September 4, 2023 • 29 mins
As Pride season continues with festivals, parades, and increased nightlife, there is a community within our LGBTQ+ family that continues to thrive and grow, gaining a stronger voice in the last decade – that of our sober community. Pride celebrations now include safe spaces and events that cater to those on their journey from addiction, the stigma towards our sober family and the assumption that they can’t party with us is being diminished. Yet, there is still a long way to go. Because of our battle with discrimination, isolation, gender identity, and abandonment, the LGBTQ community struggles with substance abuse at a rate of two to three times that of the general population. Alarmingly, up until now, there have been zero facilities dedicated to our particular needs. Enter Rainbow Hill, founded by Southern California-based couple Andrew Fox and Joey Bachrach. The two, inspired by their own journey in recovery, left lucrative careers in real estate to open the doors of Rainbow Hill Sober Living in 2021, and, this summer, Rainbow Hill Recovery, an intensive outpatient treatment center in the Los Angeles area.
In this episode, we chat about how these two met and got Rainbow Hill off the ground, we talk about addiction in the LGBTQ community, advice for friends and family of those suffering addiction, relapse rates, spreading the message of sobriety, the services that Rainbow Hill has to offer, and what the future of the organization holds. Hosted by Alexander Rodriguez. You can find out more about Rainbow Hill RainbowHillRecovery.com Check out our in-depth article with Andrew and Joey at Metrosource.com
In this episode, we chat about how these two met and got Rainbow Hill off the ground, we talk about addiction in the LGBTQ community, advice for friends and family of those suffering addiction, relapse rates, spreading the message of sobriety, the services that Rainbow Hill has to offer, and what the future of the organization holds. Hosted by Alexander Rodriguez. You can find out more about Rainbow Hill RainbowHillRecovery.com Check out our in-depth article with Andrew and Joey at Metrosource.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
This is Metrosource Mini, the officialpodcast to Metrosource magazine and home of short
form interviews with your favorite personalities fromthe LGBTQ world and beyond. Quick,
fun and informative. It's Metrosource onthe go, out in proud since nineteen
ninety. Welcome to Metrosource Minis.I'm your host, Alexander Rodriguez, writer
(00:27):
for Metrosource and Queen of the podcasts. As Pride season continues with festivals,
parades, and increased nightlife, thereis a community within our LGBTQ plus family
that continues to thrive and grow,gaining a stronger voice in the last decade
that of our sober community. Pridecelebrations now include safe spaces and events that
cater to those on their journey fromaddiction. The stigma towards our sober family
(00:50):
and the assumption that they can't partywith us is being diminished, yet there
is still a long way to go. Because of our battle with discrimination,
isolation, gender identity, and adment, our community struggles with substance abuse at
a rate of two to three timesthat of the general population. Alarmingly,
up until now, there have beenzero facilities dedicated to our particular needs enter
(01:11):
Rainbow Hill, founded by Southern Californiabased couple Andrew Fox and Joey back Rock.
The two, inspired by their ownjourney and recovery, left lucrative careers
in real estate to open the doorsof Rainbow Hill Sober Living in twenty twenty
one, and this summer, RainbowHill Recovery opened an attense outpatient treatment center
in the Los Angeles area. Inthis episode, we chat about how these
(01:34):
two met and got Rainbow Hill offthe ground. We talk about addiction in
the LGBTQ community, advice for friendsand family of those suffering from addiction,
relapse rates, spreading the message ofsobriety, the services that Rainbow Hill has
to offer, what the future ofthe organization holds, and more. Check
it out. Okay, before weget to the nitty gritty, I want
to hear the story of how youtwo met. Yeah. Sure, So
(01:59):
and I met in two thousand andsixteen when we were both doing real estate
at Keller Williams in Hollywood, andit was my first day. I was
newly sober. I think I hadlike three months at the time, and
I was extremely anxious, and itwas a Tuesday, and I remember that
because it was broker's tour, whichmeans it's like a bunch of agents go
(02:20):
to different houses throughout the day.And Andrew and I were paired together with
the group from our office and that'show we met. But we didn't start
hanging out until what was it May. It was May so a few months
later, and we found out veryquickly that we had a few the same
interests, one of which being fivefive hour energy and Red Bulls. So
(02:44):
yeah, so that's how it startedas friends. And then I played hard
to get for a good year,and after playing hard to get, we
started dating and the rest is history. We got married in April of this
year. I have like wedding brainstall. Yeah, yeah, congratulations. What
(03:07):
was that defining moment where you stoppedplaying hard to get and you're like okay,
it was like he's really trying andhe's and also like I just I
loved how I felt when I wasaround him, and I didn't have to
feel like I was putting on ashow for anybody. He knew exactly who
I was to the core, andI think even before I really did,
(03:30):
which is kind of neat. Andhe was always a really good cheerleader for
me and vice versa. So Ilike the qualities that he brought out in
me and made me feel really good. We naturally kind of felt like we
had known each other our whole lives. It just instantly clicked when we met,
and we were best friends and hungout every day the day since the
day we started hanging out, youknow. And the funny things too,
(03:53):
it's like we're both left handed evenyou know, so me too, Yeah,
three of us, so you understand, you know, we connect on
so many different struggles, right,So I have to know, you know,
leaving Relay State, working on theRainbow Hill projects together. You know,
(04:13):
it's it's one thing being in arelationship, but then working alongside your
partner in this kind of environment,doesn't that get a bit intense for the
relationship. No. Actually, sowhile we while we were doing real estate,
I know, people think we're crazy, but when we were doing real
estate, we were flipping and investingaround money together with projects and then basically
putting all of it on red andhoping that it's stuck. And luckily we
(04:38):
did pretty well with our flips andthen sold them. And then when COVID
happened, we were like, maybewe should probably switch careers, and we
wanted to do something that would helpmembers of our community, but specifically LGBTA
members who were in recovery. Sowe took a gamble and we did the
same thing with Rainbow hillsover Living andput it all on red and it worked
out. But we don't know anythingother than working together, so it's it's
(05:02):
it's special and we haven't killed eachother, which is great, and we
make a pretty amazing team. Yeah, we don't know any different, honestly.
I mean that's how we met,and we we are very good at
dividing and conquering. You know,we both have know our strengths and weaknesses
and we both stay out of eachother's lanes and it just works well.
(05:27):
Like I can't, I can't reallydo. I know that I couldn't be
where I'm at today without him,And it's just we are a great,
motivating team together and we really supporteach other that way, and it's always
been that way. It's just beenvery natural, and we do know how
to disconnect and travel and have ourown time. And you know, even
(05:48):
though we do work together every day, we still at home are a couple.
You know, so we we knowour roles. We know like,
okay, that's turn it off,turn it off. But we also and
I think a key factor is thatwe both really enjoy it and we both
really love what we do. Soif one of us didn't like what we're
(06:11):
doing, you know, there maybe some listen, I don't want to
talk about work for two weeks kindof things went on. But we both
really enjoy it. So it's kindof our hobby together really that we love
to do. So it's we're luckybecause it's it's really cool that we both
have the same interests. You know, I'm still trying to get a date
number two, but okay, Ineed to know. With addiction rates in
(06:35):
our community being two to three timeshigher than the general population, why has
it taken it so long to establishLGBTQ exclusive facilities. We were blown away.
We were shocked. And now thatwe've been with the House, we've
been in business for two and ahalf years and with our IOP program,
(06:57):
we're on our seventh week and Ithink, and I can't speak for other
programs, but from what we've gatheredis that it's not there's a lot of
fear with having a specific community forprogramming and for housing because of the clients
and not being afraid of not beingable to be full or they think about
(07:20):
finances more than they do about thepeople. So I, like I said,
I can't speak for other programs,but for us, we're like,
well, we're in a position wherewe're able to do that and take that
risk and make a difference. Sothat's something that Andrew and I haven't wavered
on, which is really neat andboth of us didn't really have I did
not want to go to sober livingbecause I got sober almost fourteen years ago,
(07:42):
and it's like no, I wantedto be around my peers and just
feel very comfortable, and so Idid it on my own. I think
I just maybe that was the fearthat got me sober as well. You
know, who knows. But weboth wanted to design a place that we
both would want stay, you know, like it shouldn't be a doom and
(08:03):
gloom and a dark gray house withyou know, clothes off curtains, and
we wanted to be bright and happyand a place for people to feel for
you to be who they are sothat they could work on their sobriety.
You know, So I have totell you. You know, we've we've
been talking about this in the lastcouple of years. More and more I've
(08:24):
I've I've talked to UH sober celebritiesin our community. There seems to be
less stigma in our community towards sobriety, more pride events and language that is
more inclusive to our sober family.Is this really what's happening in sobriety being
talked about more in our community?Is there less stigma? I agree with
that. It's uh, like,there's so many cool hashtags like tag sober
(08:48):
is sexy, sober af you know, sober is the new cool. So
I think it's it's not it's away of it's who we are as individuals,
but it's also maybe a movement.It's something that people wear on their
sleeves. I know that I'm aproud alcoholic and I've been very vocal about
who I am, my struggles,where I am today, and how I
(09:11):
got to where I am today tohopefully be a beacon of hope for people
who are in our in our homeand in our program. So, I
don't know, it's a it's cool, yeah, and I love being sober
and I I'm an open book andwe do like spreading that message that you
know, sobriety takes courage and it'scool, like it's it's a really whole
(09:33):
different level of self discipline and learningabout yourself as well, you know.
So, yeah, I do thinkit is a movement, like like people
are starting to stand up and talkabout it more. And then when you
see a celebrity that's sober and youhad no idea, and even especially if
they've been sober for years, you'relike, wait a minute, because that's
(09:54):
what impressed me when I was whenI was out drinking and would be you
with a friend that didn't have adrink at all the entire night and not
realize that. I was like,that is really cool that that person was
hanging out socializing with us, didn'tfeel uncomfortable and didn't need to be drunk.
You know. So it's that kindof I don't know, it's just
(10:18):
a mentor that you kind of looktowards it, which is great, I
think a lot of Yeah, Ithink it's great that a lot of people
are starting to talk about it.And also it's really cool is that with
a lot of LGBT, sober celebrities, the person like. The way that
we see or that I see itis that an addiction affects everybody all walks
(10:39):
of life. It doesn't matter whetheror not you're homeless, or if you're
a celebrity that everybody recognizes from thestreet. The beautiful thing is that it
doesn't discriminate, and it's something thatpeople can relate to one another on.
So that's I find I find ratherbeautiful. So can you share a little
bit about your personal journey. Whatwas that defining moment where you decided recovery
(11:00):
was the choice for you. Iwould put myself in very questionable situations where
I have been sexually harassed and assaulted, and it's something that I it's taken
a lot of time and a lotof therapy to speak openly about, but
it's I did not like who Iwas, and I had three different versions
(11:22):
of myself. I had Hoey,who was a whore. I had jose
who was a complete, I mean, a despicable human being, and then
Joey, who you're interviewing today.But knowing that those versions of myself are
dormant and not dead has been somethingthat keeps me in check day in and
day out, which is kind ofneat. So I didn't like who I
(11:43):
was, and you know, itwas it was going to be my downfall,
and I probably would have died tobe completely transparent with you. So
for me, I think, youknow, I was a functioning alcoholic for
many years and and it wasn't untila series of events in my life that
(12:05):
weren't going my way. You know, I had deaths and the first time
deaths in my family that I hadnever dealt with before. Just some really
hard times all bundled together to whereI tipped over and just could not stop
drinking. And it was a depressionalong with that, and not knowing what
to do, not knowing that Iwas literally at the bottom of a pit,
(12:28):
not knowing, you know, whatto do, and seeing just the
pain in my family's eyes and seeingthe depression and it's a family disease.
It was my grandfather and my father. And it just took one word and
for my mom to turn that lightball bond for me, and it was
you need to be the one tobreak the pattern. You've got to change
(12:50):
it. So I took that veryseriously and I've never I've got Since that
day, I've never relapsed. Ithis was a one time undone and I
just wanted to restart my life fromthe bottom up, rebuild my foundation,
reraise myself, restructure, rethink everythingtherapy and it's changed my life and it's
(13:18):
changed my way of thinking, andit just has really helped me kind of
not use an excuse with alcohol toget through and to do things, you
know, and it's it's been veryrewarding to be able to stand up and
speak and not need a drink beforethat, or you know, sitting in
traffic all day and use as anexcuse I need to go homekeep drunk,
(13:41):
you know. So it taught mea lot about myself and the strengths,
and I just didn't like it.I couldn't get up, I couldn't go
to work, and you know,I got to that point where it's like
I couldn't stop drinking. I couldn'tgo through the you know, the detox
of it all, and it justit got to be unmanageable quickly. So
(14:03):
well, thank you both for sharingthat. You know, I think you
know, we all have those drunkennights or those nights out that were like,
oh God, got wasted, wakeup the next morning. We don't
know where our wallet is, whereour keys are, who's in bed next
to us? And you know,I can get scary. At what point
are these red flags enough for usto consider that maybe we're drinking too much,
(14:24):
or maybe we're imbibing too much,and that it's it's a problem.
For me, it was one.I didn't see the end of the dark
pet. It was just a continuouscycle. So I was drinking Sunday through
Thursday and then I needed something todrink the next morning in order to just
(14:45):
get out of bed to brush myteeth. And that I was in that
cycle for about four years and thenI just snapped out of it and I
was like, oh my god,what am I doing? And then my
first unlike Andrew, I did relapse. Relapse as part of my story.
It's not a stepping stone, andwe make sure that all of our residents
know that it's not a part ofsobriety for everybody, and it's not required.
(15:09):
But for me, I thought thatafter I had a year and some
change under my belt, that Iwas unique, special and different and maybe
I'm not an alcoholic. I hadmore than a year, but I made
that decision in my head mentally,you know, after I get a year,
I'm going to start drinking again.But I used my father's passing on
the anniversary of his day when hedied as an excuse to drink. But
(15:33):
it took me seven more months toget back and put my head back on
it and realized no, no,no, it wasn't because my father passed
away on that day. It wasbecause I made the decision to start drinking
again. So I think once Iunderstood that, that was just you know,
I'm somebody who's incapable of drinking andthat's okay. That's when it really
clipped for me. And now Icurrently have five years and eight months and
(15:56):
I'll have six years in November.Yeah, I know, congratulations sex.
So that's the thing though. Therethere is no oh today I am an
alcoholic, you know. There therethere is no diagnosis like you know,
you go to the dock and say, oh, yeah, you are an
alcoholity. It's really what is happeningto you and in your life. It's
(16:22):
it's really your own decision. Youcan't some people get too totally different levels
in life, and some people doit a lot longer. It really is
up to you. And the bottomline is if you are not happy with
where your life is, then youneed to change something. It's really you
know, if it's not work itout for you, chances are it's not
going to you know. So,my best friend is celebrating eight plus years
(16:48):
of sobriety, something in our youthI never would have thought he would have
done in a million years. Butpart of seeing him go through his sober
journey and meeting other people is thatthey're the reality that people can relapse or
even worse, they can overdose,and there's that kind of guilt that maybe
I could have done more, Icould have been more involved, And the
(17:10):
reality is sometimes we just can't helppeople because they are on that journey.
How do you get through that?Because I know, running the Sober House
and now with the recovery center,you must deal with this issue a lot,
and how do you work through that? Any advice for somebody that has
a loved one that is in recoveryand that might not be doing well.
(17:32):
Yeah, So I'm glad that that'sa really good question. And relapse has
unfortunately been it has happened not inthe house, but it has happened with
residents who or former clients of ours, And the number one question and concern
that comes up with the current residentsis like, what could have I have
done to make sure that they didn'tdo that? What could I have been?
Like? How could I have preventedit? Every time somebody moves into
(17:56):
the house, Andrew and I havea conversation with them and we love them.
No, listen, it is theirdecision. They are the ones that
go out. You should never giveany power to a person, place,
thing, or feeling to be thereason why you go out. And from
personal experience, I was able toshare that you know, I went out
because I wanted to, but Imade all these other excuses. And the
(18:18):
only way that I'm able to bethere for that person is when they are
ready to come back, letting themknow that they have a safe place to
call home, and also setting ahealthy boundary between you and that individual,
setting these are my boundaries, andthese are the ones that I can't have
disrespected or cross because your sobriety isultimately the most important. I hope I
(18:38):
did a good good enough job explainingthen Also if it's with a loved one
or or a partner, family member. You just have got to tell yourself
that love will always win, right, So you can love this person in
your life that has a diction problem, that has a problem, but you
(19:02):
have to be careful not to enable, because enabling is also like a drug.
It starts off great, like youcould really pull someone out right away,
you could help them, you couldget them on their feet. But
the more you do are the moretolerance is built up. And then before
you know it, you are carryingsomebody and they are getting worse and worse
and worse. And you just haveto trust that if you go back to
(19:26):
love, I love this person,I love them enough to know that I
need to maybe keep an eye onthem, but not help them, let
them reach it, keep an eyeon them, but don't help the process
go any further. It's a verydifficult place to be in a lot of
(19:47):
times you need to ask for otherhelp and advice on this situation. But
I see it happen all the timewith parents and their children, and it's
just it's it's hard because as aparent, you just want to protect your
child their entire life and you don'twant them to die, you know.
But a lot of times, italmost makes the situation worse. So the
(20:08):
sooner you could cut that off,love will win and they will come back
to you. And you did itbecause you love them, right, I
got tough love. My almost said, you know what I'm done. I'm
changing my locks. I'm not talkingto you. You're out of my life.
And it really freaked me out,you know. So, I don't
(20:29):
know, it's different for certain peopleand at what level they're at, and
what if it's you know, itcould mental health maybe be a little different,
you know, like Sinad O'Connor.I mean that that did just happened.
That's it's so sad to see whatshe was going through and she didn't
I don't know enough of it yet, but she may not have had anyone
(20:52):
that was by her side anymore,you know. So it is tough.
It is different and harder with mentalillness as well, you know, but
it is just important for everyone toget their help they need you could you
could you know, guide them.You have got to go see a doctor,
you have got to get diagnosed.Let's get you there, you know,
even if they're being awful and terribletowards you, if they're if they're
(21:15):
on a you know, a downcycle, but then you leave it there.
Let the professionals deal with it anddon't don't encourage the you know,
the non medicated or silver you knowwhat I mean. So it's tough,
it is. It's a tough situationas a friend to be in as well.
So well and both of you,congratulations on establishing Rainbow Hill Recovery Center.
(21:42):
What can I expect? What servicesare available through the recovery Center.
So we have a fantastic powerhouse ofa clinical director named Betsy Sphere who has
been in this field for thirty plusyears and has invaluable experience, and one
of the thing that she's extremely proudto be bringing to our program is experiential
(22:03):
therapy, which hopefully she can interviewwith you and she can go in detail
with exactly what our program is goingto be offering. But we do have
individualized therapy, we have group therapy, art therapy, em dr Raiky,
Sound bath healing. They are gettingspoiled. I wish these services are around
(22:26):
when I was getting sober. Butthey're learning how to get outside of their
head with art and just really kindof learning how to express themselves through art
and it helps, you know,the thought process kind of get out on
the paper and really works well thatway, you know, get out of
(22:47):
your head. And I love thatso much because you know, I think
people that think of recovery, theythink of it as these rigid steps that
you have to go through, andthat's not right for everybody. And expressing
yourself in different ways through our sensesis so important because at the end of
the day, like the music welisten to, how we view things,
how we feel inside doesn't necessarily fitthis rule book. And I think that's
(23:10):
so important, especially for members ofour community. You know, we tend
to be passionate, we tend tobe creative, we tend to be outside
the box just because we've had tobe so I think that's so important.
And you'll see that they really discoverthat talent even more. You know,
it's like, wow, I neverknew I was an artist. You know,
you're fantastic and it's a new outlet, and they suddenly are putting their
(23:30):
phones down, you know, andthey're not scrolling through social media at twenty
for seven and you know, justgetting that constant negative feedbacks to say,
you know, and also something that'scool about our space is that each office
is different and are we brought ourour aesthetic from the house, but we
tummed it down and made it alittle bit more professional in here. But
(23:52):
each room is a different color andit's the color of the rainbow Robiro and
then we have the trans colors forthe group rooms and our which is amazing
and it's we wanted to bring alot of color into it and other programs
maybe sterm and you know that beigeor that medical blue, like we want
to say that that light blue.I know that that we have the red
(24:15):
wall, but we just wanted tomake it fun, poppy and really neat.
So what's the future for Rainbow Hill. This seems like it could be
a national phenomenon. Ah, well, we are in a phase two.
So currently what we are we havethe house which is for lgbteam men and
(24:36):
non binary individuals. We really reallyneed to open a house that is specifically
tailored to trans women because having findingaffirming homes is already difficult enough, but
to find affirming homes that are specializedand specifically for trans women, there are
just they're none out there. Sothat's our next goal. But as far
(24:56):
as the big idea of what wewould like to do do is, you
know, do go national and havea rainbow recovery in states where you know,
being who you are is looked downupon, and they can go there
and focus on the recovery because hereyou say I'm trans It's like Anne,
what about your sobriety? Where youWhere can we meet there? And you
(25:18):
don't have to explain who you are, which is unique and special. So
we want to you know, luckilywe are in LA, but the goal
is to expand and help other communitiesthat at any level. You know,
we want to be able to letWe want everyone to be able to come
into our program, you know.So we are working with we're working at
(25:40):
Yeah, we're working to get innetwork contracts. Andrew and I got into
this field specifically knowing that we weren'tgoing to be the wealthiest. That was
never the goal, but we dowant to be one of the most successful,
which means longevity and making it affordablefor people. This is what you
would consider a quote unquote luxury areis iop but it's going to be at
(26:02):
an affordable costs and rate, whichit should be, so that we're really
excited about. But that's not goingto happen for about eight months until we're
in network. So especially with everythinggoing on in the nation, you know,
we're being told by politicians that ourcommunity is bad. We're being told
not to say who we are,We're being told variances and so you know,
(26:25):
there's an increased isolation. We justcame out of COVID, so many
members of our community felt isolated,which leads to depression, which leads to
drinking, which leads to other,you know, addictions. And now we're
out of COVID, but we're beingtold by our own government like you know,
no, you're still bad, andthere's so that isolation for like what
you said, for those areas outthere that nobody has a safe place or
(26:45):
nobody has any resources that they canreach out to. So this is so
so important and thank you, andwe would like to say come to us.
We will, we will, wewill help you. We've also started
a banned book club here. It'sbanned the book Hill, so in our
(27:07):
group room were I have the lastten books banned already in the thing.
But you know, get your bannedbooks here, you know, read up,
read what you want. So Iabsolutely, absolutely love that. Just
in closing, I have to knowwhat is your message to the LGBTQ community,
especially this Pride season. If youare struggling with addiction and you need
(27:29):
a place to call home, weare a film call away and you do
matter and we support you, anddon't give up. Keep going, don't
listen to the outside chat or focuson your own life and whatever the government's
telling you, tune it out,keep going, find your tribe and stays
(27:51):
from Yeah, I absolutely absolutely lovethat. I couldn't couldn't have said it
better myself. Thank you, gentlemenso much for spending time with us.
Thank you again for being trailblazers inthe community sober and beyond. You know,
this is kind of opening conversations betweenthe sober community and the non sober
community so that we can hang outtogether. We can celebrate Pride together.
(28:12):
My best friend of eight years canbe sober and we can still hang out
and you know, and be likewe used to do. So thank you,
Thank you so much, gentlemen.Keep on the good fight. Where
can we find and follow you andmaybe couldn't contribute? Yeah, so we
are for Instagram. We have atRainbow Hill Recovery and at Rainbow Hill Sober
(28:33):
Living. Those are our two handles. Love it, love it, love
it. Thank you gentlemen, havea great rest of the Pride season and
I'm gonna come visit you guys soon. Yeah, please please do. That
has been another episode of Metrosource Minis. You can find out more about Rainbow
Hill at Rainbow Hill Recovery dot com. Check out my end up article with
(28:56):
Andrew and Joey at metrosource dot com. I've been your host, Alexander Rodriguez.
You can follow me on Instagram atAlexander is on Air. Until next
time, stay true and do youboo? That has been another Metrosource Mini
Like, share and subscribe on yourfavorite podcast player, and check out the
(29:17):
latest issue of Metrosource Magazine on newstandsor online at metrosource dot com. Follow
us on Facebook, Instagram at metrosourceand on Twitter at Metrosourts mag Until next
time, a pass
This is Metrosource Mini, the officialpodcast to Metrosource magazine and home of short
form interviews with your favorite personalities fromthe LGBTQ world and beyond. Quick,
fun and informative. It's Metrosource onthe go, out in proud since nineteen
ninety. Welcome to Metrosource Minis.I'm your host, Alexander Rodriguez, writer
(00:27):
for Metrosource and Queen of the podcasts. As Pride season continues with festivals,
parades, and increased nightlife, thereis a community within our LGBTQ plus family
that continues to thrive and grow,gaining a stronger voice in the last decade
that of our sober community. Pridecelebrations now include safe spaces and events that
cater to those on their journey fromaddiction. The stigma towards our sober family
(00:50):
and the assumption that they can't partywith us is being diminished, yet there
is still a long way to go. Because of our battle with discrimination,
isolation, gender identity, and adment, our community struggles with substance abuse at
a rate of two to three timesthat of the general population. Alarmingly,
up until now, there have beenzero facilities dedicated to our particular needs enter
(01:11):
Rainbow Hill, founded by Southern Californiabased couple Andrew Fox and Joey back Rock.
The two, inspired by their ownjourney and recovery, left lucrative careers
in real estate to open the doorsof Rainbow Hill Sober Living in twenty twenty
one, and this summer, RainbowHill Recovery opened an attense outpatient treatment center
in the Los Angeles area. Inthis episode, we chat about how these
(01:34):
two met and got Rainbow Hill offthe ground. We talk about addiction in
the LGBTQ community, advice for friendsand family of those suffering from addiction,
relapse rates, spreading the message ofsobriety, the services that Rainbow Hill has
to offer, what the future ofthe organization holds, and more. Check
it out. Okay, before weget to the nitty gritty, I want
to hear the story of how youtwo met. Yeah. Sure, So
(01:59):
and I met in two thousand andsixteen when we were both doing real estate
at Keller Williams in Hollywood, andit was my first day. I was
newly sober. I think I hadlike three months at the time, and
I was extremely anxious, and itwas a Tuesday, and I remember that
because it was broker's tour, whichmeans it's like a bunch of agents go
(02:20):
to different houses throughout the day.And Andrew and I were paired together with
the group from our office and that'show we met. But we didn't start
hanging out until what was it May. It was May so a few months
later, and we found out veryquickly that we had a few the same
interests, one of which being fivefive hour energy and Red Bulls. So
(02:44):
yeah, so that's how it startedas friends. And then I played hard
to get for a good year,and after playing hard to get, we
started dating and the rest is history. We got married in April of this
year. I have like wedding brainstall. Yeah, yeah, congratulations. What
(03:07):
was that defining moment where you stoppedplaying hard to get and you're like okay,
it was like he's really trying andhe's and also like I just I
loved how I felt when I wasaround him, and I didn't have to
feel like I was putting on ashow for anybody. He knew exactly who
I was to the core, andI think even before I really did,
(03:30):
which is kind of neat. Andhe was always a really good cheerleader for
me and vice versa. So Ilike the qualities that he brought out in
me and made me feel really good. We naturally kind of felt like we
had known each other our whole lives. It just instantly clicked when we met,
and we were best friends and hungout every day the day since the
day we started hanging out, youknow. And the funny things too,
(03:53):
it's like we're both left handed evenyou know, so me too, Yeah,
three of us, so you understand, you know, we connect on
so many different struggles, right,So I have to know, you know,
leaving Relay State, working on theRainbow Hill projects together. You know,
(04:13):
it's it's one thing being in arelationship, but then working alongside your
partner in this kind of environment,doesn't that get a bit intense for the
relationship. No. Actually, sowhile we while we were doing real estate,
I know, people think we're crazy, but when we were doing real
estate, we were flipping and investingaround money together with projects and then basically
putting all of it on red andhoping that it's stuck. And luckily we
(04:38):
did pretty well with our flips andthen sold them. And then when COVID
happened, we were like, maybewe should probably switch careers, and we
wanted to do something that would helpmembers of our community, but specifically LGBTA
members who were in recovery. Sowe took a gamble and we did the
same thing with Rainbow hillsover Living andput it all on red and it worked
out. But we don't know anythingother than working together, so it's it's
(05:02):
it's special and we haven't killed eachother, which is great, and we
make a pretty amazing team. Yeah, we don't know any different, honestly.
I mean that's how we met,and we we are very good at
dividing and conquering. You know,we both have know our strengths and weaknesses
and we both stay out of eachother's lanes and it just works well.
(05:27):
Like I can't, I can't reallydo. I know that I couldn't be
where I'm at today without him,And it's just we are a great,
motivating team together and we really supporteach other that way, and it's always
been that way. It's just beenvery natural, and we do know how
to disconnect and travel and have ourown time. And you know, even
(05:48):
though we do work together every day, we still at home are a couple.
You know, so we we knowour roles. We know like,
okay, that's turn it off,turn it off. But we also and
I think a key factor is thatwe both really enjoy it and we both
really love what we do. Soif one of us didn't like what we're
(06:11):
doing, you know, there maybe some listen, I don't want to
talk about work for two weeks kindof things went on. But we both
really enjoy it. So it's kindof our hobby together really that we love
to do. So it's we're luckybecause it's it's really cool that we both
have the same interests. You know, I'm still trying to get a date
number two, but okay, Ineed to know. With addiction rates in
(06:35):
our community being two to three timeshigher than the general population, why has
it taken it so long to establishLGBTQ exclusive facilities. We were blown away.
We were shocked. And now thatwe've been with the House, we've
been in business for two and ahalf years and with our IOP program,
(06:57):
we're on our seventh week and Ithink, and I can't speak for other
programs, but from what we've gatheredis that it's not there's a lot of
fear with having a specific community forprogramming and for housing because of the clients
and not being afraid of not beingable to be full or they think about
(07:20):
finances more than they do about thepeople. So I, like I said,
I can't speak for other programs,but for us, we're like,
well, we're in a position wherewe're able to do that and take that
risk and make a difference. Sothat's something that Andrew and I haven't wavered
on, which is really neat andboth of us didn't really have I did
not want to go to sober livingbecause I got sober almost fourteen years ago,
(07:42):
and it's like no, I wantedto be around my peers and just
feel very comfortable, and so Idid it on my own. I think
I just maybe that was the fearthat got me sober as well. You
know, who knows. But weboth wanted to design a place that we
both would want stay, you know, like it shouldn't be a doom and
(08:03):
gloom and a dark gray house withyou know, clothes off curtains, and
we wanted to be bright and happyand a place for people to feel for
you to be who they are sothat they could work on their sobriety.
You know, So I have totell you. You know, we've we've
been talking about this in the lastcouple of years. More and more I've
(08:24):
I've I've talked to UH sober celebritiesin our community. There seems to be
less stigma in our community towards sobriety, more pride events and language that is
more inclusive to our sober family.Is this really what's happening in sobriety being
talked about more in our community?Is there less stigma? I agree with
that. It's uh, like,there's so many cool hashtags like tag sober
(08:48):
is sexy, sober af you know, sober is the new cool. So
I think it's it's not it's away of it's who we are as individuals,
but it's also maybe a movement.It's something that people wear on their
sleeves. I know that I'm aproud alcoholic and I've been very vocal about
who I am, my struggles,where I am today, and how I
(09:11):
got to where I am today tohopefully be a beacon of hope for people
who are in our in our homeand in our program. So, I
don't know, it's a it's cool, yeah, and I love being sober
and I I'm an open book andwe do like spreading that message that you
know, sobriety takes courage and it'scool, like it's it's a really whole
(09:33):
different level of self discipline and learningabout yourself as well, you know.
So, yeah, I do thinkit is a movement, like like people
are starting to stand up and talkabout it more. And then when you
see a celebrity that's sober and youhad no idea, and even especially if
they've been sober for years, you'relike, wait a minute, because that's
(09:54):
what impressed me when I was whenI was out drinking and would be you
with a friend that didn't have adrink at all the entire night and not
realize that. I was like,that is really cool that that person was
hanging out socializing with us, didn'tfeel uncomfortable and didn't need to be drunk.
You know. So it's that kindof I don't know, it's just
(10:18):
a mentor that you kind of looktowards it, which is great, I
think a lot of Yeah, Ithink it's great that a lot of people
are starting to talk about it.And also it's really cool is that with
a lot of LGBT, sober celebrities, the person like. The way that
we see or that I see itis that an addiction affects everybody all walks
(10:39):
of life. It doesn't matter whetheror not you're homeless, or if you're
a celebrity that everybody recognizes from thestreet. The beautiful thing is that it
doesn't discriminate, and it's something thatpeople can relate to one another on.
So that's I find I find ratherbeautiful. So can you share a little
bit about your personal journey. Whatwas that defining moment where you decided recovery
(11:00):
was the choice for you. Iwould put myself in very questionable situations where
I have been sexually harassed and assaulted, and it's something that I it's taken
a lot of time and a lotof therapy to speak openly about, but
it's I did not like who Iwas, and I had three different versions
(11:22):
of myself. I had Hoey,who was a whore. I had jose
who was a complete, I mean, a despicable human being, and then
Joey, who you're interviewing today.But knowing that those versions of myself are
dormant and not dead has been somethingthat keeps me in check day in and
day out, which is kind ofneat. So I didn't like who I
(11:43):
was, and you know, itwas it was going to be my downfall,
and I probably would have died tobe completely transparent with you. So
for me, I think, youknow, I was a functioning alcoholic for
many years and and it wasn't untila series of events in my life that
(12:05):
weren't going my way. You know, I had deaths and the first time
deaths in my family that I hadnever dealt with before. Just some really
hard times all bundled together to whereI tipped over and just could not stop
drinking. And it was a depressionalong with that, and not knowing what
to do, not knowing that Iwas literally at the bottom of a pit,
(12:28):
not knowing, you know, whatto do, and seeing just the
pain in my family's eyes and seeingthe depression and it's a family disease.
It was my grandfather and my father. And it just took one word and
for my mom to turn that lightball bond for me, and it was
you need to be the one tobreak the pattern. You've got to change
(12:50):
it. So I took that veryseriously and I've never I've got Since that
day, I've never relapsed. Ithis was a one time undone and I
just wanted to restart my life fromthe bottom up, rebuild my foundation,
reraise myself, restructure, rethink everythingtherapy and it's changed my life and it's
(13:18):
changed my way of thinking, andit just has really helped me kind of
not use an excuse with alcohol toget through and to do things, you
know, and it's it's been veryrewarding to be able to stand up and
speak and not need a drink beforethat, or you know, sitting in
traffic all day and use as anexcuse I need to go homekeep drunk,
(13:41):
you know. So it taught mea lot about myself and the strengths,
and I just didn't like it.I couldn't get up, I couldn't go
to work, and you know,I got to that point where it's like
I couldn't stop drinking. I couldn'tgo through the you know, the detox
of it all, and it justit got to be unmanageable quickly. So
(14:03):
well, thank you both for sharingthat. You know, I think you
know, we all have those drunkennights or those nights out that were like,
oh God, got wasted, wakeup the next morning. We don't
know where our wallet is, whereour keys are, who's in bed next
to us? And you know,I can get scary. At what point
are these red flags enough for usto consider that maybe we're drinking too much,
(14:24):
or maybe we're imbibing too much,and that it's it's a problem.
For me, it was one.I didn't see the end of the dark
pet. It was just a continuouscycle. So I was drinking Sunday through
Thursday and then I needed something todrink the next morning in order to just
(14:45):
get out of bed to brush myteeth. And that I was in that
cycle for about four years and thenI just snapped out of it and I
was like, oh my god,what am I doing? And then my
first unlike Andrew, I did relapse. Relapse as part of my story.
It's not a stepping stone, andwe make sure that all of our residents
know that it's not a part ofsobriety for everybody, and it's not required.
(15:09):
But for me, I thought thatafter I had a year and some
change under my belt, that Iwas unique, special and different and maybe
I'm not an alcoholic. I hadmore than a year, but I made
that decision in my head mentally,you know, after I get a year,
I'm going to start drinking again.But I used my father's passing on
the anniversary of his day when hedied as an excuse to drink. But
(15:33):
it took me seven more months toget back and put my head back on
it and realized no, no,no, it wasn't because my father passed
away on that day. It wasbecause I made the decision to start drinking
again. So I think once Iunderstood that, that was just you know,
I'm somebody who's incapable of drinking andthat's okay. That's when it really
clipped for me. And now Icurrently have five years and eight months and
(15:56):
I'll have six years in November.Yeah, I know, congratulations sex.
So that's the thing though. Therethere is no oh today I am an
alcoholic, you know. There therethere is no diagnosis like you know,
you go to the dock and say, oh, yeah, you are an
alcoholity. It's really what is happeningto you and in your life. It's
(16:22):
it's really your own decision. Youcan't some people get too totally different levels
in life, and some people doit a lot longer. It really is
up to you. And the bottomline is if you are not happy with
where your life is, then youneed to change something. It's really you
know, if it's not work itout for you, chances are it's not
going to you know. So,my best friend is celebrating eight plus years
(16:48):
of sobriety, something in our youthI never would have thought he would have
done in a million years. Butpart of seeing him go through his sober
journey and meeting other people is thatthey're the reality that people can relapse or
even worse, they can overdose,and there's that kind of guilt that maybe
I could have done more, Icould have been more involved, And the
(17:10):
reality is sometimes we just can't helppeople because they are on that journey.
How do you get through that?Because I know, running the Sober House
and now with the recovery center,you must deal with this issue a lot,
and how do you work through that? Any advice for somebody that has
a loved one that is in recoveryand that might not be doing well.
(17:32):
Yeah, So I'm glad that that'sa really good question. And relapse has
unfortunately been it has happened not inthe house, but it has happened with
residents who or former clients of ours, And the number one question and concern
that comes up with the current residentsis like, what could have I have
done to make sure that they didn'tdo that? What could I have been?
Like? How could I have preventedit? Every time somebody moves into
(17:56):
the house, Andrew and I havea conversation with them and we love them.
No, listen, it is theirdecision. They are the ones that
go out. You should never giveany power to a person, place,
thing, or feeling to be thereason why you go out. And from
personal experience, I was able toshare that you know, I went out
because I wanted to, but Imade all these other excuses. And the
(18:18):
only way that I'm able to bethere for that person is when they are
ready to come back, letting themknow that they have a safe place to
call home, and also setting ahealthy boundary between you and that individual,
setting these are my boundaries, andthese are the ones that I can't have
disrespected or cross because your sobriety isultimately the most important. I hope I
(18:38):
did a good good enough job explainingthen Also if it's with a loved one
or or a partner, family member. You just have got to tell yourself
that love will always win, right, So you can love this person in
your life that has a diction problem, that has a problem, but you
(19:02):
have to be careful not to enable, because enabling is also like a drug.
It starts off great, like youcould really pull someone out right away,
you could help them, you couldget them on their feet. But
the more you do are the moretolerance is built up. And then before
you know it, you are carryingsomebody and they are getting worse and worse
and worse. And you just haveto trust that if you go back to
(19:26):
love, I love this person,I love them enough to know that I
need to maybe keep an eye onthem, but not help them, let
them reach it, keep an eyeon them, but don't help the process
go any further. It's a verydifficult place to be in a lot of
(19:47):
times you need to ask for otherhelp and advice on this situation. But
I see it happen all the timewith parents and their children, and it's
just it's it's hard because as aparent, you just want to protect your
child their entire life and you don'twant them to die, you know.
But a lot of times, italmost makes the situation worse. So the
(20:08):
sooner you could cut that off,love will win and they will come back
to you. And you did itbecause you love them, right, I
got tough love. My almost said, you know what I'm done. I'm
changing my locks. I'm not talkingto you. You're out of my life.
And it really freaked me out,you know. So, I don't
(20:29):
know, it's different for certain peopleand at what level they're at, and
what if it's you know, itcould mental health maybe be a little different,
you know, like Sinad O'Connor.I mean that that did just happened.
That's it's so sad to see whatshe was going through and she didn't
I don't know enough of it yet, but she may not have had anyone
(20:52):
that was by her side anymore,you know. So it is tough.
It is different and harder with mentalillness as well, you know, but
it is just important for everyone toget their help they need you could you
could you know, guide them.You have got to go see a doctor,
you have got to get diagnosed.Let's get you there, you know,
even if they're being awful and terribletowards you, if they're if they're
(21:15):
on a you know, a downcycle, but then you leave it there.
Let the professionals deal with it anddon't don't encourage the you know,
the non medicated or silver you knowwhat I mean. So it's tough,
it is. It's a tough situationas a friend to be in as well.
So well and both of you,congratulations on establishing Rainbow Hill Recovery Center.
(21:42):
What can I expect? What servicesare available through the recovery Center.
So we have a fantastic powerhouse ofa clinical director named Betsy Sphere who has
been in this field for thirty plusyears and has invaluable experience, and one
of the thing that she's extremely proudto be bringing to our program is experiential
(22:03):
therapy, which hopefully she can interviewwith you and she can go in detail
with exactly what our program is goingto be offering. But we do have
individualized therapy, we have group therapy, art therapy, em dr Raiky,
Sound bath healing. They are gettingspoiled. I wish these services are around
(22:26):
when I was getting sober. Butthey're learning how to get outside of their
head with art and just really kindof learning how to express themselves through art
and it helps, you know,the thought process kind of get out on
the paper and really works well thatway, you know, get out of
(22:47):
your head. And I love thatso much because you know, I think
people that think of recovery, theythink of it as these rigid steps that
you have to go through, andthat's not right for everybody. And expressing
yourself in different ways through our sensesis so important because at the end of
the day, like the music welisten to, how we view things,
how we feel inside doesn't necessarily fitthis rule book. And I think that's
(23:10):
so important, especially for members ofour community. You know, we tend
to be passionate, we tend tobe creative, we tend to be outside
the box just because we've had tobe so I think that's so important.
And you'll see that they really discoverthat talent even more. You know,
it's like, wow, I neverknew I was an artist. You know,
you're fantastic and it's a new outlet, and they suddenly are putting their
(23:30):
phones down, you know, andthey're not scrolling through social media at twenty
for seven and you know, justgetting that constant negative feedbacks to say,
you know, and also something that'scool about our space is that each office
is different and are we brought ourour aesthetic from the house, but we
tummed it down and made it alittle bit more professional in here. But
(23:52):
each room is a different color andit's the color of the rainbow Robiro and
then we have the trans colors forthe group rooms and our which is amazing
and it's we wanted to bring alot of color into it and other programs
maybe sterm and you know that beigeor that medical blue, like we want
to say that that light blue.I know that that we have the red
(24:15):
wall, but we just wanted tomake it fun, poppy and really neat.
So what's the future for Rainbow Hill. This seems like it could be
a national phenomenon. Ah, well, we are in a phase two.
So currently what we are we havethe house which is for lgbteam men and
(24:36):
non binary individuals. We really reallyneed to open a house that is specifically
tailored to trans women because having findingaffirming homes is already difficult enough, but
to find affirming homes that are specializedand specifically for trans women, there are
just they're none out there. Sothat's our next goal. But as far
(24:56):
as the big idea of what wewould like to do do is, you
know, do go national and havea rainbow recovery in states where you know,
being who you are is looked downupon, and they can go there
and focus on the recovery because hereyou say I'm trans It's like Anne,
what about your sobriety? Where youWhere can we meet there? And you
(25:18):
don't have to explain who you are, which is unique and special. So
we want to you know, luckilywe are in LA, but the goal
is to expand and help other communitiesthat at any level. You know,
we want to be able to letWe want everyone to be able to come
into our program, you know.So we are working with we're working at
(25:40):
Yeah, we're working to get innetwork contracts. Andrew and I got into
this field specifically knowing that we weren'tgoing to be the wealthiest. That was
never the goal, but we dowant to be one of the most successful,
which means longevity and making it affordablefor people. This is what you
would consider a quote unquote luxury areis iop but it's going to be at
(26:02):
an affordable costs and rate, whichit should be, so that we're really
excited about. But that's not goingto happen for about eight months until we're
in network. So especially with everythinggoing on in the nation, you know,
we're being told by politicians that ourcommunity is bad. We're being told
not to say who we are,We're being told variances and so you know,
(26:25):
there's an increased isolation. We justcame out of COVID, so many
members of our community felt isolated,which leads to depression, which leads to
drinking, which leads to other,you know, addictions. And now we're
out of COVID, but we're beingtold by our own government like you know,
no, you're still bad, andthere's so that isolation for like what
you said, for those areas outthere that nobody has a safe place or
(26:45):
nobody has any resources that they canreach out to. So this is so
so important and thank you, andwe would like to say come to us.
We will, we will, wewill help you. We've also started
a banned book club here. It'sbanned the book Hill, so in our
(27:07):
group room were I have the lastten books banned already in the thing.
But you know, get your bannedbooks here, you know, read up,
read what you want. So Iabsolutely, absolutely love that. Just
in closing, I have to knowwhat is your message to the LGBTQ community,
especially this Pride season. If youare struggling with addiction and you need
(27:29):
a place to call home, weare a film call away and you do
matter and we support you, anddon't give up. Keep going, don't
listen to the outside chat or focuson your own life and whatever the government's
telling you, tune it out,keep going, find your tribe and stays
(27:51):
from Yeah, I absolutely absolutely lovethat. I couldn't couldn't have said it
better myself. Thank you, gentlemenso much for spending time with us.
Thank you again for being trailblazers inthe community sober and beyond. You know,
this is kind of opening conversations betweenthe sober community and the non sober
community so that we can hang outtogether. We can celebrate Pride together.
(28:12):
My best friend of eight years canbe sober and we can still hang out
and you know, and be likewe used to do. So thank you,
Thank you so much, gentlemen.Keep on the good fight. Where
can we find and follow you andmaybe couldn't contribute? Yeah, so we
are for Instagram. We have atRainbow Hill Recovery and at Rainbow Hill Sober
(28:33):
Living. Those are our two handles. Love it, love it, love
it. Thank you gentlemen, havea great rest of the Pride season and
I'm gonna come visit you guys soon. Yeah, please please do. That
has been another episode of Metrosource Minis. You can find out more about Rainbow
Hill at Rainbow Hill Recovery dot com. Check out my end up article with
(28:56):
Andrew and Joey at metrosource dot com. I've been your host, Alexander Rodriguez.
You can follow me on Instagram atAlexander is on Air. Until next
time, stay true and do youboo? That has been another Metrosource Mini
Like, share and subscribe on yourfavorite podcast player, and check out the
(29:17):
latest issue of Metrosource Magazine on newstandsor online at metrosource dot com. Follow
us on Facebook, Instagram at metrosourceand on Twitter at Metrosourts mag Until next
time, a pass
Popular Podcasts
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!