Mini Fuzz: Youtube Algorithm Awareness Month

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
A little crypt and this is a script I want
to quid against my enemies. Yeah, you see, you wanted
to say and then let it to raise you, but
I forget you from the wielding.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello everyone, what is up? I am rob oh m o.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
It is meaning for mini minifers.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Back to the regular schedule now, Yeah, so we're back
to you know, back to the grid. Don't sound to
enthusiastic there.

Speaker 4 (00:45):
Back to the back back to the grid. We're back
to the grid.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Hi, guys, we're back to the grid.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, yeah, no circle times. I hope everyone's doing well.
I hope you having got there wherever you may be before
we get into So we've got we've got an interesting
one to them, and we've got a couple of writings.
But one is I didn't realize, but this month is
YouTube Algorithm Month, awareness of and one of our listeners
who's been with us quite a long time and I

(01:15):
he actually had an experience with YouTube algorithm ideology and
he wanted to share his experience. So there is like
a YouTube algorithm trigger warning for the latter half of
the episode. But it's a story that he shared because
he thought it would help people, and I thought, yeah,
that's cool. No, I think that's are YouTube Algorithm Awareness Month.

Speaker 5 (01:38):
Why not like and at any point, I think seeing
someone maybe go through something and come through the other
side is important.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Absolutely, And we've had writings in the past some of
our listeners who have mental health things and stuff. So yeah,
it's always it's always good to hear stories and things
like that. So that is included in this episode. But
we've got lots of other stuff as well. We've got
possibly the whole art is going to barn up a melt,
and we've also got some other stuff as well.

Speaker 5 (02:06):
The art is doing YouTube Algorithm on our behalf and
we'll just join it.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Yeah, but yeah, before we get into it, lads like
to remind everyone that we are on Patreon. We get
the ad free experience over there. You also get your
access to your discord. You also got access to new episodes,
new stuff. I need to record one tomorrow. It's been
a record on the weekend, I think as well. I
mentioned the two before, But I think what I'm going

(02:33):
to do is like pilot, like a solo pod, an
actual podcast on there, I think. But I say a
lot of things do I do a lot of them
about fifty percent of the time, so we'll see if
I get that done. But anyway, head on over to Patreon.
There's going to be there's going to be three episodes
from me a month anyway regardless, and then our double one.
So head on over and check that out. You can

(02:54):
pay for the air. You can gift now if you
want to gift some month for Christmas to all that jazz,
head on over check it out. If I've got any
spooky stories or anything like that, where do I send it?

Speaker 5 (03:03):
If you want to send in any stories and not
unlike this episode, and if you want to write in
maybe with a personal story or whatever that you feel
might be helpful, send them to Monster Fuzz Podcast at
gmail dot com and verily we will read them out
on a.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Minifus absolutely and a quick reminder as well, folks to
leave reviews wherever you listen, and also head on over
to or slash podcast on Reddit and recommend us. This
is the time the year where people are asking for
spooky podcast. You're asking for like October time, Yeah, so
head on over check that was actually the equinox to the.

Speaker 4 (03:36):
Yeah, I'm starting a podcast called this Pumpkin Spice Life
that's probably play. It's probably good name.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yeah, that's a good name. Someone's going to rob the out.

Speaker 4 (03:45):
You can rob it for you.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Start release. That should be a female host. The pumpkin
what even is gender? Yes, it is pumpkin spicy, gender neutral.
I don't It was.

Speaker 5 (03:58):
Lastly pumpkin spice, life spice, okay, should I could just
be a vibe man pumpkin spice.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
When I think of pumpkin spice lata, I think females
for some reason.

Speaker 5 (04:07):
Yeah, no, you think female. They have the the oggs
and they have like their very cozy there, but they're
also on burr and they're going, it's so coold outside.
Can I have a half and half spice latte with
extra syrup? We don't have that phenomena as much here
as in American. In fact, we don't have half and
half here. Half and half is half cream half milk.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
I think that sounds absurd because you don't want to
go full.

Speaker 5 (04:36):
You're like, how can I be a fat bastard without
being a full?

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Actually they have Starbucks, as you know. If I'm wanting
to fly or something, I want something like really calorie
dense to just lash into me with a lot of energy,
star bus, lot of shy calories.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
All the calories, nutrients.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Spice is probably the most nutritious that that's probably synthetic
ac of course, like artificially.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
We'll be doing a pumpkin this year for Halloween.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
I don't bother with the pumpkins.

Speaker 4 (05:06):
Not a big pumpkin. I tell you.

Speaker 5 (05:09):
When I was in Brazil, they made me a wonderful,
wonderful meal. They hollowed out a pumpkin and they put
prawns with this wonderful sauce in the pumpkin.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Saga Magad.

Speaker 5 (05:20):
There was a there was Sonic two and three. They
were the Paratifs. There was a Sonic drink. But yeah,
they made gambas in a pumpkin and it was sious.
And they also do with a bakashi, which is that's pineapple.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Saga Magad.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Little.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
Yeah, it was deadly fucking giblets of tales.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, so that's the crack. Has there been?

Speaker 4 (05:50):
I think?

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Yeah, people have been asking about horticultural fossil. That's going
to be on the Patron episode for this week. Also,
I am, and you're talking about pumpkins. The only thing
I'm doing with plants and all that ship is as
I'm putting me bulbs for next year. Have to put
in your bulbs now, tulips or something. I had a
lot of slips, tulips them over that particular color. That's

(06:12):
that's fair. I like the darker now like a plum
or Yeah, I.

Speaker 5 (06:15):
Was gonna say, would you have like a plotlip plumb tulip,
a yellow tulip, the purple and gold sell them down games,
the county burling games.

Speaker 4 (06:28):
Get your Exford toulips.

Speaker 5 (06:31):
So all right, hey dudes, this is no writing from Alberta, Canada.
I'll set the scene. Growing up, my family had a
lot in the woods in Cottage Country, Ontario. On this lot,
we had a trailer down.

Speaker 4 (06:46):
A path through the woods.

Speaker 5 (06:47):
From the trailer, you'd find yourself standing high above a
massive sand pit with huge sand hills abandoned from some project.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
That I do not know of.

Speaker 5 (06:55):
As kids, we climbed these sand hills and caught many
glimpses of Lynx and fox who had made burrows in
this abandoned landscape. One weekend, I dropped off. I was
dropped off at my grandparents by my dad, as he
and my uncle were spending the weekend at the trailer
drunk boys. When my dad and uncle came to pick
me up on Sunday, they told my grandpa they had

(07:17):
seen Mike, a local friend that owned a cottage near
the trailer, doing what he always did, walking the sandfit
looking for animal bones, which for some old reason, some
odd reason, he loved to collect. They waved to him
from afire, and he smiled and waved back. My Grandpa
looked taken back and stated that that couldn't be Mike
had died the year previous of a heart attack while

(07:39):
on vacation in Florida. This led to a two hour
excited conversation in my grandpa's kitchen about how my dad
and uncle seen him clear as day during the daytime
and it was absolutely him, and I, as a lad,
just sat there, partly excited and partly afraid of going
back to the trailer as I now new Mike's ghost

(08:01):
would be collecting animal bones and my favorite stomping grounds.

Speaker 4 (08:06):
Cheers fellas no h, Lord of.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
Mercy, Christ of Mercy, Lord of Mercy.

Speaker 5 (08:14):
Yeah, yeah, no, that's cool. That's a that's a cool.
So you think they might have seen like a like
an echo an echo of them? Yeah, probably like Mike's echo,
Mike's hired lemonade.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
You'd wonder, like, what all that to echo? You think,
because that definitely is a common sort of a troupe
in the ghost the world.

Speaker 4 (08:36):
You never see ghosts getting new hobbies.

Speaker 5 (08:39):
No, they always do the ship they used to do
with like they goes, oh he's taking up tennis.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
Trust true? Yeah, very interesting. You'd wonder is it like
a is it a ghost obviously kind of reliving some
kind of weird shit, or b is it like your
brain doing some kind of weird shit? But then two
people saying that's all that changes that.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
Yeah, yeah, and then like there's some sort of time.

Speaker 5 (09:04):
Time space vortile it get as mad as you like.
You can actually just make anything up you want.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
You can get as mad as you like it because
we don't know fuck all, lem And the reason we
don't know, fuck call is our sun is becoming more
active and NASA doesn't know why.

Speaker 4 (09:20):
Oh it's about time to burn.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
So basically the understanding was I'll go over to some
readious article her sound, but the understanding was like that
we were actually going into a sort of a period
of a lull within solar activity. So you know, they've
been monitoring this on actually for a lot longer than
I thought. I think you're looking back as far as
the sixteen hundreds where they have actual records of like

(09:44):
solar flares and solar activity. But anyway, look, this article
is from Science Alert. There's predictions made around twenty nineteen.
I expected that solar cycle twenty five would be about
as mild as his predecessor. That turned out to be
not the case. So this cycle itself is stronger than expected.
And more importantly, the solar activity things like solar wind

(10:07):
in terms of speed, densityternal pressure, et cetera, have been
increasing since about two thousand and night, which is earlier
than the start of cycle twenty five. So why does
the matter and why is it exciting? While scientists have
thought there might be a prolonged period of low activity
which is similar to past minimum like Monder minimum, Dalton minimum,
these are all fucking solar terms or something I suppose

(10:28):
best on trends during the weaker cycle twenty four. Instead,
those trends reversed. The Sun is showing growing activity slowly
waking up. This has implications for space weather, solar storms, flares,
chronal mass ejections, all of which can affect satellites, communications,

(10:49):
and power grids. So there's a bit of a theory.
People are starting to wonder, is this the reason why,
like the likes and NASA and all that has been defunded.
Is that like they know that we're that we're going
to get fucking like if not cooked, do they all that,
like ship's going to get fucking crazy, We're actually better

(11:10):
off being a bit ignorant to it.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
Yeah, you would.

Speaker 5 (11:13):
I would be curious, like what would happen if people
are like, on such and such a day, the Earth
is going to start cooking.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Well, I'll tell you what exactly happened. Like let's just say,
for example, NASA came out tomorrow and they said, lads, right,
solar activities acting up. We're going to lose power grids,
we're going to lose satellite tech, and we're going to
just very first thing. Before that even finished up, and
in their mouth that before their lips are closed, people
are going to say that it's a governmental conspiracy, that

(11:41):
they are trying to control us, and that's some kind
of mass sye up. And then then meanwhile the planet
barns and we're all we're all like each other.

Speaker 5 (11:52):
I think if we stopped focusing on sye ops and
stuff that isn't happening, and maybe paid a bit more
attention to the stuff that is happening, you might go, oh, actual,
it's way worse than.

Speaker 4 (12:01):
What they're you know, So that's what would happen.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
Like it will cause massive, massive problems to life, as
we know, if the solar flares were strong enough and
the solar activity got mad enough.

Speaker 5 (12:12):
Yeah, so like, but we don't fully understand why.

Speaker 4 (12:17):
We don't know.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
It's just but this is the thing. So you would
think that science is like an established fact and all
of these things, and you watch Neil Degress Tyson and
you think he's right and everything, but the driver behind
this increase in activity isn't actually clear and not understood.
The internal solar dynamics that lead to this escalating behavior
aren't understood. Like I said, it's it's not obvious whether
what we're saying is just a strong solar cycle or

(12:42):
at the beginning of a longer term trend. Currently, solar
wind strength is still below early twentieth century levels, but
the direction of change is important to monitor. So that's
what you're speculating at the minute is like that the
trajectory could whip up higher than what we've ever experienced.

Speaker 4 (13:03):
Yeah, and I suppose all we do is we trend
on the data we have.

Speaker 5 (13:07):
That's not to say, look at the storms we had
in Ireland's last winter, so that's becoming more of a precedent,
but it was unprecedented before that, you know, So it's
it's that kind of Stuff's funny enough. In work, we
were actually trying to look at that and figure should
we should you start budgeting for these storms and all

(13:30):
the rest.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Of Yeah, and I think that's a lot of people
are specting with the change in weather. And there's there's
Ireland realizes on like the golf current or whatever, and
for people that aren't obviously Ireland centric doesn't really know
about it. But if the Gulf Stream actually collapses, basically
Ireland Ireland is like level with like really cold last places.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
On the globe, so.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
We would get fucking cold if that collapses. That's basically
the thing that keeps Ireland relatively temper.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
And our whole infrastructure then would need to find because
Ireland Ireland shuts down if it snows, like the whole
country basically just you stop being productive.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
But it's right down to the things is this, and
this will show you like how things can change very quickly.
But like if for example, we had prolonged freezing periods,
like everyone's heating and boilers would break, every one of
them and it would have to be retrofited and it
will cost thousands and thousands and there'll be work shortages
enough people to go around to that.

Speaker 5 (14:28):
And all those new fangled heat pumps you got are
going to break as well because they're in countries like
Scandinavia and stuff like that. They can manage these things,
but the whole infrastructure is different. So your bill, if
you think your bill is bad, now wait untill it's
trying to compensate for minus twenty outside.

Speaker 4 (14:44):
Then see how bad your bill is.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah, And so the pipes and stuff are really far
away from the house in Ireland and they're not very
deep enough and stuff like that.

Speaker 5 (14:53):
Was about to say, they're too close, so they'll freeze
at the circle. You'll have to keep your tap drip
it like you have to keep a flow of water.
And then flow water will mean if everyone in Ireland
does that will now run out of the water, so
like you're just yeah, the whole that's gonna due you soon, Okay,
if the weather, if.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
The weather comes along, if anything like that comes along
to change, it'll be interesting if there's a kind of
a prolonged period of change, like you imagine something. I'm
gonna use COVID as a reference plant because it's something
that all of our listeners can relate to. But if
you use something that causes as much of a change
or a shift, say as something similar to COVID, where

(15:30):
like I don't know, the electrical grid goes down for
an extended time, and like they're only able to manage
like lads, we can only rational electricity or something. It's
like we can only get it on for a couple
of hours a day or something like, shit, it will
go fucking crazy.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
You're gonna have.

Speaker 5 (15:44):
You're gonna be very quickly reversing all that ship we
said about no peace smoke, Oh yeah, smoking field that
you can't get het off.

Speaker 4 (15:52):
It's useless.

Speaker 5 (15:52):
Like but like the reality is the one thing I
will say is if you look at how adaptable humans are,
we tend to find a way through this.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
We will do. Now. Unfortunately, we're gonna be the ones
that don't have a way, We're going to be the difficulty.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Well, the worst that gets, the more it becomes like
just like fucking hammering each other for a bit of
sucking boat or something like. If you think about, like
if there was big heating problems, for example, every Oakland,
Ireland down, every train in sight, and basically after a
couple of weeks you'd have no woods left.

Speaker 5 (16:25):
Well, think about it more so, think about more so
all the new houses there is no fireplace. So even
if you yeah, that's true, you know, so basically you're
gonna have to get You're gonna have to buy a
tray of tea lights every day, put them in fucking
flower clay flower.

Speaker 4 (16:41):
Basically use the victory.

Speaker 5 (16:44):
Like there's but the thing is, there's ways and means
even what we've just discussed, like there's ways and means
like a chop half me guarden there.

Speaker 4 (16:54):
But again it's not sustainable and how much wood does
how much heat does that one damp.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
Old you have to sleep in the room with the
stove and all that.

Speaker 5 (17:04):
But then again is that just what you start to
like it's grant we I think people get really used
to modern convenient. Well we're soft, like, yeah, exactly, You'll
you'll get hired when you need to get hired.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah. Absolutely.

Speaker 4 (17:15):
I will also die earlier. You'll be cold.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
I love so try. I remember just one of them
times I was living in my own apartment. There was
a big freeze and I didn't have nothing.

Speaker 4 (17:24):
You were trying to get a bag of cold yeah,
and I loved it. I thought I was like this
class at the time. I don't know if you thought
it was that last giving out to me. I was
giving out.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
I was giving out. But it was also I remember
the time going just kind of cool.

Speaker 5 (17:36):
At the same time, there's something about like don't fight
for your life, Like don't they say that if you're
in a situation where like you have to walk five
miles for water, that those people are actually happier cap
then like us we're yeah, so like and like that fella,
what's the best thing? And he's like meat and honey

(17:57):
and that was it, Like because there fellas they hunt
for their food and all that. Yeah, because there's like
they don't have access to all the stuff. That has
also a fucked.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Up like yeah, absolutely, well, we need fulfillment. I actually
think that like if there was more kind of a
collapse of something, I think a lot of people would
rise up that didn't before. You think, like a survival situation,
like all of these motherfuckers and pencil pushing jobs. Now
their value goes out the fucking window.

Speaker 4 (18:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Yeah, so you're looking for like it doesn't matter what
promotion you have rending, you're looking for like hard, constant
and swinging an axe like.

Speaker 5 (18:33):
That practice when when if you think about what like
sixty percent of the country or in office jacks myself included.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
A lot of back pen a lot.

Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah yeah, but yeah, you have like just pain from
sitting down. Yeah, and what do you do? Like you know,
you're just like, oh, you have to do this now,
please give me fire.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
But I'm half a slug. I was once a manager
in an office. I was with the CEO of.

Speaker 5 (18:58):
It's funny that all that stuff doesn't matter. It's like
mad Max, You're right, you can't.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Drive a car.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
Yeah that interesting, you know, So like hopefully we won't
live to see any of this.

Speaker 5 (19:09):
Like the ideal would be our generation gets the last
of the summer wine and then because.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
I don't I don't want to be a d.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
N't you don't want to be that edge.

Speaker 5 (19:22):
Like I just think imagine like you're walking your dog
or something like things that are happening in places you're
walking your dog, and then your government just just basically
kidnaps you so that you can serve in the army.
Like they these things are happening in places that were
totally modernized the normal only five years ago. It's nuts,

(19:44):
Like and to your point, yeah, quickly, like what what
if some countries goes yeah, it will start shooting stuff
in Ireland.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
Nuclear you just have to like be like, yeah, you
have to fight lads. Now, we'll still do the podcast,
but we'll do it from the front the front line
cast front line.

Speaker 4 (20:00):
I just took one to the chest from.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
It's also like I I'm wounded. I have a fucking
bullet t leg or something. We're in some bunker, you know,
went for fucking drawings to the.

Speaker 4 (20:15):
What was that from? It was a fellow. It was
not about like Halo or it was a rapper. It
was something us.

Speaker 2 (20:29):
That was like probably a college everythink.

Speaker 4 (20:31):
The soldier boy, remember you playing braid?

Speaker 3 (20:34):
Ain't no point?

Speaker 2 (20:40):
Yeah, so we have no rights in I'm gonna let
you take this man. Now for listeners, this is a
lengthy one, but it's it's a good story. I read
it myself and it's utube algorithm trigger warning. And once
once we're doing the story, we'll bring back our usual
brevity and like some silliness.

Speaker 5 (20:57):
But so here we go morose fuzz oil lads. Sorry,
if this letter is long, feel free to cut out
the boring bits.

Speaker 4 (21:05):
We won't. This podcast thrives on good.

Speaker 5 (21:11):
He says, if you can meet your past self, what
would you talk about? What would you think they'd ask you,
and what would you ask them? What if you could
travel back in time and see yourself at your absolute
lowest moment. What if you can go back to when
you felt that you're most alone.

Speaker 2 (21:29):
We should answer that, though, first I think, before we
get into the story, what would you go back and
say to yourself?

Speaker 4 (21:40):
Oh, I'd probably have to go back to when I.

Speaker 5 (21:44):
Noticed sort of compulsive thinking when I was about nine
and try to explain to my younger self what was
going on in an effort to not make him. I
think like if I could have uncoiled it at that
age when it was happening, but as a consequence, basically
I couldn't get out of it till I was like
way into my twenties and thirties. But there was like

(22:08):
a there's a catalyst catalytical can you say that. I
don't know if that's the right word, but there's a
moment that it stems from. And if I could go
back and sort of explain to that kid what was
going on, but at the end, like it's just you're
a migda, like you know, you'd have to do with
the way that they could kind of connect to in
some way. But I think that, yeah, and I think

(22:30):
that's the if I could sort of put a bam
on that, then the rest of the problems that you'd
have in life would would be less severe.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
I yeah, I probably did say. I probably go back
and be like, you're right, Rob, draw fucking morons, Yeah,
trust the process, draw fucking it, you're right. Don't doubt
that you're right. You'd say, stick with that. I probably
would have been better off doing that at a younger age,
So just double yeah, double down at a younger age,
rather than fucking entertain and try to me twenties now,

(23:00):
I should have just went actually right and just did
me all things.

Speaker 5 (23:04):
I wonder what it'd have like unforeseen concept, like because
you've lived the life you've lived. But the problem is
you know everything about your and no one else does.
We know everything that can be known about our lives, right,
so you have obviously a hugely biased view of what
would change.

Speaker 4 (23:20):
Your life based on your experience. I imagine if I
went back to like young me and I was like,
this is the thing.

Speaker 5 (23:25):
Blah blah blah whatever, he'd probably be able chopping people
up when he was like thirteen or fourteen.

Speaker 4 (23:31):
Do you know, Like who's to know what sort of
way you could interfere?

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Yeah, I don't fucking know, because like I think back
to that age, like, and I had a lot of
mental health ship when I was a teenager and stuff,
and like I dropped out of school, and like remember
like the first day after I dropped out of school,
like I had done me summer holidays and all that,
and then school had started again. And I remember the
first day after school started that I wasn't in school.

(23:57):
Yeah yeah, and I was like this is last. I
was like, this is last. And to be honest with you,
I don't know what I would say to that person. Now,
I think i'd be like, I still because I still
have that thing where I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (24:12):
What to I want to do.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
I don't know. I'm still literally the same that way
for sure. But I remember thinking at the time, I
was like I thought I was about forty first, which
was the best part. I was like fifteen or sixteen,
But yeah, I just spent it there fucking around, and
I was like, this is last trying to be productive
but not being productive. I was like, yeah, so I
don't even know what i'd advise him.

Speaker 5 (24:33):
I don't think I don't notice because you're looking at
things like a man who's halfway through life.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, but I'm still clueless that well though, So I don't.

Speaker 4 (24:41):
I think everybody is.

Speaker 5 (24:42):
Though we were in their seventies or sixties, and you
make an assumption that people have it together, but the
reality is most of us are as lost as we feel.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yeah, I feel like I'm blind most of the time
in the fucking dark room or something.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
Yeah, just listening for.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Figu, you're trying to turn on the light when you're
lingered in the middle of the night, is dark.

Speaker 5 (25:03):
I feel like, I think, but I think like on
the outside, you look at people. So on the outside,
you look at me. I have a semi okay career,
the middle of the road career. Marys have a house.

Speaker 4 (25:16):
Blah blah blah, bah blah. I wake up three times
out of five just going like what the fuck? Man? Yeah,
you know, like it's I think I think it's a
very normal thing.

Speaker 5 (25:29):
Especially the problem is for lads like you and me,
whose brains won't shut the fuck up, they'll find something
to just buggy about.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
Yeah, and then you're.

Speaker 3 (25:39):
Yeah, cripp.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
I don't see, this is the thing. So I think
that it's hard to actually ask. I figured that out actually,
But there are no questions, so they're very questions.

Speaker 5 (26:00):
And maybe the reality is that whatever those questions bring
to your mind when you hear them, that's maybe a
part of yourself for a situation you've been through that
deserves a little bit more attention in terms of is
there something there that needs a bit of healing or
that needs a bit of extra I don't know, compassion or.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
What have you. Right back tonight right.

Speaker 5 (26:22):
Considering September in the US's YouTube Algorithm Awareness Month, I
wanted to share with the class. I worked as a
mental health worker in the state of Massachusetts. When a
patient makes an attempt on their own life in that state,
they'd be sent to my hospital for a twenty four
hour evaluation.

Speaker 4 (26:41):
I'd sit there on.

Speaker 5 (26:42):
My shift watching them go about the day. I have
to follow them everywhere, for walks in the hallway, the cafeteria,
and even the bathroom. At no point in the twenty
four hour evaluation are they allowed to be out of sight.
And if they're sleeping, their hands have to be in
full view at all times for safety reasons. Jesus, I
had a particular chatty patient one day and we got

(27:04):
comfortable enough for me to ask him why. He looked
at me, eyes clear as water, and said that he
grew up with the mentality that men have to provide
for their family. Men weren't allowed to complain or say
they were tired. Their one and only job as a
man was to provide.

Speaker 4 (27:21):
Well, he had lost his job, bills.

Speaker 5 (27:23):
Were piling up, and he was the sole provider. He
told me that in that moment it had all become
clear to him he was going to provide for his
family one last time via life insurance. I leaned in
and he did as well. We both kind of just
sat there, and then I went to say something and
he blurted out, yeah, I know, that's not how it works,

(27:44):
and then just let out a full belly laugh, and
we both just laughed about it. Except in the back
of my mind, he and I weren't all that different.
In two thousand and one, I attempted to take my
own life. It wasn't one event like.

Speaker 4 (27:59):
I lost my job like that.

Speaker 5 (28:00):
It was a series of bad things happening all at once.
I was at a point in my life where I
was still young, twenty naive, stupidly naive to think that
this was the only way out. This was a way
to cash out my chips and just be off with it.
It started when I drove across the state line that
reads welcome to California. I had driven for three days

(28:21):
straight from Western New York to California to attend college.
When I saw the sign, I pulled over and began crying.
I grew up with a safety net of friends and
family whom I've known all my life. I've seen them
at home, at school and played sports and parodied together.
This was the first time I was alone. I was
very good at sports in school, and there was this

(28:44):
air of NOI doesn't lose. I guess that got to
my head a little bit. I felt invincible. I would
go to California and go to school and maybe become famous,
not really, but something like that. Go West, my friend,
fame and fortune waits. I had made some friends there,
but I never really connected with anyone until I met Nino,

(29:05):
not his real name. Most Mexican lads don't use their
real names. Nino was a mechanic. I had bought a
new car when I got there, and one of the
axles had broken. Naturally, as a college kid, I didn't
get the warranty. Nino said he could replace the axle
if I bought the part, which was three hundred dollars,
or he can take me to Avi's. We can rent

(29:27):
the same car and he'd swap out the part for me,
and then we'd bring the car back the next day.
That sounds very illegal. We became fast friends, almost brothers.
He'd teach me about cars. I'd go to his house
for dinner, met his mom, and she'd call me miho,
which was a term of endearment meaning my son in Spanish.

(29:48):
One day, Nino introduced me to his new girlfriend. He
fell head over heels for he'd go to work and
then straight home. He didn't have time for anything else.
We didn't hang out, we didn't have family dinners. He
was the provider. He was everything for her, a show
for or an eight a m. He even did the laundry,
which he said was a girly job. Well, one day

(30:09):
he calls me at work. He never calls me at work.
He said she left him, no reason, no excuse. She
just took her stuff. She left the keys on the table,
and then she was gone. I asked if he was okay,
considering how much she meant to him. He seemed a
little spaced out on the phone, quick yes and no answers.
I asked if he wanted me to stop by after work.

(30:31):
He repeated no, no, I'm okay. So I figure, okay,
he's home, they'll be going to work soon. So I
went about my day. I got a call from his
mom around eight pm. She said he didn't call her
for dinner. By this time, he had moved out, but
he'd still call her on the phone and they'd pray
before having dinner. He does this every day. He never

(30:52):
misses the phone call to his mom for dinner. She
asked if I could go check on him. She felt
something was wrong and I agreed.

Speaker 4 (31:00):
After work, I.

Speaker 5 (31:00):
Made my way over to Nino's house. The lights were out.
I don't have the keys here. I am a dark
Asian looking through the windows of a darkened house. Well,
someone had called the cops, and surprisingly they showed up.
An officer approached me with his flashlight shining in my face.
I put my hands up. I identify myself. I said,
my friend lives here. His mother asked me to check

(31:22):
on him because she hasn't heard from him. I said,
my friend's cars parked in the driveway. I said the
house belongs to Nino, and then I said that's not
his real name, but his last name is Pesh and
if he ran the plate and the address, he'd know
I was telling the truth. Now, I don't want to
get shot or beaten, so I kept my hands up
and I'm down on both knees because I want to
show that I am not a threat. But I need

(31:43):
him to check this information. His partner doesn't confirms that
I am telling the truth. I then ask if he
can look through the window, or if I could look
through the window because I'm concerned for my friend. His
partner goes and shines a flashlight through the living room
window and I hear his microphone clicking day and he says,
we've got a body. My hands went down to my

(32:05):
face and I knew who he was referring to. My
thoughts then went to Nino's mother. He was all she
had and couldn't be the one to make the call.
I asked one of the officers to call his mother.
I don't know, call me a coward or anything you want.
I couldn't do that. The officers told me to go
home because there was nothing I could do, except I
didn't go home, and to this day, I don't remember

(32:27):
what I did that night. I went this house a
couple of days later. There were candles and flowers, but
no signs of the police were ever there, no caution,
doubt or anything.

Speaker 4 (32:37):
He had taken his own life, so the police didn't.

Speaker 5 (32:40):
Consider the crime scene. I still think about it now.
What if I had gone to see him, even though
he said he was fine. What if we had just
gone out to get some food, gone to see his mom.
What if I had done anything?

Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yeah, I'll take her from her because it was probably
like gandy slipslop. Now it's all that reading. But a
couple of weeks later, my at the time, my exit
at the time broke up at me, or my GF
at the time broke up at me. It was I
love you, but I'm not in love with you type
of thing. And I didn't fight it. I didn't try
to fight or save our relationship. I had just lost

(33:12):
my best friend and I was losing my other best friend.
I guess, yeah as well, like you know, I think
as well, just the interjector a little bit. It's like
if someone's breaking up at that time, like and doesn't
have the awareness to be like, this is a sensitive
time for my boyfriend there, it's probably best off that
I did break up anyway long term, But by this

(33:33):
point I didn't have any fight left in me and
I was utterly alone. I had other friends, but number
close enough for me to be around them. At this point,
he said, he stopped eating. I went to work one
day and sat at my computer and decided to just
get up and quit my job. I decided the right
course of action was to get in the car, go
get as much alcohol as possible, and just locked myself
away for a bit, I decided I wasn't going to

(33:54):
talk to anyone. I was just going to sign into AIM.
I was just going to be by myself with many
bottles of alcohol. I remember being really drunk that night
and my morning. By morning, I was sober, and then
the sun came out. I went for a walk, and
I was just disgusted by how happy people were. Why
were they so happy when I was so miserable. Around

(34:15):
six pm, I drove to Mission Valley Mall, which was
a very popular mall in San Diego. I bought a
new shirt, a pair of Levi's jeans, and a pair
of white shelter showing the.

Speaker 4 (34:24):
Air there with the shell to supstairs.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
I got in my car and changed into my new clothes,
and I drove the Sunset Beach. I remember this really vividly,
the sound of the waves crashing onto the rocks, the
seagulls flying overhead as they catch a warm breeze. I
remember the sound of a first generation tie All the
Super driving by. Right across the street was a restaurant.
There was a couple at a table, both drinking Ta
cat Bear teket Bear, I don't know. I walked to

(34:50):
the edge of the cliff and I just stood there,
looking at the waves, the boats out in the distance.
I looked around the parking lot and there were people
walking around, some were talking with taking pictures of the
beautiful sunset, not a thought in my head. If you've
ever been to the Sunset Beach in San Diego, you'd know.
There was a parking lot with railings to prevent cards

(35:11):
from driving.

Speaker 4 (35:11):
Over the cliff.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
There was a little cutaway where the land of the
road away, and there was no railing there below that
or some rocks, and it was a low tied so
all of it was exposed. The place was alive with
sounds and smells, and I walked over to this part, slowly, purposely,
without a thought in my head, until my toes were
right at the edge. I looked back to see if
anyone was watching, to see if anyone was making eye contact,

(35:36):
to see if anyone cared. No one, not a soul,
not even the seagulls were around me. I thought to myself,
if I did this, no one would know, no one
would see it. The tide would come in and I'd
be carried out to sea, and that would be it done.
I untied my shoes and placed them neatly next to me.
I took my wallet out and placed it in my
right shoe. I put my cell phone and keys in

(35:58):
the left shoe, and I looked at the water. I
watched the waves crashing. I watched the mist shoot up.
I took a deep breath, and I found that my
chest had gone really tight, like I couldn't breathe. I
tried again, another deep breath, and my chest felt tighter.
I tried to take a step forward, and I suddenly
felt a warm breeze brushing against my cheek, just a

(36:20):
warm whoosh. It gave me pause, and my chest had
loosened up, and you put my and I put my
foot back down. I picked up my stuff, and I
got in my car and drove off without a single
person noticing what I had just done or attempted to do. Obviously,
I'm still alive, hah. I just I don't know what

(36:42):
that was at that very moment, but I felt like
everything was going to be okay. I can't explain it,
but I just felt like everything was going to be okay.
I went back to the apartment and I called some
people and just asked if anyone was up for going
out to dinner and that was it. I didn't tell
anyone about the events before we went out to dinner,
and a lot of people still don't know. Well, you

(37:03):
guys don't know do now, and lots of people all
around the world. It was a very scary moment in
my life. And if you're wondering if I still have
those thoughts, yes, I do lots of times. But I
also have reasons to live now. My son Alex, for one,
everyone knows him as my clone. I've got a tight
circle of people who I can lean on. I heard
it somewhere there's nothing when you die, but when you're alive,

(37:25):
there's everything, and there's nothing to die for. So good
little phrase. Yes, I'm still plagued by those thoughts, and
I still undertain how I would do it, but I
know those are just thoughts now and I can control
those thoughts and that. Yeah, So, like to just interject briefly,
they're like I think, and I'm not speaking for NOI,
but like, I think people do think about that without

(37:48):
being suicidal. Also, right, I.

Speaker 5 (37:50):
Think, like what they say is that suicidal ideation, yeah,
is relatively common, especially if you're depressed.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
Like yeah, it's level one, yeah, level one, yeah.

Speaker 5 (38:00):
Yeah, Like last week I was telling you earlier last week,
I had a deep like it was only about a
three or four day. My depression cycles are usually very fast,
they're very deep, And I was like, you know, you're
thinking of everything, you're but I was, I wasn't making plans.
I was just like, I didn't care that you're going
to bed, and you're like, I don't really care if

(38:21):
I wake up or not tomorrow. But I think maybe
when you should reach for help is if you're starting
to be like, you know, on the X day of
the next week and you're looking at methods or something like.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
The destructive real destructive behavior.

Speaker 5 (38:37):
That's when they say it's starting to get starting to
get serious. And the problem is like, and it's worth
thinking about as well that like, in the moment of
that feeling, your rational brain kind of stops working. So
even though you know that like this is you're not
going to feel this way forever, it sort of takes

(38:57):
the hope away from it, and it can be very
difficult to remain sort of cognizant of that. So if
there's a way someone took gave me a piece of
advice once where they said, if you're going through a
period of depressions kind of lasting whenever you do feel okay,
like write it down and put it in the jar,
even if it's just for like ten minutes or whatever,
or if you've forgot you were depressed, you were busy

(39:18):
playing a game or working or doing whatever you were doing,
and it's just like a visual reminder for yourself. But
when you're feeling hopeless, you look at this jaar and
you go, well, actually, yeah, that's telling me that it's
not like this all the time, you know.

Speaker 4 (39:32):
But yeah, it's a it's a tricky thing.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Yeah, you're like, it's like your castle will roll down
the well for yourself, Like hm hm, you know what
I mean, you've gotten out of the well. You're trying
to rope down from me.

Speaker 5 (39:42):
Because because the past you has been out of it
and few you know, you want to make sure there
is the future you And look at man, it's I
think everyone goes through dark times, and you know, it
doesn't necessarily even have to relate to anything that's happened.
Sometimes you just feel shit and you don't know why,
or your anxiety is such that it's making you depressed

(40:05):
or something else in your life is going on. But
I think yeah, like and as well, don't don't try
doing it alone, you know. And if you've been going
through it for longer than a week or two, maybe
it's time to reach out ring a self help line,
even if there's no one around you, you know.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
So we go back to NOI, he says, I'll ask again,
if you can meet your pasself, what would you talk about?
What would you think they'd ask you? And what would
you ask them? What if you could travel back in
time and see yourself at your lost moment? Well, if
you can go back to when you felt your most alone.
And a lot of people are like time traveling isn't real,
noise youse cycle. But what if I can show you

(40:44):
a technique that I use every now and then when
I'm feeling well or when those dark thoughts come back
and I need someone there for me. What if I
can show you a technique to take better care of
yourself mentally and maybe even spiritually. Okay, let's take a moment,
noise going and say this is the creed now, which
is what I do? So, okay, let's take a moment.

(41:07):
Let's clear our heads and take a couple of deep breaths,
and we're going to go back together to a very
dark time in our lives. Think back to when you
were just at your absolute worst, to when you felt
the most alone, to when you felt the most vulnerable.
Think about that moment, hold onto it, no matter how
hard it is, and put it on a stage. And
you are in the audience. You're the only one in

(41:28):
the audience, so there's an image of you on stage.
You wait your worst, that's your most vulnerable, when you
really need someone, but you were all alone. And now
it's dim and lights in and now let's dim the
lights in the theater. Let's turn off the lights in
the background, and let's walk towards yourself. Now, let's dim
the lights again until the spotlight is only on your
past self. Now, walk slowly towards your past self until

(41:52):
you're standing right next to them, until you can see
them clearly, and then just give them a hug. Just
give yourself a hug, give your past self a hug,
and don't let go. Just said to yourself, it's going
to be okay. You're going to be okay, we're all
going to be okay. And just give them a tight squeeze,
let them know, let them feel it, let them feel
your energy. Everything is going to be all right. And

(42:13):
then let go and slowly back away, never letting go
of your gaze, but slowly backing away. And we're back.
We're back in our chairs or car, our office. Take
a couple of breaths, and now I want you to
go back to that memory, to when you were all alone,
to when you're at your lowest, darkest moment. And now
I want you to think about that memory, think about

(42:34):
what you felt. Then think about walls, think about what
type of lighting there was there with you. And then
I want you to think about if you felt a
presence there with you, if you felt like there was
someone there next to you telling you everything was going
to be okay and you're going to get through it,
and you're that we were going to get through this.
Try to remember if you felt like someone was there

(42:57):
with you. That's the exercise again for lan email. I
just wanted to share my experience with you and hope
this exercise helps chairs from Crispin.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
Yeah yeah, CRP.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Mechanism that all of that stuff is really valuable. There's
stuff like that with just techniques that you use like
that for like anxiety stuff as well. I think where
you can kind of like snap, it just helps to
it's like an exercise.

Speaker 5 (43:35):
To ground yourself and kind of yeah, tack tile approach. Yeah,
there's a few things, lots lots of things for some
that we might know about, and then lots obviously that
are you know, prove And I suppose there's something recently
about the vagus nerve that's meant to be something in
your neck that's meant to relieve anxiety and all this

(43:55):
sort of stuff.

Speaker 4 (43:56):
But I think I think it's a really good point
he makes here.

Speaker 5 (43:58):
I really like that idea of you know, because he
my experience, I know better yourself, if I've been depressed
is at a certain point, there is something that washes
over me that feels like something that's very compassionate at
a certain point, and usually tends to happen when I'm
just at night, and that's the time when I sort

(44:19):
of tend to feel a bit better for some reason.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
I had that why he's describing her, that thing that
pulled him out of that mutual algorithm moment. I had
that one night Langer walking through the church, Langer I
was saying. I was saying it at the time. It's
only while ago. It was like literally this year, and
I was walking home fucking Langer, was pissed off. I
was was in the moud, and I was walking through
the church just up the road there and literally had

(44:43):
this fucking warm breeze. It was a real still night
when I got into the church. Just like I wasn't
inside the church, I was walking through the grounds. I
got fucking blast. And now also this is a through
way by the way this church. I wasn't just like
fucking running to the church. Gotta help me Jesus actually
a throw on the way on. But this this breeze

(45:04):
fucking hit me like and I was like just just
real strange like but it felt real nice. Yeah, And
that sensation snapped me out of it, and I was like,
I'm not necessarily a believer, uh, you know.

Speaker 4 (45:18):
I think that you can call it.

Speaker 5 (45:20):
I think and I've not exactly like that, but I've
certainly had moments of what a religious person might.

Speaker 4 (45:26):
Call grace where you're like you're at your lowest eb or.

Speaker 5 (45:32):
You feel terrible, and literally it's like something goes through
your body that just and that could be your body's
way of being like, oh, he's fairly fucked. We better
release some call it whatever you want, and if you're spiritual,
lean into that. Like I wouldn't tell anyone what's identify
it as, but I think there is something in the
human spirit that's it does something.

Speaker 4 (45:55):
And unfortunately, you.

Speaker 5 (45:57):
Know, talking about YouTube Alder of the Month, it doesn't
all always get there. Maybe you've gone through a period
of pain for so long that it's very hard to
have access to that or or to get to get out.

Speaker 4 (46:10):
Do you know it's a yeah, West.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Has a high rate of suicide, and it's sad because
we know a lot of people that have recommitted suicide.
And what's even more sad is they're all relatively young
when it happened. And you're also just like, look, any
outcome would have been better than that for them, Like
do you know what I mean? Like it's a long life,

(46:35):
Like we've all had times like I've had periods or
I was just in the pits, like and you pull
out of it like and a lot of time, like
it is a bit situational, circumstantial, like these things happen,
but sometimes there's not into a tribute. Yeah, I think
that's kind of like that's scary, but that's also like
I think that's a bit of a misconception. Is like
people are like, right, have lost me job or misses

(46:57):
walk up with me or this has happened, and now depressed. Like,
but I think more often, at least in myself, like
there was a couple that were of there were a
consequence of an action or whatever. But sometimes it's just
like I fucking fell up and you're going like, how
how do I get less fed up? And it's actually,

(47:19):
I would think, and as I get older, I'm starting
to think it more that a lot of time, men,
shit is so fucked up that I actually think like
our default state is starting to shift towards being a
little bit depressed. And it's understandable. It's almost like if
someone was to come to me and they were to say, Jesus,
the pressure of my jobs that are getting very tough, Jesus.

(47:40):
Everything so fucking expensive, like it's really hard to get
a house or you know, there's so many external pressures,
Like I go on fucking Instagram. My head has melted.
I don't have the tools to cope with now this
isn't me. I'm just giving examples. Go on Instagram. My
head has melted. I don't have the tools to cop
would say the stuff that I see and then like
to me, I'm like, oh yeah, like everyone should probably

(48:01):
be by default a little bit depressed now because it's
not really it's a happy time because we have more
access to everything. But also that's a double edged sword,
like yeah, and find a fulfillment.

Speaker 5 (48:11):
There is an element like depression is a part of
our nature. It's a part of human nature if we
if we don't view it as like a bad thing,
same as anxiety or anything else. And actually if you
place less importance on us, if you I think this
works for me. I don't know if it necessarily work
for anyone else, but for me, when I feel and shitty,

(48:32):
if I just like observe it, just let it be there,
it tends to move on if I don't try to
escape it. It's like, yeah, you're feeling shit. Now you're
gonna feel shit that you don't feel shit, And that's that.

Speaker 4 (48:45):
The other thing I will say is and again this
is just in my experience.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
You know, I was I was, I was fucking.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
Nicked by anxiety and stuff like that from an early age.
So even before or.

Speaker 5 (49:02):
YouTube, before politics, before how before respond before anything.

Speaker 4 (49:08):
Yeah, like I was I was as a child. I
remember being a kid and just being like I knew
that other kids didn't go through this. Yeah, and I
and even the thing that it resolved around.

Speaker 5 (49:20):
I wasn't mature enough to really understand that that had
no consequence at the time, but.

Speaker 4 (49:26):
It was stuff that I found, you know, just fucking terrible.

Speaker 5 (49:29):
So like I remember being a kid, being eleven and
twelve and being like, yeah, life's not really worth living.

Speaker 4 (49:34):
From going through it from eight or nine, if that
makes sense, and then just growing up.

Speaker 5 (49:41):
I think the other thing as well is and I
think that's that's probably what happens to those people who
were in their early twenties when they regrettably do that,
is it's probably their first experience with this, or it's
the it's early days in those experiences. And I'm not
talking for everyone, of course not, but I think that
if feels so overwhelming, and it's really unfortunate that that

(50:03):
some guys think, all right, this is what I have
to do because this this this emotion is this emotion
is basically like it's too much for me. And I
don't mean to say that like they're not strong enough
to manage it. That's not what I mean at all.
I mean it's just a.

Speaker 4 (50:17):
Really subjective way of looking at a very difficult thing
that's going on.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
We might just have the tools to manage this.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
Yeah, and no one does they get depressed, you know.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
Yeah, No, there was times like where I would have
had that and I didn't have the tools to manage it.
Or you're be in that age and having kind of
profound effects of mental health problems, especially like physical responses
like panic attacks and stuff like, it's very hard to
actually like like for me locally, I was just prescribed
a week where the fucking benzols, and that really helped

(50:49):
for a number of reasons. One it helped because I
was like because I didn't know what anxiety was. You're
talking this was like two thousand and eight, and like
I didn't know what I didn't know what anxiety was,
to know what a panic attack was, didn't know that
a panic attack would cause physical responses. That was another
thing that was like totally alien to me. And then
you're like when you when you're prescribed something because like

(51:10):
the doctors must have just nonre like I like, because
I don't think I even really said to them like
all some mental healthing or anything like that.

Speaker 4 (51:16):
Don't you knew? I remember.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
The Yeah, yeah I didn't know, Like I was like,
like I didn't. Again, mental health wasn't under it or
at all. So like when I was prescribed a bends
all the time, I was like, oh, yeah, it's anxiety
because I just it just worked immediately away from you,
like and I got that's not the advocate for because
they're really addictive and all as well. But if it
is something where you prescribed like a week of man

(51:41):
you're in a break glass in case of emergency type
of situation, yeah that worked.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
And that's what they're making or they're not meant to be,
like you're not meant to take XANX every time you
feel The last night I went to bed, I don't
know why heart was fucking beaten through my chest. I
didn't know why you felt anxious. I just felt anxious.
But like if you just sit with it, like it
will go certainly anxiety. And I hate even saying that

(52:09):
like it will go like because sometimes it feels like
it won't or it doesn't, and then you're kind.

Speaker 4 (52:14):
Of going, well, he told me to go, so now
what the fuck do I do.

Speaker 5 (52:18):
I think everyone's relationship with these emotions are a little
bit different as well. The core of it is very similar,
but in terms of like it's like if you meet
someone on the street and they tell you, oh, I
have had a chesty cough or and you go, I've
had a chesty cough and you know he's got fucking
lung cancer, but you just have a cold, but you
think that you have the same thing as someone else.

Speaker 4 (52:37):
So I just want to be very clear on that
as well, like that that whatever we say isn't the
kind of a catch all. This is just the experiences
we've had, and it's not to exacerbate anyone else's experience
or to diminish them.

Speaker 5 (52:50):
Just to be like, this is what we went through,
and if you can get anything out of it, good,
But don't don't like write a check based on this,
because you know, I don't want to. I don't want
someone who who fucking has a really bad situation. I'm going, oh, yeah,
just observe it and it'll go away. Like maybe that
won't work for you, and maybe you would need a difference.
I just know that there is help and people do

(53:10):
get better, and I think that's the most important thing too.
I think that was a very brave thing and noise
as well. I hate fucking saying that brave, but it's
it's it's a very vulnerable thing, and I think it's
really good that he that he sent it in.

Speaker 4 (53:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (53:25):
I hope I am getting something out of it myself
just from listening to it, and I'm sure that lots
of the listeners will will get stuff out of it
as well.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Yeah, I think Yeah, I think understanding and awareness is
the first step. Like, for example, we were talking last
week about being acoustic and diversion and all, but like
there's a lot of people say that would have a
lot of like extreme emotional things, and it could be
because of some kind of ner divergence as well. So

(53:56):
if you're going down the road of getting diagnosed, you know,
with anything, that's good because it's like it gives you
an understanding at least, even if it's just like a
diagnosis of like yeah, you sort of suffer from generalized
anxiety disorder, or yet you suffer from depression. It's really
good because first it labels it, and it lets you

(54:17):
understand it, because, as I said, when I had anxiety
or depression, I didn't even know.

Speaker 4 (54:21):
What they were.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
I was just like, oh, yeah, I just feel horrible,
like had no altero related, couldn't really knock communities or anything.
And what I'm getting to is like, if it's just
mental healthing, or if it's in your divergent thing, then
you get diagnosed, then you can start to to sound
like a fucking walk but you can start to nourish
yourself and actually go like, right, okay, I don't like

(54:44):
being in this scenario because it causes this so and
I understand that about me now. I didn't understand that before.

Speaker 4 (54:49):
I didn't.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
I didn't get that, Like I know, people can't be
in a fucking room with a bunch of people, like
they have to go into like a dark room after
after they've been in a social they're like, I can't
do it anymore. But understanding that I'm getting the support
and then also mean like minded groups or and even
if it's just like even if it's just listening to

(55:10):
a podcast like it said, it's like listening to like
minded people. There's a lot of mental health podcasts out there,
and if there's people that have a similar kind of
outlook and similar experiences, then you're like, oh, these are
my people like I can support I can support myself,
and that helps big time.

Speaker 5 (55:26):
Sure, I think there's a great comfort in listening to
someone who has similar experiences or whatever.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
People just talking candidly about being mad is nice, like,
because you don't get that often anymore, for sure.

Speaker 5 (55:37):
I mean, even like when you went through what you
did for the meat, I had gone through something very similar. Yeah,
but even the stigma, Yeah, because I didn't know that
that was the same. I thought I was just going
mad as a matter of time, do you know what
I mean? So I was sort of trying to keep that,
trying to stop myself from going mad, if you like
how I felt the design And then when you were
going through it, you know, we were basically going through

(55:58):
the same thing.

Speaker 4 (55:59):
We couldn't proper relate to each other because.

Speaker 2 (56:01):
Because neither of us new that data one of us
had gone through.

Speaker 5 (56:04):
Yeah, yeah, and that way, you know, until you and
then look, it's been great that you know, people have
been so much more open about mental health in the
last decade or so. But I would say, yeah, and
there is something as well about trying to figure out
where your balance is as well. Like I totally agree
with you about what you said, and I do it
myself all the time. If I'm feeling down, I listen

(56:24):
to a podcast maybe about mental health and just sort
of I feel it's.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
Not just me here, like whatever, it is a fingship
out of it or something.

Speaker 5 (56:31):
Yeah, something about that. But then also be careful about
that starting to become an overactive part of your life.
Or for example, like you're saying, if someone's in a
room full of people and then they have to go
into the dark room, try to find the balance so
it doesn't become the dark room.

Speaker 4 (56:48):
Yeah, most of the time. And that can be quite tricky,
especially when you're in.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
A very well I've talked about that with anxiety. Yeah,
Like anxiety can make anxiety put you in your house,
be really unlikable. It can be really unlikable mental health
thing if you have close friends to have anxiety, because
it can actually be really trying, especially if you're not
someone that has anxiety, because you're like, this matterfucker just
want to go out, This motterfucker wants to go home.

(57:13):
They're really inconsistently flaky, either saying I don't want to
do this or I don't want to do that, and
it's and it's annoying. And it's also like, oh, I've
made plans with this person and they'll cancel them and
stuff like that, Like that's annoying. Yeah, these are annoying
threats in a person. But at the same time, it
probably is a case of you not known boundaries of

(57:35):
that person. Or it can also simply be that they
do intend on doing it, but they lose the battle
with the anxiety before it comes to showtimes, you know.

Speaker 5 (57:46):
And look, and the good thing about anxiety and is
you get stronger with this, yeah, you know, and you
get to the point where like, oh, yeah, I remember
just forcing myself to do shit with anxiety, which I
don't think was the best thing either, Like it was
that kind of exposure response therapy without ever going to
therapy or knowing what I do, And it was more
like I just have to do these things.

Speaker 4 (58:10):
But I think the number one thing.

Speaker 5 (58:12):
To have for yourself is compassion, is to go, you know,
you're going through a thing here, because what we tend
to do is, oh, you're a fucking idiot. Look at
you again, like you're fucking in bed for the day,
you're fucking waste and that only you would never say
that to someone who was a friend of yours, even
if they weren't a friend.

Speaker 4 (58:31):
That we're going through it.

Speaker 5 (58:32):
So, you know, having compassion for yourself, I think is
a really important thing. It's and it's one of the
hardest to learn because we're so critical of ourselves and
that's probably what gives things like anxiety and depression. They
like they know who they're playing chess again, they know
the moves they're going to make. When you talk about
beating your anxiety, you're beating yourself. And your anxiety knows

(58:52):
everything that can get you anxious, and it feels like
a demon or a different entity, same as depression. It
knows everything about you you. So rather than trying to
beat it back and and sort of make an adversary
out of it, if you can find compassion for this
horrible feeling, hopefully that will just help you move past it.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
Yeah, well said, And that's why you come to descriptive
ghost podcasts.

Speaker 5 (59:17):
Yeah, imagine like putting on an episode of fucking Sasquatch
Chronicles and he's like now, guys, just like you're listening
to fucking whatever like famous.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
Crypto podcast there is, Yeah, but it's it is what
it is the boys that's the crack and as well. Yeah,
I suppose we're at the end of this minifolds. But
to get a bit more lighthearted, where are you on Alien?
Have you caught up with it?

Speaker 5 (59:41):
I'm only four episodes in, so I'm at the part
where they know she can like communicate with them somehow,
which I don't understand, and I don't know if it's explained.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
I wonder she's like she's a I known she can
just analyze the vocal patterns.

Speaker 4 (59:56):
Like alright, I thought it was something like because she
killed the no.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
No, I think it was just like I think so
now maybe I wasn't paying attention, but I like and
analyze it. It makes sense, like, I mean, that's.

Speaker 4 (01:00:11):
Something the other ones can't hear it though, and she can.
How can she hear it? Though? That's what I didn't
get from it. I don't know. Yeah, they're on a
frequency or something like that. Yeah, just lazy writing.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
Well, this is what I said about the show when
we talked about it the first time. I said, there's
a big scope when you're talking about space and aliens
and all, it can go in any direction. Now I'm
up to date and I am enjoying it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:34):
How many episodes are there so far?

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
I think the last episode is this week.

Speaker 5 (01:00:38):
I think maybe, so it's like eight or nine or
something because in Brazil I just missed it all had
a chance to catch.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Yeah, scrand like it's fine, Like it's it's alright, Like
I mean, yeah, Alien is a funny thing where I
think Alien it's weird as an ip because I think
with Alien, less is more, and I was always.

Speaker 4 (01:00:57):
The case, but they tried to go so much into
the philosophy of us, like.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
The mistake in the Mystery of Alien was always what
was attractive. And then you had the James Cameron Edien,
which was just a great action film. But also they'd
expand a little bit on the Lord the Alien and
you're like, yeah, that's kind of cool.

Speaker 4 (01:01:12):
Whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Then they just started getting fucking lost in the weeds.
But like, yeah, I don't know, I like it. I
think it's called it's like a seven out of ten
for me.

Speaker 5 (01:01:22):
Now, Like, don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed every episode,
even when she was communicating with the aliens, there's a
part of me that's pull them back. Yes, on the whole,
I'm enjoying it, but do you know what the kind
of is? It's like like Jaws is one of my
favorite movies of all time. Like it's like if and
Jaws got like super bad as they went on, two

(01:01:45):
is like all.

Speaker 4 (01:01:46):
Right, three is poor and four is poor as well,
like but like properly poor.

Speaker 5 (01:01:51):
But it's as if, like because there's only so many
ways you can do that movie. Now, if they start
talking to you about the philosophy of a shark.

Speaker 4 (01:01:59):
You're going going like, but what how did God make
the Great White Chat?

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
And it's you like, but I don't mind it if
it's because like it could lead somewhere interest in the
lower could like because again, as I said, it's space.

Speaker 4 (01:02:12):
It's like sol do do anything that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
It can work well if it's explained well, but like
they're fucking with them adding Covenant and not limb shits.
They just made a stupid lie.

Speaker 4 (01:02:21):
Well that was like basically what the first alien comes
out of a lit but he makes it.

Speaker 5 (01:02:27):
But like the lady, that's kind of half is half
hour you want to give yourself the C section, it's
octopus thing, and by the end of it, you're just
sort of like, you know, like, yeah, it was it
was a bit bizarre, and then like all right, so
based on that, they then from there went into these
sort of xenomorph like archetype black aliens, and then from

(01:02:47):
there they develop a hierarchy and there's the hunters and
you're kind of going, like.

Speaker 6 (01:02:52):
It's too convoluted, yeah, because like it's basically just supposed
to be that this thing is like the ultimate life
form is the organism can survive the vacuum space. It
has the same the same they're trying to answer why,
but like every time that they've tried to come up
or yeah, every time they've paulsed that question and tried
to answer it themselves, it's been less than satisfactory, like

(01:03:14):
because it's like it's like because cannot be satisfaction.

Speaker 5 (01:03:17):
Yeah, you know, if you give it away, whereas if
you keep it mysterious, the more human you make it
is fucking stupid like anything like that in a film.

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
I don't know. They try, but she's doing already able
to communicate and all, like they don't need to be
doing that, Like why you do to have a hard
on all these monster films to do that drop, Like
you had Chris Pratt going around with his whistle with
the fucking raptors, like following them and everything.

Speaker 4 (01:03:43):
I think it's because you have to do because like
think of it, you're you're absolutely right.

Speaker 5 (01:03:48):
Do you know what they should be doing? They should
just stop making sequels? Like at a certain point, you go,
that's tired, we're fed up with what.

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
They should have done was Yeah, Draassic parkstar and Chris
Pratt halfway short of film, Chris Brat jumpsono the thing
he's trying to do the whistle with the raptor, and
that'll be great plot twist.

Speaker 5 (01:04:06):
That's not what you're thinking. Yeah, yeah, no, you're absolutely right,
that's exactly that's that would be brilliant. But that's why
TV shows like The Walking in their Infancy and Game
Trones why people loved them because you didn't know who
was gonna die.

Speaker 4 (01:04:17):
That would have been great. But again we don't get that.

Speaker 5 (01:04:20):
You get here's my body, Raptor blue, little Raptor baby
to be because like you printed out, it's like, fuck off, Christ.

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
Pratt, that's crazy.

Speaker 5 (01:04:29):
But the other thing is you can't just keep making
Jurassic Park, Like even the la did you see the
last Rebirth?

Speaker 4 (01:04:37):
Rebirth is fun, it does it.

Speaker 5 (01:04:39):
It kind of goes back to basics, but again if
they do it again, like, you can't just keep making
them even though they do clearly just keep making them.
I think that's why you need new movies that are interested,
not interesting. But even even watching I'm dying to see
that movie Weapons, I'm looking forward to seeing it, like
it's meant to be a great horror film.

Speaker 4 (01:04:58):
I thought that Varying was that him That was excellent.
Really enjoyed that. But like just new movies, like you
can do the same ship just with a new monster,
that's all people really want.

Speaker 2 (01:05:10):
Through So I left us out this week very excited
for that. Yeah, I saw, I.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
Looked at the I g N ten No. Seven, but
I don't want to. Maybe I thought I was watching
I G and I watched games stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
Yeah, meta credit it's like eighty five every seven out
one hundred, so.

Speaker 5 (01:05:27):
It looks it looks it does the Yoko Taro approach
to games, where like it gives you a different ending,
but you kind of have to replay it replay, so
it's a ten hour game that you're probably gonna have
to play play four times.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
Yeah, I'm done with that. I mean two was like
revelatory for me.

Speaker 4 (01:05:46):
I was like, fuck, this is some world Jesus. Yeah, yeah, really.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Fucking I was really impressed with that. I'm considering it's
like an outlass game. Obviously the Remac added some extra
layers and then to it, but like, yeah, it was
so I'm not a forward to playing. I'm getting that
this week, So that's my weekend. I've sort of a
sound hill at a minute. I'd say that's fun.

Speaker 4 (01:06:08):
Is it?

Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
It's fun? But it's nasticking with me now. I don't
know why, know, maybe I just haven't given enough time,
but I'm just I don't know, I'm just kind of
slogging a bitch. So I'll get back to it, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:06:18):
I'm still Alan Wake. Obviously I'm asked.

Speaker 5 (01:06:22):
Coffee Land at the moment. So it's when like you
need to find the screwdriver to get into the door. Again,
you need to get a key to get to your trailer.
But for some reason, the keys in Coffee Land.

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
Oh yeah, oh that that's fucking creepy that place.

Speaker 4 (01:06:37):
Yeah, yeah, what I have found is.

Speaker 5 (01:06:38):
Initially when I was playing, I was like, Oh, this
is really hard. But now I've gotten the rhythm of
like killing the guys and I'm feeling good about it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
Did you do that? Have you done that part where
you go through like the musical?

Speaker 4 (01:06:48):
Yeah, yeah, that's that's such a kind of such a mena.

Speaker 5 (01:06:53):
But it's so that first of all that song that's like,
but the way that they they've done all that, even
the way that the real life FMVs they point you in.

Speaker 4 (01:07:05):
The direction, I think. Yeah, I think it's a great game.

Speaker 5 (01:07:09):
Alan's parts bugged me about when I was in the
studio went out in the subway.

Speaker 4 (01:07:13):
I was kind of fed up with that. How far
am I through that? Because I don't get a whole
bunch of time to play.

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
You're probably you're a good bit trough, like and and
it's not that long of a game, so yeah, you're probably.
I think it's it's probably a twenty to thirty our game.
You're probably about what fifteen hours and forty jesus, I.

Speaker 5 (01:07:30):
Don't think I'm that. Yeah, maybe I'm halfway through the Probably.
I think it's a I think it's a really good game,
really fun.

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
It has a lot of other really cool kind of
moments past us though.

Speaker 4 (01:07:41):
That kind of met it.

Speaker 5 (01:07:42):
Even just the caseboard, which is really interesting because like
it's largely superflulous, like there's no real like point to it,
but it's fun just figuring it pressing X until it
goes where it's supposed to go.

Speaker 2 (01:07:56):
Like, no, it's a very cool game. It's as close
as you're going to get to like Two Pigs the
video game, I think, like, yeah, Daily Premonition was like
that too, but that had a very Japanese the influence.

Speaker 4 (01:08:06):
And it was like mechanically not a good.

Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
Alway because very much like that, Like, yeah, it has
that vibe to it, Like, but yeah, we'll leave it there, folks.
I hope you enjoyed this one a little bit different,
a bit of a mental health fuls thrown in there.

Speaker 4 (01:08:18):
You know, we talked about vitamin D is going down.

Speaker 2 (01:08:24):
So yeah, it's the floor is yours. We've always said that,
you know what I mean, if you send in something
that we like, we'll we'll pull it up, you know,
especially if we think it will be helpful to people.
You know that that's kind of the main thing. There's
a lot of stuff that comes in that we just
can't read out for different reasons, but that one in particular,
I thought, yeah, that's a good one. So yeah, shouts

(01:08:47):
out Tony. Yeah shouts out to all our listeners. As
we always say, all reminder us again, this is an
independent podcast held on over and check us out on
Patreon for the support. We do appreciate it, and yeah
we leave it there. Fox, thanks very much for your
listens and we will see you on Monday for a

(01:09:07):
bit of zombies.