October 19, 2023 • 39 mins
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(00:02):
Peace, Shawl a shaman Dave withmy brother Quest the man bringing you all
things marriage, paying you huge dividendson your investment in time with us,
We're talking about love, sex,having children, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.
(00:22):
And guess what this is, grownfolks business. So get ready to
make grown up decisions. You knowwhy, because marriage ain't for suckers.
That's the name of the program.Marriage Ain't for suckers. All right,
let's get into it, hey,your Quest. It's time to give the
people something. Man, what arewe talking about today? You know?
(00:52):
And I just got to set itoff right the Welcome to another edition of
the Marriage Ain't for Suckers Podcast Maths. If I wanted to say an acronym,
you know what I'm saying, runningtell a friend, to tell a
friend, to tell a friend.You know what I'm saying. We in
the building back again, shots outtill my brother from another mother, my
(01:15):
breda from them time day from wereday. I would need ladies and gentlemen,
my man, my mellow, mymellow, my man, my gunner,
because you gotta keep a gunner around. You know what I'm saying,
hell, David Harris, Yo,Yo, hey, hey, hey,
(01:48):
what up Quests? Yo? Thisthing not man. I downloaded this when
we first started, man, andit's still not Yo, what up?
Ques what? I gotta pull thisdown because we are in discipline. Hey,
(02:10):
I'm worse than you. Oh sowe let me just go ahead and
pull that back. I love itwhen I love it when I distract D
and then D catch himself and belike all right. I'm like, no,
no, we're going too far now. We can't. No, no,
(02:30):
no, no no no. Wherethere's life, there's help, brother.
Where there's life, there's help.Brother. I'm going for gusto.
Let's go yo. When we do, when we're in person, then it's
all. That's are all. I'mnot gonna I'm not gonna pull it back
unnecessarily, can I Can? Ijust say though, like, for real,
(02:51):
for real. God has been goodto us, me and you specifically
because he allowed us to see eachother in September. We saw each other
in October. Yes, we seeeach other again in November. In November.
Oh yeah, don't shouts out toet. Man. Let me explain
(03:13):
something to y'all. If you're inthe Atlanta area, or you can travel
and you have not caught a forwarduh like the service yet you need to
Yeah, flat shows decater, youknow what I'm saying. Shots out to
Beverly, but not Pierre Louis.You know, that's missus P. We
were talking, we were talking aboutwe were talking about Malik and John of
(03:34):
course missus P. That's John PA'smommy. Yep. Yeah. So so
remember us as young boys with nodiscipline none. Yeah, we got halfway
a little bit of discipline now.So you know what I'm saying, We
got a halfway a little bit ofdiscipline now. But yeah, man,
shouts out to who's afforded us tobe able to go down. Shout out
(03:55):
to Danika. Man, she's theone who is really spearheaded the planting of
a park in Atlanta, and thatgives us opportunity to go down and get
some stuff done as well. Soyour shots out to him. So I'll
see you in November. Wow.And then guess what what what? Hold
on? Hold on? No,because if you do it, then it's
(04:16):
gonna go to ratchet. We'll keepit. We'll keep it more pop culture
than than ratchet. So hey,yeah, we have tools over the year,
(04:38):
different, you know, different outthe year by us being together and
Jamaica. So I will be onthe on the rock missus pate no the
ya no yesa nice yes so niceyeah so nice. Yeah, that's it,
(04:58):
that's what we are. Yeah,so I can't wait, man like
for real. That all jokes aside, we really have been blessed because last
year we didn't. Yeah, wedidn't. We didn't get to see the
way we're seeing right now, andthat's amazing. We didn't anticipate that this
was gonna be like this. Godhas been good. It's not doing it
October last year. Last year,Oh, I was an extreme execution coach.
(05:20):
I still am, just you know, continuing to build inside of the
community. Mm hmm. Yeah.I had no idea. I had no
idea. It was totally different lifeat that moment. And not only that,
like all of our worlds collided,and can you imagine, bro,
I was looking back like I'm gonnapull it up. I'm not gonna play
(05:43):
well, I could play it,but I was. I was. This
is what I was doing, youknow how the memory thing come up?
Mm hm, I put I putI put, I put up one one
of these, bro. I thinkit was one of those times. You
must have been traveling, right,and this is this is what bro.
Oh my goodness, you were travelingand then and then this happened. Let
(06:06):
me see you were traveling. Ired that too. Yeah, you were
traveling and it was a Marriaging forSuckers without you and I didn't have anybody.
And this is what we were on, man, like it was wild,
like this is this is in twentyseventeen October eighteenth. Yeah, David,
(06:28):
even that amount of time, youlook different, bro, Yes,
you're great and got great. Yeah, I got Gray, I got gray.
It got great. Look at that. See that that see that official,
official official. But yeah, man, I'm once again, I'm grateful
and I'm thankful that we're gonna getto do that again. Yep, yep,
(06:49):
yep. Shouts out to everybody whowas listening to the Marriaging for Suckers
podcast. We are always so gladthat y'all continue to support and listening as
we drop these gems. As wedrop these gems, you feel me house
things on the rock, dy,look at the look at the transition though,
(07:09):
sure rock, what do you thinklike? Okay, life is LifeWise
life. Life is life, man, life is life. Yeah, no
way better than yard. Yeah.I'm just saying, whatever problems that I
have, I would prefer habit inJamaica than anywhere else. That's it,
(07:31):
Yo, wat watching watching, thewatching. Now. Remember I told you
when I was in Atlanta the lasttime, I was in a food spot
right before I'm going to go tothe airport spot. No no, no,
no no, I didn't have thatblessing, but just some food,
local, local, just whatever food. It was right, yes, And
so I'm in the thing and thelady said, can I interest you in
(07:54):
rewards card whatever whatever? A blackwoman? Oh yeah, And I said,
I don't need no rewards because Idon't live. I don't live.
And she was like, she waslike, you know, you don't sound
Jamaican. And I'm like, lady, watch, I know both sound Jamaican.
Yes you don't. See may notclap your yeah see that that tool
(08:16):
book me off tool that so youcan say what you want to say.
Lady, you are where you areand you said, and she said she's
Jamaican, which is fine, that'sher business, you know, no big
deal. But yeah, as Isaid, no, thank you go get
my mashed potatoes please, because I'mabout to get back on this plane and
(08:37):
I need sustenance. And when Ireach they're going to say welcome home.
And when I come back here,d h is gonna say welcome home.
That's right. So so tool onme off, that's right, all right?
Soon, yes, indeed, soyeah, man, it's it's Thursday
(08:58):
again. D I mean in thefourth quarter. You know what I'm saying,
I'm looking at life. Really,I'm really at the end of the
year already, to be honest withyou, truth be told, I'm in
next year already, already started makingplans for a number of different reasons,
and the same way that we makeplans whether we're on our job. Because
you know, it's fourth quarter andthere's certain conversations that you haven't in the
(09:20):
fourth quarter. I believe that weshould treat our marriages the same way.
Why are you waiting till next yearat the plan? Why don't you plan
now for next year? You doit on your job, already do it
today. I'm sure that some ofpeople, you know what I'm saying,
having meetings and meetings for the meetingsand meetings for the meetings for the meetings.
(09:41):
Have a meeting about your marriage.What do you want it to look
like next year? Oh? Truthbe told? Have you been any more
fruitful? Have you multiplied anymore?Right? I'm not even going to talk
about subdue to earth and have dominia, because if you haven't been fruitful,
then you haven't multiplied, then youdefinitely can't so do the earth or have
dominion? Right? Say that?Yeah, so I'm not even going to
(10:05):
drip for the text two. Andif you haven't, then we should start
planning now. And one of theways that we can do that is like
improve on our communication because we wewe we all got to move on one
accord, right, d we must, we can, we will, we
must. So with that being said, what what direction we we we're flying
in today? I think I've seensomething like this before? Quest Yeah,
(10:28):
yeah, can you hear me yep? Oh dope? Can you hear me?
Dope? That looks like you hearme yep? Yeh hm, that
looks like the work of one uhab. You know what I'm saying a
to the Brianna that I feel likethat's the case. She's dope, that's
the case. Yeah. So reallyand truly emotionally intelligent people always hear air
(11:01):
quotes our spouses say one more timefor the people in the back. Emotionally
intelligent people always or more often thannot, I shouldn't. I shouldn't be
extreme. Emotionally intelligent people more oftenthan not hear our spouses. Whether our
(11:28):
spouses are vocalizing or not, whetherour ears are picking up those waves of
sound or they are quiet, moreoften than not, we are hearing that.
(11:48):
So let me ask this d becausefor the simple people, because I'm
simple, right, somebody might besaying, well, I don't, I
don't. My IQ is decent,but my EQ is kind of and I've
never you know what I'm saying,Like, are you born that way being
(12:09):
emotionally intelligent? Like how do Iget to the place where I'm emotionally intelligent?
Yeah, some people are born withaptitude toward emotional intelligence and some people
are not. But but the notpeople can learn. You can learn.
You must learn, like everybody mustlearn. Yep, if we're going to
(12:31):
be successful, and so you know, the manner of learning. It depends
on the person. Like I can'treally speak on that today, but but
if you if you, if youintend to be successful in your relationship.
You have two choices. One beselfish or two develop emotional intelligence. Those
(12:56):
are the options real talk like andpeople like. Some people be like,
oh oh well, I'm not anemotional person. Oh okay, emotional person.
That's not what we're saying. Godgave everybody emotions. Can you be
angry, yes, so, canyou be happy? Yes? Can you
enjoy anything yes? So if youcan do any of that, experience any
(13:20):
of that, then all of ushave emotions. Have you ever been fearful?
Have you ever been excited and don'tknow why? Like I remember Josiah
the first time I took him outdoorsafter he came from you know, just
for fun. I don't mean,like to the doctor visits. So it's,
you know, a couple months intohis life. We live in the
(13:41):
country. The mountain as the crowflies is about a mile away, and
the breeze come up off of thatmountain. He was born, and he
was born in December, so I'mtaking him out, like you know.
And the first time that that breezewhipped around the house and lick him,
he was like his eyes bright andhe's looking around like, Okay, I
(14:05):
feel something, I hear something,but I can't process what this is,
but he liked it. He wasborn with emotions, you see. So
now we just need intelligence, andintelligence is developed over time. So I
think it's important for the people tounderstand because for those who are who have
(14:30):
a fairly decent le high EQ,you good. But for those of us
who are not, you keep runninginto the same situation over and over again
with your spouse. It's because youget too emotional, or you're not emotional
enough, or it doesn't motivate youto or you'd stay there let me just
(14:52):
say that. Or you stay there, you don't give it its full run
to your frontal dobe to make adecision about what it is that you're going
to do. You just kind offeel it, and then based on what
you feel, whether it's an excitingfeel or one that stings you, you
execute from that place. I gota question for you, Ques, do
(15:16):
you like sexual intercourse with Faith Green? I love, Okay, I'm overjoyed.
I'm a little pause. It's alwaysmy fault. I realized you do
(15:37):
it time and time again, andit's not like you don't know what's about
to happen. You know what's aboutto happen. So ask me the same
question. Please, no, notthe same question. The equivalent question is
what I meant to say. Pause, you enjoy sexual intercourse, Moan Harris,
(16:00):
Yes, sir, I do now, Simone Harris. Yes, is
in perimenopause. Oh, let's go. Let's doing She's going to full blown
okay menopause. Yeah. Simone saidin our Mastermind call Yes last night,
(16:25):
and she is telling all truth thatsometimes the body and mind don't collaborate as
she's making this transition, and shehas the same response if she were here,
would you do you, Simone loveto have with your husband? Yes,
(16:47):
but sometimes the body's like nope.Because of the transition now of quest.
When I said I love it,you know, yeah. But guess
what. There are times that Ihave to tell my love for it to
(17:08):
bow to love for Simone because Simone'sbody is having weird pains for apparently no
reason. Slow down, David,slow down, because this is crucial information
right here. Yes, sir,Sometimes my love for it has to bow
(17:30):
to my love for her paramount apausalself and the not so great experiences with
pain for no apparent reason. Strangefeelings, I said, strange because she's
not familiar with these feelings and thething we love. Quest is out of
(18:00):
the question. Now I'm emotionally intelligent. Do I go to Simone and say,
are you in pain? Can wedo it? Like a twelve year
old that shouldn't be doing it anyway? Let's go. Am I unintelligent emotionally?
That's what I meant to say.And I go to her and ask
(18:22):
her these questions. Well, Iknow you've been in pain lately, but
can we can I mean, it'sbeen it's been however long period of time,
and I have needs, you know, come on quest or worse like
some of these dudes. Now,I'm in my feelings for real, some
of these dudes that are abusive totheir wives, and they are like in
(18:44):
their own minds saying I have needs. Therefore, she, no matter what
her emotional physical state is at thistime, about to give me what I
want and need. I'm about togo get that. As the question was,
can you hear me? And Isaid, there are some verbal and
nonverbal We don't even have to havethe conversation real talk because I know what
(19:07):
she's going through and I know howunresponsive she is at this moment of time,
whatever that time is and I don'teven need to have the I'm not
trying to soothe her, so Ican go do the thing I think I
like, or I think I love, I do love, I do love.
(19:29):
But this is a non conversation.Why because first of all, if
I'm broaching the conversation, it's like, bruh, you don't understand what's going
on right now? Why are weeven talking about this? And then now
she's in a position to have tosense and feel I don't know if it's
guilt. I don't know if it'sOh no, my husband is still very
(19:51):
is very is everything is working well? He's virile still, And now is
he going to be in to somebodyelse? Is he gonna? This happens
in a split second, Like thishappens in a split second. So,
oh, you're not giving me whatI need. You're not giving me what
I want. So I'm just gonnayou see. And so rather than any
(20:15):
of that, love for simone supplantslove for those, I won't tell you
the time and because then you're gonnaturn it into a thing. So I'm
not gonna do that. But forthe the time that we experience together,
you feel me so so that's important, Like it's more than important. And
(20:37):
there are many ways to twist this, but but that one is top of
mind for me because there are alot of men who drag their wives into
into a strip club. That's whatit is. That's what it is.
That's what it is. So inthe in the strip joint, you pull
out your money and you you ifyou pay the right way, then she'll
(21:00):
wiggle the right way. You've turnedyour wife into a stripper or worse.
When I say worse, i'm talkingabout to your wife. Your wife is
not that, bro. Your wifeis not that. Your wife is not
this fictitious character that entertains you whenyou pay her. Your wife is not
that nastyness that you see on yourscreen when you watch the thing you're not
(21:22):
supposed to be watching. Come on, bro, like, that's not your
wife. That woman got paid andthey said action cut, Okay, go
to this action cut. That isnot real life. That's not real that's
unholy, and your wife ain't that. Therefore, emotional intelligence says, I
(21:47):
love her more than the feeling thatI have when I do the thing we
both normally love together. I saidall of that. Yeah, as you
were talking though, I don't knowwhy, but the story of Joseph pops
into my mind. M hm.And part of his wife, my man
(22:11):
was exiled all of these different things. You could tell he was a hub
man because obviously there was something abouthim and how he moved and how he
looked that had part of his wifelooking at him. Yeah, she was
clawing at him. She was clawingat him. I want a piece of
that pie, right, But there'ssomething that he had in terms of emotional
(22:34):
intelligence. I believe that allowed himbecause, like, for real, if
he was in the fullness of hisemotions, it wouldn't have been nothing for
him to have this affair. Andyou can come up but justified the affair
by saying, hey, she gotat me. You know what I'm saying.
He hadn't and he probably Joseph probablywasn't even active like that, but
I'm guessing he was at an agenow where all of those brother she she
(22:59):
she was trying to take it.So it wasn't like she was asking something.
She was manifesting her desire. Soyou know what happens when people like
those do that. And then she'sgrabbing at him because she got his coat,
so she touched him. Bro shetouched my man and I'm not trying
to sensationalize it, but she gotshe had his coat, so that means
(23:21):
she put hands on him somewhere,I don't know where. Can I say
this too, I would think thatshe was fine as all get out because
she was the second in command's wife. Yeah, you didn't have to run
away. You wouldn't run away fromit. Well, I won't say it,
but you don't run away from nobodythat you don't. It's not a
thing. We're like, lady,just leave me alone, a fine Egyptian.
(23:41):
Oh you did say Egyptian. Iforgot about that part. Okay,
pause, bruh. That might bea problem, but my man's emotional intelligence
was intact enough for him to putthem to the side and say, what
kind of uh ah? Like,for real, I can destroy a whole
(24:07):
bunch of stuff by making this move. What kind of carnage it would happen
as a result of right? Andit's the people think it's a different thing,
but it's really the same principle,the same principle that guarded and guided
him to be able to make thatdecision in that situation. It's the same
one that allows us to make thedecision. With Simone going through you know,
(24:30):
pre stages of menopause, faith isgetting up there too, so hers
is not too. She's already talkingabout temperature. It's yeah, ice cold,
and she's talking about she hot,and then when it's hot, she
want to come up out of everythinglike it's there and not for your and
not for your benefit either for mybenefit. Get away, that's right,
(24:51):
you know what I'm saying, Like, I know that I'm going, I'm
going, But here's the funny thing, because I'm committed to her, and
I know that i have needs,right but my needs are not going to
supersede like her needs in this particulartime place in space, because she has
(25:12):
needs as a result of what thisthing called menopause is doing to her.
You know what's interesting have control over, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I know she would love to feelbetter in those moment because you could
speak more to the you could speakmore to the probably all of the symptoms
that come along with it, becausethat's where Simone is right now, right,
(25:36):
So I know she don't want tobe there because it's not a pleasurable
experience. No, no, no, no, you feel me, So
how would I look you know whatI'm saying, saying, Yo, I
know that this is going on inDa da da da. However, yeah,
but my emotional intelligence is at alevel where it's not I'm not going
(26:00):
to enjoy it if you're not enjoyingit with me, Oh no, no,
no, no no, And thinkabout it. Faith and Simone are
God's daughters. Oh bro, theyare God's daughters. You could mess around
with them if you want to.And so if you are foolish enough,
brothers or sisters, depending on thescenario, fool because because there are there
(26:26):
are men who are having whatever physiologicalchallenges or if it's if not physiological,
some other challenge where he's just nothe's not available that way, and there's
nothing wrong where with your marriage,but there's something wrong with him at the
moment, and you can emasculate him, right You can say, you can
(26:48):
say, well, I'm not evengonna say the words like I'm not trying
to trigger nobody, but you canemasculate the dude and tell them all kind
of foolishness. It's in your mind, like I had I know some old
heads man, right now, rightnow, where the prostate is not right,
and so the prostate is not rightin the sense. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. Yes, I'm sorry. You said it. For some of
(27:11):
the men. Prostates not right.Yeah, sorry, I'm sorry. That
is right. Prostate not right atthis moment in time, is what I'm
saying to you, sir. I'msorry. I'm sorry. I'm apologizing to
them for I'm sorry that. Youknow, man, continue, you can,
(27:32):
all right? So the prostate notprostrates Jamaicans, please and thanks the
prostate the walnut that is located whereit's located. Long story, did you
just take a shot at you?I'm tired, son, I'm tired.
I'm tired of this man. Prostrate. That is an action your prostrate nowhere,
(27:53):
it's not an organ. Pause.So anyway, bro oh I started
it? But may I please continue? Yes, sir? All right?
Good, all right. So whatI'm saying, if the prostates inflamed,
then the thing that's called urethra,the tube that passes from the bladder through
(28:15):
the prostate out through the private partsinto the air, so now you can
urinate. There's an impact on sexualfunction for those men who are dealing with
that, and there are some wives, unfortunately that have no emotional intelligence and
turn that into a thing. Soit's a two way street, right.
(28:37):
I want it to be graphic inthe sense because there are some other philosophical
things and you could be like,well, don't understand. Well you understand
that, don't you. Yep.So what I'm saying is emotional intelligence,
says because he or she God's children, you being disrespectful to their plight.
(28:57):
Says I don't care what God thinksabout his children, the vow that I
took to God before these people before, like, I don't care that he's
emotionally jacked up because what used towork a certain way ain't working. And
(29:18):
then wondering if my wife is notmy wife? By the way, I
just figured I put that in therebecause that's not my challenge at the moment,
anyway. Can I just continue that'smy fault. Don't hold it against
me, quest don't hold it again. Don't make me pay for this.
Don't make me pay for this,bro, Please don't make me pay for
this. You're making me pay forthis. As I was saying before,
(29:44):
I distracted me. Yes, butis she wondering if there's something else other
than the physiological problem or health problem. Wives, is he wondering if there's
some other reason why you are inthis state and it's not paramental pause or
whatever it is? Right, Okay, then there's the other stuff. And
(30:10):
this all happens quickly. It's like, this is these emotions, these feelings,
these thoughts, it's like and peopleare coming to conclusions just as quickly,
and you can jack your marriage up. And these idiots will leave their
homes. It jots leave their homesand go find what am one somewhere else
(30:36):
and then realize too late because theywere selfish, unemotional, emotionally unintelligent and
oh not spiritually intelligent and therefore mashup your marriage, mash up relationships with
your in laws, with your children, with your community, and the people
who look up to you for whateverthe reasons are paused. That all happens
in one foolish decision span Can Isay about it? D They don't stay
(31:00):
in that state forever. You justgot It's just a season, just like
everything else. So yeah, adog, bro, you can't you can't
hold it for a minute, That'swhat I'm saying. Come on, bro,
you got years. I got twentytwo years with Simon bro married.
I can't, I can't do Ican't go through this with her? Yo,
Can I can I say this too? Can I say that stuff that
(31:21):
we're watching on the news right nowis a result of what we're talking about
right now, the stuff we seeingin Gaza. Oh oh please careful,
yes, because yeah, just aresult of the very thing that we're talking
about right now. Yeah, easy, Supraham could have just let let himself
wait until until the the like forreal, just wait, the promise is
(31:45):
there, just wait and let itmanifest. My man went got with hagar
Ishmael was born, and what yousee in centuries later is a result of
this very thing that we're talking about. Being able to have your EQ high
enough. Yeah. So I wishI had the time, But that I
(32:08):
mean, I think I think thatis the whole thing though, Like people
who want to front like they don'treson this stuff doesn't resonate with them.
They can continue to lie to themselvesbecause I think, oh now you're seeing
it, now you're seeing it.Yeah yeah, I was legit, gonna
get that joke out of here everyother day. Yeah yeah. So the
(32:31):
people who front like this is nota thing that's your business. But if
it's not this, then it's somethingelse. If it's not this, then
something else. How you behave towardsyour children versus how she behaves towards your
children. What causes the response isthat you have when you're when you're talking
(32:53):
about things that are difficult for bothof you to talk about. Whatever happens
to be. So the question againis can you actually hear me? Or
can I actually hear you? Pause? We have to seek to understand more,
(33:14):
or before we seek to understand,to be understood. David, It's
like it's like there's a disconnect.It's almost it's the theory versus execution thing
all over again. No, it'sit's almost like it's it's a common understanding,
right that when you get into marriageyou are there to serve your spouse.
(33:37):
Or is it a common understanding likeyou were there for the purposes of
service, that's what you're there for. I like serving, Simons, Yeah,
I like serving. I like servingI like servicing her. I like
servicing her too. Faith. Youlove to see service faith, I mean
faith specific Keep the faith, keepthe faith. Pause. So it's like
(34:00):
we know it in theory, butwhen we get into the relationship, we
do the total opposite. Yeah,is we do the total opposite, like
and maybe if Pharah said it's notcommon, I had to learn that.
Yeah, that's what we were talkingabout when we started, like you can,
(34:20):
you can you have? It hasto be developed, you know what.
Let me and let me say it. God has been so good to
me in faith in terms of mymarriage that I forgot that we It was
what Pharah was talking about. Thefirst time I got married two thousand and
three to two thousand and five washell on Earth. Bro Legit. It
started out kind of cool. Butyou walk into the relationship thinking that you
(34:42):
know what I'm saying, and that'sone of the things that like, for
real, I'm doing this, I'mdoing this, I need you to do
and that There was a slew ofother issues, right, but that was
one of the mindset. But I'msaying that God has been so good to
me in this season of my lifeas it relates to my marriage, that
you forget that that that like youand this, this is the reason why
we are doing Connect Connect a Greenhousesingles community. Man, let me tell
(35:07):
you something. This is the reasonwhy d for for those who have been
watching listening to the podcast, likefor real, and you are single and
you've been listening because you want togain tips you know, you know,
gems whatever, for the purposes ofgetting into your own relationship later on.
(35:29):
We are forming a singles community becausethe things that we think should be common
knowledge when you're stepping into relationship arenot. Can I say, can I
say it this way? We're savingmarriages before they before they start. I
love it. Oh, I feellike we've been certified to do that is
not We're certified to simble some out. You know what I'm saying. Okay,
okay, okay, you know whatI'm saying. D But that's it.
(35:51):
I'm realizing more and more that there'sa key word that you need before
you enter into anybody's relationship, andthat's called development. It being the very
best best version of yourself that youcan be. It's funny we make me
and you make joke about it,but everything that we're talking about runs through
(36:14):
everything that we do. Even whenyou listen to the podcast, you listen
to the intro or the outro,it's the stuff that we're talking about,
the best, very best version.Why because Parah just pointed it out.
It's not common. I had tolearn it. Yeah, yeah, common
common common like they say in Jamaica, a lot common sense and a common
(36:37):
again yeah, common sense is notcommon again anymore? Excuse me, right,
and so we can't take we mustnot take well when you wired differently,
I just yeah, yeah, putthat in there. Yeah. We
we have to recognize that we needto be responsible own whatever space we are
(37:00):
are. Oh see why is shedoing that to me? Quest why?
I don't know who? Who?Please tell her that you're married, like
and we don't promote that kind oftry to tell her lot to try to
tell our where was I? Again? Yeah, you try to tell our
long time where was I? Youknow, I'm jacked. I'm about to
(37:25):
do Yeah, I'm about to dothe alfalfa. They're not even remember that
to me? Yeah yeah yeah yeahyeah yeah. So anyway, what I
(37:46):
was saying was that we have todevelop and take ownership. That's the key,
Like, that's the key. Wehave to take ownership. So at
whatever stage we happen to find ourselves, that's cool. But if we remain
there, that's when it's not cool. You did that is when it's not
cool. So we develop, Wedevelop, We develop, Thank god,
(38:08):
we develop. And that thing thatyou've been saying for the last how many
years, we've been doing this questYeah about about phenomenal doesn't just happen.
It takes work. No, no, and no. And here's the funny
thing about it. And this iswhat made what Pharah said so dope.
It's not common. I had tolearn that once again. It is even
(38:30):
in the language we say. No, matter where you are in the entire
spectrum from shaking the good, great, that's what we're doing. Ultimately,
you want phenomenals no matter where youare in that spectrum, you can get
better. Mm, you feel me. But it takes work, So let's
(38:51):
do that work work, all right, let's go get them. Yeah,
thanks for the time, y'all.We'll catch you on a replay. No,
we won't see there. You havemit, y'all. I hope you've
enjoyed your time with us. Marriageis about mutual love and mutual respect,
and it works for those willing tomake it work. Real talk, Our
(39:12):
spouses are treasured jewels given to usto make life better, and the sooner
we learn to value one another willbe the sooner we become the absolute best
versions of ourselves we can be.Until next time, Peace,
Peace, Shawl a shaman Dave withmy brother Quest the man bringing you all
things marriage, paying you huge dividendson your investment in time with us,
We're talking about love, sex,having children, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.
(00:22):
And guess what this is, grownfolks business. So get ready to
make grown up decisions. You knowwhy, because marriage ain't for suckers.
That's the name of the program.Marriage Ain't for suckers. All right,
let's get into it, hey,your Quest. It's time to give the
people something. Man, what arewe talking about today? You know?
(00:52):
And I just got to set itoff right the Welcome to another edition of
the Marriage Ain't for Suckers Podcast Maths. If I wanted to say an acronym,
you know what I'm saying, runningtell a friend, to tell a
friend, to tell a friend.You know what I'm saying. We in
the building back again, shots outtill my brother from another mother, my
(01:15):
breda from them time day from wereday. I would need ladies and gentlemen,
my man, my mellow, mymellow, my man, my gunner,
because you gotta keep a gunner around. You know what I'm saying,
hell, David Harris, Yo,Yo, hey, hey, hey,
(01:48):
what up Quests? Yo? Thisthing not man. I downloaded this when
we first started, man, andit's still not Yo, what up?
Ques what? I gotta pull thisdown because we are in discipline. Hey,
(02:10):
I'm worse than you. Oh sowe let me just go ahead and
pull that back. I love itwhen I love it when I distract D
and then D catch himself and belike all right. I'm like, no,
no, we're going too far now. We can't. No, no,
(02:30):
no, no no no. Wherethere's life, there's help, brother.
Where there's life, there's help.Brother. I'm going for gusto.
Let's go yo. When we do, when we're in person, then it's
all. That's are all. I'mnot gonna I'm not gonna pull it back
unnecessarily, can I Can? Ijust say though, like, for real,
(02:51):
for real. God has been goodto us, me and you specifically
because he allowed us to see eachother in September. We saw each other
in October. Yes, we seeeach other again in November. In November.
Oh yeah, don't shouts out toet. Man. Let me explain
(03:13):
something to y'all. If you're inthe Atlanta area, or you can travel
and you have not caught a forwarduh like the service yet you need to
Yeah, flat shows decater, youknow what I'm saying. Shots out to
Beverly, but not Pierre Louis.You know, that's missus P. We
were talking, we were talking aboutwe were talking about Malik and John of
(03:34):
course missus P. That's John PA'smommy. Yep. Yeah. So so
remember us as young boys with nodiscipline none. Yeah, we got halfway
a little bit of discipline now.So you know what I'm saying, We
got a halfway a little bit ofdiscipline now. But yeah, man,
shouts out to who's afforded us tobe able to go down. Shout out
(03:55):
to Danika. Man, she's theone who is really spearheaded the planting of
a park in Atlanta, and thatgives us opportunity to go down and get
some stuff done as well. Soyour shots out to him. So I'll
see you in November. Wow.And then guess what what what? Hold
on? Hold on? No,because if you do it, then it's
(04:16):
gonna go to ratchet. We'll keepit. We'll keep it more pop culture
than than ratchet. So hey,yeah, we have tools over the year,
(04:38):
different, you know, different outthe year by us being together and
Jamaica. So I will be onthe on the rock missus pate no the
ya no yesa nice yes so niceyeah so nice. Yeah, that's it,
(04:58):
that's what we are. Yeah,so I can't wait, man like
for real. That all jokes aside, we really have been blessed because last
year we didn't. Yeah, wedidn't. We didn't get to see the
way we're seeing right now, andthat's amazing. We didn't anticipate that this
was gonna be like this. Godhas been good. It's not doing it
October last year. Last year,Oh, I was an extreme execution coach.
(05:20):
I still am, just you know, continuing to build inside of the
community. Mm hmm. Yeah.I had no idea. I had no
idea. It was totally different lifeat that moment. And not only that,
like all of our worlds collided,and can you imagine, bro,
I was looking back like I'm gonnapull it up. I'm not gonna play
(05:43):
well, I could play it,but I was. I was. This
is what I was doing, youknow how the memory thing come up?
Mm hm, I put I putI put, I put up one one
of these, bro. I thinkit was one of those times. You
must have been traveling, right,and this is this is what bro.
Oh my goodness, you were travelingand then and then this happened. Let
(06:06):
me see you were traveling. Ired that too. Yeah, you were
traveling and it was a Marriaging forSuckers without you and I didn't have anybody.
And this is what we were on, man, like it was wild,
like this is this is in twentyseventeen October eighteenth. Yeah, David,
(06:28):
even that amount of time, youlook different, bro, Yes,
you're great and got great. Yeah, I got Gray, I got gray.
It got great. Look at that. See that that see that official,
official official. But yeah, man, I'm once again, I'm grateful
and I'm thankful that we're gonna getto do that again. Yep, yep,
(06:49):
yep. Shouts out to everybody whowas listening to the Marriaging for Suckers
podcast. We are always so gladthat y'all continue to support and listening as
we drop these gems. As wedrop these gems, you feel me house
things on the rock, dy,look at the look at the transition though,
(07:09):
sure rock, what do you thinklike? Okay, life is LifeWise
life. Life is life, man, life is life. Yeah, no
way better than yard. Yeah.I'm just saying, whatever problems that I
have, I would prefer habit inJamaica than anywhere else. That's it,
(07:31):
Yo, wat watching watching, thewatching. Now. Remember I told you
when I was in Atlanta the lasttime, I was in a food spot
right before I'm going to go tothe airport spot. No no, no,
no no, I didn't have thatblessing, but just some food,
local, local, just whatever food. It was right, yes, And
so I'm in the thing and thelady said, can I interest you in
(07:54):
rewards card whatever whatever? A blackwoman? Oh yeah, And I said,
I don't need no rewards because Idon't live. I don't live.
And she was like, she waslike, you know, you don't sound
Jamaican. And I'm like, lady, watch, I know both sound Jamaican.
Yes you don't. See may notclap your yeah see that that tool
(08:16):
book me off tool that so youcan say what you want to say.
Lady, you are where you areand you said, and she said she's
Jamaican, which is fine, that'sher business, you know, no big
deal. But yeah, as Isaid, no, thank you go get
my mashed potatoes please, because I'mabout to get back on this plane and
(08:37):
I need sustenance. And when Ireach they're going to say welcome home.
And when I come back here,d h is gonna say welcome home.
That's right. So so tool onme off, that's right, all right?
Soon, yes, indeed, soyeah, man, it's it's Thursday
(08:58):
again. D I mean in thefourth quarter. You know what I'm saying,
I'm looking at life. Really,I'm really at the end of the
year already, to be honest withyou, truth be told, I'm in
next year already, already started makingplans for a number of different reasons,
and the same way that we makeplans whether we're on our job. Because
you know, it's fourth quarter andthere's certain conversations that you haven't in the
(09:20):
fourth quarter. I believe that weshould treat our marriages the same way.
Why are you waiting till next yearat the plan? Why don't you plan
now for next year? You doit on your job, already do it
today. I'm sure that some ofpeople, you know what I'm saying,
having meetings and meetings for the meetingsand meetings for the meetings for the meetings.
(09:41):
Have a meeting about your marriage.What do you want it to look
like next year? Oh? Truthbe told? Have you been any more
fruitful? Have you multiplied anymore?Right? I'm not even going to talk
about subdue to earth and have dominia, because if you haven't been fruitful,
then you haven't multiplied, then youdefinitely can't so do the earth or have
dominion? Right? Say that?Yeah, so I'm not even going to
(10:05):
drip for the text two. Andif you haven't, then we should start
planning now. And one of theways that we can do that is like
improve on our communication because we wewe we all got to move on one
accord, right, d we must, we can, we will, we
must. So with that being said, what what direction we we we're flying
in today? I think I've seensomething like this before? Quest Yeah,
(10:28):
yeah, can you hear me yep? Oh dope? Can you hear me?
Dope? That looks like you hearme yep? Yeh hm, that
looks like the work of one uhab. You know what I'm saying a
to the Brianna that I feel likethat's the case. She's dope, that's
the case. Yeah. So reallyand truly emotionally intelligent people always hear air
(11:01):
quotes our spouses say one more timefor the people in the back. Emotionally
intelligent people always or more often thannot, I shouldn't. I shouldn't be
extreme. Emotionally intelligent people more oftenthan not hear our spouses. Whether our
(11:28):
spouses are vocalizing or not, whetherour ears are picking up those waves of
sound or they are quiet, moreoften than not, we are hearing that.
(11:48):
So let me ask this d becausefor the simple people, because I'm
simple, right, somebody might besaying, well, I don't, I
don't. My IQ is decent,but my EQ is kind of and I've
never you know what I'm saying,Like, are you born that way being
(12:09):
emotionally intelligent? Like how do Iget to the place where I'm emotionally intelligent?
Yeah, some people are born withaptitude toward emotional intelligence and some people
are not. But but the notpeople can learn. You can learn.
You must learn, like everybody mustlearn. Yep, if we're going to
(12:31):
be successful, and so you know, the manner of learning. It depends
on the person. Like I can'treally speak on that today, but but
if you if you, if youintend to be successful in your relationship.
You have two choices. One beselfish or two develop emotional intelligence. Those
(12:56):
are the options real talk like andpeople like. Some people be like,
oh oh well, I'm not anemotional person. Oh okay, emotional person.
That's not what we're saying. Godgave everybody emotions. Can you be
angry, yes, so, canyou be happy? Yes? Can you
enjoy anything yes? So if youcan do any of that, experience any
(13:20):
of that, then all of ushave emotions. Have you ever been fearful?
Have you ever been excited and don'tknow why? Like I remember Josiah
the first time I took him outdoorsafter he came from you know, just
for fun. I don't mean,like to the doctor visits. So it's,
you know, a couple months intohis life. We live in the
(13:41):
country. The mountain as the crowflies is about a mile away, and
the breeze come up off of thatmountain. He was born, and he
was born in December, so I'mtaking him out, like you know.
And the first time that that breezewhipped around the house and lick him,
he was like his eyes bright andhe's looking around like, Okay, I
(14:05):
feel something, I hear something,but I can't process what this is,
but he liked it. He wasborn with emotions, you see. So
now we just need intelligence, andintelligence is developed over time. So I
think it's important for the people tounderstand because for those who are who have
(14:30):
a fairly decent le high EQ,you good. But for those of us
who are not, you keep runninginto the same situation over and over again
with your spouse. It's because youget too emotional, or you're not emotional
enough, or it doesn't motivate youto or you'd stay there let me just
(14:52):
say that. Or you stay there, you don't give it its full run
to your frontal dobe to make adecision about what it is that you're going
to do. You just kind offeel it, and then based on what
you feel, whether it's an excitingfeel or one that stings you, you
execute from that place. I gota question for you, Ques, do
(15:16):
you like sexual intercourse with Faith Green? I love, Okay, I'm overjoyed.
I'm a little pause. It's alwaysmy fault. I realized you do
(15:37):
it time and time again, andit's not like you don't know what's about
to happen. You know what's aboutto happen. So ask me the same
question. Please, no, notthe same question. The equivalent question is
what I meant to say. Pause, you enjoy sexual intercourse, Moan Harris,
(16:00):
Yes, sir, I do now, Simone Harris. Yes, is
in perimenopause. Oh, let's go. Let's doing She's going to full blown
okay menopause. Yeah. Simone saidin our Mastermind call Yes last night,
(16:25):
and she is telling all truth thatsometimes the body and mind don't collaborate as
she's making this transition, and shehas the same response if she were here,
would you do you, Simone loveto have with your husband? Yes,
(16:47):
but sometimes the body's like nope.Because of the transition now of quest.
When I said I love it,you know, yeah. But guess
what. There are times that Ihave to tell my love for it to
(17:08):
bow to love for Simone because Simone'sbody is having weird pains for apparently no
reason. Slow down, David,slow down, because this is crucial information
right here. Yes, sir,Sometimes my love for it has to bow
(17:30):
to my love for her paramount apausalself and the not so great experiences with
pain for no apparent reason. Strangefeelings, I said, strange because she's
not familiar with these feelings and thething we love. Quest is out of
(18:00):
the question. Now I'm emotionally intelligent. Do I go to Simone and say,
are you in pain? Can wedo it? Like a twelve year
old that shouldn't be doing it anyway? Let's go. Am I unintelligent emotionally?
That's what I meant to say.And I go to her and ask
(18:22):
her these questions. Well, Iknow you've been in pain lately, but
can we can I mean, it'sbeen it's been however long period of time,
and I have needs, you know, come on quest or worse like
some of these dudes. Now,I'm in my feelings for real, some
of these dudes that are abusive totheir wives, and they are like in
(18:44):
their own minds saying I have needs. Therefore, she, no matter what
her emotional physical state is at thistime, about to give me what I
want and need. I'm about togo get that. As the question was,
can you hear me? And Isaid, there are some verbal and
nonverbal We don't even have to havethe conversation real talk because I know what
(19:07):
she's going through and I know howunresponsive she is at this moment of time,
whatever that time is and I don'teven need to have the I'm not
trying to soothe her, so Ican go do the thing I think I
like, or I think I love, I do love, I do love.
(19:29):
But this is a non conversation.Why because first of all, if
I'm broaching the conversation, it's like, bruh, you don't understand what's going
on right now? Why are weeven talking about this? And then now
she's in a position to have tosense and feel I don't know if it's
guilt. I don't know if it'sOh no, my husband is still very
(19:51):
is very is everything is working well? He's virile still, And now is
he going to be in to somebodyelse? Is he gonna? This happens
in a split second, Like thishappens in a split second. So,
oh, you're not giving me whatI need. You're not giving me what
I want. So I'm just gonnayou see. And so rather than any
(20:15):
of that, love for simone supplantslove for those, I won't tell you
the time and because then you're gonnaturn it into a thing. So I'm
not gonna do that. But forthe the time that we experience together,
you feel me so so that's important, Like it's more than important. And
(20:37):
there are many ways to twist this, but but that one is top of
mind for me because there are alot of men who drag their wives into
into a strip club. That's whatit is. That's what it is.
That's what it is. So inthe in the strip joint, you pull
out your money and you you ifyou pay the right way, then she'll
(21:00):
wiggle the right way. You've turnedyour wife into a stripper or worse.
When I say worse, i'm talkingabout to your wife. Your wife is
not that, bro. Your wifeis not that. Your wife is not
this fictitious character that entertains you whenyou pay her. Your wife is not
that nastyness that you see on yourscreen when you watch the thing you're not
(21:22):
supposed to be watching. Come on, bro, like, that's not your
wife. That woman got paid andthey said action cut, Okay, go
to this action cut. That isnot real life. That's not real that's
unholy, and your wife ain't that. Therefore, emotional intelligence says, I
(21:47):
love her more than the feeling thatI have when I do the thing we
both normally love together. I saidall of that. Yeah, as you
were talking though, I don't knowwhy, but the story of Joseph pops
into my mind. M hm.And part of his wife, my man
(22:11):
was exiled all of these different things. You could tell he was a hub
man because obviously there was something abouthim and how he moved and how he
looked that had part of his wifelooking at him. Yeah, she was
clawing at him. She was clawingat him. I want a piece of
that pie, right, But there'ssomething that he had in terms of emotional
(22:34):
intelligence. I believe that allowed himbecause, like, for real, if
he was in the fullness of hisemotions, it wouldn't have been nothing for
him to have this affair. Andyou can come up but justified the affair
by saying, hey, she gotat me. You know what I'm saying.
He hadn't and he probably Joseph probablywasn't even active like that, but
I'm guessing he was at an agenow where all of those brother she she
(22:59):
she was trying to take it.So it wasn't like she was asking something.
She was manifesting her desire. Soyou know what happens when people like
those do that. And then she'sgrabbing at him because she got his coat,
so she touched him. Bro shetouched my man and I'm not trying
to sensationalize it, but she gotshe had his coat, so that means
(23:21):
she put hands on him somewhere,I don't know where. Can I say
this too, I would think thatshe was fine as all get out because
she was the second in command's wife. Yeah, you didn't have to run
away. You wouldn't run away fromit. Well, I won't say it,
but you don't run away from nobodythat you don't. It's not a
thing. We're like, lady,just leave me alone, a fine Egyptian.
(23:41):
Oh you did say Egyptian. Iforgot about that part. Okay,
pause, bruh. That might bea problem, but my man's emotional intelligence
was intact enough for him to putthem to the side and say, what
kind of uh ah? Like,for real, I can destroy a whole
(24:07):
bunch of stuff by making this move. What kind of carnage it would happen
as a result of right? Andit's the people think it's a different thing,
but it's really the same principle,the same principle that guarded and guided
him to be able to make thatdecision in that situation. It's the same
one that allows us to make thedecision. With Simone going through you know,
(24:30):
pre stages of menopause, faith isgetting up there too, so hers
is not too. She's already talkingabout temperature. It's yeah, ice cold,
and she's talking about she hot,and then when it's hot, she
want to come up out of everythinglike it's there and not for your and
not for your benefit either for mybenefit. Get away, that's right,
(24:51):
you know what I'm saying, Like, I know that I'm going, I'm
going, But here's the funny thing, because I'm committed to her, and
I know that i have needs,right but my needs are not going to
supersede like her needs in this particulartime place in space, because she has
(25:12):
needs as a result of what thisthing called menopause is doing to her.
You know what's interesting have control over, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I know she would love to feelbetter in those moment because you could
speak more to the you could speakmore to the probably all of the symptoms
that come along with it, becausethat's where Simone is right now, right,
(25:36):
So I know she don't want tobe there because it's not a pleasurable
experience. No, no, no, no, you feel me, So
how would I look you know whatI'm saying, saying, Yo, I
know that this is going on inDa da da da. However, yeah,
but my emotional intelligence is at alevel where it's not I'm not going
(26:00):
to enjoy it if you're not enjoyingit with me, Oh no, no,
no, no no, And thinkabout it. Faith and Simone are
God's daughters. Oh bro, theyare God's daughters. You could mess around
with them if you want to.And so if you are foolish enough,
brothers or sisters, depending on thescenario, fool because because there are there
(26:26):
are men who are having whatever physiologicalchallenges or if it's if not physiological,
some other challenge where he's just nothe's not available that way, and there's
nothing wrong where with your marriage,but there's something wrong with him at the
moment, and you can emasculate him, right You can say, you can
(26:48):
say, well, I'm not evengonna say the words like I'm not trying
to trigger nobody, but you canemasculate the dude and tell them all kind
of foolishness. It's in your mind, like I had I know some old
heads man, right now, rightnow, where the prostate is not right,
and so the prostate is not rightin the sense. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. Yes, I'm sorry. You said it. For some of
(27:11):
the men. Prostates not right.Yeah, sorry, I'm sorry. That
is right. Prostate not right atthis moment in time, is what I'm
saying to you, sir. I'msorry. I'm sorry. I'm apologizing to
them for I'm sorry that. Youknow, man, continue, you can,
(27:32):
all right? So the prostate notprostrates Jamaicans, please and thanks the
prostate the walnut that is located whereit's located. Long story, did you
just take a shot at you?I'm tired, son, I'm tired.
I'm tired of this man. Prostrate. That is an action your prostrate nowhere,
(27:53):
it's not an organ. Pause.So anyway, bro oh I started
it? But may I please continue? Yes, sir? All right?
Good, all right. So whatI'm saying, if the prostates inflamed,
then the thing that's called urethra,the tube that passes from the bladder through
(28:15):
the prostate out through the private partsinto the air, so now you can
urinate. There's an impact on sexualfunction for those men who are dealing with
that, and there are some wives, unfortunately that have no emotional intelligence and
turn that into a thing. Soit's a two way street, right.
(28:37):
I want it to be graphic inthe sense because there are some other philosophical
things and you could be like,well, don't understand. Well you understand
that, don't you. Yep.So what I'm saying is emotional intelligence,
says because he or she God's children, you being disrespectful to their plight.
(28:57):
Says I don't care what God thinksabout his children, the vow that I
took to God before these people before, like, I don't care that he's
emotionally jacked up because what used towork a certain way ain't working. And
(29:18):
then wondering if my wife is notmy wife? By the way, I
just figured I put that in therebecause that's not my challenge at the moment,
anyway. Can I just continue that'smy fault. Don't hold it against
me, quest don't hold it again. Don't make me pay for this.
Don't make me pay for this,bro, Please don't make me pay for
this. You're making me pay forthis. As I was saying before,
(29:44):
I distracted me. Yes, butis she wondering if there's something else other
than the physiological problem or health problem. Wives, is he wondering if there's
some other reason why you are inthis state and it's not paramental pause or
whatever it is? Right, Okay, then there's the other stuff. And
(30:10):
this all happens quickly. It's like, this is these emotions, these feelings,
these thoughts, it's like and peopleare coming to conclusions just as quickly,
and you can jack your marriage up. And these idiots will leave their
homes. It jots leave their homesand go find what am one somewhere else
(30:36):
and then realize too late because theywere selfish, unemotional, emotionally unintelligent and
oh not spiritually intelligent and therefore mashup your marriage, mash up relationships with
your in laws, with your children, with your community, and the people
who look up to you for whateverthe reasons are paused. That all happens
in one foolish decision span Can Isay about it? D They don't stay
(31:00):
in that state forever. You justgot It's just a season, just like
everything else. So yeah, adog, bro, you can't you can't
hold it for a minute, That'swhat I'm saying. Come on, bro,
you got years. I got twentytwo years with Simon bro married.
I can't, I can't do Ican't go through this with her? Yo,
Can I can I say this too? Can I say that stuff that
(31:21):
we're watching on the news right nowis a result of what we're talking about
right now, the stuff we seeingin Gaza. Oh oh please careful,
yes, because yeah, just aresult of the very thing that we're talking
about right now. Yeah, easy, Supraham could have just let let himself
wait until until the the like forreal, just wait, the promise is
(31:45):
there, just wait and let itmanifest. My man went got with hagar
Ishmael was born, and what yousee in centuries later is a result of
this very thing that we're talking about. Being able to have your EQ high
enough. Yeah. So I wishI had the time, But that I
(32:08):
mean, I think I think thatis the whole thing though, Like people
who want to front like they don'treson this stuff doesn't resonate with them.
They can continue to lie to themselvesbecause I think, oh now you're seeing
it, now you're seeing it.Yeah yeah, I was legit, gonna
get that joke out of here everyother day. Yeah yeah. So the
(32:31):
people who front like this is nota thing that's your business. But if
it's not this, then it's somethingelse. If it's not this, then
something else. How you behave towardsyour children versus how she behaves towards your
children. What causes the response isthat you have when you're when you're talking
(32:53):
about things that are difficult for bothof you to talk about. Whatever happens
to be. So the question againis can you actually hear me? Or
can I actually hear you? Pause? We have to seek to understand more,
(33:14):
or before we seek to understand,to be understood. David, It's
like it's like there's a disconnect.It's almost it's the theory versus execution thing
all over again. No, it'sit's almost like it's it's a common understanding,
right that when you get into marriageyou are there to serve your spouse.
(33:37):
Or is it a common understanding likeyou were there for the purposes of
service, that's what you're there for. I like serving, Simons, Yeah,
I like serving. I like servingI like servicing her. I like
servicing her too. Faith. Youlove to see service faith, I mean
faith specific Keep the faith, keepthe faith. Pause. So it's like
(34:00):
we know it in theory, butwhen we get into the relationship, we
do the total opposite. Yeah,is we do the total opposite, like
and maybe if Pharah said it's notcommon, I had to learn that.
Yeah, that's what we were talkingabout when we started, like you can,
(34:20):
you can you have? It hasto be developed, you know what.
Let me and let me say it. God has been so good to
me in faith in terms of mymarriage that I forgot that we It was
what Pharah was talking about. Thefirst time I got married two thousand and
three to two thousand and five washell on Earth. Bro Legit. It
started out kind of cool. Butyou walk into the relationship thinking that you
(34:42):
know what I'm saying, and that'sone of the things that like, for
real, I'm doing this, I'mdoing this, I need you to do
and that There was a slew ofother issues, right, but that was
one of the mindset. But I'msaying that God has been so good to
me in this season of my lifeas it relates to my marriage, that
you forget that that that like youand this, this is the reason why
we are doing Connect Connect a Greenhousesingles community. Man, let me tell
(35:07):
you something. This is the reasonwhy d for for those who have been
watching listening to the podcast, likefor real, and you are single and
you've been listening because you want togain tips you know, you know,
gems whatever, for the purposes ofgetting into your own relationship later on.
(35:29):
We are forming a singles community becausethe things that we think should be common
knowledge when you're stepping into relationship arenot. Can I say, can I
say it this way? We're savingmarriages before they before they start. I
love it. Oh, I feellike we've been certified to do that is
not We're certified to simble some out. You know what I'm saying. Okay,
okay, okay, you know whatI'm saying. D But that's it.
(35:51):
I'm realizing more and more that there'sa key word that you need before
you enter into anybody's relationship, andthat's called development. It being the very
best best version of yourself that youcan be. It's funny we make me
and you make joke about it,but everything that we're talking about runs through
(36:14):
everything that we do. Even whenyou listen to the podcast, you listen
to the intro or the outro,it's the stuff that we're talking about,
the best, very best version.Why because Parah just pointed it out.
It's not common. I had tolearn it. Yeah, yeah, common
common common like they say in Jamaica, a lot common sense and a common
(36:37):
again yeah, common sense is notcommon again anymore? Excuse me, right,
and so we can't take we mustnot take well when you wired differently,
I just yeah, yeah, putthat in there. Yeah. We
we have to recognize that we needto be responsible own whatever space we are
(37:00):
are. Oh see why is shedoing that to me? Quest why?
I don't know who? Who?Please tell her that you're married, like
and we don't promote that kind oftry to tell her lot to try to
tell our where was I? Again? Yeah, you try to tell our
long time where was I? Youknow, I'm jacked. I'm about to
(37:25):
do Yeah, I'm about to dothe alfalfa. They're not even remember that
to me? Yeah yeah yeah yeahyeah yeah. So anyway, what I
(37:46):
was saying was that we have todevelop and take ownership. That's the key,
Like, that's the key. Wehave to take ownership. So at
whatever stage we happen to find ourselves, that's cool. But if we remain
there, that's when it's not cool. You did that is when it's not
cool. So we develop, Wedevelop, We develop, Thank god,
(38:08):
we develop. And that thing thatyou've been saying for the last how many
years, we've been doing this questYeah about about phenomenal doesn't just happen.
It takes work. No, no, and no. And here's the funny
thing about it. And this iswhat made what Pharah said so dope.
It's not common. I had tolearn that once again. It is even
(38:30):
in the language we say. No, matter where you are in the entire
spectrum from shaking the good, great, that's what we're doing. Ultimately,
you want phenomenals no matter where youare in that spectrum, you can get
better. Mm, you feel me. But it takes work, So let's
(38:51):
do that work work, all right, let's go get them. Yeah,
thanks for the time, y'all.We'll catch you on a replay. No,
we won't see there. You havemit, y'all. I hope you've
enjoyed your time with us. Marriageis about mutual love and mutual respect,
and it works for those willing tomake it work. Real talk, Our
(39:12):
spouses are treasured jewels given to usto make life better, and the sooner
we learn to value one another willbe the sooner we become the absolute best
versions of ourselves we can be.Until next time, Peace,
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