CheaterZ

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Pe Shawl is Shaman Dave with mybrother Quest, the man bringing you all
things marriage, paying you huge dividendson your investment in time with us,
We're talking about love, sex,having children, money, spirituality, life
and communication and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.

(00:22):
And guess what this is grown folksbusiness. So get ready to make grown
up decisions. You know why,because marriage Ain't for suckers. That's the
name of the program. Marriage Ain'tfor Suckers. All right, let's get
into it. Hey, your Quest. It's time to give the people something.
Man, what are we talking abouttoday? Yes? Indeed, yes,

(00:43):
indeed, yes, indeed, yes, indeed, yes, indeed,
yes indeed what up? Y'all?Welcome to another edition of the Marriage Ain't
for Suckers Podcast. I'm your host, j Quest, alongside my man,
my Mellow, my mellow, myman l David the Anomaly harriss. This

(01:08):
is gonna be an entire problem Questwhen I have a problem, an entire
problem, I mean, like,I mean building, man building apparently apparently.
It's a lovely Thursday, shouts outto everybody who logs in, who
listens to who you know what?I'm saying, rocks with your boy on

(01:30):
the your fellas here on the MarriageAin't for Suckers podcast. Man, it
is a beautiful Thursday here in theCharlotte. You know what I'm saying,
Cumulus clouds sixty five, I'm justplaying it sound like a real pilot.
Sixty something degrees outside, So it'swarman d. I'm glad because it just

(01:51):
feels like the warmth is starting tocome back again. I don't know how
true that is because it's February andwe in the South, so we have
a lot of Indian summers. Shoutsoff to everybody in New Jersey cause they
got slapped with a storm. ButI'm grateful because the following day, the
snow is almost gone. For Faithlanded, she you know what I'm saying,
went to go see the fam.When she landed, she saw like

(02:13):
most of the snow was pretty muchgone. That it was crazy because just
the day before it was inches.Bro I can't. I can't do that,
Quice. I'm done with that.I saw to the Homie de Mayas
Man, who's yes, indeed,But yeah, man, I can't.
I can't do it either. I'mdone with the coal like for real,
you can't be done with the coaland the coal, bro, Let me

(02:37):
be one hundred, Let me beone stack with you. If it wasn't
for faith, brou chuck up thedeucess, Chris Brown, I would have
chucked up the deuces. But becauseyou know what I'm saying, I value
your wife. Yeah, I valueher, Okay, but that kind of

(02:58):
makes sense. That makes a lotof things to her. Pause. But
I value her mostly than anything else. You know what I'm saying, shouts
out to a b. You knowwhat I'm saying? What up? Though?
Pause? Yo? You know whatI knew, what I what I
learned while we were growing up together? What's up? Certain things you just

(03:21):
don't comment on? Yeah, Iknow you know what I'm saying. You
know me though, I'm defiant sometimes. No, that's you. You can
say what you want to say.But I ain't got nothing to say about
that. My palms are up,bro. I see you keep the faith,
Keep the faith. Shouts out tokeep the faith? Man, what's

(03:44):
going on? Man? Give mesome wins? Man? What's what's what's
what's popping? What's what? What'sthe wind? Is that? I should
have up another device so I couldshow you what's going on outside my window
with all that, all that,all that that cool but not not cold.
They every sunny vegetation in the hillsJamaica life. That's what I should

(04:05):
That's a win for me. Bro, like w y n w y n
bro, real real talk, realtalk. I'm working towards getting back to
the place in space where I'm goingdown at least once or twice a year.
Let's go. Yeah, Me andPops used to, Yeah, we
used to pretty much on a youknow what I'm saying, at least at

(04:27):
least once a year. We werelooking for excuses to be down there.
You know what I'm saying. Shoutsout to r K three in the building.
Yo, Yeah, real quick,let's interrupt this broadcast just to just
say, hey, hey, yo, yo, Bobby, and you're not
gonna believe this quest tell me ifI'm lying. Quest. Quest is a
client, right, he's a client. You know you know what I do

(04:51):
with E right? Yeah, Irecommended somebody to go to your linked in
page. I was while I wasdoing my work this morning, just this
six seven and eight figure income earnest. I'm just saying, that's r K
three, that's me except it's notme, it's him. So shouting shout

(05:13):
at the home, Yes, shoutto the to the homie. When when
when you know what I'm saying,When the when the veterans click up?
You know what I'm saying. We'vebeen rocking with that cast since high school.
Shouts out to here man, brother, we got under the belt.
I'm gonna just say to him whatI what I used to say to you.
Come on here, yard more myyard. That's that's all I got

(05:35):
on that one, for real,for real. I'm just I'm leaving it
in God's hands. D that whenwhen, when it's right, it's right.
Yeah, I'm over it with you, like I'm not gonna I'm not
gonna im gonna leave you alone becauseI understand what the hold up with the
with the what the reality is?You said? Hold up, I'm not
I'm not gonna co sign that terminology, but I will say I understand what

(05:59):
is going on on. So I'mgonna leave that right where that is.
Yes, indeed, I don't findsome big people business, bro, I'm
done. I'm done. Indeed.Yes, indeed, watch watch yo,
you see you see not hey inthe river. Not to go down you

(06:27):
know what I'm saying. One ofthese islands got to see me for good.
Let's go get them, son,let's get them. I am hinged.
I should just what we're jumping intotoday. Man, we're jumping in
the cheaters. Cheaters, Cheaters.You know they used to actually have a
show called Cheaters. I don't know, I exists. It's kind of weird.

(06:48):
I don't know if it was stagedDorford was It looked kind of staged
ish. But like, if somebodypull up on me, son, if
God forbid, now, I'm notgoing to use me. If there was
somebody like me who was a cheater, then you're not pulling up on me
with no cameras, talking all slickout your mouth. Because clearly, if
I'm if that person is dumb enough, I shouldn't say dumb. That's probably

(07:11):
take that back. Can we takeit back? No, we're live.
We can, we can, wecan, we can retract, retract,
I retract that statement. If ifthe person is it was cat, okay,
Yeah, if the person is bolsyenough enough and disrespectful enough to cheat
all in their chest like that,then coming to them with cameras and some

(07:35):
random cat talking slick out his mouthlike he knows me, brother, Yeah,
that's probably not the best way.So we're not talking like this is
not no tabloid kind of thing whatwe're talking about, right, So,
but in real life, what happened, this is what happened today in the
gym quest So I'm finished lifting.That sounded so New York, but I

(07:58):
just finished lifting, right, Yeah. And then one of the bodybuilders was
like, he stopped me and hesaid, he said, so, what
is your religious affiliation? And Iwas like, that's really interesting, really
interesting, you know. And he'stalking to one of the ogs, shall
he know them, one of theOG trainers. He's forty five, The

(08:22):
OG trainer is forty five. Andthen the young homie who's a bodybuilder and
he's a trainer too, is twentyseven. Right, they're speaking to a
young lady and she's all in herfeelings. As matter of fact, the
young trainer is not all in hisfeelings, but he's obviously annoyed with the
OG trainer, and the two ofthem are firing on the dude, and

(08:45):
the dude is just eased back.He's the dude that would call himself like
if he were to say it,like the devil's advocate, like, I
don't advocate being for the devil,so I don't do that. But he
one of them dudes. And thenso when I realized, and so I
told him. I told the youngtrainer, you know, he wanted to
know, and I told him andhe said, all right, good.
So if somebody cheats, is thatgood. So they were speaking in the

(09:13):
context of singleness. That was thecontext of the discussion because apparently the young
woman had been cheated on by somebodythat she was with in air quotes for
ten years. I'm like, Paul, she's a baby and you were with
him for ten years. That's thefirst problem. But let me not get
in entangled in that part of thediscussion yet. But the og trainer was

(09:33):
just like, ah, cheating's nota big deal. And so I said,
hold on. I put my handon him and told both of them.
I said, Yo, don't getin no discussions with this dude right
here, because he's just going tocarry around around and around around in the
bush. Of course, I wasspeaking in Jamaican parlance, but I was
just like, he's just going tocarry around around the bush. This dude
just likes to philosophize. Is thata word? Yeah, he just want

(09:56):
to carry around around in circles likehe'll have you here all day, so
listen that that is foolishness. Buton the point though, the question kept
coming up because the young woman wastriggered bro because she had been cheated on
and then this man is standing infront of him her saying nothing wrong with

(10:20):
it. So she's triggered, Likewhat he said, nothing wrong with it?
Yeah? Man, the dude waslike, Yo, nothing's wrong with
cheating. It's a matter of perspective. And then he goes into this whole
long discussion about around the world someplaceyou cannot have five wye or whatever.
And so you know me because Iam hood. He from the ghetto though,
no front, but I put upI put up the signal like like

(10:45):
before. After I told them like, leave him alone because he's just gonna
talk. He just like keeping peoplein long conversations. I said, all
right, let's move it from that, because he was just like, oh,
in different parts of the world thatd d DA may not be wrong
or whatever like that. And I'mlike, listen, if if you have
a covenant with somebody that you justwith them then whatever I say, don't

(11:05):
speed, don't speed. I'm comingback to it. Though, I'm gonna
tell you if you use the wordand I don't want you, I'm coming
back to the word. But inmy passion, I pull up on him,
like, yo, if I putthis thing on your forehead and boom,
yep, it's a rap, isit okay in another country? Homeboy?
That's what I asked him. Iwas like, so in my mind

(11:26):
it's okay because I say it's okayin my particular context, is that okay?
I said, some stuff is justwrong, some stuff is just right.
So if I do that, it'swrong or right. And then you
want to go around around and I'mlike, I already know what he's gonna
do, but I'm showing them like, don't don't be in no discussion like

(11:46):
this with this dude, because hejust like going around around and around the
bush. So like when we wereyoung, we would just be like,
so if I just punch you inyour ass, that's good, right and
wrong, it's good, so sogood. So now that we make the
point, I did say something aboutCovenant though, that's it. Let's sit
down in that. Even though we'retalking about singles. Right this moment,

(12:09):
you've decided that you two are inthe kind of relationship that it's to the
exclusion of other people, even thoughyou don't marry yet, but you've made
a vow to each other to say, whatever the next step is, we're
gonna take it with each other,not with just random people. And so

(12:33):
when homeboy was I mean, whenthe young woman was like her man friend
or whatever you call it, cheatedon her, Yeah, she's triggered,
like she's pulling out her ear budsand like, are you kidding me?
And then the other bodybuilders like,yo, that's a foolishness, and I'm
like, y'all, y'all leave himalone. Let's talk about this. You

(12:54):
made a decision where both of youreasonably understanding it, inspect that it's you
and you, not you and them. Something wrong with that, bro,
Like, you can't go do somethings of a certain if it's of a
sexual nature or if it's an emotionalnature, where now you're inviting somebody else

(13:16):
into your relationship and consider that thatis not that is not flat out wrong.
So so d let me say this, right, I did a live
on Facebook today and I'm probably gonnado one on Instagram later on right,
and I was talking to shout outto Shadrack. I was talking to the

(13:41):
single folk because it's Valentine's Right,And you know how some people who are
not romantically involved in this season,not all, but a good number of
people feel a certain level of heaviness, if you will, because there's been
so much socialization around in and sensationalismsurrounding Valentine's Day and not having a romantic

(14:05):
partner and people posting their stuff allover the place, right, celebrating a
relationship that because I don't have somebodythat I'm romantically involved in, right,
that that makes me you know whatI'm saying. So the piece that I
did this morning was it's not thedating, it's the development. Right,

(14:28):
So we know that if you're dating, for most people, if you're doing
it right, it should push youin the direction of becoming committed and ultimately
in covenant with a particular person,to do life with somebody and not around
them covenant from you understand covenant.You understand that Seaton is not even a

(14:50):
part of that. Like, that'swhy it's son That's why it's called cheating,
Like it's called cheating for a reason, bro, people think that you
can legit it, make that apart of the YO. I was watching
today a clip from a particular UHshow who talks on relationships, right,

(15:11):
and there was one particular I likethat by the way, Yeah, right,
there was. There's one particular ladythat I love when I see her
on the panels, She's dope.Right. The question was asked, at
what point, if I'm not gettingit to the frequency that I believe is
fulfilling to me within the relationship,at what point is it okay for me

(15:31):
to step outside the relationship? You'retalking about marriage, like, if you're
not getting sex whether, first ofall, we ain't supposed to be doing
it before marriage anyway. But Idon't know, Sorry, I don't know.
Yes, yes, okay, SoI'm not sure if he was talking
within the context of just together orwithin the context of marriage, right,

(15:52):
which I believe it should only bedone in the context of marriage anyway.
Anything outside of that is whatever,that's our beliefs. I know it's unpopular,
but I'm for the right rather thanthe popular. Whole other conversation,
right, he asked, if it'sokay if I'm not getting it getting it
right with the frequency that I should. At what point is it okay for

(16:15):
me to step outside to fulfill theneed like a supplement or something home.
I couldn't believe it, And I'mjust sitting there, like, what it's
already wrong for you to do itin just a dating situation. Now you're
just wrong wrong now if that makessense? Right, seems like what are
we really talking about here? Arewe willing to sacrifice our integrity, our

(16:41):
character, and our morals just becauseyou're not getting in this relationship what you
think you should be. This isthe reason why I'm saying that people need
to be developed and understand the totalityof relationship and what it entails before you
even step into it. Because atwhat point do you think it right?
Even with my men you were havinga conversation with Sometimes I don't even have

(17:03):
conversations with them people because what's aboutto come out my mouth? You're not
you don't even have the you don'teven have the presence of mine to receive
it. But see, I hadto make it a teachable moment for everybody
because they called me after I wasdone working. Now, yes, so
I'm like, okay, since youbrought it up, like, you know,

(17:25):
like I'm about to do a Bibleclass. And the dude, the
little the young the young man figuredwhen they said, oh later on,
then he's gonna do the whatever andyou can ask him anything. And then
the dude, I guess he gotit twisted because I got a little gray
in my beer. But you knowwhere we come from. And he was
like, he's like, so Ican't ask any question. And I said,
yeah, she was right when shesaid that, and he said so

(17:45):
so someega asks all the sudden,why the sun hot? And everybody starts
laughing. You know, I draggedhim right. I was like, okay,
so we're gonna talk thirty minutes.As soon as the thing started,
I made him talk why the sunhot? Because this is a play play
thing, bro, this is notsince you called my name. We're gonna

(18:07):
talk about even though the og traineris dragging him through the mud. This
is gonna be a teachable moment ifI have to stop and talk to you.
Yeah, you feel me? Wasthe dude the on the show?
Was he serious? When he waslike, at what point do you get
to supplement serious? He was deadserious. So I would have really personally,
even though it's a teachable moment becausewe do have a little extra testosterone.

(18:30):
Since he was bozy and broad andbig chest enough to say that out
loud to a woman in front ofall them people, I'd have been like,
bro, obviously you not ready,you immature, You not ready for
no relationship. Next question, never, next question, anything else. But
here's the funny thing. There werea couple she was like, are we

(18:52):
really talking about this? There wereone or two dudes on the pedal like,
yes, we are talking about this. Good, which means that there
are a number of gentlemen that areno, ain't no gentlemen doing that?
Bruh, I'm sorry. There area number of men because I'm right,
I'm being right. There are anumber of men that actually think within the

(19:17):
context of we're not even talking aboutrelationship. We can, but we're now
we're talking within what we're talking abouthis marriage, right, there are a
number of men who actually entertained thethought. If we were to take a
sample survey of the population d I'msure that we would find a number of
men who are thinking along the linesthat is it okay or even as much

(19:40):
as entertaining the question, is itokay that if I'm not getting my needs
fulfilled and I step outside, right, it should be okay for me to
do that because my needs are notbeing fulfilled at home? You know what
I did to pull the conversation down, because the young woman was triggered,
and then the trainer was the Theyoung trainer was, you know, you

(20:02):
know you was cheated on. Youprobably be triggered, duce, So what
exactly? So hear what I did? I asked the young trainer, how
old are you? He said,he's twenty seven? And I said,
to all of them, I said, I've been married since he was five.
The young woman was like, theold G know that he's not OLDG

(20:25):
to me, but to them heis, he knows that. And I
said, okay, low and slowquest. I'm low and slow now twenty
two years so og trainer figured hewas going to get slick and he said,
before you get married, how manypeople you? I said, I
don't know. He said, seethat. I said, hold on,

(20:47):
hold on, hold on, holdon, bro, you you forgot to
ask a question. Now you misseda question. Remember that, they remember.
And the guy, the other trainer, he asked me, what is
my affiliation. I said, yousaid before I got married, But years
before I got married, I gotconnected to God. Ah. So now

(21:14):
ask me the question again, howmany did I have since I've been connected
to God and since I've been marriedzero? Yep, nobody accept my wife
and I didn't. And listen,I got baptized when in ninety six.
I didn't get married until two thousandand one. I'm not trying to say
that I'm some special dude, butyou have to ask all the questions,

(21:37):
homeboy. So I stopped it,and then he was like then he was
like oh, and I said,oh he started talking. I interrupted him
and I said, you know why, because I care what God thinks it
And then the youths were like,he cares what God thinks. Now settle
down and listen, homeboy, Likeyou got to listen. Now, this
is a teachable moment. So easywith all of that. I thought that

(22:00):
all you doing and so you knowwhat that implies that you don't care what
God thinks. That's it, straight, that's it. So don't play around
with this discussion. Here's a funnything to you that it's not even So
let's not even take it as faras God, you don't care what man
think. If you don't care whatman think, how you gonna think?
What care what God think? Youdon't care what nobody else think but you.

(22:22):
That's the only person you care aboutwhat you think. That's it.
I took it another level. Hesaid, See, you didn't even know
before. Before I said all that, he was like, oh, so
you don't even know how many bodiesyou got. I was like, no,
absolutely not. I have no idea. I said, I have no
idea. And I said, andhere in just in case somebody gets confused.
When I was out there before Igot baptized, and I called myself

(22:47):
being honest and say, well,I can't go with you tonight because I'm
going with her to do whatever.That's not noble. Because there's some dudes
that are such players that they feellike, oh, if everybody knows,
then it's okay. And I'm like, no, but if you care what
God thinks, then immediately you haveto say push pause on that, because

(23:11):
that is what matters to me.That is what drives how I do what
I do and with whom I doyou feel me? So I'm not saying
that a person who loves God can'tmake a mistake. But I don't really
want to go into them weeds.I don't really don't have the time to
go into the weeds of what happenswhen somebody makes a mistake. All I'm

(23:32):
saying is not only is it theideal, but it can be what we
do. This is how we canactually live. And I told them if
you in part of me quest I'mone of them dudes that's extreme on certain
things. If you are unmarried andthe person that you're supposed to be serious
with goes in sexist someone else,leave them immediately, do not pass go,

(24:00):
do not collect two hundred dollars.Listen to the story. If you're
a forgiving person, which I hopeyou are, forgive the person and push,
do not go any further in thatrelationship because you don't need to marriage.
That's a different discussion, but thisdiscussion push, I said that you

(24:21):
can think I sound unforgiving all youwant, but statistically it ain't gonna work.
Just saying it's not gonna work,I'm not even I'm not even Yeah,
we are we done? Oh I'mletting that breathe for a minute,
because I know all the questions iscoming to mind? What happened to this?

(24:42):
And what happened to this? Thequestion ain't the question. Here's the
funny thing. The question is noteven about what if they. The question
is now about you. How developedare you that you would allow somebody into
your life to do that to you? In the dating phase, Well call
it courtship, because we're talking aboutit. We get married. Whatever we

(25:04):
call before you say I do whatever. We calling it the courtship dating.
If you say courtship, we'll callit court But can I just make a
distinction while you do? Are yougonna lose your point if I do this?
No. The reason why I wantto make the distinction is because in
a world where people sex sex eachother just indiscriminately, right, the people

(25:25):
who are dating, like if youwant to call it dating, they just
go out with whomever whenever there.But even in that world, though,
there are people that says, meone and you one, and that's it.
This is the type of person I'mtalking to the people that are just
out there going out with whomever.Y'all sexing each other like bunnies. I
don't know what to say about that. But for the people who did,
I just say that that just itsays like bunnies. I'm sorry, it

(25:49):
just leaked out. Quest Sometimes Idon't know what I'm saying. I get.
But but for the people who havesaid though that you and I are
an item, that's what I'm talkingto right now. So so so that
and let me let me say thatthis is the reason why I'm saying D
that it is not the dating,it's the development. It's not the courtship

(26:12):
right, it's the development from thetime that you allow somebody in the courtship
phase to do that. What I'mdoing is opening the door for that to
potentially happen after I've committed my selfentered into covenant with you. Yeah,
and it's it's easier now to doit now. It's not that easy to

(26:34):
do it once you enter into covenant. Are some of us are you know,
here's the truth of the matter.Some of us are dealing are in
marriage right now. D And madecovenant with something that God never intended for
us to make covenant with. Whybecause we weren't developed enough. You cannot
give what you don't have. That'sone of the principles we talk about and
not in the masterminds in the morning. Right, you can't think about a

(26:56):
thing if you don't have the presenceof mind, if you don't have that
kind of mind to even think aboutthat, it's that's way beyond your What
am I saying? There's levels tothis, definitely, And wonder if you
choose somebody, you're gonna choose somebodythat's a reflection of who you are.
What are you saying? Quest?If you immature, you're gonna choose somebody
who's immature. Yeah, if youlack character, you're gonna choose somebody that

(27:18):
lacks character. If you lack integrity, you're gonna choose somebody who lacks integrity.
If you have if you if youif you are have low self esteem,
you're gonna choose somebody who has lowself esteem. So here's the funny
thing. Work towards being the bestversion of yourself that you possibly could be
so that you can make an informationchanges situations, give yourself information and time

(27:41):
to develop so that you can bein a right if there's levels to it,
and then you at a level three, let's work to get into a
level seven or a level ten sothat we can make get somebody who's on
a level seven or level ten.So so do me a favor. Let's
do a little role play question.Yeah, no, doubt. All I
need you to say, m hall I need you to say to me?
Is that's easy for you to say? Three two? Go ahead,

(28:06):
Yeah, that's easy for you tosay. Yeah. Well, I didn't
say it. All I did wasrepeat it. God said it. God
had said that. I did say. God had said God said that.
All I did was repeat it.You go tell him that. But here's
the funny thing, too, dHe says it in so many different ways.
We pick and choose what we wantto apply it to. There's a

(28:27):
text that says, be why harmlessas a dove? And why is as
a serpent? That wasn't just forfinances or business decision. That's across the
board. Even in relationships. Yousee somebody, you know, they look
good. Where we get messed up? Is that, y'all, jokers?

(28:48):
Is sex and before you're supposed toYeah, sex is the fire and marriage
is the fireplace. You try tostart that fire anywhere else, you're gonna
burn the place down. Pause saythat again, Say that again? Please,
Sex is the fire. Marriage isthe fireplace. I don't start a
fire. In the middle of myliving room unless it's I don't put wooded,

(29:11):
I'll burn the house down. Well, not that I'm married. I
started wherever I want to said,I put the wood in the fire wherever
I put it. Now that youmarried, yo, you can't say what
in Jamaica. That's all I goton that. When I can't say wood
in Jamaica, Bro, that's allI got on that. How we get

(29:33):
here? How did we get here? People? Because it's question Day and
that's all the time, the shenanigans, but all jokes asidey, like for
real, if you try to startthat, I just want people to understand
that, like for real, cheating, cheating will never take place when you
understand what sex is, a lotof cheating takes place because people don't understand
what sex is. Sex is agift. It is a gift from God.

(29:59):
Unfortunately, sometimes we take the giftsthat God gives us and use this
and use them in a unholy kindof way, if you will, in
other words, outside of what itwas ordained to do. If ye,
and I'm gonna say d yeah,I don't want to dive too deep because
you know what I'm saying. I'mnot trying to be offensive, but I
can. I can go there.If it is not within the marriage context,

(30:23):
you're right, and I can goeven further than that. Anything outside
of that than it is you don'tbelieve. And I'm easy for you to
say. D just said it awhile ago. I didn't say it.
That was so cute. Like whenpeople say that to me, I'm just
like, brother, you talking.I'm not a baby, bro, I've
been around for a minute. I'dnot say it. Bro. I didn't

(30:44):
say it. All I did wasrepeat it. It's easy for me to
repeat. So here's the thing questpeople. Somebody may be saying, well,
what's the big deal? Why areyou talking so strong? Have you
ever whatever? Whatever? Whatever?And I'm like easy with those questions.
You should be wondering what God thinks. Right. So here's the thing.
If being physically and emotionally intimate isa godly thing, and it is,

(31:15):
and you're trying to be godly,yes, or even if I'm not.
But what I'm saying is I'm strippingthe argument down physical and emotional. And
I would add spiritual intimacy is godly. It must represent something. So the

(31:37):
marriage, which is really the housingfor This kind of intimacy represents relationship between
God and his people. So peoplealways throwing up signs, and I'm not
throwing none up because I ain't neverbeen in no gang. Always throwing up

(32:00):
signs for who they repping. Andyou know what the repercussions are for fronting
like you reping somebody WHOA pause?And do you know even with our brothers,
the nation of who they call themselvesthe Nation of Gods and earths,
five percent nation, you know whatkind of physical justice you get for repping

(32:22):
the nation, the five percent nation? And you not you get what they
call physical justice? Oh? CanI do you one better? Please?
Do? In Deuteronomy, I believeit's in chapter eighteen. If you spoke
on behalf of God and he didn'tspeak to you, not only are you

(32:45):
considered a false prophet, but youcould be committed to death. So now
what you said did not come tofulfillment, right. That means that you
said something that I didn't tell youto say that you said he told you.
Now you misrepresented him and got himlooking crazy out here. The word

(33:08):
declares that you would be put todeath. Period. So what I'm saying,
then, when I if God forbid, I do step outside of my
relationship for what is only to bein my relationship. In my case,

(33:30):
I'm married, and that relationship representsGod. Then that means that I'm saying
to whoever is seeing that this ishow God is, This is what God
is. Like you can take itanyway you want to take it, but

(33:51):
we can't pussy foot around it,bro, Like we can't. We can't
act like it's not what it is. Even if God forbid, you saw
me do it, that is noexcuse, which I did not. By
the way, can I just saythat right there? But I'm saying in
my humanity, if you see somethingthat is not like Him, it doesn't

(34:12):
change what I just said. Andyou could rewind this and play it back
to me. Be like, Bro, remember that day that you said,
and I'd be like, I repentin sackcloth and ashes if God forbid,
because it doesn't give anybody any excusefor living a counter to what God says.
Because you see some other person dothat, that's okay to you.
Well, the two of you aremisrepresenting God. Like if I'm in prison

(34:36):
like this, you know what Imean. Like when we were young,
bro, and the dude is gettingknocked for something. He'd be like,
Quest did it too, Brother,that's some sucker stuff, Bro, Suck
up, that's some sucker stuff,like Quest did it too? Is If
that's your excuse, that's some suckerstuff. I've seen you do it.
That's some sucker stuff, Bro.That doesn't change the fact that you're on
the wrong side of the discussion.Yo, David, I gave he go

(35:00):
to verbal action yesterday before yesterday,so he whenever I tell him take a
day, that means no electronics,no TV, no nothing. You finished,
sit in your room, and it'sill for them. It's I saw
my man stressed yesterday. He wasleaning up against the wall like this,
you know, I because he ain'thad no video games, he didn't have

(35:20):
no tablet. He couldn't do nothingon boy shivering because I said, losing
it right. So he was like, the other day, you let Mason
do I said, this is notabout Mason right now. This is the
fact that I asked you to dosomething and then you lied about doing it.
It was real light. But I'msending the message to all of them,
like, for real, I wouldhave rather you told me you didn't

(35:42):
do it. And we can workthrough why you didn't do it as opposed
to telling me that you did itwhen you know you didn't immediate take a
day, bro, and you luckyI didn't easy, you know. And
he broke. He broke what like, I'm not really with the man cold
thing, but in this case,I'm gonna use it. You broke man
code by diamond on your brother.But then you try, but then you

(36:05):
give anything you trying to justify whateverit is that you're doing, or get
or circumvent the process so you couldget to do it because he got And
I said, first of all,who did it? Who allowed him to
do it? He said, Mommy, I said, then it wasn't me.
I'm the one you I caught youdoing it. I'm the one that
you lied to. So guess whatyou're gonna deal with me. You ain't
dealing with your mother right now,so you're gonna pay the price and what

(36:28):
you matter of fact, then hewas like, but I was like,
we're dealing with you, but we'redealing with you, and if I get
another butt, it's gonna cost youmore than you willing to pay. So
we have to prepare these young menbro to be. So we got to
prepare some grown men, grown men, bro because all that excuse stuff,

(36:50):
that's that's what my thing is.What with our guide Josiah Man when he
gives me excuses, I'm not actuallyupset with him, but I come to
them heavy because I'm like, Iam not raising a boy. Like in
this book that the late Richard Williamswrote, they stole it and we must

(37:16):
give it back, or something likethat. He identified that there was a
time that some slave owners, mastersand drivers used to son the boys,
son the men and get the boysto grow up too fast, and they

(37:37):
would use the vehicle of the mummy. So they would they would threaten the
dude, the big strong, burlyman, and put it in the wife's
or the woman's mind, were gonnakill that blank, And so she would
be like, chill your quest,quest please please, mass gonna kill you

(38:00):
quest, chill please, mastercon killyou. So he would get sunned that
way, right, But then shewould inadvertently grow up the boy to quickly
put too much responsibility on his head, and so the boy is confused,
and then when he gets to manhoodhe gets sunned again. And so what

(38:22):
has happened is the people that don'tunderstand what's happening, they start to create
boys they wouldn't marry. They createboys they would not marry, and then

(38:42):
say, I'm so tired of thisstuff with these But there is a population
of people who created the boys thatyou wouldn't marry, and God forbid it
should be you by making excuses forthe boy when he's old enough to understand,
when he's been given the tools,or somebody is giving the young man

(39:02):
the tools, because when he getsto be of age, now you're gonna
complain about him. You're gonna cussthem low key, you might go cust
some stank in real life, andnow you're mad, and it's like,
well, who created that? Whogot in a way when he needed to
be checked? You feel me?And the check in is so that this

(39:24):
dude can be a man when hegrows up. That I'm growing men,
bro, I'm not growing babies.I'm not growing boys. From the time
Josiah was in the womb, Iwas correcting him and hugging and loving him.
He still get enough hugs, bro, Yeah, but I don't let
him make no excuses in front ofme. None, none, not one

(39:46):
excuse. If it's an excuse.I call it bro none because you can't
say you won't have the opportunity tosay he didn't he wasn't affectionate with me
enough, or oh no, Idon't play that over just stuff. Bro.
He gets a lot of hugging.Bro. Oh no, no,

(40:07):
no. When I came home fromwhat's the name the other day, them
jokers jumped into bed. Oh wemissed you for the last two days.
So you know what I'm saying.They get hug up, they get kissed
up, they get all of that. You know what I'm saying. I
think the thing that's most important isto make sure that they don't have an
excuse, so that when you dosomething that's outside of your integrity, you
do something that's out of your character, you don't have no choice but to

(40:30):
just, you know what I'm saying, take the discipline and make the adjustments.
And when people say something to methat have only known me for say
ten years, yeah, they havesomething to say, I'm like, oh,
I guess you didn't know that Itrained him personally. Come on,
I guess you don't know that hewent to daycare for two day two weeks

(40:55):
when he was three months off,and he's only known his daddy's voice from
then. See what I'm saying.There were no babysitters at any time,
not even once, and he didthe daycare at three months old for only

(41:16):
two weeks. So I know whatI put in because I know what I
didn't get. I invested everything.And I'm not even talking. I'm even
bringing Simona in this because I'm theone talking right this moment, So you
can't talk to me about him becauseI gave him everything. I quit careers,
two of them, because he's gonnaget what I didn't get because I'm

(41:40):
a raised the right. It's onlyby the grace of God that I am
halfway saying and halfway respectable. Butthat little boy's got he's getting all of
the best of everything in terms ofthat. Absolutely, And I think it's
important for us because we've come upwhere we've seen, like for real,

(42:04):
where the men and I'll just saythis, and this is no dis to
my father or any other man,Big big John Green. Right. Yeah,
I remember when my parents got divorced. I was in the second grade,
so which means I was what secondgrade? Yeah, we were seven

(42:29):
years old, age seven, broseven, So seventeen twenty seven. That
means my mama was twenty years old. I'm sorry, my mama was twenty
seven years old. Seven, yeah, twenty seven, and he was twenty
nine. They were young. Theywas young, right, And I remember
when I was twenty seven or twentynine. Please, I wish I would

(42:52):
be trying to marry to somebody tryingto raise a family, So how could
I hold him? You know whatI'm saying. It wasn't my fault that
all of those things happened that causedme to grow up the way that I
did. And I seriously believe tosome extent, Dee, that my critical
thinking and all the things that wouldallow us to properly navigate through life didn't

(43:16):
develop the way that it should havedeveloped because of them being you know,
getting that divorce. Here's the thingabout it. It wasn't my fault,
but it's my responsibility. It's simple, bro, And I think most dudes
are suffering right now because you stuckon the fact that it wasn't your fault.

(43:37):
And that might be cool for twentyfive. I'll even give you twenty
nine and thirty, but once youpass the age of thirty, I'll give
you what they say, the brand, the brand, the frontal lobe.
Don't fully develop until you get agetwenty five. Okay, I'll give you
a five year cushion. Past thirtythat's no longer acceptable. It may not
have been your fault, but it'syour responsibility to make because why if you're

(44:00):
about here trying to get wives andall of this other stuff, it would
behoove you to develop yourself to someextent because especially when you're about to have
children, out of that, comeon, now, broken people begat broken
people, if that you know whatI'm saying, Like, listen, I
have compassion, but I do notembolden people. You know. So when

(44:23):
Simona and I talk about it,when we're referencing people, we know,
I always find myself and my feelings, and I say, if I behave
in my home the way I grewup, nobody in here would be here.

(44:43):
Straight facts. So since since Imean, since we're talking about all
we have they had a past,like, I get it, son,
Like I promise you I get it. That is an excuse you should.
It can be a reason for whyyou can be a reason when you're grown.
It can be a reason for thestruggle but it must not be an

(45:05):
excuse for the behavior. It's areason for the struggle. I struggle against
you what every day I wake up, Brother, I'm struggling against certain things,
a few key things. Bro.That's all of us, though,
d ain't none of us that's notstruggling with something. No, but some
people don't struggle. They just letgo, and then they become people who
make excuses. Ah, That's whatI'm talking about when I say the struggle.

(45:29):
We're pushing against this thing. Bro. Oh yeah, because we're where
we accelerate to or where we achievesuccess. And it don't mean that even
after we achieve success, were stillnot struggling with stuff. Determines on how
you face the struggle. If youjust let it go, then you're gonna
get what those get who just lettheyselves go and they just wallowing in the

(45:49):
muck and the mire. If youwill, Yeah, nah, I can't
sit in it, brou I promisedthis big, old giant house with all
these three point what acres of cementand rebar and three levels. Don't want
none of what I got growing up? If I pop the way that I
grew up, And I say,because this is how I grew up.

(46:12):
There's some stuff I can't unsee basedon what I saw growing up. Yeah,
we lose freedom. It lose awhole bunch of stuff. So I'm
like, miss me with that.I get it. Like I may bathe
your face one go on that ifyou're immature enough, I may bathe your
face and coddle you just for themoment, just so you can hear my
voice. But after that, brother, I'm not saying it's not a reason.

(46:35):
But what I am saying is,get help. If you need assistance,
get assistance. Now, it's yourfault. If you don't get assistance
because because whatever you saw an experienceis just too heavy. Now it's your
fault because you're not choosing to getassistance and actually work through this thing.
So cheating is a big it's abig thing. Like I get it.

(46:59):
Like you and I we used totalk about it when we first started,
and I know we got a pushman, but when we first started this
program, I guess it's twenty sixteenor whatever. We used to talk about.
Mainly you used to talk about howin marriage, if someone does step
out a lot of times there issomething on the spouse's end that either they

(47:22):
missed or there was a cause.It's not an excuse, but there may
be. Why did she become emotionallyattached to someone else? Is it possible
that you miss something? As thehusband? Many times, maybe the answer
is yes. But again again Iget it, but that is still not

(47:46):
something God says. Okay, yeah, you know what, You make a
good point because something didn't work outwith you and your spouse. So yeah,
you're right, you got to goget that somewhere else. If you're
single, then that's a whole fromproblem. So I always define the force
as the inability to self assess anda lack of tools necessary to navigate difficult

(48:14):
and challenging situations, even when thatis the cause. Yeah, your inability
to self assess, to see whatyou're contributing. Like, for real,
you have a God gave your brain, use it. We can communicate what
is missing? You know what I'msaying, Like what happened? Where are

(48:34):
we? Like? For real?It don't never have to get to the
point of cheating. It doesn't haveto get there. When it does happen,
it's because the need is being unmet. And when I say unmet,
I'm not talking about the actual inand U. Okay, let's take physical
intimacy. I'm not talking about inphysical intimacy in and of itself. The

(48:55):
chances are great that you will notgo and do that if you have the
opportunity to have conversations that will allowyou to work through it to get into
the physical intimacy. But when that'snot happening, not only have I let
you know what's going on, youjust refuse to just dismiss it completely like
it ain't nothing. That's the thingthat pushes you there. You know,

(49:16):
it's interesting. I've never said thispublicly because well, I just won't say
why. But I never said thispublicly, but the people who are closest
to me know this. There wasa time my mother is now deceased.
She's been sleeping since twenty twenty.She was my protector in a bad marriage,

(49:40):
etc. Etc. I noticed someyears into my marriage that I was
feeling allergic to her and it wasmessing with my brain. Because my mother
is the one I love and hasbeen and protecting me. I'll just leave

(50:01):
that where it is. I'm notgoing into that part of the discussion.
But when I realized that I washaving this response, I could not compute.
I went and got help, Bro. I got help, Like,
I went to a therapist because Iwas like, I cannot process whatever this

(50:23):
is. So I went and gothelp so that they could help me process
this. I've been in psych fora long time, bro, and I
could not process this. In fact, my therapist was like, yeah,
don't try to modify your mother's behavior. Because she knew what my background was.
She was just like, yeah,don't do that. And I didn't

(50:44):
tell her I was trying, butshe told me straight up, like do
not. You'll be in a deepend of the pool and your drown.
Do not do that this. Let'swork with you, work on you and
get this thing sorted. I thinkthat, Bro, I think it's heavy
that you say said that because alot of us like we Jimmy, and
when I say, Jimmy, you'redoing a lot of like for real,

(51:05):
clocking your teeth, you're doing alot of talking. And I've come to
realize too that, like for real, and I just want to sit on
that for a moment, that youhave to go and get the help.
Even after being insight for X amountof years, Right, you can't talk
yourself out of something that you behavedyourself into you know what I'm saying.
So, and I think that that'sa problem especially with us for men.

(51:29):
Maybe not so much for the ladies, but with us we have an issue
with vulnerability and if we do.I'm not saying you got to be vulnerable
everywhere, but there are a numberof places that you have to for the
purposes of growth. Yes, sir, good, vulnerability is strength. Tomorrow
is how your boy Maxwell says it. Growth is the only guarantee that tomorrow

(51:51):
gets any better. H Yeah,shout to Shad mud hut to millionaire like
he's he's really pressing, pressing manin a good way to be appropriately vulnerable
and get the assistance and camaraderie andsafe space within your big testusterony chests.

(52:16):
I don't know if that's a word, but I just made it up.
If it ain't, so shout toShad Man like, shout to Shad the
word. So I taught to Ab. She was a while ago saying it's
so hard as a mom holding yourtongue, you know what I'm saying,
while while you know her husband isdisciplining. She was like, I know
it's needed, but you know hermama nurture himself, right, but she

(52:38):
has to keep in her mind thathe's making a man. Yep, yep,
yep, d you guys shout out, so he should be coming back
in two seconds. You'll see mein two seconds. But yeah, man,
yeah, d yr D and asalways been, let me just go
ahead and like for real, fromoh back in time, you ain't going

(53:02):
nowhere, D. I was aboutto let him have the music, bro,
Yeah, I see you on Facebook, still on the delay, but
yeah, something really here. Idon't know if it's a solar flare or
what it was. Keep talking,Yeah, no, yeah, you know,
you're good, You're good. Iwas about to let them have have
have the You know what I'm sayingto close out, I think I want
what I want you guys to to. What we want to leave you with.

(53:25):
This evening is like for real,when you get to the place where
you're having those kind of thoughts,their indication that you need development, real
indication that you need help. Right, there's never an excuse for doing the
right thing, period. There's neveran excuse for doing the right thing.

(53:45):
Yeah, yep, yep, yeah, shakey, The good good to great.
What we want is phenomenal but ittakes work, so let's keep working
and I'll see all that phenomenon.There you have it, y'all. I
hope you've enjoyed your time with us. Marriage is about mutual love and mutual

(54:07):
respect, and it works for thosewilling to make it work. Real talk,
our spouses are treasured jewels given tous to make life better, and
the sooner we learn to value oneanother will be the sooner we become the
absolute best versions of ourselves we canbe. Until next time, peace,