Mindset Mentor - Epi 119 - A Curated Cause’ Cancer Heroes

In this episode, 5-time bestselling author, Shhirn Ariff shares her latest book Cancer Heroes. One of the co-authors, Pat LaBez also joins Tania to share her cancer journey...

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The views expressed in the following programare those of the participants and do not
necessarily reflect the views of Saga ninesixty am or its management. Well,

(00:20):
hello and welcome to the Mindset mentor. I'm your host, Tanya Kohlar,
helping you cultivate a life you love. Yes, that is right. You
deserve to reach out and claim thatextraordinary life that is there for you.
Super excited about my guest today,Sharin Arif. She is a multi best

(00:42):
selling author, five time best sellingauthor actually, and a new book coming
out called Cancer Heroes and my goodness. You know, it's incredible to see
how many heroes are among us everyday. I think sometimes when we hear
the word hero we think that somebodyhas to do all of these extraordinary things

(01:02):
and dedicate a lifelong commitment to someparticular cause or something. But heroes are
among us every single day, andwe're going to hear about some of those
incredible heroes. And I know there'sheroes in your life and you may be
the hero listening right now. Willstay tuned because you've got lots of inspiration
coming up. So my guest,Scharine Sharen, It's such a pleasure to

(01:26):
have you joining us today. Thankyou and welcome back. By the way,
you've been here as the guest onthe Mindset mentor before, so it's
a pleasure to have you back.Hi, Tanya, thank you so much
for having me once again. It'salways a pleasure to be back with you
off screen on screen. It's wonderfulchatting with you. First of all,

(01:48):
your voice is so good for whatyou're doing. When you speak, people
will listen. Oh, thank you, what a beautiful compliment. Well,
and speaking of you know voices,do you have an incredible voice. I
know that you are an international speaker, you are a transformation and resiliency coach,
and you're really dedicating, you know, your life to helping other people

(02:13):
through their journeys because you know whatit's like. You've had your own challenges
in life like the rest of uson this planet right, we all experience
challenges. You are a cancer survivor, so I would love to start with
you know your story, and you'vesort of woven that into this incredible book

(02:35):
that has been curated perfectly to helpother people and to I think really let
other people know that they're not alone, They're not alone going through their challenges.
This is the hope and the inspirationthat is so needed, I think,
especially in this time. So ofcourse we're going to get into the
book and all the details as towhy that all start it, but if

(02:57):
you can sort of give us yourhistory with cancer and and what that means
to you, absolutely thank you forasking that. For me, my journey
of cancer was like putting emergency breaksto whatever was going on in my life
at that time. And so mylife is like cancer was the pivotal moment,

(03:23):
and I could divide my life intolife before cancer and life after cancer.
And you know, in my speeches, I've you know, when I
share my story, there's a pointin my speech where I say I died,
and I really really mean it becauseI really died. I mean who

(03:45):
I was before cancer is certainly notwho I am today. And so my
journey with cancer has been Before cancer, I was not being honest and true
to myself. I was not trustingmy good feeling. I was not trusting
my inner intelligence. I was notrespecting myself. I was not loving myself.

(04:08):
I was not taking care of myself, and so I didn't matter to
myself. That was my life beforecancer, and as a result of that,
you know, they say, whatyou know, the world is a
mirror of what's going on within you. So I couldn't ever demonstrate to people
what it is like to love me, to trust me, to care for

(04:32):
me, you know, and tohonor me, to respect me, and
that I matter. So as aresult of that, Okay, my life
wasn't breakdown. I went through twodysfunctional marriages, I had paralysis, and
that I was diagnosed with cancer.And my chapter in the book Cancer Heroes

(04:58):
starts with the title that cancer wasthe cure. So it was the cure
to everything that wasn't working for mein that Yeah, you know, so
deep and so profound, you know, and it's so interesting. I believe
that there's so many people right nowsharing their listening and can relate to your

(05:20):
story. The fact that they believethat they're not worthy, they're they're not
lovable, that they don't matter,and you know, that couldn't be further
from the truth, because we allmatter. We all have this beautiful innate,
uh you know, inherent gift ofwho we are, a uniqueness like
no one else, and we areworthy. But through life, we you

(05:43):
know, sometimes forget that or wedon't even know that. It's a matter
of hopefully remembering who we are rightcoming back to our core and our source.
And I think that you know throughsharing your experience, which and you
have in the past, but nowcompiling that and curating this incredible book Cancer

(06:04):
Heroes, that, by the way, is available as a pre sale.
Head to Amazon check it out.You definitely want to, you know,
be that you know, voice foryourself, but also helping other people.
I think it's a beautiful gift toshare with others because, as I mentioned,
we are not alone. You arenot alone. If you're listening right

(06:27):
now, you're meant to be listening. My special guest today is Sharene Arif.
She is a five time best sellingauthor soon to be six as the
book will actually be officially out Februaryfourth, but it is available right now
as a pre sale, so youhave the opportunity to get in on this

(06:49):
spectacular book right now. So,Sharen, I want to talk to you
about that experience that you shared ofnot feeling we're of not feeling like you
mattered and then yet cancer was thecure for you to now find your self
worth. I mean that's pretty powerfulbecause if you think about even just a

(07:14):
thought of experiencing cancer, it canbe very challenging. But you've turned that
into a beautiful gift. Yes,thank you. Well. I got to
see the gift in it for myselffirst, you know, and as I
wrote in my chapter that when Iwas you know, I didn't quite get

(07:35):
it. Even when I was diagnosedwith it. It was on the day
when I left my four children.They were much younger than my youngest one
was three years old, and Ileft them at home and I because the
hospital was just a block away frommy home, so I walked there,
you know, you know, youget the perspective of what would it look

(07:59):
like if you were to die.Until then, I didn't have that.
You know, as humans, wetend to take life for granted. And
I did the same. And sowhen I realized, okay, I shouldn't
drive there, I should you know, if I die, my car will
be lying there, like thinking aboutif I die, if I die,
and like planning accordingly, and thatif I die, like you see the

(08:20):
finish lines relatively closer, like usuallywe tend to think it is far away,
especially if we are younger. Soto have that conversation with myself.
And then when I was being givenanesthesia my cancer had spread to my lymph
nodes. I didn't know where wewould go with that. I mean,
the doctors will do their best,but no one knows what the results is

(08:45):
going to be like. And sowhen I was passing out on the table
a surgery table, in that likefraction of a moment, I realized,
gosh, what will happen to mykids? And then I was like,
what was I thinking? That Idon't matter? Like what kind of validation
do I need from everybody that thatwould convince me? How can it?

(09:11):
Like? How can life? Howcan anyone convince me about my life?
Mattering like there's no need of anyconvincing for that. And so that's when
I realized that no, my lifematters, and I gotta fight this.
I got I have to be aliveefor my children, and I get to

(09:33):
live. And I chose it.I chose life, and that you know,
and when I chose life, I'mgetting goose bumps when I'm saying this.
And I've said this over and overand again again, and every time
I say it, at some pointI get these gooze bumps because I go
back in that moment and I realizewhat life is. It is such a

(09:56):
gift, no matter what challenges you'regoing through, It such a gift to
be a life. Yeah, youknow, it really is so beautifully said.
You know, really interesting that you'retalking about, you know, getting
goosebumps as you share your story.As I'm listening to you, I'm getting
the goosebumps. You know. Beforeyou said that, I was like,
wow, Like I can feel itthrough my whole body. Uh. There's
a there's a passion and an energy. Uh, you know in your in

(10:18):
your words and in how you're conveyingyour experience. That is it's so authentic.
And I think that you know fromwe experience that authenticity you know in
another person like we we we knowit. But I think it's so important
to get to that space for ourselves, to be in our authentic space,

(10:39):
uh, because that's where the magichappens in life. And things don't have
to be perfect for you to experiencethat authentic being. Uh, you know,
life happens, but it's it's soimportant to recognize our value and the
worth that we bring. And youknow, in your case, your you
know, your experience with your Oldrenreally helped you to highlight that you're a

(11:01):
mama four obviously, you know that'syour world. You know your your children
are amazing, and it's you know, it's easier, it's much easier sometimes
for us to recognize other people's strengthsand their value, and we're sort of
blinded to our own. So Ilove that you were able to see that

(11:22):
worth, you know, through havingan experience that was very challenging, but
also putting into perspective well, waita minute, what's important right here?
And also knowing that you don't needexternal forces or things or people in order
to find your value. Absolutely,and also the fact that you know,

(11:45):
I became more aware and mindful aboutyou know, how do I live my
life? What do I get tocreate? Because I'm now valuing life.
It's like your currency, the currencyof your spirit. So when you have
money. When we have money,will we think where are we going to
spend it? We work so hard, We've earned this money, how are

(12:07):
we going to spend it? Wedon't want someone else to take our money
away and waste it or things likethat, and we don't think like that
about life. We have one shotat it. Yes, something called reincarnation.
Let's say, even if there issomething called will you come back as

(12:28):
Tanya? No? Will you comeback? Will I come back as Sharen?
No? I'd be somebody else doingsomething else. I have only one
shot at being Scherene. You haveonly one shot at being Tania. So
I wanted to make it count.Oh I love that. So how are
you going to spend the currency ofyour spirit? Oh? So beautiful?

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You know, it gives us somethingto think about. Right in life,
we kind of can, you know, take a pause and take stock of
you know, how are we being? Are we showing up fully? Are
we playing small? Are we holdingourselves back? These are questions that we
can ask ourselves just to you know, make sure that we have an opportunity

(13:11):
to go for what it is thatwe desire and to get out of our
own way. I think that weare our own worst critics, and we
put up the barriers that sometimes don'teven exist. But there are mental barriers
that we have. So I'd loveto talk to you about some of your
mental barriers through your experience, andwhat do you think was the cause of

(13:35):
you not feeling like you mattered?Well, the cause was that it was
seeking external validation. I was wantingto I didn't believe that I mattered,
so always looking for praise for somethinggood that I did or association for,

(13:58):
you know, for however, Iwas showing up or feeling loved and being
included in people's lives, in theiryou know, whatever they were creating.
And you know, instead of Iwould wait for that invitation. Instead of

(14:18):
taking the leadership and saying, hey, I want to be there, I
want to do this, do this, how can I create this? How
can I partner with you? Iwould wait for an invitation. Is that
person noticing me? Is that personvaluing what I have to offer? But
they're not inviting me into the whateverthey're creating. So I'm not good enough?

(14:39):
Oh m hmm, Yeah. Ithink that's you know, a huge
belief, a false belief that somany people on this planet have, and
that's the belief that they're not enough. And you know, I love that
there was this exploration for you,and you you know, came to that
realizing knowing that, well, holdon a second, what I used to

(15:01):
think about myself and needing external validationis not reality. The reality is that
you are inherently worthy. So let'scontinue the conversation after this short break,
we'll be right back. No Radio, No Problem stream is live on Sagay

(15:28):
ninety six am dot CA. Well, hello and welcome back to the Mindset
Mentor. I'm Tanya Kolar, helpingyou live your best life and how you're

(15:52):
doing so far. I hope thatwhen you wake up you know you feel
confident and how and that you trulyfully embrace and love who you are.
Well today, my special guest isSharena Reef. She is a five time
best selling author and also the curatorof Cancer Heroes, an incredible book that

(16:17):
is available as a pre sale rightnow. It is officially launching on February
fourth, but you can head toAmazon get your copy now. Inspire friends
and loved ones who are going througha challenging time and you know who's the
hero in your life? Well,Sharen, it's a pleasure to have you
on the Mindset Mentor and we'll pickup the conversation where we left off.

(16:40):
We talked about validation and not feelingvalidated and seeking external validation and oftentimes when
we do that, it turns usinto a people pleaser. We want to
just you know, keep getting thoselittle points of validation. So tell us
a little bit more about that.Well, while I was looking for validation

(17:03):
from others and I wasn't getting it, so I would look into what could
I do to fit in, Whatcould I do to get a person's attention
please that person, you know,so that they appreciate me or even look
at me. And so in doingthat, there was a big breakdown between
who I truly am and how Iwas showing up. And that would mean

(17:29):
like choking whatever. Like there werebig alarms going on in my head that
you know, no, like thered flags and the signals and all of
that, especially in my marriage.And I would just suppress all of that
and keep going, keep going,and keep going, because like I couldn't
even imagine what it would look likeif I didn't have people to love me.

(17:57):
It's a fear, isn't it right. I was literally on my knees.
Okay, whatever you say, I'llbe a slave, just I'll do
it, but please love me,don't leave me alone. I mean,
it's a basic human need to feelloved. And a lot of that came
from the fact that I was kindof isolated because my family is in India

(18:17):
and I came here to Canada andall I had was my husband because there
was no other family here, sohis love was everything to me. I
didn't know anybody else, and soto please him was the It was like
my utmost duty. It was myresponsibility, it was my commitment. And

(18:38):
to not be seen or not Iwasn't allowed to be heard. All of
those things were against who I trulywas. I have always been this,
you know, outgoing, cheerful,bubbly girl. I loved to speak,

(19:00):
I love to share what I haveto say, and so that was out
of integrity, Like I was outof integrity with myself. I wasn't being
true to myself, and and thatthat did make me sick. It made
me unwell. You know that's interestingbecause I think that we all intuitively know
we can feel when things are outof alignment and we're not operating in integrity.

(19:25):
So obviously you came to a pointwhere you know you had, you
know, disease in the body.Were there some warning points before it got
to that in terms of your physicalhealth and how you felt well? There
were times when I felt like Iwas going to pass out for no reason.

(19:45):
And I also had a little lumpon my clavicle. You know,
this just collarbone. And I didshow it to the doctor and I had
about a flu before that, sothe doctor thought it was a swollen Lymphno,
that was doing its work kind ofthing. So he said, give
it some time, it might goaway. And there was something inside me

(20:08):
that kept saying, no, hmmm, it's not right, even though the
doctor was telling me everything is okay, don't worry about it. I actually
put my foot down and insisted onan ultrasound. Mm hmm. That's a
really good lesson, I think,right, because I think, you know,

(20:29):
we we it's very important for usto be an advocate in our own
health because we know our bodies,you know the best, and when we
feel that misalignment, it's really importantto really, you know, pay attention.
Yes, and I'm glad that Idid that because as soon as the
ultrasound was done, it was clearthat I had cancer. Wow. Wow.

(20:52):
So you share your experience in CancerHeroes, You talk about what that
felt like in that in that moment. So I want to ask, you
know, where where did the ideacome from of putting a book together with
different woven stories from different people what'sthe inspiration for you the well, after

(21:18):
I had cancer, I've noticed thatcancer is kind of rampant in the world
in a way. It's it's socommon and so many my after cancer,
my community of people grew because Ididn't know people before and now I was
mingling with people. And then,you know, I discovered that there's so

(21:38):
many inspiring stories when I spoke withthem one on one. I mean,
even with you, the way wemet and then you didn't have cancer.
There was no clue of it,like there was nothing. And then after
a few years and then COVID happened, and then suddenly I get to know
you had cancer, which was veryshocking and it was heart wrenching. I

(22:00):
was very disturbed, upset and allof that. And then at the same
time, when I look at you, I'm inspired. I'm in love with
who you are as a human andhow you're showing up and you know,
like, well, cancer did teachme to not wait for someone else to

(22:21):
love me. It also taught melike, go and love people. That's
it, Like, just do that, and you know, don't worry about
who's loving you or not. It'sI feel so relieved and so it's so
fulfilling to not worry about who's lovingyou and just go out in the world
and just be loving. So likewhen I saw you after you had cancer,

(22:44):
it was like, oh my god, I have to like it's my
sole sister out there, and youknow, there's a connection, Like we
understand, we get it that howlike what is the journey? What did
we go through? How life isdifferent there as there's an unset communication that
happens, there's an there's a connection. And then the reason why I wanted

(23:08):
to put all these stories in abook is because when I had my own
cancer journey, it was a bookthat really inspired me, and that was
Anita Moore Johnny's book Dying to BeMe. It's like the Bible for people
who were dealing with cancer because herjourney is so incredible. She just had

(23:30):
a near death experience and came backand that gave me so much hope that
if she can go through that,like doctors are doctors and they're not God,
and you know, like who knowswhat is going to happen, and
and not to give up hope untilyour breath is out of your body,

(23:53):
keep going. I love that.Yeah, I mean Hope is such a
powerful world word, and I thinkthat when we feel hopeless, that's where
a lot of the problems start inlife. And you know, to maintain
hope no matter what is essential,and certainly, Cancer Heroes the compilation of

(24:14):
this book is meant to provide hopeand to inspire and to guide and to
help you know, others who aregoing through a challenge or who are witnessing
a loved one go through a challenge, because it's heart wrenching when you watch
that and you want to sort of, you know, alleviate some of that,
you know, uh suffering or thechallenge that somebody is going through.

(24:37):
So Cancer Heroes lovingly woven stories ofhealing, survival and profound transformation. So
it really gives us an idea,you know, sharena of the different you
know, situations and the stories fromyou know, the different authors that that
are created have created this work withyou to know that there's a there's a

(25:03):
story I think in this book thatwill resonate with everyone, and it doesn't
have to be necessarily you know somebodywho's gone through cancer. It's like,
if you've gone through any challenge inlife which you know, do you know
anyone who hasn't and if if youdo it, then they will, I'm
sure at some point go through challengesin life. And so the reason why
I put this book together is becauseafter I had cancer, and I wanted

(25:26):
to share my story because there arepeople that are that are newly being newly
diagnosed or and there the first responseis fear, you know, like for
a lot of people, and thefirst reaction, that's the first response,
fear, and the first reaction isI'm going to die. I'm going to

(25:47):
die. So the intention was toshare my story that I am living,
testimony that I am alive, soyou know, you don't have to believe
that cancer is a death sentence.And so we could we could you know,
the people that are alive in theand sharing their stories. The more
we come forward and share our stories, we will be pumping the world with

(26:08):
courage and hope. Yeah, itreally is a community, you know,
that comes together. And I remembera friend of mine's wife was diagnosed with
cancer and you know, she wasvery fearful and she had a conversation with
the nurse and the nurse had said, you know, you're going to be

(26:30):
okay, and then she paused andshe said to the nurse, well,
how do you know? And thenthe nurse responded and said, because I've
been where you are, right.So she had the same type of cancer
that this woman was now experiencing,and it just took a weight off of
her shoulders knowing that she got throughthat experience. So I think that reading

(26:52):
stories where we know we can getthrough something or we can learn how to
best navigate that circumstance is really Ithink. So it's it's invaluable, really
absolutely. And then one of theco authors, Rwenna, who transitioned,
she taught us something very profound.I mean, look at it this way.

(27:17):
Who doesn't die? H Is itthat only the people who have cancer
are the ones that are going todie in the end? I mean,
each one of us, if wewere born, we are going to die.
But what I learned from Rowenna's lifewas that she demonstrated what it is

(27:38):
like to live and to make themost of your time on earth. She
you know, like that was important. So, Okay, cancer can be
a rough journey healthwise, and whatevertime is available, what is one thing

(27:59):
that I can do to make thisworld a better place? And it doesn't
have to be a big thing.It doesn't have to be writing a book.
It doesn't have to be going onstage. It doesn't have to be
winning an award or trophy. Itcould be leaving your child with some nuggets
of wisdom, memories of loving conversationslike even that that is and I wouldn't

(28:26):
I shouldn't even say even that.I mean, every when we live mindfully,
how we're living our life is sodifferent. And that's what Rowenna taught
us that, you know, Okay, she transitioned because you know, cancer
took over However, cancer didn't takeover her spirit. It took over her

(28:48):
body, and she has left herlegacy, yes, a beautiful golden bright
light. And you know her herstory is Cancer Heroes, which is available
as a pre sale right now onAmazon. We're going to take a short
break and continue the conversation after this. Stay Tuneda streamers live at SAGA nine

(29:22):
six am dot CA. Well,Hello, hello, welcome back to the
Mindset mentor I'm so happy that you'rejoining us today. You know, always,

(29:45):
you know, I always have greatguests on the show, and of
course my next guest, Sharene Riff, is no exception. She's actually a
re visit to the show. Youmay remember her being here before. So
it's great to continued chatting Scharen.Always a pleasure. I'd love to talk
a little bit more about your latestbook that you've curated that is officially coming

(30:10):
out February fourth, but is availableright now as a pre sale on Amazon
dot com and it's called Cancer Heroes. So tell us a little bit about
what is coming up next. Isa big celebration happening. Yes, we're
launching the book at the Toronto IsmileyCenter. It's at forty nine Winford Drive,

(30:33):
and it's on Sunday, February fourth, which is World Cancer Day.
We're launching the book on that dayand the launch party is between three and
five pm, and the proceeds fromthe sale of the book will go towards

(30:53):
cancer research to Princess Margaret Hospital.Beautiful. You know, I think that
so many people are touched by cancer, whether directly or indirectly. Uh So,
so many people can relate to this. That's a beautiful way to have
everyone come together for an incredible causeand to continue to fund much needed research.

(31:18):
And again February fourth, of courseyou can have a look an r
s v P online cans a herostories dot Com and and there's a really
cool thing that we're creating. Weget we ask people to nominate the cancer
heroes in their lives, and youknow, and to make it clear that

(31:38):
a cancer hero is not someone who'sdealing with cancer, not just someone who's
dealing with cancer and just survive survivedit. It could be someone who's transitioned
and and you know, and thespirit is alive. It could be someone
who has been a caregiver to someonewho's dealing with cancer. It could be

(32:02):
doctors, nurses that look after cancerpatients, organ donors, you know,
financial donors and donors of equipment,people who build hospitals, people who are
doing research and creating new medicine.They're cancer heroes everywhere. They're around us

(32:23):
every day. And you know,maybe it's you looking in the mirror recognizing
yourself as the hero. You know, make sure that you do value yourself,
and you know, tell friends andloved ones how much you value them,
because it really goes a long way. You know, it's really it's
such a compliment when people acknowledge youknow that that effort, but also just

(32:46):
to acknowledge yourself right in no matterwhere you are and those experiences that you've
had. So that's really beautiful.Let's just quickly touch on some of the
chapters in the book and what canpeople expect through reading cancer Heroes. What
they can expect is real life stories, inspiration, honesty, struggle, you

(33:14):
know, sharing their struggles. Andthis is not an exaggerated superhero story where
you know, people did you know, extraordinary things like jumping off a cliff
or or flying in mid air.But this is about dealing with the breakdowns
in your everyday life. It's aboutyou know, sitting down and crying because

(33:40):
sharing that that hey, I'm feelingpain and this is how it is.
It sucks right now, and whatdid I do to overcome that? Or
what did I do to just experiencethat, you know, and just make
it, keeping it real, keepingit authentic, relate and you know,

(34:02):
creating a connection with the reader sosomewhere or the other people will be able
to relate to the nuggets of wisdomthat has been shared in each chapter.
Yeah, you know, I thinkthat's really important because you know, we
can learn so much from each other'sexperiences and then it kind of you know,

(34:22):
makes our journey a little less burdensomeas we you know, hear about
others, and then we know thatwe are not alone. So we have
just you know, a couple ofminutes left on the show here today,
Sharen, So, I just wantedto ask you if there's any final words
that you would like to leave thelisteners with today. We are not recognized

(34:45):
by you know, our failures.We are not victims of our circumstances.
We are extraordinary beings. Oh.I love that we are extraordinary being living
in an extraordinary world. And there'snothing that you need to do, have,

(35:05):
or change to make you any moreextraordinary because you already are so Shreien,
I love that. I want tosay thank you so much for joining
me here today, for sharing yourstory, for having the courage to put
yourself out there, to put itin writing, and to curate a wonderful
group of women also sharing their storiesin Cancer Heroes. So can you tell

(35:28):
everyone again how to get a copyof Cancer Heroes? Absolutely so. The
pre order sales are on Amazon.You just look up Cancer Heroes and the
book and book your orders before they'resold out. And then we have the

(35:49):
in person party and book launch celebrationon February fourth, which is World Cancer
Day. It's between three and sixpm at the Toronto Smiley's Center, forty
nine Winford Dry, RSVP at CancerHeroestories dot com. Fantastic. Thank you

(36:09):
so much, Serene. A pleasurehaving you here. More coming up here
on SAGA nineteen sixty Stay tuned.My next special guest, who of course
is a co author of Cancer Heroes, is Pat Labez. Pat's story,
you know, is quite remarkable andreally highlights that miracles do certainly happen.

(36:30):
Pat's sister was diagnosed with pancreatic andbreast cancer and Pat was a caregiver to
her, which certainly is not aneasy job, and in the midst of
that, she received her own medicaldiagnosis, which was terrifying. So Pat,
I, I, you know,welcome you to the mindset mentor such
a pleasure having you here, andI want to acknowledge you right off the

(36:52):
bat for being such a wonderful caregiverto your sister, because that is not
an easy job. Yeah, thankyou for having me Tanya. Yes,
you know, because I my lifewas revolved around long term care, managed
and assisted living facility in California,and I was kind of the go to
and done a lot of advocacy,senior advocacy. But it's different, right

(37:15):
when you're handling someone you know mattersversus someone that you love and you're so
afraid about doing the wrong thing andall of that, and that emotional attachment
I think magnifies, you know,the situation even more. But I learned
a lot in the journey. Itell you, Yeah, you know,

(37:36):
it's certainly is a whole other ballgamewhen it's so close and personal. And
so when your sister was diagnosed withtwo types of cancer, what was what
was that? Like, let's startat the very beginning of that. Well,
it's funny, not funny. Shehad been complaining about abdominal pains and
then Thanksgiving was pretty big for herwith friends. She lived out side Washington,

(38:00):
d C. And when she toldme that she really couldn't eat,
and I kept telling her, pleasehave yourself checking. She was getting ready
for a business trip overseas, andof course, you know, the workaholic
that she was so committed that alwayskind of fell by the wayside. But
it was that Thanksgiving when she wasyou know, she got home with abdominal

(38:22):
pains and sure enough was rushed tothe hospital. Next thing I we knew.
A couple of days later, shecalled me and said, the verdict
is in got stage four pancreatic cancerand stage two breast cancer. They're giving
me three months. Actually, thedoctors told me one to three months.
Get your affairs in order. Andso we just moved to Austin from California,

(38:47):
and you know, I found myway straight to her place in DC
and from there, you know,she just said, well, we'll do
the best weekend. Let's let's see. Now, it was in the middle
of the holiday season, Christmas time. You know, folks were getting maid
to shut down mindset, so thatin itself was quite challenging in winter cold,

(39:10):
you know, and we just setout to send out. I just
went out there and searched all ofthe you know, cancer centers that would
be willing to take a look ather situation. We were told it was
inoperable and basically this was it.And so you know, I went to
the top Johns Hopkins, M D. Anderson of Georgetown because I was living

(39:35):
in Austin at that time. Actually, a lot of folks are saying,
well, why don't you take herto M. D. Anderson in Houston,
because then I could still be withmy family, a teenager and teenage
daughter and husband. But as Isaw her whole community in Washington, d
C. Area, her network wasthere, and I firmly believe a big

(39:55):
part of healing it's important to besurrounded by people who love you. She's
with me, but but that wasn'tenough, and so we opted, you
know, Thank goodness, Johns Hopkinsgot her in just in the nick of
time before they were shotting. Thesaid, okay, get her in.
It's really awkward because you know,you don't get to pick and choose your
doctors at that point. It's ateamwork. And yet she was saying,

(40:20):
gee, I would love to seedoctor Laheru. And we get there,
you know, and who would beassigned to her case, doctor Lahrew.
Yeah. You know, we justkept going through and there, you know,
they got her in right away.We decided to go the traditional way
chemotherapy and radiation, even though itwas a long shot because everybody was saying

(40:45):
this is inoperable. Where it is, there's not a whole lot we can
do. But she says, well, well, I said I'm willing.
Let's go for it, and Wedid inject some homeopathic alternative measures in addition
to that, and that kind ofjust started the journey. So we were
told one to three months, getyour affairs in order. We did switch

(41:07):
to a different hospital. The firsthospital had actually scheduled a gallbladder what do
you call surgery? And I neverunderstood that they had it on schedules.
So why would you have gallbladder surgery? They said, well, we have
to make room because as this cancerrose, she's going to need the space.

(41:27):
And I said, well, howlong is there recuperation for that?
Six weeks? And I said,so, why would you have surgery?
If you're telling me she's got oneto months to live, why would you
want to spend those that time?You know, recovery. So it's those
things. It's really important to havean advocate because I think when you're going
through that, you know this,your mind is racing, right, you

(41:51):
know, overload. Absolutely, there'sa lot of information to process Y's options.
Which way do we go? You'vegot this, you know, you've
got that, and everybody's voices comeinto play, and sometimes it just helps
to have somebody else that might findsomething in there. Yeah, but she

(42:13):
responded, right, away to thetreatment. And you know, I learned
a lot in the process because shenever said, or rarely said cancer.
When she started announcing her limitations,should say, well, it looks like
I've been touched by the sea fairy. I'm going to go to the spa

(42:38):
and I'm having a cocktail. Wellthe spa was a hospital. The cocktail
was a chemotherapy. Oh wow.See. The power of the mindset,
you know, is truly extraordinary.And you know, there were times should
be doing teleworking and you know,some folks are say, wow, she's
going to the spa, you know, and didn't care because for her,

(43:06):
keep looking up. We just kindof remind each other, just keep looking
up, you know, and whateverthere was. We'd go to the infusion
center. Folks love her there,but she's like having a picnic. She'd
have all the special cards and thingsthat were healing to her, you know,
and just made friends with people.And it's about living in a moment,

(43:29):
and yeah, it's the whole.It's the mindset, right and looking
at all of the possibilities. Yeah, you know, absolutely, And I
think our language patterning, you know, is so key in the quality of
our lives as well. And certainlyyour sister, you know, was a
master at you know, honoring herlanguage and creating what she wanted versus you

(43:52):
know, getting stuck in you know, the the hardships of life, which
can be so challenging and it's noteasy, right to move beyond that at
times. And so your sister joyuh brought that you know, incredible strength
to you know, not only herlife, but you know everyone around her.
Such a beautiful role model in thatsense. So to be diagnosed with

(44:16):
having you know, one to threemonths to live, I can't even imagine,
like how scary and terrifying that wouldbe. So in your sister's journey
of you know, experiencing the chemotherapyor the spa i should say, and
the cocktail you know, how didhow how was the last portion of her

(44:40):
life because she really surprised doctors.Yeah, she the doctors called her a
miracle girl. And because you know, the first round of chemo radiations,
she responded, oh, we wentthrough the regular checkups of pet skins,

(45:00):
MRIs and all of this stuff andjust said just keep doing, you know
what you're doing, and she survivedfour years, but over four years incredible
In fact, it's funny. Itwas Christmas time, and you know,
she said, well, I guess, I guess I'm not going to get
to my bucket list. I didn'tknow what a bucket list was, so

(45:22):
she I said, well what,Sasha, Well, you know I've always
wanted to go to Times Square andNew Year's Eve. I said, New
Year's Eve is around the corner.And you know, so no, no,
don't give up. Let's let's makeit happen. I made some calls
without the help some prince, wemade it happen. You know, people
thought, what you why not?That kind of will come became a why

(45:45):
not? Yes, that's a goodquestion to ask, why not? And
I was one of those that's alwayssaid you'd never see me with those crazy
people. Never, because I tellyou what. We were there and to
welcome a whole new year, andjust seeing that, I mean, you

(46:07):
know, her face just beaming withjoy and hope watching the thing, and
it was it was magical. Ihave to say, you know, than
never say never anymore. We madeit happen. Yes, you made it
happen. And I think it's soimportant to to never give up. And
it's such a great story that reallyhelps us to remember that in the midst

(46:29):
of your sister going through her herchallenge with having pancreatic and breast cancer,
you also experienced a medical diagnosis thatwas terrifying. Let's talk about that.
Yes, So we just kind ofwent on and I juggled life because I
had my family to take care.I was kind of competing between you see,

(46:51):
bouncing around. And two years afterafter basically she was not cleared,
but her pancreatic cancer was under control. She was always concerned about her breast
cancer and so the doctor said,well, if you really want to address
it, we had this window ofopportunity because the pancreatic cancer was behaving.

(47:12):
He says that you can have masectomy. So we did that and that way
you don't have to worry about it. So she did that and after the
thirty day checkup, I tell Ithought was probably one of the most stressful
periods of my life because again I'mnot a nurse, so all of this
stuff dealing with blood and bandaging,it was. It was stressful. After
a thirty day checkup, I wokeup and I couldn't move. I just

(47:37):
couldn't move and went to the doctorand I was diagnosed with a brain tumor
with peace size, and I wastold, don't worry about it. Well,
no, we do. We suggesthaving a surgery. Now, this
type of cancer usually sixty seventy percentis benign, but given your family history,

(47:57):
we really need to get it outbecause my brother died of a brain
cancer at age eighteen. Oh mygoodness. And yeah, and Joy at
that time was fifty eight fifty atthat point, she was fifty nine,
and you know, dealing with thistwo types of cancer, right, So
I had that choice whether to moveforward. But I must say probably,

(48:22):
you know, wise or not.It was my choice that I decided not
to not to have surgery because Ifelt the urgency that I really mine was
unknown. I don't know, butI'm alignant. He knew Joy was dealing
with life and she was given acertain amount of time. Right. My

(48:45):
daughter was also having some back issuesand was in physical therapy. My husband
was about to have back surgery.So I was dealing with three patients at
that time, and so I optto said, you know, I'm not
I'm not afraid to die. It'smy time, it's my time. It's
okay. I'll make the best ofthings. And so I just kind of
carried on. So another two yearsgo by. We had her for four

(49:07):
years, and it was again anothernew year. Twenty seventeen was when she
finally we finally lost her. Andthose six months were probably the most difficult,
you know, you see that verydifficult to be that up those and
personal. Shortly after she passed,after that, my next MRI, a

(49:30):
brother in law of mine, actuallypassed away and i'd forgotten my MRIHI.
When I called the doctor, Isaid, oh my gosh, I'm late.
I'm so sorry, she's pat Lookat your MRI. You look at
your last report. It was undetectable. They couldn't find it. Wow,
a miracle. How do you whatdo you attribute to that? Honestly,

(49:52):
I don't know. You know,it was one of those things. I
said, what do you mean shouldn'tbe? Because I actually got declined for
insurance during that time, so tobe told this, I don't know.
So should we get another check out? I don't know why this is.

(50:14):
Well, unless you're exhibiting symptoms,we can't justify, you know, having
another test. You seem okay,And I just kind of decided to live
live, and you know, andI started doing some of the things.
I actually got back into entertainment afterthirty years of being away and I used
to act in Hawaii and all that. I just decided to get into something

(50:36):
more creative for a change. Andthat was actually Joy kind of encouraging me
to do that. And so duringthat time I got busy with you know,
things just started happening. And that'swhy I say I really advocately.
Even if you don't have a bucketlist, you know, we have things
that we've forgotten we love to do, And I say, why don't you
create a love list? I lovethat. Yeah it doesn't have to be

(51:00):
a major thing, but sometimes weforget. Life happens, right, you
know, we have our responsibilities andthings, and we forget little things like
I love photography, you know,I love you just start remembering and start
doing some of those things, andI thinks, I guess stuff like this
is when you have such a bighealth issue. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes

(51:21):
that to open our eyes. Yeah, yeah it does. And you know
your story is remarkable and unfortunately areout of time. Pat, So I
want to thank you and acknowledge youfor opening up and sharing your experience and
Wow. You know, I lovethat there is. You know, in
life we can always experience a miracle, we never know how when it's going

(51:44):
to happen. But your story trulyis a testament to that. You know,
not only yours personally, but yoursisters as well. So thank you
so much for sharing, and thankyou for being the light that you are,
and I thank everyone for tuning inand wishing you an absolutely PHENOMENALZA and
remember that you are extraordinary. Sostep up and claim that extraordinary life because

(52:07):
you deserve it more coming up hereon SAGA nine sixty. Stay tuned,
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