January 18, 2024 • 52 mins
In this episode, host Tania Kolar shares the secrets to living your best life. You will learn what is blocking your potential and keeping you stuck. You will also learn how to get out of your way and move beyond your comfort zone so you can live your best life.
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Episode Transcript
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The views expressed in the following programare those of the participants and do not
necessarily reflect the views of Saga ninesixty am or its management. Well,
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hello and welcome to the Mindset mentor. I'm your host, Tanya Kohler,
helping you live your best life.That is my job, that is my
mission. I am here to inspireyou to truly live your best life.
As we head into a brand newyear twenty twenty four, this is the
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time when we start to think aboutour goals and our objectives, what it
is that we want to achieve,to accomplish, to have, to do,
to be. And you know,oftentimes it is our thinking, our
perceptions that keep us stuck into thebelief that we don't deserve, that we
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are not good enough, or thatwe can't have things that we want or
desire to have, to be,to do. And it's that limiting thinking
that can be transmuted. And soI'm super excited today to have this conversation
with you. So I'm so gladthat you're tuning in. You are listening
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for a reason, if you're hearingmy voice right now, this is for
you. So welcome, super excitedto have you joining me, this is
an opportunity for you to now startliving a life that feels good, that
feels worthy of you, that isreally going to allow you to thrive,
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to shine, to be your bestself. So the thing is that oftentimes
we feel as though we have todo something in order for us to be
better, to start to deserve thethings that we want. Well, let
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me tell you something. You areabsolutely perfect the way that you are.
You are so perfect. Mistakes andall, because guess what, we all
make mistakes. We are human,and that is just a part of life
that we're going to be here onthis planet working through some of our challenges
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and our mistakes or more appropriately areperceived mistakes, because they are they really
mistakes. I think that you know, we're all learning as we go and
through life, And isn't that partof the journey, having those situations that
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keep us on our toes and usmoving forward and paying attention to life.
Oftentimes those things that happen are ahuge wake up call and shake us sometimes
to our core. Was it notreally the fun moments in life where you're
truly shaken to your core by circumstancessituations that happen, and it can be
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really challenging to be able to getthrough to the other side, or to
even see that you can get throughto the other side. But I promise
you, no matter what challenges you'regoing through, you can get through this
and you will get through to theother side. You know, in my
own life, I look at someof my greatest challenges and yeah, boy,
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I tell you there's some doozies inthere that really threw me for a
loop. And I look back onthose challenges and I I know that they're
blessings and they are opportunities that reallyhelped me to become the best version of
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myself. And where I am todayversus where I was many years ago was
not even close. I lived avery you know, limited life, I
would say, through my own thoughtsand my actions of not believing that I
was worthy enough to have good thingshappening in my life, or I you
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know, I was really afraid ofoutshining other people because I felt that by
me succeeding or excelling in anything wasactually taking away somebody else's joy or success.
And I felt like it was myjob to make everybody else happy.
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And as I say that, andI'm imagining. There's so many listeners out
there right now who can rely towhat I'm saying, And I think that
a lot of parents have that sortof belief that you know, you put
everybody else's happiness first, your familyas a priority, but it's so important,
you know, it's not even important. It's essential that you put yourself
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first. I know so many peoplestill today feel like that's a selfish or
self centered way of being, butit's actually the most selfless thing that you
can do. It is the mostvaluable thing that you can do for yourself,
is to be authentic and to reallyunderstand your own needs and to not
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ignore them or suppress them, becausethat's where a lot of the disease happens.
You can call it disease or diseasein the body, where we start
to suppress our feelings and our emotions. And that never feels good, does
it. Think about it? Imean, if you are doing that for
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decades, what is the cost toyour mental health? What is the cost
to your physical health when you areconstantly burying your needs and your wants and
just even your worthiness. I findit really interesting that even sometimes people have
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a hard time even just imagining thatthey're worthy of having the successes that they
want in life. And I alsospeak from experience because that was me.
That was me at one point.I absolutely believed that I was meant to
suffer in this life and suffer morethan most people. And that was my
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own way of thinking and my ownbelief system that I adopted through my surroundings
and growing up. And I justfelt like it was my to take care
of everybody. And you have tolook at it and think that, I
mean, it's wonderful to be ableto uplift people and to make them have
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a really fantastic day, but notat the expense of yourself. So if
you are operating, you know,with the intentions of helping other people,
but it's costing you your mental health, then you want to look at that
situation and you want to recalibrate whereyou are so that you are able to
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help other people but also to helpyourself in the process because you deserve it.
You one thousand percent deserve the bestlife and to feel worthy and to
feel excited about life and to knowthat there is greatness for you because you
were born into an extraordinary world.And so guess what just by birth alone,
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by right, you deserve to livean extraordinary life. And I want
you to just sort of step outof your own way in the belief system,
in the thinking, in the criticism, the self criticism. Oh my
goodness, we can be our ownworst critics. So when is the last
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time you encouraged yourself? When isthe last time you gave yourself permission to
be, to play, to love, to have fun. That playfulness,
I think, really sort of eludesus sometimes through the stresses of life.
As we head into adulthood, weforgot how to play because the stresses of
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every day living sort of took over. And I think it's important to sort
of take a pause, to takea break and to say, well,
hold on a second. I wantto have that joyful playfulness exuding through my
being again and incorporate more fun.And that's a lesson that I've been learning.
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I still need to learn it.I'm not quite there yet. I'm
focusing this year on having more fun, being more playful, because I can
tell you, my goodness, Ican be so serious, really serious,
and you know, life is aboutthe balance. So when we're being serious
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all the time, it doesn't allowus room for other things, and so
sometimes we just have to take apause and sort of look at what we're
doing and how we're being so thatwe can make the changes that will help
us propel ourselves forward in an empoweringway and by choice and not by the
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obligation or through responsibilities. So atthe end of the day, of course,
we all have responsibilities, and wehave things that we need to do,
and we have to earn an income. We have to survive. I
mean, there's life experiences that happen, right, and then in order to
live on this planet, I mean, you know, we obviously have to
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have income and there has to besome parameters. But at the same token,
you know, we can forget aboutour needs and our wants and completely
lose ourselves in the mundane tasks andjust go through our day doing the necessities,
and so we forget that, wellwait a second, there is that
joy on the other side of it. So I really want to remind you
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as we head into this year,let's make it our best year. I
don't know about you, but Iam super excited about this year. There's
so many great things actually that havealready happened, and I think it's really
important that as we start to lookat some of the things that are happening
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or that we're trying to make happen, you want to acknowledge yourself for where
you are and where you're at andfrom the progress that you've made in life.
So I look back on a lotof the experiences in my life and
I'm talking, you know, decadesand go decades back, and there's things
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that I've done in my life thatwere a dream for me decades ago,
and I have to remind myself thatsometimes that I've accomplished those things, and
it feels amazing because I can losemyself in the day to day, just
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like everybody else. We lose ourselvesin the day to day, and that
we really don't appreciate the successes thatwe've had. It's so important to really
acknowledge your wins and your successes.Don't forget those, and they don't have
to be monumental. It could bethe small little thing. It can be
small, but it feels so greatwhen you can acknowledge that success, you
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know, and when we can reallyacknowledge ourselves for those successes. Guess what
happens is that we start to allowmore success to be drawn to us through
our belief system, through our understanding. And it feels so good. And
that is my goal for you fortwenty twenty four is for you to feel
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not only good, but I wantyou to feel great because you deserve it.
There is greatness within every single oneof us, and we forget that
because of our challenges in life andbecause of our responsibilities, and because maybe
you believe that you know you're notworthy because somebody told you that you've held
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onto a belief system you've held ontoo. Sometimes a word, it could
be a word that was said toyou, a word that has completely impacted
your life. And so think aboutthis. Those moments that have impacted us
greatly like that sometimes have really takena tool in our confidence. But if
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something can take that kind of atool on your confidence, think about the
opposite. What can you do foryourself that could have the biggest impact.
What sentence can you say? Whatsentence can you affirm to yourself so that
you know that you also are worthyand deserving and can attract that good in
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your life and replace some of thatold programming that we have. It's those
limiting beliefs that narrative that incessantly,alloud, overbearing loop that plays over in
our mind about a word that somebodysaid, a sentence somebody said, or
something that you did. Even wecan hold on to things that we've done
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and we beat ourselves up for itand think, well, I shouldn't have
done that, Why did I saythat? Why did I do that?
And then it creates that loop andthat pattern, and we play that over
and over and over again. Soit's like you're punishing yourself for things that
have already happened, and you're repunishingyourself and you know it's already happened.
So we can't go back and changeit, but we can look at how
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we behave and how we perceive thatexperience. So what if that experience that
you had that you think is terrible, that thing that you said that you
think, you know, I wishI didn't say that, Well, what
if it wasn't as bad as youthink? What if there was a reason
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behind it. Maybe you were helpingsomebody else along their journey and that experience
had to happen in order for themto also learn their lesson. You know,
don't forget that we all were coexistingon this planet, we're learning constantly
from each other. We're either learningor we're teaching. And most of the
times that we don't even know theimpact that we have, but we always
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have an impact on people. Itcould be the people who are closest to
us in our lives, our tribe, so to speak. It could be
strangers. And I look at someof the experiences that I've had, and
oh my goodness, some of themost valuable lessons that I have learned have
come from absolute complete strangers, whichjust allowed me a new way of thinking.
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It challenged my belief system. Andwe are faced with these situations sometimes
to just challenge our thinking and say, well, wait a minute, is
this really true? Is this right? Is this thinking correct? You know?
I know, for for me andmy experiences, there was a time
when I mean, my self worthwas so low that I really believe that,
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you know, I didn't deserve prettymuch anything. And so when I
had help in life, I wouldchallenge it and I was it was unfamiliar
and it wasn't comfortable. And inlife we choose what is familiar to us,
and those familiar patterns so not alwayseasy, They don't always feel good
and They're not always the best choice, but they're what we are comfortable with,
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and it's why we choose them.And I would say that as we
head into this new year, atthe beginning, we're at the very beginning
of a new year, which isa new opportunity. I want you to
start allowing the good to come inand to flow into your life. The
abundance of the universe, the limitlessnessof the universe is here for you to
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tap into. So to shed thoselimiting beliefs, you want to start to
acknowledge them and pay attention to thepatterns that we have in life. It's
the patterns that really keep us staffand playing that same story over and over
and over again. So I wantyou to ask yourself, is it time
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to start a new story? Areyou done with feeling blocked and limited and
stuck in your life? You know, if things are going well for you,
fantastic, how do you stay onthat momentum? How do you keep
your vibration high? Are the questionsyou want to ask yourself so that you
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can maintain that and then surpass that, Because it really is a matter of
our mindset and our conditioning and whatwe believe is possible for ourselves. So
sometimes we just feel like things couldnever get any better than this, We've
reached the pinnacle. But remember thatthere is no limit. There is no
limit to the abundance of the universeand whatever that looks like for you,
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whatever it is that you want anddesire, there's no limits. It's a
or our mindset and our thinking thatkeeps us stuck and sets the limits.
It's like we have this this thermometerright so, also known as let's say,
a set point. So we havea set point of the happiness that
we feel we deserve. We havea set point for our financial abundance,
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we have a set point for ourcareer, you know, our aspirations,
whatever it is is that that setpoint is what feels familiar to us.
And it's so important to be ableto shift that set point, you know,
bring it up so that you cannow start to incorporate more of the
things and have the things that youdesire, do the things that you want
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to have you know, in yourlife, do the things that make you
happy at your core, your authenticcore truth. And we always know when
we get to that space because thingsjust feel so good. We also know
what it feels like when things don'tfeel good and we feel stuck and we
feel hindered, and that just inhibitsus in our life in so many ways.
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It trickles down into every aspect ofour lives. Do you notice that?
Do you ever see that pattern thathappens? It's not just in one
area, and we could be thrivingin one area, but if we start
to look at you know, andbreak it down, you're going to start
to see a pattern right that youknow, in most areas, let's say,
we're going to have that same patterning. And for some reason, you
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have a belief system when you arethriving in one area that there's a reason
you're thriving that area, and youdon't allow yourself to thrive in the others.
So you want to look at whatit is, what thought pattern what
what language patterning? Do we saythat holds us back? So it's really
important to listen to language patterning,you know, it's really telling as to
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what's going on on, you know, in our internal world when we start
to pay attention to the words thatwe say. And that's what I refer
to when I'm talking about language patterning, it's that the repetition of our language.
Our patterns are words that we sayconsistently. And for me it was
quite interesting because I've I learned thatI had some patterns. And one of
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the things that I found myself sayingoften was just as a response to like
someone's let's say, sharing a storyand you know it doesn't have the best
outcome, I would say, ohthat's mortifying, that's mortifying, or I'm
mortified. Oh this happened and I'mmortified. I did this and I'm mortified,
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or it was mortifying. So Irealized that that's a pretty intense word,
and then I start to look atwell, is that situation really mortifying?
Is what was said? Mortifying?Is what I did? Mortify?
No? Not, it wasn't.And so that language patterning stems from childhood.
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So in a situation in childhood thatI found to be mortifying, I
carried that through decades and that wasjust a natural response to say it's mortifying.
So these are the language patterns thatcan really hold us back. It's
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such a huge way. That's whyI just, you know, I really
want to encourage you to start lookingat your limiting beliefs. Listening to that
self criticism that happens, and whatis that language patterning? Try to dissolve
that language so you can incorporate somethingthat is actually going to serve you versus
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hinder you. Because in every moment, we have a choice, and I
want you to choose. I wantyou to choose the best for you.
I want you to break through thosepatterns and the limiting beliefs that are getting
in your way of success, thatare holding you back. This is a
new year, this is your opportunityto absolutely thrive. And as I mentioned,
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if you're tuning in and you're listeningto me right now, you're listening
for a reason. You are meantto hear my words. I want you
to be your best self, thebest version of you, because nobody can
do it like you. There isnobody on this planet that is like you.
Everybody is unique. There's eight billionpeople on this planet and there's no
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two people alike. And I wantyou to truly thrive, to know your
value and your worth because you deservegreatness, you are greatness. And so
we're going to take a break hereon the mindset mentor and we will be
back with more ways to thrive intwenty twenty four, as we are,
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you know, at the start ofa brand new year. This is a
brand new you and a brand newopportunity to bring in the greatness that you
deserve. We'll be back after this. Stay tuned. You're listening to the
Mindset Mentor here on SAGA nine sixtyNo Radio, No Problem. Stream is
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live on SAGA nine six am dotcol Welcome back to the Mindset Mentor.
I'm Tanya Kohlar, helping you liveyour best life. As we well,
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before we took a break, wewere talking about what are you a belief
system is and our language patterning andwhat sort of hold us back from living
our best life? And because here'sthe thing is that you can live your
best life. You are absolutely extraordinaryfrom your core being, and you deserve
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to live an extraordinary life. Andone of the reasons that we find ourselves
in a situation where we're not livingto our full potential, or that we're
not enjoying life the way that weshould be enjoying life is that we have
set up a system where we allowothers to take advantage of us, or
we you know, don't have healthyboundaries. We let others sometimes walk all
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over us and not intentionally. Mostof the time, it's really unconscious and
we don't even realize that these areare the patterns that we have. But
it's really important to start looking atyour situations in life and start stepping up
and start having a voice and settyingthose boundaries. You know, when we
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start to set boundaries, it's reallyinteresting to see what happens with the people
around us because they will behave differentlyand sometimes it takes a little bit of
adjusting on their part as well.You know, people don't like it when
we change. I mean, justin general, humans do not like change.
You don't take it very well.So when you present change to other
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people, they have a hard timeand it's like their feathers are a little
ruffled, right, It takes alittle while for them to settle back down.
But it's really important to incorporate healthyboundaries so you can look at your
life and dissect the scenarios or somescenarios and see where you could use some
improvement or where you could actually setboundaries, because sometimes there are no boundaries
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and you allow people just to do, you know, whatever, They're being
dis respectful, they're being rude,You know they're or they're treating you poorly.
So those weak boundaries, you know, give us weak results. So
we want to strengthen our boundaries sothat we can truly live a life that
is reflective of the things that wewant, not the things that we don't
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want, but the things that wewant. So you want to start with
setting even just a few boundaries.If you incorporate even one boundary that is
lacking in your life today, youwill see a huge transformation. So,
you know, oftentimes we just feellike we need to put other people first
and we just forget about, youknow, our own wants and needs,
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and the boundaries sort of are blurred. There are no boundaries at that point,
right. So it could be assimple as having somebody talk over you
all the time, and if youallow them to keep on doing that,
that makes you feel like your voiceis not important, that what you have
to say or what you think isinvaluable, and that could not be further
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from the truth. Our opinion isvaluable. Your opinion counts, It counts
more than you realize, and youwant to be able to set those boundaries,
that clear, clear boundary that youwill no longer tolerate that behavior.
So it's sometimes just simply a matterof allowing someone, you know, the
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opportunity to see that they have crossedthat boundary, because oftentimes people just don't
even realize that there are patterns thatwe that we do that we all have
in life. We just kind ofoperate on road till we just keep on
going and if it works for us, we're going to continue to do that.
Whether it's a good or a badsort of you know, movement,
we just will keep on doing thatwhatever we can get away with essentially does
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that make sense? So we wantto just be calm and firm and very
clear about what we need because thoseboundaries, or sorry, I should say,
the lack of boundaries, is reallyabout not being able to effectively portray
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what it is that we want right, So we have failed to be able
to express that, and therefore thatbehavior just continues. So, as I
mentioned, somebody may have a habitof talking over you, and you can
just simply tell them that you knowwhen they talk over you, that this
is how you feel whatever that feelsto you. It could be that you
feel disrespected when somebody's talking over you, so you want to let them know
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that if they continue to do thatand talk over you, then you're going
to have to end that conversation.You know, you've immediately set a boundary.
And I know that could sound really, really hard for some of you
listening right now to be able toset that boundary if you have not had
a voice and you haven't been ableto express yourself no. I remember years
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ago, I have a really difficulttime saying no to people if people asked
me to do things. You know, I had a really hard time saying
no because I didn't want to hurtanybody's feelings. I didn't want to disappoint
anyone because I remember earlier I talkedabout how it was my job to keep
everybody happy, and so I feltlike a horrible person if I didn't do
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you know, what other people wantedme to do. And it took a
long time for me to set thoseboundaries and to actually be able to say
no when I didn't feel like doingsomething. And I remember literally, you
know, shaking the first time Isaid no to a friend of mine,
And like my knees were shaking,my whole body was shaking because I was
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terrified to be able to say no, because I was terrified of the consequences,
and I was terrified of what they'regoing to think about me. And
I didn't want to be that personwho was you know, unlovable or unlikable
or that you know, I wasn'taccommodating. So it was a real ch
challenge for me to be able tosay no. But what I learned from
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that experience is that I was settinga very healthy boundary for myself and I
wasn't over committing myself to things thatI didn't want to do. And I
was able from that experience to beable to say no, you know,
a lot more and to be okaywith saying no. I learned how to
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be okay with saying no. Infact, I enjoyed it. I got
to a point, believe it ornot, I know you will too,
that you'll start to recognize how powerfulthe word no is and how powerful it
is setting those boundaries. And thoseboundaries, you know, could be in
so many different areas in your life, you know, relationships, you know,
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career, with your kids, Imean everything. There's a whole range
of experiences where we can start toincorporate boundaries if we haven't had any or
incorporate some more if we have someor that if we have weak boundaries,
we want to strengthen those boundaries sothat we can move forward powerfully. And
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it's not about you know, beingrude and just saying no to things,
because you know you're just automatically goingto say no. It's not that's not
what I mean. But we allknow those moments that you've, let's say,
been asked to do something and somethingjust doesn't feel right, but we
do it anyway because we have thisbelief that somebody's expectation of us is greater
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than our own needs and our wantsin that moment. But when we can
authentically just be our true selves,like, we know what that feels like
when someone has not crossed our boundaries, and we know what it feels like
when someone's crossed our boundaries, right, So just tap in and tune in
intuitively to how that feels so thatyou can again have a healthier balance in
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life. So think about some ofthose weak or poor boundaries you know that
we have, and oftentimes it's mimickedbehavior. So we allow people to do
stuff because is how we grew upand this is what we've witnessed and we
think that that's okay behavior. Butwe again want to reassess what it is
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that we want, and we wantto assess some of the relationships that we
have. And I'm not saying thatyou're going to, you know, discard
everybody from your life. I don'tmean that at all. I'm just saying
that there's a way to move forward. In a relationship that feels stifling,
or in a relationship that doesn't feelbalanced, there is a way to move
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forward to create more of that balance, to be able to foster, you
know, a healthy relationship, tobe able to thrive in that relationship right,
Because you know, relationships can reallytry us. It can be very
challenging, but they can also beso rewarding. And if we think about
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it, we're not meant to beon this planet alone. So it's really
important to be able to have thosehealthy relationships and healthy boundaries so that we
can all thrive. So if welook at some of the situations, it
could be sometimes codependency. If we'recodependent on people, we can sometimes lack
those boundaries. So I really wantyou to find your value and your worth
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so that you don't need to lookto other people to find that validation,
because there's two things in life thathumans need. You know, there are
motivating factors which are the need forvalid validation and the need to feel significant.
Right, So these are core,deep core beliefs and needs that we
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have. Imagine this. Imagine beingable to validate yourself. Imagine Imagine what
it feels like to feel significant withouthaving to have anybody else do or say
or act in a certain way foryou to feel significant, for you to
feel validated, because that's the reality, is that you don't need that external
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force in order for you to thrive, because remember, you are an extraordinary
being. You were born into anextraordinary world, and you are extraordinary simply
by birthright. And we have allthese beliefs about ourselves and we're not good
enough, you know, we're tothis, we're to that, you know,
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fill in the blanks whatever that itfeels like to you. But we
also know, deep down in ourcore that that limited thinking, that negative
thinking about ourselves, that doesn't feelgood because it's not right, and there's
something inherently true about that. Soit's about being real and going to the
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feeling place, going to that feelingplace of what feels good to you and
set those boundaries. Set up aboundary to family, to friends and even
with your kids. Right, Andas I said, you might have some
pushback initially when you start to incorporatethose boundaries, and you don't have to
go too big with those boundaries inthe beginning, but as you start to
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create those, you'll find that itgets more and more comfortable. And like
for me, when I had saidthat it was so difficult for me to
say no to people, now Iactually enjoy being able to say no because
I know that when I say that, I'm empowering myself and I am putting
my needs first and I'm not beingheld down just because I feel like I
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have to do something because somebody elsethinks it's right. And I love to
help people. Believe me, Ilove to help people, and I do
that. But I also know thatwhen I'm at my limit and i feel
stretched, that it's okay for meto say no, and I will say
no. And so we want toencourage that to reduce the stress and sometimes
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the codependency, right, and toreduce even the expectations of others. Now,
think about, well, is itthe worst case scenario if somebody views
you a little bit differently than whatyou in the way that you from the
way that you want to be viewed. Right. So an example that I'm
(36:37):
thinking of is that, you know, I always wanted to be that person
that helped everybody, and I wantedpeople to love me and to think,
oh wow, this person is sohelpful. And so is it really that
horrible if somebody doesn't like me?Is it really so horrible if I'm not
that person that does everything for everybody? Well, not at all, right?
(37:00):
And can I live with that belief? Yes, of course. So
it's really just important to look atagain our situations and how we can thrive
in our environment and our daily environments. Build that confidence and your self esteem
and thrive, you know, starthaving the belief in yourself, the belief
(37:22):
that you deserve greatness, that youare greatness, and the belief that you
can set those boundaries and you're goingto be okay, and other people will
handle those boundaries. Okay, itdoesn't matter if some people don't love those
boundaries, they'll start to get usedto them when you are consistent. Now,
if you set a boundary and thenyou don't feel worthy of setting that
(37:42):
boundary or comfortable. By staying withit, then you're going to fall right
back into that old pattern. Andthen the people who are crossing those boundaries
are going to continue to do thatuntil we say this is it, this
is what I fact, and thisis what I'm going to you know,
allow from people because I think rememberthat we train people how to treat us.
(38:09):
So in life, if there isa situation where you don't like your
results, you want to look atyour behaviors, not other peoples, because
we could always blame other people.Well, I don't like this situation because
they cause this. This isn't rightbecause they did this to me. That's
blaming other people. And remember wetrain people how to treat us. So
(38:32):
if we don't like our results,it's really our lack of boundaries. It
is what we believe we deserve thatis really going to make the difference.
So I want to encourage you toreally step up this year, step up
and to embrace and to allow thegreatness that is right there for you.
(38:55):
To set those boundaries so that you'reputting your emotional well being first, so
that you can accomplish the things inlife that you want and that you value
right through your you know, youryour mind, through your emotional body,
through your physical body. And youknow we want to stay healthy, we
(39:16):
want to stay resilient, we wantto stay rooted and solid in our truth.
And that is the way to doit. So we're going to continue
here on the Mindset Mentor. Thankyou so much for joining me and tuning
in. I am so grateful tohave you, you know, listening to
the Mindset and Mentor, because myjob is to help you thrive. That
(39:42):
is my mission in life, isto help you unravel some of the limiting,
limited thinking that you have. BecauseI know what it feels like to
live a life where you play small. I know what it feels like to
be full of limiting beliefs and selfsabotage and constantly criticizing the self. And
(40:04):
I also know that if I canreprogram my mindset to thrive, that you
can do it. That you cando it too. You absolutely can,
because guess what you were born forgreatness? Stay with us. We'll be
back here on Saga nine sixty afterthis break stream us life at Saga nine
(40:35):
six am dot CA. Well,hello and welcome back to the Mindset Mentor.
I'm Tanya Kohler helping you cultivate alife you love and to live your
(41:00):
best life. Yes, I'm helpingyou live your best life in twenty twenty
four. This is a new year, and this is a year where you
are going to thrive because you're gonnamake that decision right here, right now,
that is what you deserve. Thereis no more feeling unworthy or having
(41:22):
this lack of belief in yourself.You're amazing, you are extraordinary. You
are a magnificent being, and Ireally want you to live that magnificent life.
I want you to step up,reach out and claim the magnificent life
that is right there for you,because yes, you deserve it. And
(41:44):
if you're listening to me right here, right now, this is for you.
You are worthy, you are lovable, and you can achieve everything that
you desire and that you want.We hold ourselves back from living to our
full potential because we just believe thatwe don't deserve it. And this is
(42:06):
a falsehood. Is a belief thatis old, it's worn out, it
doesn't even exist. It's something thathas been created and maybe passed down even
through the generations. But it isnot a belief that is true. So
I want you to live your truth. I want you to live a joyful
life and experience the best. Intwenty twenty four, you know, before
(42:30):
we took a break, we weretalking about setting boundaries and how difficult sometimes
setting boundaries can be, but howvaluable, how invaluable having boundaries are.
You know, we teach people howto treat us, and if we haven't
taught them the right way, thisis new training. This is the time
for retraining and setting those healthy boundariesand being able to share your feelings,
(42:55):
how you feel and what you need. That is really important into living our
best life is to be able toexpress, you know, when we're upset
and when we're hurt. You know, I don't know about you, but
I went through, you know,pretty much a lifetime of not ever sharing
my feelings, of not being ableto tell someone if I was upset because
I believe that, well, Ishouldn't be upset. I should always just
(43:19):
be happy. It was my jobto be happy, to keep everybody happy.
So if I showed that I wasupset, then that was kind of
taking away from somebody else's happiness.But that's ridiculous. It really is ridiculous.
And I recognize that, you know, I'm talking many decades in,
but it's it's so valuable to findthat self expression, to be able to
(43:40):
have a voice. Oh my gosh, it feels so good when you have
a voice, because it is stiflingwhen you don't share your truth, how
you feel, what you want,you know, your dreams, your hopes.
It's really really important to be ableto do that. So I hope
that you really will be able toshare, even just a little bit.
(44:01):
If you can't share with the peoplearound you, share with you know,
a group, you know, totake a look at some of the local
community groups in your area. Youknow, reach out, send me an
email if you really feel like youdon't have anyone that you can share something
with, and please send me anemail. You know, I want to
(44:22):
be here for you. I wantyou to start to be able to express
how you're feeling, and you cansend me an email at Tanya at tanyacolar
dot com. I'm more than happyto to, you know, be there
for you. I know that inmy own life it was really challenging to
sort of even acknowledge sometimes that youneed help. But the help is so
(44:46):
valuable, and the help could comethrough even just you know someone's response or
the listening ear or you know thewords that somebody that is helpful to you,
and then you know they'll respond.So I want you to do something
that feels uncomfortable for yourself this year. I want you to stretch past your
(45:10):
comfort zone and to know that youare greatness, and greatness is there for
you. And we want to becomfortable with feeling uncomfortable because nothing ever,
truly extraordinary happens when we're living ina comfort zone. So we want to
push those boundaries. We want tocreate boundaries, healthy boundaries in life,
(45:30):
but we also want to push pastthe boundaries that we have erected that are
really not even there. You know, there's these boundaries and these walls that
we've put up that we believe arebarriers, but they're not even there.
There's our it's our mindset, it'sour belief system that you know keeps us
stuck and behind those barriers. Sothis is your time to truly thrive and
(45:53):
to live your best life. Sosetting those healthy boundaries, pushing out and
past the boundaries outside of your comfortzone, and allowing that greatness to come
in and to enter your life,you know, and think about the possibilities
for yourself, the potential that isthere. I want you to start imagining
(46:16):
and visualizing the things that you wouldlike to create in your life. Maybe
do a list of the ten thingsthat are on your bucket list for this
year. And it doesn't even haveto be let's say, for this year.
It could be over several years.But start to write a list,
you know, and you don't haveto stop at ten. Keep on writing.
(46:37):
I feel like when we start towrite, allow that pen just to
continue to flow when those thoughts comeup, and see what comes out.
And you'll be surprised sometimes that ofthe things that you would like to accomplish,
it's you know, we always havethe answers within us, but we
don't really we're not able to hearthat or to to allow it to come
(47:00):
out if we don't pay attention.So pay attention, you know, write
it out and see what happens.Write that list, you know, give
yourself that quiet time, whether it'sin the morning or in the evening,
or anytime you have some like timefor yourself to really get absorbed in that
(47:21):
task of writing down the things thatyou want to incorporate into your life the
things that you want to do,the things that you want to have,
and you know the places that youwant to go. Write them all out
and know that you can achieve that. I want you to sort of be
comfortable with that thought of living yourbest life. Visualize it, feel confident,
(47:47):
feel that energy. I want youto start really believing in yourself right
and start, you know, questioningthat limiting belief system when it cross up
and tells you that you can't havethose things. You know, is that
voice? Whose voice is that thatyou're hearing? Is it your voice?
(48:07):
But who's behind that voice? Isit a parent's voice, you know?
Is it a teacher's voice. Somebodymight have said something to you in the
past that made you believe that youcould not have the things that you wanted
in life, or that you couldn'taccomplish the things that you wanted to accomplish
in life. So try to,you know, think to who's the voice
behind that thought that that's coming up, And oftentimes you will find that it's
(48:30):
not even your your your thoughts.So start being creative. Imagine all the
things that you want to do.What is the job that you would love
to have. What is the businessthat you would like to start. You
always want to start your own business. And if you want to start painting
or drawing or dance, you knowthat creative expression. What is it for
(48:52):
you that makes your heart sing?And so I want you to imagine without
any barriers, what you could achieveand what you could accomplish. So imagine
that if there was nothing standing inyour way, what would you be doing?
What is your passion? What isthe love? What makes your heart
(49:14):
sing and comes to and makes youcome to life? You know, these
are the things that we want toincorporate more of in our lives. And
it might feel really far out therefor you to do something like that,
to visualize yourself, so just totake one small action to get you there,
(49:35):
right, so you don't have togo all the way to the end
goal. If you can imagine yourselfat the end goal, what can you
do, what small action or whatsmall visualization can you do to start to
get you to that point of believingin yourself? Right? If that small
steps, it's those small steps inlife that lead to the monumental shifts and
(49:58):
change that is is extraordinary in ourlives. So I want you to dare
to dream, Dare to be thebest version of yourself because you deserve it.
Dare to bake, break the barriers, dare to step outside that comfort
zone that has kept you safe andplaying small. Because you are an extraordinary
(50:22):
being born into an absolutely extraordinary world. So I want you to reach out
and claim the extraordinary life that ismeant for you in twenty twenty four.
This is your year. And rememberthat if you're listening right now, you
are meant to hear these words.You are worthy, you are lovable,
(50:47):
and you deserve Thank you so muchfor tuning in to the Mindset Mentor.
It is my absolute joy to beable to share with you and to inspire
you to live your best life becauseyou deserve it. Stay tuned for more
of great listening here on SAGA ninesixty. Tune in Thursdays at three pm
(51:15):
for more of the Mindset Mentor Andif you'd like to watch a video of
some of the Mindset Mentor shows,please have a look at my YouTube channel.
It's Tanya Colar on YouTube and thenyou can check back to some of
the episodes where my guests motivate,inspire, and ignite your passions. So
(51:36):
that you can live your best life. More coming up here on Saga nine
six. I'm Tanya Colar. NoRadio, No Problem. Stream is live
on Saga nine am dot co
The views expressed in the following programare those of the participants and do not
necessarily reflect the views of Saga ninesixty am or its management. Well,
(00:21):
hello and welcome to the Mindset mentor. I'm your host, Tanya Kohler,
helping you live your best life.That is my job, that is my
mission. I am here to inspireyou to truly live your best life.
As we head into a brand newyear twenty twenty four, this is the
(00:43):
time when we start to think aboutour goals and our objectives, what it
is that we want to achieve,to accomplish, to have, to do,
to be. And you know,oftentimes it is our thinking, our
perceptions that keep us stuck into thebelief that we don't deserve, that we
(01:06):
are not good enough, or thatwe can't have things that we want or
desire to have, to be,to do. And it's that limiting thinking
that can be transmuted. And soI'm super excited today to have this conversation
with you. So I'm so gladthat you're tuning in. You are listening
(01:29):
for a reason, if you're hearingmy voice right now, this is for
you. So welcome, super excitedto have you joining me, this is
an opportunity for you to now startliving a life that feels good, that
feels worthy of you, that isreally going to allow you to thrive,
(01:53):
to shine, to be your bestself. So the thing is that oftentimes
we feel as though we have todo something in order for us to be
better, to start to deserve thethings that we want. Well, let
(02:15):
me tell you something. You areabsolutely perfect the way that you are.
You are so perfect. Mistakes andall, because guess what, we all
make mistakes. We are human,and that is just a part of life
that we're going to be here onthis planet working through some of our challenges
(02:38):
and our mistakes or more appropriately areperceived mistakes, because they are they really
mistakes. I think that you know, we're all learning as we go and
through life, And isn't that partof the journey, having those situations that
(02:58):
keep us on our toes and usmoving forward and paying attention to life.
Oftentimes those things that happen are ahuge wake up call and shake us sometimes
to our core. Was it notreally the fun moments in life where you're
truly shaken to your core by circumstancessituations that happen, and it can be
(03:23):
really challenging to be able to getthrough to the other side, or to
even see that you can get throughto the other side. But I promise
you, no matter what challenges you'regoing through, you can get through this
and you will get through to theother side. You know, in my
own life, I look at someof my greatest challenges and yeah, boy,
(03:49):
I tell you there's some doozies inthere that really threw me for a
loop. And I look back onthose challenges and I I know that they're
blessings and they are opportunities that reallyhelped me to become the best version of
(04:09):
myself. And where I am todayversus where I was many years ago was
not even close. I lived avery you know, limited life, I
would say, through my own thoughtsand my actions of not believing that I
was worthy enough to have good thingshappening in my life, or I you
(04:33):
know, I was really afraid ofoutshining other people because I felt that by
me succeeding or excelling in anything wasactually taking away somebody else's joy or success.
And I felt like it was myjob to make everybody else happy.
(04:54):
And as I say that, andI'm imagining. There's so many listeners out
there right now who can rely towhat I'm saying, And I think that
a lot of parents have that sortof belief that you know, you put
everybody else's happiness first, your familyas a priority, but it's so important,
you know, it's not even important. It's essential that you put yourself
(05:16):
first. I know so many peoplestill today feel like that's a selfish or
self centered way of being, butit's actually the most selfless thing that you
can do. It is the mostvaluable thing that you can do for yourself,
is to be authentic and to reallyunderstand your own needs and to not
(05:40):
ignore them or suppress them, becausethat's where a lot of the disease happens.
You can call it disease or diseasein the body, where we start
to suppress our feelings and our emotions. And that never feels good, does
it. Think about it? Imean, if you are doing that for
(06:02):
decades, what is the cost toyour mental health? What is the cost
to your physical health when you areconstantly burying your needs and your wants and
just even your worthiness. I findit really interesting that even sometimes people have
(06:28):
a hard time even just imagining thatthey're worthy of having the successes that they
want in life. And I alsospeak from experience because that was me.
That was me at one point.I absolutely believed that I was meant to
suffer in this life and suffer morethan most people. And that was my
(06:50):
own way of thinking and my ownbelief system that I adopted through my surroundings
and growing up. And I justfelt like it was my to take care
of everybody. And you have tolook at it and think that, I
mean, it's wonderful to be ableto uplift people and to make them have
(07:11):
a really fantastic day, but notat the expense of yourself. So if
you are operating, you know,with the intentions of helping other people,
but it's costing you your mental health, then you want to look at that
situation and you want to recalibrate whereyou are so that you are able to
(07:32):
help other people but also to helpyourself in the process because you deserve it.
You one thousand percent deserve the bestlife and to feel worthy and to
feel excited about life and to knowthat there is greatness for you because you
were born into an extraordinary world.And so guess what just by birth alone,
(07:58):
by right, you deserve to livean extraordinary life. And I want
you to just sort of step outof your own way in the belief system,
in the thinking, in the criticism, the self criticism. Oh my
goodness, we can be our ownworst critics. So when is the last
(08:20):
time you encouraged yourself? When isthe last time you gave yourself permission to
be, to play, to love, to have fun. That playfulness,
I think, really sort of eludesus sometimes through the stresses of life.
As we head into adulthood, weforgot how to play because the stresses of
(08:46):
every day living sort of took over. And I think it's important to sort
of take a pause, to takea break and to say, well,
hold on a second. I wantto have that joyful playfulness exuding through my
being again and incorporate more fun.And that's a lesson that I've been learning.
(09:09):
I still need to learn it.I'm not quite there yet. I'm
focusing this year on having more fun, being more playful, because I can
tell you, my goodness, Ican be so serious, really serious,
and you know, life is aboutthe balance. So when we're being serious
(09:33):
all the time, it doesn't allowus room for other things, and so
sometimes we just have to take apause and sort of look at what we're
doing and how we're being so thatwe can make the changes that will help
us propel ourselves forward in an empoweringway and by choice and not by the
(09:54):
obligation or through responsibilities. So atthe end of the day, of course,
we all have responsibilities, and wehave things that we need to do,
and we have to earn an income. We have to survive. I
mean, there's life experiences that happen, right, and then in order to
live on this planet, I mean, you know, we obviously have to
(10:16):
have income and there has to besome parameters. But at the same token,
you know, we can forget aboutour needs and our wants and completely
lose ourselves in the mundane tasks andjust go through our day doing the necessities,
and so we forget that, wellwait a second, there is that
joy on the other side of it. So I really want to remind you
(10:39):
as we head into this year,let's make it our best year. I
don't know about you, but Iam super excited about this year. There's
so many great things actually that havealready happened, and I think it's really
important that as we start to lookat some of the things that are happening
(11:01):
or that we're trying to make happen, you want to acknowledge yourself for where
you are and where you're at andfrom the progress that you've made in life.
So I look back on a lotof the experiences in my life and
I'm talking, you know, decadesand go decades back, and there's things
(11:22):
that I've done in my life thatwere a dream for me decades ago,
and I have to remind myself thatsometimes that I've accomplished those things, and
it feels amazing because I can losemyself in the day to day, just
(11:43):
like everybody else. We lose ourselvesin the day to day, and that
we really don't appreciate the successes thatwe've had. It's so important to really
acknowledge your wins and your successes.Don't forget those, and they don't have
to be monumental. It could bethe small little thing. It can be
small, but it feels so greatwhen you can acknowledge that success, you
(12:07):
know, and when we can reallyacknowledge ourselves for those successes. Guess what
happens is that we start to allowmore success to be drawn to us through
our belief system, through our understanding. And it feels so good. And
that is my goal for you fortwenty twenty four is for you to feel
(12:31):
not only good, but I wantyou to feel great because you deserve it.
There is greatness within every single oneof us, and we forget that
because of our challenges in life andbecause of our responsibilities, and because maybe
you believe that you know you're notworthy because somebody told you that you've held
(12:52):
onto a belief system you've held ontoo. Sometimes a word, it could
be a word that was said toyou, a word that has completely impacted
your life. And so think aboutthis. Those moments that have impacted us
greatly like that sometimes have really takena tool in our confidence. But if
(13:13):
something can take that kind of atool on your confidence, think about the
opposite. What can you do foryourself that could have the biggest impact.
What sentence can you say? Whatsentence can you affirm to yourself so that
you know that you also are worthyand deserving and can attract that good in
(13:41):
your life and replace some of thatold programming that we have. It's those
limiting beliefs that narrative that incessantly,alloud, overbearing loop that plays over in
our mind about a word that somebodysaid, a sentence somebody said, or
something that you did. Even wecan hold on to things that we've done
(14:03):
and we beat ourselves up for itand think, well, I shouldn't have
done that, Why did I saythat? Why did I do that?
And then it creates that loop andthat pattern, and we play that over
and over and over again. Soit's like you're punishing yourself for things that
have already happened, and you're repunishingyourself and you know it's already happened.
So we can't go back and changeit, but we can look at how
(14:24):
we behave and how we perceive thatexperience. So what if that experience that
you had that you think is terrible, that thing that you said that you
think, you know, I wishI didn't say that, Well, what
if it wasn't as bad as youthink? What if there was a reason
(14:46):
behind it. Maybe you were helpingsomebody else along their journey and that experience
had to happen in order for themto also learn their lesson. You know,
don't forget that we all were coexistingon this planet, we're learning constantly
from each other. We're either learningor we're teaching. And most of the
times that we don't even know theimpact that we have, but we always
(15:09):
have an impact on people. Itcould be the people who are closest to
us in our lives, our tribe, so to speak. It could be
strangers. And I look at someof the experiences that I've had, and
oh my goodness, some of themost valuable lessons that I have learned have
come from absolute complete strangers, whichjust allowed me a new way of thinking.
(15:33):
It challenged my belief system. Andwe are faced with these situations sometimes
to just challenge our thinking and say, well, wait a minute, is
this really true? Is this right? Is this thinking correct? You know?
I know, for for me andmy experiences, there was a time
when I mean, my self worthwas so low that I really believe that,
(15:58):
you know, I didn't deserve prettymuch anything. And so when I
had help in life, I wouldchallenge it and I was it was unfamiliar
and it wasn't comfortable. And inlife we choose what is familiar to us,
and those familiar patterns so not alwayseasy, They don't always feel good
and They're not always the best choice, but they're what we are comfortable with,
(16:21):
and it's why we choose them.And I would say that as we
head into this new year, atthe beginning, we're at the very beginning
of a new year, which isa new opportunity. I want you to
start allowing the good to come inand to flow into your life. The
abundance of the universe, the limitlessnessof the universe is here for you to
(16:47):
tap into. So to shed thoselimiting beliefs, you want to start to
acknowledge them and pay attention to thepatterns that we have in life. It's
the patterns that really keep us staffand playing that same story over and over
and over again. So I wantyou to ask yourself, is it time
(17:08):
to start a new story? Areyou done with feeling blocked and limited and
stuck in your life? You know, if things are going well for you,
fantastic, how do you stay onthat momentum? How do you keep
your vibration high? Are the questionsyou want to ask yourself so that you
(17:32):
can maintain that and then surpass that, Because it really is a matter of
our mindset and our conditioning and whatwe believe is possible for ourselves. So
sometimes we just feel like things couldnever get any better than this, We've
reached the pinnacle. But remember thatthere is no limit. There is no
limit to the abundance of the universeand whatever that looks like for you,
(17:56):
whatever it is that you want anddesire, there's no limits. It's a
or our mindset and our thinking thatkeeps us stuck and sets the limits.
It's like we have this this thermometerright so, also known as let's say,
a set point. So we havea set point of the happiness that
we feel we deserve. We havea set point for our financial abundance,
(18:22):
we have a set point for ourcareer, you know, our aspirations,
whatever it is is that that setpoint is what feels familiar to us.
And it's so important to be ableto shift that set point, you know,
bring it up so that you cannow start to incorporate more of the
things and have the things that youdesire, do the things that you want
(18:45):
to have you know, in yourlife, do the things that make you
happy at your core, your authenticcore truth. And we always know when
we get to that space because thingsjust feel so good. We also know
what it feels like when things don'tfeel good and we feel stuck and we
feel hindered, and that just inhibitsus in our life in so many ways.
(19:11):
It trickles down into every aspect ofour lives. Do you notice that?
Do you ever see that pattern thathappens? It's not just in one
area, and we could be thrivingin one area, but if we start
to look at you know, andbreak it down, you're going to start
to see a pattern right that youknow, in most areas, let's say,
we're going to have that same patterning. And for some reason, you
(19:34):
have a belief system when you arethriving in one area that there's a reason
you're thriving that area, and youdon't allow yourself to thrive in the others.
So you want to look at whatit is, what thought pattern what
what language patterning? Do we saythat holds us back? So it's really
important to listen to language patterning,you know, it's really telling as to
(19:59):
what's going on on, you know, in our internal world when we start
to pay attention to the words thatwe say. And that's what I refer
to when I'm talking about language patterning, it's that the repetition of our language.
Our patterns are words that we sayconsistently. And for me it was
quite interesting because I've I learned thatI had some patterns. And one of
(20:22):
the things that I found myself sayingoften was just as a response to like
someone's let's say, sharing a storyand you know it doesn't have the best
outcome, I would say, ohthat's mortifying, that's mortifying, or I'm
mortified. Oh this happened and I'mmortified. I did this and I'm mortified,
(20:44):
or it was mortifying. So Irealized that that's a pretty intense word,
and then I start to look atwell, is that situation really mortifying?
Is what was said? Mortifying?Is what I did? Mortify?
No? Not, it wasn't.And so that language patterning stems from childhood.
(21:06):
So in a situation in childhood thatI found to be mortifying, I
carried that through decades and that wasjust a natural response to say it's mortifying.
So these are the language patterns thatcan really hold us back. It's
(21:26):
such a huge way. That's whyI just, you know, I really
want to encourage you to start lookingat your limiting beliefs. Listening to that
self criticism that happens, and whatis that language patterning? Try to dissolve
that language so you can incorporate somethingthat is actually going to serve you versus
(21:48):
hinder you. Because in every moment, we have a choice, and I
want you to choose. I wantyou to choose the best for you.
I want you to break through thosepatterns and the limiting beliefs that are getting
in your way of success, thatare holding you back. This is a
new year, this is your opportunityto absolutely thrive. And as I mentioned,
(22:15):
if you're tuning in and you're listeningto me right now, you're listening
for a reason. You are meantto hear my words. I want you
to be your best self, thebest version of you, because nobody can
do it like you. There isnobody on this planet that is like you.
Everybody is unique. There's eight billionpeople on this planet and there's no
(22:38):
two people alike. And I wantyou to truly thrive, to know your
value and your worth because you deservegreatness, you are greatness. And so
we're going to take a break hereon the mindset mentor and we will be
back with more ways to thrive intwenty twenty four, as we are,
(22:59):
you know, at the start ofa brand new year. This is a
brand new you and a brand newopportunity to bring in the greatness that you
deserve. We'll be back after this. Stay tuned. You're listening to the
Mindset Mentor here on SAGA nine sixtyNo Radio, No Problem. Stream is
(23:27):
live on SAGA nine six am dotcol Welcome back to the Mindset Mentor.
I'm Tanya Kohlar, helping you liveyour best life. As we well,
(23:53):
before we took a break, wewere talking about what are you a belief
system is and our language patterning andwhat sort of hold us back from living
our best life? And because here'sthe thing is that you can live your
best life. You are absolutely extraordinaryfrom your core being, and you deserve
(24:17):
to live an extraordinary life. Andone of the reasons that we find ourselves
in a situation where we're not livingto our full potential, or that we're
not enjoying life the way that weshould be enjoying life is that we have
set up a system where we allowothers to take advantage of us, or
we you know, don't have healthyboundaries. We let others sometimes walk all
(24:42):
over us and not intentionally. Mostof the time, it's really unconscious and
we don't even realize that these areare the patterns that we have. But
it's really important to start looking atyour situations in life and start stepping up
and start having a voice and settyingthose boundaries. You know, when we
(25:06):
start to set boundaries, it's reallyinteresting to see what happens with the people
around us because they will behave differentlyand sometimes it takes a little bit of
adjusting on their part as well.You know, people don't like it when
we change. I mean, justin general, humans do not like change.
You don't take it very well.So when you present change to other
(25:29):
people, they have a hard timeand it's like their feathers are a little
ruffled, right, It takes alittle while for them to settle back down.
But it's really important to incorporate healthyboundaries so you can look at your
life and dissect the scenarios or somescenarios and see where you could use some
improvement or where you could actually setboundaries, because sometimes there are no boundaries
(25:55):
and you allow people just to do, you know, whatever, They're being
dis respectful, they're being rude,You know they're or they're treating you poorly.
So those weak boundaries, you know, give us weak results. So
we want to strengthen our boundaries sothat we can truly live a life that
is reflective of the things that wewant, not the things that we don't
(26:15):
want, but the things that wewant. So you want to start with
setting even just a few boundaries.If you incorporate even one boundary that is
lacking in your life today, youwill see a huge transformation. So,
you know, oftentimes we just feellike we need to put other people first
and we just forget about, youknow, our own wants and needs,
(26:37):
and the boundaries sort of are blurred. There are no boundaries at that point,
right. So it could be assimple as having somebody talk over you
all the time, and if youallow them to keep on doing that,
that makes you feel like your voiceis not important, that what you have
to say or what you think isinvaluable, and that could not be further
(26:57):
from the truth. Our opinion isvaluable. Your opinion counts, It counts
more than you realize, and youwant to be able to set those boundaries,
that clear, clear boundary that youwill no longer tolerate that behavior.
So it's sometimes just simply a matterof allowing someone, you know, the
(27:21):
opportunity to see that they have crossedthat boundary, because oftentimes people just don't
even realize that there are patterns thatwe that we do that we all have
in life. We just kind ofoperate on road till we just keep on
going and if it works for us, we're going to continue to do that.
Whether it's a good or a badsort of you know, movement,
we just will keep on doing thatwhatever we can get away with essentially does
(27:47):
that make sense? So we wantto just be calm and firm and very
clear about what we need because thoseboundaries, or sorry, I should say,
the lack of boundaries, is reallyabout not being able to effectively portray
(28:07):
what it is that we want right, So we have failed to be able
to express that, and therefore thatbehavior just continues. So, as I
mentioned, somebody may have a habitof talking over you, and you can
just simply tell them that you knowwhen they talk over you, that this
is how you feel whatever that feelsto you. It could be that you
feel disrespected when somebody's talking over you, so you want to let them know
(28:32):
that if they continue to do thatand talk over you, then you're going
to have to end that conversation.You know, you've immediately set a boundary.
And I know that could sound really, really hard for some of you
listening right now to be able toset that boundary if you have not had
a voice and you haven't been ableto express yourself no. I remember years
(28:56):
ago, I have a really difficulttime saying no to people if people asked
me to do things. You know, I had a really hard time saying
no because I didn't want to hurtanybody's feelings. I didn't want to disappoint
anyone because I remember earlier I talkedabout how it was my job to keep
everybody happy, and so I feltlike a horrible person if I didn't do
(29:18):
you know, what other people wantedme to do. And it took a
long time for me to set thoseboundaries and to actually be able to say
no when I didn't feel like doingsomething. And I remember literally, you
know, shaking the first time Isaid no to a friend of mine,
And like my knees were shaking,my whole body was shaking because I was
(29:41):
terrified to be able to say no, because I was terrified of the consequences,
and I was terrified of what they'regoing to think about me. And
I didn't want to be that personwho was you know, unlovable or unlikable
or that you know, I wasn'taccommodating. So it was a real ch
challenge for me to be able tosay no. But what I learned from
(30:03):
that experience is that I was settinga very healthy boundary for myself and I
wasn't over committing myself to things thatI didn't want to do. And I
was able from that experience to beable to say no, you know,
a lot more and to be okaywith saying no. I learned how to
(30:27):
be okay with saying no. Infact, I enjoyed it. I got
to a point, believe it ornot, I know you will too,
that you'll start to recognize how powerfulthe word no is and how powerful it
is setting those boundaries. And thoseboundaries, you know, could be in
so many different areas in your life, you know, relationships, you know,
(30:49):
career, with your kids, Imean everything. There's a whole range
of experiences where we can start toincorporate boundaries if we haven't had any or
incorporate some more if we have someor that if we have weak boundaries,
we want to strengthen those boundaries sothat we can move forward powerfully. And
(31:10):
it's not about you know, beingrude and just saying no to things,
because you know you're just automatically goingto say no. It's not that's not
what I mean. But we allknow those moments that you've, let's say,
been asked to do something and somethingjust doesn't feel right, but we
do it anyway because we have thisbelief that somebody's expectation of us is greater
(31:36):
than our own needs and our wantsin that moment. But when we can
authentically just be our true selves,like, we know what that feels like
when someone has not crossed our boundaries, and we know what it feels like
when someone's crossed our boundaries, right, So just tap in and tune in
intuitively to how that feels so thatyou can again have a healthier balance in
(32:00):
life. So think about some ofthose weak or poor boundaries you know that
we have, and oftentimes it's mimickedbehavior. So we allow people to do
stuff because is how we grew upand this is what we've witnessed and we
think that that's okay behavior. Butwe again want to reassess what it is
(32:23):
that we want, and we wantto assess some of the relationships that we
have. And I'm not saying thatyou're going to, you know, discard
everybody from your life. I don'tmean that at all. I'm just saying
that there's a way to move forward. In a relationship that feels stifling,
or in a relationship that doesn't feelbalanced, there is a way to move
(32:44):
forward to create more of that balance, to be able to foster, you
know, a healthy relationship, tobe able to thrive in that relationship right,
Because you know, relationships can reallytry us. It can be very
challenging, but they can also beso rewarding. And if we think about
(33:06):
it, we're not meant to beon this planet alone. So it's really
important to be able to have thosehealthy relationships and healthy boundaries so that we
can all thrive. So if welook at some of the situations, it
could be sometimes codependency. If we'recodependent on people, we can sometimes lack
those boundaries. So I really wantyou to find your value and your worth
(33:34):
so that you don't need to lookto other people to find that validation,
because there's two things in life thathumans need. You know, there are
motivating factors which are the need forvalid validation and the need to feel significant.
Right, So these are core,deep core beliefs and needs that we
(33:57):
have. Imagine this. Imagine beingable to validate yourself. Imagine Imagine what
it feels like to feel significant withouthaving to have anybody else do or say
or act in a certain way foryou to feel significant, for you to
feel validated, because that's the reality, is that you don't need that external
(34:22):
force in order for you to thrive, because remember, you are an extraordinary
being. You were born into anextraordinary world, and you are extraordinary simply
by birthright. And we have allthese beliefs about ourselves and we're not good
enough, you know, we're tothis, we're to that, you know,
(34:43):
fill in the blanks whatever that itfeels like to you. But we
also know, deep down in ourcore that that limited thinking, that negative
thinking about ourselves, that doesn't feelgood because it's not right, and there's
something inherently true about that. Soit's about being real and going to the
(35:05):
feeling place, going to that feelingplace of what feels good to you and
set those boundaries. Set up aboundary to family, to friends and even
with your kids. Right, Andas I said, you might have some
pushback initially when you start to incorporatethose boundaries, and you don't have to
go too big with those boundaries inthe beginning, but as you start to
(35:29):
create those, you'll find that itgets more and more comfortable. And like
for me, when I had saidthat it was so difficult for me to
say no to people, now Iactually enjoy being able to say no because
I know that when I say that, I'm empowering myself and I am putting
my needs first and I'm not beingheld down just because I feel like I
(35:52):
have to do something because somebody elsethinks it's right. And I love to
help people. Believe me, Ilove to help people, and I do
that. But I also know thatwhen I'm at my limit and i feel
stretched, that it's okay for meto say no, and I will say
no. And so we want toencourage that to reduce the stress and sometimes
(36:15):
the codependency, right, and toreduce even the expectations of others. Now,
think about, well, is itthe worst case scenario if somebody views
you a little bit differently than whatyou in the way that you from the
way that you want to be viewed. Right. So an example that I'm
(36:37):
thinking of is that, you know, I always wanted to be that person
that helped everybody, and I wantedpeople to love me and to think,
oh wow, this person is sohelpful. And so is it really that
horrible if somebody doesn't like me?Is it really so horrible if I'm not
that person that does everything for everybody? Well, not at all, right?
(37:00):
And can I live with that belief? Yes, of course. So
it's really just important to look atagain our situations and how we can thrive
in our environment and our daily environments. Build that confidence and your self esteem
and thrive, you know, starthaving the belief in yourself, the belief
(37:22):
that you deserve greatness, that youare greatness, and the belief that you
can set those boundaries and you're goingto be okay, and other people will
handle those boundaries. Okay, itdoesn't matter if some people don't love those
boundaries, they'll start to get usedto them when you are consistent. Now,
if you set a boundary and thenyou don't feel worthy of setting that
(37:42):
boundary or comfortable. By staying withit, then you're going to fall right
back into that old pattern. Andthen the people who are crossing those boundaries
are going to continue to do thatuntil we say this is it, this
is what I fact, and thisis what I'm going to you know,
allow from people because I think rememberthat we train people how to treat us.
(38:09):
So in life, if there isa situation where you don't like your
results, you want to look atyour behaviors, not other peoples, because
we could always blame other people.Well, I don't like this situation because
they cause this. This isn't rightbecause they did this to me. That's
blaming other people. And remember wetrain people how to treat us. So
(38:32):
if we don't like our results,it's really our lack of boundaries. It
is what we believe we deserve thatis really going to make the difference.
So I want to encourage you toreally step up this year, step up
and to embrace and to allow thegreatness that is right there for you.
(38:55):
To set those boundaries so that you'reputting your emotional well being first, so
that you can accomplish the things inlife that you want and that you value
right through your you know, youryour mind, through your emotional body,
through your physical body. And youknow we want to stay healthy, we
(39:16):
want to stay resilient, we wantto stay rooted and solid in our truth.
And that is the way to doit. So we're going to continue
here on the Mindset Mentor. Thankyou so much for joining me and tuning
in. I am so grateful tohave you, you know, listening to
the Mindset and Mentor, because myjob is to help you thrive. That
(39:42):
is my mission in life, isto help you unravel some of the limiting,
limited thinking that you have. BecauseI know what it feels like to
live a life where you play small. I know what it feels like to
be full of limiting beliefs and selfsabotage and constantly criticizing the self. And
(40:04):
I also know that if I canreprogram my mindset to thrive, that you
can do it. That you cando it too. You absolutely can,
because guess what you were born forgreatness? Stay with us. We'll be
back here on Saga nine sixty afterthis break stream us life at Saga nine
(40:35):
six am dot CA. Well,hello and welcome back to the Mindset Mentor.
I'm Tanya Kohler helping you cultivate alife you love and to live your
(41:00):
best life. Yes, I'm helpingyou live your best life in twenty twenty
four. This is a new year, and this is a year where you
are going to thrive because you're gonnamake that decision right here, right now,
that is what you deserve. Thereis no more feeling unworthy or having
(41:22):
this lack of belief in yourself.You're amazing, you are extraordinary. You
are a magnificent being, and Ireally want you to live that magnificent life.
I want you to step up,reach out and claim the magnificent life
that is right there for you,because yes, you deserve it. And
(41:44):
if you're listening to me right here, right now, this is for you.
You are worthy, you are lovable, and you can achieve everything that
you desire and that you want.We hold ourselves back from living to our
full potential because we just believe thatwe don't deserve it. And this is
(42:06):
a falsehood. Is a belief thatis old, it's worn out, it
doesn't even exist. It's something thathas been created and maybe passed down even
through the generations. But it isnot a belief that is true. So
I want you to live your truth. I want you to live a joyful
life and experience the best. Intwenty twenty four, you know, before
(42:30):
we took a break, we weretalking about setting boundaries and how difficult sometimes
setting boundaries can be, but howvaluable, how invaluable having boundaries are.
You know, we teach people howto treat us, and if we haven't
taught them the right way, thisis new training. This is the time
for retraining and setting those healthy boundariesand being able to share your feelings,
(42:55):
how you feel and what you need. That is really important into living our
best life is to be able toexpress, you know, when we're upset
and when we're hurt. You know, I don't know about you, but
I went through, you know,pretty much a lifetime of not ever sharing
my feelings, of not being ableto tell someone if I was upset because
I believe that, well, Ishouldn't be upset. I should always just
(43:19):
be happy. It was my jobto be happy, to keep everybody happy.
So if I showed that I wasupset, then that was kind of
taking away from somebody else's happiness.But that's ridiculous. It really is ridiculous.
And I recognize that, you know, I'm talking many decades in,
but it's it's so valuable to findthat self expression, to be able to
(43:40):
have a voice. Oh my gosh, it feels so good when you have
a voice, because it is stiflingwhen you don't share your truth, how
you feel, what you want,you know, your dreams, your hopes.
It's really really important to be ableto do that. So I hope
that you really will be able toshare, even just a little bit.
(44:01):
If you can't share with the peoplearound you, share with you know,
a group, you know, totake a look at some of the local
community groups in your area. Youknow, reach out, send me an
email if you really feel like youdon't have anyone that you can share something
with, and please send me anemail. You know, I want to
(44:22):
be here for you. I wantyou to start to be able to express
how you're feeling, and you cansend me an email at Tanya at tanyacolar
dot com. I'm more than happyto to, you know, be there
for you. I know that inmy own life it was really challenging to
sort of even acknowledge sometimes that youneed help. But the help is so
(44:46):
valuable, and the help could comethrough even just you know someone's response or
the listening ear or you know thewords that somebody that is helpful to you,
and then you know they'll respond.So I want you to do something
that feels uncomfortable for yourself this year. I want you to stretch past your
(45:10):
comfort zone and to know that youare greatness, and greatness is there for
you. And we want to becomfortable with feeling uncomfortable because nothing ever,
truly extraordinary happens when we're living ina comfort zone. So we want to
push those boundaries. We want tocreate boundaries, healthy boundaries in life,
(45:30):
but we also want to push pastthe boundaries that we have erected that are
really not even there. You know, there's these boundaries and these walls that
we've put up that we believe arebarriers, but they're not even there.
There's our it's our mindset, it'sour belief system that you know keeps us
stuck and behind those barriers. Sothis is your time to truly thrive and
(45:53):
to live your best life. Sosetting those healthy boundaries, pushing out and
past the boundaries outside of your comfortzone, and allowing that greatness to come
in and to enter your life,you know, and think about the possibilities
for yourself, the potential that isthere. I want you to start imagining
(46:16):
and visualizing the things that you wouldlike to create in your life. Maybe
do a list of the ten thingsthat are on your bucket list for this
year. And it doesn't even haveto be let's say, for this year.
It could be over several years.But start to write a list,
you know, and you don't haveto stop at ten. Keep on writing.
(46:37):
I feel like when we start towrite, allow that pen just to
continue to flow when those thoughts comeup, and see what comes out.
And you'll be surprised sometimes that ofthe things that you would like to accomplish,
it's you know, we always havethe answers within us, but we
don't really we're not able to hearthat or to to allow it to come
(47:00):
out if we don't pay attention.So pay attention, you know, write
it out and see what happens.Write that list, you know, give
yourself that quiet time, whether it'sin the morning or in the evening,
or anytime you have some like timefor yourself to really get absorbed in that
(47:21):
task of writing down the things thatyou want to incorporate into your life the
things that you want to do,the things that you want to have,
and you know the places that youwant to go. Write them all out
and know that you can achieve that. I want you to sort of be
comfortable with that thought of living yourbest life. Visualize it, feel confident,
(47:47):
feel that energy. I want youto start really believing in yourself right
and start, you know, questioningthat limiting belief system when it cross up
and tells you that you can't havethose things. You know, is that
voice? Whose voice is that thatyou're hearing? Is it your voice?
(48:07):
But who's behind that voice? Isit a parent's voice, you know?
Is it a teacher's voice. Somebodymight have said something to you in the
past that made you believe that youcould not have the things that you wanted
in life, or that you couldn'taccomplish the things that you wanted to accomplish
in life. So try to,you know, think to who's the voice
behind that thought that that's coming up, And oftentimes you will find that it's
(48:30):
not even your your your thoughts.So start being creative. Imagine all the
things that you want to do.What is the job that you would love
to have. What is the businessthat you would like to start. You
always want to start your own business. And if you want to start painting
or drawing or dance, you knowthat creative expression. What is it for
(48:52):
you that makes your heart sing?And so I want you to imagine without
any barriers, what you could achieveand what you could accomplish. So imagine
that if there was nothing standing inyour way, what would you be doing?
What is your passion? What isthe love? What makes your heart
(49:14):
sing and comes to and makes youcome to life? You know, these
are the things that we want toincorporate more of in our lives. And
it might feel really far out therefor you to do something like that,
to visualize yourself, so just totake one small action to get you there,
(49:35):
right, so you don't have togo all the way to the end
goal. If you can imagine yourselfat the end goal, what can you
do, what small action or whatsmall visualization can you do to start to
get you to that point of believingin yourself? Right? If that small
steps, it's those small steps inlife that lead to the monumental shifts and
(49:58):
change that is is extraordinary in ourlives. So I want you to dare
to dream, Dare to be thebest version of yourself because you deserve it.
Dare to bake, break the barriers, dare to step outside that comfort
zone that has kept you safe andplaying small. Because you are an extraordinary
(50:22):
being born into an absolutely extraordinary world. So I want you to reach out
and claim the extraordinary life that ismeant for you in twenty twenty four.
This is your year. And rememberthat if you're listening right now, you
are meant to hear these words.You are worthy, you are lovable,
(50:47):
and you deserve Thank you so muchfor tuning in to the Mindset Mentor.
It is my absolute joy to beable to share with you and to inspire
you to live your best life becauseyou deserve it. Stay tuned for more
of great listening here on SAGA ninesixty. Tune in Thursdays at three pm
(51:15):
for more of the Mindset Mentor Andif you'd like to watch a video of
some of the Mindset Mentor shows,please have a look at my YouTube channel.
It's Tanya Colar on YouTube and thenyou can check back to some of
the episodes where my guests motivate,inspire, and ignite your passions. So
(51:36):
that you can live your best life. More coming up here on Saga nine
six. I'm Tanya Colar. NoRadio, No Problem. Stream is live
on Saga nine am dot co
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