Account-Ability

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Peace shawl Issha Man Dave with mybrother Quest, the man bringing you all
things marriage, paying you huge dividendson your investment in time with us,
We're talking about love, sex,having children, money, spirituality, life,
communication and anything else to help youthrive and win in your relationships.

(00:22):
And guess what this is, grownfolks business. So get ready to make
grown up decisions. You know why? Because marriage Ain't for suckers. That's
the name of the program. MarriageAin't for Suckers? All right, let's
get into it, hey, yourQuest. It's time to give the people
something. Man, what are wetalking about today? Do you already know

(00:45):
what it is? Man? Y'allalready know what it is? Welcome to
another edition of the Marriage Ain't forSuckers Podcast. I'm your host with the
most Jake Quest. You feel mealongside my man, my mellow who looked
like he is drag ging my mellow, my man, ladies and gentleman,

(01:07):
my brother from another mother, theanomaly. Hell David Harris. It's just
one of those days. Man,Yeah, yeah, what what up?
Question? Thank you men? Yougot he said, Just let it play.

(01:37):
I'm not even glad at it rightnow? What up though? Man?
I can't complain. Man, itwouldn't help anyway. I wouldn't.
It really wouldn't. But we're here, bro, we yeah, we and
her are here and it's Thursday,so shouts out to everybody on this beautiful
Thursday. I'm loving the change.It's funny, David. We've been doing

(02:01):
this for a couple of years now. Bro. I remember, like when
my desk wasn't where it is likeit was back there, and I remember
just being where I am in termsof the room, and I remember you
must be hearing something weird, andI remember, and I remember, yeah,

(02:23):
let me shot that, because thatmight be why you and I remember
when, like for real, wewould go through the different seasons and then
we you know, would get aroundto the winter, and I would beef
about the winter not being you knowwhat I'm saying, what it should be.

(02:44):
I would beef about yo, likeyou know what I'm saying. And
then summer would roll around and thetemperatures would change, and you would tell
me about how yeah I'm not experiencingthat here. You can't hear me.
You can hear me. Yeah,So I'm gonna just go ahead and and

(03:07):
say something right. You could probablyhear me. I'm watching, I'm watching.
I'm watching online, so I knowthat online can hear you, but
I can't hear you. So it'snot you, it's me some kind of
way. So keep it going.I'm gonna try to figure it out on
my end, okay, all right? So yeah, man, I would
just trip over the fact that that'scrazy you can't hear me. I would

(03:30):
trip over the fact that, likefor real, the seasons would change for
us, they would remain the samefor you. And yeah, that's crazy
you can't hear me, right now, that's what happened. I guess when
the enemy don't like you know whatI'm saying, that we that we're doing

(03:52):
what we do. You don't likeit. You don't like it, don't
like doing what we do. There'san echo. I hear it. There's
an echo. I hear it.But yeah, man, can you hear
me now? Ye? All right? Lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely?

(04:15):
Come on, man, you knowwhat I'm saying. When D on
the job, we already know whatit is. I guess D. This
is the reason why the technical youknow what I'm saying. Opportunities that God
has given you in the past putyou in the position now because when we
do this stuff right here, andwe're doing an l I V. You
know what I'm saying, we liveand direct in front of everybody. You
know what I'm saying. That's talkto you the technical experience over the years

(04:39):
that allow you to, you knowwhat I'm saying, navigate through stuff.
Now, let's just run it downthe list, all right, it's not
that, it's not that. That'sit because I have you as you can
see, like your lives a littledelay on the screen behind me. But
so I'm like, okay, I'mnot going to interrupt the dude and say
I can't hear him. I'm gonnalisten to the broadcast when they caught up.

(05:00):
I'm like, well, he's stillwaxing, so it must be me.
So yeah, hey, I'm back, y'all, I'm back. Hello.
The man shouts out to you,man for being back. You ain't
even ring my bell today, man, you ain't ring my bell in a
minute. Yeah, paus, I'msorry, I'm sorry. Back up,
you have not rung the class bellin a minute, because now class is

(05:26):
in session. Class is in session. Yeah, man, Wednesday, you
gotta have some wins in this season. Oh well, I get to get
up every single day except for Sabbathand Bill and pour in built with and
pour into humans who are pressing tothe next level and listen, That's what

(05:55):
I was born for, man,that was what I was born to do.
And let me say this too,thankful because I'm in the sea.
You think you think that because youget older, like like your growth kind
of just plateaus out and you justkind of at least I ain't gonna front.
There was a part of me thatwas a part that was subscribing to
that mindset. And I'm realizing moreand I'm thankful for even being at fifty

(06:19):
and still learning some things. Idon't care where you are in life.
I don't care what you're doing.If it's business, if it's family,
if it's relationships, if it's whateverit may be. There's always an area
or room to grow. That's I'vebeen able d to garner some of the

(06:41):
most dopest relationships. Like some peopledon't get the opportunity to garner half the
relationships that I've done over the courseof my life. But I've been able,
by the grace of God to meetsome people in a season or two
that I've been able to maintain somedope relationships with. If like me and

(07:02):
d just put together all the peoplethat we knew, so y'all all be
blown away. But even outside ofthe area of relationships, my marriage is
one place that I'm always growing inand now business is an area that I'm
being challenged and in a way thatI don't like to be challenged. But
I know that growth is on theback end, So for that, I'm

(07:24):
grateful. That's real talk, man. I was thinking of some stuff today
because you had sent me a textmessage inquiring about something and I was like,
oh. I was like, man, I brother got to put that
thing in his hand and deal withand deal with it. And I know
he don't want to do it,but and it was funny. Yeah,
most times I would have delayed indoing it. I'm like, no,

(07:45):
let me just he said it.It's in my all right, let me
just go do it now, andyou see it as quick as quick,
quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, let me know what the
outcome is like. Not even sixtyseconds later, I'm looking on my phone
like, who's that mask? Man? That's good. Had to man that
that's the season that I'm in likeI never really had a filter on my
mouth. If you brought it tome and I had to deal with it,

(08:09):
if I had to, I wouldrather not. But if I had
to, i'm'a deal with it,you know what I'm saying. Yes,
So people know me as the quoteunquote flight attendant. I am a pilot
if you will, for those whoknow the language in which I speak.
But I lean more to my flightattendant. However, don't. I will
go to the pilot if I haveto. And that's what I'm learning is

(08:33):
to be a little bit more healthierin this season as far as that is
concerned. And today was one ofthose opportunities. So once again, grateful
for the growth. That's good.All right, you're not hearing the echo,
are you? No? I'm good? Okay, good, Yeah,
I got that mixed minus on.Shout out to the shout to the audio
engineers or know what I just said? Oh come on no, yeah,

(08:54):
so yeah, Quesse, let's let'sgo ahead and jump in here man and
give them a good a good agood a good clip. Yeah. So
we're talking about account hyphen ability.Yeah did you did you? Did you
get that? Yeah? That's howwe're doing it. Yeah, I like
that. Yeah, so so soaccount hyphen ability. Account Ability has to

(09:20):
do with a person's ability and willingnessto give an account for his or her
give an account for his or heractions or inactions. Yeah, Paust,
just say it one more time,sir, Yeah for sure. Yeah.
A count ability is the ability forsomeone of someone to give an account honestly,

(09:48):
honestly for his or her actions orinactions. I just defined it myself.
I just made up the definition basedon the hyphen bro because there are
are there are people who like howlike how? Some like how like how
Jamaican. Some sometimes that minable.Some people make it seem as if they're

(10:13):
they're in they're incapable, their accountenable, their their account their account inability.
They have an inability or a refusalto give an account for their actions.
And it's like or in actions,and it's like, hold on now
are we grown? Are we playing? Mm hmm yeah, So that's where

(10:35):
we are right now. That's whatabsolutely and so I think the thing that
triggers this for me the is inour in our mastermind meeting once again,
grateful we have uh a meeting thatis a part of he is probably the
head coach, if you will,of this mastermind that happens every morning at

(10:58):
six a m. It's the UOUMastermind, headed by none other than the
Doc. You know what I'm saying. And this morning he said something.
He said that the areas of lifein which you are winning, you're probably
winning because you have accountability. Mmhmmm. In the areas of life that

(11:20):
you're not winning in, you're probablynot winning because you don't have accountability.
Right now, the can you justspeak to a couple of places in connection
with that statement where people would notnormally be thinking, like, what areas
of my life am I winning thatI have accountability? I don't necessarily know
that I have accountability in those areas. I'm just winning in those areas or

(11:43):
the area that areas of my lifethat I'm not willing. I don't know
if it's not because of accountability.I'm just making some crazy decisions and that's
what's probably garnering me not winning inthose areas. So could you just speak
to that real quick? Yeah,I want to keep it real touchy phelly
man, real easy. So Simonwent out yesterday she had locks. It's

(12:09):
two times she's had locks since we'vebeen married. Long locks long. Yeah,
so and I cut them off twice, right, because that's what she
wanted. So the dude is fly. Now if I you know what I'm
saying, I see her with theyou know what I'm saying in this short
it is fly by the way anyway, go ahead, ye say it's fresh.
Well she kept the locks the secondgo Well, she just went to

(12:33):
a specialist here who put her ownlocks back in her hair. Bro.
Wow, I don't mean braids,bro, I'm talking about locks. Her
own locks have been in some gladbags for some months, and she took
all them locks back to this tothis specialist who's not just a locktician.

(12:58):
But she used some crochet needles andsome crocheting needles and some other stuff and
some special method and put the locksback in. So Simone went away with
a fro, came back with herlocks. Who but guess what quest that
wasn't free? It costs, Yeah, it costs. Yeah. So Simone

(13:22):
retired in air quotes before we movedto Jamaica. Returned to Jamaica over eleven
years ago. Well, where's themoney going to come from? It's not
going to come out the sky,come on, talk about it. So
I'm an entrepreneur. Quest that meansI have to make money. Notice I

(13:45):
didn't say earn I earn it,But notice I said make it. That
means if it's not there, Ihave to go get it from somewhere,
create it. Like I have tomake it. I don't. I don't
have a job where if I showup or sometimes if you don't, then
it just comes anyway in your account. And guess what else, it's Thursday.

(14:07):
She went to the supermarket. Icame from the gym, she took
the vehicle vehicles. She went tothe supermarket to buy produce. That's not
free. Quest. So when shegets there and she uses the mechanism that
we agreed that is necessary to givethem people so that the money will exchange,

(14:28):
and then she gets that stuff andcomes home, what if it's declined.
What if the mechanism is declined andshe drove almost an hour to get
this produce. So I have somein I have some embedded accountability that if

(14:50):
she goes to get these items,that when she gives the mechanism, that
they're not going to embarrass her atthe desk and say sorry, no cucumber
for you. So, so letme let me ask this question. Right,
she'd have decided to cut them off, yes, sir. Now you

(15:11):
could have easily been like, willyou cut them off? If to turn
it on? Okay, good,right, But explain to me absolutely why
not? You know what I'm saying, and I know why, but just
for argument's sake, explain why not? Because you understand that, like this
is a part of what makes herfeel comfortable, what makes her, you

(15:33):
know what I'm saying, be whoshe is, because there's a part of
her that you need for your dailymovement. Daily, you know what I'm
saying, how you move through theday. She contributes a large portion.
So it's kind of like this,this service that you provide to one another.
It's almost like the two becoming onekind of thing, if you will.

(15:54):
She pours it full, and it'soverflowing, all of this overflowing.
Where else can I pour? BecauseI have a whole leap. I have
the spirit to share, And sir, let me so, oh your bucket?
Oh so you pour into her bucket, her bucket feel full again,
and your bucket might be low.She said, Oh, David, I

(16:15):
have whole leap I love you,let me pour. So it's this back
and forth thing. Why not?Why not say yo? Because one thing.
Listen. I reached out to myby the pastor that baptized me and
ordained me and gave us premarital counselingtwo days ago. Unfortunately his wife had

(16:36):
passed away some time ago. They'vebeen married. They were married fifty five
years older than me and you.Yeah, So I reached out to him
and I said, I said goodmorning. Like I don't even talk to
him, but I texted him goodmorning. I just wanted to let you
know how much I appreciate you.You made a sincere incredible impact on my

(16:59):
life in ministry because we were togetherin ministry for a while. Man me
in the pastor, thank you,he said. That meant a lot to
him. You know the thing thathe said in premarital counseling, what do
you say? He The first thinghe said was I need you both to
understand that neither of you is theother one's parent. Come on now,

(17:26):
brother, brother, I just killedmy camera like out of focus. Yo.
Listen, listen, listen. Thatwas among the most valuable advice I
had ever gotten in my life.Not because it was informational. I'm not

(17:49):
dumb, son, I know that, and I don't like trying to control
people no way. But guess what, there are times in a marriage or
in a serious relationship where people don'tunderstand that. So to your point your
question, why not? And Isaid absolutely not because she grown? Son

(18:11):
like how you figure like what youmean by can't cut her hair so to
put it back? Can I say, who's gonna tell her that? Can?
I say? This is two dIf you are married to a black
woman, she will change her hereas frequent. Now, this is not
all because I'm not I don't wantto make it. Make sure I'm not

(18:32):
making a general sation. Please don'ta number of black women who feel this
particular way about their hair on Mondayand will change it up as sure as
it turns dog that evening and bedifferent, something totally different the following day,
whatever they decide to do. Ifthat's what floats your boat and allows
you to show up as strong inthe world as you do, by all

(18:56):
means, who am I to say? I gotta at another layer. My
wife is fully grown, fully simone'sfully grown. I'm talking about perimenopause grown.
My wife. I'm talking about hotflashes and all of the rest that
comes with it, grown all ofit, and when the hormones are not

(19:18):
cooperative, it does things to yourhair, your well being, your sense
of self. Oh come on,So, how I look talking to my
friend who was my friend eleven yearsbefore I married her twenty two years ago.
Yeah, to part my lips tosay nothing about how she wants her

(19:41):
hair. Brother, Okay, that'swhy. Absolutely not. I don't have
nothing to say. And look,I was a barber and I'm like,
I'm retired. I don't want tocut nobody hair. I'm not interested.
But guess the guess who did it? That would be me. So so
here's the thing once again, andthis is why they account Okay, because

(20:03):
we all say d that we wantthis particular type of women, ladies.
You always want this particular type ofman. It's funny though, that when
you get this particular type of woman, fellas and ladies, you get this
type of man that you start trippingwhen they show up in the areas that

(20:25):
you specifically said you wanted. Right. So to your point, man,
we always want a woman who isstrong. You want a woman to help
you with the vision right because we'reusually the vision gasters right. And here's

(20:45):
the funny thing. If you arenot and your woman is a vision gaster
and you are not accepted and runwith it, that is correct. You
know why, because it takes twoto make a thing go right. I
just hear DJ Rob Base and DJEasy Rock in my ear. It takes

(21:07):
two to make it out of sight, you feel me? So I don't
care what position I play as longas we win. Somebody say we over
me? Putt we over me?If you are to comment, I'm saying
I ain't paying, but I'll justput that. You know what I'm saying,
I put those behind it, weover me. Don't want to get

(21:30):
too far off track. But fellasyou said, you wanted this type of
woman right and not realizing that whenyou get this type of woman, along
with it comes accountability. So nowwhen you operate and right and somewhere along
in your journey, you're not gonnabe strong twenty four to seven, You're
not gonna be driven. There aregoing to be moments times where there's ebbs

(21:52):
and flows where you like you're flowingone day, but you got a little
ebb in your flow, right,and you're not at at your best,
and sometimes we get stuck in thatplace in space, and you were the
one who cast a division. Here. She comes along now and says to
you, you are not doing thething that you said you wanted to do.
You're not doing the thing that yousaid you would do for us,

(22:15):
You're not doing the thing that yousaid would you know what I'm saying.
And now you upset at her becausethe woman that you said you wanted is
now reminding you of the vision andyou saying she's nagging you. She ain't
nagging you. She's simply reminding youof what you said you wanted to do.
If you changed, you didn't haveno conversation about her with her about

(22:38):
why you changed. And you can'tblame nobody else but you. But this
is what accountability is. Ladies,you said you wanted that guy in your
life who is strong, who knowshow to lead, and who is emotionally
stable, who is also emotionally aware, who knows how to love you emotionally.

(23:00):
But I will guarantee you that thesame strong, leading individual that you
said you wanted, who is emotionallyintelligent, is the same person who will
clean walk you right up out ofhis life if he feels that you are
a detriment to his emotional peace.I just want to say, hey,

(23:22):
quest Yeah, So I took atest last night. I quiz on psychology
today because you know, we gotour brother de Mayas is with us.
Man. Yeah, I got aninety four on my my my, my
emotional intelligence, my emotional intelligence.And then I passed the score by him
and he was like, oh no, I have no question that that's correct.

(23:45):
I want to take it. Itook it last night. It was
it was a quick one. Iwant to take it. To send a
link to me, I'll want yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I'm excited about that becauseyeah, I just am so to
your point, Anja, because thatfurther lets me know, David, that
you are aware of the difficulties andchallenges that relationship can produce, and you

(24:11):
properly attack or properly handle them.Mm hm. And that's the thing that
accountability does. We love to throwthe word around. We want accountability when
somebody has to be accountable to us, but we don't like the word accountability
when we have to be accountable toother people. Mm hmm. So notice
I said as I was making upthe definition on the on the fly,

(24:34):
and I'm sticking to it. Isaid, the ability to be accountable or
take responsibility for your actions or inactions. So there are people, yeah,

(24:55):
who are laying ducks. You everheard of a lame duck session? Question?
Like where where people in power areimpotent because they're about to be out
of power, So they're just hangingout until the clock strikes eleven fifty nine
then tick midnight. Okay, I'mout of office. I'm not proactive.

(25:19):
Yeah, some people are in relationshipsand they're lame ducks. They're in a
lame duck session. They're just hangingout. They're like I threw, I
put in my I put on myrec I put in my resignation. What
they're gonna do to me anyway?So I'm gonna just go ahead and wait
until this thing expires, and I'mgonna say peace out. I'm out of
here anyway, peace out. That'show some people are in our romantic relationships,

(25:41):
bro yea where they're not doing anything. They're inactive. They have account
inability, yep. And that's achoice that people are making. And you
could say, Dave, but youdon't know my story, and I'm like,
you don't know your story. Idon't know, you don't know my
story because if we go based onstories, brother, please like miss me

(26:07):
with that, because there are alot of really poor choices that I should
be making, if that's the case, and not poor choices that just sounded
so sterile. Yeah, I shouldbe sexing people that are not my wife,
but I don't and never have.I've never come close. I should
be. I should be abusing myson, but I haven't and I don't
talk. Huh. I should beat the park with some other chicks babies

(26:29):
instead of mine if that's the case. But it is not, and I'm
not. And listen, I'm comingfor anybody that sound bites me and has
me saying it like I'm doing it, I'm coming for you. I'm just
letting you know ahead of the time, do not edit my video and don't
put it out there that way,because it's just not what it is west
Green and I approved this message.Yeah, so we all have a story,

(26:52):
and I won't, you know,I won't drag us into the depressive
space and talk about how all ofthe things that I should be doing.
If if we're talking about bad storiesbreed bad abilities because welcome to the club.
Like, yeah, we all havea story and if not, I
definitely do. Quest definitely does.So that is an excuse. Step it

(27:15):
up, period, Step it up. Now. Here's the funny thing,
David. I'm not saying this topeople who are actually struggling through. You're
actually pressing and making an ass struggleright, you're making it right. But
for those who sit in there talkingabout it, but you have not taken
one inch of movement towards whatever.Yeah, that's what we're talking about.

(27:41):
Step up, yeah, step itup. Press if you like, for
real, whatever you need to do, press it. That's it now.
Shout out to the behavior style peoplethat are like, ah, but I
just naturally I'm passive. I'm naturally. Well yeah, miss me with that
too, Quest, because you knowmy behavior styles ground all the way up,
grounds crew, brother, you don'tget no more. You don't get

(28:03):
slower or more passive than that ATCall the way up ATC. You don't
get too much more passive or noncommittalto the end result because you're sitting here
spiraling, waiting for the end resultto be perfect before you fire. Yep,
so yeah, miss me with thatone too. Grown people need to

(28:26):
go and get the help that weneed if we need help otherwise, just
that part, that part, yes, sir, because you're going through it,
you see what it's doing to youcan identify it, you know what
it is. But you'll sit therein it. Why, Yeah, David,
I'm not by any means rich.If you're talking about relationship, okay,

(28:52):
I may be rich there, orrelationships okay, wealthy, I'd be
rich there. But when I sayrich, you know what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about in the context ofmoney. And I'm not gonna say
it, and now you'll probably neverhear me say it. But the money
that we paid to be a partof what we're a part of now for
the purposes of growth, I refuse. I would rather lose that amount of

(29:18):
money knowing that I made some attemptstowards growth. Nobody can't say I never
did at least that part true.Indeed, you know what I'm saying,
Like for real, that's a wholecar bro I'm just saying, nobody has
I can't say that we didn't evendo it at least that much. What

(29:40):
are you doing today to invest inyour growth. And I'm not even talking
about only from a monetary standpoint.What are you doing in terms of your
mental, your spirituality, your physicality? Like, what are you doing?
Like, is there anything that you'redoing to invest in your own growth?
Because you know the stuff that you'redoing is not garnering you. You know
how many couples I coached, David, and I'm watching them maneuver through their

(30:03):
behavior and I'm like, Yo,she do this, and you know what
I'm saying, and he do this, and what are you doing? What
are you doing? Because it sounda whole lot like you are not taking
ownership. You're pretty much allowing yourspouse to dictate to you what's happening and
what's not happening in the relationship.And here's the thing, not that you

(30:25):
can control them, because this isreally not about control, because I know
some of you are like, allright, well, I'm going to get
them to do this, or I'mgoing no, no, no, no,
no no no, you shall fail. Oh you, I'm talking about
flat on your face and break yourwhole nose cavity and lick out a couple
of tito. Right, what areyou doing in terms of servant leadership that

(30:47):
is feeding this relationship. You're notwaiting on your spouse to do it,
but you're doing it yourself. Ifyou want to talk about accountability about that.
Yeah, So the truth is thatwe are all humans. I left
the studio door open because it's hotand I don't know what's happening. Okay,

(31:11):
good, Yeah, So we allhave the privilege of being humans,
and humans have to make have theprivilege of making decisions. We can choose
the right pathway because I don't wantto make it an individual decision, even
though we do do that, butthere's a there's a pathway that leads to

(31:34):
the right the right place, andthen there's a pathway that doesn't. As
grown humans, we need to learnto make right decisions to go along the
right pathway full stop. There aredecisions that we make that are that are

(31:55):
smaller every single day. Oh,come on, that determine outcomes. Come
on. And so what we needto do is invest in those smaller decisions
so that it becomes a habit whenwe are presented with bigger decisions. Dude,
just feel like a sermon for real. You already know it's always in

(32:19):
my head and I trying to figureout where. I know, here we
go, here we go. Youalready know. So I'm trying. I'm
trying to keep the thing in thecontext, but you already know. But
that's the thing though, we someof us, Yeah, oh you're lucky.

(32:42):
Oh you're lucky. What you gottahave, you gotta have it sound
in there, uhh yes, Butthat's what it is, though. I
mean sometimes people think it's it's youknow, like how they're looking for the
big one, like the big one, and I'm like, no, what
was the little when you were annoyed, When you were annoyed and your your

(33:04):
your your man said something, yousaid something to you that you did not
appreciate. And I'm not saying thatthe person said something wrong. I said
you didn't appreciate. But you werealready having some challenges. You had a
decision to make. Yeah, whatare you going to say or not say?
What were your gestures an activity beor not be? Yep. That's

(33:27):
a small one, yep. Sothat when somebody does come to you,
sir, ma'am, somebody does cometo you that seems to be a little
bit more desirable than you're either intendedor the person you've already married, because
in that moment, you have lostyour ever live in mind. And they
come and they present themselves in away that you feel like they're more desirable

(33:52):
in that moment. That's the bigone, that's it. But what were
the little decisions, like the opportunityyou had to pour into him or her
to say, you know, Ireally appreciate when you or that person has
presented your spouse has presented your manor woman friend has presented their dreams and
goals and desires to you, andyou have an opportunity to either embrace them

(34:16):
or to say, I don't thinkthat's gonna work. What what? Like
that's the wrong answer, Like youdon't, you don't do that. And
so the smaller decisions on a dailybasis, when somebody does something really crazy
on the street here in Jamaica,bro as you already know where we come

(34:37):
from, bro ignorant. So whenthese dudes, when these dudes act the
full I have to remember and I'mnot talking about physical because physical you cross
the physical line. We on thenews together and that's okay, good,
But all the other stuff that reallyjust kind of gets under these you know,

(34:58):
big chest testoster filled men's skin andpeople running their mouth and they're doing
certain things. I have to thinkI have Simone, I have Josiah if
I allow an annoyance, and that'ssimply what it is, even though it
can be magnified in my brain,that I can allow the annoyance to get

(35:21):
me into a very very nasty situationthat puts us on the news and puts
Simone and Josiah without husband and daddy. You see, it's the small decisions.
When they cut you off and theygive you the the Jamaican finger,
they cut you off, and theJamaican finger is different than the finger that

(35:42):
you get in the States. TheJamaican finger is almost like it's almost like
they burn through their window or theircar door, and they're violent toward you,
even though they've not even approached youyet. You can feel it,
and it's like, okay, sowhat do you do, Dave? What
do you do? Quass? Doyou remember the people that are counting on

(36:05):
you? Or do you behave badly? And then this thing turns into something
epic. Unfortunately, if I needyou to slow down while you're saying this,
because what you're saying is so crucialright now, and sometimes because of
the way that you communicated so lightright, it could legit pass the average
person who's listening to it. Whenyou are tested in those kinds of ways

(36:28):
and you respond by giving the fingerJamaican US or any other finger for that
matter, when you roll down yourwindow and give them those three words that
Jamaicans like to deliver with such pleasure. When you decide to drop an F
bomb or call somebody out, theyname you B or whatever did it mean?

(36:49):
Say what? Yeah, That's whatI was talking about when I was
saying that that phrase that we liketo deliver with such pleasure, right right?
Are you thinking thinking about the peoplewho you're connected to? Are you
thinking about the people who follow youand what they would think if they saw
you responding the way that you do. Are you thinking about what's going to

(37:13):
come from this incident? After youdeliver the words that you know you're not
supposed to deliver, like after youdo the things that you and then it
garners some kind of result, whateverthat result may be. Are you thinking
about what it's going to do tothe people. Are you worried about the
impact that it has upon the peoplewho either follow you, are connected to

(37:37):
you all of these different things,and when you said it a while ago,
David, you delivered it so sweet. Pause. You know what I'm
saying that, like for real,the average person sometimes will just let it
breeze by. But I think alot of the times that those are the
areas in which we need accountability,because it's quite evident that you're still selfish.
In those areas. You have noidea what the outcome is going to

(38:00):
be. And sometimes when other peopleare to who much is given, much
is required to Some people are justirrational in near behavior, and just because
they met you with irrationality doesn't meanthat you have to meet them with irrationality.
Let me give you an example.I had an emergency procedure the other
day. They had to go tothe dentist's nerves was going weird. I

(38:23):
go to the dentist, and Ihad to wait before the day to get
there. So now I do anhonest day's labor. I get in my
vehicle, I go drive thirty minutes. I go sit down at the dentist
at the time that they gave me. So I'm sitting in the dental office

(38:44):
and I have my squeezer thing thathelps with four arm strength and grip strength.
So I'm in there just holding squeezingit. M okay. So after
a few minutes, I hear thewoman at the front desk say to one
of the patience in waiting, hismeaning, my appointment is at five yours

(39:08):
is at five point thirty. Who'lltell her said that, brother, the
lady patient if I could replicate thevitriol vitriol brother, word of verds when
I'm when I say the lady flippedout in there, yes, sir,

(39:31):
Look how long I've been sitting here. And then she goes and then she
goes in and and then she goesinto all of these you know, past
times at episodes that she's been inthe doctor's office and him just come in
and blah blah blah blah blah blahblah. And I'm like listening for my
name. I'm sitting there, calmand squeezing my little gripp er thing.

(39:55):
Yep. Because when I say shekicked over this, when I say she
flipped out, now I had abrother. I had a decision to me
right here was my decision because I'ma grounds crew. True. I'm sorry
for y'all to understand their behavior styles, but I'm speaking so quest gets it.

(40:19):
Yep. One of the things forgrounds crew is that we're so chill.
It's almost like we're sleep I mean, I'm giving a visual on it.
We could be so chill depending onthe other mixture of our mixed mix
of our behavior styles, could wecan appear like almost like okay? And
I have been told because I didn'twhen I didn't let my NYC behavior style

(40:42):
pop up, I've been told Iwas saw. I'm talking about in this
environment. I'm talking about in thisculture, like you don't step up enough,
And I'm like, step up enough, y'all. Think who you think
you're talking to? Can side CanI sidebar for me? Please? Please?
Those people who usually say you saware usually the people who have no
emotional intelligence. And because you don'thave no emotional intelligence, that mean you

(41:07):
don't care for you can't possibly carefor somebody else, much less to care
for yourself. Those are the peoplewho end up on the on the gurney
a lot quicker than anybody else.When you are calm, oh, I
love it. Holy goes just depositedinto my spirit. I'm meek, not
weak. Meekness is power under control. Now, there are a lot of

(41:34):
people who understand very clearly that LDHnot even close to that soft what.
But I understand my responsibility to Godfirst. So, sir, the reason
I mentioned it when is because nowcomes the narrative in my brain that others

(41:58):
placed there that said, speak upfor yourself. Because now this lady's kicking
up dus. The front desk workeris having a thing between them. But
it has to do with the appointmentthat I desperately need. And I'm an
ATC two quest ATC likes rules,and I'm like the lady told you.

(42:21):
In my head, I'm saying thatmy appointment is at five yours is at
five point thirty. So now thegrounds crew and the narrative of you saw
step up for yourself. And bythe way, there is a rule,
so objectively, i'd be right togo to the desk and say, listen,

(42:42):
I don't know what this woman issaying, but you better make sure
that my appointment comes when it's supposedto be to come, because it's protocol.
That's what my brain is telling me, right, But you know what
my emotional intelligence meter is telling me. Come on, come on, d
talk to it, sit down,continue squeez and your little gripper thing and
let them, let them sort itout. Because the minute I say nothing

(43:04):
to this lady in the earshot ofthat lady, then that lady is gonna
she's already flipped out. Yep.And listen, and this questure indicates to
you that she already don't got nomeekness. Okay, we don't have no
more runway, no more and sheso we already don't have a run We

(43:28):
don't have no more runway. Andeither you slow down or take off.
Okay. So since she's not aboutto slow down now, if I bring
my deep voice in there and shegoes to her next level, which is
physical, what am I gonna dowith this woman who's flipping out over an

(43:49):
appointment? Quass yep? Oh waita minute. I have a son at
home, I have a wife athome. Yep. I'm not about to
try to I'm not about to ruinthis foolish woman's life because she figures she
gonna touch me, because I'm notmaking up stuff. Man. I know
where we were, I know exactlyhow far she was, I know exactly

(44:13):
what kind of person she was,and I know that she had no more
runway. And I know that Ican't see clearly who the threat is when
it gets to the physical part.So what do I do quest I keep
my composure. I take the appropriateslow and deep breaths to keep my heart

(44:34):
rate down. Yes, sir,I do not address it any at all,
and I keep squeezing my little thingand wait for my turn, whatever
it is. Because there was moreto it, yep. Because one thing,
if I said, lady as aJamaica no stop the nies, sit

(44:55):
on war, I'm next, gosit down, y'o. And then or
all right, or I saw orour side side what do you call it?
Side sidebar her push her to this, like philosophically, push her to
the side and go talk to thelady at the front desk. And now

(45:17):
it's two of us flipping out inthere, and I'm like, yo,
next time, because she told shetold the desk attendant to go get the
dentists. And she's like, lady, the dentist is with a patient,
she said I And then she's flippingout again, like you didn't know he
was with a patient. You thoughthe was in there eating, Like what
did you think he was doing whilehe's waiting like you think. He just

(45:39):
have us out here sitting that's crazy. So I have to make this decision
within thirty seconds time. Quest.I talked to y'all for about six seven
minutes on this thirty seconds time.I have to decide what's it gonna be,
Dave, because I'm accountable to myspouse, my son, God first,

(46:00):
So I sit down, I laylow, and I wait until they
call my name so I can goget this thing done in my mouth done.
That's a big one, bro.I think sometimes once again, we
do what we do because we're onlythinking about ourselves. To your point about

(46:21):
that, you solve balsoft, Yeah, step up. I realize sometimes that
we allow people space to live inour home, in our mind I'm sorry,
and they not paying no rent?Mm hmm. First of all,
you living in my mind space likethat shouldn't even be. I should only

(46:45):
make room for the people that meanthe most to me to even live in
that space. The people who Iam accountable to, you feel me,
and who are the people that youshould be accountable to? People who love
God. I think that should havebeen one of the the requirements. Who
love God, who love you,who respect you, but not impressed by

(47:06):
you. That's exactly right, andit's only it was it was it was.
It was bullies and and people whoare actually soft who would say that
about me. I'm talking about thereal life people that I know who were
saying it. It's bullies who don'thave no power in their own house,
but they got power over some people, and and and and and somebody and

(47:28):
some people who are actually soft.When I say soft, I'm talking about
that cannot step up for themselves.They just run them out. And I'm
like, you know what, continueto talk and I'm gonna continue to live
my life in the way that Godsaid that I must live my life.
Hence the reason David not only inromantic relationships, but in platonic relationships as

(47:52):
well. Hence the reason why youneed development right for those singles. If
y'all understand and what me and Davidare going to release very soon in terms
of a coaching program, you wantrelationship, and you want relationship at a
high level, but you don't vibrateat a high level. You vibrate down

(48:14):
here. Now, I'm not talkingabout the fact that ah I make six
figures, seven figures, eight figuresa year because you make six, seven,
or eight figures a year does notmean that relationally you don't vibrate down
here. Hence the reason why youdo what you do dope in money,
but you don't do dope what youdo in terms of relationship, and you

(48:36):
keep getting the same thing over andover again. What causes you to vibrate
up here as opposed to down hereis development. So you allow people in
your space to be accountable to,but they vibrate on the same level that
you vibrate down here. Why becauseneither one of y'all got development. And

(48:58):
when you vibrate down here, youwant to attract somebody or you want somebody
from up here, but you don'thave the things necessary to attract this person
up here, simply because you vibratedown here. And what moves you from
down here to up here is development, not only romantically spiritual first I'm just

(49:20):
saying right, but platonically as well. Because some of your friends, like
for real, they talk that talkthat you know you deserve more, and
you know you need more, andyou know you want more. But when
you choose friends and when you choosea mate, you always choose a reflection
of who you are spiritually. Ifyou want to go higher, you're going

(49:40):
to have to develop, and thattakes account of Yeah, go ahead thee
listen. One of God's messengers wroteway back in the eighteen hundreds, bro
come on. She wrote that someof you are operating at a low,
low level, that vibrate thing thatyou said, operating at a low and

(50:08):
lewd level. Yep. And sowe have to make a decision because we
all she would use back then herterminology for the space around us. She
said that there's a miasma. Wemight call it an atmosphere, an influence,

(50:29):
an invisible influence that accompanies, thataccompanies us. Brother, So when
I step in the room, peopleare supposed to feel calm, confident.
You feel me. I'm talking aboutthis me, this me. Maybe some
you is different and a good waydifferent too. But when I step in

(50:52):
the room, because of the wayGod created me, you're supposed to feel
calm. That's it. You're supposedto feel seen, that's it acknowledged value.
I've to say a word. Yet, when I step in the room,
I'm talking about this me, theone whose name is on that little
thing right down there. I'm talkingabout this dude, right here, because
that's who I was creating. That'swho God created me to be when I

(51:15):
step up in the room. Andif you are a woman who is being
disrespected, you're supposed to be empoweredwhen I step in the room because I
bring that with me, bro,because that's what God put in my bosom,
you see me. So, sothat's the miasma, that's the atmosphere
that surrounds me because God created meto be that. Brolet's cool. So

(51:38):
you shouldn't feel dejected rejected. Youshouldn't feel out of sorts. You shouldn't
feel when when I'm in when I'min your space with you, I'm saying
you should not feel that I amcontributed and contributing in any way to any
of those inabilities to be accountable forfor high living, for positivity, for

(52:00):
power, bro, because we're notcoming to take anything away from you can
absolutely not. That's exactly right.But once again, when you don't like
accountability or you don't like you mightbe threatened by what we're given to yous
feeling no business that see no businessdot go develop on ourselves. I guess

(52:22):
you got translated my bad that kindof leaked out I'm sorry it did get
that one jumped out, jumped out. They got me and my feelings in
here. Man. It is theydo they do, yeah, yeah,
but it is what it is,you know what it is. Yeah.
As we bring this thing to aclose, do me a favor. If

(52:43):
you want better relationships, if youwant to go to a different level,
do me a favor and get ridof that ashamed feeling and just grown.
That's the thing that stops you fromgrowing. Whatever that thing. Yeah,
man, there you have it,y'all. Bet and it works for those

(53:06):
willing to make it work. Realtalk, Our spouses are treasured jewels given
to us to make life better,and the sooner we learn to value one
another will be the sooner we becomethe absolute best versions of ourselves we can
be. Until next time, peace,