September 21, 2023 • 49 mins
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(00:01):
Peace SHAWLISHA man Dave with my brotherquests, the man bringing you all things
marriage, paying you huge dividends onyour investment in time with us. We're
talking about love, sex, havingchildren, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.
(00:22):
And guess what this is grown folksbusiness. So get ready to make grown
up decisions. You know why,because marriage Ain't for suckers. That's the
name of the program. Marriage Ain'tfor Suckers. Right, let's get into
it. Hey, your quest.It's time to give the people something.
Man are we talking about today?What up? What up? What up?
(00:44):
Is your boy quest? Y'all alreadyknow what it is. Welcome to
another addition of the Marriage Ain't forSuckers Podcast, where we discuss all things
marriage, relationship, and things ofthe like. I don't know, I'm
on my radio voice. You knowwhat I'm saying today before I continue any
further. That's what we do itnow. You know what I'm saying.
(01:11):
We we That's what we do itnow, ladies and gentlemen, my man,
my mellow, my mellow, myman, As they give me the
crickets l David Harris, Yeah,they class. Yah you cold the woman
(01:33):
high lang, I gotta do something. I feel like I'm sleep still like
what happened. But guess what though, Yeah yeah, even though I'm feeling
a little bit, I think Ithink that class is then session. What
(02:02):
up? What up? Man?I'm not even mad at you, because
I need a little bit of thatto get me up. I'm telling you,
I'm slow motion today or slow motion. I really do want to shot
you out personally, because once again, I don't take this for granted.
Man, the fact that we getto, you know, come on week
(02:27):
after week and sit and discuss andnow it's going another step. You know
what I'm saying, We're running companiesnow, you know, for those who
didn't know, my man is runningyou know what I'm saying, He's running
the ship. You know what I'msaying over at the Greenhouse and uh okay,
you know saying, first of all, let me just go ahead and
(02:49):
thank you, thank you, andso to have not even a friendship of
brotherhood man, of you know,of all these years and to be able
to do this stuff as a blessingand a half shouts out to everybody who
is a part of the you know, Greenhouse Marriage Mastermind. If you're not
(03:10):
a part of a marriage community,really do need to be a part of
one? I got you know,I'm saying some people right now that I
am lamenting over and I wish thatthey well, you know, it's one
of those things where one person seesthe benefit of the other one doesn't,
and you can't make the other personshow up. And because of it,
(03:31):
it's it's led to some some challengingplaces. Right. And so if you're
not a part of a marriage communityand you married, like unless you really
dope dope dope like that, right, I don't know about nobody else,
but I'm not dope like that.I need you know what I'm saying.
I need. I need that helpdo me a favor if you want to
(03:53):
become a part of a community oflike minded individuals who are keeping their marriages
on point right. And we don'tjust meet, We do stuff together.
We go on trips. As amatter of fact, they don't even know
about the cruise that we're going onnext year, you know what I'm saying
to cook Bahamas. They don't knowthat we're going to Kuresau. They don't
(04:15):
know that we're going to Aruba aboard. You know what I'm saying, Royal
Princess Cruise Line. Come on,man o, Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.
They don't know, they don't knowthat we're going you know what I'm saying
for ten days, nine nights.You know what I'm saying. That's how
long we're going from the second tothe tenth. I'm sorry, from the
second to the tenth. Nine days, eight days, I'm sorry, eight
(04:39):
days, seven nights, I'm sorry. Well, whatever long we're going there,
yeah, nine days, eight eight, nine days, eight nights,
okay, nine days. Maybe Ishould play the thing. Oh, play
the thing. Let us play thething, lady, okay, thing.
Let them see it. So likeif y'all, if y'all down the rock
(05:00):
this we don't only meet and workon our marriages. We do. We
don't do life around one another.We do life with one another. I
see it back there, homie,So let me yeah, let me scroll
them back man, and and getthem in there. Man. Look yeah,
look for those who watch it,take a look. Yeah. I
don't know why it. Don't wantto rewind on it. Class. What's
(05:21):
wrong? This? This disrespectful.This is disrespectful. It's disrespectful. But
yeah, hold on the thing,man can't even rewind it. Yep.
I just want to tell them though, d Like, for real, if
you're not a part of a communityand you want to be a part of
a community of like minded individuals,like just connecting with some good people right
who love their marriages, do mea favor. Go visit www dot jquestgreen
(05:46):
dot com, Forward Slash Coaching andjoin the community. Join it. That's
it. That's it, CEO ofthe Green Box Marriage and Richmond Company,
where we focus on three things,love, lifestyle and legacy. Let me
tell y'all something. The Greenhouse MarriageGetaway, the first annual Greenhouse Marriage Getaway
(06:09):
twenty twenty three is officially in thebooks. We are already underway for the
twenty twenty four Greenhouse Marriage Getaway Cruisein conference happening on Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.
Let me tell y'all something. We'regoing to three locations right Aruba,
Cook and the Bahamas, and we'regoing to kill us out. If you
miss the first annual Greenhouse Marriage Getaway, trust me, you don't want to
(06:31):
miss the second annual. Once again, it's going down on Royal Caribbean Cruise
Lines and the speakers lined up andmore to be announced. And I'll just
share with you a couple l DavidHarris, let me tell you something.
Phenomenal speaker, author coach here bespeaking on that cruise. Leboyman, Crystal
Robinson, serial entrepreneurs, they willbe on that cruise as well. Myself
(06:56):
and my lovely wife Faith, we'llbe speaking on that. Not to mention
the pastor of a Place of Change, Ministries of Sociate Pastor, Teens Tires,
phenomenal coach, phenomenal speaker, hewill be on that cruise speaking as
well. Let me tell you guysonce again, it's going down next year
August second through the twenty twenty fourRoyal Caribbean Cruise Lines. It is the
(07:19):
Greenhouse Marriage get Away Cruise in conference. You don't want to miss it.
Tickets go on sale today. Lookat the link down below. Click the
link get your tickets today. I'mtelling you we want to do life with
you and not around you, becauseif you're not working on your marriage,
then my friends, what are youdoing. If you don't want to miss
out be a part of the cruise. I'm telling you it's gonna be phenomenal.
(07:41):
It's your boy, quest piece youfeel me. Yeah, that's that's
(08:48):
it. That's that's that's that's serious. Like, that's serious. That's serious.
Quest, That's that's serious. Serious. I don't I don't, I
don't know what's holding you. Someof y'all are in some shaky places.
Some of you are in some okayplaces. But you know, if one
storm come through there, it's gonnabe a problem. And what we want
to do is help you strengthen thoseareas. You know what I'm saying,
(09:11):
the areas that are like for realand there's like for real. You can
do it a fun way by beingaround some like minded individuals. I got
couples who are, you know,not really as extroverted as I am.
They come into the group and theyjust sit and listen and they speak,
and when they speak is powerful.You hear me, and so yeah,
man, yeah, man, jointhe community. Man, join the community.
(09:31):
That's all I'm trying to tell you. Well, that's a whole lot.
Thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you. Sir.
Yo by the way, shot outto Joseph Wilson who was on last night
on the Mastermind, who spoke onconfirmation bias last night, wonderful conversation.
(09:52):
I've been getting messages since last nightabout how dope the conversation was. So
yeah, man shouts out to Joseph. Man. Yeah, it was good
to see it on the camera.Yeah. Man, Yeah, good dude,
good dude. Yeah. Well,hey, you didn't ask me nothing,
yo, d Mmm. How waslife on the island? Man?
(10:13):
Yeah? For you? But they'renothing man, Yeah, Man, we're
good. We're good. But thetired answer my good, but my tired.
I wan't sleep because last night whenI kept me up lit and you
know, yeah, everything. Otherwisewe're good. Yeah, David loves that.
(10:37):
Uh. I don't even know whatthat is? Is a uh what
you call the duck tails voice attack? Man? Are you think? Yeah?
Yeah, Davis, there's not aday that we get on here that
David don't touch that. You know, well, well if they so to
(11:01):
it, otherwise we're good, allright. Otherwise we're good. Life Life
is life. Life is life.Life, life is like I love it.
Man. I have some stuff manthat it's it's going on here at
the crew, but I'll share itlater on. Uh, let's let's jump
(11:24):
into this thing. Man, whatare we talking about? Today. D
Yeah, well it's not necessarily mypersonal experience, but real talk, like
there are a lot of people whoare married right now and they're like,
yo, if I wish I hadfilling the blank before I got married,
Like I wish I had filling theblank. And we'll talk about some of
these things before I got married,and we're not talking about like a new
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house, a new car. AndI'm kind of things because there's a lot
of y'all really killing the gang,but there's some stuff that's missing. There's
some stuff that's that's missing. Soreally I want to shout shout the singles
out this morning. Yeah. Right, So there's some things that you need.
Some of you don't know you needit, like you need it,
you don't know you need it.But when we say, you're gonna be
(12:07):
like, yeah, I wish Ihave that now, I want that right
now. So we're gonna talk aboutsome of that stuff. Yeah yeah,
So why don't we start with moreself confidence? Can we start right there?
Oh, no doubt. You're single, you are considering some serious relationship,
but your self confidence is kind oflike, I don't know, like
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you're afraid, like you don't wantto you don't wanna. You don't want
to approach the person that you youyou are most drawn to, but well
you want to shoot your shot becauselike there's no time. But now,
yeah, self confidence, So let'stalk about that for a moment, man,
because real talk like that. Fearof rejection is a big deal right
(12:52):
now. I don't know about nobodyelse, but I know the women that
I was trying to press back inthe day, you had to have a
start level of confidence in order toapproach them. And that's what made I
think me stand out just a littlebit. It was some dude who was
hands down. We could we couldlook at some areas and say, Yo,
they was doping in me in theseareas, but they were shook.
(13:15):
That's true to talk to chicks.And I was never I never had that
problem when I was when I wasgrown, I didn't have that problem.
We're not talking about babies today,y'all. We're talking about grown people who
have accomplished much in your lives.But there's something in terms of self confidence
where it's just like, I don'tknow, should I be connecting with him,
(13:35):
should I be connecting with her?Yo? You know what's so crazy
about it? Man. You knowwhen you left New York, I was
running with Kurt and Mikey. Mikewas a different beast, roll up or
chicks like you know what I'm saying. I'm talking about grown women too,
Like we was like twenty twenty one. It was rolling up on people women
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like twenty eight twenty nine is spittinggame and they was loving it, like
you know what I'm saying, Andthat just being in that environment, like
I think was the thing that becausefirst of all, when I was younger,
I never really had it, thatjust intensified it. So I'm glorifying
the part about you know what I'msaying, running women down. But when
you're dating and you see something thoughyou know, intrigues you and you want
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to learn or no more, likefor really you gotta have, there's nothing
worse I think they'll turn off toa woman than than a dude that don't
is not confident enough to come overand say X, Y and Z tour.
You know what I'm saying, Like, Yeah, you know, it's
really interesting. I've lived in andI live in one now, but I've
lived in a few places in mylife where where successful women are dim a
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dozen. Yeah, successful women arediam a dozen. Right. So I
live in Jamaica, and despite alot of what you hear about, well,
it's true, by the way,despite what you hear about, you
know how poorly some men treat womenhere. This is one of the capitals
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of the world for successful, powerful, confident women. When I lived in
DC and in the area surrounding,I lived in DC for eight years.
I lived in the DMV for twentysome years. That was another place because
it was the seat of the UnitedStates government. It was like the mecca
for especially women of color, notjust but especially women of color. They
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were getting younger and more powerful.When I say younger, i'm talking about
adults. But you're not waiting untilyou're forty something fifty something to see these
people in their strength. And Iwould hear and I could never understand it.
So no dis to the brothers whoare experiencing this. But I used
to hear like, yeah, yeah, there's so many, so many men
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just don't want to approach me.They say that I'm intimidating, And then
when you hear the discussion, it'slike the women are not intimidating, it's
just that the women already know whatthey're about, Like we say, here,
you have to know what y'all aboat? They know what they're about.
And but like why why would youhave a problem approaching Why would you
have a problem starting a normal humanconversation? Like why would you have a
(16:12):
problem inviting whatever the positive thing experiencesthat you have that you want to offer,
like what is that? But notthis? There are some men who
do have that challenge, ye,and I'm just picking men, but I'm
sure that there's some women out therewho also are lacking in that area.
Well, the onus is upon usbecause I mean, I know we're living
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in a different day now. Womenare approaching men, you know what I'm
saying, and don't have no qualmsabout it, you know what I'm saying,
those of us who are progressive.But traditionally it's the man who initiates
that connection a woman and a woman. A woman once proposed to me Broye,
and I said yes, And onthe time, I'm not talking about
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Simon, this is we didn't getmarried, obviously, but but yeah,
she she proposed. She was justlike yeah, it's time, like so
yeah, And I was like,wow, that's serious. And I didn't
feel no way. I didn't feelintimidated by it. I didn't feel like
there was something wrong with it.And I clearly I said yes, even
though later on we we parted ways. But it was just like, yo,
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whatever you desire. Huh. Wasshe older? No, we were.
I was. I was for thefirst time older than the woman.
Okay, so she was probably twoyears younger than me. Okay, yep.
And and yeah, so she shewas just like in Timo what nation
like, No, I'm not selfconfidence problem. I didn't. She didn't
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have that. But still there arepeople who would not have approached my Simone
like and I'm like, well,while y'all sitting there wondering and figuring it
out, I'm gonna go ahead.And uh, I'm gonna go ahead.
And with the boys and Philly Sammacrack on her and that's my friend.
Yes, there's no guarantee she gonnashe gonna entertain the thing. But Simone
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was down. I was down.And then the rest this history, like
we we decided to make this alife long journey together. Yeah, yep,
I remember. I remember being thatage and dating older you know,
women who were considering like yo,I was like, yeah, I'm not.
I'm not ready for that, butlike for real, like and that's
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the that's what you're gonna get becausethey know who they are, they know
what they want, you know whatI'm saying, and they're not and they're
ready to pursue it, right Andwe're just living in a day and time
now for especially for us. LikeI think men looking at women from a
confidence perspective are looking for women whoare confident in being you know, a
wife, being a mother, ifwe decide to have a family, being
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confident in making decisions. But asfar as the you know, the initial
initial attraction is concerned, I thinkit's it's it's up to us traditionally it's
changing, like I said, Butbut yeah, confidence is definitely a major
part in If you don't have it, you might need to work on that
before you engage in relationship because whatwhen you get in, it's going to
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require you to make decisions If youdon't have confidence, how we say it
all the time, how you doone thing is how you do everything.
If you're not confident in this areaover here, how can we expect you
to be confident in making decisions?Yeah, So let's let's start with with
one tool. How about changing theconversation like positive self talk? Yeah,
like, what are you saying toyourselves brothers? What are you saying to
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yourselves sisters? Where relationship is concerned? Like are you saying? Boy?
I wonder if person X would findme desirable because filling the blank perceived negative
thing that one has a PhD,I only have a master's. That one
is pushing a Porsche and I'm drivinga Toyota. Like people actually entertain this
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kind of a thing. So really, David, like, really entertain self
talk? Like positive self talk isa start, and I'm starting with something
shallow because that's where most people.Ye are you feel me? Yeah?
So yeah, let's start with that. But I think society has made it
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a thing now, right in termsof discussion, because you have PhD and
I have masters, Yeah, thatmakes you better than me. Let me
let me be very clear. Whenyou have a and I'll just use the
context of education, right, becauseyou have a PhD and I have a
past a master's does not make youbetter than me except for the area in
(20:40):
which you got the PhD in.Yeah, some people think because you got
a PhD in in education, thatmakes you dope in finances, That makes
you dope in relations, that makesyou dope in business. Know that means
that you thoroughly we we're thoroughly educatedto the highest standard possible in one particular
(21:02):
area. And because you have donethat does not make you better than anybody
else who might have a lesser degreethan you, because truth be told,
it's some people who don't have nodegree that will run circles around PhDs.
Yeah. How about okay, sowe got the self talk. How about
exercise? Does that have an impact? Like if I if I begin to
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exercise, and I'm not saying becomea fitness model. I'm not saying to
become a bodybuilder, but I meansimply to exercise on a regular basis,
do you think that that has apositive impact on self confidence? Oh?
No doubt, Yeah, no doubt, because when when I when I got
a couple of pounds on them,like all right, dude, you need
(21:45):
to lose that. But as soonas we dropped the weight, and then
you know what I'm saying, whenyou when when you've been in the gym,
you know, we'd be in thegym on a fairly decent basis,
fairly decent fairly, fairly regularly,and you get your reps in and you
get your gains, and you walkpast the marry You like, who that
there? Oh? Oh yes,indeed the rack is on deck. You
(22:11):
know what I'm saying, The twelvegauges is hanging from the shoulders. You
know what I'm saying is you're lookinga little bit different, You're looking broader.
You know what I'm saying. Clothesfit differently. Matter of fact,
you start wearing different kinds of clothesthat accentuate. Yeah. And then there's
and then there's the just the endorphins. Oh yeah, like those those those
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those feel good, those feel goodchemicals in our minds that just help to
kind of defeat you know, basicdepressive thoughts, like basic things where confidence
is concerned. Why because I havemore energy, you know what I'm saying.
Like, so exercise actually brings Consistentexercise brings energy. People think it'll
(23:00):
put you to sleep, But consistentexercise actually brings energy. So so I
hear you saying something low key,David. If we are experiencing any levels
of low self esteem, and weknow the areas in which we should improve,
could it possibly be that your lowself esteem is linked to the areas
(23:22):
in which you know you should improve, but I have not, and you're
kind of in this comfort. Yeah, oh come on, yeah, it
could, it could, it could. And look at how I'm sitting right
now, Like how I'm sitting becauseright now I'm a little bit tired.
I'm a little bit tired. I'mleaning on my desk, my left hand
is on the desk, and I'mI'm over the microphone. So what if?
(23:45):
What if? What if I actuallyhave poor posture. I'm talking about
physical, visual posture, visible posture. There are people who if we would
learn how to square our shoulders,Yeah, if we would learn how to
how to elongate our backs, ifwe would learn how to hold our heads.
I'm talking about physically. We're nottalking about no special philosophical thing.
(24:10):
If we learned how to become moreerect in terms of our posture, more
sure in terms of our walk,don't do it, And in terms of
our walk, like our our walkbecomes more confident women or men, then
maybe, just maybe, then ourinternal measure of confidence will turn up a
(24:34):
bit. You see what I'm saying, Like these are basic things that people
don't know. Well, I needmore self confidence and people like go get
another degree. I need more selfconfidence, buy some more clothes. It's
like pause, like that's cool,Like no disc But there's some real basic
everyday things that we can do toimprove change your style, change your style.
(24:57):
I'm saying, like, for really, you know where we come from,
right, I definitely do we needLike you know, your boy like
it. Kicks is one of thethings that your boy definitely got. I'm
gonna keep some kicks. And it'slike, for real, when you when
you know that, like there's athere's a certain level of style coming out
(25:18):
of New York, right, Andwhenever you dress a particular way and you
know, like this is repping.You know what I'm saying. Just no
matter what that style is, youknow that you know when it's fresh,
it causes you to respond to youdifferently. You walk differently. You know
what I'm saying. Your your selfesteem is different, right, And I'm
not saying conceded, but there's acertain confidence that you walk with because you
(25:41):
obtain this. Don't let nobody payyou a compliment. Oh goodness, confirmation
for you to you know what I'msaying that yep, I'm doing I'm doing
it. I'm doing it the wayit should be done. Yeah. Yeah,
let's jump off of that one nowand look at personal boundaries. Like
one of the one of the womenin our in our you ou Mastermind named
(26:03):
Jass Jass Abraham, she's like theshe's almost said the G, but maybe
she is like she a G butshe is really hot and heavy on that
boundaries concept. One of the reasonspeople who are single and I'm picking singles
because that's what we want to talkabout today, have challenges in terms of
(26:25):
our relationships. It is because wedon't have boundaries. Right. Remember I
use that colloquialism a little earlier.I said, know what y'ab about?
Like a Jamaican would say, like, what is it that you? What
is your contribution to the world?Well, there are times that people are
allowing ourselves to be pushed around byother people's perception of where we should be
(26:49):
in our lives. And if Iam a person who allows other people to
sort of dictate my pace without qualityboundaries, then how in the world can
I approach a serious romantic relationship Becauseas the wind blows, I go yep,
(27:15):
as a person's opinion of me goesso do I like? And so
that is like talk about hindrance toa positive romantic relationship. So we need
to know what our own limits are. I remember you used to talk about
values back in the day before wesome years ago, before we before we
took that break. Here on thisprogram, we're still talking about those d
(27:37):
because and it's important why because thevalues guide your decision making if something don't
okay, So, first of all, your values are something that you don't
compromise for anybody. All right.It has a lot to do with your
moral fabric, the way that youmake you know what I'm saying, the
way that you think they made thatyou do, you know, make your
decisions, and you don't compromise thatfor anybody. If that makes when you
(27:57):
make your decisions, your value comeinto play. Do you line up with
one, two, three, andfour? If you don't, then we're
not moving in that direction. MIt's an immediate no matter of fact.
You don't even have to line upwith all four. The minute that you
cross one of them, that's it. That's it. Yeah, So that
part of it is very important.So that like feeds healthy interactions, no
(28:21):
doubt, it feeds it. Becauseif if, if, if a person
can see that you are willing togo wherever they're trying to take you.
Some people just want to sort ofwhat's the word, like I forgot there's
a term that we use all thetime, but basically, you want to
plead your people. Pleaser, Yes, yeah, even if even if you
(28:41):
have someone who is is immature enoughto want to be pleased all the time,
there comes a point where that sameindividuals just like you know what,
m this person is not standing foranything. So I'm out. I can't
bother with this relationship because let melet me say this, and I'm not
(29:02):
saying this and trying to throw mywife under the bus, but my wife
is built like she don't like shedon't like confrontation. She's not and she'll
let me know I was doing thatso that we could avoid doing this.
And our confrontation in this season ofour life is different. I say that
for some of you, you thinkknocked down, drag out right our confrontations
(29:26):
and not like that. Our confrontationsare at the level you hear me talking
right now. That's our confrontations inthis scene is one where we're screaming,
hollering, but here's the funny thing. She doesn't like it, but she
will do it for the sake ofus getting to where we need to get
to. And why So you wantto talk about discipline, right, Mike
(29:48):
Tyson said it best. Mike Tysonsaid, discipline is doing the thing that
you hate to do like you loveit. Say it again, Mike Tyson
said, discipline is doing the thingyou hate to do like you love it.
M m. Faith Green does notlike disagreements. She does not like
(30:10):
confrontation. She doesn't like that,but she does it so that we can
do and achieve what needs to bedone and achieved. I don't either.
Faith and I are very similar inthat way. Now, now, I'll
turn it up if I have to, but I'd really rather not. It's
a dark it's a dark, darkplace. I'm not interested in that place.
Well, here's the funny thing.It's with me too. I don't
(30:33):
I'm not really a fan of theconfrontation thing. But if you're showing me
you want to buck, I'm herefor it. Yeah, with me,
And and I don't like me whenI get I don't like me when I
get to that place because I'm unconscionableuncontinable. You're an uncontonable by regal quest
green. Yeah, I'm a faithit goes that stuff. Yeah yeah.
(30:59):
So so one of the ways todeal with the boundaries piece is to respond
instead of reacting. Come on,do you say that one more time for
the peeps in the back. Respondinstead of react. So if somebody crosses
the boundary, respond assertively, calmly, but don't let it be like a
(31:23):
nuclear reactor. Come on like likelike like here in Jamaica, you see
the recall it or you call itthe gas. There's something in the in
the cylinder, the propane or liquidgas. Right, so we use that
a lot, like people connect itto their stove. They a lot of
different things, right, And thenyou see on the outside, if you
(31:47):
see it stored on the outside,it says no naked flame, like no
bear flame, like, don't smokearound here, don't like no no rubbish
around here, like, don't likeno matches, cigarettes like, no splits,
don't like nothing around here, becauseif because if you do, then
this could be a really really badlight show boom gone up. Right.
(32:13):
And so if you are a reactiveperson where even where your boundaries are concerned,
then maybe that could be a challengein terms of your developing positive romantic
relationships. So respond be assertive,not reactive. Here's the thing about to
be a reactive to d like.This is the reason why development is so
(32:37):
important. You're going to get triggeredm you get into relationship and move into
marriage. I don't care what nobodysay you are, it's not if,
it's when and how you respond isgoing to determine. It is going to
depend upon how much development you've actually, you know what I'm saying, achieved
(33:00):
in order to properly navigate through thatthat moment where you're triggered many at times
in the beginning of me and Faith'srelationships, and it wasn't intentional. Yeah,
she was just being herself, youknow what I'm saying. But she
would say something, and so wouldI. I would say some things that
would, just like legit trigger her. And what do you do in those
(33:22):
instances fly off the handle and clapback right now? And you know what's
so funny? We did in someof those instances, and we learned it
did not serve us very well,and so we had to make some adjustments
real quick. This is the reasonwhy and we had to do it the
hard way. I wish somebody wasshowing us how to do that. You
know what I'm saying. A lotof it I had learned, you know,
(33:45):
you know, prior to me andFaith getting married. Some stuff I
learned from our first marriage. Andthen when I took that, you know,
was single for like the next sixor seven years, I'd learned some
stuff. I didn't just float throughlife or relationships, right, I learned
some stuff along the way. That'swhy I wish somebody was like, what
we're about to do. It's sodope. It's going to allow people to
(34:06):
get that kind of development long beforeyou head into the relationship of your life.
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, that's good. So, so
here's another one. And I thinki'll just pause right here, right,
this is one that's simple, supersimple. Right, Some people wish they
(34:27):
had a comfortable living space before theygot married. Let me just give you
an example. So I left home, don't I mean, don't don't make
it like a big thing. Ileft home when I was fifteen. I
went away to boarding school for twoyears, graduated from boarding high school,
and then went to college. Right, So, and I was living on
(34:51):
campus there. When I was nineteen, I got my first apartment, so
I had two years of boarding school, a little bit of time in the
dorm as a university student, andthat's when I decided, you know what,
I can't live with these. Ican't live with these. I cannot
live with these. I can't.I can't. Like I had some good
(35:15):
I had one my first roommate,he was great, my second roommate he
was great. My third roommate hewas great. But I was like,
this is great for the dorm,and my fourth and fifth. I have
five roommates in that over that periodof time at different points, and that's
when I decided, there ain't noway that I am living with nobody,
(35:35):
no dude as a roommate as I'mgrowing up, right, So what did
I do? I decided to bringmy level down as a young guy and
said, I'm going to Washington,DC. I'm gonna get me an apartment.
And in that apartment, as soonas you walk in, I had
a nicely made bed right in themiddle. It was always clean, always
(35:58):
nice, had the the nice nicedrapes, beautiful lighting in the kitchen,
very clean dining room, very cleanbathroom always clean, closet well organized,
always very clean. And I waslike, if I got to live in
this little five hundred square foot whateverwhere I run the show and I can
(36:22):
cut off and separate from the world, so I can be very happy when
I step up out of here intothis big, bad, crazy world,
then that's what it's gonna be.And the roommate thing wouldn't have done that
for me. So what happens issometimes single folks who do have less than
desirable living circumstances of situations or arrangements, they're trying to run into a marriage
(36:47):
to resolve that. Ah, youknow, I was gonna drop it in
there somewhere. We couldn't just betalking about living room furniture. Come on,
now, do you know how manypeople I knew did that? How
many girls I knew that were underthe traditional you know my wife. We've
known, especially in the Latin Latinoculture, like you don't leave this house
(37:12):
until. And some of them gotmarried just so that they could get from
under their father's thumbs up. Andthen when they did, it ended up
in divorce. But of course theywere adults by it then and they couldn't
go back home so then you knowwhat I'm saying. But it's not just
them, it's a number of differentpeople like you getting married because you feel
like you're trying to run away froma particular situation, thinking that marriage is
(37:34):
going to save you. It's notgoing to save you. If anything,
it's going to intensify, highlight andput on Broadway the very thing that you
were trying to run from. Yeah, now I'm not going to front.
They were a little child. Therewas a challenge, and I'm overstating it.
Can I just say that I'm overstatingit? But okay, let me
say when I was single and Ihad that wonderful environment. I didn't talk
about the living room or any ofthat yet, but I had the environment.
(37:58):
It was my perfect space. Itsmells so good, quest the place
just smells so good. Everything wasjust great, right, And so when
I got when I got married,well before I got married, and I
had women as guests because I'm anintrovert and who knows whatever else was going
on, I used to be like, this is wonderful. When are you
(38:20):
going home? So that's the guythat I was. It was wonderful,
and I'm like, TikTok, thisis the part where we separate, like
you go home and then I comeback in here and I chill, like
I walk you to your vehicle andyou know, bid you ADU, farewell,
We'll see you the next time.But peace like peace, right Apart
(38:42):
from that? Apart from that,Okay, that was my issue. So
now when I get married, Irealized, like, I got this queen
size bed, but I can't sleepin the middle of it anymore. Why
because I have a wife. Andthen when I choose the side of the
bed that I that I if Igotta go to one side of the beds
(39:02):
gets who wanted that? Okay,let me just go ahead and let you
go with that one. Go ahead, because I think we understand where we're
going, right. So the decidethat I thought I wanted, well,
that's the side that my new wifewanted. So it's like, Okay,
you can't sleep in the middle,and you can't sleep on the side that
you think you want, and don'tfight that because that's yeah, yeah,
(39:25):
And so it's like it's a sillydiscussion, yes, but you really do
have to consider, like which waydoes the toilet paper go on, Like
which which part of the tube doyou squeeze on the toothpaste, like do
you leave your shoes at the door? Do you not leave the shoes at
the store? The tube from thebottom, Why are you squeeze it in
the middle. You don't get allthe toothpastes out of it. Yo,
those are real things, you knowthese? So this is this is real.
But again, if you know whatyou're about and you have the privilege
(39:51):
I'm not saying you need to rushout of your family's house when you're young,
but what I'm saying, if youhave the privilege of creating a great
environment while you're single, and thenyou have the privilege of moving now into
a marriagal situation, you can bevery clear about what you're about. But
then graduate now welcoming now the newexperience the spouse that you have chosen.
(40:17):
And what you're saying is so heavybecause what worked for you. And when
you say graduate, you couldn't usethe better term because I look at marriage
as an institution if you will,right, but it's one that you never
graduate from, if that makes sense. I like the fact that you use
that because you're talking about matriculate throughthe different seasons, right. But I
(40:37):
realized also that why it's you maygraduate in the marriage. You know.
I don't know if crystals still lockedin. But I remember when we were
in Antigua and she and myself andFaith and Lemoyne, we were doing a
podcast. Oh, we were doingthis episode out in Antigua, right,
(40:59):
and she said about Lemoine and we'reon our third or fourth marriage. I
will dying laugh right because what shewas in essence saying that the marriage that
they were in right now was notthe same marriage that they did or had
when they first got together, becausewhat worked in last season don't necessarily work
(41:20):
in this season. So right,this is a whole new marriage because we
hold new different people. So yeah, we're constantly growing, constantly evolving,
and I have to consider Faith duringthose evolutions. I have to consider her
as we move from season to season. So yeah, that's what you What
you're saying is is is heavy dbecause we do. We have to graduate.
That's it, that's it. Sosimple stuff, but things that we
(41:45):
have to consider. Like our CINEOused to say things that make you go,
I'm not paying But now all ofthis to say all of this to
say that you don't have to figureall this stuff out alone. Can I
(42:05):
just cannot just round the corner righthere? Quest? Can I pull a
car up to the curve just fora moment and say, when you come
out of this vehicle called singleness,or while you're considering it, you don't
have to step out in the trafficlike you don't know what's coming. Why,
because you have a community that thegreenhouse is developing that says this is
(42:30):
the way walky in it. Likeare things, there are things that people
don't have to navigate anymore. Likeyou're already feeling the pain, the pains
of being single. And I don'tmean simply loneliness, which is already a
big deal, but all of thisstuff. You've done so well with so
many things in your life, andyou're wondering, like I am twenty nine,
(42:53):
I am thirty five, I amforty two. I want to be
married, but things just don't seemto be panning out. How do I
navigate this stuff? Well, youdon't have to be alone anymore. Like
I'm not talking about I'm not talkingabout a singles I'm not talking about a
singles app, you know what Imean, Like a matchmaker app. I'm
(43:14):
talking about a community that we arefull and full bore, like full gear,
full gate, running and developing wherepeople just like you can come together,
we can all develop in the keyareas. And not only that,
if by chance you are developing ata rate that somebody else happens to observe,
(43:39):
then we are in a safe space, not question I. Because we're
married, we are in a safespace. Not faith or simone. Because
they're married, they're spoken for.They're spoken for. Safe space though,
to continue to develop. And ifyou want to develop together, then we
already got the key for that.So yeah, all of that, you're
(43:59):
gonna hear us talking about singles alot, because really and truly, can
you imagine what more success Quest andI would have experienced had we had this
kind of a community. Yeah,I got married, I've only been married
one time, but I could havebeen a better version of me had I
(44:19):
had such a community. So whenI did get married twenty two years ago.
So Dee, this is this isthe reason why I like the way
you're talking today because and we're notsaying that we're just going to give up
totally the marriage portion of our companywere still no, no, no,
no, no, We're not doing. We're not about that life. We
got nine about that life. Butwhat I do realize about married couples is
(44:43):
that when you get married, youbecome complacent as if marriage was the goal,
not realizing that marriage was the startingpoint. Oh right. And so
because people think that marriage is thegoal. All right, I got married.
Now we're here. You know,it's kind of that the whole I
do I do? Now? Whatdo I do? Kind of heard that
before? Yeah, you feel me. And so when you get to this
(45:07):
place where you become comfortable, that'swhere people mess up and they become comfortable
because they never understood that the weddingwas just the starting point. Actually becoming
marriage was just the starting point.Now we got to learn how to navigate
and live life and grow and bechallenged and face difficulty and opposition and how
(45:28):
we navigate through that stuff. Andso I believe what we're doing in terms
of this new singles community is goingto allow us to do that. Why
because we're gonna properly give you gameon who what? Because my daughter this
morning, it was so funny.She with her boyfriend. She's not with
her boyfriend. She's twenty one,right, she with her boyfriend. She's
not with her boyfriend. And Iwas playing this morning and you know,
(45:50):
just clown and talking about welcome ournew members to you know what I'm saying,
the greenhouse, welcome such and suchand such and such. She was
like, Daddy, you need toadd me and you know, her boyfriend
to the community. And I justkind of giggled, and she was just
like, what's so funny, AndI was like, sweetheart, Yeah,
if you think that's all marriage is, then you know what I'm saying,
Like, for real, you needto keep your room clean, you need
(46:14):
to make sure that careful, careful, Oh, no doubt. You need
to take care of a certain levelof responsibilities before you even can think about
relationship. That's why what we're doingin the beginning business development, personal development,
spiritual development, development, emotional development. Why because all of those things
(46:36):
are necessary to properly navigate and makedecisions while you're in relationship. Now we're
talking. If you don't have them, you're going to find that. I
love what marriage does because it challenges, It highlights all of the weaknesses,
all of the areas in which you'renot gifted or talented. I shouldn't say
(46:59):
gifted, all of the areas inwhich you are not talented, right,
all of the areas that need work. That's what marriage does. It highlights
that. And if you're not developedin those areas and you you're not emotionally
whole, whole, boy, getready for the ride, because it's gonna
be one. So yeah, we'resetting up that safe space right now.
We're coming up on go dates.But we'll talk to you about it more
(47:22):
at their poiod time. But justhold on, That's all I'm saying.
Like, for those who are single, you bout it, bout it,
you got your life sorted out,but there's some key areas that you want
more development, and certainly you wantto be developed to the point where it's
like, yeah, romance is inmy not my rear view, but right
(47:45):
in looking through my windshield, I'mready to go on in there. Then
we're making that space available. Man, I can't wait. I'm actually getting
at about it. Man, I'vealready I've already changed my a lot of
what I do because of what we'replanning. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah,
that's good stuff man. Yeah.So any parting words, sir,
(48:06):
Any parting words, Yeah, nodoubts, sir. D I would just
like, for real, I wantthose who have never well, let me
say it like this, those whowant relationship, who know that you are
successful in a number of different ways, but the one thing that you're missing
is love. And what we're doingin terms of this new singles community,
(48:30):
right, I want you to considerit. Consider what we're trying to give
to you so that you can haveall the areas necessary to have the relationship
that you despire. That's good,Yeah, appreciate you man. There you
have it, y'all. I hopeyou've enjoyed your time with us. Marriage
is about mutual love and mutual respect, and it works for those willing to
(48:53):
make it work. Real talk,our spouses are treasured jewels given to us
to make life better, and thesooner we learn to value one another will
be the sooner we become the absolutebest versions of ourselves we can be.
Until next time, peace,
Peace SHAWLISHA man Dave with my brotherquests, the man bringing you all things
marriage, paying you huge dividends onyour investment in time with us. We're
talking about love, sex, havingchildren, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.
(00:22):
And guess what this is grown folksbusiness. So get ready to make grown
up decisions. You know why,because marriage Ain't for suckers. That's the
name of the program. Marriage Ain'tfor Suckers. Right, let's get into
it. Hey, your quest.It's time to give the people something.
Man are we talking about today?What up? What up? What up?
(00:44):
Is your boy quest? Y'all alreadyknow what it is. Welcome to
another addition of the Marriage Ain't forSuckers Podcast, where we discuss all things
marriage, relationship, and things ofthe like. I don't know, I'm
on my radio voice. You knowwhat I'm saying today before I continue any
further. That's what we do itnow. You know what I'm saying.
(01:11):
We we That's what we do itnow, ladies and gentlemen, my man,
my mellow, my mellow, myman, As they give me the
crickets l David Harris, Yeah,they class. Yah you cold the woman
(01:33):
high lang, I gotta do something. I feel like I'm sleep still like
what happened. But guess what though, Yeah yeah, even though I'm feeling
a little bit, I think Ithink that class is then session. What
(02:02):
up? What up? Man?I'm not even mad at you, because
I need a little bit of thatto get me up. I'm telling you,
I'm slow motion today or slow motion. I really do want to shot
you out personally, because once again, I don't take this for granted.
Man, the fact that we getto, you know, come on week
(02:27):
after week and sit and discuss andnow it's going another step. You know
what I'm saying, We're running companiesnow, you know, for those who
didn't know, my man is runningyou know what I'm saying, He's running
the ship. You know what I'msaying over at the Greenhouse and uh okay,
you know saying, first of all, let me just go ahead and
(02:49):
thank you, thank you, andso to have not even a friendship of
brotherhood man, of you know,of all these years and to be able
to do this stuff as a blessingand a half shouts out to everybody who
is a part of the you know, Greenhouse Marriage Mastermind. If you're not
(03:10):
a part of a marriage community,really do need to be a part of
one? I got you know,I'm saying some people right now that I
am lamenting over and I wish thatthey well, you know, it's one
of those things where one person seesthe benefit of the other one doesn't,
and you can't make the other personshow up. And because of it,
(03:31):
it's it's led to some some challengingplaces. Right. And so if you're
not a part of a marriage communityand you married, like unless you really
dope dope dope like that, right, I don't know about nobody else,
but I'm not dope like that.I need you know what I'm saying.
I need. I need that helpdo me a favor if you want to
(03:53):
become a part of a community oflike minded individuals who are keeping their marriages
on point right. And we don'tjust meet, We do stuff together.
We go on trips. As amatter of fact, they don't even know
about the cruise that we're going onnext year, you know what I'm saying
to cook Bahamas. They don't knowthat we're going to Kuresau. They don't
(04:15):
know that we're going to Aruba aboard. You know what I'm saying, Royal
Princess Cruise Line. Come on,man o, Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.
They don't know, they don't knowthat we're going you know what I'm saying
for ten days, nine nights.You know what I'm saying. That's how
long we're going from the second tothe tenth. I'm sorry, from the
second to the tenth. Nine days, eight days, I'm sorry, eight
(04:39):
days, seven nights, I'm sorry. Well, whatever long we're going there,
yeah, nine days, eight eight, nine days, eight nights,
okay, nine days. Maybe Ishould play the thing. Oh, play
the thing. Let us play thething, lady, okay, thing.
Let them see it. So likeif y'all, if y'all down the rock
(05:00):
this we don't only meet and workon our marriages. We do. We
don't do life around one another.We do life with one another. I
see it back there, homie,So let me yeah, let me scroll
them back man, and and getthem in there. Man. Look yeah,
look for those who watch it,take a look. Yeah. I
don't know why it. Don't wantto rewind on it. Class. What's
(05:21):
wrong? This? This disrespectful.This is disrespectful. It's disrespectful. But
yeah, hold on the thing,man can't even rewind it. Yep.
I just want to tell them though, d Like, for real, if
you're not a part of a communityand you want to be a part of
a community of like minded individuals,like just connecting with some good people right
who love their marriages, do mea favor. Go visit www dot jquestgreen
(05:46):
dot com, Forward Slash Coaching andjoin the community. Join it. That's
it. That's it, CEO ofthe Green Box Marriage and Richmond Company,
where we focus on three things,love, lifestyle and legacy. Let me
tell y'all something. The Greenhouse MarriageGetaway, the first annual Greenhouse Marriage Getaway
(06:09):
twenty twenty three is officially in thebooks. We are already underway for the
twenty twenty four Greenhouse Marriage Getaway Cruisein conference happening on Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.
Let me tell y'all something. We'regoing to three locations right Aruba,
Cook and the Bahamas, and we'regoing to kill us out. If you
miss the first annual Greenhouse Marriage Getaway, trust me, you don't want to
(06:31):
miss the second annual. Once again, it's going down on Royal Caribbean Cruise
Lines and the speakers lined up andmore to be announced. And I'll just
share with you a couple l DavidHarris, let me tell you something.
Phenomenal speaker, author coach here bespeaking on that cruise. Leboyman, Crystal
Robinson, serial entrepreneurs, they willbe on that cruise as well. Myself
(06:56):
and my lovely wife Faith, we'llbe speaking on that. Not to mention
the pastor of a Place of Change, Ministries of Sociate Pastor, Teens Tires,
phenomenal coach, phenomenal speaker, hewill be on that cruise speaking as
well. Let me tell you guysonce again, it's going down next year
August second through the twenty twenty fourRoyal Caribbean Cruise Lines. It is the
(07:19):
Greenhouse Marriage get Away Cruise in conference. You don't want to miss it.
Tickets go on sale today. Lookat the link down below. Click the
link get your tickets today. I'mtelling you we want to do life with
you and not around you, becauseif you're not working on your marriage,
then my friends, what are youdoing. If you don't want to miss
out be a part of the cruise. I'm telling you it's gonna be phenomenal.
(07:41):
It's your boy, quest piece youfeel me. Yeah, that's that's
(08:48):
it. That's that's that's that's serious. Like, that's serious. That's serious.
Quest, That's that's serious. Serious. I don't I don't, I
don't know what's holding you. Someof y'all are in some shaky places.
Some of you are in some okayplaces. But you know, if one
storm come through there, it's gonnabe a problem. And what we want
to do is help you strengthen thoseareas. You know what I'm saying,
(09:11):
the areas that are like for realand there's like for real. You can
do it a fun way by beingaround some like minded individuals. I got
couples who are, you know,not really as extroverted as I am.
They come into the group and theyjust sit and listen and they speak,
and when they speak is powerful.You hear me, and so yeah,
man, yeah, man, jointhe community. Man, join the community.
(09:31):
That's all I'm trying to tell you. Well, that's a whole lot.
Thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you. Sir.
Yo by the way, shot outto Joseph Wilson who was on last night
on the Mastermind, who spoke onconfirmation bias last night, wonderful conversation.
(09:52):
I've been getting messages since last nightabout how dope the conversation was. So
yeah, man shouts out to Joseph. Man. Yeah, it was good
to see it on the camera.Yeah. Man, Yeah, good dude,
good dude. Yeah. Well,hey, you didn't ask me nothing,
yo, d Mmm. How waslife on the island? Man?
(10:13):
Yeah? For you? But they'renothing man, Yeah, Man, we're
good. We're good. But thetired answer my good, but my tired.
I wan't sleep because last night whenI kept me up lit and you
know, yeah, everything. Otherwisewe're good. Yeah, David loves that.
(10:37):
Uh. I don't even know whatthat is? Is a uh what
you call the duck tails voice attack? Man? Are you think? Yeah?
Yeah, Davis, there's not aday that we get on here that
David don't touch that. You know, well, well if they so to
(11:01):
it, otherwise we're good, allright. Otherwise we're good. Life Life
is life. Life is life.Life, life is like I love it.
Man. I have some stuff manthat it's it's going on here at
the crew, but I'll share itlater on. Uh, let's let's jump
(11:24):
into this thing. Man, whatare we talking about? Today. D
Yeah, well it's not necessarily mypersonal experience, but real talk, like
there are a lot of people whoare married right now and they're like,
yo, if I wish I hadfilling the blank before I got married,
Like I wish I had filling theblank. And we'll talk about some of
these things before I got married,and we're not talking about like a new
(11:46):
house, a new car. AndI'm kind of things because there's a lot
of y'all really killing the gang,but there's some stuff that's missing. There's
some stuff that's that's missing. Soreally I want to shout shout the singles
out this morning. Yeah. Right, So there's some things that you need.
Some of you don't know you needit, like you need it,
you don't know you need it.But when we say, you're gonna be
(12:07):
like, yeah, I wish Ihave that now, I want that right
now. So we're gonna talk aboutsome of that stuff. Yeah yeah,
So why don't we start with moreself confidence? Can we start right there?
Oh, no doubt. You're single, you are considering some serious relationship,
but your self confidence is kind oflike, I don't know, like
(12:31):
you're afraid, like you don't wantto you don't wanna. You don't want
to approach the person that you youyou are most drawn to, but well
you want to shoot your shot becauselike there's no time. But now,
yeah, self confidence, So let'stalk about that for a moment, man,
because real talk like that. Fearof rejection is a big deal right
(12:52):
now. I don't know about nobodyelse, but I know the women that
I was trying to press back inthe day, you had to have a
start level of confidence in order toapproach them. And that's what made I
think me stand out just a littlebit. It was some dude who was
hands down. We could we couldlook at some areas and say, Yo,
they was doping in me in theseareas, but they were shook.
(13:15):
That's true to talk to chicks.And I was never I never had that
problem when I was when I wasgrown, I didn't have that problem.
We're not talking about babies today,y'all. We're talking about grown people who
have accomplished much in your lives.But there's something in terms of self confidence
where it's just like, I don'tknow, should I be connecting with him,
(13:35):
should I be connecting with her?Yo? You know what's so crazy
about it? Man. You knowwhen you left New York, I was
running with Kurt and Mikey. Mikewas a different beast, roll up or
chicks like you know what I'm saying. I'm talking about grown women too,
Like we was like twenty twenty one. It was rolling up on people women
(13:58):
like twenty eight twenty nine is spittinggame and they was loving it, like
you know what I'm saying, Andthat just being in that environment, like
I think was the thing that becausefirst of all, when I was younger,
I never really had it, thatjust intensified it. So I'm glorifying
the part about you know what I'msaying, running women down. But when
you're dating and you see something thoughyou know, intrigues you and you want
(14:20):
to learn or no more, likefor really you gotta have, there's nothing
worse I think they'll turn off toa woman than than a dude that don't
is not confident enough to come overand say X, Y and Z tour.
You know what I'm saying, Like, Yeah, you know, it's
really interesting. I've lived in andI live in one now, but I've
lived in a few places in mylife where where successful women are dim a
(14:41):
dozen. Yeah, successful women arediam a dozen. Right. So I
live in Jamaica, and despite alot of what you hear about, well,
it's true, by the way,despite what you hear about, you
know how poorly some men treat womenhere. This is one of the capitals
(15:01):
of the world for successful, powerful, confident women. When I lived in
DC and in the area surrounding,I lived in DC for eight years.
I lived in the DMV for twentysome years. That was another place because
it was the seat of the UnitedStates government. It was like the mecca
for especially women of color, notjust but especially women of color. They
(15:26):
were getting younger and more powerful.When I say younger, i'm talking about
adults. But you're not waiting untilyou're forty something fifty something to see these
people in their strength. And Iwould hear and I could never understand it.
So no dis to the brothers whoare experiencing this. But I used
to hear like, yeah, yeah, there's so many, so many men
(15:48):
just don't want to approach me.They say that I'm intimidating, And then
when you hear the discussion, it'slike the women are not intimidating, it's
just that the women already know whatthey're about, Like we say, here,
you have to know what y'all aboat? They know what they're about.
And but like why why would youhave a problem approaching Why would you
have a problem starting a normal humanconversation? Like why would you have a
(16:12):
problem inviting whatever the positive thing experiencesthat you have that you want to offer,
like what is that? But notthis? There are some men who
do have that challenge, ye,and I'm just picking men, but I'm
sure that there's some women out therewho also are lacking in that area.
Well, the onus is upon usbecause I mean, I know we're living
(16:33):
in a different day now. Womenare approaching men, you know what I'm
saying, and don't have no qualmsabout it, you know what I'm saying,
those of us who are progressive.But traditionally it's the man who initiates
that connection a woman and a woman. A woman once proposed to me Broye,
and I said yes, And onthe time, I'm not talking about
(16:55):
Simon, this is we didn't getmarried, obviously, but but yeah,
she she proposed. She was justlike yeah, it's time, like so
yeah, And I was like,wow, that's serious. And I didn't
feel no way. I didn't feelintimidated by it. I didn't feel like
there was something wrong with it.And I clearly I said yes, even
though later on we we parted ways. But it was just like, yo,
(17:15):
whatever you desire. Huh. Wasshe older? No, we were.
I was. I was for thefirst time older than the woman.
Okay, so she was probably twoyears younger than me. Okay, yep.
And and yeah, so she shewas just like in Timo what nation
like, No, I'm not selfconfidence problem. I didn't. She didn't
(17:36):
have that. But still there arepeople who would not have approached my Simone
like and I'm like, well,while y'all sitting there wondering and figuring it
out, I'm gonna go ahead.And uh, I'm gonna go ahead.
And with the boys and Philly Sammacrack on her and that's my friend.
Yes, there's no guarantee she gonnashe gonna entertain the thing. But Simone
(17:57):
was down. I was down.And then the rest this history, like
we we decided to make this alife long journey together. Yeah, yep,
I remember. I remember being thatage and dating older you know,
women who were considering like yo,I was like, yeah, I'm not.
I'm not ready for that, butlike for real, like and that's
(18:22):
the that's what you're gonna get becausethey know who they are, they know
what they want, you know whatI'm saying, and they're not and they're
ready to pursue it, right Andwe're just living in a day and time
now for especially for us. LikeI think men looking at women from a
confidence perspective are looking for women whoare confident in being you know, a
wife, being a mother, ifwe decide to have a family, being
(18:45):
confident in making decisions. But asfar as the you know, the initial
initial attraction is concerned, I thinkit's it's it's up to us traditionally it's
changing, like I said, Butbut yeah, confidence is definitely a major
part in If you don't have it, you might need to work on that
before you engage in relationship because whatwhen you get in, it's going to
(19:06):
require you to make decisions If youdon't have confidence, how we say it
all the time, how you doone thing is how you do everything.
If you're not confident in this areaover here, how can we expect you
to be confident in making decisions?Yeah, So let's let's start with with
one tool. How about changing theconversation like positive self talk? Yeah,
like, what are you saying toyourselves brothers? What are you saying to
(19:29):
yourselves sisters? Where relationship is concerned? Like are you saying? Boy?
I wonder if person X would findme desirable because filling the blank perceived negative
thing that one has a PhD,I only have a master's. That one
is pushing a Porsche and I'm drivinga Toyota. Like people actually entertain this
(19:55):
kind of a thing. So really, David, like, really entertain self
talk? Like positive self talk isa start, and I'm starting with something
shallow because that's where most people.Ye are you feel me? Yeah?
So yeah, let's start with that. But I think society has made it
(20:18):
a thing now, right in termsof discussion, because you have PhD and
I have masters, Yeah, thatmakes you better than me. Let me
let me be very clear. Whenyou have a and I'll just use the
context of education, right, becauseyou have a PhD and I have a
past a master's does not make youbetter than me except for the area in
(20:40):
which you got the PhD in.Yeah, some people think because you got
a PhD in in education, thatmakes you dope in finances, That makes
you dope in relations, that makesyou dope in business. Know that means
that you thoroughly we we're thoroughly educatedto the highest standard possible in one particular
(21:02):
area. And because you have donethat does not make you better than anybody
else who might have a lesser degreethan you, because truth be told,
it's some people who don't have nodegree that will run circles around PhDs.
Yeah. How about okay, sowe got the self talk. How about
exercise? Does that have an impact? Like if I if I begin to
(21:23):
exercise, and I'm not saying becomea fitness model. I'm not saying to
become a bodybuilder, but I meansimply to exercise on a regular basis,
do you think that that has apositive impact on self confidence? Oh?
No doubt, Yeah, no doubt, because when when I when I got
a couple of pounds on them,like all right, dude, you need
(21:45):
to lose that. But as soonas we dropped the weight, and then
you know what I'm saying, whenyou when when you've been in the gym,
you know, we'd be in thegym on a fairly decent basis,
fairly decent fairly, fairly regularly,and you get your reps in and you
get your gains, and you walkpast the marry You like, who that
there? Oh? Oh yes,indeed the rack is on deck. You
(22:11):
know what I'm saying, The twelvegauges is hanging from the shoulders. You
know what I'm saying is you're lookinga little bit different, You're looking broader.
You know what I'm saying. Clothesfit differently. Matter of fact,
you start wearing different kinds of clothesthat accentuate. Yeah. And then there's
and then there's the just the endorphins. Oh yeah, like those those those
(22:33):
those feel good, those feel goodchemicals in our minds that just help to
kind of defeat you know, basicdepressive thoughts, like basic things where confidence
is concerned. Why because I havemore energy, you know what I'm saying.
Like, so exercise actually brings Consistentexercise brings energy. People think it'll
(23:00):
put you to sleep, But consistentexercise actually brings energy. So so I
hear you saying something low key,David. If we are experiencing any levels
of low self esteem, and weknow the areas in which we should improve,
could it possibly be that your lowself esteem is linked to the areas
(23:22):
in which you know you should improve, but I have not, and you're
kind of in this comfort. Yeah, oh come on, yeah, it
could, it could, it could. And look at how I'm sitting right
now, Like how I'm sitting becauseright now I'm a little bit tired.
I'm a little bit tired. I'mleaning on my desk, my left hand
is on the desk, and I'mI'm over the microphone. So what if?
(23:45):
What if? What if I actuallyhave poor posture. I'm talking about
physical, visual posture, visible posture. There are people who if we would
learn how to square our shoulders,Yeah, if we would learn how to
how to elongate our backs, ifwe would learn how to hold our heads.
I'm talking about physically. We're nottalking about no special philosophical thing.
(24:10):
If we learned how to become moreerect in terms of our posture, more
sure in terms of our walk,don't do it, And in terms of
our walk, like our our walkbecomes more confident women or men, then
maybe, just maybe, then ourinternal measure of confidence will turn up a
(24:34):
bit. You see what I'm saying, Like these are basic things that people
don't know. Well, I needmore self confidence and people like go get
another degree. I need more selfconfidence, buy some more clothes. It's
like pause, like that's cool,Like no disc But there's some real basic
everyday things that we can do toimprove change your style, change your style.
(24:57):
I'm saying, like, for really, you know where we come from,
right, I definitely do we needLike you know, your boy like
it. Kicks is one of thethings that your boy definitely got. I'm
gonna keep some kicks. And it'slike, for real, when you when
you know that, like there's athere's a certain level of style coming out
(25:18):
of New York, right, Andwhenever you dress a particular way and you
know, like this is repping.You know what I'm saying. Just no
matter what that style is, youknow that you know when it's fresh,
it causes you to respond to youdifferently. You walk differently. You know
what I'm saying. Your your selfesteem is different, right, And I'm
not saying conceded, but there's acertain confidence that you walk with because you
(25:41):
obtain this. Don't let nobody payyou a compliment. Oh goodness, confirmation
for you to you know what I'msaying that yep, I'm doing I'm doing
it. I'm doing it the wayit should be done. Yeah. Yeah,
let's jump off of that one nowand look at personal boundaries. Like
one of the one of the womenin our in our you ou Mastermind named
(26:03):
Jass Jass Abraham, she's like theshe's almost said the G, but maybe
she is like she a G butshe is really hot and heavy on that
boundaries concept. One of the reasonspeople who are single and I'm picking singles
because that's what we want to talkabout today, have challenges in terms of
(26:25):
our relationships. It is because wedon't have boundaries. Right. Remember I
use that colloquialism a little earlier.I said, know what y'ab about?
Like a Jamaican would say, like, what is it that you? What
is your contribution to the world?Well, there are times that people are
allowing ourselves to be pushed around byother people's perception of where we should be
(26:49):
in our lives. And if Iam a person who allows other people to
sort of dictate my pace without qualityboundaries, then how in the world can
I approach a serious romantic relationship Becauseas the wind blows, I go yep,
(27:15):
as a person's opinion of me goesso do I like? And so
that is like talk about hindrance toa positive romantic relationship. So we need
to know what our own limits are. I remember you used to talk about
values back in the day before wesome years ago, before we before we
took that break. Here on thisprogram, we're still talking about those d
(27:37):
because and it's important why because thevalues guide your decision making if something don't
okay, So, first of all, your values are something that you don't
compromise for anybody. All right.It has a lot to do with your
moral fabric, the way that youmake you know what I'm saying, the
way that you think they made thatyou do, you know, make your
decisions, and you don't compromise thatfor anybody. If that makes when you
(27:57):
make your decisions, your value comeinto play. Do you line up with
one, two, three, andfour? If you don't, then we're
not moving in that direction. MIt's an immediate no matter of fact.
You don't even have to line upwith all four. The minute that you
cross one of them, that's it. That's it. Yeah, So that
part of it is very important.So that like feeds healthy interactions, no
(28:21):
doubt, it feeds it. Becauseif if, if, if a person
can see that you are willing togo wherever they're trying to take you.
Some people just want to sort ofwhat's the word, like I forgot there's
a term that we use all thetime, but basically, you want to
plead your people. Pleaser, Yes, yeah, even if even if you
(28:41):
have someone who is is immature enoughto want to be pleased all the time,
there comes a point where that sameindividuals just like you know what,
m this person is not standing foranything. So I'm out. I can't
bother with this relationship because let melet me say this, and I'm not
(29:02):
saying this and trying to throw mywife under the bus, but my wife
is built like she don't like shedon't like confrontation. She's not and she'll
let me know I was doing thatso that we could avoid doing this.
And our confrontation in this season ofour life is different. I say that
for some of you, you thinkknocked down, drag out right our confrontations
(29:26):
and not like that. Our confrontationsare at the level you hear me talking
right now. That's our confrontations inthis scene is one where we're screaming,
hollering, but here's the funny thing. She doesn't like it, but she
will do it for the sake ofus getting to where we need to get
to. And why So you wantto talk about discipline, right, Mike
(29:48):
Tyson said it best. Mike Tysonsaid, discipline is doing the thing that
you hate to do like you loveit. Say it again, Mike Tyson
said, discipline is doing the thingyou hate to do like you love it.
M m. Faith Green does notlike disagreements. She does not like
(30:10):
confrontation. She doesn't like that,but she does it so that we can
do and achieve what needs to bedone and achieved. I don't either.
Faith and I are very similar inthat way. Now, now, I'll
turn it up if I have to, but I'd really rather not. It's
a dark it's a dark, darkplace. I'm not interested in that place.
Well, here's the funny thing.It's with me too. I don't
(30:33):
I'm not really a fan of theconfrontation thing. But if you're showing me
you want to buck, I'm herefor it. Yeah, with me,
And and I don't like me whenI get I don't like me when I
get to that place because I'm unconscionableuncontinable. You're an uncontonable by regal quest
green. Yeah, I'm a faithit goes that stuff. Yeah yeah.
(30:59):
So so one of the ways todeal with the boundaries piece is to respond
instead of reacting. Come on,do you say that one more time for
the peeps in the back. Respondinstead of react. So if somebody crosses
the boundary, respond assertively, calmly, but don't let it be like a
(31:23):
nuclear reactor. Come on like likelike like here in Jamaica, you see
the recall it or you call itthe gas. There's something in the in
the cylinder, the propane or liquidgas. Right, so we use that
a lot, like people connect itto their stove. They a lot of
different things, right, And thenyou see on the outside, if you
(31:47):
see it stored on the outside,it says no naked flame, like no
bear flame, like, don't smokearound here, don't like no no rubbish
around here, like, don't likeno matches, cigarettes like, no splits,
don't like nothing around here, becauseif because if you do, then
this could be a really really badlight show boom gone up. Right.
(32:13):
And so if you are a reactiveperson where even where your boundaries are concerned,
then maybe that could be a challengein terms of your developing positive romantic
relationships. So respond be assertive,not reactive. Here's the thing about to
be a reactive to d like.This is the reason why development is so
(32:37):
important. You're going to get triggeredm you get into relationship and move into
marriage. I don't care what nobodysay you are, it's not if,
it's when and how you respond isgoing to determine. It is going to
depend upon how much development you've actually, you know what I'm saying, achieved
(33:00):
in order to properly navigate through thatthat moment where you're triggered many at times
in the beginning of me and Faith'srelationships, and it wasn't intentional. Yeah,
she was just being herself, youknow what I'm saying. But she
would say something, and so wouldI. I would say some things that
would, just like legit trigger her. And what do you do in those
(33:22):
instances fly off the handle and clapback right now? And you know what's
so funny? We did in someof those instances, and we learned it
did not serve us very well,and so we had to make some adjustments
real quick. This is the reasonwhy and we had to do it the
hard way. I wish somebody wasshowing us how to do that. You
know what I'm saying. A lotof it I had learned, you know,
(33:45):
you know, prior to me andFaith getting married. Some stuff I
learned from our first marriage. Andthen when I took that, you know,
was single for like the next sixor seven years, I'd learned some
stuff. I didn't just float throughlife or relationships, right, I learned
some stuff along the way. That'swhy I wish somebody was like, what
we're about to do. It's sodope. It's going to allow people to
(34:06):
get that kind of development long beforeyou head into the relationship of your life.
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, that's good. So, so
here's another one. And I thinki'll just pause right here, right,
this is one that's simple, supersimple. Right, Some people wish they
(34:27):
had a comfortable living space before theygot married. Let me just give you
an example. So I left home, don't I mean, don't don't make
it like a big thing. Ileft home when I was fifteen. I
went away to boarding school for twoyears, graduated from boarding high school,
and then went to college. Right, So, and I was living on
(34:51):
campus there. When I was nineteen, I got my first apartment, so
I had two years of boarding school, a little bit of time in the
dorm as a university student, andthat's when I decided, you know what,
I can't live with these. Ican't live with these. I cannot
live with these. I can't.I can't. Like I had some good
(35:15):
I had one my first roommate,he was great, my second roommate he
was great. My third roommate hewas great. But I was like,
this is great for the dorm,and my fourth and fifth. I have
five roommates in that over that periodof time at different points, and that's
when I decided, there ain't noway that I am living with nobody,
(35:35):
no dude as a roommate as I'mgrowing up, right, So what did
I do? I decided to bringmy level down as a young guy and
said, I'm going to Washington,DC. I'm gonna get me an apartment.
And in that apartment, as soonas you walk in, I had
a nicely made bed right in themiddle. It was always clean, always
(35:58):
nice, had the the nice nicedrapes, beautiful lighting in the kitchen,
very clean dining room, very cleanbathroom always clean, closet well organized,
always very clean. And I waslike, if I got to live in
this little five hundred square foot whateverwhere I run the show and I can
(36:22):
cut off and separate from the world, so I can be very happy when
I step up out of here intothis big, bad, crazy world,
then that's what it's gonna be.And the roommate thing wouldn't have done that
for me. So what happens issometimes single folks who do have less than
desirable living circumstances of situations or arrangements, they're trying to run into a marriage
(36:47):
to resolve that. Ah, youknow, I was gonna drop it in
there somewhere. We couldn't just betalking about living room furniture. Come on,
now, do you know how manypeople I knew did that? How
many girls I knew that were underthe traditional you know my wife. We've
known, especially in the Latin Latinoculture, like you don't leave this house
(37:12):
until. And some of them gotmarried just so that they could get from
under their father's thumbs up. Andthen when they did, it ended up
in divorce. But of course theywere adults by it then and they couldn't
go back home so then you knowwhat I'm saying. But it's not just
them, it's a number of differentpeople like you getting married because you feel
like you're trying to run away froma particular situation, thinking that marriage is
(37:34):
going to save you. It's notgoing to save you. If anything,
it's going to intensify, highlight andput on Broadway the very thing that you
were trying to run from. Yeah, now I'm not going to front.
They were a little child. Therewas a challenge, and I'm overstating it.
Can I just say that I'm overstatingit? But okay, let me
say when I was single and Ihad that wonderful environment. I didn't talk
about the living room or any ofthat yet, but I had the environment.
(37:58):
It was my perfect space. Itsmells so good, quest the place
just smells so good. Everything wasjust great, right, And so when
I got when I got married,well before I got married, and I
had women as guests because I'm anintrovert and who knows whatever else was going
on, I used to be like, this is wonderful. When are you
(38:20):
going home? So that's the guythat I was. It was wonderful,
and I'm like, TikTok, thisis the part where we separate, like
you go home and then I comeback in here and I chill, like
I walk you to your vehicle andyou know, bid you ADU, farewell,
We'll see you the next time.But peace like peace, right Apart
(38:42):
from that? Apart from that,Okay, that was my issue. So
now when I get married, Irealized, like, I got this queen
size bed, but I can't sleepin the middle of it anymore. Why
because I have a wife. Andthen when I choose the side of the
bed that I that I if Igotta go to one side of the beds
(39:02):
gets who wanted that? Okay,let me just go ahead and let you
go with that one. Go ahead, because I think we understand where we're
going, right. So the decidethat I thought I wanted, well,
that's the side that my new wifewanted. So it's like, Okay,
you can't sleep in the middle,and you can't sleep on the side that
you think you want, and don'tfight that because that's yeah, yeah,
(39:25):
And so it's like it's a sillydiscussion, yes, but you really do
have to consider, like which waydoes the toilet paper go on, Like
which which part of the tube doyou squeeze on the toothpaste, like do
you leave your shoes at the door? Do you not leave the shoes at
the store? The tube from thebottom, Why are you squeeze it in
the middle. You don't get allthe toothpastes out of it. Yo,
those are real things, you knowthese? So this is this is real.
But again, if you know whatyou're about and you have the privilege
(39:51):
I'm not saying you need to rushout of your family's house when you're young,
but what I'm saying, if youhave the privilege of creating a great
environment while you're single, and thenyou have the privilege of moving now into
a marriagal situation, you can bevery clear about what you're about. But
then graduate now welcoming now the newexperience the spouse that you have chosen.
(40:17):
And what you're saying is so heavybecause what worked for you. And when
you say graduate, you couldn't usethe better term because I look at marriage
as an institution if you will,right, but it's one that you never
graduate from, if that makes sense. I like the fact that you use
that because you're talking about matriculate throughthe different seasons, right. But I
(40:37):
realized also that why it's you maygraduate in the marriage. You know.
I don't know if crystals still lockedin. But I remember when we were
in Antigua and she and myself andFaith and Lemoyne, we were doing a
podcast. Oh, we were doingthis episode out in Antigua, right,
(40:59):
and she said about Lemoine and we'reon our third or fourth marriage. I
will dying laugh right because what shewas in essence saying that the marriage that
they were in right now was notthe same marriage that they did or had
when they first got together, becausewhat worked in last season don't necessarily work
(41:20):
in this season. So right,this is a whole new marriage because we
hold new different people. So yeah, we're constantly growing, constantly evolving,
and I have to consider Faith duringthose evolutions. I have to consider her
as we move from season to season. So yeah, that's what you What
you're saying is is is heavy dbecause we do. We have to graduate.
That's it, that's it. Sosimple stuff, but things that we
(41:45):
have to consider. Like our CINEOused to say things that make you go,
I'm not paying But now all ofthis to say all of this to
say that you don't have to figureall this stuff out alone. Can I
(42:05):
just cannot just round the corner righthere? Quest? Can I pull a
car up to the curve just fora moment and say, when you come
out of this vehicle called singleness,or while you're considering it, you don't
have to step out in the trafficlike you don't know what's coming. Why,
because you have a community that thegreenhouse is developing that says this is
(42:30):
the way walky in it. Likeare things, there are things that people
don't have to navigate anymore. Likeyou're already feeling the pain, the pains
of being single. And I don'tmean simply loneliness, which is already a
big deal, but all of thisstuff. You've done so well with so
many things in your life, andyou're wondering, like I am twenty nine,
(42:53):
I am thirty five, I amforty two. I want to be
married, but things just don't seemto be panning out. How do I
navigate this stuff? Well, youdon't have to be alone anymore. Like
I'm not talking about I'm not talkingabout a singles I'm not talking about a
singles app, you know what Imean, Like a matchmaker app. I'm
(43:14):
talking about a community that we arefull and full bore, like full gear,
full gate, running and developing wherepeople just like you can come together,
we can all develop in the keyareas. And not only that,
if by chance you are developing ata rate that somebody else happens to observe,
(43:39):
then we are in a safe space, not question I. Because we're
married, we are in a safespace. Not faith or simone. Because
they're married, they're spoken for.They're spoken for. Safe space though,
to continue to develop. And ifyou want to develop together, then we
already got the key for that.So yeah, all of that, you're
(43:59):
gonna hear us talking about singles alot, because really and truly, can
you imagine what more success Quest andI would have experienced had we had this
kind of a community. Yeah,I got married, I've only been married
one time, but I could havebeen a better version of me had I
(44:19):
had such a community. So whenI did get married twenty two years ago.
So Dee, this is this isthe reason why I like the way
you're talking today because and we're notsaying that we're just going to give up
totally the marriage portion of our companywere still no, no, no,
no, no, We're not doing. We're not about that life. We
got nine about that life. Butwhat I do realize about married couples is
(44:43):
that when you get married, youbecome complacent as if marriage was the goal,
not realizing that marriage was the startingpoint. Oh right. And so
because people think that marriage is thegoal. All right, I got married.
Now we're here. You know,it's kind of that the whole I
do I do? Now? Whatdo I do? Kind of heard that
before? Yeah, you feel me. And so when you get to this
(45:07):
place where you become comfortable, that'swhere people mess up and they become comfortable
because they never understood that the weddingwas just the starting point. Actually becoming
marriage was just the starting point.Now we got to learn how to navigate
and live life and grow and bechallenged and face difficulty and opposition and how
(45:28):
we navigate through that stuff. Andso I believe what we're doing in terms
of this new singles community is goingto allow us to do that. Why
because we're gonna properly give you gameon who what? Because my daughter this
morning, it was so funny.She with her boyfriend. She's not with
her boyfriend. She's twenty one,right, she with her boyfriend. She's
not with her boyfriend. And Iwas playing this morning and you know,
(45:50):
just clown and talking about welcome ournew members to you know what I'm saying,
the greenhouse, welcome such and suchand such and such. She was
like, Daddy, you need toadd me and you know, her boyfriend
to the community. And I justkind of giggled, and she was just
like, what's so funny, AndI was like, sweetheart, Yeah,
if you think that's all marriage is, then you know what I'm saying,
Like, for real, you needto keep your room clean, you need
(46:14):
to make sure that careful, careful, Oh, no doubt. You need
to take care of a certain levelof responsibilities before you even can think about
relationship. That's why what we're doingin the beginning business development, personal development,
spiritual development, development, emotional development. Why because all of those things
(46:36):
are necessary to properly navigate and makedecisions while you're in relationship. Now we're
talking. If you don't have them, you're going to find that. I
love what marriage does because it challenges, It highlights all of the weaknesses,
all of the areas in which you'renot gifted or talented. I shouldn't say
(46:59):
gifted, all of the areas inwhich you are not talented, right,
all of the areas that need work. That's what marriage does. It highlights
that. And if you're not developedin those areas and you you're not emotionally
whole, whole, boy, getready for the ride, because it's gonna
be one. So yeah, we'resetting up that safe space right now.
We're coming up on go dates.But we'll talk to you about it more
(47:22):
at their poiod time. But justhold on, That's all I'm saying.
Like, for those who are single, you bout it, bout it,
you got your life sorted out,but there's some key areas that you want
more development, and certainly you wantto be developed to the point where it's
like, yeah, romance is inmy not my rear view, but right
(47:45):
in looking through my windshield, I'mready to go on in there. Then
we're making that space available. Man, I can't wait. I'm actually getting
at about it. Man, I'vealready I've already changed my a lot of
what I do because of what we'replanning. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah,
that's good stuff man. Yeah.So any parting words, sir,
(48:06):
Any parting words, Yeah, nodoubts, sir. D I would just
like, for real, I wantthose who have never well, let me
say it like this, those whowant relationship, who know that you are
successful in a number of different ways, but the one thing that you're missing
is love. And what we're doingin terms of this new singles community,
(48:30):
right, I want you to considerit. Consider what we're trying to give
to you so that you can haveall the areas necessary to have the relationship
that you despire. That's good,Yeah, appreciate you man. There you
have it, y'all. I hopeyou've enjoyed your time with us. Marriage
is about mutual love and mutual respect, and it works for those willing to
(48:53):
make it work. Real talk,our spouses are treasured jewels given to us
to make life better, and thesooner we learn to value one another will
be the sooner we become the absolutebest versions of ourselves we can be.
Until next time, peace,
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