June 12, 2023 • 27 mins
Meeting almost a decade via YouTube videos, Michael and Matt finally met, and it was love and first meet. The two would go on to get married and dominate the vlog world with their travels around the world. Their social media has rapidly grown, and their content is not just limited to travel, but also captures the humor and reality of married life. Their most ambitious undertaking is yet to come, as the two have decided to add to their family and are currently on the path of fatherhood. What does that look like? Well, it’s a long windy road and the two have decided to share their journey in hopes of educating and helping others with the debut of their new podcast, Who’s Your Daddy? The duo and their guests share their stories and information and cover everything from surrogacy, IVF, private adoption, and foster-to-adopt.
On this episode, we chatted about how they met, life since marriage, balancing content creation with a healthy relationship, their decision to have a child, the different avenues of third party parenthood they are pursuing, the homophobia that exists towards same sex couples in the legislation and policies of third party parenthood, the mission of their podcast, what they have learned from their podcast guests, their biggest wish for their future child, and their Pride message for other LGBTQ couples trying to grow their family. Hosted by Alexander Rodriguez.
Check out Michael and Matt's Who's Your Daddy podcast premiering June 15th wherever you get your pods!
On this episode, we chatted about how they met, life since marriage, balancing content creation with a healthy relationship, their decision to have a child, the different avenues of third party parenthood they are pursuing, the homophobia that exists towards same sex couples in the legislation and policies of third party parenthood, the mission of their podcast, what they have learned from their podcast guests, their biggest wish for their future child, and their Pride message for other LGBTQ couples trying to grow their family. Hosted by Alexander Rodriguez.
Check out Michael and Matt's Who's Your Daddy podcast premiering June 15th wherever you get your pods!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
This is Metrosource Minis, the officialpodcast to Metrosource magazine and home of short
form interviews with your favorite personalities fromthe LGBTQ world and beyond. Quick,
fun and informative. It's Metrosource onthe go, out in proud since nineteen
ninety. Hello, Hello, Hello, this is Metrosource Minis. I'm your
(00:28):
host, Alexander Rodriguez, writer forMetrosource and queen of the podcast. Meeting
almost a decade ago via YouTube,we'll explain that Michael and Matt finally met
and it was love at first meet. The two would go on to get
married and dominate the vlog world withtheir travels around the world. Their social
media has grown and their content isnot just limited to travel, but also
(00:50):
captures the humor and reality of marriedlife. Their most ambitious undertaking is yet
to come, as the two havedecided to grow their family and are currently
on the path of fatherhood. Whatdoes that look like? Well, it's
a longline de road, and thetwo have decided to share their journey in
hopes of educating and helping others.With the debut of their new podcast,
(01:10):
Who's Your Daddy, The host andtheir guests share their stories and information and
cover everything from surrogacy, IVF,private adoption, and foster to adopt.
The show's not just about parenthood,by the way, it's also coming out,
it's dating, it's everything you wantto hear. UM, Please welcome
Michael and Matt. Yes, okay, we know you as the couple from
(01:34):
social media TikTok, Instagram, YouTube. But it's like, okay, and
I was getting who is who?Oh, this is such a good question.
I'm Michael and I am Matt.There you go. Now, you
know is that funny that we haveto ask that? Um? But you
both met via YouTube? What doesthat mean? Yeah? I mean you're
(02:01):
you're the beginning of this. Sowe actually met through our coming out videos
on YouTube. I posted my comingout video in twenty thirteen. Michael was
living in Nebraska. I was livingin Seattle. Michael saw my coming out
video in twenty fourteen, and thenin May of twenty fourteen, Michael posted
(02:23):
a video response to my coming outvideo with his own coming out story.
He tweeted it to me. Isaw his tweet, I watched his video.
I thought he was super cute,and then I set him my phone
number so that we could and wetalked that night. Actually we talked on
skype. We skyped for a longtime. Oh my god, and by
(02:46):
a long time. I made acouple of weeks and flew out to Seattle
to meet him, and then Sparksjust flew and I decided to move to
Nebraska and I went over there twomonths later. Yeah, and we're five
years post marriage right now. NowI have to say, like love at
first sight right into wedded bliss,that doesn't happen often. I mean,
(03:07):
you can ask any of our friendsare like, that doesn't happen. What
is it about each other? Andwhat is it about this relationship that makes
it so different? Man? Ithink at the beginning when we first met,
well, first of all, likemeeting someone through their coming out video,
(03:30):
it is so strange because like myfirst impression of him was this deeply
personal and difficult struggle that he's gonethrough for most of his life, and
him just like presenting that in suchan eloquent way. I was like,
wow, you know, I waskind of just it really just blows by
(03:53):
all of the fluff of what yougo through on your first dates, and
it kind of gets to the coreof like who a person is if you
want to get to know someone,watch the coming out video because they will
tell you things and show you thingsin a different way. So I don't
know, it was a very personallike first meet. Yeah, and then
I think we had enough like similaritiesthat you know, we could kind of
(04:16):
latch onto and talk about and discuss. And then I think we were both
we both sort of had a visionright of like, you know, we
we don't want to just we're notin like a casual dating sort of mindset
where you know, we're scared ofcommitment or anything like that. I think
we were both sort of like,you know what, we're out, We're
in our like low twenties, andI'm not like waiting to date a bunch
(04:43):
of people before I decided to settledown or you know. I think the
goal, you know, was sortof like I kind of want to find
somebody and meet somebody who can behere for the long term. So I
think we both had that kind ofsame mindset, I think, which was
we were pretty new to like beingout and open in the dating world too,
so day dating can be kind ofscary. Yeah, I think dating
(05:06):
in general actually is just kind ofscary, right, you're like, I
think that kind of influenced because wemet each other so early on. I'm
talking about coming out, like comingout a decade ago. Yeah, it
must look a lot different than itlooks like for now, for a younger
generation to come out. What doyou wish you had the opportunity to go
back and tell your younger self atthat time because it was your current surroundings.
(05:33):
Your current circumstance does not dictate howyour life will turn out. That's
one thing, because I think whenyou're in the thick of it and you're
really struggling to find your footing tocome out, it can feel like this
is forever and the people that arein your life at that point and what
your your lack of support even iskind of seems like a permanent thing or
(05:58):
something that's never going to change.But that could not be farther from the
truth. So I would tell myself, like, hey, your current circumstance
doesn't dictate what's going to happen inthe future. You deserve to be loved,
and you deserve to love yourself,and you deserve to fall in love
with someone else as well. AndI think you know, I would probably
say like, the thing that scaresyou the most is probably what's going to
(06:21):
bring you, like the most enrichmentin your life and bring you, like
just show you the most love you'veever kind of felt in your life.
So, you know, I thinkbeing vulnerable about who you are and being
honest about that is going to beactually draw people to you instead of push
them away. Now, we dotalk about your social media success as as
(06:44):
the couple. You know, we'veseen you traveling around the world, we
see your funny TikTok every day VID'sBut how do you how do you keep
your own individual identity? Like wemade the joke at the beginning, like
who's who? It's like you arethe couple now, but you're still two
separate people in that relationship. Sohow do you maintain the mental health of
(07:06):
I'm myself, this is my individuality, but yes I am part of this
social phenomena. Oh man, that'sa good question. I mean, I
think we both sort of have thingsthat we do as individuals to kind of
separate ourselves from that space. Iguess what comes to mind is like Matthew
(07:27):
has a gay running group. Ohyes, I do you know you can
go to and they have a coupleruns every week. I like to just
go and do some exercise just bymyself and like just take that time and
get those endorphins we like to agood point. Yeah, we visit family
and a lot of times, youknow, put our phones down or away
(07:49):
and don't necessarily record or photograph everyinteraction that we ever have with them.
I think that's fair. Like socialmedia is a big part of our lives.
I mean it's it's it's we havea business in it, we are
on a ton, but it's notour whole lives. We have a lot
of things outside of social media thatwe participate in from day to day and
(08:09):
that I don't know. We're morethan our social media presence or our Instagram
profile. So social media are that'stools. TikTok is a tool, Instagram
is a tool, and the thingsthat we do day to day in life
they can be shared through those tools. But our lives are more than what
we put online. Now, doyou have certain ground rules for the relationship
(08:31):
in terms of content versus real life? Um? Like, Um, you
know, I that's kind of hard. I think I think what we run
into most um is not necessarily likedocumenting um as much as like, hey,
(08:52):
it's dinner time, everyone's at thetable, just like put it down,
like put your phone down. ButI think that that's a pretty common
thing, honestly with everybody, right, Like, no matter what field you're
working in, families have like dropyour phone in the in the bucket before
dinner sort of thing, or likeI think maybe being each other's check on
(09:16):
whether or not it's like hey,like we're having a social interaction and you're
kind of like looking at your phoneand oh my gosh, Yeah, that
happens a lot. It would justlike put it down for a second,
right. I think a lot ofpeople deal with that in their relationships and
then their lives, especially if you'reworking with your partner. If you work
with your partner, or if youare a small business owner run your own
(09:37):
business, there is a lot ofdifficulty in separation and separating work from the
rest of your life. So therecan be a lot of bleed over and
pain points where you're like, man, this is taking up a lot of
my time, a lot of myenergy recently, and I haven't been able
to put that much energy into otherparts of my life, including relationship and
(09:58):
all that I can also like feelif if I haven't been active or I've
been like inside too much or staringat a screen too much, and I'm
like, I need to cut itoff right now, and I need to
go do something that's not this,you know. I mean, I think
both kind of working in that field. We were sort of like, yeah,
(10:18):
I get it, you know,I can, I can relate.
So I think that all right,let's shift gears. Who's your daddy?
Who started the conversation about having kids? Who who brought it up first?
It was so long ago. Ohmy god, I think we brought it
up on our first date, like, I mean a week nothing like that
first date, let's have a kidchat, or even when we were definitely
(10:41):
or even when we were like skyping, I mean just getting to know each
other. I think I think thatprobably came up. It's like, do
you want to have d you wantkids? Do you want to have a
family ever in the future. AndI wasn't really put in that tone,
but we have kids, do youwant to have family in the future.
No, I mean I'm saying,like, I think I don't think it
was so when we first started liketalking on Skype and everything, there was
zero, um, like romantic discussionor like there was no ye never sat
(11:09):
like oh my gosh, like you'reso cute or like we should date or
anything like that. It was very, very like as platonic as it could
be, where you were just sortof like, Wow, I really enjoyed
talking to you, and like I'mreally enjoying it to know, getting to
know you. And I think thatI think that's pretty I think it could
(11:31):
have come up just like you know, I don't know, do you think
that you're gonna have kids in thefuture when because when I was talking to
him, I was like, areyou gonna be like pretty open if you
go into medicine and you're a professionallot, you're gonna keep like putting YouTube
videos out and being very public onsocial media because I was going into Donald
school, and I was like,I don't know if at that point they
were like wipe everything off the Internetbecause people could go way back and find
(11:56):
something out of context and like makeit this big thing. And so I
was thinking, like, jo,I need to just delete everything because he
was very obviously very public online andso, um, I think just in
those conversations, you know, you'retalking about life and in the future,
and so I think it came maybeeven came up before that, but I
don't remember like the exact cos Okay, well, let me put a different
way. That was the first tosay, you know, now's the time
(12:18):
to do it, Like today's theday that we're gonna start this journey.
We started like soft launching our Stacyjourney. I would say in like twenty
twenty even twenty twenty one. Youknow, this was we got married in
twenty eighteen, so at twenty twenty, twenty twenty one, this was two
(12:41):
three years after we had gotten married, and we're discussing, you know,
okay, we've purchased the house,and um, we have jobs and we're
working, and you know, we'rewe're now at this point in our lives
and we've had this discussion time andtime and time again that we do want
to have kids. So now isthe time to start researching and figuring out
(13:03):
It's kind of like getting all thoseboxes checked and things that we're like,
we gotta get this done, thisdone, this done. Now we want
to start the process of having ourfamily. And I think, yeah,
so in twenty twenty one, andwe just got to the point we're like,
Okay, we really need to,you know, get the ball rolling
on this if we're going to startsoon. So because we know it takes
(13:24):
so many years to get to thepoint of having babies. It could take
two years, it could take threeyears, no matter what route you take.
So we kind of just we're like, all right, I I brought
it up. You brought it up. I think you probably brought it up
like more often or just like sortof like like, hey, we should
(13:45):
think about this. And I thinkwe were renting at that point, and
I was like marriage house, babies, so I was like, once we
get the house, I'll figured outthen we can start talking about babies like
the So we were just having conversationswith the people who had gone through the
process or who were starting the processand others, and I think as they
as those conversations continued, we justlearned more and more and looked more stuff
(14:09):
up on our own. And thenfinally like opened it up at the beginning
of twenty twenty two and we're like, all right, we're going to start
talking to surrogacy agencies this month.And I booked some calls. So that's
a question I have, And thisis coming from somebody who like never wants
to have kids at all. Iwouldn't even know where to start. So
you make the decision, you decide, you tell your friends and family,
(14:33):
this is what our next move isin my mind, Sarah, Jessica Parker
and Sex in the Cities. LikeGoogle, Google, where do I get
a kid? What is what isthat actual? For step I wouldn't even
know what to google first or whereto even start. Yeah, that is
basically why we are launching our podcastis because it is extremely confusing, and
(14:56):
there's not a lot of information outthere, and the information is hard to
get and information is changing all thetime. So like to navigate, SAC,
adoption, foster, to adopt,IBF, I UI all alternate paths
to parenthood. It is a mess, and we had a lot of questions
(15:18):
to begin with, and we justdid not have answers. But we kept
googling, and we kept asking questionsto random people online who we knew through
social media or friends of ours whowe knew had gone through some part of
surregacy or foster or adoption, andjust trying to like puzzle piece everything together
to figure out which route was bestfor us. Yeah, I think we
(15:41):
I mean, we found a fewenough resources to to kind of figure out.
Oh. You you know, there'ssomething called an agency. There's there's
something called the IVF clinic. Andthere's a difference between an egg donor and
a gestational carrier. And you know, the term surrogate is sort of like
outdated or you know, if youdo traditional surrogacy, that's different than justestational
(16:03):
carriers. And I think we justknew a few people who had done surrogacy
before who we could ask questions of. But I literally went to Google Maps
and I literally Google Yeah, Iwas to Google Maps, and I searched
surrogacy agencies and saw what came upin Portland, and I and I Google
Map searched IVF clinics, and Isaw what came up in Portland, and
I started making calls. Um,yeah, no, no, no,
(16:26):
Why why was surrogacy at the topof that list? What's made you go
down a certain avenue rather than another? Oh my god, Alexa just started
talking to us. I think,oh girl, I think we're good.
Sorry, if you hear a weirdwoman's voice in the background, it's just
you know, smart Home just actingup. Um, she's trying to Google
(16:49):
search for us. Yeah, ababy already, I'm sick of this funny.
Um. So we at the timethat we were, you know,
starting these discussions, a lot ofour online presence was focused in travel,
and we were out of the housea lot. I was still working full
(17:12):
time. Michael was working as afull time dentist. Yeah, I was
graduating well, I graduated from nursingschool and was starting to work as a
full time nurse. And so Ithink kind of looking at the three options
that we knew, you know,we had was foster to adopt, adoption,
(17:33):
or surrogacy. Foster to adopt alot of times is a very last
minute sort of phone call, youknow, like hey, we have a
kid or two kids, you know, siblings who need somewhere tonight, tomorrow,
in two days sort of thing.We were not like great candidates for
that, just we could literally beout of town or we could have kids
(17:57):
dropped off and then we had atrip planned you know in a week or
two, or just full time workschedules, and it's yeah, so we
just are we weren't really set upfor that system very well. Adoption is
can be a little bit similar too. I think, um, sometimes you'll
have a little bit of leeway.Um. But we've talked to somebody actually
on the podcast where they were like, hey, like we have a kid
(18:19):
and now now you know, andit was the same thing. They were
like in forty eight hours they hadto figure out like all the things to
do in their house. Um,surrogacy, Uh, you know a little
bit you have a little bit moretime or at least you're like being able
to plan a little bit more inadvance, which is kind of a comfort
(18:40):
zone for me at least. UM. And I think at that point in
time, we were like, weknow we need to we want to start
the process. We're not ready fora kid today. UM, but I
think you know, as we kindof go through this process, you know,
in that one and a half twoto three year mark, Um,
there when ready ready and have itkind of knowing like okay, we're pregnant,
you know, and we have adue day. Obviously that can happen
(19:03):
sooner than the due day, butyou know, and then we're going to
kind of get the ball rolling alittle bit. Yeah, we thought we
would. We thought surrogacy would bethe route that we would have the most
control over. Um. And wequickly found out that that's not the case.
No control over any of these yes, because the points or you have
a lot less control than you mightthink you would. So it's just that
(19:29):
that was kind of like our justificationor the way that we were logically going
about it from the beginning. Well, and in talking the process, we
know third party options have always beenlimiting towards same sex couples. Now we're
having legislation that is actively attacking ourcommunity. Have you seen the repercussions of
that affect your journey on wanting tobecome parents? Yeah? Absolutely. I
(19:51):
Mean the probably the closest thing toyou know, our our journey itself,
U is that we started pursuing itin Texas and then Texas passed. You
know, they're very strict. Idon't even know where they're at now with
their abortion law, if it's sixweeks or if it's zero or what.
(20:12):
But you know, if if wewere to do surrogacy there and they were
you know, that surrogate were tohave a problem where you know, her
life was put at risk, themedical the best medical decision would would be
to you know, terminate the pregnancy. Obviously, that's something that's pretty nerve
(20:33):
wracking for us and them. SoI think that's probably the thing that's on
the forefront of it. Obviously,I think people are just more comfortable being
homophobic online in the last like acouple of years. But did you have
anything to oh specifically or just notnecessarily in the recent legislation that's gone through.
(20:55):
But more so like the fact thatinsurance companies um pretty pretty regularly discriminate
against LGBTQ plus couples simply because they'rean LGBQ LGBTQ plus couple and that they
don't cover a lot of the samethings that they would cover for a straight
couple. Um, In many statesacross the US, for many, many,
(21:21):
many, many many insurance companies.There are a few good insurance companies
that do offer the same protections forLGBTQ plus couples, but um, the
majority just say, Nope, you'regay, so this coverage doesn't this coverage
does not apply to you. Yeah, that's just to sane and you know
we're talking about Well, abortion lawsreally don't affect the LGBTQ community, But
(21:44):
no, this is like every everyevery attack on a minority group definitely affects
all of us. And that's that'ssomething I wouldn't have even thought about.
There's abortion laws affecting you know howhaving a kid in terms of surrogacy that
just just want that. Um,okay, let's talk podcasts. I know
your mission was to help other coupleswho might be seeking other ways to have
kids. That being said, isthere anything that has surprised you in doing
(22:06):
this podcast that you've learned from orhaven't thought about before from one of your
guests? Oh my god, Yeah, so many things, so many things.
We won't be able to get intoall of them. Honestly, I
will say that, like through alot of the interviews that we've done so
far, we have learned so muchfrom just what we've done so far,
(22:29):
and we're just about to launch thatwe are completely changing the way that we're
pursuing having kids. I think we'rechanging the way that we're thinking about it,
or we're I think we've opened upthe possibility of like, instead of
the path that we thought, youknow, we had to go down,
or we would go down, Ithink we've realized that we have a few
(22:51):
more options. And so, youknow, we haven't even really gotten to
that point in life yet to likeeven explore them fully. But yeah,
it's definitely changed our perspective even onour own journey talking to different people about
like, Okay, we're you know, we've already gone to through a certain
certain part of it already and wecan't change anything about that. Um,
(23:17):
But you know, going forward,maybe we need to like take a little
time and lightly and like do alittle too even more thinking in research than
we already have, um, tomake sure that we're we're doing things in
the most like in the smartest way, I would say, was intelligent way.
Yes, Um, Okay, howis life going to change once you
(23:37):
have a kid? Or are wegoing to be seeing diaper tutorials? Oh
yeah, diaper tutorials, homemade babyfoods. Are you watching a few more
diaper tutorials before I start making them? But yes? But have you talked
about incorporating your new child into yoursocial media life? I think we're we're
(24:00):
obviously going to talk about ourselves asparents. The baby hasn't even been born
yet, we don't know. I'mready for that baby to get a baby
a gap kid's contract, Like,let's do it, let's pay for We
haven't really crossed that road of like, you know, what's what are we
comfortable with? What do we thinkis acceptable? Um? You know,
(24:22):
I think its always been like athing that we've done right since the beginning
of our relationships. So I don'treally see that changing, correct, No,
I think I think it's it's goingto be sort of like, hey,
this is how this is what ourlife looked like before, and that's
kind of how you saw us andlike, you know, this is where
it's going now, and this iswhat's changing and these are things that we
(24:45):
didn't expect or you know, thisis just kind of the reality of what
it's like to have have a kid. And I don't know, just kind
of going through that journey because youdon't really know what's going to be like
till it's untill it's happened. Allright. I want to know what is
your biggest wish are your future child? Hm? Who? That's a great
(25:06):
question. I I think my biggestwish is that they just like feel safe
and seen. So I would likesafe opening up to us and safe like
expressing themselves and safe in their environment, their friend group, their home and
(25:29):
school and everything like that. Ithink safety is is something that you know
is pretty ubiquitous amongst parents. Iwant them to know that their identity is
so valued and that they are sucha beautiful human and deserves so much love
in the world, no matter likewhat how they identify themselves as. So
(25:52):
I just want that openness and loveto be at the forefront of like us
having a child and being like,you are so loved and we couldn't possibly
love you anymore then or any less. Anymore or less. You know,
we love you as is and wedon't wish you to be any different than
(26:14):
who you are. I absolutely lovethat. Um. Okay, finally,
what is your Pride message to othercouples looking to have children? Listen to
the Who's Your Daddy Podcast to getall the information you need and if you
have questions, ask us, Ohmy god, yes, if we don't
know the answer, we will asksomebody who does and we will all figure
(26:38):
this out together and don't give upon it. So yes, ask us
questions on Instagram on TikTok message usyour questions. Yeah at Michael and Matt
and Who's Your Daddy podcast is comingout June fifteenth, this Pride month.
(26:59):
So excited. Yeah, I loveit and I love chatting with you guys.
Congratulations on your choice for your newjourney, and congratulations on your podcast.
Thank you, Hello, thank youso much for having us. No
prom um. Okay, that's beenmy chat with Michael and Matt. I
love them to death, but I'mstill not ready to have kids. I
can't even water my play its um. But that's our episode. I'm your
(27:22):
host and writer for Metrosource Magazine,Alexander Rodriguez. You can follow me on
Instagram at Alexander is on air Untilnext time, Stay true and do you
both. That has been another Metrosourcemini Like, share and subscribe on your
favorite podcast player, and check outthe latest issue of Metrosource Magazine on newstands
(27:44):
or online at metrosource dot com.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram at metrosource,
and on Twitter at metrosource Matt.Until next time,
This is Metrosource Minis, the officialpodcast to Metrosource magazine and home of short
form interviews with your favorite personalities fromthe LGBTQ world and beyond. Quick,
fun and informative. It's Metrosource onthe go, out in proud since nineteen
ninety. Hello, Hello, Hello, this is Metrosource Minis. I'm your
(00:28):
host, Alexander Rodriguez, writer forMetrosource and queen of the podcast. Meeting
almost a decade ago via YouTube,we'll explain that Michael and Matt finally met
and it was love at first meet. The two would go on to get
married and dominate the vlog world withtheir travels around the world. Their social
media has grown and their content isnot just limited to travel, but also
(00:50):
captures the humor and reality of marriedlife. Their most ambitious undertaking is yet
to come, as the two havedecided to grow their family and are currently
on the path of fatherhood. Whatdoes that look like? Well, it's
a longline de road, and thetwo have decided to share their journey in
hopes of educating and helping others.With the debut of their new podcast,
(01:10):
Who's Your Daddy, The host andtheir guests share their stories and information and
cover everything from surrogacy, IVF,private adoption, and foster to adopt.
The show's not just about parenthood,by the way, it's also coming out,
it's dating, it's everything you wantto hear. UM, Please welcome
Michael and Matt. Yes, okay, we know you as the couple from
(01:34):
social media TikTok, Instagram, YouTube. But it's like, okay, and
I was getting who is who?Oh, this is such a good question.
I'm Michael and I am Matt.There you go. Now, you
know is that funny that we haveto ask that? Um? But you
both met via YouTube? What doesthat mean? Yeah? I mean you're
(02:01):
you're the beginning of this. Sowe actually met through our coming out videos
on YouTube. I posted my comingout video in twenty thirteen. Michael was
living in Nebraska. I was livingin Seattle. Michael saw my coming out
video in twenty fourteen, and thenin May of twenty fourteen, Michael posted
(02:23):
a video response to my coming outvideo with his own coming out story.
He tweeted it to me. Isaw his tweet, I watched his video.
I thought he was super cute,and then I set him my phone
number so that we could and wetalked that night. Actually we talked on
skype. We skyped for a longtime. Oh my god, and by
(02:46):
a long time. I made acouple of weeks and flew out to Seattle
to meet him, and then Sparksjust flew and I decided to move to
Nebraska and I went over there twomonths later. Yeah, and we're five
years post marriage right now. NowI have to say, like love at
first sight right into wedded bliss,that doesn't happen often. I mean,
(03:07):
you can ask any of our friendsare like, that doesn't happen. What
is it about each other? Andwhat is it about this relationship that makes
it so different? Man? Ithink at the beginning when we first met,
well, first of all, likemeeting someone through their coming out video,
(03:30):
it is so strange because like myfirst impression of him was this deeply
personal and difficult struggle that he's gonethrough for most of his life, and
him just like presenting that in suchan eloquent way. I was like,
wow, you know, I waskind of just it really just blows by
(03:53):
all of the fluff of what yougo through on your first dates, and
it kind of gets to the coreof like who a person is if you
want to get to know someone,watch the coming out video because they will
tell you things and show you thingsin a different way. So I don't
know, it was a very personallike first meet. Yeah, and then
I think we had enough like similaritiesthat you know, we could kind of
(04:16):
latch onto and talk about and discuss. And then I think we were both
we both sort of had a visionright of like, you know, we
we don't want to just we're notin like a casual dating sort of mindset
where you know, we're scared ofcommitment or anything like that. I think
we were both sort of like,you know what, we're out, We're
in our like low twenties, andI'm not like waiting to date a bunch
(04:43):
of people before I decided to settledown or you know. I think the
goal, you know, was sortof like I kind of want to find
somebody and meet somebody who can behere for the long term. So I
think we both had that kind ofsame mindset, I think, which was
we were pretty new to like beingout and open in the dating world too,
so day dating can be kind ofscary. Yeah, I think dating
(05:06):
in general actually is just kind ofscary, right, you're like, I
think that kind of influenced because wemet each other so early on. I'm
talking about coming out, like comingout a decade ago. Yeah, it
must look a lot different than itlooks like for now, for a younger
generation to come out. What doyou wish you had the opportunity to go
back and tell your younger self atthat time because it was your current surroundings.
(05:33):
Your current circumstance does not dictate howyour life will turn out. That's
one thing, because I think whenyou're in the thick of it and you're
really struggling to find your footing tocome out, it can feel like this
is forever and the people that arein your life at that point and what
your your lack of support even iskind of seems like a permanent thing or
(05:58):
something that's never going to change.But that could not be farther from the
truth. So I would tell myself, like, hey, your current circumstance
doesn't dictate what's going to happen inthe future. You deserve to be loved,
and you deserve to love yourself,and you deserve to fall in love
with someone else as well. AndI think you know, I would probably
say like, the thing that scaresyou the most is probably what's going to
(06:21):
bring you, like the most enrichmentin your life and bring you, like
just show you the most love you'veever kind of felt in your life.
So, you know, I thinkbeing vulnerable about who you are and being
honest about that is going to beactually draw people to you instead of push
them away. Now, we dotalk about your social media success as as
(06:44):
the couple. You know, we'veseen you traveling around the world, we
see your funny TikTok every day VID'sBut how do you how do you keep
your own individual identity? Like wemade the joke at the beginning, like
who's who? It's like you arethe couple now, but you're still two
separate people in that relationship. Sohow do you maintain the mental health of
(07:06):
I'm myself, this is my individuality, but yes I am part of this
social phenomena. Oh man, that'sa good question. I mean, I
think we both sort of have thingsthat we do as individuals to kind of
separate ourselves from that space. Iguess what comes to mind is like Matthew
(07:27):
has a gay running group. Ohyes, I do you know you can
go to and they have a coupleruns every week. I like to just
go and do some exercise just bymyself and like just take that time and
get those endorphins we like to agood point. Yeah, we visit family
and a lot of times, youknow, put our phones down or away
(07:49):
and don't necessarily record or photograph everyinteraction that we ever have with them.
I think that's fair. Like socialmedia is a big part of our lives.
I mean it's it's it's we havea business in it, we are
on a ton, but it's notour whole lives. We have a lot
of things outside of social media thatwe participate in from day to day and
(08:09):
that I don't know. We're morethan our social media presence or our Instagram
profile. So social media are that'stools. TikTok is a tool, Instagram
is a tool, and the thingsthat we do day to day in life
they can be shared through those tools. But our lives are more than what
we put online. Now, doyou have certain ground rules for the relationship
(08:31):
in terms of content versus real life? Um? Like, Um, you
know, I that's kind of hard. I think I think what we run
into most um is not necessarily likedocumenting um as much as like, hey,
(08:52):
it's dinner time, everyone's at thetable, just like put it down,
like put your phone down. ButI think that that's a pretty common
thing, honestly with everybody, right, Like, no matter what field you're
working in, families have like dropyour phone in the in the bucket before
dinner sort of thing, or likeI think maybe being each other's check on
(09:16):
whether or not it's like hey,like we're having a social interaction and you're
kind of like looking at your phoneand oh my gosh, Yeah, that
happens a lot. It would justlike put it down for a second,
right. I think a lot ofpeople deal with that in their relationships and
then their lives, especially if you'reworking with your partner. If you work
with your partner, or if youare a small business owner run your own
(09:37):
business, there is a lot ofdifficulty in separation and separating work from the
rest of your life. So therecan be a lot of bleed over and
pain points where you're like, man, this is taking up a lot of
my time, a lot of myenergy recently, and I haven't been able
to put that much energy into otherparts of my life, including relationship and
(09:58):
all that I can also like feelif if I haven't been active or I've
been like inside too much or staringat a screen too much, and I'm
like, I need to cut itoff right now, and I need to
go do something that's not this,you know. I mean, I think
both kind of working in that field. We were sort of like, yeah,
(10:18):
I get it, you know,I can, I can relate.
So I think that all right,let's shift gears. Who's your daddy?
Who started the conversation about having kids? Who who brought it up first?
It was so long ago. Ohmy god, I think we brought it
up on our first date, like, I mean a week nothing like that
first date, let's have a kidchat, or even when we were definitely
(10:41):
or even when we were like skyping, I mean just getting to know each
other. I think I think thatprobably came up. It's like, do
you want to have d you wantkids? Do you want to have a
family ever in the future. AndI wasn't really put in that tone,
but we have kids, do youwant to have family in the future.
No, I mean I'm saying,like, I think I don't think it
was so when we first started liketalking on Skype and everything, there was
zero, um, like romantic discussionor like there was no ye never sat
(11:09):
like oh my gosh, like you'reso cute or like we should date or
anything like that. It was very, very like as platonic as it could
be, where you were just sortof like, Wow, I really enjoyed
talking to you, and like I'mreally enjoying it to know, getting to
know you. And I think thatI think that's pretty I think it could
(11:31):
have come up just like you know, I don't know, do you think
that you're gonna have kids in thefuture when because when I was talking to
him, I was like, areyou gonna be like pretty open if you
go into medicine and you're a professionallot, you're gonna keep like putting YouTube
videos out and being very public onsocial media because I was going into Donald
school, and I was like,I don't know if at that point they
were like wipe everything off the Internetbecause people could go way back and find
(11:56):
something out of context and like makeit this big thing. And so I
was thinking, like, jo,I need to just delete everything because he
was very obviously very public online andso, um, I think just in
those conversations, you know, you'retalking about life and in the future,
and so I think it came maybeeven came up before that, but I
don't remember like the exact cos Okay, well, let me put a different
way. That was the first tosay, you know, now's the time
(12:18):
to do it, Like today's theday that we're gonna start this journey.
We started like soft launching our Stacyjourney. I would say in like twenty
twenty even twenty twenty one. Youknow, this was we got married in
twenty eighteen, so at twenty twenty, twenty twenty one, this was two
(12:41):
three years after we had gotten married, and we're discussing, you know,
okay, we've purchased the house,and um, we have jobs and we're
working, and you know, we'rewe're now at this point in our lives
and we've had this discussion time andtime and time again that we do want
to have kids. So now isthe time to start researching and figuring out
(13:03):
It's kind of like getting all thoseboxes checked and things that we're like,
we gotta get this done, thisdone, this done. Now we want
to start the process of having ourfamily. And I think, yeah,
so in twenty twenty one, andwe just got to the point we're like,
Okay, we really need to,you know, get the ball rolling
on this if we're going to startsoon. So because we know it takes
(13:24):
so many years to get to thepoint of having babies. It could take
two years, it could take threeyears, no matter what route you take.
So we kind of just we're like, all right, I I brought
it up. You brought it up. I think you probably brought it up
like more often or just like sortof like like, hey, we should
(13:45):
think about this. And I thinkwe were renting at that point, and
I was like marriage house, babies, so I was like, once we
get the house, I'll figured outthen we can start talking about babies like
the So we were just having conversationswith the people who had gone through the
process or who were starting the processand others, and I think as they
as those conversations continued, we justlearned more and more and looked more stuff
(14:09):
up on our own. And thenfinally like opened it up at the beginning
of twenty twenty two and we're like, all right, we're going to start
talking to surrogacy agencies this month.And I booked some calls. So that's
a question I have, And thisis coming from somebody who like never wants
to have kids at all. Iwouldn't even know where to start. So
you make the decision, you decide, you tell your friends and family,
(14:33):
this is what our next move isin my mind, Sarah, Jessica Parker
and Sex in the Cities. LikeGoogle, Google, where do I get
a kid? What is what isthat actual? For step I wouldn't even
know what to google first or whereto even start. Yeah, that is
basically why we are launching our podcastis because it is extremely confusing, and
(14:56):
there's not a lot of information outthere, and the information is hard to
get and information is changing all thetime. So like to navigate, SAC,
adoption, foster, to adopt,IBF, I UI all alternate paths
to parenthood. It is a mess, and we had a lot of questions
(15:18):
to begin with, and we justdid not have answers. But we kept
googling, and we kept asking questionsto random people online who we knew through
social media or friends of ours whowe knew had gone through some part of
surregacy or foster or adoption, andjust trying to like puzzle piece everything together
to figure out which route was bestfor us. Yeah, I think we
(15:41):
I mean, we found a fewenough resources to to kind of figure out.
Oh. You you know, there'ssomething called an agency. There's there's
something called the IVF clinic. Andthere's a difference between an egg donor and
a gestational carrier. And you know, the term surrogate is sort of like
outdated or you know, if youdo traditional surrogacy, that's different than justestational
(16:03):
carriers. And I think we justknew a few people who had done surrogacy
before who we could ask questions of. But I literally went to Google Maps
and I literally Google Yeah, Iwas to Google Maps, and I searched
surrogacy agencies and saw what came upin Portland, and I and I Google
Map searched IVF clinics, and Isaw what came up in Portland, and
I started making calls. Um,yeah, no, no, no,
(16:26):
Why why was surrogacy at the topof that list? What's made you go
down a certain avenue rather than another? Oh my god, Alexa just started
talking to us. I think,oh girl, I think we're good.
Sorry, if you hear a weirdwoman's voice in the background, it's just
you know, smart Home just actingup. Um, she's trying to Google
(16:49):
search for us. Yeah, ababy already, I'm sick of this funny.
Um. So we at the timethat we were, you know,
starting these discussions, a lot ofour online presence was focused in travel,
and we were out of the housea lot. I was still working full
(17:12):
time. Michael was working as afull time dentist. Yeah, I was
graduating well, I graduated from nursingschool and was starting to work as a
full time nurse. And so Ithink kind of looking at the three options
that we knew, you know,we had was foster to adopt, adoption,
(17:33):
or surrogacy. Foster to adopt alot of times is a very last
minute sort of phone call, youknow, like hey, we have a
kid or two kids, you know, siblings who need somewhere tonight, tomorrow,
in two days sort of thing.We were not like great candidates for
that, just we could literally beout of town or we could have kids
(17:57):
dropped off and then we had atrip planned you know in a week or
two, or just full time workschedules, and it's yeah, so we
just are we weren't really set upfor that system very well. Adoption is
can be a little bit similar too. I think, um, sometimes you'll
have a little bit of leeway.Um. But we've talked to somebody actually
on the podcast where they were like, hey, like we have a kid
(18:19):
and now now you know, andit was the same thing. They were
like in forty eight hours they hadto figure out like all the things to
do in their house. Um,surrogacy, Uh, you know a little
bit you have a little bit moretime or at least you're like being able
to plan a little bit more inadvance, which is kind of a comfort
(18:40):
zone for me at least. UM. And I think at that point in
time, we were like, weknow we need to we want to start
the process. We're not ready fora kid today. UM, but I
think you know, as we kindof go through this process, you know,
in that one and a half twoto three year mark, Um,
there when ready ready and have itkind of knowing like okay, we're pregnant,
you know, and we have adue day. Obviously that can happen
(19:03):
sooner than the due day, butyou know, and then we're going to
kind of get the ball rolling alittle bit. Yeah, we thought we
would. We thought surrogacy would bethe route that we would have the most
control over. Um. And wequickly found out that that's not the case.
No control over any of these yes, because the points or you have
a lot less control than you mightthink you would. So it's just that
(19:29):
that was kind of like our justificationor the way that we were logically going
about it from the beginning. Well, and in talking the process, we
know third party options have always beenlimiting towards same sex couples. Now we're
having legislation that is actively attacking ourcommunity. Have you seen the repercussions of
that affect your journey on wanting tobecome parents? Yeah? Absolutely. I
(19:51):
Mean the probably the closest thing toyou know, our our journey itself,
U is that we started pursuing itin Texas and then Texas passed. You
know, they're very strict. Idon't even know where they're at now with
their abortion law, if it's sixweeks or if it's zero or what.
(20:12):
But you know, if if wewere to do surrogacy there and they were
you know, that surrogate were tohave a problem where you know, her
life was put at risk, themedical the best medical decision would would be
to you know, terminate the pregnancy. Obviously, that's something that's pretty nerve
(20:33):
wracking for us and them. SoI think that's probably the thing that's on
the forefront of it. Obviously,I think people are just more comfortable being
homophobic online in the last like acouple of years. But did you have
anything to oh specifically or just notnecessarily in the recent legislation that's gone through.
(20:55):
But more so like the fact thatinsurance companies um pretty pretty regularly discriminate
against LGBTQ plus couples simply because they'rean LGBQ LGBTQ plus couple and that they
don't cover a lot of the samethings that they would cover for a straight
couple. Um, In many statesacross the US, for many, many,
(21:21):
many, many many insurance companies.There are a few good insurance companies
that do offer the same protections forLGBTQ plus couples, but um, the
majority just say, Nope, you'regay, so this coverage doesn't this coverage
does not apply to you. Yeah, that's just to sane and you know
we're talking about Well, abortion lawsreally don't affect the LGBTQ community, But
(21:44):
no, this is like every everyevery attack on a minority group definitely affects
all of us. And that's that'ssomething I wouldn't have even thought about.
There's abortion laws affecting you know howhaving a kid in terms of surrogacy that
just just want that. Um,okay, let's talk podcasts. I know
your mission was to help other coupleswho might be seeking other ways to have
kids. That being said, isthere anything that has surprised you in doing
(22:06):
this podcast that you've learned from orhaven't thought about before from one of your
guests? Oh my god, Yeah, so many things, so many things.
We won't be able to get intoall of them. Honestly, I
will say that, like through alot of the interviews that we've done so
far, we have learned so muchfrom just what we've done so far,
(22:29):
and we're just about to launch thatwe are completely changing the way that we're
pursuing having kids. I think we'rechanging the way that we're thinking about it,
or we're I think we've opened upthe possibility of like, instead of
the path that we thought, youknow, we had to go down,
or we would go down, Ithink we've realized that we have a few
(22:51):
more options. And so, youknow, we haven't even really gotten to
that point in life yet to likeeven explore them fully. But yeah,
it's definitely changed our perspective even onour own journey talking to different people about
like, Okay, we're you know, we've already gone to through a certain
certain part of it already and wecan't change anything about that. Um,
(23:17):
But you know, going forward,maybe we need to like take a little
time and lightly and like do alittle too even more thinking in research than
we already have, um, tomake sure that we're we're doing things in
the most like in the smartest way, I would say, was intelligent way.
Yes, Um, Okay, howis life going to change once you
(23:37):
have a kid? Or are wegoing to be seeing diaper tutorials? Oh
yeah, diaper tutorials, homemade babyfoods. Are you watching a few more
diaper tutorials before I start making them? But yes? But have you talked
about incorporating your new child into yoursocial media life? I think we're we're
(24:00):
obviously going to talk about ourselves asparents. The baby hasn't even been born
yet, we don't know. I'mready for that baby to get a baby
a gap kid's contract, Like,let's do it, let's pay for We
haven't really crossed that road of like, you know, what's what are we
comfortable with? What do we thinkis acceptable? Um? You know,
(24:22):
I think its always been like athing that we've done right since the beginning
of our relationships. So I don'treally see that changing, correct, No,
I think I think it's it's goingto be sort of like, hey,
this is how this is what ourlife looked like before, and that's
kind of how you saw us andlike, you know, this is where
it's going now, and this iswhat's changing and these are things that we
(24:45):
didn't expect or you know, thisis just kind of the reality of what
it's like to have have a kid. And I don't know, just kind
of going through that journey because youdon't really know what's going to be like
till it's untill it's happened. Allright. I want to know what is
your biggest wish are your future child? Hm? Who? That's a great
(25:06):
question. I I think my biggestwish is that they just like feel safe
and seen. So I would likesafe opening up to us and safe like
expressing themselves and safe in their environment, their friend group, their home and
(25:29):
school and everything like that. Ithink safety is is something that you know
is pretty ubiquitous amongst parents. Iwant them to know that their identity is
so valued and that they are sucha beautiful human and deserves so much love
in the world, no matter likewhat how they identify themselves as. So
(25:52):
I just want that openness and loveto be at the forefront of like us
having a child and being like,you are so loved and we couldn't possibly
love you anymore then or any less. Anymore or less. You know,
we love you as is and wedon't wish you to be any different than
(26:14):
who you are. I absolutely lovethat. Um. Okay, finally,
what is your Pride message to othercouples looking to have children? Listen to
the Who's Your Daddy Podcast to getall the information you need and if you
have questions, ask us, Ohmy god, yes, if we don't
know the answer, we will asksomebody who does and we will all figure
(26:38):
this out together and don't give upon it. So yes, ask us
questions on Instagram on TikTok message usyour questions. Yeah at Michael and Matt
and Who's Your Daddy podcast is comingout June fifteenth, this Pride month.
(26:59):
So excited. Yeah, I loveit and I love chatting with you guys.
Congratulations on your choice for your newjourney, and congratulations on your podcast.
Thank you, Hello, thank youso much for having us. No
prom um. Okay, that's beenmy chat with Michael and Matt. I
love them to death, but I'mstill not ready to have kids. I
can't even water my play its um. But that's our episode. I'm your
(27:22):
host and writer for Metrosource Magazine,Alexander Rodriguez. You can follow me on
Instagram at Alexander is on air Untilnext time, Stay true and do you
both. That has been another Metrosourcemini Like, share and subscribe on your
favorite podcast player, and check outthe latest issue of Metrosource Magazine on newstands
(27:44):
or online at metrosource dot com.Follow us on Facebook, Instagram at metrosource,
and on Twitter at metrosource Matt.Until next time,
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