Mentorship!?

None

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Peace shawl Asha Man Dave with mybrother Quest, the man bringing you all
things marriage, paying you huge dividendson your investment in time with us,
We're talking about love, sex,having children, money, spirituality, life,
communication, and anything else to helpyou thrive and win in your relationships.

(00:22):
And guess what this is, grownfolks business. So get ready to
make grown up decisions. You knowwhy, because marriage ain't for suckers.
That's the name of the program.Marriage Ain't for suckers. All right,
let's get into it. Hey,your Quest. It's time to give the
people something. Man, what arewe talking about today? You already know

(00:47):
what it is? What up?What up? What up? It's your
boy, Quest Man. Welcome toanother edition of the Marriage Ain't for Suckers
Podcast. I would like to takethis time to introduce who's joining me today,
who's always joining me? My man, My mellow, my mellow,

(01:07):
my man. You know what I'msaying, the anomaly to some ladies and
gentlemen. El David Haress. I'llbe feeling special up in here with you
class for some reason. Thank you, sir, bro, thank you,
thank you. It ain't we ain'tdoing it. No, we're not doing

(01:29):
it. No, other way.You know what I'm saying. Yeah,
you're rocking with me, you're rockingwith the best. Come on class,
Yeah yeah yeah, class is insu ship. I brought it back for
you. Please, I'm grateful.I'm grateful it shouts out. Shouts out

(01:49):
to the Maths family. You knowwhat I'm saying, the Maths family.
Don't say that three times. You'llget confused. Oh and you might.
You might lego out words. Youmight let go up bad words. And
we don't hunt that. No,i'mun word. No, please don't eat
yep. Shout out to everybody.Man, Welcome to another Thursday. It's

(02:13):
today, Thursday. Word yeah,today's Thursday. What's say Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I will be on
a flight. What to for whatI'm leaving the country because I'm going mm

(02:38):
hmm to the place that ends ina A begin with a J. Shout
to one one four, three,four, No, sir, no,
sorry, no, sorry, I'msorry. If you want to be specific
after the place that ends in theA and begins with a J, you
put a W dot I doctor,I get it. Mm hmm. So

(03:06):
for the next eight days after thatI will be in j a big up
on themselves. Yep, Okay,I got you, I got you,

(03:27):
I got you. That's what's Ilove it man. Good for you,
Good for you. And the bestpart about this trip the yo, cand
I just could I just be reallyserious. God has been super dope because
we haven't had the opportunity to reallykick But every month for the last since

(03:52):
is it September was the first one? August? Or was it August or
September? Several times it might havebeen August, August, September, October,
November. We've seen each other everymonth for the last five months.
Wow, that's serious. That's serious, man, God is good. Bro.
I have to see my dude.And now I'm coming to the rock.

(04:15):
Yah. Oh you're a ready?Yes? Nice, you could talk,
but Elsa, Elsa said, Jamaica. That's it, that's it,
that's it. So yeah, man, I know we're about to have a
good time. I'm overdue for oneof these and I'm ready. I'm ready.

(04:39):
That's good, that's good. I'mready. What's good on the island
though, let me, you know, give me the prep before I get
there, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean you know.
Yeah, So basically, life islife. You already know that's don't give

(05:00):
up the fight, man, that'sall I got to don't give up the
fight. Life is life. Yeah, life is life. Yeahmen, yeahmen,
yeahmen. I'm happy to be hereas always, happy to do what
I do with my dude. Youknow what I'm saying. It's been a
trying week. I'm looking for theSabbath. B I ain't even gonna lie
to u. D Yeah, andI'll leave that for to leave that.

(05:23):
But but yeah, I can't waitfor the weekend. Yeah, let's jump
into it. Man, what's up? Yeah? So, yeah, there
are some people who need mentorship,right, And I know that sounds exciting,
doesn't it. No, it doesnot sound exciting. But listen,
sometimes the connections that we make withother people who are married can change our

(05:48):
lives for the good. Yes,that's all I'm talking about today, because
I'm talking about mentorship. So,for instance, I've shared this with the
people that have been listening to usfor years that I almost got married one
time twenty about twenty five years ago, right, I didn't. I did

(06:09):
not, And during the two yearsthe intervening period from I didn't get married
to marrying simone. I was ina cocoon. I was in a cocoon,
Like I had two married couples whowere at the most seven years my

(06:34):
senior in terms of age that Ijust used to ride with, like I
just literally just stayed in their space. And that's never mind the elders,
but these are people that were mypeers, that kept me safe. Man.
When I say safe, listen,you listen. A young man living

(06:58):
in DC area doing fairly well forhimself, who may be vulnerable after not
getting married. You know, allkinds of relationship problems can happen, right,
you know, all kinds of stuff. You can go for, all
kind of okie dokes, like okay, I'll give you one example, because

(07:21):
I was a strapping ute grown yes, but okay. So during that time,
I was like, all right,I see this one woman, and
I was like, she kind ofhot, right, Church, I'm talking
about the right kind of woman too, the right kind of woman. So
I did something very simple quest Isaid, filling the blank woman name.

(07:45):
We were in a New Believer's classtogether, May I please have your telephone
number? I love it? Yousee what I'm saying we're talking about a
long time ago. Bro, Ilove it, right, So I get
a telephone number and nice with it. Huh could you nice with it?
Oh? Yeah, there's no question. Apparently I'm too nice with it because

(08:05):
it was like hello, Hey,Hey, it's Dave. How you doing
good? So? Yeah, whendid you realize you were into me?
I was like, hold it,pause, pause, somebody put pause flag
on the play. When you sayinto you, what does that mean?
Because this is the first this isthe first conversation, bro. So the

(08:31):
moment that I get your number andthen I call you within twenty four hours
and we're speaking on the telephone becauseclearly there's some interest from my seat right
Where did you get that I'm intoyou part? Yeah? I didn't say
that because that's it would be condescending. She was a little presumptuous, though,

(08:52):
brother Into me is a next isanother level. I don't know if
into her. I know that I'mattracted to her. Oh she's single,
I'm single. I'm a man,she's a woman, and we're compatible.

(09:13):
Now. Just on the strength ofthat, I don't know anything else.
Did she not know that you werespecific? Well, then you know?
Okay, So clearly so I,you know, we got to the whole
point of like where we're gonna meet, I'm gonna call it meet. That
wasn't what we were saying, butit was like the first encounter because I
let it ride. But it wastoo much for me. But I let

(09:35):
it ride, and I'm like,Okay, so we're gonna go out.
And the kind of out that shewas talking about was not for the first
time going out. And I waslike, all right, you know what,
this is a full court press,man, I'm not for the full
court press. Bro that it's notgonna work out for me. And I
just never talked to her again,and I retreated to those safe couples,

(09:56):
those holy couples who were very fun, weren't stuck up, and I just
I've resorted to the safe space becauseI was like, you know what,
this is too much. I can'tjust one good encounter that could have gone
really really bad because what she wastalking about, I was just like,
you know what, man, you'regonna get me in some backslide and stuff.
I'm not doing that. I'm goodon that, no, thank you.

(10:18):
So that helped me being around healthycouples who were cool, a little
older than me married for a longtime, and to see them interact as
real life people, and also tohave that protective space where I could learn
and not get caught up. Andthen like my homeboy Darryl, the biggest

(10:41):
of the Big Brothers at the time, he would check me like sometimes he
would tell me, yeah, thatone is this one you And I'm like,
thank you, because I've been aroundthe way, bro. It ain't
like I don't know, but I'ma new believer now though this is different.
It's a different space. I'm noton the road like that. Yeah,

(11:03):
So that's all I mean by mentorship, like being in a safe space
with people who are ahead of thegame beyond you. You could be a
new married person and hanging out withpeople who've been married long, or you
could be a single person who's lookingto be in a solid relationship and you

(11:24):
have somebody who's in a solid relationship. Like that's the kind of stuff we
need to experience to save our marriagesbefore they start. There is a text
that says there is safety in themultitude of counsel. When I last year

(11:48):
started going back to the gym fairlydecently, d there's a dude that I
work out with in the gym,and the dude told me off the rip,
like when you go to bench,don't bench like that, bench like
this. If you want to workthis part, go high on the bench.
If you want to dis work thispart, come down lower on the

(12:09):
bench. Right, And so hewas giving me the the you know what
I'm saying, the low on theworkouts. So immediately I look at my
man and when I look at him, like, my man is I'm talking

(12:30):
about shredded Oh, like he knowswhat he's talking about where bench press and
stuff is concerned. If it wasanybody else who was looking a particular way
other than what my man was saying, I probably would have been like,
okay, cool and kept it moving. Man, I'm looking at my man's
body. Pause, you know whatI'm saying, And my man is he's

(12:54):
shredded up. His back looked likea whiteboard. You know what I'm saying.
Mans pexist the way they and myman has sweatshirt and it's coming through
the sweatshirt. So imagine if myman was just in T shirt period,
so he may have exercised before hemay have exercised. Then he said to
me, he said to me like, I'm just you know, you know

(13:18):
I don't. You can do whatyou want. But I'm telling you,
like you know what I'm saying,just giving you a little bit of information,
he said, because I've done thesame thing before. And I said,
my manst of all, when youcome to tell me anything, I'm
not asking no questions. You understandbecause you are you are my friend,

(13:41):
an evidence producer. You are evidenceof the fact that you've been doing this.
And you don't get that overnight.You don't get that overnight. So
I know you've been doing this fora while. So if you come and
you give me information, I'm notAnd but I see what young people is.
You think you know the ins andouts of relationship, and let me

(14:05):
explain something to you. There areintricacies. They're grown folk, grown people.
And I'm not talking about thirty I'mtalking about forty, fifty and sixty
who do not know the intricacies ofrelationship and they need somebody to mentor them.

(14:30):
But once again, because you feel, you know, you suffer the
consequences that everybody else suffers who don'tfollow the path of those who've already walked
what you walk in right now,And so I'm hearing U, d and
you did exactly what was perfect becauseI went to the place of safety and
that already gave me the trigger becauseI'm like, oh, okay, yup,

(14:54):
there is safety because the word saysthat they're safety in the multitude of
counsel of people who are respected,like, come on the evidence it now
you can tell when somebody putting onand when it's genuine, genuine, Like,
let me tell y'all, something shoutsout to Jason and Charisma Johnson,
right whenever I see them when wewent on vacation in that well, we

(15:20):
went on our little retreat in Antigua, And anytime I see them together,
like it's it's unbelievable. They cannotlike even in their little spats and stuff
like you could you could see thelove that they got between them. And
you know the difference between what's flugayzyand what's real. And I'm telling you

(15:41):
that that's real. Right, Idon't know who. Well, then again,
she's got five sisters, her fathers, I believe a minister, so
I can tell I know a littlebit about her history. I could tell
that she was reared in a particularway. And yeah, look at Joe.
I love that. Joe said,I love that couple. Yeah for

(16:03):
real, for real, they arean official, official couple, right,
And so those are the type ofcouples that you want to be around where
you could see out in public thatthat is a manifestation of what happens behind
closed doors. And so yeah,I'm riding with you. If you are
in a relationship right now and y'allkind of feeling around and stuff, you

(16:26):
don't got to do that. Findyou a couple. Find you a couple
who legit you know what I'm saying, Like, you know it's a solid
couple, and just get in theirspace. Any couple who's a solid couple
is going to love the fact.I don't know what it is, d
but any couple that's a solid coupleis going to love the fact. Shouts

(16:49):
out to my homie preach. Anycouple that's a solid couple is going to
love the fact that you want tobe mentored by them. Trust me on
that. Listen. And I didn'tget a whole lot of lecturing, which
I'm not saying I would have rejected. I'm just saying I didn't get it
all I needed to do. Mostof the time because I was grown.

(17:10):
Like I was grown, Bro.I left home when I was fifteen and
never went back. First apartment inthe district of Columbia when I was nineteen,
so you know, all kinds ofproblems. I wasn't baptized yet.
Yeah BC, so well different kindof BC, different kind of BC.

(17:30):
But anyway, yeah BC and soyeah, was poured one out for that
thought. So all I'm saying,though, is being in their presence was
key because I could experience the healthyparts, you see what I'm saying,

(17:52):
like, experience the healthy realities ofthese relationships, and then I could model
that at the appropriate time and guesswhat they were insulation against some of these
options that were coming my way.It was crazy, bro. So I'm

(18:17):
talking about even to the point ofinside church, Bro. I called this
space next to me. I'm sorry, I call it the sacred seat because
I messed around one time and somebody, a woman sat next to me,
and unfortunately that was a little bittoo interesting to a whole lot of people,

(18:40):
like who is why is she sitting? I'm like, oh, so
we were watching Dave. Now,okay, I got it, So nobody
sits that's not a child or oneof those two couples in that spot.
If there's a seat, then it'sfor elders. Like if there's a seat,
that's not one of them, becausenow whoever's sitting there, it's like,

(19:03):
who's that? And I'm like,why am I that interesting? Brop?
But that's the way it was.So I was like, Okay,
keep Dave safe, sacred seat isoccupied, and I'm going to learn whatever
I can learn by being around thesepeople. That part right there, yeap

(19:25):
shots out to P. Yes,they will help you keep help you create
new patterns that you aren't aware of, to help you be successful. That's
it, shouts out to P.That's it. Now. Once in a
while, I actually had questions.I'll give you one. I'll give you
one of the questions. I'll giveyou two questions. Because I asked the
elders this first question chung about couldbe my parents' age? Who are my

(19:48):
parents' age? I said, whenmy wife is pregnant and everything about her
change it? How does that work? Like? Does does that change anything
in your psyche? Like? Doesthat change? And the elder was like,

(20:08):
no, it's still your wife now, I know it's true. But
then I needed to know I neededto understand, like what happens when she's
with child, Like what happens notto her? I was wondering how would
I relate to her? What wouldbe my perspective on filling the blank?

(20:30):
Okay, I'll move from that.The same younger couples who were older than
me that I was telling you about, I saw them one of the couples
having like a little challenge and Iact straight up, like straight up like,
so if you too have sex,will that resolve the challenge? And
the husband's like, no, thatdoesn't do anything. It just feels good.

(20:52):
You enjoy the experience if you canget to that point, but that
does not do anything to resolve conflict. Because you hear the stupid stuff on
TV. Remember I'm fifty, bro, Like I'm not a baby. So
we are like pre internet people,and we were in university. There was
no internet, bro, no WorldWide Web, right, so we were

(21:15):
stuck with the stuff on TV.And it was like this thing called makeup
sex? What is that? Iwanted to process like does this thing exist?
Like this is this like sas squad? Like is it Bigfoot or is
it something real? And they werelike sasquatch for shure, that's bigfoots that
don't exist. I mean, youcould say it in its tongue in cheek

(21:37):
and somebody will argue. But whatI was wondering, honestly, was whether
this resolved anything, not whether itwas exciting, whether it was enjoyable.
But does this And that's where nowI'm getting a larger principle that says that
you can't resolve real problems with somekind of inebrian You can't have a party

(21:59):
to fix the problem. You can'tgo on vacation to fix the problem.
You can't drink, you can't smoketo fix the problem. You can't like,
you can't flatter one another through thesituation out of a problem, like
you have to actually do the work. If that's the case, then David,
then you can't, you said inebriantas well to be the foundation as

(22:21):
to what you build in terms ofrelationship. Oh, I think I know
where we're going on that one.You see, this is the reason why.
And I know, I know,I know, I know it's unpopular.
I know it's not the thing thatpeople want to hear us say because
they're like, oh, I alwaysgot to try Your problem is you was
trying from day one. That's whyyou have okay other than a whole other
conversation. I always tell couples,and I know it's it's not the like

(22:47):
I said before, the popular thingor the easy thing. I did it
myself and I had in the endof our relationship, and I had to
tell Faith, we got to stop. Why Because I can hear Holy girls
telling me You're about to do thesame thing all over again. You're about
to make another mistake the same way. Why Because you need to be able
to see what you need to see. And I don't know what it is
about the sexual experience, bruh,but it clouds your vision. It makes

(23:12):
you stupid. Right now. It'snot gonna do it with everybody, but
some people just got some bedroom gamethat's different. You know what I'm saying,
Like, there's certain people who haveyou understand and the things that you
need to see, the things thatyou need to discuss, you will either

(23:33):
turn a blind eye to or itwill cloud your vision. Right And the
discussions that you need to have,you're not going to have them, you
feel what I'm saying, because youdon't want to mess that up. Because
you know that if I say thisthing, or if we talk about this,
it may mess up or interfere withthat. But here's the funny thing.
You get together now right, basedoff of it because it's good to

(23:56):
you. Right. You compromise allthe things that are important to you,
your deal breakers, your core values, all of those different things. Then
you back and forth in the argumentand talking about that thing that don't exist,
which is the makeup. Boy,you know, I'm not a puritan.
I'm not a pause. I ain'tno puritan, yes, sir,

(24:23):
But let me just say this onething right here, right when I have
seen grown folks. I'm not eventalking about babies. I'm talking about very
responsible, intelligent people engage in sexualintercourse before they were married, right,
and during that experience, not theactual act, but during the time that

(24:45):
they're having that kind of relation,they decide to get married. Very few
have fruitful marriages. Dave, Comeon, son, you just said you're
not a puritan. Like, Okay, what I'm saying to you is that

(25:06):
the people who under the influence ofa good time make long lasting decisions usually
make the wrong decision because they're underthe influence of a good time. Yeah,

(25:27):
listen, I'm married. I've beenmarried twenty two years. If you
don't agree, that's okay. Idon't have no problem with that. But
I'm just letting you know, don'tdo that. I can just tell it
from my perspective. David, Idid it. Oh, I did it.
What happened? Was married in twothousand and three and three hundred and

(25:48):
sixty five times too, I wasdivorced. H that sounds serious, and
it's serious because I made a lifelongdesci decision based on temporary Hmmm. They're
like, yo, these dudes.I thought they were cool, y'all talking

(26:11):
like Quakers. Can I just canI just tell the truth? And people
might say, oh, well,you you know what I'm saying. I'm
not you, and I got acousin who did it. And I'm not
saying that it can't happen. I'mjust saying that the statistics are very low.
Let me just let me just sharewhy, because that sounds like I

(26:33):
just made a really tall, majorclaim. Right. God is good,
right, and he loves us correct, wonderful. Have you ever prayed and
then at the moment you pray,close your ears, Lord speak to me,
and then clever your ears, becauseI'm looking to hear that's right,
because that wouldn't make sense, notwith it. Yeah, and but what

(26:53):
happens is when we are engaged inways that God is not happy about,
we're actually blocking our ears. AndGod could be saying he's an axe murderer.
God could be saying there's a redflag in a relationship. You should
probably wait another three years because there'ssomething in their lives that I'm gonna work

(27:15):
out, and when I'm done thatthere'll be a good candidate for marriage.
But while i'm hitting it, pause, Yeah, oh, the voice of
God is not clear to me.Why because I'm in an unrepentant closed ear
space. Not only that I'm gettingI'm getting my back broke. Thank you,

(27:45):
ladies and gentlemen. Yes, thenext episode of I'm Out Peace,
we'd like to thank you for listeningto the marriage A for suckers box.
Not for suckers, That's all Iwant to say. So if you came,
if they came here and thought theywas gonna get a light, it's

(28:06):
not for suckers, but for real, David, let's keep it one hundred.
You don't want to awaken, Youdon't once you win. It's Zoe
is now twenty one, right,and I have the conversation with her all
the time. Now she's an adult. But I don't I like my thing

(28:27):
to do, not awaken what Iwant to call it, your sexual what's
the word I'm looking for. Dhelp me out the beast. Yeah,
don't awaken the sexual part of you, because once you wake it up,
good luck. I'm putting that jokerback to sleep. No, that's no

(28:48):
bro, Can I just be Ijust want to be transparent, And I'm
not like y'all know me, I'ma joke, so I climb from time
to time. I'm not joking rightnow. From the moment that my sexuality
was awakened, it was off tothe races from there. Do you know
what it took? Even when Iwas doing stuff right, I told y'all,

(29:15):
I'm gonna keep it one hundred withyou. In the beginning, me
and Faith was doing it like forreal, She's to come from Charlotte smelling
good. I was in Atlanta atthe time, looking good too, be
up on the you know what I'msaying, spending the weekend together. And
it got to the point where Iwas just like and I was still,

(29:36):
you said it, God loves us. I was praying. I was doing
my thing. God said, youare about to do it again. Dang,
don't do it right. Then itwas funny. I had to tell
her. It was the most difficultthing that I ever had to tell her,
Like, yo, we gotta stop. She's like, we gotta stop.
What? And I was like,yeah, because God ain't pleased and

(29:57):
if we want to do this right, to do it his way. The
funny thing about it was that sherespected it deep and we were able,
by the grace of God to makethe adjustments. And I am now walking
into thirteen years of blissful marriage.And now it's sanction. Is that the

(30:19):
right word. Maybe that's not theright word. Now you have the blessings,
I have the blessings. Brother.We no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nope,
we enjoying the fruits. No,that that's okay, No, No.

(30:42):
I will play anything to not hearany stories. So here's the thing.
Let's just say we are enjoying thefruits, okay, ordained marriage.
Do not try to slide nothing inafter that. I won't Paul, you

(31:02):
do pause, Yes, David,Yes, David, Nope, don't try
to slide nothing in. I didn'tsay you did. Pause, I didn't
say it, bro, you didthis week on marriage ain't for suckers.

(31:33):
Yeah, this thing is off therails. Joe, Joe, Joe saying,
y'all funny, come on, Joecracking out. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, what I was attempting tosay, wise, do not try.
Nope. See, almost messed upagain. Let me tell you what I
almost said. Question, and I'mgonna say it. I was trying.

(31:53):
I said, I was about tosay, don't use a trojan horse.
Let's go. You can't say nothing. That's what I realized. You can't
say nothing. Question zero. Let'sjust not talk. We cannot talk.

(32:14):
Okay, we're not speaking anymore onthis subject. Let's talk about something else.
Let's talk about taking out the garbage, like let's talk about Yeah.
No, we stay right here,stay right here. Look look at candids.
He shouts out the candidates. I'mswitching my mic off. Were almost
done anyway, Yeah, just switchbut real talk, real talk, David.

(32:37):
If we can't like get people tounder this is fun. You know
what I'm saying for me because it'sy'all don't know. I'm off the rails.
David is the one that keeps me, and I'm the one that allows
him to take out the junk inthe trunk. I love it. I
love it. I love it.That's my dude right there. Love it,
Fauls, that's my dude right there. I love it. I love

(33:01):
it. I love it. Let'sgo there, It's I love it,
man, I love it. Comeback, David, come back, David.
All right, I'll behave I amno longer here. I'm gone.
All jokes aside. These are thetopics. These are the things that we

(33:21):
really need to do address For thosewho are heading to the place that we
are in right now, You're gonnamess your life up. I'm just saying
you really do need to understand this. I know that the world, and
I know that society, and Iknow that our current culture is get what
you can get, why you canget it. But I'm telling you I
know who sits high above any culturethat we exist in, any world that

(33:43):
we exist in, and he lookslow and he's not playing. He puts
standards in place for a reason sothat you could live life and live it
abundantly. And you're gonna take ordisregard the standards. Son, I'm gonna
tell you right, we're gonna goback into the place where I said I
didn't want to go, right,but this is for real. Right.

(34:05):
So some years ago, this isin Jamaica, Young So I'm at the
I'm at the car wash stand right, and this taxi man was like,
yo, homout your wife cost what? And I was like, yo,
yo, You're about to get head, shoulders, knees and toes. Fortunately
Simon was not there for me tooverreact immediately, so it was just like

(34:30):
okay, I said, bro,hurry up, hurry up. Look at
me visually like, hurry up,get to your point home because this is
not about to go right. Hella, how much your wife cost? How
much does your wife cost? Getto your point? Bro? He said,
all right here why and he's tellingme this story about this place in
Old Harbor. Call it a scheme. You call it a development, housing

(34:54):
development? Right. He goes tothis certain housing development in Old Arbor,
Jamaica, in Sin Katrine. Rightinside of this housing development, there are
women. They live there and somehowthey have something like a menu, bro,

(35:14):
a menu quest This so much forthis service, this how much for
that service? This how much?And he's explaining it to me. It
is ratchet son. When I sayratchet, bro, can you imagine I'm
not even joking. I'm not theson. I'm not making a point.
That's right. I'm not making apoint. Bro. He was like,

(35:36):
this service, and he would tellme what the service was, this service,
this how much? This service?That how much? Right? And
homeboy feels like he's speaking intelligently tome and him saying hearim, hear him?
All right, So if me gothere, this so much time in
a week? This how much Ipay? And I'm like, this is

(35:57):
how much you pay? He waslike, yes, it's okay, all
right. By the time month didn'tcome, this is how much I pay?
How much your wife costs? Isaid, bro, I know you're
not about to say that this isan economic choice. I know you're not
about to make this an economic choice. This is not an accountancy decision you're

(36:17):
making. And he said yeah,man that And I said, hold on,
bro, now I'm vexed, notbecause because you don't know my wife.
He don't know, we don't knowit from Adam. So you're talking
about my wife. I said,homie. So what I'm known when you
take holt back something you never putin, so you make a withdraw on

(36:43):
something you did not deposit. SoI'm saying there's a lot of disease out
here. I didn't even get tothe holiness part because he's a road dude
like he don't it don't even makesense. I have that conversation yet,
yep. So I'm working with wherewe are. So I'm like, Yo,
you make a you make a withdraw, and what you get out back
is not what you're deposited. Andyou got a disease. Hear what this

(37:06):
knucklebuck says. He goes people diefrom cancer all the time. I said,
I said cancer, bro, Isaid cancer. You wish you catch
cancer? Son, What I'm talkingabout that's out there on these streets,
you wish it was cancer. Theygot to fix for some of that,
at least to make you feel betterwhile you're getting treatment. But the stuff

(37:27):
I'm talking about, brother, andI said, you know what, Dave,
ease yourself, calm down. Thisis why you need mentors. This
because homeboy gave me twenty minutes ofreasoning, man, a whole our reason
quest No, that is not reasoningto tell me that it is economically unsound

(37:50):
for me to have chosen marriage overthat. Bro, this is what these
dudes are doing. Like you cango this Saturday night, like when we
were short. He's on liber andfourteenth Street and on Subvent, all kinds
of places. Just drive your vehicle. You can do that in Jamaica right
now, back on back road,back road, import more and all kinds
of nastiness. Is just they're waitingto ruin your life, son, And

(38:14):
he's saying that that is the routeto economic freedom. So so you and
I both may share the sentiment thathe's an idiot number one, But you
know what's worse than that. What'sworse than that is that you are a
couple, but you operate with thesame principle that that idiot is working with.
That's what I'm saying. That's whymentorship And that's a stilted word.

(38:35):
I wish I came up with abetter word. But that's why this kind
of mentorship is so critical, bro, because you need insulation. Remember a
couple people used to say, keepkeep keep quests out of keep quests out
of trouble. It's a joke.It's tongue in cheek. But it's also
good stuff because we're together, likewe're we we are, we are a
commune, we are a tribe.Bro, you remember what my response was,

(38:59):
That's why I keep my man withme. You see what I'm saying,
because I don't even play with it, like so we not about to
play with it together, like wedon't. We don't make jokes about it
like we don't. We don't likejust getting as close to wrong with it,
like none of that, Like there'sno there is no space for it
in our in our relationship, likehow we do like I don't need,

(39:22):
we don't leave no space for thatkind of stuff. So because the two
of us, it wouldn't take buttwenty two seconds and we would destroy our
lives. Bro, David, didyou see there's this couple that I like
to follow because the both of themtogether are hilarious. They're on Instagram.
I forgot what the name is.I probably have to wait until they come

(39:44):
into the thing again in order toI'm sure my answers. No, I
haven't seen them. It's an Asian. Let me sorry. She's Filipino,
I believe, but she's married toa Nigerian man, right, and so
they go back and forth and sheknows his culture really well, sings all
the Nigerian are hilarious. They're outon vacation somewhere, and he said,

(40:05):
Honey, if the chance ever came, would or you know, if the
opportunity proposed, it was something alongthose lines, could you and would you
cheat? She said, sweetheart,you're not gonna like this answer. She
said, anybody is capable of cheating. Right. Then she goes on to
say, that's why you will neversee me in compromising situations. If anybody

(40:31):
comes to talk like she's one ofthem chicks, like real cut off,
You'll never find me in a positionthat could lead me to cheating, because
anybody is capable of it. Shejust said, you're not gonna find me
talking to nobody that I'm not supposedto be talking to. You're not gonna
find me in the presence. Thisis the reason why you're saying the mentorship
is yo, d You will nevercatch me running when we travel. If

(40:53):
you notice a lot of the timesFaith don't want to go because she's already
done a lot of traveling with mewherever. Whenever, there are times when
She's like, nope, you goby yourself, right. You and I
have been in Atlanta together, butwe've never been solo dolo, like just
me by myself wandering around the citythat place to do that what you're doing,

(41:19):
and we get going back to goingback to my room or coming over
I'm coming over there, or whateverwe're doing. But nobody will ever find
us away from one another. Wow, come on, bruh, No,
no, no, no, no, no, come on, brother,
I'm not leaving no room for theenemy to get no foothold in Jack.
Terrence just said it a while ago. Count the cost. You know what

(41:40):
it would cost, David. Doyou know what it would cost? Not
that they would find us in it, but just for argument's sake, do
you know what it would cost ifme or you got ever caught in an
extra marital affair. You know howmany marriages would fall apart? Brother?
I can't even I used to havenightmares because both of my family and I
don't dream normally. If I do, I don't know that I do.

(42:04):
But early in my marriage, Iused to have these dreams once in a
while that I cheated, not thatI was looking to cheat, not that
I was interested in anybody. Itwasn't that, but both sides of my
family for generations when I went forthe okie doe. So I'm gonna be
the I'm I'm gonna be the dudelike to break the cycle. You feel
me? So it's like, okay, okay. All the elders before me

(42:30):
went for the okie doe. SoI'm just like, hmm okay. So
I somehow had a dream that Idid I couldn't see with whom, but
that was irrelevant. And you knowwhen you know what stressed me out in
my dream, and I was sothankful it wasn't true. I gotta go
to Simone's mommy, Simone's sister.I didn't even get to Simone yet in

(42:52):
my dream, go to because I'man honest dude, right, so say,
and so even in my dream,it's like my actual behavior style was
coming out in my subconscious in mydream. So I'm like, now I
gotta go to Suanne, my sisterin law, and mine mother in law
and my father in law and thenall of these people that I I didn't

(43:15):
even get to Simone yet, bro, And I'm just like, no,
that is untenable. Like we cannot. We cannot even play around. I
don't play around, like I'm notgoing to get into those details because I
think I think it's not a goodidea. But there are fail sick not
fail seck. There are guard railsthat are deliberately up in our marriage because

(43:40):
these people out here crafty son Like, we were making jokes in the gym
with Simone's trainer. She got abodybuilder dude named Sean for a trainer,
and we all cool, like wehomies, right, and Simone was flirting
with me in the gym, soI'm calling out to him like, yo,
you're client cheating with not cheating,flirting with me whatever whatever, And
she started doing some stuff I don'twant to talk about right now that was

(44:01):
very interesting. And so I'm talkingabout my wife. I know, I
who okay, good because you yeahso yes, so so good. But
then we started talking about real livepeople in the gym. The three of
us together were talking about how theybehave and how they be trying to set

(44:21):
you up, and it's just like, bro mm hmm, I'm good on
that, man. I'm not interested. I'm not interested because because I said
yes to God, yes to Simone, Yes, to her whole family.
Yes, to my legacy. Andguess what we were doing a Bible class.
I was doing a Bible class intrench Town. One time. I
was making a point. I wastrying to make a point and move on,

(44:43):
hurry up. I thought it wasjust a thing. And Josiah our
Son, he's now thirteen, wasin the class two, and I said,
could I cheat on? Because I'mtalking, I'm doing a youth Bible
class, not a baby Bible class. Youth by class. These people are
grown enough to be married some ofthem. Could I cheat on my wife?
No? No, no, notcheat on my wife. It wasn't

(45:05):
that. Could I get a divorce? Could I? Could I choose to
get a divorce? And my son, who you got to drag out questions
and answers into something like that,says no, I'm talking about like he
he in a way like like hewas insulted by the question. Now that's

(45:27):
out as he should. And Ilooked and I was like, oh my,
I was like yo. Son waslike he was like absolutely not.
He couldn't even process that word becauseall he knows is a healthy marriage between
his moms and pops. That's allhe knows, and he was like,
no, you couldn't choose. AndI'm trying to make a point to just
say yes, I could choose,but would I know. He wouldn't even
let me get off that points andI had to change the whole path because

(45:52):
homeboy was distracted by me even sayingthe D word. He was just like,
no, you couldn't choose that nextquestion. Next, I was like,
wow, thank god, bro,next, It's crazy when you said
I would have to go and triggeredme. I remember one time we were
here at the house. Actually itwas over Thanksgiving holiday, and I remember

(46:15):
Fate's mom was in tears on thecouch because we were having a discussion,
and then we were talking about somefamily stuff and she said, KL,
we love you, right, butyou know why we especially love you.
I said why and she broke Shewas like, because of the way that

(46:35):
you love her. See what I'msaying, You see what I'm saying everything
that we do in terms of amarried couple. Oh, and I forgot
to tell you. I don't evenknow if I gave you. Remember when
I told you we were having somebiblical discussions that weekend, Like this is
all because of how Faith and Ilive our lives and how we make our
decisions and all of these other differentthings. Right, we've set a tone

(46:59):
or a pattern that people are usedto as far as we are concerned as
a couple. Her stepfather has neverbeen to anybody's church per se like,
and if he did, it wasprobably early that weekend that he came.
He went to church with us.I was the elder on duty that weekend,
so he got to see me performthe duties of what I do in

(47:19):
terms of being as it relates tochurch service. Long story short, I
shared with them the book that I'min right now. They went and purchased
it. She calls Faith this weekand says to Faith, I don't know
what happened, but he went andfound the Bible that we have here at

(47:40):
the house and he is now spendingtime reading it. Imagine imagine where God
is using us to do X,Y and Z, because that's another part
of it as well. When youbecome a couple, you become a reference
point for everybody else, and Goduses your man marriage to plow quote unquote

(48:01):
plow the feel if you will,right, and to do work in other
places and spaces that's why the mentorshipis so deep. Imagine, now if
I go do some dumb stuff byhaving an extra marital affair, do you
know, number one, it's alreadybad that I don't misrepresented God, and
it's affecting the lives of so manypeople because we got one family member where

(48:23):
they're going through some changes and they'rebeing ex I know, and then they
being right. And so imagine nowthat we give you the alternative and I
go and do some dumb stuff andtear all of that up. So Lord,
help us to be faithful to thepoint that our relationships quest with our

(48:46):
wives in our case, that ourrelationship with our wives will not just inspire
people, but position them for Godto transform them. You feel me like,
I have a woman who's been marriedfifty five years is telling me,

(49:13):
telling me about telling me about marriatalproblems on me fifty five years? Bro?
Yes, why is she coming toDave? Bro, don't flatter me.
I'm just saying that's rhetorical, y'all. Like, why she coming to
me I'm fifty years of age?Because there is a calling on the lives

(49:36):
of people who take this thing seriously. What can I tell her except what
God has told me. David.David, I need you to take your
time and say that one more time. For those who are serious about this
thing, I need you to Ineed you to say that one more time
because I think that that's that's aheavy thing, and I don't I think

(49:57):
your average married couple doesn't really understandthat part of it, because we know
that the marriage is a spiritual institution. Yes, but you said it a
while ago, that there is acalling on your life. For those of
us who are serious about the institutionof marriage, it is the mirror of

(50:19):
God's relationship with his people. Heholds it with super high esteem. And
what you're doing is showing people longand short, what his relationship with is
with us as his people. Andso you can't play with it, can't
afford to man because there are toomany people. And this is a woman

(50:40):
of influence. Man, I can'tget into it because she's a woman of
influence and it wouldn't matter. Butit does matter in this sense because there
are a lot of people who canbe negatively influenced because her home life is
jacked after fifty some years of marriage. That's crazy. But David, here's

(51:00):
what's so funny about the whole thing, and maybe people will get, you
know what I'm saying, a graspof how powerful this thing is. I
don't even consider willing Jada to beyour Here I go. I'm not talking.
I'm just saying, your picture ofwhat a marriage should be, right.

(51:24):
I don't look at Jay and Beyonceas a picture of what your marriage
should be, right especially but look, I just want to pause for a
moment. I don't look at GabrielleUnion and your boy Wade as a picture
of but they are, whether wewant to realize it or not, they
are influencers, if you will,in the grand scheme of things. When

(51:46):
we think look at look at theworld and society and all of that other
good stuff. Look at people's responsesto when each one of those couples are
going through what they're going through.It has such a major your negative effect
people. I've heard people out ofmy own ears say, yo, that's

(52:07):
why I'm not getting married what becauseof what they did? And unfortunately that's
how life works. I think JohnMaxwell calls it the law of the picture.
I think it is what he callsit. Where people see other people

(52:30):
do a particular thing, and theydo what they see right, or they
don't do what they see because itnegatively affects them. Right. And I'm
saying, long story short, yourmarriage is not nothing to play with.
And if you are in relationship andyou want to move towards marriage, understand
that if you're serious about it,like for real, you're not serious about

(52:52):
it, then you'll reap what thosepeople reap who are not serious about it.
I was one of them, numberone or two. Is Now that
I'm serious about it, I'm reapingsome things that are a blessing. Oh
yes, you feel me. AMiss three three said woe be unto a
man who when he falls don't gotnobody to pick him up. There's another

(53:14):
text that said two people can't movein the same direction less they touch and
agree. I'm getting some blessings becauseof relationship the faith. Come on,
bruh, come on, bruh.So so yeah, man, yep,
yeah, that's all I got onthat man, That's all I got got
on it. That's all I gotthe focused man. There you have it,

(53:43):
y'all. I hope you've enjoyed yourtime with us. Marriage is about
mutual love and mutual respect and itworks for those willing to make it work.
Real talk, our spouses are treasuredjewels given to us to make life
better, and the sooner we learnto value one another will be the sooner
we become the absolute best versions ofourselves we can be. Until next time, peace,