February 2, 2024 • 52 mins
In the episode, Tania Kolar speaks with co-authors of Cancer Heroes. You will hear inspirational stories of healing, survival, and profound transformation.
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The views expressed in the following programare those of the participants and do not
necessarily reflect the views of Saga ninesixty am or its management. Hello and
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welcome to the Mindset Mentor. I'myour host, Tanya Kohlar, helping you
live a life you love. Comingup on today's show, I have a
group of extraordinary women who have cometogether. They've united to share their personal
experiences and journey with cancer. Sotoday you're going to hear stories of healing,
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survival, and profound transformation. Theyare co authors of the book Cancer
Heroes, So I would love foryou to tune in have a listen to
their stories because their stories are fullof inspiration and ways for you to move
forward or powerfully in your life andthrough your greatest challenges. All right,
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and now we're going to hear froma remarkable woman who has gone through you
know, extreme hardships when it comesto her cancer. So let's say hello
to Coco Roper, who's an influencer. She's a life coach and she's joining
us from Texas and she's also aMI Coco, so good to see you.
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Thank you so much for joining us. I know you're busy, uh
with life. You've had certainly quitethe challenge with your experience with cancer,
and you have handled it with suchbeauty and grace. If you could,
you know, tell us your story, our story. Obviously because of time,
I'm going to do it super littleversion, but basically, April twenty
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twenty, when COVID had hit,one day, I kind of just woke
up horrible pelvic pain, couldn't reallymove. I knew something was wrong,
But when you're a mother and youhave kids and you've got work, you
kind of start putting yourself towards theend of that list, right, Like
that dentist appointment and like that papspear and all of that go to like
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the back burner. And definitely thatday I knew I had to go to
the doctor. And the moment myobgyn saw me, she looked at me
and she said, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what you're feeling.
Your whole can your whole cervix iscovered in cancer. I don't know
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what type we need to pull outeight buyopsies, but like, something is,
something is wrong, and at thatpoint, it's really weird. At
that point I came out thinking,you know what, I'm twenty five,
Like I'll have a hysterectomy. I'vealready been blessed with the baby, Like
everything is gonna be okay. I'llprobably do a little bit of chemo here.
I don't think it had really setin to what was happening to me
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until four days later when they thesame doctor calls me and she's like,
you can come in today. Andyou know, doctors don't do that right,
you know, doctors are like whenI see you in three weeks,
can I see you in a month. And when she tells me, can
you come in today, and I'mlike, okay, yeah, I'll be
right there. And that's when shegave me my official diagnosis of gastric type
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ENDO cervical adino carcinoma point zero sevenpercent of women get it, eighty percent
death rate. Only studies based outof this super weird cancer that is very
aggressive, that is glandular, andI mean very quickly, I started doing
pets cancer and everything, and Ihad to go to twenty eight rounds of
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radiation and eight rounds of chemo,and it was almost stage four and it
went from having a super normal lifeto you know, I'll fight or flight
mode. My whole world was turnedupside down. And even through all of
that, I was trying to keepa very i would say positive outlook at
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everything. I was not spiritual atall, but I felt that I had
gone through other hardship in my lifethat had prepared me for this a little.
Did I know? Right? Iended up getting negligently treated by my
medical oncologist, and so basically thebest easy for dummies ways for me to
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put this is, they over burntme from my breast down through the radiation
COCO, through the radiation and thechemo. At the same time, I
kept telling him like, hey,I'm having this burns, I'm having these.
I think we got to slow itdown. We knew that the regiment
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that I had gotten for my cancerwas going to be a very hard one,
but because I was young, They'relike, we're gonna hit you hard,
but this is what's gonna say toyou, you know, because it's
not just about taking the cancer awayright now, but it's too also ensure
that you're not gonna get it backin five to ten years because you are
so young. Well, I didn'trealize that that meant literally destroy every single
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good white blots of account that Ihad and I'm not gonna like EMO and
radiation were hard. But when Ihad that emergency and I realized that everything
had been burned, and I endedup in ICU and I can't walk,
I can't move. I have surgeryafter surgery happening. I I'm writing down
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my will with a lawyer. Iam begging at the hospital to let me
see my daughter one last time,to say goodbye to her. I have
my two year old. It wasn'ta matter of sex that I went from
Okay, she's fighting and it's kickingher butt to she's got six hours and
that's all she's got left, allbecause I was negligently treated. And I
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mean, then my journey really startedwith I mean, like I said,
I've gone over thirty five surgeries overthe past three years. I've probably spent
about a year and a half collectivelyin the hospital. I have bilateral nefrostomy
tube. So for those that youthat don't know, basically I have renal
failure, and so I have twotooths that come out of my back that
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are connected to an individual bag inwhich were IP. Basically I have another
bag in front of my stomach,which is where I go number two.
Because my colon doesn't work, Iam unable to be intimate for the rest
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of my life. So there's justa lot of things that have come with
the hardship that I think have beenharder to adapt and to turn. And
I had to roads. I hadthe road in which I could be mad
at the world, and I could, you know, be depressed that like
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all of these things had been takenaway from me, the ability to sour
myself, the ability to walk bymyself, the ability to hold my daughter,
like all of these things that youdon't really think about that were in
a matter of minutes, they weregone. They were no longer things that
you could do. And so forme, I was like, Okay,
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who do I want to be throughthis? You know, I know that
I had made mistakes, and Iknow that when I got diagnosed, I
wasn't the person that I knew Icould be. And so I really took
the diagnosis and honestly the depression andthe pressure of everything that was going on
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to say, well, what ifthis is the opportunity that I've been wanting
to start redeeming myself and redeeming mylife. And starting to live the life
Cocoa wants it with the right values, with the right molars, with the
right positivity, making her wrongs right, with spirituality, with journaling and gratitude
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lists, and start seeing the goodthings that I have despite the fat despite
the fact that I have to betaken care of twenty four seven by somebody,
you know. And I slowly startedon that, and I started to
find peace. I started to findpeace in helping other people, in helping
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people that are going through hardship advocatefor themselves, in learning how to advocate
for my body and what I thoughtwas best right, because when you're sick,
I almost feel like everybody thinks they'reentitled to an opinion on what you
should do for you. And Iwas always going to listen to those opinions,
but I wanted to know that whenevera decision was being made, I
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knew that was the right thing forme, and that you don't get there
without education and without advocating and withoutasking. So that's something that I've implemented
a lot into my life coaching,specifically with my patients that are going through
hardship. I'm like, Okay,how can we advocate for you. Just
because you're going through a hardship andeverything in life seems so crazy, it
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doesn't mean that you can't find themost happiness and peacefulness and security in your
decision and in the way that youare living your life. Yeah and so
yeah, and four years later,here I am, or three years later,
and I can look myself in themirror and I, you know,
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this has affected everybody around me,my marriage, my family, my daughter.
But now I see my daughter andI see her empathy, I see
her understanding. I see her lovinga body that doesn't look like a normal
mommy body. Right. I seemy daughter bringing a blanket to lay down
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on my port so she doesn't hurtme. All of these things that are
making her such like an amazing humanbeing that I could have never taught her
if it wasn't because of the situationthat I'm in. And so we've just
really grasped on to what are thelessons and what is God trying to communicate
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to us? What are we tryingto fight for? And let's fight together
for it? Wow, Coco sobeautifully said, and I I, you
know, hearing your story, Ican't even imagine. You know what you've
gone through and what you continue togo through. And I'm truly in awe
of how you have handled your diagnosesand how you're moving forward in your life
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in such an empowering way. Andit is so important for us to advocate
for ourselves, to have a voice. And you know you certainly are a
true warrior and a cancer hero andI thank you so much for candidly sharing
your story. All Right, weare going to take a short break and
we will be back with more CancerHeroes here on SAGA nine sixty stream us
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live at SAGA nine am dot Cand a welcome to the Mindset Mentor.
I'm Tanya Kohlar, helping you liveyour best life. We continue the conversation
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here with a group of extraordinary womenwho have co authored a book called Cancer
Heroes. And these are true heroesthat we could take incredible inspiration from.
My next guest is Countess Ingram.She is a wellness coach and she is
also founder of Healed to Go.The Countess, it is an absolute pleasure
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having you here on the Mindset Mentor, so thank you for joining us today.
Thank you Tania for having me.It's a pleasure and be here well,
well, you know, your journeyhas been quite extraordinary. You have
faced a lot of challenges and hardshipsin life that sort of, you know,
keep sort of jumping up. Onceyou're out of the firing line,
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it seems to be the next oneand the next one, and you've handled
it with such beauty and such grace. So I'd love to you know,
hear obviously your journey, but alsohow you have been able to find strength
in some of your greatest challenges.Wow, thank you. So I cannot
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take the credit for it at all, Tanya, it is my faith in
Christ that helps me through. Iam a believer and a follower of Christ,
and I know that I am whoI am and I am where I
am simply because of His love thatempowers and strengthens me on a regular basis.
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I don't know how I would havegotten through of the many challenges that
I've encountered had it not been frommy faith. Thank God, that is
who I am, beautifully said,And I think that's so important for all
of us to sort of recognize whowe are, you know, find that
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that authentic core being, because it'sthat sweet spot in life where everything just
gets so much better, no matterwhat it is that you were that you
were going through now personally, like, how does you experience cancer? So
I'd love to talk a little bitabout that journey and what happened in that
process. Well. Yes, Soit was in two thousand. I went
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to the doctor for my annual physicaland I had been feeling tired. But
I was a single mom at thetime, recently divorced. I was raised
my my my children and so tired. Noess, you know when you have
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little kids, it's like sleep,what is the time? Yeah? Yeah,
you think it's totally normal, right, Yeah. So I went through
my annual physical and my doctor noticedone side of my neck was larger than
the other. And she said,did you notice this? And I'm like,
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no, you know, she said, well one side of your neck
is bigger than the other. Isaid, well, isn't one side of
our body always in the other side? And she goes, yeah, silly,
but not this big. So butI hadn't noticed it. I was
just thinking back over it now.I guess when you're raising young children and
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you're a single parent, you're justin survival mode and you missed so much.
I know that that was how itwas for me at that time,
but she said, it's probably nothing, but I think it's significant enough for
us to look a little deeper.So we scheduled to go to the into
chronologist who did a fine needle aspirationin my neck and it was confirmed that
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it was peppillari carcinoma. Oh wow, so that's not a good diagnosis to
hear, right. We always wantto hope for the best, but when
you hear it, it's really sortof sobering, isn't it. It is
it is. And when they saidcancer, I went from A to Z
in less than like sixty seconds,you know, like I saw myself with
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my kids, and then I sawmyself, like really in a casket.
I was scared, you know,cancer has that fear to it. And
then I was like, you knowwhat, wait a minute, let me
take a deep breath. And Ijust remember after leaving the doctor's office going
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home, well, I went tomy mom's first and she was in the
tub. Get it just busted inthe bathroom and she was like, what's
going on? And then I toldher, I said, you know,
I've been diagnosed with cancer. Andshe said to me, she calls me
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County and she says, I don't. She says, I don't receive that,
but she says, whatever it iswe're going through, we're going to
make it. Wow. Oh,I love that. It's beautiful. I
love it. She and uh,you know, which was just that whole
journey was just amazing when I thinkback over it, and she's right.
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We made it. We made wemade it through. It was not an
easy journey, but we did makeit. I didn't have the typical case,
if you will. I mean,it was a six year journey for
me, and I had lymph nodeinvolvement and everything. So wow, So
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what did your a six year journeylook like? So it started out with
the I had this initial surgery,I had a total thyroid ectomy. Then
I went for the radioactive idine treatmentthereafter, and then it was it went
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successfully, and then I kept gettingreally strange readings when I would go back
and they were trying to locate whatwas going on. What was given these
really weird readings. I will say, when when they went in for the
thyroid ectomy, it was a lotmore progressive than they had initially saw on
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the MRI. There was some metastasesaround the voice box and and so you
know, it was it was,it was a journey. I had just
started singing at that time, soI was really concerned about my singing voice.
I am very active in my churchand utilizing my voice. Not only
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do I sing, but I alsoam a minister, So you know,
I was just really concerned a lotof concerns. So we got through the
surge of first surgery. The readingswere off. They kept going back in
trying to figure out what was goingon, and then I had a period
where everything was fine, and thenI would say somewhere around two thousand and
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five, I went for checkup andthe readings were all over the board again
and they located what was going onand it was in the lymph notes.
It was in back behind my ears, So it was something else. But
through it all, I just wantedto say that it pushed me into a
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place of really test. It testedmy faith, It tested my relationship with
God, and it took my prayerlife to a whole other level. Because
as I they're trying to figure out, I'm talking to God, like what
is going on? Can you justlike reveal to me what this is all
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about? It answers. We wantanswers. Yeah, I'm putting out an
sos, God sell them, yes, But you know, he answered,
And that journey through cancer really causedme to look at some of the traumas
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that I encountered as a kid.I really feel in a very big way
that the manifestation of the cancer thatI had was due to the ill feelings
that I had from some of thetraumas from when I was a kid.
Yeah, I absolutely agree with you. You know, the the body stores
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that, you know, trauma,right, unrepressed emotions and feelings, and
trauma stored and trapped in the body. And I believe that sometimes you know
that the manifestation of that disease isthat first opportunity now for healing, right
as opposed to saying, oh mygosh, this is awful going the wrong
direction. And sometimes it's like acall for healing, for us to pay
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attention to our body and what's goingon inside. Absolutely, and to that
point, I remember specifically praying andasking God to show me because I learned
that we have the right to inquireand ask God what's going on. And
when I asked him, he challengedme to look at the issues in my
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heart and I was like, okay, I mean the fact that it was
lodged here in my throat area.And I think back over some of the
challenges that I went through as achild. I my voice was taken as
a little girl. Yeah, andas much as I wanted to talk through
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the stuff as a child, Ididn't have I didn't have that voice to
do that. So I swallowed alot of the pain, you know.
But through that journey, that sixyear journey, I forgave you know,
my mom, my dad, myex husband who left my children. You
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know, I forgive me. AndI think that is what the last stint
of the dealing with the cancer thelast year and a half was about forgiving
me, because I when it cameback, I was like, wait,
I thought, God, I wasthrough this chapter. And he was like,
let's delve a little deeper. AndI remember him saying in my heart,
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he said, you know, healingis not an issue. I can
do that. But what are yougoing to do when I heal you?
Are you going to go back tothe same way of being that you were
before the diagnosis? Oh that's sointeresting. And so here you are now
years later, and you are thefounder of heal to go, and your
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mission is to help others, andyou are that natural caregiver. I know
that right now you are your mom'scaregiver, and you certainly are an inspiration
and role model to so many people. What does the the heal to go?
Uh and and also caring for yourmother, what does that mean for
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you? He'll to go if Ican before I speak on he'll to go,
I have to go back in thecancer journey. I was told through
when I was reading through the Gospelof Mark that I was healed to wow
ooh so good. Heal to serveso and that was based out of Mark
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chapter one, around verse thirty four. It was when Christ healed Peter's mother
in law, and it says hehealed her and she served them so immediately
when she was healed, she gotup and began to serve. So that's
where it started. There, healto serve and I am, Yes,
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I am here to serve, andI'm also healed to go. He'll to
go is a branch if you willof heal to serve. It's you know,
so I'm healed, I'm serving,But in the midst of serving,
I'm still going and growing and whatI mean by that is, I know
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that I'm healed to share a message. I love this. So clearly you
have a big purpose in life,you know, healing and serving others,
sharing that message and sharing your gifts, and you know, also coming full
circle to your mother being that caregiverwhere your your mother has said to you,
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we're going to get through this,and now you are helping your mother
get through her challenge. I knowshe is, you know, dealing with
dementia and that's tough being a caregiverin that situation. So I want to
honor you for the incredible work thatyou are doing and that you will continue
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to do. Thank you, Thankyou so And you know I said that
to my mom yesterday. We're enteringinto another stage of the dementia now and
we had a situation yesterday and shejust started crying and I said to her,
I said, Mom, it's okay, We're going to get through this.
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And I want to share that messageto whatever you're going through, it
is okay to voice your emotion andknow that you will get through it.
You will get through it. Youheard it right here on the minds that
mentor, that was La Countess Ingramsharing her experience when it comes to dealing
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with cancer and some of the hardshipsin life and being a caregiver now to
her mother experiencing dementia, and rememberthose words, these are meant for you
to hear today. You will getthrough this, all right. We are
going to take a short break andwe will be back with more cancer heroes
here on Saga nine sixty No Radio, No Problem streams live on Saga nine
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Am dot C. And welcome backto the Mindset Mentor. I'm Tanya Kohlar.
We are continuing the conversation with agroup of extraordinary women co authors of
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cancer heroes. My next guest isNikki Papai You wannu and it is such
a pleasure Nikki having you here onthe Mindset Mentor today. Welcome, Welcome,
Thank you, Tanya, so happyto be here. So, Nikki,
you were diagnosed diagnosed with thyroid cancer. You know, as as a
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young mom of two kids. Whatwas that like hearing that diagnosis? Oh?
Wow, well you know it's itwas part of probably a blessing.
I was too busy to worry aboutmyself. Wow, And I thought to
myself, okay, well we justgot to fix it. Now. I
just have to be okay because Ihave these these little people that need me,
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and what do we do to fixit and also fix how I handle
it? You know that's interesting,you know I love that, and and
right away I think a lot ofpeople can relate to your story where you
know, everyone puts, especially parents. I believe, you know, put
other people first, and then youforget yourself in in that process. So
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what did you learn about, youknow, trying to get some of that
self care back into your life.I'm putting yourself as a priority. Oh
that's such a good question. SoI said to myself, you know,
there's this there's this little quote Iread that says it might take you one
hour to complete a workout, butit will keep you in a good mood
for twelve hours. And I havethat on my desk, and I just
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remind myself that the one hour aday I give myself makes me infinitely nicer
to everyone, including my little chicklits and patient. So I mean,
to all the moms out there whofeel guilty working out, forget the guilt.
Go do the workout, Go getyour hair done, your nails done,
and then feel amazing when you're aroundyour kids. I love that because
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you know, we certainly can giveour best selves to others when we feel
good, when we do something thatnourishes our soul, that nourishes our body,
our mind. And I think it'sso important to have that awareness that,
okay, we maybe need to payattention when things are showing up in
our lives to really start to say, all right, I need to regroup
put myself first. So thank youfor saying that. I know so many
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people right now listening need to hearthose words so desperately. So Nikki,
tell us about your experience going throughhaving thyroid cancer. Okay, well,
so in the beginning, there wasa goiter in my throat, and you
know when doctors discovered that in mythroat, they said, oh, a
lot of Mediterranean women have this.So I mean doctors did in Panics.
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I did in Panic And I hada friend of mine who lives in Europe
say to me, well, it'snot normal to just leave that in your
throat. Don't you guys take thatout? And I just said, well,
no, I don't think we do. I think we just leave it.
And then years later I was pregnantwhen I was six months pregnant,
the doctor that was overseeing my pregnancysaid, you know, your throat is
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really swollen and I'm scared. Andwhen she said I'm scared, I need
us to do a biopsy. Ialso was going to a Chinese practitioner who
just advised me and said, yourbody is telling me that you have cancer
in there. But I do notbelieve in biopsies. Please just have them
remove what's in your throat. AndI trust this man very much because he
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hasn't really led me wrong. SoI said, to the doctor's please just
no biopsy. There's a baby inmy stomach and we don't know and cannot
guarantee that whatever I do to helpmyself in this moment won't cause something to
happen to my son. So let'slet this little person come out and then
whatever you want me to do,I'll do. But I prefer to just
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have surgery. I said, canwe skip the nice and knees like,
we don't need to do a biopsy. I'm game, I'll show up,
I'll do it. So you know, it was a fall day. I
got a call. It was amachine that said you are scheduled for surgery
at Michael Garren Hospital. Wow,a machine telling you, Oh my goodness,
that's a surprise call. Yeah.I was like, okay, cold,
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she repeat herself. It was alittle bit like a dream moment.
And then we you know, Iwent to the hospital. It was a
beautiful fall day. I didn't speakthe whole way there. I was just
praying. I was like, okay, so whatever's in me now we're going
to find out. You know,this is not when you get to ignore
whatever is going on in your body. And I think everyone does that,
right, we can all kind ofignore something until it's on nine one one.
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And we drove to the hospital andI was just praying the whole time.
I was just saying, oh,you know, oh, Father war
in heaven. And I went soinward that everything after was like slow motion.
So they had me changed into thehospital gown and I was like,
all of me were just operating onmy throat. You want all of me
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without claw? The nurses were like, wow, she's new. Yeah,
she wants your clothes on. Yeah. So then they give me a hospital
gown and I'm like kind of exposed. I'm like I didn't bring anything for
this. I don't know this isnot this doesn't look nice. And then
we sit in the hospital and Isit right beside my great uncle. Oh
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coincidentally, your great uncle was theretoo, okay, And then I had
this moment. I'm like, okay, and it's like one of the nicest
great uncles with his family, andI'm just sitting there and I'm like,
oh, life is always taking careof us. I mean, I could
have been there alone with a bunchof people in our hospital gowns, but
instead I have my big Greek family. I love it. I love it.
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You know. That's amazing, youknow, and it's really highlights the
power of connection and having support goingthrough a diagnosis like you've had and what
you've experienced, you know, havingthyroid cancer, being a young mom,
and also going through that while you'repregnant. You know, there's a lot
of I'm sure stress and uncertainty thatwas surrounding that experience for you. To
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so to find that comfort on aday where you know you're you're stepping into
a realm in a territory that's unfamiliar, you don't know what to expect,
I think is really important. Youknow. It's interesting that you said that
you know, you just thought,well, I don't have to take off
all my clothes. I thought wewere just you know, focusing on the
throat. And I think it's partof life where sometimes we just you know,
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don't really want to necessarily think about, you know, the worst case
scenario. We try to minimize things, but sometimes reality sets in. So
for you, the reality end,the reality of having thyroid cancer set in,
and how did that impact your life? The reality of the moment set
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in when I woke up from surgery. And I woke up from surgery and
everything was white around me, andI didn't know any of the faces I
saw, and they were like,are you okay, are you breathing?
What's her heart what's her heart ratelike? And they were kind of talking
about me. And then, youknow, not seeing anybody familiar, I
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was like, okay, this isdifferent, not really comfortable for me.
And I kept saying to myself,now you just have to surrender. This
is not your game. You didn'tdo things right and you ended up here.
It was a very humbling moment.So whatever I did clearly wasn't self
preserving, self honoring in any waygetting to this point. So then I
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was like, okay, they putme in this in this word. It's
in this recovery room, and everybodyin that room had cancer, and the
nurses and they looked so worried,and I was like, are you guys
okay? And they started telling meabout people they'd lost to cancer, and
the nurses told me they were allstill really sad about a young man who
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came into the hospital and didn't wantto tell his momm he had cancer and
said he had pneumonia and he didn'twant his mom to know even until he
took his last breath, because hedidn't want her to worry. Oh,
dear right, tell me, like, that's intense. That is intense,
and especially going through your own situationand having your own fear and having that
(35:31):
at it all. You know,I can't even imagine what that felt like
in that moment, you know.And that's kind of an interesting point because
I find that people have the bestof intentions, right mostly, and they
meanwhile when they start to share otherpeople's stories, And it could be certainly
helpful when we hear other people's stories, but I think there's also a point
(35:52):
where you have to be very carefulof, you know, what you're sharing
with somebody who is going through,you know, a cancer scare or has
cancer, or is is you know, terminally ill. You know, the
last thing they want to know isyou know who died today? Right?
That was like holy shit. Ihad like a breathing a paper bag.
(36:14):
Okay. And then I have agood friend who's very involved in the Greek
church and she's best friends with amonk. So I said to her,
can I talk to your monk please? And she got the monk on the
phone and he was, you knowthis this man is I think a little
special in his way. He said, oh, Nikki, I want to
(36:37):
FaceTime you. Look at where Iam, Nikki, and he points behind
him. He's out this little chapeland it says Saint Nicholas and my son's
name is Nicholas. And he said, there are no accidents, Nikki,
you will be fine. You arein good care. Trust that you are
in good care, Nikki. Andhe said, just trust and then he
(36:59):
leaves. And I don't know why. That is all I needed. He
said, just trust and that's allyou have to focus on. Don't listen
to anything you hear in that hospital. Wow, I love that, and
such great advice. And you know, literally I was getting goosebumps when you
were talking about that. You know, just trust and I think that you
know, it's so important for usto trust in ourselves. Uh and and
(37:22):
to also to be an advocate forfor yourself and to surround yourself with the
people and things that are going tohelp in your healing. And again,
you know, loved ones and familyfriends may may have the best of intention.
And if there's something that you knowyou want to create instead of boundary
for for yourself, then do that, you know, and know that it's
okay to do that. You knowyou're going through a lot, you know,
(37:45):
not only physically right, but emotionallywhen when you have an illness,
and so I think it's so importantto maintain you know, that that strength
for yourself and that trust. Beautifulbeautiful advice from the monk. And so
we just have a couple of minutes, laugh, Nikki. So I'd love
to hear what is you know,one of the lessons that you would like
(38:09):
to impart to your kids having gonethrough this process. Oh okay, So
to my kids, I would say, try and stay in an attitude of
gratitude because we have a different energeticfrequency when we stay grateful and don't let
(38:29):
yourself ever be dishonored by anyone.And that doesn't and it means, like
I'm trying to teach my little ones, we're not better than anyone, we're
not worse than anyone, But nobodygets to trample your spirit because I believe
that when we allow ourselves to gethurt, we get sick, and you
know, it's a disease is emotionallybased, I believe, And so it's
(38:52):
almost like if we could, ifwe could just preserve ourself and others and
make a world that's kinder, that'swhat I want to teach them. Oh
that is so beautiful. Those arewords that everybody listening can certainly take to
heart. You know, to beyour authentic self and you know, let
that beautiful light inside you shine andradiate. And Nikki, it's a pleasure,
(39:16):
absolute pleasure having you here on themindset mentor today. Thank you for
doing the work that you do.I know, as a an owner of
a PR firm, you are sociallyconscious and you know you're on a mission
to help others and you embody thatthat spirit every day. Oh, thank
(39:37):
you Tanya, your show is amazing. I love all your guests and I
love listening. Thank you, ahyou know right here on the Mindset Mentor
on Saga nine sixty am, Ihave incredible guests. I am so honored
and privileged to do what I do, and I get to be a facilitator
helping, you know, share amazingstories for people who you know have taught
(40:00):
us so much. And I thinkthat we've all learned so much and can
learn so much from each other.So it's important to to, you know,
get the word out. So thanksto Nikki joining us today and more
coming up next here on SAGA ninesixty stream us live at SAGA nine six
(40:29):
am dot CA. A welcome backto the Mindset Mentor. I'm telling you
colar helping you live your best life. We are continuing the conversation with a
(40:52):
group of women who are co authorsof a book called Cancer Heroes, which
is about stories of healing and survivaland profound transformation inspiration for you to get
through your greatest challenges. We're goingto hear from our next co author,
Katherine Clark, and by the way, just a little sneak peek, I'm
(41:12):
also in the book I wrote achapter alongside these beautiful women who have courageously
shared their stories. If you'd liketo get a copy, you can head
to Amazon. You could also goto Cancer Heroes Stories Cancer hero Stories dot
Com and get your book there andmaybe give the gift to a loved one
(41:36):
who's going through a challenging time toknow that they're not alone. All right,
So let's continue the conversation. Nextup, we have Katherine Clark.
Katherine Clark is a trauma counselor.She also owns a boutique consulting firm called
Katherine Clark Connects. And I alsowould love to share the title of her
(41:59):
new book called Gifts in Dark Packages. Catherine, it's a pleasure having you
here on the Mindset Mentor. Iknow that through your experience, you know,
going through the cancer journey, youdefinitely have found some of those gifts
in the dark packages. So whatdid that look like for you? That's
(42:19):
a great question, Tanya, Thankyou for having me on your show.
The Cancer Journey for me involved,first of all, having my father be
diagnosed with a brain tumor at theI was at the age of twenty five
at the time, he was onlyfifty seven when he passed, and that
dread, that that feeling that lifewill never ever be the same, that
(42:45):
kind of innocence, that belief thatthere's hope in the future, whether it's
a it's a diagnosis of cancer oranything that's you know, possible. Your
mindset is fundamentally changed in that moment. And what that looked like from there
forward for me, Tanya was Iwas thirty and I had this just it's
(43:08):
infusion, unfortunately of friends who werebeing diagnosed. My best friend's husband at
thirty one had a brain tumor,just like my father died of inoperable.
One of my very close colleagues,Kathy, found out well pregnant with twins,
that she had stomach cancer, andthen I was diagnosed with the tumor.
(43:30):
The size of a line that itmoved m trake you over an inch,
and so you kind of just gointo this dread mindset that there's death
all around and there's no hope.You know, I think that's you know,
that's a tough place to be,that hopelessness feeling, that's where we
(43:50):
tend to want to give up.But it's so important to always remember that
we can move forward. You know, things, even though they feel hopeless,
they never really are. So whatfor you is the catalyst that brought
you the wisdom and the change,knowing that there is hope for you.
The cool thing is I call itpost traumatic growth, and that's a term
(44:13):
that was coined probably twenty five yearsago on the positive psychology family of psychologists,
and it's all about the fact thatwhen we get down deep in that
dark package, we feel it all. To heal it all, what we
do is we actually see this newlight within us that we never before would
(44:35):
have witnessed or thought was there.This newfound sense of self and strength,
and this motivation to go on anddo things like you're doing, Tanya,
to have radio shows where you canspread the gospel that we are resilient human
beings. We're not alone, andwe can get through anything. And we
(44:58):
have survived one hundred percent of allthe crap, all the cancer diagnoses,
the chemotherapies, everything that's been putin front of us. I almost took
my own life as a result ofhaving declining mental health, which I want
your listeners to know is quite common. When we have a physical diagnosis,
(45:24):
we often then our anxiety goes up, and depression is just beckoning at the
doorstep. An untreated depression, asI'm sure we're all aware, leads to
suicidal ideation, and that's where Iwas. But having gone to that doorstep
(45:45):
and emerged from the light knowing,not knowing at the time that I had
an osteochondroma not an osteosarcoma, whichthe difference being one was a full blown
cancer diagnosis the other one was adifficult surgical process. But either way,
I could live and I could nolonger be the person I was before.
(46:09):
But it's almost like this post traumaticgrowth was this rebirth of myself, so
that I went back to school,became a cognitive behavioral therapist. I worked
in suicide intervention in the Arctic,and I became smitten with saving lives and
(46:30):
helping people to really know they're notalone. And that was basically the premise
for the book, that we canrise from the depths of that darkness,
no matter what our diagnosis. Yeah, I love that so beautifully said Catherine's
book is Gifts in Dark Packages.And I think that a lot of people
(46:50):
listening can certainly relate to your story, and anyone who is feeling you know
that they're alone or feeling hopeless orhaving suicidal ideations. Please reach out out
to friends, loved ones, professionals, you know, get the support that
you need because you are not alone. And I want you to always remember
that, you know, every momentin life is temporary. You will get
(47:12):
through this. I promise you youwill get through the experience that you're going
through. And Catherine, thank youfor being vulnerable and sharing your feelings.
I think a lot of that comesfrom the uncertainty. And you saw what
your father went through and your friendsand loved ones in your environment, and
(47:32):
I think that kind of puts unduefear sometimes undue pressure right and exacerbates the
fear that we have and then ourmind can go into overdrive. So,
as a trauma counselor Catherine, arethere some tips that you can offer that
can help the listeners to say,Okay, wait a minute, let me
(47:52):
put things back into perspective. Tryto quiet that overthinking mind so that they
can move forward more, you know, uh, empowered. Let's say yes,
definitely. And I think you youraise a valid point that you know,
despair and hope are just, youknow, two sides of the same
coin. It's the story that wefeed and so one of the first things
(48:15):
we can do is know that there'sspyware that's kind of floating around the back
of our head. I actually wrotea chapter called curb You're catastrophizing. First
of all, break that will soundsso simple, but breed and ask yourself,
is there any other way to lookat the situation? Is there any
other possible outcome? Because we goto catastrophizing so quickly, especially with our
(48:38):
with our inner programming, and thereare a few ways that we can learn
to build this new mind that andnavigate difficult pass ahead with things like just
didn't simply interviewing someone who's experienced atragedy like terminal cancer and live to tell
the tale. You know that thatmaybe it's that eighty seven year old neighbor
(48:58):
who lives a few doors down.You could take you know, some muffins,
some freshly big muffins too, andjust be infused with that hope and
positivity of a true survivor. Ormaybe it's finding examples of grit in nature.
We are all grittier than we think. For example, think about a
junkyard that has like a bulb ora tree or a tulip that comes out
(49:22):
of it, the experience of theyou know, the resiliency of nature.
Get just go for a walk andlook for those examples or decide. Since
we decide that everything is figure outable, you know you can do that today
by just breaking something down into bitesized, manageable. I call them little
(49:43):
micro goals. And today even ifyou just can get up, have a
nice hot shower, Maybe do yourhair so that you feel fabulous, even
if you don't feel fabulous on theinside. Make yourself a good cup of
coffee, take the dog for awalk, like a tiny walk. They're
little micro goals, aren't they?That can change the whole trajectory of our
(50:07):
day. And gratitude I think startingand ending with gratitude really sets us on
this higher vibration where we can wecan now say, okay, I can
feel good in this moment and thenext moment, even if the one coming
(50:29):
up next to that is one whereI have to go for chemotherapy for example.
Gratitude always brings us back and groundsus, doesn't it. Yeah,
you know, gratitude is certainly agame changer. You know, it can
help to shift that that negative vibrationwhen we're really you know, really feeling
trapped by our thoughts and our feelings, so really important to uh, you
(50:51):
know, I think acknowledge also thosethose micro wins, right, so we
don't we don't necessarily have to knoweverything and how we're going to get to
the next level, right, Butjust be open to feeling better in the
moment, you know, because youdeserve to feel better. And you know,
I think the other piece that weforget too often is just to just
to laugh. Just think about,like fully surrender to the moment, and
(51:16):
I think just practicing what might befunny in this moment. Laugh at yourself
at least three times a day.Remember, remember whatever is happening, we'll
make a damn good story at adinner party. Yeah, you know,
it's that's such a great point becauseI feel that a lot of people believe
that falsely believe that they can't enjoylife when things are negative and things are
(51:38):
not going smoothly. But you needto give yourself permission to be happy,
permission to laugh. It's okay tolaugh when even life is not perfect,
or you know, when you havean illness. So I think it's so
beautiful to listen to all of thesewonderful co authors. I want to thank
all my special guests today co authorsof cancer here, for joining us today
(52:00):
and sharing their deeply personal experiences.And if you would like to get a
copy of Cancer Heroes, head toAmazon. You can also go to cancerhroestories
dot com. And thank you somuch for tuning in, and remember to
(52:20):
have an absolutely extraordinary day, becauseyou are extraordinary. I'm Tanya Kohlar No
Radio, No Problem. Stream islive on SAGA ninety six am dot C.
The views expressed in the following programare those of the participants and do not
necessarily reflect the views of Saga ninesixty am or its management. Hello and
(00:21):
welcome to the Mindset Mentor. I'myour host, Tanya Kohlar, helping you
live a life you love. Comingup on today's show, I have a
group of extraordinary women who have cometogether. They've united to share their personal
experiences and journey with cancer. Sotoday you're going to hear stories of healing,
(00:42):
survival, and profound transformation. Theyare co authors of the book Cancer
Heroes, So I would love foryou to tune in have a listen to
their stories because their stories are fullof inspiration and ways for you to move
forward or powerfully in your life andthrough your greatest challenges. All right,
(01:06):
and now we're going to hear froma remarkable woman who has gone through you
know, extreme hardships when it comesto her cancer. So let's say hello
to Coco Roper, who's an influencer. She's a life coach and she's joining
us from Texas and she's also aMI Coco, so good to see you.
(01:26):
Thank you so much for joining us. I know you're busy, uh
with life. You've had certainly quitethe challenge with your experience with cancer,
and you have handled it with suchbeauty and grace. If you could,
you know, tell us your story, our story. Obviously because of time,
I'm going to do it super littleversion, but basically, April twenty
(01:53):
twenty, when COVID had hit,one day, I kind of just woke
up horrible pelvic pain, couldn't reallymove. I knew something was wrong,
But when you're a mother and youhave kids and you've got work, you
kind of start putting yourself towards theend of that list, right, Like
that dentist appointment and like that papspear and all of that go to like
(02:15):
the back burner. And definitely thatday I knew I had to go to
the doctor. And the moment myobgyn saw me, she looked at me
and she said, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what you're feeling.
Your whole can your whole cervix iscovered in cancer. I don't know
(02:36):
what type we need to pull outeight buyopsies, but like, something is,
something is wrong, and at thatpoint, it's really weird. At
that point I came out thinking,you know what, I'm twenty five,
Like I'll have a hysterectomy. I'vealready been blessed with the baby, Like
everything is gonna be okay. I'llprobably do a little bit of chemo here.
I don't think it had really setin to what was happening to me
(03:00):
until four days later when they thesame doctor calls me and she's like,
you can come in today. Andyou know, doctors don't do that right,
you know, doctors are like whenI see you in three weeks,
can I see you in a month. And when she tells me, can
you come in today, and I'mlike, okay, yeah, I'll be
right there. And that's when shegave me my official diagnosis of gastric type
(03:24):
ENDO cervical adino carcinoma point zero sevenpercent of women get it, eighty percent
death rate. Only studies based outof this super weird cancer that is very
aggressive, that is glandular, andI mean very quickly, I started doing
pets cancer and everything, and Ihad to go to twenty eight rounds of
(03:50):
radiation and eight rounds of chemo,and it was almost stage four and it
went from having a super normal lifeto you know, I'll fight or flight
mode. My whole world was turnedupside down. And even through all of
that, I was trying to keepa very i would say positive outlook at
(04:11):
everything. I was not spiritual atall, but I felt that I had
gone through other hardship in my lifethat had prepared me for this a little.
Did I know? Right? Iended up getting negligently treated by my
medical oncologist, and so basically thebest easy for dummies ways for me to
(04:34):
put this is, they over burntme from my breast down through the radiation
COCO, through the radiation and thechemo. At the same time, I
kept telling him like, hey,I'm having this burns, I'm having these.
I think we got to slow itdown. We knew that the regiment
(04:55):
that I had gotten for my cancerwas going to be a very hard one,
but because I was young, They'relike, we're gonna hit you hard,
but this is what's gonna say toyou, you know, because it's
not just about taking the cancer awayright now, but it's too also ensure
that you're not gonna get it backin five to ten years because you are
so young. Well, I didn'trealize that that meant literally destroy every single
(05:20):
good white blots of account that Ihad and I'm not gonna like EMO and
radiation were hard. But when Ihad that emergency and I realized that everything
had been burned, and I endedup in ICU and I can't walk,
I can't move. I have surgeryafter surgery happening. I I'm writing down
(05:46):
my will with a lawyer. Iam begging at the hospital to let me
see my daughter one last time,to say goodbye to her. I have
my two year old. It wasn'ta matter of sex that I went from
Okay, she's fighting and it's kickingher butt to she's got six hours and
that's all she's got left, allbecause I was negligently treated. And I
(06:15):
mean, then my journey really startedwith I mean, like I said,
I've gone over thirty five surgeries overthe past three years. I've probably spent
about a year and a half collectivelyin the hospital. I have bilateral nefrostomy
tube. So for those that youthat don't know, basically I have renal
failure, and so I have twotooths that come out of my back that
(06:40):
are connected to an individual bag inwhich were IP. Basically I have another
bag in front of my stomach,which is where I go number two.
Because my colon doesn't work, Iam unable to be intimate for the rest
(07:00):
of my life. So there's justa lot of things that have come with
the hardship that I think have beenharder to adapt and to turn. And
I had to roads. I hadthe road in which I could be mad
at the world, and I could, you know, be depressed that like
(07:23):
all of these things had been takenaway from me, the ability to sour
myself, the ability to walk bymyself, the ability to hold my daughter,
like all of these things that youdon't really think about that were in
a matter of minutes, they weregone. They were no longer things that
you could do. And so forme, I was like, Okay,
(07:46):
who do I want to be throughthis? You know, I know that
I had made mistakes, and Iknow that when I got diagnosed, I
wasn't the person that I knew Icould be. And so I really took
the diagnosis and honestly the depression andthe pressure of everything that was going on
(08:07):
to say, well, what ifthis is the opportunity that I've been wanting
to start redeeming myself and redeeming mylife. And starting to live the life
Cocoa wants it with the right values, with the right molars, with the
right positivity, making her wrongs right, with spirituality, with journaling and gratitude
(08:33):
lists, and start seeing the goodthings that I have despite the fat despite
the fact that I have to betaken care of twenty four seven by somebody,
you know. And I slowly startedon that, and I started to
find peace. I started to findpeace in helping other people, in helping
(08:58):
people that are going through hardship advocatefor themselves, in learning how to advocate
for my body and what I thoughtwas best right, because when you're sick,
I almost feel like everybody thinks they'reentitled to an opinion on what you
should do for you. And Iwas always going to listen to those opinions,
but I wanted to know that whenevera decision was being made, I
(09:24):
knew that was the right thing forme, and that you don't get there
without education and without advocating and withoutasking. So that's something that I've implemented
a lot into my life coaching,specifically with my patients that are going through
hardship. I'm like, Okay,how can we advocate for you. Just
because you're going through a hardship andeverything in life seems so crazy, it
(09:50):
doesn't mean that you can't find themost happiness and peacefulness and security in your
decision and in the way that youare living your life. Yeah and so
yeah, and four years later,here I am, or three years later,
and I can look myself in themirror and I, you know,
(10:11):
this has affected everybody around me,my marriage, my family, my daughter.
But now I see my daughter andI see her empathy, I see
her understanding. I see her lovinga body that doesn't look like a normal
mommy body. Right. I seemy daughter bringing a blanket to lay down
(10:31):
on my port so she doesn't hurtme. All of these things that are
making her such like an amazing humanbeing that I could have never taught her
if it wasn't because of the situationthat I'm in. And so we've just
really grasped on to what are thelessons and what is God trying to communicate
(10:54):
to us? What are we tryingto fight for? And let's fight together
for it? Wow, Coco sobeautifully said, and I I, you
know, hearing your story, Ican't even imagine. You know what you've
gone through and what you continue togo through. And I'm truly in awe
of how you have handled your diagnosesand how you're moving forward in your life
(11:16):
in such an empowering way. Andit is so important for us to advocate
for ourselves, to have a voice. And you know you certainly are a
true warrior and a cancer hero andI thank you so much for candidly sharing
your story. All Right, weare going to take a short break and
we will be back with more CancerHeroes here on SAGA nine sixty stream us
(11:50):
live at SAGA nine am dot Cand a welcome to the Mindset Mentor.
I'm Tanya Kohlar, helping you liveyour best life. We continue the conversation
(12:15):
here with a group of extraordinary womenwho have co authored a book called Cancer
Heroes. And these are true heroesthat we could take incredible inspiration from.
My next guest is Countess Ingram.She is a wellness coach and she is
also founder of Healed to Go.The Countess, it is an absolute pleasure
(12:37):
having you here on the Mindset Mentor, so thank you for joining us today.
Thank you Tania for having me.It's a pleasure and be here well,
well, you know, your journeyhas been quite extraordinary. You have
faced a lot of challenges and hardshipsin life that sort of, you know,
keep sort of jumping up. Onceyou're out of the firing line,
(13:01):
it seems to be the next oneand the next one, and you've handled
it with such beauty and such grace. So I'd love to you know,
hear obviously your journey, but alsohow you have been able to find strength
in some of your greatest challenges.Wow, thank you. So I cannot
(13:24):
take the credit for it at all, Tanya, it is my faith in
Christ that helps me through. Iam a believer and a follower of Christ,
and I know that I am whoI am and I am where I
am simply because of His love thatempowers and strengthens me on a regular basis.
(13:50):
I don't know how I would havegotten through of the many challenges that
I've encountered had it not been frommy faith. Thank God, that is
who I am, beautifully said,And I think that's so important for all
of us to sort of recognize whowe are, you know, find that
(14:13):
that authentic core being, because it'sthat sweet spot in life where everything just
gets so much better, no matterwhat it is that you were that you
were going through now personally, like, how does you experience cancer? So
I'd love to talk a little bitabout that journey and what happened in that
process. Well. Yes, Soit was in two thousand. I went
(14:37):
to the doctor for my annual physicaland I had been feeling tired. But
I was a single mom at thetime, recently divorced. I was raised
my my my children and so tired. Noess, you know when you have
(14:58):
little kids, it's like sleep,what is the time? Yeah? Yeah,
you think it's totally normal, right, Yeah. So I went through
my annual physical and my doctor noticedone side of my neck was larger than
the other. And she said,did you notice this? And I'm like,
(15:20):
no, you know, she said, well one side of your neck
is bigger than the other. Isaid, well, isn't one side of
our body always in the other side? And she goes, yeah, silly,
but not this big. So butI hadn't noticed it. I was
just thinking back over it now.I guess when you're raising young children and
(15:41):
you're a single parent, you're justin survival mode and you missed so much.
I know that that was how itwas for me at that time,
but she said, it's probably nothing, but I think it's significant enough for
us to look a little deeper.So we scheduled to go to the into
chronologist who did a fine needle aspirationin my neck and it was confirmed that
(16:07):
it was peppillari carcinoma. Oh wow, so that's not a good diagnosis to
hear, right. We always wantto hope for the best, but when
you hear it, it's really sortof sobering, isn't it. It is
it is. And when they saidcancer, I went from A to Z
in less than like sixty seconds,you know, like I saw myself with
(16:30):
my kids, and then I sawmyself, like really in a casket.
I was scared, you know,cancer has that fear to it. And
then I was like, you knowwhat, wait a minute, let me
take a deep breath. And Ijust remember after leaving the doctor's office going
(16:52):
home, well, I went tomy mom's first and she was in the
tub. Get it just busted inthe bathroom and she was like, what's
going on? And then I toldher, I said, you know,
I've been diagnosed with cancer. Andshe said to me, she calls me
(17:12):
County and she says, I don't. She says, I don't receive that,
but she says, whatever it iswe're going through, we're going to
make it. Wow. Oh,I love that. It's beautiful. I
love it. She and uh,you know, which was just that whole
journey was just amazing when I thinkback over it, and she's right.
(17:33):
We made it. We made wemade it through. It was not an
easy journey, but we did makeit. I didn't have the typical case,
if you will. I mean,it was a six year journey for
me, and I had lymph nodeinvolvement and everything. So wow, So
(17:53):
what did your a six year journeylook like? So it started out with
the I had this initial surgery,I had a total thyroid ectomy. Then
I went for the radioactive idine treatmentthereafter, and then it was it went
(18:17):
successfully, and then I kept gettingreally strange readings when I would go back
and they were trying to locate whatwas going on. What was given these
really weird readings. I will say, when when they went in for the
thyroid ectomy, it was a lotmore progressive than they had initially saw on
(18:42):
the MRI. There was some metastasesaround the voice box and and so you
know, it was it was,it was a journey. I had just
started singing at that time, soI was really concerned about my singing voice.
I am very active in my churchand utilizing my voice. Not only
(19:07):
do I sing, but I alsoam a minister, So you know,
I was just really concerned a lotof concerns. So we got through the
surge of first surgery. The readingswere off. They kept going back in
trying to figure out what was goingon, and then I had a period
where everything was fine, and thenI would say somewhere around two thousand and
(19:33):
five, I went for checkup andthe readings were all over the board again
and they located what was going onand it was in the lymph notes.
It was in back behind my ears, So it was something else. But
through it all, I just wantedto say that it pushed me into a
(20:00):
place of really test. It testedmy faith, It tested my relationship with
God, and it took my prayerlife to a whole other level. Because
as I they're trying to figure out, I'm talking to God, like what
is going on? Can you justlike reveal to me what this is all
(20:21):
about? It answers. We wantanswers. Yeah, I'm putting out an
sos, God sell them, yes, But you know, he answered,
And that journey through cancer really causedme to look at some of the traumas
(20:41):
that I encountered as a kid.I really feel in a very big way
that the manifestation of the cancer thatI had was due to the ill feelings
that I had from some of thetraumas from when I was a kid.
Yeah, I absolutely agree with you. You know, the the body stores
(21:03):
that, you know, trauma,right, unrepressed emotions and feelings, and
trauma stored and trapped in the body. And I believe that sometimes you know
that the manifestation of that disease isthat first opportunity now for healing, right
as opposed to saying, oh mygosh, this is awful going the wrong
direction. And sometimes it's like acall for healing, for us to pay
(21:25):
attention to our body and what's goingon inside. Absolutely, and to that
point, I remember specifically praying andasking God to show me because I learned
that we have the right to inquireand ask God what's going on. And
when I asked him, he challengedme to look at the issues in my
(21:48):
heart and I was like, okay, I mean the fact that it was
lodged here in my throat area.And I think back over some of the
challenges that I went through as achild. I my voice was taken as
a little girl. Yeah, andas much as I wanted to talk through
(22:11):
the stuff as a child, Ididn't have I didn't have that voice to
do that. So I swallowed alot of the pain, you know.
But through that journey, that sixyear journey, I forgave you know,
my mom, my dad, myex husband who left my children. You
(22:33):
know, I forgive me. AndI think that is what the last stint
of the dealing with the cancer thelast year and a half was about forgiving
me, because I when it cameback, I was like, wait,
I thought, God, I wasthrough this chapter. And he was like,
let's delve a little deeper. AndI remember him saying in my heart,
(22:56):
he said, you know, healingis not an issue. I can
do that. But what are yougoing to do when I heal you?
Are you going to go back tothe same way of being that you were
before the diagnosis? Oh that's sointeresting. And so here you are now
years later, and you are thefounder of heal to go, and your
(23:19):
mission is to help others, andyou are that natural caregiver. I know
that right now you are your mom'scaregiver, and you certainly are an inspiration
and role model to so many people. What does the the heal to go?
Uh and and also caring for yourmother, what does that mean for
(23:41):
you? He'll to go if Ican before I speak on he'll to go,
I have to go back in thecancer journey. I was told through
when I was reading through the Gospelof Mark that I was healed to wow
ooh so good. Heal to serveso and that was based out of Mark
(24:07):
chapter one, around verse thirty four. It was when Christ healed Peter's mother
in law, and it says hehealed her and she served them so immediately
when she was healed, she gotup and began to serve. So that's
where it started. There, healto serve and I am, Yes,
(24:30):
I am here to serve, andI'm also healed to go. He'll to
go is a branch if you willof heal to serve. It's you know,
so I'm healed, I'm serving,But in the midst of serving,
I'm still going and growing and whatI mean by that is, I know
(24:52):
that I'm healed to share a message. I love this. So clearly you
have a big purpose in life,you know, healing and serving others,
sharing that message and sharing your gifts, and you know, also coming full
circle to your mother being that caregiverwhere your your mother has said to you,
(25:15):
we're going to get through this,and now you are helping your mother
get through her challenge. I knowshe is, you know, dealing with
dementia and that's tough being a caregiverin that situation. So I want to
honor you for the incredible work thatyou are doing and that you will continue
(25:36):
to do. Thank you, Thankyou so And you know I said that
to my mom yesterday. We're enteringinto another stage of the dementia now and
we had a situation yesterday and shejust started crying and I said to her,
I said, Mom, it's okay, We're going to get through this.
(25:56):
And I want to share that messageto whatever you're going through, it
is okay to voice your emotion andknow that you will get through it.
You will get through it. Youheard it right here on the minds that
mentor, that was La Countess Ingramsharing her experience when it comes to dealing
(26:22):
with cancer and some of the hardshipsin life and being a caregiver now to
her mother experiencing dementia, and rememberthose words, these are meant for you
to hear today. You will getthrough this, all right. We are
going to take a short break andwe will be back with more cancer heroes
here on Saga nine sixty No Radio, No Problem streams live on Saga nine
(26:56):
Am dot C. And welcome backto the Mindset Mentor. I'm Tanya Kohlar.
We are continuing the conversation with agroup of extraordinary women co authors of
(27:22):
cancer heroes. My next guest isNikki Papai You wannu and it is such
a pleasure Nikki having you here onthe Mindset Mentor today. Welcome, Welcome,
Thank you, Tanya, so happyto be here. So, Nikki,
you were diagnosed diagnosed with thyroid cancer. You know, as as a
(27:45):
young mom of two kids. Whatwas that like hearing that diagnosis? Oh?
Wow, well you know it's itwas part of probably a blessing.
I was too busy to worry aboutmyself. Wow, And I thought to
myself, okay, well we justgot to fix it. Now. I
just have to be okay because Ihave these these little people that need me,
(28:07):
and what do we do to fixit and also fix how I handle
it? You know that's interesting,you know I love that, and and
right away I think a lot ofpeople can relate to your story where you
know, everyone puts, especially parents. I believe, you know, put
other people first, and then youforget yourself in in that process. So
(28:30):
what did you learn about, youknow, trying to get some of that
self care back into your life.I'm putting yourself as a priority. Oh
that's such a good question. SoI said to myself, you know,
there's this there's this little quote Iread that says it might take you one
hour to complete a workout, butit will keep you in a good mood
for twelve hours. And I havethat on my desk, and I just
(28:53):
remind myself that the one hour aday I give myself makes me infinitely nicer
to everyone, including my little chicklits and patient. So I mean,
to all the moms out there whofeel guilty working out, forget the guilt.
Go do the workout, Go getyour hair done, your nails done,
and then feel amazing when you're aroundyour kids. I love that because
(29:14):
you know, we certainly can giveour best selves to others when we feel
good, when we do something thatnourishes our soul, that nourishes our body,
our mind. And I think it'sso important to have that awareness that,
okay, we maybe need to payattention when things are showing up in
our lives to really start to say, all right, I need to regroup
put myself first. So thank youfor saying that. I know so many
(29:38):
people right now listening need to hearthose words so desperately. So Nikki,
tell us about your experience going throughhaving thyroid cancer. Okay, well,
so in the beginning, there wasa goiter in my throat, and you
know when doctors discovered that in mythroat, they said, oh, a
lot of Mediterranean women have this.So I mean doctors did in Panics.
(30:00):
I did in Panic And I hada friend of mine who lives in Europe
say to me, well, it'snot normal to just leave that in your
throat. Don't you guys take thatout? And I just said, well,
no, I don't think we do. I think we just leave it.
And then years later I was pregnantwhen I was six months pregnant,
the doctor that was overseeing my pregnancysaid, you know, your throat is
(30:21):
really swollen and I'm scared. Andwhen she said I'm scared, I need
us to do a biopsy. Ialso was going to a Chinese practitioner who
just advised me and said, yourbody is telling me that you have cancer
in there. But I do notbelieve in biopsies. Please just have them
remove what's in your throat. AndI trust this man very much because he
(30:47):
hasn't really led me wrong. SoI said, to the doctor's please just
no biopsy. There's a baby inmy stomach and we don't know and cannot
guarantee that whatever I do to helpmyself in this moment won't cause something to
happen to my son. So let'slet this little person come out and then
whatever you want me to do,I'll do. But I prefer to just
(31:07):
have surgery. I said, canwe skip the nice and knees like,
we don't need to do a biopsy. I'm game, I'll show up,
I'll do it. So you know, it was a fall day. I
got a call. It was amachine that said you are scheduled for surgery
at Michael Garren Hospital. Wow,a machine telling you, Oh my goodness,
that's a surprise call. Yeah.I was like, okay, cold,
(31:30):
she repeat herself. It was alittle bit like a dream moment.
And then we you know, Iwent to the hospital. It was a
beautiful fall day. I didn't speakthe whole way there. I was just
praying. I was like, okay, so whatever's in me now we're going
to find out. You know,this is not when you get to ignore
whatever is going on in your body. And I think everyone does that,
right, we can all kind ofignore something until it's on nine one one.
(31:53):
And we drove to the hospital andI was just praying the whole time.
I was just saying, oh,you know, oh, Father war
in heaven. And I went soinward that everything after was like slow motion.
So they had me changed into thehospital gown and I was like,
all of me were just operating onmy throat. You want all of me
(32:14):
without claw? The nurses were like, wow, she's new. Yeah,
she wants your clothes on. Yeah. So then they give me a hospital
gown and I'm like kind of exposed. I'm like I didn't bring anything for
this. I don't know this isnot this doesn't look nice. And then
we sit in the hospital and Isit right beside my great uncle. Oh
(32:37):
coincidentally, your great uncle was theretoo, okay, And then I had
this moment. I'm like, okay, and it's like one of the nicest
great uncles with his family, andI'm just sitting there and I'm like,
oh, life is always taking careof us. I mean, I could
have been there alone with a bunchof people in our hospital gowns, but
instead I have my big Greek family. I love it. I love it.
(33:00):
You know. That's amazing, youknow, and it's really highlights the
power of connection and having support goingthrough a diagnosis like you've had and what
you've experienced, you know, havingthyroid cancer, being a young mom,
and also going through that while you'repregnant. You know, there's a lot
of I'm sure stress and uncertainty thatwas surrounding that experience for you. To
(33:23):
so to find that comfort on aday where you know you're you're stepping into
a realm in a territory that's unfamiliar, you don't know what to expect,
I think is really important. Youknow. It's interesting that you said that
you know, you just thought,well, I don't have to take off
all my clothes. I thought wewere just you know, focusing on the
throat. And I think it's partof life where sometimes we just you know,
(33:46):
don't really want to necessarily think about, you know, the worst case
scenario. We try to minimize things, but sometimes reality sets in. So
for you, the reality end,the reality of having thyroid cancer set in,
and how did that impact your life? The reality of the moment set
(34:08):
in when I woke up from surgery. And I woke up from surgery and
everything was white around me, andI didn't know any of the faces I
saw, and they were like,are you okay, are you breathing?
What's her heart what's her heart ratelike? And they were kind of talking
about me. And then, youknow, not seeing anybody familiar, I
(34:29):
was like, okay, this isdifferent, not really comfortable for me.
And I kept saying to myself,now you just have to surrender. This
is not your game. You didn'tdo things right and you ended up here.
It was a very humbling moment.So whatever I did clearly wasn't self
preserving, self honoring in any waygetting to this point. So then I
(34:49):
was like, okay, they putme in this in this word. It's
in this recovery room, and everybodyin that room had cancer, and the
nurses and they looked so worried,and I was like, are you guys
okay? And they started telling meabout people they'd lost to cancer, and
the nurses told me they were allstill really sad about a young man who
(35:09):
came into the hospital and didn't wantto tell his momm he had cancer and
said he had pneumonia and he didn'twant his mom to know even until he
took his last breath, because hedidn't want her to worry. Oh,
dear right, tell me, like, that's intense. That is intense,
and especially going through your own situationand having your own fear and having that
(35:31):
at it all. You know,I can't even imagine what that felt like
in that moment, you know.And that's kind of an interesting point because
I find that people have the bestof intentions, right mostly, and they
meanwhile when they start to share otherpeople's stories, And it could be certainly
helpful when we hear other people's stories, but I think there's also a point
(35:52):
where you have to be very carefulof, you know, what you're sharing
with somebody who is going through,you know, a cancer scare or has
cancer, or is is you know, terminally ill. You know, the
last thing they want to know isyou know who died today? Right?
That was like holy shit. Ihad like a breathing a paper bag.
(36:14):
Okay. And then I have agood friend who's very involved in the Greek
church and she's best friends with amonk. So I said to her,
can I talk to your monk please? And she got the monk on the
phone and he was, you knowthis this man is I think a little
special in his way. He said, oh, Nikki, I want to
(36:37):
FaceTime you. Look at where Iam, Nikki, and he points behind
him. He's out this little chapeland it says Saint Nicholas and my son's
name is Nicholas. And he said, there are no accidents, Nikki,
you will be fine. You arein good care. Trust that you are
in good care, Nikki. Andhe said, just trust and then he
(36:59):
leaves. And I don't know why. That is all I needed. He
said, just trust and that's allyou have to focus on. Don't listen
to anything you hear in that hospital. Wow, I love that, and
such great advice. And you know, literally I was getting goosebumps when you
were talking about that. You know, just trust and I think that you
know, it's so important for usto trust in ourselves. Uh and and
(37:22):
to also to be an advocate forfor yourself and to surround yourself with the
people and things that are going tohelp in your healing. And again,
you know, loved ones and familyfriends may may have the best of intention.
And if there's something that you knowyou want to create instead of boundary
for for yourself, then do that, you know, and know that it's
okay to do that. You knowyou're going through a lot, you know,
(37:45):
not only physically right, but emotionallywhen when you have an illness,
and so I think it's so importantto maintain you know, that that strength
for yourself and that trust. Beautifulbeautiful advice from the monk. And so
we just have a couple of minutes, laugh, Nikki. So I'd love
to hear what is you know,one of the lessons that you would like
(38:09):
to impart to your kids having gonethrough this process. Oh okay, So
to my kids, I would say, try and stay in an attitude of
gratitude because we have a different energeticfrequency when we stay grateful and don't let
(38:29):
yourself ever be dishonored by anyone.And that doesn't and it means, like
I'm trying to teach my little ones, we're not better than anyone, we're
not worse than anyone, But nobodygets to trample your spirit because I believe
that when we allow ourselves to gethurt, we get sick, and you
know, it's a disease is emotionallybased, I believe, And so it's
(38:52):
almost like if we could, ifwe could just preserve ourself and others and
make a world that's kinder, that'swhat I want to teach them. Oh
that is so beautiful. Those arewords that everybody listening can certainly take to
heart. You know, to beyour authentic self and you know, let
that beautiful light inside you shine andradiate. And Nikki, it's a pleasure,
(39:16):
absolute pleasure having you here on themindset mentor today. Thank you for
doing the work that you do.I know, as a an owner of
a PR firm, you are sociallyconscious and you know you're on a mission
to help others and you embody thatthat spirit every day. Oh, thank
(39:37):
you Tanya, your show is amazing. I love all your guests and I
love listening. Thank you, ahyou know right here on the Mindset Mentor
on Saga nine sixty am, Ihave incredible guests. I am so honored
and privileged to do what I do, and I get to be a facilitator
helping, you know, share amazingstories for people who you know have taught
(40:00):
us so much. And I thinkthat we've all learned so much and can
learn so much from each other.So it's important to to, you know,
get the word out. So thanksto Nikki joining us today and more
coming up next here on SAGA ninesixty stream us live at SAGA nine six
(40:29):
am dot CA. A welcome backto the Mindset Mentor. I'm telling you
colar helping you live your best life. We are continuing the conversation with a
(40:52):
group of women who are co authorsof a book called Cancer Heroes, which
is about stories of healing and survivaland profound transformation inspiration for you to get
through your greatest challenges. We're goingto hear from our next co author,
Katherine Clark, and by the way, just a little sneak peek, I'm
(41:12):
also in the book I wrote achapter alongside these beautiful women who have courageously
shared their stories. If you'd liketo get a copy, you can head
to Amazon. You could also goto Cancer Heroes Stories Cancer hero Stories dot
Com and get your book there andmaybe give the gift to a loved one
(41:36):
who's going through a challenging time toknow that they're not alone. All right,
So let's continue the conversation. Nextup, we have Katherine Clark.
Katherine Clark is a trauma counselor.She also owns a boutique consulting firm called
Katherine Clark Connects. And I alsowould love to share the title of her
(41:59):
new book called Gifts in Dark Packages. Catherine, it's a pleasure having you
here on the Mindset Mentor. Iknow that through your experience, you know,
going through the cancer journey, youdefinitely have found some of those gifts
in the dark packages. So whatdid that look like for you? That's
(42:19):
a great question, Tanya, Thankyou for having me on your show.
The Cancer Journey for me involved,first of all, having my father be
diagnosed with a brain tumor at theI was at the age of twenty five
at the time, he was onlyfifty seven when he passed, and that
dread, that that feeling that lifewill never ever be the same, that
(42:45):
kind of innocence, that belief thatthere's hope in the future, whether it's
a it's a diagnosis of cancer oranything that's you know, possible. Your
mindset is fundamentally changed in that moment. And what that looked like from there
forward for me, Tanya was Iwas thirty and I had this just it's
(43:08):
infusion, unfortunately of friends who werebeing diagnosed. My best friend's husband at
thirty one had a brain tumor,just like my father died of inoperable.
One of my very close colleagues,Kathy, found out well pregnant with twins,
that she had stomach cancer, andthen I was diagnosed with the tumor.
(43:30):
The size of a line that itmoved m trake you over an inch,
and so you kind of just gointo this dread mindset that there's death
all around and there's no hope.You know, I think that's you know,
that's a tough place to be,that hopelessness feeling, that's where we
(43:50):
tend to want to give up.But it's so important to always remember that
we can move forward. You know, things, even though they feel hopeless,
they never really are. So whatfor you is the catalyst that brought
you the wisdom and the change,knowing that there is hope for you.
The cool thing is I call itpost traumatic growth, and that's a term
(44:13):
that was coined probably twenty five yearsago on the positive psychology family of psychologists,
and it's all about the fact thatwhen we get down deep in that
dark package, we feel it all. To heal it all, what we
do is we actually see this newlight within us that we never before would
(44:35):
have witnessed or thought was there.This newfound sense of self and strength,
and this motivation to go on anddo things like you're doing, Tanya,
to have radio shows where you canspread the gospel that we are resilient human
beings. We're not alone, andwe can get through anything. And we
(44:58):
have survived one hundred percent of allthe crap, all the cancer diagnoses,
the chemotherapies, everything that's been putin front of us. I almost took
my own life as a result ofhaving declining mental health, which I want
your listeners to know is quite common. When we have a physical diagnosis,
(45:24):
we often then our anxiety goes up, and depression is just beckoning at the
doorstep. An untreated depression, asI'm sure we're all aware, leads to
suicidal ideation, and that's where Iwas. But having gone to that doorstep
(45:45):
and emerged from the light knowing,not knowing at the time that I had
an osteochondroma not an osteosarcoma, whichthe difference being one was a full blown
cancer diagnosis the other one was adifficult surgical process. But either way,
I could live and I could nolonger be the person I was before.
(46:09):
But it's almost like this post traumaticgrowth was this rebirth of myself, so
that I went back to school,became a cognitive behavioral therapist. I worked
in suicide intervention in the Arctic,and I became smitten with saving lives and
(46:30):
helping people to really know they're notalone. And that was basically the premise
for the book, that we canrise from the depths of that darkness,
no matter what our diagnosis. Yeah, I love that so beautifully said Catherine's
book is Gifts in Dark Packages.And I think that a lot of people
(46:50):
listening can certainly relate to your story, and anyone who is feeling you know
that they're alone or feeling hopeless orhaving suicidal ideations. Please reach out out
to friends, loved ones, professionals, you know, get the support that
you need because you are not alone. And I want you to always remember
that, you know, every momentin life is temporary. You will get
(47:12):
through this. I promise you youwill get through the experience that you're going
through. And Catherine, thank youfor being vulnerable and sharing your feelings.
I think a lot of that comesfrom the uncertainty. And you saw what
your father went through and your friendsand loved ones in your environment, and
(47:32):
I think that kind of puts unduefear sometimes undue pressure right and exacerbates the
fear that we have and then ourmind can go into overdrive. So,
as a trauma counselor Catherine, arethere some tips that you can offer that
can help the listeners to say,Okay, wait a minute, let me
(47:52):
put things back into perspective. Tryto quiet that overthinking mind so that they
can move forward more, you know, uh, empowered. Let's say yes,
definitely. And I think you youraise a valid point that you know,
despair and hope are just, youknow, two sides of the same
coin. It's the story that wefeed and so one of the first things
(48:15):
we can do is know that there'sspyware that's kind of floating around the back
of our head. I actually wrotea chapter called curb You're catastrophizing. First
of all, break that will soundsso simple, but breed and ask yourself,
is there any other way to lookat the situation? Is there any
other possible outcome? Because we goto catastrophizing so quickly, especially with our
(48:38):
with our inner programming, and thereare a few ways that we can learn
to build this new mind that andnavigate difficult pass ahead with things like just
didn't simply interviewing someone who's experienced atragedy like terminal cancer and live to tell
the tale. You know that thatmaybe it's that eighty seven year old neighbor
(48:58):
who lives a few doors down.You could take you know, some muffins,
some freshly big muffins too, andjust be infused with that hope and
positivity of a true survivor. Ormaybe it's finding examples of grit in nature.
We are all grittier than we think. For example, think about a
junkyard that has like a bulb ora tree or a tulip that comes out
(49:22):
of it, the experience of theyou know, the resiliency of nature.
Get just go for a walk andlook for those examples or decide. Since
we decide that everything is figure outable, you know you can do that today
by just breaking something down into bitesized, manageable. I call them little
(49:43):
micro goals. And today even ifyou just can get up, have a
nice hot shower, Maybe do yourhair so that you feel fabulous, even
if you don't feel fabulous on theinside. Make yourself a good cup of
coffee, take the dog for awalk, like a tiny walk. They're
little micro goals, aren't they?That can change the whole trajectory of our
(50:07):
day. And gratitude I think startingand ending with gratitude really sets us on
this higher vibration where we can wecan now say, okay, I can
feel good in this moment and thenext moment, even if the one coming
(50:29):
up next to that is one whereI have to go for chemotherapy for example.
Gratitude always brings us back and groundsus, doesn't it. Yeah,
you know, gratitude is certainly agame changer. You know, it can
help to shift that that negative vibrationwhen we're really you know, really feeling
trapped by our thoughts and our feelings, so really important to uh, you
(50:51):
know, I think acknowledge also thosethose micro wins, right, so we
don't we don't necessarily have to knoweverything and how we're going to get to
the next level, right, Butjust be open to feeling better in the
moment, you know, because youdeserve to feel better. And you know,
I think the other piece that weforget too often is just to just
to laugh. Just think about,like fully surrender to the moment, and
(51:16):
I think just practicing what might befunny in this moment. Laugh at yourself
at least three times a day.Remember, remember whatever is happening, we'll
make a damn good story at adinner party. Yeah, you know,
it's that's such a great point becauseI feel that a lot of people believe
that falsely believe that they can't enjoylife when things are negative and things are
(51:38):
not going smoothly. But you needto give yourself permission to be happy,
permission to laugh. It's okay tolaugh when even life is not perfect,
or you know, when you havean illness. So I think it's so
beautiful to listen to all of thesewonderful co authors. I want to thank
all my special guests today co authorsof cancer here, for joining us today
(52:00):
and sharing their deeply personal experiences.And if you would like to get a
copy of Cancer Heroes, head toAmazon. You can also go to cancerhroestories
dot com. And thank you somuch for tuning in, and remember to
(52:20):
have an absolutely extraordinary day, becauseyou are extraordinary. I'm Tanya Kohlar No
Radio, No Problem. Stream islive on SAGA ninety six am dot C.
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