Bonesaw Vic's Cryptozoological Gardens: The Book Man by T.W. Grim (5/5)

Hope you all enjoyed the first installment of the "Sidequest" stories. Next up: back to the main plot line. ~ T.W. Grim


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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
The human mind can't fully comprehend what lies in between
the world of the living and the land of the dead.
When you're in between, there's no such thing as space
or dimensions. There is no up or down, width, length
and height, or mostly a suggestion, never a rule. Likewise,

(00:22):
time has no meaning at all, is only now and
after that different now. You can also be in the
now that just happened, now sometime in the future, and
a now from the very different past. For those of
us who normally exist in a linear timeline, it's nothing

(00:44):
short of a nightmare. There's no place for the living
or the dead. It's the realm of the immortals. We
call them demons demigods. The immortals can enter our reality
at will, at any point in time or space. The
only mortal beings who can replicate this feat are the sprites.

(01:07):
They hear the great Song of the universe, and they
understand the meaning of its intricate melody. The Great Song
is generated by the vibration of the thread. According to
the Succubus, the thread was plucked by the finger of
the Creator at the exact moment it came into being.

(01:27):
First came the thread, and the song and then the Sprites,
who were created the very next instant. All other events
in our timeline began after the Sprites became aware, their
collective consciousness will be the last thing to disappear at
the end. The Sprites are the official rulers of all

(01:49):
the fayfolk, and Murkis is their king. The Sprites have
the ability to manipulate the thread of existence. They can
alter the timeline by interfering with an event, or they
can create a new reality by introducing an event that
otherwise would have never occurred. They may not be gods,

(02:09):
or even demigods for that matter, but they wield enormous power. However,
for all their incredible might, the Sprites are still mortal.
They'll exist until the end of days, but when the
last gasp of energy flickers out in the void, they'll

(02:29):
be gone. The place in between is the realm of
entities that were never alive and therefore can never die.
These creatures are familiar with mundane concepts such as time, space, mortality,

(02:49):
and income taxes, but none of it affects them. The
immortals either regard us as cattle to feed their various desires,
or they don't regard us at all. Long story short,
we don't have many friends over there. In conclusion, it's
all way beyond the understanding of our primitive little brains. Nonetheless,

(03:13):
if you can achieve a higher state of perception, perhaps
with the help of a skin walker and his potent
psychedelic tea, it may be possible to break through and
enter the realm of demons. Oh, you won't like it,
but you can go there. I wouldn't recommend this experience,
but sometimes sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

(03:39):
Of course, I already traveled through the space in between
while shutting back and forth from the spirit world, but
this time was different. I wasn't just passing through. I
was officially a visitor in the kingdom of the immortals.
The first thing I noticed was a brilliant, shimmering streak
of light. The thread is the only visible object in
every direction, and it stretches from the beginning to the

(04:00):
very end every event in our timeline, at every location,
I was looking at home from a vantage point that
was never meant to be experienced by a human being.
It made me feel very alone and very very small.
I was in between the place of demons and DEMI gods,

(04:23):
and I did not belong there. Some of these beings
harbor a deep hatred for the living, and others are
completely indifferent. A few of them desire our worship, and
a handful of them would rather skip all that nonsense
and just eat us alive. All in all, not a
very safe neighborhood for a guy like me, and that
is an understatement. Speaking of which, the next thing I

(04:45):
saw I was a horrific monstrosity beyond my wildest imaginations.
It materialized from the void out of nowhere, feeling my
entire field of vision with its terrible form. Imagine an
object the size of a planet, hovering in a fat
them this void, and staring you down with one hundred
billion eyes. It was so big I couldn't even understand

(05:06):
what I was looking at. It was just a gigantuan
blob of darkness and evil. I started to scream, and
the cosmic gorgan was abruptly replaced by a gorgeous woman
in a red dress. It was the actress Kelly Lebron,
looking exactly as she had appeared in the mid eighties
rom com movie The Woman in Red. I had a

(05:27):
quick flashback of peeping around the corner at my parents
watching their grown up movie on the VCR. The woman
in the red dress made guest appearances in my dreams
for months. She was eventually replaced by Samantha Fox after
I saw one of her music videos on TV. Apparently
the woman in the red dress was still lurking around
in my subconscious because there she was in the flesh,

(05:54):
I blubbered. She god to the soccubis, right, I mean
the one from the zoo, She giggled. They are many demons,
but there's only one succubus. Sorry I gave you a fright,
but as I already told you, my true form is um.
It's a bit overwhelming. Do you like this better? You

(06:16):
used to dream about marrying the woman in red You
remember that? And then Samantha Fox came and stole your
heart away. Do you remember how you would kiss your
pillow and pretend it was her? It made my face
flush red with embarrassment, I'd mumbled some half asked Anisle,
and she purred, you can't lie to me, dear, I
already know the truth. Anyway, you really shouldn't be here,

(06:40):
silly billy talk about a fish out of water. I grumbled, Well,
this is the last ditch effort to save the day.
Give me a break. I rubbed my temples and let
out a soft groan. I wasn't a place that couldn't
even be defined by the laws of the physical world,
but I was still battling a headache. I explained to

(07:00):
her that if I couldn't pin the Bookman with his
true identity, three things would happen. One he would never
face any kind of justice for his crimes. Two, poor
little Catherine would remain trapped in the world of the living,
doomed to suffer her agony forever. And three he'd probably
kill me. The Bookman wasn't an ordinary spirit. He served

(07:23):
an entity he referred to as a dark Lord, and
he had the ability to transcend the bounds of reality.
The succubist listened with a sympathetic expression. She patted me
on the chest and said, well, it sounds like you're
about to get murdered. I think you should just give
up and let me eat you. I mean you're gonna
die anyway, right, One last romp in the hay and

(07:46):
then you're gone. What do you say, my love? I
gently pushed her hand away inside. No thanks. If the
bookman kills me. At least I can live on in
the spirit world. If you kill me, I'm just gone,
she exclaimed. Oh, come, come on, you can't be serious.
Do you not understand just how long you'll exist in
the spirit world. It's a virtual eternity of being a dumb,

(08:07):
boring little ghosts, just another sad, lonely spirit lost in
the sea of the dead. That's no way to spend
that countless millennia, is it? Come the Keli, I'll make
it all go away. I slapped her groping hands and
yelled nope, stop it, frig it. No for crying out loud. No.
Already a boring person in life, so what does it

(08:28):
matter if I still suck after death. Look, either you're
trying to help me or you won't. I'm willing to negotiate,
but eating my body and soul is completely off the table.
I like existing, even if it blows most of the time.
The suck keepers smirked at me and tore my hair.

(08:48):
She purred. Oh, you precious little chicken wing. Your blood
is a tad sour and your sexual performance was ultimately forgettable.
But that soul of yours, fresh and spicy. I can
smell it. Okay, I'll help you again, and you'll owe
me deeply for this help again. I'm a demon, billy,

(09:13):
not a charity. I gave her a stressed out grin,
and I clasped my hands together in a tight trembling
knot this creaked thank you, Thank you so much. Miss.
What should I call you anyway? I mean just referring
to you as thus occubist. It seems kind of informal,

(09:34):
after you know, the sex and the blood drinking. The
demon gave me a withered look, she sneered, Oh please,
that meant nothing. I was just having a sandwich, that's all,
a bland, boring little sandwich. But it still hit the spot,
of course, because I was hungry. Don't concern yourself with

(09:57):
my true name. Long story sho it will far exceed
your limited comprehension. You're adorable, but you're just a little guy, billy.
You have adorable little arms and adorable little legs, and
you have a stupid little brain. Just don't worry about it.
I thought my face get hot from embarrassment, I muttered.

(10:23):
I think that was maybe a little harsh, but okay, gotcha,
So like I know you can't tell me the book
Band's real name, but I might know a way around that.
Stupid ass rule the dark Lord or whatever the fuck?
I think he might be a demon? Does that name
ring a bell? The Succubist ruled arise, I think so. Yes,
there's one demon in particular who comes to mind. He

(10:45):
loves to be worshiped. He influences weak or unstable people
to commit murder, maybe start a cult, all that sort
of thing. If you ask me, it's much easier to
just pluck an erotic image from their minds and use
it against them. That worship stuff is really time consuming
and just I don't know, I suppose it all seems

(11:06):
rather inefficient, I muttered, Yeah, efficiency is everything. Do you
think he can help me find this guy? He probably
knows the book Man's real identity, right, and maybe he
can give me a hint or something. I'm trying to
desperate over here. She arched a well manicured eyebrow and snorted.
I'm not sure what good it would do, but yeah

(11:26):
I could. Demons can see it all, hear it all,
we know it all. However, we can't share that information
with the mortals. I don't know what would happen, but
most of us would rather play it safe. I've heard
the Creator has something of a temper. I dropped to
one knee in front of her and bagged, please just
give me the chance to talk to him. I mean,
what's gonna happen? You guys are mortal, like you're gonna

(11:49):
be sentenced to the electric chair. There are things far
worse than death, she answered in a somber tone. That's
not a strong argument. I stepped my foot and groaned.
Please look, if you help me find this dude, I'll
agree to let you do your thing again. Bang me
stupid and drink my blood. I'll let you have like

(12:11):
an entire pint this time. No two pints. How much
blood do I need to be alive anyway? Uh? Fuck it?
Two pints if you want, Just please. A succubist brushed
her lips against my ear as she breathed, Your blood
isn't good enough. I want something better this time, something

(12:31):
more substantial. I want your ear. I want to tear
it off with my teeth. She giggled as I jerked
away from her hot, panting breath. I caught my hands
over my ear and gasped, Oh, hello, are you crazy.

(12:51):
The soccubist crossed her arms and sniffed, are you sure.
I will remind you there's another variable in this equation
that you seem to have forgotten. Very shortly, you'll be
face to face with Victor Bonicelli, and he is furious.
He's driving to the zoo right now, and he's still
wearing his pajamas. He didn't even get dressed before he left.

(13:13):
You are in a lot of trouble. I felt my
heart drop. In all the general weirdness that was happening,
I forgot about Victor. I had broken all kinds of
rules that night, and the boss was a stickler for
the rules. He was also dangerously volatile. My throat suddenly

(13:34):
felt tight, constricted, as if vic had already strangled me
with his phantom hands. I croaked, can you stop him?
The succubist rolled her eyes and groaned, nope, I'm afraid not.
Victor has a part of me contained in the physical world,
so he's protected from my charms. I wish I could

(13:54):
tear him apart like a retisserie chicken, but still no
such luck. Glenn's voice popped up in the back of
my head and said, good going. Dumbo, you take an
easy night's shift and get turn it into your own murder.
He groans, Yeah, those figures. Oh fuck it, let's do it, Okay,
I got nothing to lose to this point. Your ear, sweetheart,

(14:17):
the demon corrected me, and she gave me that predatory smile.
Remember you're going to lose your ear. I blinked back,
a sudden film of wetness in my eyes. I quavered.
Is it gonna hurt like a lot? The succubist grabbed

(14:37):
me by the shoulder and gave me a brisk shake.
She exclaimed, Oh, you poor, stupid little chickadee, what kind
of question is that? Of course it will hurt, silly.
Ears are very sensitive, but it'll be over quickly. And
I promised to heal up the wound right after I'm done.
You'll be all better. The demon released her iron grip

(14:59):
on my and she sternly planted her hands on her hips.
She demanded, So what is it? What do you want
to do here? Billy? Make up your mind. Either you
can be a big brave boy for Auntie's succubists, or
you can be decapitated by the ghost of a serial killer.
Make your choice. But look in her eyes scared the

(15:20):
hell out of me. You'd expect a lion to stare
at you like that, but when it's an actress from
the eighties, it hits a lot differently. It was unnerving.
That's a big understatement. I closed my eyes and said,
do it. In a flash. I was naked and lying
on my back. She pinned my arms down and panted,

(15:40):
don't you dare finish too early this time? Think about
baseball or something. When it was over, she collapsed on
top of me. It was like being smothered by a
lead blanket. Couldn't even draw enough breath to scream. Her
pupils started to rotate, like a time lapse of distant
Alexies against sparks of starlight. A part of me wanted

(16:03):
to get lost in that gaze, but I fought against
it with all of my will. She crooned, peace by piece,
I will slowly consume you mine, body and soul. It'll
be like nibbling my way to the center of a
Tutsi pod. I managed to wheeze. Nope, won't eat me,

(16:25):
she snickered. Is that so you should ask that little
puddle fairy about the fate of her first true love.
He thought he would resist me, but he was wrong,
dead wrong. I can't believe she's still mad about that,
almost three thousand years later. I swear the fa can

(16:47):
really hold a grudge. I gurgled, no chance done, never again.
She gave me annoying look. Is that so, won't we?
There's no judgment here, mister Whitebrad. Desire is everything. The
demon lowered her voice to a breath, you whisper, I

(17:10):
can become anyone. I'll let you do anything you've ever desired.
I can even become that slutty cartoon girl from the
movie about the Rabbit. I know how she made you feel.
Don't lie. I can see your most secret fantasies. I
can see. I gasped, Okay, stop too far. The succubist

(17:32):
patted my cheek. She purred, Oh, I'm just teasing. It's
so easy to get you all riled up. I just
can't resist anyway. Let's have that ear, shall we. She
pushed my head to the side, and teeth like razors
sank into my flesh. I couldn't draw enough breath to
lead out a scream of agony. It came out as
a faint whistle. Instead. I was then treated to the

(17:54):
horrifying image of a naked Kelly LeBrock chewing on my ear,
her lips and smeared with blood. I felt my heart
seize up in my chest, and I promptly passed out
from shock. The darkness was good, it was welcome. My
last thought was I'm gonna wake up dead, and then

(18:20):
I was gone for a while. When the darkness departed
from my mind, I found myself lying at the feet
of a giant. He looked like the member of a
gothic rock band, but like really fucking tall. This dude

(18:43):
was at least fifteen feet from head to toe. His
hair was jet black, his skin deadly pale. The giant
was wearing a pair of black vinyl pants, matching vest
and a bullet belt. His feet were clad in leather
boots that laced up to his knees. He was shirtless
beneath the vest, revealing a muscular build and a bunch
of tattoos. A human skull hung from his neck by

(19:04):
a length of rusty chain. Much to my embarrassment, I
was still naked. My clothes were lying in a messy
pile nearby. I hurried to get dressed, the giant looking
on with an expression of scornful amusement. He crossed his
arms and spoke to me in a low, rumbling voice.
I am known to you as the dark Lord, but

(19:25):
I have many other names. I am the Thief of innocence,
the Bishop of Madness, and the Stabber of hope. I
have one billion names, yet they all fall short of
describing the true depths of my evil. Fear me, you
pathetic little bug, fall to your knees and cry for

(19:47):
your mother. I gave him a dazed look and sputtered,
Give me a second. Okay, I just woke up naked,
my ears gone. This chill out man. He gave me
a grump look and waited as I wriggled into my
kevlar suit. When I was done, I looked him up
and down and said, okay, so can I ask you
a question? Like? Why do you look like that?

Speaker 2 (20:10):
Like what?

Speaker 1 (20:11):
He demanded? What are you trying to say? I shook
my shoulders and waved a hand. That is outfit. I mean,
you look like I don't know, Trent Reznor on steroids.
It's kind of like, you know, it's weird. The dark
Lord gave me a sullen look. He snorted. Yeah, So

(20:33):
I don't look like this for you. I look like
this for me because this is who I am. Is
that okay with you? Dad? Am I grounded or something?
Eat a dick, buddy. I held up my hand in
the stammered, whoa, okay, sit me down. I'm just I'm saying.
I opened my eyes there you were like, I don't know,

(20:54):
all goffed out and shit. I wouldn't expecthim to see
you know.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
That the dark.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Lloyd pointed a finger at me and snapped, well, I
don't need to measure up to your expectations, do I. Anyway,
you'll hardly want to talk runged rock guy, You're all like, wow,
look at me. My hair is hanging in my face
because I'm such an introvert so lame. I gaped up
at him with my mouth hanging open. He glared back

(21:22):
at me and then pretended to answer a ringing phone. Hello,
Oh yeah, sure, I'll tell him right now. He cupped
his hand over the pretend receiver and yelled, hey, dickhead
two years ago called they want their goofy hairdew back.
I do up my hands, then yelled okay, okay, I'm sorry, geez, Okay,
I just want to be over this. Give me the
book man's real name, and I'm gone. The Demon gave

(21:47):
me a cold stare. He sneered, I wouldn't usually sacrifice
a loyal servant, but the succubus is persuasive politics. You know,
she can be a powerful ally someday. Just my opinion here,
but she's wasting her potential by being obsessed with matters

(22:09):
of the flesh. I'd much prefer corruption over consumption, if
you get what I mean. Killing is so messy, undignified.
I'd rather deceive the mortals into causing each other harm
instead of going in there and doing it myself. I
like keeping my own hands clean. He gave me a

(22:31):
smug grin, and I answered it with a look of distaste.
I said, I don't know, man, I feel like that's
actually like a lot worse. To be honest, I mean,
this book guy, right, he fucking sucks. You might think
the shit he's done is pretty awesome or whatever, but
you're wrong. Okay, just give me his name. I'll be gone.
It demon gave me a sad look and replied, what's

(22:53):
the hurry, grunge boy? I don't get a chance to
step out of character very often. I'm always playing a role.
I have to pretend to be a monster from a
horror movie, or an avenging angel, a malevolent space alien,
all kinds of weird shit. He grinned and added, that's
a popular one, by the way. The space alien have

(23:14):
always been a talking dog, a telepathic cloud, just you know,
all kinds of weird shit. But I never get to
be myself, just like hang out, have a conversation with someone.
It never happens. It's a shame because I'm a really
interesting demon. Do you think I wrung my hands together
and plead it. Come on, man, let's get real here. Okay,

(23:37):
I don't want to hang out with you, not ever.
You're well, you're evil. Can you give me his name? Please? Seriously,
I gotta go. He crossed his arms and growled like
that is it? Okay? Sure, that's fine by me, because
you're a little dork and I'm really fucking cool. But
I can't just directly tell you his name. It's against

(23:57):
the rules, and I don't want to piss off the creator.
I've heard he he has a really bad temper. But
I suppose I can give you a hint. His last
name rhymes with it rhymes with bren Bra. That's all

(24:20):
I can say. They rubbed my temples again, desperately, trying
to massage my aching brain. Okay, slowly, I murmured, bren Bra,
dren draw Crenshaw. Is that it? That's It's Crenshaw, right,
isn't it? The demon dropped an exaggerated wink and then

(24:43):
held up his hand and said, oh, I can't confer
or deny it. It seems likely, though. He's a truly
evil man with a nasty little black heart rotten to
the core, just like I like him. You know, it's funny.
For some reason, he thinks of me as a dog
skull with a body of a serpent. I also have
chunks of quartz in my eye sockets. Always something really

(25:05):
fricking weird like that. You know, it gets so tedious sometimes.
The demon's voice was fading away. I was already melting
back into a land of reality. The Bookman's name was
burning on my lips. I heard the dark Lord call
after me. Fine, get lost. I wasn't going to tell
him about this, but now I change my mind. Brace yourself,

(25:26):
because he's coming for your head. I re entered the
land of the limbing, just in time to see the
door fly open with a tremendous bang. It was Vic,
surrounded by a small mob of his henchmen. The succubus
wasn't kidding. Vic had left the house in his pajamas.
He threw on a bathrobe against the slight chill of
the night air, and then he rushed out the door.

(25:47):
Vic's hair was sticking up, and random clumps in his
bare feet were slammed into a pair of fuzzy slippers.
It would have almost been comical looks that his eyes
were burning with rage. His face was red as a brick.
Keep in mind, I was still high as a kite
in this reality. Falling Sky's Tea was doing his thing,
and I was completely blasted. To my perspective, my boss

(26:09):
was yet another demon from the nowhere zone. He was
the lord of silf pajamas, surrounded by his cult of
heavily armored fanatics. It was screamingly absurd in completely horrifying.
At the same time I thought my head was going
to explode. Vic pulled a pistol from a pocket and
his bathrobe and bellowed drop the rifle. Your rushing piece

(26:30):
of shit. Put it on the fucking floor. Kaz silently
laid the rifle down, and he slid it across the
floor to Vic with a nudge from the toe of
his boot. Vic snatched it up and ejected the magazine.
He shook it in the air and yelled, So this
is what happens when I'm not around, This is what
happens when my back is turned. Vic hurled the rifle

(26:51):
across the room. It whirled through the air and over
and and it bounced off the wall. He ended the
pistol at Kaz and snarled, don't get no funny ideas.
Over there, have a seat on the edge of the pool.
He glared over at Miss Dahlia, who was kneeling on
the floor beside Falling Sky. Vic motioned at them with
his free hands sneered, Oh, look here, it's lady in

(27:12):
the tramp. Why aren't you cooling your heels back in
your own habitat chief, what you're done to say? Come on, witch, doctor?
Why aren't you watching TV and smoking your beece pipe?
Falling Sky looked startled when Vic mentioned his illicit television,
but he remained silent. Vic glanced back at his guard
and sputtered. He won't talk, so I guess I'll have

(27:34):
to say it instead. It's because they weren't minding their
own frigging business. See what happens snowballs, doesn't it? Then
get out of hand? A lie becomes two lies and
four lies of snowballs for you know what. Vic standon
here in his fucking pajamas, and he's pissed. Vic pointed
at the water and infant boomed, speaking a lion pieces
as shit. You ain't been exactly truthful lately, have you.

(27:56):
You've been deleting all the security footage. I fucking knew
it now. I don't play dumb with me. I notice you?
And who else could it be? Huh? Those are those
critters out there. They're old jack shit about video cameras,
let alone how to erase the recording? And you did
it again tonight, didn't you? Audio? Video all gone? I
already checked. And then we got this fucking guy over here,

(28:17):
this ungrateful little brick that can't keep himself out of trouble.
Vic pinned me with his glare, and my legs started
to tremble. He pointed the gun at me and demanded
What in the almighty fuck did you think you're doing? Kid,
You're trying to release my poltergeis in the spirit world,
my freaking polter diece mine. Vic took a deep breath

(28:39):
and he slowly exhaled. In a softer voice of his
he said, let me ask you something, goofball, you have
any idea how much money she brings in? H do you?
Vic lumbered closer, his upper lip wrinkling back in a snarl.
He prodded me with the barrel of the gun. Ghosts

(29:03):
are freaking rare, little douchebag. You know stories of hauntings.
People talk about the ones you see the National Inquirer
Unsolved Mysteries. They're all complete both shit. There's a scam
for the rooms, real ghosts. Freaking hell. That's a one
million you hear me, one in a million. And not
only do I have a ghost on display, I have

(29:24):
an honest to god poltergeist. The rarest the rare people
will offer me thousands of dollars on top of their
emission fee just so they can stay and watch her
for a little longer right there on the spot in cash.
Talk about thousands here, Billy, tens of thousands, she bags
me in extra seventy grand just last week tax free,

(29:45):
chad her boom in my fucking pocket. Vic leaned itfveen closer,
he murmured, So I'll ask you again, Billy, what the
fuck do you you're doing? I tried my best to

(30:05):
meet his ferocious gaze, but that was impossible. His crimson
demon face made me want to start hyperventilating. I stammered,
I'm sorry, Vic, it's just Catherine said, she's in pain.

(30:33):
I mean all the time, day and night, for over
a century. It never stops. Vic snorden, and so what,
she's a freaking psycho? Are you for real? You seriously

(30:55):
feel bad for this thing? She'll beat your head in
with a hair brushing. Am I losing my mind over here?
Who the hell cares if she's in pain? I hesitated
in the face of Vic's bewildered wrath, But in my
heart I knew it had to be said. I quickly

(31:17):
blurted out, you should release her. I mean, yeah, she's dangerous,
but she's just a little girl. You know, she didn't
she didn't deserve a fate like that. We can make
it right. Just let her, let her go. My words
dried up beneath the red hot fury that blazed in
Vic's eyes. He screamed into my face for the last time,

(31:41):
that ain't no little girl. It's a ghost. It's not
a live jackass. What the hell are you talking about?
I attempted to speak, but Vic shushed me with the
barrel of his pistol. He rasped, listen to me, kid,
here's where I'm coming from. Okay. One, she's freaking dead, deceased,
not living, gone. That thing ain't human anymore. And two,

(32:08):
this place ain't supposed to be the gardener eating genius.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
It's a zoo.

Speaker 1 (32:12):
We showed the monsters in a natural state, just like
we found them. He grabbed me by the chin and
forced me to look in the eyes. See the guests.
They come in, right, they come in, They look around
and they say, wow, this one's a leprechaun, and this
one's a zombie, and that one's a fucking dragon, and

(32:34):
that one over there, she's a ghost. When they're friggin
head cut off to get it. I'm just displaying them
in their natural state, exactly as I found them. Vic
looked profoundly disappointed in me. His favorite little caretaker's assistant.

(32:55):
He also looked very tired. He stifled a yawn and said,
I'm those saints. That much is true, but to my
way of thinking, I'm also doing nothing wrong over here, kid.
And to be very honest, this place is just another enterprise.
It's my passion, but it's also a business. It was

(33:16):
created to make money for me, Victor Bonachelli, and I
fucking love money. Don't you understand who I am yet?
Your fucking ding dong. I'm a bad guy. I do
bad guy shit and it makes me money. Believe me,
whatever happens in this zoo, it's the least of my sins.

(33:40):
I felt my heart sink into the pits of my stomach.
I understood my boss was a villain, but it was
still disheartening to hear him say it out loud. Despite
his many serious flaws, A part of me really liked
Victor Bonicelli. Every now and then I'd see a brief
flash of a man he should have become if his
circumstances have been different. I think that made it a

(34:06):
lot worse. I murmured, ghosts or not. She can think
and she can feel. They all think and feel Vic
and they suffer. Vic patted me roughly on the cheek
and retorted, don't worry about none of that, kid, worry

(34:30):
about me instead, because I'm trying to keep you alive
right now, trying my very best to not fucking kill you.
But you're making me second guess my decision here, Kape,
So let's be done with this, okay, and the discussion
more of the story is don't ever fuck with Victor's money.
It's the number one commandment in the book of Vic.

(34:52):
Don't even think about it. I'm in a cracked, colorless whisper,
I said, But I don't reveal the book of man's identity,
he'll come after me, he'll kill me. Vic flapped a
hand at me into dismissive gesture. He asked, well, you
know for sure, and maybe he won't bother and if

(35:13):
he does, well it sounds like a you problem. Gave
you a gun, didn't I use it? And if that
don't work, maybe Kas will be getting a new partner.
All I know for sure is you ain't revealing the
guy's identity to fucking nobody, because if Catherine disappears, so
do you. Vic patted me on the cheek again. The

(35:35):
impact was a bit softer this time. He sighed dramatically
and said he had good intentions. Kid. I understand your
point of view, but doing the right thing, you know
it ain't always in your best interests. Sometimes you gotta
say nah, fuck those guys and do what's best for you.

(35:55):
Who's the whole world could join hands and sing just
like you, But that ain't gonna happen. You gotta stop
following your heart, start using your brain instead. I could
see Kaz sitting against the edge of the pond in
the background. His expression was blank and neutral. Looking at him,
I had a sudden thought, how did Vic know so

(36:18):
much about what happened tonight? All the surveillance footage had
been deleted. There was no video, no audio, nothing. The
only witness to our shenanigans was the security goon who
got ruffed up by Kaz, and I doubt he knew
much about the situation with Catherine. So how did Vic
know exactly what was going on? Who told him? And

(36:39):
when Vic snapped his fingers in my face he barked,
don't look over there. He ain't gonna help you. Believe me,
you're all in deep shit right now, and they'll be drinking.
No more of that tea with that skin walker. She's
lo whiz. Your eyes ain't even looking in the same direction.
That shit scrambles your brain absolutely off limits from now on.
Billy gabbed a finger into my chest and added, don't

(37:02):
be smoking, no grass, running and neither. I know you
kids are all smoking a reef for these days. Keep
your doobies at home. He turned to the others and commanded,
now get back to whatever you're supposed to be doing.
All you. I deal with this bullshit tomorrow, going back
to bed now. One of the burly security guards pushed
his way to the front. It was the goon from
earlier that night. His nose was a slanting, swollen mess.

(37:25):
In a nasal tone, he added, Hey, hold up a second,
what about me, Victor Hookho The rest of you guy
did to my face and you gotta let me return
the favor. Victor fixed him with a cold stare. He
didn't respond for an uncomfortable length of time. He just
stood there and glared at his wayward minion, breathing heavily.

(37:45):
The silence piled up in layers around them, and finally
he said, that ain't gonna happen. I understand your anger, Tony,
but you're speaking out of turn. I don't know you
nothing like that. I deal with it myself in my
own way. Tony the security goon was much displeased with
his denial. He smacked his fist into his palm in

(38:06):
a show of impotent rage, and yelled, I'm your second
cousin's godson, Victor, don't that mean something wrong here? You're
gonna let me settle up with this guy. Victor gave
him a serene look and replied, you're my second cousin's
god son, is true, the only.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
Reason he got this job.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
But that don't make your families see not in any
sense of the word. I don't speak. Just listen and write.
This rough looking bastard over there he could have ended
you tonight. Kid. This guy was stacking bodies when you
were still in diapers. But here's a good news. He
didn't end you. That's a gift, he renewed, Lisa on life,

(38:46):
if you will take it humbly and learn from it.
Vic pointed at him, his expression still calm and collected.
He said, but most importantly, you need to learn how
to shut the fuck up right speak unless I tell
you to speak. Just give me a quick yes, sir,
mister Bone and Shelley, do as you're told. See right now,

(39:06):
you ain't doing your job. You're supposed to be protecting
this building and everything inside of it. And that didn't happen,
did it. You ain't doing your fucking job, Tony. Now
you think you can just start making demands over here?
You got some real nerve, kid. I don't think I
want you around anymore. Tony was finally starting to understand

(39:27):
what was about to happen. His rage evaporated into a
midst of watering eyes and quivering lips. He held up
his hand and quavered, I'm sorry they I didn't mean
to speak. How to turn ever again? Uh, I'll do better, okay, please,
I'm your second cousin's god son. Vic muttered, you ain't
nobody to me and shot Tony in the mouth. The

(39:51):
young Herdlum stumbled backwards and gurgling scream bubbling through his
shattered teeth. Vic shot him again in the leg and
toppled to the floor. The boss casually strolled over, his
free hand tucked into his bathrobe pocket. He said, I
don't even like that cousin. You fucking dipshit, and he
shot the man twice more, aiming for the back of

(40:12):
his head. The gunfire was almost deafeningly loud in the
enclosed space with that reception area. The rest of Vic's
security goons barely even flinched. They had all seen it coming.
Vic wordlessly pointed at the body, and his men sprang
into action as they dragged away the corpse. Vick looked

(40:35):
over at us and barked, I can't freaking believe you people,
chass falling Sky, Miss Dahlia. No, Billy, you're a different story,
and you're still young. You to have all those morals
and beliefs, all that stupid shit with the rest of you,

(40:55):
I thought you were smart. Vic pulled his bathrobe shut,
crossed his arms tightly over his chest. He groaned, I
don't know what to say to these guys. You know,
disappointed me tonight, and look what happened. I almost lost
my skin walker and my poulticgeist and only got to

(41:16):
make up some bushous stories for my cousin too, a
second cousin, and I don't like him much. Fucking guy's
a humorous prick anyway. It's neither here nor there I
still got to make up a story, and I'll be
expected to hand the kid's parents of fat envelope at
his funeral, which will be paid at my expense. By
the way, you know how much funerals cost these days?

(41:38):
Holy shit, just an arm and a leg. They want
to lung the kidney eat A bunch of fucking ghouls,
These funeral home people. I swear they belonged to Zoo.
Of course. The scream suddenly came echoing from across the
dimly lit expanse of the lobby. There was a frantic
burst of gunfire, followed by another wave of screaming, and
then there was silence falling. Sky pushed himself up into

(42:03):
a sitting position. He grimaced in pain as he lifted
a paw at the open door. Someone should close that,
he panted, he's here. Vic squinted into the darkness. He growled,
Who is he is? That friggin book guy? The hell's
going on? Something came rolling out of a gloom. It
wobbled to a halt in front of Vic's slippers. It
was a severed head, freshly sliced from the shoulders of

(42:26):
a security guard. An expression of Agonke's terror was frozen
on his face. One eye glared sightlessly at his feet.
The other it was missing. It had been replaced with
a chunk of quartz. Vic yelled something in Sicilian as
he kicked the severed head across the room. He slammed
the door shut and announced, all right, guess I ain't

(42:47):
going back to bed just yet. Miss Dahlia looked stunned.
In a small voice, she asked, how many men did
he just kill? Nine? Ten? That's she trailed off. Vic
nodded and said, yeah, it ain't good. He killed them
all in about eight seconds. Tops. They're not good at all.
Maybe your geniuses shouldn't fuck with the undead. What do

(43:07):
you think, huh? I tell you sometimes I wish I
could sell this place and concentrate on a dealership. Ain't
no bullshit over there, just quality vehicles that infordable price.
I was freaking the fuck out. The walls were breathing,
the ceiling was closing in. Everything was wavering around like
a heat mirage, and now I was about to get killed.

(43:28):
Vic saw the look in my face and pointed his
gun at me. Don't say it, don't even fucking think
about it. He kills you, I kill you gun matter.
It's all the saying, but none of it has to happen. Kid,
You know why, because Vic just got himself a plan.
He ran into his office and came back with something
that looked like a bazookah. He said, it's a net
gun got him made special just for times like this.

(43:51):
We gotta nab this cocksucker while we got a chance.
He's a ghost, things go wrong, he just disappears. Nah,
we get to lower him in right now. I already
knew where this was going. I said, I'm not gonna
like this plan pretty much, am I? Who fucking cares?

Speaker 2 (44:06):
Would you like?

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Vic's not back. He wants you, not us. You gone
his identity safe, So we're gonna stick you out there
and use you as bait. Okay, when he comes and
get you, I'll hit him with the net. Gun net
was treaty with a coating of pure silver. When a
lands on him, that's it. We got him and he
won't be a problem no more. A horrible idea came
burbling to the surface of my mind. Slowly, I asked,

(44:29):
are you are you planning on displaying him? Oh? Hell yeah,
Vick boom cheerfully. You better believe it real, Go Serrea,
and a poltergeist is a needle in a haystack, but
it's sunny day. A serial killing demon worshiping motherfucker like him.
Forget about it, mine a bank. He wrapped his beefy
armor on my shoulders and said, picture it, Billy, the

(44:52):
demonic serial killer and his victim, both of them right here,
side by side. That dynamic would be worth a fortune, kid,
I tell you, will you pull us off. Don't make
me forget all about your little transgressions here tonight, not
to mention all those guys who got freaking killed right
the pauses back in New York. If they're giving me
hell about that on Monday, you better believe it. Vic

(45:13):
shushed me at the barrel of his pistol and said,
don't even try it. I ain't asking over you, okay.
I'm telling standing there in the lobby, maybe fifteen feet
or so from the door, that's it.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
I'll do the rest.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
He looked back at the others and shook his finger
at him. Everyone else keep their opinions to themselves, saying
the democracy. Vic unlocked the door and eased it open.
He cupped his hand to his mouth and yelled into
the darkness. Hey, book man, how about you and I
make a deal. I give you Billy and return you
leave the rest of us alone. No one else knows

(45:44):
your identity. Just a kid. What do you say? Eh?
You would take him and go. I don't get a shit, No,
I'd feelings out of nowhere. I was abruptly seized by
a fit of giggling. The tea washed over me in
a thick, slutgy wave, and now the room was absolutely
humming with transcendent energy. I suddenly understood I could be

(46:07):
in love with miss Dahlia and it would be okay.
Nothing matters but light and love. That gawkeed at me
in disbelief. He sputtered, what are you laughing for? Get
it together, you frigging space, get it be ready to
move when I tell you to move, because I only
got one shot of this prick, So if you both
wind up in the net together, that's not my problem. Gone,
got it. He shoved me into the lobby, and the

(46:30):
uncontrollable gigglings started to a halt. The bubble of euphoria
abruptly popped, and I was filled with dread. The shadows
danced and whirled and sinister patterns, and the floor rolled
beneath my feet. I was certain I was about to die.

(46:50):
I urgently whispered Sheriff Blotto uneaed your protection, like right now, please, please, please,
don't let me get murdered. It was dead silent in
the lobby. I could hear a clock on the wall
steadily whirring the seconds away. I was almost vibrating with adrenaline.
Behind me, Vic quietly growled, what the hell's he waiting for? Christmas?
Come on, you fucking blow John kids right there, come

(47:13):
get him. Seconds stretched into minutes. My legs are trembling
so badly I thought I was going to fall over.
I was a brief moment away from saying fuck this
shit and begging Vic to let me back in. But
then I heard a familiar sound out in the thick
of the gloom. It was the muffled scrape of a

(47:33):
shoe against the floor. Steps were approaching. I shot a
quick look back at Vic, blinking against the sweat that
was suddenly pouring down my forehead. Then that gun was
propped up against his shoulder and his finger was on
the trigger. The footsteps were drawing closer, but I couldn't
see anyone approaching. Weakly, I called out, hey, is that you? Hey?

(47:56):
Show yourself, you fucking weirdo. From somewhere down by my knees.
A gruff voice answered, watch who you're calling weirdo, young fella.
I'll go save someone else's life. How did that sound?
I looked down and saw Blotto's weathered face scowling up
at me. I started babbling a frantic apology, but he

(48:17):
waved it off and said, it's fine, don't worry about it.
I've heard worse. Have you ever tried to sort out
a domestic dispute between an ogre and his wife? This
one time? The wife had her husband and a chokehold
when I got there, so I took her down and
chained her arms, and as soon as he caught his breath,
the husband jumped up and started throwing haymakers at me
with those ham sized fists. While I was struggling to

(48:38):
get his arms behind his back, the wife snuck up
behind me and kicked me in the groin. She kicked
me so hard I was launching in the air like
a rocket, smashed through the ceiling, landed in the attic.
My poor lacorn swelled up to the size of tennis balls.
Vick called out who you're talking to over there? And
he came storming into the lobby like a thundercloud. He

(48:58):
pointed a Sheriff b Lotto and man, who hell is this?
What you no? What the fuck is there a gnome
out here? Billy Blotto gave my boss a look of
weathered contempt. He said, my name is Sheriff Blotto. I'm
an agent of law enforcement in the service of Murcus,
King of the Sprites. Vick rumbled, you're pig, ain't you?
Why are you here, baby Bacon? You know a warrant

(49:20):
from the Sprite King. Huh, You're not gonna fuck yourself here?
Welcome in. Oh. It was horrified. I asked Dick, you
can't talk to him like that. Vick's naier, Sure I can.
Why not? I got no respect for cops. The whole
reason for this existence is to be a huge pain
in my ass. Fuck them all. Blotto jabbed his finger
in the air between them and retorted, if you weren't
such a low life, you wouldn't have had to worry

(49:41):
about the law. You're an infamous scoundrel. Victor Obama Celli
the spirit world will not be kind to you. Vick
grinned at me and said, yeah, you see that Billy.
He had a sprites know about victim on the chillie look,
flat foot. I don't know why you're here, but I
got the situation on the controls, so don't let the
door hit your ass on the way out. Blotto gave
him a serene look and replied, Billy was about to

(50:04):
be murdered by the order of King Murcus. I can't
allow that to happen. Billy is one of his royal subjects.
Nick gaped at him for a second, his lips twitching
as he tried to make sense of the information. He wheezed,
fucking what what what you're talking about? Blippo? This guy,

(50:25):
this fucking guy right here, What the hell did that happen?
Blotto gave him a cold stare. He said, King Murkus,
he's value in his existence. I'm sworn to protect his life.
Nick suddenly looked a bit uneasy. He put on a
greasy smile and boom, No, hell, I wasn't gonna hurt him.
I'm pretty steamed at the goofy little fuck right now,
but I wasn't gonna hurt the guy. I was just

(50:46):
trying to use him lure of dohose to know trap
this ghost I'm talking about now? He who He's a
real scoundrel, right, I was gonna, you know, contain him,
make sure he couldn't hurt nobody else. What are you
gonna do, Johnny Lawman, You're gonna call something, the gnome
replied crisply, No, I can't do that. He's already dead.
My presence was all that was needed here tonight. The

(51:09):
fiend is already gone. Vic looked deeply disappointed, with his
nutgun dangling at his side. In a dejected manner, he asked, Zo,
is that it Guy's gone forever? Blotto snorted, He's a ghost.
He can disappear and come back at will when he
does if it's necessary. Of course, I prevent him from

(51:31):
taking Billy's life. That's about all I can do. Spirits
can't be punished by the laws of the living. The
dead rule their own house. Blotto turned to me with
a solemn expression. He said, take care, Billy. Continue to
be good in heart and good in deeds. Never be
afraid to do what's right. He shot a disgruntled glance
at Vic. Before turning his back on him. He said,

(51:51):
Victor Bonicelli was not a pleasure to meet. You. Change
your way, sir, and make a ends to those you've wronged.
Vic snarle get fucked him the finger as he walked
off into the darkness. Before he disappeared, Blotto called out,
there's a mess of severed heads and body parts out here,
your man. I presume that's what you refer to as

(52:14):
having the situation under control, but a shameful display. You're
not a leader, Victor, you're a dictator. Vic yelled some
colorful insults back at him, but Blotto was already gone.
Vic whirled around and glared at me with bloodshot eyes.
He snapped, get back out there, Billy. We ain't done yet.

(52:34):
So those guys, they were connected to the family, and
that's going to be at least three more funerals. They
had to cover, coughin, burial, couse, flowers, catering for the
reception after it, more envelopes, all that shit you cost
me a fortune at night. I'm getting it back one
way or another. Quietly, I said, no, I'm done here.
I don't belong I'm just I can't keep doing this shit.

(52:58):
You know. I'm sorry, man, I'm fucking Doneah. I'll stay
until the end of my shift and I'm gone. My
life is completely fucked. It's all because of the zoo
on my old life back things to be normal again,
VIC grunted, Nope, No, can't do kiddo. You know too much.
You know about me, that's bad enough. You also know
about the monsters, and that's even worse. You know too

(53:20):
fucking much in general. That can't happen. Who's sticking to
the original plan, kid, And you better pray to that ghost
comes back to finish the job because I need him.
My resolve was already crumbling. I could see Kaz lurking
in the doorway from the corner of my eye, silently watching,
judging me no doubt. In a wavering voice, I squeaked,

(53:44):
you can't hurt me, Vic, I have the protection of
the Sprite King. There's nothing stopping I'm I trailed off
as a huge, enormous realization surfaced in my mind. I
was virtual death proof. Nothing could kill me. My guardian
Gnome would put a stop to it by any means.

(54:05):
That chemical euphorious surged in my veins and I cackled.
I'm I'm invulnerable, now, asked, Oh, watch this. I spread
it directly at the wall, much to my dismay, I
slammed into the concrete and hurt myself quite terribly. My
face hit the wall with a horrible smack, and I
saw a flash of light behind my eyes. I tumbled
to the floor, my nose spewing a violent gush of blood,

(54:27):
and I clapped my hands over my face. VIC looked
down at me, his expression somewhat between startled and amused.
He poked me with the net gun and chuckled. He
never said you couldn't get hurt, you fucking fry head,
especially if you're the one doing the hurt. But your
tiny gnome cop did say you couldn't get killed. A
big difference. Vic called me to my feet. He pulled

(54:52):
a wad of tissues from his robe and stuffed them
into my hands. And clean yourself up. I got allergies,
so always carry a bunch of tissues around. Hey, they
ain't been used, all right, They're all mashed up in
my pocket. That's all. Not like I was jerking into
him or something. What do you take me for? Come on,
wipe your face. Vic leaned closer and squinted at me

(55:13):
in the dim light. He remembered, all right, let's see. Nah,
your knows ain't broken. I told you them. Drugs mess
up your brain. Just look at the skin walking. That
guy's a burnout, spend most of his time staring at
lava am blowing smoke. Ring. You don't want to end
up like that. The gush of blood from my nose
was violent, but it was brief. I shoved the bloody

(55:36):
water tissues into a pouch in my utility belt and said,
I don't want to end up like that, because I'm leaving.
I started to walk away, and Vic called after me,
and then didn't say nothing about other people? Did he?
My froze in my tracks. I then stomped over to
face him. My hands were clenched in the fists. I demanded,

(55:57):
what do you mean by that? Vic gave me an
exaggerated shrug. What do you think I mean? I'm just
saying he never mentioned nothing about protecting anyone by you,
So I guess I could turn my attention to someone else, right,
something important to you. I felt the blood drained from
my face. I sputtered, you do that, vict ol, Vic Rod,

(56:18):
you'll do what, tough guy. Huh when you go to
the public about the zoo, you mean idea what happened
to the cryptids? If you blew the whistle? No, no
need to do eye, but I bet you wouldn't be good.
What else you got? Huh? You're wret me for being
a gangster. Huh you think the cops already know about that?
Of course they do this gotta be able to prove
it in the court of law, and they can't do that.

(56:39):
They tried. Believe me, I snarled, I'd kill you if
that's what I had to do. I'd find a way,
vick sneering. Oh, speaking of laws, you're a royal subject,
so you gotta follow the rules of your kingdom. You know.
I know the laws of the Fay almost as good
as our own, kid. I know for a fact, you

(57:00):
ain't allowed to commit no murder. Killing for revenge is
also strictly forbidden. If you managed to take me out somehow,
or you'd find yourself sitting for Jerry or peers. The
only thing is those soul called peers would all be
gnomes and fairies and shit like that. The faithfolk don't
like us very much. Most of them think we're all
pieces of shit. Da'd pronounce you guilty and you'd be

(57:21):
dangling by the neck for sunrise. That little tidbit shuting
me you up right smartly. I hadn't given much thought
about what it meant to be a royal subject. Of course,
it would be my civic duty to uphold and obey
their laws. Vic saw the blood drained from my face
and he gave me an unpleasant smile. He said, you know,

(57:43):
there's a place I know, a farm ound in the
millan Noha and two hundred acres corn fields woods. They
do whatever I want to out there. No one will
hears see a thing anything you could imagine. You'd never
know what happened to him, and it would eat you alive.

(58:04):
A sludgy wave of despair rolled over my soul has
predicted I fucked it all up. I didn't save Catherine hell,
I didn't even save myself. Instead, my scatterbrain bullshit got
a bunch of people killed. Didn't matter if they're good
people or bad people, by the way their blood was
on my hands. My friends were all in hot water

(58:27):
for helping me out, and now my parents were in
danger too. On top of all, of that a random
necromancer from Damascus wanted me dead, and the spirit of
a perverted serial killer also wanted to kill me. The
fact that they would be unable to accomplish this goal
was somewhat comforting, but still, no one likes it when
other people want them to die. It's a huge bummer.

(58:50):
Despite my best efforts, I somehow kept making things worse
at every turn. It is simply no way out from
beneath Victor Bunchelli's looming thumb. Mach I was stuck. Vic
patted me on the shoulder. He said, I ain't mad
at you, kid. I mean I'm mad, sure, but not
like mad mad. You know I'm a bad guy. Don't

(59:10):
mean I'm stupid. I can see you trying to do
the right thing, you know. Just forget about all that
cramp Okay, forget about right and wrong. Come in, do
your shift, make your money, enjoy your life. That's all
you gotta do. Let's catch this frigging ghost. You will
forget any of this ever happened. Eh. Our conversation was
interrupted by a scream from inside the reception area. Kats
pulled out a squirt gun and yelled over his shoulder. Victor,

(59:33):
come quickly. Vick and I both hustled into the room.
I felt his malignant presence before I saw it. He
was the Bookman. He had missed. Elilah clutched in front
of him, and he was holding his knife against her throat.
The skin Walker was hunched against the side of the pool,
bearing his fangs in a wide snarl. He was too
injured to do anything else. The Bookman showed his rotting

(59:55):
teeth in a leering grin.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
He said, I shack be withered away behind the walls
of your prison, Mister Bonachelli, at the end of days,
I will rule the chaos at my master's side. Drop
the infernal contraption in your hands, or the nymph will
lose her head.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
I screamed, Let her go and try to rush him.
Caz grab me and drag me back, he whispered into
my ear. Think before you act, you need a plan.
The Bookman smirked at me and said, your life is
safe from all but the immortals. This is true, but
as mister Bonachelli shrewdly pointed out, this protection does not

(01:00:38):
extend to someone you love. There is only one thing
you can do to save her, Billy, you must forever
silence your own tongue, take your own life, and I
will allow her to live. You can't speak my name faster,
then I can cut her throat. Dick shouted, ya, go

(01:00:59):
fuck yourself, douchea. We don't negotiate with no terrorists. Miss
Dahlia was frozen with fear. I could see a thin
trickle of red oozing from the spot where the knife
had pressed into her neck. She was strong, but the
Bookman was much stronger. She whimpered, don't do it, Billy.
My life isn't worth more than yours. VIC, call it
what you better believe your life is worth more than

(01:01:19):
this idiot. Hell, you cost me almost a million bucks, lady.
The Bookman's eyes blazed in their cavernous sockets. He said,
the Faye do not have a place in a spirit world.
You will never see her again. VIC was beside himself
with rage. He dropped the net gun and scream, let

(01:01:40):
her go, dickhead. I fight her right now, man, man,
fucking come get some pussy. I felt like I was
gonna throw up a plan. I needed my dumb fucking
brain to spin up a plan. What what could I do?
What I looked over where Falling said. I was crouched
against Miss Delilah's pool and I suddenly it suddenly clicked.

(01:02:00):
I turned to Vick and mumbled, he'll be right back.
I walked over to stand next to Fallings. I announced, well,
this is it you want, mister bookman, I'll see you
on the other side. Falling guy gave me a questioning look.
I patted his furry head and told him, don't worry, man,
I'm gonna visit your ancestres real quick. I shot a

(01:02:21):
meaningful glance at Miss Delilah and then flipped over the
side and fell into the pool. My heavy boots and
kevlarsuit dragged me to the bottom. I thought, here goes nothing,
and I let the hazy water rush into my lungs.
It was a horrible feeling. I thrashed around at the
bottom for a while, and I felt myself fading away,

(01:02:41):
and then.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
I was gone.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
I was in the spirit world as usual. I was
greeted by a dense, lifeless fog in every direction. This
was the veil of my own ignorance, obscuring the truth
and clouding my sight. In a spirit world, you don't

(01:03:09):
perceive your surroundings of your eyes. You see them through
your mind. So I imagine a time long before my own
progenators ever set foot in the New World. There was
no roads, no cities, no pizza parlors or movie theaters.
The entire continent was an unspoiled landscape of arid plains
and deep forests, tall mountains, flowing rivers. This was the

(01:03:30):
world that belonged to the ancestors. A falling sky. I
hollered into the burning sun, Ancestors, a falling sky, can
you hear me? The whispering wind broke my ear. The
voice sounded suspiciously like a bunch of Navajo warriors who
were barely able to contain their laughter. It said, Billy Whitebread,

(01:03:51):
the demon slayer. You speared the succubists, and you live
to tell the tale. A small crowd of falling skies
ancestors gathered around me, all them grinning from ear to ear.
One of them explained, here he is, boys, the man,
the myth, the legend. They all started laughing and elbowing
each other. I waved my hands frantically to shush them
and said, look, look, I don't have much time. Okay,

(01:04:13):
I'm dead right now. Hopefully that changes in a minute
or two, but I need a favor from you, guys.
I was approached by the tall, somber looking warrior I
had spoken to last time. He gripped my hand and said,
anything for the Demon's layer. Teach us your way is,
oh great, mighty hunter. Teach us how to pull some
of that demon booty that got them all cracking up again.

(01:04:34):
Someone called out from the back of the crowd, that
must have been crazy right, give us the details. I
shushed them again, and I spoke urgently about a wolf
who disguised himself as a shepherd. They explained what I
would do if I was allowed to return to the living.
Their rowdy good cheers soured as I spoke to them,
and it morphed into smoldering rage. The tall warrior gave

(01:04:55):
me a grave nod and said it would be our pleasure.
We'll be waiting. I gave him my sincerest thanks, and
I was suddenly coughing up a lung full of water.
I was lying on the floor in our reception area,
and Miss Dahlier was looking down at me with tears
in her eyes. She gasped, I did it. He's breathing.

(01:05:15):
Vic's broad's sweaty face loomed into view. He asked, you
crazy son of a bitch. That was pretty smart, you
know that? And I was really freaking clever. I drew
in a painful lung of air and I was racked
by another coughing fit. When it was over, I croaked.
Where is the VIC motion to the ceiling with a

(01:05:38):
sad look in his eyes. He's gone back to the
spirit world. I guess burns my ass. I didn't get
him for the zoo and over yet. If you ain't dead,
I'm sure I'll be back. Here's what I'm thinking. Okay,
we'll put you in a big cage made with silver.
You know, I rig up a bunch of those net
guns motion sensors. When he comes in to get you, boom,

(01:06:00):
he's mine. No worry. I'll put a cotton age you
can sleep, chemical toilet, yeah, curtain, comfy chair, maybe TV.
It don't sound terrible, but it won't be so bad.
Do you like those video games? Yeah? Your young people,
they love the video games. Am I right? I've got
you one of those game consoles I see in a commercial. Yeah,
I do that sound. I dragged in another tortured breath,

(01:06:21):
and I choked. The book man is William Finley Crenshaw.
He murders women and children. He murdered Catherine. A demented
howl of rage emanated from the thin air around us,
and it was silent again. Vic's eyes widened and shock
He dropped to his knees and grabbed me by the arms.
He spotted you a little piece of shit. What'd you

(01:06:42):
do that for? After everything I told you in the lobby? Why?
Because Catherine doesn't deserve any more pain? I weas I
started coughing again. Victor jumped up and roared, Nah fucking hell, Peltergeist.
He scrambled out the door and broke into a heavy
set jog. He was heading for the employee entrance to
the service tunnels. After he was gone, everyone stared at

(01:07:04):
me with a kind of morbid fascination. I pulled myself
to my feet by the edge of the pool, and
I demanded, what what are you people looking at? Kaz
murmured that was very brave, billy Whitebread, but your bravery
will cost you dearly. I chuckled a bit to myself,

(01:07:25):
still clinging to the retaining wall of the pool, without
looking at him. I asked, is it Ukaz? Are you
the snitch? Tell me the truth? Man? Kaz silently awighed
his answer. Quietly, he said, sometimes things are not as
they first appear. Remember that. That weakly replied, Oh, I

(01:07:47):
really hope it's not Ukaz, because I'll tell you something. Man.
I don't know if I believe that. There was another
uncomfortable silence. Kaz was looking at me with that stoic
non expression, unreadable and unknowable. The tenser was broken by
the sound of vic slippers clapping rapidly across the marble floor. Falling.
Sky backed away into a corner. His first standing on end,

(01:08:09):
he said, the time of reckoning has come. Billy white Bread,
be brave, pray for the best. Vic burst into the
room and hollowed, you, dirty, cocksucking mother fucker. She's gone,
you little prick. I can't find you. She got released
into the spear world. Now she's gone. I closed my
eyes and breathed, She's free, Rest in peace with angel.

(01:08:33):
Vic almost purple with rage. He hauled out his pistol
and started aiming it at me, and then he let
loose a scream of rage and threw it instead, and
the gun sailed over my head and clattered across the floor.
He roared, I'll kill your mom and dad, I'll kill
your aunts and uncle. I'll kill you freaking kindergarten teach you, you
sack a dog?

Speaker 2 (01:08:50):
Shit.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
Oh fuck you, Comly, I replied, I don't think you will. Vic.
Vic charged across the room, the loom ahl for me,
breathing in hoffs and snorts like a bull. He barked,
Oh he's that, So why the fuck not? Tough guy?

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
Huh?

Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
Who's gonna stop me? I answered gently, Oh, and just
to you, because you know what was wrong. I mean,
you're a bad guy, but you're still a human being.
You have a heart in there somewhere. You have a conscience.
She's free now, Vic, Let her go. Let her be free.

(01:09:30):
Vic stared down at me, his eye twitching. Slowly, the
crimson flush of red drained from his face, and his
breathing returned to normal. He murmured, he ballsy, little bastard.
I can't. Oh, I can't fucking believe you.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
I can't.

Speaker 1 (01:09:54):
Now fuck it? Okay, yeah, sure, I guess I made
my investment back.

Speaker 2 (01:10:01):
Over the years. I can't deny it.

Speaker 1 (01:10:06):
Made it back in spades, and that's the only thing
that's gonna save you here. You get it doing what's right.
That don't mean shit to me, Billy. It's dollars and
cents first, then pride, and that's it. Everything else is bullshit.
His mouth silently moved as he tried to work out
what he wanted to say next, but Vic wasn't the
kind of guy who could easily convey his emotions with words. Finally,

(01:10:29):
he threw up his hands and exclaimed, that fucked me.
There's something else. I can't fucking believe you, kid, You
actually fucking died for miss DOLLI over there? What am
I supposed to say that? Huh? I mean shit? What
am I? Hey? The fuck happening? I shifted uncomfortably under
his searching eyes. I shrugged and said lost it. On

(01:10:51):
the other side, it's dangerous over there. Vic made a
disgusted noise in his throat. You know what, whatever, I
don't even care what happened. Just leave, okay, go home
for the rest of the week. I don't want to
see your stupid face. Get until next Monday. He turned
to the others and said, the rest of youse, guys,
and go back to wherever you're supposed to be fucking

(01:11:14):
stay there. This ain't over, by the way, I don't
know how I'm gonna handle this both shit just yet.
This ain't over, Miss Dahlia. Get your lying ass back
into the water, Kaz, take the skin walker to his habitat.
Go back to the front entrance when you're done, and
I'm gonna call in some people clean up this mess
and the lobby. You're gonna help him pick up the pieces.

(01:11:35):
Vic looked back at me and growled, yeah, what you're
standing there for? You? Oh your change, Get the fuck out.
As I was walking to the door, Miss Dallia suddenly
came running after me. She gave me a brief, tight
little hug and whispered into my mutilated ear. You're a hero, Billy.
Go home and get some rest. You deserve it. Vic shouted,

(01:11:59):
that's enough of all that must stuff already. I told
you I don't approve. Get out of my sight, Billy.
I walked across the lobby with the sensation of Miss
Dahlia's sweet breath still tingling in my brain. I had
already fallen deeply and desperately in love with her. I
had never been in love before felt amazing, felt like

(01:12:22):
fizzy bubbles in the pit of my stomach. The glow
in my chest couldn't erase the trauma from the unspeakable
horrors I'd faced that night. But I'm not gonna lie.
Came pretty damn close. Love is light, drives the shadows
back to the corners of your soul, and love is life,

(01:12:45):
Love is everything. I was still too fucked up to drive,
so I left my car in the parking lot and
started walking. Vic remotely buzzed the gate open from his office.
He flicked on the intercom and his voice crackled, I'm
gonna tell you a piece of shit car to the dealership.

(01:13:07):
You can come get it after work on Monday, and
I hit the road. The walk home was long and strange.
I traversed a twisting landscape of shimmering street lights and
dangling stars. By the time I got there, I was
starting to come down from the tea. It was an
immense relief to be almost sober again. I was incredibly tired,
and I felt worn out right down to my skeleton.

(01:13:29):
I was ready to sleep for a thousand years. To
my surprise, I found Len waiting for me outside my
apartment building. They hadn't seen or spoken to him in weeks.
Attentatively said, hey, man, how are you. I haven't seen
you in a while, not since then. I let the
rest of it hang in the air between us. He

(01:13:49):
pitched his cigarette into the street and rumbled long time. No, see,
he really fucked me over that day, Billy me. I'm
not the kind of guy who that's that sort of shit.
Slot Now there's Victor. The grimaced and said, yeah, I
get that. I'm sorry about what happened, man like for real,
but I had to see Kaz, you know. I had

(01:14:11):
to make sure he was gonna be okay. Fucking guy
was playing Russian roulette for crying out loud. Len gave
me a sour smile. He let out of deep breath
and said, yeah, I get it. You're a decent kid.
You ain't no little bitch. Never would have thought and
be looking at you know what they say about books

(01:14:32):
in their covers. He put a heavy hand on my
shoulder and cleared his throat. Anyway, I'm not here to
make small talk. I just had a conversation with your guardian,
you know, a little home with the badge. I explained
the whole situation to him further detailed long story shortly
worked something out. I gave him a weary look and asked,

(01:14:53):
what do you mean? What did you? Len suddenly yanked
me closer and he drove his knee square into my balls.
The impact it almost lifted me off the sidewalk. The
pain was a jolt of electricity to every fiber of
my being. I dropped like a stone. Len said, that
was for the shit you pulled the night at the Zoom,
dumb fucking move.

Speaker 2 (01:15:11):
Kid reeled dumb.

Speaker 1 (01:15:13):
Len reached down and delivered a resounding slap across the
top of my head. Stars exploded behind my eyes. And
that's for screwing me over. You don't fuck with Len
and expect to get away with it. You're lucky. I
can't kill you, dipshit, because I would strangle you with
my bare hands. Won't you have a fuck with me again?
Len walked away without uttering another word, leaving me to

(01:15:34):
writhe around in agony on the sidewalk. When I could
finally stand again, I lurched into the building and hauled
myself up the stairs to my apartment. I tried a
bag of frozen peas out of the iceberg and my freezer.
I rested it against my crotch in bed. All the
good feelings were gone. I plunked a pillow over my

(01:15:57):
face to help block out the rising sun, and I
cried myself to sleep. So what became of the book man,
you ask, Well, I'm pretty sure I witnessed his fate
in my dreams. The ancestors were waiting for him, just
as they had promised. They surrounded him in a circle.
As he cowered, begging for mercy, they pulled out their daggers.

(01:16:18):
One by one. The ghostly warriors took turns carving out
a piece of flesh, and iye his nose, a couple
of fingers his cock. After everyone had their turn, the shrieking,
butchered mess of a man became whole once more, because
no one can die in the spirit world. When he
was fully healed, they did it again.

Speaker 2 (01:16:41):
And again.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):
I also saw Catherine in my dreams. She was running
through a sunlit meadow with childish delight, and her head
was still on top of her neck where it belonged.
She was accompanied by a whirling entourage of songbirds butterflies.
She waved to me, and then she was gone, skipping

(01:17:06):
through the long grass into the horizon. She wasn't in
pain anymore. She was at peace. I had fallen asleep
crying in wretched misery, but I woke up with tears
of joy streaming down my face. Was it all worth it? Yeah?

(01:17:28):
I'll do it again in a heartbeat. I might have
been a hero that night. But a hero's story doesn't
always have a dignified ending. Reality is sloppy and painful.
Sometimes heroes fuck up and get kneading the balls. All
you can do is drag yourself off the sidewalk with
a bag of frozen veggies on your swollen nuts, and

(01:17:50):
try yourself to sleep. Because a hero isn't someone who
always wins Steer eader. A hero is someone who tries
to do what's right a matter of the cost, and
if you're lucky, the universe will allow you to wake
up to a better tomorrow. Have you enjoyed hearing the

(01:18:19):
Book Man or any other tales from bonesaw Vic's Cryptozoological Garden.
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