Everybody Can't Go!

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
P seaw issha Man Dave with mybrother quest the man bringing you all things
marriage, paying you huge dividends onyour investment in time with us, We're
talking about love, sex, havingchildren, money, spirituality, life,
communication and anything else to help youthrive and win in your relationships. And

(00:22):
guess what this is grown folks business. So get ready to make grown up
decisions. You know why, becausemarriage Ain't for suckers. That's the name
of the program. Marriage Ain't forSuckers? All right, let's get into
it and your quest. It's timeto give the people something. Man,
what are we talking about today?You already know what ever started with?

(00:45):
Right d what if? Y'all welcometo another edition of the Marriage Ain't for
Suckers Podcast. I'm your host withthe most Quests, alongside my co host,
my Man, My Mello, MyMello, my man. Ladies and
gentlemen and the all those in between, stand up, put stand up,

(01:07):
and put your heads together. Forl David, you just took all the
wind out of my sails. I'mnot sure what that meant, but I'm
not gonna I'll tell you. Youknow what I'm saying. No questions,
yo, asking no questions do notget this program. Not what up?

(01:29):
Y'all? What up? I'm notgetting you not Not everybody is a lady.
You know what I'm saying. It'ssome beasts. It's some beasts.
Like some people with behavior. That'sall I got, man, there's some
people with no behavior. I'll tellmen that are not gentlemen. They're lego
beasts. Okay, good by her, ignorant yo yo, that's that's a

(01:57):
big world of day. Yeah,rat some people ratchet quest what up?
What up? Though? Shout thepeople in the d man, y'all,
I understand the Lions ain't going,but listen, shout to the people who
ride with your team. They don'tknow a lot, but I know not
enough to start an argument. That'sall. Not even not not for nothing,

(02:20):
after thirty two years of not beingor clutching any title, for them
to do what they did this year, because last year, you know,
they season was all right last year. This year they came back though they
wasn't playing, and they went asfar if they keep doing this next year
or maybe the yeah, that theycan really clutch the title. Man,
you feel me? Is that theconsolation prize? Bro? Like you said,

(02:43):
if you keep believing consulation, Butlike, what, what's the what's
the cliche that they always say,shoot for the moon and even if you
miss, you'll still be amongst thestars. It's kind of like that kind
of thing. And I know it'sso nice of you to say that,
Quess, that's so nice. Iknow what they do, you go for
the Bowl? But did they reallythink they was gonna come against some top

(03:05):
program doing what they like? No, and I'm not just stop anything away
from them the ball, but son, but Son, you just said,
did they really think that they wasWhat do you think they were trying to
do? They were trying to getthe And I ain't mad. I ain't
mad. And if they went thewhole way, I'd have been, like
many they gritted this joint out becauseit's some ball programs right now in the

(03:25):
NFL they doing their thing. Yeah, I'm not gonna front. I don't
know nothing about a whole lot.But I watched I watched headlines once in
a while, I watched a littleyou know what I mean, just enough
to start an argument. But yeah, shout to the people whose teams didn't
go, and shout to the twopeople's teams that they go and uh yeah,
there you go. Yeah Man asalways, Man, D, I'm

(03:49):
for real, Man, I'm lovingthe season I'm in right now, and
I'm not let me not say I'mnot loving it because you know, I
just like difficulty and challenge. I'lllike it because of what it's going to
produce by time all of this isover and said and done. You know
what I'm saying. Okay, thisweek for those of you who are you

(04:10):
know, leaders in your own right, leaders in your home. If anything,
there are a couple of ways,a couple of things D that we
got away from over the last year, just because I've been focused on a
number of things, Like for real, my mind always goes back to the
conversation that me and Ink had acouple of years back, and he was
just like you. We were talkingabout corporate entities and stuff and just grinding

(04:32):
on the job and just trying tobreak the glass ceiling, get to the
next level, all of that goodstuff, and he's like, man,
people dying from burnout. And hewas like you. He's like, let
me tell you, bro, itain't burnout. And I was like,
why you say that. He waslike, people don't get burnt out because
of what they do. People getburnt out because life makes them forget why
they did it in the first place. Oh, bars, you know what

(04:54):
I'm saying, Like, for real, you got with this company, you
had all these high hopes, andthen you got into the minutia, you
know what I'm saying, and allof the other things that really just pull
you in so many different different,you know, directions that you forgot why
you joined. And never let goof your why. You know what I'm
saying, Like, that's what I'mhearing, like, never let go of
your why. And so we wewe. I got married because I love

(05:17):
Faith Green, I love Yeah,keep imagine that, keep the faith.
I got married because I love herand I want to spend the rest of
my life with her, good,bad or indifferent. That's why I got
married. And out of that lovecame children, right, and we have
a couple of the you know,as rambunctious as the boys can be sometimes,

(05:40):
you know. And Zoe's twenty one, but she still got you know
what I'm saying, She's still oneof the babies too. She'll always be
my baby. I don't care howyou get. She still got some stuff
with her as well. And thatmixed in with trying to do so many
things in life. Sometimes you forgetthat these are a product of your love
and you got to build and nurture. God blessed us with them. Let's

(06:00):
keep it one honey, right,we already know who they came from.
God blessed us with these children.I was just waiting to get to that
part. Yeah, he really did. Like the word is very clear,
every good and perfect gift comes fromyou know what I'm saying. And so
with that being said, the wegot away from a couple of things.
We used to have this thing calledmind, body, soul time where we

(06:20):
just like it's time dedicated to themto do what they want to do with
us, you know what I'm saying, the way they want to do it.
And so this week me and mywife had a conversation as you should
if you in relationship, and wetalked about a number of different things,
and one of the things that wewere concerned about was their personal development,

(06:42):
because ain't it funny we always inthe place of personal development for us,
but never are we doing that kindof stuff for our children. Like it
automatically happens, and I know,shouts out to John Maxwell, he's the
best. You don't It wasn't himwho said this particular thing who you are
to be? You are now coming, but who you are to be?
You just don't stumble on that,right. You just don't fall into success.

(07:04):
You just don't. Right. There'sthis intentional and deliberate thing. And
I'm like, why are we notdoing that with our children? We intentionally
on loving on them, we intentionalon giving them stuff and making them feel
right, but we also need tobe intentional about their growth. So yeah,
man, I went and got thema book and I said, I'm
going to pay you for what's that? Oh? Yeah, yeah, I'm

(07:32):
not paying. I'm not paying.I'm not hey, I ain't mad,
you know what I'm saying. Butbut but real talk, we're going to
be intentional and deliberate about his growthand his personal development. So he's got
to read, and he's got toshare with us the fact that he's grasping
the material, and then he'll getsome rewards on the back and forth.
But man, I'm just thankful forlife in this season, as challenging sometimes

(07:56):
as it can be, it's goingto produce something on the back end because
where intentional can I get some rewards? What you want me to read?
You can get some rewards from youand from me? Yes, I don't
know what what kind of rewards youwant me to give you. I'm motivated
by money. Well, I tellyou what. When we make our first

(08:18):
million, okay, I got toget all the rewards you want. Okay,
Okay, when we age, wecan make get what you want.
We could go where you want drive. Okay. So I guess I don't
even need to read at that pointbecause there's no incentive. I won't have
to read. You said we're gettingthe g what he said, were getting

(08:41):
the g G Wagon. I'm definitelygetting one of those. I'm distracting you,
yea, you are. I'm goingto I'm good. But yeah,
no, that's we were taking thattrip. Yep, we are taking that

(09:03):
trip to Ghana. You'll no jokeyou nowhere else I want to go Rwanda.
No, that's low key supposed tobe the best spot. Well,
I mean you can't say that becausebecause Africa is dope, but that's low
key the best spot to move,even though I've been on Ghana for decades.

(09:24):
But but Rwanda is supposed to bethe there's some there's some character I
want you to check him out onon on on YouTube that moved from Jersey
to Rwanda and they are bro.Yeah, I'll visit, but I'm still
moving. I'm going to Ghana.Yeah, I'm man, I'll go.
I'll go with you. Yeah whereup? Yeah, let's let's uh yeah

(09:48):
on the island. That's what Iwant to do first. Yeah, well
it's not what it's going to bein the a next week this time when
I get there. I don't knowif you're looking in the little back end
group about and I'm like to meand you over the last year, Yes,
true, it's true. In whatway? How many times I've seen
you over the last year, Idon't even know a lot of times,

(10:11):
like more than I more than I'veseen you in in thirty years i've been
in Jamaica. True, And I'mgoing to increase that because this year I'm
like, yeah, I'm gonna getback to going at least once a year.
I used to do it before acouple of years pass by. Even
if I'm going with just me andmy father, at least once a year,

(10:31):
you have to it's talking about atleast one at least. Yeah,
right, and then we even weain't even bust the first quarter yet,
and again next week, yeah saying, just saying, yeah, yeah,
so yeah, that's how That's howthings are in the island. Right now
where I live on the island,it's sunny, sonny, it's cool at

(10:56):
night right now. I mean it'sgonna get blitter, it's gonna get crazy
hot and a couple of months,but right now it's cold. For Josh
Cover, I'll give you two monthsif that it's is February, March April,
March April, yeah, probably morelike May. It'll start, you
know, cooking in the nights.But I ain't mad, bro, I

(11:20):
don't. I'm mad. Like I'mmad. They're talking about rain in Atlanta
when I get there next week.I'm not happy about this. This is
two or three trips. This willbe the third trip. It'll be the
third trip. Bro, Like,what in the world socks? I like,
I don't what what bring socks?Quest men? I have not socks,
And now we are in a socks. I'm bringing socks for you,

(11:41):
brother men. Now we are inthe socks. I just got bigger crocks
for the times that it's bring socks. I'm not going to I'm not going
to Michigan in March. I'm notgoing to Michigan in March. In March,
there's a graduation, but I'm notgoing to be there. I can't
go to Michigan March. Bro Ican't go to Michigan in March. I'm

(12:03):
not gonna do that. So anyway, Yeah, that's how things are in
the island. Sonny and Sonny andnice. Right. I love it.
It's sunny. It's sunny here too, but I don't like the temperature.
You're just trying to be down.I understand. I just want to be
down. Yeah, yeah, so, hey, quest, I was I
was speaking to a young woman namedJesse. That's what that's how she yes,

(12:28):
yes, yeah, I call herJess. But everybody else would know
where's Jesse? Right? And shesays everybody can't go. Everybody can't go,
like shout to Jesse, your shoutout to Jesse. But she right,
though they can't, they can't.So you know what though I was
a believer that they could. Yeah, what did that get you angry?

(12:54):
And got me angry? Got somestuff messed up? Yes, it cast
me to lose a couple of things. Shoot, truth be told two times.
It caused me to lose my freedom. Mm hmmm, it caused me
to lose my peace. Yeah,it caused me to lose a number of

(13:15):
different things. And so I realizedthat, like, for real, everybody
can't go. And so really thequestion is, so, so we're gonna
be on on on just Jesse's podcast, uh in the near future, not
not together. But that's okay,Hey, what's up Mike? So yeah,

(13:37):
but here's the thing, man,where are we going? And why
can't everybody go? I think Iwant to start. I want to start.
I want to start with where we'regoing? Man? Can I get?
Can I just keep it simple?Yeah, we're going up a yonder.
No, that's not That's not whatI was gonna say. It's just

(13:58):
God fit in. That's a song. But no. But but if you
want to live a successful life whateverthat means, I'm not talking about merely
material success this time. Sometimes Iam, but not this time. But
if you want hole ness, holyness, holiness, sound mind nests,

(14:24):
yeah, there are some people whoare impediments to that, Like some people
are not about that life. Andwhen they and when they're not about that
life and they try to gel withyou and jump on board with you.
It's like it's like cinder blocks onyour ankles jumping in the sea. If

(14:45):
you agree to that, yep,you feel me. So for instance,
for instance, let me tell you, let me tell you. So,
I'm in the gymnast morning, andI'm gonna say it a different way than
that said it to you. ButI'm in the gymnast morning and there's a
a young woman. I guess she'syoung because I'm always wrong about ages.
And okay, I won't say whatshe has on or what she doesn't have

(15:09):
on, but you already know whereI'm going with that. But what I
noticed out of my peripheral vision,and I said peripheral vision because I'm not
watching whatever show this person's putting on, but because this woman is in front

(15:31):
of the mirror where I'm exercising.She's ten feet ahead of me or fifteen
feet ahead. But still my brainsays, even if I were single,
everybody can't go because she was doingsome stuff in front of the mirror.
That let me know that her mindand my mind are not in the same

(15:54):
spot. Her mind and my mindsetare not the same mindset. Because for
me performing for strangers in a publicspace in a way that is unbecoming of

(16:15):
a grown person means that we're noton the same page. You can't go.
There are some people that I've triedto align myself with that were really
good people, but they ran outof gas. I'm talking about ministry,

(16:37):
I'm talking about business. I'm talkingabout but they ran out of gas.
Quest Like, we took a threeyear hiatus and you did not run out
of gas. I had necessarily hadto take a break, and you did
not run out of gas. Butthere are some other folks. And don't

(17:02):
try to fill in the name blankhere because it may not be you.
Even though you and I whoever thesepeople are that you may be listening and
be like you're talking about me,That may not be We talk about nobody.
No, I'm talking about somebody,but I may not be talking about
you. So don't get in yourfeelings like you don't even bother, like,
don't bother, don't waste your timelike I'm not. I'm not throwing
shade anywhere, But if we're noton the same path, then I'm not

(17:26):
forcing it anymore. There's some peoplethat I love that I'm not on the
same path with so I don't forceit. I don't have time to because
there are scores of people that aregoing the same direction that I'm going,
and we're going together. Shout tothe ou, mastermind and a few friends.

(17:48):
And it's like the struggle that ittakes to become one and be on
the same page is already big enoughof a struggle. But to fight against
the truth and say you're about thesame life that I'm about and it's not
true like that is an unnecessary struggle. If you we're talking about relationships now,

(18:15):
romantic relationships, you're grown, you'reconsidering marriage. The other person cheats
on you, move on. Idid not talk about marriage. I'm not
getting into the marriage discussion. Ifyour boot cheats on you, move on.
You can forgive her, you canforgive him, move on, because
it's not necessary to go through thehassle of the rebuilding trust when you haven't

(18:41):
all you have not made the lifelongvow. I'm sorry, I'm extreme,
but if the person cheats on youand you're thinking about maybe a long term
relationship, then just move on.Invest your tears in getting over the person.
Everybody can't go everybody can't go questAnd it's not because we're special or

(19:03):
elitists. It's just like, whateverpath you're on, if your people are
not on that same path, thenmove on to something else. Do not
try to drag anybody along the pathwaythat you're on. You know what,
It's funny, David. You weresaying it, and I was like,
well, there might be a coupleof circumstances. But the more and more

(19:26):
as you say it, like Ihaven't made a lifelong commitment to you,
we're moving in that direction. We'reif you're doing this thing properly, We're
having discussions, we're talking about ourlikes, our dislikes, what we want
to accomplish, what we don't wantto accomplish. We're being forthcoming with one
another. And then somebody cheats inthat process, and it's almost like I

(19:48):
haven't even made the lifelong commitment toyou already yet, and you already cut
in the fool. Now. Iknow that there will be some people were
like, yeah, I still feellike there are a couple of but I'm
just thinking to myself, speaking justfrom my own perspective, what I really
and I'm not telling you that Iwouldn't because I've Yeah, there was some
stuff that I ended up just doinganyway, it didn't have to do with

(20:08):
cheating the first time that I didthis, And I think that's the reason
why I faced and suffered and experiencethe things that I did. It's because
I wasn't willing to just cut off. Yeah, you can be friends,
you can still love somebody, butyou don't have to extend the discussion.

(20:33):
If you're not married, bro,like you, you have the privilege of
not being married in this regard.And it's not that I'm thinking that somebody
is a bad person if they findthemselves in that situation. That's not the
point. Like if I get inyour taxi, Quest, If I get
in your taxi and and you're drivingand the police pull up behind us,
and you hit the gas instead ofthe brakes, I'm thinking, you know

(20:56):
what, I'm not riding in this. I'm not riding this thing with Quest
again. And it could be thatyou were just nervous that day. You
didn't want the police to pull youover and asking a question because ups,
I forgot to pay my insurance bill, right, But if you press the
gas and the police are behind us, guess who's not getting in your car
again, bro, And it's nodisk, I still love you, be

(21:17):
like, yo, where we going? Like now I'm driving or were taking
a bus because I ain't getting inthe car with you after you press the
gas with the police behind you.It's not because I'm not forgiving. It's
not because I think you're a badperson. Inspience. Yeah, I'm good
on that, bro. Yeah.So so it's funny because I'm as I'm

(21:37):
listening to it or as we're flushingthe thing out. What's coming to my
mind too, is the question doyou know where you're Do you know where
you're going to? Do you likethe things that life is showing you?
Right? And so a lot ofus are stuck in these positions where you
really don't know where you're going,you really don't like the things that life

(22:00):
is showing you, and you're makingyour decisions because you don't know. I'm
sorry, you're making decisions that garneryou an outcome that you really don't want
because you don't know where you're going. When you know where you're going and
you know what you're going to do, basically all of your friends are the
people that you associate with, youknow, who is who the place that

(22:21):
you're going to? You know whocan go with? Yo? Do you
yo? I used to have friendsthat was just rah rah you know what
I'm saying, And there were certainevents that I would go to that required
like you know what I'm saying.Let's just say we go into a certain
event that requires a certain level ofdecorum and you bring that cat with you
that one time that you know youshouldn't have brought my man loud in the

(22:45):
joint. No, David, I'mnot talking about You have to behavior right
that one dude that you bring likeand they just blackout in the joint and
y'all like, bro, this isnot that environment when we on the block
on the corner. That's all welland good, but you got to know
how to turn that off and likeclear chick, this is not the chicken

(23:08):
wing spot on the boulevard. Nah, This ain't kancers fried chill, This
ain't churches fried chicken chill. Youknow what I'm saying. This is at
least he mome on, you knowwhat I'm saying, Like for real,
just relax, you know, likefor real, and you know like you
made the mistake, Yes, exactly, you know, what I'm saying,
like every now and then, youneed those kind of experiences. D you

(23:30):
know what I'm saying. Uh,And and so the principle applies to like
for real life and where we're going, when you know where you're going and
you know, like everybody got on. You know what I'm saying, black
tie my man step out in Stiffy'swith a blazer and a denim shirt like
in times like bro, do youknow where we're going? You can't wear

(23:52):
that right there? You can't wearthat right there, right and not saying
well, maybe you can't, butit's you're gonna stick out like a sore
thumb, you feel me. Andso you're talking about my socks again?
Nah dd, I'm not talking aboutyour socks because good good because when we
in socks, yeah yeah, butyou you I don't. For people that's

(24:17):
listening, don't let David fool you, right, David wears tailored suits.
I want y'all to know that Istill don't wear socks. He may not
wear them now, right, butDavid wears tailored suits with long strap shoes.
And I know a lot of dudeswho don't wear socks. Why because
the weather is warm, praise Godfor that. Right. But but but

(24:40):
in all honesty, like, letme get David trying to get me off
dry. The principle applies to life. When you know where you're going and
what you're trying to achieve, youknow who can go with you and who
just cannot. And it's no disit's no this. I've got friends and
I know like and I still keepin from time to time, but where

(25:00):
I'm going in terms of life,they just can't go. Let me flip
the script. So when I usedto work in the mental health field,
when I was in direct care,so I got promoted later, But when
I was in direct care for afew years, the rule was for insurance
purposes and some other stuff, thecompany vehicles could not leave Montgomery County,

(25:22):
Maryland. You know, I wastwenty three or twenty two and twenty three,
you know, some of my coworkers would say, like it's Thursday.
They'd be like, and we're supposedto do whatever together because of work,
and they were like, Dave,you can't come. Well I learned

(25:47):
what that meant eventually, because theyknew they were going to leave the county.
We're talking about twenty some years ago. So there was no gpis,
no trackers and nothing like that.But they knew they were going to cross
the county line, go to PrinceGeorge's county. We're going to go to
wherever other county with the vehicle andthe people that we took care of,
and they were like, you can'tcome because we know your standards. They

(26:08):
would tell me straight up, thisis not today. We can't share a
ride. You're going to get anothervehicle. You can't come today, because
they knew that I was not goingto break that rule, bro for no
reason. And if you try todrive over the line with me in the
vehicle, then I'm gonna act afull I'm kicking up dust. They already

(26:29):
know. But see, David,what you're saying now brings validity to the
idea that you really need to beyour most authentic self as you possibly can
be at all times, right,because when we start having this discussion about

(26:49):
everybody can't go right, you knowthe paradigm. People come into your life
for a reason, season and alifetime, and a lot of the times
you don't even have to choose yourselfwho's going to be in your life for
a reason, season or a lifetime. All you gotta do is be your
authentic self, and your authentic selfwill dictate who will come for a reason,

(27:15):
season and a lifetime. You know, I tried to force the thing.
I didn't. I wouldn't call itforce when I did it, but
I was trying to. It waswhen I used to do it all the
time, and I'd be like,oo, quest so you know, let's
do something together, and we're like, well, what, I don't know.
Let's you know what I mean,like, let's build something I don't
know. In two thousand and sevenI said that to e. We brought

(27:37):
him in for a youth retreat andI said that to him and he was
like, oh, okay, yeah, so what well what you want to
do? And I was like,I don't know when you figured it out
though, yeah. He gave mehis numbers, like, yeah, when
you figure it out, let meknow. But I never did. But
in twenty twenty two, it wasa whole different kettle of fish. Or

(28:00):
when you started with thank God I'mmarried, I'm riding with you, you're
riding with him. We were insome ways on a page, but now
it's covenant. The time wasn't right. Everybody can't go. And then every

(28:21):
time we were just not on thesame page. We were not on the
same page, so I couldn't gowherever that was. I didn't even know.
I was just like, let's dosomething. I don't know what that
means. Once again, when whenyou know you want to go somewhere,
but you don't know where you're going, yeah, And that was what got

(28:44):
me caught up. And the goodthing about what y'all did was like you
didn't say, all right, well, let's just move in this direction.
No, no, no no.You said, when you find out where
we're going, let me know,and then we'll see if we can go
together. And I think that's thefirst mistake that I made when I got
married. The first time. Ididn't have a necessary place that I was

(29:06):
going. I just liked the particularthing that i'd like to do, you
know what I'm saying the right pause. I just like the ride, you
know what I'm saying. So itdidn't matter where we was going. As
long as I was riding, itwas all good. But sometimes when you
like the ride but you don't knowwhere you're going, but you potentially put

(29:26):
yourself in a position where you couldpay more than what you're bargain for.
Get bumpy Man, the ride,Get bumpy Man. You end up in
an accident, or end up ina ditch, end up in a precipice,
end up anywhere. Be real.And that's what I'm trying to tell
you is that, like for real, for some of us, you're not
intentional and you're not deliberate about whereyou're going and what you're doing. You
just like the ride and just toride ain't good, Like I don't care

(29:51):
where we're going, Let's just ride. No, no, no, no.
I can only say that in Covenantand even in Covenant with Faith as
long as I don't care wh whereI'm going with Faith, as as we
going, even now being in Covenantwith Her, I'm like, let's be
intentional and deliberate. We got kidscoming behind us, and we need to
set the precedents that anywhere we're going, we got to know where we're going,
what we're doing, how we're doingit. Man, I sound like

(30:14):
an ear traffic controller right now.You feel me like, for real,
That's where I'm at in this season, and you know do that ain't even
how your boy rock, But whathappens when you start being intentional and deliberate
about your growth, about you know, how you think, how you process
information, your mindset. It changeseverything. I want to give you another

(30:37):
example. Uh, I was nineteenliving in DC proper, talking about DC
Proper, and I'm a New YorkCity boy and I look like it at
the time, bright green car,blacked out, tense, loud music and
everything else right, So I looklike the environment that I was in when

(31:04):
I was a young boy. ButI'm in DC. It's a foreign land
to me. So anyway, Iclick up with a dude from the Bronx
and he likes hanging out of windows. I like, limo tent, don't
know who's in the car, it'smy car. He want to roll a
window down and hang out, andI'm like, bro, roll up the

(31:26):
window. Man so good. Oncein a while he'd be like, YO,
call him Quest, Like Yo,Quest could come with us. I'm
like, who's Quest, And You'relike, no, that's my homeboy.
And I'm like, but you're ahustler, you're a drug dealer, you
a goon, you're my man.But I already know how to deal with

(31:49):
you. I do not know Quest, So you know what kind of jerk
I was then, Bro, Iwas always on jerk mall. I was
always on jerk move like mode.I was always on jerk mode like.
I did not try to filter itthen, and I'd be like, yeah,
what's up Quest? If I saidyes, be like what's up?
Quest? You got anything that's gonnaget me locked up? Bro? That's

(32:10):
why I would ask him, becauseif you're gonna get in this car and
five zero is always stopping me becauseI stick out like a sore thumb.
You got anything's gonna get me lockedup? Broo, got locked up for
what you're talking about right now?Feel me like full goons. I would
come down. I would shake himdown son, full goons and be like
yo, and I would I'm notno goom bro. I mean, I

(32:34):
know how to deal with what Igot to deal with, but I ain't
no goom bro. And I wastalking to real goons like Yo, you
if you got something that's gonna getme locked up, you cannot come bro.
But pause for a moment, David. That's the reason why a lot
of people that are in relationship aregetting locked up emotionally, are getting locked
up mentally, are getting locked up. You know what I'm saying, shouts
out to whorehead. He like someof us, like for real, he

(32:58):
confined to a wheelchair. But someof y'all are confined to mental jails,
confined to emotional jails, confined tospiritual jails. Why because you did not,
Oh come on, man, youdid not ask that question, That's
what I'm saying. And you know, the one time, the one time
I didn't got stories. Here's thefunny thing, too deep. Sorry not

(33:21):
to cut you off, just tojust to stretch this out just a little
bit more. I don't necessarily thinkyou was always looking back during that time,
we could probably classify as jerk modewhere we are now because we got
this information. What it really wasis that you were authentic and you were
true to yourself, and you wasn'tcompromising that for nobody. Nope. And
so when you compromise, when you'reauthentic to yourself and you ain't lied,

(33:45):
they say, when you lie toyourself, you're lied to everybody else,
and that's how people getting in trouble. But when you are authentic to yourself
and you refuse to lie to yourself, then you won't lie to nobody else,
because you know the most important personin this equation is you. So
I'm not gonna let you get mehemmed up, jacked up, you know
what I'm saying, stitched up becauseI didn't ask the necessary questions. Consider

(34:07):
me a jerk if you want to. But I got to put this mask
on first before I put any Yeah, go ahead, you know. I
got caught with what my kryptonite wantsthough, So I clicked up with a
young woman. We were both young. It's not you know, I mean,
we were both young. She's fromDC. She's a straight goon bro

(34:28):
like like they used to say inthe in that one song when we were
young, gangster filling the blank girlwoman. So she was a goon and
listen, what's up, Jess.Yeah, I'm trying to We were riding
with you, Jess. So soall right, Well, I didn't shake

(34:49):
her down, and I used totake her to the hood because that's where
she lived. She lived in heckof Jamal seventeenth Street. I think that
was seventeenth Street, I don't remember, but in DC, I'm talking about
nineteen ninety two three, So anybodyknow DC, like that was the hood,
bro like they were doing some stuffover there. Heck and Jamon so
good. Well, I know whereI'm at and I know with whom I

(35:13):
am, and I'm thinking I didnot shake her down. Bro. We
got to our destination and she pullsa package from under my seat. Bro.
Yeah like bro, and I'm like, really filling the blank lady name.
I was like, really, thisis a hot zone, bro.
Hot. So the one time Icompromised and said, oh, because it's

(35:37):
a woman, it's not one ofmy boys, I don't and I know
I'm going to the hood. Iknow she a goon. That's my people's
We close close, close, close, like real close, can't get no
closer. But I compromised that timeand did not ask the question. You
know what kind of time I couldhave done just because she pulling packages from

(35:57):
up under my seat. Bro,I didn't have nothing to do with that.
So everybody cannot go like, youdo not compromise your standards. No,
because we cool, No, Likeyou know what I mean, we
got forty some years. We alreadyknow we're on the same page. My
man, you just met him inthe a. We built the same way,

(36:17):
and so there's no questions that Ineed to ask. I've asked enough
questions. We already know where weare, but anybody else, Bro,
you have to ask the question.You have to be aware of what this
is to know if this relationship iscovenant or not. And once again,
if I ask the question and youpop off or you cop an attitude,

(36:42):
then I already know. I alreadyknow. And here's the reason. Here's
the thing. You know how Iknow because I was being authentic to myself.
And when you authentic to yourself,you can tell who's going to be
in your life for a reason,for a season, or for a lifetime,
or truth be told, not atall. Yeah, I hate that

(37:05):
a lot of times. My contextis the hood, but it is.
And you have some of these guyswho grew up in some really difficult situations
and they become famous for whatever theirreasons and can't even go back to their
own hood. Why because they're gonnastick you up. These guys. Ain't
no love in the hoodbie, There'sno love in the hood, bro.

(37:29):
And I'm not scared. Like myghetto pass is fresh today, it's fresh,
Like look at how I speak.I'm living in Jamaica sun. Like
I go in the hood, likeI go in the ghetto not even the
hoodbie like, so I'm good,like I don't have to you know what
I'm saying. I'm good. Butfact is, people used to say when
we were young, oh you brandnew, because maybe you don't have the

(37:53):
mentality that you grew up with.Or for people who lived in really rough
areas, they move out and ifthey come back or if they see you
somewhere else, they say, ohyou brand new, Like you can't ride
with us no more. And I'mlike, yeah, but where are y'all
going? You're still on the block, bro, You're still outside b Like,
we not about that outside life.Can I tell you something? Fifty

(38:15):
don't be in and basically and hedon't be there forty He don't be pushing
through forty. Bro, you don'tbe in forty no more. Uh jay
Z don't be in uh pink,I mean not picked the wan. Yeah,
Marcy, he not pushing through Marcie. That not like that, no
more, not that way. Ilike that. No, And if you

(38:37):
do, it's a breeze through.It's not like I'm spending the night yep.
I'm here and I'm out. I'llnever forget. Man, you know
my history? Uh D shouts outto you know what I'm saying, John
Davis aka Tip, You know whatI'm saying when Malik's passing. Right when
Malik passed, they brought me into do the street name change on one

(38:59):
nine. Watched it. I watchedit. So while we were there,
like we kicked it. He wasthere for the whole ceremony. As soon
as the ceremony part was over andeverybody was just on the block kicking it
whatever, my man was nowhere tobe found, ghost out out and it

(39:21):
wasn't. I was like, yo, you on the block all everybody.
Yeah, we ain't been in yearslike you could at least, But in
hindsight I realized that my man hadgone and transcended to a new place,
and that new place wasn't in analignment with the old place. We went
back because it was nostalgic. Thisis where it all started. So yeah,
we went back there because yep,they decided to yep, and I'm

(39:44):
gonna show and I'm a wrest allof that mayhamage bus, all them dudes
was there, so bro. Theminute that the ceremony was over, I
was like, Yo, received atext on my phone. Yo. He
was brilliant today. Peace. Oh, like where you at? He's like,
yeah, I'm in a limo back. So he didn't get on the

(40:08):
que he didn't get on the Qfive and go to the ave no crossover
and get into something else, No, sir, no sir. And we
was out there till late evening,BRU just kicking it. Yeah, man,
And it was peace. It waspeaceful peace. Yeah, my man.
I realized that my man had transcendedto a new place and he was
like yeah, And so I thinkthat's what it is with us. And

(40:35):
I think that's the thing that I'vebeen even studying this week. When you
ascend to a different place, don'tgo back. And when I'm saying don't
go back to I'm not saying don'tgo back to a physical location, don't
go back to the mindset, don'tgo back to the behavior, don't go
back to the old way of doingthings. Don't go back, don't go

(40:55):
back. Yeah. So here's whatpride will do. And we got to
lock up this shop, right,So pride will do this. Pride will
say I need to demonstrate that Ihaven't changed. Let me give you an
example of what this is. Idon't know where the former President Obama what

(41:21):
hood he grew up in? ButI knew that for a time he lived
in Shytown. I don't know ifhe grew up in the hood or not.
I know, wife, he grewup in the I mean part of
me, Missus Obama grew up inthe hood. So if the mentality of

(41:43):
your people that you grew up withhave not changed, right, can you
be the president of the free worldand kick it the same way with the
people that you grew up with.Absolutely not. Is it because you're an
elitist? Is it because you forgotwhere you came from or wherever you lived

(42:04):
for a moment, or Missus Obama, maybe I don't understand pastor President Obama's
background, butmise your security, yousee, And so so pride will say,
no, I haven't changed. SoI'm going to behave the way I
did twenty five years ago. Butwhat that'll do is demonstrate immaturity. It'll

(42:27):
position you to lose. And reallyand truly, you can't drag people out
of slavery. It doesn't work.It doesn't work. I'm not brand new,
but there's just certain things that Iknow that this doesn't align with where

(42:50):
I am or where I'm going,So I just I leave it alone.
I just leave it alone, andit's just it's just a result. Owned
then gong in my head this ideaof just being your authentic self, because
when you're your authentic self, youcan begin to identify even if you're not

(43:10):
that dope, you can begin toidentify the areas in which you're not dope
because you know where you're going.I said, you said it in the
beginning. You can't begin with theend of mind. That's what Eoways used
to say. Now, when I'mgoing, I just trot the cause.
And when I'm authentic with myself,I know I know what's gonna work for

(43:32):
me and what's not gonna work forme. And when I get to the
next level, if you're not tryingto come to the next level with me,
then authenticity knows what I am andwhat I'm not too, Because some
of y'all missed it because you're you'relike, who these dudes think they are?
Well, I think I'm a human. That's the first thing. I'm
an anomaly too, because I'm honestwith who I am and who I'm not.

(43:57):
Come on, and so some peoplebring the worst out of me.
There's some people I steer clear from, steer clear from because it brings I'm
not blaming them. I have thechoice, see right, I have the
decision to make. So I knowthat what and who these certain individuals are
don't bring the best out of me, and so what do I do.

(44:17):
I make a decision. It's asimple decision, Yes, sir, I
make a simple decision not to alignwhy because yeah, it doesn't bring the
best out of me, It bringsthe worst out of me. So simple,
I'm not lying to myself and saythat there's not a worst. There

(44:39):
is a worst that's in me,and and you don't bring the best.
You bring that. So I ain'tmessing with you. Nope, full stop.
And I don't care who it is. And that thing ain't in alignment
with where we're going. So yeah, a lot of people right now,

(45:00):
you in relationship or you're trying toget into relationship right now, and the
writing is on the wall, bigred flags, you know what I'm saying,
Like for real, all the evidenceis there, but in your mind
because you have not you're not firm, you're not convinced on where you're going.

(45:24):
You're going to continue to make thesedecisions and allow people in your life
that shouldn't have access to you,and you're going to suffer the consequences for
it. Let me be And I'mnot talking from those soapbox bro, I'm
talking from experience. I have tobe thankful for the experience. I hated

(45:45):
it, but I have to bethankful for it because I don't think I
would not let me not say Idon't think I value my relationship now.
I value my wife in a waythat I do because of my past experience.
And so some of you can reallyget what you want without having to

(46:07):
go through the experience. But yougotta be real with you. And David
said it a while ago. Whenyou real with you, you know who
you are and who you are not. As a matter of fact, do
that was one of the conversations.Matter of fact, when we do what
we do tomorrow in terms of themastermind, and we go through what is
working for you, I promise youremember we said this today. I realize

(46:29):
who I am and who I amnot in this journey of growth and leadership.
And when you know that, youcan make the necessary adjustments. Yeah,
yeah, simple, it's simple.So I'm thankful, really and truly
that we have this opportunity on aregular basis man to be honest with us

(46:52):
and with other people. Man.But uh, yeah, I don't care
how many ways you flip and spendthis thing. Everybody literally cannot go and
shout to Jesse Holly, Shout toJesse Holly. This was this was intentional.
So yeah, looking forward to whateveryou continue to do out there,
y'all, go and keep getting it, and yeah, give them something good

(47:14):
quests from shaky to good, fromgood to great. Ultimately what we want
phenomenal relationships. But phenomenal relationships don'tjust happen. They take work. So
let's do that work. And Ispeaking all that. There you have it,
y'all. I hope you've enjoyed yourtime with us. Marriage is about
mutual love and mutual respect, andit works for those willing to make it

(47:37):
work. Real talk, our spousesare treasured jewels given to us to make
life better, and the sooner welearn to value one another will be the
sooner we become the absolute best versionsof ourselves we can be. Until next
time, peace,