March 7, 2024 • 30 mins
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(00:02):
Peace shawl Asha Man Dave with mybrother Quest the man bringing you all things
marriage, paying you huge dividends onyour investment in time with us, We're
talking about love, sex, havingchildren, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.
(00:22):
And guess what this is, grownfolks business. So get ready to make
grown up decisions. You know why, because marriage Ain't for suckers. That's
the name of the program. MarriageAin't for Suckers? All right, let's
get into it. Hey, yourQuest. It's time to give the people
something. Man, what are wetalking about today? What up? What
(00:46):
up? What up? What up? Welcome to another edition of the Marriage
Ain't for Suckers Podcast. You alreadyknow who it is, your host with
the most Quest Green, alongside myco host, my man, my mellow,
my mellow, my man, mybrother from another mother, Ladies and
(01:07):
gentlemen, l D the Anomaly Harris. Okay, okay, since you announced
it, I think I'll come onin here. What up? I'm in
here, Come on in here,We're going in here? What up?
What up? Shelter the people inthe d shell to my baby sister in
(01:30):
law named Sue An she's available,y'all. She's available for us. Question,
she's available. She put it out, so I put it out.
But if y'all come, if y'alldon't come, correct, I'm gonna catch
a charge. Don't play with it. I'm just telling you what up.
Don't play with it. Don't playwith it. Hello, hey, question,
(01:55):
come back here. I'm here.Come here, I'm here to come
here. Yeah, I'm here.No, you're not here. I'm here.
I'm here now. Okay, you'rehere. I'm here now, thank
you. Shout stop to everybody.Man listening to the Marriag Jing for Sucker's
podcast, do we a favor man, like for real? For real?
We we we're bad at this andI want to make sure that we get
(02:15):
better at it. Right If you'relistening to this podcast, you've listened in
to any of these episodes and they'vebeen like majorly effective if they have what
we would consider a word or youuh this uh you know what I'm saying.
Because we're l I ve e ofcourse right here on Facebook, you
might be listening or watching right now, do me a favor of share it,
(02:37):
share it right now. I'm gonnagive you two minutes go ahead and
share it, and yeah, man, we will thank you ever so much
for doing that for us. Yeahman, I was wondering if the secret
rapture was true for a second.I know because I just vanished, Did
I vanish? I just vanished?I saw you. I thought you was
just you know what I'm saying,because for those who don't know, LD
(02:59):
is a master behind on the boards. You know what I'm saying. I
thought you just put me up onthe screen for that would have been dope.
But you know, I got kickedout of our I got kicked out
of our own system like I kicked. They kicked me out. Like you
don't need to be on the programno more. Oh God is great and
worthy to be praised because he broughtyou right back. Amen. Amen,
brother, Amen, Yeah we're back, brother Twang. Yeah man, Yeah
(03:24):
man. What's good on the island? D Man? Well, the weather
is good? Can we start withthat? I'm proud of there we go.
Yep, that's good. I ain'tmad at you. Go ahead,
quest the weather is fit. Itain't Jamaica. It's not. It's never
that. But no, listen,I know, listen, I'm gonna know
(03:47):
you know what I'm gonna do.Quest. People don't know that the grounds
crew and phlegmatic are the same thing, and phlegmatics rain on people's parade.
I'm gonna reel it back. Tellme how the weather is over there,
quest? Uh, it's partly sunny, a wind out of the west northwest
at maybe about three miles per hour. Are you serious? Temperature is a
(04:10):
pleasant I believe it's a sixty eightdegrees going all the way up to seventy
five today A bombs sixty eight degrees. That's good on me. Sixty eight
you know what I'm saying. It'sa war like that. Yes, you
can't see, Yes, yes,this would be Yeah, this would be
very special. Because you know,I don't want no socks. Yeah you
(04:30):
don't, that's correct. Yeah.I keep them on deck though, now
I do because I know that,especially when we go to the A,
that it could be forty something degreesoutside and you still not wearing those socks.
So I keep them on deck foryou. But that's because you like
looking out for me. Man.I appreciate you. Yeah. So yeah,
(04:53):
that's what it is, man,that's what it is. That's what
it is. Yeah, yeah,yeah, so yeah, man shouts out
to everybody listening as always. Youknow what I'm saying, Big shots out
to those who are always in thechat with us as it goes on.
You know what I'm saying. SoI gotta I gotta you know what I'm
(05:14):
saying. I gotta hal up Suanne. Yeah, she'd definitely be hopping in.
So shots out to to Suanne.Big up Suan. Oh yeah,
I mean you can that they're notthat chat. I went on. Yeah,
I went do on. Heal youput on the screen in the second.
Watch, keep going, keep going. I'm I'm healing her up.
I'm healing her up right now.And she Yeah, she's in there,
(05:39):
dead with life. So yeah,man, yeah man, yeah man.
It is another wonderful Thursday, andI'm glad about it. I'm grateful.
Yeah. D that's that's that's that'sthat's the long and short for the kid
today. Yeah, I'm looking forher thing. Keep going, keep going.
(06:00):
Because I didn't do this, Ididn't do do what she made it
public. No, I'm about toshow you what I didn't do. She
made it public, so I mightas well. You know what she made
public, she made this post public. I'm getting ready to show you about
to post for us to chop itup about today. Not necessarily, but
I mean we do cater to thesingles. Mm hmm, yeah yeah,
(06:23):
I'm with Yeah, yeah, shesaid. I y'all, I have officially
deleted all my dating apps. Soif you want to see me with somebody,
you're gonna have to help a sisterout and on and on like she
said some stuff. But she said, you have to be gainfully employed with
a credit score is seven fifty plus. This is what I didn't that.
(06:48):
I'm not mad I didn't post it. Yeah, I'm not mad at there
she go. No, that's rightthere, she go on. So,
oh you mean your and your facebeat it lovely. Oh, don't say
nothing. I'm gonna just go aheadand scroll by. Yes for somebody say
something slick and then I hit myselfin trouble. Don't say nothing slick.
(07:12):
Yeah, the locks is on deck. Big up yourself. Yeah, she's
a professional, y'all. She's gonnabe like, what in the world,
what in the world? She off. Clearly she's not on right this moment,
because I would have seen all kindsof stuff on my school all stuff
come through. Don't worry, shegonna see it on the replay and be
like, what did you just do? I did? What did you do?
I just took your public car?Yeah, we just we're marketing for
(07:35):
you. Yeah, let's go.Maybe I need to get I need to
Maybe we need to start doing thatquest because I got a cousin named Eva
Michelle that told me look out forMaybe we need to. Anyway, let's
not get off track because I'm startingto yeaeah, I see your brain is
is sping ding ding ding ding dingding ding ding ding a ling a ling
a ling You can't say dinger apause, ring a ding ding Yeah,
(08:01):
that might be a little bit toomuch. What if I say bang now
that? Even? I think weneed to get into what we're going to
talk about today? What's the topicfor today? Yeah? For better or
for worse. It's a question markand an exclamation point. Man, it's
a It's a question mark and it'san exclamation point. Yeah. Yeah,
(08:24):
And we need to be real aboutthis whole relationship piece. You know,
some of you are considering it andsome of you excuse me, not relationship
but marriage piece. Some are consideringit, some are all the way in
like I am, Like quest isyou know what I'm saying, And that's
something we have to think about beforeyou sign the dotted line? Are you
(08:46):
about it? About it? Likeyou know what I'm saying. So once
you want, once you have signedthe dotted line, guess what's better?
Man, you're with somebody that youlove, Guess what's better? Like,
yeah, you you don't have todo anything by yourself anymore, not for
real, for real. Ah,you know what's better? Like it's better
that you don't have to worry aboutwhatever that is that goes on outside of
(09:11):
your household, because your household canhold you up. Man, Like,
that's better and so much more,Like your spouse is better. Right,
But then there's worse too, Likethere's worse, Like you can have kids
that are just like you. Thebus that could be worth exactest? What
if? What if our kids areexactly exactly like us? Like ah,
(09:35):
okay, I'm making a joke rightthere. But sometimes there are medical issues
yep, right Like I know somemen right now, right now, because
of their age and whatever else isgoing on in their bodies, yep,
there, their man parts don't function. Oh so that would be worse,
(10:00):
That would be worse. There aresome women like, because their prostates are
are messed up badly. I'm notgonna I'm not gonna act like I'm a
doctor, even though I know alot about process return because I have one.
Well, I don't know about pointof no return because it's not like
I drill them to ask them thedetails. But I just know what the
symptom that they're dealing with, youknow, and right now that's a problem
(10:22):
for them. Yep. I knowwomen and women who are going through perimenopause
and menopause. Whoa, And thatbrings a whole lot of stuff. Man,
that brings a whole lot of things. Man. Where when the hormones
are not the way that they werewhen they were balanced, and then the
(10:45):
body starts to respond, a lotof really, really really challenging things begin
to happen. Brother, Listen,when Simone was pregnant, bro, Yes,
I did that. That's not passive. I did that because I did
that. You did that, yes, sir, So when Simone was pregnant,
(11:07):
right, I did it three times. I'm so glad. I'm not
into competing. No, No,this is not like practicing though, but
I like I like practicing, soI'm good, you know, that's not
competition. I was just no,go ahead, is enough to go?
Do it three times? Okay,as if one wasn't enough. Yeah,
but listen, when she was pregnantthough, real talk like, she also
(11:31):
had fibroids, many three of whichwere growing at the same pace that Josiah
our Son was growing in her womb. Wow, people are like, oh,
she's having we call it twins.No, she's not having twins.
You better check that again because theway her belly's growing. I'm like,
no, we know what's going on. So just mind your business, like
(11:54):
Paul, relax, relax. Butthat was a challenging time and at the
time quest we were driving, wewere driving ninety six miles one way to
work. You know how many timesSimone had to year pause? How long
did you do that for together?We did it for a few years,
(12:16):
several few years, right. Butthen but after Simone gave birth, I
was a full time at home dude, Like I worked from home and did
business from home, juggling from home. So for two years she did it
by herself. Wow. But duringthe marriage, during the pregnancy, excuse
(12:41):
me, you know, I'm driving, and how many times did she have
to use the bathroom, And howmany times did I not say again,
no, sir, never come outmy mouth. Absolutely not if she has
to go, if she has togo, And I was going to say
it like hyperboly, but no,she has to go four times and it
(13:03):
takes us, however many hours toget to work. Then that's what it
is. It's a challenge, youknow what I mean. But we don't
have to make it worse, like, we don't have to make it a
thing. And I won't get intothe crazy stuff that people go through too,
like these people, the crazy stuffthat people go through to they be
on some you know what I'm saying, they be on some you know,
(13:28):
abuse and you know, cheating andall of that kind of stuff like for
better or for worse? Like howdo we prepare for that quest? Can
we prepare for better or for worse? Bro of course you can't, you
know. At this point, David, I sound like a broken record and
I hate it. But the truthis the truth. Yes, yes,
(13:50):
yep, I think very deeply theway that you can prepare yourself for better
or for worse is to become thevery best version of yourself. And let
me not say that it's to continuously, consistently work on the best version of
(14:11):
yourself, because when I say bethe best version, it suggests like,
oh, there's a plateau, orthere's I hear what you're saying. You
understand what I'm saying. It's notbecoming, it's constantly being oh you know,
you know, you know, Ilove it when when you talk that
way. Right, So it's notit's not yeah, yeah, no doubt
(14:37):
to be is the answer. Itis the answer, because it's not.
Growth is not. Once again someplace, as a matter of fact, the
minute that you stop growing is theminute that you start dying, right,
And so how can I how canI you? You made a comment earlier
on when we were talking in thegreen room. You made a comment earlier,
(15:01):
and you know I responded by saying, the average man won't think like
that. Why because you spent alarge portion of your life developing and as
a matter of fact, you're stilllearning and still developing. You are now
how do they say it, Youare now becoming what you are to be?
Is that how they say it?Or what you are to be?
(15:22):
What you are to be? Youare now becoming. And even when you
get to that place, there's stillmore to go. So you're you're forever,
you're forever becoming, You're forever being. It's not either or, it's
both and right. And so developmenthas always been like my word where it
has me sounded like a broken record. So because no matter where I go
(15:45):
and we get on what happened record, Oh I probably did, it's like
a broken you become a broken brokenrecord. Right, So no matter where
I go, if we get onthe topic of conversation around relationships and we're
always talking about trying to be better, do better, it's always going to
(16:06):
be clothed in development. Why there'sno way for you to even entertain the
idea of for better or for worseif you're not a particular individual, right,
and if you don't become that individual, then you can just like people
want marriage, but they don't wantto they don't want to develop bad.
So maybe it's about capacity. Iwas just trying to think it through,
(16:30):
because you know, I'm a thinker, Like I'm trying to think it through,
Like how do you say it easily? Like if you if you can
never prepare for it, then whyare you trying? Because you know people
think illogically. That sounds logical,But that's illogical to me, and I'm
like, oh no, it's aboutcapacity for instance. Ooh, I just
had a good idea here. Itis question. So we lived in when
(16:51):
Simona and I got married, welived in a And this will sound weird
to people who grew up like Idid, but so we lived in a
condo. I bought a condo rightbefore we got married. That's what we
did. We bought a condo frommy friend, our friend, and so
I think it was like twelve hundredsquare feet, so two bedrooms. The
second room didn't have a bed init. It was like an office slash
(17:18):
whatever. Good. So, yeah, twelve hundred square feet is probably bigger
technically than the house I grew up, the hut house I grew up Section
eight house I grew up into inNew York, right, So we had
a full family in the joint.But the way that my mindset was,
you know, by the time wegot married, was like, we're not
(17:40):
going back to the way I grewup necessarily, So if we're going to
have a family, this is whatthe dwelling needs to look like. For
me. It was moved out ofthe suburbs to the country move out of
a condo to a house with acertain number of bedroom rooms, right,
(18:02):
and we didn't have Josiah immediately.Can you ever prepare for having a family?
Yeah, you can change your capacity. See the capacity of the condo
in an Arundel County, Maryland wasnot the capacity for the family. Why
(18:23):
for me? Why because it wasnot in the country. It was not
large enough. It didn't have thespace for the boy to run around and
on and on and on. Sowas I prepared for every little thing that
happened? Well? No, Butguess what I had the capacity for every
little thing that happened. Why becauseI decided, we made a decision to
(18:48):
make a move to build capacity sothat when these certain life events would occur,
we're prepared for those. You feelwhat I'm saying, whether they whether
y'all have water to cut off ornot. I didn't have to worry about
that. Why because we were ona well two hundred feet below the surface.
We hit bedrock and water get thatwater straight straight out the earth.
(19:11):
Among you know what I'm saying.If we were there, if we were
there during the pandemic, we weren't. We were gone long time. But
if we were it would have beena non issue. Why because of the
capacity. We built capacity for theeventualities. So can you prepare for worse?
Yeah, you can build capacity sothat if God forbid worse does come,
(19:33):
you have a space in your lifeto accommodate whatever you consider worse to
be. Absolutely, But if youkeep yourself tiny and small, bro,
you keep your character tiny, youtiny house, your character quest, you
minimalistic with your character quest. That'scrazy. The things that you should be
you know what I'm saying, likelodging in charge with are the things that
(19:56):
you're trying to live minimalist with.And I get it. I get it.
My sister, my sister like tocall it butt backwards, you know,
except she would say, don't saybut I've never heard that. I
know what she probably said, Yeah, you do, and so and so
and so. I think one ofthe that that part. I think one
(20:18):
of the things that we need torealize first is that, like for real
in preparing yourself for better or forworse, is that relationships start off mutual.
They start off with commitment. Right. It's funny, d I've heard
some women have some of the strangestlet me let me say some men have
(20:41):
had some butt backwards ideas about howyeah, exactly, some butt backwards ideas
about how marriage actually works and committedrelationship actually works too, Like like,
do you expect this man to do? Mm hmmm, let me see.
(21:03):
Is Quest gone or am I gone? I'm not sure. Let me see.
I'm gonna wait for my internet tocatch up. I'm not sure.
I'm watching it on the I'm watchingit on the internet to see who is
glitching? Is it me or isit Quest? Oh? It looks like
both of us are glitching. Allright, so hold fast, y'all.
(21:23):
I'm not sure what's good with this. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
I might be by myself. I'mgonna hit refresh, y'all. Hold
on for a second, y'all,hold on for a second. Let me
see. Oh I'm gone again intwo minutes. Yeah. I think what
(21:44):
the is basically saying is speaking tois having the mindset to properly. Ah,
there we go, There we go. Yeah, we was monitor on
Facebook to see which one of uswas off because I couldn't tell. Yeah,
yeah, are we good? Wereback in now? Yeah? So
so yeah, I was just sayingthat you you, you were getting to
(22:07):
the place, like in terms ofbuilding this capacity right and having the wherewith
to deal with all the things that. Okay, to deal with worse.
Let's just say that because ain't nobodycomplaining when it's better. You don't need
capacity when it's better. You reallydo need the capacity when it's worse.
Okay, Yeah, I was actuallygonna ask, but you you just blew
(22:32):
a hole in it. I wasgonna ask, though, maybe we can
talk about that on another on anotherepisode, no doubt, Like like,
do you have the capacity for betteror do you have a meager, enslaved
mindset for the better? We needto probably for worse or better. We
need to probably flip that for nextweek, like for worse, no better,
(22:52):
Like do you have the capacity forbetter or do you do? You
have a an enslaved, pover impoverished, entrenched, entrenched mindset, being counting
mindset. So you're not ready forthe better, You're ready for what you
saw growing up, Like you're readybut not satisfied. You're you're you're looking
(23:17):
at all of the wax stuff thathappened, like when we got married.
Quest when faith faith, Nope,nope, nope, money nope, I
got noey mony. I just needto get clear my brain. I need
to clear the queue. I'm clearingthe queue. So when Simone and I
(23:37):
we're about to get married, peoplecame to us to give us advice quest
yeah, and they would always startwith negative stuff like it's not always going
to be better roses. And I'mlike, what was the purpose of you
coming to tell us that? AmI afraid? No, I'm not afraid.
I was grown when I got married. I wasn't married young. I
(23:59):
mean we were grown. And itwas just like, but what made you
use that as the first bit ofadvice, Like why didn't you encourage faithfulness?
Like why didn't you encourage that thereare some really wonderful things that happen
when you're married to the person youyou lave? Why was it always like
well, yeah, you know,like if marriage to them was a marathon,
(24:25):
they'd be like, yeah, youknow, you're gonna get tired after
the first mile, You're gonna feeldehydrated, like your feet are gonna fail
you, like you're you're gonna feellike you want to quit. And I'm
like, brother, miss me withall of that bad advice, Like that's
life, bro, Like that's howlife is. Things happen. Yep.
So don't make it like that isyour brilliant like solution to the relationship of
(24:55):
people, Like stop with the negativestuff because that stuff is gonna account for
itself. Yes, yeah, sothat's right. I think we need to
do for worse or better. Yes, we need to do that. Talk
about the good, the good,good, good stuff too. But really
and truly, I think really thewatch word for the watch phrase for today
(25:15):
is built capacity. That's it.Build capacity, that's it. That's it,
because if you don't have it,I love it. You can't.
You can't. You can't give whatyou don't have. You can't take in
what you don't have space for,right, you have to create that space.
(25:36):
And yeah, pause, Well thetruth is the truth. You know
what I'm saying. You can't puta couch in the living room you don't
have space for it. Said,So we'll leave that right there. But
you are absolutely right. People wantthe pleasantries of marriage, but along with
(25:59):
the puzzle ties of marriage. Ifyou understood what marriage is supposed to do
in terms of your growth, rightpeople, I don't think people would take
the choice too lightly. I thinkpeople just want what they want, not
realizing that you're not about to takethat. There are some things that come
along with marriage that you can't separatefrom it. Yeah, so let's do
let's just real quick before you closethis out, man, Like here are
(26:21):
here are some things like y'all talkall around the point, like that's what
I would think if I were listening, But really, building capacity is building
yourself yep. Spiritually. Mentally,well you could say mentally, So I'm
not going to say no, that'snot what I was thinking, but yes,
yep. Emotionally yes, mm hmmm. Spiritually mm hmm, because I
(26:45):
put those two. I put themental. I put the mental and mental
and emotional into the personal development bag. So I agree with you so personally
spiritually mm hmmm. Financially m hm. I mean you can try not to,
but if you do, you willregret it. Yep. Yeah.
(27:07):
And what did I leave out?And from a relationship perspective, like you
said, like somebody somebody like wewere talking about just off air, talking
about relating to self first, Iwould dare to say physically as well,
David, because there are some physiologicaland there are some cognitive benefits that come
(27:29):
from from working from working out orjust just you know, keeping yourself in
shape exercise. And I ain't eventalking about going to the extent that we
go to. But listen, Iwill say though I have said, well,
I won't say what I've said becauseit'll complicate it before we got to
go. But when when Simona andI got married, it was about six
(27:51):
years after I learned how to behealthy, physically healthy, I'm saying,
like from a body perspective, andI had lost a ton of way,
and so I was, I was, I was. I was skinny when
we got married, but that wasbecause I was trying to find a healthy
pathway too, back to my goodweight without all of the bad habits.
(28:12):
So what I say to people is, when you're getting married, you're probably
gonna pack on weight. Mm hmm. That's what most people do. So
you have to have a healthy mindsetwhere your body is concerned so that when
that happens, it doesn't happen thewrong way. Yes, sir, So
(28:37):
you better enact that that healthy lifestyleand exercise regimen early so that that first
year spread. I forgot what theycall it, but it's some kind of
spread. They say something out spread, but like spread when you first get
married. Yeah, it's something you'retalking about. Yeah, they have like
a term for this. Yeah,it's the first two years, I think.
(28:57):
Yeah, the whole thing goes south. You're happy, you're pleasantly,
you're happy, and then you justlose you lose your focus where your physical
health is concerned. Mm hm SoI agree with you, man. So
those are the key areas when wetalk about building capacity so that when we
do get married, at least wehave the space to deal with those challenges
(29:18):
that are inevitable. They're inevitable,but if we have the capacity that we're
gucci man, we'll go through it. We'll have some challenges, yes,
but we'll talk about building capacity forthe better to yes, sir, yes,
sir. Yeah. So yeah,you know what it is, man,
yep. From shaky to good,from good to great. What we
want is phenomenal. But phenomenal don'tjust happen. It takes work. So
(29:41):
let's do that work specifically on capacitybuilding it and I'll see all that having.
Yeah, I hope you've enjoyed yourtime with us. Marriage is about
mutual love and mutual respect, andit works for those willing to make it
work. Real talk. Our spousesare treasured jewels given to us to make
life better, and the sooner welearn to value one another will be the
(30:06):
sooner we become the absolute best versionsof ourselves we can be. Until next
time, peace,
Peace shawl Asha Man Dave with mybrother Quest the man bringing you all things
marriage, paying you huge dividends onyour investment in time with us, We're
talking about love, sex, havingchildren, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.
(00:22):
And guess what this is, grownfolks business. So get ready to make
grown up decisions. You know why, because marriage Ain't for suckers. That's
the name of the program. MarriageAin't for Suckers? All right, let's
get into it. Hey, yourQuest. It's time to give the people
something. Man, what are wetalking about today? What up? What
(00:46):
up? What up? What up? Welcome to another edition of the Marriage
Ain't for Suckers Podcast. You alreadyknow who it is, your host with
the most Quest Green, alongside myco host, my man, my mellow,
my mellow, my man, mybrother from another mother, Ladies and
(01:07):
gentlemen, l D the Anomaly Harris. Okay, okay, since you announced
it, I think I'll come onin here. What up? I'm in
here, Come on in here,We're going in here? What up?
What up? Shelter the people inthe d shell to my baby sister in
(01:30):
law named Sue An she's available,y'all. She's available for us. Question,
she's available. She put it out, so I put it out.
But if y'all come, if y'alldon't come, correct, I'm gonna catch
a charge. Don't play with it. I'm just telling you what up.
Don't play with it. Don't playwith it. Hello, hey, question,
(01:55):
come back here. I'm here.Come here, I'm here to come
here. Yeah, I'm here.No, you're not here. I'm here.
I'm here now. Okay, you'rehere. I'm here now, thank
you. Shout stop to everybody.Man listening to the Marriag Jing for Sucker's
podcast, do we a favor man, like for real? For real?
We we we're bad at this andI want to make sure that we get
(02:15):
better at it. Right If you'relistening to this podcast, you've listened in
to any of these episodes and they'vebeen like majorly effective if they have what
we would consider a word or youuh this uh you know what I'm saying.
Because we're l I ve e ofcourse right here on Facebook, you
might be listening or watching right now, do me a favor of share it,
(02:37):
share it right now. I'm gonnagive you two minutes go ahead and
share it, and yeah, man, we will thank you ever so much
for doing that for us. Yeahman, I was wondering if the secret
rapture was true for a second.I know because I just vanished, Did
I vanish? I just vanished?I saw you. I thought you was
just you know what I'm saying,because for those who don't know, LD
(02:59):
is a master behind on the boards. You know what I'm saying. I
thought you just put me up onthe screen for that would have been dope.
But you know, I got kickedout of our I got kicked out
of our own system like I kicked. They kicked me out. Like you
don't need to be on the programno more. Oh God is great and
worthy to be praised because he broughtyou right back. Amen. Amen,
brother, Amen, Yeah we're back, brother Twang. Yeah man, Yeah
(03:24):
man. What's good on the island? D Man? Well, the weather
is good? Can we start withthat? I'm proud of there we go.
Yep, that's good. I ain'tmad at you. Go ahead,
quest the weather is fit. Itain't Jamaica. It's not. It's never
that. But no, listen,I know, listen, I'm gonna know
(03:47):
you know what I'm gonna do.Quest. People don't know that the grounds
crew and phlegmatic are the same thing, and phlegmatics rain on people's parade.
I'm gonna reel it back. Tellme how the weather is over there,
quest? Uh, it's partly sunny, a wind out of the west northwest
at maybe about three miles per hour. Are you serious? Temperature is a
(04:10):
pleasant I believe it's a sixty eightdegrees going all the way up to seventy
five today A bombs sixty eight degrees. That's good on me. Sixty eight
you know what I'm saying. It'sa war like that. Yes, you
can't see, Yes, yes,this would be Yeah, this would be
very special. Because you know,I don't want no socks. Yeah you
(04:30):
don't, that's correct. Yeah.I keep them on deck though, now
I do because I know that,especially when we go to the A,
that it could be forty something degreesoutside and you still not wearing those socks.
So I keep them on deck foryou. But that's because you like
looking out for me. Man.I appreciate you. Yeah. So yeah,
(04:53):
that's what it is, man,that's what it is. That's what
it is. Yeah, yeah,yeah, so yeah, man shouts out
to everybody listening as always. Youknow what I'm saying, Big shots out
to those who are always in thechat with us as it goes on.
You know what I'm saying. SoI gotta I gotta you know what I'm
(05:14):
saying. I gotta hal up Suanne. Yeah, she'd definitely be hopping in.
So shots out to to Suanne.Big up Suan. Oh yeah,
I mean you can that they're notthat chat. I went on. Yeah,
I went do on. Heal youput on the screen in the second.
Watch, keep going, keep going. I'm I'm healing her up.
I'm healing her up right now.And she Yeah, she's in there,
(05:39):
dead with life. So yeah,man, yeah man, yeah man.
It is another wonderful Thursday, andI'm glad about it. I'm grateful.
Yeah. D that's that's that's that'sthat's the long and short for the kid
today. Yeah, I'm looking forher thing. Keep going, keep going.
(06:00):
Because I didn't do this, Ididn't do do what she made it
public. No, I'm about toshow you what I didn't do. She
made it public, so I mightas well. You know what she made
public, she made this post public. I'm getting ready to show you about
to post for us to chop itup about today. Not necessarily, but
I mean we do cater to thesingles. Mm hmm, yeah yeah,
(06:23):
I'm with Yeah, yeah, shesaid. I y'all, I have officially
deleted all my dating apps. Soif you want to see me with somebody,
you're gonna have to help a sisterout and on and on like she
said some stuff. But she said, you have to be gainfully employed with
a credit score is seven fifty plus. This is what I didn't that.
(06:48):
I'm not mad I didn't post it. Yeah, I'm not mad at there
she go. No, that's rightthere, she go on. So,
oh you mean your and your facebeat it lovely. Oh, don't say
nothing. I'm gonna just go aheadand scroll by. Yes for somebody say
something slick and then I hit myselfin trouble. Don't say nothing slick.
(07:12):
Yeah, the locks is on deck. Big up yourself. Yeah, she's
a professional, y'all. She's gonnabe like, what in the world,
what in the world? She off. Clearly she's not on right this moment,
because I would have seen all kindsof stuff on my school all stuff
come through. Don't worry, shegonna see it on the replay and be
like, what did you just do? I did? What did you do?
I just took your public car?Yeah, we just we're marketing for
(07:35):
you. Yeah, let's go.Maybe I need to get I need to
Maybe we need to start doing thatquest because I got a cousin named Eva
Michelle that told me look out forMaybe we need to. Anyway, let's
not get off track because I'm startingto yeaeah, I see your brain is
is sping ding ding ding ding dingding ding ding ding a ling a ling
a ling You can't say dinger apause, ring a ding ding Yeah,
(08:01):
that might be a little bit toomuch. What if I say bang now
that? Even? I think weneed to get into what we're going to
talk about today? What's the topicfor today? Yeah? For better or
for worse. It's a question markand an exclamation point. Man, it's
a It's a question mark and it'san exclamation point. Yeah. Yeah,
(08:24):
And we need to be real aboutthis whole relationship piece. You know,
some of you are considering it andsome of you excuse me, not relationship
but marriage piece. Some are consideringit, some are all the way in
like I am, Like quest isyou know what I'm saying, And that's
something we have to think about beforeyou sign the dotted line? Are you
(08:46):
about it? About it? Likeyou know what I'm saying. So once
you want, once you have signedthe dotted line, guess what's better?
Man, you're with somebody that youlove, Guess what's better? Like,
yeah, you you don't have todo anything by yourself anymore, not for
real, for real. Ah,you know what's better? Like it's better
that you don't have to worry aboutwhatever that is that goes on outside of
(09:11):
your household, because your household canhold you up. Man, Like,
that's better and so much more,Like your spouse is better. Right,
But then there's worse too, Likethere's worse, Like you can have kids
that are just like you. Thebus that could be worth exactest? What
if? What if our kids areexactly exactly like us? Like ah,
(09:35):
okay, I'm making a joke rightthere. But sometimes there are medical issues
yep, right Like I know somemen right now, right now, because
of their age and whatever else isgoing on in their bodies, yep,
there, their man parts don't function. Oh so that would be worse,
(10:00):
That would be worse. There aresome women like, because their prostates are
are messed up badly. I'm notgonna I'm not gonna act like I'm a
doctor, even though I know alot about process return because I have one.
Well, I don't know about pointof no return because it's not like
I drill them to ask them thedetails. But I just know what the
symptom that they're dealing with, youknow, and right now that's a problem
(10:22):
for them. Yep. I knowwomen and women who are going through perimenopause
and menopause. Whoa, And thatbrings a whole lot of stuff. Man,
that brings a whole lot of things. Man. Where when the hormones
are not the way that they werewhen they were balanced, and then the
(10:45):
body starts to respond, a lotof really, really really challenging things begin
to happen. Brother, Listen,when Simone was pregnant, bro, Yes,
I did that. That's not passive. I did that because I did
that. You did that, yes, sir, So when Simone was pregnant,
(11:07):
right, I did it three times. I'm so glad. I'm not
into competing. No, No,this is not like practicing though, but
I like I like practicing, soI'm good, you know, that's not
competition. I was just no,go ahead, is enough to go?
Do it three times? Okay,as if one wasn't enough. Yeah,
but listen, when she was pregnantthough, real talk like, she also
(11:31):
had fibroids, many three of whichwere growing at the same pace that Josiah
our Son was growing in her womb. Wow, people are like, oh,
she's having we call it twins.No, she's not having twins.
You better check that again because theway her belly's growing. I'm like,
no, we know what's going on. So just mind your business, like
(11:54):
Paul, relax, relax. Butthat was a challenging time and at the
time quest we were driving, wewere driving ninety six miles one way to
work. You know how many timesSimone had to year pause? How long
did you do that for together?We did it for a few years,
(12:16):
several few years, right. Butthen but after Simone gave birth, I
was a full time at home dude, Like I worked from home and did
business from home, juggling from home. So for two years she did it
by herself. Wow. But duringthe marriage, during the pregnancy, excuse
(12:41):
me, you know, I'm driving, and how many times did she have
to use the bathroom, And howmany times did I not say again,
no, sir, never come outmy mouth. Absolutely not if she has
to go, if she has togo, And I was going to say
it like hyperboly, but no,she has to go four times and it
(13:03):
takes us, however many hours toget to work. Then that's what it
is. It's a challenge, youknow what I mean. But we don't
have to make it worse, like, we don't have to make it a
thing. And I won't get intothe crazy stuff that people go through too,
like these people, the crazy stuffthat people go through to they be
on some you know what I'm saying, they be on some you know,
(13:28):
abuse and you know, cheating andall of that kind of stuff like for
better or for worse? Like howdo we prepare for that quest? Can
we prepare for better or for worse? Bro of course you can't, you
know. At this point, David, I sound like a broken record and
I hate it. But the truthis the truth. Yes, yes,
(13:50):
yep, I think very deeply theway that you can prepare yourself for better
or for worse is to become thevery best version of yourself. And let
me not say that it's to continuously, consistently work on the best version of
(14:11):
yourself, because when I say bethe best version, it suggests like,
oh, there's a plateau, orthere's I hear what you're saying. You
understand what I'm saying. It's notbecoming, it's constantly being oh you know,
you know, you know, Ilove it when when you talk that
way. Right, So it's notit's not yeah, yeah, no doubt
(14:37):
to be is the answer. Itis the answer, because it's not.
Growth is not. Once again someplace, as a matter of fact, the
minute that you stop growing is theminute that you start dying, right,
And so how can I how canI you? You made a comment earlier
on when we were talking in thegreen room. You made a comment earlier,
(15:01):
and you know I responded by saying, the average man won't think like
that. Why because you spent alarge portion of your life developing and as
a matter of fact, you're stilllearning and still developing. You are now
how do they say it, Youare now becoming what you are to be?
Is that how they say it?Or what you are to be?
(15:22):
What you are to be? Youare now becoming. And even when you
get to that place, there's stillmore to go. So you're you're forever,
you're forever becoming, You're forever being. It's not either or, it's
both and right. And so developmenthas always been like my word where it
has me sounded like a broken record. So because no matter where I go
(15:45):
and we get on what happened record, Oh I probably did, it's like
a broken you become a broken brokenrecord. Right, So no matter where
I go, if we get onthe topic of conversation around relationships and we're
always talking about trying to be better, do better, it's always going to
(16:06):
be clothed in development. Why there'sno way for you to even entertain the
idea of for better or for worseif you're not a particular individual, right,
and if you don't become that individual, then you can just like people
want marriage, but they don't wantto they don't want to develop bad.
So maybe it's about capacity. Iwas just trying to think it through,
(16:30):
because you know, I'm a thinker, Like I'm trying to think it through,
Like how do you say it easily? Like if you if you can
never prepare for it, then whyare you trying? Because you know people
think illogically. That sounds logical,But that's illogical to me, and I'm
like, oh no, it's aboutcapacity for instance. Ooh, I just
had a good idea here. Itis question. So we lived in when
(16:51):
Simona and I got married, welived in a And this will sound weird
to people who grew up like Idid, but so we lived in a
condo. I bought a condo rightbefore we got married. That's what we
did. We bought a condo frommy friend, our friend, and so
I think it was like twelve hundredsquare feet, so two bedrooms. The
second room didn't have a bed init. It was like an office slash
(17:18):
whatever. Good. So, yeah, twelve hundred square feet is probably bigger
technically than the house I grew up, the hut house I grew up Section
eight house I grew up into inNew York, right, So we had
a full family in the joint.But the way that my mindset was,
you know, by the time wegot married, was like, we're not
(17:40):
going back to the way I grewup necessarily, So if we're going to
have a family, this is whatthe dwelling needs to look like. For
me. It was moved out ofthe suburbs to the country move out of
a condo to a house with acertain number of bedroom rooms, right,
(18:02):
and we didn't have Josiah immediately.Can you ever prepare for having a family?
Yeah, you can change your capacity. See the capacity of the condo
in an Arundel County, Maryland wasnot the capacity for the family. Why
(18:23):
for me? Why because it wasnot in the country. It was not
large enough. It didn't have thespace for the boy to run around and
on and on and on. Sowas I prepared for every little thing that
happened? Well? No, Butguess what I had the capacity for every
little thing that happened. Why becauseI decided, we made a decision to
(18:48):
make a move to build capacity sothat when these certain life events would occur,
we're prepared for those. You feelwhat I'm saying, whether they whether
y'all have water to cut off ornot. I didn't have to worry about
that. Why because we were ona well two hundred feet below the surface.
We hit bedrock and water get thatwater straight straight out the earth.
(19:11):
Among you know what I'm saying.If we were there, if we were
there during the pandemic, we weren't. We were gone long time. But
if we were it would have beena non issue. Why because of the
capacity. We built capacity for theeventualities. So can you prepare for worse?
Yeah, you can build capacity sothat if God forbid worse does come,
(19:33):
you have a space in your lifeto accommodate whatever you consider worse to
be. Absolutely, But if youkeep yourself tiny and small, bro,
you keep your character tiny, youtiny house, your character quest, you
minimalistic with your character quest. That'scrazy. The things that you should be
you know what I'm saying, likelodging in charge with are the things that
(19:56):
you're trying to live minimalist with.And I get it. I get it.
My sister, my sister like tocall it butt backwards, you know,
except she would say, don't saybut I've never heard that. I
know what she probably said, Yeah, you do, and so and so
and so. I think one ofthe that that part. I think one
(20:18):
of the things that we need torealize first is that, like for real
in preparing yourself for better or forworse, is that relationships start off mutual.
They start off with commitment. Right. It's funny, d I've heard
some women have some of the strangestlet me let me say some men have
(20:41):
had some butt backwards ideas about howyeah, exactly, some butt backwards ideas
about how marriage actually works and committedrelationship actually works too, Like like,
do you expect this man to do? Mm hmmm, let me see.
(21:03):
Is Quest gone or am I gone? I'm not sure. Let me see.
I'm gonna wait for my internet tocatch up. I'm not sure.
I'm watching it on the I'm watchingit on the internet to see who is
glitching? Is it me or isit Quest? Oh? It looks like
both of us are glitching. Allright, so hold fast, y'all.
(21:23):
I'm not sure what's good with this. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
I might be by myself. I'mgonna hit refresh, y'all. Hold
on for a second, y'all,hold on for a second. Let me
see. Oh I'm gone again intwo minutes. Yeah. I think what
(21:44):
the is basically saying is speaking tois having the mindset to properly. Ah,
there we go, There we go. Yeah, we was monitor on
Facebook to see which one of uswas off because I couldn't tell. Yeah,
yeah, are we good? Wereback in now? Yeah? So
so yeah, I was just sayingthat you you, you were getting to
(22:07):
the place, like in terms ofbuilding this capacity right and having the wherewith
to deal with all the things that. Okay, to deal with worse.
Let's just say that because ain't nobodycomplaining when it's better. You don't need
capacity when it's better. You reallydo need the capacity when it's worse.
Okay, Yeah, I was actuallygonna ask, but you you just blew
(22:32):
a hole in it. I wasgonna ask, though, maybe we can
talk about that on another on anotherepisode, no doubt, Like like,
do you have the capacity for betteror do you have a meager, enslaved
mindset for the better? We needto probably for worse or better. We
need to probably flip that for nextweek, like for worse, no better,
(22:52):
Like do you have the capacity forbetter or do you do? You
have a an enslaved, pover impoverished, entrenched, entrenched mindset, being counting
mindset. So you're not ready forthe better, You're ready for what you
saw growing up, Like you're readybut not satisfied. You're you're you're looking
(23:17):
at all of the wax stuff thathappened, like when we got married.
Quest when faith faith, Nope,nope, nope, money nope, I
got noey mony. I just needto get clear my brain. I need
to clear the queue. I'm clearingthe queue. So when Simone and I
(23:37):
we're about to get married, peoplecame to us to give us advice quest
yeah, and they would always startwith negative stuff like it's not always going
to be better roses. And I'mlike, what was the purpose of you
coming to tell us that? AmI afraid? No, I'm not afraid.
I was grown when I got married. I wasn't married young. I
(23:59):
mean we were grown. And itwas just like, but what made you
use that as the first bit ofadvice, Like why didn't you encourage faithfulness?
Like why didn't you encourage that thereare some really wonderful things that happen
when you're married to the person youyou lave? Why was it always like
well, yeah, you know,like if marriage to them was a marathon,
(24:25):
they'd be like, yeah, youknow, you're gonna get tired after
the first mile, You're gonna feeldehydrated, like your feet are gonna fail
you, like you're you're gonna feellike you want to quit. And I'm
like, brother, miss me withall of that bad advice, Like that's
life, bro, Like that's howlife is. Things happen. Yep.
So don't make it like that isyour brilliant like solution to the relationship of
(24:55):
people, Like stop with the negativestuff because that stuff is gonna account for
itself. Yes, yeah, sothat's right. I think we need to
do for worse or better. Yes, we need to do that. Talk
about the good, the good,good, good stuff too. But really
and truly, I think really thewatch word for the watch phrase for today
(25:15):
is built capacity. That's it.Build capacity, that's it. That's it,
because if you don't have it,I love it. You can't.
You can't. You can't give whatyou don't have. You can't take in
what you don't have space for,right, you have to create that space.
(25:36):
And yeah, pause, Well thetruth is the truth. You know
what I'm saying. You can't puta couch in the living room you don't
have space for it. Said,So we'll leave that right there. But
you are absolutely right. People wantthe pleasantries of marriage, but along with
(25:59):
the puzzle ties of marriage. Ifyou understood what marriage is supposed to do
in terms of your growth, rightpeople, I don't think people would take
the choice too lightly. I thinkpeople just want what they want, not
realizing that you're not about to takethat. There are some things that come
along with marriage that you can't separatefrom it. Yeah, so let's do
let's just real quick before you closethis out, man, Like here are
(26:21):
here are some things like y'all talkall around the point, like that's what
I would think if I were listening, But really, building capacity is building
yourself yep. Spiritually. Mentally,well you could say mentally, So I'm
not going to say no, that'snot what I was thinking, but yes,
yep. Emotionally yes, mm hmmm. Spiritually mm hmm, because I
(26:45):
put those two. I put themental. I put the mental and mental
and emotional into the personal development bag. So I agree with you so personally
spiritually mm hmmm. Financially m hm. I mean you can try not to,
but if you do, you willregret it. Yep. Yeah.
(27:07):
And what did I leave out?And from a relationship perspective, like you
said, like somebody somebody like wewere talking about just off air, talking
about relating to self first, Iwould dare to say physically as well,
David, because there are some physiologicaland there are some cognitive benefits that come
(27:29):
from from working from working out orjust just you know, keeping yourself in
shape exercise. And I ain't eventalking about going to the extent that we
go to. But listen, Iwill say though I have said, well,
I won't say what I've said becauseit'll complicate it before we got to
go. But when when Simona andI got married, it was about six
(27:51):
years after I learned how to behealthy, physically healthy, I'm saying,
like from a body perspective, andI had lost a ton of way,
and so I was, I was, I was. I was skinny when
we got married, but that wasbecause I was trying to find a healthy
pathway too, back to my goodweight without all of the bad habits.
(28:12):
So what I say to people is, when you're getting married, you're probably
gonna pack on weight. Mm hmm. That's what most people do. So
you have to have a healthy mindsetwhere your body is concerned so that when
that happens, it doesn't happen thewrong way. Yes, sir, So
(28:37):
you better enact that that healthy lifestyleand exercise regimen early so that that first
year spread. I forgot what theycall it, but it's some kind of
spread. They say something out spread, but like spread when you first get
married. Yeah, it's something you'retalking about. Yeah, they have like
a term for this. Yeah,it's the first two years, I think.
(28:57):
Yeah, the whole thing goes south. You're happy, you're pleasantly,
you're happy, and then you justlose you lose your focus where your physical
health is concerned. Mm hm SoI agree with you, man. So
those are the key areas when wetalk about building capacity so that when we
do get married, at least wehave the space to deal with those challenges
(29:18):
that are inevitable. They're inevitable,but if we have the capacity that we're
gucci man, we'll go through it. We'll have some challenges, yes,
but we'll talk about building capacity forthe better to yes, sir, yes,
sir. Yeah. So yeah,you know what it is, man,
yep. From shaky to good,from good to great. What we
want is phenomenal. But phenomenal don'tjust happen. It takes work. So
(29:41):
let's do that work specifically on capacitybuilding it and I'll see all that having.
Yeah, I hope you've enjoyed yourtime with us. Marriage is about
mutual love and mutual respect, andit works for those willing to make it
work. Real talk. Our spousesare treasured jewels given to us to make
life better, and the sooner welearn to value one another will be the
(30:06):
sooner we become the absolute best versionsof ourselves we can be. Until next
time, peace,
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