Reflections on mortality and the importance of cherishing time

Unless you have visited one, it's tough to imagine what life is like for the staff and residents of a long-term care facility. And after I went to visit someone this week, I realized it was both eye-opening and enlightening for me.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Well. I was feeling anxious beforeI even pulled into the parking lot of
the long term care facility in Lunenburgh. It's not a place I ever had
a reason to visit before. Inour family, most of the elders were
healthy and well, living on theirown until they weren't, and then it
was a relatively short stay in hospitalbefore we were saying goodbye. Hadn't even
really considered how I'd feel about someoneclose to me spending a long time in
a long term institution. But afamily friend who had been in a hospital

(00:25):
waiting for placement finally got a calla few weeks ago and infection landed them
back in hospital, And then cameword he was headed to Harbor View Haven
again, but for palliative care.And that was just a few nights ago.
And by no means is he anold man. Not from my perspective,
mid seventy that's not far away frommy mid fifties. And I've known
this man for twenty years, andhis health has gotten worse over the last

(00:45):
few and we kept our distance fora lot of that time because of the
pandemic from public health guidelines. Ireally can't remember the last time I did
see him, I was told tobrace myself for what to expect, and
that's what I was doing is Iwalked towards the front door. I guess,
how do you really describe what it'slike to mentally prepare yourself for anything,
let alone to see someone who maynot be long for this world.

(01:06):
What possible way can you embrace yourselffor the way time and illness may have
eroded away the physical features of someonewho's been a part of your life.
I guess you don't. You justaccept the fact that, well, it
is what it is. Something Ioften heard of Sun say over the years
when it came to things outside ofour control. In through the front doors,
addering the security code up to thesign up desk where they had hand

(01:27):
sanitizer and blue surgical face masks.There was a recent COVID outbreak and they
were still recommending that we use them. I was kind of glad to have
one on for a few reasons,as it turned out. First, I
don't have much control over the wayI look when I react to things.
Secondly, I wasn't prepared for thesmell. I mean no disrespect, but
there was this overwhelming institutional smell thathit me, still struggling to find the

(01:49):
words for everything about the facility seemedto be earnestly trying to give it a
sense of warmth and comfort and hominess. And don't get me wrong, the
staff were fly and accommodating and caring, but it was still institutional to me.
One of the care workers who camein during the visit said it was
only her second day on the job, and I'm guessing she'd been given more
time to acclimate than I had.But they wore smiles and masks, and

(02:13):
they were respectful and kind, andhe was eating his supper as I turned
the doorway. I could tell hedidn't recognize me immediately, and I'm sure
it was because of the context andthe reality it had been a while since
we'd seen each other, and Iwas wearing a mask, and I pulled
it down, showed my face andsaid, it's me Sherman, a bit
of a joke, since he sometimescalled me that by mistake. And he
went back to his bowl of beansand asked how Patricia was, how the

(02:36):
kids were. My heart melted abit, and I spent a few hours
chatting, listening. Sometimes the memoriesmore lucid than others, but it felt
good to see that he was connectedand comfortable, but occasionally confused. I
planned to see him again, butthis time understanding what it is I need
to brace myself for, and that'sa better understanding of what my future,
all of our futures might look like. I'm Sheldon the Cloud for Saltwire.