February 14, 2025 • 27 mins
In this episode of Motivation Zone, I want to share my views on love and Valentine's Day. I really don't think they go together. Personally, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, and I've been married for 18 years. Your relationship shouldn't depend on whether you or your partner give each other gifts on February 14th. Let's chat about love and how to deal with the anxiety that can come with Valentine's Day!
For references, to subscribe or leave a comment, visit my Motivation Zone page here: https://monicaenterprises.com/motivation-zone-3/
For references, to subscribe or leave a comment, visit my Motivation Zone page here: https://monicaenterprises.com/motivation-zone-3/
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Motivation Zone.
It is your host here, Monica. Mi super excited to
be with you guys, and we are diving into the
topic of love versus Valentine's Day and lately what really
had me thinking about is was a few things. So
first of all, let's start with the celebrity culture, because
(00:21):
I've seen a few things trending on my timeline and
I'm like, you know what we have to talk about
this now. Mind you, everything that I say here is
for your consideration and you have to parallel these things
as being discussed and also while you're watching others with
your own life. And I'm telling everyone, even with this
(00:42):
topic of love is everyone's meaning of love is not
the same, and what everyone wants to receive is also
not the same. You would think it would be right.
You would think that everyone wants, you know, great communication.
You would think that everyone wants someone, especially in a
partnership where there's a spouse. You would think everyone wants
(01:06):
someone to collaborate with them. You would think that some
of the basic things that are genuinely a good thing,
you know, a partner you can share things with. You
would think that everyone wants that, but you would be surprised,
you know, at how a lot of people limit love,
and so celebrity culture really had me thinking about this
(01:28):
lately because I see so many celebrities jumping online and
when there's a breakup, they both will post something saying
we still love each other so very much, We're still
each other's best friends. And then I'm sitting up here like, what,
how is that possible to still be so in love
(01:52):
with a person still be their best friend, but yet
you can't be together right And then and there is
another instance and situation where I've seen and I'm not
gonna call these celebrities out because this is not the
purpose of this podcast, but really for motivation and speaking
on the topic of love. But another situation that comes
(02:16):
to my mind is there is a certain celebrity, and
I have seen over and over again this celebrity go
into counseling with her best friend. They're no longer friends now,
but they were going into counseling all the time over
their friendship. And then they also did a lot of
business together. So I don't know what the depths of
(02:37):
that counseling, you know, entailed, what they were talking about
or trying to work out. I don't know, but the
best friend was married and she went through a divorce,
and it had always baffled me in the back of
my mind as I'm watching these two individuals who are
just friends, girlfriends, however you want to put it. But
(03:00):
you know, the best friend is married to a man.
I just want to specify that, you guys, make it clear.
She's married to her husband, and she gets a divorce.
Her and her husband go through just a trying time.
Like normal couples where you have changes in your life,
one couple or one person in the relationship gets a
little bit busier than the other. You know, things change
(03:22):
and you have to adapt to those changes. But what
I never heard her say having gone through that divorce
with her husband, is that they did any counseling. Not
saying that they did it, but in all the times
that she tells the story of her breakup and her
divorce and her marriage, she never discusses any type of
(03:44):
counseling with her husband or trying to work things out
with her husband. And yet she does this with her
best friend. And I just found it super odd because
her friendship with her best friend is one of those
things where it's kind of like they're always kind of
going in and out with each other a little bit,
(04:05):
but they want to do their best to stay in
their friendship. And I'm like, but you have to put
in that same level of energy in your actual relationships
right with your spouse. And I want that to be
the first thing that I say to you, guys, is
if you're out here listening to what I'm saying right now,
(04:25):
and you have best friends you would prefer to work
things out with, and oh, we've been friends for years
and years and years, and you're constantly trying to work
at it, work at your relationship with your spouse even harder.
That is the most important relationship that you have. That's
a covenant, that is a responsibility that you decided to
(04:50):
take on with that spouse. And it's so hurt for
watching so many people who hurt over their relationships ending
when they know that they could have worked at it
so much more. And sometimes it's so one sided where
one person wants to end it and another one wants
to keep working at it, and then that person goes
(05:11):
over there and it's constantly working at their friendships and
not their actual relationships, right. So I always thought that
that was super interesting. Just watching celebrity culture. I'm like, ugh,
this is beyond toxic to me in my humblest opinion. Okay,
and I hope that everyone in these scenarios and situations
(05:31):
work their life out and find love truly, right, And
let's jump back on that. So I'm talking about the
celebrity culture where they're posting online once they have a
breakup that we still love each other and we're each
other's best friend. Let me tell you something, I personally
do not believe that you're so deeply in love with
(05:52):
someone and you're still someone's best friend, but yet you
found that there's something you can't work out. I believe
that they're her special instances of that maybe that loved
one has a habit. Like I was just listening to
one of the Kadashians. Whichever one is dating d what
was he or I'm sorry, married to the basketball player?
(06:13):
Is it Chloe? I think now Tristan. I believe his
name is. You, guys, I don't follow them that closely,
but this is something that I just came across on
my timeline, and she was saying that she would still
be married to him if he didn't have his drug problems. Now,
to me, what she's stating is I still love him,
(06:36):
and outside of this drug problem, we could still very
much so be friends, We could still very much be
there for one another. But this drug problem is an issue,
and I'm pretty sure it's an issue because it's causing
him to do things and act outside of character of
the man that she met and of the man that
(06:57):
she married. You know, so I believe there are certain
deal breakers that are not necessarily deal breakers of the
person by saying, you know, I just don't want to
ever deal with you in any capacity because you hurt me.
Because right now Chloe is dealing with a situation where
(07:20):
he is hurting her because of his habit, but it's
not a personal towards her, if that makes sense. So
he's hurting himself because he has this drug problem, and
this problem causes him to do certain things. Now, mind you,
it also well if you wanna blame it on the
drugs and alcohol, they say, but he's also not been
(07:43):
faithful to her, and I'm pretty sure that part is
very hurtful. And that's what I find interesting is she
never brought up his infidelities as being the deal breaker
of whether they would still be married or not. It
was the drug habits themselves. So I don't know if
she believes that drug habits are something that causes him
to cheat and he does these things because he's not
(08:05):
of a sober mind or what. I don't know that's
between the two of them. I'm not even gonna act
like I know, but I'm just using these things as
an example. So I do believe in this space that
there can be people who are best friends and who
really love each other, and there are those deal breakers
that cause them to say, but I can't live with
(08:28):
you and I can't stay married with you. Another one
is money. Finance is a person who gambles all the
time and is incapable of really saving any money or
investing the money within the family, trying to make sure
that everything is good. And that's another habit. It's a habit,
you guys. And so those things can break a relationship.
(08:52):
But how often in the celebrity culture when we're watching
these things play out before our very eyes and bring
us up because so many people are watching, and unfortunately
so many, especially younger people. And I'm not even just
gonna put it on the younger people, because so many
people of age also watch these individuals, and they tend
(09:16):
to think that the way they live is the best
way to live because they have a little bit of money,
and that there's a such thing as the moment I
get mad at you about something, or the moment you
hurt my feelings over something basic, then we need to
break up, Or the moment I wake up one day
and feel like we're not as close as we used
(09:38):
to be, then we need to break up instead of
working towards that and working on those things and meeting
and having a common ground. And this is coming from
somebody myself. You guys who's been married eighteen years, and
I can tell you and I've known my husband now
total this year twenty twenty five, it will be twenty
(10:01):
one years, and I can really honestly say he's my
best friend. And I can also say we've gone through
those times where he's super busy or I'm super busy
and we haven't seen each other in a while, or
we've gone through those moments in time where it's kind
of like I guess, there are certain changes family structures
and different things like that that can come in between us,
(10:24):
and we've had to work through those moments. I will
never ever ever tell a person that marriage is hard,
because I don't see it that way. I feel like,
when you're interacting with any human being, and I do
mean any, it can be complicated because we have different personalities,
we have different goals, we have different things that we're
(10:46):
trying to work towards outside and inside, and all of
these things that it may be a situation where we clash.
Sometimes I've clashed with a lot of people over my lifetime,
and it has been just in my marriage. Does that
make sense? And so I'm always super grateful and thankful
to the Good Lord that my husband and I so
(11:09):
far have been able to work through those changes, you know,
and work through the things that we feel, you know,
may have shifted us a little bit in our relationship,
and we're able to talk through those things and get
to that common ground. And when it comes down to
love and Valentine's Day, because let me tell you, Valentine's
(11:33):
Day has broken up a lot of relationships. And I
thought about this as we go into today. I don't
celebrate Valentine's Day. I tell my husband, don't get me
any gifts. I do not get him any gifts. And
the reason why is because number one, I'm not going
to allow society to dictate when I should give someone
(11:53):
that I love. That's number one. Number two, if you
really do love the people in your life, then you
find ways to honor them and give to them and
see them smile any day of the year, of the week,
of the month, you know, so on so forth, and
that's how we treat each other. I know that at
(12:13):
the end of the day, if I need anything, then
I will be able to get that in my relationship. Also,
I know that if I need to talk to my husband,
it has not been a day you guys that if
I have something on my mind and I need to
take a moment and just talk it out and get
through those things that he does not listen to me,
he listens every single time, and those things are so
(12:37):
valuable to me. Even something as basic as hey, babe,
you want me to make you some tea. There's a
particular tea that he knows I love. He made sure
I have it, and he will fix that. It's those
little things, those very little things that add up over time,
which is what makes Valentine's Day so complicated for so
(12:58):
many people because they're looking for everything that they want
out of their relationship to be crammed into one day.
And then these gentlemen, especially the men. I vouch for you, guys,
I really really do, because I feel like you have
a pressure on you fellas that the ladies do not,
(13:19):
especially when it comes down to how much you spent
on your Valentine's Day gifts, all of that good stuff.
It is a real thing. So much so to the
point I have a quick story. I used to work
at Walmart. I worked there for almost two years. Within
that two years, I was working the jury counter and
I was also I can't remember if I was at
(13:39):
customer service one year or how this worked out, but
two different years I witnessed two things. First thing was
the guys was coming up to the jury counter and
they was like, I need you to pick a gift
for me, and I'm like, pick a gift for what?
So they want to get their ladies something for Valentine's
Day and I'm like, well, what does she like? What
(14:01):
do you think that she would want to have? You
know that you can gift her? And They're like, I
don't care. Just give me something, you know, Just give
me a piece of jewelry. Let me see what you have.
I I really don't care. And I saw this so
much in one year, because you know, they're shopping around
and trying to get the gifts ahead of time so
(14:22):
they don't forget. And I'm sitting up here like, really
is it like that? Because the pressure is on and
all he wants to do is make sure she has
a gift. And I was just thinking to myself, and
I guess you can say out of sight, out of mind.
If you don't know, you can't really care about it.
She's never gonna know how little thought he put into
(14:42):
the gift. And then sometimes the ladies do know, depending
on what it is they receive. But if he just
drops in a store and buys something and it costs
a pretty penny or it's shiny, she she may not care,
you know what I mean? She may not think, Hm,
how much thought did he put into this? Because the
price tag is right? I don't know how that works,
but that was something that I saw a lot that year,
(15:05):
and I was like, dang, you know, is this how
it is? And then I don't know if this was
the same year or the following year, because I was
there for two years. One guy comes in and he decides,
I guess I don't know if his money was tight.
I'm just gonna assume it was. But he comes in,
(15:27):
he steals balloons, chocolates, the bear. He had a armful
of stuff, and he's literally running out the store. You guys,
I lie to you. Dot He's running out of the
store with this stuff, and Lost Prevention, this is what
we called them back in the day. Lost Prevention went
running after him out of the door. I don't remember.
(15:48):
I remember asking what happened, but I cannot remember. If
he got arrested, if they caught him, I don't know.
And ten times out of ten he was probably parked
in the front of the store, so he was able
to get up and get out real quick. But then
I'm sitting there thinking as I watched this, and I
watched him run out the door, and I'm watching Lost
Prevention run behind him. But I'm sitting up here thinking,
(16:11):
so homegirl is about to get some stolen goods for
Valentine's Day. Now, some ladies may be like, that's real
love there. If he willing to risk his freedom to
steal from me. But my thing is, if you love him,
you wouldn't ask him to risk his freedom over no
(16:32):
balloons or bear and no chocolate. You know what I'm saying.
I think that love goes both ways, and that love
is I want to make sure that you're okay, whatever
okay is for you, whatever okay is towards your way
of living and making sure your anxiety and stresses are down,
making sure that you're in a safe place. I believe
(16:54):
that that is indeed a two way street. And so
I don't think it's fast for anyone to be like, oh,
I'm okay with my spouse stealing me something for Valentine's
Da because that proves their love. But then you're okay
with them risking their freedom because then he could actually
go to jail for stealing for you, and I just
wouldn't want my spouse in jail, you know what I mean?
(17:17):
Is that making sense? So I'm like, we have to
get better perspectives here. So love versus Valentine's Day for
me is, love is an every day work. It's an
every day check in, It's an every day actively scanning
and communicating and making sure that your loved ones are good,
(17:40):
and to me, Valentine's Day is more of a flex
and I have never liked it and I don't participate
in it personally. And one thing I always ask my
husband for myself is are you good? And he has
little tales. I can tell when he's stressed out. I
can also tell when I'm stressing him out. I'm just saying,
(18:00):
and then I'll be like, you know what, I'm gonna
give you your space. I love you cool, I'm out,
you know. I will make sure that whatever it is
that I feel he needs, he's able to get that
from me. And then also in a healthy relationship, I
and he will be checking in for me myself to
get that in return. Does that make sense? And it's
(18:22):
not always and I'm gonna make this clear in my opinion,
it's not gonna always be equal in the sense of
everything I do for him, he does the exact same
thing right back for me. To me, that makes no
kind of sense because I'm a woman, he's a man.
Our needs are different, you know what I mean. And
so it's to me as long as needs are being met,
(18:47):
as long as any day of the year, I'm okay,
you know and I'm able to get what I need
and we are balancing each other, assisting each other in
our goals. Then to me, that is the ultimate love,
and that, to me is the ultimate goal. Valentine's Day
is just not a representation of that for me. And
(19:10):
one thing I realize is that as Americans, we are
so conditioned with these traditions. We don't even know a
majority of the time, how this stuff even began. Why
are we celebrating this date? And as kids, and I
know you guys, some of you probably have gone through
this too. As children, we end up doing Valentine's Day
(19:34):
at school, do you guys remember this? And Valentine's Day
at school consisted of you get a bunch of little cards.
And this was mostly in elementary school. Now they may
do this stuff in middle and high school, but I
remember it from elementary and you get little cards and
you get candy and all that good stuff, and then
you go in and you hand it out to the
(19:54):
other kids in your class. And don't get me wrong,
and this is the problem. It's societ is we can say, oh,
that's cute, and that's nice, and that's sweet. Yes, but
it's usually sometimes those cute, nice and sweet little gestures
that end up being very confusing and displaced in the
long run, and we have to end up putting them
(20:18):
in the proper perspective. And kids need to learn that
that's just not love. That's not the only type of love.
It's just giving someone something right, giving someone some can
in a card. But if I pick up my phone
tomorrow and I'm upset about something and I call you,
can you listen to me? Will you be there for me?
You know what I mean? Is that making sense to you, guys?
(20:40):
And a lot of kids end up growing up thinking
that the world is supposed to give them everything and
that is the only way that life is supposed to work.
But then they also have to understand self love, and
that's a whole other conversation for another day. But knowing
why we do these things and understanding them really helps
(21:02):
us to move forward in some of the most healthiest ways. So,
as I decided to do this podcast, I did a
little bit of research on Valentine's to understand what the
heck it was all about. I've done this before, but
it's been a long time. I don't celebrate it, but
I wanted to give you guys something regarding the day.
And there's a lot of different little stories on how
(21:24):
Valentine's Day began, but the one I found the most
fascinating was legend has it? And they said, this is
a legend has it that there was a priest named
Valentines who defied the Emperor of Rome by continuing to
marry young men in the military when the Roman emperor
(21:49):
stated that it will be against the law to marry
these young men because he believed that men who were
unmarried and didn't have children made better soldiers. Now, some
may argue that that could be true, okay, but hey,
I'm not here to make that argument. I'm just letting
you guys know what the history is. So this priest,
(22:13):
he went on and continued to marry these young men
to the love of their lives, and due to him
doing that and defying the orders of the emperor, he
is then killed for doing so. So that is the
story one of them anyway, behind Valentine. So here's the thing.
The priest made a sacrifice to continue to marry in
(22:35):
the name of love. But it really was I guess
you could say, and to me would have been a
bigger story if those men were I guess you can
say moving in the same sacrificial way of no matter what,
I am gonna marry, and maybe that's how it looked
back then. I don't know if those men were ever punished.
(22:57):
Based on what I read, they were not mentioned. It
was just they were married, and you know, the priest
was the one who ended up suffering and dying for that.
So maybe this is what people believe love is, and
it is a sacrifice. I would definitely agree with that.
So if these men sacrifice something to marry these women
(23:20):
and the priests made the ultimate sacrifice to continue to
marry them, then yes, I would say, Wow, that's a
pretty pretty cool way to honor a person by giving
them a day, if it's true. You know, and based
on what I read, a lot of blogs and different
little things that I came across was stating that they're
(23:40):
not sure if these stories are actual factuals, so we
don't know, But I do believe that it is pretty
cool if someone wanted to honor him in the name
of love and give him a day. I can see that.
But does that mean that I need to continue that tradition? No,
and I'm not and This is the final thing I'm
gonna wrap up for you guys, and I will encourage
(24:01):
you all is to create your own traditions, do things
that are geared toward your life and your spouse and
your loved ones. And the biggest way to do that
is listen to one another. You know, like I hear
a lot of times amongst friends, family, whoever, there's someone
(24:22):
who just reached the weight loss goal. Have you celebrated
that person? There's someone who just got a promotion on
the job. Have you celebrated that person? You know, there
are people who have just started a business. Have you
celebrated that person? There is so much that we can
celebrate with one another, and I feel like it's lost
getting caught up in these American and some non American
(24:44):
traditions that are just stated that from childhood we celebrate
this and there's no reason behind it as to why.
It's just that we just do. And it's history. And yes,
while it's important to keep history alive, every day that
we live and we get up and we do things,
we're creating history for ourselves as well. And I personally
(25:07):
just my opinion. You don't have to follow my rules.
I'm not making them for you. But I'm just saying
I feel like it's okay to act outside of that
and start to create your own I do it, and
I love it, and that's just me so and after all,
this is my motivation zone. So I'm gonna give you
what I can give you, you know what I mean. So,
(25:30):
whether you're single for Valentine's Day or whether you're in
a relationship for Valentine's Day, I encourage you, guys to
move forward with the day in a way that's going
to be healthy for you. That's going to be smooth, unproblematic,
you know, less stressful for you. Move in that way.
And if you are very confused about what your spouse
(25:51):
wants from you, those of you who are in a relationship,
simply ask, you know, and just say what can I
do for you today? And if that's if we celebrate,
if they say I don't want anything, I don't want
to celebrate, I'm good. Then find another way to have fun,
because I'm gonna have fun every day, you know what
I mean. And of course, with balance, there's work to
(26:12):
be done, so we can't be on the playground all
day because we're adults, you know what, I mean, right,
I just I want to find a way to enjoy
myself throughout any day that I'm in because any day
God gives us a life is a what good day?
So I'll leave that food for thought for you guys.
Now listen. If you have a comment for me and
(26:33):
you want to leave one, please feel free to check
the link in any description. You can click on the
link and go to my podcast page and from there
there's a nice little form on there where you can
leave me a comment. I would love to hear from you. Guys.
Remember to keep your comments classing and professional, because that's
all we do over here. I don't want to have
to delete or block anyone either. And with that being said,
(26:55):
you guys, until the next time, Chat soon.
Hi, everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Motivation Zone.
It is your host here, Monica. Mi super excited to
be with you guys, and we are diving into the
topic of love versus Valentine's Day and lately what really
had me thinking about is was a few things. So
first of all, let's start with the celebrity culture, because
(00:21):
I've seen a few things trending on my timeline and
I'm like, you know what we have to talk about
this now. Mind you, everything that I say here is
for your consideration and you have to parallel these things
as being discussed and also while you're watching others with
your own life. And I'm telling everyone, even with this
(00:42):
topic of love is everyone's meaning of love is not
the same, and what everyone wants to receive is also
not the same. You would think it would be right.
You would think that everyone wants, you know, great communication.
You would think that everyone wants someone, especially in a
partnership where there's a spouse. You would think everyone wants
(01:06):
someone to collaborate with them. You would think that some
of the basic things that are genuinely a good thing,
you know, a partner you can share things with. You
would think that everyone wants that, but you would be surprised,
you know, at how a lot of people limit love,
and so celebrity culture really had me thinking about this
(01:28):
lately because I see so many celebrities jumping online and
when there's a breakup, they both will post something saying
we still love each other so very much, We're still
each other's best friends. And then I'm sitting up here like, what,
how is that possible to still be so in love
(01:52):
with a person still be their best friend, but yet
you can't be together right And then and there is
another instance and situation where I've seen and I'm not
gonna call these celebrities out because this is not the
purpose of this podcast, but really for motivation and speaking
on the topic of love. But another situation that comes
(02:16):
to my mind is there is a certain celebrity, and
I have seen over and over again this celebrity go
into counseling with her best friend. They're no longer friends now,
but they were going into counseling all the time over
their friendship. And then they also did a lot of
business together. So I don't know what the depths of
(02:37):
that counseling, you know, entailed, what they were talking about
or trying to work out. I don't know, but the
best friend was married and she went through a divorce,
and it had always baffled me in the back of
my mind as I'm watching these two individuals who are
just friends, girlfriends, however you want to put it. But
(03:00):
you know, the best friend is married to a man.
I just want to specify that, you guys, make it clear.
She's married to her husband, and she gets a divorce.
Her and her husband go through just a trying time.
Like normal couples where you have changes in your life,
one couple or one person in the relationship gets a
little bit busier than the other. You know, things change
(03:22):
and you have to adapt to those changes. But what
I never heard her say having gone through that divorce
with her husband, is that they did any counseling. Not
saying that they did it, but in all the times
that she tells the story of her breakup and her
divorce and her marriage, she never discusses any type of
(03:44):
counseling with her husband or trying to work things out
with her husband. And yet she does this with her
best friend. And I just found it super odd because
her friendship with her best friend is one of those
things where it's kind of like they're always kind of
going in and out with each other a little bit,
(04:05):
but they want to do their best to stay in
their friendship. And I'm like, but you have to put
in that same level of energy in your actual relationships
right with your spouse. And I want that to be
the first thing that I say to you, guys, is
if you're out here listening to what I'm saying right now,
(04:25):
and you have best friends you would prefer to work
things out with, and oh, we've been friends for years
and years and years, and you're constantly trying to work
at it, work at your relationship with your spouse even harder.
That is the most important relationship that you have. That's
a covenant, that is a responsibility that you decided to
(04:50):
take on with that spouse. And it's so hurt for
watching so many people who hurt over their relationships ending
when they know that they could have worked at it
so much more. And sometimes it's so one sided where
one person wants to end it and another one wants
to keep working at it, and then that person goes
(05:11):
over there and it's constantly working at their friendships and
not their actual relationships, right. So I always thought that
that was super interesting. Just watching celebrity culture. I'm like, ugh,
this is beyond toxic to me in my humblest opinion. Okay,
and I hope that everyone in these scenarios and situations
(05:31):
work their life out and find love truly, right, And
let's jump back on that. So I'm talking about the
celebrity culture where they're posting online once they have a
breakup that we still love each other and we're each
other's best friend. Let me tell you something, I personally
do not believe that you're so deeply in love with
(05:52):
someone and you're still someone's best friend, but yet you
found that there's something you can't work out. I believe
that they're her special instances of that maybe that loved
one has a habit. Like I was just listening to
one of the Kadashians. Whichever one is dating d what
was he or I'm sorry, married to the basketball player?
(06:13):
Is it Chloe? I think now Tristan. I believe his
name is. You, guys, I don't follow them that closely,
but this is something that I just came across on
my timeline, and she was saying that she would still
be married to him if he didn't have his drug problems. Now,
to me, what she's stating is I still love him,
(06:36):
and outside of this drug problem, we could still very
much so be friends, We could still very much be
there for one another. But this drug problem is an issue,
and I'm pretty sure it's an issue because it's causing
him to do things and act outside of character of
the man that she met and of the man that
(06:57):
she married. You know, so I believe there are certain
deal breakers that are not necessarily deal breakers of the
person by saying, you know, I just don't want to
ever deal with you in any capacity because you hurt me.
Because right now Chloe is dealing with a situation where
(07:20):
he is hurting her because of his habit, but it's
not a personal towards her, if that makes sense. So
he's hurting himself because he has this drug problem, and
this problem causes him to do certain things. Now, mind you,
it also well if you wanna blame it on the
drugs and alcohol, they say, but he's also not been
(07:43):
faithful to her, and I'm pretty sure that part is
very hurtful. And that's what I find interesting is she
never brought up his infidelities as being the deal breaker
of whether they would still be married or not. It
was the drug habits themselves. So I don't know if
she believes that drug habits are something that causes him
to cheat and he does these things because he's not
(08:05):
of a sober mind or what. I don't know that's
between the two of them. I'm not even gonna act
like I know, but I'm just using these things as
an example. So I do believe in this space that
there can be people who are best friends and who
really love each other, and there are those deal breakers
that cause them to say, but I can't live with
(08:28):
you and I can't stay married with you. Another one
is money. Finance is a person who gambles all the
time and is incapable of really saving any money or
investing the money within the family, trying to make sure
that everything is good. And that's another habit. It's a habit,
you guys. And so those things can break a relationship.
(08:52):
But how often in the celebrity culture when we're watching
these things play out before our very eyes and bring
us up because so many people are watching, and unfortunately
so many, especially younger people. And I'm not even just
gonna put it on the younger people, because so many
people of age also watch these individuals, and they tend
(09:16):
to think that the way they live is the best
way to live because they have a little bit of money,
and that there's a such thing as the moment I
get mad at you about something, or the moment you
hurt my feelings over something basic, then we need to
break up, Or the moment I wake up one day
and feel like we're not as close as we used
(09:38):
to be, then we need to break up instead of
working towards that and working on those things and meeting
and having a common ground. And this is coming from
somebody myself. You guys who's been married eighteen years, and
I can tell you and I've known my husband now
total this year twenty twenty five, it will be twenty
(10:01):
one years, and I can really honestly say he's my
best friend. And I can also say we've gone through
those times where he's super busy or I'm super busy
and we haven't seen each other in a while, or
we've gone through those moments in time where it's kind
of like I guess, there are certain changes family structures
and different things like that that can come in between us,
(10:24):
and we've had to work through those moments. I will
never ever ever tell a person that marriage is hard,
because I don't see it that way. I feel like,
when you're interacting with any human being, and I do
mean any, it can be complicated because we have different personalities,
we have different goals, we have different things that we're
(10:46):
trying to work towards outside and inside, and all of
these things that it may be a situation where we clash.
Sometimes I've clashed with a lot of people over my lifetime,
and it has been just in my marriage. Does that
make sense? And so I'm always super grateful and thankful
to the Good Lord that my husband and I so
(11:09):
far have been able to work through those changes, you know,
and work through the things that we feel, you know,
may have shifted us a little bit in our relationship,
and we're able to talk through those things and get
to that common ground. And when it comes down to
love and Valentine's Day, because let me tell you, Valentine's
(11:33):
Day has broken up a lot of relationships. And I
thought about this as we go into today. I don't
celebrate Valentine's Day. I tell my husband, don't get me
any gifts. I do not get him any gifts. And
the reason why is because number one, I'm not going
to allow society to dictate when I should give someone
(11:53):
that I love. That's number one. Number two, if you
really do love the people in your life, then you
find ways to honor them and give to them and
see them smile any day of the year, of the week,
of the month, you know, so on so forth, and
that's how we treat each other. I know that at
(12:13):
the end of the day, if I need anything, then
I will be able to get that in my relationship. Also,
I know that if I need to talk to my husband,
it has not been a day you guys that if
I have something on my mind and I need to
take a moment and just talk it out and get
through those things that he does not listen to me,
he listens every single time, and those things are so
(12:37):
valuable to me. Even something as basic as hey, babe,
you want me to make you some tea. There's a
particular tea that he knows I love. He made sure
I have it, and he will fix that. It's those
little things, those very little things that add up over time,
which is what makes Valentine's Day so complicated for so
(12:58):
many people because they're looking for everything that they want
out of their relationship to be crammed into one day.
And then these gentlemen, especially the men. I vouch for you, guys,
I really really do, because I feel like you have
a pressure on you fellas that the ladies do not,
(13:19):
especially when it comes down to how much you spent
on your Valentine's Day gifts, all of that good stuff.
It is a real thing. So much so to the
point I have a quick story. I used to work
at Walmart. I worked there for almost two years. Within
that two years, I was working the jury counter and
I was also I can't remember if I was at
(13:39):
customer service one year or how this worked out, but
two different years I witnessed two things. First thing was
the guys was coming up to the jury counter and
they was like, I need you to pick a gift
for me, and I'm like, pick a gift for what?
So they want to get their ladies something for Valentine's
Day and I'm like, well, what does she like? What
(14:01):
do you think that she would want to have? You
know that you can gift her? And They're like, I
don't care. Just give me something, you know, Just give
me a piece of jewelry. Let me see what you have.
I I really don't care. And I saw this so
much in one year, because you know, they're shopping around
and trying to get the gifts ahead of time so
(14:22):
they don't forget. And I'm sitting up here like, really
is it like that? Because the pressure is on and
all he wants to do is make sure she has
a gift. And I was just thinking to myself, and
I guess you can say out of sight, out of mind.
If you don't know, you can't really care about it.
She's never gonna know how little thought he put into
(14:42):
the gift. And then sometimes the ladies do know, depending
on what it is they receive. But if he just
drops in a store and buys something and it costs
a pretty penny or it's shiny, she she may not care,
you know what I mean? She may not think, Hm,
how much thought did he put into this? Because the
price tag is right? I don't know how that works,
but that was something that I saw a lot that year,
(15:05):
and I was like, dang, you know, is this how
it is? And then I don't know if this was
the same year or the following year, because I was
there for two years. One guy comes in and he decides,
I guess I don't know if his money was tight.
I'm just gonna assume it was. But he comes in,
(15:27):
he steals balloons, chocolates, the bear. He had a armful
of stuff, and he's literally running out the store. You guys,
I lie to you. Dot He's running out of the
store with this stuff, and Lost Prevention, this is what
we called them back in the day. Lost Prevention went
running after him out of the door. I don't remember.
(15:48):
I remember asking what happened, but I cannot remember. If
he got arrested, if they caught him, I don't know.
And ten times out of ten he was probably parked
in the front of the store, so he was able
to get up and get out real quick. But then
I'm sitting there thinking as I watched this, and I
watched him run out the door, and I'm watching Lost
Prevention run behind him. But I'm sitting up here thinking,
(16:11):
so homegirl is about to get some stolen goods for
Valentine's Day. Now, some ladies may be like, that's real
love there. If he willing to risk his freedom to
steal from me. But my thing is, if you love him,
you wouldn't ask him to risk his freedom over no
(16:32):
balloons or bear and no chocolate. You know what I'm saying.
I think that love goes both ways, and that love
is I want to make sure that you're okay, whatever
okay is for you, whatever okay is towards your way
of living and making sure your anxiety and stresses are down,
making sure that you're in a safe place. I believe
(16:54):
that that is indeed a two way street. And so
I don't think it's fast for anyone to be like, oh,
I'm okay with my spouse stealing me something for Valentine's
Da because that proves their love. But then you're okay
with them risking their freedom because then he could actually
go to jail for stealing for you, and I just
wouldn't want my spouse in jail, you know what I mean?
(17:17):
Is that making sense? So I'm like, we have to
get better perspectives here. So love versus Valentine's Day for
me is, love is an every day work. It's an
every day check in, It's an every day actively scanning
and communicating and making sure that your loved ones are good,
(17:40):
and to me, Valentine's Day is more of a flex
and I have never liked it and I don't participate
in it personally. And one thing I always ask my
husband for myself is are you good? And he has
little tales. I can tell when he's stressed out. I
can also tell when I'm stressing him out. I'm just saying,
(18:00):
and then I'll be like, you know what, I'm gonna
give you your space. I love you cool, I'm out,
you know. I will make sure that whatever it is
that I feel he needs, he's able to get that
from me. And then also in a healthy relationship, I
and he will be checking in for me myself to
get that in return. Does that make sense? And it's
(18:22):
not always and I'm gonna make this clear in my opinion,
it's not gonna always be equal in the sense of
everything I do for him, he does the exact same
thing right back for me. To me, that makes no
kind of sense because I'm a woman, he's a man.
Our needs are different, you know what I mean. And
so it's to me as long as needs are being met,
(18:47):
as long as any day of the year, I'm okay,
you know and I'm able to get what I need
and we are balancing each other, assisting each other in
our goals. Then to me, that is the ultimate love,
and that, to me is the ultimate goal. Valentine's Day
is just not a representation of that for me. And
(19:10):
one thing I realize is that as Americans, we are
so conditioned with these traditions. We don't even know a
majority of the time, how this stuff even began. Why
are we celebrating this date? And as kids, and I
know you guys, some of you probably have gone through
this too. As children, we end up doing Valentine's Day
(19:34):
at school, do you guys remember this? And Valentine's Day
at school consisted of you get a bunch of little cards.
And this was mostly in elementary school. Now they may
do this stuff in middle and high school, but I
remember it from elementary and you get little cards and
you get candy and all that good stuff, and then
you go in and you hand it out to the
(19:54):
other kids in your class. And don't get me wrong,
and this is the problem. It's societ is we can say, oh,
that's cute, and that's nice, and that's sweet. Yes, but
it's usually sometimes those cute, nice and sweet little gestures
that end up being very confusing and displaced in the
long run, and we have to end up putting them
(20:18):
in the proper perspective. And kids need to learn that
that's just not love. That's not the only type of love.
It's just giving someone something right, giving someone some can
in a card. But if I pick up my phone
tomorrow and I'm upset about something and I call you,
can you listen to me? Will you be there for me?
You know what I mean? Is that making sense to you, guys?
(20:40):
And a lot of kids end up growing up thinking
that the world is supposed to give them everything and
that is the only way that life is supposed to work.
But then they also have to understand self love, and
that's a whole other conversation for another day. But knowing
why we do these things and understanding them really helps
(21:02):
us to move forward in some of the most healthiest ways. So,
as I decided to do this podcast, I did a
little bit of research on Valentine's to understand what the
heck it was all about. I've done this before, but
it's been a long time. I don't celebrate it, but
I wanted to give you guys something regarding the day.
And there's a lot of different little stories on how
(21:24):
Valentine's Day began, but the one I found the most
fascinating was legend has it? And they said, this is
a legend has it that there was a priest named
Valentines who defied the Emperor of Rome by continuing to
marry young men in the military when the Roman emperor
(21:49):
stated that it will be against the law to marry
these young men because he believed that men who were
unmarried and didn't have children made better soldiers. Now, some
may argue that that could be true, okay, but hey,
I'm not here to make that argument. I'm just letting
you guys know what the history is. So this priest,
(22:13):
he went on and continued to marry these young men
to the love of their lives, and due to him
doing that and defying the orders of the emperor, he
is then killed for doing so. So that is the
story one of them anyway, behind Valentine. So here's the thing.
The priest made a sacrifice to continue to marry in
(22:35):
the name of love. But it really was I guess
you could say, and to me would have been a
bigger story if those men were I guess you can
say moving in the same sacrificial way of no matter what,
I am gonna marry, and maybe that's how it looked
back then. I don't know if those men were ever punished.
(22:57):
Based on what I read, they were not mentioned. It
was just they were married, and you know, the priest
was the one who ended up suffering and dying for that.
So maybe this is what people believe love is, and
it is a sacrifice. I would definitely agree with that.
So if these men sacrifice something to marry these women
(23:20):
and the priests made the ultimate sacrifice to continue to
marry them, then yes, I would say, Wow, that's a
pretty pretty cool way to honor a person by giving
them a day, if it's true. You know, and based
on what I read, a lot of blogs and different
little things that I came across was stating that they're
(23:40):
not sure if these stories are actual factuals, so we
don't know, But I do believe that it is pretty
cool if someone wanted to honor him in the name
of love and give him a day. I can see that.
But does that mean that I need to continue that tradition? No,
and I'm not and This is the final thing I'm
gonna wrap up for you guys, and I will encourage
(24:01):
you all is to create your own traditions, do things
that are geared toward your life and your spouse and
your loved ones. And the biggest way to do that
is listen to one another. You know, like I hear
a lot of times amongst friends, family, whoever, there's someone
(24:22):
who just reached the weight loss goal. Have you celebrated
that person? There's someone who just got a promotion on
the job. Have you celebrated that person? You know, there
are people who have just started a business. Have you
celebrated that person? There is so much that we can
celebrate with one another, and I feel like it's lost
getting caught up in these American and some non American
(24:44):
traditions that are just stated that from childhood we celebrate
this and there's no reason behind it as to why.
It's just that we just do. And it's history. And yes,
while it's important to keep history alive, every day that
we live and we get up and we do things,
we're creating history for ourselves as well. And I personally
(25:07):
just my opinion. You don't have to follow my rules.
I'm not making them for you. But I'm just saying
I feel like it's okay to act outside of that
and start to create your own I do it, and
I love it, and that's just me so and after all,
this is my motivation zone. So I'm gonna give you
what I can give you, you know what I mean. So,
(25:30):
whether you're single for Valentine's Day or whether you're in
a relationship for Valentine's Day, I encourage you, guys to
move forward with the day in a way that's going
to be healthy for you. That's going to be smooth, unproblematic,
you know, less stressful for you. Move in that way.
And if you are very confused about what your spouse
(25:51):
wants from you, those of you who are in a relationship,
simply ask, you know, and just say what can I
do for you today? And if that's if we celebrate,
if they say I don't want anything, I don't want
to celebrate, I'm good. Then find another way to have fun,
because I'm gonna have fun every day, you know what
I mean. And of course, with balance, there's work to
(26:12):
be done, so we can't be on the playground all
day because we're adults, you know what, I mean, right,
I just I want to find a way to enjoy
myself throughout any day that I'm in because any day
God gives us a life is a what good day?
So I'll leave that food for thought for you guys.
Now listen. If you have a comment for me and
(26:33):
you want to leave one, please feel free to check
the link in any description. You can click on the
link and go to my podcast page and from there
there's a nice little form on there where you can
leave me a comment. I would love to hear from you. Guys.
Remember to keep your comments classing and professional, because that's
all we do over here. I don't want to have
to delete or block anyone either. And with that being said,
(26:55):
you guys, until the next time, Chat soon.
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