44. Internal Politics

It's not real politics, it's just the telly.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Establishing data link accessing. Hello andwelcome to episode number forty four. Oh
make it so Hello, welcome,I'm my dawson, I'm Richard Smith.
And this week a suggestion from RobertBolt Halt, Halt malts malt Malt.

(00:20):
That was it Robert Malt? Thatwas not at care that hepfully choreographed joke.
That was as being moron, Yeah, completely fucking up. What were
just memorized literally thirty seconds ago.Anyway, Robert Malt as in a malt
loaf. I'm glad we are spelt. That would be m a lt.
Yeah. Yeah, it's not likethat at all. Actually it's mt as

(00:41):
in Robert Malt Robert Malt. Yeah. Yeah. Who suggested that we talk
about the politics of Star Trek internally, So not the phrase the chess game
that the Alpha quadrant, the chessgame of the Alpha Quadrant, So not
talking about allegorical politics. Oh,how the claims represent the Japanese or the

(01:03):
Soviets, depending on which area you'retalking about. This week, we're talking
about the chess game alpha quadron,how each and every race maneuvers around the
others. The politics. Okay,who likes who? Who doesn't like who
doesn't like who are besy mates?Yeah? Besies. It's a current word.

(01:23):
The young people are using it,are they? I believe so young?
Music television when only last week youcalled it music television. Yes,
you did call it music television.Okay, that makes you officially old.
I was, I was doing animpression of an old person. I was.
I'm not old. Now. Youjust need to criticize the music and

(01:45):
say it's just not too loud.It's too loud. It's too loud,
and it's just too much damn noise. Give it for years, and you'll
be telling them to turn it up. Turn it up, yeah, because
I'll be dead you're hearing goes.Yeah, yeah, I see. And
then you'll be turning them to turnit down again because it's just noise.
It is just nise. But anyway, we digress, we do. Let's

(02:06):
do about the chess game of theAlpha quadrant. Okay, I want a
thunder noise. I might put thatin. I'll probably not do that.
Chess game is a difficult one interms of our our major metaphor here because
a chess game has two players.This is more like a game of multiplayer

(02:29):
chess. Multiplayer chess multiplayer online chess, right, okay, not online though,
real life massive multiplayer real life chess. Okay, it's not really chess,
No, have to give it anew name. Actually nothing like chess
whatsoever. No, but it's agame of chess in terms of how people
move around. I suppose that issimilar to a game of chess. But

(02:52):
the problem of an actual game ofchess as a physical game of chess doesn't
really work. Now. The thingis is that the Alpha Quadrant grew up
to be what we know it mainlyin the next general Deep Space nine and
Voyage of time frames. Yes,but it didn't really move a lot or
change a great deal. People justlived in their own bits and felt what

(03:13):
they felt about each other until theend of Deep Space nine, when the
Kleingland was went a bit mental.Other than that, it sort of remained
the same. Mmm. So themajor players of the Alpha Quadrant the Kardassians.
You went straight with the Kardassians there. I thought I'd throw something in
a bit of le the lizard face, golder cup people, gray spoon herds,

(03:38):
very militant, very dark, notalways militant of a dictatorship type.
Yeah, although there was another structure, the political structure. Yeah, okay,
the actual political structure of the Kardashianswas a little bit vague because at
one point golder Cup becomes the leaderof the Kardashian Order, and then DeMar
and then but like before all thedominion crap who was actually in charge because

(04:02):
there was a civilian government briefly andthen there was like people before that,
and it wasn't really a dictator ship, but was it? At the feeling
it was communist esque, that sortof thing, not actually communist as search,
but something we were meant to getthat sort of dark, foreboding feeling
from it that we wouldn't like livingthere. Yes, I think, okay.

(04:24):
They were generally a very secretive sortof race and didn't really get involved.
Yeah, but it turned out therewas a war between them and the
Federation. It was just mentioned inpassing one episode. But anyway, that
was the first episode they appeared in. Yes, it was, wasn't it,
And they never really mentioned again,far from a couple of references with
O'Brien, but that was it.It's not you, I ain't Kardascian.

(04:46):
No, anyway, Look at theFederation, who are the big players.
But well, now what They're reallynot that big, are they. The
thing with the Federation is that,well, yeah they are big players with
your major players are the Kardashians,the Romulans, the Federation, and the
Klingons. Yeah, there's your bigfour. Had to push the Farrengi,

(05:12):
okay, but not so much lateron they kind of changed the Ferengi.
Okay. Frengis were kind of likea big super power thing. But then
they decided they no, they're justa quirky little that race actually okay,
and we'll never see one of thoseMarauder raiders again anyway. That looks so
much like sand shovels. I thoughtthey were really cool ships. They looked
like you could make a sandcastle withthem, you know, just gravel them.

(05:35):
Yeah, the front they sell those, and and the and the one
that the Vulcanship that lands at thebeginning of the very end of first contact.
That was cool. That looked likea Farangie ship, did it?
Yeah? Really, I don't knowwhy. Never mind, because I thought
first when they landed, because youdidn't know who first contact was going to
be. What was the alien?Right? Oh, it was almost going

(05:56):
to be the vult. I didn'tknow. I didn't realize until right there
was like, cool, who's itgoing to be? They say it's the
Vulcans early on? Did they?Yeah, I don't think so. I
think it was a surprise. Hewatched the film. It was not a
surprise. I think it was asurprise surprise. I think it was Nope,
okay, no, no, I'mstanding by they say it. They

(06:17):
say a Vulcans sign ship. No, they say, and they're very vague
about it. They say an alienship is gonna read that out and because
they're always talking to Cochrane, butthey're not actually mentioning who they are.
Now, Yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty sure because I remember being
in a cinema thinking who's who isit going to be? And I thought

(06:39):
it was for a brief second,it was going to be the Ferengie because
it looked like a fucking Ferengie ship. No, it had to be the
Vote, it had to be theVulcans. But maybe it was just so
obvious that it was the Vulcans.But he didn't feel surprised. No,
Yeah, because now I remember theend scene because he takes his hood off,
doesn't he Yeah, always got yeget it now, But I know

(07:01):
I think I was new weird.I don't know why. I don't think
there's a line in there anyway.Anyway, digression. So the Federation is
basically a club of all the weaklinks, really, isn't it. It's
all a sort of well of allthe people who aren't militant, people who
are more interested in self improvement andexploration and science and discovery. And they

(07:27):
sort of banned together in peace andharmony in a federation of planets. Yeah,
but they only collectively make up aboutthe same as the Clemon Empire and
the Romulan Star Empire. It's likeEurope. So yeah, all right,
it's it's the it's the interstellar Europe. Interstellar Europe. That's what the Federation
is. It's Europe. It's morelike Yeah, I suppose, I don't

(07:49):
know, different cultures and different Yeah, I suppose it's more like Europe than
the United States. It is morelike Europe than the United States. The
Klingons would be the United States,the Clingonsons, next gen Clingons. Now
we're back to the allegorical politics.We should steer off us because we've we've

(08:09):
discussed us to death. Okay,sorry, So all right, so let's
say we've got the Big Four,and then subsidiary to that, we also
have Frangie and Breen and oh thebrain I forgot about. Well the brain
they kind of just sprung on youat the end of Deep Space. Not
oh yeah, by the way,these guys are really hard as well.
And he's really because they always seemedlike a bit of a point that's race

(08:31):
to be they you know, thewhole talking around like how do we feel
about the whole brain princessly at thebeginning of returning the Jedi outfits. Yeah,
because there's no doubt that they gotthose props from the same place.
Yeah, I think they got rippedoff. Someone did someone did it.
Well, clearly it was the StarTrek guys, because they're already been done.

(08:52):
They were just tall versions of thesame bounty hunter. They really were
the same. And it's just worthmentioning because it's not like, oh,
if you look at them in theright angle, they're the same same.
They are the same. Yeah,very strange, but at no point there's
a brain ever pull out a firmaldesignator, which would have been a lot
cooler. They should have done that, should have maybe would have won the

(09:15):
war had they done it. Possibly, possibly, But they had energy dampening
welping weapons, and yeah they werevery cool. But yeah, they sort
of like sprung out of nowhere asa kind of like and then you have
a lot of other things like theOrion Syndicate or things like that. They
were like an organized crime thing,though they could be any any spe that's
different. Actually not what I'm talkingabout. There's the ones at the end

(09:37):
of where the warrior when Wharf isconsidering going off and working for a group
of people, the neighbor Right Allianceor something like that, and I can't
remember exactly, like confederation, buta shitty federation, Yeah, a shitty
little one next door, the onejust over there that you know, Yeah,
you can go and work there ifyou if you don't like your here
anymore, go run away from yourproblems, Wharf. That's like Eastern Europe.

(10:01):
Yeah, it's a long way way. It's it's getting there, but
it's it's it's a it's a it'sa big distance away. I don't know,
maybe more like Southeast Asia. Anyway, the would would god, it
would work exactly like Eastern Europe,because you'd have people coming over from the
broken federation over to the big oneand they do work, and then they'd
save lots of money and piss offback and then and then the federation be

(10:22):
like, ah, but there's nodentists anymore, and that's what would happened,
and then they have to get clingon dead cysts, and the whole
thing just breaks down exactly. Yousee there, you people end up with
cling on teeth, whole generations worth, cling on haircuts, bad idea,
exactly, cling on shustle taxi drivers. Oh oh no, they don't obey

(10:46):
the space Highway code. If therewere such a thing, I always wanted
it to be sort of like theSpaceballs with the winnebagos and the lanes and
traffic and stuff like that. Theremust be some sort of this is way
off topic, yeah, but theremust be some sort of rule an in
traffic. Well, yeah, there'sno speed limit, is there? What
point nine point? You know?Well, now there's the speed limit later

(11:07):
of WALP five. There is alsothe speed limit in a solar system,
isn't there? There's the sort oflike, oh that was that was an
original series movie thing to be playedwith it as we saw fit suddenly in
the motion picture, we can't goto walk within a solar system. We
don't know why. It will neverbe an issue again. But apparently if
you do, it creates a wormhole. That's right. Yeah, So for

(11:31):
how do you create a wormhole?What? You know? There are certain
things that we get an original seriestimeframe that you think, why is no
research being done on that? Whyis that not more widely spoken about in
next gen timeframe? Like time travel? Yeah, in in Kirk's era,
all you got to do is slingshut around the sun. You're in time
walk? Does any star you knowdo that? Is it just the scent?

(11:54):
It was kind of like the movielogic, wasn't it. It was
sort of the whole You know,anyone who's just dipping in for Star Trek
four? Oh yeah, you canjust sling shot yourself around the sun.
That does it? We know?This is this is the way you do.
No one looked into that anything thathas never come up with again,
No, and what else you see? That one is so flawt because the

(12:16):
theories you can't go faster than walknine point nine whatever. Yeah, but
they clearly did in order to goback in time because they have the ships
that can go at walk nine pointnine nine, and they don't go into
time walk. They didn't a fewtimes in the what was it? There
was an episode of Next Shin andI think there was an absolutely original series

(12:37):
where they go at warp thirteen orsomething like that, and then there's no
time, no time walp there andthe whole creating a wormhole by going to
walk within a solar system? Isno one looking into that? Is that
just forgotten about or taken as readthat that's what happens. Or if you
go to walk nine point nine ninenine nine nine and you get a guy
in a space ship suit and hegoes out and gives a good kick at

(13:01):
the back. Yeah, how fastis it going there? Yeah? Well,
I don't know. I don't thinkit works like I wouldn't want to
be the space man either. Isuppose you could do it. So I'm
not even going to think about that. Back to the politics of the Alphaquadum
because that was too weird. Okay, So what we're talking about really is
the cluster of Mine's the cluster ofgroups. So, yeah, you've got
the Federation, here are the nicelittle club with a nice little people who

(13:24):
will get a lot on because they'reall kind of weak and they bound together
and together they're strong. And I'mdoing a Funderbud impression right now. And
I don't know why I told thegood men before the Federation is root beer
root beer, Yes, because it'sinsidious, Yes, and all of that.
Yeah. Now, the Federation weren'talways friends with the Klingons, No,

(13:46):
but they are in later time periods, yes, and then not again,
and then they are sort of anyway, yeah, but then they're then
they're better friends after that. Yeah, but they're not part of the Federation.
That was always the trick. Theynever actually became part of the Federation.
As we've said in previous episodes,the Clingon Empire is effectively like the

(14:07):
Federation. There's a whole bunch ofplanets in that area, full of alien
races that are just enslaved to theClingon Empire. So I will treat the
Federation all right, because that's aseparate entity. See that's never really mentioned.
Well, that would be a bitof a bit of a dark thing
for them to sort of tag ontoit. So you know, all of
those aliens that we never see youon your clingon battle courage. Is what
they're doing for you, mining dilithium, doing really slaved. Well, if

(14:31):
you look at the fucking map wherethe Clingon Empire is, it's about the
same as the Federation. It's aboutthe same size of the Federation. But
there has to be alien races inthere. Yeah, they do, I
understand that. But yeah, theRoman Empire ruled most of the world at
one point, and all the nationsweren't enslaved to the road, not necessarily

(14:52):
enslave. It just became part ofit. Yeah, but thumb down,
But why did Well? There mustthere must be some sort of bias,
because otherwise you'd se a collection ofdifferent aliens on board you would do,
wouldn't he cling on battle cruises,you wouldn't just see Klingons. You'd see
a Klingon Empire crew mainly dominated byKlingons. A's Federation crews are mainly dominated
by humans. But you see otheraliens on there as well, So the

(15:15):
other aliens within the Klingon Empire can'tbe equal. I think we've just run
into something that they've not thought abouton Star Trek enough. I think it's
they're the Klingons. Well call itthe Clingon Empire because that sounds big and
menacing. Yeah, otherwise it wouldn'tbe that big and menacing though. Yeah,
so that yeah, I think Ithink that, or maybe it is

(15:35):
the same on that map, thattwo dimensional map. Maybe it is actually
a large section of space, butit's really thin. Yeah, it doesn't
go out very far, so there'snot actually that many planets in there.
We don't get a lot of depthon maps, no, apart from when
they go to Stellar cartography and atone scene in Generations and a few scenes
in Voyager, Yeah do they Yeah, all right, I didn't know that.

(15:58):
I was watching a little bit ofthe other day little clips, Yeah,
that sort of thing, you know, the outtakes of Star Trek on
YouTube. Yeah, it was theprogram that that was taken from, right,
and Jane Way pissed me off onthat as well. Was it Jane
Way or was it was it thegroup or was it actually just Jane Way?
The group didn't get on because they'renot worth it, right, Okay.

(16:19):
They had the guy who plays Georgein Seinfeld doing the Captain Kirk impression
throughout, but the cast of Voyagerthey left out right they just something to
think about, consider, ponder maybeto have a look over a short,
fat ball Jewish guy doing an impressionof Captain Kirk didn't work. You'd have

(16:41):
been better at it. Oh well, thank you, Richard, I'll take
that. Yeah, backhanded compliment,I think. Okay, So the Klingon
Empire they were all big and hardon everything and try to invade territories,
but they decided, oh, actually, we won't do that anymore. We're
quite happy with our little little areahere. That an empire for the new
millennium, right, the different yeah, different millennium. They're still in the

(17:06):
same millennimals us technically true, technicallytrue, nothing, technically nothing, you're
just right, yes, okay,So yeah, they're they're the big bully
empire of the original series, andthen they've become nicely cuddlier. And we
like to think of the Federation isUS because when we say us, that's
the Federation because humans are in there. Yeah, we also have Vulcans and

(17:29):
Dorian's a major founding race of theFederation. Jeffrey Coombs again an excellent and
Dorian in Enterprise. The only goodreason to watch Enterprise actually the Borg episode
any one of the ones with Tranning, because Jeffrey Coombs is just brilliant.
You want to see Jeffrey Coombs doingreally good stuff, then watch any of
the Deep Space nine episodes, wareyou I want to see Jeffrey Coombe is

(17:52):
just in stuff. What else hashe done? Nothing? Nothing else,
nothing else. He's just star Treks, little Camelia actor. All right,
we've got a part that and wedon't know who's your cast for this part,
because yeah, let's get Jeffrey inbecause he can do it. Oh,
there's this is part over here andno one really knows how to perform
it and do it, and it'sit's really different to most things that anyone's
ever done before. Who could weget to do that part? Yeah?

(18:15):
Jeffrey, Jeffrey. Anyone got Jeffrey'snumber? Yeah, okay, Jeffrey can
do it. Isn't Jeffrey already playinga character in this episode? Already doesn't
Style two on everybody's phone? Yeah? Speed dial one being your mom?
Yeah, they even got him outyour mom. Yeah. Avery Brooks was
off sick. Jeffrey Coombs, couldyou could you do a cisco for us
for a couple of weeks? Jeffrey, you wouldn't know played Cisco for two

(18:40):
seasons. Did didn't didn't didn't know. If you're writing and tell us which
season will send you Craig as aprize. Yeah, there you go.
That's a hell of a prize.Depends on how you look at it,
though, it's depending on you won'ttake the bins out, No, you
won't. For more of that,you can listen to Men of the House
that's out on Fridays and Tuesdays.Anyway, that was a shameless plug.

(19:00):
That was a shame at the end, right in the middle. That was
right in the middle of the show. That that was. That was really
bad. So the Romulans, nowthis is where the gold Buddy likes the
fucking Romula. Nobody likes Romulans,don't like the Romulans. Mulas don't like
the Romulans. No, the Cardassiansdon't like the Romulans either, not much,
not much. There was kind ofthat rivalry between the secrecy thing to
Tasha and the Obsidian Order and Ialways but then they got along and they

(19:22):
made that big fleet and then theyall died. Yeah. I always felt
that the you know, the Federationwould become friends with the Romulans. Yeah,
and then sort of the Klingons wouldcome around because they do. Yeah,
and then well Cardassia. It dependswhat time frame you're talking about,
because I tend to think of presentday of Star Trek as sort of the

(19:47):
end of DS nine, even thoughtechnically I suppose it's the end of Nemesis,
isn't it. Yeah, but nothingelse really happens with the stories of
Deep Space nine, So I'm goingto count that is what happened. So
Cardassians and its asks, Yeah,Kardashian is fucked, it's bugget, it's
massive rejuvenation. Yeah, it askedfor help and needs help and all that

(20:07):
sort of thing. Once Golder cutdies through in the end of The Space
nine for you, and so Ithink they'd just come into line. They
just sort of be. They maybe sort of dissolved into the Federation the
Romulans. Yeah, yeah, maybemaybe. I mean otherwise, like we're
saying earlier, you've got to getto sort of World War one World War

(20:30):
two situation where you know, acouple of years down the line, the
shame of defeat, hysterical wave ofnationalism flies up under a charismatic dictatorship.
Blame it all on the Bajans.Again, it's always the fucking it is.
It's bloody Bajorans on their little bloodyplanet over there with the celestial temple.
Blame them for the demise of ourentire empire. It wasn't them,

(20:52):
It was Golder Cut anyway. Soyeah, the Romulans were the tricky ones,
are the ones who they always liketo keep secrecy, and they disappeared
for seventy odd years and then theycame back. Yeah, they did that
in the original series as well.Yeah, and there was strangely Romulan ambassador
in the end of the Star tricsix. But hey, and in Star
Trek five, oh yes, therewas of course. In Star Trick five,

(21:15):
the intergalactic planet of piece, itwas sort of like the planet of
a Beethera, wasn't it. Itwas. It was horrible. It was
deliberately horrible, but it was reallyreally shit. Then it would be like
that planet. Yeah, and ifit was a planet, of course,
but we're not. Yeah, yeah, you got to shoot me that holes.

(21:36):
That's what I always thought. Itwas like that. You know,
the InterPlaNet tread Beetha. Everyone goesthere and gets funked, but really that's
Ricer. Yeah, they must havenightclubs and drugs on Riser. Yeah,
but Ibiff is not nice. Ricerseems is a lovely place, sound told,
especially if you were well mad forit raver in I and or you

(21:57):
like the scenic sort of views.I've never been. No, I have
no desire to go. I mean, I'm not mad for it. No.
There may have been a time whenevery once was mad for it,
but mad for it now I don'teven know what it is or why.
Four. So I be for intergectingplanet a piece where we're q way back,

(22:21):
working way back starg At five,I'm starting staring secret secretive romulans who
then yeah, turned from looking likevulcans looking like humans, to looking like
vulcans again, to looking like adifferent thing altogether. I was happy.
There's sort of they're an extreme vulcan. They've sort of got the ears,
but they've got this frown. Yeah, those the two ridges, but they

(22:44):
don't have that in the original series, or in starch At five, or
in Star Trek six. Well basicallymakeup technique's got better, yes, but
start At five and Starchec six weremade at the same time as starget in
the next generation. It's we're pointingout too many holes here. Well,
I feel bad. Well because there'sthe whole ridges issue as well, the
fact that the okay, there's there'salways we always say, all right,

(23:04):
they didn't have ridges in the originalseries and then suddenly they had ridges in
in the next GM, but wenever really go onto the fact that in
the movies they had ridges, butthey had less ridges. Maybe it's just
or was that a sort of thing, a generational we're getting the ridges back
now to check it all that,Like Christopher Lloyd was looking in the mirror,
going, you know what, acouple more years, maybe maybe maybe

(23:26):
they'll grow back properly, you know, like dusting his hair and stuff,
and maybe that's what happened. Maybethat's what I don't know. But we
never really had you know, weexplained that one, but we never explained
the genetic problem with maybe with theRomulans doing the makeup. Yeah, all
the fact that why the board wentfrom being completely pale, pasty white to
scaly and lizard like, or whywhen did they go to scalion lizard like

(23:48):
first contact, there was a scalionlizard like one, they were all scaly
and lizard like. They were allscaly and lizard like. They were completely
like they Granted they looked a bitrubbish with the like powdered white faces in
next gen, but they were alwayspowdered white faces because and then in first
contact, suddenly they were scaling otherraces that had been assimilated. Yeah,

(24:11):
but they then suddenly became scaly ratherthan powdered white. They were they were
not not scaly, but slimy andslivering like lizard. If I didn't have
enough to do tonight, now Ihave to fit watch first contacting. You
do you do? Because that's twothings. That's two things that you're getting
wrong. They weren't scally, Theywere not scaly. They were lizards lightly,

(24:32):
but they were slimy and lizard like. Hang on, you can't know.
You can't be slimy and scaly.No, I didn't say that.
Didn't say meant that didn't mean scaly. I meant slimy and lizard like.
They were. They looked like theywere sweating a lot. They did,
but they weren't lizard like. Theydon't look anything like the borgan and best

(24:52):
of both worlds. Descent Eyeborg orthat's going to be a makeup budget or
person. Well, this is thesame thing. I'm saying. They look
completely different, Like the Romulins lookcompletely different. It's not a reimagining,
it's budget was doing it. Listeningto the Nemesis directors commentary, I don't
know how you listen to all ofthat. Let me tell you I've listened

(25:15):
to that, so you don't haveto. People of the world, don't
waste your time listening to the director'scommentary of Star Trek Nemesis because it's possibly
the most boring thing after the motionlesspicture. I was going to say.
Anything more boring would probably be ifthat guy did a commentary over the motionless
picture. There's no offense to himin terms of his filmmaking abilities or his

(25:37):
editorial abilities, but as a asa guy talking over a film. I
turned it off after five minutes.There was just like and so now we
have the fanfare of the Star Trekfilm. Do you know what it was?
I wanted to have a nap inthe afternoon, and then I put
that on and went and laid downon the sofa and closed my eyes and
I was asleep in five minutes,don't go wrong. I like it.

(26:00):
I like executive decision. I likesis. But that guy, yeah, Jesus
Christ the pier was making was thathe talked about how he changed slightly the
colors of the control panels yes tofit in, like not not too outrageously,
just different shades of red and blueand orangine. And so you just
think, if he's going to tweakship like that, and he's perfectly allowed

(26:21):
to, then people will do differentridges and things like that. Well you
can argue that as a sort oflike four year gap between yeah, the
end of the Voyager and Nemesis,so you or was it three year gap
or something like that, so thatyou can you can argue that as a
sort of like, well that wasjust the just an update in the computer
Soft. Maybe it's a seasonal thingfor the Romulans. Yeah, I get

(26:45):
fatter in winter, that's true.Maybe they get ridges in the springtime.
I love ridges in the spring time. Yeah, my hair gets even darker
in winter. Yeah, ridges inthe springtime. Okay, right, I
don't know where the fuck we arethis episode. We're all about the chess

(27:06):
game. Have the chess game justas very bad at it. This was
Yeah, this is mister Malt's problemhere. Worry mister, sorry, mister
Malt, we'll let you down.I feel like we've done a really bad
job of this one. We've notfinished yet. How long we've been talking?
Approximately thirty minutes. Oh, befine, we've got ages that okay,
okay, So nobody likes the Romulans. There, nobody's friend, but

(27:26):
we think they could be friends withthe Federation, and then the Klingons would
sort of fall in after a while. Cadess is out of the running because
they're folks now, yeah, okay, okay, they just forget Beijo would
eventually join the Federation. Although it'sjust one panic. I don't know why
everybody's so bothered. Really, that'sbecause it's got the celestial temple and the

(27:47):
wormholes of the Dama quadrant. It'snot got it. It's just it has
got it in its territory. Theyhave it. How do they even have
fucking territory? How do you markspatial territory? Is there offense? It's
very weird, isn't it. Butwe don't have physical fences on the borders
of our countries. Do we doof some of them. Some of them

(28:07):
have walls that yea like North Korea, but the majority of them don't have
walls around their borders. No,it would be impractical. It would be
rather impractical if you actually built awall around I suppose in theory you could.
Why couldn't you, given the spacesno gravity. It would be considered
very anti social, it would beit would block out a lot of light.

(28:30):
It would also take a lot ofeffort, and possibly I don't think
it'd be worth doing. You'd haveto keep the star within the wall.
I mean, imagine if someone builta brick wall around our solar system?
What would happen? Would that changeanything? I don't know. No,
I think it takes clever and menthey knows less time to dismiss that as

(28:52):
a crap idea, Yeah, andnot waste thinking about it. It's no,
You've got to be thinking now,what would What would be the practical
problems? Other than these are thetimes that make me wonder if you dropped
acid before I got here? No, that well, I'm thinking about it.
Just seriously here for a second.What would be would what would stop
you? Other than of the obviousphysics of building a wall around the solace.

(29:15):
If you're going to discount physics,then probably nothing. No, I
mean the obvious practical problems with usgetting into space and actually building a wall.
Well, you probably you would blockout the light from all the stars,
wouldn't you? Unless you built itas long as as long as you
built it around our star, thenwe'd still have light and within ours in

(29:36):
the sky our orbital path. You'dhave to build it around Pluto's orbit.
Would that then change anything? Possibly? Maybe not? Who cares anyway?
You do? Apparently No, I'mjust curious about it now. I've never
thought of it before. Nothing wouldI don't care, and I haven't dropped
acid. I know you haven't droppedacid. I was doing the crazy sort

(29:57):
of television and film ass opinion ofwhat acid does to people, as if
you'd actually don't ask it, you'dprobably just be sat quietly. Yeah,
although you did turn into a romuluwhile we were talking about them and the
ridges on your head and stuff.I don't know what was going on there,
I actually did, Did you actuallydo that? Right? That wasn't
a hallucinogenic diagogue. I've been drinking. I'm glad I've become a clinger.

(30:18):
On a game between now and theend of the show and see if you
spot it. I look forward toit. I'm looking forward to it right
now. So we were exhausting thechess game. That's the agriculture of the
breath therein we don't know anything about. They don't know anything about the brain,
the head end. Don't go downthat road. It's not an ice
wasteland of the planet, which iswhat they always said it was. It

(30:41):
was actually quite quite humid. Andthey don't know why they were those fucking
suits, and they talk and thenthey talk in garbled language, and everyone
seems to understand what they've just said. It's really weird. Why did the
universal translators not work for the brain? Because they don't, right, they
just don't. Why my creative MPthree player sync with my Mac because it

(31:03):
won't. It just won't. Itjust won't. Not that I'm trying anymore.
No, I haven't done for awhile. Maybe you should know.
Why should I do that? Maybejust for a bit of fun. That's
not fun. Making technology work thatis broken and has no purpose of working
is not fun. That's a wasteof time. Fair enough, I could
be doing more clever things like puttingthings in the store and stuff like that,

(31:26):
recording podcasts, packing to go onholiday. As it is, I'm
sat here at night and talking toyou about Star Trek. I think we
should wrap this episode up because we'vegot nothing else to say about the chest
where we are blabbering, and wehaven't even touched the chess. But what
planets will represent? What pieces?I don't know. I don't play chess.
That's a stupid question. The chessgame is not actually part of Yeah,

(31:48):
never mind. Then we end updoing a series of things that all
the people of the Star Trek erarepresent. We've done their world in politics,
and then we do them in chesspieces. For all the people Star
Trek with dogs, what dogs wouldthey be? Well, clearly, I
think the Federation crossbreedge. Yeah,I think the Clingon Empire would be a

(32:08):
Rockweiler, and the Romulan Empire wouldprobably be a Doberman, a black Doberman.
Okay, Then what if all thepeople who Star Trek were cars,
Well, then the Federation would quiteclearly be a rather large Winnebago, and
the Clingon Empire would be a massivefuck off truck, a hum a Humby,

(32:31):
and the Romulan Empire would probably bea small motorcycle just darting in an
ounce and occasionally fucking you up.This is brilliant. Carry on me,
okay. If they were all musicalinstruments, musical instrument music, okay,
right, No, we're not doingthis. This is ridiculous. You can't
think if one could, I could. Okay. The Federation is clearly a

(32:55):
piano because there are many keys.There are many keys in all those songs,
and it sounds lovely. The ClingonEmpire is clearly a trumpet. No,
an obo big and deep and howbig do you think obos are?
I don't know. Could you driveme a picture of an obo a cello?

(33:15):
I mean they're very different. That'sthat's what it means. A cello,
cello. That's the cling On Empireas a cello. The Romulans are
a French horn. So we haveother shows on this simply syndicated network.
If you'd like to listen to moreof Mike and myself, we are on
movies. You see the World's GreatestEver Movie podcast. If you don't think

(33:38):
there's enough insanity in your life,continue downloading. There's more to be had,
there is there. Yeah, youcan listen to The Definitive Wood which
this week we're doing time travel.It's very good. We're talking about time
travel. So if you like yousaid, you're doing time travel. No,
we're not doing China point. We'rediscussing about we're discussing the plausibilities of

(33:59):
time level in a very serious mannerand then occasionally not very you know,
I've just had a brainwave. Noyou haven't. As we record shows,
we should record promos for those showsthat we've just recorded, right, and
then we can play them on othershows. That's that's a good idea.
I think we had that idea.I just think we're also No, we

(34:21):
just meant like general, all right, make it so promo, but I
mean like a promo for that episode, all right, Oh yeah, we
should do that. Yeah, thatwould be good because that's what they do
on Telly. They don't have anyou know for east Enders in general.
They say this is what's happening this. They do have adverts three stands.
They also have that. We couldalso do that, but we have limited
advertising space before we get on people'snerves, that's true. I think two

(34:43):
adverts in a row would piss peopleoff. See this sort of advertising is
more personal. Would you rather thatwe just put adverts on? Or do
you quite like the fact that weblabber on a boy shows? Both for
both that might be killing them withadvertising. Then, I don't know,
to be honest, I think everyonehears this and turns off anyways, as
all they're talking about the other showsnow, But it's internal stuff. It's
not like it's by this, bythat. It's like, you might like

(35:06):
our other shows. Yeah, soI and they're free, and they're free,
free, they're free, all free. So I like the idea.
Come on a lot of you livein la one at the beginning and one
at the end, massive commutes,think about it, something like that,
one at the beginning, one ofthe end. Yeah, okay, all
right, okay, yeah, soany free show you can also listen to
movies you should see. This week, we're doing Scream. It's good fun

(35:29):
in a fortnite. If we didn'tscream ages ago. I don't know what
we're recording this. We were callingsomething out two weeks before it's come out,
very confusing, all because Richard's goingon holiday and everything's completely fucked.
Yeah, screaming Scream. Scream wasa while, but no, what film
is? No, we don't,don't we've not recorded it yet. No,
never mind on it for another Fortnitenever mind. Oh well, but
it came out a few days ago, so listen to It's crazy. We're

(35:52):
doing time travel. Mic we're doingwe're technically traveling forward in time through the
force of recording something and then releasingit at a later date. That's iculous,
Okay, Anyway, if only wecould do it the other way and
get the lottery numbers, then wewouldn't have to do it at all,
wouldn't, And then we'd have aparadox and the world would Endea