Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
All of this is gonna sound pretty mean, but let
me preface this by saying that this girl Angel thought
she was God's gift. And I mean that in the
most literal sense. Like she'd literally introduce herself by saying,
my name is Angel, because I'm a gift from Heaven,
and she say it with a smile that was so
fake and sickly sweet that you could taste your teeth
(00:24):
rotting just looking at it. All her mannerisms were stolen
from Disney movies, like how she'd talk in this high
pitched little girl voice that she thought made her seem
so cute, Like yeah, yeah, you're supposed to be nice
to people like that, but it was so hard to
tolerate her, so we messed with her. And it wasn't
(00:45):
because she was in a wheelchair. I just want to
make that clear. I don't have a problem with people
in wheelchairs. Just Angel, You feel the same way if
you knew her. Honestly, everyone did. She literally didn't know
where babies come from. Like one time, my friend were
joking about having Nick Jonas's babies and Angel was like,
how would you make the baby his? And we had
(01:06):
to literally explain to her where babies come from, and
ask where she thought they came from, and she said,
in a quote, when a mommy makes a very special
wish and gives it a special kiss and sends it
to God. God cuts a piece of heaven in the
shape of a baby and wraps it in the wish
and sends it back to the mommy to grow up
and be loved and kept safe on the earth forever.
(01:30):
This was by far the stupidest thing I ever heard
of my entire life, so of course I responded by
telling her her mommy was lying to her and most
likely because she was a whore. This made everyone at
lunch laugh really hard, because her mom, missus c J,
was the school's frumpiest old cat lady and she literally
(01:50):
had those eighties coke bottle glasses like that guy from
Trailer Park Boys, and the idea of her getting sexed
up for dollar bills was enough to make its yourself laughing.
Angel started crying and doing that annoying poudy thing. Frankly,
I doubt she even knew what a whore was, you know,
just that it was bad. I think she wanted to
(02:13):
storm off, but it's just not like she could go
very far, which I pointed out as well to uproarious laughter. Again,
I don't have an issue with people in wheelchairs. It
was just really easy to mess with her. But this
was the incident that for some reason made everyone think
of me as the designated Angel watchman. Like anytime Angel
(02:37):
did anything weird and cringey, everyone would look at me
like they were Jim from the office and I was
the camera, and then if I didn't say something funny
about it, they get all disappointed. When I did say
something funny, it became the new Angel thing of the
week that everyone would be saying in the halls between classes,
and I'd feel like a genius. I didn't go too
(02:58):
far sometimes, sure, but that's not my fault. All Angel
had to do was act like a normal person for once,
and it all would have stopped. Angel was homeschooled her
whole life until seventh grade, which is probably why she
was so weird. I want to be clear. She wasn't
(03:19):
like mentally disabled or anything like that that would make
me look pretty bad. No, she was just weird. She
was always singing by herself, pop songs, Disney princess songs,
sometimes songs in like Japanese from anime, and she was
convinced that she had the best voice in the class
and flaunted it all the time like she thought we
were gonna be impressed. She wore these huge, ugly cat
(03:43):
sweaters with glitter and frills every single day, and anytime
we watched a movie in class, she laughed as awful, snickering,
long laugh at any joke and then ball her goddamn
eyes out if there was even a little bit of
a sad part. It was so annoying. She refused to
do anything outside of her comfort zone. No scary stories,
(04:03):
no new foods, no games she'd never played before. She
turned her nose up at anything unfamiliar. So it may
be clear Angel deserved most of what we did to her,
but she didn't deserve what I did that last day
(04:24):
before I met Angel, I thought Miss CJ was okay.
After though, I I realized she was bad shit right.
She only let Angel come to our school for seventh
grade because she knew she'd be Angel's homeroom teacher and
that she'd be able to flit in and coddle her
(04:45):
throughout the day. Miss CJ was Angel's constant guardian, which
should be humiliating for anyone who has shame. But Angel.
Angel loved the attention. She'd begged Miss CJ to stay
with her longer every time she popped in during class.
And that sucked because I couldn't say shit about anything
cringe Angel did. When Miss CJ was arounse, I missed
(05:07):
a lot of really good opportunities to mess with her.
MISSYJ always sat with her daughter at lunch, which was
honestly bad parenting because there was no way Angel would
ever be able to make friends like that. Miss CJ
never let Angel join the rest of us for recess
or for field trips. Once, during a group project in
French class, as a joke, I invited Angel to a
(05:28):
made up party in the woods, and Angel replied by saying,
I can't go if it's in the wood, silly, My
mom doesn't let me outside. She said this like it
was the most normal thing in the world for her,
So I asked some clarifying questions. She explained in her
girly sing song voice that she's never allowed to be
(05:49):
outside for more than a few seconds at a time,
and only when her mommy is there to hold her hand.
Mommy doesn't want me to get lost she said, like
you can run away, I joked, run, Angel replied, pouting.
Look she kicked her legs slightly. I heard the clank
of chains. That was the first time I ever noticed
(06:12):
that Angel was shackled around her ankles. I run all
the time at home, Angel bragged. I ran all over
over all the rooms. I wish I could run here too,
but it's too dangerous the windows, she added, like that
would clarify it. I was baffled, so so she didn't
(06:35):
need the wheelchair. Why are you chained? Are you like
under house arrest or something, I asked, No, my mommy
just doesn't want me to get lost. She's the only
one with the key. Your mommy sounds like a psycho.
You should call the cops, I replied. The French teacher
(06:55):
overheard her crying, and she got me sent to the
principal office again. But I swear that this time I
wasn't being smarter or anything. I was genuinely freaked out
for her. I told my friends, who all agreed with
me that it was weird. But I guess I hadn't
been the first one to notice the chains. The others
(07:17):
who had assumed it was because Angel was prone to
fits or something that made sense for Angel that it
still made me feel weird and didn't sit right. My
mommy doesn't want me to get lost. I started to
feel sorry for her. She was still weird and annoying,
(07:43):
but she was weird and annoying because her mom was
out of her mind and wouldn't let her be a
normal kid. How was she supposed to learn to be normal?
She couldn't even go outside, for God's sake. I still
messed with Angel when she did weird stuff like quote
anime characters in class and bring stuff to animals to school.
But if it was ever just her and me, I
(08:08):
was nice to her and asked her stuff about her life.
Her favorite movie was The Little Mermaid. No, she had
never been to summer camp. Her favorite time of the
week was church. She disliked onions and wanted to be
a vegetarian, except that her mom was very insistent about
her getting enough protein in her diet. She loved those
(08:32):
Warrior Cat books and wanted to be a veterinarian someday.
She didn't have a dad. Miss j took the shackles
off her ankles only once they were inside their house
and all the doors and windows were closed and locked.
That was also when Miss CJ took the locked metal
bar off her chair so she could get up. The
(08:54):
bar went over her waist and prevented her from standing.
She wore those big ugly cats sweaters every day so
we wouldn't see it. Her mom didn't want people to
know about her special condition, which as far as I
could tell, was all made up. Anytime I asked her
about her condition, she'd just say some stuff about being
a very special heaven baby or whatever. Do you ever
(09:20):
think about running away? I asked, finally, why don't you
just leave? She looked shocked. Of course not, she said,
I love my mommy. Where would I even go? She
shuddered visibly. The shutter pissed me off. I blew up
(09:41):
at her and called her a whiny, scary baby until
she cried and I got sent to the principal again.
She didn't even want to be normal. That's what pissed
me off the most. It was springtime and the snow
was finally mostly gone. I'd been in mister Bevin's science
class before, so I knew what to expect. That day.
(10:04):
First real nice day of spring was always a class
outside day we'd go out and look at moss and
leaf buds and stuff, and he'd talk about natural changes
during the season. Was all a big excuse for us
to get outside. No one liked it more than mister
Bevan's himself. He was so excited to announce that we
were taking class outside. He didn't even notice Angel's face
(10:28):
goes stark white as he led the rest of the
class out the doors. I can't, she stuttered, but I
interrupted her. It's the most beautiful day in months. I said,
it's a perfect day. You'll love it. I'm I'm not allowed,
she whispered, embarrassed. You want to be a baby forever.
I said, come on, you've never broken a single rule
(10:49):
in your life. Live a little. After a long moment,
Angel nodded, she followed me out the doors of the
school onto the sidewalk. I walked next to her for
a while. She looked scared, but also fascinated by the
dripping icicles from the roof gutter above us, and the
(11:12):
ice blue sky above and the rows of black trees
stretching up into the air. It's cold, she said, yeah,
that happens when you're outside for more than a few seconds.
I think I like the colt. We caught up to
(11:35):
the rest of the science class and listened to mister
Bevans talk about leaves and crap. Angel oscillated between this
vibrating excitement and a frightened, haunted look, like her mom
was gonna show up at any second and punish her
for disobeying and doing one normal thing in her life.
Angel touched the trees reverently. My friends made fun of
(11:57):
her for fondling the foliage. I I didn't join in
this time. I had bigger things planned. When we broke
off into groups of two, I went with Angel. My
friends knew I was up to something great then, so
they followed us, chuckling eagerly. I grinned back at them
(12:21):
when Angel wasn't looking, because most too identify different types
of trees in the woods behind school. I helped push
Angel's chair up the hill. It was insanely heavy, the
wheels snagged on the muddy grass, but it didn't matter.
It's not like she actually needed the thing. What are
you doing? Angel asked with rising terror as I leaned
over her and produced the key. Everyone knew mister Bevans
(12:45):
always had class outside. The first nice day of spring.
It was really easy to slip the key from Miss
c Jay's lanyard when she always left it out on
her desk during home room. It was the one with
little white wings on the chain. I'm setting you free,
I said. I unlocked the shackles around her feet first,
then the bar around her waist. She screamed at me
(13:08):
to stop the entire time, but I knew I was
doing the right thing. Someone had to teach her to
be independent, someone had to throw her out of her
comfort zone. And that's what I did. I set Angel free.
Angel rose from the chair, and rose and rose. Her
(13:36):
shoes went over her head. She kicked her legs wildly
as they drifted rapidly upwards. Angel shrieked and tried to
grab onto the top of the chair, the handles, even
trying to clutch a handful of my hair, desperate to
stay anchored to the ground. But it was too late.
She was already six feet in the air, then twelve,
then thirty. I couldn't do anything other than to watch
(13:59):
in the shock is Angel shot up into the sky
like a helium balloon. She twisted and clawed in the
open air. It happened in seconds, one second we were
watching Angel make frantic grabbing motions of the ground, howling
with terror, and the next second all we could see
of her was the glint of the sunlight on her
glittery pink cat sweater as she disappeared up into the
(14:21):
vast emptiness above. When mister Bevans came to see what
was the matter, all any of us can do was
to point up, but by then she was just a
pinprick against the deep, endless blue sky, and then there
(14:44):
was nothing either. Kids, it's me, mister creepy Pasta. I
just want to say thank you guys for watching Connects
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(15:05):
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(16:07):
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