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November 16, 2023 • 24 mins
In this episode, Karla Campos sits down with the remarkable Shiloh Minor, an entrepreneur, devoted mom, and marriage coach who's mastered the art of juggling the complexities of life.

Shiloh shares her insights on the unique challenges and triumphs faced by entrepreneurial mothers, offering a wealth of wisdom gained through personal experience.

Join us as Shiloh delves into the strategies she employs to maintain a thriving business, nurture her family, and strengthen her marriage simultaneously.
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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to another exciting episode of the Entrepreneur Mom's Podcast.
I'm your host Carla Campos. Before we get started, don't
forget to subscribe, share like us on Facebook at facebook
dot com slash Entrepreneur Mom's Club. This helps amplify the
voices of entrepreneur moms everywhere. Today we have Shiloh Minor.
She helps smart women create soul satisfying marriages. She's an

(00:23):
inspiration too many, so welcome Shiloh. To tell us about
your journey into becoming a marriage coach. How did you
decide to start your own business.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
I didn't know about coaching. I didn't know it was
possible to have this amazing career, and I didn't know
that this was going to be my life. I never
intended to be an entrepreneur. I was a stay at
home mom who just thought, I'm going to focus on
this and if I can get this right, later on,
I'll think about what I'm going to do. I had
lots of education, of a master's degree, I'd been teaching,

(00:51):
I'd been Montessori, but none of it had really felt
like my soul's work until I found marriage coaching, which
I'm sure I will do into my gray years. So
how did I do it? Why did I do it?
Like so many coaches, I solved my own problem and
then realized I got to share this with other people.
So basically the story is that I married a great guy,
you know, when I was thirty and I thought, he's smart,

(01:14):
he's kind, he's honest, and this is going to be amazing.
I'm going to have that kind of relationship I've been
dreaming of my whole life. And mind you, I'd been
kind of obsessed with learning about relationships since I was
a teenager because I just saw that they weren't going well.
I saw that people were fighting, people were getting divorced.
I didn't see very many couples who I thought, oh,
that looks lovely. I would love to be part of
that kind of relationship. It was always like, well, those

(01:36):
people might be hanging on by a thread, but it
doesn't look great.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Unfortunately, I totally understand that.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
So I had done a lot of research, and I'd
done therapy, and I thought, Okay, I'm ready for this,
and like so many people with the best of intentions,
I still didn't know what I didn't know. So, you know,
after both our kids were born, the marriage really started
getting exhausting, disconnected, like forget about romance, forget about for
just like survival mode, right, just surviving the hard times.

(02:03):
And my husband kind of thought, like, that's it, Like
you just have to survive the hard times. Like he's
a very persevering person, he's very loyal. And I thought, oh,
like if he thinks this is normal, like what am
I gonna do? Like this is not okay for me.
And I tried to communicate it to him in so
many ways and I just couldn't seem to get my
point across. So one day I realized that whatever I'm
doing is not working. I am communicating in this way,

(02:25):
in that way, I'm reading books. I'm trying to get
him to read books or listen to podcasts, and none
of that is working, and things are getting worse. But
I thought, okay, I need to go right back down
to the basics. I need to question all of my
assumptions about men and women. I need to question all
of the assumptions about marriage because clearly I'm not the
expert here because this is not working. My results are
showing me it's not working. And my husband's a good guy,
like I want to say the kind of work I do.

(02:46):
It's not for a terrible man, like if he's lying
to you a lot, if he's cheating on you, if
he's really cruel to you, like calling you names and stuff.
That's that is beyond what anyone should tolerate. And there's
only so much you can to influence a man who
has those terrible habits. I'm talking about your standard good guy.
He might not be perfect, he might know how to
do romance, he might not communicate that well, but he's

(03:08):
not like going out there and breaking your trust all
the time. So let's just start with that.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
That's really important, important indeed.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
And so I went and I dug deep, and I
realized there's this whole science behind attraction, and there's this
whole literature around men and women and how we really
create romance, And there's this whole other world that is
just not part of the conventional relationship advice that you grab,
you know, in an article or something. It's not like that,
because the truth is, when your marriage is struggling, it's
hard to work on it together. Right. Your husband doesn't

(03:35):
want to go to therapy, he doesn't want to talk
about it because your marriage is struggling.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah, And like we talked on the phone, nobody wants
to feel like they're failing at something go on.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
So I figured out how I could change things by myself.
I changed the way I showed up. I did my
own inner healing. I learned how to create emotional safety
in the relationship, and doing that work allowed him to
step into a different role, allowed him to learn new
ways of relating, and allowed us to create a true,
really thriving, growing love story. Because all the good love
stories have some rocks and have some bumps in the road,

(04:05):
and that's not a problem. And there's real life and
there's stress and there's struggle, but it's that you come
through it and you grow strong. So after I had
made that transformation and god, oh my god, I've hit
upon something amazing, I realized I have to share this
with other women, because a lot of women are either
totally suffering and not getting their needs met or they're
just leaving because they're like, I don't I'm never gonna
get my needs met by this person.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
That's interesting because you would think that people are getting
divorced just because of cheating. So tell me more about
why people are getting divorced. That has to do with cheating.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
A lot of people are getting divorced who don't have
that situation, and it's because they do not know how
to get their needs met. And we do have legitimate needs.
We can't go for forty fifty years without any affection,
without any deep soul connection and be okay with it.
That's not what I or many of my clients are
here for in this life. And so that's how I
got into the business. I just thought, Okay, I'm gonna
just start small. I'm going to talk to people, I'm

(04:56):
going to share what I do, and I'm going to
see what happens. And what blew my mind was that
what I discovered were universal principles. These are things that
work with other people too, not just in my particular situation.
I still remember my very first client. I was so nervous,
and then her relationship transformed and it bloomed and she
was like so grateful, and I was. It was such

(05:17):
a satisfying experience for me, and I was so moved
that I could be part of this sort of change
in the world that I knew, this is it, this
is what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
It's definitely amazing when you do find your purpose. So
can you tell me about some of the challenges that
you've faced by starting your own business.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
I think the biggest challenge I faced was just self doubt,
like can I do this? Should I do this? Are
people going to judge me? I mean, let's be real,
the life coaching industry gets a lot of shade sometimes
for good reasons. And am I going to have the
courage to say to everyone I know who've seen me

(05:54):
grow and develop and change my mind over my life,
that I'm doing this. I think that I was really
scared of the judgment about it.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Indeed, But I think in any educational field and even
the marketing field, people are doubtful until they start seeing results.
So would you consider the judgment of others your number
one hurdle?

Speaker 2 (06:12):
That was my number one hurdle and still is because
every time my business grows, every time I get more
eyes and more ears on what I do, I'm open
to the possibility of judgment and criticism. And so I
think it's really been a journey of focusing in on
why am I doing this, Why is this so important
to me? And that you know, the people who don't
understand the people who criticize that's not what I'm here for.

(06:35):
And really anchoring into my own value and my own
worth and understanding that I can't create a business and
thrive if I fall apart everybody time somebody doesn't like me,
because everybody's not going to like me. So that was
the first big hurdle, and then the second one was
just thinking I didn't have any time. Like I had
a baby and a toddler at the time when I
started my business, and I thought, there's no way I

(06:56):
nurse all around the clock. There's no time of the day,
and you know what, where where there's a will, there
is a way. Of course I didn't do it full time.
Of course I wasn't, you know, putting in huge hours.
But I got my feet wet and I got started.
And I'm really, really glad I did that because now
I have those years behind me of dealing with my
own mindset issues, refining my processes, you know, getting feedback

(07:17):
from clients, getting results for clients. And so even though
it was kind of like I have no time, I
have small kids, and you know, self doubts and fears
because like I said, I never meant to be an entrepreneur,
and so now I had to really change my mindset
around that. Those were my biggest obstacles. I feel like
a lot of really successful entrepreneurs have this like cavalier
like confident attitude. They're like, I don't care what people think.

(07:38):
I'm out there doing it, kind of like a rebel archetype.
You know. I don't got any rebel archetype, or maybe
a little bit, but it's not really my style. It's
not what feels good for me is like sticking it
to people or like showing them I can do it
or whatever. I really want to create community. I really
want to create connections with people, and a lot of
my style is just it's all about love, right, Like
That's why I'm a love coach. And so it's been

(07:59):
a growing up and a maturing experience to go, Okay,
I can be about love and I can do this
work and it's okay if it can come off differently
for different people.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
So regardless of arch type and personality, because mompreneurs can
come in any shape, size, and personality. I do like
to ask this question here on The entrepreneur Mom's podcast,
we talk about balancing motherhood, marriage, and entrepreneurship. So what
are some tips or strategies you can share with morepreneurs
based on your experience that have helped you strike balance

(08:31):
and all that it takes to be a morepreneur.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
I love this question. When we talk about balance, we
always have to come back to values, because there's no
such thing as even stevens across all areas of your life, right,
It's a matter of prioritization and of values. So you
have to know what your values are and then you
have to make your decisions around those values. So, for example,
if you want to have a fantastic marriage while running

(08:56):
your business, then that is a high value. If I
want to prioritize my business and my kids and the community,
but I also want to have a good marriage, well
that's going to be tough because you haven't done anything
to prioritize your marriage. So here's an example in that
trifecta of how to prioritize your marriage prioritize yourself. And
this is something that I'm really passionate about because people
talk about their husbands like another task, like, well, I've

(09:18):
got a business, and I got a kid, and I
got a husband, But actually having a husband should make
your life easier, should make it easier if you to
find success, should build you up emotionally and spiritually and psychologically.
I'm not saying he's always going to be, you know,
your cheerleader, but he's going to have your back and
he's going to be that foundation that you're standing on
if you have a good man in your life. So
first of all, take him out of the category of

(09:40):
people I need to serve and placate and please.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
That's important because women usually think they have to serve
right or help and give up whatever they're working on.
So what are your suggestions.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
Think about what he really needs. What he really needs
is the woman that he fell in love with. And
the woman he fell in love with was happy to
see him. She had an energy and a vibe that
was hopeful and enthusiastic. She was falling in love. She
thought he was an amazing and wonderful man. She was
respectful and appreciative of him. Now, all those things are
really hard to be when you're burnt out, when you're exalted,

(10:16):
when you're not getting enough sleep, when you're not getting
enough help, when you're not getting any time to yourself.
So really, the best thing you can do for your
marriage is to tend to your own emotional and physical
well being a big part of my program is to
do inner child work and to sit with women and
help them to process all those emotions they've been packing
around since childhood, because that stuff is going to come
in and infect your marriage and it's going to sabotage

(10:37):
your marriage. So even though there's lots of nice things
you can do for your husband, the very first thing
that would serve him the most is to do for
yourself so that you're in a reasonably you feel like yourself.
You know they don't feel like their selves. You want
to feel like yourself, You want to feel good in
your skin. And the second thing you can do, it's
very simple and very powerful, is appreciate him. It's natural
as humans to focus on the negative and be critical

(10:58):
and look at all the ways that he might be
falling short of your desires or expert expectations. But what
you're doing is taking for granted all the ways that
he is showing up. This has become really, really obvious
to me as I speak with different clients, Because one
client will have a marriage that another client would kill for.
Right one client will have a partner who's kind of
lukewarm about the relationship and he's not sure what he wants,

(11:20):
and she's very, very anxious about it because she doesn't
know what's going on, whereas another one might have a
guy who's all in, but you know, he doesn't communicate
that well. But all she can see is that he
doesn't communicate that well. She's not thankful for the fact
that he's all in. So take a minute to look
at all the things that your husband does consistently and
he does well, and appreciate them. I mean that internally,
feel them in your body, like you know what if

(11:42):
I put it this way, all the things that if
he didn't do them, your life would be harder, every
little thing, Okay, even if it's not enough, it's what
he does right now. You want to appreciate them internally,
and then you want to say it to him, Hey,
thank you for doing this. I appreciate you doing that.
Bonus points if you can tell him what it does
for you. You know, the fact that you are consistently reliable,
you know, working and handling the money well and sharing

(12:04):
the money well. It just takes a stress off that
I don't have to worry about that at all, and
I thank you, I appreciate it, and that level of
appreciation will create a culture of appreciation in your relationship.
That's really powerful. It's not about him thanking you, It's
about just taking responsibility for the side that you have,
and in turn he will probably start appreciating you more
because he feels appreciated. It just doesn't happen right away.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
You mentioned that being appreciative gets your support from your husband, right, So,
I know there are many women out there, many morepreneurs
who struggle with getting support, not from their husband necessarily.
So where do you think that comes from? How can
women get more support in their communities? And that depends
so much on their husbands.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
So one of the things that women struggle with, especially
women entrepreneurs, is getting support, feeling supported, being supported. It's
like you're supporting everyone because the woman who has a
business and runs a family is usual usually go get her.
She's a doer, she's getting things done, and people are
asking for help. Hey can you be on this committee,

(13:06):
Hey can you run this fundraiser? Hey can you bring
this cast role to this woman? Like you will be
asked by a lot of people to support others, and
then when you get home and it's you know, nine
at night, and your house is still disaster and you
have to clean it up until whenever you're bitter and
you're resentful, and you're like, why doesn't anybody help me?
Why I'm the only one reaching out? And I'll tell

(13:27):
you a couple reasons. One's people don't support you because
you supported them. It's not a quid pro pro. That's
not how society works, that's not how culture work. People
will just take what you give them. And if you
look around yourself and you look at the women who
are burning themselves out to support everyone else, that's just
what they're doing, burning themselves out to support everyone else,
because it's not one individual, right, it's all spread everywhere,
and other people are very thankful for them, and they

(13:47):
might praise them and think they're wonderful, but in the end,
that that woman goes home burnt out, and her marriage
and her kids and her business are impacted by that burnout.
So what I like to say is there's no medals
for martyrship. If you go out to be a martyr
and morally superior and doing more than anyone else, you
are not going to get anything for that. And I'm
really harsh about that because a lot of women completely
destroy their health doing that kind of stuff, and that

(14:09):
is very difficult to recover from and you might, you know,
see your marriage slip away at the same time. So
you need to realize that asking for help and receiving
support is a really really important skill to have in
this life as a woman, as a mother, as a wife,
as an entrepreneur. You can't valorize doing everything by yourself.

(14:30):
It's not healthy or sustainable and it won't lead to
your long term success. It can lead to some short
term success, but it will catch up.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
So what do you suggest women do?

Speaker 2 (14:39):
So the first thing is to check in with your
beliefs around asking for help. Are you one of those
people who cringes when they think about having to ask
for help? Does it make you feel weak and needy?
Does it make you feel dependent and not powerful to say, Hey,
can I get some support with this? Hey I need
some help with this? Because if you think that way,
if you have those limiting beliefs about receiving support, you're
not going to ask. It's still going to be resentful
when none offer, but you're not gonna ask or when

(15:01):
your husband doesn't offer, right, we need to look at
what we've carried with. What makes you a good woman
is a good woman who does everything and never ask
for help. That's not a good paradigm to be in.
What you want to realize is that when people help you,
they like you. When people help you, they feel good. Right,
you feel good helping people. You feel good when you
get to contribute, Yes, ma'am. Well, people want to contribute
to you too. Your husband wants to contribute to you.

(15:23):
He wants to see you benefit from his help. That's
actually a gift to him and a gift to your
marriage is to allow him to help you, to receive
that from him, to be vulnerable to him instead of
going no, I can handle it, don't worry, I got it,
I got it, I got it, I got it. He's like,
what am I here for? What is the point of
me being here? Because a fundamental man's need is to

(15:43):
be needed and to be valuable and to be important.
And if you don't ask for help and you don't
receive much from him, none of those things are met.
So first of all, changing our ideas around support, and
then next ask for a small thing. Don't go for
the big shot right at the start, because that's going
to be too stressful for you.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
That's pretty funny, Hey honey, why don't you just fix
the roof for the next hour and the excuses, thank
you bye? But really, what should we ask for?

Speaker 2 (16:08):
Just ask for little things. Ask him to help you
with a problem that's not working for you that's very tangible.
Ask him to fix something, ask him to carry something,
ask him to open some up. Just the small stuff,
and then just say thank you and just start creating
that exchange. If you ask, he provides and you appreciate,
because that is a really healthy cycle for your relationship

(16:29):
to cultivate, and it's going to help lift the weight
off your shoulders because once he sees that you like that,
and then you're not criticizing how he does things and
you want him there to support you, he's going to
be more eager to do so. And the cool thing
about this is you can do this everywhere in your life,
not just in your marriage. Let other people help you,
ask them, and then when you get that support, be
really appreciative. It creates a really strong relationship when the

(16:53):
support and appreciation goes both ways. You don't want to
be the woman whose give, give, give, and never receive.
It's a very healthy dynamic, and it's one of the
clear signs your relationship is not working. Whenever I work
with women who have that habit in their all their lives,
Generally their husband does not do a lot. He doesn't
do a lot at home. He maybe does the bare
minimum with his work, but she definitely does not feel

(17:14):
supportive by him and often feels as though he is
a dead weight in the relationship.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Yep, Definitely, feeling like someone's a dead weight in your
life is not a good thing at all.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Your relationship will not last if that is your perspective
on your husband. I know it's a big joke out
there in the world her husbands are like kids, But
that's not funny, right. It makes us mad when we
think about it.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, I know, totally agree. It's really annoying.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
So take home that learning to receive and learning to
ask are critical skills for life and for business and
for marriage.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
Definitely amazing takeaway. You know what I did want to
ask you. We were talking about asking for help and
who do you turn to? I mean, I know you
are super insightful. But who do you turn to when
you don't have the answer to something? Do you have
anybody who inspires you? Who inspires you? There in the
coaching world.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
I have been really inspired by Brenane Brown because she
brings a sense of confidence and courage and leadership, and
she marries that with vulnerability and openness and honesty. And
I still remember the first time I saw her vulnerability
ted talk that went super viral, probably ten or fifteen
years ago, and I was just mesmerized. I thought, this

(18:24):
woman is doing something different. She is so compelling, she
is so magnetic, and so often I will just listen
to her lecturers or listen to her interviews and reflect
on how grounded she is, how much she is at
home with herself, how much she owns her own body,
her own imperfections and perfections, Like she can make jokes
about herself because she's not looking for your approval, She's

(18:46):
not looking for somebody to say, oh no, it's okay,
you're fine. She's just poking fun because she doesn't take
herself too seriously, and also because she genuinely loves herself.
And that is the type of energy that I want
to emulate. And that I'm looking to grow into is
one where I can see my own strengths and my
own beauty and my own power clearly. I can own

(19:07):
them without shame and without trying to dim my light.
And I can also look at my foibles and my
flaws and my shortcomings and go, yeah, I'm human of course,
instead of like, oh my god, that needs to be fixed.
So that holistic self acceptance is something that I find
to be my definition of successful maturity and mental health.

(19:28):
That you can hold all of yourself with love and
acceptance and not have this inner mean girl who's whipping
you and telling you're bad and wrong, or the one
that's telling you to be nicer and quieter and smaller.
So people like you. So Brene Brown, I would say,
is my number one inspiration.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
And I love that because I'm often told that I'm
a little much. And last time we were on the phone,
you did mention Brene Brown in her books, and believe
it or not, I had not heard of her before
you mentioned her, which is weird. But I'm definitely going
to look into her more for inspiration. So so what
advice would you give to aspiring morepreneurs based on your experience.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
One of the advices that I got very early in
my career as a life coach. And this might be
different if you're not in this particular niche, but I
think it plays out across multiple different kinds of careers.
Is your niche is the problem you solve, So instead
of just looking at it from your own perspective of
like what would I like to do? What would I

(20:26):
like to provide to the world, And you know what
is fun for me, which is all great, you need
to incorporate that, but you start with what problem do
I solve? What problem that people have in this world?
It could be that their hair is frizzy and you
sell them a shampoo that takes down the frizz. But
then what you do is you focus on communicating this
is the problem I solve, right like I solve your

(20:47):
looks good on paper marriage, the average ordinary, boring probably
going to lead to divorce when the kids go to
college type marriage. That's the problem I solved. And the
solution is the happy, soul, satisfied, passionate friendship, connection, lifelong
love story. That's a solution that I provide. So knowing

(21:08):
that has made me a lot clearer when I need
to communicate that it's made me, It's made all of
my efforts more effective. And I really notice it now
when I see new entrepreneurs come into the scene who
haven't done that work, because they'll just say enlightenment or
alignment or authenticity and like, those are all wonderful things
that are part of many people's solutions. But why would

(21:31):
somebody choose to spend time and energy or money on
what you're selling if they don't know if they don't
have a problem, for one, and they don't know if
you're the one who solves their problem. So for a
new entrepreneur, I would always ask myself what are peoples?
Because people will pay money to solve their problems, right,
even if they're at a super elevated state like they're
they're abundant in love and success and everything else, they

(21:55):
might pay money to you know, network and meet other
people like them. You know, they might think, oh, now
that I have this wonderful life, I don't meet anybody
I relate to. But still you have different problems. So
at whatever type of lifestyle or business or body you have,
you have different types of problems. I saw a weight
coach and her Her pitch was so good because she

(22:18):
called it unconditional hotness.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Definitely catchy, So.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
She's recognizing that women want to feel hot. This was
kind of like weight coach for women who are sort
of plateaued. You know, they can't lose the last ten
or twenty pounds. So she said she pitched this idea
of unconditional hotness that you will lose the weight because
you believe you're hot, not be because you believe you're
ugly if you don't lose the weight. And I thought

(22:43):
that will really resonate with people who are on a
self love journey who don't want to be beating themselves
up about how they look, who want to love how
they look, and also would like to be at their
ideal weight. Right, So she solves that problem of women
who are beating themselves because they're like, only got to
few extra pounds. Part of their problem is their head game, right,
they're beating themselves up about a few extra pounds, and

(23:05):
also coaches them on how to lose that weight while
still loving themselves. So sometimes when I run into this
kind of messaging, I'm like, Okay, that person really nailed
it because they know what their problem is and they
know what their solution is. That's my advice.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
So I'm definitely gonna take the fifth on that one
because I'm one of those people who is very hard
on themselves. Thank you for that inspiration and all your
knowledge that you have shared today definitely makes me reflect
them my own life because I think it takes a village, right,
And thank you so much for being here and shining
your light on us. How can people reach you? If

(23:36):
they want to set a session with you or just
get general information.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
Check out my website Shilohminor dot com and you can
find everything there is to know about me. But if
you just want to cut to the chase and talk
to me right away, just message me on Facebook. That
is where I'm the most active. I do weekly lives.
I'm always sharing value there. It's I offer free consultations
for your first time meeting me, so we can get

(24:00):
on the phone and I will let you know what
your problem is, what the possible solutions are, and if
you're a good candidate for my work. And I'm always
really honest about that because if you have a situation
where your man is unlikely to respond to the changes
you're making, I want you to know some people still
choose to work with me because they need to develop
their own innerpower, whatever choice they need to make, and
that's what I do. But often it's just a few

(24:21):
simple tweaks and within four or five sessions we see
dramatic changes and you're on the upward spiral. So please
feel free to reach out to me. I am at
www dot Shilohminer dot com and you can also find
me on Facebook at Shiloh Minor. I can't wait to
hear from you.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
So today, Shiloh has taught us that being vulnerable, asking
for help, and being appreciative are three things that will
make a mompreneur successful. Thank you, Shiloh, Thank you everyone
for listening. I'm Carla Campos for the entrepreneur Mom's podcast.
I'll catch you on the next one. Bye.
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