July 29, 2025 • 52 mins
In this episode of Motivation Zone, I discuss the Tea App, cheating, and relationships. I share my thoughts on dating and offer encouragement for those who are venturing into the dating pool. There are several signs to look out for while dating. Additionally, I cover topics such as self-improvement, toxic relationships, and more. Let's Talk About It!
For references, to subscribe or leave a comment, visit my Motivation Zone page here: https://monicaenterprises.com/motivation-zone-3/
For references, to subscribe or leave a comment, visit my Motivation Zone page here: https://monicaenterprises.com/motivation-zone-3/
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Motivation Zone.
It is your host Monica Ma super excited to be
here with you guys, and we're gonna dive into the
conversation of the t app cheaters and relationships. Now, this
topic can be a little bit triggering for many people,
but I wanna hang out with you guys and have
(00:22):
this conversation because personally, I have witness now in my
lifetime too many people running fouls in their relationship and
I just do not like it whatsoever. And the reason
why I don't, you guys, and the reason why I
do not back a cheat or whatsoever, is because it's
super harmful, not only just to the person they're doing
(00:46):
it too, but also to the people who are cheering
for them, who are rooting for a better outcome. And
I feel like this type of lifestyle, just being messy
in any relationship opens too many doors to craziness. And unfortunately,
there are a lot of people who have either went
(01:08):
to jail over stuff like this or have literally lost
their lives over these type of situations. And a lot
of the times this comes from people who are not
able to control their emotions. And personally, I love a
good argument. I love a good cuss out when you're
trying to get that pressure off of you. I feel
(01:30):
like it is very impossible to walk this earth your
entire life and never have a moment where you're just
feeling a ways, you know, and you're trying to reach
for the best way to respond, because I've personally have
gone through that. But to allow people to play in
(01:50):
your face in relationships to the point where you are
self destructing and or harming others, it's just not the
best way to go whatsoever. And so I feel like
this is an important topic. And what's so crazy is
we're having this conversation amongst those of us who are adults.
(02:15):
I expect so much more from adults in general, and
we have all of these excuses around us as to
why we treat each other the way that we do,
you know, and why we allow things to continue on.
For example, I'm watching as these things are unfolding in
my feed recently, the t app and then this CEO
(02:37):
of this AI tech company who gets caught cheating with
his head of HR I believe, and I'm just rambling
off according to what I've heard about the story. But
they get caught on the kiss cam at a call
play concert, and when they get caught on this kiss cam,
(02:58):
their reaction who being seen on camera was a complete
freak out because they knew what they were doing, right
and personally, as people say, I feel like that kids
cam was doing the lord's work because here this man
is married, and I heard that she was married as well,
(03:19):
but I've seen misinformation on that. It's been she's not married,
she was married, she's divorced, or she is married. So
I don't know much about her situation. But the tech
owner of the company, or should I say not the owner,
the CEO, he is married and he has children. So
(03:41):
here the wife is sitting at home. Only god knows
what he told her he was off doing, you know.
And I guess it looked like the concert was at night,
you know, so maybe he was out at the office,
you know, some story he sold to her, and then boom,
he's caught on this kiss cam with his head of HR. Right,
(04:05):
and their reaction was necessary. A lot of people are saying, well, oh,
if they would have just played it cool, then they
wouldn't have gotten caught. But then I said, and this
is what I was saying, the whole entire time, and
listening to the story and reading the comments, I was like,
first of all, they shouldn't have been doing it at all.
(04:27):
This leads me into my problem with cheating. Okay, And
there's a lot of scenarios out here. There's a lot
of things being played out, especially in the entertainment world,
that I can definitely use as an example. But my
problem is who's protecting the wife while he's out with
his head of HR this CEO. Right, So, as you
(04:50):
can see, if any of you guys have followed this story,
when he was caught on the kiss cam, there were
other people there with them. Okay, so this could be friends,
this could be fellow coworkers, all of whom I'm going
to assume knew he was married, unless he was hiding
(05:10):
his whole life, which doesn't seem to be the case
because he since stepped down from that position or resigned
as they say, Right, So I would assume everyone around
him knew that he was married, but they supported it.
They were like, oh, we're good, you good girl, do
your thing whatever, whatever, And no one is saying anything, right,
(05:35):
And I've been in a situation literally where I'm witnessing
someone being cheated on, or I'm witnessing very devastating, damaging
relationships where people are out here smearing people's name in
these streets, not saying nothing good about them. And then
you're supposed to stay silent, though, because the one who's
(05:57):
doing the talking and the one who's running the fire
somebody you know or somebody you can to, or whatever
the case may be. So you supposed to stay quiet.
But then I ask myself, who's protecting the other person?
That's my logic when I think about this, And not
only is that my logic, I also think about how
(06:20):
would I want to be treated if I was in
these individuals shoes, And personally, I could never place myself
in the shoes of the person doing the cheating, because
I am adult enough and mature enough to say, you
know what, I don't need to do that. If I
felt I needed to do that, then I need to
(06:41):
do what get out of the relationship. That's just me, right.
But then I've been around people who hear this type
of logic and they're going, well, you think you're better,
you make mistakes too, And people want to throw at
these angles and curveballs at you to make you feel
(07:03):
less than because you simply won't do certain things. Some
of us are more how do you say, more brushed
up in some areas than others, And that is okay personally.
Am I running clean in all areas? No? I have
problems just like everybody else. But the areas that I'm
(07:25):
able to keep together. Thank god. I got nine to
nine problems, but that's not one of them. You get
what I'm saying. So I thought that this CEO getting
caught on this kid's camera was beautiful. That wife could
have been at home, She could have been praying, thinking, wondering,
(07:48):
feeling something and didn't know whether she should trust her
instincts or not because no one was giving her confirmation,
no one was saying anything to her. And then he
just got called flat out, red handed boom bam in
your face. Wow right. And I just don't agree with
other people like, if you gonna do it, just play
(08:09):
it cool, don't do it at all, and if you
gotta be cheating, break up with the person. I think
some people just love that feeling of I guess you
can say adrenaline or that rush or that thrill uh
and challenge of being something better for someone that they
(08:31):
swear the other person isn't for them, if that makes sense. So,
for example, I was following another story. Now I've been
looking at this family for years now. I know you
guys have probably heard of them. Mama June, Honey, Boo Boo, Pumpkin,
that whole family, Jessica, that whole family is something else.
And I have followed them for years and I've even
(08:54):
covered them on some of my previous content. When I
used to be on YouTube creating videos and talking about
movies and TV shows, they were one of the families
that I would talk about because they have a reality show.
So I'll check in with them every now and then
just to see where are they now. And there's a
new season of I believe it's Mama June Family Crisis.
(09:18):
She did do the Mama June from Not the Hot,
which I did follow cause I thought that was absolutely amazing.
She went through this whole weight loss process and it
was this whole thing. And now they're going into family
crisis because June ends up with some type of drug
issue and she's dating a guy who also has a
(09:41):
drug issue. She ends up losing custody to of Alana,
to her daughter Pumpkin who ends up raising Alana while
June was going through all that she was going through
with drugs and all this, and then eventually going through
rehab and getting her life together, and prayerfully she keeps
that part of her life together. But recently it shocked me,
after following this family all of these years, that Pumpkin
(10:05):
fiult for divorce from her husband Josh. Josh, she has
four kids with Okay, two are twins, so I would
you give them that. It's not like when you hear
the young people their age have a lot of kids.
You're wondering, Okay, how did this all get started? But
they do have one set of twins, and so their
(10:28):
children are quite young. I do believe their youngest daughter, Ella,
is in elementary school. I don't know what grade. But
their children seem to be being raised very well, and
I hope they continue to do that and work together.
But it was very shocking to me to hear this
(10:48):
young couple what's getting a divorce. So what's playing out
on the show now is that Pumpkin before she divorces Josh,
she begins dating his cousin by marriage, And me, I
don't care if it's blood or not. That is very
messy when you're dating someone who is a relative in
(11:12):
any fashion to your husband and you're talking about family
functions and get togethers where this individual is a part
of your ex husband's family dynamic, and so if there
are any family events they can end up in the
same room together. That's kray z and messy. Right. So
(11:32):
fast forward, they go through with the divorce, and it
was reported before the show began. It's season I want
to say, it began in June or May somewhere up
in there of twenty twenty five of this. I think
it's their seventh season, I want to say. And so
as the season began, we see that the divorce is final,
(11:53):
but it was reported prior to the season started that
it was a quick divorce. They had agreed upon everything
and it was just easy for the divorce to be finalized. Right. So,
as I'm hearing this, I'm like, this is crazy. What
is going on? Now? In the show, after they show
the divorce in all of this and show their processing
(12:16):
and all this stuff, Pumpkin starts to talk about the
cousin that she's dating, who's the cousin of her ex
husband now? And everyone is like, when are you gonna
tell Josh this? She's taking her sweet time. She knows
it's jacked up. Whenever you take your sweet time to
(12:37):
tell somebody something and you know it's gonna be a
devastating blow to that person, it would benefit all of
us to consider whether we should move forward with doing
sad thing or not. This is the biggest lesson when
it comes down to relationships, you guys. It's consider if
it's that hard for you to reveal that thing, and
(13:00):
it's not just something you're keeping to yourself because you're
trying to protect it. You just want to keep it safe,
you know, want to give something time. None of that.
You know it's wrong, consider whether you should do it
or not. That's the thing, and that's my logic. Okay.
So time goes on, she still hasn't told Josh. Everyone
(13:21):
sees her, you know, giggy and texting on her phone
and sneaking out the house. So she finally reveals this
situation to her sister, Jessica. Jessica is like, really, this
is what's going on. So Josh, on the same instance,
(13:42):
the ex husband is now trying to think of ways
that he can save his marriage. He's like, I know
that there are some things I should have worked on.
There's some things I should have done differently, And I
know that she loves me. I love her, but you know,
the whole time, Pumpkin and saying, I don't I really
love him like that, I really don't. But to me,
(14:04):
he thought, because maybe she responded to an accident that
he was in and a few other things that was
going on, he thought maybe there was still something they're
worth saving. So he buys her flowers and all this
good stuff, and he goes and picks up his daughter
from school, and on the way in the house, he
has the flowers in his hand. He was going to
give him to Pumpkin. Well, instead of giving them to Pumpkin,
(14:27):
Jessica is there, and Jessica's like, who are you bringing
these flowers for. He lets her know that he was
bringing them from Pumpkin and why, and he thought that,
you know, he could try to make some steps forward
to save his relationship. And she goes on forward to
tell him, well, you're pretty much wasting your time. She
(14:50):
is moving on. She's dating someone else. And then he
was like, well, you don't have to tell me who
she's dating. He was like, but is she really dating
someone else? And she said yes, and then she goes, well,
I'm gonna tell you this, it's your cousin Darren. And
when she says this, Josh freaks out and he's like, Okay,
(15:12):
now that line has been drawn. Now he understands that
he can move forward and make another and different decision.
And that's where I am with this situation. So Jessica
tells Josh to keep Josh from further wasting his time.
Because what happens in these instances where you have these
(15:36):
pretty bad relationships and these cheaters and you know you're
planning for the future, that is very hard. Like I
think about it as someone who's married, I think about
how many plans I make with my spouse and what
he and I are looking forward to doing together. And
(15:57):
I can't imagine making all those and considering all of
these things for somebody who isn't even into me, who
isn't even thinking about me, and is into someone else.
That is wild. And what frustrated me when I watched
this is how many people were was telling Jessica she
(16:17):
shouldn't have said anything that wasn't her place, that wasn't
her business. But I come to the conclusion where you
can never expect someone who's doing something foul to turn
around and clean that up. They usually tend to not
do the right thing. It could have been months years
before Josh found that out. I'm pretty sure not that long,
(16:38):
since she's dating someone who's you know, kin to him,
blood or not right. But she would have held out
as long as she could have held out. And he,
on the other hand, is getting all of these mixed
signals because she's not making what her current situation is clear.
(16:59):
And then all so, I've been watching just I know
these are reality shows, but I've been watching some of
the things they personally post, and I can tell that
now that he's in a new situation himself, Josh is
she's basically posting things like she'll never be better than me,
she can't do And it's like, pick one, you don't
(17:21):
want him because you said he wasn't right for you.
Now that he's moved on, why are you posting certain
things to kind of bring down his situation but you
but you wanted him to move on. You wanted him
to not think about you. And that's how messy the
emotions of people are. We are so caught up sometime
(17:43):
and how we feel and what we want that we
don't care how we damage other people, and we don't
care how we discourage other people. And that right there
is a rough part of this whole reality and the
whole situation someone running around on somebody else and other
people singing it, witnessing it and knowing about it. And
(18:06):
if you're an empathetic and sympathetic person, there is no
way that you can sit back and watch that happen
and not consider your place and role in keeping and
perpetuating such a thing. So Pumpkin is upset now with
Jessica for telling Josh, and Pumpkin uses a very very
(18:29):
I guess you can say cliche line that I've heard
so much in these scenarios, and I've heard it personally myself,
because I've been the Jessica in the situation before, and
that person Jessica says, or Pumpkin says to Jessica, you
(18:50):
have betrayed me by telling him these things. When I
tell y'all and I heard this, I laughed so hard
because I'm like, is that that whole betrayal line? Straight
out the book? Of cheaters. Is it like if you
know someone, if a friend is around, or it's a
family member, whatever the case may be, and they know
(19:13):
you and they see what you're doing because they stand
on the side of what's right, they're the ones doing
the betraying. And my attitude is Pumpkin is the one
betraying her situation because first of all, you didn't tell
your ex about you dating his cousin. Then second of all,
you're dating his cousin. Like, it doesn't get any messier
(19:35):
than that, in my opinion, Okay, I mean I get
it when you know people leave this earth and they're
no longer around, and you know, maybe a family member
comes into play. I don't know, but yeah, straight up
in this man's face and he has four kids with you,
and then you're running around adding like this man is
so much better than what you had. Yeah, that's very
(19:59):
damaging and hopefully, prayerfully you know, Josh is working out
whatever issues that he's had, but no cheating rumors have
come out with him. Now. Maybe I know with us women,
you know, speaking of relationships, we tend to be very
emotionally invested in our relationships and when a man is
(20:20):
not checked in emotionally that right there is enough to
drag the relationship down to nothing. Okay, So I feel
like from watching these two individuals, just from their reality show,
Pumpkin started to feel like Josh was not into her
because they weren't dating and you know, doing things together
(20:42):
as a couple and finding the time even though they've
had children. And what's so crazy is now that they're divorced,
they have more help with their children than what they
sought after as a couple, meaning his mother, her her sister,
(21:02):
her mother, and a lot of individuals are now helping
them watch their children. And they could have had that
in order to spend more time with each other. But
by the time that was discovered that it was too late,
the decision was already made, you know, to divorce. So
I can understand that Pumpkin felt tapped out in the
(21:25):
relationship because of that. She said that she asked him
to do certain things for a very long time that
he would never do that he had an anger situation
and all that. So I understood her reasoning for wanting
to walk away. So I will never sit here and
go but they should have stayed together. But it's the
other side of all of this, what you had going
(21:46):
on before you divorced, and then what she had going
on after that that he was unaware of. And then
other people are just sitting on the sidelines watching, And
I would say that's never cute to me. It's never
cute for a lot of people to know what's going on,
see it, hear it, and then everyone stays silent for
the loyalty of the person. Pumpkin does not deserve loyalty
(22:09):
for her choices. These are your choices, so do what
you're supposed to do by them, which means make better
decisions on how you're gonna put things out there, how
you're gonna move and that way you're gonna have to
worry about someone putting something out there that you don't
want out there. It just, you know, to me, that
makes sense. So going back to this cold play couple,
(22:32):
the CEO and the hr REP, what was y'all thinking
they were out there to be seen? You're hugged up.
You know, These kiss cams are a thing, so they
can't blame anybody else for getting caught other than themselves.
And I heard a rumor on the streets that the
(22:52):
CEO of the tech company now wants to sue the
gentleman from Coldplay because he made a little statement like,
you know, either they are this or they are cheating
because of the way they react. He said that right there,
Johnny on the spot, and then the internet went crazy,
found all the information they needed. They were messaging the
wife all kinds of crazy stuff, you know. But I
(23:15):
feel like it was great that they got exposed, and
I hope that all of them moved healthier after this
as far as their response is to the things that
have happened. That's my hope there. So let's go ahead
and dive you guys into this tea app, which brings
me to this Oh my gosh, listen, So, okay, the
(23:41):
tea app is pretty much working in a similar way
to this kid's scam. Okay, it's putting people on the spot,
in particular men. Now, Initially, when I first heard about
this app, and it cracks me up because I'm like,
(24:02):
twenty twenty five, you cannot make this up. You really can't.
So with the tea app, the owner says he wanted
to make this for women so they can be safer
when they're outdating, especially when they're going out on their
first dates. So from what I understand based on some
(24:23):
of the videos I've seen, I personally will not be
joining this app because definitely not. I'm married, I'm out
the game, I don't want no parts. But I was
listening to someone else cover it, and basically, women have
been posting up pictures of the men that they've been
in relations with or they're actually dating, or whatever the
case may be, and then other women in that area.
(24:46):
So they're, based on what I'm understanding, they're categorizing these
posts based on location, and so women are jumping on
these posts of these men and their photos, and they're
talking about their previous relations with that gentleman, or they're
talking about a prior experience with that gentleman, or a
(25:09):
prior relationship with that gentleman, whatever the case may be.
So based on some of the content that I've seen,
there are some pretty interesting posts on there, and there
are some men I guess who have female friends who
have joined to allow them to see if they can
find themselves on this app. And when I first heard
(25:31):
about it, I thought men need an app like this,
even more so because us women folks can get very
outside ourselves even with the way we put ourselves out there,
in the way we date, and some of the things
that were said in the posts of these men, some
(25:52):
of these women who hooked up on first dates and
all that. I'm sure men would enjoy, you know, putting
that information out there, But I don't think men would
because men tend to not be as gossipy that I found,
or they don't tend to care as much as about
those things. And this is when I said to myself,
(26:15):
I really don't pity men. I thought I was going
into the pity men era of my life, and there
was a point in my life where I was kind
of like, man, men need more advocates, you know, you
guys need more people on your side who can really
break down some of the things that you're going through
(26:36):
and you know, be a listening ear and all that.
But I said to myself, guys, this is for my men. Folks.
If you happen to come across this podcast, good grief,
I feel like most of your problems would be resolved
if you just keep your pecker to yourself, keep your
(26:58):
pecker to yourself until you find a woman who's deserving
of it and not just deserving of it. Fellas, But
a woman who you know you can commit to and
you can be around, and who's committed to you. These
women are still out there. I'm one of those women
(27:19):
myself personally, which is why I am married and just
celebrated eighteen years, thank God. And so fellas, keep it
to yourself. I was going into my pity men era,
and then I understood, y'all really be out here poking
(27:39):
down some crazy situations. And not only do you do it,
you know it's crazy before you do it, and you
do it anyway, And there is where my pity goes
out the window. I can't do it, okay, So guys
and ladies, I'm gonna say the same to the ladies.
(28:01):
Stop trying to tame and train each other as adults.
We should be looking for people who already have their
crap together. We shouldn't be out here going, oh, well,
if I give him or her everything I can possibly
give him or her, then that'll help him or her
to change and see that I'm the best thing for
(28:22):
him and her. No, no, no, no, no, that is
not the way this should go down. If you have
to do all that work to convince somebody to be decent,
in the relationship, then you need to get out of
the relationship. We have to start going after mature individuals.
We have to start pursuing that, and not only pursuing maturity.
(28:46):
Being mature. Be mature yourself, and you can avoid this
type of foolishness. When I saw this app pop up,
I'm thinking to myself, this is wild. I can think
of several people I know that that could pop up
on this app, you know, just thinking about it. Male
and female, right, But if you do what you're supposed
(29:09):
to be doing, you would not have to worry about
getting here being here now, mind you. I do say that,
and I understand that things happen, people lie, all kinds
of crazy stuff going on twenty twenty five. I understand that.
But hold on to your morals and your values and
keep things right as much as possible, as much as
(29:31):
you're in control of control that have some discipline men
and women. This is just what I'm saying because some
of the things I saw the females posting on this app.
I'm like, y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. The fact
that this is your experience with this man and you
allow x Y and XYZ to happen, and you were
(29:53):
doing this and doing that. I just feel like that
is also your fault. It's not just on the man
because he did it to you, but you also allowed it,
you know. And even the nightclub, seeing the bar scene,
all of that. It's a lot going on. I've seen
(30:15):
so much, even recently in my city and state that
I'm like, this is crazy. I don't know why anybody
wouldn't want to be out here, quote unquote on the
prow at this time of night where all kinds of
weird things could just be popping off. Now. I know
some of you guys hearing this may be like, well,
crazy things happen all the time. I know, and I
(30:36):
get that. And I also hear the people who say
you can never be too prepared, and I get that,
but I don't agree with that. I feel like sometimes
when we're just wild, opening down for whatever, we let
anything in, and that there should be a filtering process.
(31:01):
We should be looking to filter some of this stuff
for ourselves so that way we're not taking every hit.
Does that make sense? So this te app is a mess.
I understand the logic behind it, but it's gonna get
(31:21):
messy and uglier. Because men are finding a way to
use their female friends to get on here. And also
if this app can allow things to remain private, then
maybe it could be a decent platform. But then again
not so much. I just don't know. I feel like
(31:43):
this is gonna be very messy for the people who
use it. I think that we should keep dating at
using your discernment and a lot of the times people
will tell you exactly what you need to know about
them prior to you moving forward. So feel like with
women especially, and this is my advice even to my
(32:04):
own you know circle of people is stop jumping on
these men first and second dates, third dates. I get it.
You know, emotions are high. You may have been lonely
for a while, he may be cute, he may have
said the right things. But I also feel like people
show themselves even more over time and based on you know,
(32:28):
certain interactions and situations and scenarios that can play out
as time goes on. But once you continue to give
yourself to a person and you're doing that quickly, it
eliminates any ability to consider and think and probe and
you know, just kick back and watch before you're giving
(32:49):
up your values to somebody. Men and women alike. Seriously,
So my best advice is not even this is t
app but I would call it slow dating. If I
was gonna give it a title, I would call it
slow dating. It's d okay. Slow dating is taking your time.
(33:15):
You drive yourself to whatever location you're meeting up with
that person. You make sure you're getting home safely. You
don't give him or her your address until you have
tried that person to a point and been with that
person long enough to know what their character really is.
(33:39):
And then also make sure they're giving you real information
where they really work, how long they've worked there. That
history is important to you, guys. And I'm starting to
understand and learn that more and more and more, the
history of a person. And I understand now why jobs
use job history before or hiring a person, because that
(34:02):
really can tell them you know how committed a person is,
or you know how much a person is really willing
to do and put in on the job. Right now,
Can you go by that all the time? No, And
I'll tell you when you don't have to necessarily worry
about going by that. When it comes down to a
(34:23):
history of a person is when the person you're talking
to and you're dating, brings up their dating history or
brings up their life history jobs, and you know, if
they had previous marriages, kids, whatever the case may be,
and they bring that up. If they start telling you
about the things they regret, the things they should have
(34:44):
done differently, how they messed up some things, and some
of the things they believed in they shouldn't have, then
I would say it's safer to give that person a chance.
Like for me, if I was someone who had a
bad job history, like Safer instance, every job I had
I never worked any longer than a year, right or
(35:06):
Safer instance, I had maybe several jobs that I was
fired from and a employer saw my work history, and
I'm going into that interview, then I would definitely ask
that individual start off by saying, yes, I only stayed
on this job or that job for a year, and
(35:28):
yes I was fired from this job and that job,
and that was because I had poor time management at
the time. I am definitely working on that. I know
that that is a fault of mine. Also, what I
did when it came down to working for a year
is I kept picking jobs that I really didn't like,
but I felt like I needed the money. So I
(35:49):
just started to work those jobs. And I just want
to let you know that I did not pick you
like I would normally pick a job. I really do
want this job, and you can expect to get the
best that's out of me because I've learned from my
previous mistakes. And you know what trips me up is
how many people walk around with exes, ex wives, ex husbands,
(36:11):
all of this stuff and they never ever feel like
they was the problem. They never ever feel like they
caused any of the problems. And I'm gonna tell you
guys this as somebody who's married and somebody who's lived
this life for quite a little time. By God's grace,
I have been an issue in some of my issues, Okay,
(36:32):
flat out right. So I am willing to admit that
for sure. And I do also believe that is the
healthy way to dive into change and forward motion. It's
me being able to say to myself, you know what,
I could have done that better, I could have said
that better. I need to be a better thinker in
(36:55):
this area, or I allowed my emotions to run me
in that area. I have been there, and I think
that is okay. And I always pray quite often that
I'm never too embarrassed to admit when I was wrong
about something, when I have overthought something or you know,
responded to something in a way that I shouldn't. I
(37:16):
pray that I'm never that arrogant to say in anything
that has crumbled around me that I did not play
a role. Am I wrong in every scenario? No? No?
And am I gonna tell you guys to take the
blame for things you shouldn't know? But there is always
(37:36):
something we can approve upon, And that's the kicker. It's
fine that thing that you know you lack in that
you haven't been the best at and that could have
caused some type of tension or issue or whatever the
case may be, and work on those things. I know
some people who have been in relationships and they are
(37:57):
completely one hundred percent about themselves, how they feel, but
what they want, what they see, what they know, how
they want to do things, and they're not even open
to hearing the changes and situations and issues of their spouse.
And so when that happens, they don't think that's a
problem because they're like, whatever they felt or however they
(38:17):
felt to support, that's what they're going to give that spouse,
and the spouse is saying, but I need another type
of support. I would like to do X, y Z
this way or whatever, And that spouse, who is more selfish,
would say, but I already have the answers. I already
told you what we should do. I already told you
how we should go about these things. And they continue
(38:39):
on with that, and in that spouse's mine, they think, oh,
I'm helping the situation because I already thought of a
solution and I'm telling you what it is we're going
to do. But sometimes a different solution is necessary. And
sometimes listening to the spouse who has whatever going on
and they need whatever type of support. Sometimes listening and
(38:59):
hearing and finding a common ground and a way to
moving a way that supports them is better than just
having a thought on how to do it yourself and
what you want. Just using that as an example, right,
So we have to start considering who we are in
our relationships and when you guys come across somebody that
(39:21):
you want to date, we all have a past and
a history. But the question is who's cleaning up their
past and their history? Who's cleaning it up? Which means
finding what the problems were getting the solutions and moving
forward and doing better. I'll give you guys a quick example. Man,
I've been talking about relationships for I think the past
(39:42):
couple of weeks. It's been a very healthy conversation for
me personally. But I was recently talking about a situation
with an individual where someone continues to say to me
that a person remains as they are because of how
they go up. Okay, now, the person that's saying this
(40:04):
to me is referencing an individual who's been married three times,
who has several kids, you know, throughout these relationships, whatever
the case may be. And I was just using this
as an example in a recent relationship conversation, and I'm
saying to myself, how in the world can someone use
(40:27):
energy and get enough breath to utter that a person
is who they are due to their childhood and they've
been married three times. And what I mean by that
is not the judgment of a person being married three times.
I really don't care. We need to learn how to
stay out of people business in that regard. If you
want to be married three times, that's fine. I don't
(40:49):
care about that. But what I care about is you
have you not learned anything from relationship one? So you
mean to tell me you still carrying on your childhood
all the way up to your first relationship. Understandable? Okay, boom,
because this is your first relationship. You liked this person,
whatever the agreements were, you got married, whatever the case
(41:10):
may be. We're here. Okay, this is new new. You
know what I'm saying. You're not true to this. You're
new to this first marriage. Okay, in first relationship, first anything,
that's when we are learning and we're hitting the walls
and we're like, ooh, I didn't know this was a thing.
I didn't know I could feel this way that way.
That's perfect. Then you have the second marriage. Okay, so
(41:34):
the first marriage is over and you know, did you
learn anything? Right? So now we're at the second marriage.
What did you take from that first lesson anything? Did
you get anything out of it? Are you still carrying
your childhood from your first marriage? Now you're in your
second marriage and we're just using that as an excuse
(41:56):
now because we didn't go through nothing. We didn't learn nothing.
We didn't hear the spouse, we didn't listen to anything
that was going on around us. Were just doing things
this is this is the part for me, I'm like,
we're just doing something now because it's just emotion, because
there's no feeling involved. There is no no And what
(42:17):
I mean by feeling is not even just how you
internally feel. It's putting your hands on the situation. And
you know, how have you guys ever had a situation
where your lights went out of your house storm or whatever,
and you gotta walk through the house and you slowly
walk in and you kind of move your foot around
as you don't hit your toes on something, and then
(42:38):
you kind of touch something, and you know, just make
sure everything is in its proper place, and you feeling
your way to the light to see what's going on,
and you know, so that's very similar to how we
should be in our relationships. We should not just get
in a relationship and check out. We should be feeling
our way through. We should feel the changes, we should
(43:00):
feel the conversations, we should feel how the spouse may
feel in things that they go through. Because the true
thing about spouses is they come with their own past,
their own set of family, their own set of traumas,
and all of these other things. So do we feel
any of that do we empathize with any of those
things for others and not just ourselves. So you go
(43:23):
through marriage one, childhood trauma may be involved with okay,
some of the things that may not go well with
that relationship. But then we get to relationship two, marriage too,
and you're acting the same exact way. But now maybe
some of your traumas for your first marriage you're now
bringing into your second marriage. And now maybe that husband
(43:46):
or wife reminds you of that ex husband or wife
or whatever the case may be. So now we have
the PTSD or the trauma that comes up based on familiality.
So now we have to deal with that. So then
you go into your third marriage. So now one and
two and three, and here we are in the third relationship, right,
(44:10):
and you have a new husband or a wife, and
now you're going through similar things. You're treating your husband
or your wife a similar way, because what's happening is
the lessons have not been gained through each relationship. It's
just emotion. I like you, we may be having good whatever,
so I'm just gonna marry you and we don't have
(44:31):
to think nothing else of it. And that is the
reason why this in and out unbalancing comes and some
people literally do feel like I don't really need to
stay in this relationship too long because I need to
keep going on to something fresh. It really is about
what people believe. But when people come to me stating
(44:54):
and citing people childhoods as to why something can't get
right after you've done it multiple times, I just can't
use that as an excuse. Do we have to deal
with our childhood traumas, yes, Do we have to deal
with the way we've watched mommy and daddy, you know,
grow up together and their relationship or relationships. Yes, we
(45:16):
need to deal with all of those things. And sometimes
it's not just mommy and daddy. It's aunties, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers,
and you know, cousins and all of that that we
may have watched growing up that may have done some
damage to some people. That could be very possible, right,
but at what point do we say to ourselves? At
one point do we stay in our own situation and
(45:40):
say I'm gonna grow up, I am gonna do something different.
And what trips me up is the amount of people
we hear say I don't like to see so and
so doing this or that and they still go and
do what they see so and so doing. I have
never understood that logic personally because I have a void
a lot of train wrecks by watching other people, and
(46:03):
I would say, this is what I don't want. And
if I don't want that, then I know to go
out and seek something different. That's just me personally, right.
So with that being said, you guys, I'm gonna say
this straight up. I have seen too many people who
are very toxic go from one relationship to the next
(46:25):
relationship to the next relationship, keeping the same energy they
had in all of them. We can't do that, you guys.
We have to start learning who we are as people.
We need to start shedding that old skin of things
that we've gravitated to because maybe it's a learned behavior
(46:46):
or maybe it's a top behavior. Whatever, we have to
shed that. And what I would recommend is start fresh
me personally, I love a nice relocation. I like to
relocate because that gives me a fresh air, a fresh
feeling of new people that I'm around. I just I
love it. I've relocated now three times, and even though
(47:08):
within those three I guess you could say relocations they
haven't been too far away, but far enough away to
where you feel like, oh, you know, here's a new
set of shopping centers, and you know, you see new
faces and you're not in the same place all the time.
It's beautiful. So what I would say to you, guys
(47:28):
is reset, relocate yourself, Relocate your thought processes, move into
something else. If you've been thinking the same way and
doing the same thing over and over and over again
and you getting the same results and you hate them results, relocate,
Relocate your intentions, relocate the way you feel about things,
(47:52):
re eat how they say, reinvent yourself. That's what is needed,
and it's called a renewing of the mind, changing the
way you think about things, moving it into a different direction.
I've had to do that even recently with some new things,
and I'm trying. You know, you get the imposter syndrome
(48:14):
and you like, can I do this? And all this
fear come over you. But then it's like, but I can,
because if I don't do this, then I stay where
I am and I don't like where I am. That's
point blank period, right. So that's my advice to you guys,
is do something different, think differently, so that you can
(48:37):
get better results, and I mean healthy in healthy ways.
I always say that because some people, you know, you guys,
may be feeling like I've done everything I could in
every situation. It don't never work out, Nope, because it's
always something we can do differently, even in that even
when we're doing our best, sometimes you just need to
(48:57):
start giving your best to certain people and then it'll
start working out when you start giving your best to
the right people. Does that make sense? Oh gosh, I'm
just saying, so do that, and then also stay off
these crazy apps. Slow date going back to that, take
(49:18):
your time with people, and if you are someone who
has found yourself relationship hopping, learned something from each instance,
because a lot of times too, I found that people
tend to date the same person. Yeah, you may have
broke up with old boy, but now you go up
(49:38):
here and now this old boy at just like that
old boy. You know what I'm saying. So also you
need to just be breaking up with a type a person.
Does that make sense? So many scenarios running through my
mind right now. I'm telling you, guys, I've heard some things.
You know what I'm saying, But yeah, you might need
(49:58):
to just break up with a type of person. Just
say nope. If that was your type, and then you
have typed out on that type, change get another type. Okay,
if you've been dating tall dudes this whole time and
all love them, work a certain particular type of job
data short dude who don't work nowhere remotely in that
(50:20):
job category. You know what I'm saying, same thing with you, fellas,
same thing I'm just saying. So yeah, that's my advice.
And also, you guys be safe out there. I just
want you to know. It's not about the mistakes that
we make that we're being held to. It's not about
(50:41):
how we have done things in the past that we
should you know, be categorized in. But it's how we
continue and how we move forward and what we change.
That's the important thing. Is if we do make our mistakes,
and we have done things in a way that we
(51:01):
didn't necessarily want to or approve of, whatever the case
may be, how are we moving forward? That is the
most important thing. So all of you be well, all
of you who are listening in, be well, enjoy yourselves,
be safe out there, give yourself some grace. And while
you're giving yourself that grace get up every day saying
(51:23):
I'm not who I used to be. I don't do
the things that I used to do. I am new,
I am fresh, I am awesome, and I am going
to attract just that. All right, you guys, now listen.
If you have a comment that you would like to
make on this podcast, have any thoughts, please feel free
(51:44):
to hit the link in the description of this podcast.
I'll be happy to hear from you and hear your
thoughts on this topic of the t app cheating and
dating and all that good stuff and relationships. I would
love to hear your thoughts. Remember to keep your comments
classy and professional, because that's all we do over here.
And until next time you guys, it's been a pleasure
(52:06):
chatting with you. Chat soon,
Hi everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Motivation Zone.
It is your host Monica Ma super excited to be
here with you guys, and we're gonna dive into the
conversation of the t app cheaters and relationships. Now, this
topic can be a little bit triggering for many people,
but I wanna hang out with you guys and have
(00:22):
this conversation because personally, I have witness now in my
lifetime too many people running fouls in their relationship and
I just do not like it whatsoever. And the reason
why I don't, you guys, and the reason why I
do not back a cheat or whatsoever, is because it's
super harmful, not only just to the person they're doing
(00:46):
it too, but also to the people who are cheering
for them, who are rooting for a better outcome. And
I feel like this type of lifestyle, just being messy
in any relationship opens too many doors to craziness. And unfortunately,
there are a lot of people who have either went
(01:08):
to jail over stuff like this or have literally lost
their lives over these type of situations. And a lot
of the times this comes from people who are not
able to control their emotions. And personally, I love a
good argument. I love a good cuss out when you're
trying to get that pressure off of you. I feel
(01:30):
like it is very impossible to walk this earth your
entire life and never have a moment where you're just
feeling a ways, you know, and you're trying to reach
for the best way to respond, because I've personally have
gone through that. But to allow people to play in
(01:50):
your face in relationships to the point where you are
self destructing and or harming others, it's just not the
best way to go whatsoever. And so I feel like
this is an important topic. And what's so crazy is
we're having this conversation amongst those of us who are adults.
(02:15):
I expect so much more from adults in general, and
we have all of these excuses around us as to
why we treat each other the way that we do,
you know, and why we allow things to continue on.
For example, I'm watching as these things are unfolding in
my feed recently, the t app and then this CEO
(02:37):
of this AI tech company who gets caught cheating with
his head of HR I believe, and I'm just rambling
off according to what I've heard about the story. But
they get caught on the kiss cam at a call
play concert, and when they get caught on this kiss cam,
(02:58):
their reaction who being seen on camera was a complete
freak out because they knew what they were doing, right
and personally, as people say, I feel like that kids
cam was doing the lord's work because here this man
is married, and I heard that she was married as well,
(03:19):
but I've seen misinformation on that. It's been she's not married,
she was married, she's divorced, or she is married. So
I don't know much about her situation. But the tech
owner of the company, or should I say not the owner,
the CEO, he is married and he has children. So
(03:41):
here the wife is sitting at home. Only god knows
what he told her he was off doing, you know.
And I guess it looked like the concert was at night,
you know, so maybe he was out at the office,
you know, some story he sold to her, and then boom,
he's caught on this kiss cam with his head of HR. Right,
(04:05):
and their reaction was necessary. A lot of people are saying, well, oh,
if they would have just played it cool, then they
wouldn't have gotten caught. But then I said, and this
is what I was saying, the whole entire time, and
listening to the story and reading the comments, I was like,
first of all, they shouldn't have been doing it at all.
(04:27):
This leads me into my problem with cheating. Okay, And
there's a lot of scenarios out here. There's a lot
of things being played out, especially in the entertainment world,
that I can definitely use as an example. But my
problem is who's protecting the wife while he's out with
his head of HR this CEO. Right, So, as you
(04:50):
can see, if any of you guys have followed this story,
when he was caught on the kiss cam, there were
other people there with them. Okay, so this could be friends,
this could be fellow coworkers, all of whom I'm going
to assume knew he was married, unless he was hiding
(05:10):
his whole life, which doesn't seem to be the case
because he since stepped down from that position or resigned
as they say, Right, So I would assume everyone around
him knew that he was married, but they supported it.
They were like, oh, we're good, you good girl, do
your thing whatever, whatever, And no one is saying anything, right,
(05:35):
And I've been in a situation literally where I'm witnessing
someone being cheated on, or I'm witnessing very devastating, damaging
relationships where people are out here smearing people's name in
these streets, not saying nothing good about them. And then
you're supposed to stay silent, though, because the one who's
(05:57):
doing the talking and the one who's running the fire
somebody you know or somebody you can to, or whatever
the case may be. So you supposed to stay quiet.
But then I ask myself, who's protecting the other person?
That's my logic when I think about this, And not
only is that my logic, I also think about how
(06:20):
would I want to be treated if I was in
these individuals shoes, And personally, I could never place myself
in the shoes of the person doing the cheating, because
I am adult enough and mature enough to say, you
know what, I don't need to do that. If I
felt I needed to do that, then I need to
(06:41):
do what get out of the relationship. That's just me, right.
But then I've been around people who hear this type
of logic and they're going, well, you think you're better,
you make mistakes too, And people want to throw at
these angles and curveballs at you to make you feel
(07:03):
less than because you simply won't do certain things. Some
of us are more how do you say, more brushed
up in some areas than others, And that is okay personally.
Am I running clean in all areas? No? I have
problems just like everybody else. But the areas that I'm
(07:25):
able to keep together. Thank god. I got nine to
nine problems, but that's not one of them. You get
what I'm saying. So I thought that this CEO getting
caught on this kid's camera was beautiful. That wife could
have been at home, She could have been praying, thinking, wondering,
(07:48):
feeling something and didn't know whether she should trust her
instincts or not because no one was giving her confirmation,
no one was saying anything to her. And then he
just got called flat out, red handed boom bam in
your face. Wow right. And I just don't agree with
other people like, if you gonna do it, just play
(08:09):
it cool, don't do it at all, and if you
gotta be cheating, break up with the person. I think
some people just love that feeling of I guess you
can say adrenaline or that rush or that thrill uh
and challenge of being something better for someone that they
(08:31):
swear the other person isn't for them, if that makes sense. So,
for example, I was following another story. Now I've been
looking at this family for years now. I know you
guys have probably heard of them. Mama June, Honey, Boo Boo, Pumpkin,
that whole family, Jessica, that whole family is something else.
And I have followed them for years and I've even
(08:54):
covered them on some of my previous content. When I
used to be on YouTube creating videos and talking about
movies and TV shows, they were one of the families
that I would talk about because they have a reality show.
So I'll check in with them every now and then
just to see where are they now. And there's a
new season of I believe it's Mama June Family Crisis.
(09:18):
She did do the Mama June from Not the Hot,
which I did follow cause I thought that was absolutely amazing.
She went through this whole weight loss process and it
was this whole thing. And now they're going into family
crisis because June ends up with some type of drug
issue and she's dating a guy who also has a
(09:41):
drug issue. She ends up losing custody to of Alana,
to her daughter Pumpkin who ends up raising Alana while
June was going through all that she was going through
with drugs and all this, and then eventually going through
rehab and getting her life together, and prayerfully she keeps
that part of her life together. But recently it shocked me,
after following this family all of these years, that Pumpkin
(10:05):
fiult for divorce from her husband Josh. Josh, she has
four kids with Okay, two are twins, so I would
you give them that. It's not like when you hear
the young people their age have a lot of kids.
You're wondering, Okay, how did this all get started? But
they do have one set of twins, and so their
(10:28):
children are quite young. I do believe their youngest daughter, Ella,
is in elementary school. I don't know what grade. But
their children seem to be being raised very well, and
I hope they continue to do that and work together.
But it was very shocking to me to hear this
(10:48):
young couple what's getting a divorce. So what's playing out
on the show now is that Pumpkin before she divorces Josh,
she begins dating his cousin by marriage, And me, I
don't care if it's blood or not. That is very
messy when you're dating someone who is a relative in
(11:12):
any fashion to your husband and you're talking about family
functions and get togethers where this individual is a part
of your ex husband's family dynamic, and so if there
are any family events they can end up in the
same room together. That's kray z and messy. Right. So
(11:32):
fast forward, they go through with the divorce, and it
was reported before the show began. It's season I want
to say, it began in June or May somewhere up
in there of twenty twenty five of this. I think
it's their seventh season, I want to say. And so
as the season began, we see that the divorce is final,
(11:53):
but it was reported prior to the season started that
it was a quick divorce. They had agreed upon everything
and it was just easy for the divorce to be finalized. Right. So,
as I'm hearing this, I'm like, this is crazy. What
is going on? Now? In the show, after they show
the divorce in all of this and show their processing
(12:16):
and all this stuff, Pumpkin starts to talk about the
cousin that she's dating, who's the cousin of her ex
husband now? And everyone is like, when are you gonna
tell Josh this? She's taking her sweet time. She knows
it's jacked up. Whenever you take your sweet time to
(12:37):
tell somebody something and you know it's gonna be a
devastating blow to that person, it would benefit all of
us to consider whether we should move forward with doing
sad thing or not. This is the biggest lesson when
it comes down to relationships, you guys. It's consider if
it's that hard for you to reveal that thing, and
(13:00):
it's not just something you're keeping to yourself because you're
trying to protect it. You just want to keep it safe,
you know, want to give something time. None of that.
You know it's wrong, consider whether you should do it
or not. That's the thing, and that's my logic. Okay.
So time goes on, she still hasn't told Josh. Everyone
(13:21):
sees her, you know, giggy and texting on her phone
and sneaking out the house. So she finally reveals this
situation to her sister, Jessica. Jessica is like, really, this
is what's going on. So Josh, on the same instance,
(13:42):
the ex husband is now trying to think of ways
that he can save his marriage. He's like, I know
that there are some things I should have worked on.
There's some things I should have done differently, And I
know that she loves me. I love her, but you know,
the whole time, Pumpkin and saying, I don't I really
love him like that, I really don't. But to me,
(14:04):
he thought, because maybe she responded to an accident that
he was in and a few other things that was
going on, he thought maybe there was still something they're
worth saving. So he buys her flowers and all this
good stuff, and he goes and picks up his daughter
from school, and on the way in the house, he
has the flowers in his hand. He was going to
give him to Pumpkin. Well, instead of giving them to Pumpkin,
(14:27):
Jessica is there, and Jessica's like, who are you bringing
these flowers for. He lets her know that he was
bringing them from Pumpkin and why, and he thought that,
you know, he could try to make some steps forward
to save his relationship. And she goes on forward to
tell him, well, you're pretty much wasting your time. She
(14:50):
is moving on. She's dating someone else. And then he
was like, well, you don't have to tell me who
she's dating. He was like, but is she really dating
someone else? And she said yes, and then she goes, well,
I'm gonna tell you this, it's your cousin Darren. And
when she says this, Josh freaks out and he's like, Okay,
(15:12):
now that line has been drawn. Now he understands that
he can move forward and make another and different decision.
And that's where I am with this situation. So Jessica
tells Josh to keep Josh from further wasting his time.
Because what happens in these instances where you have these
(15:36):
pretty bad relationships and these cheaters and you know you're
planning for the future, that is very hard. Like I
think about it as someone who's married, I think about
how many plans I make with my spouse and what
he and I are looking forward to doing together. And
(15:57):
I can't imagine making all those and considering all of
these things for somebody who isn't even into me, who
isn't even thinking about me, and is into someone else.
That is wild. And what frustrated me when I watched
this is how many people were was telling Jessica she
(16:17):
shouldn't have said anything that wasn't her place, that wasn't
her business. But I come to the conclusion where you
can never expect someone who's doing something foul to turn
around and clean that up. They usually tend to not
do the right thing. It could have been months years
before Josh found that out. I'm pretty sure not that long,
(16:38):
since she's dating someone who's you know, kin to him,
blood or not right. But she would have held out
as long as she could have held out. And he,
on the other hand, is getting all of these mixed
signals because she's not making what her current situation is clear.
(16:59):
And then all so, I've been watching just I know
these are reality shows, but I've been watching some of
the things they personally post, and I can tell that
now that he's in a new situation himself, Josh is
she's basically posting things like she'll never be better than me,
she can't do And it's like, pick one, you don't
(17:21):
want him because you said he wasn't right for you.
Now that he's moved on, why are you posting certain
things to kind of bring down his situation but you
but you wanted him to move on. You wanted him
to not think about you. And that's how messy the
emotions of people are. We are so caught up sometime
(17:43):
and how we feel and what we want that we
don't care how we damage other people, and we don't
care how we discourage other people. And that right there
is a rough part of this whole reality and the
whole situation someone running around on somebody else and other
people singing it, witnessing it and knowing about it. And
(18:06):
if you're an empathetic and sympathetic person, there is no
way that you can sit back and watch that happen
and not consider your place and role in keeping and
perpetuating such a thing. So Pumpkin is upset now with
Jessica for telling Josh, and Pumpkin uses a very very
(18:29):
I guess you can say cliche line that I've heard
so much in these scenarios, and I've heard it personally myself,
because I've been the Jessica in the situation before, and
that person Jessica says, or Pumpkin says to Jessica, you
(18:50):
have betrayed me by telling him these things. When I
tell y'all and I heard this, I laughed so hard
because I'm like, is that that whole betrayal line? Straight
out the book? Of cheaters. Is it like if you
know someone, if a friend is around, or it's a
family member, whatever the case may be, and they know
(19:13):
you and they see what you're doing because they stand
on the side of what's right, they're the ones doing
the betraying. And my attitude is Pumpkin is the one
betraying her situation because first of all, you didn't tell
your ex about you dating his cousin. Then second of all,
you're dating his cousin. Like, it doesn't get any messier
(19:35):
than that, in my opinion, Okay, I mean I get
it when you know people leave this earth and they're
no longer around, and you know, maybe a family member
comes into play. I don't know, but yeah, straight up
in this man's face and he has four kids with you,
and then you're running around adding like this man is
so much better than what you had. Yeah, that's very
(19:59):
damaging and hopefully, prayerfully you know, Josh is working out
whatever issues that he's had, but no cheating rumors have
come out with him. Now. Maybe I know with us women,
you know, speaking of relationships, we tend to be very
emotionally invested in our relationships and when a man is
(20:20):
not checked in emotionally that right there is enough to
drag the relationship down to nothing. Okay, So I feel
like from watching these two individuals, just from their reality show,
Pumpkin started to feel like Josh was not into her
because they weren't dating and you know, doing things together
(20:42):
as a couple and finding the time even though they've
had children. And what's so crazy is now that they're divorced,
they have more help with their children than what they
sought after as a couple, meaning his mother, her her sister,
(21:02):
her mother, and a lot of individuals are now helping
them watch their children. And they could have had that
in order to spend more time with each other. But
by the time that was discovered that it was too late,
the decision was already made, you know, to divorce. So
I can understand that Pumpkin felt tapped out in the
(21:25):
relationship because of that. She said that she asked him
to do certain things for a very long time that
he would never do that he had an anger situation
and all that. So I understood her reasoning for wanting
to walk away. So I will never sit here and
go but they should have stayed together. But it's the
other side of all of this, what you had going
(21:46):
on before you divorced, and then what she had going
on after that that he was unaware of. And then
other people are just sitting on the sidelines watching, And
I would say that's never cute to me. It's never
cute for a lot of people to know what's going on,
see it, hear it, and then everyone stays silent for
the loyalty of the person. Pumpkin does not deserve loyalty
(22:09):
for her choices. These are your choices, so do what
you're supposed to do by them, which means make better
decisions on how you're gonna put things out there, how
you're gonna move and that way you're gonna have to
worry about someone putting something out there that you don't
want out there. It just, you know, to me, that
makes sense. So going back to this cold play couple,
(22:32):
the CEO and the hr REP, what was y'all thinking
they were out there to be seen? You're hugged up.
You know, These kiss cams are a thing, so they
can't blame anybody else for getting caught other than themselves.
And I heard a rumor on the streets that the
(22:52):
CEO of the tech company now wants to sue the
gentleman from Coldplay because he made a little statement like,
you know, either they are this or they are cheating
because of the way they react. He said that right there,
Johnny on the spot, and then the internet went crazy,
found all the information they needed. They were messaging the
wife all kinds of crazy stuff, you know. But I
(23:15):
feel like it was great that they got exposed, and
I hope that all of them moved healthier after this
as far as their response is to the things that
have happened. That's my hope there. So let's go ahead
and dive you guys into this tea app, which brings
me to this Oh my gosh, listen, So, okay, the
(23:41):
tea app is pretty much working in a similar way
to this kid's scam. Okay, it's putting people on the spot,
in particular men. Now, Initially, when I first heard about
this app, and it cracks me up because I'm like,
(24:02):
twenty twenty five, you cannot make this up. You really can't.
So with the tea app, the owner says he wanted
to make this for women so they can be safer
when they're outdating, especially when they're going out on their
first dates. So from what I understand based on some
(24:23):
of the videos I've seen, I personally will not be
joining this app because definitely not. I'm married, I'm out
the game, I don't want no parts. But I was
listening to someone else cover it, and basically, women have
been posting up pictures of the men that they've been
in relations with or they're actually dating, or whatever the
case may be, and then other women in that area.
(24:46):
So they're, based on what I'm understanding, they're categorizing these
posts based on location, and so women are jumping on
these posts of these men and their photos, and they're
talking about their previous relations with that gentleman, or they're
talking about a prior experience with that gentleman, or a
(25:09):
prior relationship with that gentleman, whatever the case may be.
So based on some of the content that I've seen,
there are some pretty interesting posts on there, and there
are some men I guess who have female friends who
have joined to allow them to see if they can
find themselves on this app. And when I first heard
(25:31):
about it, I thought men need an app like this,
even more so because us women folks can get very
outside ourselves even with the way we put ourselves out there,
in the way we date, and some of the things
that were said in the posts of these men, some
(25:52):
of these women who hooked up on first dates and
all that. I'm sure men would enjoy, you know, putting
that information out there, But I don't think men would
because men tend to not be as gossipy that I found,
or they don't tend to care as much as about
those things. And this is when I said to myself,
(26:15):
I really don't pity men. I thought I was going
into the pity men era of my life, and there
was a point in my life where I was kind
of like, man, men need more advocates, you know, you
guys need more people on your side who can really
break down some of the things that you're going through
(26:36):
and you know, be a listening ear and all that.
But I said to myself, guys, this is for my men. Folks.
If you happen to come across this podcast, good grief,
I feel like most of your problems would be resolved
if you just keep your pecker to yourself, keep your
(26:58):
pecker to yourself until you find a woman who's deserving
of it and not just deserving of it. Fellas, But
a woman who you know you can commit to and
you can be around, and who's committed to you. These
women are still out there. I'm one of those women
(27:19):
myself personally, which is why I am married and just
celebrated eighteen years, thank God. And so fellas, keep it
to yourself. I was going into my pity men era,
and then I understood, y'all really be out here poking
(27:39):
down some crazy situations. And not only do you do it,
you know it's crazy before you do it, and you
do it anyway, And there is where my pity goes
out the window. I can't do it, okay, So guys
and ladies, I'm gonna say the same to the ladies.
(28:01):
Stop trying to tame and train each other as adults.
We should be looking for people who already have their
crap together. We shouldn't be out here going, oh, well,
if I give him or her everything I can possibly
give him or her, then that'll help him or her
to change and see that I'm the best thing for
(28:22):
him and her. No, no, no, no, no, that is
not the way this should go down. If you have
to do all that work to convince somebody to be decent,
in the relationship, then you need to get out of
the relationship. We have to start going after mature individuals.
We have to start pursuing that, and not only pursuing maturity.
(28:46):
Being mature. Be mature yourself, and you can avoid this
type of foolishness. When I saw this app pop up,
I'm thinking to myself, this is wild. I can think
of several people I know that that could pop up
on this app, you know, just thinking about it. Male
and female, right, But if you do what you're supposed
(29:09):
to be doing, you would not have to worry about
getting here being here now, mind you. I do say that,
and I understand that things happen, people lie, all kinds
of crazy stuff going on twenty twenty five. I understand that.
But hold on to your morals and your values and
keep things right as much as possible, as much as
(29:31):
you're in control of control that have some discipline men
and women. This is just what I'm saying because some
of the things I saw the females posting on this app.
I'm like, y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. The fact
that this is your experience with this man and you
allow x Y and XYZ to happen, and you were
(29:53):
doing this and doing that. I just feel like that
is also your fault. It's not just on the man
because he did it to you, but you also allowed it,
you know. And even the nightclub, seeing the bar scene,
all of that. It's a lot going on. I've seen
(30:15):
so much, even recently in my city and state that
I'm like, this is crazy. I don't know why anybody
wouldn't want to be out here, quote unquote on the
prow at this time of night where all kinds of
weird things could just be popping off. Now. I know
some of you guys hearing this may be like, well,
crazy things happen all the time. I know, and I
(30:36):
get that. And I also hear the people who say
you can never be too prepared, and I get that,
but I don't agree with that. I feel like sometimes
when we're just wild, opening down for whatever, we let
anything in, and that there should be a filtering process.
(31:01):
We should be looking to filter some of this stuff
for ourselves so that way we're not taking every hit.
Does that make sense? So this te app is a mess.
I understand the logic behind it, but it's gonna get
(31:21):
messy and uglier. Because men are finding a way to
use their female friends to get on here. And also
if this app can allow things to remain private, then
maybe it could be a decent platform. But then again
not so much. I just don't know. I feel like
(31:43):
this is gonna be very messy for the people who
use it. I think that we should keep dating at
using your discernment and a lot of the times people
will tell you exactly what you need to know about
them prior to you moving forward. So feel like with
women especially, and this is my advice even to my
(32:04):
own you know circle of people is stop jumping on
these men first and second dates, third dates. I get it.
You know, emotions are high. You may have been lonely
for a while, he may be cute, he may have
said the right things. But I also feel like people
show themselves even more over time and based on you know,
(32:28):
certain interactions and situations and scenarios that can play out
as time goes on. But once you continue to give
yourself to a person and you're doing that quickly, it
eliminates any ability to consider and think and probe and
you know, just kick back and watch before you're giving
(32:49):
up your values to somebody. Men and women alike. Seriously,
So my best advice is not even this is t
app but I would call it slow dating. If I
was gonna give it a title, I would call it
slow dating. It's d okay. Slow dating is taking your time.
(33:15):
You drive yourself to whatever location you're meeting up with
that person. You make sure you're getting home safely. You
don't give him or her your address until you have
tried that person to a point and been with that
person long enough to know what their character really is.
(33:39):
And then also make sure they're giving you real information
where they really work, how long they've worked there. That
history is important to you, guys. And I'm starting to
understand and learn that more and more and more, the
history of a person. And I understand now why jobs
use job history before or hiring a person, because that
(34:02):
really can tell them you know how committed a person is,
or you know how much a person is really willing
to do and put in on the job. Right now,
Can you go by that all the time? No, And
I'll tell you when you don't have to necessarily worry
about going by that. When it comes down to a
(34:23):
history of a person is when the person you're talking
to and you're dating, brings up their dating history or
brings up their life history jobs, and you know, if
they had previous marriages, kids, whatever the case may be,
and they bring that up. If they start telling you
about the things they regret, the things they should have
(34:44):
done differently, how they messed up some things, and some
of the things they believed in they shouldn't have, then
I would say it's safer to give that person a chance.
Like for me, if I was someone who had a
bad job history, like Safer instance, every job I had
I never worked any longer than a year, right or
(35:06):
Safer instance, I had maybe several jobs that I was
fired from and a employer saw my work history, and
I'm going into that interview, then I would definitely ask
that individual start off by saying, yes, I only stayed
on this job or that job for a year, and
(35:28):
yes I was fired from this job and that job,
and that was because I had poor time management at
the time. I am definitely working on that. I know
that that is a fault of mine. Also, what I
did when it came down to working for a year
is I kept picking jobs that I really didn't like,
but I felt like I needed the money. So I
(35:49):
just started to work those jobs. And I just want
to let you know that I did not pick you
like I would normally pick a job. I really do
want this job, and you can expect to get the
best that's out of me because I've learned from my
previous mistakes. And you know what trips me up is
how many people walk around with exes, ex wives, ex husbands,
(36:11):
all of this stuff and they never ever feel like
they was the problem. They never ever feel like they
caused any of the problems. And I'm gonna tell you
guys this as somebody who's married and somebody who's lived
this life for quite a little time. By God's grace,
I have been an issue in some of my issues, Okay,
(36:32):
flat out right. So I am willing to admit that
for sure. And I do also believe that is the
healthy way to dive into change and forward motion. It's
me being able to say to myself, you know what,
I could have done that better, I could have said
that better. I need to be a better thinker in
(36:55):
this area, or I allowed my emotions to run me
in that area. I have been there, and I think
that is okay. And I always pray quite often that
I'm never too embarrassed to admit when I was wrong
about something, when I have overthought something or you know,
responded to something in a way that I shouldn't. I
(37:16):
pray that I'm never that arrogant to say in anything
that has crumbled around me that I did not play
a role. Am I wrong in every scenario? No? No?
And am I gonna tell you guys to take the
blame for things you shouldn't know? But there is always
(37:36):
something we can approve upon, And that's the kicker. It's
fine that thing that you know you lack in that
you haven't been the best at and that could have
caused some type of tension or issue or whatever the
case may be, and work on those things. I know
some people who have been in relationships and they are
(37:57):
completely one hundred percent about themselves, how they feel, but
what they want, what they see, what they know, how
they want to do things, and they're not even open
to hearing the changes and situations and issues of their spouse.
And so when that happens, they don't think that's a
problem because they're like, whatever they felt or however they
(38:17):
felt to support, that's what they're going to give that spouse,
and the spouse is saying, but I need another type
of support. I would like to do X, y Z
this way or whatever, And that spouse, who is more selfish,
would say, but I already have the answers. I already
told you what we should do. I already told you
how we should go about these things. And they continue
(38:39):
on with that, and in that spouse's mine, they think, oh,
I'm helping the situation because I already thought of a
solution and I'm telling you what it is we're going
to do. But sometimes a different solution is necessary. And
sometimes listening to the spouse who has whatever going on
and they need whatever type of support. Sometimes listening and
(38:59):
hearing and finding a common ground and a way to
moving a way that supports them is better than just
having a thought on how to do it yourself and
what you want. Just using that as an example, right,
So we have to start considering who we are in
our relationships and when you guys come across somebody that
(39:21):
you want to date, we all have a past and
a history. But the question is who's cleaning up their
past and their history? Who's cleaning it up? Which means
finding what the problems were getting the solutions and moving
forward and doing better. I'll give you guys a quick example. Man,
I've been talking about relationships for I think the past
(39:42):
couple of weeks. It's been a very healthy conversation for
me personally. But I was recently talking about a situation
with an individual where someone continues to say to me
that a person remains as they are because of how
they go up. Okay, now, the person that's saying this
(40:04):
to me is referencing an individual who's been married three times,
who has several kids, you know, throughout these relationships, whatever
the case may be. And I was just using this
as an example in a recent relationship conversation, and I'm
saying to myself, how in the world can someone use
(40:27):
energy and get enough breath to utter that a person
is who they are due to their childhood and they've
been married three times. And what I mean by that
is not the judgment of a person being married three times.
I really don't care. We need to learn how to
stay out of people business in that regard. If you
want to be married three times, that's fine. I don't
(40:49):
care about that. But what I care about is you
have you not learned anything from relationship one? So you
mean to tell me you still carrying on your childhood
all the way up to your first relationship. Understandable? Okay, boom,
because this is your first relationship. You liked this person,
whatever the agreements were, you got married, whatever the case
(41:10):
may be. We're here. Okay, this is new new. You
know what I'm saying. You're not true to this. You're
new to this first marriage. Okay, in first relationship, first anything,
that's when we are learning and we're hitting the walls
and we're like, ooh, I didn't know this was a thing.
I didn't know I could feel this way that way.
That's perfect. Then you have the second marriage. Okay, so
(41:34):
the first marriage is over and you know, did you
learn anything? Right? So now we're at the second marriage.
What did you take from that first lesson anything? Did
you get anything out of it? Are you still carrying
your childhood from your first marriage? Now you're in your
second marriage and we're just using that as an excuse
(41:56):
now because we didn't go through nothing. We didn't learn nothing.
We didn't hear the spouse, we didn't listen to anything
that was going on around us. Were just doing things
this is this is the part for me, I'm like,
we're just doing something now because it's just emotion, because
there's no feeling involved. There is no no And what
(42:17):
I mean by feeling is not even just how you
internally feel. It's putting your hands on the situation. And
you know, how have you guys ever had a situation
where your lights went out of your house storm or whatever,
and you gotta walk through the house and you slowly
walk in and you kind of move your foot around
as you don't hit your toes on something, and then
(42:38):
you kind of touch something, and you know, just make
sure everything is in its proper place, and you feeling
your way to the light to see what's going on,
and you know, so that's very similar to how we
should be in our relationships. We should not just get
in a relationship and check out. We should be feeling
our way through. We should feel the changes, we should
(43:00):
feel the conversations, we should feel how the spouse may
feel in things that they go through. Because the true
thing about spouses is they come with their own past,
their own set of family, their own set of traumas,
and all of these other things. So do we feel
any of that do we empathize with any of those
things for others and not just ourselves. So you go
(43:23):
through marriage one, childhood trauma may be involved with okay,
some of the things that may not go well with
that relationship. But then we get to relationship two, marriage too,
and you're acting the same exact way. But now maybe
some of your traumas for your first marriage you're now
bringing into your second marriage. And now maybe that husband
(43:46):
or wife reminds you of that ex husband or wife
or whatever the case may be. So now we have
the PTSD or the trauma that comes up based on familiality.
So now we have to deal with that. So then
you go into your third marriage. So now one and
two and three, and here we are in the third relationship, right,
(44:10):
and you have a new husband or a wife, and
now you're going through similar things. You're treating your husband
or your wife a similar way, because what's happening is
the lessons have not been gained through each relationship. It's
just emotion. I like you, we may be having good whatever,
so I'm just gonna marry you and we don't have
(44:31):
to think nothing else of it. And that is the
reason why this in and out unbalancing comes and some
people literally do feel like I don't really need to
stay in this relationship too long because I need to
keep going on to something fresh. It really is about
what people believe. But when people come to me stating
(44:54):
and citing people childhoods as to why something can't get
right after you've done it multiple times, I just can't
use that as an excuse. Do we have to deal
with our childhood traumas, yes, Do we have to deal
with the way we've watched mommy and daddy, you know,
grow up together and their relationship or relationships. Yes, we
(45:16):
need to deal with all of those things. And sometimes
it's not just mommy and daddy. It's aunties, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers,
and you know, cousins and all of that that we
may have watched growing up that may have done some
damage to some people. That could be very possible, right,
but at what point do we say to ourselves? At
one point do we stay in our own situation and
(45:40):
say I'm gonna grow up, I am gonna do something different.
And what trips me up is the amount of people
we hear say I don't like to see so and
so doing this or that and they still go and
do what they see so and so doing. I have
never understood that logic personally because I have a void
a lot of train wrecks by watching other people, and
(46:03):
I would say, this is what I don't want. And
if I don't want that, then I know to go
out and seek something different. That's just me personally, right.
So with that being said, you guys, I'm gonna say
this straight up. I have seen too many people who
are very toxic go from one relationship to the next
(46:25):
relationship to the next relationship, keeping the same energy they
had in all of them. We can't do that, you guys.
We have to start learning who we are as people.
We need to start shedding that old skin of things
that we've gravitated to because maybe it's a learned behavior
(46:46):
or maybe it's a top behavior. Whatever, we have to
shed that. And what I would recommend is start fresh
me personally, I love a nice relocation. I like to
relocate because that gives me a fresh air, a fresh
feeling of new people that I'm around. I just I
love it. I've relocated now three times, and even though
(47:08):
within those three I guess you could say relocations they
haven't been too far away, but far enough away to
where you feel like, oh, you know, here's a new
set of shopping centers, and you know, you see new
faces and you're not in the same place all the time.
It's beautiful. So what I would say to you, guys
(47:28):
is reset, relocate yourself, Relocate your thought processes, move into
something else. If you've been thinking the same way and
doing the same thing over and over and over again
and you getting the same results and you hate them results, relocate,
Relocate your intentions, relocate the way you feel about things,
(47:52):
re eat how they say, reinvent yourself. That's what is needed,
and it's called a renewing of the mind, changing the
way you think about things, moving it into a different direction.
I've had to do that even recently with some new things,
and I'm trying. You know, you get the imposter syndrome
(48:14):
and you like, can I do this? And all this
fear come over you. But then it's like, but I can,
because if I don't do this, then I stay where
I am and I don't like where I am. That's
point blank period, right. So that's my advice to you guys,
is do something different, think differently, so that you can
(48:37):
get better results, and I mean healthy in healthy ways.
I always say that because some people, you know, you guys,
may be feeling like I've done everything I could in
every situation. It don't never work out, Nope, because it's
always something we can do differently, even in that even
when we're doing our best, sometimes you just need to
(48:57):
start giving your best to certain people and then it'll
start working out when you start giving your best to
the right people. Does that make sense? Oh gosh, I'm
just saying, so do that, and then also stay off
these crazy apps. Slow date going back to that, take
(49:18):
your time with people, and if you are someone who
has found yourself relationship hopping, learned something from each instance,
because a lot of times too, I found that people
tend to date the same person. Yeah, you may have
broke up with old boy, but now you go up
(49:38):
here and now this old boy at just like that
old boy. You know what I'm saying. So also you
need to just be breaking up with a type a person.
Does that make sense? So many scenarios running through my
mind right now. I'm telling you, guys, I've heard some things.
You know what I'm saying, But yeah, you might need
(49:58):
to just break up with a type of person. Just
say nope. If that was your type, and then you
have typed out on that type, change get another type. Okay,
if you've been dating tall dudes this whole time and
all love them, work a certain particular type of job
data short dude who don't work nowhere remotely in that
(50:20):
job category. You know what I'm saying, same thing with you, fellas,
same thing I'm just saying. So yeah, that's my advice.
And also, you guys be safe out there. I just
want you to know. It's not about the mistakes that
we make that we're being held to. It's not about
(50:41):
how we have done things in the past that we
should you know, be categorized in. But it's how we
continue and how we move forward and what we change.
That's the important thing. Is if we do make our mistakes,
and we have done things in a way that we
(51:01):
didn't necessarily want to or approve of, whatever the case
may be, how are we moving forward? That is the
most important thing. So all of you be well, all
of you who are listening in, be well, enjoy yourselves,
be safe out there, give yourself some grace. And while
you're giving yourself that grace get up every day saying
(51:23):
I'm not who I used to be. I don't do
the things that I used to do. I am new,
I am fresh, I am awesome, and I am going
to attract just that. All right, you guys, now listen.
If you have a comment that you would like to
make on this podcast, have any thoughts, please feel free
(51:44):
to hit the link in the description of this podcast.
I'll be happy to hear from you and hear your
thoughts on this topic of the t app cheating and
dating and all that good stuff and relationships. I would
love to hear your thoughts. Remember to keep your comments
classy and professional, because that's all we do over here.
And until next time you guys, it's been a pleasure
(52:06):
chatting with you. Chat soon,
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