April 2, 2025 • 25 mins
About the Guest(s): Amanda Johnson is an author and advocate for survivors of sexual assault. Having survived a traumatic experience herself, she has dedicated her life to sharing her story and empowering others who have faced similar challenges. Amanda is the author of "Beyond Survival: Reclaiming My Life After Rape," a book that offers hope, healing, and inspiration to those on the journey of recovery. Through her public speaking and written work, Amanda Johnson raises awareness about the effects of sexual assault and the importance of personal safety and legislative change in protection rights. Episode Summary: In this impactful episode of the Morning Report, host Willie Lawson welcomes Amanda Johnson, author of "Beyond Survival: Reclaiming My Life After Rape." Amanda shares her harrowing experience with sexual assault during her college years and her journey towards reclaiming a fulfilling life afterwards. Set against the backdrop of legal challenges and personal struggles, Amanda’s story is one of transformation, faith, and resilience, establishing her as a powerful voice for change and healing. Throughout this episode, Amanda delves deep into the psychological aftermath of trauma, emphasizing the critical components of her recovery process. Drawing from her book, she discusses the importance of community as a ribcage, sustaining and protecting her emotional and spiritual well-being. She shares candid insights on processing denial, anger, and ultimately arriving at forgiveness, a pivotal theme central to her healing journey. Amanda’s story is intertwined with her faith, turning personal trials into broader advocacy for legislative change and public understanding of sexual assault’s impact. Key Takeaways:
Tune in to this heartfelt episode for a deeper understanding of Amanda Johnson’s journey and discover the transformative power of resilience. Stay connected with the Morning Report for more inspiring content and personal stories of triumph over adversity.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-report--3694168/support.
- Recovery Journey: Amanda’s story emphasizes reclaiming life after trauma, focusing on faith, community, and self-forgiveness.
- Community and Support: Highlighting the importance of surrounding oneself with a supportive community, likened to a ribcage protecting vital organs.
- Faith and Resilience: Amanda’s deep spiritual faith was instrumental in her healing, providing strength and direction.
- Forgiveness: Recognized as a crucial step in healing, Amanda underscores that forgiveness is not acceptance but releasing the control of trauma over one’s life.
- Public Awareness and Advocacy: Through her advocacy, Amanda aims to change perceptions of sexual assault and support survivors’ rights and protections.
- "The journey to reclaim a full life involves pressing after, part of a bridge back into the land of the living."
- "There's a lot of people who are a part of the breathing dead, not enjoying all that life has to offer."
- "Forgiveness is not the same as saying what happened is okay; it’s saying you no longer get to have control over me."
- "In the end, Jesus wins, always."
- "You are seen, and you are worth restoration."
Tune in to this heartfelt episode for a deeper understanding of Amanda Johnson’s journey and discover the transformative power of resilience. Stay connected with the Morning Report for more inspiring content and personal stories of triumph over adversity.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/morning-report--3694168/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Morning Report, a production of Fightbackmedia dot com,
the number one source of urban conservative information in America.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Good morning, Good morning, Welcome to One Report. We have
a very special Morning Report.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
And I told you guys, we'll be doing things a
little different this year, and this is a little different,
but I think it'll be really beneficial to a lot
of people, even outside of.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
The folks that we normally reach, which is where we
make the biggest impact. You know, you make an impact
inside your circle, and that's cool, but when you can
make an impact outside that circle, that's when you really do.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I think that's when you're doing work. I really do.
So I have a very.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Special guest with us this morning here on the show.
There's a man of Johnson, and she.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Has a ship.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
She has a very very important story to tell.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
And I'm going to shut up in a minute and
let her tell. Let her tell the story, because.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Y'all know I have to talk, right, I don't know
talk bills to talk.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I tell, I tell my family. You know, I talked
for a living.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
That's why I did.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I talked for a living. So I think I'm pretty
good at it, and I do it.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Imagine that you've written a book. You see, for me
is the most most impressive part. And and and I
read the book. But the most important part is that
you started a book and you actually finished it.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
I did. I haven't finished.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I haven't read a book.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I haven't read a book and finished it since.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
And I went to college in the eighties. Yeah, in
the late seventy and eighties. So it's the right one.
And actually finish it is incredibly impressive to me, very impressive. Uh.
And and this book is entitlement. Sure, I get this right.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It's called Beyond Survival, Reclaiming My Life After Rape.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yes, and so.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yes, it has a fairly serious title because it's a
fairly serious subject. But you know what, it's a I
find that it's a book of rebirth and renewal and
someone encouraging when you.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Look at the entire the entire picture of it.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
All right, welcome to the program. Please tell the guests
about how this story.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
Started, about how it started.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yes, this is we're gonna gonna have to run through
this timeline.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
Okay, what you won't be running? Okay, I'll walk you
through distinctly. I guess as I can.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
So the title, let's the reader know exactly what they're
getting into.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
There's no surprises. When I was in college, I was raped.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
At gunpoint by a complete stranger on my university campus
who went on to.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Murder his last victim. And now he is sitting on
death row in Reno, Nevada, or in Nevada. It all
happened in Reno, Nevada. He's not sitting on death row
in Reno.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
But at the time of my attack, I had already
actained my consul, carried permit, and I did not have
my firearm with me on the university campus.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Because it is illegal.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
It was illegal then and it is still legal now
for students to carry or anybody really to carry any
permitted weapon on campus, or any weapon for that matter.
And so at when I was attacked, I was attacked.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
On the ground floor where they the police parked.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Their cruisers, the campus police, and I was less than
fifty feet away from their campus office.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
And I had parked there specifically.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
Knowing that I would be unarmed and to attempt to
ensure my safety.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
And so all of.
Speaker 5 (04:04):
This kind of comes into play because after my attack,
I don't want anybody to ever have.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
To endure what I had endured, and I went to
the initial problem.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
From what I could see was that, well, I was
prevented from being able to protect myself and effectively legislated
into being a victim by my lawmakers, who I do
think had best interests in mind, but this was an
unattended consequence.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Of the law that had been passed.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
And so then from there, the questions that I received
from lawmakers, the questions I received from reporters really showed
me that the conversation needed to be taken way back
for people to understand what rape does to an individual
(04:57):
and the lifelong consequences that it has, because somewhere along
our society it's either been forgotten or I think that
it's just never really been addressed or never really discussed
in depth. And so I started talking more about the
effects of sexual assault and why women should be able
(05:19):
to defend their bodies or to choose how they want
to defend their bodies. And then from that I continue
to get women coming up to me every single event
telling me their own stories, and more often than that,
I was the only.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Person that they had ever disclosed to.
Speaker 5 (05:36):
And they all wanted to know, how did you keep,
How did you move forward? How are you living this
full life? And I write about it in my book
that I wasn't. I was just sharing what.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
I had endured and what I was enduring.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
But I did want to replaim a full life and
be able to.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
Live a full life after such trauma.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
And so I started this journey and a lot of prayer,
a lot of leaning into my faith and relying on Jesus.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
And he was.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Faithful to lead me out and to bring me to
the other side of that, so to speak. And I
wanted to share that story so that other people.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
Who have endured.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
What I call soul murder to be able to reclaim
a full life and for their loved ones to be
able to know also how to walk alongside them.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
One of the things that I.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
That I got early on reading the book was that's
interesting how so many women follow the same or a
similar emotional path that includes the anger of the business
and even the denial. And that's not the kind of
(07:00):
kind of something in the only part of the book
that I read that that really struck me, the denial
At some point that you.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Were trying to I don't know when it was time.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
To actually talk to the police. You were sure and
convinced yourself that they would have thought at that point
that you had made it up.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Correct, Yeah, and that wasn't That.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Wasn't The part that struck me. The part that struck
me was.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
When you said that you were even hoping at that
point that you had made it up.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
That was still part of your psyche.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Yeah, how does that work?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
There seems to be obviously some cognitive dissonance that that
that that that that that to work through and and
that must have caused even more pain, anguish, anxiety, all
that stuff.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Yeah, that's a really good question. And I'll be very
honest and just say I'm no expert.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
We'll only have our lives with the psychology. But the
information I've received and some of the research I've done
to try.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
To understand, like why did I even react this way?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
Is that's just God's grace for us at times when
we experience such traumatic events. It's like this sort of
amnesia of dissociative amnesia.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
And it's very.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
Very common for victims of sexual assault to experience that.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
And when we go through traumatic events, there's always this
we come up with a plan.
Speaker 5 (08:39):
It's innate in us for survival, to figure out, how
are we going to make that next step.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
After you get.
Speaker 5 (08:47):
Out of the original the initial fight flight or freeze
type of response. And for me it was I'm just
this just didn't happen. It's so much easier to just
wash away, make it so it does not happen at all.
And the next morning I woke up and had believed
(09:07):
that I had had the worst, most vivid nightmare of
my life and just kind of kept going on, but
everything inside me had shifted and everything was different, and
I couldn't put.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
My finger on it. And then when I remembered and
another woman had.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
Been attacked, and then the third one was missing for
a while, and my roommate, who I had confided in,
went to the police, and I did I really really
wanted to believe that it had just been all fabricated.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Because.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
The implications and the heaviness of what it would mean
if it was all true just seemed so insurmountable and
impossible to live after. And I had all this displaced
shame and fear of how people were going to respond
(10:11):
once they learned, or if they were to learn.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
That this had happened to me, And so.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
It and you were about to get you were about
to get married.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Yeah, I was engaged at the time all of this
came to light, and so it it was I don't
know like the intricacies of like how it works. But
even throughout the years, even after the trial and even
with the appeals and everything, there are moments where I
(10:45):
wrestle with I don't know this happened, because it's so
much easier at times to just believe that it didn't
and to disassociate myself from that event.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Something else had struck me was that your fiance boyfriend
fiancee now husband, who is no longer a motorcycle writer.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Yeah, no longer motorcycle.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Story.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
And we're not going to get into writers, but just
suffice to say that four wills.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Only in this one.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Was I love that you mentioned that it was actually
actually someone who when one of the things that you
were most worried about was going to be his reaction,
And the way that you described it in the book
is amazing because I could see it.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
There was his look, but behind the look.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Was it had to be because I've been married alone
a long one, A long time since got in a
social ror, uh A long time and there's this there's
a shock of this, this happening, but there's we also
and guys don't get credit for this. There's also this
empathetic pain that we feel almost immediately, and sometimes we
(12:02):
react badly, but we feel this this pain and that
turns into empathy.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
And because of May's.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Relationship with christ in relationship, Baby, he knew that he
ye this, this dude had to be the perfect, This
is the perfect, this is the home run. Because he
got it, because he absolutely got it, and he knew
that that his job, his job from then on for
the rest of his life, was to be there. Yeah,
(12:29):
and my guess is that he did. He did more
of just being there than anything, because there ain't nothing
you would say, no, there's nothing you can say. There's
no great words of wisiness that come flying from your
face that are going to make anything better necessarily, which
he was just there. And I'm so glad that you
mentioned that, because you know, from the from.
Speaker 6 (12:50):
The guy, I was going, yeah, yeah, he one for
the good guy.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
That's awesome.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
I will say, I mean Tony credit to a lot
of people seem to be really shocked that he stayed
with me.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
After I knew why, though, But I have a big advantage.
I knew I knew why. I knew why because you
had already mentioned his faith. I knew that.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
That's why I mean his faith. If it reminds you
of the story of Joseph m h m hmm. Joseph said, okay,
so you're we're gonna have a eddy and Mary said, yes,
what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Well? He was supposed to divorce her. It was a
rock or zon. He did not well. He can't visitation obviously,
he did not, right, And this.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Is why we have this is why we talk about
Jordan to day, because he didn't do what everybody thought
he was gonna do, right, he didn't do what society,
the society at the time had fully expected him and
would have let him do. As a matter of fact,
you wouldn't let him do it, you you would have
perfectly understood.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Yeah, I mean I offered.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
I have that conversation with him, like, I'm not gonna
fallow you.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
You didn't sign up, You're like, what are.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
You talking about?
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Exactly that?
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Right?
Speaker 7 (14:15):
Yeah, it never never crossed his mind because to him,
even though I saw my value as being less at
the time, that never my value in his SIGHTE never changed.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
That is that That for me is some of the
is some of the best part of of.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
The whole story with me being then yeah, go dudes,
So what has And I look at it like this,
what are your rebirth been like?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Because it seems like because you talk about soul murder,
well obviously you're not.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
You were not murder. You were murdered, but you have
been reborn.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Yeah, through God's grace for sure.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What's that been like? What what's the record process been like?
Speaker 4 (15:04):
It has been anything bit easy. It has had to
been a choice.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Through God's grace and mercy and providence that I've been
able to pursue.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
And seek after.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
And I it just God has been so faithful to
meet me exactly.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Where I'm at and to provide me with what I.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Needed, even if I didn't know that that's what I needed,
and even if I didn't see it, but I can
look back now and see his fingerprints.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
All over everything.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
That it's looked a lot like chasing and pursuing and
pressing after trying to cross this bridge.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
Back into the land of living, I feel like.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Or I've notned is that there's a lot of people
who are part of the breathing dead, and I was
just floating through the motions of life and not.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Really enjoying all that it had to offer.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
And I wanted to get back over into that land
of the living and to claim that abundant life that
Jesus came to give us in spite of the fact
that the enemy does come to still kill and destroy.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
And so for me, what that has looked like and
what I have found it to be extremely.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
Helpful or fruitful for other people would be There's four.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Components that are that it entails.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
And the first one is in my backbone, where that
is everything stems from that, and that's my relationship with
the Lord.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
And then from there it is.
Speaker 5 (16:50):
My rib cage, which, if you think about the body,
your ribcage is charged with protecting all your vital organs.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
And that is my community.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Those are the people that are selected with wisdom and
discernment to be invited into the innermost, deepest, darkest parts
of me and to be able to also celebrate when
there's victory and when there's you know, time for celebration
and things like that.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
But those are my really, those.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Are my people, my tribe that I call upon when
I need it. So backbone ribcage funny, though, has been
really important.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I had to learn how to laugh again because there
wasn't a lot of laughter for a season.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
You forget that help regulations. Yeah, sometimes it's not.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
A dark on Well, yeah, there is. I think that's
just maybe because of what I've been through. I have
a very dark humor a percent of humor, and some
people get it, others don't. But yeah, and it's not
laughing at what happened to me, because clearly nothing about
(18:01):
that is funny, But it's relishing in the moments that
are enjoyable and laughing and enjoying my children, laughing and
soaking all that in.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
And then the last one would be my wish Belle.
And I had to change my mindset from why me
to what now?
Speaker 5 (18:27):
What are we gonna? What am I going to do
with this? What am I meant to do with this now?
And for some people, I think it's I'm going to
get up today and I'm going to be as emotionally
present for my family as I can be or for
myself as I possibly can be, And that in.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Itself is a huge victory.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
And it's not always writing a book or speaking on
national stages or trying to change legislation with things either,
but it's.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Changing that mindset of Okay, God gave me this.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
I've been through this trial and it is refining my
faith and it.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Is shaping me to be more like Jesus. So so
what now?
Speaker 5 (19:09):
What am I going to do with what He has
been faithful to bring me through? So this is the
four and then the last one I just can't categorize
into like a part of the body to make it
cute or seeing, you know, like catchy. And I don't
make a lot of friends saying this, but forgiveness has
been imperative. I had to forgive the man that did
(19:31):
that to me, and I had to go on also
to forgive myself for how I responded and how I
got through those really dark moments.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yes, we've I mean, and we've learned my time in church,
we've learned that if you don't have a forgiveness part
of it. As hard as that is, yeah, so that
may indeed be the most difficult part. It was, you know,
it was for me in my own my own Booklan
it was the most difficult part, and I was angry
for a long time. I don't know why to you
(20:05):
married me, I was such a chirk And it's.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Because I was. I was still so mad. Yeah, my father,
I was furious.
Speaker 5 (20:14):
Do.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I got to a point where I said, you know
what I learned, I'm just going to forgive him and
move on.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 6 (20:21):
Yeah, because there wasn't any at some point. There's no choice, right,
There really isn't a choice. You get to the end
of you I've done all this other stuff. Why am
I still experiencing this?
Speaker 8 (20:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Because I haven't given up the last bit of it.
Speaker 8 (20:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (20:36):
And I think that there's this misconception that forgiveness is
that is the equivalent to allowance, not at all.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
And it's not.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
It's not saying that what you did is okay in
any way, shape or form. What it is saying is
you no longer get to have control over me because
the pain and effort that you've caused to me. I'm
leaving at the foot of the cross and allowing Jesus
to take care of that and they carry that and
leaving it there.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
And I've learned for me, it's not like a one
and done thing.
Speaker 5 (21:09):
There's times where I realize there's more that it's been
taken than I didn't realize at the time for me,
or it just creeps back in. It just can't because
we're human and having to remind myself, no, no, Jesus
already took that.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I already left that.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
If you have one more thing to say to someone
who may have gone to the very same thing that
you've gone through, and they have not told anyone yet,
and they're trying to swallow it so it disappears you, what.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Do you say to them? Because I know you meet
these people in your tours all the time.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
Yeah, I tell them when they eventually confide in me,
I let them. I thank them for trusting me with
their story. I let them know it wasn't their fault,
(22:09):
regardless of the circumstances, you know.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
And I listen to their story.
Speaker 8 (22:16):
But for the person who's holding it in, just encourage
you to be brave and to bring that into light
so that there can be healing, because light is the
best disinfectant a lot of the time.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
And I would.
Speaker 5 (22:31):
Encourage that person to know that in the end, Jesus
wins always. Jesus wins at the end of the Bible
is that he wins.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
And I don't say that tritely, but you're not forgotten.
You are seeing and you are worth restoration.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
All right, We're gonna get out of here, but I
have one more big favor to ask you. Okay, for
those people who may be watching who know someone who
may be that person. I think the most important thing
that you did. I was thinking about me, but I
think now I'm about the person.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
You pray for them for us, please, oh yeah, I
would love to thank you, Lord Jesus.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
We thank you so much for this opportunity. God.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Thank you for your faithfulness to turn to trade ashes
for beauty.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Thank you for your.
Speaker 5 (23:38):
Promise and romans Age twenty eight, that you work out
all things for the good of those who love you.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
And who are called according to your purpose. God. I
just if anybody is listening to this.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
And they are where I was at years ago, Jesus,
reached into their heart and just comfort them, surround them
with your.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Love that casts out all fear.
Speaker 5 (24:03):
Word. I pray that you would bring people into their
lives that would love life back into them and would
speak truth into their hearts, and that would provide that
safe space to be honest and open up and share
what they have been through and allow those people to
(24:23):
remain present in their lives and to just show up
and to just keep showing up. Lord God, I thank
you that you see the needs that are that.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
We don't even see ourselves. And so we just rest
in your sovereignty and your province over.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
That and just pray that you would continue just eliminating
the next step for them to take to their healing
and to their restoration and to.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
The abundant life that you came to give them.
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Jesus, we pray your victory over their lives and powerful
and holy name.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Amen, Well, thank you ever so much for his fame
from Talent Thames Sharing. Thank you, oh my honor, really
appreciate it. Thank you so much, You're very thank you.
All right tomorrow, I don't know. It's whatever you get,
make sure you subscribe. I'll put down in the description
box where to get to the book. And I need
(25:26):
y'all to go get the book. And if because it's
not for you, it's probably it may be for somebody
else in your life. And it's a story we're worth hearing.
It's a story worth understanding. And clouds feeling the story
we're telling. So again, thank you so much for fat
time with us today. Do we see against want there
and learn something to love somebody?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
And we're gonna say
Welcome to the Morning Report, a production of Fightbackmedia dot com,
the number one source of urban conservative information in America.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Good morning, Good morning, Welcome to One Report. We have
a very special Morning Report.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
And I told you guys, we'll be doing things a
little different this year, and this is a little different,
but I think it'll be really beneficial to a lot
of people, even outside of.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
The folks that we normally reach, which is where we
make the biggest impact. You know, you make an impact
inside your circle, and that's cool, but when you can
make an impact outside that circle, that's when you really do.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I think that's when you're doing work. I really do.
So I have a very.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Special guest with us this morning here on the show.
There's a man of Johnson, and she.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Has a ship.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
She has a very very important story to tell.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
And I'm going to shut up in a minute and
let her tell. Let her tell the story, because.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Y'all know I have to talk, right, I don't know
talk bills to talk.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I tell, I tell my family. You know, I talked
for a living.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
That's why I did.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I talked for a living. So I think I'm pretty
good at it, and I do it.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Imagine that you've written a book. You see, for me
is the most most impressive part. And and and I
read the book. But the most important part is that
you started a book and you actually finished it.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
I did. I haven't finished.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I haven't read a book.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I haven't read a book and finished it since.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
And I went to college in the eighties. Yeah, in
the late seventy and eighties. So it's the right one.
And actually finish it is incredibly impressive to me, very impressive. Uh.
And and this book is entitlement. Sure, I get this right.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It's called Beyond Survival, Reclaiming My Life After Rape.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yes, and so.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yes, it has a fairly serious title because it's a
fairly serious subject. But you know what, it's a I
find that it's a book of rebirth and renewal and
someone encouraging when you.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Look at the entire the entire picture of it.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
All right, welcome to the program. Please tell the guests
about how this story.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
Started, about how it started.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yes, this is we're gonna gonna have to run through
this timeline.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
Okay, what you won't be running? Okay, I'll walk you
through distinctly. I guess as I can.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
So the title, let's the reader know exactly what they're
getting into.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
There's no surprises. When I was in college, I was raped.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
At gunpoint by a complete stranger on my university campus
who went on to.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Murder his last victim. And now he is sitting on
death row in Reno, Nevada, or in Nevada. It all
happened in Reno, Nevada. He's not sitting on death row
in Reno.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
But at the time of my attack, I had already
actained my consul, carried permit, and I did not have
my firearm with me on the university campus.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Because it is illegal.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
It was illegal then and it is still legal now
for students to carry or anybody really to carry any
permitted weapon on campus, or any weapon for that matter.
And so at when I was attacked, I was attacked.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
On the ground floor where they the police parked.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Their cruisers, the campus police, and I was less than
fifty feet away from their campus office.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
And I had parked there specifically.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
Knowing that I would be unarmed and to attempt to
ensure my safety.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
And so all of.
Speaker 5 (04:04):
This kind of comes into play because after my attack,
I don't want anybody to ever have.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
To endure what I had endured, and I went to
the initial problem.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
From what I could see was that, well, I was
prevented from being able to protect myself and effectively legislated
into being a victim by my lawmakers, who I do
think had best interests in mind, but this was an
unattended consequence.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Of the law that had been passed.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
And so then from there, the questions that I received
from lawmakers, the questions I received from reporters really showed
me that the conversation needed to be taken way back
for people to understand what rape does to an individual
(04:57):
and the lifelong consequences that it has, because somewhere along
our society it's either been forgotten or I think that
it's just never really been addressed or never really discussed
in depth. And so I started talking more about the
effects of sexual assault and why women should be able
(05:19):
to defend their bodies or to choose how they want
to defend their bodies. And then from that I continue
to get women coming up to me every single event
telling me their own stories, and more often than that,
I was the only.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Person that they had ever disclosed to.
Speaker 5 (05:36):
And they all wanted to know, how did you keep,
How did you move forward? How are you living this
full life? And I write about it in my book
that I wasn't. I was just sharing what.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
I had endured and what I was enduring.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
But I did want to replaim a full life and
be able to.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
Live a full life after such trauma.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
And so I started this journey and a lot of prayer,
a lot of leaning into my faith and relying on Jesus.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
And he was.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Faithful to lead me out and to bring me to
the other side of that, so to speak. And I
wanted to share that story so that other people.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
Who have endured.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
What I call soul murder to be able to reclaim
a full life and for their loved ones to be
able to know also how to walk alongside them.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
One of the things that I.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
That I got early on reading the book was that's
interesting how so many women follow the same or a
similar emotional path that includes the anger of the business
and even the denial. And that's not the kind of
(07:00):
kind of something in the only part of the book
that I read that that really struck me, the denial
At some point that you.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Were trying to I don't know when it was time.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
To actually talk to the police. You were sure and
convinced yourself that they would have thought at that point
that you had made it up.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Correct, Yeah, and that wasn't That.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Wasn't The part that struck me. The part that struck
me was.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
When you said that you were even hoping at that
point that you had made it up.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
That was still part of your psyche.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Yeah, how does that work?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
There seems to be obviously some cognitive dissonance that that
that that that that that to work through and and
that must have caused even more pain, anguish, anxiety, all
that stuff.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Yeah, that's a really good question. And I'll be very
honest and just say I'm no expert.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
We'll only have our lives with the psychology. But the
information I've received and some of the research I've done
to try.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
To understand, like why did I even react this way?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
Is that's just God's grace for us at times when
we experience such traumatic events. It's like this sort of
amnesia of dissociative amnesia.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
And it's very.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
Very common for victims of sexual assault to experience that.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
And when we go through traumatic events, there's always this
we come up with a plan.
Speaker 5 (08:39):
It's innate in us for survival, to figure out, how
are we going to make that next step.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
After you get.
Speaker 5 (08:47):
Out of the original the initial fight flight or freeze
type of response. And for me it was I'm just
this just didn't happen. It's so much easier to just
wash away, make it so it does not happen at all.
And the next morning I woke up and had believed
(09:07):
that I had had the worst, most vivid nightmare of
my life and just kind of kept going on, but
everything inside me had shifted and everything was different, and
I couldn't put.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
My finger on it. And then when I remembered and
another woman had.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
Been attacked, and then the third one was missing for
a while, and my roommate, who I had confided in,
went to the police, and I did I really really
wanted to believe that it had just been all fabricated.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Because.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
The implications and the heaviness of what it would mean
if it was all true just seemed so insurmountable and
impossible to live after. And I had all this displaced
shame and fear of how people were going to respond
(10:11):
once they learned, or if they were to learn.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
That this had happened to me, And so.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
It and you were about to get you were about
to get married.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Yeah, I was engaged at the time all of this
came to light, and so it it was I don't
know like the intricacies of like how it works. But
even throughout the years, even after the trial and even
with the appeals and everything, there are moments where I
(10:45):
wrestle with I don't know this happened, because it's so
much easier at times to just believe that it didn't
and to disassociate myself from that event.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Something else had struck me was that your fiance boyfriend
fiancee now husband, who is no longer a motorcycle writer.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Yeah, no longer motorcycle.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Story.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
And we're not going to get into writers, but just
suffice to say that four wills.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Only in this one.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Was I love that you mentioned that it was actually
actually someone who when one of the things that you
were most worried about was going to be his reaction,
And the way that you described it in the book
is amazing because I could see it.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
There was his look, but behind the look.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Was it had to be because I've been married alone
a long one, A long time since got in a
social ror, uh A long time and there's this there's
a shock of this, this happening, but there's we also
and guys don't get credit for this. There's also this
empathetic pain that we feel almost immediately, and sometimes we
(12:02):
react badly, but we feel this this pain and that
turns into empathy.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
And because of May's.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Relationship with christ in relationship, Baby, he knew that he
ye this, this dude had to be the perfect, This
is the perfect, this is the home run. Because he
got it, because he absolutely got it, and he knew
that that his job, his job from then on for
the rest of his life, was to be there. Yeah,
(12:29):
and my guess is that he did. He did more
of just being there than anything, because there ain't nothing
you would say, no, there's nothing you can say. There's
no great words of wisiness that come flying from your
face that are going to make anything better necessarily, which
he was just there. And I'm so glad that you
mentioned that, because you know, from the from.
Speaker 6 (12:50):
The guy, I was going, yeah, yeah, he one for
the good guy.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
That's awesome.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
I will say, I mean Tony credit to a lot
of people seem to be really shocked that he stayed
with me.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
After I knew why, though, But I have a big advantage.
I knew I knew why. I knew why because you
had already mentioned his faith. I knew that.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
That's why I mean his faith. If it reminds you
of the story of Joseph m h m hmm. Joseph said, okay,
so you're we're gonna have a eddy and Mary said, yes,
what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Well? He was supposed to divorce her. It was a
rock or zon. He did not well. He can't visitation obviously,
he did not, right, And this.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Is why we have this is why we talk about
Jordan to day, because he didn't do what everybody thought
he was gonna do, right, he didn't do what society,
the society at the time had fully expected him and
would have let him do. As a matter of fact,
you wouldn't let him do it, you you would have
perfectly understood.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Yeah, I mean I offered.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
I have that conversation with him, like, I'm not gonna
fallow you.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
You didn't sign up, You're like, what are.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
You talking about?
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Exactly that?
Speaker 5 (14:14):
Right?
Speaker 7 (14:15):
Yeah, it never never crossed his mind because to him,
even though I saw my value as being less at
the time, that never my value in his SIGHTE never changed.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
That is that That for me is some of the
is some of the best part of of.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
The whole story with me being then yeah, go dudes,
So what has And I look at it like this,
what are your rebirth been like?
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Because it seems like because you talk about soul murder,
well obviously you're not.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
You were not murder. You were murdered, but you have
been reborn.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Yeah, through God's grace for sure.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What's that been like? What what's the record process been like?
Speaker 4 (15:04):
It has been anything bit easy. It has had to
been a choice.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Through God's grace and mercy and providence that I've been
able to pursue.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
And seek after.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
And I it just God has been so faithful to
meet me exactly.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Where I'm at and to provide me with what I.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Needed, even if I didn't know that that's what I needed,
and even if I didn't see it, but I can
look back now and see his fingerprints.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
All over everything.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
That it's looked a lot like chasing and pursuing and
pressing after trying to cross this bridge.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
Back into the land of living, I feel like.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Or I've notned is that there's a lot of people
who are part of the breathing dead, and I was
just floating through the motions of life and not.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Really enjoying all that it had to offer.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
And I wanted to get back over into that land
of the living and to claim that abundant life that
Jesus came to give us in spite of the fact
that the enemy does come to still kill and destroy.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
And so for me, what that has looked like and
what I have found it to be extremely.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
Helpful or fruitful for other people would be There's four.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Components that are that it entails.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
And the first one is in my backbone, where that
is everything stems from that, and that's my relationship with
the Lord.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
And then from there it is.
Speaker 5 (16:50):
My rib cage, which, if you think about the body,
your ribcage is charged with protecting all your vital organs.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
And that is my community.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Those are the people that are selected with wisdom and
discernment to be invited into the innermost, deepest, darkest parts
of me and to be able to also celebrate when
there's victory and when there's you know, time for celebration
and things like that.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
But those are my really, those.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Are my people, my tribe that I call upon when
I need it. So backbone ribcage funny, though, has been
really important.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I had to learn how to laugh again because there
wasn't a lot of laughter for a season.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
You forget that help regulations. Yeah, sometimes it's not.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
A dark on Well, yeah, there is. I think that's
just maybe because of what I've been through. I have
a very dark humor a percent of humor, and some
people get it, others don't. But yeah, and it's not
laughing at what happened to me, because clearly nothing about
(18:01):
that is funny, But it's relishing in the moments that
are enjoyable and laughing and enjoying my children, laughing and
soaking all that in.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
And then the last one would be my wish Belle.
And I had to change my mindset from why me
to what now?
Speaker 5 (18:27):
What are we gonna? What am I going to do
with this? What am I meant to do with this now?
And for some people, I think it's I'm going to
get up today and I'm going to be as emotionally
present for my family as I can be or for
myself as I possibly can be, And that in.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Itself is a huge victory.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
And it's not always writing a book or speaking on
national stages or trying to change legislation with things either,
but it's.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Changing that mindset of Okay, God gave me this.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
I've been through this trial and it is refining my
faith and it.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Is shaping me to be more like Jesus. So so
what now?
Speaker 5 (19:09):
What am I going to do with what He has
been faithful to bring me through? So this is the
four and then the last one I just can't categorize
into like a part of the body to make it
cute or seeing, you know, like catchy. And I don't
make a lot of friends saying this, but forgiveness has
been imperative. I had to forgive the man that did
(19:31):
that to me, and I had to go on also
to forgive myself for how I responded and how I
got through those really dark moments.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yes, we've I mean, and we've learned my time in church,
we've learned that if you don't have a forgiveness part
of it. As hard as that is, yeah, so that
may indeed be the most difficult part. It was, you know,
it was for me in my own my own Booklan
it was the most difficult part, and I was angry
for a long time. I don't know why to you
(20:05):
married me, I was such a chirk And it's.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Because I was. I was still so mad. Yeah, my father,
I was furious.
Speaker 5 (20:14):
Do.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I got to a point where I said, you know
what I learned, I'm just going to forgive him and
move on.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 6 (20:21):
Yeah, because there wasn't any at some point. There's no choice, right,
There really isn't a choice. You get to the end
of you I've done all this other stuff. Why am
I still experiencing this?
Speaker 8 (20:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Because I haven't given up the last bit of it.
Speaker 8 (20:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (20:36):
And I think that there's this misconception that forgiveness is
that is the equivalent to allowance, not at all.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
And it's not.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
It's not saying that what you did is okay in
any way, shape or form. What it is saying is
you no longer get to have control over me because
the pain and effort that you've caused to me. I'm
leaving at the foot of the cross and allowing Jesus
to take care of that and they carry that and
leaving it there.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
And I've learned for me, it's not like a one
and done thing.
Speaker 5 (21:09):
There's times where I realize there's more that it's been
taken than I didn't realize at the time for me,
or it just creeps back in. It just can't because
we're human and having to remind myself, no, no, Jesus
already took that.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I already left that.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
If you have one more thing to say to someone
who may have gone to the very same thing that
you've gone through, and they have not told anyone yet,
and they're trying to swallow it so it disappears you, what.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Do you say to them? Because I know you meet
these people in your tours all the time.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
Yeah, I tell them when they eventually confide in me,
I let them. I thank them for trusting me with
their story. I let them know it wasn't their fault,
(22:09):
regardless of the circumstances, you know.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
And I listen to their story.
Speaker 8 (22:16):
But for the person who's holding it in, just encourage
you to be brave and to bring that into light
so that there can be healing, because light is the
best disinfectant a lot of the time.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
And I would.
Speaker 5 (22:31):
Encourage that person to know that in the end, Jesus
wins always. Jesus wins at the end of the Bible
is that he wins.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
And I don't say that tritely, but you're not forgotten.
You are seeing and you are worth restoration.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
All right, We're gonna get out of here, but I
have one more big favor to ask you. Okay, for
those people who may be watching who know someone who
may be that person. I think the most important thing
that you did. I was thinking about me, but I
think now I'm about the person.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
You pray for them for us, please, oh yeah, I
would love to thank you, Lord Jesus.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
We thank you so much for this opportunity. God.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Thank you for your faithfulness to turn to trade ashes
for beauty.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Thank you for your.
Speaker 5 (23:38):
Promise and romans Age twenty eight, that you work out
all things for the good of those who love you.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
And who are called according to your purpose. God. I
just if anybody is listening to this.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
And they are where I was at years ago, Jesus,
reached into their heart and just comfort them, surround them
with your.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Love that casts out all fear.
Speaker 5 (24:03):
Word. I pray that you would bring people into their
lives that would love life back into them and would
speak truth into their hearts, and that would provide that
safe space to be honest and open up and share
what they have been through and allow those people to
(24:23):
remain present in their lives and to just show up
and to just keep showing up. Lord God, I thank
you that you see the needs that are that.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
We don't even see ourselves. And so we just rest
in your sovereignty and your province over.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
That and just pray that you would continue just eliminating
the next step for them to take to their healing
and to their restoration and to.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
The abundant life that you came to give them.
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Jesus, we pray your victory over their lives and powerful
and holy name.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Amen, Well, thank you ever so much for his fame
from Talent Thames Sharing. Thank you, oh my honor, really
appreciate it. Thank you so much, You're very thank you.
All right tomorrow, I don't know. It's whatever you get,
make sure you subscribe. I'll put down in the description
box where to get to the book. And I need
(25:26):
y'all to go get the book. And if because it's
not for you, it's probably it may be for somebody
else in your life. And it's a story we're worth hearing.
It's a story worth understanding. And clouds feeling the story
we're telling. So again, thank you so much for fat
time with us today. Do we see against want there
and learn something to love somebody?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
And we're gonna say
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