For Worse or Better?!

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Peace, shaw Issha Man Dave withmy brother Quest the man bringing you all
things marriage, paying you huge dividendson your investment in time with us,
We're talking about love, sex,having children, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.

(00:22):
And guess what this is, grownfolks business. So get ready to
make grown up decisions. You knowwhy because marriage Ain't for suckers. That's
the name of the program. MarriageAin't for Suckers. All right, let's
get into it and your quest.It's time to give the people something.
Man. What are we talking abouttoday? Y'all already know what it is.

(00:50):
Man, Welcome to another edition ofthe Marriage Ain't for Suckers Podcast.
You already know what it is.Man. It's your host with the Most
Quest, alongside my co host,my Man Mamelo, my Mello, my
Man, my Man, Mamelo,my Melo, my Man, my Man,

(01:10):
Mamelo, my Melo, my Man, my Man, ma mad Yeah,
y'all already know what it is.L D the anomaly, Harris,
get up, Yeah, it isit is. I it is not it
is. I be not afraid itis. I be not afraid. We
up in her we up in here, man in her Yeah, yoh,

(01:32):
why are your bos It's all yeah, I don't know bull life tracks.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Well we we keep them on deck.
Man. Yeah, I learned.I learned this boasting, this stuff
on this on this stuff from you. You know who's he? Yo,
y'all. Let me let me telly'all something. If y'all ever watch any
of l d's programs, whether itbe your daily portion or some of y'all

(01:53):
don't have the luxury of being apart of the u OU mastermind. If
you see David come in the room, be it's it's pomping circumstance, you
know, it's introductions, it's it'sdrops, it's lower thirds, it's the
sound effects. Yeah, yo,you see you see him? You see

(02:15):
him? Yo. My man isbosey with it, you know. So
I learned how to do all ofthis from this guy over here. I
feel like we're stretching the truth justa little bit. Hold on a second.
Look, look, look look atlook at Look at the room that
we're in. Can you see allof this right here? Look my hand

(02:37):
can't even go all the way overonto David's side. Look all of that
right there. You see you seethe thumbnail. You see how it fades
into the red lower third. Phenomenalmarriage is a core value. You see
the the little thing right here.That's all David. You know you see
how the texture. Uh that's theword David used text. Yes, you

(03:00):
see boy bocy Son texture. Yeah, texture, David is boy man.
Stop. I don't kill nobody.Say that's my dude. I love him

(03:20):
when he when he do is dolook I get to look nice. Yo.
We need a we need a song. We need a marriaging for suckers
song. We do yeah, likea rap joint, a rap joint.
Matter of fact, David, I'mso glad you're about to tell the truth.

(03:40):
This is good. Show us thetruth. Where you going? He
went under the table. I'm notshowing you no truth. Showing the truth.
Man, I have one of them, you do. It's white.
And let me tell you something.It's so bosy. That is not even
a regular cap. It's a golfcap lids. Watch you Bothy, correct

(04:04):
me now and tell me is whatnot this is? It's printful. Oh
that's so nice. Now that we'vegotten all of that, let him show
you his to be joint though.Mm hmm to B is the answer that

(04:27):
got the the embroidered monogrammed. Look, he won't turn it around. I
have my forehead, says L tothe d to the h dope monogramming.
You know what I'm saying. Shoutsout to the monogrammers. Shout to the
monogrammers. Hey, I said classesand such. Yeah, no doubt,

(04:51):
it is, no doubt it is. I'm glad. Uh. Today is
Thursday. I'm looking forward to theSabbath and today today, today, I'm
not as energized as I normally wouldbe. I feel a little beat up
because I stayed up a little bittoo late last night. But when I

(05:12):
yeah, I learned my lesson.Brother, I was up all night because
because poor Simone's allergies are kicked out, she's coughing her head off, bro
the whole night. I hate that. I hate it for man. So
I bumped into somebody today with myvehicle. I haven't I haven't run into
nobody vehicle in thirty years. Browhow you feel? As you know what

(05:38):
I'm saying when I say, feellike your energy towards it now, I'm
on that. I'm on the stufflike where these days, I have so
many things going weird that I immediatelyjust give it to God. I don't
even play around with it, man, I just literally don't play around with
it. I don't know if that'swhat God is doing for me with me,

(06:00):
like I just turn it over toJesus. Like I immediately. I'm
just like, there you go,because because normally I would get kind of
off, I'd be off over.I'm just like right now, what you're
saying is that I'm sleepy, bro. I want to go to bed.
I want to go to But youknow why I asked David, because I

(06:20):
remember a couple of years back,I got into an accident in the city.
And when I say the city,I ain't talking about downtown Charlotte.
I was visiting. We were visiting. You know. There's two trips that
we take every year, one tomy mother's place and one to face mother's
place, just to spend time withthem, the kids see them. I

(06:42):
decided that I'm right over the bridge, so let me go into the city
to go see the homies. Andwhile I'm Manhattan, just you know what
I'm saying, feeling the feelings ofnostalgia, I bump into the back of
a jeep and got into a littlefender bender and d for for two three
days. I mean I got somerevelation came out of it for me in
faith, But for two three days, bro, it just I'm like,

(07:06):
Yo, how are you forty somethingyears old and you get still getting in
defender benders? Like you know howmany years it's been since you've been in
an accident and this is what you'redoing, like for really low. Ki
rolled me out like that, justthe mindset of that. That's why I
was asking you, what's your energylike towards it? And I'm glad that
you said what you said. I'lljust give it over to God. Yeah,
I was just like, bro,and yeah, things can get real

(07:28):
weird fast in Jamaica. It getsover stuff like that. But we were
going I was going less than twomiles an hour. But I do drive
an SUV with a big steel bullbarin the front. So when I let
him that five mile an hour bumperthing only works when it's bumper to bumper.
It don't work when it's still stillbumper. So I cracked up his

(07:50):
thing a little bit, but it'shis thing. So I got out the
vehicle real humble with it and apologized. See God, I don't know how
y'all do up there, but here, you don't lick nobody, bro.
These dudes jump out and I wasin Spanish town, Tuson. These dudes
jump out the car and start actingthe fold bro normally. But the brother

(08:13):
came out calm, so I wasable to keep my humble sort of apologetic,
you know what I'm saying, Soso it wouldn't have to turn into
nothing unnecessary because you already know howI am. I don't. I don't
want no smoke. But if there'ssmoke, then there's there's a fire.
And if there's fire, I havecursing oil, and I don't want that

(08:37):
because I'm wrong. I'll take thatI'm wrong, but I don't. But
I don't take violence. I don'ttalk. I don't, I don't.
I don't take nobody acting the fool. So fortunately he's a reasonable ute and
we're gonna sort him out and wemove on. Man, we pressed press.
It's a different planet over here,y'all. Yeah, but ye ask

(08:58):
it's a different planet. No,it is. Of course. I used
to spend a lot of time there, so I already know. But I'm
glad more so than dealing with himfirst, because that's external stuff. I'm
glad that the internal stuff is good. Yeah, I got so many little
weird things going on right this second. I'm just like, Lord, I'm
at your mercy. Let's go,let's go simple. That's why I put

(09:20):
it. I just put it inthe Lord's mercy drawer. Yeah, like,
and that's and that's and it's funnybecause for me right and I'm not
telling you that that's not what Ido now, but back then, I
probably had some stuff going on andthat was the thing that just pushed me
over the edge. And I'm justlike, now the following day's funny.
We are at sesame place I rememberlike it was yesterday. It's funny how

(09:45):
these things burn and impression on yourbrain, you know what I'm saying.
Like, we're at and I'm notand I'm not myself, you know me,
d like when I go to aplace that's fun, We're going to
have fun. Every bit of theexperience would be fun. And I was
somber as all get out in aplace of fun. And so with that
being said, that's that, Carmen. Yeah, that's you already know,

(10:11):
so we're kind of on the airright now. Yeah, we're kind of
on the air. Bring her onthe air, bro Like, we're on
the air right this second. Letme get this center the link. But
yeah, yeah, so so soyeah. I was somber as all get
out. I wasn't feeling my bestand and yeah, like like I said,

(10:37):
there's some revelation that came from mein faith and that was the perfect
opportunity for it to happen. ButI'm just like, man, God,
couldn't you choose something else that happenedthen? But you know, his ways
is his ways, and his thoughtsis his thoughts, you know what I'm
saying. Yeah, I'm totally overall of that part right there. These
days, brother, it's just whatit is. Brother, It's life.
Like we say, life is life, and yes it is. And I

(11:01):
promise you I got I got,I got weirder things happening than than than
me being half sleep and having thisprople this little challenge, you know what
I'm saying. So yes, yes, yeah, life is life, man,
And it's not my life. That'sthe problem, right, They're not
the problem, that's the reality.It's not my life. I'm borrowing this

(11:22):
life. So yep, that's whatit is. Man. But yeah,
if I had more energy, y'allwill probably believe it more. But I'm
just sleepy straight for real, That'sall it is. I'm sleep real.
Yeah, So what'll we jumping intoto? How dear? I? Oh
dear, I charge it to thesleep the other lack thereof? Yes,

(11:43):
let's just do that. What's goingon? Popping on the island? Though,
there's a whole lot of sunshine.Man, I'm thankful because we're getting
the same thing now. You knowwhat the highest today eighty degrees? I
wish I could be a higher eighty. This is we're turning into the to
the bare beast with the weather's change, and I don't really like it when

(12:05):
the weather changes too much. Whenwhen the winter weather changes? Weird?
Well I didn't say winter, butyou can call it that, because I
guess you could apply that. Yousaid when the when the weather changes,
when the weather changes, but yeah, let's call it. But no,
we could say winter. We couldsay winter. Say winter for weird women,

(12:26):
Dad, David, See, thisis the kind of stuff right here
that David, y'all don't have winter. Of course, we have winter brother,
it was it was in your inyour way of saying it was,
Well, let me just say itwas seventeen degrees the other day, and
in your way of saying it,it was in the high sixties fahrenheit,

(12:50):
So it was seventeen degrees celsius.It was sixty some degrees in the night.
So is that what happens when peopledon't want to have an open and
honest conversation, they just ghost you? Is that what it is? They
just ghost you when we can't havean open and honest conversation. I'm what

(13:11):
happened to my truth? Like whathappened to your truth? Like what happened
to that? Like that's that Idon't know. I don't know about my
truth or your truth. I knowabout the truth, and the truth is
the weather don't drop below seventy somethingJamaica. Maybe way up in the hills
somewhere, but that's because of altitude, but throughout the whole island. Brother,

(13:33):
did I just not say to youit was high sixties here in the
night. In the night, Ican go get a blanket and sleep with
perspective, brother, perspective, Yougot to your perspective of winter is totally

(13:54):
different from our perspective of winter.Well, you already know I've been battled
tests. I would love. Iwould be so grateful. Yes, I
would be acstatic. I would bebesides myself, I would be overjoyed if
what if I had your winter?Your winter? Okay, listen, fair,

(14:20):
fair, fair, but again allthings I like. I like.
What I was trying to say beforeyou so rudely ghosted be was that I
love the winter? Here too?Did I did? I rudely go?
Yo? Yo, here's what's sofunny dude? When you ghost me,
I get the bosi with It's notmy fault ship. Your ghost is wa

(14:46):
yo, my goals? Look atmy ghost. Let me show you my
goals. Can I just show yourbody'sDavid? This is my ghost? That
is so cute right there? Whatis that vibrating? How to do that?
How did you let me see yourgoes? Now? No, but
how did you do it? Howdid you put that pulsating Q on the
screen? Pulsating Q? That that'sdefault, it's the fault you see that

(15:11):
right there? What do you haveto stop? Video? See mine don't
even have nothing? Nick got somewhat is how'd you get a que on
yours. Listen, listen the factthat you have, the fact that you
have that there don't even matter becauseyou can do that. Look at that.
Any points to the Harris to you, look at that. Of course

(15:31):
he does. And then the littleblue smoke comes to you. Better ask
now that we have wasted your time, lady, of course we did it.
We've wasted your time, wasted yourtime. Let's get down to it,
Mandy. What are we getting intotoday? Bro? Yeah? For
worse or better, for worse orbetter? Yeah, we did for better

(15:52):
or worse last week. I thoughtit was always for better or for worse.
It's a perspective, brother, justlike what we were talking about the
moment to go, it's all aboutI love it. Yep. So so
where are we going with this one? Yeah? So last week we did
what you expect right, for betteror for worse, and we sat down
on the worst. Like what happensif filling the blank? It's worse,

(16:15):
right yep? But like what ifit's better? Like what if your perspective
changes and it's better? Like whatif you you you have the blissful marriage
that you've been hoping for? Likewhat if you what if you have the
phenomenal relationship. If it's not amarriage, but you're preparing for marriage,
or if not yet preparing, you'rein a serious relationship. What if?

(16:37):
What if it's for better? Right? Sometimes people are not prepared for better
brother and And the reason why Iwant to say that quass mm hmm,
is because some people nuke their relationshipsbecause it's it's filling the blank. Is
it too good? Is it thatyou it's unbelievable. There must be something

(17:00):
like you sniff in her arm pitsto see if she had her arm around
a dude, because maybe it couldn'tbe this good, Like you know what
I'm saying, Like people get crazywhen things are good sometimes, and I
know it seems like it's separate,but it really isn't. You're not properly
developed for that individual, you knowwhat I'm saying, Like there are transitions

(17:23):
in terms of growth that you gotto go to in order to make a
dope adopte decision on a mate.Because this really is the most important decision
that you'll ever make in your life. Who you do life with right now.
Some people accidentally or just by chance, stumble upon let's just say.

(17:45):
Let's just say relationship development is ascale of one to five, right,
and some people matriculate through the wholething and they get to level five.
However, there's someone anomalies, orthere are some uh I heard, I
heard that. I heard what yousaid. There are some exceptions to the

(18:08):
whole hookup where if you're at alevel two or three, you stumble on
somebody who's a level five, butyou can't maintain it because you have not
developed enough to that level to maintainthat kind of love. That kind sometimes
and so so you do what youjust said a while ago, this is
too good to be true, andyou almost self sabotage the relationship because your

(18:33):
mindset is, well, let meget them before I get got wow,
or I saw somebody, not me. I'm not saying me, I'm speaking
in the voice of the person,but yes, I've seen I don't know,
I've seen some of these relationships thatlook good like this before and it
really wasn't what it looked like.So and now it's like, so,

(18:56):
wait a minute, so are yousaying that you didn't actually want a great
relationship. I love it, David, I'm going to give us an example.
Keep talking. Yeah, no,but that's the that's the challenge,
like for some people who are notprepared for better. Now, We're not
gonna sit just on the underdeveloped orundeveloped person's mindset, but uh, that's

(19:18):
where I am right now. Likepeople, for instance, I remember we
used to be members of a congregationin Bob Marley, Bob Marley's Trench Town.
I call it Bob Marley's Trench Townbecause y'all got that movie out there
right now, right, Yes,yes, it was good too. It's
one Love, right, it's oneLove. Yeah. So yeah, our

(19:38):
church, our church was is well, the one we used to be at
wash I don't know, just likefour blocks from Culture Yard, which is
where you know where the most honorto Marley is not the Marley Museum,
I'm talking about in the hood wherehe grew up. And and somebody,

(20:00):
you know, somebody actually put theword out. They were like, yo,
why why Simone and David be frontinglike their marriage is so dope?
Like what of course it got back? I was just like what you mean
by like, how could you possiblyfix your face? Fix your mouth?
And vocals to say, why dothey act like their marriage is great?

(20:22):
You think I have time to beperforming for you, brother, Like,
bro, I got time for that, and I'm not even thinking about you
real talk like which is married?Bro, I'm not thinking about what you
think about me being married. Weird. It's just weird, Okay, So
can I cannot? Cannot? Soso look at this right. Let me

(20:44):
just play this for you. Mthe thing said the voice note my husband
sent me after a major fight.Listen, hey, baby case, I
know you're not my biggest fan rightnow, but you know I wanted to
talk about and just let you knowthat I'm sorry, and I'll let you
have to. I love you somuch more than you can even imagine,

(21:08):
Zee, and I have to makeyou a nice little munch, something extra
special with a little dessert at youthHeads cookies and cream and salt, a
caramel combo that you like. I'mgonna write you a couple of little notes
today. You know they'll remind youthat no matter what it is that you

(21:30):
go through, you go through,we're strong and you're special. You are
literally the most beautiful way all thewhile, literally so so doe to knowledge.
Right, my man goes through thisthis piece, he sends her,
He sends her a message it's it'sa couple. I love to watch them
because they're so hilarious. She's fromthe Philippines and he's from Nigeria. They

(21:51):
so so, you know what I'msaying. Beautiful couple, beautiful couple.
So he sends it, I justwant to read some of the comments to
you. Right after him apologizing,like, he's like, I know you're
not my biggest fan right now,but I want you to understand that you're
the best thing that ever happened tome, and no matter what we go
through, we're strong. And hesays, I'm sorry. I never intended

(22:14):
or never meant to do ba baba ba ba whatever it was that happened.
So he says, in light ofthat, right, I've prepared your
favorite dessert. I've got this thisice cream with these caramel and all the
things, he said, just theway that you like it, right,
And so he runs it all down. Here are the comments. He's literally

(22:37):
from a book. You can't convinceme otherwise, right right, Yes,
but you hear stuff like he isliterally the Disney prince I was looking for
as a little girl and didn't knowexisted as an adult until now. Hear
the comments I cried like it wasfor me. Ahem, does he maybe

(22:59):
have a brother? Seriously, thoughthat's beautiful, there is seriousness in pun.
I just want you to know,so you see, you see it.
Then there's people like I'm taking notes, but the way that they're responding
is almost as if this is somethingthat's not normal. This is something that
it is. You understand what I'msaying, Yes, sir, but in

(23:22):
essence it is normal. It's notand it should be normal. But because
of how society works and what wesee through social media and all of this
stuff, and how marriage has been, you know, torn down as a
result of it, the abnormality hasnow become the normality, such that when
you do that, it's not normalbehavior. You're out of a story book,

(23:44):
You're a Disney character and all ofthese other descriptions. Right, and
so, d this is what I'mtalking to, or what you were speaking
to a while ago. And thisis the reason why I always tell marriages
your marriage is not just about you. It really isn't. Because as you
can see, there were three hundredlet me see how many of the comments

(24:07):
there were. There are three hundredand sixty one comments on this one voice
message It was shared two thousand,one hundred and sixty five times because somebody,
and I'm not bringing him down,but because someone was apologetic, humble,

(24:30):
complimentary, appreciative, just kind andgeneral to his wife or significant other.
I don't know if it's his whyhusband's love your wives? So how
do we get Well, I don'twant to see I'm going I'm going the
wrong way. But it needs tobe status quo for us to be what

(24:55):
the brother was manifesting in his voice, note should be status quo, like
it's not supposed to be exceptional.It's not supposed to be you know.
I used to say. People wouldsay, you know, and it's not
related to relationship. They would saying, I've never heard anything like that,

(25:17):
meaning something I said before, AndI would always apologize and say, I'm
so sorry that that was exceptional toyou. That shouldn't have been exceptional,
David. So you know what,let me just do it this way.
I I sent because I don't wantpeople to think, David, that we

(25:41):
just talking just to talk. Right, I'm one of those do David,
because you said it should be regularbehavior, and I agree with you one
hundred percent, right, Can Ijust I'm going to just show this to
you real quick. Right, thiswas when yesterday, Oh, I can
do it all right, this wasyesterday, David, Right, this was

(26:07):
yesterday. Where is my can Ido it? Will it? Let me
do it? Quest screen share joint? Is that what you're waiting for?
Yeah, that's what I was waitingfor because I knew you was going to
do it all right, David.Can you see this? Not yet,
you'll hear it in your ears,okay while we're waiting, because people who

(26:30):
are listening don't know what in theworld's going on here. Yeah, because
yeah, yeah it should. Yeah, I'm not seeing anything. It's not
Let me do it. Let medo it again. I understand there is
a window that I want to share. This is the one. Can we
do that? There we go?It should mm hmmm. I don't hear

(26:57):
it. I don't hear the strengtha creepy lady voice, creepy lady voice
saying that your screen is wanting toYeah, yeah, yeah, so so
let's do this then, David,let's do this. Let's do uh and

(27:18):
I'll bring this here because it lookslike it's it's being temperamental as to what.
Oh, it doesn't like your alternatescreen screen. It doesn't like it,
so let's see if it does that. Will it do that? Did
you hear that? I didn't hearit. You only hear all right,
so you can see it, right? Yeah, So put it out,

(27:40):
no doubt you can't. Don't wantno secrets popping up on this screen here.
I just want you all to understand, like David, and make it
bigger now, like scroll it,make it zoom in like, oh,
you're not using the tablet so youcan't pinch it, like whatever you have
to do to So hold on asecond here, let's here just me and

(28:02):
her sending back and that for asecond while you scroll. I don't know
what in the world could be overthere now. It's nothing that you don't
that you don't like. She wasasking me to get batteries and stuff this
week because we need to replace.So that's why you see the picture of
the battery. I don't know youcan you can, you see I can
put it up. Now. Youready for me to put it out?
Yeah? Yeah, I can.Okay, they can go. Yeah you

(28:23):
can't. So I don't know ifthey can read that or not, right,
but read it. You see it'sa real thing, so read it.
I said, I love you,not just today, but specifically today.
You're a dope mother and even doperwife. I always pray that God
would give me eyes only for you, and he continues to deliver in that
respect. Have a wonderful day knowingand being entrenched in the fact that you

(28:47):
are loved and cared for, notby me only, but specifically by me.
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, No, that's that's the way
it's supposed to be. I takeback the applause. You know what I'm
saying, But I'm just saying thatto say d like, sometimes we and
here's the thing about me, LikeI'm one of them dudes. Like if

(29:07):
I'm doing anything for Faith, Iwant to do it big. And if
I can't do it big, thenmore time we don't do it at all.
And I'm like, why why shouldI wait until something I can do
something big in order to do somethingfor her? Like sometimes it's the little
thing she came home regardless of whather day was yesterday because she's working through

(29:29):
a project now. She's a projectmanager for a particular financial institution. So
she came home yesterday and she waslike on cloud nine we were coaching.
We had a pre marital coaching sessionlast night, and this is a shouts
out to Daryl and Sierra. Theycame through for pre marital coaching last night
because they're in the process of movingtowards so we were in each other's space

(29:53):
and the like. For real,the joy of her even getting involved,
because a lot of the time she'lljust sit and she'll you know, because
she's always processing as the conversation isgoing on. But to see her jump
in and to see her in aplace that, you know what I'm saying.
I'm not gonna say I don't seeher all the time, but like,
for real, yesterday I gave heranother opportunity to be in that place

(30:14):
that is the normal behavior, thatshould be the normal attitude here. She
said, thank you, Krinho,love you too, and needed this specifically
today. See yeah, she said, know that you are loved as well.
And I know that you've been havingtrouble being motivated as of late,
but we all have those phases.So don't be hard on yourself. If
you need my help with with notstaying there, let me know, love

(30:38):
you endlessly. There you go.Yeah, keep the faith, you know.
Shots like for real, shots outto her. But this is what
I'm saying, though it doesn't alwayshave to be big, and this should
be the normal behavior as opposed tosome of the stuff that you're going through.
And the reason why you're going throughwhat you're going through is because you're
running on fumes. Mm hmm.So status quo now must be we need

(31:06):
to change. We need to changewhat status quo like, the perspective of
status quo right now. Indeed,like we need to change the perspective of
status quo because because we have becomeso comfortable with low living. Yeah,
I brought it in from the eighteenhundreds. That's how they used to write

(31:26):
back in the eighteen hundreds, lowor base living, low mindedness, low
living, Like are you serious?Yeah, to where it becomes exceptional if
you when you open the door.Yeah, for faith, it becomes exceptional
when the first thing I do whenI come in is go see Simon.

(31:49):
No matter what else is going onin here, I'm going to see Simone.
Yeah. I left her like acouple hours ago because I don't go
out to work. So for thosewho don't know, like I work for
me right inside this box that I'min right now. So if I go
to the gym on a day shedoesn't go to the gym, how long
could I be in the gym andI come back and guess who I'm looking
for first. That's right to thepoint where you know, no matter what,

(32:14):
when I come out of this office, if Josiah is home, he
tells me where Simone is? Why? Because the first thing I say is
where's my wife? So he justreports as soon as he sees me,
Hey, daddy, mommy's in themm hm. That should be status quo.
Big up to Josiah for understanding theassignment. You see, I didn't

(32:35):
even I mean, now, Iguess I've said it enough times. He's
just like, yeah, first thinghe's going to say, after what's up,
is where's my wife? So andlook we're in the same building.
Bro. It ain't like you knowwhat I'm saying. But I need to
see her eyes. Bro Ye,I need to see Simone's eyes. Yeah
you see? So yeah, forworse or better? We want better?

(32:58):
Man. Now, it's a question, yep, it's better, like make
a decision, what do you want? And here's the funny thing. And
I hate to have to keep goinghere, but I must because if you
get better and you're not prepared forit, it's gonna be worse. Let
me say one more time because Ifeel I can you say it the opposite

(33:21):
way. If you want better,right and you're not prepared for it,
you're gonna end up getting worse.So flip it for me. If what
if you are prepared for oh,then better it will be. If you're
prepared for better, then you thenyou know how to cultivate, You know

(33:43):
how to nurture it. Because better, How can I say this? Better
is a living thing. Better isa living thing. Let me say that,
and living things must be fed.If they are not fed, then
they will die. When you aredeveloped and you want better and you get
better, better, you know exactlywhat to do to keep it living and
thriving and growing. I want Iwant us to be addicted to better,

(34:07):
I do. I am yeah.I want us to be addicted to to
better and allergic to to the mindsetof the worst. Yes, worst happens
in terms of events in our lives, right, external things, yeah right,

(34:28):
But in terms of our perspective,we need to become addicted and not
settle for addicted to and not settlefor for anything besides better. And it's
like, yes on some pie inthe sky stuff. Brother, I grew
up in an abusive household talking aboutpine and the skies and like, please

(34:49):
miss me with that. I don'tknow what better looks like except inside my
house. Brother. I mean,now, I'm blessed to peer in on
question and faith, I get it. But in terms of like model beha,
you know, I don't know.I see some people try to be
the Brady's and the Huxtables, butI've been in the house for real,
and it's like, oh, yeah, that was a venier. So the

(35:13):
better that I'm a customed I'm becomingaccustomed to is in our own household.
It It's that's it, David.That's it. You got to cultivate what
you don't if you don't see itand you want it, like cause we
have an idea, like even ifyou read story books, like for real,
art imitates life. I don't carewhat nobody say true right, so

(35:35):
that means they exist. I rememberwhen we were little and we used to
watch the Cosby show bro and Iused to be like this is dope,
but and it was in Brooklyn,Like what of all places. That's what
made it. That's Yo. Idon't know about nobody else where. You
were watching from any other part ofthe country, but that's what made it
so real for people from New Yorklike YO, So the US living Brownstone

(36:00):
and Punglin. That looked like BestStyle. I don't know if it was
best styed, but that's what itlooked like. I'm like, that ain't
the best Stye that Chris Rott andmy uncle lived in. I don't know.
I don't know about No Hustables,but Best Star was just up the
way from us, and we wasin Flatbush and I didn't know, No
quite the best start. That lookedlike that. You feel me? And

(36:21):
so I'm saying that, like,even if you're watching that, you're like,
wait a minute, this could actuallyhappen. Because here's the funny thing.
I'm watching these kids do crazy stuffin New York now within the subway,
like subway surfing. Now you knowthat's above the They got it from
the game. A lot of thestuff that you see him doing from a
negative perspective they got from this movie, or they got from this thing,

(36:42):
and they created this challenge. Ifthat be the case, why can't we
get positive stuff from that stuff thatwere watching right there, hence another reason
why they changed the programming. Butthat's a whole nother time, whole nother
conversation, right. But when Iused to watch it, I used to
be like, yo, they familyis dope and it was real too.
That was the weird part of them, Like they didn't come, they didn't

(37:05):
whitewash it like they had, youknow, they had stuff happened like things
would happen in that family, thatthat happened in people's families. It wasn't
like they you know what I'm saying, they like ward, leave it to
Beaver. It wasn't a leave itto Beaver family, no, because that
I guess that felt real to somepeople. But yeah, leave it to
Beaver was not real to me.They epitomized one of my mantras, right,

(37:31):
it's not what comes at you,but how you handle what comes at
you. I remember the time,just off the top of my dome,
that Vanessa went to Baltimore and gotthe car stolen and all of that stuff,
and she told her mama she wasgoing to be in the city at
some concert. She's four hours awayin Baltimore at some other concert. They

(37:51):
the house that she told her shewas staying at with her friends. The
next door neighbor caught a fire,right, the grandmother ends up popping up
on the news and said, oh, they're away at a concert and bruh
the tongue lashing that she got whenshe came back. If you remember the
episode, it was epic. Butto your point, David, it's not

(38:13):
that they weren't going through stuff,it's how they handled the stuff that they
were going through. So when Iused to watch the show, used to
be like, Okay, here's agood example, and if you want it,
then you need to cultivate it inyour own home. What does it
take to get that? And justyesterday I sent Faith the text and I
I like, for real, trysomething, don't just sit there and not

(38:35):
do anything, And like, forreal, there's so many different ways David,
that we can come and create whatwe're looking for in terms of relationship.
But I realize what it is whywe don't create it. It's because
you're not developed to that place yet. Do you know the kind of vulnerability?
Do you understand the kind of maturityright? Do you understand for real

(39:00):
Uh, the level of of ofof of mindset that it takes to actually
be that person that especially in theplaces of difficulty and challenge, when you
know your spouse comes at you sideways, just like my boy did with his
I know, I'm not your favoriteperson right now. Do you know understand

(39:22):
how mature you got to be todo that? And people want the better,
but you're not developed for the better. So we use a c word
the other day called capacity. Ah, come on, come on. So
sometimes people have either terminal thoughts orextreme thoughts and they're like, ah,

(39:42):
well, how can you be thatperson? You know that's so far away
and it's just like no, Rememberwe spoke about capacity, Yeah, and
capacity if you think of it visually. You know, if you're going to
the supermarket, you can go ina van fifteen passengers, or you can
go on a bicycle. You cango in a van or you can go

(40:07):
on a bicycle. Now, ifyou need a certain amount of groceries and
you go on a bicycle, you'renot going to get that, not even
in the creative Caribbean, not eventhe creative Philippines, where they'd be stacking
four people on a bike. Andyou can get all kinds of stuff I've
seen people carrying. Brother, Isaw, I sound like such a New

(40:30):
Yorker. I seen like I don'tknow nothing about anyway. I saw.
I saw a video and I'm comingback. I'm not losing my point.
Where these guys were speaking Spanish,so I don't know which country it was,
but they were definitely they looked African, but they were speaking Spanish.

(40:51):
So it's somewhere deep in one ofthe Latin or Central or South American countries.
Brother, they were you know whata taxi was was like a taxi,
brother, they had They had achair that they made on a strap
from nature. The strap was onthe dude's head, and the chair was

(41:14):
on his back, and they're carryingpeople on muddy, straight up and straight
down paths, skilled muddy stones.Brother. They had the capacity to move
one hundred pounds one hundred and fiftypounds people on their head and neck.

(41:34):
Not me. I'm strong, brother, I promise you I am. But
strapping a chair to my head,no subf that you can sit in a
real chair on my back, barefoot, walking up and down on muddy stones.

(41:58):
Everybody, if you even could geton the chair without breaking my neck.
Everybody's falling down the hill. Don'tput them because I don't have the
capacity for such a thing. YouNo, So the skill is not what
I'm talking about in this in thisrelationship thing. I'm saying, go to
the relationship in a fifteen passenger van, not on a bicycle. Yeah.

(42:22):
And when the when the blessings come, you have the capacity. Why because
you you had at least enough senseto come into the situation with enough space
to experience the growth. It isfunny, David, when you say it.

(42:43):
Immediately I hear the law of thelid, if you will, right.
I learned it from John Maxwell,the law of the lid, which
means that if your leadership is ata seven, then your company or your
organization can only go to a six. And in order for them to go
so higher than a six, thenthe lid has to go up to an
eight or a nine so that theycan be a seven or an eight.

(43:07):
He also teaches that, like forreal, every leader should put the family
first. And if you're a leaderand you're married, then you already know
if the family comes first, andwhat comes before the family is marriage,
right, And I understand why nowwhen my man responded to his girl like

(43:28):
the normal like arguments like when,for real, most of us get into
arguments like yeah, you're not thinkingabout calling, like my man did his
wife and was like, listen,I know I'm not your greatest I know
you're not a fan of me rightnow, and run it through. I'm
only imagining because I know them asa couple. She was probably overjoyed that
he even did that and went andgot her favorite dessert. And you know

(43:51):
what I'm saying. There was atime where Faith and I early in our
marriage, where we would get intoa disagreement or an argument where motions are
running high, and just a quickgem for those of you who understand when
you're in a disagreement or argument withyour spouse and emotions are running high,
reasoning is running really low, right, And we would, you know,

(44:13):
and she would do all of thisand that, and I would raise my
voice and she would raise her voice, and my voice would go higher in
hers. And it was funny becauseher voice can't go higher in mine.
But then when I looked at fromemotional and from a like you know,
just different perspectives, like this isnot this is not productive, This doesn't
produce anything. And I prayed aboutit and prayed about it, and God

(44:36):
showed me some stuff about me,David. And then one day we got
into a disagreement and I was talkingto her the same way i'm talking to
you right now. My voice didn'tgo above her two three, and she
was still up there, going onand on and on. And it happened
for maybe two or three more times. And no matter how angry I got,
no matter how frustrated I was,no matter how bad this situation was,

(44:59):
I refused to lift my voice anyhigher because it's not productive. Would
you know, after a while,she dropped her voice. Since that time,
David, we never had a knockdowndragon. When I say a knockdown
drag out, I'm talking about raisingour voices at one another. We had

(45:20):
a marriage mastermind meeting one night.Faith the former Faith Benia currently Faith Green
said, Faith thenet Green let mesay her whole government. Faith. Thenet
Green said, one day he juststopped speaking at you know, he stopped
raising his voice. No matter howangry he was. She said, I

(45:40):
would see him put his hand overhis face. No matter how angry he
was, he would never raise hisvoice, and then I started realizing I'm
the only fool out here looking crazyand raising my voice. So she was
like, you know what I did, I dropped mine too. From that
day forward, we never had anotherone. Right, you know when we

(46:02):
can? I say this, whichled me to the point where you see
me doing what I'm doing right now, because truth be told, she could
have stayed in that place, butshe said, no, he doing it
and he growing. I'm gonna growtoo, And that's the reason why I
said to her, like y'all thinkit's just words, I'm telling her,
you're a dope mom, but youare even doper wife. I don't care
what nobody say. You know whatI'm saying. And so some of you

(46:27):
think that one day you're just gonnasend your wife a text and she's going
She has to she or he righthas to see the behavior, see what
you say, and then your actionshave to line up with it so that
you can experience the fullness of better. That's it now, I'll tell you
this. You already know quests becauseyou know me better than most anybody who

(46:49):
will ever come on this broadcast.So I don't lay down, brother,
I don't expect you to brod down. I don't lay down. No that
we ain't doing because I'm a NewYorker, not because not because I'm naturally
none of that. We ain't doingnone of that. Right. But guess

(47:10):
what, I don't believe in arguingI'm talking about me. I don't really
I'm not studying the rest of y'all. If you into it and you say
it's healthy and all of that,I'm not. I come from an abusive
household, brother m I come froman abusive city and household. Yep.
So it's the bricks and I havestories go through, right, So this

(47:37):
is my thing. I said,you know what I'm not saying. I
don't know how the Lord put thatin my mind, but I said,
I refuse to have an argument becauseOkay, I don't even know if I
should say this, because it couldget our channels shut down. Because I

(48:00):
have an extreme view. Quest Ihave an extreme view. I'm an extreme
view. I have the view getalong with a person or throw them over
the banister. Yeah, and youcould call it what y'all want to call
it. I grew up in NewYork City during the time of my FIOC.
I was about to say, Davidis Tony soprano. Boy, I

(48:23):
have stories. I just can't doit. I can't put them out here
like this'll do with my relationship.But what I've seen, brother, what
I've seen with my eyes. SoI'm like, since I'm not willing to
throw my wife what I just said, I'll leave it like that to keep
the channels not to get locked lockeddown. Since I'm unwilling to do that,

(48:45):
I choose get along. Does thatmean barry your whatever challenge? No,
it doesn't mean to bury your challenge. But I'm like, I'm looking
at my real life wife now becauseof where I grew up. An it's
not a nig what do you callit? Excuse. I may use words,
and I don't mean bad words.I'm just saying, like the way

(49:06):
I speak, like I just gaveyou, like this extreme example, i
may say something that she don't like, but there's no way I'm having an
argument. And when I say that, I don't mean insulting. I don't
mean it's just something that maybe Simonewould interpret as like what I say to
you Quest, I'd be like,I could be like to you, as

(49:27):
I say, jerk move to Questlike that's obvious. She don't like the
term that's obvious. So you're like, really, that's all you talk,
that's all you got. Yeah,really, I mean stuff like that,
like that's obvious, that may triggerher. If that's what we gotta deal
with, then I'll take it likeI'll take it because I do not believe

(49:52):
in disrespecting simone. I do notbelieve in disrespecting me. I do not
believe in arguing because to me,there's only one outcome to an argument,
and I don't want that with myspouse, my work. Brother, I
don't want that. I don't wantI do not want whatever that outcome is

(50:14):
where you have to take back stuffyou've said, because you can't unhear the
stuff that people say in arguments.Brouh are you saying that when we do
do that, it's because you haven'tset a standard for yourself. That's why
you Yeah, you didn't make Youdidn't make a decision because real talk,
like my brain ain't no stronger thannobody else's brain. I know, holier

(50:35):
than nobody else. But I justdecided I made a decision twenty some years
ago. Men in an argument.I'm not doing it, brother, and
I'm not walking away I'm not inthe huff. I'm not being submissed.
What do you call it? Dismissive? Because you know people say them in
an argument and then they get theyclam up and their teeth the jaw tight,
and then they go hide in theroom. I ain't talking about that,

(50:57):
bro, I'm talking about I'm stillhere. But I can't do it.
Yeah, I can't do it.I'm not sure what's so annoying is
what's so annoying? Say it?Yeah, but man, I ain't in
an argument. Bro. Yeah,Bro, I'm about to do that.
Bro. Yeah. Bro. It'sfunny too, because I've set the standard

(51:17):
myself for not raising my voice atat you know what I'm saying at Faith,
Like I could be like Nico andMason have away. Sometimes they're just
send me up the wall. Imight raise my voice right and Faith will
walk into the room or whatever,and immediately I drop it to talk to

(51:40):
her. Oh yeah, I willblast on. I will blast I have
blasted on on on on my name, my son's name. I've blasted on
him once or twice in my life. I promise you. That's a senior
moment. Yeah, no, no, no, it's crazy. I will
I'll blast, I'll blast on them. But if she'll walk into the room

(52:02):
and what's wrong, and I'll dropmy voice and say, you know,
you'd rather good an adventures to jobnycrazy. Okay, let me let me,
let me, let me just goahead and give context to this.
Wou'd you read that quest? Andthen I'll yes, he said he he
rather go in adventures and drive mecrazy on speedboats in a foreign country to

(52:25):
get me to shut up. Okay, so would say to something about jet
skis, she'll say the same thing. I promise you, no, no,
no. But I did it onpurpose, brother, Like that's a
jerk move. I did the jerkmove. Let me tell you what I
did. We're in uh Cozamella somewheresomewhere in Mexico, and they said you

(52:49):
can't flip these boats. And Iwas like, oh, you can't flip
these boats. They don't know whothey're dealing with. I was like,
well, let's try it out.Like I'm I'm not trying to actually flip
the boat, but I want tosee what what can this thing do?
And then I realized, you know, I got this one thing, man,
I'm this right now, brother,I got this one thing I don't

(53:12):
like. No, I despise backseat driving. I just don't. I
can't bother with the back seat Whydid you go this direction and not that?
Because I have the steering wheel,bro, Like, that's why I
went that way because I have thesteeringwheel. You know what. And you
know, when you have the steeringwheel, you can go like this or you
can go this way because you havethe steering wheel. But I know where

(53:37):
someone come from. Her pops isthe same way. Brother, like he'd
be on something. Go this way, go that way. And I'm like,
brother, take the steering wheel.Then if you want to go that
way, you can drive the vehiclethat way. But since I'm driving the
vehicle, that's my that's what's inmy brain. I don't say it that
way. I don't say it,but okay, she just say that.

(54:00):
Then don't try to kill me.That's he's so melodramatic. Okay, So
now do we have like how Ifeel that's in my and I have said
that. By the way, easywith the back seat driving. But anyway,
so I said, okay, thisis an opportunity. I'm driving this
little speed boat and there's a ropefor the passenger to hold on to if
in case it gets a little weirdin the boat. So I'm gassing this

(54:24):
so I'm giving it all the throttleinggod, brother, And then I noticed
that the water is coming. Thisis early in our marriage, no excuse,
but I'm just saying, but thewater is coming in wash, And
I'm like, do you promise notthe back seat drive? Hush? Yes?
Wash? And what is coming intoher? I mean it is my

(54:47):
homegirl for eleven years before we gotmarried, right, so I'm not trying
this out on a new thing.She did not like it or appreciate it.
You could see she complaining in thechat. But sh and then it
was like another turn, Wash,do you promise not to backseat drive ever?
Again? Yes? Well she brokethe promise like forever. But she

(55:08):
was like she was like, shewas like, just say that, like,
don't try to kill me. Ididn't try to kill you. I
was just riding in the thing.And I was like, well, this
is an opportunity to get a geta religion, you know, to work
out a small challenge that we're having. So you hijacked it the moment.
I hijacked the moment, brother,and I did say out loud. It's

(55:29):
no joke. It's true. Idid do it. I did it,
I admit it. It was itwas a long long time ago I did
it. I did do it.So now you know I should send a
message. No, but it wasso long ago. I don't need to
apologize again. I mean that wasthen said, don't you bring up old
stop unbelievable. But no. Butthat's the thing, man, We should

(55:49):
our our relationships should be to sucha to such a standard that the for
better part is status quo, statusquo, full stop. Don't be exceptional
by saying I apologize. Don't beexceptional by treating your spouse kindly, Like,
don't be exceptional by filling the blankall this stuff, like, be

(56:10):
exceptional by I don't even know,Like, don't be exceptional by not throwing
your spouse away, by not choosingdivorce, Like that should not be exceptional
behavior. Brother, I don't likethe fact that that is exceptional behavior.
Yeah, I'm saying, let itbe as normal as sleep, but Truman
need some sleep. No, Yeah, yeah, status quo. Man,

(56:35):
I want the game to change tothe degree that please and thank you our
status quo. Yeah. Yeah,that expecting you to come home and not
stay out late to get away fromyour spouse should be status quo. Yep,
rush, Come on, that's statusquo. Yep, yep. Yeah,

(56:57):
evening walks status quo. Pause,you know what I'm saying. Yeah,
so that's what I'm on. Maybeit's a little complex, too complex
a thought for some people, Likeyou could have just said, well,
maybe I could have just said,but we have become so accustomed to terrible
stuff that this is a discussion.We've been sitting on this thing for fifty
some minutes talking about the way thingsare supposed to be brother and it's not

(57:22):
like it was extreme. We didn'teven talk about extreme stuff yet. Yeah,
we didn't talk about the fact thatI said, this is extreme,
but it shouldn't be extreme. It'sfunny, David, it's a couple of
people who are in the institution ofAmerica right now. You made a vow
you need to have some conversations ifyou're not experiencing what we're talking about,

(57:45):
and if you're dating or in acourting situation and you're not experiencing this,
and you sensed that my man orhomegirl is not making any attempts at making
any adjustments. Yo, I hada og tell me one time. Yo,
My dude, when somebody paint youa picture and you don't like it,

(58:06):
don't give him an opportunity to paintyou another one. That's right,
I'll tell you another story. Igot another story. It's a little more
positive than the last one. Yeah. So we're in Spanish town, right
m hm. And the vehicle dooris open and the back thing to the

(58:27):
back of the vehicle way back,because we have an suv it's open too.
We're having a little snack because Fridaysare weird. So before we go
on the road, good man comeand say he wants some money, like
he's not robbing nobody, he's askingmm hmm. And I gave him my
response clear, quiet and clear,chill, quiet, clear and chill.

(58:51):
Yeah, no, it's the answer. That's what it means. Though this
time and he come again and Igave him the answer again. I'm chill,
bro real calm. You see.I have my voice sounds soothing like
Candace Candace Mackie's voice Swaggerman shout tothe swagger Man, like I have the
male version of that voice is soothingfor real doom that voice, and I

(59:15):
tell him again, he comes onemore time. I tell him again,
were good, But the brother decidedthat he was gonna walk by me and
move towards Simon. Don't dun't dunte. He gets the impression that she's either

(59:38):
your girlfriend or your wife. Hegets the impression that he can approach the
woman that's got her back turned,going, that's what our vehicle that we
both are at. After I toldhim kindly three times in a quiet voice,
yeah, just no, but nowyou're approaching my my, my queen
brother because he didn't bypass you,so so uh yeah, it almost got

(01:00:06):
really messy because for some reason,my status quo is do not disrespect my
wife yep, and do not come. Why would you walk behind a woman
that's not your somebody you're close to, absolutely, and then you do it
in front of me yep. Ontop of that yep. So let me

(01:00:27):
just say, the quiet voice wentaway and it almost got really really messy
instantaneously because some kind of way,my brain doesn't know how to process somebody
disrespecting some om brop. I can'tprocess it, so I don't even attempt
to. I act mm hm.That should be status quo. She has
her back turned. She's bending now, going in towards into the vehicle looking

(01:00:51):
for something down lower, and they'restill gonna come scooch up and try to
Oh yeah, it's about to bereal messy. Yep, yep, status
quo. Brother. I was goodwhen you were talking to me, and
even though I was tired of talkingto you about the same thing. But
I was not good when you approachsimone, because I don't know what's about
to happen next in your brain statusquo. And I'm not waiting to find

(01:01:16):
out. No, oh no,not waiting to find out. So yeah,
yep, that's what I'm on.Simon is funny. She said,
thanks gens, going to fix thefood before I got drunk. Me again,
she's being a mellow dramatic. Yeah, that's mellow, mellow drama.

(01:01:38):
But yeah, yeah, I amgoing to be hungry. I am,
but I know it's about that time, but yeah, yeah, yeah,
David, status quo is the thing. And I'm I'm telling married folks like
you you know what I'm an advocatefor. I'm an advocate for not only

(01:01:59):
marriages growing, but thriving and thrivingsuch till you get to the point of
most fulfilling, most gratifying, mostfulfilling. I mean, uh yeah,
most gratifying, most fulfilling, mostsatisfying. That's what I'm trying to get
to, right, That's it.And if I'm not getting there, and
I'm in a dating or according situation, and I'll get to the marriage then

(01:02:22):
and you have no indications of makingany adjustments. As a matter of fact,
I don't even have time to wasteif we in this day and age.
If you don't have it, youdon't have it. And if you
don't have it, I don't gottime to waste. So right, But
if I'm married, though, weneed to have some conversations because if we

(01:02:44):
I'm not an advocate for divorce.God hates it and so do I.
Right, But if you have nointentions on making any decisions, to make
any adjustments so that we can movetogether, because I'm willing to make them.
But if you are in a marwhere your partner isn't, I'll leave
that right there. Yeah, wellI realized now it's later there. I

(01:03:08):
forgot. Yeah, it's later there. So I appreciate you making an adjustment
quest because my worries broke my clockand I think Candice clock don't change,
but yours did, so thank youfor the time. Man, No worries.
Man, y'all already know what itis. Let's get the phenomenal.
Stay focused. There you have it, y'all. I hope you've enjoyed your
time with us. Marriage is aboutmutual love and mutual respect, and it

(01:03:32):
works for those willing to make itwork. Real talk, our espouses are
treasured jewels given to us to makelife better, and the sooner we learn
to value one another will be thesooner we become the absolute best versions of
ourselves we can be. Until nexttime, Peace,