
but I believe that when we can look beyond the
(51:34):
intense moments, when we can get creative and finding a compromise,
when we can love on the grouchy people more, Now
it's no longer about being angry. It becomes doing the
right thing, and it becomes finding a way that we
can live full out. Now the entire family here putting
on this show, and then production team Dirk and Brent
(51:58):
and Julie and everybody. They want you to go out
there and not get angry, but have fun, enjoy life,
and live full out.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Thank you for listening to The Living Full Out Show
with Nancy Silari. To learn more about this program, visit
livingfollout dot com for the latest episodes. Connect with the
Living full Out community by following us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
and subscribing to our YouTube channel. Here's to you, Living
full Out
You're listening the Living Full Out with Nancy Selari. As
a professional motivational speaker, Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfollout dot com. Once again, here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome to the Living Full Out Show. My name is
Nancy Celari, and today we are going to be talking
about getting angry. Okay, Now, I don't mean like, you know,
throwing things at people and having a tantrum in the
middle of a room. I mean that sometimes you got
to dig in and fight for your rights, fight for
your life, fight for your dreams, and sometimes you gotta
(00:40):
set people straight to get a little angry to make
that motions happen. But we're gonna be challenging that today
and also we're going to have our inspirational guests coming up,
Gail Novak, and again, there are many different times in
her life, whether she had cancer or dealing with domestic violence,
that she had to stand up for herself, she had
to get angry. So you're going to get actually inspired
(01:02):
by her story. Make sure that if you want to
hear today's show again. Go to Livingfullout dot com. All
of our episodes are right there for you. Just pick
the one that resonates with what you're going through. And
I am getting word from our producer right now that
we do a list on the line. Let's go say
hello to them. Hello, welcome to the Living Full Out Show. Hello, Hi,
(01:23):
how can I help you?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
I had a question that I would like some advice on.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Uh huh, go for it, Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
My question is like what is the best or like
a good way to manage a big friend group with people,
but like dealing with that so that people don't feel
left out if people like split off and do stuff
and stuff like that, while keeping like a good positive
environment and a great way for communication.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
You know what, Actually, it's so funny. I just had
this conversation with a friend the other day, so I'm
I get it. And let me ask you a quick question, BEFO,
I give you some ideas. So are you kind of
are you the person who tends to lead the charge
and put all this together and you're starting to find
that like feelings get hurt or people get left out,
(02:15):
or are you just kind of amongst the group realizing
this trend.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Well, I think it kind of depends on.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
What we have been doing recently, on which I am,
But I think in general, I think I'm one of
the people that tries to get people together and like
tries to get us to all do stuff or talk
to each other sometimes.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Now, does it have to be everyone all the time?
I mean, is it possible that maybe different groups do
break off and maybe just once in a blue moon,
maybe once a year holiday time, everybody gets together. But
is it is it possible to kind of break the
groups off so people don't get feeling hurt.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Oh, it is, and that's what we do sometimes. But
I've just noticed that sometimes when we do that, some
people feel left out because we aren't together all the time.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
And how do you generally communicate this? Is it just
like phone calls, text messages, emails.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
We usually use a like discord to talk a lot
online and they are kind of and go ahead, Oh,
so we're just we're usually chatting and messaging or talking
quite often.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
So that is good and it's very in the moment,
but sometimes it does lend itself to you know, people
getting left out, or or it just things happening last minute,
or it might be helpful, just an idea to maybe
either pick a different platform or if you want to
(04:05):
use that one, that's fine, but maybe just kind of
looking at the calendar and I mean, I realized what
I'm about to say. It takes a little bit of
spontaneity out of it, but like, look at the calendar
for the next month and just kind of put some
things out there, you know, maybe happy hours here, a
birthday celebration there, you know, a concert there, whatever that
(04:28):
looks like, and really make it more about people saying
yes I'm coming or no I'm not, and just a
little bit of more organization so it's less emotional and
less ability for people to break out in people's feelings
to get hurt because you know, if somebody, if you
(04:51):
just have conversations, whether it be discord or text messaging
or whatever, it's easy to have like an idea that
in the Hail Mary eleventh hour gets changed, and that's
where people can get left out. A date change, a
time change, you know, let's do this instead. Wait wait, wait,
that wasn't what we were going to do. It can
(05:13):
get really messy, and that's where feelings can get hurt.
And maybe these separate groups can still happen, and maybe
those are the spontaneous get togethers. But if that's all
you guys have and plans change or times change, and
then it affects somebody's ability to participate, well, that's where
(05:36):
they might feel like, oh gosh, you know, I want
to be there, but now I can't. So my thought is,
since this is on your mind, and I think it's
very loving and kind that you're thinking about this, but
I would have some things on the calendar that are
not going to change. Happy Hour, this location, this time,
(05:58):
be there or don't be there, yes or no, yeah,
and then you just show up and whoever shows up,
that's who's meant to be there. Now, it doesn't mean
that there can't become an extra chatter of someone who says, hey,
this is happening this weekend. Anybody want to go, because
that's where spontaneously it might break out. But I think
(06:21):
having something on the calendar where for the people that
can't do the last minute they don't feel like they're
being left out.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
That makes sense. I think that's helpful.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
And at the end of the day, are you again,
you're a very heartfelt person, But what is your worst
fear about.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
This, I think probably just because people like feel left out.
I don't want anybody to assume that, especially what if
people are breaking off and doing stuff. I don't want
people to assume that another group of people like them
just because they're doing something else.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
And has that actually been told to you?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Yes, kind of okay.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Okay, And so the reason why I asked that question
is because the word you used was assume. I don't
want people to assume. But it's no longer the gray
zone of assuming it's real. So that's why I think
you do have to take it up a notch where
you have to just make it a little bit more scheduled.
(07:29):
I think it's great that you have such a large
friend base. I think that's wonderful and good to get
everybody together. But if you're starting to get the rumblings
that people are starting to feel left out, it's you
just don't want it to get so far out of control.
Like you've got this little whisper right now, you've got
(07:51):
this little bit of insight. So by having a few
of those items on the calendar that are not going
to change, and just when picking the time, picking the venue,
go with something safe, go with something dependable, okay. Let
the spontaneous be for the out of the box events. Okay,
(08:13):
because the people that are the most feeling left out
and the most you know, feeling disconnected a lot of times,
it's not so much that they can't go, and it's
not so much about the separate groups. They just want
to feel heard and acknowledged. So when you take it
(08:33):
upon yourself to say, hey, everyone, I love it when
we're all together. And for some of you that may
be feeling like you can't make the spontaneous events, you know,
I want you to know that I see you, I
hear you, and so here are three events in the
future next month, you know, put it on your calendar.
(08:53):
The dates are not going to change, the venues are
not going to change. Can't wait to see you there.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
That makes sense. I think that could definitely work.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Now, are there still going to be some people that
are their feathers are ruffled? Absolutely, but you can't. You
can a lot of times, anger, sadness, fear, it's emotions.
It's energy, emotion. That's what emotions are. It's emotions coming
from them and that has nothing to do with you,
(09:27):
and you can't solve that if they have from an
earlier time in their life feeling not value, not heard,
left out. Do you see how sometimes that's residual stuff
that just happens to show up in our adult relationships
and so that you can't control. But what you can
(09:47):
control is setting out there some inclusive events that won't change.
But I think if you do that, you'll be able
to sleep at night knowing you know, I did my part,
I did my best. Can you try that?
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I think I can, and I.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Want the invite sounds fun. You guys sound honestly like
my kind of group. So anyway, have fun, be safe,
lift full out. But I think that would be a
good way to go. Okay, all right, take care of
yourself and for everybody listening today, sometimes you gotta get angry.
Those people are definitely angry. I want to be there, nobody,
(10:28):
you're doing things without me. But look what those angry
people got, They got events they can count on. So
sometimes you got to stir the pot. So we'll be
right back after this break, coming back with Gail. No back,
don't want to miss it.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
Life looks a little different during these times. We're doing
our best to keep our minds and bodies strong, and
getting a flu shot helps us stay healthy, so we
don't miss out on what matters, like having game night
at home. Yeah, can't do that, we'll sick with the flu.
(11:24):
Now imagine family movie night that your daughter can't live without. Well,
that's ruined. And don't forget your uncle's socially distanced cookouts.
See that's why it's important to be at our strongest.
(11:45):
Every year, millions of people in the US get the flu,
especially now. No one has time to miss out on
moments that matter. So get your flu shot. Find out
more and get my flu shot dot org. Brought to
you by the AMA CDC and the AD Council.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Don't you wish your life came with a warning app?
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Stop that dog does not want to be pettitive.
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Just a little heads up before something bad happens.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
Move your coffee cup away from your computer.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Oh no, no, no.
Speaker 6 (12:14):
No, so you can have more control.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Stop you're texting your boss by mistakes.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Oh well.
Speaker 8 (12:21):
Life doesn't always give you time to change the outcome,
but pre diabetes does. With early diagnosis and a few
healthy changes like managing your weight, getting active, stopping smoking,
and eating healthier, you can stop pre diabetes before it
leads to type two diabetes.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
It's easy to learn your risk.
Speaker 8 (12:39):
Take the one minute test today at do I have
Prediabetes dot org?
Speaker 7 (12:43):
Warning? The cap is loose on that cat young.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
Oh don't wait.
Speaker 8 (12:48):
You have the power to change the outcome. Visit do
I have Prediabetes dot org?
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Today?
Speaker 6 (12:53):
That's do I have Prediabetes dot org?
Speaker 8 (12:55):
Brought to you by the AD Council and its pre
diabetes awareness partners.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Hehu, oh brah, that's buzzed.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Oh yeah, yeah, he's starting with the woots.
Speaker 9 (13:05):
And now a speech.
Speaker 10 (13:07):
I just want to say that friendship is about heart,
heart and brain.
Speaker 11 (13:12):
Who's with me?
Speaker 8 (13:13):
Good thing is he knows when he's buzzed, and my
brain is saying when it's time to go home, Somebody
call me a ride.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Love that guy, me too.
Speaker 8 (13:21):
Know your buzzed warning signs, call for a ride when
it's time to go home.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
Buzz driving is drunk driving. A message for NITZA and
the AD Council. True, you're out.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
You got me Galaxy safe once again.
Speaker 12 (13:38):
In the pretend universe, kids play with pretend guns. In
the real world, it's up to us to make sure
they don't get their hands on a real gun. If
you have a gun in the house, keep it locked, unloaded,
and storage separately from ammunition. Safegun storage saves lives. Learn
how to make your home Safeer it Nfamilyfire dot Org.
That's Nfamilyfire dot Org, brought to you by N Familyfire,
Brady and the ad Council.
Speaker 13 (13:59):
Adopt Us Kids presents what to expect when you're expecting
a teenager learning the.
Speaker 10 (14:05):
Lingo Today, I'm going to help parents translate teen slang. Now,
when a teen says something is on fleek, it's exactly
like saying that's rad. It simply means that something is
awesome or cool. Another one is toats. It's exactly like
saying totally, just shorter, as in I totes love going
(14:27):
to the mall with Becca. Another word you might hear
is jelly. Jelly is a shorter, better way to say jealous,
as in Chloe, I am like so jelly of your
unicorn phone case.
Speaker 13 (14:39):
You don't have to speak teen to be a perfect parent.
Thousands of teens in foster care will think you're rad
just the same. To learn more, visit adopt us Kids
dot org. A public service announcement brought to you by
the US Department of Health and Human Services, adopt Us Kids,
and the ad Council.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Silary. As
a life coach, Nancy can teach you how to stay
strong under pressure and work through challenges you face. Being
legally blind. Nancy inspires others to be resilient and overcoming
obstacles and live full out. You can ask Nancy for
advice in your life on relationships, finance, business, health, and more.
(15:22):
Just call in at eight hundred three three three zero
zero zero one. Once again, that's eight hundred three three
three zero zero zero one. Now here's Nancy, Welcome back.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I'm Nancy Silari and this is the Living Full Out Show.
And today we're talking about getting angry. Sometimes you just
got to fight for your right get in there and
make that magic happen. And I got to tell you
our inspirational guest today, Gail Novak, really had to stir
the pot, make some waves whatever you want to call it,
in her life because it's easy to let others push
(15:56):
you around, take an advantage of you, ignore you, and
over the course of time, Gail found her voice. So
I'd very much like to welcome her to the show.
Speaker 14 (16:06):
Hi, Nancy, thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Absolutely, And I mean when I say I am, it's
like watching a movie Gail, and I'm like, yeah, you
goot them, Gail. Yeah, you're the best. I mean, because
when I think about your story, I know, early on,
you know, you were one of several siblings, and your
parents really gave the other siblings the attention. They went
(16:30):
to their concerts and their art exhibits, and they didn't
go to watch you do gymnastics or play the trumpet
or do theater. And and you know that was just
you finding your way and kind of observing that. And
and then you know, you jumped into love early and
got married early, and even there you tried to take
(16:52):
your stance and you were like, I'll marry you, but
I don't have kids. And sure enough that kind of
switched on you after you said I do, and all
of a sudden he was manipulating and trying to trick
you and trying to get you have a kid. And
you started to finally in that moment, say no, this
doesn't work for me. But it's one thing to like
(17:15):
observe like you did as a child, and it's another
thing to say this doesn't work for me and put
your foot down. And I'm not saying that matters of
the heart aren't important or easy, but it was really
game on for you, like this was a life issue.
When you did a self exam at twenty eight and
(17:37):
he found a bump, a lump, and you knew it
was not good. But that's when, Gail you, I have
so much respect for you. You really fought for treatment.
And in what way?
Speaker 14 (17:53):
I found a lump? And I had seen apsa on
TV about doing self exam. I found a lump. I
immediately went to the doctor, who patted me on the
head and said, you're too young, you have no family history,
go home, take aspirin. It's nothing. And you would think
(18:14):
that I would be happy with that diagnosis, but I
felt in my mind and in my body that that
was not correct. So I continued to go see another
doctor who gave me the same diagnosis. And again you
would think I would be happy because the doctor said
there was nothing to worry about, but I didn't feel good.
(18:38):
Something inside said, no, there's a problem here, and I
went to another doctor and another. I went to six
doctors within a year. Who all said the same thing.
And again, you would think I would be happy because
six doctors said, no, there's nothing to worry about, go home,
take aspirin. But I knew there was a problem. And
(19:00):
I went back to the same doctor after a year
and with the same problem.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
And in that doctor's appointment, I just want everyone to
really get this. She's in the gown. You're like, I'm
not leaving, and he's like, you know, hey, we'll just reschedule.
I'm not leaving, like you're gonna have to, you know,
take me out of here, nude in my gown. And
but he finally heard you. You had to really get angry,
(19:32):
but it finally heard you.
Speaker 14 (19:35):
I wouldn't I wouldn't let him not hear me. Yeah,
I told him. I said, you know, you've you told
me not to worry about this. I've had these other
doctors tell me not to worry about this. You tell
me it's nothing, but it's obviously something. And I need
you to tell him take send me to a doctor
(19:55):
who can tell me what it is, because you keep
telling y'all to keep telling you it's nothing. I need
to find out what it is because it is something.
And I said I am not leaving this office. I'm
not getting dressed. I am not leaving his office until
you find me a doctor who can tell me what
it is. And I had no idea what ed This
(20:15):
was a long long time ago. I didn't know what
an oncologist was, and he sent me directly to an oncologist.
I got dressed, I went to an oncologist, and he
immediately scheduled for surgery the next day, which of course
scared the Jesus out of me. But I thought, Okay,
(20:36):
this is going to be this is going to be good.
They're going to take this this out and we're going
to figure out what this is.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
So when you're on the gurney being rolled in for
this taking what you think that they think they're just
going to take the tumor out? What did they actually
want to do?
Speaker 14 (20:53):
They handed me the permission slip for the surgery and
I was there by myself. I had had working in Tallahassee,
Florida for a company, and I had no family there,
no no husband, no family, no no one. They handed
me the permission for the surgery they were going to
take They were going to do a mastectomy, they were
going to take my whole breast, and I was like,
(21:15):
uh no, no, no, no, no, no no. And I didn't
make a big deal about it. I just very quietly
crossed out what they had piped and wrote in No,
you were going to remove the lump. You were going
to take it out. You were going to do a
frozen section, which I knew that's what they were supposed
(21:35):
to do to find out if it was cancer. You
were going to wake me up, and then we were going
to discuss the next step. And I handed it back
to them and they saw that I had crusted out.
They read what I wrote and got absolutely hysterical because
that's not what they were prepared to do. They were
prepared to do a mastectomate, and which is to remove
(21:58):
my breast, and the nurses and the surgical staff went nuts.
The doctor then went nuts, and I said, no, you
are not. You know. They said, what if it's cancer,
And I said, well, if it's cancer, then you'll you'll
wake me up, we'll talk about it, then we'll decide
what goes next. But you are not just taking my
breast without discussing it with me, and they were freaked out. Well,
(22:26):
they did what I told them to do so well and.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
To see kudos to you. I'm so impressed because it
would be so easy, I mean, not to do the surgery,
but I mean to play small or say I'll come back.
And you were insistent and you need it to be
because it was cancer. And for everybody listening, this journey
(22:49):
became breast cancer where you had to get rid of
your left breasts and then you had to go through
kind of a waiting period before you could have any
reconstruct surgery. But then there was they were you were
told that there would be like a five year window
and if you clear that, you're in the you're in
the free the freedom space, right.
Speaker 14 (23:10):
But yeah, at the four and a half.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
At four and a half months, it showed up in
your lung.
Speaker 14 (23:17):
Now four and a half years, four and a half years.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I'm sorry it showed up in your lung. But again,
breast cancer in your lung. When we come back, Gail,
I want to pick up here because again you had
to kind of fight and get angry to get the
right treatment, and I think for everybody listening that's important. Now,
this wasn't the only scoop of stress and pain that
(23:40):
you were given in your life. So we're also going
to talk about that. So for everybody listening today, I
want you to just lean into her conviction, her words,
the power behind her voice. You may need that as
well so you can live full out.
Speaker 15 (24:03):
Today.
Speaker 16 (24:04):
In school, I learned a lot. In chemistry, I learned
that no one likes me. In English, I learned that
I'm disgusting, and in Physics, I learned that I'm a loser.
Speaker 17 (24:16):
Today, in school, I learned that I'm ugly and useless.
In jim I learned that I'm pathetic in a joke.
In History today, I learned that I'm trying.
Speaker 14 (24:26):
Today.
Speaker 18 (24:26):
In school, I learned that I have no friends. In English,
I learned that I make people sick, and at lunch
I learned that I sit on my own because I smell.
In chemistry, I learned.
Speaker 17 (24:38):
That no one In Biology, I learned that I'm fat
and stupid, And in math I learned that I'm trash.
Speaker 16 (24:46):
The only thing I didn't learn in school today, the
only thing I didn't learn today.
Speaker 6 (24:49):
The only thing I didn't learn is why no one.
Speaker 19 (24:52):
Ever helps kids witness bullying every day. They want to help,
but they don't know how teach them how to stop
bullying and be more than a bystander at Stop Bullying
dot gov. A message from the AD Council.
Speaker 20 (25:04):
I'm Nancy Silary, certified Life and Business Coach. I want
to invite you to the Personal Development boot Camp. During
the boot camp, we're going to be looking at taking
those insecurities that you have and getting rid of them.
We're also going to look at ways in which you
can thrive and live a life full of purpose. Go
to Livingfullout dot com forward Slash boot Camp Livingfullout dot
(25:25):
com Forward Slash boot Camp to sign up. I believe
in you and here's to you living your life full out.
Speaker 21 (25:40):
They'll challenge your authority.
Speaker 5 (25:42):
I know.
Speaker 21 (25:44):
They'll try to break your will. They'll push you to
the edge of your sanity because that's what kids do.
But this car is your territory, not theirs. Defend it.
Who makes the payment, who cleans it, who drives it?
(26:05):
You do, That's who And in here your word is law.
So when you say you won't move until everyone's buckled up,
you won't budge an inch until you hear that clear.
Never give up until they buckle up. A message from
(26:26):
the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the ad Council.
For more information, visit safercar dot gov. Slash kids buckle up.
Speaker 22 (26:34):
Seven million children suffer from asthma, more than any other
chronic disease. Most asthma attacks are caused by allergic reactions
to allergens, including those left behind by cockroaches and mice.
In fact, eighty two percent of US households contain mouse allergens,
and cockroaches are found in up to ninety eight percent
of urban homes. How can you protect your family find
(26:56):
out at pestworld dot org. A message from the National
Pest Management Association and the American College of Allergy, Asthma,
and Immunology.
Speaker 10 (27:04):
It's slipping, coffit CHECKI cop to doctor.
Speaker 21 (27:07):
Knowlne share.
Speaker 11 (27:08):
I get it, slip it, cuff it, check it. Twice
a day, I get it, slip it, cuff it, check
it in the morning and before dinner. I get it,
flip it, cuff it, check it, and share it with
my doctor. Nearly one in two US adults have high
blood pressure. That's why it's important to self monitor your
blood pressure and for easy to remember steps.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
It starts with a monitor.
Speaker 17 (27:31):
Now that I know my blood pressure numbers, I talked
with my doctor.
Speaker 6 (27:35):
We're getting those numbers down.
Speaker 14 (27:36):
Yeah, it's slipping.
Speaker 12 (27:37):
Coffit check cop to doctor knowlne share.
Speaker 11 (27:41):
Be next to talk to your doctor about your blood
pressure numbers. Get down with your blood pressure. Self monitoring
is power. Learn more at Manage your BP dot org.
Brought to you by the AD Council, the American Heart Association,
and the American Medical Association in partnership with the Office
of Minority Health and Health Resources and Services Administration.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Clary. With
Nancy's expertise, you'll learn how to embrace your potential and
strive for success. If you have a question or need
further support, send us an email at connect at Livingfollout
dot com. Now here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm Nancy Silarian.
This is the Living Full Out Show, and we're talking
about getting angry and how to do that, how to
find that vigor within you, because sometimes you have to
in order to get out of a situation that's sticky, uncomfortable.
And our inspirational guest today, Gail Novak, had to do
(28:43):
that numerous times in her life. But she's so sweet
she's not an angry person. Welcome back, Gail.
Speaker 14 (28:50):
Thank you so, Gail.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
I am proud to say that you are a breast
cancer survivor, so proud. And you survived it not just
once but twice, once in your once in your left breast,
once in your lung, and you had to have all
those surgeries to get all that taken care of. But
(29:12):
you know, thankfully, in fighting for your care, you're free
of it today.
Speaker 14 (29:18):
Right, yes, three four years.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Oh, that is a blessing. That is really a blessing. Now,
no one picks on my friend Gail, right especially you know,
if you're gonna have cancer, the rest of your life
should go pretty smooth. One would think you would hope.
Are you would hope? And again, Gail, I give it
(29:42):
to you. You are a woman who goes after love.
I know that you had that early marriage. Then you
had a number two and a number three, but number
four he really took the cake because number four, for
whom you were married to for twenty years, he knew
(30:04):
what you had gone through. He knew you were a survivor,
but he tormented you in a different way. What was
that relationship like?
Speaker 14 (30:17):
He yes, he knew what I had gone through and
swore that he would never do any of the things
about horrible things that the other husbands had done. Ever,
and yet he he he was violent. He did all
of the things and worse, and including threatened to kill
(30:43):
me if I ever tried to tell anyone, or if
I ever tried to leave. And he even threatened to
kill my pets, my animals, babies. Yeah, it was horrible.
I lived in fear almost every day, you know, during
the time I was with him.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
You know, one thing that I want to touch on
because you were in the sphere with him, I mean,
not knowing if he's going to kill you, and you
did something smart. One day you were at the gym
and he had beat you up pretty good on your back,
and you asked a lady to take some pictures of
your back. And when you told her that you showed
(31:26):
her that you're back, she knew that you had been abused.
And you had started this really great friendship with this person.
And that was so random. So really, the gym can
birth great friendships. But the time came in this twenty
year relationship where he was going to kill you.
Speaker 14 (31:49):
Yeah, he had beaten me up so badly that I
couldn't drive myself to the hospital, and so I had
to get him to take me to hospital. And I
swore to him that I wouldn't tell them that he
had hurt me. I told him, I told him, I said,
I'll say I tripped going down the stairs. And he
(32:13):
took me to the hospital, and on the way home,
I couldn't he wouldn't take me home. He drove me
around and around, and I thought for sure that he
was going to kill me and dump me, dump my
body and where, because he just kept screaming at me
and threatening me and driving in circles. And I finally
got him to bring me home and then he got
(32:37):
we got home, I ran upstairs to my room since
I was no longer sharing a room with him, and
I ended up calling this one woman that I had
made friends with, and when I told her what was happening,
she said, you need to get out of there now,
because the next time he he's going to kill you.
And I had been so brainwashed by this man, and
(33:00):
I said, well, I don't think he would kill me,
and she said, maybe not on purpose, but maybe by accident.
And for the first time ever, I mean, this was
I really didn't have anyone on my side for twenty years,
and this was the first time that someone actually said
to me, maybe not on purpose, but maybe by accident.
(33:20):
And all of a sudden, it just like like a
ton of bricks, it came to me that that's true,
maybe not on purpose, but maybe by accident he would
kill me, because he really had come close to killing
me a couple of times. And as I suddenly flashed
back to the times that he had really been beating
(33:40):
on me, I realized he could kill me at any
time by accident because he was a big, strong guy
and I was this little woman. And I suddenly realized,
you know, you're absolutely right, I need to get a divorce.
I need to get a divorce. So because of this,
this one extra little voice that was supporting me over
(34:04):
the phone, I was able to find my courage, and
the next morning I called a lawyer and made an
appointment and worked to the appointment for a divorce and
filed for divorce. So it was it was incredible just
to have that little voice in my ear to encourage
me to do the right thing.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Well, and I know, thankfully today you have a loving
partner in your life, and we celebrate that. But I
am curious. Gail. You know, again, you had four marriages.
Now you've got a successful partner, and obviously cancer played
its role in the early earlier years mid years of
your life. But how do you how do you look
(34:47):
back and do you look at that time as wasted time?
Do you look at that time with all these partners
as time you grew and learned? Because the again, if
I'm Gail's friend and I'm standing beside you, I'm like,
you're fighting for you to get out these relationships, right,
(35:08):
and you had many of them and they all were
abusive to you. What is your relationship to you know
where you are today? Do you look at it as
time lost or time well spent?
Speaker 14 (35:21):
I look at them well spent, not necessarily, but I did.
I did learn. I did learn and grow. But I
wish that least. I wish I hadn't had to go
through that last twenty years with him, because it was
very it was very difficult, but I did. I did.
(35:42):
Now that I'm out of it, I did learn and grow,
And it's amazing how unless you if I hadn't gone
through that situation, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
I wouldn't have been able to learn what I did
and grow the way I did, and I wouldn't be
able to help the people that I help. I wouldn't
(36:04):
be able to empathize with them and say, I know
what you're going through, so so let me talk to
you about that, because I understand what you're going through,
and I know how when you say, well, yeah, it
wasn't really my fault, but I'm going no, no, no, no, no,
no no, it wasn't your fault. And I understand because
(36:24):
I went through it myself.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
So you know, I were talking today about getting angry,
and I look at that as a positive when it
comes to your story. I mean, it got you the
final the cancer diagnosis that you knew you had, and
we're just trying to get let alone, putting your foot
down to get out of that relationship. But as we
round out today's interview, for somebody in the audience today
(36:50):
who is not feeling heard and they're not angry enough,
they're not fighting enough for their life, what would you
tell them?
Speaker 14 (37:01):
I would say, you know, we're as women, we're taught.
It's still taught in twenty twenty five. You know girls,
you know women should be seen and not heard. You know, Oh,
don't make a fuss, don't yell at, don't yell, don't
don't whatever money, yell get angry, It's okay. Why because
you know what, you if you need to get angry
(37:23):
in order to get something done, in order to take
care of yourself, in order to take care of the
people that you love, do it. It's don't worry about
being rude. I love it when people say, well, I
don't want to do that because I'm being rude. It's like,
you know what, if it's a matter of life or death,
or a matter of being rude, then be rude, be angry,
(37:44):
It's okay. And it's it just amazes me these days
that the women are so afraid of being rude or
or being angry. It's like, it's okay to be angry
because if it's if it's a matter of life and
death or a matter of getting the things that you
need for your life, is okay to be angry. You
need to give yourself that permission.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Well, and and and I want to touch on one
last thing because again I don't know how we haven't
solved cancer yet, but it still happens. It's still around us.
And for somebody who is where you were, they're losing
their eyelashes, they're losing their eyebrows, they've lost their hair.
Wigs don't work, toppers don't work. What would you tell
(38:30):
them to not give up?
Speaker 14 (38:34):
Oh boy, that's a tough one. As far as the
cancer is concerned, Well, let me just say as far
as as far as the abuse is concerned. Anytime, if
you're being abused and you give up, then that means
they win. So I kept saying to myself, I don't
(38:57):
I don't want to give up, because if I give up,
then he wins. So I did. I never wanted to
give up because of that. But as far as the
cancer is concerned, I kept saying to myself, I'm going
to I'm going to fight and I'm going to keep fighting,
and I'm going to keep looking for answers and doctors
because I have too many things to get done with
(39:17):
my life. I have too many things to accomplish with
my life. Now. I don't have any human children, but
I have people. I have other people in my life.
I have friends and they have children, and they have
people in their lives. I have people that I love
and I have people that I that I care about
and that I encourage and that I care for that
(39:43):
it's too important for me to be around and stay
around and to love them and take care of them
and care for them. It's important for me to stay
here and be with.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Them so well that that makes sense. And I think
sometimes as much as that makes sense, I think sometimes
we have to hear it. And so I appreciate you
speaking on behalf of that. So Gail, thank you so much.
And again I'm so proud of you finding your voice,
putting your foot down, fighting for your life, fighting for
(40:13):
your health. You make angry look good. Girl. I'm just saying,
you make it look good. And thank you again for
being on the show and for everybody listening today. Just
like Gail, we'd love to have you on the show
as a guest. Do feel free to reach out to
us at connect at livingfollout dot com. Let us know
what you went through, what you learned, how you got
(40:34):
through it. Don't forget your contact information, because we are
in this community together to learn, to grow, and most
of all, to get out there and do what live
full out to some people.
Speaker 9 (41:07):
The sound of a baby babbling doesn't mean much, but
that's not necessarily true. By six months, they're combining vowels
and consonants talk, by nine months they're trying out different
kinds of sounds, and by twelve months they're babbling. Is
(41:29):
beginning to take on some meaning, man, especially if there's
no babbling at all. Little to no babbling by twelve
months or later is just one of the possible signs
of autism and children. Early screening and intervention can make
a lifetime of difference and unlock a world of possibilities.
(41:52):
Take the first step at autism speaks dot org, a
public service announcement brought to you by Autism Speaks and
the Aduncil.
Speaker 23 (42:01):
Most of us like to be out in the sun.
That's why sunscreen and other safety measures are key to
protecting your skin from aging and cancer. The FDA recommends
using a sunscreen with a sun protection factor or SPF
A fifteen or higher. Also look for broad spectrum.
Speaker 6 (42:17):
On the label.
Speaker 23 (42:18):
That means both harmful ultraviolet A and B rays are block.
UVA rays age the skin. UVB rays burn, and both
cause cancer. But the perfect sunscreen doesn't count if you
use it wrong. Don't need sunscreen on a cloudy day.
Speaker 4 (42:33):
Wrong.
Speaker 23 (42:34):
Eighty percent of UV rays still get through the haze.
Only use sunscreen at the beach, Nope, anytime you're outside,
ub rays attack the skin, so you need protection and
you have to reapply sunscreen every two hours. Remember SPF
plus broad spectrum he for healthy fun in the sun.
Visit www dot FDA dot gov slash sunscreen for more information.
(42:57):
A message from the US Food and Drug admans.
Speaker 24 (43:01):
Right now, our country feels divided, but there's a place
where people are coming together.
Speaker 8 (43:06):
I gotta tell you, I was nervous to talk to
someone so different than me.
Speaker 7 (43:10):
Me too, But I'm glad you are.
Speaker 24 (43:12):
Love has No Labels and One Small Step are helping
people with different political views, beliefs, and life experiences come
together through conversation and it feels good.
Speaker 14 (43:21):
Wow, your story is so interesting. Yeah.
Speaker 24 (43:26):
When people actually sit down, talk and listen to one another,
they can break down boundaries and connect as human beings.
At Love Hasno Labels dot com slash one small Step,
you can listen to amazing, life changing conversations and find
simple tools to start a conversation of your own.
Speaker 12 (43:42):
I know one thing this conversation gives me hope.
Speaker 24 (43:44):
It gives me a lot of hope to take a
step toward bringing our country and your community together by
having the courage to start a conversation at Love has
No Labels, dot com, slash one small Step, a message
from story Core, Love has No Labels, and the ad Council.
Speaker 6 (44:02):
All right, grew, let's get her dug.
Speaker 7 (44:07):
Honey, you want to give me a hand, I'm planning
that tree.
Speaker 15 (44:09):
You Remember, No matter how large or small your digging
project may be, no matter how urban or rural, you
must always call eight one one before any digging project.
Eight one to one is our national one call number,
alerting your local utility companies to come out and mark
any lines.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
They have near your dig site.
Speaker 15 (44:30):
You must call eight one to one at least two
to three business days before any digging project so you
can avoid hitting our essential buried utilities. This includes natural
gas and petroleum pipelines, electra communication cables, and water and
sewer lines. So before you do this or this, make
(44:52):
sure you do this. For digging projects big or small,
make the call to eight one to one, brought to
you by Common Ground the Alliance.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
When it comes to getting angry, I know sometimes you
don't think it's a good color or shade on you. Right,
you're like worried about what people will think. But I'll
tell you what. When you are advocating for yourself or
even for others, sometimes you have to dig your heels in.
Sometimes you got to find that voice shout. Feel free
to rattle that cage right because it's not about hurting feelings.
(45:25):
It's about doing the right thing and living full out.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
You're listening to Living Full Out with Nancy Solary. As
a professional motivational speaker. Nancy can assist you to blow
through your setbacks and start living full out. If you
have an inspirational story you want to share, email us
at connect at livingfullout dot com. Once again, here's Nancy.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Thank you so much for joining us today. I am
Nancy Silary and this is the Living Full Out Show.
And even with this joy in my voice, that's right,
we're talking about getting angry, and I'll tell you what,
I will be honest. I if you flip my switch,
I can go from happy to er angry. But I
don't do that with delight. I do that because sometimes
(46:21):
I really feel that people are just going through the motions.
Speaker 14 (46:25):
Now.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
I don't know if you guys ever have experienced when
you're trying to schedule an appointment or there's an issue
with your bill and you call a certain eight hundred
number and then it's all policy jargon. It's almost like
you're talking to a robot, right. And I believe in
people bonding and communicating with people, And sometimes I like
(46:50):
to take, in my nice but assertive way, a moment
with that representative first here generally, and I like to
tell them, hey, you know this, this is really important
and why it's important. And so sometimes I believe you
have to go beyond letting the person just read their
(47:13):
script or follow their procedures. But it's also a little
bit like, you know, not kill them with kindness, but
you know, love on them a bit to do a
better job, asking them to rise within their role. And
I saw I do that in a very motivational way.
I remember this one time, I'll leave the company out.
(47:34):
It was a cable company and I called and the
guy was just right in the motions of like, I said,
the procedures and I can't do that, we can't do that.
And I said to him, I said, yes you can,
and if you can't, I'd love to talk to a manager.
You know, I'm not mad at you, but I just,
you know, believe that there's a compromise here. And I
(47:57):
went on and I shared with him about, you know,
why this was important to me, aka the fact that
I'm legally blind and I had a pretty significant bill
even though I don't see the TV. And it was
just long, twisty conversation and as I started to share
with him the personal side to why it meant something
(48:18):
to me. Yes, I may have been a bit intense,
a little bit angry in the beginning because I wasn't
feeling heard. The more I slowed it down and I
was still pretty fired up, but in a more methodical way.
He actually turned around and he goes, you know what,
I got to say, thank you, And I wasn't expecting that.
(48:40):
He goes, you know, I had a really bad morning,
and in fact, it's been a really bad month. He goes,
but I and I've been dealing with my own injuries.
But I got to tell you, listening to you today,
I am not doing my best here. I am not
serving you the best way. And it was interesting to
(49:00):
see him literally turn that frown upside down and just
really really seeing him go from you know, unhelpful to
almost abundantly helpful. Not only did he get me to
a manager, he warm leaded me over to that manager,
so I didn't have to explain myself. And so I
(49:22):
believe that there are ways in which you can be
not so much angry, but ways in which you can
be assertive. But always remember that people are not mind readers.
So if something has you upset and you're really intensely
going at it with someone, that other person may not
know why this means so much to you. And remember
(49:45):
that anger comes from fear. So someone is generally sad, nervous, anxious, fearful,
and that will come out as anger. And at some
time they're not even really angry at the person they're
spewing too talking to, you know, it's just happens to
(50:06):
be the outlet, the vehicle at that time. And so
I want you to think about as we leap away
from today's today's show. I want you, on one hand,
to fight for your life, fight for your rights right,
but don't do it in a in a way that's mean,
but do it in a way that's inspirational. You know,
(50:27):
explain why things are important to you and if you
can't find the words verbally, then write a letter. I
write lots of letters because when my family members or
friends are not being treated well, I will write a
letter on their behalf to a manager or somebody. And
it's just because I've learned how to really state the
(50:49):
facts and also be loving and also find a way
to get a compromise going. And so that is a
really important trait. Now on the opposite side of that, right,
this whole getting angry. If you see someone that is
to the tenth power upset, their face is getting red,
(51:12):
steam is coming out of their ears, I want you
to love on them just a little bit more. I
believe the grouchy people need more love, and that is
because you just happen to be the person that they're
letting all of the steam towards. It's not you, I promise,
but I believe that when we can look beyond the
(51:34):
intense moments, when we can get creative and finding a compromise,
when we can love on the grouchy people more, Now
it's no longer about being angry. It becomes doing the
right thing, and it becomes finding a way that we
can live full out. Now the entire family here putting
on this show, and then production team Dirk and Brent
(51:58):
and Julie and everybody. They want you to go out
there and not get angry, but have fun, enjoy life,
and live full out.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Thank you for listening to The Living Full Out Show
with Nancy Silari. To learn more about this program, visit
livingfollout dot com for the latest episodes. Connect with the
Living full Out community by following us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
and subscribing to our YouTube channel. Here's to you, Living
full Out
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